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introverted-ghost · 10 months

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Hello, how are you doing? :))

Just realized how ~weird~ it is that we have been friends for this long and I do not know your name. I don't mean your real name necessarily, but just some way to call you? Lmao I literally cannot believe I am only now asking this, I feel like a terrible online friend :((

Funny how internet friendships work tho. Like I know you're a half-psychic pisces, and your favorite color is green, and you like The Owl House and The Ninja Turtles and Ninjago, and you have cats and several siblings.....

But I don't have a way to call you.

????

Honestly wtFUCK.

So imma ask you some questions to know you a lil better, if you don't mind.

1. HOW CAN I CALL YOU OMGGGG

2. Favorite candy

3. How was this past week? Anything fun?

4. What kind of books do you like? Not gonna ask favorite book, but just talk to me about books :) you like reading, right? I know you like comics, and reading comics is reading. You can talk to me about comics.

5. What is your favorite fun fact? Can be about anything. I'll tell you mine: a human teeth has 32 calories.

6. YOU HAVE CATS, RIGHT? I HAVE THIS MEMORY THAT YOU SHOWED ME SOME PICTURES OF THEM. RIGHT?? TWO OF THEM. I DIDN'T MADE THAT UP. RIGHT????

7. Do you still wanna be friends after this mess of an ask? Lmao.

Sorry. Currently 2:00 am. I shouldn't be allowed to use internet at this unholy hours.

I’m gonna fucking die I just finished answering this then tumblr crashed and it was gone. Anyways~

1. To be honest I don’t really care what people call me. Most folks call me dryad but I also go by edland, xero, kylan, and rian or anything else really since I don’t super care

2. I don’t think I have a favourite candy so I went to check what was in my stash which was virtually nothing (Imma have to stock up once I get paid) but there was a container of pink lemonade lemonheads (which are pretty good btw)

3. Id probably have to make a whole separate post to cover everything I did but basically we went camping a lot in different places across the province each night (depending on where you’re from that may not seem too impressive but I’ll tell you in messages the size of it compared to Colombia so you get the picture)

4. I like fiction stories, usually fantasy but chill if it’s not. I recently (yesterday) got a book from the library I asked for ages ago (it took extra time since the one they gave me originally was in Chinese so I returned that one and asked for one in english) it’s called journey to the west btw. I know a lot about it and have watched many adaptations of it but it’s nice to be able to read it. Yes I also like comics

These are all the Tmnt comics I have so far

5. I don’t know if this is my favourite fun fact or if I’ve already told you or if you already know since you’re super smart. The Latin words for 7 8 9 10 are septem octo novem decem respectively. You may recognize them as the 9-12 months of the year, which you would be correct. It bothered me that it doesn’t match up but they were named during the Julian calendar which started in April (that’s also how April fools started) so with quick comparing I learnt that it STILL DOESNT MATCH UP :|

6. I do have cats. Three of them though

First there’s Meredith he’s the oldest by a month

Then jingles

Skip ahead 5 or 6 years and you got Maggie (this picture was taken after she was spayed and we had to put her cone on when I wasn’t there to watch, she tried to escape while I was at school but just ended up making things worse for herself)

7. Yes of course I do!

Now you answer them! Well except 5 since you kinda already did. And 6 since it was kinda a me specific question. And 1 since I already know your name. And a modified 7 (do you still want to be my friend after this mess of an answer?)

Also go to sleep 🔫

#asks #cat #friend stuff #< new tag

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radicalagnostic · 2 years

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Ok, before I get on with this, I need to list out a few things.

I am writing this down on a google doc first and foremost. I’ll copy paste it. It’s just easier this way for me.

I do not have access to the unofficial collection. This is because my computer only has 2 GB of space left and runs like a turtle with polio.

The update schedule for this will likely be inconsistent. I have plans this summer, and I don’t want to force myself into routines that will obstruct my normal life.

Finally, the J Egbert thing. I’m choosing to use they/them to refer to Egbert so I don’t alienate anyone, because I know people feel very passionately about them to say the least.

And, without further ado, into the vortex I return.

6/12/22 6:18 PM EST

It's funny how this comic is now just as old as the main characters are in the beginning. I personally learned about it first in 2018… when I was 10 years old. I remember the gifs scared me away. This has really not much to do with anything, it’s just kinda funny.

Honestly, I completely forgot Egbert had an interest in programming. I don’t think the comic expanded on it much

Ah yes, the Problem Sleuth poster on Egbert’s wall (with a direct link to Topatoco no less.)

Maybe...just maybe…if we-

No.

God I love the way this is written. “BIRTHDAY ARTIFACT”. Yeah no sorry guys I don’t say “presents” anymore, these are my fucking BIRTHDAY ARTIFACTS (all caps).

I forgot you could merge cards. Did anyone actually do that? I don’t think so.

You know, earlier this year I tried to get my older sister to watch ConAir with me on 4/13. We never finished it because she said it was racist and Nicolas Cage freaked her out. The latter brings me joy to this day.

I find it funny that Homestuck BETA is semi-canon. God, Homestuck BETA freaks me out. Why the fuck are they so smooth? It’s so incorrect.

Ok, real talk. How is Egbert even alive? How often does this kid eat cake, seriously? Get them some nutrition, asap.

What a beautiful desktop. My favorite addition is AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. ~ATH

That file must contain nothing but quality.

(ran out of image room, so I'll post the second part of this separately)

(btw, if it isn't obvious, this was written yesterday. My tag for these things is gonna be "rez reads hs")

#radicalramblings #hs #i dont think this counts as a 'liveblog' since i wrote it yesterday in a google doc #it's certainly... something #rez reads hs

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babycharmander · 3 years

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Yes I know the event ended yesterday but I didn't get to finish this yesterday and I wanted to post more because I can.

Okay so I doooon't think I can do a post about these using the templates I posted, since they're compilations, but still, I wanted to say SOMETHING about them.

I have two oneshot compilations--An Assortment of Broken Bones and Bone Shards. They're found in compilation form only on AO3, though the individual fics are also posted to my art/writing blog, @bcdrawsandwrites. (Yes, the first one WAS posted to FFN, but I didn't post one specific fic to it, so I recommend reading it on AO3 instead.)

An Assortment of Broken Bones is a collection I wrote for the Bad Things Happen Bingo challenge! For the heck of it, I let people pick prompts from the bingo card I got, and they could provide me with characters to use with the prompt, and a brief idea of how they wanted those things to be combined. The result was a REALLY fun (but challenging!) writing exercise where I got to write a BUNCH of oneshots that I would have never come up with otherwise. It took me over a year, but I DID complete the challenge and get a bingo! During that time I wrote 16 oneshots of varying themes with a lot of different characters. It... was mostly Héctor, of course, but not all of them were about him! So... here's a quick rundown of each oneshot:

Crisis Catch-And-Carry: Pre-movie, Héctor and Imelda (who, since this is pre-movie, is still very angry at Héctor) get attacked by a wild alebrije. (Sort of like the cut "alebrije attack" scene, but with Héctor and Imelda rather than Héctor and Miguel, and on a street instead of on a trolley).

Memory Loss: A very tragic AU in which, after Héctor survives being forgotten, he finds he has lost his memory. (Note that this is a oneshot and it only features one scene of this AU idea.)

Panic Attack: Post-movie, Miguel goes swimming with some friends... and suddenly finds himself experiencing flashbacks and panic attacks, and has some explaining to do to his parents...

Caught in a Storm: Pre-movie, Héctor takes Coco out to play around in the outskirts of Santa Cecilia, only to get caught in a terrible rainstorm.

Worked Themselves to Exhaustion: Pre-movie, Héctor's letters have stopped coming, and Imelda is trying to start a business all on her own. Being a single mother is never easy...

Setting a Broken Bone: Pre-movie, one of Héctor's bridge-crossing attempts (in fact, the one detailed in my "When to Quit" comic on my art blog) leaves him seriously injured, and he has to practically drag himself back to Shantytown so Cheech and some friends can help him.

Cold-Blooded Torture: A one-shot that takes place DURING the events of Neither Can You. It's an optional, very violent read that takes place immediately after chapter 3 of the fic. (Seriously my gosh do not read this if you can't handle torture/violence.)

Damaged Vocal Cords: Pre-movie, Imelda is sick and unable to talk, Héctor is trying to be helpful as he can, and Ernesto is a nuisance.

Common Cold: Several years post-movie, Héctor and Imelda get caught in a rainstorm and find that being dead doesn't keep you from getting sick.

Hiding an Injury: Pre-movie, Chicharrón notices that Héctor is strangely keeping his ribcage covered, and wonders just what he might be hiding.

Doesn't Realize They've Been Injured: Pre-epilogue, Victoria discovers Héctor's been hiding out in the Rivera workshop... after he falls off the rafters and crashes into a worktable.

Cry Into Chest: Post-Neither Can You, Héctor awakens one night to find Victoria standing outside, sheltered by alebrijes. He's not the only one who's been having nightmares after the nightmarish experience they both had.

Tooth Knocked Out: Pre-movie, a teenage Héctor is distracted by Imelda and proceeds to walk into a wall, knocking out a tooth. Hey, that golden tooth had to come from somewhere.

Mugging: Pre-movie, Héctor resorts to very, very desperate measures trying to cross the bridge, and forces himself to test the limits of his own morals--something he takes no pleasure in.

Outnumbered in a Fight: Pre-epilogue, Miguel joins Youtube only to find people praising Ernesto de la Cruz, and finds himself getting into the worst kind of fight... internet arguments.

Slammed into a Wall: Pre-movie, Héctor gets into trouble while traveling with Ernesto.

Aaand that's it for An Assortment of Broken Bones.

BUT WAIT--THERE'S MORE!

I also have Bone Shards, which is a collection of unpolished (mostly unbeta'd) oneshots. Here's the ones I have in this collection so far:

Broken Bone: Pre-movie, Héctor visits Chicharrón after a failed bridge-crossing attempt, and learns something about forgotten skeletons.

Loved One Killed: The scene from the movie where Ernesto throws Miguel off the cliff, from Héctor's perspective. (No, Miguel's not really dead, but Héctor doesn't know that.)

Forced to Watch: A slight universe alteration in which Miguel is thrown into the cenote before Héctor, who is forced to watch it happen.

Chorizo: Pre-movie, Héctor gets a nickname, and isn't particularly happy about it.

Midnight: Pre-movie, Pepita follows her alebrije instincts.

Morning: The moments immediately following Miguel's return to the Land of the Living, from Imelda's perspective.

Sharp: Pre-epilogue, Héctor considers his relationship with his new family.

Dance: A little oneshot covering the events that led up to Héctor and Imelda's brief scene in "A Day in the Life of the Dead."

Sooooo... there you go! Was kinda fun going over these fics again.

BTW, thank you to everyone who participated in the event! I was thrilled to see everyone promoting their stories as well as others' works! I'll make a post myself later recommending a few other people's fics.

#coco #pixar coco #coco spoilers #coco fic day

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hithelleth · 3 years

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The Falcon and the Winter Soldier 1x06 “One World, One People”

I wrote this yesterday and even posted it but took it down because I wanted to process it further, but I feel pretty much the same today, so, here.

Uh, my feels are all over the place. IDK how coherent this will be. Also, I’m feeling weird in a way unrelated to the show so that might be colouring my perception.

Okay, we all knew Sam would be the new Cap and that went as expected and better, they really did it well and made him a true Cap. So I liked that.

IDK why I feel like there’s something missing about Bucky’s side of the story? He and Sam became true partners and friends and I guess he made his amends and finished with therapy and he’s hanging out with the Wilsons and he’s obviously happy. But. I don’t know, I just have a weird feeling. Maybe I’m just sad it’s the end of the story in general. Well, for now.

John Walker suddenly being helpful (while also after his own vengeance against Karli) seemed sketchy. And sure, he is at Val’s beck and call and she got him back in the US’s good graces because things will get different and ‘they’ will need a US agent.

Hmm. I wonder who ‘they’ are? Was that fascist/Nazi-like salute Walker did at the end? I’m thinking Hydra. Because we know those bastards never die. They could be coming back. And Walker could be Hydra Cap (like in the comics.) Edit: Aha, I’ve since learned the US Agent is an actual comics character. In any case, this story might be interesting to see.

So, Sharon is the Power Broker.

I have very mixed feelings about this, although I called it.

Considering the shitty deal she got after CACW, I understand why she went on that path: she needed to survive and she had the skills – and reasons to resent the US government & law (& possibly the Avengers, because it seems they’ve forgotten about her, but that’s sloppy writing and a whole other story) – to do it this way.

(Although, on the other hand, Steve and Sam were also on the run for two years, so they couldn’t have helped her in that time, I guess. And then there was Infinity War already, right? My memory is bad.

But otherwise, if that wasn’t the case, you wanna tell me Steve would just forget about doing anything to exonerate/help her? FFS.

It’s like Endgame and his effing off into the past. While I’m at that, if they had to make an absolute ‘no homo’ statement, they could have had Steve get Natasha back when returning the soul stone. (Okay, yeah, I’m a shipper, but still, it would make more sense.))

Okay, back to this show.

Conveniently, Sharon got rid of both Bartoc and Karli while helping Sam – although I think she would have helped Sam anyway against whomever he had been fighting, but in this way she killed two birds with one stone: got rid of the people who knew who she was and helped Sam at the same time.

(BTW, I don't like that Karli died.)

And Sam kept the promise to get her the pardon.

Which is great, because now she has access to all the fancy US military stuff to sell to the highest bidder.

Gah.

Like, I said, I understand why she’s gone down that way and she is so badass at it it’s great to watch, but I also want her to not become totally evil and come back to the good side – but it’s gonna take a lot more that a pardon, it will have to be personal for her to want to be good.

Which brings me back to the potential Walker’s story. If Hydra comes back, maybe that will be where Sharon draws the line and decides to play for the good side again (especially, since I suspect that their plan is to infiltrate the US government as they did Shield, so the government wouldn't be good anyway (I mean, not that it’s good now, but you know, gonna be a lot worse under Hydra.))

Oh, right, and Zemo orchestrated from the Raft (or arranged it in advance) so his butler blew up the remaining Flag Smashers. Of course he did.

Anyway. I think the weird feeling is that I’m sad it’s over. I want more (especially of Bucky and Sharon. And Joaquin, him too. Wouldn’t mind more Zemo, either.;))

Well, I guess, it’s Marvel, they always want to milk the cow that brings them money some more, so I figure we’ll get more of something.

But yeah, that’s it. It’s been too short. Although, probably for the best, because if it had been longer, it most likely wouldn’t have been as good.

I probably forgot some (or a lot of) things, but this babbling got long enough, so I’ll finish here.

All in all, very mixed feelings. I liked it but I didn’t like it? I think I just feel bereft. Of something. Not sure what.

#The Falcon and the Winter Soldier #1.06: One World One People #tfatws meta #my meta: tfatws #or more like #notes to self

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redemptiionss · 6 years

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TDP’s portrayal of Deafness & Deaf Culture through Amaya: PART ONE

So.. yesterday was the last day of Deaf Awareness Week lol. I’ve been working on this & part 2 and was planning on posting it yesterday, but obviously that didn’t work out as I didn’t finish them on time.

I know I said in my previous posts that this one would be about lipreading, but I decided that I would also talk about Deaf culture & TDP’s portrayal of Amaya. This post will be split into two parts: the first part will be about the authenticity of her portrayal, and the second part will be about how it is imperfect.

First. The portrayal of Amaya’s character & her deafness, while imperfect, is honestly incredibly refreshing to see compared to other portrayals in media. The entertainment media often will “cut corners” when it comes to portraying deaf people. They portray them as being able to hear some, speak some, & lipread as their primary mode of communication. This results in very little use of ASL, because it’s easier that way. Ta da! Less effort needed. Essentially, dDeaf people who are able to lipread/speak/hear some, are more likely to appear on television than Deaf people who cannot hear or speak & rely on ASL.

So yes, while TDP’s portrayal is imperfect, Amaya’s character is very refreshing to see. They actually put in effort to make Amaya appear as authentic as possible. For once, I’m seeing a Deaf character on television who doesn’t speak, can’t hear, & uses ASL as her primary mode of communication. Like me!! I really, really didn’t expect that, & least of all for her to use ASL. So yeah I’m stoked about her.

Now, it’s important to know that the Deaf community is diverse. Not all dDeaf/HoH people are the same! Some dDeaf people are profoundly deaf, like me, then others may have some hearing that varies on differing levels. Some are raised in oral education, others mainstream (public schools), or in deaf schools. Many are born to hearing families, others to strong intergenerational Deaf families (these Deaf people usually are very VERY strong, culturally & ASL-wise). Not all people with hearing loss are involved in the Deaf community/culture/world.

I don’t want it to seem like I’m ignoring or excluding all the dDeaf/HoH people involved with the Deaf culture/community; who may be here on Tumblr & fit those descriptions lol.

To me, Amaya comes across as someone who is culturally Deaf. She practically screams, I’M DEAF AND PROUD. She isn’t some character that they just halfheartedly slapped the “deaf” label on for bonus points. This is great, as it shows that they really did their research & listened to the Deaf people they consulted. Honestly, they & the ASL interpreters deserve all of our thank-yous.

Oh, and I posted a translation of Amaya’s signing a while back as well btw.. COUGH COUGH. Lol.

The Good Parts:

Pretty accurate usage & portrayal of ASL syntax.

This shows their understanding that:

ASL is not just “English in sign”, or a “translation” of English. It is its own legitimate language: completely different with its own grammar structure, morphology, phonology (known as the 5 parameters), etc.

Examples of ASL syntax, courtesy of Amaya:

“BREAKFAST MOST IMPORTANT MEAL DAY.”

“FOOD HERE IS... *bangs stale bread on counter* HARD LIKE STEEL.” {weapons-grade}

[Rayla’s interrogation]

“YOU TWO? *gesture* MANY THERE YOU ARE?”

“LIE YOU” *points at Rayla*

[Escape scene]

“CALLUM, EZRAN, COME” *points at the space next to her*

“OKAY, YOU. I KILL MONSTERS BEFORE.”

“IF ELF KNOW WE FOLLOW THEM, KILL BOYS. NEED CAREFUL.” *points in their direction*

[Memorial/Grave scene]

“HELLO BIG SISTER. YOU MY HERO. PERFECT, STRONG, ENDURING, HEART-SOFT {compassionate/gentle}, AND REALLY SORRY BIG SISTER. I FAIL YOU. I SONS SAFE WITH BUT GONE/MISSING.”

Note: ASL grammar does not use BE verbs (am, is, are, was, were) or articles ( (a, an, the), & it does not use tenses like English does either. Word order is different from English as well. More info on ASL grammar here if anyone is interested.

How to get a Deaf person’s attention.

Hint: you don’t yell. The best (and polite) way to get a Deaf person’s attention is to gently tap them on the shoulder.

We’ve only seen one scene of this so far, where Callum and Ezran is behind Amaya as she walks into the lodge. Because Amaya is deaf, with little to no hearing it seems, obviously Callum can’t just call her name to get her attention. So what does he do? He goes up and knocks on the shield Amaya is wearing on her back, and Amaya feels the vibrations and reacts immediately by turning around. This was a very tiny, quick scene, but I liked seeing that. :)

The job of the interpreter. (Psst. The correct terminology is INTERPRETER, not translator. Interpreters translate languages orally & in this case, into ASL. Translators deal with written text. This is just a peeve of mine since I am seeing many people refer to Gren as a “translator”.)

Contrary to [apparently????] popular belief, interpreters are not necessarily “stoic”, monotonous, etc. (I read that they were originally going to make him into comic relief.. I’m really glad that they didn’t.) Gren’s profession is a sign language interpreter. It is his job to interpret what Amaya is saying (and his job should be ALSO to interpret FOR Amaya at all times tbh... but I’ll get to that later in Part 2).

While it is the interpreter’s job to voice for Deaf people, this also means that they shouldn’t merely just say the words but to emote vocally as well, otherwise it’d appear that the interpreter & the Deaf person have no personality. It is their responsibility to deliver the appropriate emotion & tone that best fits what/how the Deaf person is conveying through ASL. So yeah, that is literally Gren’s job.

It is also his job to interpret what other people are saying, for Amaya’s benefit. Which is why I thought that the scene when Gren immediately jumps in to interpret for Amaya when she had her back turned towards Viren was an excellent demonstration of appropriate interpreting ethics. I would honestly like to see more of that in TDP, as that is the only scene we’ve gotten of Gren interpreting for Amaya.

Name Signs.

They are not nicknames. They are personal names, unique to each person who is a member of the Deaf community. This is an important & traditional aspect of Deaf culture. One isn’t just born with a name sign, of course-- it is assigned to them. It is a part of the Deaf cultural identity.

ANYONE can become a part of the Deaf community, including hearing people. However, hearing people/non-native signers should not pick or invent a name sign for themselves, as that is something reserved for a Deaf person to do. And in Deaf culture, it would be considered improper as well. Essentially, a culturally Deaf person assigns a name sign to a new non-native member of the community. It is considered a gift, something that is given to someone else and could be seen as a way of welcoming them into the community. The reason why it is like this, is because the creation of name signs actually has rules. << A link to an article/video that explains this, if anyone is interested lol.

However, not everyone has a name sign. Some may even choose not to have one-- meaning that their names would be fingerspelled, especially for those with names that have less than four letters.

There are two types of name signs: initialized/arbitrary & descriptive.

Initialized name signs use the first letter of your name from the manual alphabet. Descriptive name signs use classifier handshapes. Both may also be based on the receipent’s physical characteristics (this however, is more common in descriptive name signs. Initialized name signs usually doesn’t really have a meaning).

In TDP, it is shown that some characters have name signs (initialized), likely gifted by Amaya herself. Examples:

Callum: Initialized, in the handshape of a “C” & location is on the forehead towards the side. [In Amaya’s introductory scene, his name was initially fingerspelled & now I think it was done as to emphasize Amaya’s bewilderment at Callum’s yelling.]

Ezran: Initialized, hand in the handshape of a “E” & location is on the side of the chin.

Corvus: Initialized, in the handshape of a “C” and tapped once on the head near the forehead.

Viren: Initialized, in the handshape of a “V” and tapped on the forehead near the brow.

We’re seeing a trend here huh, lol. They showed the sign names so fast, I had to rewatch the scenes several times to make sure I got them. No sign name for Gren yet... but then, his name is only four letters.

Facial expressions and mouth movements.

In Deaf culture & when using ASL, facial expression is a must. The expressions one makes when signing will affect the meaning of that sign. It is also a part of ASL phonology, also known as the Five Parameters of ASL. Within the 5 parameters, facial expressions are known as non-manual markers.

I personally thought that for this type of animation, they did a decent job with Amaya’s facial expressions and using that to further convey her intended message through ASL.

(For example, when she says “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day”, that was a comedic moment but you could see that she was serious, due to her facial expression and body language. And then when she said “Don’t worry, I’ve slain monsters before”? Her facial expression as she signs “I’ve slain monsters before”... that was superb & chilling imo!)

As for mouth movements.. she moves her mouth of course, accordingly with her facial expressions. But she doesn’t mouth out the words as she signs. Many Deaf people DO mouth words [occasionally, sometimes, or frequently] as they sign-- I am guilty of this actually. But not all of them do... I know that her not speaking & this has likely confused many people into thinking that she’s mute, but this is in fact common for many culturally Deaf people (aka those who were born & raised in intergenerational Deaf families and thus are extremely strong in their identity, language, and culture). So I thought it was absolutely excellent that she didn’t mouth words at all. I’m aware it was probably also because it was easier on the creators lol.

PART TWO

[This one has the section on lipreading btw lol]

#txt #amaya #general amaya #aunt amaya #tdp #the dragon prince #amaya tdp #deaf #deaf culture #gren #commander gren #gren tdp #tdp spoilers

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rainbow-filmnerd · 5 years

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Big Things are Coming!

Hey Guys! I have several things to talk about in terms of the next few months, and a lot of them are gonna be big!

This week is my last week of my final semester at Manchester Community College (a few weeks ago, I am just done with that place) and on this coming Wednesday, I will have my last day on campus before I have to complete a couple assignments by either Thursday and Saturday (my goal is to finish before I go to work on Friday evening! I will explain more later.). I have two final exams to take; Biology (which I will constantly study for before taking the exam on Tuesday. Gotta get it done before Creative Writing starts. RIP) and US History, which is a take-home exam, and as mentioned previously, I will have to finish it before I go to work on Friday.

On this coming Saturday, my older brother is graduating from college, and my parents and I are going over to Keene for the ceremony. I'm just glad I got the day off at work, because Keene is nearly two hours away from home, and that's just the second reason on why I won't make it in. Next week, the four of us will be headed to New York City from Monday to Thursday (I told my manager that I can't come in on Sunday because I'll be out of town, but she doesn't have to know that I'm leaving on Monday. I'm just hoping I don't have to come in on the 12th. LOL). And due to that, I will not be online on here, Instagram, Tumblr or Twitter, because I don't know if there'll be WiFi at the hotel we're staying at. I will explain more about my NYC trip when I get home.

Aside from work, I have some summer activities in the coming (I will explain more about FanExpo Boston in the next paragraph), such as family trips, the movies (I have to see Endgame. Social media is a freaking minefield when it comes to the movie's spoilers!), maybe Canobie Lake Park, and a Fisher Cats game. On June 21st, my Dad, older brother and I will be attending their "Comic Con Night", and I'll be dressed for the occasion. I decided to dress up as Rebel Eleven from Stranger Things, as seen in the last few episodes of the second season. Overall, I wanted to do a easier cosplay and save the hard work for FanExpo Boston. Plus, Season 3 is premiering on the Fourth of July, not long after the Fisher Cats game, so that should bring some ST hype.

You guys probably know about this by now, but I have plans in going to FanExpo Boston yet again for 2019. I have decided that I'm dressing up as Wirt from Over the Garden Wall, mainly because he was the only idea I had for a cosplay this year at the convention, and I watched the series a few months ago. I do not know if my Dad and I are going on Saturday or Sunday, because as of May 5th, there isn't any announcements of certain panels. And in terms of celebrity meetings, I am heavily considering meeting one this year, and that is FREAKING Sean Astin! I may be meeting 2012!Raphael and Bob Newby himself! There has been some other celebrity announcements, but none of them really got me thinking of meeting them (except maybe David Harbour, who portrays Jim Hopper on ST, but that depends if I still want to meet him and if I'm going on Sunday). I will be working hard on my Wirt cosplay because I have to sew his hat and cape. I did find a tutorial of both by the same person on YouTube, and I'll have to give her a shoutout once I'm happy with the costume pieces' execution.

Lastly, in late August, since I finished two years of MCC, I will be transferring to another school to get my associate's degree. Since I have my heart set on majoring in Film Studies, the closest school for that is in Keene State College. In early March, I was finally admitted as a student and will start my classes in the Fall (I just got them a few days ago, and I'm really excited!). Some KSC stuff will be happening in the summer, mainly preparations and an orientation for transfer students sometime next month.

As a little bonus, and I mentioned it previously, but in honor of TMNT's 35th Anniversary (which was yesterday BTW), Granite State Comic Con is having Kevin Eastman and the four original voice actors of the Turtles (including Rob Paulsen, whom I met last year) as guests at the convention. I am debating whether or not to go, because I don't know who else is set to show up at FanExpo Boston, it is on a weekend while I'm at school (luckily, my class schedule doesn't interfere, but it'll depend on what schoolwork I'll have to get done), and tickets are $10-15 cheaper than the ones at FanExpo Boston (which is $35 per ticket for just one day). If I do decide to go, I'll come home for that weekend (with no plans to dress up!) and meet Kevin Eastman and maybe say hello to Rob again, because I wanna tell him how awesome of a job he's doing as RotTMNT's voice director.

Well, that's all I'm sharing with you guys for now. I apologize if this journal was long, but I have a lot of stuff bond to happen in this short amount of time, and I really wanted to share it with you guys. Also, I have a goal to finish "Beauty and Dangerous", my TMNT fanfiction, before I got to school on Sunday. I will try to post Chapter 11 before the end of the month.

I'll talk to you all later!

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gladioluuss · 5 years

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So the endgame is really the end...

My dad is actually a fan, of course he is a guy! (sorry not sorry for this sexist comment) and he has drag me into his stuff like the Star Wars and this MCU which I don’t really have interest in being a fan but I appreciate it.

This post contains rants, critics, spoilers and biased opinions so read at your own risk. Click that keep reading button.

btw. Disclaimer, don’t judge me and this post because I have a moderate amount of knowledge about the MCU (because I’m not really an avid fan alright so those who will bash me please stay away) and I’ll be stating only the things that I know (corrections are welcome of course).

AGAIN this post contains SPOILERS about the Avengers: Endgame so please leave if you don’t wanna get spoiled

Before I begin, All I want to say is wow I just started this freakin MCU craziness with the Avengers and now the original team is not gonna do a comeback anymore. Yahh you read it right because it is really the end. Tony Stark died, Steve Rogers gave the title to Falcon making him the next Captain America (which I heard that it should be Bucky but nevermind there might be surprises in the future), Black widow died, Thor joining the Guardians of the Galaxy (idk if permanently but in the end of endgame he is with the squad), Spiderman continuing his life (He has a new movie of course cause Tom Holand is the new Peter Parker and he need movies to go through before retiring yah know) and I don’t really know about Hulk. But I gotta say this last 2 installment of the franchise.. harsh.

So why is it the end?

So Marvel had a lot of movie starting with Iron Man continuing with Captain America which was shown in the early 2010s then the new set was introduced starting with Black Panther (with the solo movies of course). And this seemed likely a new path for the Avengers. We had tons of superheroes in the Avengers but started with Captain America, Iron Man etc. and this epic conclusion says that its time, after years of being a lead to this superhero squad, its time that they should be passing the title to the new squad. Take Captain Marvel for example, she’s new right? new girl in town. But when you watch endgame she is just a supporting like literally appeared in the beginning and the ending of the movie, same with Doctor strange and Black Panther because they have future movies to be in that’s why they’re not present entirely in the movie (endgame and infinity war). And this suggest that they may be the future leads of the Avengers.

Another point is, the actors are tired (want to retire) or the writers just want to finish it off and maybe the characters won’t be having a major role in the next few movies that’s why they died. Maybe they’ll cameo or have special appearance as different characters. Take Chris Evans for example, he appeared as torch guy in Fantastic Four (which is a marvel movie) and He became Captain America! (coincidence? nahh) So there might be possibilities but chances are low with the lead characters who just died although the actors can appear again with different role that they’ll be taking.

Some characters died?

Sad to say but there are tons of original leads who died. First is Loki at the beginning of Infinity War. Then Vision, since Thanos is claiming the Mind stone to him. We’ve got Gamora and Black Widow who died with the same reason, Iron Man who sacrificed himself and I am so mad because whyy he died Captain America.. who didn’t really die however he just grew old and doesn’t fit to be a superhero anymore because duh he is old. So this clarifies that there won’t be a next after the endgame because they took out the major characters. And I’m not impressed about that. I haven’t read the comics and I think that some characters won’t really die and they just killed these characters in the movies because of certain reasons.

Story time?

I actually am not a fan of MCU. True that I know bits and pieces of the stories of some marvel movies like Spiderman (which I really know because I watched the movies of the original Spiderman ehem Tobey Maguire) and Iron Man (all I know is he makes suit and wears them..) and Captain America (idk .. he is handsome?). I also watched some bits of Civil War, which where Cap and Iron Man build up their own teams to fight. And the Infinity War where I witnessed Loki dying (meh) and Thor which has a rough relationship with his brother. I witnessed these things even when I was a kid but you know I’m a girl and girls doesn’t have interest with these kind of things. Well yeah I do like super heroes when I was a kid (ehem Adventure Time ehem Teen Titans /which is in dc btw xD) but I was not focusing on these stuff because I’m busy with Barbie and stuff, can you blame me? Now the main thing is I’m not a fan like totally and before I don’t even know which heroes belong to DC / Marvel. But yesterday my dad is like we’re watching endgame and I don’t know what’s already happening in the timeline (though I know that Loki died meh) so yeah I watched Infinity War (about the infinity stones and the gauntlet) and did some research like the relationships and the backstories. I also watched some videos on youtube that explains 20 movies in one video. And it helped!

Some remarks..

If I were to rate Avengers: Endgame I would give it a 3.5 / 5

Reason: Well 3.5 isn’t bad right? Well I gotta say I’m too old for superheroes and it doesn’t give me that wow factor but I really like the fighting scenes. Especially the part where all the girl heroes assemble (without black widow :/) and fight those creepy gross monsters that Thanos brought to the future. I’m on the neutral side because I’ve expected more something like one of the superhero will be able to defeat Thanos or like its a one big fight between Thanos and the Avengers but that didn’t happen because Thanos himself destroyed the stone how stupid of that and yeah I’ve expected that really but that would be a generic and lame ending (cliche like). But they should’ve done something more witty, unexpected not a time travel :/ which made me more confused. SO yeah they did a time travel and mess things up but Doctor Strange did something (idk about that I might read about that more when there’s more info about endgame that comes out) to bring back the vanished heroes and yay they win. But Iron Man died so no happy ending. They should’ve let the man live (in the comics he lived) and be with his family. One message that Marvel let people know, it’s not always about happy ending, sometimes it’s about reality even if we live in our fantasies, we still need to accept the truth about that. That sucks

One more remark, marvel movies isn’t for kids. I know that’s lame but yeah I feel like it’s for more mature audience than kids who doesn’t see things that much. But at lest they enjoy the cool stuff right?

If only Star- Lord did good life choices and resisted the angry feeling when he knew that Gamora was gone, Infinity War would be the last and there will be a happy ending.

This is a long stuff but I hope you enjoyed this long post :D

- Nabi

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ssaalexblake · 7 years

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major MAJOR SPOILERS for wonde rwoman ahead like proceed at ur own risk i basically just liveblogged the movie from memory SPOILERS

okay like i did not expect my first thought of this movie to be ‘wow i love bruce wayne’ and yet...

the thoughtful bat bastard

also i had no idea robin wright was in this movie and after 2 days of seeing house of cards gifsets of claire underwood being shady af it was jarring.

tho also like... THANK YOU for having a good age range on the amazonians??? like, normally a movie involving an paradise like island only populated by women will have nobody over the age of what, 23?? they didn’t even photoshop out any signs of age!!!! Age diversity isn’t something we talk about a lot, but it’s important too.

oh and i don’t know /much/ about armour but it came across to me as functional, true to the comics but not sexualised either so A+

smug diana’s face when she was told she wouldn’t wield the god killer lol

also, i liked the way they filmed the fight sequences? It was clear what was going on, but where it included the slowmo and almost snapshots of the scene it had a real comic book feel to it.

kinda confused as to where the big boats went tbh but?? okay. I like Steve.

also his entire reaction to the whole laso thing was priceless poor dude

also i know this wasn’t a direct inversion or anything, but /thank you/ for none of this ‘born sexy yesterday’ nonesense!!!! Steve! is the one undressed in front of her (and she doesn’t give a fuck,and that, unlike the women, was sexualised) b/c she’s... Not naive! She’s naive about humanity in general and those with bad intentions, but they didn’t fall into the sexually naive trope trap. Sure, she’d never seen a dude before, much less a naked one, but like... she’s read all 12 volumes on pleasure and while men are required for reproduction... they’re not necessary for the pleasure part.

side bar: i’m feeling very gay today and thanks for the implication there.

i also appreciated the nods to the traditional hero story in this, because this movie follows the formula of all the others, but it is inherently feminine instead. But Diana is just as equal as the men, and she has the journey, too.

small note, when they ride to the boats to go to London i sniggered so loud at Steve getting the white horse. She got the black horse, he got the white horse. No damsel in distress on a beautiful white stallion here.

‘it’s just rude to /assume/ i can sleep with you!’ ‘you want me to sleep with you??? ok i will’ gfhrthtrgteger that was such a nice sequence again, actively /because/ she was not naive!!! she was just not knowledgeable of western societal expectations!!! 2 different things.

diana’s reaction to seeing the baby!!!! such a cute tiny moment

also looollll at the fashion scene like, i feel u, u can’t fight in those skirts

also, when she met Etta i was struck that we’d had a whole first part of the movie with only ladies!!! b/c like, normally that’d be all you’d get, just diana and etta barely talking but no!!! they related to each other and got on and were not the only women!

also, the perspective of the movie from a female standpoint, i was far less bothered by the portrayals of the sexism. Sometimes, when you’re watching a dude centric thing, and it’s set in the 40′s or 50′s and it’s super sexist, it can feel like the focus is more on getting to portray a woman’s hurt at being subjected to sexism is the point, rather than showing how fucked up it is, like, you can practically feel them enjoying the power trip, but being in Diana’s shoes, this movie being female directed, made it about her fury and shock at being excluded. Perspective matters, apparently.

her yelling at the generals in respect of claire underwood i love her (idr her character name sorry)

and fhgfiigjfjgfj her immediate reaction to her comrades l o l ‘at least he can punch’ ‘no not him’

'his people’ possibly the best line in the movie, i will reblog the posts about it when they get here

diana’s utter heartbreak the whole way through at it not being simple, that she can’t stop and save and help everyone, her in the trenches was rough.

and then she decides that actually, nah, i am gonna save people. at least these ones.

the SHOT THE SHOT /the/ superhero shot. Her taking her hair down, her turning and being full gear, her climbing up into no man’s land, just... this was a major cry part

aaaand the sniper! Look, Steve looking at the situation, nobody judging mr scotsman for not being able to take the shot, and Steve thinking back to how he saw diana and her people fight, and engineering a situation that he knows she will do well in!! he A) paid close attention to the first fight and B) is without ego catering the situation to aid her to finish the job

i too would stand and applaud and shake her hand lol

tho i /did/ find it weird they were shaking her hand, i thought the double cheek kiss thing would have been more like, accurate.

side note: i kicked myself, literally, in the cinema for shipping steve and diana so much because i knew how it had to end and yet, there i was, shipping the fuck outta them. That was /before/ he went back into the room with her, when i thought ‘hey maaaaybe they’ll be nice’ but NOPE then that happened and i was ‘they’re doomed.’.

definitely not /necessary/ but like... occasionally they can be useful.

also her slowly learning more about her companions as people and finding their value and heart was??? they were traumatised and messes and she found the heart and i love her so much

anyways the scenes in the gala hurt me, tho like, her DRESS, even aside from it being beautiful, it was not sexualised but still made her the person who stood out the most in the whole room, somebody tell male movie makers that colour can achieve what excess cleavage does 5x easier and more effectively than the latter.

she’s just... she’s really naive about humanity in general, and the narrative doesn’t demonise her for it and she learns and it obviously hurts steve b/c he wants it to be true. he so clearly longs for her way of thinking, but he knows it’s not true, and he knows she’s going to find out and that was a warning to the audience but it still hurt.

the village :(

i think i’m gonna be perpetually hurt by her reaction when she realised her killing the dude did nothing. Always gonna sting.

and THE WATCH, the watch ‘he lets order him around’ just a watch. He gives her the watch, of everything, the watch. And she goes on to do what he does, what he believes, she goes on to love like he does, she does what the watch tells her, kinda. that one kicked me in the feelings. the fucking pocket watch gdi.

me, the whole way through the movie: don’t kill Chief don’t kill Chief and thank youfor not being awful for once

‘i can save these people but you can save the world, it has to be me’ i’m sobbing friends she can save the fucking world

(side note: steve was treated well and respected for his role in this move but when u swap it, where the man is the hero and the woman is the backup, women rarely get that courtesy, and every man complaining about steve being a sidekick love interest can be /told/ we rarely ever get the amount of respect story wise he was shown.)

she a fucking demi-god babes and she is totally okay with Fratricide so watch the fuck out ~my girl

btw the photo killed me the whole way through just fyi

and i /had/ forgotten till she touched his face on the billboard.

and then my love for bruce way back when at the beginning of the movie hit even higher b/c i now understood exactly HOW much that photo meant to her, and that idiot melodramatic bat dude spent the time tracking down the original photo just to send it to her.

no other motivation, it was, as she said, a choice to be loving. This movie has made me emotional about Bruce and Clark in BVS lol.

i’m just really choked up about this one i gotta cry a little more nvm

#rrhrhrth #ryhrth #fgerrgteh #wdfgegrerg #rffgtrhetg #gethetg #danni retroactively liveblogs wonder woman #this is A MESS but i needed to rant #spoilers #wonder woman spoilers #wonderwoman spoilers

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seriouslysoulsearching-blog · 6 years

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I’ve been so, so busy

The whole month of January has practically gone by and I haven’t posted anything! Day shift at work is VERY consuming. The pace is SO different from nights. The first week or two of working days I felt like my head was spinning from trying to keep up with all the buzz of day shift and trying to learn new stuff. Not to mention waking up at 5 in the morning--ugh! I feel like crap every morning I wake up. I just zombie through the first hour and a half until I get onto the floor. However, once the day starts, I hit the ground running. I don’t feel tired during the day because there’s literally any time to sit. When I come home, I’m WIPED. Days has a whole different pace because there’s more daily meds to be given, discharges/admissions happen more frequently, report to the NPs, talking to the patient’s and their families. It’s A LOT but I’m still liking it. I feel so incredibly grateful to be working on the unit that I do. The floor itself is interesting because it’s trauma. It’s not boring as shit like a general med-surg floor would be. It’s a smaller unit and the patients still share 2 to a room and the floor is sectioned off in pods so all my patients are in the same area (i.e: I’m not running all over the place) And most importantly, the staff are WONDERFUL people. So open to giving help and teaching me when I ask questions/ask for assistance. They are so friendly and so nice. Even though I enjoyed nights, I’m going to officially work for days. My manager approached me two or so weeks ago and told me that I would have the option to choose what shift I would work once orientation ends (which is Feb 4th--two weeks away!!???!?!) since there are people leaving on both shifts. I was a little undecided for a few days, but I was sold working for days when I was able to actually be productive on my days off--such as: running errands, seeing friends, or simply having time to myself. I’ve even gone out after work a few times to meet up with friends.

Which brings me to my next point I wanted to mention, I’ve been feeling more up to socializing than I have in a really long time. And most importantly, I finally feel like I’m beginning to be more like myself again. I feel lighter in the sense that my mind is less heavy. Don’t get me wrong, my anxiety is prevalent on the regular, but I’m laughing more sincerely--I mean like good belly laughs, almost crying. I’m getting along SO much better with my mom--I’m able to practice more patience with her. I don’t know if that’s because it’s a good week for me or that’s how it’ll hopefully move forward with my mom. I think now that she see’s me working and making a living, she’s giving me more space/ given me more respect. Which is nice but I should have been getting that regardless. I DIGRESS. Back to my point. I’ve been socializing more as of late. My old friend Jack texted me earlier this week inviting me to see his band play at a place in Philly. He said Cate, Zayna, Jess were going and that after his gig they were just gonna drink afterwards at that bar. I had work that night but I told him I’d come afterwards. I figured I hadn’t seen my old high school friends in quite some time and it would be a great setting to meet up with them--and I was exactly right, I had a ton of fun with them. I felt like I always say I want to hang out with that group when they’re hanging/ say I want to see Jack play, but never follow through. But on Thursday night, I followed through and had a good time. I brought a change of clothes with me to work, got changed and cleaned up in the staff locker room, and pushed through the sleepiness. I’m glad I did! Cate is my true connection left to that group. Well, actually, Zayna will always be my bud too, we’ve always been so comfortable with each other and every time we see each other we leave off right were we left it. Anyway, I’m just proud I followed through this time. THEN, Friday night (yesterday), I met up with Lindsay. I texted her last weekend out of the blue and asked if she wanted to get drinks in the city. I wanted to see her new apartment and catch up. I feel like now that I’m single and working, when I do have time off, I want to be more proactive. I had a GREAT time with her as well. Our conversation was so fun. Considering we’ve known each other since we were three, we’ve had a natural connection, so that too felt really natural. I wasn’t feeling anxious leading up to it or during, which was a concern of mine. Anyway, we walked to a pub called Dandelion a few blocks away from her apartment in rittenhouse. I loved the atmosphere of the place it was so cozy, so packed, and really reminded me of pubs in Ireland. I love that Lindsay is at a point in her life where she’s just so free in terms of like, interacting with guys. Like when were signing the check at the pub, she put her phone number down on the receipt of our cute waiter! Like that is bold! I’d wuss out of doing that. I definitely want to keep going out with her because she’s single like me and just down to have a good time. And I really need that right now. We were joking our goal of the night was for each of us to make out with a guy that night (it didn’t happen, but the night was still great) Then after the pub, we stopped by her apartment to put my leftovers in the fridge. We were sitting and talking on her couch, and I was getting all comfy thinking I’d be ready for bed and even mentioned possibly just taking the patco back home, and Lindsay was like “it’s not even midnight yet. c’mon kait you said we had to find guys that we were gonna make out with. lets go to this bar right down the block for a drink” and I was like welllll I kinda wanna sleep and she didn’t take no for an answer she replied with something along the lines of “cmon lets just go to this bar and we could order water and go home after that” And I couldn’t say no to that! I grabbed my coat and off we went. When we first got to the bar, it was kind of empty. We grabbed a seat at the bar and got chatting with these two super attractive bartenders (we later figure out the one is engaged--sigh--but he was really cool to talk with regardless) We ended up staying there until 3 in the morning hahaha. When we got back to her apartment, we munched on my cold leftover fries and fell asleep in her bed. It was SUCH a good night. She’s such a good balance for me. Lindsay has always been the bossy type and in this situation, it was beneficial! I’m glad she pushed me to get my coat on.

Another major thing: I BOUGHT A CAR TODAY!!! Actually, funny story leading up to that, I woke up at 7:30 this morning (that’s right, I only slept for like, 3 1/2 hours) to make sure everything was lined up so I could get my car today. It was before nine when I got on the Patco. 15th/16th station wasn’t all that busy so I didn’t really think much that when I went underground and got onto the train (which I watched come in, btw) it was empty. The train doors close and the lights turn off. I’m like “hm okay, they’ll come back on in a second, I know sometimes they flicker” well, THEY DIDN’T. And then I noticed it didn’t stop at 12/13th st, or 9th/10th, the train would just blow through them. By 8th and market stop I came to the full realization that I’m on an empty, out of service train! I was underground and had no phone service. My next though was, well WHO am I going to call?? Would I just end up going all the way to lindenwold to the service station and have to bang on the heavy metal train doors until someone saw me?? To be fair, I stayed REALLY calm through this. I realized how comical it was from the getco. So because I stayed calmed, I was able to think about finding a number to called based on remembering there was a sing on train I read every time I take it which says something along the lines of “if you see suspicious behavio , call this number” And it turned out being helpful! The patco police number was on that sig! Once the bridge was crossing over the river, I was able to get service again, and I knew once I’d get back on the jersey side my service would drop for the first few stops since they’re also under ground. So as soon as I saw that 4G icon pop up on my phone, I called the patco police and was like “um hi hello I’m a passenger on a train and I don’t think they know I’m on it because the lights are out and they haven’t stopped at any of the stops yet” hahah sucha funny phone call to make. And they were like, well what train are you on/which direction/what stop do you need to get off on/we’ll contact them/we’ll call you back (in gist) Welp, turns out, it was an express train that was running today for the women’s march that was goin exclusively to and from 15th street stop to collingswood. WHOOPS. Hahaha. Makes for a great story and I got plenty of laughs out of it today. And I managed to make other people laugh while telling it. It was a fun mini adventure to have while mildly hungover.

I’m going have to finish talking about my day today tomorrow. I have work in the morning and it’s almost 10:30. I NEED SLEEEEEP so tired. Especially from today. So exhausting! I did so much running around. As soon as I got off the patco, I was calling the car dealership about faxing stuff over to my credit union in order to secure the loan. The loan office was only open til 1 today so I had a time crunch. By the time the dealership sent over the proof of purcahse papers to the credit union, it was 11. And I called twice in the morning and couldn’t reach anyone. So I decided to drive over there myself to hopefully speed up the process of getting that check from the credit union. I get to the office building around 11:45 and the woman was like “well, I may not be able to process it today because there’s another person who I was gonna do the car loan paperwork and I may not be able to do yours before 1 today” blah blah blah. But I was like “welp, I’m just gonna sit here” and sure enough, I got helped on. While waiting for the loan person to get all my paper work ready for me to sign, I had to call the insurance company and open up my own policy. And I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Honestly this whole process of buying a car, I’ve basically followed my mom’s suggestions (she’s more informed) but I have like barely a fucking clue about the interest rate, car insurance, and loan shit. My brain was FRIED. Not to mention, I was moderately hung over, and hadn’t gone home yet. So it’s like 1 PM by the time I sign my loan paperwork and get the check, and I’m STILL wearing my outfit from last night, with the make up I didn’t wash off my face from the night before, smelling like B.O. So I quickly race home, shower off my hang over, and shove my face with food because I hadn’t eaten at all at that point. Then around 2:30, I headed down to the car dealer with my mom to pick up my car. That shit took almost two or so hours to get done as well. I was so eager just to get the fuck out of there. Doing this whole adult thing is fucking exhausting. I was running around ALL day today for this fucking car purchase. It was damn worth it though because I absolutely love my new car. I love love love it. Every thing about it. I feel so comfortable driving in it. I enjoy being higher up off the ground--I can see so much more.

Okay so I said I was gonna go to bed but ended up writing all that so now I REALLY need to stop typing and get some sleep because it’s almost 10:45 and I’ve gotta be up sooner than I’d like. It’s kinda funny that everything I wrote is basically from this past week. It goes to show how much goes on on the day-to-day. I still have to talk about that date I had with a guy named Dan and my current feelings about looking for guys. But for now...zzzzzzz

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