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fiction-is-passion · 2 years

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Y'all wanna hear a story time? It's a long read so grab a red bull and doritos cuz I got some shit to say

So, let's time travel WAY back to 2014. During my senior year of high school, I was what you'd call an orchestra kid. Cringe doesn't defy how weird we were back then. Y'all orchestra kids got it easy now and not be ostracized by the other students.

Now you know my past. Time for the nit and griddy of this post. You see, I was a very cringy fan girl. I shipped whatever I wanted, and loved villains with it now being problematic in fandoms to not love anyone problematic. I yandere laughed to spook people at lunch.

I was into Sherlock, Doctor Who, Hetalia the works! All those Tumblr shit in 2013-15. I was neck deep into those fandoms. Also mind you i didn't get a Tumblr until '15 but I degress.

The point is, online during 13-15 was the glory days of fandoms. Ship wars were ironic with no malicious implications, you can make posts of your favorite celebrity and enjoy their works. Slash fics were called lemons. Anime was becoming more mainstream. The hottest men in Hollywood who were the kindest men alive happened!

I remember those days...less on finding dirt on celebrities and getting them canceled. The weeb community had no infighting on what's the best anime. How we consumed media is now changed to, better observe it like an essay and not for entertainment.

Hell back during this time period. The idea of being LGBTQ+ was a huge monumental thing in the US. Lady Gaga showed every young person in this era to love themselves and to cherish it. Gay marriage was becoming legal in all 50 states. We were proud of being who we are because everyone of the people who were superficial started to see us be happy with our bodies and our lives.

So what happened? In my honest opinion. Not paying attention to the other side. The gross Republicans. Yes. Them. Hear me out, once 2016 hit and we were getting orange man as president, it didn't get worse......and it did.

It got much MUCH worse! Now we have actual neo nazis and TERFS infiltrating groups to radicalize the boomers and gen x'ers into taking on a more violent approach. Racism has never been higher. Women are no longer safe. The government literally hates the poor. Towns actively use religion for hatred towards LGBTQ people. Healthcare is impossible. I can go on.

All because we were having a good time online and enjoying our time, oblivious to the world around us. If we were woke back then, we might of had Hilary as president but we didn't. We had anit sjw channels at its peak that influenced how we spoke. Trump literally used memes to get into the white house.

Now aways the new generation of us dont realize how much danger we are in. This is the "cringe crowd". The outcasts. The neruodivergant community to influence fandoms. We have anti shippers that go online and fantasize killing pro shippers...why are they not on an FBI watch list? Incels should be on the FBI watch list but whatever.

AND WERE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE ICEBERG!

And it'll get worse over time because young people under the age of 22 don't know how to communicate with millennials over the age of 25 who are also neruodivergant. We were online playing video games while we ignored boomers who talked shit about us and it worked. Now they have to put up with politicians in office who want to remove our rights.

All I'm saying here is sure we're generation fucked, yelling online about how a character is problematic and it affects real life. Their anger is directed at another person on the other side of the screen thinking it's activism.

Being woke is not activism.

It just means you see the bigger picture.

It's ok to argue online with strangers. Idgaf. Its the internet. What I do give a fuck is when your actions caused a person to be admitted into the hospital. Because of fiction.

It always circles back to fiction!

We're humans, were a bored af species. We wanna complain, we wanna cause havoc. It's what we are! We watch the same shows because no other shows peck our interests. Play the same game because it brings you joy after a stressful day at work. We read fan fiction to escape our horrible reality.

Fiction IS our reality. It's human nature to be affected by fiction and influence us. It's been that way for centuries hell even before mankind knew how to fucking read. Why do we use entertainment? It's to escape the harsh real world.

So to the people who have the notp, or proship dni in your carrd or bio. You're not making a statement. You're not being inclusive. You're alienating people who wanna be your friend online. There's so much to being proship and pro fiction! Not just. Pr0sHiPrs pèedos ewww.

Most of us are normal average people who ship and don't harass people over it. Hell some of us dont ship anything problematic!

Your anti shipping is also the same as TERF redoric. Think about it. Why do you get these gender critical blogs following you? Because you sound and act like them! You're a hypocrite!

Half the time, real actual predators get away with harassment because you sent death threats to an artist or writer when you can block the tag or not search it!

Hell your precious little cult even got a predator in it! Yet you did nothing. You didn't understand your actions you partake in sending gore to a user ans sent them to a hospital and activity celebrate an innocent person getting hurt! Endangering their life!

What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with you?

Yes, this is the internet. It's not a safe space. It's no excuse to be this low to actual neckbeards who actually harm women and lgbtq folks.

Death threats and harassment does not equal activism or being progressive.

It's called being a dick.

And don't be a dick to people online for no reason. It really gives fandom the toxic trait because of it.

To anyone else who's reading this, we're on the same team. We're being proactive of our society and trying to change it and be good people. Stop it with the unwanted harassment, stop activily putting people on a pedestal because they don't know you, quit blaming fiction and mental health for your bad behavior.

I can add some resources for anyone who is in a situation that you can't get out of. I know what you're going through. We're generation fucked. We stick together and consume our favorite movies, comics, TV shows, games and books to escape from the world.

So quit being rude online, quit your shit, quit your gaslighting, quit bitching about ships that don't affect you, quit acting like its the end of the world if porn exists! Let people do whatever the fuck they want with fiction. You don't own the property or the rights soooo....

Guess that's really it!

Drink water, get 8 hours of sleep, start your journey to self discovery and begin again. It's never too late.

#long rant #pro fiction #proship #proship friendly #anti anti #harassment mention #problematic content

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littleblondesoprano · 1 year

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Please forgive me if this is untoward, but I'd love some advice, if you're willing? The selfies you take are absolutely breathtaking and I was wondering how you get them to look so soft and ethereal? I've been speaking with someone who I'd like to share photos with, but every time I attempt to take them I hate every single one and feel discouraged. I don't *hate* my body, but I always think I look hideous and it kills me to think someone else will see what I see. Yours always look so pretty and if you had any tips or advice I'd be forever grateful ❤️

This is not untoward at all, my friend! I am always here for y'all, this is a safe, welcoming place <3 I'm gonna put this under a read more, just because I talk a lot, lol! :D

Firstly, thank you so much! You're so sweet, and I completely understand that feeling. Know that you are gorgeous and anyone who receives your pictures is one damn lucky person! I'm not just sayin that either, it's true!

Well, and this applies for face or body (I've still not mastered the body bit, but i'm workin on it!) the biggest advice I can give is to get comfortable in front of the camera. What that means is, trying out your angles, turn and twist in weird ways that might feel odd at first, try out silly facial expressions to try and relax! When I do cosplay, or just selfie makeup, I always have to take a break in between pictures to be as silly as I possibly can. I'm talking making videos to whatever I'm listening to, headbanging (unless it messes up my hair), dancing around, crossing my eyes, and making the most hideous faces I can, just so I can get back into that happy, relaxed zone. Do the whole Sharpay trill but with your whole body! Limbo under nothing! Really commit to the bit and get yourself laughing! When you loosen up, or at least when I do, I find the pictures come out better, because I am genuinely having fun.

So, you're sending these to a special someone (👀) maybe thinking about them when you take the pictures will help, too! Think about how they make you feel - that warm, excited energy in your chest, and believe me, it translates to the photos. Try to imagine them in front of you, and how excited they'd react to seeing you, or how excited they'll be to be such a special recipient.

Another bit of 'technical' advice is try using your camera's timer! For body shots, I use the 10 second timer on my phone camera (usually in tandem with the 'Portrait Mode' preset under 'Contour Light' if you have an Apple - I'm not sure what Samsung or Android have, but there should be an equivalent) and start trying out poses. The timer helps because you can watch your pose and shift without having to fumble with the camera. This also works for like, face selfies too - but with that I, personally, use Snapchat's camera and 3 second timer function, just so my arms are free to wiggle.

There are also apps, if you want a variety of filters beyond Snapchat, that offer some good ones! I used to use BeautyPlus in highschool/early undergrad, because it gave me those images with sharp contrast. Just, beware the ads.

An issue I run into, especially with like, body shots, is running out of poses, or trying to think new ones up. I'm not sure if you run into this, but looking online always helps me! I'm a plus size person (also bi as hell so this is very fun for me) so going into the plus size tag on tumblr, or looking up plus size boudoir shoots/photographers helps to see people with my body type being sexy, and what poses they adopt. It becomes an issue trying to do all that by myself, but there are compromises.

Lighting is your best friend. In face or body pics! If you've got a soft light, maybe play around with how it looks on the planes of your face! That meaning, wave the light around your face and see how each angle looks in a mirror, or a camera. That's how I kinda started, besides messing with the blinds in the dining room when the sun hit the perfect spot. For me, full lighting on my face with shadow behind works best. As I learned from ANTM as a teenage bab, lighting can make a shoot.

But the biggest thing is just - try stuff! Try it even if you don't think it'll look good, and really take time afterwards to appreciate yourself. This is what I want you to do, this is my homework to you - I want you to try out taking pictures, body, face, whichever, and when you sit down to look through them (that's crucial, do not look through them until your energy for taking photos is gone - only do a cursory look as you take them, no in-depth look until after, that'll psych you out if you look too long while you take them) I want you to compliment yourself on each photo. You don't have to say it out loud, but I want you to appreciate how beautiful you are, because you are beautiful. I don't care if you think you're Quasimodo incarnate - you are fucking beautiful and I want you to realize that.

I also want you to know that I completely understand. For every 1 good picture I post, there's probably 50 that I don't. I've had times where I took pictures and bawled my eyes out because I hated how I looked. And I've gone back, a year or so after, and saw how banging the pictures actually were! So let me just say, doll, it's nothing wrong with you. Your mind might just be spinning you a horribly wrong yarn. And I say: snip, snip, motherfucker.

Besides, special person that's getting these photos? If worst comes to worst and they have such little taste as to not like you, then why ever would you want them around you? We want someone in your life who lives every inch of you as yourself and shows you that, early and often. But, you also owe that same energy to yourself, because you are amazing!

But just remember, a bad photo is just that - a bad photo. Everyone takes them, and it reflects nothing on you or how you look/appear as a person. If you start to feel yourself winding down, or psyching out, take a break, drink some water, and get sillay. Just play for a while! You've got this!! I have so much faith in you, and I am so proud of you!! <3

#woo I hope this made sense!!#You got this love!!!#I believe in youuuu!!#please come back and tell me how this goes!!#and I wanna know what you complimented yourself on (I won't answer it publicly tho unless you want me to)#YOU GOT THIS!!! WOOO #put on some fun music and viiiiiibe!#My go-to lately has been Kickstart My Heart by Motley Crue

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

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"Doppelganger" *Part 23*

WHOO, y'all. I don't know what it is about this story but I am just...rolling it all out with the tragic backstory. No angst, I promise-- It ends happy chill out. But damn. Maybe I'm working out my own issues in here...lulz.

This gif will make so much sense you have no idea.

PART 22

Part 24

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

------

“....And how did that make you feel?”

You tried not to laugh out loud as the question left Dr. Crestview’s mouth. Did she really just ask you that?

“...I mean it makes me ‘feel’ bad,” You rolled your eyes with a laugh while looking out the window. When you turned back to the doctor she was not laughing, and she was writing something down.

“...That was a joke,” You clarified.

“Oh yes, I get it,” She nodded as she continued writing.

“Do you?” You asked her frankly. The question caused her to stop writing and look at you.

“Mrs. Barba--”

“Ms. YLN,” You corrected. “I’m not married yet,”

“...Hmm, interesting,” She wrote something down. Seriously? She even had an insight on what-- technicalities?

“I’m sorry, was that some sort of test?” You asked sarcastically.

“Actually, it was,” She said to your surprise.

“Excuse me?” You looked at her, baffled.

“You know when most women get engaged, they start imagining their last names as their husbands. You know such as changing their signature, gathering documents, and the like,”

“...Are you serious?” You laughed again. “This is 2021 lady, half the women I know didn’t even take their husband’s last name at all,”

“And is that what you’re going to do?” She asked. “Keep your last name?”

“...If I say yes are you going to psychoanalyze that too?” You crossed your arms.

“In my experience Ms. Y/L/N, women who don’t want to change their last names tend to do so because they want to keep their independence, their…’identity’. They think taking a man’s last name is ‘giving up’ something. Giving up their identity,” She explained.

“...And?” You gestured with your hand as if waiting for her to continue.

“And in my educated opinion, it also signifies a woman going into a marriage with one foot out of the door already,” She simply stated.

“Wow,” You shook your head with a sarcastic laugh. “Did I come here to resolve my trauma, or for marriage advice?”

“I think they’re one and the same, Ms. Y/L/N,” She stayed completely calm and emotionless.

“Are they?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Given what you’ve told me in our last few sessions, you’ve given off a tone that you don’t think you deserve good things. Maybe you’re keeping on foot out of your relationship so that when it falls apart, you’ll be ready,”

“Wow....wow,” You started to stand up and storm out of the office, but she stopped you with a question.

“I’m sorry if I offended you with my observation Y/N, but be honest. Am I wrong?”

You thought about all the talks you had with Rafael about ‘not being good enough’ for him, or ‘stealing his love’. And on the one hand you felt that you were ‘connected’, you felt safe and secure. After everything you’d been through, it was almost impossible not to be, right? Right?

“....And what is your magic solution to this feeling, doctor?” You crossed your arms.

“You need to forgive yourself,”

“...Jesus Christ,” You rolled your eyes with another laugh as you paced the room. “Really? That’s your solution? Telling me something I already know?”

“No, my solution is this: You need to apologize to your parents,”

“EXCUSE ME?” You practically screamed.

“You blame yourself for their death, correct? You think that because of their desire to make you happy they risked their lives driving into the city and therefore got into their accident,” She looked over her notes from past sessions with you.

“...Right,” You looked down at the floor.

“And I don’t think that you have ever forgiven yourself for that. And in not doing so, you haven’t forgiven yourself for anything you’ve done since then. All these things you say you’ve ‘done’ to Mr. Barba that you should be ‘punished’ for-- he doesn’t see it that way. Other people don’t see it that way. Your parents' accident wasn’t your own doing, getting kidnapped wasn’t your fault. I think that you need to find closure with your parent’s death before you can even begin to ‘forgive’ yourself for whatever transpired between you and Nevada Ramirez,”

“....So you want me to apologize to my parents? How are they going to ‘forgive’ me?” You asked her.

“I think you’ll find Ms. Y/L/N that just the act of apologizing will bring about its own form of forgiveness,” She smiled.

“.....Right…” You tried not to sound condescending, but for a shrink she sure sounded crazy.

“Or don’t listen to me, I can’t force you to do anything. But that is my advice,” She shrugged.

“Noted. Thank you, doctor,” You nodded and walked out the door.

----

You walked out into the streets of the city from your doctor’s office and thinking about just how or when you’d have a chance to go to your hometown where your parents were, when you were stopped by a young girl on the street.

“Oh my god...you’re Y/N!” She gasped.

“...Yes?” You stared at her blankly.

“You’re that girl who killed Nevada Ramirez!” She squealed, causing a few people to stare and take pictures of you as they walked past.

“Oh good lord…” You muttered nervously. “Yeah well um--”

“Can I get a selfie with you?”

“Um--” You looked around, not sure of what to do. You wanted to run down the street screaming, but you thought better of it. You turned back to her with the fakest smile you could form.

“Sure!” You threw an arm around her and smiled as big as you could as she snapped a selfie with her phone.

“Thanks!” She beamed at you. “ And by the way, your fiancé is REALLY sexy,”

“Oh girl I know,” You faked a laugh and a toss of your hair as she walked away with a laugh.

It really creeped you out that girls were ‘fangirling’ over your fiancé. As if you weren’t worried about keeping a hold of him all on your own. Also how did she even know what he looked like?

The article.

You grabbed your phone and did something you told yourself you’d never do: You googled yourself.

The first thing that popped up was an article on the NYTimes.com front page:

“Fairy Tale Romance Or Horror Movie?”

...What the fuck?

The article contained your video as the main focus. Then under it the article basically dictated the video, with Tasha’s opinions thrown in here and there. Then most of the photos from the photoshoot of you and Rafael were at the bottom of the page. They were gorgeous, you had to admit. Granted you were both airbrushed to hell, but Rafael in a suit drove you nuts. Even if it was just on a screen. You dialed his number as you continued walking down the street.

“....Hola, mi amor. How is my pinguino feeling?”

“Well she’s currently feeling like she’s got the sexiest man in New York City,” You grinned.

“Oh really? And why’s that?” He asked you curiously.

“Check out the picture I’m texting you,” You grinned as you texted him one of the photos from the spread.

“Oh Christ…” You heard him mutter through the phone, causing you to giggle.

“Oh yes, you even have your own fangirls now,” You rolled your eyes with a smile.

“No I do NOT,” He argued in disbelief.

“Yeah I’d be careful leaving your office there counselor, a group of tweens might be waiting outside,”

“Oh my god...they’re breaching the doors!” He acted terrified, making you laugh harder.

“Oh I think I see one,” You whispered as if you were sneaking up on someone. “She’s holding a ‘Barba 4Eva’ poster board,”

“You better be kidding,” He warned.

“No, in fact I think she’s right outside your door,” You bit your tongue with a smile.

“Oh well I’d better call security then,” He chuckled as he sauntered over to his office door and swung it open.

“Oh my Gooodddddddd it’s Rafael Barba!!! The sexiest ADA in New York City!!” You giggled wildly, jumping into his arms like a crazed fan.

“I should definitely look into some armed guards at my door,” He laughed as he pulled you into his arms and kissed you.

“Oh most definitely, wouldn’t want to let the crazies in,” You nodded as you kissed him again.

“Well I think it’s too late for that…” He teased you while tousling your hair.

“Shut up,” You playfully hit his hands away.

“Speaking of crazy, how was therapy today mi amor?” He asked cheekily.

Wowwwww, sexy AND sensitive, how did I get so lucky?” You rolled your eyes. “Actually, she gave me homework,”

“Did she?” He inquired.

“Yes,” You suddenly got very serious. “She um, she told me I need to go see my parents,”

“...Your parents?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah, something about needing to ‘apologize’ to them or some weird shrink thing like that,”

“....Do you think it will help?”

“I mean...” You sighed and looked out the window. “I don’t know. But I’d like to try,”

“Bueno,” He nodded walking closer to you and kissing the top of your head. “So are you going to go now or--?”

“Well I was kind of hoping you’d come with me,” You bit your lip. You didn’t know if asking him to come along on your shrink homework assignment was allowed, but you knew you couldn’t do this alone. Maybe that was the point.

“Really?”

“I mean, I met your family,” You half laughed, trying to make light.

“Right,” He nodded his head with a chuckle. “Well then, let’s go,”

“...Now?”

“Why not?” He started to walk towards the door.

“Don’t you have a job?” You pointed to his desk.

“Oh they just like to pay me to sit in here so nobody robs the place,” He joked as he grabbed his coat. “I have nothing going on today baby, they won’t miss me.”

“Okay then,” You shrugged uneasily. “Guess we’re going to Jersey,”

----------------

After a train ride and a taxi later, you arrived in your small town of Shallow Meadow.

“Christ Almighty, I knew Jersey was in the dark ages, but not even having Uber??” Rafael grumbled. He hadn’t been in the back of a dirty cab in such a long time, and now he remembered why.

“Alright Daddy Warbucks, chill,” You laughed as you started walking with him through town.

It was a quaint little town; one stop light, one grocery store, two bars, something out of an old movie really You know the movies where the car breaks down in the tiny shitty town and all the townspeople are flesh eating zombies or something. The people of Shallow Meadow were pretty much like that. Well, to you anyway.

“So why didn’t we just have the Mayberry Express drop us at the cemetery?”

“...Because we don’t have roads you can drive on up there,” You answered with a nervous smile.

“...Right,” He shook his head as he noticed people coming out of shops to stare at the two of you. “...Do I have some kind of weird sign on my back that says NEW YORKER or what?”

“No, but that thousand dollar suit screams “moneybags” out here,” You smirked. “Besides, they’re not staring at you they’re staring at me,”

“...What? How do you know that?”

As if it was answering his question, a girl with bright red hair dressed in farm clothing and holding a baby on her hip came sauntering up to the two of you.

“Well lookie here,” She smirked. “Miss Prissy Pants brought back herself a Prissy Papa,”

“Excuse you?” Rafael was taken aback by such rudeness by such a poorly dressed person.

“Marla back off,” You scowled at her. “Just because you’re upset I found treasure and you’re stuck with trash--”

“OH, is that what we are now? Trash?” Marla spat. “You have a lot of nerve coming back here and saying that, murderer,”

“WHOA,” Rafael stepped in front of you. “I’m sorry, what-- what did you just call her?”

“Did she not tell you the story? Oh no wait I bet she did, her version. The version where she’s the victim and we’re all just the villains. Isn’t that right, Prissy?” She glared at you.

“...I never said you were--” You tried defending yourself.

“Really?” She scoffed. “Then why did you not even bother to show up to your folks’ funeral? Their ONLY daughter, the ones they DIED for. Couldn’t even be bothered to leave her high rise in the city to pay respects to the parents she KILLED,”

“It wasn’t like that and you KNOW it, Marla! And why was I going to come back? The only two people left in this town that tolerated me were gone--” You got up in her face.

“AND WHY IS THAT, Y/N?” She got back in yours, her baby almost falling out of her arms.

“Alright lady I don’t know who you are, but you’re going to back the hell off my fiancée--”

“Oh good God, your fiancé?” Marla laughed. “You would find yourself a sugar daddy, since you killed yours,”

“Alright you know what we’re leaving--” You grabbed Rafael’s hand and stomped away towards a huge hill that had a sign reading “CEMETERY” at the top.

“I hope you’re heading up there to beg their forgiveness Y/N, ‘cuz you sure as hell ain’t getting any down here!” Marla yelled angrily after you.

--------------

“...Well I think we just figured out where your forgiveness issues came from,” Rafael tried making light of the situation.

“Ya think?” You nodded.

“This whole time,” Rafael shook his head. “This whole time I thought you just had it in your mind that you were responsible for their death. But-- but you had an entire town telling you that,”

“...Yeah,” You shrugged.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything, baby?” Rafael took your hand as the hill got steeper.

“Because I thought they were right, Rafael!” You said in a ‘duh’ tone. “Why would I tell you that an entire town thought that I was a murderer? That’s not really a selling point on a partner,”

“...You thought they were right?”

“...Well, yeah,” You nodded softly with a small smile.

“And now…?”

Before you could answer, you reached the entrance of the cemetery. Luckily it wasn’t that big; you were ashamed to admit you didn’t even know where they were buried. But you found them in a small corner under a shade tree. You walked up to their mutual headstone:

“Y/M/N AND Y/D/N: Beloved Husband And Wife, Mayor and First Lady.”

“...Mayor?” Rafael looked at you in surprise.

“Yeah, well--” You shrugged. “You see why they were so beloved, and I was the hellish daughter that killed them?”

“Y/N…” Rafael put a hand on your shoulder.

“I was supposed to want to ‘take over the city’, like I would ever want to be in charge of anything in this stupid backwards hick ass town,” You scoffed angrily, tears stinging your eyes.

“...But didn’t you say that your parents wanted you to go to Juliard? Pursue your dreams?” Rafael asked in confusion.

“They did! My grandparents-- they had a different view,” You shook your head. “The...the hierarchy here it’s-- well it’s not really a democracy,”

“...How so…?” Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Because everyone just loved and accepted my family as, I don’t know, the ‘royal’ family?” You felt so stupid comparing your family to the Royal Family, but you didn’t know how else to explain it.

“The Mayor and First Lady titles were just...passed down, in my family. And not because they were dictators or something,” You quickly added the last part, you didn’t want Rafael to think any less of your family than he probably already did.

“People here are just...simple,” You sighed. “They accept things the way they are, they hate change. So it was just assumed that my family would always be... "the family’,”

“But you didn’t want that,” Rafael said again.

“Of course I didn’t want that!” You scoffed. “I didn’t want to just get a high school degree and then marry some ‘Cletus’ redneck man from here and have ‘heirs’ just to keep the family going!”

“But your parents understood that,” Rafael reiterated.

“It didn’t matter what my parents did or didn’t understand. My grandfather had more clout with the townspeople here,” You rolled your eyes. “My dad was the ‘mayor’, but his dad controlled everything. His father had been the mayor for over thirty years before he passed it onto my dad, who didn’t really want it either” You walked up to the headstone and ran your fingers over your father’s name.

“....So when he tried to ‘save’ me from that life, my grandpa wouldn’t hear it. He blamed me for...for manipulating them into giving me anything I wanted, like I was a spoiled little child. He blamed me for them giving me their life savings to go to Julliard instead of putting it back into the town treasury. Then he blamed me when they got killed, and he just reinstated himself as mayor! Which, I haven’t checked but I’ll be damned if he isn’t still rattling around his old ass bones in our house! He’ll just haunt this place forever!” You threw your hands up and looked down angrily at the town down below.

“Carino…” Rafael came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. You took his hands in yours and kissed them before turning to face him. You looked into his sparkling green understanding eyes for a moment, before directing your attention back at the headstone.

“....This is Rafael Barba, mama and daddy,” You pulled him gently forward. “We’re getting married soon,”

“...Nice to meet you folks,” Rafael said awkwardly.

“...Raffi they’re dead,” You smiled jokingly.

“Right, right,” He shook his head with a small laugh.

“...He’s a very good man, daddy. I know you always wanted that. And he’s very handsome, so you’ll have beautiful grandchildren mama, just like you wanted,” You smiled while Rafael softly chuckled.

“...I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come,” You finally said with tears rolling down your cheeks. “I should have been here sooner,”

“But you’re here now,” Rafael softly rubbed your back.

“Yeah…” You nodded softly. This was the hard part.

“...I’m---I’m sorry, that I made you feel like horrible parents that night,” You tried not to cry, but the memories of that night flooded your memory the more you spoke.

“I’m sorry that you thought you needed to come see me, that you weren’t good parents if you didn’t,” Your lip trembled, you fell to your knees.

“...I’m sorry the last words you heard from me were ‘I hate you’,” You finally broke down sobbing.

“Y/N…” Rafael knelt down next to you and held you in his arms as you cried.

“Do you get now why...why I don’t think I deserve you? Why don't I think I deserve anything? Why I think I have to take everything? Fake everything? Because I am such a terrible person my own parents died thinking I hated them because I was that horrible to them!”

“They didn’t think you hated them, carino,” Rafael rocked you back and forth. “They knew you loved them, I know they did,”

“You know you’re probably right, Rafael. But it--I needed them to hear it,” You nodded at the gravestone.

“And?”

“...And I feel a lot better,” You smiled as Rafael wiped tears from your face.

“Really?”

“Yeah…Really,” You chuckled. “I guess that therapist really knows what she’s doing,”

“She should for the amount of money I pay her,” Rafael shook his head with a laugh as he helped you stand up.

“...Thank you for doing this with me, amor,” You sniffled, pressing your forehead against his.

“Of course, penguino,” He kissed you softly. “And, for what it’s worth--” He added as you two walked back down the hill towards town.

“I think that if your parents were alive, they would be proud of you,”

“Oh, I know my mother would take one look at you and be DAMN proud,” You both laughed at that.

“And I also think they would be appalled to see how their townspeople treat their daughter,” He glared at the town.

“Yeah well,” You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Not anymore,”

“I’m glad to hear it,” He took your hands as the sun started to go down in your sleepy little town. “Now can we please get back to the city before I catch something out here?”

“Yes,” You giggled, staring at him lovingly.

“Let’s go home,”

#rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba #rafael barba fanfiction #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction smut #doppelganger

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

Note

Hi I just want to ask something. Do you think Jungkook has been always like/love Jimin the way he is before or just when he started to glow up. I'm just asking this bc you know Jungkook has been always rank Jimin last on looks or said he look different without makeup before. I know he didn't meant harm to Jimin but do you think Jimin has been trying to look good and go on extreme diet to be loved by Jungkook or Jungkook has been always trying to hide his feelings for him but act tough

Huh?...

What an interesting question....

For a moment there I thought I had already discussed this in my blog posts? Chileee.

Now you'd have to specify which period in time you consider a glow up point for Jimin. Do you mean the period of 2014/15 when he was starving himself, passing out on stage and bleeding through his nose to stay anorexic? *Side eyeing you.

To me, Jimin's 'glow up' coincided with their debut in 2013. Those fine abs, sculpted muscles yet soft toned feminized features- sorry Jimin, you weren't fooling no one.

This was also the period I noticed JK showing overt signs of sexual and emotional attraction towards Jimin. Jimin just seemed oblivious to it. And he would begin his own whipped journey around 2015/16 in my opinion.

Personally, I believe JK fell first for Jimin and 'turned' him- turned for lack of a better word. I don't buy into this whole Jimin fell first JK fell harder rhetoric.

But I think JK's interest in Jimin began long before this period. I don't think Jk had fully grasped the concept of his own sexuality much less to have come to terms with it in any time before 2012- before Jimin arrived in Bangtan- ok maybe he had a vague idea of it, but I do believe Jimin was his sexual and romantic awakening.

Jk and Jimin have two very distinct and opposite idol personas. I keep saying this.

Since we don't know them in person, I think it's safe to assume every aspect of them we experience on screen is a persona.

That persona is a facade, a curated wall on which they project bits and pieces of their true self and often put up a performance of this identity for our consumption.

In Jk's persona, he likes to retract and conceal aspects of his true personality and censor himself a lot while JM likes to amplify and exaggerate his true personality and put up a performance of it.

As I've said, it's mainly due to their backgrounds. JK was given a lot of leeway in his upbringing which he feels puts him at a disadvantage because he ends up exposing himself too much. Thus he likes to retract and hold himself back.

Jimin coming from a conservative background with many rules and what not revels in the new found freedom Idol life gives him so often he doesn't hold back as much as JK does. But that doesn't mean that who they really are in real life.

So often you'd hear people say Jimin looks more serious in person than he does on camera while JK is said to be more expressive than he usually is on camera.

But here is the thing, concealing his feelings is not JK's nature it's his choice. And this is very important to note. He chooses not to do certain things on camera while Jimin chooses to do certain things on camera.

So when JK is not showing his feelings for Jimin it's not because he can't show those feelings, it's more like he doesn't want to show those feelings.

Thus when people say he wasn't showing his feelings for Jimin because he was shy I raise my brows- Shy my ass. Lol

Was he acting tough then? Hmmmm. He likes to act tough no two ways about that. I've said he has a good poker face between him and Jimin. If you are not careful you might think he doesn't like Jimin. But trust me, that man is whipped on god.

But I don't think that's what he was doing in those early dynamics.

I think he was hesitant in pursuing Jimin openly at the time because he wasn't sure about Jimin's sexual orientation much less whether or not Jimin reciprocated the feelings he had for him.

And you could tell not knowing these about Jimin terrified JK a lot, hence his hesitation.

But later when he was certain of both he became more confident in the way he expressed himself and his feelings for Jimin.

Prior to this you could see him fishing and testing the waters with Jimin, slowly pushing Jimin's boundaries- a gentle touch here, a lingering stare there.

He would often pay attention to the things Jimin would say but especially about his romantic and sexual preferences. Like when Tae said he felt Jimin liked men and when Jimin was asked about why he liked JK and JK seemed like he wanted to know.

Then he went through that phase where he seemed obsessed with Jimin's reaction to when other guys sexualised him and expressed interest in him. He seemed very attentive to these little details in a way that seemed to me as if he was fishing for confirmation that Jimin actually liked men and liked him- in a nonplatonic manner.

I feel Jimin noticed these things too in JK but was mostly fascinated by it. So often he would go out of his way to express his sexuality, exaggerate it and perform it as if to let JK know he was ok with JK liking him in that kind of way. Often, you'd see him egging JK on to touch him where JK seemed hesitant, reassuring JK- I think y'all know the bit I'm talking about. I feel JM wanted JK to feel comfortable expressing his interest in him- he ain't slick.

I've said Jimin's persona is a performance. I can see how to JK that could be very confusing. Hell, half of the fandom still read Jimin wrong to this day. Is he gay, bi, straight, a woman, a man, bigender- it's a lot of questions. Legitimate questions.

And I think for JK, seeing Jimin behave like the rest of BTS with the skinship towards him was equally confusing. So often he would shy away from it. Jk was going through puberty, everything was heightened for him.

It's also important to consider the possibility that, if JK was LGBTQ plus that he was going to hide it and not come out to his bandmates for as long as he worked with them- because it's none of their business first and foremost but also because it would have affected their attitudes towards him.

I mean look at the fear and panic with which they greet Jikook when Jikook breath anywhere near eachother in public spaces- not to call them out or anything but I don't think if they were straight that they were going to treat them same. I mean Taejin is as wild as Jikook but.... sigh.

So then going on to catch feelings for one of such said band mates who gives off queer vibes, he had better be sure about him before coming out to him and confessing to him lest he risked his career and friendship with him.

If Jimin wasn't LGBTQ plus it would have been cruel of him to act the way he does with JK honestly. For instance Joking about marriage knowing full well the fight LGBTG plus couple have to put up to have this basic human right- of course JK would yeet himself out of that conversation. I'm talking about that Jikook Vlive and all the time JK has squeezed his face disgruntledly when Jimin has asked him to have his kids- like why Jimin!

Jimin I feel because he is Bi whatever doesn't take this gay business seriously at all. If you've ever dated a bisexual you'd know the feeling. He is my bias and I love him but God he frustrates me for Jk honestly.

What annoys me most is I know how deep he is into JK. Like I've never seen a man so in love with another man in my entire queer life! Like shut up whippidy whipped ass we saw your face at Manila. You like that man. You like him.

Let JK put up a front and you'll see this tactless homegirl descending into that space we all hate so much and embarrassing himself left right left clinging on to JK seeking validation and reassurance- like can you be serious in your life for once Park Jimin. 😒

Anywho, I went off on a tangent there. Sorry.

But yes, this is another aspect of their dynamic I feel most people get twisted. Jimin enjoys JK's expressions of interest in him- however way he does it. Jk enjoys it too when Jimin shows him he wants him. Remember magic shop? Show me, I'll show you? And that line JK sang to Jimin that made Jimin nervous on Live with VMin? Yea...

They love each other and they love when the other is showing and expressing their love. Hell, isn't that why they are constantly trying to find creative ways to communicate their love? 5/8, love letters punctuated with sorries? Chileee.

Could Jimin's look be a contributing factor to JK liking him? Let me put it this way. People are attracted to people for a plethora of reasons, physical appearance being one of them.

Looks attract people, emotional connection binds them and make them stay. I have said this time and again JK is attracted to all of Jimin-looks, everything. When asked which part of of Jimin he liked most he put all of Jimin as the answer.

With regards to JM's weight, I think the tears he shed on stage during the performance of I Need You says it all. Jimin was killing himself and it was killing JK. Jimin wasn't doing all that out of self love much less for the love of JK.

He was doing all that because he wanted to be an Idol in every sense of the word. He was killing himself for his career. A career JK was once willing to walk away from and JM advised him to stay.

Jk defies the dictates of his career with the piercings and tattoos and gay pubs- the emphasis is mine. Y'all think he is about to be demanding of his life partner to look like what now? Chileee.

And when JK was starving himself and losing weight who was it that brought him down that ledge? Jimin. If it was a positive thing I thing he would have encouraged him.

Jk allegedly called Jimin his Mochi in that infamous graduation night track video. Did you see his reaction to when James Corden called Jimin Mochi? Baby fat cheeked Jimin was cute not ugly. And even if you think he was, JK still found that attractive. Jimin could be looking like my Aunt Becky and Jk would still fuck him.

Have you seen JK freeze frame to take snapshot photos of Jimin? It's almost always pictures of Jimin looking like the wicked witch of the west. He loves him some park Jimin memes. Loves that man to death.

How many times have he said Jimin looks beautiful without makeup? Remember the Vlive Jimin didn't want to be on camera because he didn't have makeup on? What did JK say?

Jk isn't a shallow person you know. He really isn't. He doesn't strike me as the kind at all. Questions like these presupposes that JK is a vain shallow person who only likes people for their looks. Don't get me wrong, it's a valid question, one that I'm happy to discuss but it also exposes the biases against JK and indirectly, Jimin.

Do you feel JK is shallow? I find a lot of people do and it breaks my heart.

Have you heard any of his songs? His GCFs?

He barely idolizes his subject matter's looks and appearances. You gave me the best of you, so I'll give you the best of me. What I found in you is real. That's doesn't sound shallow to me.

They work in a highly competitive and highly vainglorious environment. I think they know more than anything the dangers of vanity- it's fleeting. They put themselves through so much to appease the vanity matrics, to subject people they love through the same.

I've talked about how because JM comes from a demanding home and work environment that acceptance is one key aspect of his love language. He wants a person who loves him for who he is and accepts him without placing expectations on him.

If JK was this shallow JM wouldn't honestly have found him attractive much less love him to begin with. He wouldn't have found fulfillment and nourishment from JK. He loves JK because JK's values and upbringing makes him the perfect person for him to trust himself fully to.

Besides, for JK to be only attracted to JM because he glowed up, he himself must have been a ten from the onset which he wasn't let's be honest- no shade to him but he wasn't exactly packing now was he?

BTS are pretty but they've all undergone hefty transformations throughout the years, magic foreheads and all. So if you wonder if Jimin's glow up contributes to JK liking him, then you'd have to wonder if Jk glowing up also contributed to Jimin finding him attractive- it's a vicious cycle.

As for JK ranking Jimin last... did he ever rank himself first? No. He ranked Jimin last and himself second to last consistently. If he found Jimin unattractive he certainly found himself as equally unattractive only one step above Jimin.

I honestly think he was just teasing Jimin. He loves teasing Jimin because it's how he flirts with him. It's just the masculine energy in him I guess. V does this too when he flirts with Jimin. He teases him about his pinky, his Mochi cheeks and his glow up- Iland anyone?

Why y'all think JK looked away sharp when JM dropped to the floor?? He recognized what V was doing- don't mind me. I'm trolling. Lol. But deadass.

Jimin teases JK too by acting like he is available most times. It's the feminine energy in him. Girls like to tease their crush by amplifying their sex appeal. What better way to amp up your sex appeal than by having other people show interest in you? Jimin is a tease. Bless him.

Besides, when JK ranked Jimin first in looks he ranked himself last. I hope y'all don't think it's because he has low self esteem?

He ranked himself and Jimin last because he wanted to humble himself and by extension Jimin because he sees himself as Jimin's equal and as such recognizes their place as the youngest within the group. As he has explained, as the youngest, he places everyone else above him.

I honestly don't think Jungkook had always been interested in Jimin. But somewhere along the line while he came to terms with his own sexuality he began developing feelings for Jimin. His glow up had nothing to do with it. In my opinion.

I think Jimin caught him off guard? It's that red string serendipity destiny voodoo working its magic that orchestrating their love. In my opinion.

I don't think either of Jikook went searching for this love thingy either as I keep saying. It wasn't planned, it wasn't foreseen, it just happened to both of them but at a different pace.

I hope this helps?

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook #jikook theories #kookmin analysis #kookmin #kookmintheories #jikook analysis #jikook scenarios #jikooktheories #Ask response #ask goldy #GOLDY #nightswithkookmin

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lladyariall · 5 years

Text

*Ms. Honeybunny winking at Sam* ;) ;) ;)

*jealous lagomorph boyfriend steps in* you should really get that eye checked out! ^-^*

--------

Look at that ANGRY little face Max makes, right before putting on a fake smile! Holy shit- he's so pissed off about Sam and Ms. Homeybunny flirting that it I'm crying from laughing too hard to even write this blog x'D

Nah, I'm good, though. Once again, this is just my silly opinion blog about this particular interaction between these three and comment if you have any opinions to share too! :) please enjoy the characters and comics regardless of my ideas. Love y'all😘

--------

To say the least, we all know Max is obviously in love with Sam throughout thee entire t.v. and video game series; possibly the comics, but we'll get inside of that little history later. The main focus of how Max protrays his feelings towards his best friend and police partner, which is quite open in a rare way, Steve Purcell places out their relationship to be after all they've been together and will be when they die. It's a heart wrenching, violent story of pure friendship, and/or.. maybe more?

We're going to dig into that right now, beginning with Sam's jelly rabbit Max behavior.

When we take a look at this scene, Max only has a smile on his face to carry up an "innocent act" for the sake of his companion and this lady's (bleh) reassurance. He doesn't want to actually scare off both his colleagues to create a giant dilemma of drama and end up on being Sam's quiet side. So, the lagomorph decides not to give into his natural instinct to rip her wig off. Instead, he wiggles out his little bunny charm to do what he can to come between on Ms. Honeybunny's intentions on his best friend.

Meaning, his goal is to remain on Sam's good light so he doesn't have his canine friend to look down on him when he would have scared someone off who clearly didn't do anything wrong; in society's eye, anyhow.

The lagomorph just wanted to claim his terrority because that's HIS 6ft talking dog! He has to tear down the competition then and there, baby. Or else they're gone for life and that's never going to happen in Max's life!

Oh no, and that's why this scene is so interesting even more. Because we also get a small sequel to their, ahem, lady competition for Sam.

It's super clear how gayly in love Max is with Sam in the t.v. series and the doggo scoundrel is super aware of what his best friend is feeling. Sam is a dog with super intelligent detective skills to sense if there's something going on, especially if its coming from Max, he is on the case to solve his mysterious canine instinct itch! with the bond of them they've always shared since they were merely babies.

But this scene just proves how much of a sassy girlfriend this little lagomorph can truly be, and I love it!

He just downright called her a whore in a kid friendly manor so the censors don't kick their asses off the program too soon (even though, they did last one season) and being told, "don't worry, miss. A boat will be by to pick you up, and that means sailors! Yup, you'll get picked up, alright." ... is clearly not friendly!

That rabbit knew what he was doing. His jealously became a perfect revenge to tell her to stop her shit on them, and try it on someone else. It's classically performed here and I applaud for Max, once i was done watching this episode. Ms. Honeybunny may or may not have received the hint that they're not available, but Max has tried making it clear as day, twice now. He knows Sam doesn't get a clue; so, all that matters is that SHE understands the message:

"Sam is mine, don't flirt with me or him, go make out with a sailor, blah blah blah."

In Max's terms to this scene, he nailed it perfectly! So I believe the whole reason Sam didn't even try to say a word to her is because he clearly knew better than to try and to help Ms. Honeybunny when Max OBVIOUSLY showed no interest; he decided to take the smart choice and go to Team Max's side for silent support. And probably so he wouldn't die, either.

Later on, Sam finally decides to say something:

Sam: "you crack me up little buddy."

Max: "whatever."

...

Uh.. that doesn't help, Sam!

Max probably dissed off Sam like that is because he knew he won, but he hadn't truly received the main prize: having Sam understand he belongs to only Max. His big hound still doesn't get the picture between two love rivals. Sam just doesn't realize Max still remembers when he and Ms. Honeybunny batted-eyes with each other til his REAL bunny came into the picture. His feelings must have been a little upset when he saw the lady appear again, after finding her on the boat and dressed as Geek. She was unmasked by Sam and Max's joke about calling for help on the walkie talkie was.. a little TOO panicked to me.

Like he was in a nightmare.

Like if Max saw them flirt or even remotely get near each other again, Sam would definitely have to call help from a rescue team away from Max's rage. Max knows some shark sword fighting skills to teach them both a lesson about Max being possessive as Hell, and Sam needs to wear a collar with the lagomorph's name on it. (Also, they're in the middle of the ocean. I'm pretty sure Max would use a shark as a sword somehow.)

In conclusion, this was still a fun filling jealous rival we got to see come out towards Sam and Max reacting to it. It was perfect, but I do personally wish we could have seen a jealous Sam in the series. She's just a slut and Max knew it from the start. Even if he didn't, that wouldn't change anything on how Max handled it. He stayed calm for Sam, tried to forget about Ms. Honeybunny during the rest of their mission, and she just came back out of nowhere! She keeps ruining everything by my getting the hint that Max does not care HOW she goes away- she needs to leave for good.

Max will never let anyone try to split their Freelance work and it certainly would not be their last encounter with other flirts, or crazy infatuations (*coughs* momma bosco). Max cooperated well and acted more maturely in an adult manner than he normally would be in. Like, he'd probably crush her skull on the desk or go to Geek about a sexual harassment groping from Ms. Honeybunny, so it'll get her fired.

And that's what's crazy bout all these things is Max is always up for any challenge out there. Violence, poker, best shooter, best at taking shots, the list goes on. But the emotionally ones are always backing him up in a corner to run away from and hide. Max doesnt like the emotional encounters that other people bring and it's not Sam&Max world quality.

In truth, Max may might as well be possessive, but Sam is pretty crazy about him too. It only shows their love for each other more, and I'd say that it'd be awesome if they could only be a little more open with each other. It's just super rare for Max to want to be able to share what he desires from Sam, or what's going on when someone tries to steal Sam away like Ms. Honeybunny would have done.

Sam and Max are going to have to admit more open feelings and fluff if they ever reboot the show. Seriously. It'd be a perfect opportunity to see their love grow and see more of Steve Purcell's humor again.

#sam x max #sam and max #freelance husbands #freelance police #freelance gay #get married damn it #ms. honeybunny #jealous max #yandere rights #yeah another long ass post #sorry not sorry

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r3b3lgrrrrrrrl · 5 years

Text

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 44) "Don't Talk Shit Around Nix."

@creatureofthen1ght-v3

@lovemythsworld

"Who EVEN is she though?? I mean, WHAT is this? She's this underground thing and in a week she's everywhere? With everyone? Like she's the new coming of Diddy. Featuring people all up in her video. Singing with MGK on stage. She's nothing without these people."

It's Monday morning in NY and BeBe Rexah is rattling off to Charlemagne on The Breakfast Club.

Nikki Minaj is sitting next to her, on her phone, sending out a text to Luna before she speaks. "Hold up. Hold up. Hold up." She starts, waving a long, hot pink, manicured finger in the air. NY accent THICK. "I know you ain't tawking bout That Brooklyn Bitch needing people." Nikki laughs as she leans back and glares at BeBe, arms crossed.

"I am. Who the fuck is she without them?" She cocks her head at Nikki.

Charlemagne is watching the women.

"Yous a dumb hoe." She clicks her nails at her. "How da fuck you gonna be from BROOKLYN, or even in da music industry and not know who da fuck she is?" Nikki looks over at Charlemagne, appalled. "What they say, Char?" She asks him.

Charlemagne laughs, reciting with Nikki.

"You ain't shit until you been shot by a LunaTic."

She points in his direction, sucking her teeth. "Word. You know what it is." She then looks BeBe up and down, with pursed lips, saying "Obviously YOU don't and ain't shit, you..." She stops herself. "You know what. Link me up real quick. You wanna know about That Bitch. Imma call That Bitch." She hands her phone to Charlemagne.

He takes it leerily "She gonna be HOT, Nikki." He tells her.

Nikki shrugs knowing Luna. "You know she'd be hotter wit somebody speaking on her name."

"Wait, wait, wait!!" BeBe interrupts "You're calling her?"

"YUP." Nikki pops her lips, irritated as she sits back in her chair again.

*********************************************

It's 7A in LA when Luna's phone rings.

"It is early as fuck, Nix. What's going on?" Nikki is going off on the other line. Sleepy and confused, Luna asks "BeBe who?"

Colson pops his head up, her phone had woken him up too. They're both on their stomachs, but she's facing away. He nudges her so she'll look at him. "Bleta." He says with half open eyes.

She gives him a look of 'What the Fuck?'

********************************************

Luna answers the phone thinking she's only talking to Nikki as she starts in, hype. "Yo, Loons!! There's this chick, BeBe Rexha, runnin' her mouf bout you, tryin' to be all Sug Knight, comparing you to Diddy and shit."

"BeBe who?" She groans. Looking at Colson, it clicks to her annoyance.

"Morning, Bitch. Nikki forgot to tell you you're On Air" Charlemagne chimes in.

"NIIKKII!! Seriously!?" Luna asks, recognizing Charlemagne's voice immediately. Rolling over quickly onto her back, whacking her shoulder into Colson, both of them jerk from it as she sits straight up. "It's 7A!! Why am I On Air???" She groans again. This time in pain.

In the studio, Charlemagne gives Nikki an 'I told you so' look to which she flips him the middle finger. "Because Loons, this bitch got questions and wanna run her mouf..."

"I'm not running my mouth. I just said she popped..." BeBe interrupts Nikki.

"BITCH!! You is too!!" Nikki snaps.

"This can't be fucking happening. How is this ShitShow my fucking life." Luna thinks to herself in disbelief. Rubbing her face, she looks over at Colson. Making a decision.

"YO." Luna interrupts them both. "Chill. Charlemagne, you got it, My Dude. Official statement. Yes. That Brooklyn Bitch and Machine Gun Kelly are EXCLUSIVELY" She looks over at Colson again. He kisses her elbow. "Dating. Each other. And only each other."

Nikki let's out a whoop and a clap.

"Shut up, Nix." Luna laughs continuing more seriously "Bleta. I don't know you. I don't speak on you. BUT, you know, that you been known. He told you. Respect that. And keep my names out cha mouth."

BeBe starts in but Luna interrupts her.

"I don't wanna fucking hear it." She stops the stranger before continuing. "Char, since you got the official word... Y'all listening out there, check out Nightmare, it's fighting for our rights as women. Bad Things, banging a little love story. Both are streaming now. MGK, Hotel Diablo drops July 5th. Make sure you check that out. It's gnarly as hell..... Nix call me when you're done. Char always a pleasure. Bleta..... Take care. See you guys." Luna hangs up without waiting for any responses.

Charlemagne and Nikki laugh knowing Luna all too well. "I think that's the first time she's ever been on here." He says to Nikki.

"Probably. You know she don't roll like dat."

BeBe sits silently. Pissed as hell. Deciding she wants THAT song.

--------------------------------------------------

Walking out of the studio, Nikki calls Luna. She's not surprised when she doesn't answer, it's still early for her friend. Nikki had met Luna years ago back in Manhattan. Rapping on the corner across from The Apollo, she had caught Luna's ear and eye. Finding the woman mesmerizing, Luna started to shoot her. Nikki got pissed, causing an all out brawl between Luna and herself right in the middle of West 125th. Nikki breaking Luna's camera and busting her bottom lip WIDE open. Luna breaking Nikki's nose in return. Luna left, spitting blood, stating Nikki would regret her actions. Nikki blew the tiny white girl off. Later, they had found themselves both in Queens General, waiting for their injuries to be treated. After mean mugging each other for a bit. Nikki asked her why she was taking her picture anyway. Luna had told her that it was because Nikki was really good at her craft and she wanted to capture her still raw before she broke into the world. That she had thought it was a beautiful moment. Until Nikki had been a cunt. That broke the ice. Nikki moved to sit next to Luna as they continued waiting, loving her candor and unflinching hardness. Talking about music and life. Creating a friendship. They had walked home together sharing a blunt. Both laughing at Luna struggling with the 7 stitches in her lip. She has a scar to this day and Nikki regrets wrecking the photo.

-------------------------------------------------

Still sitting up, Luna looks at Colson.

"What the fuck was THAT?" He asks, passing her the joint he has lit. She shrugs her shoulder, putting her arms out like 'I don't know'.

Taking it from him, she lays back on the bed beside him to enjoy it. Sighing, she really doesn't know. "We're gonna have to pull it up later. Nix was on The Breakfast Club and so was Bleta? BeBe? Whatever the fuck her name is...I don't know. Nix said she was talking shit. You heard what I said." She hits the joint again.

He laughs "Yeah, free, killer fucking plugs. For someone on an independent lable, you sure as fuck know how to promote, Kitten." He laughs again, rolling over to kiss her.

"You're welcome." She teases, passing him the joint.

"Thank you." He's still laughing, looking over at Luna. She's staring off. "Hey, she's just mad....." He tells her softly, still smoking the joint.

"She can be mad. She can also keep my name outta her fucking mouth." She says kissing Colson.

It's not even 8A and they were up late as usual. She pops 2 percs. He puts the joint out. Climbing into him, he kisses her head.

"You outed us on The Breakfast Club." He chuckles.

"I knoooowwww." She whines into his neck before they both drift off to sleep.

--------------------------------------------------

Luna wakes back up, buried underneath Colson's naked body. Wiggling her ass into him, she stretches. He stirs in her hair, moaning her name. She wakes him up further, rubbing her soft feet along his legs, feeling his dick start to grow hard against her. She reaches for him, stroking it firmly as he slides his finger inside of her.

"You're always so wet."

He moans into her ear. His finger making her wetter. He slides into her from behind, lazily laying on his right side. He pulls her into him by the hips.

A moan escapes as she feels him fully enter her. He reaches around, playing with her tits and piercings as she slowly shifts back and forth on his dick.

"You feel so fucking good." She tells him as he slides his right hand under her and around her throat, pushing himself into her harder. She props up on her right side slightly to give herself more leverage as she slides along him harder.

Holding her by one hip and her throat. Colson is pumping into her faster, getting ready to cum. He stops suddenly, deep inside of her. He holds her tightly in place as he feels her body quiver and cum from his girth.

"Oh FUCK, Colson." She moans. With her body shaking in his arms, he gives her a few more deep thrusts before cumming hard. They lay there, wrapped in each other, tingly and sweaty. He kisses the back of her neck. "I love you, Kitten."

Sighing happily, she replies "I love you too, Bunny."

He slides out of her and the bed to find a joint before they take a shower.

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Colson's in the kitchen with Slim and Rook. Luna hasn't made it down stairs yet. "This cunt is FUCKING retarded!!" He says in amazement, opening his Insta. The first post is by BeBe Rexha. It's an old selfie of them. The caption under reads:

To the hardest working man in the industry. You do everything, Boo. Couldn't be more proud. You'll always be my #MCM 💕

"Yoooo... LunaTic is gonna SNAP." Slim says, agreeing with Colson that this girl has to be slow.

"Why would she do that?" Rook asks.

"I don't know." Colson responds, running his hands through his hair "There was some big thing between her and Nikki on The Breakfast Club this morning. It was so bad Nikki put Luna On-Air without her knowing."

"WHAAAAT!??" Slim is shocked.

Colson puts his face in his hands. "Bleta's jealous and taking it too far. Luna's gonna fucking kill somebody when she sees this." He says.

"I already fucking seen it." Luna says walking into the kitchen. She walks over to grab a cup of coffee.

"You ok?" Colson asks her. She has on a long green, army style jacket. She holds her arms out straight, the back of it stating 'I HATE EVERYONE" making Colson laugh.

"Am I in that group?" He asks as she climbs into his lap.

"Nooooo...." She sighs, "I'm just tired and hate the world." She looks down at Colson's phone on the table, seeing the post again. "This girl is dumb. Like, so dumb, I'm not even mad at her." She rolls her eyes as she lights a joint.

Rook and Slim agree in unison.

Knowing she doesn't have an Instagram, Colson asks how she saw it.

She shows him her phone. There's texts and copies of the post from Nikki, Ashley and Bella. She hadn't responded.

"Your bitches don't play!" He laughs.

"Nope." She replies kissing him. She then asks "Can we turn The World OFF today and do something fun?" Overwhelmed by all of the exposure.

Kissing her back with a smile, he tells her "Absolutely." An excited Rook bounces around the kitchen asking what they're gonna do.

"Vegas?" Luna asks.

"I fucking love you." Colson chuckles into her hair, making her smile.

Rook and Slim's excitement solidify her idea.

"Let's figure out what we're doing so we can BE OUT!" Colson tells them.

"I'd be jealous too...." She thinks to herself honestly of the Bleta girl before kissing Colson.

--------------------------------------------------

To be continued.....

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automatismoateo · 7 years

Text

I just told my parents that I'm not a muslim and it was my worst decision ever. via /r/atheism

Submitted March 18, 2017 at 01:36PM by BaselNoeman (Via reddit http://ift.tt/2nyg7t0) I just told my parents that I'm not a muslim and it was my worst decision ever.

I'm a 19 year old Egyptian guy living in the Netherlands, I've been raised a muslim, but all hell broke loose when I told my parents last night that I am in fact a non-believer. I am an open person respecting all people who make the choice to pursue their faiths, but boy would I lie to y'all if I told you I don't hate religion with a burning passion. It destroyed my life and it seems like it will keep on destroying the rest of my life

I've started to realise I might not have been a religious person by the time I was 12 and started lying to my parents about whether I would have prayed or not. While fasting I would sneakily eat some snacks when my parents were not watching and everytime they told me to read a little of the Quran I would act like I did and play video games in my room. I've always hated the rules and traditions of this religion and the moment I realised that I was living a lie (even though I was young) was the moment I started to realise that I am not a muslim. In fact I didn't believe jack about the things I've learned about this religion. The things I read in the Quran, the things my whole family have been feeding me, the things my Imams said to me, the things they were saying on television...

I knew this was a secret and I just had to take this secret to my grave, but it got harder to keep it a secret as I grew older. I must have been 15/16 when I really started to become a teenager. I got into smoking weed, I started having sex with my girlfriend and the time and I would drink alcohol from time to time. These were the things that I truly enjoyed, I didnt care about the fact that my parents would ever be okay with that, I am a man that just does whatever he pleases and no one can restrict me. As time passed by my parents started to realise that I am not that holy. From time to time they would find things like lighters, rolling papers, condoms etc in my room and I always just took a scolding followed up by some promises that I would never do it again. But this week I got caught with the worst of all things. A bottle of whiskey. God that was so dumb to even bring into my house but all right they found it, I knew they found it because it wasnt in the place I hid it in. Along the whiskey was a little joint and a condom.

Yesterday I heard my parents arguing about me and shortly after that my father wanted to take me for a drive. I got in the car and my father brought me to the mosque and we'd start praying (me pretending to pray of course) and after that at 9 PM he brought me to his store a few miles away to have a talk with me. The whole 30 minutes drive was awkward as fuck and we didnt say shit to each other, I just knew I was fucked. We went to this room and he told me to wait. I waited for what seemed like forever and eventually my dad came to me with a box. He emptied te box on the table and the box contained all the "bad" things they found. Condoms, rolling papers, that stupid bottle of whisky and many more things. That was the moment I knew I just had to tell him. I've been living a lie all my life and I dont want the lies to eat me up. "Why is my son like this" he asked. He started pointing at a joint "Of course you would tell me that this is from one friend" and then he pointed to the bottle of whiskey saying "and that one over there is from your other friend. But I know it is a lie. Your mother wants to believe it but I simply can't. Tell me... why is my son like this".

I told him the reason why it didnt matter to me that I did bad "bad things". I started telling him everything, about how I am not religious and I don't believe in god, never did. How I just always acted like I did in order not to break the hearts of my parents. I told him there was no saving me and I stood by my choice, I no one will make me believe in a god, its just the way I was. He was shocked, he asked me "and what now...". To which I replied "well of course having said that, I know you will never accept this. Thats why I kept it a secret all my life and I see no other choice than us to part ways since no atheist could be living in the house of a religious family". He said that I took the words out of his mouth. But it was stupid, I am stupid. I just thought this was a way of freeing some load, but it was way worse than that and I realised that as the discussion proceeded with my dad. I am stupid because I have no back up plan, and I never did think of a back up plan. I recently became un employed, college is not going wel and I have 300 euros saved up. Enough to bring me exactly no where. Anyway back to the story, after I told him everything he told me that he was a failure as a dad and that I am his failure, he said to me that he will tell everyone in the future that he has just 3 kids instead of 4. And I accepted all that, I always kinda hated my father anyway. However that was not it... I had to tell my mother and brothers. 30 minutes went by, we were back home and my father just gathered everyone around a table and told me to tell everyone my little secret. I told them...

The talk I had with my father was mild, he kept saying mean things to me but I didnt care. But as soon as I told my family, lets just say they reacted bad, really really bad. I could shoot myself in the head and they probably wouldnt have cried as much. My oldest brother, the one I talk to once every month even though we share a room, just went to our room and started crying and destroying stuff. My mother was devestaded, I tried to calm her down but she didnt want me to touch her. My sweet mother, the mother that has been so loving to me. That was the first time I saw her look of disgust. She hates me now. She told me that she will not leave me, that she will bring me to Mecca and bring me to the best imams in the world and all that stuff, but I just told her that that wouldn't work out. My father just brought me family pictures and a scissor and told me to start cutting. They all hate me, I brought sadness to this family and it will take a long time to heal. My parents gave me an ultimatum and I have till tonight to decide. Either I try to get religious or I can never show my face again. I will never be able to call my mom asking her how she's been, and I will never be able to see my brothers again. One of the 4 being my best friend but he has down syndrome so it will be hard to keep touch with him. I just regret my choice to come clean, I really do... I whish I could have taken this secret to my grave. Yesterday was litteraly my worst day ever. I just dont know what to do, I cant make this choice, fuck this choice. But I know one thing, I hate religion for what it did to me. And it may seem edgy but I just want to type it out: fuck religion fuck islam fuck every brain washing fairy tale fuck

I am very not okay at the moment but I just wanted to share my story and it felt good to type it out. English is not my native language so I am really sorry if I hurt your brains.

#reddit

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