#anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them

[hexados-on-a-string]

spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.

#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me #its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying. #its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through #its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them #i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway #something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else #its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and #im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts #anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them #ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously #but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free. #i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me #i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me #idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst #they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much #i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT #also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon #who is also one of my favourite characters ever #and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool #im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but #i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus #anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially #i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy

[princess-of-the-corner]

lol I want to elaborate on that "Ed goes undercover" fic I dreamed up so rip me and my usual productivity!

this happens when Ed's like 13 I guess?

Anyway some shit happens and the military has to investigate a middle school. My dream was vague but I remember a something about a drug ring. Weird but it was a dream. 

I'm running with it and tweaking the idea.

So like, someone is using the students as a delivery system. Sneaking product or money into lockers with a note on instructions of where to deliver, and threats of what would happen if they don't.

One kid reported it to her parents, who happen to be military people who can begin the investigation. 

They think sending in undercover agents would be the best way to investigate without tipping their hand. They want to have someone investigating as a teacher and a student, as they would have different access. 

Usually the 'student' would be just some short and babyfaced military person, but since they do have an actual 13 year old on payroll, special requests are made. This isn't Ed's usual type of job, but you know. 

So yeah Ed's a little upset about the undercover thing especially because he's not the best actor.

However, everyone's expecting him to throw a tantrum over the fact that it's an all girls school with uniforms that include skirts.

But he's chill with that.

Until he realizes everyone expects him to be upset and is like "am I supposed to be? What's wrong with me???"

Some elaboration on "baby's first gender crisis".

Yeah Ed's initially chill with the "pretending to be a girl and wear a skirt" thing. Then everyone expects him to be upset. At first he questions why he would be, then he questions why he isn't. 

And then when Ed first sees himself in the full disguise... he actually likes it. Combined with the previous stuff, it gets really confusing for a while.

Though this being Ed, he doesn't talk about it to anyone. 

That said, the confusing stuff gets worse as time goes on in the disguise and he realizes he's okay with people thinking of him as a girl. 

Back to the undercover stuff!

They don't send him in entirely alone, because they have an undercover 'new teacher' as well.

Which is Hawkeye posing as the gym teacher.

I chose Hawkeye because

out of the main cast she's the least suspicious and

while it should be one of the people who usually handle these cases, Mustang kinda takes over after they make Ed get involved because he wants to make sure the kid is safe. (No there's no parental instincts involved with that! He just doesn't want to deal with the paperwork if Ed gets killed!!).

I'll explain the Gym Teacher thing later. 

Obvs Ed has to have some fake identity.

Not only because, you know, pretending to be a girl.

But also even just the last name might connect back to him and blow his cover.

I remember a lot of genderswap Ed stuff back in the day using "Eden" and while I think that's a dumb fucking name, it's exactly the kind of bullshit Ed would pick.

Not sure on a fake last name outside of making a 'Nancy Drew' joke.

Another part of the undercover thing is the Safehouse.

Since people would notice if ‘Eden’ goes ‘home’ to either a military building or a hotel or something, they have a safehouse set up for him to stay.

And of course, since anyone going to said house to investigate, or even if one of the teachers assigns a group project and Ed has to play along, they’d expect a family.

So you have Mustang playing the role of ‘dad’, which of course has nothing to do with any parental instincts!

Fuery’s also there, though his cover story is ‘uncle who just broke up with his gf and is staying there after she kicked him out’. Though his actual job is to keep Ed and Mustang from fighting because Hawkeye doesn’t trust them alone.

Fuery also helps Ed with the ‘being a girl disguise’ because fuck you Fuery is trans now so he knows the most about teenage girls.

He also picks up on Ed’s whole gender thing and tries to tell him ‘hey if you want to talk about this, you can talk to me’, though Ed doesn’t quite pick up on the hint.

Anyway, at the school, only two people know about the undercover thing.

One is the principal, who was very concerned for her students and allows this all to go down. While she doesn’t contact Ed directly, she’s there to bail him out of trouble if he gets caught.

The other is the student who reported this shit in the first place. I'm calling her Jessie. 

Jessie's job is to help Ed blend in as a student and "normal girl".

Initially under the guise of "showing the new student around" and then pretending to strike up a friendship so 'Eden' doesn't seem suspiciously antisocial. 

Okay. So the reason that Hawkeye’s the gym coach

Since Ed can't usually investigate stuff during class, they have him skip this class.

According to "Eden's" file with the school, she has a doctors note to skip gym because of the Automail. Supposedly she's been cleared for general walking around, but strenuous activity like Gym would be harmful.

So since 'Eden' would just be sitting in the bleachers all class, the 'coach' gives her a pass to study in the library. 

Of course Ed spends that time poking around. Trying to catch someone outright opening lockers and setting up deliveries, sometimes checking storage closets or empty classrooms.

If he gets caught he pretends that he's just a little lost. 

One obstacle Ed runs into is another student named Amber.

Amber is your typical mean girl

And of course, Ed being Ed, he stands up to her.

Which infuriates Amber and makes her target him.

Ed easily brushes off all her attempts because he has so much more to deal with and her insults don’t mean much to him.

Which then gets Amber to get more frustrated as all her usual tricks don’t work.

It quickly turns into a weird rivalmance

Ed’s a little oblivious to that

Amber’s confused because she thinks Ed is another girl and is like ‘wait, am I gay???’, which adds to her frustration with him.

So there’d be a lot of shenanigans that I won’t go into here, but would go into if I wrote this out in full. But it’s mostly Ed getting to be a normal-ish kid, and also a little bit of gender crisis because said ‘normal-ish kid’ is a girl. Along with various middle-school drama. 

Anyway, one day on Ed’s investigations he notices a Teacher doing some weird shit and decides to investigate.

He starts by breaking into the classroom to search, with his usual ‘sorry I got lost/I was looking for something I dropped earlier’ excuse at the ready

Unfortunately, Amber followed him, she finds him suspicious and also their rivalmance is a thing.

He catches her following him, but she threatens to go to a teacher and report him breaking into a classroom.

So he’s like ‘fine, follow but stay quiet.’ While he doesn’t explain in full yet, as he doesn’t trust her, he does tell her to look for anything suspicious.

They find another of the delivery packages in the teacher’s desk, though this one is addressed to Amber, which freaks her out.

Despite none of the girls other than Jessie coming forward, rumors had been going around so Amber was able to connect the dots.

At some point during this, the teacher comes back.

They get caught, then knocked out.

When they wake up, they’re both tied up in a supply closet.

Ed easily gets out, as his hands were tied in a way that let him access his Alchemy and easily break the rope.

He unties Amber, but has to take a minute to calm her down because she’s in full panic attack.

Luckily, well, unluckily I guess, Ed has experience in calming down from that and can help.

They go to escape and run into the teacher again.

This time, Ed’s not caught by surprise and is done fucking around.

Alchemy time bitch!

Ed goes to try and call Mustang, but it turns out that he’s already there.

Jessie alerted him when Ed disappeared, so they knew something went sideways.

They both end up going with Mustang to whatever military bullshit to give statements.

Ed explains the whole thing to Amber on the way.

Amber is fucking reeling at all of this.

She doesn’t voice her confusion of ‘Wait, we had a rivalmance. And I thought you were a girl so I had a crisis over liking girls, and . But now I know you were a boy so does that cancel out that, or do I still like girls?

While there, Amber mostly sticks by Ed because he’s the only one she knows.

Well, she knows Hawkeye because she was the gym teacher (and now Amber knows that was a cover too). But while she’s nice, Hawkeye’s a little too intense for her.

But they end up talking a little until Amber’s parents get there.

Also featuring the Rivalmance going somewhere and we get Ed’s first kiss.

Said rivalmance doesn’t go much further than that though but still it’s a Moment™

#fma:b #baby's first gender crisis

[odderancyart]

Man... aro stuff is hard. Especially because it’s a different experience for everyone. As someone who’s still questioning, I was hoping perhaps you could write something where a character is still unsure whether or not they’re aro? (i.e. “I really like this person but I can’t tell if I’m attracted to them romantically/sexually/platonically and now I’m questioning myself”). Uh... Swap Papyrus, maybe? Only if you’re comfortable, of course! I completely understand if not. Thank you! ^_^

Not quite what you asked for, but I had to draw from my own experiences realizing I’m greyromantic. I hope it’s enough! I do love talking about this, wrote a full memoir on my realizing I’m aro-spec for a writing class.

How wouldit be to date Edge? Stretch wondered as he watched his counterpart dealout the cards in the game of poker he was playing with Razz. It was a goodwhile since he had learnt not to playpoker with a Fellmonster. Every single one cheated. So much. It was part of thegame for them. Never again, that was for sure. He curled up on the couch,leaning his arms and head on the backrest, tilting his head.

They’d kiss, he imagined. Go on dates – dinners, maybethe movies. Cuddle up on the couch. Edge was an attractive monster, there wasno arguing that. And none of those ideas were unappealing.

Only, they were so familiar.He had thought the exact same thoughts about Muffet before he realized he wasn’tinto women, though the thought of kissing her never seemed like it’d be nice.He’d thought them about Slim, and Dogamy back before he married Dogaressa, and evenGrillby, who he didn’t particularly like. Mostly tolerated, since he was a goodfriend of Blue’s. Hell, he’d wondered the same about people he’d known for acouple hours and found agreeable enough. Was he just a huge romantic?

But as familiar as the thoughts were, he had never…well, never desired it. Oh, he wantedit well enough, just for the principle: all those things about romance soundedso nice. Being someone’s favourite person, knowing they’d always be there, makingit official with a wedding. Who didn’t want to throw a huge party like awedding anyway? But there had never been someonehe wanted it with. He just. Wanted it.

His gaze wandered over to the other skeleton. Razz’spoker face was immaculate as he placed his bet. The purple of his magic wasbright in the dim room, and also he was a handsome monster, just differentenough from Blue for Stretch to being able to regard him as attractive. On thesurface, Razz was a terrifying monster, even more than Edge. Because where Edgewas, when it came down to it, someone who would always choose mercy overviolence, Razz wasn’t. Razz cared about a chosen few and everyone else was littlebut pawns or threats to him.

Nonetheless, Stretch had seen his softer side. Heshifted, pulling the fleece blanket over his shoulders. He’d seen Razz patch uphis Chara while they were screaming in pain, gently reproaching them for doingsomething dangerous. Seen him cuddled up in the couch with his brother, fastasleep, content and safe.

The idea of being the one to bring out that softness…yeah, he liked that. But as pleasing as the thought was, he didn’t feelanything more. Once when he was ateenager watching his classmates date and hearing them babble on about love, he’dasked his older brother what it felt like to be in love. Terrifying, Blue had answered him back then, but in a good way. You can’t stop thinking about them. Your stomach ticklesat the mere thought of them. You’re almost euphoric.

That sounded nice, Stretch admitted. The idea ofromantic love sounded nice, and sometimes it made him sad that he’d never experiencedit – or maybe he had, and he just hadn’t noticed? There were certainly peoplehe loved to spend time with and missed as soon as they disappeared. Blue hadalways been so exuberant; maybe his way of feeling love was as well.

He just. Didn’t know. Because how were you supposed toknow if there was an absence of somethingyou didn’t know what it was? Red hadlet him know about the word aromantic.And maybe, that was what it was. But how was he supposed to know, when what he was looking for was alack of something? He’d realized hewas gay because he felt attraction to men, he wanted intimacy with men. Thathad been much easier than to recognize if he didn’t feel something, especially something as abstract as romanticlove.

It had been easier for Red, because Red just. Didn’tgive a damn about anything romance. As he said, “I don’t feel it and I don’twant it. That mushy shit ain’t fer me.”

But Stretch wantedthat ‘mushy shit’. Even if he wasaromantic, he still wanted to be someone’s favourite person, he still wantedsomeone – or someones – to spend his life with. It didn’t have to be romantic, he’dcome to realize the past few weeks, ever since Red gave him that word, but itwas… difficult, to imagine it as anything else when he had never seen anyone dosomething like that without romance being involved. He threw a reproachful lookon the television.

It was supposed to be an adventure movie, all aboutancient temples and escaping the evil grave robbers. Yet here the maincharacters fucking were, kissing in agoddamn life or death-situation. Itwasn’t strange that these reflections had just spiralled out of nowhere: they’dknown each other for like a week and were already ready to die for each other.In what reality did that happen?

Sighing, Stretch sank back into the couch, playingwith the cigarette package in his pocket. Maybe it did happen. What the helldid he know? Absolutely nothing.

Stars, why was this so confusing?

#askfic #aromantic awareness week #aaw #underswap #us papyrus #my writing #aromantic

[imogengotdrunk]

Sooo I've been lurking around your blog for a while and your Love, Simon post has finally given me courage to ask about Gavin and RK's wedding (because honestly, I've been wondering for a while). Please tell me it would be incredibly sappy and induce a lot of happy tears.

Hello, Anon! Never be shy to ask! I’m normally slow to get around to answering, but I will answer eventually. And this is definitely something that I’ve thought about, as well!

Short version: Gavin would be in a gay panic for the entire time leading up to the ceremony, Tina would be on ‘keep-everyone-in-line’ duty, Hank would probably spend at least some time at the open bar, and the whole day would run smoother than clockwork because R.K is painstaking when it comes to having a schedule of any kind.

I’ll put the more detailed version under the cut, because I may as well have written a fucking fic – and I still might, at that. But I hope this answers your question for now, Anon!

(I warn you and apologise – this is seriously fucking long because I like weddings. Sue me. And I wanted to include a few headcanons that I don’t think I’ve mentioned before, and this seemed like a good opportunity)

THE VENUEThey probably wouldn’t get married in a church. I know that loads of churches offer services to same-sex couples nowadays, and I hope that by the 2030s-40s, this has only expanded. But human/android weddings might still be a touchy subject in a lot of places, even years after the revolution. Plus, I’m not sure whether Gavin or any of his family are religious or not (I HC his mother as being quite traditionalist and conservative, but not for any religious reasons I don’t think).

So I think they’d get married somewhere relatively familiar and probably understated. Gavin wouldn’t really give a shit at the end of the day, though, let’s be honest; he’s getting fucking married, who cares where, right? And as long as they’re not eloping to Las Vegas or anything too spontaneous, R.K’s content with whatever venue Gavin decides on.

And they don’t need anywhere huge, because they’re both pretty private and tight-knit people – guests would be family and close friends only.

-

THE GUESTSGavin’s dad is the first person to be invited. The poor guy’s had to stand back and watch his only son get his gay heart broken time and time again. But now Gavin’s finally bagged himself a fiancé – a 6ft tall, well-spoken, model-handsome, police officer fiancé, who looks ready to straight-up murder anything that might pose even the slightest threat to Gavin Reed. So, naturally, Mr. Reed’s the one who gives Gavin away on the big day, and is very, very happy to do so.

Tina Chen’s the maid of honour, of course. They don’t even ask her – she just immediately assumes the position and drags R.K away to begin the wedding preparations.Every cake-maker, florist, and bespoke tailor in Detroit are now terrified of the two of them. While Tina and R.K are quite different people, when it comes to Gavin Reed’s happiness, they’re similarly and meticulously ruthless. On the actual day, Fowler’s tie clashes with the colour of the roses, and he only needs to glance at the expression on Tina and R.K’s faces before he’s subtly tugging it off and hiding it away in his pocket, where it will not make an appearance again today, so help him God.

Connor is ringbearer (he’s the only one R.K trusts not to lose them), and Hank is R.K’s best man. Everyone expected it to be Connor seeing as they’re practically brothers, but R.K asked Hank specifically. When asked, spluttering and incredulously, ‘why in hell d’you want me to do it’, R.K simply replies, ‘because you’re the best man I know, Lieutenant.’Hank spends the rest of the day in a stupor before making a silent vow to be the best goddamn best man in wedding history. He even gets a hair cut when the big day comes around – and Connor can confirm that he looks very dashing in formal attire.

The Jericho crew – Markus, North, Simon and Josh.Something I haven’t touched upon yet in any of my trash – I headcanon R.K and North to be very good friends. R.K has a rocky relationship with Markus (Markus overrode his programming to make him deviant, and R.K punched him in the face in response), but he absolutely adores North. They’re both candid, no-nonsense, and have the same kind of dry humour.In-game, North’s always been the most forthright of Markus’ companions – she wants to get the job done in the most straightforward and efficient way possible, and this is definitely something that she and R.K have in common. So R.K wants her at the wedding, but he knows that by extension, he has to invite Markus, Simon and Josh as well, because they’re kind of a package deal (I HC something polyamory going on between Markus, North and Simon, and Josh is Markus’ right-hand man in almost everything). R.K likes Josh and Simon well enough, and can be civil with Markus when the situation calls for it.

Kara, Alice and Luther – Another thing I don’t think I’ve mentioned before, I also HC Connor staying in touch with Kara following the revolution, since he seemed to genuinely care about her and Alice after he became deviant.They’re still living in Canada, since I can’t see them moving back to Detroit after everything they went through to get across the border. But I think Connor would have wanted to check up on them somehow, to make sure they were all right, and I can see them becoming friends over time through various calls and visits. This of course means that Connor introduces R.K, and eventually Gavin, to them.R.K and Kara get on strangely well considering how different they both are, Alice learns her first curse word from Gavin because the man can’t control his mouth around anyone, and Luther is possibly the only android who can intimidate R.K just by standing in the same room with him (that gentle giant is very tol).

Their close colleagues at the DPD would probably be invited, too. These include Fowler, Ben Collins, Chris Miller and his family, and probably Wilson as well.

Gavin’s mom is NOT invited, but she brings that on herself. When Gavin and R.K get engaged, Gavin tries to get back in contact with her over the phone, and after some polite and uncomfortable small talk, Gavin tells her that he has a male android fiancé. A lot of old wounds are opened up (they argue about Gavin’s sexuality, about it meaning that there would be no “proper grandchildren”, that adoption doesn’t count, etc, etc, all stuff that Gavin’s had to hear before when he was much younger and cared much more about her opinion of him).It goes on for a while, and eventually Gavin just hangs up. He’s not too bummed out about it – he pretty much expected that reaction – and least he tried. But sometimes trying just doesn’t get you any new results, especially with someone so set in their own views.

-

THE WEDDING

Yes, to finally answer the question, it would indeed be the sappiest wedding to have ever sapped. For Gavin, anyway. He’s never let himself think too much about marriage, because he’s a realist (or a cynic) and he just always assumed that it would never happen for him. But suddenly here he is, at his fucking wedding, and R’s waiting for him all dressed up in a nice suit and he’s smiling and looking at Gavin like he’s the whole world, and they’re getting fucking married.

Gavin’s a nervous wreck when the ceremony actually starts; they might be surrounded by friends, but it’s still a public fucking thing and he could trip over or say something wrong and embarrass himself, and his hands are shaking the entire way there. But the second he and his dad reach R.K, the android reaches for one of his hands, and squeezes, and Gavin stops giving as much of a shit about anything else in the room.

He’d probably be able to hold it together, through sheer nerves, until the vows. Words are something that R.K’s very good with, so of course he’s written the most perfect vows ever, and Gavin would be a choked-up mess afterwards trying to get through his own. It makes him feel better to know his dad, Tina and Josh are emotional messes by the end of it as well, though. And he does see Hank getting teary-eyed, even of the old man tries to hide it behind a fucking cough.

Although, I’m tempted to have some kind of crime happen during the wedding, or at least during the after-party. If anyone’s ever watched the 3rd season of BBC’s Sherlock, then you know how problematic it is to have a hyperfocused detective solving crimes at a wedding. Imagine Gav and R off on their first murder investigation as a married couple, five fucking minutes after they’re actually married. Classic.

 -

I think that’s enough for now, though. Let me know If you want any more in the future, I’d be happy to include some other HCs in another post, but this has gotten seriously long and I need to be stopped somewhere.

#ask #detroit become human #dbh #RK900 #gavin reed #reed900 #wedding #LONG

[epochryphal]

fictionkin anon (kind of unwieldy as a name) 3/ I worry that from poking around those links I'm going to develop shame from the other side by disrespecting the idea of fictionkin. 'you're just latching onto a favorite character, you don't actually /feel/ it.' other concerns: alien character when going outside of the human boundary feels even more taboo than human fictionkin stuff, character that is referred to as male when I'm agender (but alien genders???)

you can go by fk? that’s a Cool name right

the whole being firmly guided away from “kin” is a real thing & worry, yeah, from all sides. there are a lot of folks who have strong opinions about **it’s identifying AS, not identifying WITH** and very firm boundary lines and “it’s not LESSER to not be kin, you just AREN’T - but you can make your own community, people are starting to” and...

well.

there’s a lot to discuss around “words should have definitions” and “identities are tools to connect to people with *similar* experiences, not *exact* ones” — and maybe you’ve seen me wrestle with that about neutrois, back in the day, the way neutrois vs agender vs genderless was an Issue and the boundaries were being actively hammered out and there were camps for and against dysphoria as the difference

but i’ve been through a lot of nb, ace-spec, aro-spec, and general mogai wordsmithing and community boundary wriggling (and of course the current exclusionist movement), and my feel is increasingly that the kin and alterhuman and nonhuman communities can be eerily similar

if someone’s telling you “you’re weakening the meaning of [asexual / kin], you should use [grey-asexual / otherhearted]” or the like... They Suck

maybe it sounds pedantic of me to insist that they Not Say That but saying “oh, that’s not usually how i/my cohort interprets it, and have you considered this other word that to me sounds potentially more relevant?”

but i think those qualifiers are deeply needed; that no one should be a self- or community-appointed Authority as to Sounds Like Us, because that will always go awry; and that the true awful pedantry lies in insisting that the Word Choices with which someone tries to express their experience Points to what that experience Truly is, when um, we all have different relationships to language and english

bluhbluh you know i’m about broad inclusion and grey areas and solidarity and there being room for people to messily grasp to articulate things

anyway i *would* unfortunately recommend staying away from most Otherkin Forums, or at least looking into how they gatekeep (“encourage proper reflection and proof of serious consideration rather than faddishness to prevent later confusion and a loss of meaningfulness to the term”).

if someone is asking you questions that Don’t Feel Useful, are Pressurey, feel Prying and Unbalancing in a way that you’re not sure is helping — i’d recommend stepping away from them. maybe contemplate/discuss those questions/feelings, sure, it can be hard to tell if it’s a paradigm-shift good-identity-crisis unbalanced — but do it on your own or with someone else. you can always come back to that person later if you feel they were a positive influence.

it’s okay to split up the roles of “being given food for thought or challenged” and “being given a safe[r] space to process your truth.” nobody can handle Intense Questions all the time, and you’re not required to Defend your Conclusions about yourself.

(also, shocker, a lot of the gatekeepers are specifically against fictionkin-without-Solid-Memories and other atypical folks. because ‘glitch’ isn’t a legit, Serious identity but ‘psychopomp’ has Spiritual Tradition. anyway.)

...that’s my longass spiel on “disrespecting the idea/core meaning of fictionkin” because that’s bullshit if it’s being used to mean “watering down our TRUTH with your DEVIATING from our DEFINITION” instead of the truly disrespectful “lol wtf this isn’t real.”

as for alien & gender things:

ok gender is actually easier to address. hi hello why am i kin with all these dudes when i am Not Dude? especially with one whose fandom depiction is Cis Male Gay With Masculinity Hangups? well you see it’s because fuck off. fuck off is why. iterations, versions, au’s, headcanons, why is this character Essentially Male oh look they’re not. oh no i’m Losing part of the Point- fuck off. nono i’m Erasing FUCK OFF. is it because male characters are generally better written? is it because it’s easier to relate to non-women due to dysphoria and representation and misogyny and- God Fuck Off. who cares. i do not. i did not Pick this and, just like my kinks, just like my grey-asexuality, it is not Actually a Political or EthicoMoral Statement about me. write your thinkpiece about the prevalence of male characters in fictionkin spaces but remember that’s societal not individual. we ain’t Betraying the Anti-Patriarchy or Representation. god. we’re usually transforming them into our gender because they’re us!! and of course it’s scarier to claim a woman character as a different gender because *that’s* oh no decreasing representation!

gender is a fuck and is utterly irrelevant to Legitimacy Of Connection. arguing otherwise is falling prey to some creepy essentialist shit, often framed as not being appropriative but actually motivated by some idea of Hard Boundary Lines or by trolls. (the idea that “you can’t kin outside your race” was popularized by trolls masquerading as marginalized. and extended into “you can’t have fictives of a different race” etc which is NOT HOW BRAINS WORK. just be respectful. and know a lot of people are sensitive to any discussion of Not This World negative experiences, as if it’s always trying to overwrite them with More Oppression Points and is a Threat. sucks.)

aliens is. shrug. “oh look they’re trying to be so Special” is already in play. they say that about anyone who “makes a big deal” aka has an intense non-normative experience, wants to talk about it, considers words.

these taboos are against being Cringey and Like A Teenage Girl and caring about something Weird and being Kinda Crazy. why not embrace the whole fucking package? why stop at “well, *human* characters aren’t too attention-seeking” when the point is what resonates with you and they’ll always call you a Bad Bad Attention Seeker anyway?

i’m not super empathetic about these last two problems i guess, sorry, i’ve been a proud outcast for way too long. it can be hard to swallow in a new arena, i know. but man, restricting yourself to the Less Cringey TM sector of a widely-mocked thing feels kinda pointless to me.

/will answer next part separately because Long, Jeez

also if you didn’t see! in the notes on my last reply to you, @paradife-loft was offering to jam with you about not-claiming-fictionkin-but feels (and has Excellent villain meta as well)

#fictionkin bloggin #kin bloggin #I HAVE OPINIONS everyone is shocked #long post

[strawberryll]

I definitely fucked up big this time. It was only the beginning of the school year and everything that happened seems to be against my way. First, this person whom i treat as my best friend decided without my knowledge that he will enroll in the same University as i am now. You probably wonder: why don't you want to be in the same school as your best friend? That is your best friend, you should be happy.

Even I, also thought he was my best friend. But every time he looks at me with his dark brown eyes like I am the star he wished for, every time i hear his soothing voice, I can feel the butterflies in my stomach, my heart beats so loud, and my world begins to crumble as I realized I should not be seeing him this way. I tried tho. I tried so hard to stop myself to remove the idea of me and him being together romantically. It kills me inside whenever he hugs me so tightly, I want to melt between his cuddles but I need to remove myself because I will just fall deeper into him.

This leads me to a decision that I will enter a different University as he is when in the first place we already had a plan since high school that we will enroll in the same University. He chose the closest University in our town which is originally the plan and I decided to rent a dormitory with Winter and Summer and enrolled at Sapphire University.

"Rain! Rain! You there? You seemed occupied," Felix shakes me back to reality.

"Huh? I... Yeah... I'm just thinking about something."

"You know you can say anything to me. After all, that's my job as your best friend."

"Yeah of course. Just give me minute I'll just head to the bathroom." Yeah I'm definitely not going to spill what's on my mind with you.

Me and Felix attended same high school. We definitely didn't become friends moment we met. We belong to different group of friends. But one day, he heard me humming to the song called Little Star by Standing Egg while walking myself to home.

"Standing Egg's Little Star?" he asked.

"Excuse me?"

"I heard you humming to that song and I really love that song. I'm just quite interested because only few knew them."

We converse all the way to our place until we realized we are in the same neighborhood. That was the moment we became friends. It was quite a shock for me because he is actually fan of Korean songs just like me. I never imagined him or any guy liking those type of songs because fans like me always get to called names and insults from other people. Stereotyping guys as gays or any racist remarks like ching chong.

Music became the door to our friendship but what strengthen us is that we had each other through hard times. I listened to every painful stories he shared with me which he told me he can't certainly say to his guy friends. He embraced all of my ugly cries into his chest throughout the night and sing me songs to comfort me. He knows all of my deepest secrets and he even said he could see right through me. Which is not true because he can't see my heart. He can't see that he is the only person who made me feel this way.

"Are you two dating?" one of his friends asked when he joined us on our way to our home. Felix and him needs to do some school project at Felix's residence.

"What?! We are best friends. Wait forget that, we are soulmates. You know, like someone destined for you to meet but not in a romantic way. It's like we aren't related but we are like brothers and sisters."

"Yeah! Of course... I mean... I always wanted to have an older bro and he's like a gift to me. I mean it's weird to imagine kissing your own brother, right? The idea just makes me wanna gag," what a great liar and the best actor, Rain.

The whole walk was me trying to fight against my tears and pretending to feel okay. It was a good thing his friend was there because they were both talking whole trip and me replying with some nods and casual reply of 'yes', 'of course' and 'i agree.' I never realised how far my home from the school was since that day. Time flies so fast when we are walking back home and I never want us to be apart even when our houses were just blocks away.

I cried so much when i got home. I remember all those sweet moments that we shared and realized how he didn't felt the same way i did. He told me he knows me so much, but how could he not know how much I loved him. A love that is not from your sister or friend. How could he not felt the same butterflies that I felt when our eyes meet? How could he not felt my heart was beating so fast whenever he hugs me so tightly? How could he? Why didn't he realise this all along?

After that day, dealing with him is not easy. I need to pretend everything was fine and that I am still the best friend he knows. I was also hoping that maybe after that day, he will realise that what he told his friend about our relationship was wrong. That I am not just a sister he would also call his soulmate. That I am actually the love of his life. That I am the star that shines the most among the other stars in the galaxy. I almost went crazy. I'm fighting the urge to scream at his face and tell him how much I love him but I can't. Probably because I still value our friendship. I don't want to ruin this thing that we have right now because of my stupid heart. The only thing I need to do in order for me to live is to move on. It's not and never easy but I need to.

"A while ago before you head to the bathroom I was telling you something but I think you didn't heard me. I was actually wondering if you can maybe help me prepare my first date with Summer," Felix said as soon as I got out from the bathroom.

"My help? I told you she likes you too and there is no way she will say no to you," i confirmed.

Second reason why the start of my school year is a shit is because both of valued friends are in love with each other. Or should I say the person I am inlove with is inlove with my treasured friend. Summer and Winter are my closest friends here in Sapphire University. Entering a University never felt easy but having them by my side helped me ease those hardships. And since we live in the same dormitory, they are the one I can talk to the same way I did with Felix. Never in my life I pictured myself in this position with this both beloved persons in my life. They are both deserve each other. I can totally understand why Summer loved Felix. He's a guy who shines in the dark. He's my sun.

"I'm just really nervous. I never felt this way before," so you really don't see me that way. I should have never assumed things. "Do you know this feeling? Just whenever i see her my heart beats so much and I don't know how to think." yeah totally because you are the one i felt those feelings duh.

Definitely a lucky guy to have her. She is the type of girl any guy would like her. She is pretty, every people that I know likes her personality, and also very good in class. A total girl next door. Complete package. The ideal type. That is why I don't have any doubts why he fell in love with Summer. They're going to be the perfect couple.

"Anyways, have you heard this song from Day6?" Felix asked.

"Hm? What song?"

"I'll remember is the title. I've been listening to this on repeat."

"Yeah! Of course I thought you're talking about the new one. B-side tracks of Day6 are gems."

"Here, let's listen to it while we walk. This just reminds me of our high school days," Felix pass me the right side of the earphones and listened to the song as we walk.

"Me too."

From a distance, I see this new guy from our school standing at the University garden. I think his name is Jacob. I always find him alone tho everyone seems to already know him. He sometimes creeps me out. There are news circulating on the net about messages from outer space or some threats from aliens. I kinda feel suspicious of this new guy like maybe he is an alien or something.

He suddenly looked towards our direction and our eyes meet. I suddenly felt chills all over my body. He didn't break the eye contact so I immediately remove my eyes away from his direction.

What if he heard my thoughts and gave me those piercing look to warn me? What if- Shocks! I need to stop thinking about him if he can hear my thoughts. Erase erase! Puppies! Kittens! Think of cute things!

"Hey this one's your favourite," Felix announced as the next song comes to play.

I gave him a smile as he still remember my favourite song. Good thing I have him and my favourite tunes to distract myself from thinking weird thoughts to that new guy.

Ps: I wrote this years ago for some story making relay. The last part was so random because I need to incorporate the story line to the previous story written lol.