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queenforanight · 6 years

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Jessica Over The Years

This blog is coming up to 8 years old in February (I think?) next year. It’s not exactly a significant milestone and I only spent about 4 years actually working hard on my pictures and content, but I wanted to take a quick look back at Jessica during the past 8+ years.

As I’m sure some of you are aware, I started crossdressing long before I started the blog (another 8 years extra I think), however I didn’t start doing makeup or using wigs until shortly before the blog went live. I guess you could say I had a bit of experience, but mostly I was still a newbie to all things feminine.

2010: In The Beginning

Did I really wear that dress with those boots? AND RIPPED TIGHTS?! Eurgh...

Meet Jessica long before she even knew she was Jessica. This picture was taken a few months before I started the blog and long before I developed any kind of fashion sense or skill with makeup. I don’t think I even bothered putting foundation on...

I guess this is how a lot of us start out though. We’ll throw on a dress (that was borrowed), some feminine shoes (also borrowed), maybe some jewellery (definitely borrowed), try our hand at makeup (guess what? Borrowed) and finish it all of with a wig (NOT BORROWED! It’s actually my natural hair at the time). Some of us might get lucky and look good first time...

Or you could be like me where you look a total mess and don’t realise it until you look back 8 years on.

So what’s so important about this picture? It’s something I always look back on to remind myself of how far I’ve come.

To this day I’m still riddled with doubt and voices telling me “you’re shit at this” that I can do better. I can definitely do better, but it’s good to know that I’ve improved over the last 8 years. I’ve also put on a bit of weight but OH WELL.

2010-2012: Finding My Balance (in heels)

Who needs a dodgy wig when you’re own hair looks shit enough as it is?

Yep, still no wig. I always convinced myself that my hair was long enough to not need one (ignore the fact that it took several hours and a the heat of a volcano to get straight....), but eventually I decided that I was never going to look feminine with my own hair. Not because it doesn’t actually look feminine, but because I’m so used to seeing my hair like that anyway.

At least here I can say that everything I’m wearing in this picture is 100% mine (maybe not the hairclips...). I still wouldn’t say this is the height of fashion (please don’t look at the heels, I was poor and needed something pretty), but it’s good to see that within just a year or so I had already developed some kind of fashion conscience.

This was also when I started becoming more confident about people knowing about Jess (she still wasn’t called Jess though...). I had already told my housemates, my partner, and a few others, but I was getting more comfortable about telling complete strangers or close friends who had no real reason to know.

2012 - 2014: Gurl You Dead Or Something?

I joke, but in reality Jess was nearly dead...

This was a really hard time for me for so many reasons. I finished university in 2012 and moved back home to my parents. Pretty much everyone who knew about Jess lived nowhere near me and I no longer had the freedom to dress up whenever I wanted.

All my dresses and makeup were thrown into a box and hidden away; I rarely updated the blog because I had no new content, and for a long time I wondered whether or not I would ever see Jess again.

And that’s when Moon came along.

I actually met Moon in 2009. She was on the same course as me at uni and she was also my housemates girlfriend, and she also knew about my crossdressing hobby. After uni we still kept in touch, however after her and my previous housemate split up we drifted apart a bit.

I don’t remember whether I messaged her or vice versa, but we decided to have another dress up night. Something where we could reconnect, dress up like old times and just be bitches in general.

This is also why it’s so important to have a gal pal when it comes to dressing up. If Moon hadn’t re-entered my life, I honestly don’t know whether Jess would still be a thing. Moon not only gave me the confidence to keep the blog going, but she was also a constant source of inspiration and made me want to improve my makeup and fashion skills further and further.

This part does have a happy ending too. After just one night of dresses, wine, and the usual stupid shit we always ended up doing (there’s a video of me somewhere wearing an Alice in Wonderland outfit while singing ‘I’m a Little Teapot’. It will never reach the light of day...), we reconnected and have been great friends to this day. In two years time, I’m happy to say she’s going to be a Groom’s Maid at my wedding!

2015: Jess Is Finally Jess!

I gained a sense in fashion as well as a few stone in weight. AND MY HAIR STILL LOOKS SHIT!

Fast forward one year and I finally decide to give myself a name! I wanted to pick a name that I liked, but also wasn’t shared by any of my close friends. Eventually I narrowed my choices down to Jessica and Blaise, and decided to go with both!

It felt like a really insignificant detail at the time, but by giving myself a name I had actually committed to treating to crossdressing as more than just a hobby, it was a lifestyle.

By the end of this year I had reached over 1,000 followers on the blog, created an Instagram account and had come out to all my friends. Considering the year before I was thinking about packing it all in, this felt like a huge step.

This was also when I started to come into my own. After 5 years of trying so many different dresses and outfits, I had finally found a style that I enjoyed and could work with. All I needed now was time to practice and a bit of money to actually buy the clothes/wigs I wanted (the wig I’m wearing in that picture was binned after that night... I don’t think I need to explain why).

2016: Time To Make It Big

NEW WIG! NICE HAIR! FINALLY! Only took me 6 bloody years.

2016 was an extremely strange year for me. I think I had about 3 different jobs within the year, brought a house with my (now) fiance, and had my close friends asking about Jess. All this meant that I didn’t have too much time to spend on being Jess, but at least the option was still there for me.

However, there were 2 odd things that stood out more than anything else to me.

First of all, I somehow hit 10,000 followers at the end of the year. The year before I was gobsmacked when I hit 1,000, and I genuinely thought it would take another few years before I even reaching 2K.

Reaching 10,000 followers made it feel like everything was worth working on, regardless of how much effort I had to put into it. It also felt like I had stopped being a learner and started being a teacher of crossdressing. I found myself asking less questions from others while answering more to people who were just like me 6 years prior.

The second weird thing was making a deal with JustFab. I already used their services for clothes and heels, however one day after tagging them in a post I was approached with a minor advertising deal.

I doubt I can legally go into what the deal was, and to be honest it wasn’t as good as it sounds, but it was such a shock to realise that I was being asked by large brands to help advertise their wares into a new market. I would never consider myself a model, but if I’ve ever felt like one, it was during that moment.

2017: Jess Goes Public

OK this specific picture was taken in my back garden, but you get the idea...

My friends had known about Jess for just over a year at this point; most of them had met her at private parties and a common questions I was asked was ‘Are we going to see Jess soon?’ I was finally in a position where I could be Jess freely without worrying about restrictions on privacy or judgement.

I could have just left it at that and stayed in my comfort zone, but I didn’t come this far by playing it safe and I wasn’t going to stop there. I decided that Jess needed to experience the world outside of her house.

The first experience was Kinky Boots, and later on in the year DragWorld UK. I’ve already written about both these experiences (and you’ve already probably read them) so I won’t bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that Jessica was met with great reception and I now wonder why I hadn’t done it sooner.

I’ve spoken to hundreds of people while out as Jess, and so far I’ve still only met one who disagreed with what I was doing. I even bumped into people who follow my blog and recognised me! Goes to show that you don’t know you’re famous(ish) until you know you’re famous(ish).

On top of that, a long term project that I had always dreamed about finally became a reality: Gender Mag.

The magazine is still running after 3 months, which I’m taking as a good sign. It doesn’t have any near as many subscribers as I was hoping for, but we’re stable for the time being. Hopefully with a bit more hard-work, some more placement advertising, and a better platform to work off of, it might become the success I dreamed it would be for the past few years.

You Can Shut Up Now Jess

I know I know, I have a habit of making extremely long posts detailing every little thing, but I only do it to show the changes and improvements you wouldn’t normally see. A picture tells 1,000 words but 1,000 words tells a story.

I won’t go into the usual ‘why this is so important here are some bullet points blah blah blah’; you’re all smart enough to figure it out for yourselves (I’ve not exactly been subtle about it anyway...).

However, I will say one thing. I get a lot of messages from gurls saying that regardless of how much they work on their makeup they still think they look the same.

When scrolling through this post did you notice a difference in skill from one picture to the next? Probably not. But if you look at just the first picture from 2010 and the most recent from 2017, you’ll notice a huge difference (I’m gonna put this below so you don’t have go all the way back to the top).

This kind of work doesn’t happen over night. Some people might be able to manage it months but I’ve found that it usually takes years, and even after those years you’ll always find something you could improve on. You may not notice it because the differences are so gradual, but if you looked back 8 years into the past, you’re bound to see a big change.

I’m actually going to shut up now...

- Jessica Blaise x x

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jo-the-schmo · 7 years

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Breaking... Ch.2

A/N: Part two is finally done and it’s pretty long! I have no idea how to make links so if someone could message me and tell me how that would be apreciated ;-; Once I figure that out I’ll put one to part one on here so that no one has to go through my blog. Anyways I hope you enjoy! Here’s all the people who asked to be tagged, if you would also like to be tagged then just shoot me a message and I’ll add you in the next part! @iamnotthrowingawaymyshit @renae-writes

ok this is my attempt at trying to link this to part one

Part one

Word count: 3965 (oh)

Warnings: Anxiety/Panic attacks, allusions to sexual assault, more cursing(there will never not be curing)

Breaking Promises

There was no way, this was literally physically impossible. No Y/N, what are you crazy? Of course you didn’t travel back in time! There had to be some sort of explanation to this! Yet for some reason you couldn’t help your mind wander to that possibility. What if you had actually gone back in time? How would that even be possible? What are the consequences to you being here? How much have you changed by just breathing where you weren’t supposed to? More pressing, how would you get back if this was all real? This couldn’t be real, maybe you fell in some weird coma dream after that guy shot you. Hell maybe you were dead. You hadn’t even noticed how tight you were clutching your chest, how heavy and painful your breathing was.

Everyone had their eyes glued to you, Eliza was holding onto your shoulders to help you stand. Angie and the two little boys looked scared about what was happening. Alexander looked like he was trying to keep his composure but his eyes were searching for answers. You could see their lips moving but it took a few moments before you could actually hear them. Eliza’s voice flooded over you first, it sounded diluted, almost washed out.

“Y/N! Dear, you’re safe, you have nothing to fear.” Her voice snapped you back slightly, only enough to the point where you could actually look at her. She was simply glad that you were finally being responsive.

“Yes, that’s it now. I am here, we are here. I’m going to count; focus on what I’m saying. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf…” She kept going, your head bobbing ever so slightly to the numbers but every time you thought you were about to calm down another thought came to mind. What if I really am dead? If I’m not, then how do I get back home? Can I even get home? Am I stuck here for the rest of my life?! Eliza looked over at Alexander frantically, he looked you in the eyes as his voice replaced Eliza’s. His was more clear than Eliza’s was.

“Miss Y/N, if you can hear me I would like to ask you to please nod your head.” You were able to do so and nodded slowly, a small bit of relief could be seen in his eyes.

“Very good, now take a deep breath with me.” He breathed in and you were able to shakily follow along. Eliza joined in with her husband, her voice was no longer hushed like it was before. Her voice was soft and comforting, she was a mother after all. A good one too if we’re being historically accurate. She was able to guide you through breathing well enough as to where you no longer were shaking, that was good. You fixed your posture and Eliza loosened her grip on you, for the first time in who knows how long you were able to speak.

“I’m, I’m sorry…” Your voice was feeble and weak, everyone’s gazes softened.

“Do not worry dear, you have nothing to apologize for.” Eliza said reassuringly.

“I have not seen anyone react to anything like that since the war. I do not know exactly what I said that upset you, but you should not be sorry, if anything I am sorry.” Alexander stated, his eyes completely focused on you to ensure that you wouldn’t regress. You nodded along, your head aching, not quite the same way it was earlier but still debilitating. You rubbed your forehead with the palm of your hand before taking one last deep breath. Okay, this is real, at least in some capacity it is. I really don’t want to think I’m dead so I should put that thought on hold for now. I’m standing in front of Alexander Hamilton, the very first Secretary of Treasury, the guy on the $10 bill. If I really have gone back in time, then I have to be careful. I could literally change all of history if I meddle around at all, hell even existing here is probably screwing everything up. Stupid Butterfly Effect. You made a silent promise to yourself to not break history; it was probably for the best anyway.

Opening your eyes, you saw Alexander and Eliza standing in front of you with worried eyes and downturned lips. These people, they don’t know who you are or how bad is it that you’re there. They don’t know anything about you and yet they treat you like a dear friend. You at the very least needed to thank them.

“Mr. and Mrs.…Hamilton I, I just wanted to say thank you for helping me, you know, calm down. That hasn’t exactly happened in a while…” You weren’t lying, it’s been a long time since you had a freak out like that. Not since graduation if I’m remembering correctly.

“My dear, there is no need to thank us. But you seem to be under a lot of stress, perhaps you need to take a break?” Eliza asked. Are we running away for the summer to go upstate? Shit, Y/N this is not the time for musical references! Pull yourself together! You allow yourself a moment to scream internally before responding.

“That won’t be necessary, I’ll be fine in just a second. Maybe we could sit down or something?” Wow that sounded dumb. Nice job trying to deflect yourself from the situation!

“Yes, perhaps that’s-“ Alexander started to speak before he was interrupted by a familiar, female voice.

“My apologies Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton but I wanted to inform you of Philip’s arrival…” Rachel locked eyes with you. “Miss Y/N! What’s wrong, did something happen?” She asked worriedly. She was standing in front of the now open front door, you could hear the sound wheels and some odd clacking from outside.

“Yeah, I’m fine Rachel, don’t worry.” You smiled at her meekly. Just as you were finishing your sentence a figure stepped up behind Rachel. He slid past her in the door way and his eyes scanned the room, his gaze finally fell onto you.

“Ah, Philip! Back later than usual aren’t we my son?” Alexander interjected with slight suspicion. Eliza patted him lightly on the arm before smiling at the young man making his way towards us. Wait… Philip? As in Philip Hamilton, the ray of sunshine in the midst of darkness? The sweet sunshine boy!

“There he is! My drop of sunshine! How was class today, love?” Eliza beamed. Oh praise we were right! The name is canon! His eyes never left you as he made his way over.

“Fine, class went well as always, mother… More importantly however, who might this lovely lady be?” Oh, of course this is coming from Mr. Let’s-strip-down-to-our-socks. I may indeed look good in my frocks but it is not happening today sir! He stops in front of you, holding out his hand with his palm facing up. He bows lightly and introduces himself.

“As for myself, I am Philip Hamilton.” He spoke with a slight chuckle and a sly grin. It took a second for you to realize you were supposed to give him your hand. You placed your hand on his palm, raising your hand to his lips he pressed a ‘polite’ kiss to your knuckle. This cheeseball really thinks he’s being slick, huh? You did your best to keep a straight face.

“My name is Y/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you, um, Philip was it?” You tried to hint that you were not interested. He stood back up with that grin still plastered on his face. You could finally get a good look at him as he stood in front of you. His slightly curled hair paired with the freckles splattered on his face reminded you of a piece by Jackson Pollock. Autumn Rhythms. His clothes were similar to his father’s but with color and fit were slightly different. The color itself was interesting, from far away it seemed to be grey but up close it looked to be more of a dull cyan.

“Yes, it is Philip, and if I may be so forward I’d like to say that your name is quite possibly as lovely as you.” This little shit, sunshine my ass, more like fuckboy. Wait a second was he the original fuckboy? Oh God no The Founding Fuckboys. You decided to stop thinking about that and try to look as serious as possible for someone thinking of ‘The Founding Fuckboys’ as a phrase used for the fathers of our country. You pulled your hand away and folded your arms behind your back, giving a sardonic smile towards his general direction. Alexander cleared his throat.

“Philip, my son, we were discussing some rather pressing matters before you arrived.”

“Oh? What matters exactly?” Philip questioned.

“I believe it would be best for us to sit down at the table first, supper is ready after all.” Eliza touched your arm gently before turning her attention to Rachel, who had stayed surprisingly silent throughout the conversation. Both of them turned to head down a separate hall, Alexander and the children followed them and just as you were about to join them Philip tapped you on the shoulder.

“Miss Y/N, as the eldest son, it would be politest of me to escort you to the table.” He held out his arm for you to take. Seriously? Okay, at this point this is just getting ridiculous.

“Thank you Philip, I’m sure it would be polite of you to lead me down a hallway, but I can walk myself just fine thank you.” You started to walk away with a bit of annoyance, you stopped and turned to look back at Philip. He looked shocked, not upset or angry, just shocked. You decided to add something to even the playing field slightly.

“Also, Mr. Hamilton, calling me Miss seems a bit formal. Just call me Y/N, after all I’m probably around the same age as you.” Although you were still a bit annoyed by his previous attempts to flirt when you clearly weren’t interested, you couldn’t help feeling a little sorry about how dejected he looked. You gave him a friendly smile and you could literally see his shoulders relax. Wow, was he really that tensed up? His surprised expression was quickly changed to one of intrigue. He folded his arms behind his back and spoke up once more, even his voice sounded more relaxed.

“Very well then… Y/N, forgive me, my behavior was not very becoming of me. If you could find it in yourself to pardon me for my actions, then I would be greatly appreciative.” His voice was softer and genuinely apologetic.

“You’re forgiven, now we should probably follow the others. Don’t want to miss dinner right?” You chuckled and turned back around to walk down the short hallway. Philip jogged up to walk beside you, a soft laugh escaping him as he approached. The two of you walked toward the dining room, Philip making offhand jokes about his parents along the way. Everyone was already sitting and adjusting themselves to be more comfortable by the time you had gotten there. Angie’s head perked up when you stepped into the room and when she noticed Philip at your side a mischievous grin replaced her innocent smile.

“Ooooh! Philly’s found his beloved!” She teased happily. You couldn’t help but laugh at her antics. What did Alexander call her earlier? Sunshine girl? Yeah, she’s the real sunshine in this house.

“Angelica, please, it’s rude to insinuate such things.” He buried half his face in one of his hands, you could tell he was a little embarrassed. Oh siblings, the only people who are allowed to ruin your day. You walked to an empty seat at the table, Philip was about to pull the seat out for you but he stopped himself.

“Sorry, force of habit.” He shrugged with a smile before making his way to the other side of the table to sit across from you. You shook your head and rolled your eyes. Well, at least his little shit levels are manageable. What a dork. On the table you saw some sort of bread? It looks like bread but it’s got a funny shape to it. A few older women came out of a set of doors, their clothes were similar to yours and they were carrying bowls in their hands. A bowl was set down in front of everyone, when yours came you could finally see what it was. Some kind of stew? Honestly why am I surprised, New York was prominently Dutch during the colonial era. Wow I really am majoring in history aren’t I?

“Y/N dear, I know you’ve been having…a rather trying day so you do not have to tell us what happened quite yet. But if you think that you are well enough then we will listen.” Eliza cooed. What happened? What is she… Oh shit this is bad. I showed up on their doorstep with blood pouring from my head and definitely not wearing the proper attire for the century. Not only that but I’ve been saying things willy-nilly, how the hell am I supposed to explain my situation? You looked up to see Philip staring at you, not so much at you actually but at the bruise on the side of your forehead. Did he not notice it until now? Okay, if I tell them I don’t want to talk about it I’ll just have to do it later. I need to think of something now while I remember everything I’ve said in the past few hours. Come on, four years of Drama Club don’t fail me now! You took a deep breath to ease your rapidly beating heart.

“It’s fine Eliza, it’s probably best to get this off my chest now rather than later.” You cleared your throat. Alright, keep it simple and easy to remember.

“I’m from upstate New York, although I haven’t lived there for some time. When sickness came through downtown, my father decided I was to move down to North Carolina. I’m the only child that survived to adulthood so it was rather important that I stay as far away from the illness as possible.” Yes! Off to a good start! Everyone at the table was fully invested in what you had to say. They know that I can read, that’s what Eliza meant when she said she was surprised that I was educated. Only wealthy people were well off in education. I’m going to have to explain that.

“Honestly, my father is the one to thank for my wellbeing. He insisted that I have the best education; my mother was educated as well. I learned to read and write. He also made sure I had an appreciation for art as well as music. Though I must confess, I always had an infinity for politics and history. And my father indulged those interests.” Alexander seemed to take the most interest in what you were saying. Shit, I’m running low on ideas… Okay, Okay, what’s left? How I got here and why… Grand Finale I guess? I don’t know what to say… Fuck, this is going to get personal, I have no other options here. You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Unfortunately, my parents passed from the disease last year. Land and money can’t be passed down to unmarried women so once word of their deaths went around I had several…visitors.” Damn it all.

“There was…one in particular that was, uh, a bit more aggressive than the others. I came back to try and get away from him but he found me. I was lucky to escape before anything really serious could happen.” You couldn’t help but look away from the eyes staring at you.

Eliza was the first one to break the silence. She swiped at her eyes and, after clearing the lump that formed in her throat during your story, she pushed her chair back and rounded the table to get to you. Eliza enveloped you into a warm embrace.

“Oh, you dear, sweet child. How horrible! No lady should ever be put into that situation. And no gentleman should ever press his advantages. I cannot even imagine! No wonder you were in such a disarray when you arrived.” You were taken aback for a moment but you couldn’t help it when you hugged her back. She pulled away and smiled warmly, smoothing down your hair with one hand. Alexander slowly stood up and walked to stand beside his wife.

“I believe I speak for all of us when I say that we would be honored for you to stay here with us.” He said with a proud smile. How are they so nice? Eliza nodded in agreement.

“Yes, Alexander is right. We’ll have a room set up for you in no time.” You didn’t know what to say for a second. You felt guilty for lying to them, even if they weren’t total lies and you knew you couldn’t actually tell the complete truth. All you need is a place to stay until the threads of time shove you back to the time where you belong. Until then you need to lie low and try not to destroy the space time continuum. Easy, no problem at all.

“You’re too kind to me Eliza, thank you both so much.” You smiled as wide as you could manage but you knew your eyes were still downcast.

“Now I’m sure none of us want to exhaust you anymore so if you need to talk to any of us we will gladly do so. For now, let us all relax and eat supper, you must be starving dear.” Eliza ran her thumb across your cheek before her and Alexander went back to take their seats. You sat down and looked at the seat across from yours. Philip sat silently for a second until your eyes met. He didn’t look at all like he did earlier, no cheeky grin, no playful shine in his eyes, it was all replaced with something that resembled being distraught. He mouthed a sentence to you so that no one could hear him.

“May I speak with you later?”

“Of course, Philly” You mouthed, giving him a weak smile. Eliza and Alexander sat back down in their seats, an oddly comfortable silence filled the room. You looked around to make sure there wasn’t some specific way to eat the food, you settled with just trying to eat it as quickly and quietly as possible. That was kind of hard though, once you took a bite you realized how right Eliza was. You felt like you hadn’t eaten in days. Eliza filled the silence.

“Alexander, love, how was work today?” She smiled at Alexander, he didn’t seem to be happy though.

“He doesn’t even have a real job… Washington should have done something about him.” Was all that you were able to comprehend through his angry mumbles. Eliza heaved a sigh.

“We talked about this Alexander, John Adams has a job. And while we’re at it you must remember that George is no longer in office, he is back in Virginia, Adams is our president now.” Eliza explained. Wait, didn’t he say earlier that he worked under Washington? How can he work under him when Adams is in office?

“Betsy, I refuse to accept that that man is the leader of the country I fought for! He’s arrogant, ignorant and anti-charismatic!” Wow, he really didn’t like Adams did he? I guess I can’t blame him too much, no one really liked him as a follow-up to Washington.

“If that scoundrel thinks that he has the right to call me “Creole Bastard” than he is utterly mistaken!” Alexander spat. That fat motherfucker. Eliza coughed, practically choking on the tea she was sipping, Angie was staring at you with wide eyes, Philip and Alexander had wide grins stretched across their faces. Philip actually looked like he was trying with every ounce of strength in his body to not laugh. Why are they all looking at me like that?

“What did you just say?” Alexander asked with a sort of twinkle in his eyes. Oh no, what did I… Shit did I say that out loud?

“Uh, what? Did I say something?” You shoved a piece of bread into your mouth so that you wouldn’t be able to say anything else. This isn’t good, not only did I just make a reference out loud but it was also something that you probably didn’t hear women say! Nice job with trying to keep a low profile Y/N! Alexander and Philip both started to laugh hysterically.

“A fat motherfucker? That is a rather astute way to describe him actually!” Alexander howled.

“That is quite the slur, I have never heard someone say something such as that so casually!” Philip snorted. Eliza slapped Alexander on the arm and stared menacingly at Philip.

“Alexander! Do not use that sort of language around the children!” I never knew that you could yell quietly until now, Eliza you truly are impressive! You haphazardly ate the bread that was in your mouth, everything was happening so fast, you didn’t even realize how red your face had gotten.

“I am so, so sorry Eliza! That was extremely improper of me!” Eliza shook her head, giving another sigh.

“It is alright Y/N, my husband and son are also at fault for reacting in such a way. Dear, would it be alright if I asked you to watch your speech, at least around the little ones.” Her voice wasn’t quite unpleasant in that moment, it just sounded like a mom who wanted to make sure her children didn’t say something wrong. Which is exactly what she was. How do mom’s sound so nice yet so threatening at the same time? You nodded in a rather exaggerated manner.

“Of course! No problem at all, I’m really sorry…” You ran a hand through your hair to shake it out slightly. Note to self, never cross Eliza. Mom skills too great.

Supper finished relatively quickly after that, Angie and the little boys from earlier plus one more you didn’t recognize were the first to scamper off. Eliza stood up after a little bit and excused herself, she said that she would be in the garden for a little while. Now that you think about it, even for the time period, her clothes were still a bit off. Her dress was almost flat in the front, not figure hugging like most of the clothes in the 18th century, in fact the cloth seemed to pull away from her body. Weird. Alexander coughed softly to get your attention.

“I apologize again Miss Y/N, I promised you talks of literature during supper. If you would like you may join my son and I in the study. Not only can we discuss Shakespeare, as my daughter has told me you enjoy, but we might also converse on our…mutual distaste for…President Adams” Alexander’s voice strained as he said the last two words. Philip looked at you expectantly, he gave you a comforting smile.

“That sounds wonderful, I’d love to join you.” You sat up from your seat and began to follow Alexander down the hall. You matched your pace with Philip’s so that you would walk side by side. He looked down at you and nudged your arm. Looking up at him to see what he wanted he turned his gaze away, pretending he hadn’t done a thing. You chuckled softly and repeated what he did, he gave you a similar response.

All I have to do is not change history, simple right?

#hamilton #alexander hamilton #eliza schuyler #hamilton fanfic #philip hamilton #gonna put more than one ship cuz I'm still confused a little #hamilton x reader #philip x reader #lafayette #he may show up soon #mulligan #time travel au #hamilton the musical #thomas jefferson #oooh that foreshadowing

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justauniform-blog · 7 years

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The Story So Far

Lets just start by saying Happy New Year! I hope you’ve all had an amazing start to 2017? The New Year sees lots of us looking towards the future, fresh starts, resolutions and lots of positivity, which of course I love. However today I wanted to look back! I think it’s important to take the time to reflect and give yourself a pat on the back for all that you have achieved! I say, if you can’t blow your own trumpet, who will? Seriously though, this isn’t a look at what I have done brag, but a refection on the journey that the past year has been. I’m hoping it will inspire you to follow your dreams and do what makes you happy.

So yes, that is what the past year has brought me, happiness. Wind the clock back a year ago and I had just left my full time job, a job that had quite frankly zapped the life out of me (more on that here). It took me a good couple of years of well considered thought to come to the decision that I needed leave. So by the time 2016 came and my three month notice period was over, I just knew that I had made the right decision. There was going to be no looking back, quite ironic given this blog post, but alas, I had mixed emotions. I was excited, a new venture, I felt free. But in contrast I had a little bit of the good nerves, the unknown, relying just on me, myself and I to make this happen. I just knew it was going to be A OK, I had a good feeling but there was no certainty.

The Decision

This photo (captured beautifully by the husband) above is literally the moment I decided to leave teaching and become a blogger. Yes we were in paradise, yes we may have had rather a lot of Prosecco, but I just knew it was right. This was what I needed, this was me!

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Now it is no secret that pre justauniform I was no stranger to posing in front of walls. I was known for making my friends take poor quality photos of me on my iPhone 4. I’m looking back now and questioning why I did this? I didn’t even know that blogging was a thing, I always dreamed of working for a fashion magazine, but it was simply that, a dream. I suppose now I think about it, I liked documenting my outfits. Friends, then strangers, then even brands (thanks Monsoon) starting commenting and reposting my pictures. It got me thinking, I liked it.

The real turning point took place on the day of the picture in the pool (above). I know what you’re thinking, go on what happened? Well I watched IRIS, her love of fashion mimicked how I felt, how it made me feel excited. I loved how she didn’t care what the world thought about how she dressed, she dressed her way because well, she loved it. Watching her documentary made me realise what really made me happy, fashion.

The Change

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So yes, my appearance has changed! I’ve had my nose pierced and I’ve had more hair colours than you can count on your fingers. This isn’t just about the look though, this is about me being able to be me. Being able to express who I am. The six years previous saw my colourful personality being chipped away at, as the years went on I could hardly recognise myself. No make up, hair that only saw a salon if I had time (and I never had any of that) and clothes that were worn due to convenience. Forget all of that though, one huge thing was missing, my smile!

This year has given me my energy back, I’m smiling and I’m back to being who I want to be, the bonkers, crazy, slight screw loose, me.

The Journey in Photos

This is the very first photo posted on justauniform.com. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I found a doorway (that’s what I thought bloggers do and I wasn’t wrong), coerced my friend into snapping a few pics on my phone for me, and got to putting them up on my shining new site for the whole world to see.

Lesson number one was learnt here, if the shoes are high, bring spares to change into. Anyway, off I hobbled ……..

This is my very first professional shoot, it was with my photographer and very good friend Samantha Taylor. On this shoot I discovered my love of colourful street art as backdrop. I am still absolutely smitten with this shoot.

Lesson number two, if you are lucky enough to find a great photographer, that not only takes good picture but you gel with, treat them like royalty. You need this to create a successful shoot.

The photos Sam has of me when I’m dying of laughter are under lock of key, I have to pay her in good coffee to not share them with the world.

This is my most recent shoot, if you read my last blog post or follow me on Instagram you’ll know that I am now obsessed with this wall.

This leads me nicely onto lesson number three, create the images that you want. It is your blog after all.

It is so so tempting to get feed envy (yep this is a thing) and try and imitate another. But seriously, DO YOU! What is the point in doing something somebody else is already doing? The bloggershere is becoming more saturated by the minute, if you want to be noticed, you need to create your own ideas.

The Experiences

It’s not until I got thinking about what I’ve been able to do this year, that I actually took a step back and thought, wow, you’ve been one lucky lady. From my very first press event to attending both London Fashion Weeks, each and every event has given me something. Firstly pure joy, I mean how exciting, a brand wanting me to attend their event? But secondly, connections, no matter how small the event, it has been 100% been worth attending.

I remember being so nervous attending my first press event, I had images of the Devil Wears Prada. You’ll be pleased to hear my worries were not needed, everyone I have come across in the blogging world is pure delight. It’s like we’re all in it together, one big happy fashion loving family.

Before we go any further let me take this moment to tell you my favourite part of the past year, FASHION WEEK! To me it is the most wonderful time of the year, I absolutely love it. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, “It makes me feel alive.”

What have I learnt from attending blogger events? Be the best kind of you, friendly, grateful and bring business cards, lots of them! That reminds me, I need to get ordering some more.

This year sees me attending fashion weeks across the globe, be sure to follow my adventures on my youtube channel. Cheeky plug there, but if I can’t do it here, where can I?

The OH MY GAWD Moments

Does this section need much explaining? I hope not! That is me, yes me, next to Emma Watson on Pretty 52’s feature on rose gold hair. ACTUALLY CRAZY!! My friends were tagging me saying, “Siobhan, it’s you.” After 2 hours it had been shared 21 THOUSAND times. I’m still getting my head around it to be honest.

My favourite shoe brand asked me permission to use this photo on their newsletter and I nearly died. I screamed so loudly that Jay (my husband) thought something terrible had happened. It hadn’t.

The Luckiest Girl in the World

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I can’t get over how many brands I have been privileged to collaborate with. From the small independents to the world wide mega brands, all have been an absolute dream, they’ve taught me something along the way and made me, as a blogger, improve.

My only advice here is only work with brands who like what you are doing, essentially, your brand. I am a colourful blogger. If I start posting minimalist monochrome photos and raving about Scandi style, all because I’m being paid to, then I have completely lost sight of why I went into this in the first place. Yes working this way means that it takes that little bit longer to build your blog, but trust me, it’ll be worth it.

Take Solarium Point, for example. I love that place, they are phenomenal, collaborating with them is an absolute breeze. Do I find it hard to promote them, no, I could do it all day, every day. Why? Because I truly love it there and I believe that you will too. I rave about it way more than I’m asked to because I love it. Have I said that I love it? In all seriousness though, could you imagine if I raved about getting my hair done at a salon, then you got your hair done at said salon and it was awful? What would that do for my rep? I never want to be responsible for hideous hair, point made.

The Future

So what does 2017 look like? There is travel, lots of it. New collaborations with some phenomenal brands are on the horizon. New blogging friendships are blossoming and really who knows? I know everyone says this at the beginning of a New Year but I’ve got a really good feeling about 2017.

Looking forward, here are a few quotes that I live my life by.

Your vibe attracts your tribe.

Be a radiator, not a drain.

You only get what you give.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this rather lengthy post (even by my standards).

Wow, what a year it has been!

See you next Saturday for the usual fun filled fashion blog post.

Big Love,

Siobhan

What a Difference a Year Makes The Story So Far Lets just start by saying Happy New Year! I hope you've all had an amazing start to 2017?

#blog #blogger #fashion #lifestyle #new year

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