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#but! good to know! thank u anon

fagtainsparklez · 5 months

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genuinely think the folks giving ya shit on tagging matpat stuff aren't realizing that on tumblr if you search stuff, it's going to show you stuff that even remotely mentions the subject. but also, recently they (tumblr) have it to where if you put # in front of whatever you're searching, then only the posts tagged with it will show up.

i've done everything i can on my end to make it so i don't appear in maintags so HOPEFULLY that should fix some things. but wait fr?? they could just fix the system but hey it's a start

#muse talk #anon #i doubt ppl who are more complaining won't see this #bc hopefully they've either already blocked me #or don't follow me and won't see this #but! good to know! thank u anon

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brother-emperors · 7 months

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When you talk about Philippino history and then Roman history, as a Venezuelan it's been making me think about our history and like, I've always thought there's a lot of similarity there but now it's like...its so similar. Your house is haunted too! I always think about how we won wars against the colonizers but their ghosts are still there, and they still sit at the dinner table with us every night. Your work is so cool, I feel like I can extend that train of thought further through time. I've never been interested in Rome but now I kinda am!

Venezuela 🤝the Philippines: being haunted houses (colonized by Spain)

also that is so SO real, the ghosts really are with us!! THEY ARE AT!!! OUR DINNER TABLES!!!!! ngl, once you start noticing it, it's impossible to NOT notice how they've crawled into the spaces and just. stayed.

ancient Rome is so weird for it too, because if you asked me about it, I wouldn't immediately put ancient Rome down for haunting the Philippines, except for the fact that like Catholicism, it's fucking everywhere. it's gotten in the cracks and spaces between the walls. On the stage of theater, Nadres' Hanggang dito na lamang at maraming salamat: the main character is named after Julius Caesar

Closet Queeries, J. Niel C. Garcia

and so many people are named after figures from ancient Rome (I know enough Mark Anthonys I've run out of differentiating nicknames for everyone) that it rivals Catholic saints for naming conventions. neo classical architecture had it's moment in the sun in Manila, our ilustrados brought some of it back when they returned from Spain to call for reform, and then independence, and I am struggling to hold back a plague-infection comparison about that. like, something else crept in with Spain, and like Spain's ghosts, it Did Not Leave.

but on the other hand! there's a long, centuries long, tradition of using the events of the Fall of the Republic to discourse, discuss, to vent or call for action, current events. it provides a interlocutor when something hurts too much to say directly, it provides a stage to explore a tragedy that echoes in our own histories, it gives a script to voice an ideal that a government might otherwise put down. how many centuries have we used Brutus (and Cassius) to rail against Tyranny, and how many centuries with equal enthusiasm have people used Julius Caesar as a martyr to justify the rights of Kings and Empires? these things are equally as important (in a different way) from the ancient events that actually transpired. (this specific topic, of Brutus & the Assassination of Caesar and it's literary revivals in history, are the focus of The Brutus Revival, Manfredi Piccolomini)

and the cores of these things conflict with each other, but in that friction, it's like there's an invitation to sit down and think for a minute. to look back at history and feel it's immediacy in the present.

ANYWAY I got carried away, but I am glad!! that my stuff could make Rome interesting!!! I hope that you find new doors of thoughts to explore!!!!!!!

#holding this ask in my heart forever thank u for sending this anon #ask tag #idk sometimes i draw goofy shit because its fun. and gay stuff because I Like Men ofc im going to explore things thru that lens #but also. i feel a little like im trying to look at this lurking ghost of imperialism without. addressing it directly #my love for spectacle and drama directly against knowing that the historical horror is not. that far removed. heugh.#so this meant a lot to me!! i feel seen in a good way. thank u again!

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hella1975 · 8 months

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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

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ninja-knox-ur-sox-off · 8 months

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How do you find motivation to write fics??????? I write ONE chapter and can’t finish

Motivation is FAKE, you finish by sheer force of WILL, STUBBORNNESS and SPITE /hj

In all seriousness its different for everyone.

I used to have trouble finishing stuff too ngl, its tough. But you just gotta find out whats stopping you. Is it really lack of motivation? Or is it lack of confidence or worry your writing isn't good enough yet? Or maybe you're worried no one will like what you're writing so it makes you not want to finish. Or maybe you're exhausted by other stuff happening in your life and it makes it hard to write because writing requires a lot of mental energy! Could be you might even be writing something you don't want to write just because everyone else is writing it and its super mentally and emotionally draining! The options are infinite!

Honestly when i stopped caring about what my writing sounded like and whether it was good enough or not and started treating things as more of a writing practice, it took a lot of pressure off of me and made it much easier to write. Usually I find its my own unspoken expectations on myself that make it hard to gather up motivation to write.

Motivation, by definition, is basically just a desire or willingness to do something. So what's keeping you from doing it really? You might just have a block you haven't figured it out where it's come from because we tend to default to identifying it a lack of motivation. But motivation isn't a reason! Its just a description for our desire and drive to complete a task basically.

I know this is a bit of a cop-out answer a look-within-you wise-old-mentor answer, but it really is a unique thing for everyone! Gotta get to know yourself and understand and acknowledge what might be really blocking you! and then work on that and chances are (at least in my experience) its gets easier.

Thanks for this ask! I actually needed to be reminded of this because I'm having trouble finishing something. And whaddaya know what i thought was lack of motivation was something else entirely.

I wish you luck in your writing journey mate! Its a never-ending process of being kind to yourself, working hard and getting to know yourself and what works for you, no matter how long you've been writing.

#knox rambles #writing advice #You know i had like a whole post describing ways to be able to write a ton of words for a fic and i was gonna link it but i couldn't find i #HGLKSJ;F #asks #anon #I WISH U THE BEST OF DAYS MATE!#Thanks again for this ask i needed that!#reminders are good for when i fall back into old habits hGLSJDF

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mariatesstruther · 5 months

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okay just hear me out modern au where tommy ends up picking up ellie from pre school almost everyday since joel is busy but he keeps meeting teacher maria

okay bestie as a preschool teacher you GOT me with this one. like you got me SO GOOD. this might actually get published to ao3, you got me soooo fuckin’ good right now. i have so many unnecessary details for such a simple plot so here’s a cut

tbh i feel like even as busy as joel is, he’d prioritize picking up and dropping of sarah as much as he can, so maybe he and tommy would alternate???? so on days when tommy drops off, joel picks up and when joel drops off, tommy picks up. sarah goes to a public preschool with a lot of kids, so she gets easily overwhelmed and sometimes needs extra cuddles or kind words in the mornings to make it out of the car.

one monday, a couple months into school, sarah is particularly VERY anxious because there’s a new teacher to replace ms. doherty, who quit unexpectedly on friday “because she said we gave her alooooottt of headaches, daddy.” now, sarah knows nothing about the new teacher except that shes a girl from a place called new york—and sarah doesn’t even know what new yawk IS like, thats So Far Away??? (“it’s not really that far, baby,” joel says to her. “and it’s new york. with an o sound.”) still, sarah is VERY concerned:

is new yawk like another planet???? (no, babygirl.) but what if she’s an alien???? (the school only hires human teachers, baby. they promised.) but what if she’s a SECRET alien??? (she won’t be, i promise.) okay but what if she’s mean???? (if she is, you tell me or tommy and we’ll talk to her about it, okay? she shouldn’t be mean to you.) what if she doesn’t play good music at quiet time???? (you can ask her nicely and i bet she will, baby. just say please and thank you, okay?)

still, even with her questions answered, sarah is very nervous on monday. both joel and tommy go with her in an effort to start her day off extra good, especially because joel can’t pick her up. they reassure her that new york has plenty of nice people and her new teacher will probably be one of them. she also gets TWO WHOLE extra minutes of cuddle time with BOTH of them before she and daddy have to leave the car—it’s half for her and half for them, because they’re honestly pretty anxious for her to like her new teacher too

joel is the one to hold sarah’s hand and walk her inside, because the school prefers only one guardian to drop off at a time. tommy’s nervous, but joel actually seems pretty pleased when he gets back to the car with no sarah in tow. surprisingly, he’s back faster than any time they’ve ever dropped sarah off before. with a proud smile, he tells tommy is that miss maria seems really nice. more importantly, she’s Black, which joel says Sarah got really excited about. tommy pries for more details, and he’s glad he does: apparently miss maria has locs, a few even blue and purple, and the first thing sarah’d said to her was an emphatic “😲😍🤩 i like your hair!!!!!!!!,” to which she had responded “thank you! i like your hair! what’s your name, sweets?” and that’d been that

later, when tommy does pickup that day, he doesn’t know what to expect. most times at the end of the day, sarah is super reserved and a bit cranky, eager to get home to finally have time to herself. tommy’s goal is usually to try and get her to at least wave goodbye to her teachers like joel asks—but, more often than not, she opts for reaching for uppies and hiding her face in his chest until they leave.

today??? no. it takes sarah a full two minutes to even notice tommy’s there because her and this drop-dead-fucking-gorgeous woman in a soft-looking lavender pants and blouse set are finishing up a painting at the easel wall. they’re working on what looks like a brown and purple butterfly, probably the most carefully shaped sarah’s ever made.

tommy’s heart stops when this goddess miss maria finally looks over at him and smiles with perfect pearly-whites, waving him over behind sarah’s back. when she says “sarah honey, i think someone’s here for you!” in her sing-songy toddler-tone, tommy swears an angel gets his wings. sarah turns around, shrieks with joy upon seeing him, and runs down to him with her arms out, yelling all the while: “THOMMYYYYYYY!!!!!”—because sarah’s still working on her hard ts—“thommy!!!! thommy thommy thommy come look!!! i made a butterfly for u!!!!! look!!!!! it matches ms. maria!!!!!! it’s gorgeous!!!!” (she’s been obsessed with calling things gorgeous ever since she heard tommy say it about a harley motorbike last week. joel especially thinks it’s cute, especially because of how she over-emphasizes the j-sound: gor-Jus.)

tommy’s never seen her so excited to show her art off at pickup-time before; usually, she waits until they’re home and she’s feeling less shy to start showing off, but she’s babbling and pointing to it as he picks her up and sets her on his hip: “it’s brown and purple like miss maria!!! isnt it so gorgeous, unca thommy??? do you like it???? aren’t they SO gorgeous????”

and now miss maria is looking at him. and he’s looking at her. tommy knows he’s blushing, and he hesitates—which sarah does NOT appreciate, so she says: “unca tommy!!!!!!! don’t be WUDE! thell miss maria she’s gorgeous!!! she is!!!”

luckily, miss maria saves him by explaining, in a slightly firmer teaching voice: “sarah sweets, that’s okay! we’re only just meeting, and that’s not really something you say to a stranger, okay?”

“but why noooooooot?? you are gorgeous! like my butterfly! isn’t she so gorgeous, thommy?”

“well, yeah, of course,” tommy agrees easily, because she obviously is—and shit. now miss maria is looking at him like he’s a fucking bonehead, because he obviously fucking is. “but—uh, i mean—she’s right, hon’. you gotta listen to your teacher, and that’s not somethin’ you say to a stranger, okay?”

but then, after thinking to her tiny self for a few seconds: “well if she stays my teacher then she’s not a stranger, is she???” sarah asks tommy, then turns her conniving little head towards maria, too. “and you said you’d stay! so can he say you’re gorgeous tomorrow?” then, without waiting for an answer, she’s back towards tommy to finish: “i think you should call her gorgeous tomorrow.”

“i think we should go home, s’what i think,” tommy says, finally deciding to save himself from four-year-old torment. he sets sarah down and pats her on the end with a gentle but firm request to go get her stuff from her cubby, which she goes to do without her complaints of being too tired to walk. maria watches them closely with a close-lipped but relaxed grin. when sarah’s out of earshot, he apologizes. “sorry ‘bout that, ma’am.”

“don’t be,” miss maria teases, crossing her arms. “you did call me gorgeous, after all. i’ve had worse introductions.”

“tommy miller,” he offers, moving to shake her hand. he notices her nails are done-up, a sparkly blend of pretty shades of purple that look tie-dyed on somehow. her hands aren’t soft, not really, but they’re smooth enough to make him shiver as he pulls away. “sarah’s uncle.”

“oh, i know,” she reassures, then nods her head pointedly towards sarah. the little one is coming back towards them with her lunchbox in one hand and her water bottle in the other, walking extra careful so she doesn’t trip over herself like she did last week, tommy guesses. clearly fond, maria continues. “she spent all day telling me about you and her daddy. you’re doing great with her.”

“unca thommy! i’m ready to go!” sarah sing-songs, interrupting whatever miss maria might’ve said next. internally, tommy thanks his niece—the you’re doing great was already enough to make him cry, and he’d rather not do so in front of either her or her amazing new teacher. plopping her lunch and bottle at tommy’s feet, sarah gives not one, but two eager waves to miss maria, hands flapping madly up towards the woman’s face. “bye miss mariaaaaa!!!! i’ll see you tomorrow!!!!”

“bye sarah sweets!” maria says back, waving just as enthusiastically. to tommy, she raises an amused, teasing eyebrow. just loud enough for him to hear as he turns away, he hears her say “bye, gorgeous,” and laugh, giving yet another angel a pair of wings.

it takes everything in him to not fall straight to the floor, toppling his own precious niece, right then. he doesn’t think he even breathes until both he and Sarah are secured in the car, him in the front and her in her carseat. she’s already babble singing mary j. blige’s “just fine,” which they usually play and sing on their way home from school to help her regulate. when he plays the song this time, sarah smiles bright at him through the rearview and says “i already feel just fine, unca tommy!!! but can we still play it, just for fun?”

“of course, baby,” he says, and start singing along with her. he’s feeling just fine, too.

🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

tagging some homies (btw just let me know if u wanna be tagged in this kinda stuff or not guys! im never sure lol): @becomethesun @clickergossip @boilingcowboy @bumblepony

#tbh i might edit this and put it on ao3 #im so sorry i didnt get ti the falling in love part at all but i LOVE a good meet-cute #*to #and this is i think my favorite one i’ve put on this blog???????#anon. bestie. you did so well i love u thank u #if yall didnt know already im a preschool teacher so #and have i dreamed abt a rich hot younger single parent/gaurdian falling in love with me???? you fuckin betcha #preschool au #im 100% gonna try to connect this with the one rose and i already made #idk where ellie is in here but she’s here!!!! she loves miss maria too!#miss maria loves kids and especially loves embracing neurodiversity and all the different ways kids brains works #miss maria provides brain breaks and shows you how to do body checks to check in with your body #miss maria understands the importance of diversity in her book and media selection #miss maria recommends tab time and bluey #tommy x maria #tlou au #the tipsy bison #ugh I LOVE THISSSSSS BROOOO IM PROUD OF THIS 🫶🏾#yeas i have plans for tess and joel YOU BET I DO #when ur kids having play dates turns into u dating their mom #tess and joel: who am i gonna date??? i have no time. im a parent #ellie and sarah: hold my juicebox #like theyre fully setting them up with no clue that they’re doing it I LOVE MY LITTLE GIRLS #she calls them sarah sweets and ellie enchanted #she’s referencing ella enchanted but elie doesnt care about that so she explains it means ellie is magic #and ellie is down for that because in her brain magic equal dragon. ellie LOVES dragons #sarah miller #toddler sarah #baby sarah #neurodivergent miller tag

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whumpshaped · 6 months

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im so weak for instructional/follow my orders asmrs. i'd last 0.8 seconds in a vampire situation

#on that note thank u anon good rec #but yeah i should. write more of that..#i know ive been writing a shit ton of hypnosis and drugging but please understand the brainrot is severe #irlshaped

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trybard · 19 days

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could we learn more about your system if that’s okay? :)

yeah absolutely, ty for asking :D

for generals, our spidersona that's our tumblr icon rn is an amalgamation of a bunch of different things we all like and elements of our expressions. you can find art of our spidersona under our Arachne tag. it's nice to have a group name and sona to go by when differentiating fronts on social medias is... difficult, to say the least. or when its hard to pick out who's fronting. especially since there are. twelve of us. lmao.

since theres so many of us ill keep it brief here, but we're all chatterboxes about ourselves and open to answering questions and making friends. we have an old carrd here with brief introductions and some art, lots of which we haven't posted anywhere else. some of us already have posted art of ourselves though which you can find tagged under our names! that would be Orianna (hi thats me rn, your residential demon ᙂ:) make a deal with me you wont regret it i prommy ᙂ;) ), Lyra, Willow, Clorica, and kind of Umbra and Steel. Those of us without an art tag yet but you can see in the carrd are Mara, Aurelia, Olivia, Nadia, Crow, and Zero. Thanks for reaching out to us :3

#arachnaresponds #thank you anon! i hope this reaches u #and anyone else looking to get to know us!#we'll maintain that carrd better in the future but for now it's still a good intro #about us

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gotchibam · 8 months

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That meditite is so fucking sploopy. Its fucking schloopy. Look at its face. Look at it. Incredible. 10/10. Thank you for your service to the meditite tag

🙏🤍💙🤍💙🤍✨

#asks #gaydontmesswithme224 #thank u for this wonderful msg even tho I have no idea what sploopy means <3 #I just know it's a Good Thing so ty!!#also I just remembered I kept getting an anon ask requesting for a meditite #now that i've doodled one I hope it pleases them <3

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pocketramblr · 6 months

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5 ask game: au where Aizawa gets shot with a quirk erasing bullet during the Overhaul arc

Ok so the main obstacle here of course is I don't want Izuku to die, like, five minutes later. Perhaps my special little guy can stop this.

1- Lets say when Chisaki grabbed Nemoto to pull a fusion, Nemoto's gun was caught up in all this too. This doesn't matter until after he's been beaten and thrown to the side, and watches Eri and Izuku struggle in the middle of the crater. Asui brings Aizawa up, and Chisaki knows that if Eraser stops them, they're all taken for good. So he shoots at Eraser- and its a hit.

2- A moment later, a swordfish pierces his shoulder, but the damage is done. Asui shouts. Izuku screams. Eri wails. Amajiki "Do i have to do everything around here myself" Tamaki "the only big three who actually takes out a third of the expendables and the top brass on his own" Suneater picks up the gun to crush it. Then he looks at the sobbing Eri, and thinks about how Mirio wanted her to smile. "I'm sorry," he whispers to no one, and fires- the first one's a miss, he's not as good a mark as Chisaki. But he is one of Snipe's students, and the second one hits.

3- Since the bullets are made from her own quirk, Eri reacts.... differently to them. It doesn't rewind her as much as it gives her a reset. her horn shrinks but doesn't vanish, and the effort catches up to her as she passes out on top of Izuku.

4- Suneater crushes the gun, then starts trying to find the cure bullets in Chisaki's jacket, but frankly his second wind cast by Mirio's distress is running out so he ends up dragged to an ambulance while the police bag evidence. In a true stroke of genius, they do not transport Chisaki with all of his weapons and bullets, so Tomura doesn't grab them when he takes the man's arms.

5- In the hospital, they don't exactly want to just take Chisaki's word for the cure bullets and jab who-knows-what into Aizawa and Mirio, so they very carefully start studying one first. Unfortunately, Ujiko hears about this and nabs the other cure bullets. (much easier than trying to nab Eri.) Tomura and AfO won't be able to use the eraser bullets in any plans (no baby-afo fight) but they will try to ransom the cure at least. Tamaki attempts to give back his hero license and withdraw from the school, but Nedzu stalls him then guilts him into staying because for reasons beyond the teen's comprehension, Eri actually really likes him and with no erasure to stop her quirk if it goes out of control, they need anything they can get to help. Aizawa continues teaching because if being in full body cast didn't stop him, losing his quirk won't either, and Mirio is like 'well hold on a minute. if he's not stopping, why should i?' and continues training at school while quirkless, even if his actual work outside of school isn't happening anymore.

#its awk there between mirio and tamaki there obvi. not bc of mirio so much but tamaki can project issues youve never dreamed of #and i mean. 'the first mayyyyyybe justifiable case of shooting a child' sure is an Issue #also eri is like 'oh thank god lemillion's friend can be trusted to stop my quirk at all costs' and tamaki is like 'jesus please do not fee #more comfortable around me because of that!!!!!!!!'#but its a good thing he stayed. not just because they cant work through All Of Those Issues if he goes but also because i mean #with all the effort needed to keep Eri at ua and not in. say. commission hands as they excert more control over the school #i dont really want to know what tamaki's options would have been if he left too #best case its like the mandatory internship where he cant give back his lisence just in case. worst case its 'hey hawks do u think this #depressed teenager could get you an in with the lov hes probably in their target demographic right'#anyway.#anon #pocket talks to people #ask game

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devils-minion · 7 months

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hi! i hope you're having a lovely sunday. i love following u :) can you recommend me some more blogs to follow that you like maybe? that would be so kind :)

oooh hi hello thats so nice 🥺 thank u!!!

sure, some of my fave blogs in no particular order: @nightgoodomens @moonyinpisces @goodomensedit @fagziraphale @guardian-of-soho @goomens @ineffable-houseplants

#thank u for the ask #hope u have a lovely sunday too 💗#ask #anon #if any of the people i tagged dont want to be pls let me know and ill remove u #i only added good omens blogs because i assumed thats what u were after #anyway #the ghost speaks

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daughterofsarenrae · 1 month

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pleaseee explain the difference between positive reinforcement/negative reinforcement/positive punishment/negative punishment to me!!! if u want to. if not i can just google it i guess. but if ur in the mood to talk about it i’d be interested in hearing your explanation

I am always in the mood to talk about operant conditioning <3 All u gotta do is get rid of the moral implications of the words! think of it more like a math problem. Positive/negative are about what the trainer does; reinforcement/punishment are about what the trainee does

Positive means you're adding something

Negative means your taking something away

Reinforcement means a behavior is more likely to occur in the future

Punishment means a behavior is less likely to occur in the future

so, examples:

Positive reinforcement: Giving a dog a treat for doing the right trick; praising someone for doing good work

Negative reinforcement: Using a choke chain/prong collar on a dog- when they stop pulling, the pain/pressure goes away; your car stops ding-ing at you when you buckle your seatbelt

Positive punishment: Hitting a dog for barking; grounding a kid because they broke the rules

Negative punishment: stop playing if your puppy nips you; putting money in a swear jar

i do think the main issue people have with this is that they get hung up on the words negative and punishment. those sound bad! they don't want to punish anyone! but in this context the words have a different meaning. you can make a case for or against the morality of most of these, but none of these are inherently evil- context is very important. this is super obvious with my positive punishment examples. hitting a dog for barking is bad. don't do that! grounding a kid for breaking the rules (esp if they're rules that keep them safe, like don't sneak out at night) is justified. negative reinforcement is a BIG sliding scale that depends on how bad the aversive (bad stimulus, like pain/pressure in the dog example down to the annoying car sound) is, but it does require an aversive stimulus being ongoing until they do the right thing.

and the other trouble is they can seem like they're kinda blended together. with the example of grounding: grounding a kid for doing something bad is positive punishment. lifting the grounding for doing something good is negative reinforcement. when you're trying to figure out which it is, it's not about what the actual consequence IS (grounding), it's about 1) what you're doing with it and 2) what it makes the subject do (implementing it to stop bad behavior vs lifting it to encourage good behavior)

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk

#tldr dont overthink things #i tried to give an example for both dogs and people. these work for literally any animal tho #but a lot of times i think people only think about them in the context of training animals #u can use these with people too #if someone you know does something good praise them! thank them! make them cookies! they will be more likely to do that thing again #etc etc #thanks for the ask!#anonymous #genuinely got excited seeing this ask thank u anon <3

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groovyace · 2 months

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Hiiii first off i love your art. I just got into dc and aaaaggghh. Then. Sorry if it's been asked already but What do you use to draw? What brushes? Thanks!

Hi Anon!! Thank you so much for the ask, plus just being super nice. When I saw this ask I got super excited cus GAHHH I love to talk about process heheheh 😈

In terms of actual drawing equipment I use a Huion drawing tablet with my ancient ass laptop (hence why my colours always look just. A little off). Clip studio paint pro is the program I've been using since foreverrr and I love it.

The brushes below are the main ones I use!! I left out the G-pen since its a default brush, but i usually use that one for outlining/filling.

Thanks again for the question! Also if there are any other process/art related questions anyone has i would be so so happy to answer them to the best of my ability.

#asks #thank u for the ask!!!#hope u find this helpful #if u cannot find these let me know and i will try to help hajskdndkx #love to rant about process #my favourite thing ever #have a good day anon!!!

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brother-emperors · 11 months

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Allow me, if you will, a moment to go absolutely rabid over your blog and everything that goes on here. I’ve always loved history but the USA hardly likes teaching anything that isn’t American History. I’ve forgotten how much I love WORLD history, specifically the rise and fall of empires.

I’ve been smothering myself in your posts and I love it ALL. JC, Pompey, Crassus, Sulla, Octavian, Antony, Cassius, and Brutus. Wow what a mood. You don’t miss on your references or your modern AU’s and I’m over here like- I’m trying to buy whatever web comic you put out, book you write, etc.

Also, if you’d be so kind to list some material with like themes to start breaking into these topics. Preferably materials in English or translated materials.

HELL YEAH LET'S GO

if you really want to start on the ground floor for breaking into something, I'd recommend my personal favorite approach which is picking the figure that's most interesting to you, reading through plutarch's biography on them (free! online! in english!) and then putting their name through a jstor search and reading whatever sounds fun.

other than that, the primary theme I've been wandering around in lately, so these are the materials I've been really enjoyed related to that:

The Deaths of the Republic: Imagery of the Body Politic in Ciceronian Rome, Brian Walters

The Game of Death in Ancient Rome: Arena Sport and Political Suicide, Paul Plass

Ideology in Cold Blood: A Reading of Lucan's Civil War, Shadi Bartsch

Statius and Virgil: The Thebaid and the Reinterpretation of the Aeneid, Randall T. Ganiban

Rome, Blood & Power, Gareth C Sampson

I also have a comparatives tag where I play connect the dots with texts that made my brain go brrr

#also thank u 💓#ive been obsessed with history and historical non fiction since i was like. five. and my dad noticed that i liked watching documentaries #on pbs lmao #i lucked out: all of my history teachers through highschool were FANTASTIC but my sister's grasp on history #(w/ different teachers) is way worse and she was like. all honors and got a wicked scholarship to a very nice college #idk where im going with that. something about how history is taught with such inconsistency makes me feel :|#i feel passionately abt the subject so i want other people to love it too aughghhhhh #and the way history is taught in schools unless you get a good teacher. is not conducive to this. its a TRAGEDY #thinking about how my best favorite man mabini. ppl not knowing that polio was what caused paralysis in his legs #back when heneral luna came out. (head in hands)#like its good to learn! that was a learning moment for people! but also @ the education department: im fucking coming for you.#IM GETTING OFF TRACK thank u for sending this anon this ask made me really happy to read 🥺🥰💕💕💖💞#i hope you're having a nice day!#ask tag

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embersofhope-if · 10 months

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i would suggest a drabble where MC and Ash are hanging out for the last time before the games for the pride drabble (with it being WLW, MLM or just in general queer) but i feel like u got enough drabbles on your plate so just ignore this idea

uhm lets pretend its still june. this is both f!ash and m!ash but the only thing that's different is when Mc fixes Ash's hair.

there aren't really any trigger warnings. Mc does mention death a couple of times but that's really it. anyways! enjoy<3

wordcount: 3.4k

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ F!Ash Versionˏˋ°•*⁀➷

It's hot, hotter than a normal July night. Just lying in my bed with a thin sheet is making me sweat so much I think I might drown in it. I know getting up to open my window might help to cool my room down but the very idea of moving conjures up an image of me bursting into flames as soon as I stand. I resign myself to sweat to death in my bed, or at least suffer until Ash decides to actually show up.

This is her stupid tradition, and she doesn’t even show up on time. I should just tell her to go home when she shows up, it's what she deserves for forcing me to wait in my oven of a bedroom.

But I wouldn’t do that. As much as I’m suffering in my room, she’s the one who has to sneak across the entire city. It would just be cruel to force her to go back without indulging her just a little bit.

I doubt she’d even be upset if I did tell her to leave though, just allows her to go to the places she wants to go instead of worrying about me tripping on a rooftop and falling to my death.

Just as I begin to contemplate moving downstairs, I hear a shuffle at my window and a slight knock. I quickly stand to go and open it, desperate to finally get out of this room.

As soon as she catches sight of me Ash flashes a smile that she quickly drops trying to catch her breath. With how flushed her cheeks are and the fact that I can hear how hard her breathing is through the window she must’ve sprinted halfway across the city.

“Can you please let me in? I didn’t come this far just to be shot out of your window by a peacekeeper” she manages to say; sounding only slightly like she’s about to pass out.

“I don’t know. Maybe I enjoy watching you struggle to open an unlocked window.” I respond, already sliding the window open. Before I fully step away Ash falls into the room.

I reach out to steady her, trying to make sure she doesn’t fall and wake up my entire family. Mother may like Ash, but I know for a fact that if she finds her breaking into my bedroom Ash would never be allowed back into the house again.

“Are you alright?” I ask, worrying that she may have hurt herself trying to get here before it got too late in the night. The fact that she even has enough energy to get here after working all day in the factory will never not amaze me.

“I'm fine. Don’t worry,” she responds, finally able to take a breath without wheezing. I realize that I’m still holding onto her arms, and she has yet to pull away from me. My cheeks flush at the realization at the lack of distance between us but I can’t bring myself to pull away either.

With how close I am I'm able to see every freckle that’s scattered across her face, able to count every one of her ridiculously long eyelashes that Ash says are more of a curse than a blessing with how often they fall into her eyes. Her cheeks are rosy, but whether that’s from her being overheated or she's blushing as much as I am I’m not entirely sure. I look down at her lips and feel like I’m caught in a trance.

Kiss her.

Every other thought disappears from my mind focusing only on Ash's lips and how badly I want to kiss her. I bring my hand up, tracing the edge of her lips. They’re slightly chapped and I can tell she’s been picking at them recently. Something I know she only does whenever she’s worried.

Just kiss her. It’ll make her feel better. Make her forget whatever she’s worried about.

Before I get the chance to lean in Ash wraps her hand around mine and steps back. I can feel a bubble of disappointment rising in my chest and I do everything I can to not let it show on my face.

“C’mon we can’t just stay in here the whole night,” she says, and I fight the urge to groan. Climbing buildings and sneaking around the city in this heat is the last thing I want to do.

As she moves to the window I hesitate, contemplating just asking her to stay in for the night, but before I’m able to ask she’s already slipping back out into the night. Now I don’t have any type of fight in this, do I?

I lean out of the window and look around making sure no peacekeepers are passing by. The streetlights are so dim I doubt that they would even be able to see me. Still, I try to move as fast as I can.

At first, the heat is almost unbearable, but then I feel a slight breeze that causes me to shiver when it hits my sweat-soaked shirt. The higher I climb the more the wind picks up, causing the fire escape to creak and shake.

Despite being in the best part of District 8 the fire escape is covered in so much rust I think it might be more of a safety hazard than anything. It creaks so loudly when I climb it, I think it might break off. Every time I feel the vibrations of Ash walking above me, I think the thing is actually coming down and dragging the two of us with it.

Falling to my death on the very thing that’s supposed to help me survive would honestly be a funny way to go. At least there’s a sense of irony in it. I can think of a million worse ways to die. Including the very thing I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about all day.

The Hunger Games.

I know the chances of me being reaped are practically none, but the thought still haunts me. My name is still in that bowl, surrounded by thousands of other names, yes, but it's still in there all the same. I’m the lucky one compared to everyone else. How many times has the mayor's child been reaped to fight in the games? I can't think of a single time, not even in Districts like 1 and 2. Despite people being encouraged to volunteer there the mayor's children are never among them. Maybe they know something the rest don’t or maybe they just don’t feel the need to die for their District when there are already so many people clamoring to do it first.

I’m so caught up in my head thinking about the Games I barely even noticed how much I’ve climbed. I look up and see Ash scaling the small ladder that leads to the roof. The fact that she hasn’t said a word since we’ve been out here worries me.

Normally she’d at least whisper something to me but tonight she’s been completely silent. Maybe she’s thinking about the games too. I know she had to sign up for Tessera this year, even with the food I was able to give her it just wasn’t enough.

Trying to convince her that I can just steal more food from my home was useless. I know it's not her pride stopping her from taking the food. Ash has never been that type of person. Confident? Yes, but never prideful. The fact that she refuses to let me help her is driving me insane. Maybe it's not just the Games that’s worrying her but something else. I try to come up with any other idea, but it feels impossible that it could be anything but that.

As I reach the top and climb onto the roof, I see Ash just a few steps away. She’s looking off to the west, and I can tell she's mapping out which way we’re going to go.

“Alright let's get moving before it gets too late”, I hear Ash say as she moves to jump to the next rooftop. I don’t even get the chance to ask which way we’re going. I’ve got to follow her and hope she remembers not to pick rooftops that I will die trying to jump to.

I take a deep breath and jump to the first roof, running to catch up to Ash. She stops on the edge and turns to look at me, making sure that I’m right beside her before she gets too far ahead.

“We’re going the same way we did last year, okay?” she says to me, the moon lighting up her eyes. There’s amusement in her voice and I can already tell what she’s about to ask.

“You want to race don’t you,” I say before she gets the chance to say it first. She always beats me. Sometimes it seems like beating me in an incredibly illegal race is her proudest achievement. For how observant she is I don’t know how she hasn’t noticed that I’m letting her win. Ash may be better at ridiculously dangerous climbs but I’m still faster than her. She and Calliope like to joke that my biggest skill is that I can run away. I seriously hope I’ll never have to put that skill to the test. Racing Ash is about as much practice as I get with it.

Ash lets out a laugh and for a moment I can see my Ash again, not the worrywart that’s hardly said a word to me the whole way up here.

“Oh of course I do. At this point, it might as well be a part of the tradition.”

I take a moment pretending to think about if I’m going to agree. We both know I’m going to say yes but this is as much a part of the tradition as the race itself. I pause and make a show of deciding on my answer.

“Alright fine but if I win, I get a prize,” I say already getting ready to take off. There was one year when Ash took off before I could even finish my sentence. I may let her win but I’m going to make her work for it.

“If I win, again, I also get a prize” she responds, I nod in agreement and we both get ready to run.

“One, two, three”

And we’re both off with me taking the lead. The first three rooftops are easy, it’s the fourth one that’s a bit of a struggle. With the first three, all you’ve got to do is jump down and run straight until you get to the next one, but the fourth roof has a small fence you have to jump over; to get high enough to do it you have to climb on top of an ac unit and take a not so small leap. Miss the landing and you’re falling to your death. Making the landing but still hitting the fence honestly is only slightly better. Not that I would prefer either, but impaling myself on a fence sounds better than falling off a building. Making the jump and feeling only slightly like you’ve injured yourself is genuinely the best case scenario; for me at least.

I turn to see how close Ash is; she’s halfway across the second rooftop and if I want to keep my lead, I have to make the jump quickly. I climb the ac unit as quickly as I can and get ready to jump. I can’t afford to hesitate on this. I hesitate I die. This whole race is for fun but that doesn’t distract me from how dangerous this really is. I run across what little room I have on the unit and jump.

Time freezes and I try not to look down. Try not to focus on the feeling of falling. Try not to think about how I could’ve completely screwed up this jump and I won’t even realize till it's too late. Suddenly I feel my feet hit the ground of the fourth roof. A jolt of pain is sent up my leg from the force of my landing, but other than that, I’m completely fine. I turn back just in time to see Ash take the jump as well and land significantly more smoothly than I did.

She stops for a moment and we both take the second to look the other over and make sure we’re alright. Ash’s hair is in her face, but I can see that she’s still smiling; fighting back the urge to laugh. I so badly want to reach out and fix her hair. Just stop the race and enjoy her for a second but I know she wouldn’t let me. Not if it means she loses. Almost in unison, we take off again. The most dangerous part is over now; all we have to do is make sure not to be seen.

We keep running for a good twenty minutes until finally I can see our goal. An abandoned building with an old water tower on the top. I’ve tried to figure out what the building was used for. There aren’t very many places in District 8 that aren’t used for something, so finding a completely abandoned one is more unsettling than anything. I don’t even remember how we found it. All I know is that one day I stopped feeling unsettled when I was there. One day I felt more comfortable there than anywhere else in District 8. One day it stopped being some old building and became ours.

Our sanctuary away from the rest of the world. A place that only me and Ash know about.

Normally it's about here that I start to slow down and let Ash overtake me in the race, but there’s a part of me that wants to win this time. I could use my prize to make Ash tell me what’s been bothering her so much, but that seems too unfair. If she wants to tell me what’s wrong, I couldn’t force her to. I wouldn’t want to force her to do anything at all. So, I start to slow down making it seem like I’m trying my best to catch my breath.

Ash overtakes me just as we reach the last ladder, and she begins to climb. I can already hear her shouts of excitement over winning, again. How she manages to still be so excited about winning the same thing every year is beyond me. Maybe next year I shouldn’t let her win. Bring down that ego of hers that only gets bigger with every race.

But then I see the look of pure glee on Ash’s face as I climb onto the roof, and I know for a fact I’d never do anything to ruin it. Knowing that she’s happy in this moment is worth a slightly bruised ego.

“Surprise, I win again,” Ash says brightly. She’s still out of breath from the run and is trying very hard to hide it. Her hair has almost completely fallen out of its braid, and it’s plastered to her face with sweat.

“Oh, how shocking. I really didn’t see that one coming” I reply, rolling my eyes and reaching out to fix her hair; undoing what’s left of her braid and running my fingers through it trying to get rid of the tangles. “Now, what’s the prize this time.”

I don’t even realize how close I’ve gotten to her until I notice all I can smell is her. The scent of cinnamon and leather is so intoxicating I could almost get drunk on it. As if I didn’t feel like her presence alone was enough to get drunk. All I can feel is the softness of her hair and her breath on my skin and it makes me feel like I’m spinning.

I finally finish fixing her hair, but I can’t bring myself to pull away. I honestly think I might fall over if I try, and with the way Ash is gripping my arms, I think she might be having the same problem.

At that moment, the world seems to fade and it’s just the two of us on that rooftop, bathed in the moonlight. We’re so close I can see her pulse racing at her neck, and I can feel the electricity in the air. Ash’s eyes lock with mine, and I see a mix of emotions swirling within them: excitement, anticipation, and something else. Something that she’s doing everything in her power to hide from me.

Worry.

She’s still worrying about the same thing that’s been bothering her all night. It must be the Games; there’s no other possibility; nothing else would make sense.

I should pull away right now and ask her what’s wrong, but I keep looking at her and the thought of breaking this moment physically pains me. There is only one thing I can think of at this moment.

Kiss her.

I can’t hold back any longer. My heart is screaming for her, and I lean in, closing the distance between us. Our lips meet, and it’s like fireworks exploding in my chest. Time seems to stand still as we kiss. It’s soft, tender, and filled with all the thoughts and emotions that were too afraid to say out loud. I try to kiss away her worry and fear of what’s going to happen tomorrow. Replace her fear with the knowledge that no matter what happens I’ll be here for her, and I know that she’ll be here for me.

Eventually, we pull away, both with wide smiles on our faces. Our foreheads rest against each other, and our breathing begins to steady. For a long quiet moment, we just stare at each other, comforted by the other's presence.

“I know what I want my prize to be,” Ash whispers as she wraps her arms around me and leads us both in a slow sway to music that only she can hear.

That’s right she still hasn’t claimed her prize yet. Last year she asked for some pastries and the year before that she had asked for my old pair of boots. Neither of which surprised me if I'm honest, normally it's easy to guess what she wants, but this year something feels off.

“Alright, your wish is my command,” I say with a slight chuckle, and I try to move us into a proper waltz, but Ash doesn’t let me. Instead, she wraps herself around me even tighter than before and we stop moving altogether. Okay, something is seriously wrong; I’d be blind to not see it.

Before I can ask her what the problem is, she pulls back and cups my face in both hands. Confused, I look into her eyes only to find her staring at me with such an intense look it startles me.

“I want you to promise me that no matter what happens tomorrow you will keep helping my family,” she says with such finality that I struggle to respond.

Why would tomorrow be any different than any other reaping day? She can’t possibly think that she’s going to be the one reaped. It’s almost always somebody neither of us has heard of. It’s sad to see them go but at the end of the day, they’re nobody.

Ash is somebody.

If she gets reaped there would be an uproar. Right? But what could anybody do if she was? What could I do if she was? Nothing. I could do absolutely nothing. Just like she would be able to do nothing if I’m the one who’s reaped.

This must be what she’s been worried about all day. Why Ash is convinced that she’s going to be the one going into the Games I’m not sure, but if it’ll calm her down then I’ll promise her what she wants.

“Okay, I’ll make sure they’re alright”, I say nodding my head and reaching out to cover her hands that still hold my face. I expect her to pull away, but she doesn’t.

“I need you to say you promise”, Ash pleads, and I can feel my heart shatter when I notice that she’s starting to cry. Without thinking I pull her into me wrapping myself around her.

“I promise you, Ash. As long as I live nothing will ever happen to them.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ M!Ash Versionˏˋ°•*⁀➷

This is his stupid tradition, and he doesn’t even show up on time. I should just tell him to go home when He shows up, it's what he deserves for forcing me to wait in my oven of a bedroom.

But I wouldn’t do that. As much as I’m suffering in my room, He’s the one who has to sneak across the entire city. It would just be cruel to force him to go back without indulging him just a little bit.

I doubt he’d even be upset if I did tell him to leave though, just allows him to go to the places he wants to go instead of worrying about me tripping on a rooftop and falling to my death.

Just as I begin to contemplate moving downstairs, I hear a shuffle at my window and a slight knock. I quickly stand to go and open it, desperate to finally get out of this room.

As soon as he catches sight of me Ash flashes a smile that he quickly drops trying to catch his breath. With how flushed his cheeks are and the fact that I can hear how hard his breathing is through the window he must’ve sprinted halfway across the city.

“Can you please let me in? I didn’t come this far just to be shot out of your window by a peacekeeper” He manages to say; sounding only slightly like he’s about to pass out.

“I don’t know. Maybe I enjoy watching you struggle to open an unlocked window.” I respond, already sliding the window open. Before I fully step away Ash falls into the room.

I reach out to steady him, trying to make sure he doesn’t fall and wake up my entire family. Mother may like Ash, but I know for a fact that if he finds him breaking into my bedroom Ash will never be allowed back into the house again.

“Are you alright?” I ask, worrying that he may have hurt himself trying to get here before it got too late in the night. The fact that he even has enough energy to get here after working all day in the factory will never not amaze me.

“I'm fine. Don’t worry,” He responds, finally able to take a breath without wheezing. I realize that I’m still holding onto his arms, and he has yet to pull away from me. My cheeks flush at the realization of the lack of distance between us but I can’t bring myself to pull away either.

With how close I am I'm able to see every freckle that’s scattered across his face, able to count every one of his ridiculously long eyelashes that Ash says are more of a curse than a blessing with how often they fall into his eyes. His cheeks are rosy, but whether that’s from him being overheated or he's blushing as much as I am I’m not entirely sure. I look down at his lips and feel like I’m caught in a trance.

Kiss him.

Every other thought disappears from my mind focusing only on Ash's lips and how badly I want to kiss him. I bring my hand up, tracing the edge of his lips. They’re slightly chapped and I can tell he’s been picking at them recently. Something I know he only does whenever he’s worried.

Just kiss him. It’ll make him feel better. Make him forget whatever He’s worried about.

Before I get the chance to lean in Ash wraps his hand around mine and steps back. I can feel a bubble of disappointment rising in my chest and I do everything I can to not let it show on my face.

“C’mon we can’t just stay in here the whole night,” he says, and I fight the urge to groan. Climbing buildings and sneaking around the city in this heat is the last thing I want to do.

As he moves to the window I hesitate, contemplating just asking him to stay in for the night, but before I’m able to ask he’s already slipping back out into the night. Now I don’t have any type of fight in this, do I?

I lean out of the window and look around making sure no peacekeepers are passing by. The streetlights are so dim I doubt that they would even be able to see me. Still, I try to move as fast as I can.

The Hunger Games.

I’m so caught up in my head thinking about the Games I barely even noticed how much I’ve climbed. I look up and see Ash scaling the small ladder that leads to the roof. The fact that he hasn’t said a word since we’ve been out here worries me.

Normally he’d at least whisper something to me but tonight he’s been completely silent. Maybe he’s thinking about the games too. I know he had to sign up for Tessera this year, even with the food I was able to give him it just wasn’t enough.

Trying to convince him that I can just steal more food from my home was useless. I know it's not his pride stopping him from taking the food. Ash has never been that type of person. Confident? Yes, but never prideful. The fact that he refuses to let me help him is driving me insane. Maybe it's not just the Games that’s worrying him but something else. I try to come up with any other idea, but it feels impossible that it could be anything but that.

As I reach the top and climb onto the roof, I see Ash just a few steps away. He’s looking off to the west, and I can tell he's mapping out which way we’re going to go.

“Alright let's get moving before it gets too late”, I hear Ash say as he moves to jump to the next rooftop. I don’t even get the chance to ask which way we’re going. I’ve got to follow him and hope he remembers not to pick rooftops that I will die trying to jump to.

I take a deep breath and jump to the first roof, running to catch up to Ash. He stops on the edge and turns to look at me, making sure that I’m right beside him before he gets too far ahead.

“We’re going the same way we did last year, okay?” He says to me, the moon lights up his eyes. There’s amusement in his voice and I can already tell what he’s about to ask.

“You want to race don’t you,” I say before he gets the chance to say it first. He always beats me. Sometimes it seems like beating me in an incredibly illegal race is his proudest achievement. For how observant he is I don’t know how he hasn’t noticed that I’m letting him win. Ash may be better at ridiculously dangerous climbs but I’m still faster than him. He and Calliope like to joke that my biggest skill is that I can run away. I seriously hope I’ll never have to put that skill to the test. Racing Ash is about as much practice as I get with it.

Ash lets out a laugh and for a moment I can see my Ash again, not the worrywart that’s hardly said a word to me the whole way up here.

“Oh of course I do. At this point, it might as well be a part of the tradition.”

“Alright fine but if I win, I get a prize,” I say already getting ready to take off. There was one year when Ash took off before I could even finish my sentence. I may let him win but I’m going to make him work for it.

“If I win, again, I also get a prize” He responds, I nod in agreement and we both get ready to run.

“One, two, three”

I turn to see how close Ash is; He’s halfway across the second rooftop and if I want to keep my lead, I have to make the jump quickly. I climb the ac unit as quickly as I can and get ready to jump. I can’t afford to hesitate on this. I hesitate I die. This whole race is for fun but that doesn’t distract me from how dangerous this really is. I run across what little room I have on the unit and jump.

He stops for a moment and we both take the second to look the other over and make sure we’re alright. Ash’s hair is in his face, but I can see that He’s still smiling; fighting back the urge to laugh. I so badly want to reach out and fix his hair. Just stop the race and enjoy him for a second but I know he wouldn’t let me. Not if it means he loses. Almost in unison, we take off again. The most dangerous part is over now; all we have to do is make sure not to be seen.

Our sanctuary away from the rest of the world. A place that only me and Ash know about.

Normally it's about here that I start to slow down and let Ash overtake me in the race, but there’s a part of me that wants to win this time. I could use my prize to make Ash tell me what’s been bothering her so much, but that seems too unfair. If he wants to tell me what’s wrong, I couldn’t force him to. I wouldn’t want to force him to do anything at all. So, I start to slow down making it seem like I’m trying my best to catch my breath.

Ash overtakes me just as we reach the last ladder, and he begins to climb. I can already hear his shouts of excitement over winning, again. How he manages to still be so excited about winning the same thing every year is beyond me. Maybe next year I shouldn’t let him win. Bring down that ego of his that only gets bigger with every race.

But then I see the look of pure glee on Ash’s face as I climb onto the roof, and I know for a fact I’d never do anything to ruin it. Knowing that He’s happy in this moment is worth a slightly bruised ego.

“Surprise, I win again,” Ash says brightly. He’s still out of breath from the run and is trying very hard to hide it. His hair has is completely all over the place, and it’s plastered to his face with sweat.

“Oh, how shocking. I really didn’t see that one coming” I reply, rolling my eyes and reaching out to fix his hair; smoothing down the fly aways and running my fingers through it trying to get rid of the tangles. “Now, what’s the prize this time.”

I don’t even realize how close I’ve gotten to him until I notice all I can smell is him. The scent of cinnamon and leather is so intoxicating I could almost get drunk on it. As if I didn’t feel like his presence alone was enough to get drunk. All I can feel is the softness of his hair and his breath on my skin and it makes me feel like I’m spinning.

I finally finish fixing his hair, but I can’t bring myself to pull away. I honestly think I might fall over if I try, and with the way Ash is gripping my arms, I think He might be having the same problem.

At that moment, the world seems to fade and it’s just the two of us on that rooftop, bathed in the moonlight. We’re so close I can see his pulse racing at his neck, and I can feel the electricity in the air. Ash’s eyes lock with mine, and I see a mix of emotions swirling within them: excitement, anticipation, and something else. Something that he’s doing everything in his power to hide from me.

Worry.

He’s still worrying about the same thing that’s been bothering him all night. It must be the Games; there’s no other possibility; nothing else would make sense.

I should pull away right now and ask him what’s wrong, but I keep looking at him and the thought of breaking this moment physically pains me. There is only one thing I can think of at this moment.

Kiss him.

I can’t hold back any longer. My heart is screaming for him, and I lean in, closing the distance between us. Our lips meet, and it’s like fireworks exploding in my chest. Time seems to stand still as we kiss. It’s soft, tender, and filled with all the thoughts and emotions that were too afraid to say out loud. I try to kiss away his worry and fear of what’s going to happen tomorrow. Replace his fear with the knowledge that no matter what happens I’ll be here for him, and I know that he’ll be here for me.

“I know what I want my prize to be,” Ash whispers as he wraps his arms around me and leads us both in a slow sway to music that only He can hear.

That’s right he still hasn’t claimed his prize yet. Last year he asked for some pastries and the year before that he had asked for my old pair of boots. Neither of which surprised me if I'm honest, normally it's easy to guess what he wants, but this year something feels off.

“Alright, your wish is my command,” I say with a slight chuckle, and I try to move us into a proper waltz, but Ash doesn’t let me. Instead, he wraps himself around me even tighter than before and we stop moving altogether. Okay, something is seriously wrong; I’d be blind to not see it.

Before I can ask him what the problem is, he pulls back and cups my face in both hands. Confused, I look into his eyes only to find him staring at me with such an intense look it startles me.

“I want you to promise me that no matter what happens tomorrow you will keep helping my family,” he says with such finality that I struggle to respond.

Why would tomorrow be any different than any other reaping day? He can’t possibly think that he’s going to be the one reaped. It’s almost always somebody neither of us has heard of. It’s sad to see them go but at the end of the day, they’re nobody.

Ash is somebody.

If he gets reaped there would be an uproar. Right? But what could anybody do if he was? What could I do if he was? Nothing. I could do absolutely nothing. Just like he would be able to do nothing if I’m the one who’s reaped.

This must be what he’s been worried about all day. Why Ash is convinced that he’s going to be the one going into the Games I’m not sure, but if it’ll calm him down then I’ll promise him what he wants.

“Okay, I’ll make sure they’re alright”, I say nodding my head and reaching out to cover his hands that still hold my face. I expect him to pull away, but he doesn’t.

“I need you to say you promise”, Ash pleads, and I can feel my heart shatter when I notice that he’s starting to cry. Without thinking I pull him into me wrapping myself around him.

“I promise you, Ash. As long as I live nothing will ever happen to them.”

#thanks anon!#emma writes🪶#its pride month whenever i say it is. its part of the super powers lesbians have if u didnt know #is this good? no but im tired of staring at it everyday.#ash fairchild.#mc vesper.#mc calling everyone who isnt ash nobodies kinda makes me chuckle im ngl #also if i mess up any pronouns in m!ashs version please let me know its like 5am and i literally can't see any errors anymore #i know theyre there i just cant find them #drabbles.

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