#but i am CRYING thats so fucking funny

[b4kuch1n]

pre-holiday leave crumbs

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it #anyways. tomorrow I Travel #The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed #three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying) #goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn #anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours #until I gotta get up for car time #kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct #20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it #I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it #oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop #in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here #hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them) #also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl' #it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that #literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however #anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo #have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again #eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day

[beeduoo]

originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

Lowkey i ate with rhis actually no i didn't i ate wirh rhat ENDER EYE Why is it so rendered Hello

IGNORW RHEIR UGLY UGLY DESIGNS This was before they switched to their iconic Skins past e didn't know......

#loosely based off of this old thing it's under the Cut #origins smp #beeduo #beeduo fanart #idk what other tags to put i cant put C because this isn't C this is O..... but like do people even check those tags idk #actually no im scared i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals i dont want to interfere with their character ecosystem i was #only there for the first one😅 #i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY #DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM #IR EAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE thats all i remmeber ANF ALSO RNE can i call you senpaaiiii bit thay shit h #ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its #been wayyyyyyy too long #BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise #bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹ #had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop #yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭 #ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really #wanted to share ok i love you bge #WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED #RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like #water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT #ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I #VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB #OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be #Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON #SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub #lic had to say.... ok Now bye

[woundedheartwithin]

Yeah I’m an adult, but that doesn’t mean the edgy 14 year old that lives in my head doesn’t fucking love it when the people parked next to me come back to their car and look at me weird because I have the window down and Lorna Shore blaring

#she speaks #and I’m crocheting too lmao figure THAT shit out #i am cringe but i am free #THE NEXT SONG IS MOJO DRIVE I FUCKING CANT #IM CRYING THATS SO FUNNY #from apotheosis by Lorna shore to fucking mojo drive by kimura takuya 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 #NO I have NOT turned the volume down #LISTEN TO MY INSANE GENRE WHIPLASH #DEATHCORE TO JPOP/ROCK FUCK YEAH #this is my wrapped playlist lmfao

[toastsnaffler]

thinking abt the touden siblings got me sniffling and weeping....

#im.too emotional abt them to properly explain #just rly glad to see autistic characters in media that i can deeply relate to and share experiences with. its such a rare thing #and i feel so protective of them i dont give a fuck abt fandom normally but some ppls bad takes lately are getting under my skin #like just say u hate autistic people and leave. stop calling laios a fucking freak im going to kill you with my bare hands #ppl think theyre so smart and funny for making posts like haha hes thr type of autistic that makes everyone uncomfortable and wish he- #would shut up or go away. im going to start hitting u with a brick until ur a bloody pulp #and thw way ppl treat falin so differently just bc shes not a guy. even tho theyre both clearly autistic and struggle socially #like wow thats crazy. do you act this way abt autistic ppl irl too #whatever just liberally blocking ppl abt it i dont fucking wanna see ur stupid posts #anyway.. back to thjnking abt their backstories and crying a little. masculinely of course #man i am soooo tired im so glad its the weekend i want to melt into a puddle and soak into the carpet and stain it forever #but we dont.have carpet.in this flat so.i guess ill just go to bed...... #well maybe a little elden ring first #i would reallt like to draw sometime this weekend too. need to muster up some creative courage #but thats a problem for tomorrow... zzz #.diaries

[finely-tuned-line]

RP:

Log 218

FTL: FTLR-3 has taken the form of the cyan lizard that was its host. It remains immobile, but the form it has taken is clearly that of a cyan lizard. One especially similar to the one from which it originated from. I've described my hypothesis as to why it would do such a thing in Log 216, but to summarise, it's for the sake of efficiency. Efficiency of movement, efficiency of existence. It's taking the best of all three sub-types of Rot and combining it.

FTL: I fear that this new form may grant FTLR-3 a much extended range of movement that, especially when combined with its apparent ability to learn, could result in it breaking out of the containment chamber. If all goes well, this will not be the case. I will carry on in my attempts at creating a potent corrosive substance, just in case LIFEGIVER's treatment does not arrive on time.

FTL: As for updates on the progress of my attempts to create such a substance, there aren't many. The progress has been lacking and it all is strikingly reminiscent of my attempts to create organisms without a foundation. I do believe that I am on edge of something, though. I cannot tell you what, only that it will aid me in my quest.

FTL: The time after FTLR-3 is eradicated is eagerly awaited. I cannot allow myself to get distracted from this process at this time, but the thoughts of experiments I could be doing now are alluring to me. For example, Eternal Anomaly (as our conversation has unfortunately not yet ceased) mentioned a slugcat-poleplant hybrid.

FTL: Creating a hybrid with a poleplant is indeed a curious idea. One that I wish I could afford the time to explore at this moment. Perhaps not with a slugcat, that seems to defeat the purpose. Slugcats are insanely adaptable creatures, they can withstand just about any modifications. Though a slugcat-poleplant hybrid would have its benefits, my interest lies in the reactivity of the poleplants leaves. What if a poleplant's genetics that pertain to them were implanted into say, a lizard? Forgive me for the amount of experiments that lizards have been the main subject of.

FTL: The 'leaves' could function as a warning system, though perhaps it wouldn't be that much of an effective one. Append them onto the tail though, and they could perhaps warn the lizard of any vibrations in the ground. The red colouring the lizard would be sure to inherit from the poleplants would also serve as a deterrent to predators, invoking the image of a typical red lizard. It could also potentially employ the poleplant's typical hunting method of ambush. Though it would lack the ability to blend in.

FTL: Perhaps if the lizard that would be modified were a white lizard... its camouflage abilities, if combined with the reactiveness of the poleplant. Truly could make a capable predator, armed with many ways to protect itself from any that may threaten it. Its red leaves would make it stand out, even when camouflaged, but everything needs a weakness, no?

FTL: I'll have to put this idea on hold. After this whole fiasco is over, this will be the project I pick up. Just another incentive to get this over with as quickly as possible. I tire of researching FTLR-3, it has too much urgency to it. But I shall carry on doing so, as though my interest grows weaker as my attention attempts to drift elsewhere, I remain curious about its nature.

#no ftlr-3 isnt going to become a pet or smth #its just rot thats a lizard and its gonna get killed just like a lizard Ɛ> #ftl is gonna cry at all the research potential hell have lost tho lol #ALSO I LOVE MY AMATEUR SPECBIO THAT MAYBE DOESNT RLY MAKE SENSE FIGHT ME #eternal anomaly if you fuckin reply to this #that actually would be funny tho #ahem sidenote directed to ANYONE (passerbys. iterator (oc) blogs. random readers.): #YOU ARE FREE TO COMMENT ON THESE LOGS #not via the actual comment thing lol #but like #in-lore these are getting broadcasted out?? so #idk feel free to just say smth in asks (: #or reblog w a reply if youre an iterator oc blog #look i just want to talk to ppl LMAO #i am literally running out of ideas Ɛ\> #right im gonna stop this pathetic ramble #just pls talk to me i like talking as ftl its fun #OKAY BUT ALSO I LOVE SPECBIO #I DONT EVEN FUCKING TRULY KNOW WHAT SPECBIO IS I JUST KNOW THAT WHAT IM DOING TECHNICALLY COUNTS AS SPECBIO??? #its so fun #rp #ftl logs #rain world #rw lizards #<- im maintagging this fuck you #FUCK I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABT THIS LOG AAAAAAAA #tldr i likr specbio. ftl is just abt at his wits end with the whole rot thing; ves never had it for this long before #alright i should stop saying things #finely-tuned line

[pezpenser205]

3am monday morning mood

#insert garfield i hate mondays joke here #op #........................................................................................................................................... #........................................................................................................................ #...................................................................................................................... #....................................................................................................................... #........................................................... #............................................................ #sui mention tw if you read further for some odd reason #was highkey wanting to change my mind before the date came but now im not so sure thats gonna happen #i dont have a lot of time #2 days is not enough to get a job or change my mind so i dont even know what im gonna do #i feel like im dreaming all the time #'i dont know what im gonna do' is for sure a lie though i damn well know come on now #its simple a + b = c math #(im a waste of resources) + (i dont even like being here and am not a person anymore) = (i shouldnt be here) #i think my family will get over it like none of them even talk to me anymore (not that i make it easy but still) #i have nothing that somebody else cant have or do better than me its not that big of a deal. #like literally i cant fucking comprehend what anyone would like about me anymore #everything bad about me so clearly outweighs the 1/10 times i can be funny or dependable or considerate. #im just taking advantage of others' compassion at this point #when i say 'i am not a person' i mean that with 100% sincerity #i get surprised and scared when people talk to me and have no concept of self and no real hobbies. im just empty im not even angry anymore #im beyond unhinged tbh i have zero self awareness and feel like im the only person like me that exists and im rambling- #-and oversharing all the time and talking over others because i fail to even really understand or consider what theyre saying anymore #-and simultaneously i feel too unremarkable to be worthy of life #i feel like im playing my entire life in VR like nobody and nothing here is real. none of you are even real. #this feels the same as typing in a word document i just always feel alone no matter who im talking to or what im doing #i feel like the only real person in the world and the only one that shouldnt be here #i cant even bring myself to feel scared of death. im just. nothing. even when im crying i dont feel anything at all

[startsbeatboxing]

having ashe thoughts but I can't find my phone to post them on instagram so you get them instead

she's just a kid! like it still explodes my mind a little bit that she was 16 during s1, like hey that's a child and like obviously it's there a little bit with the rest of the pd but with ashe it's just so much different for some reason and like

he liked video games and loud music and as far as we know no one is going to even notice that he's gone, since he really only knew mark and the pd and they both know so much about what happened but aside from them and like the whole reason they were on the roadtrip for s2 was for ashe and like, yes, we have gotten a little sidetracked, but they only knew him for like two weeks but he was cared for! ashe was loved! and now he's sixteen, probably seventeen now, not in control of his own body because he loved his friends back and I just!

AND MARK i need to talk about mark he just wanted to protect her and through that protection it led to her end and i think not enough people talk about that part, how because mark kept ashe home and didn't let her have other friends she of course got attached to the first kids her age she'd seen in almost a decade, attached to their heroism as well because if she'd just been a little braver or better maybe her mom would still be around, and mark is trying to protect her but he's out of the house all the time and well, sometimes when he looks at her all he can see is his wife dying, and she knows that so she goes against him and goes to fight with her friends, and what does he know anyway, he was never there for her. and maybe if mark had let her use the book more, she would have been able to control the trickster but there's no use for that now because ashe is gone and mark can't do anything about it because after everything, he's placed back in prison

and "where are you going?" well, we don't know who said that! was it the trickster just fucking with the pd, was it ashe breaking the possession for a second? WE DON'T KNOW, and can ashe see what the trickster is doing with his body, seeing the harm it's causing, do you think it reminds him of what happened to his mother?

what did you think he wanted to do when he grew up? do you think, if he's ever free, that mark will go back to his over-protectiveness or finally let ashe be his own person? was his favorite color always purple? will ashe ever be able to look at his friends or interact with the world without remembering everything the trickster did? do you think he will be able to look at everything the pd did to get him back, everything mark did to try to protect him, no matter how counteractive, and understand that he is loved?

does ashe winters understand how much she means to the world?

#spoilers galore under the cut btw #ok i need to go to sleep now before I make myself cry again holy fuck it is too late #jrwi prime defenders #sorry ashe thoughts you know how it is #ashe on the brain tonight boys #<-- i have used both of those tags before thats so funny i need to shut up about her at some point #ashe winters #zia.og #zia.txt #bye bye i am sleepy and this took everything out of me

[todayisafridaynight]

thinkin back to the rggo story where mine saves daigo after he gets kidnapped because daigo thought kiryu was in danger and mine immediately scolds him for acting recklessly and daigo’s just ‘no one’s ever stood up to me before aside from kashiwagi’ and how that calls back to daigo’s Y0 substory where kiryu tells him only true friends will stand up to him and put him in his place and im--

#snap chats #'i'm going to be normal' WELL I WAS LYING. LIKE A LIAR. WHO LIES. #ill go in my kitchen in a sec im just. I'm Just. #*gross sobbing* #rgg really made up for Y3's Everything by giving the rggo stories and im so serious about this #people I Am Also A Part Of People complained about not being able to see mine and daigo together much and see their friendship #and.... the rggo stories..... bro theyve been fueling me for months..... im so ill...... #BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH THATS WHY I GET INSANE OVER DAIGO'S Y0 SUBSTORY TOO #like daigo just wanted- NEEDED real friends who would ACTUALLY be there for him for him #not for his status or money or any of that superficial shit #it genuinely makes me happy how dedicated mine is to daigo like No Shit but it's just. *crying* #i love how mine does tell daigo when he fucks up though i love that so much #like mine's such a funny character... he's so cynical yet when he gets the chance to pour his heart out he does #he meant it when he said he didn't take sharing a cup lightly and /i/ want to eat a cup because of it #THIS IS THE SAME SUBSTORY WHERE MINE BUYS A STOCK IN EVERY TAXI COMPANY LIKE DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN #ALL OF THAT JUST TO BE ABLE TO FIND DAIGO #dear god dont get me started on the hamazaki/mine rggo story. oh my god it's THAT but 10 billion i'm going to throw up #i'm just. i HAVE to go into my kitchen or i'll end up typing another essay jesus CHRIST #LIKE AGAIN I FEEL LIKE IM NOT SAYING WHAT I WANT OR GETTING MY POINT ACROSS BUT AAAA #i just need everyone to know i AM still ill over them i just havent had time or many ideas to sit and draw/write something

[vogelmeister]

i love looking at shit you write when you're trying to learn a language because like,,, take this for example

B: Ja, ik kan bestel nu . Ik wil graag vis met de soep, en zal ik drink witte wijn? Nee, ik neem rode wijn. Misschien de Duitse wijn? Duitse wijn is de beste!

Ober: Zeker. Voor jou, ik zal even een lepel halen. Voor de soep. En zal jullie een voorgerecht ?

A: Nee. O! Heb je kaas met brood?

Ober: Ja. We hebben ook bitterballen. Het is ons nieuwe menu van Nederlands eten.

B: Bitterballen? Lekker.

A: Ik vind bitterballen lekker. Wat eet je liever, bitterballen of kaas met brood.

B: Ik eet graag bitterballen, altijd. Mag we een portie bitterballen?

Ober: Je vindt bitterballen en kaas lekker? Je moet deze kaasbitterballen een proeven. Ze zijn heerlijk!

like... you can tell homegirl is out here, trying to squeeze in every last morsel of dutch she learned. she is creating a story, but she also has written weird shit like "i bring you a spoon" and the whole "wat eet je liever" just to show that she knows that shit. good for her. come back soon.

#ALSO i know there are errors in this bc when i copy pasted this over i had to remove the comments from my dutch teacher #its mainly shit like me forgetting inversie conjugation and not logical shit so my point actually stands #so like i am well aware of the flaws here but im also here to show you what i wrote above all #actually idk what here in particular was not logical bc there was a bit after that was like unnatrual but thats not here is it #no #also this may be the homework where i actually sent in the wrong version sob sob cry cry ofc there were mistakes #i thought it was very funny of me to be like “you like cheese? you like bitterballen? try the FUCKING CHEESE BITTERBALLEN” #i found that hilarious at the time #hey im here to entertain #also i originally used the names of my ocs here lol but idk i just changed them to a and b here bc it doesnt matter

[ironmanstan]

the dichotomy of man (need to get out of this fuckin house but if i go then i can not see my cats)

#JUST realized this and now i want to kill and explode and throw up #WHAT THE HELL WILL I DO . WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO ABOUT MY FISH ok i can probably take the fish with me #but MAN #thats such a FUCKING HASSLE #ill just stay here this is fine <- tormented by the horrors. ball and chained to familiarity #the gamer speaks uwu #guy who is terminally stressed and sick about change but desperately needs it to live a life #oooo i need to be in a hamster ball everything new can just be out of arms reach and i will be safe and contained forever #no more new experiences and life changes ill cry we should all just die actually so i never have to break out of my shell #sometimes im like im therapized i dont need to go to therapy i am sooo normal and then i say shit like all that n im like nvm #the desperately averse to change braincell is funny like is it the autism. is it the ptsd. probably both #bc i sure did like have a moment of like i should just drop out of school all of this is too much i cant do it anymore #wired in juuust the right way where i can live so much better than i ever have but itll stress me out enough where i still feel the urge #to throw it all away bc it is strange and weird. and then i have to resist that urge constantly bc ill be fully like cidal again if i do th #its so weird actually. oh u have friends? u take meds? u have irls now? strange and unfamiliar and scary get rid of it all <- the insanity #anyway sucks how there isnt a word i can use in place of men/women when im like 'women will x' but for being nonbinary #nonbinary mfs doesnt hit the same . enbies doesnt hit the same either #nonbinaries b like i am free from the horrors and then go down a whole spiral at the very thought of moving out of their nightmare house #vent #i guess oops what did this turn into

[nt3000s]

im so lucky to know so many people in my life to have met so many people in my life that are just life saving ill never not feel lucky people are so beautiful and kind and talented and funny and have so much worth everyone ive ever met anyone in my life i have ever touched i just cant believe it ill never be able to understand it how important everyone is how much i love people the degree to whihc i love people and everyone i have ever met ill just never ever be able to express the depth of how important it is to me it might be the most important part of my entire life. i just need people to know how much i love them im desperate for it to be known how important everyone ive ever met is to me. all of my friends everyone whos ever been kind to me and whoever ive been kind to it will never be lost on me how important it is. and i feel so lucky to be graced i guess by my friends. i cant imagine the life i would live without every event every person who ive ever crossed. i would never sacrifice anything to not be where i am now because of the people i know and have known. the people i know and talk to everyday or the people i see in a notification or pass by. i cant overstate your importance to me. i cant overstate how important i want people to feel. i want people to see themselves how i see them. i can not overstate your importance to me and i love you. im so lucky ill never be able to take it

#i just want ti go to sleep but i cant my sleep schedule has been so miserably depressing me #not that badly. i cherish every moment i have with the people around me and i cherish how lucky i am to be surrounded by such unbe #lievable people. i am happy everyday because people love me. #this will never be lost on me. the importance of it. the importance you all have will never ever be lost on me. your worth as a human being #you are so kind. you are so talented. you are loved by people because you are seen by people that way. i will never lose this #im miserably desperate for everyone i know to feel loved or to know that i love them. nothing will ever ever ever in my whole fucking life #ever be more important to me #nothing in my fucking life will ever be more important than that. please know how much you mean to this. to everything #i dont know what changed but i cry so often now and every single time my thoughts wander to how deeply i feel about this #im just sobbing and sobbing and im like. i love the people that care for me. i love the people i care for #i know when i stop crying or when the day rolls over i get to talk to everyone again. and i feel so lucky. i feel so desperate to explain it #how. much. it. means. to me. How badly i mean this and everything I say. #i dont fucking care if yoire my mutual from fandom or someone who random followed because my blog was funny #someone i talked to once or twice. you mean so much. i swear to god. ill never be mpre genuine or more serious. i guess #thats very kind of you to do that. or like my posts or anything. youre very kind for that. you mean alot to me. #i just dont want to fall asleep when the sun rises and wake up with a few hours to talk to people before im alone #i really hate it right now. and my neutral state has genuinely just been on the brink of crying. like if i sit still too long i just sob #thats genuinely how i have been for the past few days #and thats not the fault of anyone its just how my brain has been treating me #but whdn i get like this i just remember how lucky i feel about everything. like the depth of my feelings #you really just have to trust me when i say like how forever sincere and deep snd monumental it is to me. like please understand the depth #of when i say i love you. dear god i love everyone ive ever met i love you. please please please please understand how desperate i am #i will never ever feel more strongly about anything. i cant imagine it #i have to make this exact same fucking post over and over again #i need to keep saying it man #i need people to love themselves like i love them #the degree to which i say the word need #anyway. i love you. i hope you have fun or are happy about something. or draw write something nice. talk to your best friend. something

[aq2003]

they could not adapt this into the show due to the time constraints and changes to characterization but theeeee way percy explains his backstory in the campaign ,.. crunches to me

#tlovm percy is like. i know this bitch practiced every tragic/evil monologue in front of a mirror. #campaign percy did not expect to have to explain anything and when confronted w questions he's so #soooo nervous and uncomfortable talking about it #i can like so clearly picture him fidgeting w smth in the workshop trying to take his mind off of what hes saying #rly good #cr #cr1 #also taliesin crying at the table irl when vex tells percy that vm is So Involved and theyll help him what if i die lol #can i simply say that i am glad that canonically everybody was there in that scene except for t*berius also thats funny as fuck

[boxwinebaddie]

baby, whoever you are, i want you to know that i am totally going to answer this seriously eventually BUT THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO FUCKING HARD THAT I STARTED CRYING OH MY GOOOOODDDD

#NOT ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION #BESTIE #THATS SO FUCKING FUNNY #anyways...wow #this sent me into the stratosphere #i will get u this answer soon #also side note: anyone who sent me sweet kind words in my inbox abt that ask i posted that i was nervous abt #please enjoy heaven i love you so much #u kno how i am #i need the reassurance or i will cry lmao

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. ok. in less than 8hrs i have to get up and drive to the airport. and thats ya kno but im trying to b ok abt it #like im not crying and hyperventilating. ive made the drive lots of times. its just. when i have to drive anywhere it morphs into #r u ready? ur gonna cause a horrible accident destroying multiple lives in the process. r u ready? and im like no i hate that stop #so that makes it hard. and im not a bad driver. it just terrifies me thst i space out and become non reactive. like thsts not good. be #reactive pls. i just hate it. and this means i also have to drive back as well. while probably horribly jet lagged #bleh. itll b fine. unless it isnt. but itll b fine. im just scared that something will happen and i wont b able to leave. i cant even b #excited abt going on vacation bc i cant think past the possibility of something preventing me from getting to ohio bc if i let myself get #excited then it wont happen. which is magical thinking nonsense but its how it feels. ugh. dont think abt it. itll be over in 24hrs 🤞 #knock on wood. idk what im gonna do while traveling tho. what am i gonna think abt? what to draw? what to plan? idk #the bad part of traveling is thst i cant take all my markers 😫 me and my 500 shitty alcohol pens lol #ill either draw a lot bc im not working or very little bc ill actually be happy for a while #oh god. my boss just sent an email. i wanna ignore it. let me rest. #bleh. last time i flew home i wanted to cry when i landed lol. well see if that happens again #i feel like i was more depressed then but im more fucked up now. but like im also more functional. well. sorta #ugh. i should finish packing #unrelated #its so funny to me when i get homesick like lol bitch u wanna go back to ohio????

[nomaishuttle]

if i was the bride in that video where they played an LMFAO WEDDING MARCH MASHUP? it would have been a bloodbath in there

#i know im literally an lmfao enjoyer we all have our vices However . if i was expecting just The wedding march and then fucking #IM IN MIAMI BITCH . i wouldve have exploded into a horrible powder that fills the room and suffocates everybody in there. it would have #been dire... #however. i think thats why im not fit to have a wedding bc ik Everyone gets stressed over the wedding #and something always goes wrong. but i think if one thing went wrong id quite literally walk out of the venue never to be seen again. #theyd be like omg aur nahr them um. crackers are. saltines instead of ritz and id be halfway across the country #<- why am i serving ritz crackers at my wedding??? maybe like a charcuterie board #but if ppl started laughing during one of the like special parts id start crying. regardless of the reason like The musician messes up iii #would not care that they were laughing at the musician id be so mortified . #I LIKE 2 THINK IM LIKE. HAPPY GO LUCKY AND USUALLY I CAN MAKE A JOKE OUT OF THINGS... and i don't want my wedding to just be everhone #like. 😐 yk i want it to be fun im rly not a super stuffy person #but like. at some parts of the wedding in my brain they are very regimented and i need Those parts to go off without a hitch #like. the reception? get absolutely sillay. but like.. walking down the aisle or whatever #thats like the moment. ig rly thats kind of the only time If something went wrong id die. like legit any other time like #the mic cuts out during vows. whatever. thats funny and recoverable.. kids start being loud during the ceremony thats fine rhats cute. #but like. imagining like.. tripping during the walk up. no id just stay down on the ground. i wouldnt grt back up. theyd have to get a l #stretcher to get me out of there and id never speakagain

[dexaroth]

i know its unrealistic and nonsense to feel bad bc im not as good as i could be within a hobby bc a hobby is supposed to be fun and occupy your time but i cant for the life of me not feel guilty about not drawing and not improving

like.. i have most of the resources. i often have the time. i have almost a thousand pictures in my reference folder to be used to practice and learn. i have an internet connection to be inspired and learn from those better than me and yet... i just don't feel like drawing. and i mean drawing something grand.. not just the dozens of doodles and oc refsheets i keep churning.. i want to do standalone pieces like i used to and look at them fondly and feel proud of something. but i just dont have the flame to do it for months and months on end

i mean obviously this is much more likely to happen when it has been your primary hobby for over like 7 years contrary to, say, webpage coding which i just started to learn like a year ago. what's keeping me from wanting to draw though? its so frustrating to know you Have the Potential to be a good artist and knowing How you could become more but just.. not feeling like it. and telling urself im gonna draw tomorrow and tomorrow comes and its one of those days you'd rather stare at a wall the whole afternoon and it just keeps going and going and you stay stumped

#yes i have the potential to do so much better than what i can show you right now dude trust me #not only for personal reasons but i also want to start looking into doing commissions for real and like. #thats insane #idk what to draw > set up comms so someone gives me smn to draw > they dont know what i can draw > idk what to draw > repeat #im also like the guy that loves giving gift art but ive had so many cases where i drew for a rando and they just. treated it like a product #sold along the character like cool! so glad i spent my time into a drawing for you to throw it into your garage sale like everything else! #and that looming fucking awful sense of 'originality' like boohoo someone drew this already waaaa i dont believe in originality why do i > #> care so much. Why. its like knowing there isnt a monster under ur bed and still suffocating yourself inside the bedsheets. nonsense... #this is so tiring. not drawing to me feels like neglecting a dear friend #even though i dont feel bad at not practicing at a game. at not knowing how to code everything in 2 days #at not knowing the best clays to sculpt or the best knitting tricks. #bc its a fucking hobby. i should feel obligated to do it i should have fun when i want to and yet i chain myself to it #i shouldn't fell obligated* oop #could you imagine how crazy stupid it'd be that a construction worker felt bad for not building some lately #WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!! I DONT GET IT!!! #dextxt #<its always funny to end a post with a cry and then have it followed by lowercase txt tag like teehee just another white guy moment #but i do mean im tired and frustrated and miserable for nothing.. war and hate on planet earth or whatever. *explodes*