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subbe93 · 2 years

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The Light in my Nightmares, T, Chapter 1

A/N: The first chapter is here! Surprisingly I have nothing to say... So, maybe I just say that I'm happy to see that this has caught your interest and I hope you're going to like the first chapter, where our sweet, kind, beautiful Ran is going to meet the love of her life a client who she wants to help, whatever it takes :3

And I'm bringing in one character which I loved, but somehow Gosho has forgotten his existence. Shinichi... Be aware of him! x')

Prologue

Chapter 1

~ Ran ~

“I’m glad to hear that you have enjoyed being here, Ran-san”, Araide Tomoaki said and show a sweet smile to her. “I have heard many good things of you from others. From patients too. They are very happy to have you here.”

“Thank you, I’m happy to hear that”, Ran answered smiling brightly. Those were relieving news for her. It had been two weeks since she had started her new job in the Safe Haven Center. And of course, she had been so nervous. New place, new habits, new co-workers, new clients... What if they wouldn’t have liked her?

But happily, she had come along with everyone. They had welcomed her warmly. Co-workers had taken her in very fast like she has been there always, taught her everything that had been needed, and answered all her questions. About patients… Well, first some of them had tried to get in Ran nerves, but after seeing that nothing could wipe that sweet smile from her lips (or after seeing that under that sweet and gentle shell is a determined and scary woman, who put her patients in order if needed), they have at least behaved, making Ran's work easier.

She has enjoyed her new job.

“I know that your trial period is halfway through, but what I have seen and heard, I can pretty much promise that we would like to keep you here if you just like to”, Araide said.

“I would love to”, Ran answered, trying to keep her excitement under control. Well, Araide didn’t feel like a too serious man, but she still wanted to keep herself as professional as possible. Everyone talked so highly of this young man, and they weren’t wrong. With this man, it was easy to be relaxed.

The different story was his father, Araide Yoshiteru, who owned this Sanatorium. And he had also been the man who interviewed Ran. Well, Ran was very nervous about that interview, but who wouldn’t be since it was about the job. But when she had met that older Araide… Even if he had been professional and nice to Ran, she had sensed some strong aura from him, which had been a little scary too. Yet, she had made a good impression on him since a few days later from that interview, she got a phone call from him telling her that they wanted her, and she got a chance to say goodbye to her old job.

Yet, she had heard others talk about that older man. Well, since he was close to his retirement, she had heard that nowadays he mostly did some paperwork from home and time to time visit to see how things were going. She had heard that he was harsh, extremely to Yasumoto Hikaru, who was helping here and there. Ran didn’t know Hikaru’s whole story since the woman was very shy and silent, always apologizing for everything she has done. She had just heard that the young helper has been here once to recover from some accident, and thanks to Araide Tomoaki, she had got a job from here.

Which made Ran like him even more. When she met Araide Tomoaki first time, she was kind of nervous, because she waited for him to have an as strong aura as his father did. Instead, she met a gentle and nice man, who nurses everyone with patience. He didn’t raise his voice, but when needed, in his words were that determined tune which told to others that the argument was over, and his words were final. He knew where to draw the line, but even if he looked angry, he was gentle. And during these two weeks, she had heard many women looking after him, and… Well, Ran couldn’t blame them, because along with a nice personality, he was a good-looking man. Many said that it was almost illegal that that kind of man wasn’t married, engaged, or even hadn’t a girlfriend.

Sadly, Ran had heard that same sentence about herself, and she kind of didn’t understand why others make a big fuss about the fact that she was almost twenty-five and single. You’re a beautiful dream lady, her best friend, Sonoko, always said. What a crime to be single! Many men are waiting to get your attention and time, you know. You just have to choose.

It wasn’t the truth. She wasn’t a dream lady, barely beautiful. She was just an ordinary-looking woman. And she didn’t have a line of men waiting for her attention. Well, she had met and tried to date some, but… She just hadn’t found the right one. And a few last years? She hasn’t even tried. She had liked to concentrate on her job and… Well, some people had said that the right one is found when you don't wait for it to happen, so… maybe she had kind of wished that she would find her right one when she wouldn’t search so hard.

But maybe she should try again when she had adapted to her new job.

So she didn’t find it so weird that the doctor was single. He hadn’t just found the right one or maybe he just wanted to concentrate on his work. In the end, he is going to inherit his father’s sanatorium one day, and that day seemed to be close.

“I’m grateful to hear that”, Araide answered with a smile. Then he leaned backward on his chair and let his gaze go through the table. “Well, I think it’s all from now.” He met Ran’s eyes. “Is there something you like to talk about or some questions?”

“I don’t think so”, Ran answered and tried to think, but like always, when she has a chance, nothing came to her mind. “I think I’m fine.”

“Good”, Araide said and stood up. Ran followed his suit. “And… Well, I have said this many times before, but if anything comes to your mind, don’t hesitate to bring it up, okay?”

“Okay”, Ran answered. Araide shows him an assuring smile before leading her to his office door. Ran stepped to the corridor and the doctor did the same, closing the door behind him. They walked towards the workers’ offices. Araide started to tell her what had happened in the morning and what she should consider doing when she has a chance. Ran glanced at the clock, it was three. Well, it was snack time for patients. After that, she should pay visits to some of them. At least she knew that the one old man… Fukuda-san was his name, Ran thought. It was needed to make sure that he was doing his exercises even though he always claimed that it was disgusting, “only women do something like that". And then there was the woman, Fujii-san, who probably wanted to go to the shower, but she needed help with that. Ran had also promised to others to put medicines ready for the evening.

Then she saw something which had wake her curiosity many times during these two weeks. It was that one door, which has a nameplate, but there was no name. Ran knew that there was a client, but she had no idea who that person was or what was their reason to stay here. It was the only door that she hadn’t used, and truth to be told, she hadn’t seen anyone else use it either. No one goes in or out.

She had asked from other nurses, and there had been almost as many answers that there were workers, but none of them hadn’t been good enough to Ran. Some of them had told her only horror stories - probably because on the first day, it had come out that Ran got frightened easily. Some claimed that there was a madman, who couldn’t stand with anyone, who is crazy and started to rage and throw things around as soon as someone opens the door. Some of them told her that there is someone who was turning into a monster at midnight, and you could hear screaming and noises from that room, which had sent shivers down her spine. The worst story was that no one, who had gone inside, hasn’t ever come back to tell who was living there.

Some of her co-workers had told her that she shouldn’t believe in those stories, because of course, they weren’t real, and if she would really like to, they got a medical report which didn’t show much more than surname “Kudo” and some medicines. Why, Ran had asked. The answer had been simple: only Araide, some psychologists, and psychiatrists were only ones who can enter that room. Why though, they didn’t know either. It had been Araide’s order that he is going to handle that client and no one can enter the room without him or his permission. Until the doctor tells them otherwise, they let the room and the resident be.

And part of Ran understood. In the end, Araide was the doctor here and he probably knew what he was doing. But at the same time, thinking that there was a client who was all alone, all the time, just because… why? Because the doctor hadn’t let anyone else go in? It was probably pretty lonely to be there, all day, all alone…

Well, when they did look at this client’s medicines, her co-worker had guessed that the client maybe had a heavy depression. Though to Ran, it didn’t explain why they didn’t get any more information about that client.

That client was also her responsibility. And if there was a chance, she would like to help them, no matter what.

So she stopped in front of the door and looked at Araide’s back. She took all the courage she had and opened her mouth.

“Excuse me, Araide-sensei?”

“Mmm?” a brown-haired man hummed as an answer and turned to look at her. Ran stared at his bluish-green eyes for a moment before she glanced at the door.

“I…” she began, but then felt nervous. Part of her felt like she was questioning Araide’s instructions, and since she was new here, she didn’t feel like she should be the one to demand to know everything. But… still… “I wonder… I…”

“You want to know about that client, don’t you?”

Ran gulped and looked at Araide. For a moment she was scared that he would look at her with a disappointed look, but instead, he was looking at the door, looking a little sad even though he had a little smile on his lips. “There is living a young man”, he began and met the Ran’s gaze. “About your age, I think. He has PTSD.”

“Post-traumatic stress disorder?” Ran repeated and looked at the door.

“He had a little… difficult and pretty traumatic events some months ago”, Araide continued, making Ran look at him. “He… It’s a little tricky to get in without triggering his traumas.”

“Oh”, Ran answered. “I… I heard that many people hadn’t met this client”, she said and looked back to the door. “They said that you hadn’t let them…”

“I would like to let them”, Araide corrected gently. “But the problem is that every time someone stranger to him walks in, he got a sudden attack. So, I selected a few people along with me, and started slowly to make him trust us that we can start to make progress with him”, he explained to her. “So, it’s not like I don’t want to let anyone walk in and out as they please. I just want to make sure that we can help him and give him all the time he needs to get back to live his life.”

Ran nodded. Then something came to her mind. “But if it’s hard to get in… Does anyone visit him?” she asked. “His friends? Parents?”

“No.”

It was a simple answer, but it made Ran feel so much worse. She wanted to ask why, but it wasn’t her concern. She wanted to ask what happened to that man in the room, but she was pretty sure that the doctor wouldn’t answer on that. In the end, if it would have been the information that he wanted to share, he would have written it to the medical report. Maybe he only shared his information with those who were involved in this. Maybe all the information he had gained, was confidential, and he didn’t want to lose the client's trust. She was sure that Araide tells them everything they needed to know, but nothing more, nothing less.

But what could have happened? Ran looked at the door. What can be so terrible that it makes someone shut-in, not trusting anyone? What could be so traumatic that anything could awake a sudden attack?

Why does no one visit him?

“Can I help somehow?” she asked.

There was no answer and Ran needed to look at the doctor. Araide looked at her with a questioning face. For a moment she was afraid that she had overpassed the line.

“I know you said that you don’t want people to come and go to that room as they please, and I understand it because it could make him stress without any good reason”, she hurried to explain herself and looked at the ground. “But… It must be lonely for him. I… If he doesn’t have anyone visiting him…” She raised her eyes back to him. “I think he would need a friend! In hard times, people need someone who they can lean on! In times like this there needs to be someone who believes in him, give him some hope! And if there is no one, maybe… maybe…” She kept a little break, feeling stupid. “Well, I thought that maybe I can be the friend that he needs.”

A little smile came to the doctor’s lips, and he let out a gentle laugh. “You don’t even know him”, he said.

“I don’t”, Ran admitted and lowered her gaze to look at her hands. “But… After everything you have told me, it seems that there is no one for him. And…” Now she was squeezing her hands nervously. “Well, I can’t understand what he had been through, and it doesn’t matter if I never learn it. But… No one deserves to be alone.” She raised her gaze again, determined. “I went to the medical school that I can help people, make a difference. I came to work here to help people get back to their feet, back to continue their lives, making sure that they wouldn’t give up on the gift they have. And I would never forgive myself if I haven’t even tried to offer my help, whatever it would be.”

She stared at the doctor, who looked back at her, still smiling at her.

“You’re a kind woman, Ran-san”, he said eventually, making Ran blush, and he looked at the door. “Well, would you like to meet Kudo-san?”

Ran felt confusing. She didn’t know what she waited to happen when she decided that she wanted to help, but… Well, maybe she didn’t wait for it to happen this fast.

“You mean… I can?” she asked carefully and glanced at the door. “Is it… is it okay?”

“I think it would be”, he answered. “It’s only one person and you’re with me. Just… Be prepared that he is probably going to get cautious towards you. Like I told you, he doesn’t take well strangers. Just try to be calm and let me talk to him, okay?”

“Okay”, Ran nodded. She felt nervous and a little excited while she watched how Araide went to the door and knocked on it a few times. Then he opened the door a little.

“Kudo-san? Is it okay to come in?”

Ran didn’t hear the answer, but it was probably a positive because the doctor opened the door and stepped inside. Ran followed him into the room and closed the door carefully behind her. Then she turned to look at the room and the man, who sat on the wooden chair, his back on them, probably looking out of the window. From the behind, he looked like any other ordinary human: He had a dark blue hoodie on him and black sweatpants. His dark brown hair was long, hiding his neck.

“I bring a visitor with me today”, Araide told to the man and glanced at Ran. “She wanted to meet you.”

Kudo’s head moved a little as he had just become aware that there were others in his room. Then, slowly, he turned to look at them. Those dark hairs were almost hiding his blue eyes, and to Ran, it looked like those hairs had just grown. The same goes with his beard. He looked like someone who hadn’t taken or even cared how he looks like for a few months, and no one had bothered to do anything about them either. It kind of made her sad. If he wouldn't have clean and intact clothes on him, he would have looked like a poor man who had lived under the bridge without money or food.

Yet, Ran took a gentle smile on her lips and was ready to bow and introduce herself. Before she had time to do that, however, the man stood up fast, making that wooden chair tip over, and backed up until he was leaning on the table under the window. Those blue eyes were staring at her like she was a threat. Like she could attack him at any second.

“There is nothing to worry about, Kudo-san”, Araide’s voice said, and the doctor came between them, making Ran break her eye contact away from those frightened blue eyes. Yet she saw how Kudo was still looking at her, like making sure that she wasn’t going to do anything. Like he was scared that as soon as he would lose her in his sight, she would do something terrible. “She is our new nurse, Mouri Ran”, Araide continued calmly, like nothing was going on. “She has been there two weeks, and she wanted to meet you.”

Ran saw how those blue eyes glanced fast at Araide before coming back to her, nailing her right there where she was. “Why?” was a simple question with a rough voice. Kudo cleared his throat but didn’t repeat his question or continued.

Araide turned to look at Ran. Ran met his eyes. The doctor nodded with a smile and moved aside, making sure that she and Kudo would see each other without obstacles. Ran answered Araide’s smile a little nervously before taking a step closer to Kudo. She saw how Kudo leaned backward, like trying to get a step away from her. Ran stopped there.

“I am Mouri Ran”, Ran introduced herself and bowed. Then she straightened herself and smiled at the client as assuring and gentle as she could. “I want to offer my help to you, so if you have anything, just… don’t hesitate to ask.”

She patiently waited for him to say something. She kept her eyes on his, trying to assure him that there was nothing to worry about, that she really wanted to help. And yet, nothing changed on his face. He didn’t relax or move closer to her to introduce himself.

“I don’t need your help.”

Something tightened on her chest, and it took everything from her to keep that smile on her face. His answer wasn’t surprising, but it made her feel bad, sad. Yet, she didn’t want to show those feelings on her face. No one wanted to feel like someone was pitying them.

“So… how about we would be friends?” she asked carefully and almost took a step to go closer to him, but when she saw Kudo’s attempt to back off again, she stopped herself. “I heard that…”

“I don’t need friends.”

“I told to Ran-san that you don’t have visitors”, Araide took a part in the conversation. “And she told me that she would like to be your friend, be there for you on these hard times…”

“I don’t want friends.”

“Why?” Ran asked gently, trying to hide her sadness, maybe also her confusion. Who wouldn’t like to have friends? They all waited for him to answer, but he didn’t. Yet, his eyes were still on Ran.

“I’m not here to hurt you”, she tried again. “I just… want to help you. Like I help others.”

He let out a sneer. “Why?”

“Why…” Ran repeated. It took her off guard since she hadn’t waited that someone would question her every word. She wasn’t prepared for that. “Because I… I am a nurse”, she answered. “I studied because I wanted to help people… I want to help everyone, save them…”

Ran saw how the corner of his mouth raised in the little smile, yet it wasn’t gently or nice. If something, it felt like… like… mocking.

“You can’t save everyone.”

She felt how her heart skipped a beat. What did he… what…?

“Excuse me?” Ran got out from her mouth. “I… I think I… didn’t…”

“You can’t save everyone”, Kudo said with a cold, heartless voice. “There are so many people and so much evilness. There is always someone who is sabotaging your attempts.”

“No”, Ran disagreed. “If there is some kind of danger, I’m here to protect the victim.”

“And when you do that, you let someone else unprotected”, he continued. “There is always someone without a shield.”

“You’re wrong”, Ran answered without hesitation, getting angry at his words. It probably was shown, because Araide turned to her and straightened his hand to stop Ran to get any closer to Kudo. “We can protect everyone if needed! For example, this facility here, it’s a safe house! Shelter to those who can’t survive alone and need help…” She smiled as mockingly as she could. “And you should know it better than anyone since you’re the one who is living here in safe and sound.”

He shook his head. “You don’t know how easy it would be for someone to get inside as a visitor… or maybe a fake nurse…”

“There is no change for that”, Araide interrupted calmly. “I have told you that we are checking everyone’s backgrounds very carefully, making sure that they are trustworthy. And we have our way to process with visitors.”

“Mmm”, Kudo hummed like he didn’t believe in that at all. “Or it would be very easy to plant a bomb somewhere in here and just blow everything with it…”

“You’re just making those out”, Ran told him angrily. “Those are very uncommon! There barely is that kind of events…”

“Or maybe they aren’t shared? There are people with an ill will…”

“And that’s why there are polices and law enforcement”, Ran interrupted. “Making sure that all those criminals get behind the bars. Making sure that it’s safe to live here, that no one gets hurt…”

“But they can’t foresee who is doing and what and when”, Kudo said as calmly as before. “Finding criminals starts only when someone got killed…”

“And how do you know that?” Ran asked and stared at the man, whose blue eyes still didn’t let her be.

“And even if you could keep every human safe”, Kudo continued without answering her question, “there are always those who don’t want to be saved.”

Ran’s mouth opened.

“Kudo-san…”

“What?” she let out interrupting Araide, trying again to move closer to Kudo, but Araide’s arm stopped her. “What are you talking about?”

“You heard me”, Kudo said without any emotion on his face or voice. “Some of us doesn’t want to be saved.”

Ran stared at him, trying her hardest to keep herself calm. This man probably had his reasons, but… but… “Why?” she asked quietly. “Why wouldn’t someone want to be saved? Why someone would want to… to…” She couldn’t say it. “To give up?”

“Maybe there is nothing to live for.”

It made Ran’s heart so much heavier. It felt like her heart could sink somewhere deep down and never come back. She stared still at those blue eyes, trying to find any hints that he didn’t mean it. But there was none. His eyes didn’t have any emotions, no sadness, no regret, no… nothing. It was like he was meaning every word he said, and Ran couldn’t understand it.

She knew that there were evil things in the world, and she knew that terrible things happened sometimes. But there were still polices and others who made sure that streets were safe and if something is going to happen, people can always call for help. And there are doctors and nurses who came to help, heal those wounded ones, making sure that everyone would get better soon. Bad guys? They always get caught. They were put behind the bars to think about what they have done, and Ran wanted to believe that they would regret what they have done, and she wanted to believe that they would change. And that’s the reason why they won’t kill criminals. That they could have a chance to make a difference, be a better person.

There were many good things to live for…

“I think this is enough for today”, Araide said calmly. “Kudo-san, thank you for…”

“No.”

The word get out of her mouth before she had time to stop herself. Maybe she should just let it be, just go away before she does something stupid, but…

“Ran-san?”

“You’re wrong”, she continued, still staring at those blue eyes like they were having a contest. “You’re so wrong.”

Kudo didn’t say anything, but she could see how his other eyebrow raised behind those long hair, like asking for an explanation.

“There are so many good things in the world”, Ran continued. “Even when you claim that there is nothing, you’re wrong. There are many places to see, things to experience, always something to learn, many people to meet… There are countless things to choose what do you live for. You just have to find it. And if you only ask, you always get help for it.” Ran hesitated for a moment. “And life itself… It is a precious and priceless gift to have. It is something that no one could get back if it’s lost. Many things you can replace, but not life itself.”

She saw a dark shadow veil his blue eyes for a moment. Then he opened his mouth. “I admire the dreamland where you are living, in which everything is perfect and romantic”, he said eventually. “But I have seen the other side. I have seen the side of the world, where the price of life doesn’t matter. I have… seen the place where… where…” He shook his head slowly, still not letting go of her gaze. “Don’t waste your time, miss savior. As much as you want it, you can’t save everyone.”

Ran raised her chin while biting the bullet. She took a deep breath. “There isn’t that kind of place just so you know”, she said as coldly as she could. “And you’re awfully wrong. I can save everyone if I want to, and sadly for you, I want to. And I’m going to, like you said, waste my time for that”, she blurted out. “Because to me, every life matters!”

Then she turned and marched towards the door, grabbed the handle, and opened the door. Yet, she still turned to leer that Kudo, who still was following her with his gaze, with an emotionless face. “And I’m going help you too, wanted it or not”, she announced. “Life is a unique and precious gift that two people have given you, and I’m going to make sure, that you’re not wasting it!”

Then she stepped outside and mashed the door close behind her.

Chapter 2

#Shinran #The Light in my Nightmares #PTSD!Shinichi #Detective Conan #Darkfic #Hurt/Comfort #Romance #Shinichi Kudo #Ran Mouri #Fanfiction #Chapter 1

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