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internalself · 8 months

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i read your piece on transdisability and trace, and it explained things well for me- you are good at explaining things in depth. however, i have a question on the topic of trans race (as a black person who also uses a transid label). please don't take this in bad faith. i hold no hatred for those who id as trace. i'm just curious about things regarding it, and how to understand! sorry if anything is worded oddly.

how would a person trans race (whether poc2white, poc2poc, white2poc) go about expressing their incongruence in a way that Doesn't come off as/is.... racist? for example, as someone who partially identifies as an animal, sometimes i express this by wearing animal ears or talking about things that relate them back to how i am an animal, or how ive experienced these things that animals do. but how nonhuman animals and animals cultures exist are wildly different.

however, if a transrace person wanted to express their racial incongruence by wearing things closed off to members not apart of that culture (like certain native american items such as the headdress being closed off to non natives, or in the black community it being looked down upon for nonblacks/whites to wear braids in the way we do as them having ties to slavery & tribes across the sub saharan as well as nonblacks being able to face less repercussions wearing our hair vs us facing them) would that not be.... wildly inappropriate to do? or be racist if they were doing things related to the race they see themself as, such as emulating closed cultural things or speaking of the experiences of (bodily) x race folks as if it were their own, or even wishing they had experienced them?

im aware race is a social construct and its function is to oppress and separate, but it can come off as odd when people aren't that race try to take claim of those cultures and races, whenever (in the case of poc2poc/white2poc, or even otherace2 white ethnic groups such as the sami) these people tend to have already had so much of that culture taken away from them, typically by the dominant racial group. from what i see i feel like it'd veer less into possibly racist territory for trace folks to context with other cultures that aren't theirs without taking claim to them, or even making desires to have different features like a different skin type or hair type known without trying to take claim to an ethnic grouping or other race. but then again... i don't know trace people, only vaguely observed. I'm just wondering how in these circumstances would People who identify as trace not just be racist. I'm sorry that this got super wordy! I'm just curious and went off on a tangent on how i viewed it and all. have a nice day!

This ask has taken me a while. Because it's very long, at least on mobile. In the future, I'd really appreciate asks with multiple questions to be cut into smaller asks, or things that can be condensed to be condensed at least with a TLDR. this has been making my executive dysfunction... do what it does best.

(Not mad)

Further, when I mention race in here (and all my posts) I mean cisrace unless I specify trace people specifically. If you get triggered or dysphoric by talking very bluntly about race like I will be, this may not be the post to read.

I also want to note I'm always a little hesitant to touch on the topic of trace & similar race & ethnicity inconcruence. It's probably the most controversial and it's easy to troll and target, and it forces me to release more information about myself than I'm super comfortable with? If that makes sense.

Race is also a very... subjective and touchy topic generally that many people have different experiences with unlike age and species. So a LARGE part of this is just me bouncing ideas off the wall to hope they break some bricks. There's no right or wrong answer. My opinion on this subjective topic is not the one truth. Especially because not every trace person is the same, and will navigate their identity differently.

I want to start answering this with a correction real quick. You mention war bonnets, i assume when talking abt an ambiguous headress.

1. Clarify next time. "Headdress" is not a n8v only word, it generally is a word for any head-dress... in other words, ordimental hats.

2. There's no "Native American culture" we have MANY cultures. War bonnets are plains tribes pieces. Further, they're so closed that not just anyone can wear one. I wouldn't. It would be like saying any Christian can just walk up to the pope and steal and wear his hat. Like, most wouldn't do that because they understand that's a hat that is specific to someone's job connected to spirituality. (I only use this comparison because it's an easy thing to invision.)

3. Appropriation does not necessarily come from the action done, but benefits gained. Non native people can own spiders web charms! They're not closed to specific people who earn them, or a part of sensitive ceremonies. It's a baby's thing. The issue comes when non native companies start selling dreamcatchers and outcompeteting native sellers. The issue of appropriation happens here because native people are hated for having our cultures, and suffer for that- but what is seen as "consumable" and "marketable" from us can be sold while we continue to face an ongoing genocide. That's the issue.

4. I'm not black, so correct me here if I'm wrong. But the way appropriation fits in here is explained similar. White people wearing black styled braids or dreads often do so because it's "trendy" or to fill some other kind of social niche they will benefit from- while black people wearing the hairstyles will be still discriminated against for it. A white woman with cornrows has a better chance to be picked up for a job than a black woman with cornrows because of racism at play, but when like so commonly these days, random pieces of mostly black American culture is scraped for trends for mostly white people, the white woman may benefit online from the "trend"- and at the end of the day she can just go back to her natural hair styles, while the black woman wears it to protect her hair and keep it healthy, and can't just have "white hair" any day. The white person can safely benefit from the trend and kick it to the curb to be "outdated" whenever, which the black people who had it scraped from is now forced to deal with the fallout of- and usually face MORE lash back from people now that it's "outdated."

The differences here and a few things I want to point out are...

The trace person isn't doing this by trend we can assume. (While I can't encourage styling your hair in ways that aren't meant for your texture and may damage your hair and scalp) this person is also likely to face social knockback.

Not all trace people choose to take /any/ steps to transition. I'm not shaming those who do things to validate themselves, but many choose not to, this kind of interaction is not necessary and therefore shouldn't be held to trace people as a whole, but rather to the individual depending on your personal feelings on the topic. I am trans species and I don't personally clothe myself in any way that validates that... it does nothing for my dysphoria. Many trace people are similar. Ask yourself if you think transgender people are controversial to yourself if they choose to transition physically because the patriarchy exists.

Not all trace people are white, so we can't really approach these with this binary "white people vs everyone else" view.

Not all trace people are trace to an existing or any race. Many people consider themselves raceless in different ways or not having a human race, or a race from a fictional setting, etc. Hard to appropriate when your race is "wolf."

I really can't speak much on the idea of white 2 poc trace people- its not my experience and I don't know much about it.

I feel like a lot of this can be summed up with the help of asking yourself if you see them as valid or not. Because if you see a trace w2poc person as still white and don't validate them, you're gonna see a lot of these issues the same way people claim transgender people are "appropriating being a woman." Even if they claim to be understanding they'll still insist a trans woman as a man. Would it be tone deaf for a trans woman to say she wished she experienced more misogyny? Yeah it could probably feel that way. It's all ill say on that, because I have not ever been nor am I a woman, and I've never wished my experiences with race was worse. While I can understand how someone may find it validating (even negative attention is attention, and after being starved of attention towards a silent facet of yourself, you may crave anything), it can be upsetting to see though. It's less of a real wish from what I've seen, and more a cry of "anyone, anything, can anyone see me? Even if you hate me?"

I absolutely do believe that all trans identities should be treated softly and with an understanding about the violence of the walls we've put up in the past. But just like how being transgender has intersections with sexism... I feel like we need to talk about a controversial statement I'm about to make.

I believe there's an intersection of transness and race. (And disability but this is not the topic/time for that.)

Let's look at the way people react to well known trace people. Oftentimes, immediate disgust. The transphobia, same as ever exists in this intersection to say, "look at this crazy person! They think they can change the way they are! They're wrong and deviant!" But racism is also present. Almost always, especially from white crowds, there's a surge of racism flung at the individual- under the guise of "gross I hate transness!"

I've seen people describe the intersection of transphobia and misogyny as "transphobes treat trans people they way they wish they could treat cis women. Because they see them as women just enough to be misogynistic and violent, and trans enough to justify that." And I want to say I think similarly, many people treat trace people poorly the way they wish they could treat other races, or even their own. It's an excuse to be racist. A trans->black person will be seen as black enough to be hated for their blackness, and trans enough to be considered a joke.

I will also finish off here by saying I am not uncritical of the actions of much of the community. I've vented to people before about how it can be frustrating to see people waltz in and act in ways that put a bad taste in my mouth. But I've also interacted with lots of very good faith trace people who are very mindful and understanding of their identity. The loudest voices are trolls, and it concerns me moving into a time where transid is becoming slightly more visible that people are almost entirely unable to ignore bait or recognize trolling. I have seen genuine people who are... interesting in the way they choose to interact with race.. but I chalk them up to being uneducated and kids most of the time.

For the most part I see this with transjapanese people who's only exposure to the idea of being Japanese is anime, usually children's anime as well, which gives them a really skewed perspective on the racial experience. I've also met people who have a very in depth knowledge they've gathered from respectfully asking others, reading articles and stories by others, etc. It's usually just a victim of misinformation, lack of information and confusion of the topic.

I also want to point out how in different countries, different experiences can exist. Going back to the idea of transjapanese people, a lot of people begin to pull comparisons to the experiences of asian americans.. but we live in a world where Japanese people in Japan /are/ the majority, and /are/ the preferred race of many in the country when it comes to race based bigotry. A white person absolutely could suddenly find themselves treated poorly for their race in japan as soon as they're anything other than a tourist. It's worth noting the way race works outside of America. A lot of discussions tend to focus here, but the American experience with race is not a universal one. A Japanese person in Japan is not likely to be called an English slur for Asian people. In other countries, that may change.

The topic of nativeness and blackness are both very unique in their foundation in America and that American foundation being about suffering. But I also feel like they're special in their lack of very clear cut borders.

While it's a hot topic, nativeness is hard to define. Blood quantum is a twisted tool of white supremacy, there is no "percentage when you stop being native." Lacking identity with your nativeness, losing your care for your ancestor(s) is, to many, where it starts/ends. This is unique because of how many, still to this day, native kids are kidnapped and unable to connect to their cultures. They're placed in white religious families and essentally wiped of their "nativeness." These kids do not stop being native, until they choose to stop being native. A mixed child is not less native if their skin is lighter or darker than their native parent. They stop being native when they choose to stop being native. A mixed child's child, listening to oral stories from their native grandparent is not less native in this moment. They're not ever. They're not white until they decide to be. It's hard to describe to you. In a world that wants to genocide us, physically, culturally, you can't judge it based on physical build, you cannot judge it on cultural connection. If you uphold being native in spirit, you are native, to an extent. Many native nations have a long history of accepting members of other tribes, other counties, other races. If you fight alongside us, in a world against us, to the oppressor you become my sibling. To me, you become my sibling. Does that make sense? It's why so many have to reconnect. It's why reconnecting is so hard. No blood quantum is required to join the Cherokee nation, for lots of us, what makes someone native is a very... heavily debated topic. Some n8vs have a very hard line, saying as soon as you disconnect culturally you're gone forever, or if you didn't grow up on a reservation. Some are very loose, saying anyone can reconnect. I'm looser on it, and it makes me happy (though, anxious) to see transnative people. We're in a cultural(+) genocide. I don't think you can afford to be picky with who keeps that culture alive, so long as they're respectful.

Like I said earlier, I'm not black. But I want to, with my understanding, go further from here by saying "black" is a vague word that means different things in different places. A lot of the time here in America it means specifically black Americans with a history connected to American slavery and segregation, etc, hence 'black culture' but in different parts of the world it may mean anyone dark skinned. It could mean anyone of African decent, it could include people from south America, I know there was a discourse a few years ago about if native Australians could call themselves black. If someone in America fit the bill, many people would consider them black, not asking or caring if they're a first generation immigrant or if they're a tourist or even African at all. Many mixed people are considered black regardless of if they self identify as being black or mixed. Etc.

So similarly I think there's a sort of... I don't know, food for thought about these 2 ideas of race especially in an American context that are especially flexible and poorly defined with the socal contrast of race.

Sorry if I missed anything, I tried to comb through the text block multiple times to catch every point but I'm very, very dyslexic. I may have missed things, feel free to send them more condensed. Further, I'd like if you'd read this post on race as a social construct if you haven't already, reader. Seeya! And of course, thank you for the question I hope I answered it as well as you'd like.

All of our culture and idea of race is a construct- but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. [Link]

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groovy-gate · 1 year

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Vent Post

This one isnt gonna be as graphic as the last one

I found myself thinking about my gruncle (my grandpas brother) and how he had had a degree of intellectual disability. Apparently he got a really bad fever as a kid and it sort of fried his brain. He owed a candy shop and overcharged everybody. His candy store was a unofficial historical landmark in the town he lived in with his sister (wont be talking about her because that is a whole separate topic that needs its own post). I hated visiting him, but after Hurricane Maria he got really sick. He'd been a smoker for a good chunk of his life and it led to him developing throat cancer. I was studying nursing at the time so I effectively became his personal nurse. I had already been a nurse to my paternal grandma a few months before (another thing that needs its own post because seeing brain cancer destroy her forever changed me and killed my ambitions to be a nurse) and had to see her die a slow, unfair and cruel death so I was past my breaking point. But he was family and I was raised watching as my parents sacrificed their own wellbeing to deal with family issues so I of course had to do the same thing.

I resented him and I was cold to him, but I knew that his tantrums and baggage wasnt his fault. He had been delt a shitty hand and had to live with it. I wanted him to die already a sentiment I also began to feel towards my paternal grandpa. I had moved in with him and was basically taking care of him along with my dad.

Im just going on tangents at this point, I want to get to the main point I wanted to get across. After hurricane Maria my life went to shit and its never recovered. i try and try to get better, but I dont think I can, at least not by myself. Im gathering energy to finally see a psycologist but its a slow process that im hoping these posts will help with.

To wrap up the story about my gruncle, we ended up putting him in a nursing home after he got a tracheotomy. He had to breath through a tube in his neck and I was the only one that bothered to clean it when it got plugged up with mucus. Each visit to the nursing home, I knew I would have to do this because none of the nurses there gave a shit. I last saw him before my big move. About a month later he was dead, apparently he died in his sleep. Im pretty sure he died from asphyxiation because nobody cleaned the tube. I know its not my fault but I cant help but blame myself for not making sure that simple process was taken care off.

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mskatesharma · 3 years

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Hey sorry to bother you but I wanted to ask if you could rec some good sources on learning more about Indian Culture/history/customs. Movies books anything really. I have looked online but well, I always take things on the internet with several grains of salt. And considering I know very little on it, I can't say how reliable the information is. I would like to incorporate elements of Kate being Indian when writing about Kate (and Kate and Anthony) going forward and I want to do it in as respectful and accurate a way as I can. For example, I had a thought of Anthony seeing Kate and her fam celebrate Holi and falling in love with how happy and carefree she is and brushing some paint off her cheek before she dunks some pigment onto him or something 1/2

But considering I've never celebrated Holi or seen it celebrated before I don't think I'd do a good job to write it... I know I get annoyed when people get the basic customs and traditions of my culture wrong. Anyway sorry for rambling TLDR: I would like to learn more about Indian culture and idk where to begin so I would be grateful for any direction you can point me at 2/2

so this has taken me a while to answer because i needed to find time to sit down, think about it and answer it properly. it might seem like a somewhat simple question, but to me, at least, it’s complicated? (i’m probably going to be going over stuff you probably already know, but i’m trying to answer in a complete way.)

i need to start off by saying that my family is from north india (gujarat specifically), and because of that, i have a certain level of privilege, including how north indians and north indian culture is portrayed in the media (obviously including bollywood). i mention this because simone ashley is south indian, specifically tamil, and there is so much prejudice against south indians in general, and this obviously extends to how they are depicted and how their culture is shown in various forms of media; colourism (which simone has spoken out about) is just the start of it. (also, as someone who is north indian, i’m not the best placed person to talk about the prejudice and discrimination faced by south indians.)

a big part of why desi fans are so excited about simone’s casting as kate is because she a dark-skinned woc, and typically, dark-skinned women aren’t cast as romantic leads, and they’re not cast in shows anyway, especially when compared to light-skinned woc. so the fact that she’s going to be a lead in one of the biggest shows on netflix is a big.fucking.deal. in addition, they changed her character’s surname from ‘sheffield’ to ‘sharma’, which on the surface seems like a great idea, but if you look a little deeper, there are so many problems to be found.

(this got long so continues below)

sharma is not a generic indian surname; it’s specifically a north indian hindu name, which throws up questions. is kate going to be a hindu on the show? does this mean her family is from north india? are they going to talk about caste on the show because sharma is a brahmin surname? how are they going to explain kate being in england, and being out in society with the upper crust of the british aristocracy? (because of the time that bridgerton is set, and with them specifically setting up kate as indian, i honestly don’t know how they’re going to explain kate’s presence) i honestly think that the show didn’t think too deeply about it and they chose the name sharma because it starts with ‘sh’ and ~sounds indian. however, it’s thrown up so many questions that they can’t ignore, especially because they tried to explain race in the first season.

i talk about all this because you ask about holi, and incorporating elements of kate being indian when writing. and i’m not trying to be mean, but i would maybe hold off altogether? i need to point out that holi is a hindu festival, and is not specifically tied to being indian. i know i mentioned that sharma is a hindu surname, but we don’t even know if kate is going to be hindu, she may be a christian, or another religion or an atheist. also, because simone is tamil, they may decide to have kate be south indian despite the north indian origins of sharma, if they chose to address it at all. and depending on where in india you are from, and your religion, you will celebrate different festivals. even indians of the same religion celebrate different festivals, and some celebrate occasions at different times (e.g. gujaratis celebrate hindu new year the day after diwali. this isn’t the case for most other hindus. if we take holi, i know that it tends to be celebrated more in north india, and the image you describe isn’t necessarily universal).

there has been a lot in the tags regarding clothing, and seeing kate and her family wearing indian clothing, and while i get it, it makes me nervous. personally, i cannot wait to see kate in the same style of dresses that everyone else wore in season one. why? because seeing an indian woman in that period of dress is something i have been longing for. i don’t want to see an indian woman wearing a lengha or a sari or sabyasachi in that time period, i want to see her in a bonnet and empire waistline, because that is something we haven’t seen much of.

also, talking about seeing kate and her family wearing indian clothing has the potential to ‘other’ her, and tbh, can come across sometimes as fetishy, especially when you consider the time the story takes place in, and all the implications of colonialism. (there’s also the fact that unless the show has hired indian costume designers, it would be kinda gross for them to use any kind of indian clothing, and that includes adding elements to the era-typical dress that i’m hoping for.)

i’m going to be honest, i’ve seen pieces of fanart with kate wearing a sari and other indian clothing, while anthony has been in typical regency dress, and it makes me uncomfortable. it gives off coloniser vibes, and that’s a dynamic i have absolutely no interest in. there’s also the fact that i’ve seen art where simone as kate has been shown as light-skinned, to the point where she appears to be the same colour as anthony, and i mean, hello?!

full disclosure, i’ve made some posts regarding headcanons and music that i should have thought twice about. i’ve reblogged stuff that i should have thought more about before i did so. why? because they had overtones of north indian privilege, and/or orientalism. being indian (wherever in india that is) is part of someone’s identity, it’s not a gimmick to sprinkle onto things, and it’s not something to festishise, and i think, at least from what i’ve seen, that is the concern a lot of desi fans have, even if that’s not the intention of the original posters.

i realise i’ve gone on a seemingly massive tangent, but what i’m trying to say is, i don’t think there is a need to specifically reference kate being indian, especially when when writing canon-era fic, even more so when you consider we don’t know how the show is going to address it. now, i’m not saying i have faith in the show when it comes to kate and her ~indian surname, just that until we know how the show addresses it, i don’t see why it needs to be referred to? i understand why one might want to, but i just think there are waaay too many potential pitfalls, and the risk of coming across as orientalist/patronising/fetishy too high. some fans have fears when it comes to kate sharma and how she is presented, and for good reason.

sorry for not answering how you expected, and not giving you the resources you asked for (which, tbh, i’m not sure i would know where to start). i get what you were trying to ask, and i thank you for asking in the first place, but the question felt a little unfair tbh. but, i would encourage to read up on orientalism, also about the privilege that north indian hindus have, and honestly, the british colonisation of india.

ETA: i put this in the reblog but im going to add it here as well

also, something i forgot to add, even though i talk about north indians/north india and south indians/south india, it is obviously more complicated than that. there are many different states in india, and even then, different regions within those states will have different customs to each other. and then you have to factor in religion. likewise, there’s no one language that everyone in india speaks. basically, it’s not one universal culture that can be ‘boiled down to the essentials’.

#kate sharma #kate sheffield #kathony #bridgerton #anthony x kate #kate x anthony #simone ashley #kanthony #if i've got something wrong please PLEASE correct me #also if i've forgot to say something that needs to be said #idk anymore #i am once again wishing they hadn’t tried to explain race during season one #look at all the stuff it’s thrown up #ask

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bimbosupreme · 3 years

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mephistopheles love post

the equivalent of a mental breakdown tangent is all going under a read more

yes believe it or not that freaky ass literally not even human clown in fgo gets love, and love from who? me and like 3 other people

first off

ok and with that out of the way,

i’m not even familiar with their lore. Reason why i stopped caring about the lore behind faust and mephistopheles is that an interlude happens that shows that mephistopheles is just some homunculi made by some mage nobody named faust. and even then the interlude doesn’t talk about the lore behind the novel, its just you helping mephy kill faust

that being said though i would hope the developers expand on their origins more and potentially even release a “true” mephistopheles (a girl can dream)

So, they’re not even the real deal demon known as Mephistopheles in the first place, and i can hear u going “well that’s lame” and like, no, we just need to redirect our feelings from appreciating a demon to appreciating a homunculi who has a weird characterization in the fate universe

Design tangent:

Fgo was actually my first gacha, and so when I came across this servant I kinda instantly fell in love with their design, I love the colors used in their final ascension and overall appearance. The hat that has horns but they're not quite horns, theyre these weird colorful pointy twisty things, the large garish butterfly ornament on their chest (which isnt ugly at all and somehow works so well with their everything on them) is cool, the tights are so cool to look at, i mean look -- a checkered pattern with golden lining on the shorts portion, the tits out look like yes we get it youre insane, the gloves??? purple and also cool, plus theyve got this gradient thing going on? and the fingers have this line going through them, thats so cool. actually the only other servant that comes close to this in terms of “out there” colorful designs is probably final ascension kama and qsh ( i love them both). Also, mephy has this scissor weapon?? thats so cool lol i dont see any other servant wielding giant scissors (for the love of god give mephy an animation update i need to see them use the scissors while doing flips) and they also have this bomb obsession going on? cant relate, but the bombs designs are so so cool i mean its a fucking centipede -- no idea if centipedes are a thing in the original faust but thats something Ill have to look up at some point. ALSO mephy is wearing heels oh my god anytime people wear heels is an automatic win. No clue whats going on with the hair but its kinda cute (dont question me on that) and it has curls and the hair colors are cool i mean its like a lavender thing with darker purple highlights? i love colorful things and i love people with wacky personalities so. Oh my god their tail how could i forget that its so cute and dumb i almost forgot it was there, like what is that even a whip? i dont.. but its got these little purple tips to them that are kinda cute/cool but more cool because tails are fucking up there alongside heels in terms of cool stuff on characters. and of course their fluffly cape -- again no idea what the designers were going for i mean look its a mess of a design i have no fucking idea what any of it means and i hope they explain it someday because that hair and the butterfly and the tail and the hat and the fluffy garb and a bomb obsession?? and this got the go ahead - yeah lets add that to the game like what

ALSO LETS TALK ABOUT THEIR EYES

appreciate these with me for a second

god.

oh and the blue lipstick and face paint god thats a cool design ugh

they can be normal too or at least as normal as possible i mean they even trimmed their eyebrow here lol but you can see the not so well hidden insanity/goofiness peaking through with the inside of the suit at the bottom being highlighter purple and a green shirt with gold accents underneath the black coat at the front <3, fuckin hate that hairstyle tho bro we gotta get that middle part hairstyle outta hereeeee--

TAKE A DETOUR AND LOOK AT THIS LINK THOUGH THIS IS THE MOST NORMAL AND BEST IVE SEEN THEM IN FANART. THE POTENTIAL IS THERE. WE CAN HAVE NICE THINGS AND THEY LOOK GREAT ITS POSSIBLE. I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE FROM THAT DRAWING.

anyways this is me going off all about why i like their design! but we haven’t even touched the nitty gritty of it all. their personality! what personality you may ask? havent they always been some weirdo laughing a lot and saying dumb shit all the time? well yes and no

Characterization:

True to their dumb little clown design mephy also acts like one.

Some servants bond 1 lines are like “fuck off” and some actually talk to you, nah this bastard mephistopheles’ just laughing. and for the second bond line it seems to imply theyre fuckin with you more (showing up and dissapearing and saying ‘afterimage’) so thats nice that theyre actually making some effort to mess with you in a way? some servants take a long time to actually interact with you so this shows theyre not afraid of interacting with you and thats just at bond 2. and of course the third bond line implies they were probably trying to betray you, its stated in more than 1 place that mephistopheles (actually isnt this a caster class thing?) will betray you or attempt to do so. So the third bond line seems to imply that their attempts have been stopped by you and that’s what they say after some failed attempts. So after stopping this freak from doing some shit their next bond line is actually doing a confession! a jester being honest who couldve seen that one coming but theyre 100% not lying, they really arent a demon but a homunculi made by faust

speaking of faust we’re going to backtrack a little into their interlude that i brought up at the start of this post, its one of those dream interludes and it starts with mephy asking you to help him plant bombs for their eventual reuinion/showdown with faust -- in the meantime faust keeps sending golems in an attempt to kill both you and mephy

When you track faust down, it’s shown that faust was your typical mage, inhumane and uncaring. It’s also pointed out that this faust killed innocents, but this typical mage behavior is boring to mephy, and they say that boring typical behavior is why they wanted to kill them

so i really cant blame mephistopheles for being the way they are, being raised by this type of guy, even if mephy was always messed up and wacky from the beginning its no reason for faust to attempt to kill him.

Mephistopheles also shows up in salem, cu alter’s interlude, and of course the knk crossover event, and some other things im most likely forgetting but those 3 are ones that i find notable

anytime they show up theyre actually helpful, in salem mephy points out that the nature of the being responsible for the salem epic of remnant is something alien rather than a typical foreign god, mephy also tells you that time is also being sped up and in their weird way they try to cheer you up by spouting some nonsense at the beginning (guda needed some kind of distraction from the grim events that had just transpired at that point in the story), i cant quite remember what mephy did in the knk event but they were a part of your group and were helpful the whole time, actually @/zeravmeta does an amazing analysis of their role in the knk event as well as some extra character analysis here

mephistopheles is kinda cryptic in a weird way though,

like overall i mean theyre a jester homunculi in appearance so yeah its to be expected but come on i love morally gray characters, despite their supposed betrayal hints scattered around here and there

they have this one line that always gets to me

and this line is said with a completely serious face too

the rare serious mephistopheles face! its kinda grim to see that line, no laughs, no nothing, their voice is kinda serious and monotone too. of course this could be just to get you to lower your guard but its still kinda out there that they have this rarely used portrait and that line, so i like to take it as being said to you when youre by yourself and with sincerity

and at least sei (with her wacky outfit and all lol) seems to get along with mephy and thinks theyre nice woohoo

so at the end of the day you have this guy that laughs a lot and gives mixed signals

and they fuck with you

and will most likely try to kill you more than once but hey thats just another tuesday at chaldea

Before I finish last thing I want to point out is this snippet from the fgo source material book which provides more information on servants, and this specific translated bit under mephistopheles

at the core of it all this homunculi....can be your friend! you just need to not go into despair i guess

of course this entire post is an overanalysis into an underwritten character, quarantine + all online college classes have done this to me, i have a douman icon what did you expect

OH...BEFORE I REALLY SIGN OFF AND FINISH THE POST HEY CLOWN LOVERS CHECK OUT THESE FANARTS AND FANARTISTS...

THE FIRST ONE IS HASENDOW YES THE DOUMAN DESIGNER... <3

i cant believe they drew mephy

twice !

and for those of you on twitter check out @cuz_pb and @L0VEYAMA003

#mephistopheles #fgo #i just go off on the various things i like about this clown #a whole lot lol #this started bc someone asked about my thoughts on mephistopheles well..

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bedtimebrain · 3 years

Text

EXO D.O. Series: You and Me. (P4)

Series Page

Genre/Desc: Loosely adapted from A Love So Beautiful

Chr: u x ksoo

Word Count:1.2k

You slept through your alarm that rang at 6am. Your brain cells were overworked yesterday night, as you thought about what you saw.

Just as the brightness of the sun cast through your room window, your mum came banging on your door to wake you up.

Without Kyungsoo to go school with... Your motivation to get up was almost zero. You unwillingly got out of bed and trudged your way to the bathroom.

By this time, you normally would already be waiting by kyungsoo’s gate. But not today .. You didn’t know if you wanted to see him or not.

Who’s that girl? He left me alone for 20 minutes... he didn’t even think about me who’s waiting there right?

Feeling down, you didn’t even eat your breakfast. Taking the sandwich on the table you left home.

On your way down, you suddenly thought

would Kyungsoo be waiting for me downstairs? What should I say if I saw him? Should I just walk pass him?

Exiting your apartment, you searched around for kyungsoo. But like another stab to your heart, he didn’t wait for you.

In even more of a mood now, you headed to school alone.

‘Y/N~~ why so late today? Where’s kyungie? Don’t you guys always come to school together?’

Coincidentally meeting woohyun at the school gate, he chirpily asked

‘Ah.. i overslept..’ you could barely even make a smile in your reply

He stopped walking and pulled you to a halt, taking a close up look at your face.

‘Ya, did you really oversleep or have you been ditched by him? Do you want me to give him a kick’ he asked half seriously and jokingly.

Feeling annoyed, you pushed him away, ‘it’s a long story.. don’t ask’

‘Damn , I knew there’s more than it meets the eye. Cheer up, you’ve got me to spice up your day’ he put his arms over you and walked into class together.

Passing by Kyungsoo to get to your seat, you could feel his eyes following you. Without greeting him or acknowledging him, you sat down and started pulling out your notebooks.

From the side of your eye, you could see him switching between looking at his notes and at you.

Did he have something to say? I’m not going to talk to you first, kyungsoo.

‘Y/N..’ just as he finally called out to you, your class monitor called for the class’s attention to greet the teacher.

Making no effort to follow up on what he wanted to say, you pretended to pay attention to whatever the teacher was saying.

Kyungsoo himself held tightly onto the ‘no talking during class’ rule, so he didn’t continue the conversation he wanted to make either.

When break time finally came, you can’t help but still felt awkward with Kyungsoo. You didn’t really want to hang out with him with now, with yesterday’s incident still a fresh wound.

‘Woots! Cafeteria let’s go let’s go!’ Woohyun got up excitedly

But you remained in your seat and looked up at him

‘You guys go ahead, I still have my breakfast with me. I��ll stay in class’

Woohyun looked behind you, where you Kyungsoo was, seeming to understand you were trying to avoid him

‘Y/N are you ...’ Kyungsoo started but was cut off by woohyun

‘Okay then, we will go ahead without you’

Once again, Kyungsoo held back his words. But from the corner of your eye, you saw kyungsoo’s shuffling his feet. Was he unsure whether to go or not?

‘Tell me if you need anything’ woohyun leaned across to your table to tell you. You ruffled his hair and smiled, showing that you appreciate him.

Whatever it was, he ended up leaving you in the classroom to eat your already cold sandwich, without a word.

When you came back from the toilet, Kyungsoo and woohyun were already back from the cafeteria.

‘Got sipping yoghurt for you and melon pan, just incase you faint from being hungry’ woohyun pointed at the snacks on your desk just as you sat down.

‘Omo, woori woohyunie is really the best!’

‘Of course, but give me something in return’ he shot you a flirty look

His suggestive looks made you go off tangent on your thinking right away.

‘Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?!’ You exclaimed in shock. The entire class’s attention was now on the both of you

Woohyun quickly covered your mouth and pulled you out of the class, you make a grab for your yoghurt as he dragged you.

‘Ya! Are you crazy ?! Why would I ask you to be my girlfriend?’ the both of you were now at the corridor

‘how would I know.. ? You looked like it alright ! Plus I mean you’re always so nice to me...’ you innocently said

Flicking your forehead he clarified

‘I just wanted to know what happened between the both of you. Kyungsoo either doesn't want to say it or seems to have no clue what’s going on.’

‘Oh that... yesterday while we were studying, we went to buy some drinks from the vending machine. Then..’

You couldn’t bear to say the words out

‘Then what? You confessed your love or something?’

Woohyun eagerly probe

‘We forgot our wallets, so he was supposed to go back up to take it.

But he left me there waiting for 20minutes while he spoke to some pretty noona’

Your heart was heavy just thinking about that. But Woohyun burst out laughing instead

‘I thought it was something really serious you know, y/n, like something that could tear our friendship . But this ...’ and he continued laughing

‘Ya... I’m just sad about this cause I felt abandoned okay... can’t you understand’

Stifling his laughter, he tried his best to comfort you

‘Alright, I know. Like you aren’t important enough for him to remember you are waiting there.

Don’t think too much about it y/n, you know Kyungsoo doesn’t casually hit anyone up or entertain people. It’s probably something significant ok?’

Though his words didn’t really get to you, you were still thankful, till he added

‘But... y/n ah Kyungsoo is still a high school boy. I think pretty noonas are still part of our interests compared to......’

He deliberately scanned his eyes up then down at you.

You got what he was trying to get at and threw a punch at him which evolved into a childish fight.

As if the timing couldn’t be better, Kyungsoo came out of the classroom door and caught sight of the both of you tangled in a ‘fight’.

His eyes widened just slightly, and he visibly swallowed.

‘The class monitor’s looking for the both of you to hand in your work before the next period’

His voice suddenly changed to the voice he use when he felt awkward with new people. Without making eye contact with either of you, he hurriedly turned on his heels.

Internally face palming yourself a thousand times, you whined

‘Woohyun ah, it’s so awkward now! What excuse should I give to not go home with him today?’ You were in a dilemma. You caused this awkwardness but it feels like you were more scared than him at this persisting situation

‘No worries y/n, he’s got something after school today. I’ll get you snacks you missed out on yesterday ok? Let’s go back to class now’

Entering the class, you caught kyungsoo’s eyes turn away from the back door that instance.

Somehow..

You had this feeling that he had been looking at it for a long time.

Or maybe you were hoping he was

-----

P5's gna be fluffier, so hang on a little more! my drawing is pretty trash, but just wanted to try something fun while trying to write more since exo's having their comeback soon~

funfact that im an engine student! And have been absolutely horrendous at arts and humanities since forever. am a typical math and science brainer :p feel free to laugh at my 'art' but hold your insults please :,)

#dks u&me #kyungsoo #exowritersnet #exo scenarios #exo comeback #exo masterlist #kyungsoo exo #do kyungsoo #exo d.o.#kyungsoo scenarios #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic

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sandpumpkin · 4 years

Note

Henlo you most gorgeous Pumpkin!!! I am super hyped to get into your ask box!! May I request #44 “You don’t have to pretend with me” with Shanks and fem!reader? Thank you so much this is the absolute cutest event!! Sending you all the love and looking forward to the undeniably cute scenarios that are gonna come from this!!

Hello! I’m so behind with these IM SORRY! Also. I went on a huge tangent with this. I’m sorry. I hope it’s okay. ಥ_ಥ

Without Love

Mums the word

Shanks - 44 You don’t have to pretend with me

The day he strode into town changed your life forever. He claimed to be a travelling merchant but what self respecting merchant would look so..unkept..and in those trousers...what even were they?

And yet nobody questioned it. Even you. He and his group made themselves quite known at the tavern where you frequented yourself. You watched him curiously as he laughed merrily with his group. It was strange. He was humble and strangely polite. Despite how boisterous they got they never harmed or caused damage: only minor damage after one too many drinks but they were quick to pay for their mess.

You knew his name. Shanks. But you played the fool.

You saw him the next day when he entered the blacksmith where you worked. “I’ll just be a second!” you called over your shoulder as you finished re-sharpening an old sword. “Sorry about that. Now how can I-” you words trailed off when you realised who was standing in the middle of the store. That striking red hair and those awful trousers.

“I wasn’t expecting to find such a beautiful gem here.” Shanks said, offering the same charming smile as before.

“Right- so..how can I help?” you asked, skirting around his cloying words.

“I came to purchase some new swords. I was hoping to perhaps strike a deal.” he grinned,

“I’ll get my boss. That's for him to decide.” you explained, hollering into the back for the older gentleman who owned the smithy. He was overjoyed at the thought of selling such a large amount of swords and ushered Shanks into the back to work out the fine details.

Night after night you saw him at the bar and occasionally through the town during the day, he always made a point of coming for a quick chat mostly about the weather or pointless chatter.

But on the last night he was in town. You saw him once again but this time he joined you at your table, away from his group. “The beautiful jewel. Lovely to see you again.” Shanks greeted, fetching you another drink. As you got up to leave, he looked at you with such gentle eyes. “Don’t leave..I wanted to talk.”

Sighing, you sat back down. “So..you’re a merchant..” you said, trying to find a point of conversation “what do you need all those swords for?”

“Well you know..it’s dangerous on the Grandline..pirates and such.” he replied with a shrug.

He’s a terrible liar..though he’s not wrong about it being dangerous.

“If you don’t mind me asking..” you started, your eyes fell to his missing arm “how did you lose it?”

Shanks set down his mug and smiled with such a tender warmth, as he reached for a hat that no longer sat upon his crimson hair and he replied simply “I gave it to the next generation.”

What an odd thing for a ‘merchant’ to say. You thought as you sipped your mead. But then you remembered hearing about an upcoming pirate. Young and with the same energy of the man sitting before you. His son perhaps? You wanted to know more about him. You knew the rumours and naught else.

“For a merchant you spend an awful lot.”

“Well you know...business..” He laughed nervously,

“You don’t have to pretend with me.” you said sternly, folding your arms across your chest “I know who you are Shanks.” he stared at you with his jaw hung open, you chuckled resting a finger under his jaw closing his mouth, leaning across the table to steal a quick kiss “do you really think I didn’t recognise you? Or your pirate flag floating above the harbour?” you questioned with a playful smirk. Shanks blinked and laughed loudly.

“I really thought I was being discreet.”

It was your turn to laugh “How are you discreet? You’re one of the warlords of the ocean! Everyone here knows who you are, the only reason no one has said anything is because they like you better than they like the marines.” you explained, hearing a cheer echo through the bar. “See. Come on lets get some air.” you said rising from your chair, leaving the stuffy bar and out into the cool night air.

“I never meant to lie-” Shanks announced.

“You could have picked a better cover.” you teased, turning to face him as you reached the harbour “Guess you’ll be back on the seas soon.” you didn’t want him to leave, you had grown to enjoy his goofy smile and playful banter. Still not those trousers though.

He came into your life like a hurricane sweeping you off your feet but despite all his power he held you so softly like a warm gentle summer's breeze. Shanks wrapped his good arm around you pulling you in close resting his head on your shoulder.

“Aye..I suppose that’s how it was going to be-” he admitted weakly, “But I fell in love with you.” Shanks added, shifting to plant little kisses on your neck rising to his full height, his hand playing with your hair with a soft smile on his lips “I don’t want to put you in harms way but I also don’t want to leave you here…” he explained, “Will you come with me? Onto the high sea?”

You blinked and threw your arms around his neck “How could I refuse such a request from a handsome pirate.” you teased “should I start calling you captain?” you asked, Shanks looked a little taken back and a smirk graced his lips.

“Perhaps in...private..” he whispered, capturing your lips in another passionate kiss “I might not live long otherwise.” slinging his arm over your shoulders with a proud grin “come! I need to introduce you to the crew-”

“Not to alarm you but I already know them,” you said trying not to laugh in his face “I’ve spoken to them a few times when they came to collect your swords and we drank at the bar together.” you reminded him.

“-So you have. I was so lost in your beauty I forgot everything else.” He said resting his head on yours “A new journey begins tomorrow. I can’t wait.” Shanks smiled, “Welcome aboard, my beautiful jewel of the sea.”

#pumpkin writes #shanks x reader #red haired shanks #without love #one piece

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percyinpanties · 3 years

Note

hey I'm the pipeyna anon and that's ok!!! can u do pipeyna with piper pining after hot jock Reyna which hopefully ends happy (smutty)

just a quick warm-up, i say, i won’t spend too much time on this. i really had to resist just going on and on and on with this. i miss writing this ship, damn.

anyway - this fits really well with an enemy to lovers prompt i have for jercy, so thats what im hinting at too here.

Read on Ao3

for context : i always write college aus from a UK uni perspective bc that’s all i know and i don’t care to adapt to how it might or might not work in the u.s. (sorry)

rating: teen+ (no smut in this one, but let me tell you, this TEMPTED me)

words: 2.2k

___

“An actual goddess” Piper says wistfully from where she’s leaning against the wall next to Percy, taking back the cigarette she’d just bummed of him. Her eyes are glued on the field, and more precisely on Reyna, smile on her face and water bottle in her hand as she jogs over to Jason standing at the side of the field. They greet each other with a hug, even as Reyna wrinkles her face, seemingly complaining about her own sweatiness.

It’s coincidence that the end of Reyna’s soccer practice collides conveniently with Piper’s and Percy’s late seminar on Mondays. It isn’t coincidence that Percy and her have taken to sharing a cigarette on the side of the building that looks out toward the field during their break, however.

Percy makes a non-committal noise and his eyes follow Piper’s gaze while she takes a drag of the cigarette and wrinkles her nose. She needs to quit smoking for good, she thinks, and flicks the ash to the ground. There was a brief moment in first year when Piper thought that Percy might be interested in Reyna, or she in him, but luckily, nothing ever came of that.

“You think they’re dating?” Percy asks, arms crossed over his chest now, making no move to take the cigarette back again. He’s not even pretending not to be staring, his eyes intense where they flit between Reyna and Jason. Piper on the other hand has the common decency to at least cast her eyes away every now and again before she’s caught looking for a little too long.

At the edge of the field, Reyna and Jason are standing close together now, chatting about god knows what, smiling and laughing. They’re certainly comfortable with each other, but Piper can’t say that’s much of an indication given how she’s around Percy.

“I hope not.” Piper mutters and Percy laughs at that, even though she knows he agrees. Percy wouldn’t admit it in a million years, but Piper would bet real money that he has a thing for Jason, too, as much as he claims to hate the guy. She’d have to be deaf and blind not to notice the tension between them.

It would make sense, though, in a way. Jason is captain of the men’s rugby team, Reyna of the women’s soccer team. Some of their practices collide and the two clubs do most of their weekly socials together, and Piper’s seen the two of them hanging out aside from that plenty as well. Reyna and her haven’t talked much about Jason, maybe because Piper hasn’t actually exchanged more than five words with him and never had much of an urge to change that, but she knows that Reyna and Jason have known each other before university.

Around Jason, Reyna seems to let her guard down, something Piper has only managed to achieve a handful of times since they met during their first year.

Jason laughs at something Reyna says, eyes bright and head thrown back and Piper can’t deny that he’s handsome, at the very least. He’s fairly decent, too, as far as guys go, and really, Piper knows she shouldn’t be hoping that there is nothing between Reyna and him if that is what would make Reyna happy.

“Invite her to the party.” Percy suggests then, drawing Piper’s attention back from the tangent her brain was so insistent to start on. When Piper turns her face to look at him, he’s already looking back at her, one eyebrow arched. “I was going to, anyway, but it’s different coming from you yourself.”

He’s not teasing her, it’s an honest suggestion, and technically not even a bad one. It’s Percy’s birthday this weekend, and if nothing else, it would be a good excuse to hang out again. Percy knows a ton of people, but he usually doesn’t invite too many to his party, so with any luck, it won’t be too crowded to actually spend some time with Reyna.

More than that, though, it’s another opportunity for Piper to finally get a move on. Percy, Piper knows, thinks that Piper’s pining had reached a point where it’s almost comical halfway through last year, but even so, Piper has yet to manage to actually act on her feelings.

A party is casual enough that she can always play it off as nothing serious when it ends up blowing up in her face. Piper might finally get over herself and just ask Reyna out already – although she’s tried that a few times before only to find herself tongue tied and staring at Reyna like she hung the moon in the sky. She’s been head over heels for Reyna since maybe three weeks after they met in first year, and now that they’re starting their third and final year, Piper needs to get a move on or it’ll simply be too late. Granted, she’s scared shitless at the prospect of being turned down, but at this point, even that would be better than pining forever and never finding out if she’d even stand a chance.

“Yeah… maybe.” Piper says finally, and manages a small smile towards Percy who bumps his shoulder against hers playfully. They should be heading back inside, so Piper sneaks a last glance toward Reyna and this time, finds her looking back.

They don’t share any classes this year, and Piper doesn’t usually run into Reyna on campus, so on Wednesday morning, she ends up texting Reyna on her way to class. She fumbles with her phone, almost tripping over her own two feet trying to type the words out as fast as possible, and ends up having to sidestep off the path to actually send the texts.

Hey you.

we’re having a party on Saturday, it’s Percy’s birthday.

Piper wants to add more, but instead, she bites her lip and stuffs her phone back into the pocket of her jeans. It’s almost an open invitation like this already anyway, and Piper wants to gauge Reyna’s first reaction before deciding exactly how she’s going about asking. Technically, it would be so easy to just as Reyna to go with her, specifically, to the party, but the intention might be lost over text and anyway, wouldn’t it be simpler to just invite her generally?

Piper frets throughout the entirety of her first lecture, and most of the second one, for nothing. Reyna doesn’t answer, even though the messenger app shows Piper that she’s read both texts already, and Piper tries not to be disappointed about it. She doesn’t know what Reyna’s schedule is like today, the girl might just be busy and planned on replying later. It makes sense, much more than Piper’s second thought that Reyna is not answering because Piper is annoying and Reyna doesn’t actually want to spend any time with her. She knows that thought is stupid, knowing that however does nothing to ease the anxious knot in Piper’s stomach.

Piper finds herself checking her phone more often than not. It would be funny if it wasn’t so ridiculous, and if the lecturer wasn’t so clearly catching on that Piper isn’t paying as much attention to the class as she is to her phone. She texts Percy as well, but she knows he’s in that seminar he shares with Jason, so chances are that she won’t be getting a reply on that end anytime soon either. In the end, she has to force herself to put her phone away and actually focus on the lecture up front, even though by that point, she is already lost as to what they’re even talking about in the first place. It’s no good, and Piper can’t deny being relieved when the lecturer eventually dismisses the class.

She doesn’t allow herself to check her messages until she’s across campus in the coffee shop, queuing for some much needed caffeine and fishing out her phone so she doesn’t have to make small talk with anyone while she waits in line. Reyna still hasn’t replied, but at least Percy has messaged her after his seminar.

I’m gonna strangle him, Piper. You’ll have to bust me out of prison because they are going to arrest me for goddamn murder.

All she’d asked was if his classes were as boring as hers today, and while she had expected Percy to go off about Jason in reply, this isn’t exactly what she’d thought to be reading today. She smiles at her phone, types out a quick reply and moves up in the queue.

That bad? What’s he done now?

The way Percy talks about Jason makes Piper think of a Cartoon Network villain, always plotting, provoking and scheming. The few times she’s spoken to Jason, the guy wasn’t half bad, and if Piper is honest, she doesn’t quite get the vendetta these two have with each other. She suspects though that it has something to do with how ‘infuriatingly attractive, like fucking superman or something’ Percy described Jason after their first class together.

It’s like he thinks I’m stupid or something. Got a dumb fucking project to do together and he honestly told me that he ‘needs to pass this class so iif I’m not planning to put in the work, we might as well ask for new partners right away’

Like, excuse me, bitch? My grades are better than yours, for one thing

And for another, it’s not like good-old Dodds is gonna let us switch anyway

Piper huffs audibly while she reads the texts. It’s clear Percy’s actually upset by this, and she figures it will only get worse if they actually have to do the work together in the coming weeks. Before she can shoot Percy a reply though, she’s next in line.

Piper orders her coffee, steps aside to wait once she’s paid, and rereads Percy’s texts before she types her reply to Percy.

Sounds like a dick move.

Piper’s almost inclined to defend Jason for a moment, since Percy mostly doesn’t pay much attention in class, especially in Mrs. Dodds seminars – so how is Jason meant to know how much effort Percy puts in outside of it? On the other hand, though, Piper knows how Percy is, and how personally he’s clearly taken Jason’s comment already, so trying to convince him otherwise would simply be fruitless.

Once Piper’s coffee is done, she heads back outside, finding an empty bench to enjoy the break before her next class. If nothing else, at least Percy’s ranting is distracting her from Reyna, and the party, and asking the other girl out – and in between the rapid texts Percy and her are sending back and forth Piper almost forgets about it entirely. Until she has to head back to her last class, that is, and sees that Reyna has, so far, still left her on read.

Piper hesitates for a moment, clicking on the text field without typing anything just yet. Is she going to come off as desperate if she texts again, or should she just clarify now before it gets too late and Reyna already makes different plans for the weekend?

Piper types out a few words, deletes them again and pockets her phone only to get it back out a few seconds later to try again. She shouldn’t be walking and texting, especially given that she should be going faster to actually make it to her lecture in time, but Piper knows that if she doesn’t send this text now, she’ll spend another lecture agonising over what to say.

So yeah, I wanted to invite you too ofc :)

Piper cringes at her wording, but figuring it won’t get much better, she sends the text anyway and finally tucks her phone back into her pocket to actually hurry to class.

By the time Reyna replies, it’s late and Piper is sitting on the beat-up couch in her shared flat’s living room, watching something trashy on TV without really paying much attention at all. Percy is clanking around in the kitchen, making something that smells good enough to remind Piper that she should probably be getting herself some food, too. She’s about to get up and rummage through her fridge compartment in search of something edible when her lock screen lights up with a message from Reyna, and that derails any thoughts of food immediately. Piper isn’t subtle in the way she practically lunges for her phone, but luckily, Percy can’t see and judge her from his position in the kitchen.

Sorry, long day, reads the first text, following a few seconds later by another one.

Promised Jason to hang out but I’d love to :(

Piper bites her lip, knowing before typing out the words that Percy won’t like what she’s doing in the slightest.

You could bring him? Percy won’t mind.

Except that Percy most certainly will mind, Piper thinks, and grimaces. If she hadn’t come off as desperate before, she most certainly does now – texting back within less than a minute after having been left on read all day, only to offer that Reyna can bring her friend (boyfriend?) along as well if that means she’ll be there.

There’ll be other opportunities, Piper tells herself, and scrubs a hand over her face. She needs to chill, and maybe she needs to grab a cigarette and step outside and calm down before she embarrasses herself even further.

Piper stares at the screen. How on earth is she meant to interpret this? At this rate, she won’t make it until Saturday, dying of one crisis or another before then.

if you’re sure? I’ll ask him.

haven’t seen you in a while, would be nice to hang out again ;)

I’m sure.

#will i continue this? maybe #i do kinda wanna write the party part and have it ending ~spicy~#pipeyna #piper mclean #reyna ramirez avila arellano #my stuff #my fic #prompts #teen+#pjo #Anonymous #jercy #in the bg

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pomegranates-and-blood · 3 years

Note

🎵everything’s coming up ivar🎆🎇 what a morning of fortunate revelations for him! i know i must say this after like every chapter, but you have truly done such an exceptional job building up these characters and this relationship. there were so many neat little tie ins to other things i noticed in the story! and every other line, i was just struck by how well theyd come to know each other. i remember after the first time he broke a bone (and smth similar in ch36??), she thought something to the extent of “if i try to push him on this, ill just hurt him. if i don’t, then he’ll just accept this situation as immutable, so im at a loss.” but she absolutely could not miss in this chapter. after all this time together, she knew exactly what to say—and he finally felt like he could completely sincerely trust her! “Of course you wouldn’t leave, he knows you wouldn’t leave him” 😣🥺😭 he’s got a new certainty!! also cracked me up to read half the lines and think “you’re gonna give him a heart attack!!!” only to move to the ivar pov to find that he was in fact having a heart attack. i Love that for them💕 sub ivar is like inspired choice #17266 for this fic but damn!! does it go hard you do just an excellent job!

it’s been such a convincing and satisfying journey for them. theyre really doing it!! i feel like my child has learned to ride a bike. you have been cranking out bangers only since the hiatus so thank you very very much for another fantastic chapter!!!❤️(bit of a tangent but i briefly looked up some baseline historical symbolism for lavender bc i was so struck by freydis and the mint smell and i wanted to get ahead of the game and like the first meaning that comes up is silence lmao—somehow i don’t think that’s it so ill have to keep looking!)

OMFG ILY ❤️

I’m so happy you liked the newest update! That morning was A Lot™ for Ivar lol, all positives but still, his mind tapped out halfway through Gǫfga and none of us can blame him, poor guy was a tad overwhelmed lol. And yeah, her not really knowing if she should push or not is a thing that happens a lot (that will happen a lot more in a certain AU lol) because there really is no way to navigate around that until there’s the established trust and vulnerability that they have by now.

I’m so glad the fact that he now holds on to the certainty of her promising to stay by his side was noticeable!

Omfg yeah, the inside of Ivar’s head anytime she started talking was probably just a loop of a very loud alarm going off lol

I’m so happy you like sub!Ivar, it is a blast to write him actually surrendering to his lover like that. I cannot see him any other way to be honest, especially with my priestess. She’s been thinking about making him hers for a long time: “Even after he has imprisoned you, it would be a lie if you said you didn’t wonder what it would take to have the Viking underneath you, or the different ways you could make his proud façade crumble."

Thank you so so much for your kind words, they mean so much!! I am so happy you have been liking this so far, and that you enjoyed the latest updates. Thank you so much, you wonderful person!

I answer your intrigue about Lavender under the cut by the way, if you’re interested. It is not as interesting as with Mint and Freydis I’m afraid, but if you were curious as to why Ivar lingers on it, and why specifically Lavender, under the cut is the (very rambly, but that’s expected of me by now lol) answer 😉

As for the lavender, I commend your resolve to get ahead of any plot twists, but surprisingly this isn’t one. Lavender is actually the scent she uses in her baths, and thus her skin smells slightly of lavender. In a deleted scene of one of Ivar’s PoV’s it goes into how he has started to relate this slight lavender scent with her so much that walking into their room already makes him feel like she’s there even if she isn’t; and in his newest PoV he just lingers on it because it’s just one more way she clouds his senses.

As for why lavender? Ah, that’s where my irrational need to research everything comes into play. Lavender is a flower that symbolizes Persephone first of all, and it was (according to some of the sources I handled) one of the flowers used in the temples in Ancient Greece, so for the Priestess it has a strong meaning regarding her faith (and her retracing Persephone’s myth in the Goddess’ role, but she doesn’t know that lol). Also, Lavender was fairly common, and it has a lot of medicinal uses, including relaxation and the such, but most importantly for this story, it is one of the many herbs used to heal burn wounds. Lavender was one of the flowers used on the Reader (and that once she was better she used on herself) after the Eleusis thing, and either consciously or not she uses it still, it is a source of comfort in a way.

Cause here’s a thing/headcanon of the Reader/Priestess that really means nothing but I always snuck into my work: she is a healer first and foremost (is the one thing across all AUs and all the places she has been that remains consistent, from the Roads to Greece to Kattegat and beyond, in Nostalgia, and Hope and Alatheia and all others), and her insistence on keeping plants close to her is mostly because she wants life to be around her in a land like Kattegat, yes, but it is also because she trusts/relies on the herbs and what she can do with them. Her own sword and shield, her own way of fighting, like Sieghild told her in the flashback of Ch 33.

At the beginning of her time in Kattegat, stretched to her marriage to Ivar even, she mostly just kept plants like Lavender, Poppy, Summer savory, Field scabious and the such, which are all used medicinally to treat burns and as antibiotics. She is more scarred by what the Byzantines did to her in ELeusis than she would like to admit, or that she ever would in her PoV, that’s why I like sneaking in comments by Ivar and Freydis in their PoVs about how she flinches when someone breathes too much life to a fire, or how when she feels unsafe (even when she is freezing her ass off, bc she is not used to Scandinavia’s cold) she sits far away from any fire. Keeping plants like this is her way of irrationaly wanting to keep herself safe if they ever do the same thing to her again, even if it is incredibly unlikely. Slowly, she starts to be able to let go of that, and really all that remains by now (~Ch 42) of those plants is the Lavender.

When she marries Ivar (and more importantly when she starts truly caring about him) she starts keeping plants like Comfrey, Chickweed, Buckeye, which are used for broken bones or for rheumatic/arthritic pain, or for pain general, like Willow or Elderberry. Freydis makes a point of it in “Until spring comes.”, of how she has been relentless on keeping both the common/accesible ones like Comfrey and Willow around, but has also secured plants from the East, like Ganglong (which was traditionally used for bone fractures). Again, the plants and her ability to heal is her own way of fighting, her own way of keeping the people she loves safe and protected, limited as it may be. Which, around Ch 31 she uses (in a different way) to try to keep the man she loves safe, which is by making the wreath of flowers and praying to her Gods.

And once she really starts settling into her life in Kattegat, even if she doesn’t realize it, she no longer keeps plants only for the use they may have, and brings things like that Marsh Violet (that as far as my limited reseach told me has no real medicinal uses). Her own way of making the world around her a little more hers is by putting plants around her and caring for them (she did this in the Roads a lot too), and with time the stubborn little shit accepts letting this world make her a little theirs too by caring for plants like that one.

You are on point that I use plants and symbols a lot, most of them you know about by know. Ivar/Hades and snakes, Melinöe/Freydis (especially once the revelations of Ch33-34 happen, which is when the Minthe parallel comes to an end and she embraces the role of Melinöe in the Priestess’ eyes now that the lies are discovered) and howling dogs, Hermes/Galla and hawks/falcons. I used Snowdrops a few times I think, towards the beginning, which was a little nod to Freyja’s myth and the Priestess’ threading the line of it, because I like the parallels between some of Freyja and Persephone/Hecate (which by some sources could sometimes be intertwined, or one and the same, much like Melinöe and Persephone).

Anyhow, sorry for the long-ass answer, I hope it doesn’t dissapoint. I really cannot put into words how happy it makes me that you’d care enough about this story to search the meaning of lavender, thank you so much for your support, and for the undeserved love you keep showering me and Nostalgia with! Thank you so much sweetheart!

Sending you my love!! ❤️

#answered asks #asks and replies #νοσταλγία asks

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hwangdol · 5 years

Text

l.jn: just shoot your shot

summary: can jeno just be confident in himself? pls? pretty pls?

pairing: student-athlete!jeno x tutor! (fem) reader

warning: PROCEED WITH CAUTION! GRAMMAR MISTAKES! AND CRACKHEADS! ALSO CURSING! i’m back and i’m not dead so here’s some athlete!jeno that everyone was looking forward too. just a reminder, this is apart of my collab with @huangsren so check out her art-hoe! renjun and childhood-friend! chenle in our dreamies highschool au. i’m not really satisfied with this piece compared to my other two. hopefully, this still slaps. also, there will be for sure a second part to this so yuh. enjoy.

okay so let’s get this straight lee jeno is THAT guy whose in like all of the sports teams on campus

basketball, baseball, football, soccer, track and field, cross country, pickleball, etc he’s on them all

he was deadass about to join the cheerleading team just so he could have the clout of being on all of the teams

ngl imagine a cheerleader!jeno,,,hell yeah that’s my shit

but he didn’t bc he isn’t as big of a crackhead as one like to think

jeno has the reputation of the silent cold guy, but in actuality is a big FLOOF ball especially with his close friends (aka jaemin)

he’s well-liked by everyone bc he’s hecka nice once they look pass that cold exterior and he’s realllly hot.

just picture sweaty!jeno after practice using his shirt to wipe off his sweat allowing everyone to have a glimpse of his abs.

sign me the fuck up

he’s just extremely shy and socially awkward so he doesn’t really know how to interact w people when he meets them for the first time so a lot of people just think he’s that distant, angsty type

it still shocks a shit ton of people when they find out he’s best friends with the social butterfly/ fboi! jaemin but don’t get him wrong bc he doesn’t go around town breaking hearts left and right like his best buddy does

as much as jeno likes to deny it, he is a ROMANTICIST

way back in freshmen year, jeno was captivated by a teenage romance which he blames ara (from fucq-boi! jaemin au) for roping him into all those barbies and chick-flick movies.

like his heart flutters at the idea of his significant other wearing his jersey to his games or sharing a milkshake at the local ice cream parlor,,,he wants to give them his hoodie and cuddle on the couch (hopefully watching barbie princess charm school)

BABY BOY JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED !

but he doesn’t want it to be superficial like what jaemin does

he highly disapproves of jaemin’s casanova ways

jaemin is probably really glad about the bros before hoes rule bc he would have lost jeno a long time ago with all of the girls he goes through

jeno knows that love is a delicate thing and should be treated seriously which is why he’s so against jaemin’s date and ditch

and jeno wants to be in a relationship! but he can’t bc he has like NO time for the lovey-dovey highschool bs (also bc he’s highkey scared that he might ruin any relationship he gets himself into)

the boy has back to back practice from all the sports he decided to take on

on multiple occasions, different practice times interfere with each other and instead of just missing one like he SHOULD, jeno decided to take em both on at the same time

catch him sprinting from the soccer field to the football field back and forth in between break times

one time, basketball and swimming practice collided w each other so jeno thought it was smart to go back and forth from the school’s pool to the gym after he’d finish a 1000M IM set and shot at least 15 3-pointers

let’s just say he flashed a lot of people, running half-naked with only his drag suit on when he forgot to put on his sweatpants in one of his runs back and forth

art-hoe! renjun never lets him live it down much to his embarrassment

“remember that one-time jeno displayed his junk to the whole student body? good times, good times”

cue jeno throwing a pencil at renjun or chasing him down the halls

jeno’s abs were the talk of the school for at least a whole month and our boi had red cheeks every time he heard someone talk about it

because of that jeno double-checks, quadruple-checks to make sure that his pants are on before booking it to the gym to shoot hoops

ALSO

another reason why a lot of people find jeno so intimidating and hard to approach was bc of the fight that happened between his ex-friend! stoner-boi!haechan sophomore year

no one expected that the calm, seemingly unbothered jeno could throw punches that hard. it was like he transformed into the hulk or something

except jeno didn’t like the new reputation he gained over a stupid fight with his once close friend.

there’s one nasty habit that jeno can’t seem to let go of no matter how much jaemin and renjun tell him to fix

the boy holds onto grudges like there’s no tomorrow

there was one time where jaemin had to borrow jeno’s phone for something and he accidentally dropped it

“hey can i borrow your phone to call someone? mine’s dead.” jaemin asked him.

“no, last time i gave it to you, you cracked it”

“dude! it was one time”

“say that to my cracked screen”

“for goodness sake, jeno, i only cracked your screen protector!”

“still you broke it”

yeah, jaemin never got to use jeno’s phone ever again.

someone didn’t give back the pencil he lent them? he doesn’t even look in their direction until jaemin nags him enough to just let it go

which is probably why he and haechan still vehemently hate each other even though renjun and jaemin are ready to go talk things out with haechan

some part deep down insides knows he should just let it go and actually talk things out with haechan on why he initiated the fight bc haechan was once someone jeno considered as a bro

and jeno doesn’t give out bro passes as easily

he just doesn’t know how to approach haechan or if haechan would even be willing to talk it through

it’s kinda sad how the two of them don’t even look each other in the eye or acknowledged each other existence anymore

other than that jeno is practically flawless, jk

as much as he is very enthusiastic in physical education, when it comes to math, science, etc, jeno is basically flunking. like borderline passing in all of his classes

he was for sure failing math though which is a HUGE problem…bc to stay on any team sport, he CAN’T be failing a class

which is why jeno was currently spending his free period, in the library, furiously erasing his wrong answer for the problem he tried multiple times to solve. it was the first math problem on the remedial work packet that his math teacher gave him for extra practice.

even his friend, smartass renjun gave up on helping him and went to go toy around with his telescope, going on a tangent about renjun’s alien conspiracies theories.

if only jeno could have renjun’s genius brain, life would be so much easier

slamming his head on the table, jeno let out a low groan of frustration at whoever decided that it was a good idea to mix number and letters together.

“dude, can you not?” he heard someone say from next to him.

he lifted his head to take a peek…and this is where you come in, glaring at him with murder on your mind

jeno’s just staring at you and the fool does not recognize you at all

NCT High isn’t a big place either so he would have come across you once or twice, but you were simply a new face to him.

you, at this point, grew annoyed at the boy who was just shameless staring at you.

“is there something on my face?” you asked with a raised eyebrow

slowly he shakes his head ‘no’

“keep it down, i’m trying to sleep” you warned him before laying your arms now with your head resting on it, faced away from jeno.

jeno, who was awe-struck for second at your frank personality, decided that it was time to have another go at the problem and looked at it again

yeah there was no way in hell he was going to be able to solve it, he was too fucking lost

atm jeno is like .000000001 seconds away from having a mental breakdown because if he doesn’t pass his test this friday he’s going to be benched and if he fails the class then he loses his status of team captain and his spot on the soccer team which he cannot afford to bc it was SENIOR year and he should be living in all of his sports glory right now

and what if he can’t graduate? he can’t be a super senior like lucas wong like nooo that can definitely not happen

literally, jeno, stop freaking out - sincerely admin minnie

suddenly while he was having an overthinking session, his paper and pencil were taken away from him. he watches as the culprit (you) quickly solve the problems on the piece of paper in record time with wide eyes

letting out a small huff, you gave him back the paper wordlessly before going back to your previous sleeping positions hoping to get back to your precious nap time. your actions leaving jeno’s mouth opened in awe as his eyes glances back and forth between the answer sheets and the ones you provided him, both matching up perfectly with no mistake

he looks back at your sleeping form and wonders if you’re an actual prodigy like renjun

but jeno also feels really bad for disturbing your nap so he lets you be and tries to quietly work on the other problems and review how you solved the ones he had trouble on earlier

except he’s even more confused bc there was more numbers and letters;; no comprendo

jeno’s brain: ajadkf;dskjhg;ajdsvf;

he contemplates ask you for help or a basic explanation since there was no way that jeno learned how to solve that in class (he did, he just slept through the lecture because he was dead-beat tired after a heavy soccer practice from the night before)

jeno’s fear of flunking overweighed his social awkwardness so he pokes you gently with his pencil eliciting a grumpy “what do you want, now?” from you

gulping, jeno mumbles a small “can you help me, i don’t understand how you solved this”

you looked intently at jeno not answering his questions causing the boy to instantly regret asking, but surprisingly you replied

“what don’t you get?” you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and shifted towards the male

“i don’t even know what i don’t know”

i felt that jeno. i felt that.

he pulls the piece of paper between the two of you and points to a problem that you did with ease

“oh, so you’re so supposed to…” you launched off into an explanation filled with math terms that adds more to jeno’s confusion

sensing that jeno still wasn’t understanding, you let out a big sigh

“sorry, it just doesn’t make sense in my head” jeno admitted shyly

at first, you were gonna say something snappy about how even an eighth-grader could do this problem easily, you held it back because you actually felt bad since jeno was trying so hard

you also weren’t going to deny that lw jeno looked quite cute with that adorable slight pout on his face

“let’s just take it slow, i’ll explain step by step”

so you did just that, patiently teaching the methods and theorems to jeno who constantly made that confused noise every time you introduced something new to the table

the two of you worked through five of the worksheets and jeno was actually understanding it! horray!

you were explaining the last problem to jeno when he stops you with a question that was completely off-topic

“why are you helping me?”

it was simple question so you answered it simply.

“because you looked like you need it.” you shrugged “i was trying to take a nap earlier but it was too loud for me with your constant erasing”

“sorry” jeno said looking down at his lap, embarrassed that he was a nuisance to you

you kind felt bad ngl so you quickly reassured him

“don’t worry about it. you remind me of my idiotic friends, not that you’re an idiot though. actually, no comment.”

we love a blunt y/n.

you clicked the pen you were holding and placed it down, “i moved here a couple months ago so i barely know anyone. now that it’s senior year, everyone already has their own friend group so why bother trying to join them?”

jeno makes another confused noised at your blunt statement.

you wondered if that particular noise has some type of effect on you due to the fact that you have a sudden urge to explain your situation to the boy you hardly knew for more than the hour

“i used to go to miroh high, but my dad got a transfer here so he decided to enroll me at this school without my say. i left all my friends back there sadly”

“that sucks,” was all that jeno could say.

damn his inability to socialize like a normal human being.

you nodded, “yeah, it does, but it’s not that bad. my friends make an effort to come down here most weekend and sometimes i drive up there too.” you turn to look at him and jeno freezes at the sudden eye contact “actually, you remind me of my friend hyunjin. he was kind of a ditz in anything that wasn’t sports”

“wait, how do you know that i play sports?” jeno asked confused

“dude, everyone knows that you’re the school’s mvp.” you said as if it’s obvious “you’re not as intimidating as they say you are though.”

damn it

he was hoping you had no idea who he was so that could relieve his guilt of not knowing who you were despite being in the same graduating class.

at the same time, he was glad that he seemed to have made a good impression on you

“don’t worry, i won’t spill your little secret” you gestured to the worksheets which had red pen markings all over it, signs of jeno’s failures. you figured that the school’s star jock didn’t want the school knowing his inability to solve basic 12th-grade math problem

you reached under the table to grab your backpack, causing jeno to reach a hand out to grasp your wrist

“wait, where are you going?”

a part of him was afraid that he was going to forget everything you taught him once you left, but the other part was extremely curious about you and wanted to know more

“i have somewhere to go?” you looked down at his hand and back up at him “you have something else you want to say?”

sensing that his grip was making you feel uncomfortable, he quickly pulled his hand away. rubbing the back of his neck. he avoids your eyes, opting to stare at your feet instead.

“this might be a little weird, but can you please tutor me? at least until next week when i have to take my make-or-break test.” jeno plead, embarrassment rushed to his cheeks in the form of a red blush when he realized how desperate he sounded.

you let out a tiny giggle, totally different from your persona earlier.

you took his pencil that was laying on the table to scribble something on the corner of his worksheet. patting his shoulder, you quickly left the boy staring at the piece of paper.

don’t get confused (127) 312-0325 :)

a stupid smile made it’s way onto jeno’s lips as he quickly packed up his things in haste. he practically skips to soccer practice. maybe he even heel-clicked.

lee jeno is not failing math!

cute tutor acquired!

woohoo!

but also, there’s this weird tingly feeling that jeno has inside.

he doesn’t know what exactly it was but most likely it’s probably the reason why he was a goofy-ass smile on his face

“dude, are you okay?” one of his teammates ask after he gets hits in the head with a soccer ball

jeno, not even fazed by it one bit, just smiles and gives his teammates a big thumbs up

“coach, i think there’s something wrong with jeno!”

anyways, that night he’s extremely excited to text you.

imagine jeno on his bed, laying on his stomach feet up in the air, taking at least an hour to construct a response that doesn’t make him seem lame or a fifty-year-old man like all of his friends say he texts like

jeno is probably the type of person that texts, with all the correct capitalization and actual punction plus awkward spacing and usage of emojis

this time he tried to be chill about it

jeno: hey, it’s me, jeno. sorry for bothering you this late at night, but i don’t understand this problem. can you help me pls?

sent.

now jeno was currently awaiting your response….however, you don’t reply right away like jeno for some reason expects

he takes the waiting time to scroll through his social media and it’s the usual things he sees every day

he sees the juniors’ chenle and his weird little friend talking about some sort of prank they’re going to pull, jaemin’s spam post on how he was stuck making prom decorations to fulfill his community service requirements, etc

however, a sudden post from @/luccasss caught his attention

especially the girl sitting on top of an old blue car with the senior, middle fingers up

his eyes glance at the caption quickly

me and my main bitch fucking it up (pc to our little kiddo)

wait a minute.

jeno could remember you saying how you didn’t bother making friends w anyone, so what are you doing with the lucas wong?

now lucas wong doesn’t have that great of a reputation around campus, especially since he was a held back his senior year. he blows off class and jeno has heard that he’s in cahoots with the stoners on campus too

your account is tagged in the picture and luckily it’s on public, so jeno could secretly and shamefully stalk your page

while looking through your photos, jeno realizes that he really doesn’t know anything about…. you

tbh he didn’t even know your name until he saw your bio and username. (facepalm @ jeno)

scrolling through your photos, he saw you posing with other boys and girls that he didn’t recognize making him assume that they were your friends from your old school

his fingers land on a picture where you’re kissing a cheek of ridiculously good looking guy. checking the tag, he sees that it’s a guy whose username was something along the lines of cb_97

imma miss my ddy chan <3!! owo

as he scrolling through the chan guy’s instagram, jeno becomes more dejected bc maybe he was too deep in his imagination that he got from watching too many dramas with ara

letting out a sad sigh, jeno clicks his phone off and settles into bed. the more he thinks about it the more he feels insignificant to you which he was.

for all he knows, he’s just a random kid in the library that you helped with a few math problems

the next day, jeno walks into school with no pep in his step :(

and as his certified besties, jaemin and renjun drag him into an empty classroom during lunch prying him to confess what’s got him down in the dumps

and jeno knows he can’t hide anything from his besties so he just lets it all out

jaemin, taking a long blink after his bff’s rant to process the newly acquired tea “wow, bro. you got the feels”

“exactly,” jeno groans “i only talked to her once! she doesn’t even know me!”

“she knows you suck at math,” renjun points out

and jeno threatens to throw a chair at his friend, but jaemin quickly stops him

“okay, how about you just take it slow? like get to know her and let her get to know you. it could be that you’re just overthinking her kindness for helping you when you were desperate. appreciation is different from admiration” ngl jaemin was kinda-sorta right

“btw, who is this chick anyway? you haven’t told us who it was” renjun asked, sitting on one of the empty desks

“y/n, she transferred a couple months ago from miroh”

renjun abruptly jumps to his feet, “the y/n l/n? the new math teacher’ daughter?”

“you know her?” jeno quirks an eyebrow

“dude she’s in my ap calculus class and she has the highest grade, but she never shows up to class,” renjun tells him. “she’s a straight, badass genius”

jeno feels stupider as renjun continues to list all of your achievements and the art boy makes it seem like all of them were done effortlessly.

how stupid was he in your eyes when he couldn’t solve regular senior math problems while you were out here solving college-based ones?

now you seem like a person farther and father away from him.

jaemin, his good-ol-buddy knows that jeno is over-analyzing the new information renjun was telling him, and he tries his best to hype is buddy up

“c’mon, you might not be a genius at math but you certainly are on any field, pool, and court. have some confidence!”

deep down jeno knows that he should listen to his friend and that he should just be more confident in himself, but he can’t shake his feeling of insecurity and doubt

so the next time he sees you laying on the empty table in the non-fiction section sleeping, he’s a bit more reluctant to approach you. instead, he quietly sits in the seat next to you as he pulls out his practice sheets to work and miserably fail on

except you don’t wake up for a looong time until jeno accidentally sneezes too loud, causing you to awaken

opening your eyes, you see the boy look at you with wide eyes as if he’s done something terribly wrong by waking you up

“why do you look like i’m about to kill you or something?” you giggled watching as the boy in front of you became very flustered “why didn’t you wake me up when you came here?”

“oh, you look like you were in deep sleep, so i didn’t want to wake you up”

you stretched your arms out, one hand over your mouth as you let out an inaudible yawn, “don’t worry about it. i’m always sleeping”

you blamed all of your fatigue on lucas as it was his fault that you were tired out of your mind from the little night adventure he roped both you and a junior named eun (y/n from childhood-friend!chenle’s au) into.

honestly, if it weren’t for lucas’s annoying ass laugh waking you up from your nap that one day, you probably wouldn’t have befriended the big bumbling bafoon.

“yeah, but apparently i’m failing the twelfth-grade again bc i’m not allowed to just go to homeroom and p.e. i mean, who wants to learn about FUNCTIONS when you could just be looking up memes in the library?!?” - lucas wong, 2019

despite lucas’s overwhelming personality, you were quite thankful to have him as he reminded you of your old friends back at miroh, it was nice.

eun was a soft-spoken child that often had to turn to you or lucas (which wasn’t always a good idea) for advice that you both were happy to give to the underclassmen.

personally, you didn’t care that you only had like two friends, quality over quantity right?

“earth to jeno?” you waved your hand in front of his face as he stayed unresponsive

he mumbles something inaudible and points at a problem

your eyes gloss over it taking in the problem, before quickly grabbing a pen and solving it. you spoke slowly as you explained the step-by-step solution that jeno had to do.

when you look back at jeno to make sure that he was understanding the content, you noticed how the jock is off in his own universe and not paying attention to you.

“please don’t make me repeat that again,” you sigh, catching jeno’s attention. you capped the pen and lightly tossed it on the table, proceeding to stretch out your hands above your head.

“sorry”

“what’s up with you?” you asked, wondering why the boy who seemed desperate for your help yesterday, was now acting like he could care less. “and don’t give me that stupid, generic “nothing” bullshit.”

“sorry, football was tough last night,” jeno said quietly, focusing on the problem.

despite not being involved in the school festivities, you knew that it was well past football season. and that meant that jeno was lying to you.

there was a slight pang of disappointment, but you pushed it aside. what were you expecting anyway? he probably only saw you as a tutor.

you weren’t even his friend for fuck’s sake

“let’s move onto the next problem” you say, quickly changing the subject.

honestly, the two of you were fucking idiots. smh

despite there being awkward tension between the two of you, you’re tutoring was actually very very helpful for jeno. he could actually understand what was going on in math class now.

remember that test he had to take to ensure that he could play for his soccer match? jeno passed that with flying colors thanks to your careful explanations

even after that test, the two of you kept your tutoring arrangement;;;and maybe jeno was falling even harder for you.

he couldn’t help it though! the way you run your fingers through your hair or the way you puff out your cheeks when you’re trying to think of a way to explain something to jeno just makes leaves him star-struck. and every time he gets a problem right without your help, the proud smile that you give him makes his heart leap

it wasn’t like you were safe from the love bug either!!

lee jeno was hard not to like and he was even harder to not fall for.

the little cute noises that he makes when he’s lost, the way his eyes go wide when he finally understands the problem, and the eye-smile he gives you when he gets a problem right.

your heart literally went uwu when jeno offered you his hoodie bc the two of you were sitting underneath the ac vent and you were shivering.

when you tried to give it back to him, he just shook his head and said “keep it, just in case you get cold”

lee jeno was not healthy for your heart. uwu hours 24/7

but the two of you were stuck in this weird relationship bc the two of you weren’t exactly friends, but also not strictly tutoring. you would share laughs here and there, but then quickly it would dial down and returned back to the math problems

some times when he was texting you, he would send a cute gif to show you that he understood and sometimes you would tell him about something funny/stupid lucas+eun or your other friends did.

“just ask him out,” lucas tells you bluntly as the both of you chilled on the bleachers during lunch.

“hard pass”

“fine, then i’ll do it.” lucas shrugs, eliciting a hard smack from you

“don’t embarrass me, you asstwat”

“who said i was asking him out for you? that boy is a fine piece of meat”

“istg, lucas, i’ll actually gouge your eyes out” you deadpanned.

but big ol’ oaf lucas doesn't see you as an actual threat. and he reaches out to grab your cheeks causing your face to form into a fish pout

“can you even reach me?” he teases, shaking around your face

and this the part where you’re pulling lucas into a headlock, oblivious to the fact that jeno was watching your toughy actions from afar

he kicked the soccer ball angrily into the goal causing jaemin to duck with a small shriek to avoid getting his head decapitated by jeno’s fastball

“dude wtf!” jaemin shouts

“sorry,” jeno mutters.

jaemin looks over to where jeno was staring at and saw you and lucas being really handsy with each other. from that distance that the two boys were looking it, it didn’t look like the roughhousing the two of you were actually doing

you pulling his hair to them looked like you were playing around with it

jaemin’s buddy jeno be looking like a kicked puppy rn, muttering under his breath about his shortcommings

jaemin is bout ready to slap him upside down the head for having no confidence or whateves

“can you stop talking shit about my bestfriend now?” jaemin @ jeno but the boy is on a whole ass rant on why he sucks in comparison to lucas

“of course she doesn’t like me. she has a whole lucas wong and he’s 6′0 ft of handsomeness. he’s fun and exciting, i’m staler than a moldy piece of bread!”

can jeno just love himself??????? is that to much to ask?

“i’ll just never be good enough for her. i’m not her type, she can do better than me.”

cue jaemin intense internal screaming

one day, jeno was going to your usual sitting spot in the library when he sees lucas chilling with eun—a girl that he’s seen around with his friend chenle. they were both laughing at something on lucas’s phone.

jeno looks at the sight confused. cause like aren’t you and lucas a thing? like why was this boy looking really chummy with this underclassmen?

so jeno clears his throat to catch their attention and both of them look at him like “who tf are you?”

“where’s y/n? she’s suppose to be tutoring me” jeno says

a look of recognition flashes across lucas’s and eun’s at the sound of y/ns name. the younger female whispers something to the senior causing him to clap his hands.

“oh so you’re, jeno??” lucas says in this voice

and jeno awkwardly nods

“yeah, y/n is skipping school today so she told me to tell you to look over the notes she wrote out for you” lucas pulled out a notebook and handed it to jeno

jeno flips through it carefully, examining the words you wrote in your familiar handwriting; there was also a highlight code system and little side comments to help him

“thanks” jeno about to leave but lucas’s next comments stop him

“you’re lucky that y/n likes you enough to do that for you. she wouldn’t even tell me whats 4x4 when i asked her” lucas slumped into his seat

“that because she thinks you have chronic stupidity” the underclassmen said, giggling

“aren’t you suppose to be on my side you little pipsqueak” lucas says jokily, rubbing her head.

and jeno is watching the exchange, getting more and more confused

did y/n know that lucas was hanging out w another girl without you?

“did you need something else, jeno?” eun asked him

jeno is about to say no, but different words left his mouth

“aren’t you dating y/n, lucas?”

there was a silence that lasted for a good minute, both lucas and the underclassmen giving jeno a blank stare….

until lucas bust out into ugly laughter, bent over his seat delirious and eun was also laughing along but not to the same degree.

was it really that funny? jeno be staying confused

it wasn’t until the librarian came to shush the two did they stop laughing

lucas wiped away tears of laughter from his eyes “that was a good one!”

“what do you mean?” jeno asked

“pffft eun would rather date a rabid animal than me,” lucas said “she’s only friends w me bc i forced her to be”

oh! that was news to jeno

“besides, lucas isn't y/n’s type” eun revealed, shocking jeno

oh really now?

“yeah, you fit her type really well,” lucas stated nonchalantly.

eun is like BRUH WHY WOULD YOU REVEAL THAT but doesn’t say anything and kicks lucas underneath the table. she could already picture the pure anger once her friend found out that lucas spilled her secret crush that easily.

robot jeno is just standing there holding the notebook and deep in thought.

“is he okay?” lucas whispers, looking up and down at jeno. eun shrugs in response

bOOM jeno zoom zooms away and the two high schoolers shrug at the jocks before returning to looking at dank memes

jeno basically charges down to the only female he’s friends with for advice, ara. (go read my fucqboi! jaemin for the backstory!)

conveniently, he finds both his jaemin and ara standing at her locker talking. tbh it looked more like jaemin trying to flirt with ara and her ignoring him.

but right now his friend’s girl problems were the least of jeno’s concerns!

so jeno basically hulk yanks jaemin away from ara and has the most serious expression on his face “i need your help, ara”

“huh?”

and he drags ara off to a more secluded place to explain his current situation to, ignoring jaemin’s whines

“to be honest with you, i think you need to have more confidence. now that you know that she isn't interested in lucas, why don’t you just take the initiative to confess?” ara says once jeno explained to her every juicy detail of his hopeless love story.

“because i don’t think that she likes me. there’s nothing special about me. the only things i’m good at are sports and that’s not very interesting!” jeno exclaims “she probably thinks i’m an actual idiot!”

“jeno, listen, i’m only going to say this once, but please please understand that you’re a very special person, okay? you’re extremely hard-working, nice, and honestly very fun to be around. it would take a fool to not like you, lee jeno.” ara sighed, patting her friend’s shoulder “just shoot your shot. if it doesn’t make it in, it’s okay.”

but jeno doesn’t like leaving things to chance. he wants to be sure and he hates uncertainty.

“when you’re competing or playing against someone, you have no idea how the whole game is going to pan out. all you know to do is to try your best and go all out to ensure the very best result so that you can win. liking someone is like that, you just have to go forward and hopefully, you’ll be able to score a home run or a touchdown.”

that was sum deep shit

after listening carefully to ara’s words, jeno came to a conclusion

maybe

just maybe

jeno will take a chance.

reaching into his pocket, he pulls out his phone and sends a text.

jeno: can you meet me at neo ice cream later? i have something important to tell you.

y/n: yeah ofc. i’ll see you at 4

he had soccer practice today and for the very first time, jeno was skipping practice, his favorite time. the only time where he’s ever fully confident in his abilities, where his stupid insecurities can’t get to him.

this was more important the temporary self-gratification that jeno gets when he’s able to fly through practice with ease

lee jeno was taking a leap, unsure of where he’ll fall.

today, he’ll shoot his shot. and hopefully, you’ll catch.

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musicnoots · 5 years

Text

Hold Me Tighter

Babe Heffron/Reader

Requested by anon: “Hey! If your requests are still open, would it be ok to request some good ol babe fluff? I’m having the worst time at uni right now and could really use some babe cuteness to cheer up”

A/N: Major sleepy Babe fluff. Hope you feel better anon <3

Synopsis: A sleepless night in the Ardennes leaves Babe restless and curious when he asks you a tricky question.

Tags: @gottapenny @croatianbagudna @dustyjjumpwings @higgles123 @wexhappyxfew @curraheev @medievalfangirl @bandofmarvels @those-dusty-jump-wings @majwinters @junojelli

“Are you comin’ with me to Philly?”

His voice is breathy, raspy and tired. His hands shake under the cold January night sky, eyes looking out at the snow right in front of his foxhole as he pulls you closer to his side, thin army-issued blanket spread from shoulder to shoulder.

Babe is tired, restless, and almost at the brink of tears when it comes to sleeping. Usually, he’s out like a light once the sun sets and the sky turns into the dampest shade of a black, but tonight, he can’t find himself to take the angels’ hands into slumberland where the sky is pink and the ground is as fluffy as the clouds.

He asks you the question like it isn’t the pink elephant in the room, fifteen different tangents going off in his head as he stares at the pile of snow in front of the foxhole. You shoot him a quizzical look, hand gripping the edge of the worn out blanket spread across your laps. “What?”

“Like, after the war? I mean—damn, I shoulda phrased it differently,” he stutters and his cheek start to grow red under the darkened sky. “Are you comin’ with me? Am I comin’ with you? Where we goin’ after the war?”

“You’re asking me this now?”

“My Ma always said it’s better to be prepared than sorry,” he yawns for the first time in hours since the sun said goodbye to the stars. Babe has this fear of losing you—not to bullets and grenades, no. He’s afraid he’ll lose you because of something stupid he did, like not telling you how much he loves you or if you wanted to come back to Philly with him. “And I’m kinda in love with you, y’know? I don’t ask you to come and cuddle with me in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere for nothin’.”

A small part of your heart, that isn’t frozen from the cold, warms up a little bit and your stiff lips curl up into a smile. “I feel your love so hard right now, Babe. So romantic. I love you, too.”

“Yeah, yeah, but tell me—where we goin’?”

You shrug. “I don’t know, I was thinking about going back home and just relaxing for a bit. War’s a tiring workplace, bub.”

“Aw man, so no Philly?” Babe whines, and you giggle, not sure if it’s the real Babe or the sleep deprivation clouding his head. “I was really hopin’ for Philly, Y/N, not gonna lie.”

“Alright, then it’s settled. It was nice knowing you, Babe.”

“Wait, nuuuuhhh—” He turn towards you and rests his head on your shoulder. He was going to caress your cheek like the gentleman he is, but he’s way to comfortable in the position he’s in under the blanket—slight warm and cozy next to your presence. “Y/N, I love you. A lot. And I am the man of your dreams. You don’t wanna be with the wrong guy, ‘cause I’m the right one for you.”

His words are slurred and his eyelids are droopy, obviously way too sleepy at this time of the night, but he fights against it to stay awake, sniffling as he tries to find the right words. You hum, squeezing his hand under the blanket as he drifts in and out of consciousness. “Well, Edward Heffron, what makes you the right one for me?”

“Well,” he tried to sit up but fails and ends up slumped against your side like a fat fish on land, “number one, I’m cute, and you like cute guys.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, a...nd I am very talented and romantic. You remember that heart I drew in the mud a while ago? That’s my Da Vinci side.” He draws a heart in the air with his pointer finger, giggling at the memory of him presenting you his masterpiece. You weren’t in the best mood back then, a little bit pissed at everyone when he dragged you out just to show you a lop-sided heart drawn with a twig he found laying around. “What else am I good at...um, I make a mean banana and peanut butter sandwich. The recipe is from my Ma, but I always pass it off as my own—shhhhhh, don’t tell her. What else...oh! I can also fart on command. Wanna see?”

“No,” you chuckle and wrap your arm around his shoulders, fingers rubbing hexagons on his cheek gently and softly and he melts into your touch.

Babe can just sit here and fade into dreamland while you play with a strand of hair peeking out from his helmet—this is his favorite way to fall asleep. With you right by his side and him snuggling into you like a cat on a rainy day, knowing that he’ll be safe in your arms. He always thinks about this moment, not in a war setting, but in a domestic setting where he is fast asleep on the couch of your shared Philly home with hot chocolate on his upper lip as you keep him by your side. He thinks about it way too much than he likes to admit, but if it’s that life he wants, then he might as well just marry you right here, right now and put a ring made of leaves on your finger.

He hums at the feeling of your fingertips on the nape of his neck so comfortably, he feel like he’s home. “I think ‘bout this all the time.”

“Baby, I know you like it when I play with your hair.”

“Yeah, I do. Can you move your hand just a little further ba—yeah, that’s the spot,” he moans as you he tug the little tuft of hair on the back of his head, eyelids screwing shut as he feels lighter than the clouds. “But I always think ‘bout us just living together. A small little home just for the two of us, a garden in the front—it’s mine, by the way—and a cat. I want a cat, Y/N. I don’t want a car, I want a cat.”

“Mm, and what would you name this cat?”

Babe is silent for a moment, and you think he’s asleep until his lips twitch. “I wanna name ‘im Sergeant Purrkins. Get it? ‘Cause...Perkins…” he yawns.

“Maybe it’s time for you to go to sleep,” you say, reaching to pull the blanket up but he slaps your hand away.

“Nooooo, I’m not finished yet!” he whines. “I need to tell you about our lives back home! You got me sidetracked, Y/N! Now I can’t remember what else I was thinkin’ about!”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” You kiss his cheek, and Babe instantly forgives you. He loves it when you kiss him, especially in front of the guys—it makes him feel special. “Go on.”

“Thank you, as I was sayin’—I’m gonna marry ya. Gonna marry ya in the world’s biggest wedding with ice cream instead of cake because I’m cool like that. I’m gonna be the best husband in the entire world because I make good food and I love everything about you. Boobs and ass mostly, but I enjoy your lovin’, too.” He yawns, way too tired at this point to even continue on because it’s way past his bedtime. “So whaddya say, Y/N? You comin’ with...me to…”

Babe doesn’t even finish the sentence before he’s silent again. Eyelids shut tight, and snores escaping his parted lips as he finally falls asleep in the early hours of the morning in your arms. He dreams of that life back home with you—the one where you live comfortably with a ring on your finger, drinking hot chocolate by the windowsill as it rains outside. Sergeant Purrkins walks on the dining table as Babe pulls you into his lap and smothers you in kisses, your hand running through his locks just the way he likes it, and he will never grow hungry, just satisfied knowing that you’re his in the moment and for the years to come.

“Yes, I’ll go back to Philly with you,” you say, and he’s already fast asleep when you say it. So when you call it a night and find yourself sleeping just minutes after, you dream of the same life with Babe in Philly.

#band of brothers fic #band of brothers imagines #band of brothers imagine #band of brothers fanfic #band of brothers fanfiction #band of brothers #easy company #hbo war #babe heffron #edward heffron #babe heffron x reader

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spirit-shroud · 5 years

Note

heeey there! how's your day so far? :D

god okay i had SUCH A DAY yesterday

so like i got on a bus from my town to nyc at like 1 am bc i’m out visiting family for a month and its all cool and fine, i listened to some night vale, zoned out, wrote a vivid 250k slow burn self insert fanfic in my head, it was fun. i dont mind public transport all that much tbh it’s like, the pinnacle of shitty but there’s just something very. human about how uncomfortable it is. like. we really made Long Cars and stripped them completely of amenities and comfort. whack. so that was fine

and then i got like. into nyc. and i had to take like. a second bus to get to the right place in long island where i’d eventually be collected and all that. i, exhausted, sleepless, at 440 in the morning rolled up to the info desk w my second ticket like ‘HEY where do i go for this’ and the guy is just like ‘oh it’s terminal X’ and im just like ‘okay that says long island that seems legit, i’m not gonna fact check that.’ so i waited and read a little (started reading It Devours and let me tell u potato girl is my favourite and i have known her for roughly 9 pages. but thats a tangent) n checked my watch and was like ‘hey so it’s like. 540 and boarding was at 530.’ and walked up to the info desk to ask what was up, if the bus was late, etc. and he tells me that i need to be up three whole floors and across the building to be at the right terminal. so i’m just like ‘oh god, oh fuck’ and he just looks at me like ‘good luck’ and i just start like. Running towards the elevator

this nice lady with a stroller asked me if i was ok and i was like ‘no actually’ and we both took a moment in the elevator to do the stressful half-glance, half-sigh thing people do when they’re uncomfortable and in a bus station at 6am and life just sucks. it was a nice bit of solidarity, but far too shortlived. i got off the elevator and started running towards terminal Y with the last energy my legs have, because by this point i’d been awake for over 20 hours and i’m usually awake for like, 10. i arrive, and stop a guy who looked like he worked there like ‘hey uhhh is this bus still here’ and he said. something that sounded like a terminal number but i like. can’t hear. idk what it is about port authority but it has like. anti-hearing magic set up at every point in the station. and so i went out just like ‘oh. it’s. not here.’ and had a panic attack for like five minutes and angrily texted some people before just being like ‘yeah whatever this might as well be happening’ and figuring out what i’d do next.

so then the guy i stopped earlier was just like ‘hey im the driver actually you’re like the only person going to LI this way so let’s head off’ and i’m probably looking at this guy with an expression between Deep Suspicion and Genuine Reverence, if you can imagine. he takes my ticket, i get on. we get sorted out where i’m being dropped off and everything and i’m just like ‘hey ykno this feels a little weird. this is surreal. this isn’t how things normally roll’ so my instinct was to like... bring up the route on gps, keep my keys between my fingers and made sure i wasn’t listening to anything just so i was like. 100% alert. i had my bags around me in such a way i could push out the emergency window and roll the fuck away if needed. i kept constant correspondence with some people in my discord just so if i stopped responding they’d know something potentially went awry. i was prepared. i was paranoid and exhausted and frankly in far too much post-public transport haze to be dealing with anything that was happening. the world was upsetting. new york city is just as full of pigeons as i remember, and long island is really nice this time of year, even if it went up to 111 F today.

but i did not get murdered nor taken on some very strange route, in fact, the driver was very nice and understanding that i was frazzled as hell because that is the default state of Bus, and i was collected up by my family. we got a bagel and coffee and then i passed out for like five hours and it was fantastic

and today was otherwise nice, like, post-nap we just kinda hung out w our parent in laws and ate pizza and got into arguments about politics and it went well. and now i’m supposed to be sleeping because these guys get up at like, the crack of dawn, but instead i’m watching anime kjsdfhgljkdhfjgksdf i think we’re going to the beach today

so yeah! i went on An Adventure! too much of one. but, it just be like that sometimes. i hope your day has been far less befrazzling

#kc takes questions

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turtle-steverogers · 5 years

Text

Chaotic Neutral

ok so i was gonna write literal angst but then saph and i got on a tangent and this was born so take this Fruity Pebbles+Walgreens crack hybrid

warnings: stab wounds

ship: ralbert

editing: no

“Can you drive me to Walgreens?” Albert asked as he walked out of his room, looking slightly disheveled as he walked out of his and Race’s shared bedroom.

Race glanced up from his place at the kitchen counter, chewing absentmindedly on the eraser of his pencil, “Why?”

Albert shrugged, padding over in his fuzzy socks to lean across the counter, blocking Race from his physics homework, “We’re outta fruity pebbles.”

Race rolled his eyes, “Planning to get high soon?”

Albert shook his head, “No, but I’m thinking of it right now, so I wanna get ‘em while they’re on my mind, ‘cause I’ll forget otherwise,” He paused for a moment, lost in memory, “And you remember what happened the last time I didn’t have fruity pebbles when the munchies hit.”

A dark look washed over Race’s face, “Oh, I remember alright,” he rubbed his elbow subconsciously, “I still have the scar.”

Albert clicked his tongue, “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Anyway, can ya bring me?”

“Sorry, babe,” Race said, shoving Albert off his textbook, “I gotta finish this, but feel free to take my keys if you wanna just take yourself.”

Albert pouted for a moment, “Fine, but it’s no fun without you.”

Race didn’t grace him with pity as he focused back in on his assignment, “Suffer.”

Albert huffed again, “Ugh, okay, I’ll be back.”

“Pick me up some lactaid,” Race called as Albert shoved his socked feet into a pair of Race’s slides.

“Yep,” Albert shouted over his shoulder as he left the apartment, making his way down to Race’s car.

What should have been a ten minute ride turned into twenty five minutes due to traffic, but eventually Albert arrived at the Walgreens off campus. He trudged inside, hyper aware of the fact that he looked like some sort of college student-hobo hybrid with his bright red fuzzy socks and slightly-too-small sweatshirt.

He scanned the cereal aisles, letting out a quiet, ‘aha’, as he located the fruity pebbles, taking several off of the shelf to stock up. Frantic whispers from the aisle beside him piqued his curiosity and he shifted closer in order to listen. He couldn’t make out what the voices were saying, but in his peripheral, he could see two rather burly men huddled against the wall, shoving armfuls of varying items into one of their backpacks. Blanching as he realized what was happening, Albert considered his options. He could casually slip out of the aisle and pretend he never saw anything, or-

“Hey,” He heard himself bark, instantly regretting his decision as the two men’s heads whipped up, fury and confusion glinting in their eyes, “What do you think you’re doing?” Albert bit his tongue, willing himself to shut up as the guys processed his words.

Albert took an involuntary step back as one of the two men crossed over to him, “You didn’t see nothin’, princess,” He snarled, the smell of cigarettes hot on his breath, “Move it along and no one gets hurt.”

Albert couldn’t help the scoff that escaped his throat, “Wow, real threatening,” he drawled, “I feel so threatened right now. C’mon, shoplifting a Walgreens? Seriously? I mean-”

He cut himself off with a gasp as he felt a sharp, almost nauseating pain grip his gut. He looked down, open-mouthed in shock as he watched the knife the guy had stabbed into him leave his body.

A wave of dizziness washed over him as his knees buckled and he managed weakly, “There are security cameras, you know.”

The men exchanged alarmed glances, before stumbling around each other to grab the backpack.

“Yeah, bet you didn’t think of that,” Albert managed around the ever growing pain in his abdomen, “Dummies.” he added for good measure.

The men ran out of the aisle, only to be stopped by one of the employees, who must have heard the commotion. Or seen Albert get stabbed on the security footage. Albert didn’t have the energy to question which. He rested his head on the shelf behind him, closing his eyes briefly, before standing up.

“Sir, I don’t think-” He hadn’t even noticed the other store clerk, hovering worriedly near him.

He waved a hand, cutting her off, “S’fine,” he mumbled, “I’ll be chill.”

“An ambulance is on its way-”

“Where’s your first aid aisle?” Albert asked, pitching to the side slightly.

The clerk raised her eyebrows, “Excuse me?”

“You’re first aid stuff, like, band-aids and shit.”

“Sir, I-”

“Ma’am, please,” Albert groaned, “This ain’t my first rodeo, I’m fine, just tell me where the goddamn bandages are.”

The clerk looked taken aback, but she pointed to an aisle diagonal from the one they were in nonetheless, “Uh, that one.”

“Thanks,” Albert mumbled, turning and staggering towards the first aid materials. He blearily squinted at the shelves, haphazardly plucking a few bandage packs, as well as some gauze pads from the wall. He grabbed a bottle of antiseptic from one of the higher shelves, then sat himself down on the carpeted floor and lifted his shirt, working with shaky hands to inspect the stab wound. It was fairly deep considering and blood was flowing out weakly with each beat of his heart. If he were in a better state, he probably would have been freaked out by the image. Instead, he clumsily tore off a chunk of his already ripped t-shirt and soaked it in some of the antiseptic.

He gingerly pressed the cloth to the wound, hissing in pain as the alcohol sent a stinging jolt through his body, making his head light.

Diligently, he cleaned away the blood, then dressed the wound using gauze and bandages, wrapping tightly to ensure the blood would clot. After taking a few steadying breaths, he stood up and pulled a crumpled twenty dollar bill out of his pocket, crossing back over to the store clerk who had been watching him in awed horror.

He handed her the twenty, then stooped down to pick up one of the fallen boxes of fruity pebbles, “Hope that covers everything I used,” he slurred, “Take care.”

He could hear various sirens outside and decided to slip out the side door to avoid any paramedics who might see him in his bloodied state. He hailed a cab, ignoring the frightened stare of the driver as he rattled off his and Race’s address. He zoned out during the ride, only realizing they had arrived when the driver called back to him, demanding his payment. Albert tipped a little extra after discovering the blood stain he’d left on the seat, then made his way up to the apartment.

Realizing belatedly that he’d left his apartment key in Race’s car, which was still in the Walgreens parking lot, he knocked weakly on the door.

Race appeared a moment later, eyes widening as he looked over his boyfriend, “Albert, what the fuck.”

“I got m’fruity pebbles,” Albert said, smiling.

Race shook his head, dumbfounded, “What the hell happened to you- fuck.” He grunted as Albert jerked forward, collapsing unceremoniously into Race’s arms. Race grimaced, hoisting Albert’s arm around his shoulder and leading him to the couch, carefully laying him down the length of the cushions.

Albert leaned to the side, the pain finally catching up to him as he gagged, vomit forcing its way up his throat. Race stepped back as Albert threw up onto the ground, blood intermixing with his sick.

“Albert, Jesus,” Race murmured, worry creasing his eyebrows.

“S’fine,” Albert croaked, gesturing to the bandage around his stomach, “I handled it.”

“Clearly not,” Race said, voice cracking as he frantically waved his hand towards the bloody vomit, “What happened? Actually, nevermind, I don’t wanna know until we get you fixed up.”

“I am fixed up.”

“Properly fixed up, you dumbass ginger fool.”

“Race, Racer,” Albert reached out a hand, latching onto Race’s pant leg.

Race bent down, carding a hand through his boyfriend’s hair, “Yes, love?”

“Are there munchies in heaven, do you think?”

Race blinked, “My god, you’re an idiot. Hospital time, let’s go.”

XXX

“So, let me get this straight,” Race leaned back in the crappy plastic chair he was sitting in, studying Albert as he lay in a hospital bed, finally stable, “You saw some guys shoplifting, so you called them out, then challenged them, then got stabbed, then sassed some poor store clerk, then fucking yeeted over to the first aid aisle, tried to treat yourself, then dipped before an ambulance could get to you?”

Albert bit his lip, “Uh, yeah, basically.”

“Jesus Christ, Albert, you coulda gotten yourself legitimately killed. I mean, good on you for stopping a robbery, but next time an ambulance is called for you, fucking take up that offer, okay?”

Albert groaned, slumping down into his pillows, “But I was fine, Racer!”

“No, you weren’t! You needed a blood transfusion, Albert!” Race closed his eyes, emotion rising in his throat, “Listen, it was really fucking scary seeing you bleeding out on our couch and I really don’t know what I’d do if you were to like, literally die or something, so for the love of god, use your singular fucking brain cell and take care of yourself next time, okay?”

Albert softened, guilt spreading through his body, “Okay, I’m sorry.”

Race stood, walking over to Albert and leaning down to hug him, “It’s okay, I just worry.”

“I know you do,” Albert said, burying his nose in his boyfriend’s hair, “I appreciate your care.”

“I love you, bitchass, you know that?”

“I do,” Albert smiled, “I love you, too,” a pause, “Race, you didn’t happen to bring-”

“Planned ahead,” Race said, pulling the box of fruity pebbles from under his chair.

“I fucking stan you so hard what the fuck.”

“I...stan you, too?”

“You better,” Albert said through a mouth of cereal, “I’m wonderful.”

“Uh huh, sure.”

jfc someone literally tell me how al is still alive at this point

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

TAG LIST: @bencookisagod @we-dont-sell-papes @suddenly-im-respecsable

@aw-jus-let-em-try @well-the-kids-do-too @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @thatpoorguysheadisspinning @spec-s-pecs

@andthewoildwillknow @the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog @sunshine-e-cigarettes

@have-we-got-news-for-you

@musical-shitposts @thebroadwayaesthetic

@thomasbeingthomas

@irondad-spiderson-duo

@snakesarenonexistent

@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing

@kpop-kk

@mentallytiredgoat

@yxseminx

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen

@stopthe-presses

@elmers-half-a-cup

@and-i-lostmy-shoe

@spot-me50-papes

@honeynutpoptarts

@newsies-ensemble

@bennie-badeend

#newsies fic #newsies #ralbert #racetrack higgins #albert dasilva #chaotic boys #fruity pebbles #yeet #im rlly tired so if this is bad im sorry

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supernaturalinguist · 5 years

Text

self insert self indulgence part 1/ idk

anyway im gay and want to hang out with the archive staff

Jon is in his first year as an Archivist and his last as a researcher, having been granted the job after Gertrude’s sudden departure. All is (relatively) right with the world. Aside from the odd statement that gives him a headache and a growing pit of dread in his stomach, things are stable as could be expected. Though he didn’t have a degree in Library Sciences or even experience in the field, Elias told him to take over for the previous Archivist and assured him, yes, he had the requisite experience and would do just fine. He did so with little argument, and sets up shop in the cool dry rooms of the archives.

He meets his assistants not long after, fellow researchers with a range of experience--Martin, the stocky young man with a cheerful smile and somewhat nervous disposition. Tim, exuding confidence and humor all in a signature cheeky grin, and Sasha, who would soon prove herself to be a resourceful and goal oriented woman. The ridiculous amount of papers, files and documents stacked in haphazard arrays makes him feel ill with the amount of work ahead of him, but the fact that there are others puts him more at ease, that he isn’t the only one dealing with the predicament caused by his predecessor.

He is returning from a lunch break at 1’o’clock, when he decides to peek into the library. It was his haven as a researcher, hunched over texts and tomes until his back protested from the angle. Jon took some relief in that everything looked the same without him. The shelves of myriad books were as tall and intimidating as ever, the computer with the catalog and classification system hadn’t been updated from its 1990’s era hardware, a fact he recognized with no small amount of chagrin.

He stalks past the unmanned welcome desk, repressing the instinct to sign in, towards a conference room that most of the other researchers used as a break-room. There is quiet laughter, chatter of a few voices. In the mix he recognizes Martin’s and Tim’s, and out of curiosity decides to poke his head in.

Sure enough, Martin and Tim are gathered around a conference table, and Sasha as well, though he hadn’t heard her voice. He seems to have walked in on them enjoying their lunch. There is someone sitting there with them, though, someone he can’t recall meeting in the library before.

The first impression he gets of this new person is “owlish.” Large round glasses perched upon a sharp nose, beneath a mess of short dark hair that stands up a bit at odd angles. They peer up at him, but quickly cast their gaze aside, towards the others sitting next to them.

“Oh, it’s Jon!” Martin calls, cheery as ever, and waves him over. The stranger freezes, and looks immediately nervous at the idea of a new person joining them at the table. Jon is equally frozen in his place in the door frame.

Before he can approach--or not approach, rather, Martin nudges the owlish person beside him in the shoulder. “That’s just our boss, Jon-- he works down in the archives with us. Don’t worry about him, he’s perfectly decent! Here, Jon, come sit down, and meet one of the new researchers. Oh, and there’s a kettle on if you want tea.”

Hesitantly, the researcher beside Martin gestures to the empty seat next to them. Once Jon sits, they offer their hand in a shake. “I’m Soren. Nice to meet you. Um...I do linguistics. Translation, text analysis, a lot of things really.” Their voice is quiet and a bit at odds with their appearance--by their accent, they’re American. Plus, their voice is a little lower than he thought it would be. The two shake hands--Soren’s is small and is nearly enveloped by Jon’s long-fingered hand, but their grasp is surprisingly firm.

“Jonathan Sims, head Archivist of the Magnus Institute. Nice to meet you as well.” he replies, and though he hasn’t really practiced calling himself the ‘Head Archivist’ the words seem to come out fine. Like he’s already used to his new title.

Soren seems to relax a bit after the introduction happens. Offhand, they rummage in their bag for a small card case. With both hands, they present a business card to Jon, but when they realize what they have in their hands, they look a bit sheepish.

“Not sure if you actually need this, though. Force of habit, the whole meishi thing.”

They stop, noticing the confused look on Jon’s face, and start again. “Sorry, I’m still kind of getting adjusted. I’ve spent the last several years in Japan. When you meet someone for the first time, you do this whole thing with business cards and rote self-introductions… Anyway, for if you need to contact me. I gave one to everyone.”

“Understood,” he replies, slowly and takes the card, placing it in his front shirt pocket. “You were in Japan, though? That’s a far reach from here. What brought you to the Institute, if I may ask?”

Their eyes light up and a smile stretches across their face. “Yeah, Japan was wonderful, and I miss it tons. I spent most of my time in Hokkaido, doing work with language revitalization among indigenous communities, language documentation and such. I did a thesis on comparative mythology--I’ve always been more into the supernatural side of stories, and when I did the research, I absolutely loved it.”

They took a sip of their tea, and paused for a moment. ”A friend of mine in the English language department...from Oxford, I think? Well, I was looking for work, and I didn’t really want to go back to the States, so she recommended me to do some work here, since there was a need for people who do textual translation along with other...linguistics stuff, and have an interest in the supernatural…” They trail off and look a bit at a loss.

“Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent there. But yeah, I did an interview for a position in the library and they asked me if I wanted to do any extra work with transcription, digitizing documents, along with translation. I said yes, of course I would, and...well. Here I am.”

Jon nods again, taking in all the information. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, in any case. I might need your help with digitizing files and transcription, if it doesn’t interfere with your research.”

“No, not at all, I’d be happy to help.” Soren says. “I know I’ll have a lot of downtime with this current piece I’m working on, so it’s not a problem.”

“You ought to come down to the archives. We have a lot of documents down there that you could use for your research, stuff that isn’t kept here. Have you been there yet?” Martin pipes up.

“Uh, no, actually. But I’d be interested in seeing what’s down there, as long as I’m not in anyone’s way.” they reply.

“You won’t be. Well, as long as you’re not too loud when Jon’s recording statements, you’ll be fine. Otherwise we can’t account for what happens.” Tim says, spookily. “You may get shipped back to Japan in a file cabinet.” At this, Jon gives him a withering look.

“Don’t scare them, they’re already new here.” Sasha reprimanded him.

“And I already spent months on the visa paperwork,” Soren muttered, darkly. “Took too damn long, so I’m here for the foreseeable future.”

“Got it.” Tim salutes jokingly. As he gets up to pour himself another cup of tea, he calls out over his shoulder. “Not a file cabinet then.” He barely avoids a balled up piece of aluminum foil Sasha hurls at his head.

The five of them take the rest of their lunch break in engaging conversation; Jon asking more questions about the research Soren was doing, Martin eagerly inquiring about Japan, and Tim and Sasha chiming in every once in a while. At one point, Soren took out their phone and excitedly showed the group pictures of all the different street cats they met during their time overseas, which sent everyone into a stir. Eventually, the lunch-break came to a close, disturbing a conversation that Soren and Jon were having about said street cats in Lake Akan. They had just taken out a small keychain with a wooden carved calico that they were showing Jon when they noticed the time. In a flurry of motion, they hurried to pack up their things, apologizing all the way.

“It was nice chatting with all of you!” Soren said, as they gathered their belongings and made to exit the conference room. “I hope to see you all soon! I’ll be here in the library if you need me, probably.” They seemed markedly more cheerful after they had gotten to know everyone, and they waved to the group as they left.

“Nice meeting you!” “Bye, Soren!” a few calls came.

The door closed behind them, and the rest of the staff sat for a moment before Martin spoke up.

“They’re...a lot friendlier than I thought they were going to be. I went up to them earlier when I needed to grab some books and I thought they were going to die on the spot, they looked so nervous.”

“I suppose they just needed some time to get used to us.” Sasha offered.

“Did you see them pick up that backpack, though, when they left? I thought they’d break in half. What are they, like five feet tall? That thing was half their size. Talk about a supernatural occurrence.” Tim chuckled.

“Alright, everyone,” Jon cleared his throat. “Back to work. Martin, how’s the research on the statement I gave you before lunch?”

“It’s…” Martin gulped. “It’s coming along. I’ll go ahead and ...continue that, shall I?”

“Please do, thank you, Martin.” he replied and turned to Tim. “You and Sasha are going out to scope out the actual site of the event later, aren’t you? Let me know when you get back so I can add your findings to the file.”

“Roger that,” Tim said.

“We’ll let you know,” added Sasha.

“Much appreciated.” Jon said.

Soon, the conference room was empty, the remnants of lunch cleared away. Just as Jon was going to leave the room like his coworkers had before, something struck his eye. A small keychain, wooden, shaped like a calico cat lay on the table. Perhaps Soren had left it in the shuffle.

“Oh, they must have forgotten that,” he thought, and pocketed it. “I’ll give that back later.”

notes: all this is based on irl stuff that i have or have done. yes i do have that keychain. yes i met many street cats.

#selfship #my writing

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sometimesimawriter · 5 years

Text

Mirror Effect

Part 3

A/N: so a little confusion but big gaps and/or switch in perspective or sudden shift in scenery often means a new paragraph for my style of writing! But yeah, have some budding romance and more newly found information. Stick around for the next part and see some more rising action and intensity- every story needs a build up.

Side note: after I’m done posting this whole story, I’m going to start up with another Academy fanfic because yeah well it’s my favorite show. Definitely plan for more action in that one though.

And back to your regularly scheduled program:

"This place is amazing" Klaus kept walking around the lab, touching the plants Kayla had deemed nonpoisonous, and opening then closing cabinets. The old house had four levels, a basement, kitchen/living area, bedrooms and infirmary, and then the attic which had been transformed into a greenhouse and lab area. It wasn't modern, and some panels above the plants looked as if they had been shattered, possibly by time? Kayla's work area was clean, save for a few papers scattered about, filled with formulas and equations. Klaus picked up one piece of paper, he didn't understand all the symbols on it, but he recognized a name, "Maximus Battle? Badass name."

"Yeah thats Razor, and not so much of a badass as he is a pussy." Kayla walked behind him and looked over his shoulder at the paper, "That's his DNA makeup, basically what I've figured out is that he heals faster than a normal person, his bone's are thicker due to a higher calcium concentration in his blood, and since he heals faster, thats makes sedating him real tough. Horse tranquilizers just make him yawn and then he's back at it." She scrunched her nose a bit, "Gets real fucking annoying when someone won't just lie down and knock out, you know?"

Klaus giggled at this, he liked her, she had a personality sometimes. He turned around to her and studied her for a bit, and his eyes landed on a gold chain tucked inside her shirt. He lifted one hand and gently picked it up, and a gold cross fell across her chest, "You're a Catholic?"

She gave a devilish grin at this, "No where near it. I guess I'm agnostic, I like studying it though. Religion is a strange concept, but what i do believe in is an afterlife."

Klaus gave a bright smile, "Woah, I'm agnostic too! Though i did have some questions after i met what i think is god; she was a little girl on a bike with flowers and pointed me to a cabin where my father who apparently killed himself gave me a real nice shave..."

He stopped when he noticed she was giving him a strange look.

"Wait let me explain more, so I can- um-" He gulped, hoping this wasn't going to ruin his chances with her, "I can talk to the dead."

Her mouth opened, then it looked like an idea popped into her head,

"So can you like, find out if Kurt Cobain actually killed himself or if Courtney Love murdered him?"

This caught him off guard, he was used to people dismissing him, normally his brothers and sisters, but she accepted this so...easily.

"I mean, I could try- no guarantees though."

"I suggest you try to not move this arm so much, I have a sling you may want to use." Christina fidgeted a bit around Five, obviously still flustered from the scene in the kitchen. She rummaged through drawers, and Five looked around the room. There were posters hung up, some about the biological makeup of a person, different bones, muscles, etc. One poster was of a kitten hanging on a branch with "Hang In There!" In bright pink letters. Christina caught him examining that one poster and blurted out "Oh no thats not mine! Kayla.. put that..there". Again, her faced turned pink and she kept moved through drawers. This was definitely her space, it was a complete mess. One corner had a nice alcove near the window, overlooking the neighbor's gardens. It had some papers on the floor around it and pasted on the walls near it. Lots of Beatles and Arctic Monkeys posters, like, a lot.

"You like alternative music." Five stated- no shit Sherlock but we'll let them have this moment.

"Yeah, love it actually. When Kayla and I were 16 we went and saw Arctic Monkeys in (God i hope I'm right im sorry chris) Brooklyn. It was in a tennis stadium, and she didn't really know a lot of their songs but it was a great time. I am in love with Alex Turner." She turned back around, thinking "Why the fuck did i say that last part ?"

But thankfully, Five turned out to be a music nerd too,

"If I weren't straight, I'd go gay for him too."

She let out a laugh, kind of choked, but eased into it as Five laughed with her.

"So Kayla and Emma were telling me that you play music, tell me more."

Christina beamed at this, she loved talking about music- so much so that Kayla and Emma tend to leave the room once she begins a tangent.

"Well, I really go solo as of now. I write some of my own music but I do a lot of covers too. I play the guitar and occasionally the ukulele."

Five leaned towards her, he was still sitting on the cot where she had just reexamined his arm.

"And-um- I try to get discovered. Really has opened some doors for me. Kayla and Emma go to every show they can. I've had some producers come up to me after shows, they seem a little shady though. I don't want to get trapped in some record deal either."

"That's understandable. What do you think of Bowie or Arcade Fire?"

Christina turned back around at him, beaming. "YES."

Five slipped off the table, moving next to her and lifted a sling from the drawer, "Is this what you were looking for?"

"Oh um yeah thats it, I guess i didn't see it. If you want me to put it on for you i can-"

She was silenced by his slow, lazy movement, leaning closer to her face. He stood about six inches taller than her, and he hovered above her, tension building between them. He moved closer, about to kiss her...

"ChRISTINA I- well we- FOUND SOMETHING" Emma's voiced boomed outside of the infirmary. Five cursed under his breath and retreated, "Hopefully something worthwhile, Diego?"

Diego and Emma moved into the room; Christina noticed that Emma had left the house with her hair in a messy bun, but now she had it hanging past her shoulders; something she would only do when she absolutely needed to look decent. Emma saw her studying her and made a face, with an unspoken message: "say something and i'll hit you".

Diego spoke up, "yeah, found a blood trail. Led a few blocks down to an abandoned storage facility." He then held up two limber blades and smiled, "Got my knives back."

Five looked between the two, "Did you go inside?"

Emma crossed her arms and tipped her chin up at him, obviously not liking his condescending tone, "Of course we went in,"

"Went in where?" Kayla questioned, entering the infirmary with Klaus trailing behind her.

Emma turned to face her, "remember that storage place on East Ave? Where Brendan had that party that got busted last week?"

"Oh yeah, i got fucked up there, man. Oh and him and Matt are coming over today, they got word that the Academy was in town."

Klaus perked up at the mention of two other guys, "Who's Brendan and Matt?"

Christina answered this, "They're our verbally adopted brothers."

Five gave her a questioning look, "what does that even mean?"

"We grew up with them, so, why not call them our brothers. That's what you guys do."

Diego snickered, "yeah, that makes sense when you put it that way. So why are they coming here?"

Kayla turned to him, "Well they also have their abilities-"

Five looked at her incredulously, "Wait, how many people do you know with powers?"

Emma, seemingly deciding she didn't like him, remarked, "if you kept up with your origins, there were 43 women who gave birth on the same day, same circumstances. Y'all a'int that special."

"So what are they're abilities?" Klaus seemed unnerved by this.

"Brendan's like a shapeshifter, minus the shape shifting. He can turn into any material he touches. Matthew is a telepathic son of a-" Kayla was abruptly interrupted by a voice, but it wasn't connected to a body, except it was in her head, well, everyone's heads.

"Fuck off maybe?" The voice rumbled.

Kayla started in, obviously accustomed to hearing voices in her head, "Yeah well how about you show up so i can kick the shit out of you?"

Then another voice, behind the group, "Bet."

Two men, one with a buzz cut and the other with a middle aged man's haircut stepped into the room. Buzz cut then placed his hand on a medical metal tray, and his fingertips turned silver, as did his forearm, and then the rest of his body. His now metallic eyes turned to the other guy, presumably Matthew, "Your turn."

Matthew grinned at him, and a millisecond later Metal Man flew across the room, smashing into the cot that Five was on a few minutes ago.

Kayla crossed her arms at them, "Hey asshats, stop wrecking shit in my house."

The Academy brothers looked at the two new guys, Diego and Five looking torn between deciding to fight or continue to stare in awe, and Klaus was holding in a laugh at the scene. Matthew looked each brother up and down, then glanced at the distances between each guy from girl. He knew Kayla, Emma, and Christina long enough that at least one of them had to be trying to get with one of the brothers, and seeing by the proximity of each to the other, he could make out the forming couples- not even needing to read their minds to figure it out. He then extended his hand to Klaus, him being the closest, "Matthew." Klaus tried to mimic the formality Matthew had just introduced himself, despite the hilarious scene of Brendan trying to untangled himself from the wrecked cot, "Hey pal, name's Klaus, sometimes I go by Seance though."

Matthew looked at his hand, noticing "goodbye" was written on it, "Yeah, you're the medium of the Hargreaves family."

Diego was the next one to approach him, "Diego, and if we're giving super names, Kraken." Matthew shook his hand and nodded, pulling his lips tight together as he did it. He had a habit of doing that, made his cheeks look real chubby. Next, he approached Five, "Five. No super name."

Brendan finally got himself to his feet, now his skin resembled the linen on the cot. He nodded towards the group, "Brendan. My girl calls me Metamorph."

Klaus looked at Matthew, "I think your name should be... Professor X- no wait, copyright- Mind Seeker- no too wordy... Psionic!"

Matthew seemed to think this over, "I like it. So Kayla, what's the deal with Max. I heard he's responsible for a bunch of the murders?"

She looked down, visibly upset by the situation, Matthew moved closer to her a put a hand on her arm, "Hey, sorry, that was too harsh."

She gave him a weak smile, and moved away, taking in a deep breath. "We're working on it, trying to find a way to take him out without killing him."

Brendan turned his skin back to a normal human hide, "I say we take out this motherfucker, I wanna strangle him."

Emma rolled her eyes, "Brendan his nails can rip through metal."

"So I'll turn into a rock."

Christina sighed, "Dumbass, metal is stronger than rock."

Brendan gestured towards Matthew, "Why doesn't he just get into his head?"

"Tried that. The guy doesn't have a single coherent thought. Dumber than the guy who can turn into a rock, surprisingly." Brendan flipped him off. "How's the tranquilizer going, Kayla?"

Klaus spoke up in her place, "Not well, we gotta-"

Matthew didn't like this, "I'm sorry, didn't realize your name was Kayla. Speaking of, where's your engineering degree, huh buddy?"

In return, Diego didn't like someone picking on his brother, "How about you calm down pal-"

Matthew turned on him, "No i won't calm down, I just saw one of my sisters get out of an abusive relationship, and there's no way in hell I'm letting that happen again-"

"Well my brother isn't fucking abusive, you self-worshipping bit-"

"Both of you shut the fuck up," Kayla's voice was low, and it was a distinct change from her normal, happier temperament. "We are working on something, I was hoping Klaus could help. Matthew, I am fine. Diego, don't start with him. Got it?" She looked between the two, and they nodded. "Good. Now, why don't we go back to the storage facility and check for anything?" She turned and left the room, and slowly everyone followed.

#umbrella academy #the kraken #the seance #klaus hargreeves #diego hargreeves #number five #five #the umbrella academy #netflix #fiction #action #romance #fanfiction #fanfic #story

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years

Photo

@uberoll-oystercrackers late night (early morning?) posting here but this is super nice ty and also again retroactively thank you additionally for all the long replies & kind tags you give

like really yeah it’s like, on the one hand, it’s fairly sucky having to have this thing where im always jumping the gun on considering someone Maybe An Friend and then having to remind myself / be reminded of the fact that like no probably not, which is true and yet sucks, which is just how some stuff is!! like sometimes stuff just is Not Good and is not ever going to Not Hurt, despite the fact you can kinda get better at living with it. and like this one isnt a huge deal even tho the larger problem of when ur like, lonely &/or isolated is kind of a whole real deal……

like it’s strange having these contradictory problems with it…..like, Being Myself has never really just been something i can Naturally do, so even just trying to be nice is like oh lord am i being ~manipulative~, and im always too prone to treat interactions like ive got to placate the other person, and then also just like….not having amazing social skills anyways in the sense that i know a lot of times i come across ~off~ to people and can’t really do a lot about that, but also, i feel like i’m always overcompensating for like, enthusiasm and just the fact i like to Get Silly and maybe i’ll act too cool~n~collected or come off like im trying to be all Smart and Smarmy and like jeez no……it doesnt help that when i was younger i generally preferred interacting with adults and so probably was trying to come across as clever and when i was wanting someone to like me i’d be real nervous and try to go too hard in seeming the opposite lol……oh the legacy of the time i found out my mom’s childhood friend who was funny and cool to us thought i was bookish (true) but like also snobby or something lmao like ah jeez i probably made too many sarcastic jokes about things….but oh well i was just like 10-ish at the time.

anyways tho i feel like that still kicks in and when i get the sense someone is cool and it’d be cool if they thought i was cool too i’m like Well So Then i gotta PLAY it cool!! and then like oh no am i coming across as a jerk? or an trying-to-be-an-intellectual?? i always have a lot of thoughts and i do go off when its like, also tied in to Opinions of mine, so im like, oh no am i coming across as trying to tell someone i think they should think exactly this?? or if i try to Be Witty and Tell Jokes are they just coming off as snarky b/c i hope not especially since a lot of times my actual Lighthearted Snark gets read as “i hate this and think its dumb af” lol. ahhhh i just do not know!! like, i wanna sort of dial back my Warmth b/c i can get enthused fast and i have a tendency to get too attached to ppl too fast, which really only sucks for me, but still!! yet i dont wanna rein it in too much and try to overcompensate and come off like im Eternally Unimpressed and don’t really care and etc etc and just…..idk its wild it’s hard to tell how i may be socializing awkwardly lmao ahhh….and on top of it all, i manage to be godawful at realizing when other ppl actually like me. like, that sort of sounds like The Opposite but i guess its just more of that problem of thinking that im going to always bother people….a lot of times it takes me like, months or a year (or two or three) to realize that someone who willingly interacts w me during that time probably does genuinely like me and is maybe a friend. wrow

uhhhh anyways lord that was all just. tangentially related. im Tangents

UH more to the point!!!! the good news is that yeah i don’t have to think “oh we’re totally real bffs” about anyone to really enjoy and appreciate Our Interactions…..and like i do have real appreciation and gratitude for basically all nice attention lol like, if a single reblog of smthing has kind comments, if someone cool just Likes a few posts, talking on occasion or like, ever at all. cuz for real The Little Stuff has always been a really good thing for years now, especially since there’s been plenty of times i havent really had anything happening In Person that was like….good interactions or ppl who were able to hear my actual thoughts and feelings about whatever and still be interested in interacting with me. cuz in terms of not being isolated and in what i find it easy to talk about and how, Online Interactions have been genuinely important and impactful in a positive way for like a solid decade now since i was able to be consistently Online and have my own accounts and stuff in the first place

so like yeah totally i really do appreciate stuff like that. i think its pretty incredible whenever anybody just like, thinks of me, and likes me. having None Of That Feeling is supremely trash and i so appreciate that i don’t have to feel like there’s nothing and that nobody out there in the world is aware of me, and yet i don’t need it to be that like, anyone is Constantly aware of me and like, intensely invested, cuz that’s just not how it goes lol and even kinda meaning a little bit to someone and having my tiny presence in their life be a positive one is a great thought and i really do appreciate it. Unfortunately for like….my entire life, The Contempt Of Others has been a consistent #thing i’m dealing with and it’s not great!! like yeah fortunately ive had the “felt so bad about myself that it eventually circled back around and now self loathing isnt too much of an issue for me” thing, but it still sucks experiencing it lol…..having any testimonials that like, whatever shit im talking about @ myself is fun to read, or i seem okay, or its fun to talk, etc etc, like thats fantastic really

and the kinds of leaf thoughts too, yeah, that kind of thing is nice to know too lol. i was hoping you were ok like, ten hours before i saw you posting again lol…..we’re out here……..

like yeah ldmbgglh whatever my weird problems are with being overexcited abt any Potential Friendship, and also being bad at realizing if people do like me, and also just being Weird and not great at talking, and overcompensating for whatever and maybe coming across too Coldly when rly im a fiery dumbass, wanting friends but also wanting not to be burned by getting ahead of things and being reminded that most ppl aren’t like, as starved for even just friendly interactions……..i’m better at navigating and handling it in some ways but c’est a m’ess!!! aaaggbfg

really what im trying to say is i do appreciate that sort of thing a lot yeah. i could very well Not be thought of by anybody and that would suck and the fact that i get to know that i am is a really great thing. maybe i couldve said this all better last night cuz i was kinda in my feelings abt Life a little but then also it was in a sort of déspresso way so, maybe this is okay lol….

also i worry i don’t express affection and appreciation enough!!! it’s not that i’m like Oh i don’t want to Commit to Being Friends ew…..it’s that i don’t wanna be the one pressuring someone else into being like uh oh i have to play up being invested in milo!! but then maybe my playing-it-cool just makes other ppl do the same thing or think i don’t care or something. like oh i appreciate this person a ton and think they’re great and they’ve been kind to me but if we only talk so often and obviously im not There for them and involved in their life in the way a ~real friend~ would be, maybe it would just ring hollow to say i love them, for example. lord lol……. it’s all “oh don’t dial down your kindness and affection” and yet also “but don’t wanna inadvertently push other people or Be Weird or get myself invested in something where i don’t mean as much to the other person not cuz they suck but because like, of course im just a fun internet acquaintance, which is fine!!” ahhhhhh the challenges. anyways!!!!!!!

the point is well i do like ppl yeah and i really appreciate ppl liking me. every now and then they do it online or even in person and thats just a Joy and i wish things were more secure!!! i also have to not even necessarily want ppl to get invested in me in case things go to shit too soon or whatever and it doesnt help that ~being open~ means talking abt depressingass stuff sometimes that like, i don’t mind being open about, but i also don’t want to put on other ppl. which, sidenote on that, im feeling relatively alright all these recent months even if im not technically thriving; it’s okay. it’s a hot mess! but that’s just How It Is sometimes!! it’s what it is. and ive had support from ppl in big and small ways that i know i could have had to go without and all the ways ppl are nice to me count for a whole lot and i have appreciated it, and do appreciate it, and will continue to appreciate it.

tldr 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

#7:05am who up!! im nocturnal. im a vampire. a cool vampire. jk not sexy enough #unsexy vampire rights!!!#unsexy nocturnal me getting reckless and saying into the mic: Hey. I Love Y’all. Yeehaw

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