#because even if the situation youve been in for all your teen years has sucked ass the entire time its still.

[devotedlystrangewizard]

as im getting closer & closer to the day that i will officially leave my hometown & go live with my dad i am starting to understand my ocs more

#avani most notably rn. bc shes actually my age and leaves behind everyone and everything she knows #having to grow up the rest of the way in an entirely different situation #because even if the situation youve been in for all your teen years has sucked ass the entire time its still. #its familiar? like. yk. familiar suffering is better than the unknown #personal #ive lived in that house my entire life. ive been with my dad for long stretches of time (all of summer break for instance) and it was fine #i KNOW i cant stay there. my mom's partner has actually physically hurt me and theyre both awful to me #and i also know that the only reason why its been somewhat good there lately is because i rarely speak to them anymore #that is not a house to live in! and i fucking love my dad. my stepsiblings. my stepmom!! #and its not even just the fact that im moving. right. i could probably handle that were it not for me also finishing high school. #i got financial support as a student whos 18+ while i was in high school. now its. #i need to get an income. in a region i barely know. being both physically & mentally disabled. #but not so disabled that im *incapable* of work!! which the law here asks for!! #(or i am and i just dont realize it because ive been working past my limits for so long ive forgotten what they are el em ay oh) #also ill miss my cat so fucking much #i love my dad's cats but shes special man #i miss her rn actually but im going back for the last time in a few days so #i was like. tearing up bc of the anxiety but then i remembered my cat and now im actively trying not to cry loudly #bc its. yk. almost 6 am and its almost waking up time for everyone here except me because. my school ended last month #its bedtime for me actually but i couldnt sleep because i was too busy crying over the fact that i am never going to get that room back #i miss being a child #at least back then it wasnt that complicated! i didnt know i was being mistreated when i was 11! #all of this doesnt even matter that much im just really bad with transitions. which is ironic. im transgender #though granted ive put off getting on that list for that exact reason. im scared of transitioning #like the moment im comfortably settled here and have a job and/or disability benefits. all of this will just be embarrassing #something to look back on and laugh. and then cry because i still miss my cat.

[daimboy]

Im the girl who said if I didn't have my crap together by 21 I'd end it. I'm 18 and just got out of hospital.. I know this message doesn't absolutely nothing. But I dont know what I'm doing. Therapy doesn't work and they won't let me have more than a weeks worth of pills at a time. I've broken my family...

so guess what: i used to be in a really similar boat to yours. i figured id make a list of things that i resonated with in this ask and how i was proven wrong over time cause i think it could help at least give you hope when it feels like theres absolutely none. this is gonna be a long post btw… if you wanna come off anon we can talk more in private about details and stuff

1. setting a deadline for your mental health will basically never work. just due to the nature of how mental health works, the truth is that no one has their shit together by 21, and especially not by 18. i set a deadline for myself like yours (when i was 16 i decided if i didnt feel better by 18 i would end it.) and thankfully i didnt stick to it cause now im 22 and even though i dont have my shit together yet i at least know thats normal. it may suck to hear that but also like so much changes in the way you think between the ages of 18 and 21. you might not have your shit together but itll be easier to take a step back and understand whats going on in your head.

2. i didnt think therapy worked at your age. I was forced into therapy after an attempt and did it till i was 18 and I basically just sat there quietly waiting for it to be over for 2 years. after i stopped therapy at 18 i refused to do it again for 2, almost 3 years because i was convinced it didnt work. turns out it didnt work because i didnt want to be there. i’m back in therapy now after a couple traumatic events that happened in the past 2 years and its like…. so different when youre actually trying. it also depends heavily on the therapist. if you arent connecting with your therapist, youve gotta find a new one. it works, i promise. you just have to relearn what therapy is for. its not meant to fix you, its meant to help you manage your symptoms and organize your thoughts.

3. similarly, if your pills dont work, youve probably gotta change meds. and they will probably only manage symptoms, not actually cure things. it cn be easy to rely heavily on them, especially because when therapy feels like its not working it can feel like theyre the only hope. thats how i felt at least. im sorry youve only been getting a weeks worth at a time. i know youll be able to gain trust back over time and that will change.

4. when i attempted, i thought i broke my family too. it was really hard for a while. i dont know what your family situation was, but my family didnt know i had any problems up until the attempt, which just shook our whole dynamic. in my case, though, eventually it made things change for the better, because it meant we were forced to start acknowledging more than just surface level emotions with eachother and learning how to cope with mental illness as a family. i know all families are different and honestly, it does sometimes get harder before it gets better. theyre gonna be learning as you learn how to manage stuff. but i just want you to remember that even if things feel different, chances are that weird-different is gonna turn into a good different. also, family dynamics change a lot during the late teen early 20s years.

if i totally misinterpreted something just drop a message, also if you wanna talk just drop a message. im always willing to try to help and this particular message really like felt personal to me because i used to hold basically the exact same beliefs and only came around to thinking the way i do about therapy and stuff really recently. its really really easy to fall into unhealthy ways of thinking especially round the treatment of mental illness, cause theres a lot of complicated factors. and brain chemicals are weird and confusing and its really hard. but if nothing else, just remember that i used to be there, too, and things are changing for the better, so i think theyll change for you, too.

#suicide attempt tw #suicide tw #depression tw #medication tw #therapy #family #mental health #anonymous #ask #Anonymous #this message isnt pointless btw #its good to talk through things and get input from lots of different places #reaching out is good and im proud of you #also i wanted to apologise for not properly responding to your last message i didnt really know what to say #im glad you messaged again though #i kept the other one in my inbox cause i was kind of struck by how pretty the writing was #that probably didnt help at all though