#as though it proves that cisness is the ideal rather than society treats trans people so poor that we internalize that treatment?

[uncanny-tranny]

Honestly, I always find it weird how many instances I've seen of cis people wanting a token trans friend who, in reality, is self-loathing enough to hate their own existance and see cisness as the ideal. It's almost like a power-trip fantasy to find a trans person who despises either the way they are treated or their existance just to prove to themself that the only existance that's meaningful is a cis one.

And you can tell which cis person wants to meet token trans people if you don't give them the satisfaction of being the self-despising trans person, or even if you aren't completely self-hating.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #internalized transphobia #i don't blame any trans person if they are still dealing with internalized transphobia #but i find that some cis people are only interested in hearing the goriest parts of internalized transphobia #as though it proves that cisness is the ideal rather than society treats trans people so poor that we internalize that treatment? #and it's weird the pressure i used to put on myself to be the Token Transsexual #because i thought i'd only be valied by the majority of people if i wanted myself dead too #and that's a tortuous way to live. it isn't the ninth circle of hell it's its own damn circle #i definitely don't think that this is inherent to being trans but it is also not an experience separate from transness #the shame and self-hatred come from the fact that not only are you under scrutiny by others but your existance is seen as questionable... #...at best and at worst it is a social contagion meant to be squandered from society by any means. it can be hard to navigate that #because trans existance is as joyful as it is scary. it is a two-sided coin for many people #i don't want to scare people with this - i don't think every cis person you meet will be like this #i don't think there is threat in every atom against trans people. i think our world is just a complicated mess #and that is a part of life sure - but this is a mess we *can* clean up #i dunno i'm just rambling and waffling and raving