#anyway this is the art for today. spent basically the whole day on it

[justporo]

The Push and the Pull (There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin)

I'm so deep in my feelings today, just sitting on the sofa being sick. So this is what you get: an angsty, fluffy, deeply corny fic of Astarion and Tav having a heart to heart. (Fueled by Taylor Swift and underlined by a Hozier lyric in the title, we really out here using all the clichés today)

And I'd really like to dedicate this to all my friendly and lovely and caring mutuals and friends here today - those I talk to almost every day now, those who created lovely art for me and those who are just all around so so lovely to me.

Summary: Since Astarion's confession, Tav and the vampire have spent every single possible moment together, getting closer, but guilt weighs on her and so she speaks her mind - about more than one thing apparently.

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You)

Warnings: Talk about sex and past trauma

Wordcount: 2,4k

Song: This is me trying - Taylor Swift

~~~

You laid with Astarion in his tent, all entangled: your arms around his upper body, one leg hooked around his and the other mushed between his as well. And Astarion held you just as desperately. His arms always seemed to drag you in closer as to not allow just the tiniest piece of space between you. His hands were roaming your back, softly caressing it and his face burrowed in your hair, softly nuzzling you with his nose.

Your face was buried in his chest, breathing in his scent: camp fire smoke, forest pine needles and some of the scent he liked to put on with bergamot and brandy.

You wanted to hold him as closely as possible. Wanting to give him as much of this comfort as possible.

Since his confession at Moonrise Towers you had spent every single night together. At first Astarion had seemed a bit surprised when you had come over and told him you wanted to spend the evening and the night with him. Seemingly he hadn’t been able to wrap his head around the fact that you actually wanted to spend time with him – with both your clothes on. Despite you assuring him after his confession that you cared deeply for him and were more than prepared to aid him in figuring out what he needed. And waiting, waiting until he was comfortable again for other stuff – or even finding new ways altogether if that was what was required.

But soon he’d been awaiting you every evening to come over, seeming like a kid that was desperate to be allowed to finally leave the dinner table to go play whenever you and the rest set up camp for the night. And so usually during the evening when the whole party retired you spent your nights with the vampire. Talking, detangling his hair, kissing, him massaging your tensed back, joking around until you both almost cried, worrying about what the next day or battle would bring, reading, playing cards with a deck you had pickpocketed somewhere, just getting to know each other better.

At this point you both really enjoyed that your elven nature allowed you to stay up way longer than most other party members – grateful for the extra time to spend with each other.

But the thing you probably spent most of your time with was: holding each other. Laying like this, feeling each other’s bodies, delighting in the comfort to know the other one was alive and just as eager to be held.

Astarion could seemingly  never get enough of having you in his arms. Always pulling you back into his arms in the morning when you tried to crawl out of his tent to start the day. Always groaning and hugging you harder when you started to protest until you gave in – if only for five more minutes. And how could you deny him anyway – this was the bare minimum he deserved after two hundred years of torment and being stripped of the most basic needs.

And also you wanted to imprint the feeling of his arms around you and his body against yours on your mind, wanting to memorise his smell – so to be able to always conjure this sensation and the feelings that came with it: warmth, joy, love.

You hadn’t quite put that last thing in words yet, but you’d known you felt like that for some time now. Your heart swelled achingly whenever you thought about Astarion. Your dearest wish being to keep him safe, help him heal and hold him close for as long as you were able to.

But tonight, you couldn’t shake a feeling of sadness. With all the positive developments in your relationship with the vampire there was this one thing that kept gnawing on your thoughts and lay heavy on your mind. And you felt you had to get it out now.

You pushed up from your cuddling position, Astarion immediately making a displeased noise and face while you leant on your arms to hover above him and look directly into his eyes. And you saw how his facial expression changed from mocking annoyance to worry, his brows drawing together, as he looked at you and obviously saw in your face that something was the matter.

He softly cupped your face with one hand: “What is it, my love? Is something wrong? Have I done something wro-“ “I’m-I’m sorry, Astarion”, you blurted out.

Immediately Astarion’s eyes filled with shock, his lips parted slightly – he obviously immediately thought that he had messed up in some kind of way. So you quickly continued to rip him out of his spiralling negative thoughts.

“I feel like… No… I took advantage of you and for that I feel terrible, Astarion, I’m so sorry. I know this does not changed what happened, but I wanted you to know that. And I hope you can forgive me for that”, you said and sat up, suddenly feeling you needed to be in an upright position to have this conversation.

Astarion sat up as well, leaning back on his hands and looking utterly confused. His eyes weren’t full of fear anymore but now filled with worry: “Love, could you please clarify because it seems I can’t catch up with what you mean.”

“The nights we slept with each other”, you replied immediately, feeling how the words and the feelings in you were desperate to get out. Tears started to well up in your eyes which you angrily started to rub away with your hands. “I treated you just as everyone else did. I don’t want that, I don’t want to use you, you deserve better”, you continued as the tears really started flowing in hot streams over your cheeks.

Astarion sat up further until he was in a cross-legged position and could lean to you to grab your hands that kept wiping away tears you felt you weren’t allowed to shed in this moment.

“Love, you feel like you took advantage of me when I told you I manipulated you into falling for me and now feel bad that you did exactly what I wanted you to do?”, he replied with sorrow on his face and you realised he had heaps of his own guilt.

You didn’t know how to reply so you just kept looking at him. “Tav, I understand what you mean but… How were you even supposed to know at that point?” You started to shrug, trying to say something like you would have had to know better but Astarion shushed you. He moved to cup your cheek.

“My sweet, please, I can’t even say how much I appreciate you saying this but please – leave it in the past, alright? I understand you feel bad for that and so do I for seducing you with ulterior motives in mind.”

You wanted to immediately reassure him that you were over this, but again he made you stay silent with softly lifting his free hand to silence you.

“Let us just agree to leave this behind us, alright? We are here now. Let’s not burden yourself with more than we already have going on, my love. This is a hard lesson I had to learn in life: you can’t undo what has happened, so sometimes it’s better to not let your mind be consumed by it.”

You softly nodded when he looked at you with raised eyebrows awaiting your approval. The tears had slowly subsided, but Astarion’s fingers were still softly brushing over your cheeks.

“And if it’s any reconciliation: it’s been different with you, from the very beginning.” He angled his head and his crimson gaze drifted away softly as he remembered.

 “You were so eager to be held, to open your heart and give yourself to me. And more so, so eager to give back”, he whispered and absent-mindedly a warm smile crept onto his face before his brows drew together again. “And now you are with me. Every single free second you have you spend with me although I can’t… It’s…”, his words trailed off, his hand dropped from your face.

Astarion sighed and lifted his face to the ceiling of the tent. “I know you said you were willing to wait and… not have sex with me until I was ready for it. And the next time I want to fall into your arms, I want to be sure it's without fear, without a slither of doubt, with nothing on my mind but having you, but…” His words trailed off again, his gaze dropping to the floor. You cautiously reached for one of his hands, starting to softly knead it with yours.

After a few moments, Astarion sighed and looked directly at you, red eyes piercing: “The truth is… I want you, desperately. I can’t stop thinking about how your naked body felt against mine. Hells, I get aroused basically every time you’re even remotely close to me. I feel like a giddy adolescent around you at the best of times. Sometimes I can't stop thinking about burying my face between your legs, slobbering at you like a godsdamned dog until you forget anything but my name. Or about wanting to immerse myself in you, lose myself under your hands for I know I would not have to fear drowning. But it all feels so rotten. It’s so frustrating.” He withdrew his hand from yours and pressed both of them against his eyes with a sigh of frustration.

You could only sit there and listen to his speech, your cheeks heating slightly at his confession. And you realised that he was walking around with so much worry and pain and desperation.

“Would you rather I keep more of a dista-“ “NO!”, Astarion immediately exclaimed and stared at you. “Unless…”, he continued more calmly and with a tinge of worry in his voice, “I mean unless it makes you uncomfortable that I’m like a needy youth around you.” You immediately shook your head eagerly. Astarion went back to pressing his hands to his eyes.

“Astarion, I’m…” – you wanted to apologise again but Astarion shortly lifted his hands and gave you a stare that dared you to utter the words, so you just sighed and went on – “If I can do anything to help you, please tell me. But other than that: firstly, I want you too – more than is probably healthy, I’m sure you know that. But - look at me” – you grabbed his hands this time, forced him to look at you for the next words – “I love spending time with you like this. These are the best parts of my day. You’re a delight to be around, Astarion, you’re so smart and witty. I could listen to you talk for hours. If we could just stay here, laying in each other’s arms forever, you can bet your sweet ass, I would!”

You had almost shouted the last words, riling yourself up so much with your feelings for the vampire spawn. And you felt your feelings almost boil over in your chest, so you proceeded with the thought racing through your mind before you got too shy and wouldn’t put it out there:

“I love you, Astarion!”

It came out almost a little forceful and you pressed your lips together after the words had left your mouth. But you immediately were sure that it had been the right thing to do.

Astarion’s eyes widened at you, his mouth hanging open. His eyes jumped all over you, from your one eye to the other, to your lips and back again.

The silence drew out and you started to become uneasy, awkwardly starting to shift around in your sitting position as you waited for Astarion to react with something more than surprise.

“Sorry, I shouted”, you said and bit your lip “and you don’t have to say it back.” “Gods, stop apologising already, you idiot”, Astarion immediately replied and swung over to grab your face and kiss you – forcefully and passionately.

After some long moments he broke the kiss shortly: “Also I love you too, Tav.” And then he kissed you again, pulling you over until you sat in his lap. “I love you more than I ever loved anything”, he whispered in between kisses.

Somewhen, you leaned back until you were laying there again just like at the beginning of the night. Still kissing. And you stayed like this for a long time.

Much later you broke away, both your lips swollen from kissing, and just looked into each other’s eyes. You pressed your hand against Astarion’s with spread fingers – observing the differences between your hand and his.

“Astarion?”

“Hm?”, he simply hummed and kept staring at you.

“You said I didn’t have to apologise.”

“Hm.”

“I’ll have you know the same goes for you, okay? Because don’t think I didn’t realise you only spoke about me and left yourself out! I mean, yes, you manipulated you, but you fell for me in the end, you clown, and look where all that got you”, you said and couldn’t help grinning. You closed your fingers around Astarion’s hand.

Astarion grinned back: “Right in the best kind of mess I could have ever imagined. And now you’re stuck with this clown.” He moved his free hand to motion towards himself. “And I would argue a much more attractive clown than the average jester.”

You laughed softly at that and moved in to press another kiss to his lips. Then you buried your face against his chest again while he wrapped his arms around you closer.

“Would you mind saying it again?”, Astarion whispered softly.

For a moment, you were confused but then caught on. You lifted your head again to look directly into his open and shining red eyes: “I love you, Astarion.”

His eyes started to shine even more: “I love you, Tav.”

And you grinned at each other giddily until you had to press your head against his shirt and let out a little squeal of happiness and kick your feet while you heard and felt Astarion’s soft laugh rumbling through his chest.

Then you snuggled up against each other until you both lay comfortably and you both drifted off into your trance – while your hearts had yet moved a bit closer together.

#astarion #astarion x tav #baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #astarion x reader #astarion x mc #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x oc #astarion x you #fanfic #fanfiction #astarion ancunin #bg3 spoilers #tav #bg3 #one shot

[adhd-merlin]

Merlin S1 rewatch: episode 5

here we go! again!!

today we are watching the Lancelot episode. just a few random comments because. I am so very sleepy and I deleted the first draft by accident.

A nice little episode all in all. Nice set up for an incredibly sexy recurring character. Some nice foreshadowing. What's not to like?

• I like how this episode opens. Merlin picking mushrooms, looking so baby. Eyes full of awe and wonder. Looking like... like he's never seen a mushroom in his life, in fact. Anyway, something very cottagecore about this. Fairy vibes.

• Also he's scarfless? For much (most?) of the episode? It looks like early in the series they weren’t so obsessively attached to Merlin’s neckerchief as part of his character design

• I love how Merlin doesn’t even try to use magic against the Griffin. He just falls on his back, shuts his eyes and goes, “Welp, guess I'll die”

• HOW DID MERLIN CARRY LANCELOT BACK TO CAMELOT

• “Ever since I was a child I've dreamed of coming here. It's my life's ambition to join the knights of Camelot.” -> Guy who's spent his whole life dreaming about becoming a knight of Camelot doesn’t know the first thing about the job requirements

• (No but really, the funniest thing about this episode for me is Lancelot’s utter shock at finding out only noblemen can be knights. That's, like. The first thing about the knights of Camelot, it seems like. You’d think he would have done some basic research beforehand. But that's also how I apply to jobs so I won't make fun of him too much)

• Merlin is such a hype man, “LANCELOT THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE YOU!!” This is literally what he says! He’s adorable.

• Merlin's acting like a kid who's found a stray puppy on the side of the road and is trying to convince his dad to keep him. “He’s great, you’ll love him, I promise. He won’t be any trouble I’ll walk him every day”

• MERLIN: “He's saved my life” / ARTHUR: “That's blown it for starters” -> ARTHUR IS FUNNY. I just feel the need to point out that Arthur is funny, actually. Especially when he’s being a cunt.

• MERLIN: “You're not a nobleman by any chance, are you?” / LANCE: “haha, good lord, no” -> someone didn’t read the job description 👀

• The way Gaius pointedly glares at Merlin after telling Lancelot he’s sorry he can’t be a knight… Like, he knows his son might be tempted to do something stupid about it (commit crime)

• I did not remember Lancelot’s tragic Origin Story!

When I was a boy, my village was attacked by raiders from the northern plains. They were slaughtered where they stood, my father, my mother. Everyone. I alone escaped. I vowed that day that never again would I be helpless in the face of tyranny. I made sword craft my life. Every waking hour since that day, I devoted to the art of combat, and when I was ready, I set forth for Camelot.

"Every waking hour since that day, I devoted to the art of combat" -> Yeah that sounds like a sane and healthy way of dealing with the trauma of losing both your parents and your entire village in one go, well done my boy

• Merlin looks SO proud of his little fraud scheme! BE GAY DO CRIME

• Seriously he is such an instigator! He says, “DAMN THE RULES, THE RULES ARE WRONG”! But he can see Lancelot’s obvious reluctance so he’s like, “We're not breaking the rules, we're bending them” HE’S SO SNEAKY I LOVE HIM

• This is such a basic narrative trope (if it even is a trope) but I love first meetings of characters who are going to become famously important to one another. I'm talking, like, Holmes and Dr. Watson. Or yes, Merlin and future King Arthur. There’s just something about it that I find delightful. "They don’t even know!! They have no idea. But I do!" This is about Gwen and Lancelot.

• Such a cute Meet Cute™. I love the way it plays with what we know is going to happen. Even if we don’t exactly know how it's going to happen in the series, Guinevere and Lancelot’s romance is the stuff of legends. I love their obvious and immediate mutual attraction. The slight awkwardness. The foreshadowing! “I'm not a knight yet, my lady” / “And I’m not a lady.” NO YET, BUT YOU WILL BE!! AAAAAH

• I didn’t pay much attention to it the first time I watched this episode but Lancelot speaks in such a formal, lofty way compared to everyone else. He literally sounds like he walked out of a book of chivalric romance. "I faced it myself, Sire. Some days past. I struck it full square. I wondered how it endured"; "Arthur stands in mortal peril", like WHO TALKS LIKE THIS. BE NORMAL. But it never crosses the line into being obnoxious, and I love how his character is defined through his speech as well as by his behaviour. Well done, writers.

• LANCELOT: "Are you two...you know" -> Lancelot wastes no time in checking if Gwen is on the market. GOOD FOR HIM. (I like how Merlin finds the idea of dating Gwen literally laughable. Bit harsh, that).

• “She seems lovely. Guinevere.” / “Oh, yeah. Yeah, she is. And the best seamstress in Camelot, I promise” -> MERLIN THIS MAN DOES NOT CARES ABOUT GWEN'S SKILL AS A SEAMSTRESS OPEN YOUR EYES YOU SILLY CHILD

• (But no, to be fair to him, he did notice)

• Arthur just... just BITCH-SLAPPING Lancelot out of the blue is actually hilarious. He's a comedian and he doesn't even know it.

• Merlin still acts like a bit of a teenager with Gaius in this ep. When Gaius discovers his forgery of the seal of nobility, Merlin tells him, “if you wanna punish me for it, go ahead” and then walks off! I’m sorry, this is a teenager acting out against his dad.

• Merlin does seem to be still testing boundaries with Gaius, but in a way that's an obvious request for reassurance, too – later in the episode he asks him: “Do you even care what happens to me?” (!!) And back in episode 1x02, when Gaius said, "What do I do if you get caught?", Merlin asked: "what would you do?" Insecure teen behaviour. Please Gaius just tell him you love him!! (He does tell him here, thank God).

• The broomstick fight scene. Much has been said about it already. The rituals are, indeed, intricate. Something so homoerotic about Arthur’s attempts to poke Lancelot in the chest with his stick. What I want to know is – did they know? Did they know when they were filming it that it would look like this. Like, was it deliberate

• @sapphickittykatherine it’s not much but there are some hints of Morlance in this ep. During Lancelot’s knighting scene, Morgana looks at him with obvious interest and asks “Who is this man?” And also later at his celebration (I’ll get to it).

The celebration scene! I love it! I’m gonna break it down into parts:

• “You played God, Merlin" -> I like this line. I think Gaius put his finger on an important character trait of Merlin’s here. He always means well, but he can be manipulative and controlling. Not so much here, perhaps, but it does emerge more in later eps.

• Not Arthur looking at Morgana with incestuous intent 💀💀💀

• “Tell me, do you think her...beautiful?” / “Yes, Sire. I do.” -> Another favourite trope of mine – two characters talking to each other but having two entirely different conversations. A bit like that cursed scene in the Disir, and with Arthur just as much oblivious (actually, could someone tell the poor guy what's going on. just once)

• Meanwhile, Morgana’s making sexy eyes at Lancelot while biting into a… cherry? I can’t tell. Some kind of sexually-connoted fruit, that’s for sure. I love how she also looks murderous while doing it. Praying mantis energy.

• Merlin and Gwen’s conversation is so cute. I’ve said it before but it’s giving girlie-and-her-gay-best-friend vibes. Look at them! They are a woman and her gay friend sitting in a bar, exchanging notes about the men around them. Over drinks. The way Merlin encourages Gwen to commit mischief too! “OH YOU ARE NO FUN GWEN. COME ON, JUST PLAY ALONG. WHO WOULD YOU RATHER F—”

• Arthur or Lancelot? I think I know what Merlin’s answer would be. At least at this point in the series. (Hint: it's not Arthur).

• “I think our Sir Lancelot might have eyes for you, Gwen” -> Merlin playing matchmaker already. I love that he’s noticed, and that he’s trying to push these two together because LOVE MUST TRIUMPH. He’s such a romantic.

~ END OF THE CELEBRATION SCENE ~

• Oooh no, Lancelot’s ruse has been discovered, SIR YOU’RE UNDER ARREST

• “You are not worthy of the knighthood bestowed upon you. You never were. And you never will be” -> possibly the worst thing anyone could’ve said to Lancelot, SIR PLEASE STOP YOU’RE BREAKING HIM. CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S ABOUT TO CRY.

• All I can think about when I see gifs of Merlin talking to imprisoned Lancelot is, “it’s okay hun”

• It’s interesting to see S1 Uther so unwilling to accept that the creature they’re trying to defeat might be magic when later in the series he will relish the chance of accusing anything and anyone of being magic. ...Growth?

(The bisexuality of this scene. Off the charts.)

• It seems to me like they were setting up Lancelot to be more of an important character that he ended up being? I mean, he was important, just by virtue of being Lancelot, but he was in a grand total of 6 episodes. But, I love that we can see Arthur’s obvious attachment (for lack of a better word) to him already. A bit like with Gwen and Lancelot, it hints at what’s to come – he is destined to become Arthur’s favourite knight (I know people like to say that it's Leon, but I think it was Lance. And after Lancelot's death it was Mordred, eventually. If you must know.) I love it, foreshadowing. You can feel the future hanging heavy in the air.

• I didn’t remember that Gwen and Lancelot met again and she begged him not to go and I think they should have kissed here

• It’s so funny that while Merlin’s trying to master the spell to defeat the Griffin, Gaius goes, “Don't worry Merlin, we have plenty of time” GAIUS NO YOU LITERALLY HAVE LESS THAN 2 HOURS

• Actually this is a thing Gaius does a lot, telling Merlin he can make it when the chances of success are pretty slim, which on one hand is very sweet, like I get it he's being a supportive dad, but on the other hand it's also... setting Merlin up to be HUGELY DISAPPOINTED if he fails? I don't know, just something I've noticed in other eps.

• The scene of Lancelot killing the Griffin is actually pretty cool? I like the glowing blue spear (how did Merlin think Lancelot wasn’t going to notice) and THE SOUNDTRACK!!

• Merlin's PURE JOY after Lancelot's killed the Griffin is SO adorable, you just feel so happy for him. YES BABY YOU DID IT!!

• I love the parallel “You did it!” scenes with Arthur & Lancelot, Gaius & Merlin, and Arthur & Uther. Very nice, big fan of symmetry

• Gaius’s pride when Merlin comes back victorious is so heartwarming. I’ve said it before but I'll repeat it, Merlin and Gaius’s relationship is possibly my favourite in the show. I think Gaius doesn’t get enough credit for being Merlin’s main source of love and hugs during his Camelot years.

• “The Code bends for no man” / “Then THE CODE IS WRONG!” (!!) -> SAY IT LOUDER MY MAN!! S1 Arthur is so vocal with his father about what he believes is right and wrong, we love to see it

• Lancelot saying he must prove himself worthy of being a knight – of course, he might have been holding the spear that killed the Griffin but he wasn’t the one who actually defeated it, and this will not do. He must now abandon his life-long dream of being a knight and go fight strangers in a cage for money. It’s the only logical next step.

• LANCE I LOVE YOU BUT WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

THE END!!

next episode is... one no one really cares about, but I really really liked it the first time I watched it so. hopefully it will live up to what I remember :3

#there. i've re-written it pretty much. #*me; tears in my eyes* “I do this for fun” #“actually i can just go” < now lives in my head as a lancelot phrase and it cracks me up #you'll find i go on about merlin and gaius quite a bit in these #that's because i love them #they mean a lot to me *taps own bio* #merlin's body count: still 1 #< disappointing actually. like he killed a witch in ep 1 and then 4 eps of nothing. DO BETTER #rewatch1.jls

[ahsoka-its-all-of-us]

13 PLEASE!!!

13: Too loud

Okay I spent the entire day today as artistic presenter at a classical and art music festival which included multiple performances on non-Western instruments and I got inspired and basically wrote this in between concerts whoops

And then it inspired me a whole lot more and long story short it's now two in the morning and I also already halfway scripted this as a full part of my Kalluzeb series and it's gonna contain an absolutely pivotal moment 👀

All because I think Zeb would be able to play some sort of traverse flute lol

Anyway; thank you for the prompt! It took me a while to think of something for it, but then it happened in the blink of an eye ❤️

Alexsandr Kallus was on the landing platform on Yavin 4, on his way back from delivering a final briefing to Gold Squadron, when a disturbance made him stop in his tracks. A noise, coming from his far right; high-pitched screams paired with an almost animalistic growling. He turned to its source, wary.

The Ghost. Of course.

Half a second later, Ezra came running out of the ship at top speed, an enraged Zeb at his heels. Ezra used his Force abilities to jump over and slide under the various parked ships, but Zeb’s natural Lasat build allowed him to keep up the chase.

Ezra had spotted Alexsandr watching their antics. “Protect me, Alex!” he cried out, jumping behind Alexsandr.

Zeb skidded to a halt in front of him, snarling.

“Should I even ask?” Alexsandr asked tiredly. For some reason, Zeb always managed to get into the pettiest of fights with the Jedi teenager.

“He insulted my flute!” Zeb said indignantly.

“No, I didn’t!” Ezra called from behind Alexsandr’s back. “I just told him to stop whistling, he was being way too loud!”

“No I wasn’t!” Zeb retorted.

“Kanan wants me to practice meditating” Ezra said, in that specific infuriatingly smug tone only a teenager could manage. “You wanna tell him why I couldn’t?”

“Just meditate somewhere else!” Zeb growled.

“Just play flute somewhere else!” Ezra countered.

Alexsandr rubbed his eyes in frustration, already regretting he settled for Cassian’s weak caf that morning instead of making his own. “You can use my office to play flute” he sighed. “If you want.”

Zeb gave him a surprised and somewhat sceptical look. “You’re not using it?”

“I am?” Alexsandr replied.

“Er… won’t that be distracting, then?”

“I have worked in much worse conditions.”

That much was true; after nearly twenty years with the Empire there were few things that could still deter him from doing his duty.

Back in his office, Alexsandr turned his screens back on. “I wasn’t aware you play flute.”

“I don’t” Zeb reacted. “My parents made me take lessons, but I hated it. I was just curious whether I could still do it.”

Alexsandr nodded. “Well, go ahead.”

He swiped through the various programs in his holographic overlay as Zeb started playing. It was a little rough at first, a lot of breathing noises interspersed with various frustrated karabasts, but eventually actual tone appeared, and Zeb began playing tunes, getting into it quickly.

It was.. it was nice. Alexsandr had never listened to music other than checking whether he was walking in step with the Imperial March, but there was something about Zeb playing the flute that drew him in, that filled him with a sense of serenity.

And before he knew it, Alexsandr found himself staring, his work completely forgotten.

When Zeb noticed his gaze, he fell silent, looking insecure as he fiddled with the keys.

“Don’t stop” Alexsandr blurted out softly.

“What?” Zeb asked, surprised.

Alexsandr could feel the blush creeping into his cheeks, but he willed it down. “It’s… it’s nice. I like it.”

Zeb’s fur fluffed up ever so slightly.  “Oh” he said merely.

For a moment neither of them said anything, Alexsandr pretending to have turned his full attention back to the screen.

“I could come play here more often” Zeb suggested.

“I thought you hated playing flute” Alexsandr said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You know what?” Zeb replied, giving him a warm smile. “I think it’s starting to grow on me.”

#jenny writes oh no #jenny's sneaks #star wars #alexsandr kallus #garazeb orrelios #ezra bridger #star wars rebels #writing asks

[the-era-of-shadow]

The Day The Moon Died Act II - The Wave of Black

Case 01: The Eternal Highschool Lovers

Chapter 5: Love Beyond Salvation

Written by Ash Rose & Lunar Eclipse

Cover Art by Ash Rose

CW/TW:

Fictional religious themes, murder, discussion of characters being injured & unconscious for multiple days (in a coma, basically), themes of eldritch horror, mentions of bodily mutation, abusive parenting & transphobia

Summary:

The Black Arms’ rally had been a complete and total success, and the group began to grow immensely in the weeks following it. To tell the tale of its spread in full, follow these three separate, and yet connected tales - cases of the Black Arms’ effect on PetalBloom, and see for yourself the damage that had been done.

Notes:

Happy Valentine's Day :D

[Act I]

[Moonlight Interlude I]

[Previous Chapter]

[Case 02] (COMING IN THE SOMEWHAT NEAR FUTURE)

When Uni awoke, the first thing she felt was the texture of sand caressing her skin as she stared up at the night sky. She also felt something else, a hand maybe? But she was still a bit asleep, so she couldn’t quite tell. Despite these sensations, there was just one thing that she thought to say.

“Am… Am I dead…?” 

“Thankfully, no. Unless I’m dead too… But that doesn’t seem to be the case!” A very familiar voice responded to Uni’s query.

Uni adjusted her position and woke up more, now most certainly feeling a hand holding her face gently - and most certainly seeing just whose hand it was.

“L… Latté?!” Uni exclaimed in surprise.

There she was, peering over her so tenderly. The one who Uni had yearned for so greatly for what had felt like so long. She looked at Uni with a loving gaze, and wings that were much bigger than they had been the last time Uni saw her.

“You… You saved me…!” Uni stated in awe.

“Of course I did, silly! What else are girlfriends for?” Latté remarked, light hearted and carefree, just as she had always been.

“... How??” Uni wondered.

“Oh! Well, you see these wings of mine?” Latté responded.

“I thought… I thought they weren’t big enough to fly with…!” Uni recollected, remembering Priestess Archæsis’ findings the day prior.

“Not originally, no! But earlier today, something absolutely incredible happened! You see, we had another rally in the cafeteria, and during it, an animal trainer was brought in and he had with him a baby Petal-scaled Dragon!” Latté began to elaborate.

“Wait, What?!” Uni blurted, genuinely not expecting what Latté had said.

“I know, right?! Anyway, even crazier than the dragon just being there in general - Lord Doom assimilated it into the Black Arms!! Right there on stage!! And when he did so, I felt a tingling sensation on my back, surging through my wings! Next thing I knew, my wings had grown like three times in size!!” Latté continued.

“Woah…” Uni uttered - she had no idea what else to say. 

She felt so incredibly happy to be alive and with Latté again, and was admittedly very intrigued by the grand tales Latté was telling her, but she still felt incredibly uneasy over the whole situation. She understood deep down that to become a Black Arms was just simply her fate at this point, but she still felt an attachment to the life she had lived thus far. She had spent her whole life living to the expectations of Madam Moonshine and those under her rule, she had imagined herself being loyal to Moonshine for the rest of her days. But now… well, that wasn’t going to be the case, it would seem.

Having some closure would be nice. Some understanding as to what really happened to Moonshine. The remaining parts of her stuck in the past still wanted to believe that she was still alive, but Uni was beginning to come to terms with the idea that she really was dead.

Besides, wouldn’t Moonshine being alive make things worse rather than better? If she was alive, then why wasn’t she speaking to any of the clergy, not even Archæsis? Why would she essentially leave Uni for dead, the reason she’s still alive now solely being because of the Black Arms rather than because of her?

Uni needed some time to deal with it.

For now, she was content with just being with Latté.

“Hey, I know this might sound… Silly, but-” Uni began to speak again.

“Who cares if it does? I just like hearing you say things.” Latté interjected lovingly.

“... Your wings are kind of hot, actually.” Uni revealed, making Latté’s face a bit green.

“Is that so? Why don’t I just wrap you up in them, then!!” Latté replied teasingly, tackling Uni as her two giant wings wrapped around Uni’s body.

“You fool, that’s what I wanted you to do! You’ve fallen for my trap!” Uni remarked playfully, to which both of the girls giggled.

As Uni enjoyed Latté’s loving embrace, she began to overhear a conversation nearby.

“That was a risky maneuver, Rehkloos. Whether or not you thought it was justified, you at least need to admit that.” One voice said, masculine and intentionally tough sounding, but also still pubescent.

“Risky is deeply underselling it. And, to be blunt, it was not justified. What did I just say to you and Latté earlier today about not killing kids?” Another voice chimed in, this one more androgynous sounding. 

Latté seemed to hear the conversation too, and got up to try to see where it was coming from.

“Oh, good… Vladmira and Death managed to rescue Rehkloos…” Latté said with relief.

“... I wonder if the others made it too…” Uni muttered, getting up as well. Though she had always cared at least a little bit about the members of Mini Mayhem, despite the trouble they would cause her, the day’s events made her feel quite attached to them. 

“Well, I saw Kæ’Mirah safe and sound just before I was sent out to go get you, so I bet she's alright.” Latté testified. “... Not sure about Kuel and Katrien though…”

“They had left the building just before you arrived.” Uni explained.

“... I see.” Latté replied, unable to hide the fact that she was worried as well.

Looking out in front of her, Uni saw Rehkloos alive and well for herself, with Vladmira and Death on each side of her. She looked quite remorseful, probably partly due to the chastising that Vladmira and Death were understandably giving her.

Though, Uni did also catch a glimpse of something that was behind the three of them, and shifting her view slightly, she managed to make out what it was that she was seeing. A Petal-scaled Dragon, in the flesh, fully grown as well, from the looks of it.

“I… I thought you said the one you brought in was a baby…!” Uni exclaimed in awe.

“O-Oh! That’s… That’s not the one that we brought in…” Latté revealed.

“Huh??” Uni turned to Latté, completely confused. “Then where did-?!” As Uni turned back towards the scene playing out before her, she and Latté witnessed something even more unexpected than the presence of a random adult dragon. The two of them watched as the “dragon’s” form began to change and shift, eventually revealing it’s true identity as the mysterious, god-like being that lead the Black Arms, which now, finally, Uni had a name to give to him, feeling the information shoot right into her from what she figured now was the Black Arms hivemind. The one and only Black Doom.

“... Huh. I had no idea that he could actually control the shapeshifting thing.” Latté remarked with surprise.

“It makes enough sense to me. If he’s able to shapeshift unintentionally, then shapeshifting intentionally shouldn’t be that much harder.” Uni speculated.

“I forgot that you knew about that.” Latté stated, looking slightly shocked.

“I figured. It’s not the most remarkable for only one god to give the most insignificant crumbs of information to Archæsis to then regurgitate to us.” Uni admitted, deciding to lay back down, though this time on Latté’s lap.

“... Makes me wonder if they’re even going to try to look for Lord Doom, or if they think that we’re not gonna do enough damage to warrant imprisoning him again!” Latté said out of the blue.

“... Again?” Uni echoed, curious.

“Yeah - from what I remember being told, before he came here to PetalBloom, Lord Doom was in charge of “stabilizing” the chaos energy in the universe - by “stabilizing” they more meant “getting rid of”, which basically forced him to stay in his chambers all day every day, and he wasn’t allowed to ever leave to Pantheon’s Plane - the only reason why they’re even here now is because another god used an ability called “Chaos Control” to warp him onto our planet!” Latté explained. “I’d say that’s pretty prison-like!”

“... And Moonshine knew about that?” Uni asked, feeling rather concerned by the thoughts her words implied.

“Most definitely! She was the one who made him in the first place!” Latté answered.

Suffice to say, Uni was appalled by what she was hearing. The actions attributed to Moonshine in the tale Latté retold certainly didn’t sound like the gentle-and-caring-but-also-a-little-strict persona that Uni had been raised to see Moonshine as. In fact, the only thing that seemed to be true according to such tales would be strict, though it was certainly not just a “little bit”. It made her angry, angry that everyone had lied to her all these years. Maybe joining the Black Arms wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“While you two are certainly correct, I must ask that you give Rehkloos some mercy… I can sense a deep instability within her.” Uni overheard Doom say to Vladmira and Death. “I will talk to her later. For now, allow her to calm herself and be grateful for her continued life.” He added.

“Can’t you just talk to her now? She’s right here.” Death questioned.

“I very much could, but I believe that there is something else that needs my attention first… Someone else, you might say.” Doom responded.

Uni turned over while still laying down to see where Doom would go, her curiosity piqued. As she did, she realized that where Doom was going was actually towards Latté and herself.

When Uni realized this, she started to get up and try to make herself look presentable, but Doom told her that she could stay right where she was, he just wanted to get to know her more and make her feel at home. It caught Uni off guard, but she complied.

“Though, first, I would feel it rude of me to not commend you on just how quickly you took action when the call came to you, Latté.” Doom began.

“Well of course! I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I lost Uni…” Latté responded. 

“... Yeah, same here.” Uni agreed.

“I figured as much, given how you just kept trying to find me..!” Latté surmised. “Sorry for leaving like that, by the way… I know I said that I wouldn’t, but-”

“No, I get it now… You had things to do and you were worried that if you told me then I’d try to stop you or tattle on you… It’s a reasonable assumption to make.” Uni said assuringly.

“I can tell that you two have a very close bond with one another…” Doom pointed out, to which both Latté and Uni’s faces began to blush in response to.

“We’ve been friends for a really long time even before we started dating!” Latté exclaimed.

“Latté was the only person I’ve ever trusted with my secrets…” Uni added softly.

“Well then, I am glad to see you two reunited, then.” Doom replied.

“Thank you for making it happen.” Uni stated suddenly.

“Hmm?” Doom wondered curiously.

“Latté told me it was the introduction of a baby Petal-scaled Dragon into the Black Arms that caused the enhancement of her wings to the point of being able to fly with them… She also said that such was your idea, right?” Uni elaborated.

“That is what I said.” Latté confirmed.

“Yes, that was mostly my idea. An animal trainer from the capital had been brought into the hivemind last week during the rally at the plaza - he and his wife had come to Riverbed after hearing some rumors about us back home. When I noticed this, I began to discuss ideas of expanding our connection and power to the animals they cared for. We ended up settling on the baby dragon for now, but this is by no means the end to such experimentation.” Doom explained.

“Well thank you for that.” Uni reiterated, holding out her hand for a handshake.

“You are quite welcome, young one.” Doom replied, accepting Uni’s offer.

“... I think I’ve come to terms with my fate.” Uni said, still holding Doom’s hand.

“In what sense?” Doom wondered.

“Between what I’ve heard from Latté and the distance I’ve felt all my life, I realize now that Moonshine would never dare be so openly kind and loving as you have been in just this little moment. You prove yourself to be someone worth following, Lord Black Doom.” Uni concluded.

Latté audibly gasped, clearly being unable to contain her excitement.

“YAAAAAAY!!! UNI’S A BLACK ARMS NOW!!!!!” She cheered as she tackled Uni to the ground with a hug.

“Huhuhuhu… I think it is safe to call this meeting of ours a success~!” Doom exclaimed with pride.

“I agree… And at the very least with me being brought in, I’ll have an easier time making sure the Mini Mayhem members are alright.” Uni remarked.

“My… What a selfless way of looking at things…!” Doom noted.

“Yeah! That’s exactly the Uni I know!” Latté added.

“... Thank you, both of you…” Uni replied, her face green and eyes watery.

“But before we part ways, there is one last thing we must do.” Doom then said. Uni was confused and curious as to what he could be talking about, but Latté cut off her chance to speak.

“Oh, right! Do you need me to be out of the way?” She vaguely inquired.

“Not at all. The more comfortable Uni is, the better…” Doom responded.

After the short meeting with Black Doom, it was decided that it became late enough into the night to have Latté and Uni not go back to their respective homes. Instead, the both of them along with Mocha, the members of Mini Mayhem, and some other miscellaneous Black Arms - such as the one who provided the baby Petal-scaled Dragon that was brought into the hivemind during the night’s festivities, went to Lillian’s cabin to stay for the rest of the night.

When morning came, some of the Black Arms being housed in the cabin were given errands to run. Even little Mocha was given something to do. But Latté and Uni were not a part of such activities, as the leaders had decided that after everything that the two had been through this past week, they deserved a break. And so, the morning came and went, the two spending their time together in one of the hammocks that were in the process of being put up about the cabin. When Uni first awoke, she had insisted on wanting to do something, feeling obligated to, probably because of the pressure put on her all her life, or out of gratitude for her life being saved the night prior, or even both. But Latté relayed to her what she had been told by the leaders.

Rest.

Which managed to convince her. Hell, eventually, Uni ended up just going right back to sleep!

Just as the afternoon had begun, Lillian came by the two of them, looking to strike up a conversation.

“Tell me… Is the hammock treating you two well?” Lillian inquired.

“I’d certainly say so! And I bet Uni would too, given how she not only slept through the night in it, but has gone back to sleep still in it!” Latté answered enthusiastically.

“Oh well isn’t that just wonderful to hear?” Lillian remarked. 

She then handed Latté a newspaper.

“What’s this?” Latté asked.

“A newspaper, have you never seen one before?” Lillian replied teasingly.

“No no I’ve… I’ve seen newspapers before..!” Latté assured between giggles. “I guess I was just wondering why you’re handing this to me.”

“I figured that you might have been getting bored up there all alone. I mean, you don’t even have your girlfriend to talk to, since she’s asleep.” Lillian explained.

“Oh! That makes sense.” Latté figured.

Looking at the newspaper, Latté noticed that just like during previous stunts of theirs, the front page story was about the Black Arm’s escapades. But there was something a bit different about this article compared to the others, for as Latté read it for herself, she came to realize that the writer spoke quite positively about the Black Arms in this article! After she read the article, Latté went to see who it was that wrote it.

Endrose Ræa.

Ræa…

That name sounded familiar, but not to Latté. She could feel through the hivemind that for whom it was familiar to was actually Uni, but couldn’t exactly access why.

"Hey, Miss Lillian, did we bring a journalist into the hivemind by chance?" Latté wondered.

"I think so, why do you ask?" Lillian responded as she was nearby in the kitchen, chopping up some vegetables.

"The article about us in today's paper is positive!" Latté exclaimed, displaying the newspaper outside of the hammock for Lillian to see.

Intrigued by Latté's claims, Lillian went back over to her and Uni's hammock to read the article for herself.

"Well I'd say, you're absolutely right, Latté!" Lillian remarked with pleasant surprise. "I should get more of these for the rest of the hive! Or at least the rest of us leaders."

"I could… Do that for you… Miss…" Uni muttered out in a half asleep state.

"No no, you were told to rest! You and Latté! I'll do it myself." Lillian insisted.

"Hi Uni! Sorry if Miss Lillian and I woke you up." Latté said as Uni laid back down.

"It's… fine…" Uni tiredly replied with a yawn.

"Oh hey! Miss Lillian! Before you go!" Latté called.

"Yes?" Lillian replied.

"Uni was wondering last night if the members of Mini Mayhem aside from Rehkloos were alright… Do you have any info on that?" Latté asked, her tone becoming more serious.

"They are all alive, that I do know." Lillian answered.

"Oh thank goodness…" Latté sighed in relief. She could feel Uni be relieved as well.

"Kæ'Mirah is out running an errand right now, actually. As for Kuel and Katrien… They are unconscious, knocked out by the blast. It might take them a few days to wake back up. And they did sustain some injuries - of which we're not sure yet. Right now we have some doctors that we managed to bring into the hive taking care of them." Lillian elaborated somberly.

"Just like… Kuel's brother…" Uni stated quietly.

"... Please know that we did not intend this outcome…" Lillian told the two, trying to comfort them.

"I know… I just hope they… recover…" Uni replied.

Feeling bad about the situation, Latté turned over in the hammock to embrace Uni, handing the newspaper back to Lillian.

As Latté got closer to Uni, she began to hear someone speaking in the hivemind once again.

“Hey, is this by chance a bad time?” It sounded like Widow was the one talking. 

Heh, what are the chances? Latté gets to overhear a conversation involving Widow twice in a row!

“Are… Are you talking to me?” And the other person speaking was… Uni? This is sure to be interesting.

“Yeah, I was hoping to, anyway.” Widow admitted.

“I don’t think us having a conversation would breach the assignment I was given. Go right ahead.” Uni responded.

“I mean, I figured as much, since I’m one of the leaders who gave you the orders to rest.” Widow remarked light-heartedly. “Anyways, I was just interested in coming up with a costume change for you.” 

“A… Costume change…?” Uni echoed with confusion.

“What you’re wearing currently looks pretty battered up from what you went through yesterday… And besides, it’s a nice way to show off the new chapter of your life that you’ve begun.” Widow explained.

“... Yes, I think I’ve noticed that! You yourself as well as the other Black Arms leaders had a change of outfits in the days after the Plaza Rally, right?” Uni recollected, now seeming to understand the concept that Widow was attempting to relay.

“Indeed! And they were all done by yours truly!” Widow replied proudly.

“Were they now? I think I do remember hearing about such passions of yours over the years…” Uni testified.

“Right…! Goodness me, with everything else going on, I nearly forgot that we’ve known each other for quite a while now!” Widow admitted.

“... For me, I think I’m thinking of having myself something relatively similar to my old usual outfit… But also a bit inspired by the outfit you made for Vladmira.” Uni requested of Widow after having a moment to think about her choice.

“Really?” Widow responded, surprised, though not unpleasantly so.

“... I know, you probably figured I hated them…” Uni awkwardly acknowledged.

“Ehhhhh…” Widow reacted, clearly not wanting to give away what she actually had thought.

“I had certainly convinced myself that I did.” Uni stated. “I mean, I also convinced myself that I disliked you, but I really went in hard with it on Vladmira. It began as a desire to not be associated with the two of you, as you two had a reputation of being “cursed” and “wicked”. I wanted to stay in good standing with my family and the church, so I did everything I could to separate myself from you, from them. But then Latté joined the Riverbed Choir… And while she was there, she met Vladmira and became friends with them… I was deeply jealous… But I was also incredibly paranoid. I was afraid that if Latté stayed friends with Vladmira while I was dating her, that all the effort I had put into making me look “better” than them would go to waste, and I would be shunned as well… Perhaps even abandoned completely, like how Archæsis did with Vladmira… I even started to worry that such things would happen to Latté too… So I antagonized them even further, not just for my sake anymore, but for what I thought was Latté’s own good…” She explained in detail. “But now I look back on that behavior and I… I hate myself for it… The both of you have been so kind to me… And Latté didn’t deserve me trying to make her stop being friends with Vladmira… She told me last night just how much Vladmira helped her in trying to get me back… I want to return the favor. I want to be their friend too, just like Latté. I figured that having similar outfits would be a start.”

As Uni finished speaking, Widow hugged her gently. Latté, feeling the tenderness of the hug and being moved by Uni’s words, began to tear up a little, the sounds of her choking on her tears being heard by Uni and Widow.

“L-Latté…! Have you been… listening this whole time…?” Uni asked, tearing up as well.

“Uhm… Y-yeah, it’s just kinda something that happens to me…” Latté answered skittishly.

“You must be exceptionally good at tuning into the hivemind, then…! It makes sense, given your circumstances over the past week!” Widow pointed out with intrigue.

“Yeah… Uh, one of those times I heard things from the hivemind may or may not have been when you and Sen talked about her feelings for you, by the way.” Latté admitted.

“... I… Okay.” Widow reacted, not knowing how to respond to that, it would seem. “Do you want a costume change too, Latté?” She then asked, changing the subject.

“Sure! I uh, don’t really know what it would be yet, but I’ll let you know if I come up with anything!” Latté answered.

“Anyway, back to what you were saying, Uni… I will let Vladmira know about how you really feel, okay? I mean, I’m sure they’d understand… We all had shitty parents like that, and the church is no better.” Widow said. “And on the topic of admitting things…” She continued, “I was kind of jealous of how you were allowed to become a girl as a kid when I wasn’t, I won’t lie… But I was naive back when I had those feelings. As I grew up, and watched you grow too, I noticed just how strict the barriers that your folks made your identity be really were… and instead of being jealous… I just felt bad for you. Sure, the outcomes were different, but in theory, the expectations put onto us weren’t all that different. And in the end, I ended up just wishing so badly that you would realize that… That you would fight back… Because I felt like you deserved to.” 

“... I will. I will fight back. That’s my promise to you.” Uni pledged.

“Thank you.” Widow muttered.

“... How about tonight? I know you told me to rest, but-” Uni began to speak again after releasing herself from the hug that she and Widow had been in.

“For what?” Widow asked.

“To fight back… To get my revenge for all the years my parents controlled me and my identity.” Uni clarified. “I’m starting to come up with ideas.”

“Oh, I see…! I’ll ask the others what they think, but I personally am not against the idea.” Widow replied. “Mind sharing what those ideas of yours are?”

“Yeah! I wanna hear them too!” Latté chimed in, excited for what Uni had in store.

“Well, since you both asked so nicely…”

As day began to shift into night, the Bishop household was quite busy, as the parental figures of the home were quickly preparing a last minute celebratory dinner - excited to see their daughter Uni finally return home safely, accompanied by her darling girlfriend and her girlfriend’s sister.

They had become worried sick for Uni when she didn’t come home the day prior, asking Priestess Waning to go out and search for the girl. Latté and Mocha’s parents were deeply worried as well, from what Uni’s parents relayed. Their usually very busy father actually came home for once to support his terrified wife in this time of need, telling his work that he would not be returning until his daughters came home. 

And now they were home - that’s what Uni’s parents said. After this dinner, they would send Latté and Mocha home to their likely overjoyed parents.

But Uni’s parents had been worried about the two as well, and they wanted to take this moment to celebrate the girls’ return.

Just as Uni had expected they would.

“Will the Priestess be joining us tonight?” Uni asked as her mother was setting the plates at the dinner table. “You did mention her going out to find me, so surely you let her know that I’m back home now, right?”

“Oh, I did find her back when I went out after you three arrived!” Uni’s mother replied, “She was so happy to hear that you three were safe. But she unfortunately had to turn down the offer to join us for dinner. She had gotten a summons by the mayor of Lunar High-Rise up north while she was out looking for you - she had been delaying her response to it so she could keep searching, but when I told her that you had come home, she finally allowed herself to start packing for the trip.”

“Oh… That’s quite the shame… I would have loved to see her off!” Uni lamented. “Do you know why she was asked to travel up north?” She then asked.

“She told me that apparently this awful problem we’ve been having here with those rioters has started to spread into other towns and cities…” Uni’s mother somberly explained.

“Oh dear…! Well, even if she can’t be here tonight, I still give her my sincerest wishes of luck while dealing with this whole mess…” Uni responded, mimicking her mother’s sadness.

“It’s probably for the best that she isn’t here, anyways…” Latté added.

“What… exactly do you mean by that, Latté?” Uni’s father asked, Latté’s connections to the Black Arms probably still lingering in the back of both his mind and the mind of Uni’s mother - for she too looked a bit concerned by Latté’s words. 

“What she probably means is that… It’s better that she’s attending to whatever the situation is over there. Better to act early, and all that.” Uni reasoned.

Uni’s parents looked a little unsure of Uni’s explanation, but they decided to roll with it.

Once the plates of food had all been placed at the table, everyone took their seats and gave a united prayer of thanks to Madam Moonshine. Part of Uni wanted to chuckle, considering how she knew now that Moonshine would never hear the words she spoke. But to maintain her ruse, she kept such a desire at bay, and carried on with the prayer until its end.

What Uni’s parents had made for dinner on this night was not very extravagant, which made sense given the short notice. Just fish fillet and vegetables, a very common meal in the Riverbed Town. The star of the meal, however, was instead the beverage served alongside it - a special blend of tea prepared by none other than Uni herself. 

As everyone chowed down on the meal after prayer, Uni made sure to keep her eye out for just how much of the tea her parents were having. She noticed that her father was drinking significantly more rapidly than her mother was. On the other side of things, however, Uni’s parents didn’t seem to notice how Uni nor Latté or even Mocha had taken so much as a sip of their cups of tea.

“So, Uni… How did you end up finding Latté and Mocha, anyways? You took quite the time doing so…” Uni’s mother eventually inquired.

“Oh dear me, it certainly was quite the adventure! One that I just don’t think we’d have the time for me to tell in full, I’m afraid.” Uni replied.

“Don’t be ridiculous! No one here is in any rush! There’s really no reason for you to feel that way-” Uni’s mother tried to insist, but Uni cut her off.

“Oh no, no, I’m quite sure I remembered you two having an appointment with Madam Moonshine later, surely!” Uni argued, which seemed to cause the confusion likely already stirring within her mother to come up to the surface.

“A-A meeting with Madam Moonshine? What ever could you mean by that, Uni??” Her mother questioned, a bit of panic slipping into her voice.

Before Uni could answer, the sound of the head of Uni’s father slamming into the dinner table resounded throughout the room.

Uni watched with morbid fascination as her mother attempted to awaken her husband - then realizing in her attempt that he no longer had a pulse. Her panic becoming much stronger now, Uni’s mother desperately begged Uni’s father to wake up, to not leave her side like this, as she struggled to grasp the reality of her husband’s sudden demise. But soon, a realization seemed to come to her, as she then turned to Uni with a horrified expression.

“No… No…! You… You couldn’t have…!” Uni’s mother begged, failing to truly comprehend the current situation.

“But I did, didn't I?” Uni replied simply, maintaining a smile.

“Why…? Why would you do this- Don’t you realize what you’ve done???” Uni’s mother wailed out hopelessly. Did she really not understand what has happened? What was happening at this very moment? To be so lost felt so strange to Uni. It was almost like through Uni’s perspective, that her mother’s mind existed in a different realm of consciousness from her own, an inferior realm, compared to her own. The concept captured her curiosity, making her wonder what the cause of this separation could be. Perhaps Lord Doom would know the answer.

But Uni would have to save those thoughts for later, as she did not want to lose the only chance she has at savoring her vengeance against the ones who controlled her all her life.

For now she was in control. Not of their lives, per say… But rather, of their deaths.

“Have… Have you…?” Uni’s mother muttered out, her body struggling to keep itself going as the toxins from the tea took hold.

“What else would it be, mother? I’m surprised you hadn’t even considered the idea. I was away for a whole day and a half, looking for two individuals who you knew were sworn into their hivemind… Was it really not obvious that they had taken me too?” Uni answered her, locking eyes with her mother, watching the life fade out from her mother’s eyes. “Or was it that… You perhaps, in some part of your mind… Actually considered it? But the rest of you was not ready for such a revelation? You were unequipped to face the corruption of your sweet beloved daughter… So you, consciously or not, forced yourself to remain ignorant… Heheheheheheh…. How ironic, isn’t it? That you act this way… Despite treating me as if I was already corrupt my whole life, no matter how much I tried to prove I wasn’t? Well, now I am. I’m your corrupted little girl… Are you happy now, mother?”

Uni’s mother tried and tried to speak, to respond to Uni’s words. But everything that came out was incomprehensible, the toxins and Uni’s betrayal seeming to quite literally break her mind. The sight brought much delight to Uni, as well as Latté and Mocha. Uni was able to have her revenge, and her parents - or at the very least her mother, was able to experience chaos through means of utter madness before she met her demise. A win in every aspect.

But soon enough, the last bit of life finally left Uni’s mother, and she, just like her husband, slumped in her chair and let her face fall onto the dinner table, her body without a single heartbeat.

As the tension from Uni’s reveal settled, Uni looked upon the lifeless corpses of her parents, fixated upon them, almost.

“What’re ya thinking about?” Latté asked her.

“... Do you think that in their last bits of coherent thought… Despite my own words… That they still referred to me in their minds as their son?” Uni pondered.

“Knowing them… They probably did.” Latté replied.

“Hmph… Then this fate of theirs was exactly what they deserved, that much is certain.” Uni stated.

Latté nodded, but then spoke again soon after.

“I just wish it could have been… Bloodier.” She admitted.

“I understand that, I really do. And in hindsight, it would seem I did not have much need for this way of doing things after all… But you know very well the reason why I had chosen this method.” Uni reminded her. “While I might not have the plans completely worked out just yet, I do wish to help Vladmira get their revenge on Archæsis when the time does come for that… And for what I have planned currently to work, I would need Archæsis to trust me still.”

“I know, I know! I’m just really craving some guts right now…” Latté elaborated slightly.

“Goodness me, dear Latté… Isn’t that rather selfish of you~? This is my first time doing something like this, and all you can think about is how much gorier you wish it would have been~?” Uni chastised her playfully, wrapping Latté into her arms.

“It’s not like that, I swear! I-I just-” Latté attempted to stammer out an argument in her defense as her face began to glow green.

“I’m just teasing you, my love…~” Uni reassured Latté, playing with her hair ever so tenderly. “But if your bloodlust is truly so insatiable… I’m sure your parents would just love it if we stopped by~.” She then proposed.

“Oooh, that’s a great idea!” Latté replied joyfully.

“Can I come too?” Mocha asked.

“Of course! It’d be rude of us to leave you out!” Latté answered her, Uni nodding in agreement.

“But first… Let us please savor this moment, my sweet Latté~...” Uni requested, pulling Latté in for a kiss on the lips.

Latté fulfilled Uni’s request, reciprocating the tender moment.

Case 01 CLOSED

-☆☆☆-

“Wooo!! Yeah!! Everybody give it up for Uni and Latté reuniting within the Black Arms!!” Garrick commanded excitedly. Seeing no reason to not comply with the young prince’s order, everyone else currently congregated gave their applause.

As the applause was happening, Eclipse stood up and seemed ready to return to their work, but stopped themself when they heard the sound of Shadow sniffling.

“Are you alright?” They asked her with concern.

“Oh… Y-yeah… Just emotional over the story again…” Shadow assured them, wiping away her tears.

“What’s got ya this time, hun?” Rouge inquired teasingly, though still rather sincerely.

“What… What Uni said towards the end there, about how she pushed mom and Vladmira away to look good in the eyes of those who had dictated her life… It… It really resonated with me…” Shadow admitted, its eyes watering up again as they spoke.

“Oh come here you…!” Eclipse said as they pulled Shadow into a tender hug.

“And you got better, just like Uni did!” Garrick pointed out, which really seemed to make Shadow feel better.

“I guess I did… Didn’t I?” Shadow replied.

“Considering we’ve reached the end of this part of the story, we can take a five minute break if you want some time to pull yourself back together, Shadow.” Widow suggested.

“Oh, you really don’t have to do that for me-” Shadow tried to object, but was interrupted by a rather familiar voice.

“No no, I think that would be rather good for you, don’t you think?” In the spot where Leanni once sat, Yuki now stood, its shared body having shifted back into its default form, and now wearing Yuki’s signature navy blue face mask, decorated with dark gray spikes on each cheek, just as it had always been.

“O-oh, okay..!” Shadow obliged, her face a very vibrant shade of green.

“Shall we get some drinks from the communal fridge in the energy chambers? I could certainly go for a can of ginger ale right about now.” Yuki suggested.

“Oh, I think I’m heading that way anyways, why don’t I go get them for you two?” Eclipse chimed in.

“Are you sure, you’d have to come all the way back here - wouldn’t that time be better spent working on Rouge and Relic’s assimilation pods?” Shadow questioned.

“... Have you not considered that I could just use Chaos Control to teleport back here? Or even just teleport the cans themselves?” Eclipse responded incredulously.

“... Wait.” Shadow spoke, the realization registering in her mind. “... Oh yeah.” She added with embarrassment. 

Yuki couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the situation - something that several others joined him in on.

"Oh, wait! I just remembered! I had something to tell you about!" Shadow suddenly exclaimed.

"Tell me through the hivemind. That way I can easily store it within the databases for later." Eclipse responded as they prepared to take off.

"That's quite a smart idea of yours, I must say…!" Widow remarked.

"Thank you, Madam Widow." Eclipse replied.

"I agree! This is something you'd probably want to have documented, honestly." Shadow noted.

"Well then, you shouldn't waste anymore time stalling! Tell me every detail of what you've had in mind." Eclipse instructed.

As Eclipse began to travel back to their laboratory on the opposite end of the Aerth Temple, and Shadow and Yuki began to get themselves seated back in the area that everyone else was still congregated in, Shadow began to lay out the plan she and several others had devised earlier that night to take over Starlight City to Eclipse through the hivemind. Even from a distance, Widow could see that at some point, Eclipse had stopped walking, clearly incredibly intrigued by Shadow's ideas.

"Lord Doom Almighty, how did I not pick up on this when you all first discussed this??" Eclipse questioned with awe over the hivemind.

"Must've been so absorbed in your work that you just didn't hear it! Sounds like something you'd do!" Harazuki suggested an answer quite teasingly.

"Oh quiet you…" Eclipse sneered, everyone being able to tell that they were absolutely rolling their eyes at that moment despite the distance.

"Well it's good that you're hearing about it now, isn't it?" Relic chimed in, to which everyone else agreed.

"Yes! Shadow! Everyone! This plan you have plotted is quite brilliant, honestly!! If we are to use anywhere to rebuild our once great army, why shouldn't it be a city with "Star" in the name?! And besides, I'd like to think that I've already made a start on something akin to this! You all are aware of the fact that I've already assimilated the Starlight City Militia, yes?" Eclipse continued on with enthusiasm.

"Oh yes, that's right! What a useful bit of leverage!" Relic recollected.

"And my most recent work will do wonders in keeping off that foolish Doctor, too!" Eclipse added.

"Ooh! Ooh! And for the rally, we could attract a crowd by having Roses & Renegades play a show beforehand!" Shadow suggested.

"Well aren't you three being quite productive right now…?" Doom remarked, a sense of admiration coming from his voice.

"I'd certainly say so!" Eclipse responded.

"Goodness, this reminds me of when we would plan out the rallies on PetalBloom!" Widow pointed out, her comment clearly making Shadow feel very proud of herself.

"I concur…" Doom added, contributing to Shadow's sense of pride, which seemed to start rubbing off onto the other members of the hive.

"Yippee!! We're gonna make the Black Arms a big name once more, just like those before us!!" Garrick cheered.

"Oh! This actually has me thinking of something of a prelude into the next part of the story!" Widow said suddenly. "We can still take our little break, but may I tell that first?" She then asked everyone.

"I say yes!!" Garrick answered.

"I'd love that!" Shadow agreed.

"You are the one telling the story, your majesty." Yuki remarked.

"As you had said before yourself…" Doom added.

"Of course, I would love to listen in as I make my way back to the lab. Just let me make sure our plans are not forgotten…!" Eclipse responded.

! One new item added to the Black Arms Information Inventory under "Future Plans" !

"There! You now have the floor, Madam!" Eclipse concluded.

"Thank you very much!" Widow replied cheerfully.

-☆☆☆-

It had been about a week since the rally at the schoolhouse. With how hectic the week following the plaza’s rally had been with so many newly recruited Black Arms taking shelter at Lillian’s place after having abandoned their old residences for whatever reasons they may have had - most of the time it was that they had killed their resistant caretakers, the past week’s focus was to truly expand the Black Arms’ presence beyond the Riverbed Town. Sure, they had already attracted some folks from other towns and cities, but the people from there had to come to Riverbed to be with their brethren in arms, which was the root of the problem as far as overcrowding goes.

Slowly but surely, the Black Arms that had emigrated from other towns moved back to their old residences to spread the hivemind’s influence. A good lot of the Black Arms that were native to the Riverbed Town were also traveling to other places, too. They had come to understand that the cabin was becoming too crowded and desired to help clear out the space, as well as hoped that they could spread the hivemind into parts of PetalBloom that were still untouched by its metaphorical tendrils.

Eventually, the cabin had become a lot more habitable, with only about a dozen members left living in the cabin, not including the leaders that were in there as well - all but Death and Tsunami.

But it was still kind of crowded, at least to Sendrir’s liking.

Despite being constantly made to do such labor all her life by her now late father, Sendrir found herself usually in the kitchen helping Lillian with cooking and/or cleaning. It kept her away from the crowd, at least. Though it also kept her away from her friends and her girlfriend most of the time, which did bum her out. She could tell that they could tell it did, but what were they to do? She figured that she’d just have to wait it out til the last of the non leaders found a place to be other than the cabin.

But for now, she was in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes from the most recent meal. While she was fortunately not too closely reminded of her childhood, she still was a bit bored. So she decided to pass the time by eavesdropping on whatever it was that was happening this time in the living room.

“I was told that it should be any day now that he wakes up, but I just couldn’t stand to see you so upset for days on end like that… So I figured I’d bring you here.” The voice of a man said in a comforting tone.

“I… Thank you… But I’m still… I still feel lost.” The voice of another man, noticeably younger than the first, responded.

“Heh… Sorry ‘bout that, kiddo.” The older man apologized.

“So what does this all mean…? Are you… one of them?” The younger man questioned the older one.

“You’re in a room with several of us, buddy.” A bystander remarked.

“O-oh, um, right. Sorry…” The young man muttered with guilt. “... Is he one of you?”

“Partially. Though even that partial introduction into his body and mind is irreversible.” The older man explained.

“And why should I trust you on that matter? I mean, other than because you’re my boss. How can you possibly have an unbiased viewpoint?” The younger man argued.

“Funny how you’re asking me such a question about this and not about the recent articles I’ve written.” The older man retorted.

“W-well-” The younger man was about to speak, but was interrupted.

“We’re just about ready to go!” A woman called out to one of the people in the room.

“Oh shit! Thanks, honey. I got distracted.” The bystander from before replied.

Shortly afterwards, Sendrir heard the door to the kitchen open. Not putting two together in her mind at first, she immediately lamented to herself about possibly getting an unwanted flirting with when she didn’t pick up the new presence as that of another Black Arms leader.

“No need to worry about that, Miss. I’m a married man!” But when the new person in the kitchen spoke, Sendrir recognized it to be the same voice as the bystander in the living room, and as she turned and saw the bystander for herself, her mind started finally connecting the dots.

“Well if it isn’t Ferosæ the Dragon Trainer?” She greeted him.

“That would be me, yes.” Ferosæ responded.

“So, was the woman I heard out there that wife of yours, then?” Sendrir inquired in a playful manner.

“Indeed she is! She’s just about ready to head back home to Lunar High-Rise!” Ferosæ answered.

“And I assume you’re going with her, right?” Sendrir asked, wanting to mess with the guy while also admittedly being relieved that the cabin was clearing up more.

“Of course!” Ferosæ replied. “Though we won’t be traveling alone, actually.” They then added.

“Is that so? Who’s coming with?” Sendrir queried.

“Lord Doom, Queen Widow, and you! The three of you will be staying in a hotel that us High-Rise Black Arms collectively funded!” Ferosæ explained quite casually, as if Sendrir wouldn’t be completely caught off guard by that answer.

“I’m sorry??? ME??? I-I’m going to Lunar High-Rise???” Sendrir reacted with absolute shock.

“No one told you? Like… Actually no one told you?? I thought you were doing a bit!” Ferosæ questioned, just as surprised.

Just like that, a memory of Doom talking to her about the trip a few days ago came to Sendrir’s mind.

“... I think I forgot.” Sendrir admitted.

“Hey, that happens to the best of us. I was supposed to tell you to get ready like thirty minutes ago but when I entered the living room to get here I ran into another Black Arms with an outsider and it caught my attention.” Ferosæ testified, clearly trying to kill two birds with one stone as he comforted Sendrir as he also explained his lateness.

“Well, we’ve got no time left to waste here talking then, don’t we? Come on, let’s get packing!” Sendrir told Ferosæ, setting down the cleaning supplies she had been using and heading off to where her stuff was.

“Yep! Got it!” Ferosæ uttered, following behind her.

In just a couple of minutes, Sendrir had gone from being bored out of her mind to incredibly excited. After all, she had never been anywhere outside of the Riverbed Town before!

#the era of shadow #teos #sonic au #undescribed #black arms #sonic oc #writing tag #sonic fanfiction #the era of shadow: origins #teos origins #mod ash #mod eclipse

[godstrain]

ok before i get to writing replies, i have to address the whole "wesker but supreme unhinge brain moments" thing that i sorta touched on earlier today?

so, we know that the t-virus really screws things up. basically zombifies them when the host isn't compatible, which is uhhh a lot (except 10% of people have natural immunity and no one knows why, i guess. is this 10% of the WORLD or of people in the USA or... ???? 10% of the world is actually a pretty big number?? anyway) and this can be seen especially in the ... whatsit, beastmaster's notes- the one that describes what the infection process was like, starting with coherent things and ending with tasty. itchy (horrifying! thanks i read it once and will not again for a while!) we also know the virus wesker was given is a modified strain of the t-virus. we later learn that while it resurrected wesker from death by the tyrant, it DIDN'T fully work, because he is relying on the PG67A/W- on top of that, wesker likely had natural immunity in general (i've addressed his immune system in another post)

he needs the PG67A/W to maintain the superhuman abilities he gained from the progenitor strain, but clearly, other shit must've been going on, too.

we know wesker hasn't aged a day since he infected himself. in the concept art for re1 it also says "wesker is surprisingly the same age as barry, 38" which implies wesker looks younger in general, which may be a side effect of whatever else was being put in his body thanks to the project w (fuck that shit, fuck spencer and also fuck the original wesker dude who was leading that project, i wish u a very fucking perish forever). so on the outside, he seems fine.

on the inside, not so much.

while never as drastic as the researchers who were infected and died at the mansion, wesker's brain suffers a similar decay- and then before he really loses all higher thought process, the virus revives the dead tissue. after infection with uroboros, the condition of his brain decay and revival was less severe, but still there. this is where he becomes erratic and rather immature- because parts of his brain are hecking dying. before uroboros, the symptoms would also affect his motor skills- the best comparison i have is unfortunately huntington's disease (i've worked with a patient with huntington's before and i am still devastated and saddened by what i saw), and the difference is wesker bounces back.

he's well aware of this, too, and it's terrifying for him. the episodes of these symptoms from the virus are short, but for the few days that they're there, it's awful (luckily[?] the longest period was four days, and the episodes are spaced out across many months, so it's like once every 4 months this shit goes down). they're his most volatile days and he also always feels like he wants to crawl out of his skin. he knows what's causing this. he did this to himself. post5, he also suddenly has vivid clarity and understanding of what it was like for everyone who was infected and died at the mansion and that sorta haunts him.

on a related note, wesker's strain of t-virus is only contagious via blood. and even then, since it seems to have been modified for him, any person infected would essentially have a rather unpleasant case of something resembling shingles- which will go away! you know, like shingles. although, neuropathy would be a common long term symptom, but otherwise it sucks but not as much as it COULD suck... he can only infect another person with uroboros if he actually attacks them WITH uroboros and most of that virus' power is spent regenerating his body from uhh being in a volcano lmao so i guess people are in the clear there? thanks for coming to my tedtalk

#➤ ONE DAY THERE WILL BE ASSOCIATED WITH MY NAME THE RECOLLECTION OF SOMETHING FRIGHTFUL‚ OF A CRISIS LIKE NO OTHER BEFORE ╱ • • • META ❞ #ask to tag #i know very little about most sciences i guess but ive experienced some real shit so here we go

[corndoggod]

Christmas Letter

For as long as I can remember, my Grandma has mailed a Christmas letter to friends and family far and wide with life updates. In recent years, I couldn’t help but notice my mentions have shrunk to a mere fragment. My brother Ethan still gets a whole paragraph devoted to his ventures as a wildland firefighter crisscrossing the country to snuff out history-making fires. Meanwhile, “Connor still lives in Brooklyn” to use my grandma’s parlance. 

It’s unclear if this sleight of hand from Grandma is passive-aggressive or ruthless editing. Years ago I had “Connor’s still in Brooklyn writing book reviews and riding his bike,” which was basically my author bio at the time. But maybe it’s that my life in the city has lockjaw and I don’t call Grandma enough. 

Anyway, I’ve spent today thinking about Christmas traditions and when I opened the mailbox I remembered Grandma’s faithful Christmas letter. Our holiday game as a family is weak, which is something I do and don’t like. I do not care for all the pomp and circumstance and excess of some families, but I do like making a day feel special through shared labor or chicanery. Grandma’s Christmas letter is special and so I’d like to carry on that torch with a new Christmas letter titled: Still in Brooklyn. 

I decided to stay in New York for Christmas this year. It wasn’t an easy decision, even if it was what I wanted. My Dad had a life-changing stroke in late spring and now lives in an assisted care facility. My Mom sold our childhood home and moved to the burbs with her boyfriend Neil. I moved into an apartment with my girlfriend Celina after living with the boys in Flatbush since 2016. 

Looking back, this was a year of massive change. Relationships evolved, just about everyone I knew moved, health and finance kneecapped me and loved ones, and life felt like it was narrowing for the first time. Which is to say the field of possibilities was shrinking, ambition was checked and life’s habits were fortified, for good and bad. 

The first half of 2023 sucked to be honest. Looking for an “affordable” apartment in New York derailed me and Celina’s life for months, stress-tested our relationship and bludgeoned any notion of living with comfort or longevity in the place I’ve called home for the last eight years. I finally landed a permanent role at my job after multiple contract extensions but was unhappy with where I landed and demoralized after struggling for so long to prove my worth. And then, when apartment hunting finally broke me and my workload reached a new frenzy thanks to blockbuster reporting, my Dad had a second stroke.  

I forgot he’d even had one before, it was so minor. I knew this one was serious when I heard his garbled speech in the background. I knew it was my Dad’s voice, but his speech was so slurred it didn’t sound like him or anyone really. I booked a ticket home the next morning and, for the next two weeks, commuted to Omaha every day to visit him at the medical center. 

Lifelong resentments and deep anxieties slithered around my neck and squeezed me into submission. My Dad’s precarious financial situation, his inability to care for himself and the general disarray of his life were now my problem. That’s how I took it at least. I had help of course. My Mom was there every step of the way, even though they divorced long ago, and my brother flew in a couple of days later. But there was something stubborn and proud in me that wanted to carry more of the burden. I thought about moving to Omaha for the summer. I thought New York long-term was untenable now and here was proof. I could retire to the Midwest where I could care for my Dad, write about it all and Celina could make clothes and art again without financial stress. 

Writing this, it’s crazy to think that last Christmas my brother finally confronted my Dad about being a poor father to us. After my brother’s bravery and my Dad’s obliviousness to any neglect, I was released from the intrusive thoughts and feelings of guilt and anger about my Dad that snared me late at night. Poor Dad must feel so alone. Dad did nothing at all to support me from thirteen onward. So much resentment, shame, anger and embarrassment pinballed around the nexus of my father…. I’ll spare you the details. I’m saving them for a personal essay I’ve been meaning to write for years but never had the courage to be so brutally honest. 

By May, between all the credit checks and gaining power of attorney over my father’s affairs, I fully felt my 30 years and everything a new decade of life brings.

While in the hospital at my Dad’s bedside, a broker called me to offer an apartment he wasn’t going to put on the market. We applied and won it and we couldn’t have been happier. It’s the best home I’ve ever lived in. I wrote about the new apartment here. 

I returned to Nebraska in July with Celina for a road trip through South Dakota, Wyoming and Montana. It was glorious and freeing once I stopped fretting and planning. We got lost in molten psychedelic rivers, fell in love with Big Horn Country, saw old friends. I wrote about that trip here. 

After that life is a bit of a blur. Things happened, but I’m not sure what merits mention in a year-in-review. I’ll be short since this has already run long. 

Late summer was kinder. I signed up for a marathon in October and began training in earnest in late July. This consumed my life for the next three months since I take myself quite seriously. Many thanks to Celina for dealing with my gripes, appetites and Strava obsessions. I didn’t do much else in this period. I watched a lot of movies, improved my kitchen skills and came around to baths, which was a larger recognition on my part that I need to be kind to my body and take rest and recovery as seriously as training. No longer can I run hungover or with burger belly. 

My hard work paid off in the end. I placed 25th in the marathon with a 3:15 time, won a medal in my age group (30-34) and gained the confidence I could qualify for Boston on a flatter course with less workouts missed. Maybe 2024. 

Maine treated us well. We made a trip out of the endeavor and spent a week roaming the coastline with stops in Bangor, where my Dad was born, Bar Harbor, where the marathon was, and Portland, where all ex-New York chefs go to die. Safe to say we fell for Maine. In mid-October, the leaves were primed for ogling. We brought our bikes and took advantage of Acadia’s glorious carriage trails and Portland’s crushed gravel. We ate like kings in Portland. I had two of the best meals of my life back to back (biscuit breakfast sandwich + pastry from Tandem Bakery and then khao soi + ramen from Honey Paw). It was a perfectly well-rounded trip blending physical exertion, nature excursions and culinary delights. We loved Portland so much -- the culinary caliber, the attention to history, the bitter wind and walkability. Unsurprisingly, they too face an affordable housing crisis. 

These are the things that puncture through in 365 days, but they are not the meat and potatoes of a year. Those lie with Celina and Chicken our cat. They live with my notebook and movies watched and reading history. They lie with the coffee I make every morning to NPR radio and the spliff that caps off most nights.

I have just returned from New Jersey, where I celebrated both Thanksgiving and Christmas with Celina’s family. I’d like to import two of their Christmas traditions. The first is that for Christmas Eve dinner everyone has an assigned seat and on top of everyone’s plate is a book wrapped in butcher paper handpicked by her mother. I would like to do this for the holidays and dinner parties. There are few things I love more than recommending books. 

The second is a breakfast feast on Christmas day. We had waffles and sausages, fruit salad and toad in a hole, bloody mary’s and coffee with cream. Breakfast is my favorite meal and what a way to start the day. 

Merry Christmas one and all. Perhaps next year I’ll type this out on my typewrite and xerox a copy to friends and family.

#writing #christmas

[hospitalterrorizer]

dairy26

9/30/2023 - 10/01/2023

went to a drag show tonight and worked on music a little.

the music stuff is pretty light, i started a new song and wrote some lyrics, there's still a riff i need to put into midi and that might be a whole other song, and there's another song / riff i need to fill out. but i think working these 3 new things out, there might be one more short song left to do for the project, and then i think that'd be it for songwriting, or who knows, i should just keep making short songs if/when i feel like it, and finding new ways to do it.

maybe if i write any new long songs, long meaning over 1 minute, i'll just have some stuff for a new ep, or something. i shouldn't get too hasty, album art isn't done even, and all the lyrics aren't fully written either. i should just focus on the songs i have hear and start editing through them, i guess, if i feel like the thing is too long, to get to a better length.

i think i like all the songs though, so i could, at worst, split it into 2 albums or something, if that has to be done. but i've conceived of this as one thing so far.

anyways, the drag show was fine. i saw manila luzon, i'm not super into drag race or anything really, but my gf is so she was really excited/ happy about this. on the way to the bar, there were all these weird business people out wandering around, basically, like bugs, it was really funny, i kept saying loudly how they look like they're ready to make a deal "like that tv show". they seem annoying so annoying them is justified, to me.

i think maybe this monday i will really resume doing vocals again, super excited for that actually, if i can get a couple short songs done then i can work on them through the week alongside some of the older stuff that's pretty written out. there's one song that does need a lot of work still, so that should be done, i guess.

but now i'm so sleepy and spent still from yesterday, i was falling asleep in the middle of the day today.

right now i'm listening to the cobra kai discography comp, really good hardcore / pv / emoviolence stuff, a good break from the way disso stuff usurp synapse do but not really less crazy, it's got a lot of really imaginative bits. i guess it skews a little more emo sometimes in the writing but it's got synths and stuff, i should really pull out a cheap synth for one of these new songs i'm working on, it'd be pretty easy i think cuz basically the one i've got lyrics down for only has 2 guitars, and drums so far, it's also not fully written but now that i have lyrics down i can figure out what will go where and how well that could go. i should also do something where i'm more comfortable with guitar just handling fucked up chord stuff and not really trying to write a riff really, just finding interesting movements and charting them, letting a cheap sounding squarewave synth handle other stuff, and maybe another guitar for squeal sounds. but i can just make the regular one do that.

also today i found out the tuning one of the guitarists in arab on radar used, which was aaddaa, and the high e string used a 13 gauge string and had it pretty low, so it was loose and rumbly. really crazy tuning, i'm interested in trying it (as best i can at least) and seeing what comes out of that. it's hard to do droney stuff w/ midi though. or the guitars i've made at least don't deal with it well.

anyways i really am fucking sleepy, so this entry will be short i guess.

one last funny thing i guess, my gf woke up and told me she had a nightmare where i got ffs (i don't think i'd ever do this) and said i looked like a literally different person and she didn't like me anymore.

byebye!!

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (25/06/23)

a new series and a finale today wao tho next week will be quite busy with 3 anime finales and 1 manga one and the 1 hour premier of the ryza anime let alone any stuff I might catch up to too since I'm on vacation from work, should be fun

blue - finale/completed green - new series/new to me

Anime

Megumin Ep12 (Finale)

I made a TLDR post about it the other day but the show is finally over. As I said a billion times since then, it should've ended after ep6, I felt like everything after that was very weak, especially ep9 when they were just cramming as many konosuba references as possible. As a disclaimer I don't like konosuba or find it funny, I find kazuma, aqua and darkness extremely annoying, tho I like megumin (even if the main show makes her a bit too dumb). "Oh why did you watch the spinoff if you don't like it then?" cause, again, I like megumin and I figured it being a spinoff prequel to the main show it'd be better since she wouldn't be such an idiot, and hey I WAS right the first 6 eps were really good, but as soon as her and yunyun left their village it started going downhill. but ANYWAY. Art/Animation: I know konosuba usually looks like ass but since this was a different studio and all I had some hope but I was wrong. now, it looks a lot better than konosuba but it's still barely animated, the only impressive thing was megumin's explosions but I mean, they better be right? Music: was alright I don't really remember anything to write home about, OP was alright as much as I'd like to praise it more cause I love machico and the ED was really good, always let it play every time Story: story was alright, I wish they stayed longer at the school/village or only arrived at the noob town in the last ep and spent more time traveling different places but oh well. finally the voice acting carried the show HARD. takarie and aki had great performances and stole the spotlight but a lot of the other charas were good too, fairouz ai as cecily and nazuka kaori as arue for example at the end, I wish I could say I liked it more but it simply isn't the case, oh well at least it wasn't a complete waste of time like some other stuff I've watched in the past

Idolmaster CG: U149 Ep11

holy moly amazingly good episode, just WOW, can't really make justice to how good it was with my words. tho I do wanna point out how early in the episode there's a long scene with absolutely no music or dialogue, only sound effects and it was really really good

Mashle Ep11

WOW there was ACTUALLY some sakuga in this anime that's crazy, honestly with how disappointing the anime has been visually, from the start I'd given up hope, I was like "well they'll just have sakuga at the end for the big fights right haha" and then when there wasn't any, even for the razor fight I lost all hope so I was extremely shocked when I saw a clip of the scene linked above getting posted. tho I highly doubt there's gonna be any in the finale, there's gonna be a fight but I don't remember it having anything impressive but anyway. finale next week, which is lining up with the manga finale so that's neat, it was also funny that the episode had the first instance of the victory dance pictured below, when it was also on this week's manga chap lol

Pokemon Horizons Ep12

new milf dropped let's goooo alright episode otherwise, some lore drops to set up the overall plot for the show which is traveling around to find the shiny ray and the rest of the party of this legendary adventurer guy, they found one in paldea and next they're going to galar so I'm guessing there's gonna be one per region, or at least an excuse to travel there, since they've been in 3 so far. tho, ep titles referenced iono in some weeks so they're gonna go back to paldea? we'll see how it goes

Jigokuraku Ep12

decent ep, action was p basic tho it's a cool fight and still better than a lot other stuff. I thought this ep was gonna cover the whole fight, including after daddy shion shows up but I was clearly wrong considering he showed up right at the end. looked at the manga again and now I think it's gonna end on ch44/45 with yuzuriha telling sagiri about ninja genjutsu and how gabimaru's wife might not be real and all that stuff, but honestly that depends on how fast they do the fight cause this ep ended at the end of ch40 so they'd need to do 3 chaps of fighting plus 1 of the aftermath at least... well we'll see how it goes next anyway. hopefully they also announce s2 p soon tho with s2 of jujutsu and csm too it'll prob be a while

Manga

Ice-Head Gill Ch1

the newest series, debuting on jump today. it was.... alright. I quite enjoy that it's based on norse mythology, not something you see often in manga but on the other hand I don't like how young the mc is. "oh but wsj is for kids it shouldn't be that weird" yes yes the same old tired argument, but he's even younger than the usual jump mcs. but anyway, not much to say about chap 1 tbh, the art's not impressive but it is solid and the designs are good, story is p simple, the kid had to flee his home cause supposedly his dad betrayed the kindgom and now after getting his hands into the dad's diary, he's setting off into the world to find him and stuff, p standard adventure manga type of stuff in the vein of red hood or ginka not that long ago, hopefully for the artist it can last longer than those but we'll see

Blooming Love Ch7

cute chap, it started off with them exchanging contacts after the date at the start (moving fast) and then the lad asking his friend for advice about texting since he's not used to it, culminating in him messaging her mistakenly instead of him.. been there brother

Dandadan Ch111

VERY cool chap, the first half had 0 speech bubbles focusing solely on the action, culminating on okarun finally arriving at the battlefield in a cool ass spread, after which the text bubbles started again, the final spread was vey cool too with our cast getting ready to finish up the aliens, really looking forward to next chap since it should be just a lot of cool action

Choujin X Ch38

not only was the chap 50 pages but it also had a TON of exposition so it felt extra long, it could've probably been cut into 2 separate chapters, at the halfway point when they go to the meeting, and we coulda had those chapters more spaced out instead of waiting a billion years for this huge one but oh well

Kaiju 8 Ch88

not much to say about this chap, was just the wrap up of the narumi fight and the start of the hoshina one tho I just wanted to be smug about saying it was gonna be hoshina next on the last chap, very pogged up for this fight I always like his style

ST☆R: Strike it Rich Ch5

nice chap, the rest of the "fight" with nozomi and hina was nice ending with this shot down here of hina lifting her with her leg monka. they also set up the next few opps for hina and hopefully they should last more than just 1 hit so looking forward to that

The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins Ch30

haven't talked about ichinose in a while but it's just been floundering about, rehashing things over and over, we've only had some real developments the previous and this chap with the sota guy from the dream being revealed to be the older brother of the family. should be ending soon now (hopefully) since there's really not much else to cover so that's good

Kill Blue Ch10

uh oh, it's a bit early for you to be figuring that out isn't it? tho the series has been doing quite fine in ratings so I don't think it's heading to cancelation but help but think that when there's a development like this yknow

Witch Watch Ch114

good chap, I didn't expect to get a 1v1 battle arc so soon but I'm really looking forward to this now

Blue Box Ch106

very cute chap with taiki and natsu going back to school after their break and the tension that comes (mostly for taiki) from them hiding the fact they're dating. this is exactly the kinda stuff I was hoping for when they got together so I hope we can get a few more chaps like this. also it's good to see that despite this happening, they're both still focused on their respective sports and the series isn't throwing that to the wayside in favour of romance. tho miura is trustworthy so I wasn't worried

Tenmaku Cinema Ch11

another nice chap but sadly it's still doing p badly in ratings, even with mashle ending next week and ichinose seemingly ending soon I don't know if it'll survive, which is a big shame. can only cross my fingers and hope but not holding my breath

Martial Master Asumi Ch2

oooh, good chap, really keeping the momentum from ch1 that's good that's good. anyway I'm predicting nito is gonna lose so we can get some more backstory™ for okiba but despite losing the dad will still let her participate in that tournament thing but we'll see

Cipher Academy Ch29

good chap like usual finishing up the first class vs class battle with our protags winning without the leaders even having to participate. also wanna praise how good cipher's composition is in general, you can see it in the page I picked but also on the final page of the chap where they introduce class B the next enemies for the class battle. cipher was in the middle of the ratings this week, so I would be p pogged up if next week is the same, giving me some assurance that it won't get canceled suddenly anymore

Sakamoto Days Ch124

nice and action filled chapter, the battle against slur's goons has finally started and with quite the bang, looking forward to some quality setpiece scenes in the next few chaps

Mashle Ch161

next chap is gonna be the last and it's weird seeing it go even if I wasn't here from the start, chap was alright not much to say, just wrapping up the after fight stuff and what was gonna happen with all the people that died and stuff. expecting the finale to have what everyone ends up doing in the future and that kinda stuff

Undead Unluck Ch164

what the hell they made mui busted in this loop let's go, it was always a shame she didn't get to do much til the end in the previous loop. it's a shame 2 of shen's fights against union were resolved so quickly like that but knowing this makes it ok, looking forward to them fighting

The Elusive Samurai Ch115

it's refreshing finally having a full chapter with out protagonists after so long, tho the manga is indeed following historical fact which is quite worrying for our boy tokiyuki. but nevermind all that, a new cute girl is joining the cast and that's what matters baby

Akane-banashi Ch67

EXTREMELY good chap, sheesh akane never ceases to impress me, don't got anything to say other than wow they didn't show her score at the end of the performance at the end of the chap but it'll be at the start of the next one and I'm still very confident in my prediction. this performance being so good just made me more excited for akane's tho, can't wait for it to start

Ayakashi Triangle Ch134

argh quite the cliffhanger to leave on when there's not gonna be a chap next week, good chap tho it was nice seeing shadow mei help despite her still being tsun about it

#quite late today cause I didn't get to watch my shows yesterday like usual so had to do it after reading jump #silver talks animanga

[nammikisulora]

👀

This is an excerpt of a fic conceived as a co-writing project by @maurysiek. A crossover with Rachel L. Hughes' solo album Lolina, it's basically the Mechs retelling their funny death stories. Here's one:

“What about that time on the desert planet with the giant cactuses?” “What’s a cactus?” Lolina frowned. Her limited experience with the botany of, well, the entire universe sometimes led to confusing misunderstandings, and she wasn’t keen on repeating the mushroom incident. Fortunately, Brian just smiled gently at her. “It’s a collective name for a kind of spiky plant that grows all over the universe. I have a couple in another section of the garden, I can show you later.” “Oh, thank you.” She smiled back and turned towards Jonny, giving him an encouraging nod. He flashed his teeth at her before beginning the story. “Anyway, now that we all know what cactuses are, let me tell you about Tim’s very intimate – ow, don’t be so prickly about it, cactus cuddler – encounter with one! We’d gone planetside to check out a planet we happened upon, partly because we were bored, partly because it wouldn’t hurt to pick up some more fuel before our next long haul. Well, the planet as a whole turned out to be a bust, since we managed to land in the middle of the desert instead of close to any inhabited settlements, but it did have some spectacularly huge cactuses with spines about this long.” He held out his arm to demonstrate, and several crewmembers nodded in agreement. Lolina stared at him, trying to imagine plants like that. “While the rest of the crew went exploring to see if there was anything interesting nearby, Tim wanted to do some target practice with more space than aboard, and since the place felt a bit too hot and dusty to go hiking in, I joined him. “We had a pretty good time shooting cactuses, until Tim got a bit ambitious. He picked one particularly huge fucker and started to shoot off all its, uh, whatever they’re called, branch thingies, and then making fun patterns on the stem. You know how he gets when he’s really caught up in his shooting, gets all tunnel vision-y – hey, what is it with you and petty violence today, it’s a common expression! – so he didn’t notice that it was starting to creak quite a lot. However, being the fine arts connoisseur that I am, I didn’t want to interrupt his creative process, so I just hung back and watched, though I did shout when it started to topple. Unfortunately it was too late, and I got a frankly spectacular view of a tree sized cactus crashing down on top of our dear gunner. “He was squished nearly flat by it, and after I dragged his mangled corpse back to the Aurora, I spent the rest of the day helping him pick spines out of his mphmbmphhmf –!” Tim yanked his hand away with a yelp, a deep imprint of Jonny’s teeth at the base of his thumb. “No need to overshare”, he muttered, glaring at Jonny, who looked very pleased with himself. But did keep his mouth shut, despite Lolina’s giggle and Ashes’ snort of recollection.

Thank you, and a happy new year!

#ask game

[inkofamethyst]

May 8, 2022

AHHHHHH SPRING CONCERTS DONE AND I’M FEELING GOOD ABOUT EM

So I was basically at the performing arts center from 10am to 10pm today (except for the brief dinner break) and wowza I cannot express how great of a day it was.

I went home yesterday to surprise my mom for mother’s day and they brought me back this morning in time for soundcheck which was like three hours long, followed by an hour break during which I ate raspberries and pound cake and tried not to fall asleep (apparently this sentiment was felt by many during the first concert).  Concert #1 went great!  My parents attended, they were caught off guard by the solo.  Only a few minor hiccups, but I felt really really really great about the performance.  Went to the dining hall for dinner (plus some headache medicine which did end up being effective), sat with other choir people (and saxophone-guy who, despite his moniker, is also a choir-person), then headed back to listen to the seniors give farewell speeches.  Concert #2 also went great!  My dancer-friend and journalism-friend attended in-person while my photo-friend watched the stream.  Again, not expecting the feature.  Apparently it went well both times, and I’d have to agree (though I will not be watching the recordings for at least five years, thx [edit: just watched it through lol it was... I did okay I think, the choir was GREAT])!  I saw where my dancer-friend was sitting and made eye contact with her once or twice and smiled (which, while entertaining, was not a good idea because I was thoroughly distracted and almost missed an entrance (and this is why I generally try not to take notice of where my friends/family are in the audience)).

BUT my dancer-friend enjoyed it so much that she’s considering auditioning for the choir once she gets back from her study abroad!!!!  I offered to help her learn to read music, but we’ll see.

So I had my last physics homework due tonight and this past week/weekend had just been so busy that I haven’t had the bandwidth to do it, so I figured that I was going to have to get it done after the concerts, and I turned down the invitation to go with the orchestra for their after-concert dinner, but then my cello/journalism/dancer-friends invited me to dinner (with some others who were in the audience for my cello-friend) and I just decided to take the L honestly.  One homework gets dropped, ultimately, and I just put random answers for everything to maybe rack up enough partial credit that it won’t be too bad, but it’ll definitely be below average, that’s for sure, so I anticipate that that one’ll get dropped.  I am so done with these classes ugh

Honestly I knew that I didn’t want to go out with the orchestra anyway.  I don’t know any of them super super well enough that they wouldn’t drain me completely after already having spent the whole day with them.  I mean I was a little drained from going out for “dinner” after concert #2 (I didn’t get anything lol) but perhaps to a lesser extent?  No, that’s not it.  I just didn’t want to be around large groups anymore.

Also I feel like it’s worth mentioning that saxophone-guy and I hugged for the first time after the second concert.  And for a lot of people that’s probably not an issue at all but I’m really picky about touch and he probably doesn’t know and won’t understand how much it meant to me that he asked first.  I have more thoughts but I’ve almost fallen asleep twice now and it’s time that I just go for it.

Today I’m thankful for the performance high.  And I’m thankful that both concerts went off without a hitch.

I’m going to bed.

[spitfirerose]

hey I saw that commissioned art of Ed and Elena from today and I'm super curious about her !! how do you fit her into the timeline of fmab ? is she Ed's twin or is she younger than him ? is she younger or older than Al ? how does she feel about Hohenheim ? what does she think about team Mustang ? what is her role on the Promised Day ? is she an alchemist like her brothers or was she born without the ability ? no worries if you can't or don't want to answer these, I'm just really intrigued by Elena. I don't think I've seen an Elric sibling OC before and I think it's a really cool idea. :)

Hello! Thank you for your expressed interest :D I actually have a whole FMAB timeline that I'll one day transcribe into fic. Elena is the youngest of the three, putting her about a year younger than Alphonse (making Ed two years older). Being the baby in the family makes them protective of her, and so she doesn't join them on their journey until after the Fifth Laboratory when Ed is hospitalized. She's spent all this time at the Rockbell's practicing her alchemy, reading, training -- anything she can do to help out around Resembool. All Elena wants is to be like her brothers, unaware that she *is* enough just by being herself.

Elena doesn't remember much about Hohenheim since she was very young when he left, but the few memories she does possess are kind, at least. It doesn't seem fair to hate him like their big brother does. Hohenheim is their Dad, and she wants to believe he's a good person even though she knows next to nothing about him. It's heartbreaking for him to meet his daughter he never got to see grow up, but there's also an immense sense of pride over the strong, kindhearted young lady Elena has become.

As for Team Mustang, it varies from member to member. Elena has heard numerous complaints from Ed, but thinks they're unfounded. Everyone is kind and respectful towards her (because she isn't Edward, they say), so clearly they must be responsible mature adults. This opinion quickly sours when she goes with Mustang and Havoc to fight Lust and they run away scared. Hawkeye is the ideal role model that gives off Mom Energy. Fuery is a kindred spirit. Falman and Breda aren't really around for her to form an opinion, but they're still cool.

(Speaking of Team Mustang, Elena only knows Hughes for a couple days and grows very attached to him and his family. They make her think what could have been. Nostalgia for a time that never existed.)

Elena's role for the Promised Day is a candidate for sacrifice like her brothers. She participated in human transmutation and paid with her voice, so she uses sign language to communicate as well as simply writing things down in a notebook. This book also contains handwritten transmutation circles until she remembers Truth. Alkahestry becomes an interest of hers since it seems like a very useful skill to learn -- particularly the healing aspect --, and tries to have May and Lan Fan teach her the basics. This is put to the test in the commission art, but as to how that works out....

Anyway I just have a lot of feelings about character growth and development in response to life-or-death situations and trauma :) Thank you again for asking about Elena!

#fma oc #fmab oc #Elena Elric #I have so much to say about my favorite and longest running blorbo #she is baby and also gay but we haven't had the talk yet #there's a very sweet and wholesome slowburn enemies-to-friends-to-girlfriends between her and Lan Fan #i just think they're neat

[lindsaystravelblogs3]

Days 84/85 to 87 – Friday-Sunday, 18-20 August    Warsaw

(Because we were so long in the air and crossed so many time-zones, the title above may look strange, but it really is Friday, 18 August, having transitioned through 17 August some six paragraphs back in my previous post.)

Friday

We planned a lay-day for today – we welcome the occasional day off from the stress of travel and unfamiliar things, so enjoy a day hiding out in our room from time to time.

We had cereal for breakfast, using up the last of what we had purchased in Athens (that was ages ago) and spent a good deal of the morning reorganising, catching up with email, writing and editing photos, and responding to the many emails about the hiccups from the day before.

We went out for a walk at about 3pm and explored a little of our local area and went to find where our tour left from the following day.  We walked through a couple of the main squares and explored some of the old city, and enjoyed a very expensive drink at a little café.  It was quite near a McDonalds, so instead of breaking the bank at the café, we sat and shared some snacks and watched the world go by at McDonalds.

We had bought tickets for a Chopin concert online, but didn’t know where it was – in the Fryderick Concert Hall, but nobody had heard of it.  Chopin was born and lived in Warsaw and there were lots of Chopin concerts on, but nobody knew about this one.  We went to a few places that I had seen advertising Chopin concerts, and asked a range of local people, all to no avail.  We basically gave up, but as a last resort tried the Tourist Information Centre - and although they hadn’t heard of it, they tracked it down for us (back close to McDonalds again) so we ran up there and found it.  It is not visible from the street, in a walled area with a variety of other arts groups, so we enjoyed some free bubbles while we caught our breath and went in and sat down.  The concert was fabulous – some familiar pieces, some less familiar, but the Music Professor who played the piano for us was brilliant and the music was simply rapturous.  It had been hard work finding the place, but worth it ten times over.  A great experience!

It wasn’t a late night so we walked back to our hotel and on to the supermarket we had patronised yesterday – and ate spicy noodles in our room again for dinner.

Saturday

We had breakfast in our room and were out before 9.30am to ride the HOHO bus for which we had purchased tickets.  We rode the Blue Line first and it was pathetic.  The driver was clearly in a hurry and we were often well past a memorial or notable site before the commentary told us that ‘you are now approaching the site of……’  The whole thing was farcical and not worth a tenth of what we had paid.  All HOHO buses worldwide offer a 10% discount if you show them a receipt from a previous excursion – but in Warsaw, they don’t honour their promise for some reason.  But the driver asked if we were seniors (do we still look like teenagers) and agreed to give us the 10% seniors’ discount anyway.

We Hopped Off before the end of the line and went to a big shopping mall where we had lunch – but not before walking all over the place looking for a sporting goods store that sold hiking stick tips.  We eventually found one and bought six tips - a good job too, because we have already used four of them.  We then had lunch at a Japanese restaurant – and very nice it was too.

We rejoined the Blue Line after quite a wait and rode it back to the starting point where we joined the Red Line.  That was considerably better than the Blue Line, but had the problem of driving down several streets with healthy street trees that slapped the unwary in the face of those sitting in the unprotected top level of the double-decker bus.  That has been a minor issue on other HOHO buses, but with so many more green spaces in Warsaw, it was a much more significant problem here.

Toward the end of our ride, the clouds became ominous and we thought we might have had to retreat to the crowded downstairs level, but we made it back to the terminus free of rain.  In fact, despite another fierce afternoon thunderstorm, there was very little rain, just a few spots that had no impact at all on us.

We stopped in at a different supermarket a little closer to our room for more water and then ate dinner in our room, serenaded for at least two hours by an electric harp and a cello, played by a couple of young women we had seen a couple of times in our travels.  They were playing in the restaurant below our window.  It was quite delightful.

Day 87 – Sunday, 20 August 

We had a walking tour in the morning that actually extended to 2pm, by which time we were glad to be able to sit down and have something to eat.

It was a good tour with quite a lot of walking, but we saw some interesting things.  One was the house where Marie Curie was born and raised – almost diagonally across the road from our hotel.  We also saw a great statue of her overlooking the river and a large area of parkland. 

Our guide told us a lot about the horrific carnage that occurred in Poland, and especially in Warsaw, over centuries, but focussing largely on the German, and subsequent Soviet, slaughter and destruction during the Second World War. 

There was a short-lived (2-month, mainly Jewish) uprising against the German Occupation and Himmler instructed that every person in Warsaw should be killed and every building destroyed as punishment and as an example to the rest of the world that Germany was willing to do absolutely anything to gain its objectives in the war.  Hundreds of thousands were shot or taken to the nearby concentration camps to be exterminated, and every building for kilometres around was blown up.  We saw photos of the utter destruction brought about as a result of the decree.  Once the Soviets took over, they were as bad, and Warsaw was almost wiped from the map within a couple of years as a result.  Hospitals and churches in particular were targeted and everyone who could be found was murdered.  We saw lots of evidence of the damages and  even saw a pit-cover in the middle of an intersection where many of the Resistance accessed the sewers in an attempt to escape.

The manhole cover in the middle of the intersection through which some of the Resistence fighters eascaped into the sewers. The lower of the two street signs on the building (on the right) was somehow used to indicate to the escapees where the escape route started.

We went to the Military Cathedral towards the end of a church service and saw more evidence there.  There is a very long memorial chapel with more than ten thousand names inscribed – all of them POW officers captured by the Russians and then shot in retribution for their army beating the Russians in a skirmish a few years earlier. 

The names of more than 10,300 Polish POW officers are inscribed on these walls, all murdered on Stalin's orders in retribution for embarassing the Russian army in a defeat a few years earlier.

It goes on, but certainly Warsaw’s history must be one of the most bloody and horrific of any anywhere in the world.  Yet today, so much has been rebuilt as close as possible to its original state in defiance of the treatment the city suffered.  The Warsaw population, almost within our lifetime, has suffered the most ghastly persecution, desecration and bloodshed, it is hard to believe.  It certainly brought home to me in a new way the evil that men can inflict on others for no reason other than that they can – and so they do!

Our tour took us across the city and we saw where the Jewish Ghetto was, and how the Germans progressively reduced its size and hugely increased its population with no increase in food supplies so thousands starved to death.  The horror stories go on – and on and on…… and almost every time we stopped to look at a building or a plaque or memorial, further atrocities were revealed.  It certainly made me feel sick that individuals in my own species could act as they did, knowingly and wilfully, for years at a time.

We walked to a wonderful area of parkland where hundreds of people were picnicking in anticipation of an outdoor Chopin Concert to be performed an hour or so later. We didn't dally, but walked quite a long way through the park, learning about more of the history and monuments we saw along the way. We saw the former King's modest palace and the much more opulent governor's shed and eventually returned to the centre of the city.

Our two-and-a-half hour morning tour finished at about 2pm and we were released in the centre of the city to enjoy quite a sober lunch.  I tried a local specialty called Lard – and it is really slightly flavoured lard.  I ate a little, but couldn’t eat more than about a third of my serving.

We called past the supermarket for more drinks on the way back home and had a nap after all the walking we had done.  And we ate in the room again at night – with no delightful serenade from the restaurant below.

[feowsties]

01/12

ALWAYS SHOW UP!

Today is officially paint day! I know I wrote yesterday na magp-paint ako, but oh well, I was kinda asleep basically the whole day so.. had to call for a bit of a rain check there.

Anyway, I tried sleeping early last night (and I failed miserably..) I remember trying to fall asleep at around 2 AM or barely before and listened to insomnia music or some shit. I was about to do a workout, kaso I had to eat sandwiches because I was hungry AF, and my tummy was crying for its dear life. Ilang beses din nawalan ng power last night (super irritating), and poor me trying to spend time with TJ got any time spent because pawala-wala ako sa Discord. Anyway, I woke up this morning at exactly 5:20 AM, which means I slept for only three hours last night. I tried sleeping pa rin, kaso wala na talaga, edi I scrolled through my phone na lang. I went to Shopee, and tried searching for gifts for TJ's birthday. May nakita naman ako, but I'm terribly confused huhu. I don't exactly know what to pursue, but I was thinking of that cute line art I saw. I'm currently listening to electric guitar covers of various songs on Youtube as I write. Side note: my laptop is getting laggy na. I think this calls for clearing up my storage (and I definitely think my phone needs that din).

Anyway, here's a list of things I hope to be able to do (or start) today:

-Definitely paint my table pink :)

-Try to learn something sa guitar (Shinunoga e-wa is good, I think)

-Do and finish a workout before bed and yoga/pilates for healthy sleep, then shower

I was supposed to go sa Alupay para mamiesta, but IDK tinamad talaga ako. All of a sudden, I felt like NOT GOING. Probably because Macon wasn't going din, and Kaela pa, so nakakatamad talaga. Not that I don't want to spend time with Roma, but syempre iba pa rin 'yong feeling kapag complete kayo. Also, may class pa ako at 9 AM sa Phys Ed. IDK why I'm nervous, pero I think valid naman.

Anyway, I hope to continue developing this mindset of "Always Showing Up". This shortly means committing to something every single day even if it means it's slightly shorter or different each day. For example, you commit to working out every day. All of a sudden, tinamad ka, but to make sure that you develop discipline, you sneak in at least five minutes just so you know you accomplished something off your list today. Very inspiring actually. I hope to stick by that everyday, especially writing in this journal.

I have to hop out na. I don't exactly have to, but I just want to. I don't feel like writing na any longer. Tomorrow uli!

Feow <3

[consistent-self-destruction]

feeling good again yayayayay

i just left my bestfriend a whole ESSAY that i should've just written here because it was basically just me mind dumping my thoughts and using them as a human diary which i should stop doing but it feels good to tell them everything in my mind because they understand it all so well. i cant even tell you how good that feels. to share pieces of your soul with someone and they hold the pieces like "yeah this makes sense, nice :)." like !!! i love them so much. shout out to my bestfriend. im sorry im an idiot who talks too much and tell you things that literally dont matter and ramble on about those stupid things in a million pointless words that all say the same thing. im doing it again !! but i love you. thank you for always understanding.

anyways now i'm just going to copy and paste literally everything i texted them, to here :) just for documentation purposes. i like what i said and what i thought and i how i feel today so, here it all is <3

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.

i wish i could live a life of slow mornings - mornings where i wake up early and take care of myself taking my time as if it doesnt exist. the whole morning hygiene routine that leaves you all refreshed and awake but not in an alert way - awake in a gentle "im here living" kind of way. and then you take your time making the breakfast that you like, and feel good when the eggs turn out picture perfect, and your tea is warm and sweet even though you put too much honey. and you eat in the living room and watch an episode of gilmore girls and you're surprised at how much you like the show because it's mundane and a little boring - but it relaxes you and lets you slow down so it does you good. and then the episode's done, your plate is empty, and there's nothing in your mug but a used tea bag now. so you turn on some music, put the dishes in the sink, open up every single window in the area with the lights off so all the light in the house is soft window-shade filtered sunlight, and you get to the dishes and take your time because dishes are not to be half assed and you always like to clean them thoroughly. you wipe down the counters, take out the trash and everything just feels calm and healthy and life is subtle and refreshing. i want a life of slow mornings.

i think that's a way of life for some writers honestly and it sounds so nice. because all you have to do is write - so you're not obligated to anything or anyone but your own space and wellbeing that nourishes your ability. every morning can be a slow morning and your days are spent writing wherever you want to write. and when you dont feel like writing for a while, you have time to do anything else - create things, be with people you love, take a break from a self indulged life and live fast-paced for a second of change at a club or a party that's fun and exciting and energizing until you've had enough and it's time to be slow-paced again. life as a writer seems so flexible and i like that - i'm a flexible person. i need a little change every now and then. sometimes i like to live fast paced and wild and free. and sometimes i need to slow down and breathe and make art and take care of myself and my space. i like a life with option and versatility and that kind of freedom.

rah i'm human diary-ing again sorry, but just one more thing i promise !!! gilmore girls <3 it's really well loved in all the aesthetic communities that are about productivity and soft things and romanticizing your life ( academia, coquette, etc ). i thought it looked boring so i didnt bother but i kept seeing it everywhere so i decided to try it. and i was right it IS boring. its got conflict and its plot points ofc, you need that for any show. but the way that it's executed in the show is really lowkey. it doesnt make a huge deal out of dramatizing the conflicts. it just shows them for what they are and takes you through the life of this girl and her mom. i thought i wouldn't like it because of that - i usually like shows that have driving plots that make you addicted to watching because it's exciting and i like a show to get lost in, a show that makes me feel a rollercoaster of things. and gilmore girls isn't that. but i do like gilmore girls surprisingly BECAUSE it's the opposite of that. it's so calm and just about regular life that it's relaxing to watch. it slows you down and brings you down to earth, instead of making you sit up in bed for the 5th time after falling back a bajillion other times because you're so invested in the excitement of a storyline. it's a nice breather, a slow-me-down, and that's something i didn't realize i needed in terms of media content ? i realized that i dont consume a lot of that kind of media. the fast paced plot driven shows / movies i DO like to watch are def fun, but i'm realizing now that they're not really healthy for me. i alr have anxiety, so those shows only spike my heart rate. and then i get addicted to watching them and end up binging a 4 season series in 3 nights which isn't healthy for obvious reasons. i binge because i'm so invested that i NEED to watch the next episode to see what happens next because whatever DOES happen next will be portrayed in that dramatic fast paced nature that gives you that adrenaline rush. but in gilmore girls, because they dont dramatize their conflicts, you dont get any adrenaline from the plot so you dont get addicted to watching and it's easy to stop yourself after an episode. it's easy to self discipline which is something i need to get better at anyway. so that's really good for me. that this show can slow me down and help me self discipline and still be interesting as much as it is mundanely relaxing. i like it :) OKAY IM DONE

[ plans 4 today bc i feel good and capable :) ]

- finish the last of my laundry sob

- sheets on da bed NEOW

- vaccuum my room asf

- driving permit study outside bc i need to go outside more

[ things i have POTENTIAL for ]

- maybe teach myself to cook one of the meats in the freezer ?????

- "deep" clean my room and the general house ( it's nothing too crazy, but everything could use a nice fresh-me-up wipe down yk )

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.

and yeah, that's pretty much everything rn :) as always there are of course other stressors and things in my life right now - but this is what im thinking and feeling right EXACTLY now, so this is what i have to say right exactly now <3 NOW ( LMFAO ) i am going to put on some music !! put away this laundry !! put in another load !!! vacuum my mattress because apparently that's a thing you can do ?? put some SHEETS on this bare ass bed. vacuum / mop my room. snack !!! and study for my driver's permit outside because sun is good sun is love sun life. and then maybe if i still have energy, i'll do a "deep" clean of my room and the house, just making sure everything's wiped down and really fresh. and i can potentially try to learn to cook something new from the freezer. we'll see !! but for now: music and laundry asf <3

- 8.6.22 | 10:09 AM -

[percymakesgamesnow]

First day!

I got this new laptop all up and running; all the keys work and it doesn't wheeze like an asthmatic pug so that's awesome and helpful. Installed GameMaker Studio 2 and started working through their Little Town tutorial to learn to make adventure games.

I really enjoyed the entire process, honestly. It took me the whole day to get through the first module, but to be fair I kept procrastinating and doing things like making this tumblr and stuff. The code was surprisingly fun, but the moment it started to feel like math I definitely felt my brain cave in a little bit. Today I covered making objects, sprites/spritesheets, rooms, and all that cool basic jazz. The product at the end of the day is a little girl running around a field whose sprite changes based on movement/idle and direction! The camera follows her, keeping her centred until she reaches the sides of the field where it'll stall which is cool. There's also several barrels in the world that AREN'T floating, they're always on the correct side of the player and it's sweet! There's also a very cool feature where reality has no borders and the little girl can run endlessly into the void without the camera following her, lost in the aimless unseen abyss: endlessly free and neither living nor dead.

I'm really really excited to get good at this stuff. I predict that I'll struggle most with art, and then code. I think I have a good brain for code once I get the fundamentals, but it'll definitely take a while. My background is in music and I've been into game design since I was a wee lad so I'm very excited to get into those aspects. Genuinely game development has been one of my dreams since middle school and I couldn't be happier to finally be getting into it. I'm such a goddamn tryhard I took physical notes in a notebook as Tutorial Man was talking. We'll see how long that holds up.

I have no concrete goals for games I'd like to make, but I think that's honestly a good thing. I'm definitely the type of person to get a vision and be a perfectionist about something, and that feels antithetical to learning this stage of the game. I have ideas for games all the time, and my brain is full of "oh shit would that be cool" ideas every day, but when it comes to actually applying them??? Whose to say. I'd definitely like to make some kind of dumb iPhone game to pay tribute to my adolescence spent reclined in a Junji Ito spiral playing MegaJump and Cut The Rope on the bus ride to and from school. I'd also like to make a roguelike since that's probably my favourite genre. OH also I'd love to do an adventure game with snarky charming writing and a million little details I get to procrastinate with making and the player gets to explore, I love that shit and that's what I made back in my RPGMaker days. Definitely gonna do a horror game someday too, though I'm a big ol' baby and scared to make one bc I don't want to playtest it lol. Also I've had an idea for a few years to make a stealth game where you're trying to get your shopping done while someone you know from high school is in the store, which isn't fleshed out beyond that idea but could be fun. I have so much excitement in my bones to get into GameDev, and I'm sure as I become more proficient I'll be doing it nonstop; my biggest hurdle right now is not knowing what tf I'm doing.

Anyways, not sure what I'll do tomorrow but I'm trying to make time to practice art more frequently, since that's definitely gonna be my biggest obstacle for solo development. Art is such a huge part of how a game feels and is received, and it's possibly the thing in this world I'm worst at. I'm very excited to get into this leg of my life, and I'm nothing but optimistic about the future. I get excited and obsess over a new hobby probably twice a month, but this really feels different.

[sangled]

obsessed with the moschino spring 2022 collection

#moschino #jeremy scott #fashion #fanart #sang art #i found an easian girl in purple right as i was finishing the trio and i wish i could've found her sooner #anyway this is the art for today. spent basically the whole day on it #100n #500n #1kn