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dmwrites · 2 years

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“Wait wait wait wait. You can’t be serious.”

“I’m dead serious.”

“There’s no way.”

Bdubs stared at Impulse with papers in his hands, and Impulse stared right back, pointing at them.

“Hey guys what’s up?” Pearl came walking into the dwarven keep. She had intended on stealing all of Impulse’s granite, but something about the two mens’ expressions made her walk over to them instead. “What’s that?”

“Uh, nothing!” Impulse grabbed the papers out of Bdubs’ hand and held them above his head. Unfortunately, Impulse forgot he was a short king, and Pearl simply reached up and took the papers out of his hand.

“Marriage certificate… what?” She gave Impulse a puzzled look.

“It’s- okay, so, you remember double life, right?” Impulse’s face was red as a beetroot, and Bdubs had his head in his hands.

“Yeah?”

“Well, me and Bdubs here were super excited about, you know, being soulmates and all that, and so naturally we got married on that server. You know, newlyweds and all that.”

“I remember. Most annoying couple on the whole server.” Pearl replied.

“Well, apparently, marriages don’t… end when you go from one server to another…” Impulse said haltingly.

“Wait…” Pearl stared down at the paper again. “So you’re saying you guys are still married?”

“Don’t you dare laugh.” Bdubs looked up from the safety of his hands to glare at Pearl.

Pearl looked back and forth from Impulse to Bdubs, and then burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she fell to her knees and coughed. “Oh my god! No fucking way! That’s so- oh my god I have to tell Gem! GEM!” Pearl screeched, tears running freely down her face.

“Oh geez! Come on Bdubs, let’s get out of here.” Impulse grumbled and both men took off, leaving Pearl to her laughter.

——

“So, how on earth do we get this, what, annulled?” Impulse glanced down at the certificate as they flew aimlessly through the sky. “I mean, listen man, I love you to death, but I have like redstone and buildings to do- no marriage can keep me from the craft.”

“Same.” Bdubs said. “Well, okay, let’s think. Who married us? Scar. That scoundrel.”

“Maybe that’s who we need to find.” Impulse said hopefully. “If he married us, maybe he can un-marry us? Is that a word?”

“Better question- how on earth does Scar of all people have the authority to marry people? Don’t you need like a license to do that or something?” Bdubs adjusted so he was flying towards Scar’s amusement park- Impulse moved to follow him, putting the papers away.

“Scar is very talented, I dunno man. I bet he has a bunch of random talents just waiting for the right moment to be used as a prank.” Impulse sighed.

——

“You’re kidding.”

Scar looked like a kid who had just discovered that he could steal from a candy shop. His signature smirk deepened to an almost giddy expression.

“Nope. Got the certificate this morning.” Impulse handed the paper to Scar. Scar read it and burst out laughing.

“That’s the second person to laugh!” Bdubs raged. “Scar! This has to be some kind of prank, right? What did you do?”

Scar sighed, wiping a tear from his eye and giving the paper back to Impulse. “Unfortunately, you newlyweds, that’s all real. I forgot I got that training to marry people a while back- I guess the marriage council caught wind of me marrying you two lovebirds on the riverside of double life and made it official! Congrats!”

It was Impulse’s turn to put his head in his hands. “Well, how do we get it annulled then?”

Scar gasped, offended. “Excuse me! I married you two so well and you just want to get rid of it! How dare you! Leave my sight! They weren’t kidding when they say love looses!”

——

“Uh, congrats?”

“No, Xisuma, we want it annulled.” Impulse said.

Xisuma pulled his glasses down to look at the two hermits in front of him. “You want it annulled.” He repeated tiredly.

“There has to be something you can do! Xisuma, it’s hot girl summer! I am supposed to be out there, booty shorts on, living it up!” Bdubs cried, throwing himself across Xisuma’s desk. Impulse grabbed him by the back of his mossy robe and pulled him upright, fixing the papers on Xisuma’s desk for good measure.

“I mean you could always just cheat. How sound are your morals?” Xisuma joked. No one laughed. He sighed. “I’m kidding, it’s all good, there’s just extra paperwork I have to do to get the marriage annulled.”

“Really?” Bdubs and Impulse asked.

“Yeah, there’s been a few hermits over the years who have drunkenly gotten married for the memes and had to get me to annul it for them. It’s fine.” Xisuma thought of all the paperwork that would have to be done and almost burst into tears.

“Woo! Thanks X!” Impulse smiled. “Bdubs! We’re gonna be bitter ex’s now!” The two high-fived and took off.

“Okay, we’ll there are a few pages for you to sign and initial- oh they’re gone”. Xisuma pulled out a few papers and stared blankly at the tiny dots that were Impulse and Bdubs. “Guys, you can’t get divorced unless you sign these!” Xisuma called, none too loudly. He just couldn’t be bothered. He put the papers away again. He’d just wait for the dumbasses to realize their mistake and come back. Until then, they were still married. Oh well.

#July 27 2022 #fic #dlsmp #hc9 #impulsesv #bdubs #long post

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twelves-writings · 3 years

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Sleep

Songfic based off “Sleep” by My Chemical Romance

(tw: suffocation, passing out)

They’re, they’re these terrors

And it feels as if someone was gripping my-

They’re, they’re not like tremors; they’re worse than tremors

They’re these ter-

Doc combed through the footage. There had to have been something there, anything. There was a reason for everything, across every world. Cause and effect. He knew correlation didn’t imply causation, but… there had to be something. He couldn’t've just…

Doc sighed. He rewinded the video again, staring at the screen as he had for the past… How long has it been? Doc didn’t care. He scoured the footage, analyzing every pixel until his biological eye went numb. He didn’t care at what cost it came to him. There had be a sign, a message, a hint at what was to come.

A voice nagged at the back of his head, telling him he need to rest. Don’t overwork yourself. Take a break. Go get something to eat. He would’ve wanted you to rest.

Doc shook his head, erasing the thoughts from his head. There was no telling what he would have wanted. He was gone, and Doc was determined to get him back.

-~-

Another block of blackstone here, slab, block, redstone block… Wait, no; the redstone block goes over there. Or maybe… Beef rubbed his eyes, yawning as he picked up the offending block. It was getting late, the moon was nearly peaked, but he had to keep building. He just wanted to finish one more building in Three Fox Hole, then he would rest. Ah, that’s where the redstone block goes! And then the glass, and the other color of glass, and the other other color…

Block after block was placed. Not much thought went into the details, but he’d do those later. He was always better at detailing the buildings in the morning. “Oh wait, Keralis is coming over tomorrow. Oh well; I guess I’ll finish them in the afternoon.”

Beef was always glad to see his friends. He was hesitant about reaching out, about coming back, but Etho convinced him in the end. It was strange, Etho reassuring him when he refused to return to the server himself. Oh, Beef missed him. That was Etho’s choice, though, and Beef couldn’t and wouldn’t force anything upon him. With or without his old buddy, Beef was glad to be back on Hermitcraft. Especially after…

Beef kept building. Blackstone block, block, stair, polished block, glass, polished slab. The city was coming along nicely. Planning out the roads and buildings, filling them all in, and detailing them was all quite relaxing. It was the perfect way to start a new season. Beef stepped back from the building after placing the final slab. He was proud of himself.

He wouldn’t be proud.

“Yes he would,” he responded to his thoughts aloud. “Of course he would. I’m creating and detailing buildings. He loved that. He’d be proud.”

They’re facades, fronts, empty shells.

“I’ll fill them in eventually.”

Fill yourself in first.

Beef squeezed his eyes shut with a sigh. Knowing he wouldn’t win to his thoughts tonight, he kept building.

Rest.

There were always other buildings to work on.

Rest.

Details needed to be added.

Rest.

Mobs that could bring this city to life.

Rest.

Beef began work on yet another building. He could’ve sworn he heard whispers from behind him, but wrote it off as phantoms, or his insomnia getting to him. “Alright.” He walked away from the build, having run out of blackstone. “I need to get some more- Oomph!” He had run into a street lamp as he turned around. As he looked up, he realized it wasn’t a light on the street, nor a creature of the night come to attack him.

“No, no, no.” Eyes wide as the moon, he stumbled away from the figure. “I- I can’t deal with this again! You’re not real! You can’t be! I- I can’t do this again.” He backed into a wall, sliding onto the ground. Tears welled in Beef’s eyes as he gazed upon the figure.

Green wrapped around its entire frame, weaving around its torso and limbs. Its face was mostly free of the vines, bar its straggly hair. Its eyes were darker than the void, oozing jet black tears. Beef’s eyes were locked with the figure’s, fear flooding every ounce of his being. When he was finally able to pull away from the unmoving, unblinking voids, his gaze landed on the being’s shirt. His breathing and pulse accelerated as he read the letters: NHO. He timidly brought his eyes back back up. “B- Bdu-”

Don’t you breathe for me

Undeserving of your sympathy

The air was pulled out of Beef’s lungs, leaving him gasping. He clawed at his throat, eyes somehow widening more. He choked, breathing without air to breathe. How is he- Why is he- Beef couldn’t think straight. How could he, unable to breathe because the ghost of his friend yanked the air out of his lungs?

‘Cause there ain’t no way that I’m sorry for what I did

Tears were spilling from Beef’s eyes; out of fear or sadness, he didn’t know.

And through it all, how could you cry for me?

‘Cause I don’t feel bad about it

Beef wanted to scream. He wanted to tell the phantom all his thoughts. He wanted to tell him how he still cared, how he remembered him, how he’d never let go of him or the memories they shared.

So shut your eyes

No, no! Beef felt the unconsciousness pulling at his eyelids, dragging him down. Beef didn’t want to let go! He couldn’t let go! He could never let go!

And sleep

Just sleep

The voice reverberated through his brain, overwhelming any thoughts Beef had. It surrounded and enveloped him, echoing through the emptiness inside. He was hollow. He had been, ever since that day. The tears stopped flowing as darkness crept towards him. Eyes flickering, Beef relaxed. The voice echoed one final cry, more to itself than anything else.

The hardest part

Is letting go of your dreams

He’d just rest a bit. Just for a minute. Just for…

-~-

They’re, they’re these terrors

And it feels as if someone was gripping my throat, and squeezing

They’re, they’re not like tremors; they’re worse than tremors

They’re these terrors

Rewinding the footage again, Doc sighs. He’s getting nowhere with this, but he has to keep going. He would have wanted him to keep going, keep searching for an explanation. He goes over the clip again, subconsciously mouthing the words. He’s heard this so many times, seen this so many times, too many times… He jolts up with a start, his eyes sleepy but wide. He has to stay awake. He has to know what happened. Just a few more minutes.

His stomach growls, like a hoglin that hasn’t been fed in days. When was the last time he ate? That didn’t matter. All that mattered to Doc is answers. Rest and food are for the weak anyways. When was the last time anyone had seen a creeper eat?

Vwoosh

It was a near silent noise, but Doc caught it. He whipped around, sword in hand, ready to face the enderman who dared to interrupt his work. But he didn’t see an enderman. Far from it; he saw a figure leaning again a cluttered table in the corner of the room. A wine glass was held in its hand, and for a moment Doc suspected it to be Joe, bringing him a glass from the winery next door. However, the glass was empty.

A drink

For the horror that I’m in

Doc took a moment to look the creature over. Its skin was like his own, rough and plant-like. Was that actually its skin, or a thick layer of foliage covering it? Its eyes and head were hidden in the shadows, except for its half-open mouth lined with teeth sharp as blades. What the heck is this thing?

For the good guys and the bad guys

For the monsters that I’ve been

Three cheers for tyranny

It hoisted up its glass, acting as if a toast were to be given. Instead, it tossed the glass in the air. Doc was frozen in place out of fear or exhaustion; it was difficult to tell which. He only moved to flinch when the glass shattered on the ground. It sounded as if a million glasses had broken, not just the one. The figure did not react.

‘Cause there ain’t no way that I’m coming back again

The words burned themselves in Doc’s mind. He knew instantly what- who the creature was. Or rather, what the creature used to be. He shook it off, dismissed it as his mind playing tricks on him. It liked to do that on late nights like these. Before he could turn around to get back to his work, the figure grabbed him by the shoulder. The two were face to face now, mere inches apart. Its dark, empty eyes stared straight into Doc’s soul. The teeth were far more menacing now, softly clinking with every word spoken. Doc didn’t want to admit it, to himself or the beast, but he was terrified. The voice cried:

And through it all, how could you cry for me?

‘Cause I don’t feel bad about it

It took its hands off Doc’s shoulders, pushing him back against the desk.

So shut your eyes

Kiss me goodbye

And sleep

Just sleep

Doc whipped back around, forcing his eyes back upon his work. One of the monitors was cracked, but he didn’t care. He cared about nothing but the tapes. He blinked hard, pushing back any tears that threatened to spill. He ignored the creature’s- the ghost’s cries behind him.

The hardest part’s

The awful things that I’ve seen

He ignored it all, pinning his eyes to the screens. He was so close; he could feel it. Just another couple of minutes and he’d have it. He’d know why Bdubs died.

Sometimes, I see flames

And sometimes I see people that I love dying

It’s always-

Just sleep

The creature whispered. He ignored it.

Just sleep

It called to him, like a siren out at sea. He ignored it.

JUST SLEEP!

It screamed. Doc whipped around to see the figure levitating off the ground. Wind from nowhere spun around it, papers and small objects being pulled into the gusts. The being’s eyes shone black, somehow emitting light while being dark as black holes.

Doc couldn’t take his eyes off the figure, and couldn’t deny its appearance any longer: it looked like- no, it was Bdubs. Doc saw the bandana, ripped and stained a blood-like green, flapping in the wind. Its hair was swooped in the front, blown up off its face. The logo on its shirt was unmistakable, even through the vines that spread across its chest. It screamed again and again for Doc to sleep.

Eventually, its voice went hoarse. As the cries faded into echos, the wind slowed. Doc was swaying on his feet as it stopped, collapsing onto the ground. His eyes flickered, but no! He had to hold out. He had to stay awake.

The figure- Bdubs’ feet gracefully touched the ground. Bdubs made his way over to the nearly unconscious Doc. Doc wanted to reach out to him, say something, anything. But he couldn’t. He… he needed to rest. He needed some sleep.

The tapes were playing quietly as Doc drifted off.

And I can’t… I cant ever wake up.

#twelves writings #ask to tag #docm77 #bdubs #vintagebeef #ethoslab (mentioned)#joehills (mentioned)#new hermit order #nho angst

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u1tra-v1olet · 4 years

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Slumber Party

i didn’t finish this but it did take me like 2 weeks to write so here take it anyways

(some stuff to know: xB’s a shapeshifter, Etho’s an artic fox hybrid, and they’re in like a normal house cuz i need it lol)

~*~

"I have a feeling as though this won't go down well," Joe commented, gazing around at the already amassing chaos.

Xisuma shrugged, resting his arms on the back of the couch and looking over Joe's head. "Probably not, but it'll be nice for everyone to hang out together."

"REN I FOUND THE BLANKETS!" Grian came sliding down the railing in his onesie and tumbled off the end, spluttering as he was tangled up in his spotted blanket.

"Grian! Be careful!" Ren exclaimed, rushing over and helping him up. "Just because you're in a um... animal onesie? Doesn't mean you can fall down the stairs!"

"How dare you!" Grian retorted, pouting and fumbling to drape the blanket over his shoulders. "I'm a sugar glider! Look, I have wingy things!" He spread his arms to show the fabric gliders hanging underneath. "What're you anyways? A uh, spottyyy... red and white... some... thing...?"

Ren rolled his eyes at Grian's attempt to mock him, smirking. "Close enough," he replied, turning away and heading towards the kitchen.

"NO REN DON'T LEAVE MEEE!" Grian wailed, running away him.

"Isn't he a mooshroom?" Tango muttered to Stress, taking a sip from his coffee. "I know it's probably for Pamela or something, but doesn't that mean he'd be like, wearing the mooshroom's skin or something?"

"Says the man wearing a flannel to a pajama party," Stress shot back, smiling behind her cup of tea. "Me and Ren at last have the decency to wear onesies." She pulled the hood of her rainbow unicorn onesie on just for emphasis.

Tango shrugged. "You don't have to wear pajamas. Plus I don't think the world's ready to see my beautiful abs."

"He's lying, he doesn't have any abs."

"Hey!" Tango glared at Impulse as he walked past, smirking as he sipped his hot cocoa obnoxiously loud. "You're one to talk stick boy," he retorted, sticking out his tongue.

"So are you ya noodle." Impulse stuck his tongue out back at him with a grin.

"Neither of you can even pick me up!" Zed called from the couch, already ready curled up in the corner of the couch with a blanket. "And I'm like, the second lightest on the server!"

Tango grinned, showing his fangs, and set down his cup. "You're gonna regret saying that Zed!"

Zed's eyes widened and he instantly shot up from his blanket bundle, stumbling over to couch to dash away from Tango who darted for him. "TANGO NO YOU'RE GONNA KILL US BOTH!"

"LEAST YOU'RE COMING DOWN WITH ME!"

Stress giggled, accidentally laughing into her tea and splashing some on her nose, and glanced over at Impulse, who was just watching the two with an amused smile. "You're not gonna join 'em?"

Impulse shook his head. "I'd rather not die at a pajama party."

A crash was heard in the dining room and False looked over to see a blonde tangled under a lemur, both of them having nearly missed hitting a row of chairs.

She sighed and walked over to the two, staring down at them with a look of motherly disappointment. "What happened this time?"

"Zed said I couldn't carry him!" Tango whined, shoving Zed away from him.

"And you can't!" Zed shot back, light kicking at him. "I told you!"

False sighed again and bent down, easily picking up Tango bridal-style. Tango yelped, instinctively clinging to her as not to fall. She walked over to the couch and dumped him onto it.

"HAH! False is stronger than you!" Zed yelled, still lying on his back on the floor. Two arms suddenly wrapped under him and he was lifted up into someone's arms. He looked up to see Cleo in a tank top and sweatpants smirking down at him. "Shortie," she teased, tilting her head slightly.

Zed huffed and crossed his arms, looking away. "You're just really tall."

"Sureeee."

A pale brown tabby cat suddenly leaped out from under the table, back arched and hissing. A white fox poked its muzzle out from under the table and a white glow swirled around it before transforming back into Etho, who subsequently banged his head on the table immediately.

"Ffffff-rick..." he muttered, rubbing his head and crawling out from under the table. He glanced back at the cat who had calmed down slightly, its fur flattening and green and blue eyes narrowing back to slits. "Sorry kitty, didn't mean to scare ya."

The tabby meowed back and padded up to him, rubbing its head against his arm and purring quietly. Etho smiled and scratched under its chin which made it tilt its head against his hand.

"Aww kitty cat!" Keralis bounded over and quickly bent down to pet the cat's back. "I didn't know you had a kitty cat Etho!"

"I don't," he admitted, chuckling slightly. "It was just wandering around the house and I just assumed it was Xisuma's."

Keralis tilted his head with confused look. "Hey Shashwamy!" he called over his shoulder, nearly falling backwards.

Xisuma looked up from his conversation with Joe. "Yeah?"

"What's your kitty's name?"

Xisuma raised an eyebrow curiously. He quietly excused himself from Joe and walked over to where the two were, crouching down to see the light brown cat pressed against Etho. It stared up at him with wide eyes and winked, lightly pawing at his hand with a white paw.

"Well its certainly adorable," Xisuma commented, petting the cat's head. "But it isn't mine. I think I've seen it once or twice, but that's it."

The cat simply meowed at him and leaped away, slinking off towards the couch and disappearing behind it. As it trotted away, it had to precariously scurry pass some stomping feet as Bdubs tried to wrestle a wine bottle away from Doc.

"You're not getting drunk at a freaking pajama party!" Bdubs hissed, yanking the glass out of Doc's hand and holding it away from him.

"What's a little wine gonna do?" Doc protested, reaching over him to try and grab the bottle. Bdubs quickly tugged it away from him and held it close to his chest, glaring at the creeper hybrid. "Oh come onnnn!" Doc whined. "A party's no fun without some alcohol!"

"A party's no fun if a drunk german breaks the freaking T.V!" Bdubs yelled back, flinching away when Doc tried to reach forward again. "You barely have an alcohol tolerance anyways! One cup and you're wasted!"

"Hey! It's more like five cups!"

"Yeah, but knowing you you'll drink half the bottle!"

Someone suddenly grabbed the bottle from Bdubs and he whipped around, ready to literally tackle someone. "You-!" He quickly softened when he saw Beef though, glare just turning into a wary stare. "O-oh..." he muttered.

Beef glanced curiously at the wine and then back at Bdubs and Doc. "Are you two trying to drink? At a slumber party of all places?"

"NO!" Bdubs exclaimed, bristling with again. "It's Doc! He's trying to get drunk, motherfffffffluffer..!" His voice trailed off and he was biting his lip to try not and swear.

"Doc."

Doc crossed his arms and looked away, refusing to make eye contact with Beef. "You're not getting drunk at a slumber party, alright?" Doc mumbled indignantly, pouting. "Doc. Say it."

"I won't..." he muttered.

"Good." Beef turned and opened the fridge, grabbing out a can of soda. "Now do you want some soda or something? There's also hot chocolate if you want it."

"...hot cocoa I guess..."

"OH COME ON! YOU LISTEN TO BEEF BUT YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME?!"

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO AN ANGRY MIDGET."

"HOW DARE YOU! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM THE AVERAGE HEIGHT AND-!"

Beef chuckled as he watched his friends continue to argue and simply moved over to the kitchen to grab Doc's hot cocoa. Cub was over by the oven, nibbling on a cookie, and glanced over at Beef. He waved with a muffled, "hello."

"Hello Cub," Beef replied, chuckling slightly. "Enjoying your cookie?" Cub nodded, taking another bite of his cookie, and offered one to Beef. "I'm good, I was just gonna get cocoa for Doc."

"Thought he'd go for the vodka," Cub mumbled, making Beef laugh.

"He did try to go for the wine," Beef remarked. "But Bdubs managed to uh... well he kinda stopped him. Or at least tried."

"Hey Beef!" Etho called from the dining room. "Can you help me find something?"

"Yeah sure! Er, sorry Cub," Beef added, nodding apologetically at him. "Duty calls."

Cub grinned and waved bye as Beef hurried over to where Etho was crawling out from under the table. He quickly finished the cookie and moved to pour himself some hot cocoa, when he bumped into someone.

"Ah- sorry!" the person apologized, stepping back.

"It's uh, it's okay-" Cub paused when he saw Scar standing in front of him, rubbing his nose. "O-oh, hi Scar..."

Scar glanced up at him and his eyes widened slightly with surprise. "Oh uh, hi Cub..." There was an awkward silence between the to for a seconds that neither really wanted to break, but Cub couldn't help but try and break the ice at least a little.

"How've you been?" he asked, internally cringing from how lame it sounded.

"Good good." Scar reached for a brownie, idly nibbling on the edge of it to keep himself busy. "I managed to blow myself up again," he added, giggling slightly.

Cub rolled his eyes, a playful smile tugging at his lips. "Oh gosh, what'd you do this time? Did you get involved with the Boomers?"

Scar gave a fake offended gasp. "Of course not! I'm not a boomer, you boomer."

"Ok zoomer."

"Hey!" Scar playfully glared at him, fighting back a smile. "Just because I have a beard, doesn't mean I am a boomer, boomer."

"Well that means I'm not either, boomer," Cub retorted, sticking his tongue out.

[insert the rest of the parts because i can't be fucking bothered to write them im so sorry)

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