#but I couldn’t find a reason into why

[lady-merian]

on Reepicheep and his character arc.

Reepicheep wants to be valiant. More than that, he wants to be seen as valiant. It ties to his personal honor. Never more clear than at this scene:

Aslan: I have sometimes wondered, friend, whether you do not think too much about your honor.  Reepicheep: Highest of all High Kings, permit me to remind you that a very small size has been bestowed on us Mice, and if we did not guard our dignity, some (who weigh worth by inches) would allow themselves very unsuitable pleasantries at our expense.

And to be fair it’s quite true that the mice are constantly underestimated. But it is not this which convinces Aslan to restore Reepicheep’s tail, it is both because of their ancestor’s actions (chewing the cords which bound Aslan to the stone table) and Reepicheep’s followers’ willingness to go without their own tails, not taking an honor denied to their chief.

I think his desire to be valiant (more than wanting to be noticed as being valiant) actually comes from a desire to be like Aslan. Earlier in his arc I think this virtue was twisted into pride, but at the least I think that begins to be transformed by his encounter with Aslan at the end of Prince Caspian. As his arc progresses, he gradually lets go of the need for others to see it (culminating in his throwing his sword away, as well as allowing Lucy to cuddle him when they say farewell, something he would never have allowed in Prince Caspian). Last time I reread The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, I nearly cried at the contrast in how he treated the giants in Prince Caspian to how he comforted Eustace under the dragon enchantment. Eustace, who as a cowardly boy had insulted him worse than the giants ever did. Just… Reepicheep and his character arc.

#I don’t write metas and this is a good example of why but wheeee! I’d been sitting on these thoughts for ages #(many of them prior to my last reread of VDT in 2022) #Narnia #C. S. Lewis #I looked for the quote about vices being virtues twisted that I was thinking of but couldn’t find it ahhhh I know I’ve seen one like it #Reepicheep #(my autocorrect likes to screech out his name in all caps for some reason and I’ve had to train it out of that for this post.)

[longlivetv]

One of the things I’ve been thinking about for years is that it seemed to me like she only realized how bad things with JM really were sometime well after it ended. She knew it wasn’t great (Dear John tells us that), but I think she really didn’t know how much damage the relationship truly left until later. Hence why she was able to sing Dear John every night on Speak Now tour but then when she was asked during Rep tour said it was too painful. And I think Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve backs that up, with all the lyrics about now that I’m grown and now that I know I wish this hadn’t happened, but in the moment the pain was heaven. At the time she thought it was what she wanted, but years later she knows she never should have even been there to think that.

#back on my WCS bullshit #sorry y’all #the speak now tour performance of Dear John was everything to me in that moment for reasons #and so I completely got why she couldn’t do it anymore for reasons #and find it interesting she’s ready to tackle it because she had to be for speak now tv #and watching her look back on it now is just…emotional #i’m having a lot of feelings

[ratskool]

I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it

#House of leaves #im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go #Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious #I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections #Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it #Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything #People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in #Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join #Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger #Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing? #Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know? #The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad #Not seeing them everyday #I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary #I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not #Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that #Maybe I’m just not worth it.

[akkivee]

so that’s gotta be dice➡️hitoya right???? gentaro loves making hitoya suffer so i can see him writing dice into hitoya and potentially putting hitoya’s money in peril LOL

#this is vee speaking #the arb chronicles #like for no reason in every single soul swap hitoya has been bullied LOL #first with amaguni moon and then a soul swap before it should have even happened with kyuubi hitoya lmao #dice has restraint lol but will gentaro show that in his fic lol???? #also??????? is that rio in juto’s clothes????? why lol?????? #is it actually dice➡️rio and dice just couldn’t find rio’s clothes lol #i bet rio looks great in juto’s suit tho lol

[runraerun]

do you guys ever think about how cas goes from sexily and seductively lifting up anvils to

#find you a babygirl that can do both #castiel #was this door warded? was that it? #lol I don’t remember when this happened or why he couldn’t get in #is there a reason or did the writers just say lol castiel does a wacky thing #what a wacky angel

[janiedean]

i would beg my brain chemistry to magically realign itself on a sensed wavelength before I end up begging for meds i don’t think it’s too much to ask is it /s

#personal for ts #ngl i get why therapist would rather not but god i just cried for twenty minutes #because i couldn’t find the thing you use to put water in the iron #and i looked at the living room desk which is a complete mess and burst out in tears #i’m late answering EVERYTHING I can’t bring myself to get out of bed at the right time in the morning #I need to finish commissions and I can’t do three sentences #and ofc 90% of the relatives think that i either need to calm down and NO NEED TO STRESS or think i have no reason to be stressed anyway #i’m so fucking tired #and like i know that i’m shit at getting over things quick and i just got worse with age #idek what i’m getting at #and i feel ridiculous bc ik what kicked me into the spiral #and i need to get the fuck over it because there is no way i’m getting any closure on that front #i KNOW that #but my brain doesn’t i guess #we’re back at i am this picture and i don’t like ir while staring at stannis baratheon aren’t we #sigh #anyway sorry for the debbiedownering s2g im answering everyone soon

[petrovna-zamo]

So jealous you love in la i bet the show was so good😭 also love that orville wears his mask everywhere lmao

It definitely has its pros and cons but living in a city where pretty much every artist performs is definitely at the top of the pro list! And it’s kinda funny when T&K reference local things like this that I just so happened to be at too lol

Honestly it was such a good show 😭 I love Tina& Amy so much and have been fans of them for forever so it was everything I expected and more. I know they’re touring through next year and hopefully they keep adding more cities so you can see them too!

Also, seeing Orville irl was so funny because the hat and mask are his disguises but it actually just makes him stand out more so the whole YouTube theater saw him come in. He also sat down like right before the show started and everyone else was already seated so there was a hush over the crowd as everyone watched him. Idk I laughed. Also also my friend was seated a few rows behind him and he blocked the view with his giant cowboy hat so she took a picture and since I was seated a few rows in front you can see the back of my head… and that’s how I technically have a picture with Orville Peck lmao

#sorry that was long #more story time from me lol #I was at both T&K live shows in LA last year and I was going to do a write up about it because they made some changes but never did whoops #so I guess I kinda did just now? #I was also supposed to go to both LA&SD pods so if I can make the rescheduled dates I’ll for sure post about those #since they’re still not recording most of them #I actually emailed the production company to find out which pods they would be recording #they said they couldn’t share but that a big factor was not all theaters will allow them to record #so that’s more of a reason why than them just wanting to pretend to save stories lol #which they can never remember anyways so it doesn’t really matter! #so yeah NOLA was recorded and Houston/Minneapolis/Montreal weren’t literally because of theater viewing rights #which you would think they could just plan for beforehand? #but I also believe that they do want to make some of the shows special and unique and not recording takes the pressure off #to have new stories every time #also the reactions to the live pod really vary and now I think they should save them too #it’s funner to see them irl and have it live it the moment anyways #okay I swear I’m done now

[squuote]

my narrator could definitely look more human or even have a full stylized human look but I think he would hate the idea of looking fully human to any extent. even his humanoid form would originally leave such a distaste for him because the feeling of control resides in not being the human, the player, but instead being the narrative. so it’s more of a ‘I would never stoop to being human to any extent because they are weak and powerless things that barely have any agency for themselves’ kind of thinking that only a certain button could break him out of that line of thinking

#crow thoughts #the narrator #SORRY im having intrusive thoughts and this is the only way to combat them this morning #head full of shitty thoughts!!! bring in the narrator to fix it thx!!! #but yeah sorry I just. I put so much thought into my designs and the reason why I wanted him not entirely human looking #the narrator definitely has this concept that he’s all in control and it’s like the basis for why he fights so much with stanley #because stanley finds ways to go against his command that he thought couldn’t be altered or changed by someone like stanley #a measly little office worker that was confined the a task that was simply following orders and nothing else #surely there will be no consequences of taking this obedient office worker and putting him into an eternal loop of my own devices #IM GOING OFF ON A TANGENT BUT. I HOPE MY POINT GOT ACROSS #reminds me I still need to make that list of things for my narrator designs because I have so many small tidbits about it!!!!!! #I love to design but god am I extremely over the top with it I will admit that #I still cannot even pick my curator design which also reminds me I need to replay her route a few more times

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[deus-ex-mona]

kawareeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~

#(aka me when my acid burns randomly start throbbin’ when i bend over :( it’s very inconvenient) #in other news ​this week absolutely s u c k s can i trade it in for a better one— #first there was that acid spill. which. like. ouch???? but the mark is still there and is apparently very obvious. which sucks #then the day after the acid attack™️ meself and one other guy were called out under the assumption that we were doing unnecessary overtime #with the ‘unnecessary’ part running off the basis that there’s a low sample volume bc one single monday had fewer samples than usual #and we were singled out j u s t because our taxi claims for last month were through the roof due to the fact that we live across the country #like??? hellooo????? why are you treating it like it’s my fault that i have to pay upwards of $24 (at least) to get home??? #and??? excuse????? why are you extrapolating the previous day’s sample volume to the previous month’s workload as a whole???? #but. m a n. the way the mildly higher up lady abruptly shouted at me for asking a question just. pissed me off. for some reason. #she was talking in circles regarding the future of our taxi claims #so i asked if we (now) had to submit a second claims form for the transport company dudes to compensate us #and she yelled at me to stop talking before i could finish :( sadded and annoyed tbh #though i get the feeling that she hasn’t liked me ever since i left some results she asked for between her desk and some other guy’s desk #and someone else had placed their notebook or sth atop it so she couldn’t find it. and she blamed me for it. ha. #that was a few weeks ago though. so. hm. i wonder if she’s still mad about that… #either way. i applied for a couple of jobs that are closer to my place bc screw travelling across the country for an hour every day #s c r e w hour-long train rides i’d rather sleep #i prolly won’t even get the other jobs but. oh well. that’s life ig

[just-rogi]

.

#like I’m sorry #I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me #and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard #and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles #but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way #and has never worried about money as a kid #and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course #but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book #like she did everything she can to understand and relate #but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone #because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am #and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping #I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind #but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child #that are impacting by daily life and interactions #and like I feel so fucking alone #and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING #I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops #I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd #especially not therapists of color #I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months #and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me #like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having #flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking #and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me #because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before #like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very #upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis #and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it?? #I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary

[deathtodickens]

these are notes i doodled while working through the storyline of this most recent gift exchange, where emily/helena ends up reuniting with myka because she recognizes their shared childhood story in a graphic novel that several of her students are reading. (by this drawing, they’d already reunited, hence helena’s very personal days). putting a pin in it because i still want it to become a different thing.

#dickens draws #bwoodles #endless wonder wives #everyday i’m bwoodlin’ #obviously an old sketch because i am in recovery mode #from not taking my allergy pills before venturing into the great outdoors #also in the as yet written story #helena teaches math or science and one day all of the kids in her glass are reading the same graphic novel #she finds out another teacher on the campus - steve maybe - assigned the book to his students to read and they are all super into it #it’s kind of a dark re-telling of the childhood of two girls who live in abusive homes but #they like to pretend that the marks and scars are actually from their imaginary adventures together #helena intrigued borrows a copy from the teacher and realizess she knows all of the stories #because they happend to her and her childhood friend myka #i didn’t really work out how to justify them not knowing why or where the other exists #other than that helena had a different name - emily lake - growing up and myka doesn’t know how to find her #but helena would know myka’s name and the only reason she wouldn’t contact her as an adult is because she couldn’t #that is why that story turned into what it did #in case you were wondering lol

[biblionerd07]

My living situation was not ideal but recently due to events beyond my control it’s becoming fucking untenable and I can’t leave and ahhhhhhhhh that’s all I can say about how I feel just a constant internal ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#I just need to vent for a sec it’s fine I’ll get through it but Christ it sucks #why couldn’t I have been born to multimillionaires so I got a trust fund and didn’t have to worry about this shit #this shit being money and jobs and finding housing #that would also solve the main reason I can’t leave which is student loans and medical costs #so yeah just ahhhhhh

[supergirl9130]

Now why tf am I seeing this goddamn website participate in group slandering again bc of a fucking stupid shitpost like y’all haven’t seen other users doing the same goddamn thing and lying about that user. Like do y’all have anything better to do than to make up lies to push something 😐. Also once more how tf did individual artists/content creators and more get lumped into “eat the rich”. Like do the ppl on this site think that they just make this stuff from yachts or mansions or something y’all are out of your rabid ass minds sometimes.

#And yes this is about the stacking bs like I don’t like it and don’t find it funny anymore but some of y’all are actually bitchless #bc why tf am I seeing rumors being spread by users saying how they’re a p3d0 or homophobic and racist like #do y’all have anything better to do with your lives #And before anyone tries to defend themselves gimme a reason as to why y’all participated on this one person but not others QUICKLY. #tumblr blue #or whatever the fuck the bullshit is called I couldn’t give less of a fuck rn. #like I’ve seen ppl calling for Maryssa to h@ng herself now I genuinely hope some of y’all GET JUMPED BAD now #carpisuns #blue checkmark #hate some of y’all bc I know if it was one of those funnyman blogs doing this y’all would def eat it up bc y’all got nothing better to do #AND I’VE SEEN Y’ALL EAT UP THE SHIT THEY DO SO IF Y’ALL ARE GONNA COME TO ME WITH SOME BS SIT DOWN AND STFU CUZ I’VE SEEN WHAT SOME OF Y’ALL #DO ON THIS WEBSITE EVERYDAY #important blue checkmark #hate y’all bumasses istg #oh yeah forgot to mention op of that post is a fucking racist but y’all probably don’t care bc y’all value performative bs over actual ppls #rights be so fucking fr.

[caramiaaddio]

I’m not against straight people as a concept but in practice…not the biggest fan

#we have this gay center in town and we had this little holiday decorating party #and I love going to this stuff cause like. okay the ultimate goal is to find new friends and or partner cause I’m NEW IN TOWN #but I really like when it’s just the older people too cause idk it’s just nice to know like. oh ok I can live a normal life like everyone #I can make it to 70 and be a grandma and ALSO be married to a woman #but for some fucking reason this straight woman showed up #and like. she said she was gonna bring her gay grandson which like cool! but he couldn’t come so why are you still here #and in order to like..prove her allyship? I guess? she just started talking about politics related to gay people #and it’s like man we’re lgbt and we’re here to make ornaments out of clay none of us want to talk about homophobia #we just want to be in a space comfortable for us where we can do silly little fun things and also just be ourselves #like the whole room was quiet it was clear everybody was uncomfortable with her talking about homophobia and transphobia #and she just kept going #like how do you go to an lgbt club and make it all about you #nobody cares if you’re straight you don’t need to prove that you’re woke just #stop subjecting us to our own trauma to prove yourself #we just want to make arts and crafts and not have to worry about censoring our small talk like we do in every other aspect of our lives

[pepprs]

STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️

#purrs #also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so #FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished #their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask #for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and #annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t #matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so #many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and #imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh #delete later #(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff) #also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info #on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im #doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when #i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the #ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be #reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that #(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them #bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them #out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol) #* ​and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol