#and i find myself unable to connect with anyone…

[daycourtofficial]

Personal update below

Tw: pregnancy loss, miscarriage, blood

Here it is, the words I’ve been unable to type, much less say out loud. Late in the night a few nights ago, I woke up to some abdominal cramping and went to the bathroom. I had been bleeding vaginally all day, but not enough to be super concerned.

I woke up and went to the bathroom, and knew something was wrong. To spare the details, I was bleeding a lot, cramping severely, and I knew my baby was gone. I felt empty inside, despite only being about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. Intuition, I suppose. I just felt so lonely, as if I wasn’t supposed to be the only occupant in my body.

My husband took me to the hospital and after hours of invasive poking, prodding, and testing, a nurse practitioner I will likely never see again, who will likely never think of me again, told me that my baby was gone. He was straight forward, which I like in medical personnel. He told me my pregnancy was unviable and that it’s common. That we shouldn’t worry. These things happen. It’s normal, common. The three or so minutes felt like an eternity, waiting for him to leave so I could fall apart in the privacy of my husband’s arms, despite the lack of privacy an emergency department offers.

The hospital was so sterile, the bright lights and lack of windows made it impossible for you to track the passage of time. The winding hallways a maze of monotony, making it impossible to know how to return to your room without a guide. The walls were devoid of any real color, save for tv screens and workplace posters. And yet, the room I was placed in was the only room with decorative curtains. All the other curtains were just a shade of navy.

Mine had flowers on it, as if the world or God or the hospital wanted to offer me some reprieve, some reminder that for the hospital, this was routine, but that it wasn’t routine for me. That I deserved something for my eyes to find comfort in.

So here it is, the new reality I find myself in. My baby is gone. The rare statement that, once it becomes true, will never change.

I’m reeling a bit from this loss, as you can imagine. I’m gutted. I got married right at the beginning of the year, falling pregnant not long after. I joked with my husband that I started the year off becoming a wife and was ending the year becoming a mom. I suppose it really was just a joke in the end, but I’m not sure if the punchline was me or my continued optimism, in spite all that I’ve endured.

Anyway, everyone was extraordinarily kind to me when I had posted that I was pregnant. I know that technically I don’t owe anyone details of my personal life, especially not this personal, but I wanted to share it because I don’t want to be sad and alone. And perhaps this will find its way to someone else who has felt some loss recently, whether it be the loss of someone or something, or a loss of self or identity, or a loss of the future you had planned out. Maybe they will feel some connection to this. Or maybe one day someone will think of this as they reel with their own loss.

I don’t regret sharing the news so early, despite the circumstances that have now led me to making this post. Any joy we can find is worth sharing, even if it’s fleeting, especially if it’s fleeting, and even if it’s for some stranger on the internet.

Anyway, I have my dogs and my husband, who are very loving. I’m not sure when I’ll post this, I’ll likely stick it in my queue somewhere so it feels less like I’m hitting the ‘post’ button and more like softly whispering all of this in the wind.

I will be okay, I always am. Grief is a black hole I am trying navigate and figure out where it ends and I begin, trying to remember what my new life will be like and how to grieve yet another version of myself lost to time and trauma and sadness.

There is no narrative device here, nothing I did could’ve changed the outcome. Sometimes the world is just needlessly cruel.

This doesn’t really affect anything on here or what I choose to interact with. I’m still okay discussing/reading/writing about babies and kids and everything in that realm. I just didn’t want anyone asking after the baby and making someone feel bad for wanting to know how I was doing.

Anyway, I don’t want to end this on a despairing note, even though that is the tune of my life at the moment. I want to remember that my now is not my forever, and I hope anyone reading this that is experiencing any manner of suffering takes as much out of that sentiment as I do.

Yours,

V ❤️

#personal note

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[funeralprocessor]

.

#I feel so alone and unable to connect with anyone #I have to fight so so hard not to isolate myself but all I can ever really drag out of myself is just lurking at the sidelines #terrified that saying anything (and thereby proving how annoying and shitty I am) will make even that too much to ask of others to tolerate #and the moment anyone tries to reach out to me or comfort me all I can stand to do is put on a mask and redirect and assure them I'm fine #so that I can go crawl into a hole and die alone #or at least lick my wounds til they become scars #the primary concern that kept me from suicide for years wasn't a hope for the future or a desire to live #it was not wanting to upset whoever found me and make more work for whoever had to deal with the wreckage of my failed life #even in death I feel bad for taking up space and being a bother #If I had managed to find a nice place that nobody would ever find I think I'd still be there #the moss and roots cradling moldering bones after my flesh had fed lives far brighter and more worthy than my own #and I can't help but feel a little envious #corpseposting

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

what would they look like as villains? I know that some have canonical versions, but I would like to see your intropritation (let's be honest, for most - the evil alterego is an exact copy, but only with a slightly modified color palette and frowning eyebrows)

(I'm sorry for my English)

oh, this was a wonderful ask to get on the eve of spooky month ;D im not god at villain (re)design but it was a fun thinking exercise! (also im assuming you were asking about HoMies xD so)

I mean, there is only so much one can do to remake protagonists into villains and yet still have them remain recognizable, so no wonder evil!versions often are just recolor/frowny sort, but I tried my best to be creative ;D

(and your english is alright! no worries)

also while you can imagine them being as villanous as you want in these designs, there are some little blurbs/backstories i made up for myself as I tried to design them, if you are interested (they are various shades of dark, since you know, tragic backstory and all that lol):

Kim Possible - Hero for Hire turned Mercenary for Money - Kim is widely known for her profeciency in hand-to-hand and quick thinking when on the jobs, but one time something went terribly wrong. Maybe client info was unreliable, or a freak accident, but as the result both Kim and Ron got hurt, leaving Ron in a hospital permanently, and Kim with scars and trauma. After that the girl who worked on favors and rides lost her trust/belief in goodness of people, becoming jaded by reality of a job she accidently found herself in. Kim changed into someone very cold and calculated, someone who started taking jobs that required using serious weapons instead of gadgets, and more importantly getting paid, so she could support her best friend (who is in coma and thus unable to influence this downwards spiral Kim find herself in).

(in contrast to canon!Kim's free flowing hair, she ties it back in order to never be distracted in crucial moment. has a lot of new scars due to more dangerous jobs. i still cant decide if she kills with her weapons or not, but she certainly learned to hurt people. also a very complicated relationship with Shego, since Kim is also a mercenary now, but Shego still remembers that girl she was and is conflicted about this new Kim)

Danny Fenton/Phantom - Ghostly Hero turned Ice Prince - s3e6 Urban Jungle turned out differently, when in the end, defeating Undergrowth, meant also hurting everyone he had been connected to at that moment (level of hurt depends on your preference for angst i guess lol), but anyway, Danny horrified by what he have done (and with memory of Dan still haunting him), still technically unstable with his Ice Powers, flees back into the Ghost Zone to the one place he knows he won't be able to hurt anyone. Sequestering himself in the Far Frozen, he goes full Elsa, and become a remote Ice Prince, that even Far Frozen Yetis are still nervous around, with his only contact being Frostbite. Slowly he wastes away, freezing from his powers not only physically but also like emotionally.

(fun (?) tidbit: fur on his new snow cape/coat is from yetis, unfortunate to wander too close to ice prince. so there are a bunch of partially bald yetis in far frozen lol. Danny is constantly covered in bits of ice and frost, since his ice powers are unstable due to emotional damage. Danny's crown is not a conscious choice, but rather a manifestation of Far Frozen starting to bond with Danny's ice core to become his lair and also sort of recognizing Danny as future Ghost King.)

Jake Long - American Dragon Guardian turned Corrupted by Dark Magic Dragon - Series Finale The Hong Kong Longs, ended differently, when Dark Dragon left a parting shot before he was inprisoned for another Millennium. Since meeting Jake, Dark Dragon has been interested in aquiring him as minion/apprentice(?), and had been steadily trying to sway him to his side. But as he lost he made a last ditch attempt, infecting Jake with Dark Magic. As the result, Jake now cannot control his Dragon Form, being steadily consummed by the Darkness and turning more Draconic as time passes, until he will become full Dragon all the time and under the thrall of Darkness. The change is harsh and as the result Jake falls into violent moments during which he hurt his loved ones that fight to keep him from changing. In one of his more lucid moments, Jake flees to hide away in order not to hurt anyone.

(it seems an interesting thought to expand on the possiblity that the Dragon form can overwhelm the human part and that it would associate with dark magic to succumb to its baser instincts, and also would be a great opening to all those wonderful draconic fan headcanons fandom made about Jake lol)

Ben Tennyson - Hero Wielder of Omnitrix turned Corrupted/Hacked Ultimatrix Unstable User - During Alien Force Ben tried multiple times to hack/meddle with Omnitrix settings, and when he continuously tried the same with Ultimatrix in Ultimate Alien, something has gone wrong. Ultimatrix has bonded deep into Ben's DNA and body, and now every change is felt acutely, not to mention the alien perceptions are now unfiltered and Ben recieves the raw experience of being a different speices/state. It comes to a point when it start to mess with his mind, only made worse by Dagon's reemergence and all the enemies. In the final showdown of Ultimate Enemy goes differently, how? no idea (again depends on your preference level of angst lol). But as the result, Ben, unstable and a little crazy, is on the run with his corrupted Ultimatrix, his reputation in tatters and is considered dangerous by Plumbers.

(i had a little extra idea of Omniverse continuation, where new Plumber Rook Blonko, now has to hunt his hero turned crazy tragic villain Ben Tennyson. Very emotional and angsty (and a bit gay lol), where Rook continuously trying to unsuccessfully catch crazy Ben and convince him to let Azimuth and plumbers to help him.)

Juniper Lee - Youngest Te Xuan Zhe turned Corrupted/Fallen Te Xuan Zhe - in this case in Out of the Past, what Ah-Mah Jasmine feared about Fallen Te Xuan Zhe Kay Yee managing to corrupt Jun has sort of came to pass. After defeating Kai Yee, being touched by the overwhelming power of Magical Elders has left its mark on Jun, as well as Kai Yee's words and Jasmine's initial fear about/distrust in Jun (she is like 11-12 people, it would FUCK HER UP MENTALLY???). As Jun goes through her rebellious teen phase, the unfairness of her trapped position as protector and the demands of it, grates on her more and more, and she finds refuge in studying magic. As the result, her magical ability grows and as her desire for freedom, and the smallest seed of corruption from the events of Out of the Past grow too. So in the end, Jun learns magic to wield it , like Kai Yee, but unlike Kai Yee, not just for battle, but for personal goal of freeing herself and any future Te Xuan Zhe of her family line.

(fun tidbit, Jun doesn't continue to dye her hair pink, instead she uses blood from battle ;D morbid i know but i couldnt help it i like the imagery of her passing her bloody hands through the white part to paint it. she has lightning scars all over her body, that appear only when she uses magic - a manifestation of her brush with orb of magic elders.)

Rex Salazar - Last Hope Against EVO turned Contained and Controlled Weapon of Providence - Rex's return 6 months after Breach transported him and his introduction to Black Knight goes very differently. Instead of prolonged mind games, Black Knight just imprisons Rex pretty much right away while he is vulnerable, content to attempt to trigger Rex's amnesia ad use the mind-control collar, to turn him into her mindless weapon. She was sorta successful? But with Ceaser on the inside, he managed, with the help of Six and Holiday, to free Rex, even if it was too late to save his mind. As the result, whatever reeducation Rex suffered from Black Knights left him instinctively reacting with force and in defense. The whole last part of the season goes very differently in this state, and the finale also ends differently, with Rex, overwhelmed with power of Omega Nanite (God) but in no mind to actually control it. So in the end he is forced to be contained as his friends and family try to figure out how to save him.

(the angst of mind-controlled Rex is something I enjoy, but since he canonically is immune to it, the idea of an induced amnesiac episode seemed like a best bet for this one, but with like double the angst since Six&Holiday would have to struggle not only with Rex being turned into amind-controlled weapon but also him not knowing them)

Randy Cunningham - Chosen Norrisvile Ninja turned Disgraced/Fallen Ex-Ninja - relatively early in his career, after accidently releasing Tengu and Howard getting possesed by it, Randy makes an ultimate sacrifice by burning the Ninja Mask in order to defeat Tengu. However, he didn't expect that Tengu-possesed Howard to be sealed away together and the Ninja title being taken away from him for his reckless (even if noble) decision. Frantic, because he lost two important parts of his life, his best friend and heroic purpose, Randy tries to get the reborn mask back, but it, along with the Ninjanomicon were spirited away by the Messenger to pass on to another candidate. And thus starts Randy's panicked downward spiral and frantic attempts to get back the mask in order to free Howard. Since he still has his memories, Randy trains to become a better fighter. He knows he has to fight the new ninja for the mask, since he believes the Ninjanomicon would advice strongly against New Ninja helping Randy free Howard. In school He becomes known as resident outcast with bad reputation who lost his best friend under suspicious circumstances, and magical underbelly of Norrisville another antagonist for the Ninja to battle. However he still retains an odd sense of honor about Ninja (because he was one) so when opportunities to team up with Sorcerer, McFist, Sorcereress come up, he either ignores them or uses them for his own goal. The closest thing to hit home for him was when Mac Antfee also tried to get mask back, but for his own selfish purposes unlike Randy, well, lets just say Randy was pissed.

(i feel bad since i practically nipped Randy's career right on the bud, unlike others, but this one felt like a good turning villain opportunity unlike season finale. also! the idea of Randy beng an antagonist to the next ninja, while struggling with his own goodness and desire to save Howard is incredibly interesting to me lol. also he got scars from Tengu)

Zak Saturday - Heroic Fighter for Cryptids turned Cryptid Kur re-Reborn - the last episode, where Argost took powers of Kur and subsequently Zak died for about 3 minutes, Zak didn't reawaken unscathed. Kur is not only powers to control Cryptids, it was a person once, and after Zak died and was ressurected, a part of Kur has come forth, because some part of Zak has been lost in his death. A changed Zak Saturday worries his family, with him being quiet and introspective, not to mention pale/golden eyed and slightly zombie-like from his brush with death. Inside, parts of Zak the Kid and Kur the Olden Cryptid mesh and mix, leaving this new Zak struggling with who he is. As time passes however, Zak the Kid is slowly loosing the battle with a much more powerful older part of the soul of Kur (it wouldnt normally happen but Zak the Kid lost a significant part of his spirit when he died, which was filled with Kur) slowly regain his abilities (like in TGAS). At some point a change happens, and Zak retreats from his family, starting to wander the world as two parts of him struggle for dominance.

(fun tidbit! Zak's outfit is the same from his future vision of him overtaking the world as Kur, it seemed approrpiate lol. Also for some reason I kept thinking of Van Kleiss (from Generator Rex) when designing evil!Zak. they kinda have the same vibe)

Jenny XJ-9 Wakeman - Robotic Hero of Earth turned Robotic Overlord - this is a bit of mixed influences from different points: in season finale Dr. Locust turns Dr. Wakeman's creation against her; Jenny's Older Brother Armagedroid; Vexus attempt to sway Jenny to her fellow robots side; the whole year where Jenny was mind-controlled by a bratty kid and everyone feared her and even her mother planned to create a new XJ-10 in order to defeat her; and also a bit random but that one time Jenny pretended to be a villain Ruby Rocket (hence the red color scheme with bits of Armagedroid/Cluster designs). I have a bit less clear timeline for this, but lets just say its gradual and that at some point a lot of manipulations Jenny suffered turned her against humanity and their use of her robotic brethern. While she does not desire to destroy humanity like her brother, she certainly lost her trust in it, and after a manipulation one time too many, she snaps, turns into a leveled up version of Ruby Rocket/Anti-hero persona, she takes her sisters and leaves to Cluster, where Vega welcomes her. Jenny still protects Earth, but admittingly from afar and in a more evil way I guess?? She loves her mother, but she struggles with Dr Wakeman's previous disregard of her siblings and just callous regard to her creations (Wakeman can be cold/serious/to-the point, without Jenny constantly reminding her that she wants to be like a normal girl).

(Jenny was the hardest, because I couldnt find a clear point of turning in the series for her, so I decided to go with gradual change of mind about humanity sort of deal.)

oof this turned a bit long lol, thank you anyone who read through this clusterfuck! As you can see i sort of went with 'Were a Hero - tragically turned Anti-Hero due to circumstances' kind of vibe, since Im just unable to imagine these guys be like trully horrible evil villains (and this way is more angsty, since, like Fallen Heroes and all that). Im not that creative lol. Anyway, i hope you were as entertained as i was when creating this haha ;D

#que? #hom au q&a #kim possible #danny phantom #jake long #ben tennyson #juniper lee #rex salazar #randy cunningham #zak saturday #jenny xj9 #american dragon jake long #secret saturdays #the life and times of juniper lee #rc9gn #mlaatr #ben 10 #my life as a teenage robot #generator rex #hom au #i mean sorta? its just about homie characters but very au/evil aus??? lol no necesserily a hom!au au #i spent an embarassingly long time trying to put my thoughts about all of them into writing xD #there is a reason i prefer to draw than to write lol. im not very good at it

[wardenparker]

Hello my love! You DESERVE ALLL THE LOVE!!! Can I request Javi G? And “Wait! Please don’t leave!” For your AWESOME mini fic celebration???

😘😘😘😘

Regency!Javi Gutierrez. 867 words. "Wait! Please don't leave!" Co-written with @absurdthirst

Because we all need a little Darcy moment after the treat we got at the SAG Awards

"We should not be alone." He knows that. Everyone knows it. Even young children learn that being alone together is something only for the grown and married. Or your siblings. But certainly nothing else. So why Mr. Gutierrez is standing in your library now with mud on his boots and no waistcoat is beyond you. You certainly did not send for him, and neither did anyone else in your household.

"The day is early." Javi glances out the windows, almost surprised to see that the sun still has not quite cleared over the horizon. The night has been long, spent pacing his own library as he wrestled with his feelings. Unable to leave things without a resolution, he hadn't even stopped to dress properly, or saddle a horse. Walking across the cleared fields that separated his own estate from your father's. "No matter." He glances back at you and is overwhelmed by your beauty. "I have a matter of importance to speak with you about."

"Then surely we should ring for my mother, so that you may speak to her as well." The great supper at the palace had lasted long into the night but surely your mother would be rested enough by now to be a suitable set of surveying eyes in the room. Goodness only knows what she will say if she wakens to her breakfast tray to find out you have been entertaining a man alone at daybreak. "Please wait here," you instruct him as politely as possible, making for the door. "I will go and fetch her myself."

"Wait! Please don't go!" Javi strides forward only to stop after a few steps, afraid for a split second that if you walk out the door he will never see you again. He cannot wait to tell you. "I love you."

Freezing in place does not stop your heart from leaping into your throat and pushing a distressed sort of squeaking sound out in the process. The fluttering in your belly is nearly violent as your mind races to catch up with the pounding of your blood in your ears. If you were a more delicate woman, you might have swooned where you stand. "You..." Slowly, or just as fast as your body will allow which is a near-glacial pace, you turn again to face him. "I must not have heard you correctly."

“I love you.” He repeats breathlessly, feeling like his heart is about to leap out of his chest. “As inconvenient a truth as that might be, I have found that I cannot spend another moment outside of your presence. I yearn to tell you the mundane things about my day and inquire about yours with little regard to your lack of family fortune or your prospects, I have decided that I cannot live without you.”

"How very generous of you, sir." It is nearly a hiss when it comes out, and all the giddy tension through your body evaporates as quickly as it came. "'With little regard to your lack of family fortune or your prospects'? I cannot think who taught you the syntax of romance, but they did you a hearty disservice if you were attempting to pay me a compliment."

He frowns in confusion and he shakes his head. “I am merely trying to express the lengths that my heart sings when you are near.” He protests. “I have no need of a dowry or a presence in society, merely your heart and hand in marriage are all I hope to have.”

“I may not know much of the world, Mr. Gutierrez, but even a country gentleman’s daughter knows it is impolite to remark on a lack of prospects when making a romantic overture.” The very idea that he is making an overture seems ludicrous, all things considered, but you must admit that in all the ways you have been thrown together lately there has been a…a string connecting you. It seems to be tucked deep inside you. Perhaps tied to a rib and tugging each time he strays a little too far away.

“I—” his mouth is agape as you call out his rude manners and he realizes that all of the jumbled thoughts that have been rambling around in his mind have come out. “My sincerest apologies.” He bows slightly and sighs. “Perhaps such an early audience was not wise.”

“Sleep has a way of soothing the thoughts.” The small touch of advice is kindly meant, although your hands shake with it and your heart pounds. He had not meant to insult. He simply spoke too quickly. “Perhaps you would rather return at teatime? To speak to my father?”

“Perhaps.” Javi sighs softly, aware of his blunder and more than certain you will reject him if he were to return. “Good morrow to you, then.”

“Good morning.” That pounding of your heart is there too fully to ignore, but not a word can be said about it. All you can hope is that he returns — and that when he does, he does not fumble in front of your father. If he does, the poor string tied to your rib may snap, and you would be adrift forever.

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie @guelyury @lizzie-cakes @for-a-longlongtime @vabeachazn @purplerain04 @weho2kcmo @madnessofadaydreamer

My Masterlist!

#Pedro Pascal #Pedro Pascal character fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfic #Javi Gutierrez #Javi Gutierrez x you #Javi Gutierrez x reader #Javi Gutierrez x female reader #Javi Gutierrez x f!reader #Javi G #Regency!Javi G #TUWOMT #The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent #Regency AU #microfic

[xhmeusworld]

a perfectly good heart | jeon wonwoo

genre: angst, comfort! bf wonwoo, established relationship

pairings: jeon wonwoo x gender neutral reader

warnings: reader is going through a difficult time, mentions of depression, and reader makes a comment about not wanting to exist

word count: 871

note: lately life has just been throwing me for a loop and as a result, i wrote this. i just want everyone to know that you have a purpose in life. regardless of how big or small, it means so much that you are here and my messages are always open to talk.

no one understands another’s pain. not truly.

words and actions can only explain so much, but no matter what someone says, the extensiveness of the pain can not be conveyed. that’s what you thought.

but as jeon wonwoo held you against him, he swore he could feel everything. the pure turmoil and agony. it felt like his soul was on fire, the flames forcing their way out and racing across his limbs.

the shakes that tore through your body and the struggled breaths through the tears made him hold you tighter, wanting to do anything to provide some sort of comfort. some sort of relief to the despair you felt.

instead, he felt helpless. what could he do? did he have the power to do anything? he wanted to tell you that everything you believed about yourself was wrong. he wanted to tell you that your brain was lying. he wanted to tell you so many things, but he wasn’t even sure if you could hear him right now.

your words from earlier rang in his ears.

“life has no set timeline. I understand that. I hear that every single day from so many people and it’s supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn’t. because then I think about it in terms of years and the longer I am floating around without a plan or a goal, the less likely I am to feel connected to everyone around me. I don’t want to be left behind. I don’t want to be the friend that is left alone; still wandering through life while everyone else has careers.”

the future was a scary thought. wonwoo understood that. the unknown of where you could end up in five years was terrifying, especially with no set plan. but sometimes things like this were meant to happen. maybe you were being led onto another path that you just didn’t know about yet.

“and I feel like I’m such a bad friend to literally everyone. i can hardly muster up the courage or energy to speak to some of closest friends. they have reached out, but i just find myself unable to reply and it hurts because i know the despair i’m feeling is my fault. i am so mentally weak. cutting everyone off makes my soul hurt so bad because I don’t want to hurt anyone, but my brain keeps constantly saying over and over that I’m a burden. I’m annoying. if i reach out, I’m taking time away from their lives; interrupting whatever important thing they have going on. and even through all of this, i’m lonely and i’m scared that everyone will forget me. I know none of this is true. I understand that, but god, I feel so weak and helpless.”

wonwoo wanted to scream. it hurt to hear you admit how lonely you felt and he instantly felt guilty himself as a result of his touring schedule, but you were in no way a burden to him or anyone else in your life. you just weren’t. there was absolutely no way you could be to the l people who loved you the most in the world. you weren’t weak or helpless. you were just scared. he wanted to tell you, he wanted to engrain into your head, that fear was normal. nothing was wrong with you being afraid.

“i’m a disappointment to my parents; to everyone that believed in me. I used to be so happy and now I feel incredibly stupid and I’m just filled with regret and anger. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I wish I was one of those people who knew exactly what they are doing with their life, but I’m not and I hate it. instead, i’m here with a void in my heart.”

your voice was thick with tears that you were desperately trying to hold back. wonwoo thought you were going to start sobbing right then, but somehow you managed to keep your composure to talk once again.

“i’m just so ashamed myself. I’m so utterly and truly an embarrassment and a failure that sometimes I’m even afraid to face you.”

that’s when your boyfriend grabbed your face, forcing you to make eye contact with him as he insisted almost angrily that you weren’t a failure. you were doing what was best for you. you were trying to take it one day at a time. there was no shame or crime in that. wonwoo was so proud of his person. so so very proud.

“i see no light or hope at the end of the tunnel right now”

these were the last words you spoke before you fully broke down, burying your face into his chest.

and no matter what you thought, jeon wonwoo could feel your pain and he held you tightly against him, tears streaming down his cheeks as well. his grasp tightened with each one of your sobs in hopes that if he only held on a little stronger, maybe he would be able to put you back together. he kissed the top of your head. he whispered that you were safe and loved and that you weren’t alone.

because he knew it hurt to be alone.

#kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #svt #svt x reader #seventeen wonwoo #svt wonwoo #svt wonu #jeon wonwoo #wonwoo #wonwoo imagines #seventeen fluff #svt imagines #svt seungkwan #svt dino #seventeen scoups #seventeen dino #seventeen soonyoung #seventeen seungcheol #seventeen mingyu #xu minghao #kim mingyu #kwon soonyoung #seventeen angst #angst #comfort #kpop au

[the-fiction-witch]

My Turn

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating SMUT!

I woke as I often seem to find myself these days, my body laid in the cotton nightie I had worn to bid my mother and father goodnight, I'm honestly a little surprised it was still on me. I was warm and cosy, with a sweet cotton sheet over me, the mattress I laid on firm and functional with a metal bed frame which wasn't the best thing for secrecy as it tended to whine and squeak with every movement in the bed but I get this feeling in my stomach that was somewhat intentional. I laid on my back having turned there in my half awake state as I tended to sleep on my side or even my stomach sometimes, with a strong but slender arm draped over my waist, another I wasn't sure where, his warm body filled the other half of the single bed keeping things toasty and cozy for me, his grip lazier then it began from the tossing and turning and general relaxedness of sleep, I couldn't help but smile to realize I had woken up here again instead of my bed at home.

It may not creak, it may be double the size and may have more blankets then a girl will ever need but it doesn't have Jack. And this one does. Which makes me feel so very happy indeed. 

I began to stir more which seemed to have aroused him too as he began to stir with me until we found each other at the tip of the others nose 

“Good morning” I whispered

“morning, you don't have to whisper you know” he yawned 

“Walls have ears jack.”

“Do they know?” He chuckled “humm I think if these walls could listen, and of course then talk about what they listened, they might have some very interesting stories to tell” he smirked taking my hand intertwined our fingers together and peppering kisses on the top of my hand 

“I don't think those stories would be appropriate for children.” I giggled

“Absolutely not.” He smirked “I think many infact would fine some of them … highly deplorable” 

“Well your a deplorable boy” I giggled 

“Am I now?” He smirked “I'm sure the walls would have a good pile of stories that, if anyone was to hear about such a… innocent young lady, I'm sure they'd find you even more deplorable.” 

“I'm sure of it. Utterly despicable behavior” 

“Humm you're my despicable little darling aren't you?” He smirked finally connecting our lips immediately I tugged on his neck to pull him even closer as his arms wrapped tightly around me leaving me utterly in his grasp and rather unable to escape even if I wanted too, but I couldn't imagine a reason to want to, till he moved down to kiss my jaw, and then down my neck 

“I don't feel my actions would even reach the top twenty of the sortas of deplorable things these walls would speak of” 

“Don't you? Need I remind you, what my little angel was doing to me last night? Or will the meer suggestion of bouncing, bed creaking and … silk scarfs enough to jog your memory?” He smirked stroking his fingers across what little exposed skin I had in this nightie

“I'd hardly call that deplorable?”

“I don't know, a pretty little young lady creeping into a doctor's bedroom, for her to tie his hands to the bed with a silk scarf, strip naked and ride him like your personal  stallion. I don't know if I'd call it deplorable persay”

“What would you call it then?’ I giggled playing with his hair 

“Umm sexy as fuck -” he growled pulling me back to our kiss each kiss now getting more and more intense

“Humm I suppose you could call it that, but then if thats sexy as fuck, then what would we call a certain doctor who brought a young lady into his bed and kept her ankles above his shoulders for an hour and a half”

“i'd call it, a pretty tame Tuesday night” he growled stroking my cheek and kissing me intensely

“I need to go jack, I don't we could get in trouble.”

“We could, in so much trouble.” He growled pulling me back to a kiss and picking up my thigh to wrap it around his hip “tell me you don't want me, and I'll let you go” he smirked pushing up my nightie to stroke my bare leg 

“You know I can't do that” 

“Humm” he smirked “tell me you don't need me, and I'll let you slink on back to that big bed of yours.”

“That's not fair”

“Why not?”

“Because you know I can't” 

“No shame playing a game you know you win” he smirked moving his hand higher and higher “umm you had to wear that nightie didn't you? You know what it does to me darling, seeing you all… buttoned up and hidden away knowing what's under it. Knowing this big tent of a nightie hides the body that makes me cum” he whispered between his harsh kisses down my jaw and neck nibbling with his teeth a little as he tugged at me nightie which was enough for the top of it to get pulled down opening up where the buttons where undone and sitting just off my shoulders “ummm don't tease me” he growled kissing down my neck and now across my exposed chest gently moaning as he did until his hand found the tie of my nightie that would let it drop “there it is.” He gasped 

“No. I need to get back remember’ I told him stopping him from tugging at it 

“I don't recall this conversation” he lied

“Jack I want to stay you know I do but my parents come to look for me and I'm not there all hell will break loose” 

“I know, but…”

“But?”

“You can't just, leave me like this.” He whined “you wound me up so tight last night, you have to let me go, or I might snap” 

“Snap?”

“Humm like last time” he smirked 

“You became some evil little creature” I giggled

“You came here and sucked my dick almost to completion every day for two weeks straight. I'm surprised I didn't crack sooner! You wound me up far to tight darling, I had to let it out somehow.” He smirked “not my fault you wore that little blue dress, you know how good it m akes your … ummmmm” he growled staring at my breasts “and an hour long carriage ride with those things bouncing up and down in that little blue dress, how was I meant to do anything other then what I did”

“Pulling us over and making us two hours late arriving and I lacked a dress”

“You got a new dress didn't you?”

“After my first was torn utterly to shreds” 

“I can't help that you wind me up so much” he smirked his hand moving up to grab my ass “ummm fuck-”

“Jack I have to go, five minutes then I really need to go”

“Five minutes?’ he smirked “one can do an awful lot in five minutes”

“Can you?”

“You know I can” he growled “fine. Five minutes. Which would you rather? Repeating the deplorable conduct of last night, or something quick and loud?”

‘quick”

“Perfect’ he smirked slapping my ass before he pulled me into a heavy kiss till he pulled back ‘you know how this works, be nice and loud for me darling pompous twats in the office today”

“And we're right above him”

‘oh yes we are, so nice and loud for me give him something to be pouty in surgery later” he winked moving down kissing down mt nightie till he met my hips where he quickly grabbed my thighs and forced them apart, he didn't waste a second kissing my inner thigh until he my clit, which he clamped on to and sucked only breaking to kiss and lick leaving me an utter moaning mess gripping the pillow tightly I didn't hold back letting my moans and squeals fall from my lips reacting to his every tongue flick 

“Uhhhhh! Jack please -” I gasped knowing how close I was and already knowing five minutes was out the window I couldn't make him stop not now and even if I asked I doubt he would 

“What's the matter darling? This not despicable enough for you?” He growled before slipping his fingers inside me as he ate me out causing my thighs to clamp on his head and my hand to grab his hair tugging on his hair like crazy 

“Ahhhhhhhhh! Uhhh- jack- please - please!” I begged and he obliged speeding both up which was enough to tip me over “Uhhhh yes! Yes! YES! AHHHHHHH!” I squealed feeling pleasured wash over me he let me ride it out before he pulled back and loomed over me with an amused smile as he saw me sweaty, gasping my breasts almost popped out my nightie, the hem around my stomach, my legs still open and my juices leaking out of me onto his bed he slowly licked his fingers clean then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then licking that up too 

“Why do you do that?’ I giggled as he got himself a drink of water from the side 

“Why would I wanna waste what tastes so good,” he smirked before he moved to sit on his knees leaning his back against the metal footboard of the bed he opened his knees wide and leant his elbows on the metal frame for the first time this morning I saw his fully naked form seeing just how hard he was “my turn” he smirked 

And I giggled moving to my knees fixing my nightie to expose more of me and crawling over to him 

#tbs #thomas brodie sangster #thomas sangster #tbs smut #thomasbrodiesangster #tbs imagine #tbs imagines #thomas sangster imagine #thomas brodie sangster imagine #thomas brodie sangster smut #the artful dodger #jackdawkins #jack dawkins

[thewritingofamadwoman]

The Text

Roy Kent has my heart (and so does Brett Goldstein). This is my first time writing for him so be gentle 😂

Pairing: Roy Kent x Fem!Reader (established relationship)

Warnings: Fluff, Roy’s potty mouth, allusions to sexy times (because I can’t write smut to save my life) and a cheesy joke brought to you by none other than Ted Lasso himself.

Enjoy!

“Okay boys, just remember that the photoshoot will be held during training on the pitch. Just act natural and don’t let the camera’s distract you,” I said, smiling at the team. Keeley clapped her hands, unable to keep her excitement at bay.

“You’re all going to look so fucking cool!” She squealed and the team beamed back; some smiling while others blushed at her praise. AFC Richmond was selected to be the featured football team in a new magazine spread honoring the Premier League. Keeley pulled some strings with her connections from her firm KJPR while I worked hard to call in a few favors from my years as the team’s social media strategist to get The Greyhounds considered for the shoot. And after months of phone calls and meetings, it finally paid off when the magazine’s PR group reached out to us earlier this week.

As luck would have it, today was the perfect day for a photoshoot; the sun was out, and the guys were pumped.

Coach Lasso clapped his hands and spoke up. “Alright fellas, you heard the ladies. Let’s go out there and show these snowmen what we’re made of!”

Everyone in the room went quiet, silently confused by Ted’s attempt at a joke.

“You know, because the magazines’ called “The Blizzard”. Like blizzard…? Snowmen…? Oh alright whatever, let’s just go out there and look good!” Ted waved, the team’s earlier exuberance returning as they headed out the door to the pitch.

I heard a voice call my name and turned to find Nate giving me a shy smile.

“Uhh, are the, um, are we as coaches going to be photographed as well?” He asked, pointing to himself, and then to the side where Ted, Beard and Roy stood. I nodded and Keeley spoke up.

“Oh of course! Can’t have a team photoshoot without its four fearless leaders!”

“You go out there as you would and just let the boys have at it. Just promise me you won’t punch any of the photographers if they annoy you,” I said the last part while looking directly at one particular coach. Roy crossed his arms and shook his head, speaking up immediately.

“I make no such promise.”

His gruff voice had me biting back a smile as I rolled my eyes in response.

“Don’t you dare be rude them, Roy Kent. Keeley and I have been working towards this moment for months. You get in trouble, you’re dealing with me, got it?” I said, trying my best to remain stern as I looked at him. Roy’s eyebrow twitched and I could see the amusement in his eyes before he nodded reluctantly, a growl accompanying the movement.

“Wonderful! Now let’s go!” Keeley practically floated out of the room in excitement while the rest of us filed out. My phone buzzed in my pocket by the time Keeley and I sat down in the stands, and I pulled it out to find a very much expected text message.

Roy-O

You are VERY sexy when you try to be stern ;)

I laughed to myself before shooting back a response.

Oh you liked that, did you?

But I’m serious, please don’t punch anyone

I didn’t even get the chance to put my phone away before another text came in

Roy-O

Why, gonna punish me if I do? ;)

I bit my lip as my eyes immediately looked over to where Roy stood. His phone was in his hand as he yelled at Jamie Tartt from across the field to stop being “a fucking weasel and kick the fucking ball already.” I took in his appearance, the way he stood tall with his arms crossed, phone gripped tightly in one hand. The way his biceps were accented perfectly by his black t-shirt. Roy Kent looked delectable in every way. I smiled to myself and decided to play along.

Maybe I will.

You fuck this photoshoot up for me and you won’t be getting ANY of this tonight…

<insert picture>

I put my phone on my lap and looked down at the pitch, waiting for Roy to get the text. He seemed preoccupied with training so I picked my phone back up to respond to a few emails while I waited for him to continue our little game. Suddenly, a far away cry of “watch it, Coach!!” sounded from across the pitch, and before I could even register what was happening, Roy was smacked right in the face by a rouge football. The resounding smack of the ball was so loud that everyone cringed unanimously.

“Oh fuck!” Keeley exclaimed at the same time I gasped, both of us standing up and watching on as Ted and the team rushed to Roy, who let out the loudest FUCK I think I have ever heard him exclaim.

“Tartt you FUCKING CUNT!” Roy yelled, grabbing his nose and bending forward. Jamie, whose panic manifested in nervous giggles, tried his best to apologize.

“I’m SO sorry Coach, but I did try to warn you, twice!”

Roy groaned again and glared at the player before pulling his hand back and looking down. Even from my spot on the stands I could see the distinctly recognizable color of blood on Roy’s hand.

Roy seethed at the sight and growled at Jamie.

“I’m going to fucking kill you.”

Jamie backed up in panic and both Ted and Beard jumped in to pull Roy back by his arms to stop him from advancing towards the striker. After a few moments, Roy pulled out of their grasps and turned, making his way back inside Nelson Road, probably to get the resident to check out his nose.

“That looks like it fucking hurt,” Keeley said, sitting back down.

“He’s not going to let Jamie off the hook for this one. He’s gonna make him do double drills at 4am for weeks,” I sighed.

“You gonna go check on lover boy?” She teased, and I smiled, already making my way down the steps.

“You know it. I’ll catch you later babes,” I responded back, blowing her a kiss.

By the time I made it inside, I found Roy seated on the physio bench, clutching an ice pack to his nose. The medic had just finished up and smiled at me on his way out, giving me a thumbs up. I walked up to Roy and cooed at him now that we were alone.

“Awww, are you okay love?” I soothed, placing a hand on the wrist holding the ice pack. Roy glared at me and grunted in reply.

“What’s that look for, what did I do?” I said, brows knit in confusion.

“Oh don’t you “what did I do” me. You’re the farthest thing from innocent, sending me that fucking picture.” Roy’s voice lowered and a mischievous smile settled on his face. I’m sure my eyes widened comically as I remembered what I had sent. Roy nodded, pulling the ice pack away.

“Yeah, that’s right. I opened your text and fucking hell, your fucking breasts on display like that in that strip of cloth you call a bra is the reason I got clobbered in the fucking face. How was I supposed to hear Tartt calling out when my only thought was sucking on those fucking perfect tits?”

I cupped my mouth and let out a gasp followed by a small laugh, feeling so bad for having been the reason he was so distracted.

“Oh my god baby, I’m so sorry! I didn’t think…“

Roy cut me off.

“Oh no, you knew exactly what you were doing you minx. C’mere,”

Roy placed the ice pack down onto the side of the physio bed and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me to him. I placed one hand on his shoulder and the other on his chin, inspecting his nose and face for myself.

“Fuck, Roy I feel horrible. I shouldn’t have sent that photo,” I smiled sheepishly at him. Roy shook his head, schooling his expression to stay stoic but I could see the amusement in his eyes again.

“Don’t you fucking dare apologize for sending that photo. But if you insist, I can think of a few ways you can earn my forgiveness….” He trailed off, his eyebrow raising and a smirk forming on his lips. I smiled back, happy he was okay.

“Well in that case, what if I told you I was wearing that bra you saw in the picture…right now…” I whispered as I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Roy’s chin, cheek, and gently on his nose.

“Fucking hell,” Roy breathed out, pulling me in tighter. I decided to push one more button, just to tease him a tiny bit more.

“Mmhm, and guess what? That bra has matching panties….”

Roy’s eyes closed and he released a deep and long “fuuuuuuuuck” before closing any gaps between us with a searing kiss. When he pulled back, I was sure my lips were as red and swollen as his. I rested my forehead on his before he hopped off the table and we walked back to work before heading back home for all that was promised.

———————-

A few days later, I was seated in my office organizing the next away game details for the team when I received an email from one of my contacts at The Blizzard. Attached were the photos from the training shoot. I was scrolling through the action shots until I stopped at four back to back pictures that had me giggling to myself.

In front of me were four shots of Roy: in the first photo he’s looking down at his phone with a neutral expression. In the second, his eye brows were raised and eyes blown wide. In the third photo, he was smirking at his phone. And finally, in the last photo of the bunch, Roy’s face was obscured by the football that has smacked him dead on. I scrolled back and forth between those four pictures, creating a little boomerang and watching Roy’s face the whole time and laughing hysterically.

I saved the photos to my phone and set the one where he was smirking as my lockscreen, savoring the memory of what ensued that night after that photo was taken.

#roy kent x reader #roy kent x you #roy kent fanfiction #Roy Kent x reader insert #roy kent fluff

[whitmore]

fitmc madagio lore full transcript under the cut bc it’s so so interesting and also for community archival purposes

FIT: I saw you 200 blocks away. You aren’t sneaky.

FIT: If you’re new, I have nothing for you.

FIT: Here, it’s every person for themselves

FIT: Now, fuck off.

FIT: Still there?

FIT: I guess you want to learn the hard way.

FIT: ??!????

FIT: … who are you?

FIT: … what is your name?

FIT: … where exactly did you come from?

MADAGIO: Do not be afraid.

MADAGIO: Allow me to congratulate you.

MADAGIO: An ordinary human would’ve been driven to madness in a place like this.

MADAGIO: A toxic wasteland, one of the worst I’ve seen.

MADAGIO: I can see it in your eyes.

MADAGIO: Your aggression serves to hide the pain of the unimaginable horrors you have witnessed, and judging by your looks, perhaps perpetuated?

MADAGIO: I’ve been seeking someone with your level of mental fortitude…..

MADAGIO: The ability to resist both madness and toxicity.

MADAGIO: I detected the remnants of a very powerful signal in this world, so I came to investigate.

MADAGIO: I guess it would be a good place to look for people like you and I was right.

FIT: Sounds like bullshit to me.

MADAGIO: Apologies. Allow me to introduce myself.

MADAGIO: I am known as Madagio. are used to live on an island. It was one of many… All connected together by the same system. The island that was my home well….. let’s just say… things happened. Ever since I’ve gained the ability to travel across worlds, in search of skilled survivalists and deceivers, people who can hide in plain sight in extreme conditions. Judging by your age, you’ve survived here for a very long time. Perhaps you are interested in a change of scenery. If you are, meet me at the location in that book. We can discuss more there.

[BOOK READS: Meet me in the ruins of the obsidian outpost to the south. / Look underneath the red beacon. / I’ll be waiting…..]

—

FIT: That sounded like an end portal! What’s going on??!?!?

—

MADAGIO: You’ve arrived quickly, excellent. I see you noticed my friends on the way here. They are my eyes and ears; an extension of me. Now listen carefully. I would like to offer you a job Fit. One of the islands in the system I spoke of earlier is named Quesadilla. It’s a beautiful place, but it hides many secrets. Secrets that I must have at all costs. They will soon be accepting visitors for the first time in many years. right now the only way onto the island is by train. Most of the tickets have already been given out. However….. I can arrange for you to receive one. To keep your cover, you will need to act like you are on a vacation. Once you arrive on the island, I want you to start collecting information. Player data, island statistics, the emotions of your neighbors… …and analytical data on how it all connects together.

FIT: Player data? Statistics? Why do you want that stuff?

MADAGIO: In time it will make sense. As you collect it, I want you to report your findings to me. It may be difficult given the island’s current isolation, but you’ll find a way. A wasteland nomad like you traveling to Quesadilla will be very unexpected. Which is why I want you to blend in. Become friends with your neighbors. You might even know some of them already, so it should be easy. But do not form attachments, it will only complicate things. You are there for a very specific purpose. While you are on Quesadilla… I will be elsewhere, making preparations for something very important. You will have exactly one year to accomplish this task. if you are successful, your payment will ensure you have an early retirement. If you are unable to complete it in that time, I may have to help you… But let me make something very clear. Should you disregard the mission entirely… Or attempt to cheat me… I will ensure you spend the rest of your life in this toxic and vile waste land. Doomed to wander, and die in obscurity… And anyone who made connections with on Quesadilla will suffer. This is not a game to me. These, as I have stated, are the terms of this contract. If you step through the portal, it means you accept. But there is no turning back. Shall we begin?

FIT: 10 years is a long time to be stuck in the same wasteland. You know what I need? A vacation.

—

FIT: Finally, I can remember your name.

FIT: I care about the people on this island. I’ll complete the job, but you better not be using their data to do harm.

#qsmp #eleanor.txt #fitmc #qsmp madagio #i did this half by hand and half by dictation so if i messed something up please lemme know i’ll edit the post #qsmp fit #go ham w this btw i did it for the people

[starbylers]

Can we talk about how Mike ‘not being able to say he loves El because he’s scared she won’t need him one day’ makes no sense when you consider that for Mike this conflict spans two whole seasons, and there needs to be a consistent character motivation throughout.

Mike struggling to tell El he loves her has been, on the surface, his main conflict since s3.

In season 3, after blurting out he loves El, Mike brings it up again at the store. He tries desperately to get his point across, to make El understand ('I've never felt like this before', 'blank makes you crazy, like the word'). But no-one can deny that in this scene Mike is doing everything he can to avoid actually saying love. Now, what is the Mlvn excuse for this again? 'He's not good at expressing his emotions’. That's their running narrative post s3. (Let's ignore how that's not even canonically true of Mike's character and continue).

We come to season 4, and Mike is still chronically unable to use the word love, even when speaking about El and not to her. (Like this is clearly a deeply ingrained thing but I digress). Pre vol. 2, the Mlvn excuses are still related to Mike basically being emotionally unintelligent (his parents, his age, blah blah). But when Mike himself finally reveals the big reason, it's...'I didn't want to tell you I loved you because I was scared you won't need me one day'? Okay. Theoretically, out of context, that could make sense. So this becomes the new Mlvn narrative.

Here's the problem: both of these things cannot be the root cause of the same issue. It's one or the other: either he can’t say he loves her because he’s bad at expressing feelings, or he’s scared El one day not needing him would hurt more. This two-season dilemma is part of one series-long character arc for Mike. Mike in s4 is the same person with the same struggles as Mike in s3. Whatever his motivation for avoiding it in s3 (which was never addressed, it’s not like we got closure for that and then they just came up with a new reason he can’t say it) must logically be consistent continuing into s4.

Can anyone seriously tell me that Mike, here in this scene, was struggling to say the word 'love' because he was 'scared one day El wouldn't need him':

No. Of course not. He was specifically avoiding the word, and the most plausible explanation for his aversion (if we're ignoring Byler) is that Mike's just a kid and love is a big scary word. Bad at emotions etc. Which is why Mlvns and GA subscribed to that narrative, it seems obvious. But it cannot be right because Mike reveals the 'true reason' in 4x09. This is the canon explanation, finally—he's been scared she eventually won't need him. Except, that cannot be right either, because that reasoning does not align with his obvious (again, ignoring Byler) s3 motivation (love being daunting for a young teen) for the exact same behaviour. Like he literally uses the exact same pattern of avoidant wording from s3 in s4 (‘I care for you so much') and like I’ve said this is all meant to be one singular, overarching conflict.

If the initial 'bad at feelings' reading of Mike was correct, you'd expect the monologue to be more along the lines of 'I find it really difficult to express myself but I do truly love you, so this is me being vulnerable and brave'. Personally, I would've somewhat bought that. As a Byler I would've been like okay, it's kind of boring cliché storytelling but I'll admit defeat. But that’s not what happens. Basically what I’m getting at is:

Neither of these explanations can account for Mike’s inability to tell El he loves her in both seasons, so then by the logic of Mike having consistent motivations, neither can be true.

Which leads to the conclusion that there must be a different, all-encompassing, underlying cause for his heavy avoidance. Something that connects all the dots. I wonder what that could possibly be.

#byler #anti mileven #also I do believe that Mike is scared of El not needing him #but his reason for this fear is rooted in unhealthy codependency and his insecurities not because he’s just so in love

[dc-and-arfrona]

Nervousness

—-

Damian Wayne x GN!Reader

Type: Fluff

Word Count: 700+

Masterlist

Summary: Based of this ask.

—

Damian Wayne, the youngest member of the Bat Family, was known for his stoicism and razor-sharp focus. But little did anyone know that his calm demeanor could be unraveled by one person—the easily flustered [Y/N]. Their presence had a peculiar effect on him, one that stirred a mix of emotions he struggled to comprehend.

One sunny afternoon, Damian and [Y/N] found themselves in the Batcave, engrossed in a training session. As [Y/N]'s powers manifested, their ability to control them remained a work in progress. Every time they became flustered or overwhelmed, their powers would react, causing small, harmless sparks to dance around them.

Damian, ever observant, noticed the telltale signs of [Y/N]'s unease—fidgeting, blushing cheeks, and a tendency to cover their face. He couldn't help but feel an odd mix of amusement and concern whenever it happened.

"[Y/N], focus," Damian instructed, trying to maintain his composure as [Y/N] stumbled through a set of moves. "Control your powers. Remember, distractions can cost lives."

[Y/N] nodded, their face flushed with embarrassment. "I-I'm trying, Damian. It's just...you make me nervous sometimes."

A rare flicker of vulnerability flashed in Damian's eyes, though he quickly masked it with a composed expression. "I make you nervous? How peculiar."

They bit their lower lip, unable to meet his gaze. "It's not your fault. It's just...you have this effect on me. My powers react to my emotions, and around you, they become harder to control."

His curiosity piqued, Damian couldn't resist a mischievous smile tugging at his lips. "Is that so? How intriguing."

As [Y/N]'s face turned a deeper shade of red, small sparks crackled around them, a manifestation of their nervousness. Damian couldn't help but find it endearing—the way their powers reflected their emotional state.

But what [Y/N] didn't realize was that Damian too had his own battle with nerves. They had a way of unraveling his carefully constructed composure, revealing a side of him that only a select few ever witnessed.

As he watched [Y/N]'s attempts to control their powers, a flurry of thoughts raced through his mind. What if they saw through his façade? What if they noticed the way his heart skipped a beat whenever they were near? What if they realized just how much they affected him?

But Damian had never been one to shy away from a challenge. He had faced formidable foes, overcome insurmountable obstacles, and now he was determined to face his own nerves—to reveal his vulnerability.

Taking a steadying breath, Damian stepped closer, his voice softer than before. "You're not alone in this struggle, [Y/N]. I understand what it's like to battle your own emotions, to grapple with controlling them. We're both in uncharted territory, but together, we can find a way to master it."

Their eyes widened, surprise mingling with their flustered state. The sparks intensified, responding to the whirlwind of emotions in the air. Damian felt his heart race, his nerves prickling beneath his calm exterior.

"In fact," Damian continued, his voice carrying a hint of nervousness, "I... I find myself in a similar predicament when I'm around you. You have a way of unravelling me, making me question the ironclad control I strive to maintain. But I've come to realize that vulnerability can be a strength, and it's a testament to the profound effect you have on me."

[Y/N]'s eyes widened further, a mix of awe and understanding dawning upon their features. The sparks began to harmonize, mirroring the newfound connection between them.

In that moment, they stood together, two individuals navigating the uncharted waters of vulnerability, embracing their shared nervousness, and finding solace in each other's presence.

Damian extended his hand, a mixture of uncertainty and determination shining in his eyes. "Will you face this journey with me, [Y/N]? Together, we can uncover the depths of our emotions and powers, forging a bond that transcends our fears."

Their nervousness mirrored his, but they nodded, their grip on his hand firm and resolute. "I... I would be honored, Damian. Let's face this challenge together."

As their hands entwined, the sparks danced with a newfound synchronicity, signifying a union of vulnerability and strength—a bond that promised to weather the storms and soar to new heights.

In that moment, Damian realized that his nervousness was a testament to the profound connection he shared with [Y/N]. It was a reminder that even the strongest of individuals had their moments of vulnerability, and it was in embracing those moments that true growth and intimacy could flourish.

Together, they would navigate the complexities of their emotions and powers, weaving a bond that was as electrifying as it was delicate—a connection that celebrated the quirks and vulnerabilities of their souls.

#damian wayne x reader #damian wayne #robin x reader #damian wayne x y/n #robin x y/n #damian wayne imagines #dc imagines #dc x reader #dc x y/n #dc universe #damian wayne x you

[songofsoma]

where anyone could see

kinktober day 7: semi-public sex

pairing: shadowheart x f!tav words: 1,223 rating: explicit

read it on ao3

The high noon sun baked the city below. It was too hot on the streets for many people to be out and about. Only those who had to be were traversing the cobblestone paths that wound around the great stone buildings that made up the Lower City. 

Rieta was one of the few to simply mull through the streets with no destination in mind. She had successfully crossed off her only task to be done—have Figaro mend a particularly nasty tear in her favorite dress. 

Shadowheart walked alongside her quietly. She had been mostly silent the entire duration of the errand. But Rieta hadn’t missed the way she watched her while trying on the dress. Something lingered behind that sharp gaze as no detail went unnoticed as if Rieta were on display just for her.

She glanced sideways at Shadowheart, trying to gauge what was going on inside her head. Even with the Illithid powers connecting them it was difficult to decipher her at times. 

“So,” she broke the silence between them, swinging the bag that held her mended dress beside her. “Anywhere you want to go?”

When she didn’t respond right away, Rieta continued hastily. 

“I mean, we could find a nice bottle of wine to share. Or we could try a new restaurant. Oh! Or if you wanted a new blade, I’m sure Dammon—”

Her babbling was abruptly cut off when Shadowheart grabbed her hand and hauled her off the road, slipping into an alley that curved out of view behind a building. 

Rieta gasped as Shadowheart pressed her back against the stone wall, its surface cool from the area being shaded. Her bag fell to the ground with a soft thud, but the bag and its contents went to the back of her mind when lips met hers roughly.

“I tried to wait until we were back at the tavern,” she murmured against Rieta’s lips, unable to pry herself away. “But I find that I can’t help myself when it comes to you.”

Hands pulled her hips toward her to press Rieta closer to her body. 

“I used to be someone who prided myself on my self-control. Worshipping the Dark Lady made it a necessity in many assists. Then you found me and everything changed.” Shadowheart’s lips cascaded from hers to kiss her cheek and then her jaw and finally to nip at her earlobe. “I found myself wanting more. I wanted you and within you, I found myself. Who I was destined to be.”

Rieta’s hand slid up her back to touch the end of Shadowheart’s white braid. It represented her path that turned from darkness to one lit by moonlight. 

“I’m surprised I even held it together until we left the damn dressmaker,” she mused. 

“I was wondering why you were so quiet,” Rieta whispered, tilting her head as kisses were being trailed down her neck. 

“Because you drive me crazy.”

Her breath hitched as Shadowheart suckled on a patch of skin on the side of her neck. It nearly distracted her from the front of her skirt being bunched up. “Here?” she asked.

“You’ll have to be quiet unless you want to get caught.” It sounded like a challenge. “Tell me to stop and I will.” Her fingers skirted along the edge of her panties. 

“Oh, Gods. If you stop now—”

Cut off once again, this time by a kiss, Rieta’s sigh of contentment was swallowed as Shadowheart slipped her hand under the thin garment.

Her middle finger parted through the slick folds of skin until she teased her entrance, collecting the wetness and spreading it over her aching cunt.

Then, with the pad of her finger, she circled Rieta’s clit. There was no effort to make the action gentle. Now was not the time for easing into things. At any moment, someone could turn down their alley and witness Rieta getting fingered out in the open. Somehow, it only made everything more exciting.

She clutched the back of Shadowheart’s blouse, silently hoping her nails wouldn’t shred the fabric. Her lover would be terribly cross over the ruin of a beloved shirt. But there was not much else to grab for support as fingers hastily pushed inside of her.

Rieta reached behind her, hand splayed over the rough wall. Her head tipped back, biting her lip to stifle the moans desperate to leave her. 

Shadowheart took advantage of her position and kissed the hollow of her throat before nibbling on sensitive skin.

Fingers curled as her hand pumped, movement only slightly altered by the limitations of her underwear. Shadowheart didn’t seem deterred. 

The heel of her palm pressed snuggly against Rieta’s clit, grinding against it with every thrust of her hand. 

Shadowheart’s movements were rough and unforgiving. The sounds her fingers drew were downright pornographic as they echoed through the alley. 

“Open your eyes,” Shadowheart demanded, her normally melodic voice turned husky. 

Rieta hadn’t even realized she had closed them. But when they fluttered open, she was met with a smug grin that pulled the scar on her cheek. 

Every look and every movement was a challenge, daring her to be loud and alert a passerby. 

“You’re going to come for me soon, aren’t you?” she asked, that grin only deepening.

Rieta was afraid of what would leave her mouth if she opened it. So she only nodded frantically. 

“Good girl.”

There was no holding back the whimper that elicited. It only spurred Shadowheart on. 

Each thrust of her fingers was calculated and Rieta was quickly coming to the edge. Her breathing was becoming erratic and it was getting harder to keep quiet. Desperately, her hand clutched Shadowheart’s forearm while the other went to Rieta’s mouth so she could bite down on her knuckles in an effort to muffle the escaping noises.

Finally, she could hold out no longer. 

Her moan was mostly muffled by her hand and the wall was her brace as her knees shook, threatening to give out. Rieta gripped Shadowheart’s arm tighter, slowing her movements until they were just enough to extend her pleasure as long as possible. 

Shadowheart was soon brushing hair out of Rieta’s face, cooing about how lovely she was in between kisses peppered over her cheeks. 

Rieta leaned into her, just allowing Shadowheart to hold her as she came back to reality. 

When her breathing became steady once more and she was sure she wasn’t going to fall over, Rieta straightened, though Shadowheart did not let her go. Hands were still massaging her hips.

“That…wasn’t too much, was it?” she asked, her words sounding almost weary.

Rieta snorted. “Are you kidding? I will never complain about you jumping my bones. I like it, in fact.”

Her face relaxed into an easy smile. “Having my way with you in a random back alley is what you’re into? I don’t even have to try and impress you with renting a private room.”

“You do not need to impress me. Not when I’m already smitten with you.” She pushed herself completely upright and Shadowheart allowed her skirt to fall back in place. 

“I will try to remember that. Now, we should get back to the inn so I can finish what I started.”

Rieta’s eyes widened and she hastily picked up her discarded bag and hurried after Shadowheart out of the alley. 

#kinktober 2023 #shadowheart #my writing #bg3 #shadowheart x tav #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate #baldur's gate 3 #oc: rieta #bg3 shadowheart #bg3 fanfic #bg3 fic

[ackrmvvn-levi]

I couldn’t hold back || J.K.

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: Mentions of death, bad language

“The name of that good friend of yours, that one you told me about. Oh right, it’s Marco.”

Your eyes bored into the bowl of stew held in your hands, doing your best to remain calm through this conversation.

“You said Annie was involved in his death, didn’t you?”

You didn’t need to look over at Jean to know he was scowling. Marco’s death had taken a toll on both of you, finding out Annie was involved was even harder.

“Have you asked about it yet? The truth behind his death.”

Your head flashed up, eyes snapping between Yelena and Annie quickly. You hadn’t, truthfully, You didn’t think Jean had either. Up until now, you weren’t sure you really wanted to know. The point of it was Marco was dead, you didn’t need to know the details.

“I took off Marco’s ODM gear.” Annie spoke before anyone could inquire more information. “That’s why a titan ate-“ Reiner cut her off.

“Annie was only following my orders.”

The anger in your chest burned, bubbling under the surface. You could’ve assumed he’d have something to do with it as well, but hearing the words come out of his mouth was a different experience entirely.

“Marco overheard a secret conversation I had with Bertholdt. In fear of our cover being blown, I thought the best way to silence him was to have a titan kill him. I slammed Marco into a roof while in the air. And while I held him down, I had Annie take off his ODM gear. Marco was stuck there until a titan ate him.”

It was deathly quiet as Reiner finished, no one quite able to believe what they were hearing. You felt sick, you were furious. You couldn’t bring yourself to look back at either of them, knowing what they’d done to Marco.

“Did Marco say anything at the very end?” Jean spoke up, eyes trained at the fire in front of him. His tone was hard, cold, his body language seemed stiff, almost like a wall.

“He asked why I wasn’t willing to talk to him.” You looked towards him then, meeting Reiner’s eyes for the first time in years. There was nothing but pure regret in them, and it made something twist deep within your stomach.

“I think that question still applies. We hardly tried to talk, we all just kept fighting, assuming it had to be to the death,” You said finally. Your gaze fell back onto your stew as if suddenly uninterested, unable to maintain eye contact.

“I stood and watched the titan as it devoured Marco and then a switch flipped and I couldn’t figure out why it was happening. I just snapped. I flew into a rage, hellbent on avenging Marco. I cut down the titan myself.”

Your grip on the bowl tightened, your body stiffening at Reiner’s words. Anger fired up again in your blood, fueling a burning sensation behind your eyes that made you want to scream.

“We get it, Reiner. You feel guilty and it screwed with your head,” you snapped, your fingers digging further into the bowl, your glare focused only on the blonde man across from you.

“Don’t forgive me. I’m truly worthless.”

It was silent for another few seconds, Reiner’s eyes refusing to meet yours, but the tension was thick. You were on the verge of exploding when he spoke again.

“I’m sorry.”

You were moving in an instant, your half empty bowl of stew thrown to the side, your body moving towards Reiner before you could even register it.

“Y/N!” Hange’s yell fell on deaf ears as you lunged forward, tackling Reiner to his back. You barely registered your fists connecting to his face, your mind buzzing, eyes seeing red.

He made no move to fight back, your hits only stopping when Mikasa grabbed your wrist. “Stop!” You looked over your shoulder, sending a harsh glare up at the girl before yanking your arm out of her grasp.

“Listen to me, Reiner,” you spoke, turning back on the man under you in a flash, your hand roughly grabbing his shirt to force him to look at you.

“You lied to me, for years. You made me fall in love with you and then broke my heart in the worst way possible. You killed how many innocent people? How many scouts? People I knew, people I cared about. And now I can add Marco to that list. My best friend! Now, you’re gonna sit there and try to apologize? After everything you put me through?! I’ll act civil until we stop Eren. But after that, if I ever see your face again, I’ll fucking kill you,” you growled, glaring into Reiner’s eyes, a level of anger you’d never felt before flowing through your veins.

His eyes widened slightly, as he processed what you had just said. The rage inside of you was something you didn’t know how to handle. The need to hurt Reiner overwhelmed everything else, even logic. It was like an instinct. One you could hardly deny.

But you released him, standing and stalking off from the group, ignoring the calls of your name as you did. You needed time alone to process all this. To calm down. Time away from Reiner and the constant reminder of all those you had lost because of his actions.

You hadn’t noticed the footsteps following closely behind you, not until you heard the familiar voice cut into the silence.

“You got him pretty good.” Jean’s tone held a bit of amusement, but there was concern hidden beneath his words. You knew Jean well, if you hadn’t blown up on Reiner, it was likely he would’ve. He cared about Marco just as much as you did, you knew he was angry too. He had just gotten better at masking it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that.” You turned to meet his gaze, his eyes soft, his expression kind. He was worried about you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry,” you replied, shrugging lightly. “I know I probably shouldn’t have done that, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’ve wanted to see him again for so long, just to yell at him. But hearing him talk about Marco, I couldn’t hold back.”

Jean nodded thoughtfully, running a hand though his hair. His gaze wandered towards the ground as he thought. Then he looked back at you. “I thought it was hot, honestly, but that’s just me.”

You met his eyes again, a second passing before a small laugh left your lips. You grinned at each other for a moment before breaking out into laughter together.

The laughter soon died down, Jean’s arms moving to pull you into his chest. You sighed into his body, melting into him as you dug my face into his shoulder. Your heart calmed itself, settling against the comforting warmth of Jean.

“Are you alright?” Jean asked softly. You could feel his breath ghost across your head as he spoke. “Yeah, I think I am. Just exhausted, honestly.”

As Jean pulled back to check on me, you smiled weakly, his fingers reaching up to push back some stray hairs around your face. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against yours. Your hands moved automatically to rest on his waist and you felt his hands cup your cheeks gently as he closed the distance between you.

Our kiss was light, yet filled with emotion. You could sense the sincerity of it, in the way Jean held you tightly and pressed himself closer. Our lips were moving rhythmically, your breaths mingling together. His thumbs stroked circles over your cheeks, soothing your nerves. You relaxed further into his touch, sinking deeper into his embrace and basking in the moment.

When you finally pulled apart, your bodies remained close, both unwilling to let go. Your cheek rested gently on his shoulder, holding him tight. He ran a hand lightly up and down your back, his touch reassuring.

“Thank you. For being here, with me.” Your voice was slightly muffled, still pressed against his body.

“Of course. Always.” His arms wrapped tighter around you. I could hear his heartbeat slowly starting to steady, his breathing calming once more.

#jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirschtein x you #jean kirschtein imagine #jean kirstein #jean kirschtein fanfiction #jean kirschtein fluff #Jean kirschstein angst #aot #aot x y/n #aot imagines #reiner braun imagine #Reiner Braun #reiner imagine #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan #attack on titan imagines #attack on titan scenarios #Jean kirstein imagine #Jean kirstein x reader #Jean kirstein x you

[allsadnshit]

healing my relationship with femininity has been so important this past couple years and I think sometimes the way it's talked about can make it so much harder and so shameful for a lot of people to admit they struggle with because there's so much rhetoric about like "are you a girls girl or not?" and like a very black and white cold "girls who don't have girl friends are RED FLAGS! TOXIC! EVIL! TRAITORS" when I think in reality it's such an obvious sign of wounding to not be able to connect with women, whether growing up or in adulthood.

for myself it stems so largely from being raised by a single father and older brother and having my literal connection to women (my mom) severed really traumatically early in life when she passed and to fit in and be included in family things always meant having to sacrifice things I might have liked at the time like tea parties and barbie and being forced to watch action movies and male sports just to get quality time and attention in my home because they never made time for my interests as a young girl and were passively dismissive of them too (never let me pick the music cause I'd play "girlie stuff", never wanting to watch the movies I wanted to see in theaters meaning I also just didn't get to see them, having any feminine interests and hobbies be less celebrated) and it really shaped me.

somewhat naturally there was a glaring disconnect between not just myself and men who I couldn't seem to become communal with even if I shared all the same hobbies which I tried very hard to do like getting into yu gi oh and kung fu, but when I'd be put into situations with all other girls I felt isolated and clumsy because I didn't watch the same movies, didn't know how to do things like cute hair styles or braiding, and was just generally behind and felt much more like an observer than like I had any place in it.

I've always had girl friends but they were often isolated relationships with girls who also struggled with their girl relationships and were otherwise bullied or cast out, and those relationships even though sacred to me also often would become poisoned with jealousy and comparison because society pits women against each other especially growing up it felt like a literal competition and it's so common to be ranked by boys and even other girls and adults in terms of who's prettier or most desired which is really strange to apply to an already vulnerable dynamic in a formative part of life.

Because of a mix of all these bad circumstances I've really rejected myself and a lot of my natural connections to girlhood and women and I think it felt like an easier and safer route to just disconnect entirely which is what I did for most of my life until around the time of the first lock down when I was very privately buying girl clothes for the first time in years and experimenting with the idea that I'd like to allow myself some movement and fluidity with my relationship to gender. It really makes me sad the way so much of society makes us feel we need to do things a certain way or see ourselves a certain way to be living "correctly" when I think it's a very personal journey and being scorned and shamed for what we do or don't do makes us self conscious and unable to act naturally. I've gotten a lot of nasty comments from women who feel it should be easy to connect with women because they have gotten the privilege of healthy relationships with mothers, grandmothers, sisters, and friends and so feel that anyone who hasn't is just toxic and doing it to themselves which I just find extremely unkind and self interested.

and that's part of why I reject terms like "girls girl" even as I lean into healing my relationship to femininity and relationships with women and the social pressures we face. I know that term came about originally with the intention of expressing a relationship to women that was non competitive and based on mutual respect and care, but it's been transformed and used now in a really hatefully isolating way and I do not claim it or the energy towards other women it gives off of not seeing their humanity and flaws as places to grow and be loved through but as a reason to further disengage from.

[fleemotional]

What if Suguru Geto was your friendly classmate who came out of nowhere during a lonely night

CW : fluffy fluff fluff

"- What is a lady doing out here in the middle of the night ?"

The last few days, you had a lot of trouble sleeping. So as usual, you got out of your dormitory and headed to the garden of the school to stare into the emptiness, but when you saw Geto, standing tall with his hair loose walk to you with a surprised yet happy smile on his face, you trully thought for an instant that you had finally fell asleep and were in a dream with, strangely, your classmate in it.

Yet, you are still very awake, but him, he is very here.

"- The lady is doing just fine. Thank you."

He looks a bit surprised by your clearly not true answer, but his smile doesn't fade a bit.

"- We should go in. It's freezing.

- I'm fine."

He looks at you for a second, knowing you wouldn't go inside on your own and that he would feel really guilty if I went to bed leaving you here alone. Finally, he caves in and sits next to you, staring at nothing with you.

"- I wasn't expecting to meet anyone. What are you doing here ?

- I should be asking you this question. I live here.

- You live here ?"

Shit.

He turns to look at you, taken aback. You should have watched your mouth. You didn't planned for your classmates to learn that.

"- The holidays aren't over yet. Why would you come back so early ?"

Geto seems to consider insisting but you clearly don't want to talk about it.

"- I ... Satoru dragged me to a party nearby and after dying twice of boredom I decided to ran away ... and he was my ride so I had nowhere else to go.

- I see."

He looked back at the garden for a minute, breathing a little bit heavier than before. It is surprisingly calming to have him nearby, but you know what is coming.

"- You live here."

You sighed. Here goes your intimacy. Geto will tell Gojo and Gojo will convince everyone to stay with you after finding out you stay alone at school during holidays.

"- Yes.

- You got kicked out ?

- No ! Nobody kicked me out of nowhere ! I just ... Ok, when I enrolled to become a sorcerer, my parents didn't really ... understood, being unable to see curses ... Soooo I live in the school now. Why not ?

- I'm sorry that your parents don't support you."

He stopped you from mumbling no further by soflty putting his hand on yours. His expression and tone are calm.

"- Can I ask you something ?

- Go ahead.

- Why did you enroll ?

- When I was a child, I was terrified all the time, because I could see things other couldn't and I thought I was a monster because of it. And then one day I saw someone killing one of those things and realized they were real, and that I wasn't alone. I followed the sorcerer I saw until he noticed me and then asked him ... why ... just why. He answered that it is the price people pays to be able to learn and grow, and that people like us have to choose between just witnessing the whole process or actively helping people through it. So I grew up not telling anyone about this and when I was old enough, I left to go learn how to help people.

- Those are very noble reasons. Have you found trouble with curses or being a sorcerer yet ?"

It sounded like he knows something about that.

"- Yes. Kind of ...

- What is it ?

- I'm not quite sure what my speciality is. You know ... Ieri heals people, Gojo has six eyes, and I'm just ... wastefully powerfull.

- You cannot be "just" anything. You have much more potential then you think."

You two paused, just looking into eachother eyes. His hand still on yours.

"- I think I can help you.

- How so ?

- I will give you my secret technique which helps me connect with myself a little bit more everyday, and in exchange, you will go inside and try to get some sleep.

- He... Ok.

- Close your eyes and relax, take a deep breath.

- What ? Just that !

- Focus ! Or it won't work !

- Ok, ok !"

You close your eyes and take a ridiculously big breath ... but after a few, it seems like the world is changing around you. The wind is calm and you two are surrounded by a gentle atmosphere

"- You can open your eyes now. Take your time and look around

- Did something changed ?

- You tell me. What do you feel ? What do you see ?

- I feel ... safe ... And I see ..."

You notice yourself staring a little to long into his deep dark calming eyes.

"- You."

He blushes a bit and laughs softly.

"- Hehe, ok ... and except me ?"

You close your eyes and take a deep breathe once again. Slowly, big bright shapes starts appearing on your eyes lids. You open them, but there is nothing behind them.

"- I see things that doesn't exist again.

- Eh ? What do you see ?

- I don't know. It's ... When I close my eyes I see silhouettes and when I open them there is nothing.

- Lord. You are really sleepdeprived.

- Hey ! Maybe its a new power ! Maybe I can see invisible curses ! You don't know that !

- Actually, that would be a great theory if we weren't in like, on of the most protected places in the world. You see, you have great potential !"

You two laughs it off for a bit, then you yawn.

"- Oh. I think this means the technique worked even better than I thought.

- Don't praise yourself, big boy, you'll end up like Gojo."

You stand up, yawning some more.

"- I will go to sleep now."

He stands up instantly.

"- Allow me to accompany you ?"

~END~

#geto #geto suguru #jjk geto #jujutsu geto #jjk #geto x reader #jujutsu kaisen

[obliqueblade]

There are no words, nothing I could write that hasn't been said to properly convey how emotions and response that I had to the news about what Shubble had to go through.

As someone not on Twitter, and not an avid watcher of Shelby, I didn't hear about her video until several days after it was posted by a friend of mine, who told me that people suspected Wilbur.

And at that time, I did not want to believe it.

My immediate reaction was disbelief, and then I thought people on Twitter were saying things just to say things. I knew Shelby had not named her abuser, because she was not in a position where she could. The internet is rarely benevolent when victims come forward.

But this was someone I had watched during my cancer treatments. This was someone whose music I listened to, to drown out the sounds of my illness. This is someone I cried with and for after the loss of Technoblade. Now, after his passing, I had stopped watching that entire side of mcyt. I moved on to Hermitcraft, Empires, and the Life series, I stopped using Twitter because it's Twitter, and when the various members of the DSMP were caught doing something, It just further solidified my decision.

But this was someone I had supported. The idea that I had allowed myself to be manipulated into that situation was almost unbearable.

But the more I thought about it, the more I remembered things from back during the DSMP ear, the more uncomfortable I got. The more I remembered people he was "close" with describing him as manipulative, the amount of younger people he constantly interacted with, and the dynamics he created around them.

Even without his "apology" I realized that, yes, he was manipulative. And the horrible thing about it is that you never really notice when that manipulation occurs. It's why at least at first, I gave the benefit of the doubt.

Because "surely not".

But this is not about those things. It's not about how I feel in regard to the news, nor is it about how his old friend will respond. It's about the abuse that he did and the power kick he got from keeping his victims silent.

Wilbur Soot is an abuser.

Shelby, and lord knows who else are his victims. The horrible realization that while I was supporting someone they were intentionally hurting people weaker than them like Techno and Shelby feels like a sucker punch.

And the worst part is that, at the end of the day I cannot even say that he is sorry, because he is not. he does not take accountability. He does not apologize. He states that "he changed", which is easy to say without having to prove. Especially, when you cannot even apologize.

Wilbur is not "canceled". He's an abuser.

Shelby is incredibly strong for coming forward, and I hope that she can heal with the support and love that she deserves.

I'm also sorry, Shelby. I waited in the hope of "surely not", and that's not fair or right to Shelby or any victim of abuse. I've seen some posts about how those who supported him had no way of knowing, but this can be ... hard to accept personally. I don't mean to say it's the communities fault, because we really did not have a way to know.

It's important to know, that no matter how well you think you "know" a creator- you don't.

I don't want anyone to come away from this and think that I am in any way still in support of anything that man has created or done over the years. This includes channels, collabs, music, and certain bands with connections to him.

This is firmly a Shelby support account.

For those who still side with him; I am truly sorry that you are unable to see through his manipulation, but I hope that one day you will. I hope that you can gain the ability to see through these horrible actions of cruelty before you find yourself in a situation where you are the victim.

I'm so sorry Shelby.

#shelby #shubble #shit ass apology #support shubble #shubblesupportsquad #tw abuse #wilbur soot