#been feeling sad last couple of days

[stephaniedola]

i know hes my childhood friend and like we def have fun talking about all kinds of things but also hes literally just sooo annoying sometimes about the stupidest things like i simply cannot relate to his level of insecurity and buying into societal rules

#thots et al #'wearing the same shirt for 2 days in a row around the house makes me feel sad and lazy' #im a disabled autist i have been wearing the same rick and morty shirt around the house for the last week and i have zero feelings abt it #but like that alone wouldnt bother me so much but its coupled with CONSTANT bitching and moaning about shit idgaf about #like his stupid ideas of what he wants in a girl or how girls act and why hes still single #and his refusal to just listen to me when i tell him hes being stupid and he even admits i tell him the blunt truth #[screams in aromantic] #i literally just can't. i've always thought he was obnoxious even tho we were family friends but as adults it died down a bit #we've been getting along more overall but idfk man i feel like his therapist im so tired

[gallawitchxx]

thank you to @energievie & @gardenerian for the tag! i love you both so big! 🥺

rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics/chapters posted on AO3 (if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics) and try to draw some conclusions.

"Their first Valentine’s Day together lands on a Tuesday." - flip fuck? 

"It's been a fucking shitty day." - caught in the act 

"The first time Ian Gallagher laid eyes on Mickey Milkovich, he was waiting to meet with his parole officer for the first time since he’d been released." - rewards for good behavior

"Ding! The bell at the top of the shop door announced Ian’s arrival." - an exception to the rule

"The first time it happens, Mickey thinks it must be a fluke." - a seven letter word for love 

"'Hey man, one sec, I’ll be right up,' says the dark-haired, tattooed man holding a broom in the belly of the shop." - care for a cut?

"From the moment he presented, he knew he was a dead man. Mickey Milkovich, a fucking omega." - M8TE 

"'Open that fucking mouth, Mick.'" - to hold between your teeth

"Ian has always wanted to grow tomatoes." - a pipe dream becomes a reality

"There’s a bead of sweat at the back of Ian’s neck that’s threatening to fall, and he wishes that it just fucking would already." - seizing an opportunity

conclusions: i like that there's some variety, but that they all feel like openings. invitations into a larger story. portals to good days, bad days, chance meetings and established, yet deepening relationships, individual journeys that clash and overlap... jeez. writing is so cool. i'm glad i did this! 🖤🖤🖤

tagging @thisdivorce @squidyyy23 @annatrow @breedxblemickey @crossmydna @captainjowl @damnnmilkovich @goodkwuestion @howlinchickhowl @loftec @metalheadmickey @notherenewjersey @palepinkgoat @whatthebodygraspsnot @wehangout @whatwouldmickeydo if you wanna! if not, please know i'm loving up on your writing every damn day! xx

#**i cheated a bit with the last one as i skipped a couple older fics that i was moving over from tumblr!** #i've been feeling distant from writing in general these days #i knew it would happen sometime but it's still sad that it's here #(thank goodness for galladrabbles!) #but going back & revisiting all of these words & stories was a balm #i do have an idea for a story just need some brain space 😅 #well actually calli had an idea for a story 😉 #but she's my multi-chap muse so that's not surprising! #anyway! every one should do this! #i'm so grateful for the writers in this fandom! #shameless #shameless fanfiction #ian x mickey #tagged

[lovelaceisntdead]

Oh. having a bad time.

#I've been holding it together all day but suddenly everything is really getting to me #so sick of feeling like this. i want to be able to have a nice time and enjoy myself but i can't walk around for more than half an hour #without feeling so exhausted #and i saw my brother today and i was really trying not to let it get to me seeing him doing so well #and I'm really happy he's doing well it's not that i just get so jealous that he's able to do all the things he can #i thought I'd been doing well the last couple of weeks bit maybe i was just repressing because now i cant fucking breathe #and i miss the cats so much i know it's been literally a day but I'm so used to having them there all the time #i am so tired. i want to sleep. but I'm so sad #I'm so anxious and i feel like I'm being short with everyone and it's making everything really tense #i don't know what to do. #I've been looking forward to this week for ages and i knew it would have an impact on me but i didn't think I'd feel this bad #I'm just really upset i don't what the point of this is but i just need to get this out because i feel like imgoing to explode #i think I've been feeling triggered since yesterday but not purging it so my body has just been feeling it and then its all spilked over #i know it started in the car because the roads we took to get here are the ones i used to take for my hospital appointments

[dancing-with-stars]

guys. guys !!!!

#vanu is rambling #ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence. #like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me #but like for these past couple months things have been different. #i don���t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone. #like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or #i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey #where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment. #today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me #and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during #those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears #and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg #and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that. #because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call. #i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends. #it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time #they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable. #someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did #and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent #stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable. #like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter. #they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl. #they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in #friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool #people really. really cool people

[helennorvilles]

the school i work at is doing a wholeeeee thing for wear it purple day like all these decorations and a sausage sizzle (with a variety of sausages to suit the kids like halal and vegetarian etc etc) and apparently youth workers are visiting as well and it’s like, fun but also feels like good vibes for a primary school to go THIS visible supporting lgbtq+ kids

#a lot of my kids have been making ‘oh i don’t support gay people’ comments the last couple days #and that’s sad? but i think it’s majority just…. like a peer pressure cringe is lame kind of energy? #so it feels More important for the adults at this school to go all in like this #idk. it’s a whole thing of course. this feels like the right attitude for the school on it all though #like relatively simple and subtle but consistent in messaging? #my post tag

[teuer]

Like I haven’t really developed feelings for him but I don’t wanna start if it’s going to go nowhere. he’s sweet he’s genuine and with him it’s not about sex. He makes me smile a lot and he’s always smiling with me. he even brought up that he was looking for work in another state and that he declined it because I was holding him back “If I leave I’m kidnapping you” Is what he told me. like it seems he’s really in this for whatever but at times I feel doubt.

#Like I like him and after a couple days I just miss his voice and laying with him #but like he said he doesn’t like asking me to come over but he feels like he does all the time and so I started asking too #last week I spent 5 nights at his place #but now I feel like I’m asking too much and what if he doesn’t even want me there #I have been sad lately too and I feel like I haven’t really been myself around him #I kinda zoned out two times last week and he asked me if I was angry at him #I told him no and that I’m always battling with mental stuff and apologized if I made him think that #he then said I was just playing it doesn’t really matter to me #And I’m not sure what he means by that but it hurts a little

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#srry for the continued pause in scribbles ive been feeling not very good at all #idk something just broke in my brain after our last sampling trip idk y bc it wasnt that bad but when i got back #it was just a couple days of my brain being real crazy in terms of thought patterns. it still kinda continues to b like that #but idk i haven't had a session of hysterical crying today so maybe im on the mend. its weird i haven't felt this bad in a really long time #i dont even have the energy to complain about it its just no joy. burned streight thru that. bruned streight thru my desire to draw #i mean i still draw every day but its like shitty i dont have time scribbes bc idk it all feels so fucking pointless. and im terrible at #hiding how i feel abt things so my boss is like: maybe u should take a break this weekend i dont want u to burnout. like. lady we crossed #that bridge way back in March. u r speaking to a ghost. i just. i dont kno if i can stay here until like next july at least if not longer #and it sucks bc i kno someday ill look back and this time in my life will make me real sad bc im laying here choosing to make myself #miserable and i somwhere halfway across the country my mum has tumors growing in her abdomen. and i cant go home for Thanksgiving and idk #how long ill get at Christmas. not bc anyone is telling me i have to stay. my brain just wont let me do things. i just lay here in my #increasingly chaotic apartment not taking the steps to get refunded for travel expenses worrying over deadlines and agonizing over social #interactions. worrying about all the things my brain wont let me do that need to be done and not taking the steps to get better #its stupid and annoying and i know its only going to get worse when i have to start taking measurements in the lab #ive at least been practicing a lot of german tho lmao. someday ill look back like: lol remember when u got super depressed and filled the #void with learning german? literally today my dyslexic read the word albeit as aber and it was v disorienting #idk its just fun and i feel like im at least being productive. so yea idk when ill b able to post scribbles again #but i thought id at least post something while i had the energy i accumulated by taking with a happy Canadian lab group #maybe ill join them in a year idk idk decisions decisions and so many applications the cost of which is trying to dissuade me from #getting a tatt0o :-P ay ay ay live a little! pls i beg u. but no prob not. against the rules #unrelated

[blueberrycumbersnatch]

So tomorrow is my last day at my old job. I (and a lot of my coworkers) have had problems with two of the managers for a bit now. They were also kind of assholes about me quitting

I usually work early/earlier shifts with typically the same people. They decided to schedule me as a closing shift (meaning I’d be working until somewhere between 11-12pm) with pretty much no one that I usually work with on my last day.

Should I be nice and go in so that other people don’t have to deal with a callout OR should I be just as petty and not come in?

#ive never done a poll before lol #idk i feel bad and for the couple of people I might see and say bye to I kind of want to go in for #but when I say they’ve been assholes…god they’ve been assholes #it’s not even just them #so much has happened and I just kind of let it until I couldn’t take it anymore #it took me forever to find a new job and I’m really happy to be leaving but I’m also sad because this has been my life for so long #idk it’s been complicated #this wasn’t even supposed to be my last day they just didn’t schedule me the whole full time (not fired just not scheduled) #i think I deserve to callout but some part of me feels guilty? idk #anyway here’s my first poll lol

[wanderinthedeep]

I hate sitting on the floor of the ocean by myself

#it’s dark and cold and there’s a lot of pressure #ugh #I’m just having one of those days where I’m sad no matter what I do #and it’s so frustrating because I’ve been doing so good the last couple months #and I always cringe at posting depression stuff online but like fuck #I just have to say it somewhere #I wish my friends would just listen to music with me until I feel better #text

[dreamonminecraft]

It just hit me that this is the first time I've cried since techno's death

#i bottle up my feelings really bad and I don't cry unless I'm in control of the situation (reading sad fics) #but techno's death had me sobbing at all mentions of him for days #I've been in such a bad mental spot the last couple weeks and this weekend has just kind of crushed me #I'm trying my best #it's not just dream stuff there's irl shit going on too but yeah #new followers sorry to introduce you like this- i go through rough patches every once in a while #I'll try to use filtered tags- lmk if there's anything specific anyone needs tagged #tw mental health

[lilgynt]

okay i know i told everyone i don’t care and it’s whatever but i am sad that my dads coming back on my bday and the day has gotten swept aside especially cause i know people want to celebrate it with me and have been trying but i’m legitimately just busy with my dad and that’s more important. anyway

#personal #i’ve mostly forgot about it but just a bit :/ #but also this is the best case scenario i am a cronic birthday tragedy haver so also #deeply fucking anxious and dreading my birthday #we’ve gotten the last couple with no issue so maybe that’s why i’m sad #but now i’m reverting back bad to fear #also none of my family have really acknowledged it much #and i’ve only talked about it with my brothers to rescind #the birthday gift i asked for bc i’m so upset with them it feels hypocritical and gross to take anything from them #the universe has been trying to tell me to give up on the day for years now which like emo grow up but also i’m gonna listen

[youremyonlyhope]

Pippin is my favorite musical of all time.

But unfortunately, I seem to fixate on it during times of my life when my brain is especially existential, anxious, depressed, etc.

The last few days, I've been thinking about Pippin a lot, reading analyses of it, listening to the music. Just generally enjoying my comfort musical.

Then I remembered that earlier this week, my therapist heard me describing how I feel unfulfilled while unemployed and doing a lot of stuff for other people or to make other people happy and not doing anything for myself, all while having a completely messed up sleep schedule. And she said "Hmm... honestly... that sounds a little like depression."

And I was like "No. No. Because I am doing things. It's not like when I've been depressed in the past." but now that I'm back to fixating on Pippin, I think she was somewhat onto something since that's usually a bad sign. Yay!

#pippin #it's kind of sad that my comfort musical is pippin. but like. it's comforting for a reason. i need the comfort. #i'm currently being overworked by the theater i volunteer with because i was brought on to sew some pieces #and a couple turned into 6 pieces and then adding trims to other things and repairing a bunch of costumes #and completely deconstructing 2 different dresses to make them into new things #and then further alterations and tailoring and yeah this is not what i had signed up for #and how i need to learn to say no because i now have no time to do what i want to do with my free time #plus the jobs i've applied to have not gotten back to me and blah blah blah i'm doing nothing with my life at the moment #and past pippin obsessions have been senior year of high school when i had no clue what to do with my life #into freshman year of college when i was happier but still feeling strange about having no direction #then junior/senior year of college when i once again had no clue what i was doing with my life but about to graduate. #then one year post-college when i was considering leaving my job in the next year-ish to pursue theater #THEN during the really dark era of the quarantine in April just before May hit aka the lowest i've been in over a decade #literally crying every single day i was so stressed and anxious and depressed #and now. after a year of switching jobs. finally thinking i know what i want to do. and now having to actually do it. #while unemployed because my literal dream job that was supposed to last at least 4 months to a year only lasted 2 months

[tawnyisacolor]

trying to keep it together while my life has been simultaneously falling apart ☺️

#really trying not to spiral but holy shit i can’t keep up #feel free to skip my sad tags #it’s been a true battle with my health an a anxiety for weeks where I can barely function but I’m still desperately attempting #on top of the fact that as much as I hate complaining about work two of my longest most loyal customers have moved on recently #I don’t know a better term for that but #I’m happy for them in everything they do but also like I lost literally the base of my support and I feel so unmotivated LOL #and that’s not even the icing of my shit cake honestly #I’m having really bad dental issues that I literally just can’t do anything about 🙃 #i haven’t been able to afford actual weed in weeks just making a gram of wax last as long as I can until I can get another LOL #lmao so stressed my hair is falling out AND I lit some of my hair on fire blowing out a candle a couple days ago #that’s just some of the absolute shit show that is my life so you’re not surprised when I give up loooool

[arthur-r]

guess who gets to have chipotle today

#it’s me!!!! the last time i had it was my birthday in april #and i keep asking if we could have it and the answer is always no and then. a couple weeks ago when i was at work #my dad and sister had chipotle without me. and that made me real sad #but today i get to have chipotle!!!! im so excited #chipotle and red robin are my two favorite restaurants not counting [redacted pizza restaurant] where i work #and i have a secret kids menu hack that gets me super cheap food at red robin but it’s expensive for the rest of my family #so we don’t go there often. chipotle on the other hand is still a special treat but it’s a more equal special treat #where everyone can feel like they’re getting their moneys worth and im always in the mood for it #and so im really glad we’re doing it today. i love chipotle so much #we’re just gonna go order takeout and then eat it at home but that’s better than sitting in the restaurant with lights and loud people #so this is the most ideal meal possible. my dad went a couple weeks not really feeding us anything but this is the second day this week #that we’re getting food as a family. i guess he’s doing that cause my mom and little sister are almost home so he’s making the most of the #last week. other things he’s taking advantage of being able to do: smoke weed cause he thinks i don’t know the smell so i won’t know #i do know i just don’t want to be confrontational about it. we’ve almost made it through this entire time with no fights and im really proud #so im not gonna mess it up calling him out on something like that. for vague context i live in a state where it is a crime. but i don’t #really care from that standpoint it’s just. idk i just wish that when he’s supposed to be a responsible adult he would keep his wits up #like. my mom told me once that when i was growing up she would smoke weed before she hung out with me and my sister so that she would be #in the right headspace. she would smoke weed so that she’d be more childish and fun to play with #which i guess i appreciate the goddamned effort but it didn’t work because as long as you still have power over somebody #any superficial idea of equality isn’t going to do anything. three year old me did not cry less when my mom got mad at me if she had been #high when she was taking care of me earlier. that is not how that works. so anyway i guess it’s a sore spot #he’s only smoked once the past couple weeks and now he is again today i could smell it when i went to the basement to do my laundry #and it’s just not a great vibe. hang on i heard the dryer song from far away im gonna go move my laundry #anyway this is actually a happy post because i get chipotle so um. sorry for all the weed talk i got distracted #drug cw #ok i’ll see you guys later i have to move my laundry and then im getting dinner!!!! very excited #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[be-good-to-bugs]

i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa

#the bin #i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious #so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh. #i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad #im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20 #more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long #and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful #i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed #and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what #else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option #i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed! #it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them #all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister #also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be. #i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul #fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh. #how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon #and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some #i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to #all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone #besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider #friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period #i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho. #i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past #8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me. #its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone #it will get better. it has to.

[daeluin]

thinking about the dollar being 1.100 pesos yesterday and me posting about it being 1k last week and uhmm :/

this isn't helping my seasonal january depression

#i know i said i wasn't gonna argie post but god there's so much happening right now #and i feel like im wading through mud and the only thing keeping afloat is we got fob tonight and that's ridiculous but also #they're playing a show two days before my birthday and i know it's the only thing that's gonna bring me any sense of joy #bc it's been like that every couple of januaries for the last twenty of years or so and uhrgh how fucking sad that is #god i hate january and the downright spiral it brings #i just wanna be out of this funk. im already dreading having to fake joy on tuesday at work and being like 'no it's fine' at home #birthdays are the worst thing to have ever happened to me