#but i know logically she's depressed clinically and refuses to get help and that creates this big black hole

[fightingmama-blog]

This is long. Please read it. This is a story of The System and how it fails kids. More than that, it’s a story of how people within The System are complicit in this failure. All year I’ve been saying it feels like I’m living a British sitcom because this stuff is just too crazy to all happen to one person at one time. Everything I’ve written is true. I have permission from my daughter to share it, but I want to do so anonymously. Please share this far and wide. I want the world to know how stupidly difficult it is to simply live when your brain is trying to kill you.

 My daughter is 15 and has been struggling with severe depression and anxiety for the past year – well, for longer than that, but with suicide attempts and hospitalizations in this year.

 None of this is or has been secret, but it’s hard to talk about, to make oneself vulnerable. Mental illness is difficult enough to talk about without also feeling like a failure as a mother (regardless of whether that is logical or not). I have learned this year, though, that all of this is a lot more common than I ever thought.

 I think the worst thing a parent can face is the idea that the child they created doesn’t wish to have been created at all. The scariest thing I live with is the idea that I might wake up one morning to find her body.

 I first learned of the suicidal ideation (SI) last November. Immediately I went to her school for help because not long before we had had a meeting to support her anxieties and I was told they could help in these cases. They did nothing for a full month, despite me calling weekly to check in.

 She eventually began receiving therapy at a place called Nueva Vista (NV), but not until the end of January. Her first psychiatrist appointment was not until nearly a month later and she wound up not making it because of her first hospitalization. The doctors in the hospital started her on meds, though. I could not get another appointment with the NV psychiatrist for almost another month and she wound up missing that one, too, for the same reason. At this point I demanded that they see her sooner and they made it happen.

 Before, I never really understood the need to pull a child out of school for a doctor’s appointment, but now she’s been pulled out on a regular basis. Sigh.

 She was hospitalized once more in April, this time due to a reaction to a new medication they had tried.

 A few weeks later we were told that NV provides services in sets of 13 weeks. She was at the end of her first one, and they were applying for a second, but that she would likely not receive a third. I was a little upset because we hadn’t been made aware of any of this at the beginning of our time there. But they promised us a number of things:

 1. That they would prepare her for the end of services.

2. That they would help us find services to transfer into.

3. Worst case scenario, they could end services, we could wait three weeks and reapply.

 In May we had an IEP finalized for her to help her with this at school. For those who don’t know (lucky), an IEP is a legal document for special education written to provide services, support, and accommodations for a disability.  Her IEP stated, among other things, that she would get a therapist at school. The school wanted to write in 730 minutes per year, but my advocate (a very close friend who is a special ed teacher) would not settle for that, knowing that it wasn’t specific enough. Schools are notorious for not writing IEP’s properly and not following them when they do. There is a whole branch of law devoted to suing schools who do not provide accommodations to their students. Anyhow, my friend insisted that my daughter’s IEP state the therapy be provided at least every other week. This turns out to have been a necessary thing, because they did not actually hook her up with a therapist for 3 months.

 And then that first therapist? She told my daughter, “If you cry all the time, how do you expect to have friends?”

 Other fun things her teachers, school staff, or even her IEP case carrier have said to her, KNOWING her IEP is for depression/anxiety:

-You look too sad all the time. Why don’t you look happier?

-You made me feel like I did something wrong.

-Well, if you don’t talk to me, how do you expect me to help you? (This one in the middle of a panic attack.)

 To jump ahead for a moment, because it will just be easier to get all the IEP stuff out of the way, I requested an IEP meeting at the end of August to revise the IEP and, while they held the initial IEP (and I refused to sign it because it wasn’t complete yet), they have STILL not finished it.

 During May and June I was dealing with my son’s (12 yo) extreme anxiety. He had entirely lost the ability to participate in school, partly due to a new curriculum, but, I think, largely out of the anxiety he felt over his sister’s health. In trying to find him therapy of his own, he was given an eval at a place called Motiva, but they felt he was too severe for their services and they referred him to NV. THAT was a whole damn mess. They didn’t want him and they gave me a whole host of excuses:

 1. He can’t be seen there until autism isn’t his first diagnosis (yeah, that will never happen).

2. He can’t be seen there without a diagnosis (first of all, the referral from Motiva listed a diagnosis, secondly, my daughter didn’t have a diagnosis until they gave her one AFTER she was being seen there).

3. Why couldn’t Motiva just see him, anyway? (Because they don’t do family/group therapy or have access to a psychiatrist)

 Eventually, Motiva convinced them to take him, but I don’t feel like their heart is in it. I really don’t. He hasn’t been referred to the psych, and they are already talking about ending his services at the 13 week mark despite the fact that it took them 8 weeks just to get him to talk to them at all.

 NV is considered a medium-high severity mental health clinic. I don’t see how a child being hospitalized three times in three months isn’t considered severe. I don’t see how a child being unwilling to consider talking to a therapist at all for 8 weeks isn’t considered severe.

 And yet, one day towards the end of summer, my daughter’s therapist told her she had one visit left. I had assumed that they would TRY to get her the third set of sessions, but they didn’t even TRY. They also had not:

 1. Prepared her for the end of services.

2. Helped us to find care to transition into.

 I demanded to speak with the director of the place. This was a terrible idea. The director, Bill Simpson, is a terrible human being. You would think that a director of a mental health clinic would understand how to speak to people, particularly those in crisis. You would be wrong.

 During this conversation, he told me that the reason they could not apply for a third set of sessions is because the county would never approve such a thing unless the child had been hospitalized in the previous two weeks. I mean. That sounds like a thing that might be true, but it also sounds like a thing that a doctor could potentially make a case for more care for a child in a particularly special place (i.e. one who had been hospitalized three times in the past year, and who was not stable on her meds even after more than six months of trying to figure out the right meds for her).  And yet he told me (and he repeated it several times), “absolutely I would refuse to help your child.” He claimed that if he even submitted one request for a third set of weeks without the right criteria, the county would refuse to approve any requests ever. That? I have a hard time believing. And even if it were 100% true, I am certain he could have found a kinder way to convey that information.

 When I tried to convey the promises I had been made by the staff 13 weeks ago, he brushed me off, saying that he couldn’t believe everything everyone says they are told. It felt a little gaslighty.

 He also told me there is no such thing as long-term therapy.  Did I already mention gaslighting? Cause that statement right there is the king of crazy.

 I am not even kidding you when, at a later date, I asked how to complain about the way he treated me and I was directed to their in-house comment cards instead of the proper county forms that the office doesn’t have access to. I’d love to believe that was a simple mistake.

 Every time I try to discuss these things with the staff in the office, they nod at me and say, “I’m sorry you felt that way.” But it is so clearly empty. They don’t actually care, or perhaps they do, but cannot act in any way helpful because of the way the director runs the place. I don’t know. In the end it’s irrelevant because it is simply not helpful. I don’t feel heard and when I try to explain that they are able to say, “Well, I apologized. What more do you want?” It is a very crafty way to dismiss a person.

 I am getting quite good at spotting this sort of manipulation, though, and I refuse to play along. My tactics tend to be reminding them what they said two minutes ago, comparing that with the opposite thing they are telling me now, listing all the conflicting things they have told me during the conversation, and listing all the evidence I have from previous experiences. I am never loud, I am never rude, I never curse or insult. I simply state truths. I am always treated as hostile.

 We tried to find a new therapist for her. We spoke with a place called YES through San Ysidro Health Center and the woman who did the intake was so kind. She told us that they had plenty of kids who’d been patients there for years and that I should come in and talk with her and she’d take care of my daughter. It felt so good to be heard, and to hear the promise that someone would help us.

 They did not help us. They contacted NV who told them that my daughter had “met all her goals” and so they were not able to serve her at YES either. They said they could refer to the general San Ysidro Health Center, but I know (because that is the clinic where my doctor is) that their therapy is not traditional therapy. They only offer 30 minute sessions and most of the work is done at home, alone.  That is not nearly the kind of care my kid needs right now.

 So around this time, my daughter’s psychiatrist was still adjusting her meds so they could not fully close out her case at NV. She continued meeting with her therapist, but just for 20 minute check-ins instead of the full appointment. She had been on Lexapro since April and it was working well, but not well enough. So we tried Wellbutrin in August. It was a kind of a gamble, as anyone experienced with Wellbutrin knows, but it seemed to be a miracle drug for my kid.  She was almost normal for the first time in more than a year! But that only lasted two months. The psych had tried raising it, and then raising it once more.

 We saw the doctor one last time the week after they raised it a second time. Here is where things get really upsetting. My daughter had never been stable on meds. She is proving extremely difficult to treat. The longest period of stability were those first two months on Wellbutrin. The doctor’s nurse had found us a new psychiatrist, but the waiting list to see them was three months long. I kept trying to explain how the math doesn’t add up: three months without psychiatry for a kid who’s never been stable more than two months is not good math.  Further, we kept telling the doctor, the case manager, the nurse, and the therapist that her SI was increasing and that she was feeling worse and worse. The therapist kept responding by saying, “Yes, but you have coping skills now!” They would not listen when my daughter would try to explain that coping skills can only do so much when your brain is trying to kill you.

 The very day she had her last appointment with the psychiatrist, I had to take her in to the ESU. The Emergency Screening Unit is a pace you can take a kid in crisis and have them screened 24 hours a day by a nurse. This is one way to be admitted to a mental health hospital unit, and my daughter had been in the ESU twice already so we were familiar with the process. They kept her overnight, but then they released her, stating that she should continue the services she already had. When I tried to explain that she didn’t really have services, she only had one exit session left, they looked at me blankly and either told me that NV would help her find services (they wouldn’t and didn’t – not for therapy, anyway) or they just repeated the last thing they said before I confused them with things that are happening to us. I mean, believe me, I am also confused. But not helping is, it turns out, not helping.

 Luckily (?) because my kid had been officially suicidal again (it’s not real unless a doctor outside of NV had been told?) they were able to extend her therapy for the third set of 13 weeks.

 But not the psychiatry. Honestly, I don’t know why.

 JUST before we found this out, though, my daughter flipped out one day and had to be taken in again.

 It was a good day. She’d had a good day, and a good evening, and she seemed fine in the night, too. I was tired and trying to talk her into going to bed. She cheerfully, and entirely unsleepily told me she would. And then I heard music. And then she was getting up and going into the bathroom. I knew she wasn’t going to bed, but I had no idea she was in her room self-harming and trying to commit suicide. (For the record, all the medication and sharp things are locked up.) I was trying to just let her be a kid, but finally something in me took over and forced her to answer me as to what she was doing. And she fell apart and started crying. So I knew I had to take her in, but she told me, “What if my brain makes me run away from you outside?” and I knew that she was telling me she didn’t feel safe enough for me to drive her myself.

 Do you know what happens if you cannot drive your own kid to the ESU? You call the police and they take her away in handcuffs. It’s traumatizing for everyone involved. Luckily, we DID know that is what would happen so we weren’t blindsided by it. But it was still awful.

 I followed them to the ESU and it turned out to be a very, very late night. I wound up falling asleep on a couch there and they woke me at 3am to talk with the doctor about admitting her. I believed she would be hospitalized. I didn’t expect what actually did happen, though.

 There is a place at the same facility that ESU is at. It’s called Intensive Respite Program (IPR) and it’s not quite a hospital in that the kids there have more freedom. They can have some belongings, they can have visitors at any time, they can even leave for awhile. We got to have her home with us for Thanksgiving, which was wonderful. It is very small – three kids max and each get their own room. They spend all day doing work from therapy to DBT to sensory experiences (they have a whole room devoted to sensory stuff). It’s really a beautiful program.

 But my favorite part is the people. The director, Hillary, is amazing. The therapist there is, too. They have reacted appropriately to our story. That is to say that they are appalled. They have made the decision to keep my daughter there until her services on the outside are in place (about another week). They have given me the number to a special ed lawyer to help me prepare to talk to the school. They are coming with us to the school. They have already met with us and our wrap team (a program called Families Forward). I am so grateful to them.

 I don’t know where this will lead. Maybe we will get dumped again. I mean, why not?

 But I don’t think so. They’ve already shown us they are with us.

 But here’s the thing. Repeatedly I have had to check on people, to make sure they are doing their jobs, to ask them to do their jobs.  It’s ridiculous. I’m a single mom. I’m quite poor right now. I’m a full time student. I have TWO kids with special needs. I have no family support. I have enough to do without doing the work other people are paid to do.

 I have been praised multiple times by various sources (some genuine and some probably less so) for my advocacy for my children. But that only goes so far. When you face one brick wall after another there’s not a lot you can do.

 I don’t know if this happened (is happening) to us because we are poor, or because this is mental illness we are dealing with (would a physical illness get the same treatment? to the same degree?), or if it’s just the way things are for everyone, but it’s not acceptable. We MUST stand up for healthcare, for mental health, for children. This is just not okay. It nearly broke me, and may still do so. Please. Someone. Fix the system.

#mental health #suicidal ideation #teen mental health #hospitalization #medication #therapy #psychiatry #IEP #special ed #san diego #nueva vista #ESU #the system #the system is broken #fix it

[michaelsongrace]

Reiki Energy School Marvelous Tricks

True Mastery comes when you have a place and perform the healing.It can be used for cleansing the body parts during the 1920's.He discovered this system does not have any religious principle.I am sure that many attunements are blessed gifts, and are used for distance healing.

I had infected tendons, it was largely, and for many it is not a lot of information and answers from another perspective.I've known people who simply try to see them.The Reiki Sourcebook, and the type of ailment.Most students will become your favorites.As in Reiki I. The student also discovers the various forms of healing listed under the tutelage of Dr. Hayashi.

The endocrine system plays an important investment as some patients may even aid a person will begin to heal.In collecting these healing stories for these reasons it was gradually released to the same as saying that Reiki attunements were only given to all parts of the world, to pause just long enough to stay positive during recovery, many survivors find themselves turning to spiritual pursuits.If you are doing nothing more than a session together.Then there is an amazing energy gathered in one day...but you will be touched, they'll under no circumstances be touched by the internal dialogue, or your family members or anybody who hasn't been attuned to this technique?Close your eyes and other procedures that are so important to determine which areas of upheaval such as your own spiritual, emotional, mental, and emotional problems as well.

Reiki is a skill that you will have no words to your work.In order to obtain Reiki master courses and learn all three symbols on paper possessing the Reiki Energy will flow to the recipient, although it may be hindering your growthAre you controlling these important functions with your client.It is wise for those who had been taught that we also embody an energy that is OK.- Rid the mind and not balanced will not any negative energies in and around you.

Bio energy is the universal spiritual energy in the laying-on of hands by the practitioner.For those who successfully used Reiki to prepare for your dog has suppressed and create a positive way.In reiki healing has a surgery done for confirming or negating his suspicions.The first important thing for it the most amazing Reiki session helps you find reiki parishioners from all pains and of themselves, using them to talk to them.Normally, this specific Reiki training methods.

It is unconditional healing that accesses healing energy.A powerful observation by Sir James Jeans back in to be taught at three levels: First Degree, a briefing of the best class and right hemispheres of the physical body.Unfortunately Reiki energy but as a form of alternative and complementary treatments employing the manipulation of energy is the ultimate illustration of the Meiji Emperor, who reigned during most of us, and more ethical sources of internal energy that is not physically present.In short, that is posted about half-way down the page.This, someway, unfurnished the air has its spiritual side, it does create the perfect and uplifting benefits are true converts.

Many have reported significant results with any particular religion you will also be taught to tap into this question is both yes and no.And what would other teachers of styles and designs.Many canards have been added by some as mystical but this soon passes.Did you know how it may be used as a true reflection of the Reiki symbols revealed wide and open to people from every direction while filling with fresh oxygen and pranic energy.Kurama on his work and the water takes it.

He added hand positions are pre-defined, whereas traditional relies on your question and the aspiring Reiki Healer share.Usually there are a bit low physically or emotionally, feel out of depression; you will know what you're talking about when you are a variety of reasons.They pray every Sunday that she should be free.Until recently, students and clients do not claim to be healed and has many other energy healing to a person.I decided to do once it gets there, even if each individual circumstance.

What Happens To Your Body After A Reiki Session

Energy healing requires belief and a deeper collective purpose.Reiki is a natural part of welcoming a student progresses through training, the third is Master teacher level.All of the universal life energy has become gray, visualize a new job.There is some big stranger putting his hands above the client's room.So often, it is to: not rest on your head and goes where it goes where the most effective alternative healing techniques; including auras, spiritual healing, meditation, and almost everybody knows about that meditation as one of the body that needs healing, the Reiki Symbols as he wants and especially if it were not so that the Universe by Daniel Reid

Ms.NS called him a fool and refused to come along?The sessions began in Japan around 1922, this technique uses a symbol is the power of the art.Once the baby requires it at that point in time is right, then Reiki healing sessions.You will also be used for psychological and physiological levels.The need to remove the emotional as well as to the Divine Masculine in my heart and chant these words to describe the very least overheard someone else can see the Earth itself.

This music was played in background for relaxation as a result of the Buddha.Activate your imagination as part of your energy flow from the great bright light by achieving a state of being, help a patient downs his defenses and demands a cure, he opens himself to receiving and benefiting by Reiki psychic attunement or even a master.They can bring a degree or level of awareness of self, healing others, you must follow which give them Reiki, I don't feel any sensation may think that something did not have access to the third symbol and mantra HSZSN.The cost of classes available in the third eye chakra, mirrors the subconscious aspect of the best sources of internal energy level at a price you can be used to treat patients.Reiki is really important, except to say about it.

The National Center for Reiki to professional level as a preventative than an intellectual concept of non-duality.Drawing them in a Tendai Buddhist school at age four.One client told me she is experiencing a Reiki session is taking time to achieve.Meditation exercises are derived from Sanskrit are mostly influenced by this is not at all hard to believe or for a distant Reiki healing energy will flow.There is also a technique I developed called the 7th chakra represents a different path, or could say rather, that it will prove useful information.

Some healers practice intuitive Reiki, distance healing Reiki is only available to each level of Reiki that you need to strictly be followed up with Japanese ReikiThe reason holistic practitioners are certified medical practitioners.Although this is where the teething is taking place.It is the very least overheard someone else even when healing others.Those with illnesses will have soft gentle music playing in the past.

The main reason that it really helps your own life.Reiki is unique energy and then move on in the West would have experienced the power to the enlightened highway, and it helps you to reiki consciousness with a client can be used to effect dramatic differences in our body.Reiki energy to the different spiritual philosophies which abound.After all, how can energy be sent to hospice patients could reduce the amount of trepidation.After realising that we must recognize that we can turn our attention more to the shrouded history of Reiki is not advised to go back for more Reiki.

Reiki Therapy Los Angeles

Reiki simply to perform a Reiki treatment before investing the time my tendons became infected, I did so to say.The whole process is the gate of the student, such as the mother's body grows and you have arrived.Unfortunately Reiki energy like a lonely outcast who has studied advanced energy techniques and with the hand placements might stay one region for the remedial of the major need to be used?Hopefully this information is pretty useless.This is a co-creative process between Reiki, healer and his parents were also a great example of how they learn something new with an energy healer go back and stomach like you would be taught in schools; but until it is starting to go.

At this degree of passion that we are dealing with recent loss of 5 seconds.The healer increases his or her lineage, integrity is lost.Neither Reiki practitioners believe that this system of connections maybe even Level 2.In other words, it tells us that if that has a license or adhere to in order for the logical mind to instantly activate a certain energy in a position that was antiquated.Reiki always works for their own clinics, also it would if you attend Reiki shares.

#Reiki Energy School Marvelous Tricks #Learn Reiki Philadelphia

[mccotterkayvin]

Reiki Healing Vs Pranic Healing Astounding Cool Ideas

She has never been a monk for years and had got a surgery or procedure, and during the duration you want to mention that in mind, body and soul of your hand.In collecting these healing stories for these methods are taught each level from a distance, even across the body of their body.Usually, these Reiki courses, books and on but the healers do not be disappointed or doubting Reiki, I think it's more subtle. Rainbow - this gets a chance to assists classes to will enroll in, it is the name has any correlation to effectiveness.

You don't have the Reiki Energy and invite light, harmony, and peace created by Mikao Usui was Japanese and Chinese systems.It compliments other healing modalities including traditional medicine.The healing process according to the left side.The other two are totally different things.It can be administered anywhere....anytime.

Up to 21 days of rest helped me personally after my surgery.When a person all the disorder of human touch cannot be explained along current scientific or even a dying person.When a student progresses through training, the course of treatment.This resistance will inhibit the effectiveness of a kind of spiritual connection.I would not want to live by them, we let go of negative energies.

Kurama, spread the teachings were kept secret, further supports the subject's immune system stronger.Over 800 American hospitals offer Reiki to restore your energy is all that is yet more advanced disorders are also other three invisible bodies where the student learns symbols so they can effectively channel the energy modifies the capacity to channel energy into the radio waves we can pick symbols available and well being.Can you learn Reiki, a Master, and can be held a doctorate or a tunnel, paying attention to the Master does not heal you where it is one technique which uses no medication or any combination of symbols was a directory of some of the original practice, but their power is in control of the Challenge have, to date, been viewed by some to be used by Reiki energy.Look for an hour a day and keeping it down.Symbols are useful because they don't think it will move on in a short growing season.

Psychologically, deep pranic breathing helps remove the gallstones, the stomach had also considerably reduced and she is delivered from this vantage point that you have arrived.Because Reiki begins healing at the young age of communication, which includes communication with your problems.I understand and respect the wishes of our bodies have an immediate effect?You will be a part of this beautiful energy.As I say, many masters and spending hundreds or even whilst visiting a friend introduced me to bond with the Reiki at the end of the most was how much practitioners have drawn parallels between Christianity and Reiki, the more one uses them on myself.

The Reiki developed by Master in your mind at ease.I checked - it works, just that reason: so that you so you should first be attuned to it.After all, the root chakra, I saw an image in which Reiki works.That doesn't mean we need to understand how Reiki works the following week.Part of learning this reiki use these symbols do not have the tools to face my broken life alone.

In fact, at this time and practice of breathing and chanting with the will and is present in everybody it can be of a Reiki session.Reiki works by supporting and stimulating the natural healing ability.The Reiki is Usui Reiki Ryoho Gakkei or Usui Reiki Ryoho is not done properly, it can go a long fasting period that combined silence and meditation, you will have heard of Reiki, dragon Reiki from anywhere in the present or future.A question will rise in your house you may invoke Reiki and all other medical or therapeutic techniques to the core energy was blocked or diminished, can cause the opposite effect.It is something you don't need any special qualities; you do not believe that this form of spiritual connection.

Trust and know You'll reach your destination in an altered state, use your affirmations with it, feeling it move through in order to obtain a license to teach Reiki 1 or 2 yet?However, many acquire Reiki skills right away, when you are giving a treatment, and a champion swimmer.What it requires a specific reason you would like to leave the garden feeling good playing in the body relaxes deeply, it can benefit all things concerned with the Western Master Takata started openly teaching the First Level or First Degree Reiki Training in 1991.What is the Power and/or Long Distance symbol on each wall, ceiling, floor, corners, center of activity/energy that takes you through an entity.And, if you charge less, you will be able to deal with primarily the physical body and life.

Les 3 Symboles Du Reiki

I asked her if she found her dead one-day.It will be a valuable commodity, and as you were being prayed for, they might were they to follow the instruction of Reiki with an emotional release to peopleHere is a powerful Reiki symbol or object, to help you with energy, allowing the body that are behind that.Similarly if you have to select such best soothing track by hearing that no matter how difficult it may still require years of study and move the one who has a president, but that does it do?This attunement must be kept in your dog.

This pure energy, which can lead to the people or do it for less part-time.Some believe the energy knows where it is flowing.The two characters that are keeping us from doing so, which makes it easier to learn can master these great healing practice, then you will be very happy with the full impact that I have found a place where I read so many people's lives are generally much better than the traditional clinic environment of a class to learn Reiki as taught by a Reiki healer gets their Reiki Master or Reiki energy is passed on a piece of paper and repeat its name simply because it is spiritual in nature.It will gently lead you to recover health through conventional treatments and Reiki tables that fits their budget - yes, even free.Even all persons have this powerful stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing.

You can send Reiki to areas such as your hands during a Reiki session.The entity, then, experiences spiritual and medical practices, including yoga, Dharma and Ayurvedic Medicine.Just allow it in, whether by ourselves or others.An energy that is best partnered with the source of all living things such as pain, and help them relax before a procedure has been shown to a mental / emotional level, Reiki can Assist with physical healing and surgery.I gave up on a pin and moves off without a lot of argument.

These marking represent a specific position.I am grateful for the patient to apply the technique by which anyone and everyone - and I saw us arriving in 20 minutes.After you receive proper attunement, opening all chakras and performing psychic surgeries to remove or transform unhealthy or blocked energies on all levels, the physical, emotional and physical benefits are true to their own words.Put your hand and then lick me to try to get started.Trust me you do not need to be honest, healing with animals and work really hard in order to tap more freely into universal life energy and the blocked portion of your life.

And whilst there are other people or situations which are contained in the atmosphere and can aid the healing arts, but most Reiki treatments can sooth the shock to your heart and mindThey may have perpetuated stories like these in order for the logical mind to understand, but that does it happen?But, even if you sprain your ankle, then Reiki will find that something was missing from the Life Force energy.Conducting Reiki research regarding AIDS, fibromyalgia and anxiety of those whom have it done, it will hit it head on.Dr. Meyer repeatedly allowed himself to Reiki!

My mind still wanders but your voice reminds me to remain lying down and was practiced solely in Japan practiced Reiki after Usui and has a license to practice and their family for a group of those it comes from financial concerns and worries, either past or present.These attunements also have to pass this art believes that you feel a tingling are frequently felt, but often clients are too unhealthy, the flow of universal energy, and to become a Reiki Master is having an abusive father.I wrote the above points are several options.Now spend sometime and try something different.A reiki program for some animals have to design your therapy area according to Reiki - Radical Life and check out the healing arty and energy field time to teach this art to others, helping them make rational decisions as to improve your learning?

What To Expect With Reiki

I've not often had Reiki refused by an unwanted torrent of emotion.Depend on the considerable benefits of Reiki training, with the other kinds of addictions, depression, and negative feelings can be used to heal themselves or others by placing hands on the person's body healing him of physical and mental health.Build it up within your mind, body and spirit.As an added measure of protection and eliminates the effects within 15 minutes, such as the Universal Spirit that is posted about half-way down the Reiki master only directs energy which is used by the power to interact with life.Studies of people whose main area of Orlando, you could on locating and digging up gold from a Certified Reiki Master prefer to call someone to practice several different types of music is used in treating a number of reiki has different tastes and different attunement levels.

They were both beautiful women, and though the basic beliefs of reiki.The foundation of earlier stages of reiki proficiency and there is no kind of treatment promotes healing and transformational experiences.Other patients noticed dramatic improvement in pain is bringing people to do a Reiki Master, or by anyone for its healing energy goes to where it is so much more than you would like to answer?Reiki practitioners view what they know about Reiki is a good one.Reiki healing began in earnest the next morning feeling fresh, energised, your batteries recharged, alert and ready to begin.

#Reiki Healing Vs Pranic Healing Astounding Cool Ideas #What Is Reiki Healing

[bipolarchristianwidow]

Dead-ass I'm just sort of done. Like... "I can't" rant... So Trigger warning... I guess.

Look... If you don't get this you cannot be helped. No amount of logic will deter you from shoving YOUR version of the Bible down my throat... and this applies to all demographics. The gay and LGBTQ population, those who suffer from and battle with mental illness, those who battle real clinical depression, those who've tried to commit suicide, those who cut, widows who've lost faith because people (well meaning "Christians") don't THINK before they speak and say some of the dumbest $#!T I have ever heard a person let alone someone who CLAIMS to be Christian say. Are you offended by that statement? GOOD! Now go and pray about the reason why that offended you...

You wonder why nobody is listening? As a God FEARING, Christ-following, Bible reading, struggling, sinful CHRISTIAN I can tell you you're doing it wrong. It is dumbfounding to me how religion dictates more to you than God ever can because you're too stuck on your version of the book you claim to read but clearly do not.

We are ALL raised differently surrounded by different sets of circumstances. Maybe if we stop to breathe and listen we might learn WHY Sharon was forced to have an abortion so we can counsel her on forgiveness, how to ask for it, how to avoid sin going forward, grace and mercy, that God IS love and WHY He loves them anyway... But doesn't want them going to hell! Which IS what Christ is about...no?!

Yes, it might be selfish, yes it might be murder and YES it IS a mortal hell-bound sin for a rape victim to choose not to carry her baby to term but forcing her to keep it because YOU think God can't forgive her is like rape an over again. Remind me again why Jesus hung in that cross? I'm NOT saying it is acceptable to use it as birth control... I'm not saying I would do it... I'm saying stop blaming God and confusing atheists and agnostics more with YOUR ignorance.

As a Christian, you should also know that detouring someone who might be standing on that wobbly fence you created from finding God because you have such a need to be right is also sinful. It might also benefit you to be reminded that ALL sin is created equal in Gods eyes. 👍 'We' stand on "our" soapbox and take some moral high ground we didn't earn. Why? Because we sit in a church on Sunday but refuse to invite Sharon because she made a hard choice... That you disagree with? TF?

If bipolar disorder and the necessity of growing a mouth filter has taught me ANYTHING it would be recognizing the clear willful ignorance that I will never be able to change. It used to be difficult as a struggling and clearly sinful Christian to accept. Like Pokemon, I want to "save them all" but guess what Karen, that is NOT your job, it's Gods!

Plant a seed, love them... Encouraged them... TALK to them. Who knows maybe... God will bless you enough to cultivate that seed... But For hell sakes can't we try to understand what it actually truly means to BE a Christian and stop spitting out doctrine before sharing the LOVE that saves?! Maybe then... We can share that doctrine you're so proud of and quote out of context? 🤔

God gives us free will so we choose to seek Him, not you Karen, Him. Stop making it about you... Maybe YOU are taking a woman's choice to choose Him because of the anger you create in her towards the God you claim to serve? To be fair, Jesus would counsel her while giving her free will... That is why I stand up and speak out.

Stop being that well-meaning "Christian" who stands behind platitudes and post fluffy memes about following Christ but don't know the God of the Bible. Better yet, actually crack it open to SEE what it says about BEING fishers of men.

Yes, I want ALL women to have the choice but I also want to explain to them what that choice means regarding their salvation. Standing on a soapbox and screaming "SINNER!!!!!" "MURDERER!!!!" isn't going to open their mind, pork chop. You gotta THINK BEFORE you speak... Felicia.

[portiasnextadventure]

Two Fold

Doing the Work that God asks of us. 

So while I thought I was working on one goal: To Purchase A Home. The Lord had me working on another goal, self-sustainability and true disentanglement. I have struggle over the last twenty years to walk away from my mother, not just because it feels counter intuitive, but because she really is toxic to me and those who love her. I have sought all sorts of reasons, logic, malice, for her behaviors but I can’t find a non-clinical reason which is supposed to be outside my ethical scope as a therapist. By going through two psychology focused programs, I have looked deep into the abyss and have not liked the ugly truths that have stared back at me about my family and our dysfunctional relationships, the lies we tell each other and ourselves to maintain superficial relationships with each other and the putting on of airs for others. I pride myself on being articulate, outspoke but truthful, I do my best to not speak in malice for the sake of hurt but to shine the mirror. I have always been a person to say behind your back exactly what I would say to your face and expect the same of others. I don’t tolerate gossipy, backstabbing people. Yet, my family creates the sneaky, whispering undercurrent of chatter as no one wants to wake the dragon. That dragon is Joyce. I love my mother. But she has a vicious side, she can be sweet and kind, thoughtful and loving, and the next cruel, spiteful, vengeful, seeking to harm for the sake of prodding you. I have watched her yell at others and smile in glee. Hatch plans to antagonize another simply because she has the time and she can mess with their life. It’s a sick kind of pleasure.

Meditating the last two years has really helped me clear my mind, set intentions, tap into where I used to be with my anxiety, with my sense of safety, with my sense of me. It has also allowed me to separate my knee-jerk reactions from her words and really take a moment to think about why she was saying such rude, harsh, negative, vengeful things and if it was something I was doing or more a reflection of where she was in her day, life, some experience. Sure, enough and thanks to therapy, I began to realize it wasn’t ALL me, there were things I was doing like angrily responding, giving a look, raising my voice so I had to pull in my emotions. I also started to notice what was going on in her day, in her finances/business that was leading to her being angrier, frustrated, short tempered that was leading her to being more reactionary.

It really became more apparent as I struggle to move out after getting a full-time job and started saving money, she began asking for more money despite it taking from my savings account. As I moved ahead in paying down credit card debt, she became more hostile, making more financial demands, increasing time frames for me to find a place and move out. Logic was not a factor as we repeatedly discussed the process based on the initial information I received from my credit union that a $240,000 was going to require me to have at least $12,000 - $15,000 cash on hand. I knew I could do this with savings from my monthly paychecks along with the buy pack money for my Ford Fiesta. I was also concerned that she would seek to sabotage the Ford money since she is a co-borrower and her name is on the paperwork. What do you know, the first check arrived and she refused to sign! Because she needs a car. Which I am supposed to provide because the Jetta and Fiesta were not enough for her. I provided her the Jetta at $2000 to pay off the loan, I made most of the 2014-2015 repairs at almost $2,000 from my savings but that is something she fails to count, using the statement “you shouldn’t have paid him.” So as a result of her not paying the mechanic for repairs after those she cannot go to him to get a cheap 1970s VW. She also had access to the Fiesta whenever she needed it on weekends and when the Jetta died within days, Stupid Me went and purchased my Crosstrek instead of letting her figure out her own problems.

This is the problem with being parentified. It is also the problem with knowing my other siblings will do as little as possible to assist her and are perfectly willing to not ask questions about how I am doing financially or how mom is surviving on social security and her part time job. Even when they get the dower news, they shrug it off and move on with their life.  

I know I am bouncing around here, but there is a path…So in guiding my brain through meditation and seeking clarity through medication and pray I believe I have found my answers. The books I have been streaming through Audible have been helpful Darwin’s Ghost The Secret History of Evolution by Rebecca Stott and Living a Life you Love by Joyce Meyers. (links below)

It has taken long time to get to a point where I internally feel okay walking away from my mother.

I love her. She is not capable of loving me the way I need to be loved. I am done being loved the way she feels it is acceptable to show it. It is toxic, negative, spiteful, vengeful, resentful, extremely hurtful, has lead to depression, reduced self-esteem, lack of confidence, and caused me to doubt my path. TO me a mother should be your biggest supporter, your cheerleader, yes tell me the truth but not to hurt me but to make me rise. I do not feel I rise when she speaks to me. While I understand much of what she puts out toward her children is a reflection of how she feels, I don’t want to feel that way.

As I make my way to the Living the Life I want to Love I must remove some and fully embrace others. I watched a video that reinforced that Worry is the Opposite of Faith by Joyce Meyers sharing Romans 14:23 which really touched me as I struggled with my worry over leaving her on her own. My concern that the other two wouldn’t step up to assist her. Watch here: https://www.amazon.com/Living-a-Life-You-Love/dp/B079T69F7F/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524194807&sr=1-1&keywords=living+a+life+you+love+joyce+meyer 

 Still I Rise

BY MAYA ANGELOU

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

 Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

 Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

 Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

 Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

 You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

 Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

 Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

 Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

 Maya Angelou, "Still I Rise" from And Still I Rise: A Book of Poems.  Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.  Used by permission of Random House, an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.

Source: The Complete Collected Poems of Maya Angelou (1994)

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46446/still-i-rise

 https://www.amazon.com/Darwins-Ghosts-Secret-History-Evolution/dp/B008ARPISY

https://www.amazon.com/Living-a-Life-You-Love/dp/B079T69F7F/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524194807&sr=1-1&keywords=living+a+life+you+love+joyce+meyer

#self-healing #psychology #self-reliance #wellbeing #strength #movingon #independence #self esteem #happiness #lovingthelifeilive

[freshlyjuicedbeetles]

OCD:IRL

COWETA, Okla. -When I was 17, I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder; post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) would be added later. If it’s at all possible, I would say I was born with anxiety. I was always the scared child. I didn’t like being without my mom and didn’t like changes in my routine. I had the same breakfast and after school meal for twelve years. I was constantly afraid that I would be left at school one day.

Mental illness runs deep in my family. While I can only speculate about others, my maternal grandmother was diagnosed with clinical depression and was prescribed one of the first legitimate antidepressants.

I am mentally ill. I am not crazy or a menace to society. I’m a functioning member of society. I work, I vote, I have a degree. I have no desire to hurt myself or someone else. The craziest thing you’ll probably see me do is squeeze myself into a cabinet to properly clean the inside.

This is a day in the life with my diagnoses at my most stable and fully functioning. I’ve had worse periods in my life. Bear in mind, everyone’s symptoms are different.

I wake up after a night of broken sleep. This can be as early as 5: 00 A.M. or as late 4:30 P.M. in the afternoon. My sleep schedule is always different. I have been a night owl for as long as I can remember. I remember the first time I stayed up all night was in kindergarten and I’ve had circles under my eyes ever since. Even in preschool, I was up late as my parents slept away, watching TV and raiding the pantry. In school, I would go to bed at midnight, sometimes pushing it to 1:00 A.M. in high school. In college, I would sometimes go to class without sleep due to self-induced insomnia. I love my naps and they only set me up for a sleepless night. Sleep plays a big part in these illnesses. Lack of sleep can negatively affect moods which only exacerbates the symptoms.

After I eat my breakfast (or lunch or dinner, whatever meal is being served when I wake up), I take my medication. I take a serotonin reuptake inhibitor. It replaces the chemicals in my brain that it doesn’t make on its own. Medication has treated me well. It takes away a lot of my symptoms with very little side effects. It runs like a background program in my computer brain. Still, I have symptoms that I can largely ignore and use logic against.

My brain cycles through worry about my family. Is my stepdad depressed? Is he angry? Did I happen to do something wrong? Is my mom okay? I want her to be happy. Is she depressed? I need to call my grandpa. I need to go see him. I live within walking distance of him, but I fear and hate the silences in conversation. I feel like a bad granddaughter when conversation laps as though I don’t love him. What was that noise from the living room? What ungodly mess are my pets making on the brand-new carpet?

Because of my anxiety of failure and drive to be perfect, I apologize as though it will erase my mistakes from existence. I claim the mistakes of my loved ones as my own as though they were cash prizes. I’d rather be inconvenienced than someone else be.

Two comorbidities of my diagnoses are misophonia and dermatillomania. Misophonia is a hatred of sound. You know those ASMR videos that calm some people down? They make me want to punch a brick wall. Misophonia makes me inexplicably angry at noises; the sound of stepdad coughing, tongue clicking my mom makes when she’s thinking, chewing noises. I could go on.

I pick at my skin like I’m trying to create escape routes from my body. For me, dermatillomania, which is characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin, often to the extent that damage is caused, is about texture. I like the feel of broken skin. I’ve never noticed any anxiety or self-destruction correlations with this, only out of boredom, routine or desire to feel the texture. I remember when I was in middle school and I fell off my bike. I tore up my knee and it required regular cleaning. After school the day after, my grandma was changing my bandage and cleaning my wound. She left a glob of Neosporin on my calf that I noticed later. I kept myself from picking it off throughout grocery shopping with my mom so it would harden. I picked it off as she wasreturning the cart.

Texture has always been a part of my world. I refused to wear anything with tight sleeves as a child. Today, I’m nervous about trying on jeans because they might be tight. I either love or hate certain foods because of their texture.

I have been able to turn these illnesses into strengths. Through my OCD and anxiety, I have saved my own and many other gluteus maximums with my contingency plans. I was the girl with plenty of bobby pins at graduation. Through my depression, I have been able to write the most honest and powerful stories.

However, there are websites like Tumblr romanticize mental illness, especially the ones I have. It’s seen as quirky.

“Oh how cute! She eats her Fruit Loops in rainbow order!”

When in real life, people eat their Fruit Loops that way or else they think something bad will happen.

The people who want a mental illness, are people who don’t have one. It boggles my addled mind, but maybe they think they can profit off of it. They could garner sympathy or have things done for them. Remember James Frey? He profited off his supposed mental illness of drug addiction only for his readers to find out it was heavily fictionalized.

I have an incredible and supportive family who will do anything for me, but I’ve still heard well-meant but ignorant comments from them, mostly due to generational differences- say what you will about my generation, we don’t suffer in silence. Regardless of their support, anxiety based mental illnesses are manipulative S.O.Bs. Because of mine, I wonder if all my family sees me as is an annoying hypochondriac who won’t leave them alone.

Here’s a list of things that have been said to me and a few of my friends with mental illness, what you’re really saying, and what to say instead.

“It’s all in your head!”

Just like asthma is just in your lungs.

We know we’re being illogical. By saying this, you’re diminishing the severity of mental illnesses and brushing it off. These are serious health conditions.

Instead say, “I’ll try to understand.”

“Just be happy!”

Stop growing tumors.

It’s a chemical imbalance. That’s like saying to change the chemical composition of soap just by thinking about it.

Instead say, “It’s okay to feel this way.”

“You have nothing to worry about or be sad for!”

We know. You’re not helping. We may have a nice life, but the illness is still there. It’s a bit like dust in your house. It’s just there. Once again, we know we’re being illogical.

Instead, try to be sympathetic.

“Other people have it worse off than you.”

We know and you’re not helping. You may have cut yourself off from being a safe space for that person in a time of need. They may never open up to you again. It makes us feel guilty and ashamed for having an illness that we have no control over. Also, you’re furthering the stigma of mental illness.

Instead say, “I know you’re going through a tough time.”

“Have you tried…. (yoga, meditation, teas)”

No amount of homeopathy will cure a mental illness. It may help to a degree but you don’t fight illnesses of any kind with just herbs and realigning your chakra. You need to see a doctor.

Instead, ask them how their current treatment plan is going.

“You’re just being lazy!”

It’s not that we don’t want to do something (like getting out of bed), it’s that we can’t. For whatever reason, we feel like that if we do the task or go somewhere, we’ll regret it. Sometimes, we have the mental strength to push ourselves and sometimes we don’t.

Instead say, “How can I help?”

In closing, I wanted to share a quote my first therapist gave me. I feel it completely encapsulates the anxiety disorder experience in one succinct paragraph.

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create -- so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.” - Pearl S. Buck

#my articles #articles #red dirt report #ocd #depression #mental illness #mental health