DF Fanfic: Bite of the Living Bread
WARNING: STUFFING HUMOR AND FEEDERISM CONTENT AHEAD. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
As she waited for Artix to arrive from above the Necropolis, Suut bounced impatiently, ready to fight whatever new undead awaited the both of them. Suut was never known for her patience, but she knew that Artix would get cranky, depressed, or both if she started fighting undead without him. That said, she had been waiting long enough that she was starting to get hungry.
"I wonder if I can get something from the cafeteria...." She muttered to herself, as she eyed the Necro University student handbook. "No, then I'd risk running into a student."
Just as she was thinking this though, Artix trotted up, clearly excited to slay some undead.
"Finally! What took you so long?" Suut asked.
"Sorry Suut, needed to take care of some undead at Amityvale gate." Artix sighed apologetically.
Even though she waited quite a while, Suut couldn't help but feel bad for him. She knew better than anyone else that he didn't like to keep people waiting. She gave him a playful punch on the arm.
"Oh, don't worry about it!" She replied. "Let's just get to slaying some undead!"
At that point, she could plainly see Artix getting pumped up.
"So where do you think we should go next" Artix added with a beaming smile. "We've already broke the Build-A-Beast machine, so-"
But just as Artix was speaking, a loud growl emanated from Suut's hungry belly. She could tell it was wanting something to eat.
"Maybe we could try checking out the cafeteria?" Suut asked with a chuckle.
~
As they arrived at the cafeteria entrance, they saw that one of the students was standing guard. At that point, they knew he had to be guarding something, likely a necromancy experiment of some kind.
"Okay, so do we just storm in?" Suut whispered to Artix.
"Normally I'd say yes," Artix responded, with a clear hint of dissapointment in his voice. "But we need to figure out what they're planning first."
Suut took a second to ponder. "Here's a thought."
Artix looked at her, confused.
"Hey, you!" Suut shouted at the Necropolis student. "What's going on in the cafeteria?"
The student glanced over at the two of them. "Oh, they're trying ot make a soup that'll reanimate food! If it goes according to plan, there won't be a safe taco stand left on the surface of Lore!" he yelled back.
"Thanks, man!"
"No proble-" But before he could finish, Artix struck him down with his axe.
"Wow, you really are itching to slay some undead, aint'cha?" Suut joked.
"Do I even need to answer that?" Artix asked. "Okay, so now all we need to do is ruin the soup."
As they readied themselves to enter the cafeteria, another loud rumble came from Suut's stomach. "You think we'll have to fight some food?" She asked, half jokingly.
"Probably. Why?" Artix inquired.
"No reason." Suut said nervously. "But do you mind if I handle this one solo? Need to get some good exercise in!"
Artix sighed dejectedly. "I suppose you can. But just be sure to put this into the soup" As he said that he handed her a bottle, and she looked at it to read the label
"HOLY WASABI, PROPERTY OF ARIX VON KRIEGER"
"Y'know what? I'm just not gonna ask any questions!" And with that she stormed in.
~
Artix was beginning to worry. Suut said that she'd only be in there for 30 minutes, maximum. He looked at his watch.
"34 minutes" Artix muttered. "Should probably go in to inves-"
But at that moment, a huge noise broke his train of thought. A monstrous belch, the sound of which reminded Artix of a beast.
"I'm coming, Suut!" Artix yelled, clearly thinking the worst. But just then, a figure walked out of the entrance.
It was Suut. More specifically, it was Suut wth an engorged, rumbling gut. Artix had no idea what to say.
"Mhh.." Suut whimpered. "Sorry that took so long. Took me a while to get up after eating that last monst-UUUUUUURRRP"
She could feel the pressure ease slightly in her belly. It honestly was amazing she wasn't in a food coma after such a huge meal. "I got the soup ruined, though".
"You... you didn't eat it too, right?" Artix stuttered, only partially joking.
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