#but it's less canon compliant and i'm a pussy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

die-mitri · 1 year

Text

Some Pre-DvK2 Bakugou Analysis!

Word count: ~4,100 (sorry lol, TL;DR at bottom)

Reading time: ~15 minutes

Note: I made lots of words bold, italicized, or colored and with a lot of paragraph breaks to make this more readable for the bitches with ADHD out there. I see y'all and I can't read either. Sorry if this makes it harder to read for others 🤷🏽

I'm in the process of trying to start a bkdk fanfic and make it as in-character as possible by trying to relate to the characters and get in their heads. While I relate heavily to Bakugou, he's also a character that's very hard to understand.

What I mean is that I relate to a lot of Bakugou's base instincts and thought patterns, but the things he gets upset about in-canon make little sense to me. To try to get into his head I've had to do a deep dive on myself and all the things I've been upset about in a similar way he has been, as well as to understand why I've felt justified acting so similar to him. Considering most people act in ways they feel justified in, I need to analyze what about Izuku would make me so bothered by him, that I would treat him the way Bakugou does. If I can tap into that feeling and try to distort my thinking and apply it to his specific situation, then I’ll have an easier time writing this mostly canon-compliant fic.

I'm gonna use myself as a reference for his behavior and will be talking about a time when I was much a worse person. I've since grown a lot and realized how wrong I was, so please keep that in mind and try not to judge 12-15 year old me too harshly. The stories I use will have fake names for the people involved to help you keep track of them.

None of this is meant to justify the way Bakugou treated Izuku, and is only meant to try to understand why he did it in a more relatable/realistic, less anime-dramatic nonsense way. Mostly, so I can replicate his thought process for accurate fic writing.

I'm gonna address this analysis in 5 different bits: fear, anger, pride/shame, building a persona, and the conclusion.

Let's go!

FEAR!

Bakugou struggles with being seen as weak/incapable. It's DIFFERENT from his superiority complex... Although connected.

It's my belief (backed up by canon) that Bakugou's relationship with his mom has affected his perception of strength and worth; and that because of her, he's attached his identity to his strength, which he felt made him more secure and better than other people. To be weak, is to be pathetic, is to be humiliated. To be clear, I don't think he did this consciously. It was just that kind of thing that seeped into the way he thought and because of it, he tried to fortify himself against any and all vulnerability. Which leads to the bullying/ “Better to hunt than be hunted” mentality. As well as his black and white thinking. If his way is right, everyone else’s must be wrong and anything that challenges his limited world view is a threat to his very being. If his strength doesn’t matter, or isn’t the best, then who is he? That’s a scary thought to me too.

It's a similar story with me, just switch the parent. My dad is a man of principle and one of his principles is that you should not be a pussy and always be the smartest person in the room. I attached my identity to being right all the time and always standing my ground. I’m sure you can guess how fun I was at parties.

So I refused to let others see when I'd actually been hurt and hated the idea of being seen as pathetic or weak. I also couldn't accept that I needed help sometimes. I wanted to be unshakable and plow through everything.

A ridiculous outcome of that, is that I used to hate apologies in any direction. "Don't apologize to me, I don't need your help getting over this. I won't apologize to you bc that means I was thinking about feeling bad about what I did and you can't know that."

In truth, I didn't mind being wrong, just looking like I cared.

That’s the heart of it. I cared a lot less about the values I had, and a lot more about how scared I was to be seen not fulfilling them. It’s embarrassing.

Another, much stupider example of this in my life is that I hate being babied. Even by people who look up to me or respect me as equals.

Once at summer camp I had some friends fuss over me about something. I can't even remember what it was anymore, probably wearing sunscreen. I just got so upset. I was like "I'm not a fucking kid, I can take care of myself. Don't try to help me bc there's no reason I'd ever need help." In retrospect it was seriously not a big deal, and they're both friends that I love dearly, but my own issues with having people take care of me got in the way of me perceiving their affection like a normal human being.

Bakugou is the same about needing help and would rather die/lose than be seen as pathetic/vulnerable. Like he said during their dual exam that not even having the choice to destroy himself in order to have control win would be unbearable. If his strength isn’t enough on its own, then he is not enough.

I think this particular issue is made worse by his poor impulse control in regards to Izuku... (With everything else, he's very calculated, which I talk about more in the "creating a persona" section).

In general, I think Bakugou is just very scared/uneasy about his place in the world (that he’s not enough or that he’s been wrong the whole time [see: kacchan vs deku part 2]) and he covers it up with…:

ANGER!

Bakugou doesn't have a hard time not just being mean, but being cruel. There's little hesitation in going for the throat when it comes to insults and mind games. The same goes for me BUT only when I really dislike someone.

There was one time I was mean to some kid who was weird and pushy with me because he thought I was cool. He was not a bad guy, he just couldn't take a hint and wouldn't leave me alone. Let’s call him Liam. One day Liam made some joke and no one in class laughed. He said something like "tough crowd", and without hesitation I told him he just wasn't funny. It's not exactly bullying, but he probably felt bad about that for a bit.

It was mean tho, right? I did it cuz at the time I just wanted Liam to dislike me enough that he'd leave me alone. Sounds familiar, huh?

It was not the first or last time I acted like that. I want to highlight that I did these things feeling justified (even though I probably wasn't), which is the key component to understanding why Bakugou was so mean to Izuku in the beginning. It wasn't so much about power, as it was about getting Izuku to leave him alone for good. To get somewhere he didn't have to worry about being bothered by him ever again and follow his dream at the same time. You know, like UA? The last possible place you'd find someone without a quirk?

I think it needs to be made INCREDIBLY clear that Bakugou sees Izuku as a fundamentally different person than we, the fandom, do.

To him, Izuku was some weirdo who wouldn't leave him alone, made him feel nervous/stupid, was generally uncool and annoying, and acted like he was better than him. (let’s not forget that Izuku was quite the stalker for a while??) It doesn't matter how wrong Bakugou was, Izuku still made him feel that way and that's a good enough reason to try to get someone to leave you the fuck alone. I know I would. I mean I literally have.

There were multiple kids at my school who freaked me out/ made me uncomfortable and I wasted no time in getting them to fuck off as quickly as possible. I'm sure most of us have similar stories and definitely seemed like one of the bad guys from their point of view. (Especially given that a lot of these annoying kids were probably well-intentioned and just made you uncomfortable)

The following stories are unnecessary to understand my point, but I just wanted to tell them. Feel free to skip over it.

There was one kid in my grade who was around me a lot. Let’s call him Isaac. We walked home the same way and had a few classes together. There were two times I remember getting annoyed enough with him to actually snap at him.

One time was when Isaac tried to hide behind me in a gym class during dodgeball and he touched my shoulder or something. So I turned around and shoved him to the ground and told him not to touch me. He slid on his ass for a sec. I'm sure he was a bit embarrassed and looking back, it was mean. I could have just asked him not to do that politely.

The other time I remember, we were in science class and we were always sat at the same table because the teacher said I was best at handling the "annoying kids" (which is kinda a crazy thing to say to another student). Regardless, Isaac wouldn't stop talking and just overall bothering me. I might be misremembering this part, but I'm pretty sure he had come behind my chair and touched my shoulders again. So I got up and yelled at him. I told him to leave me the fuck alone and stop being weird. My teacher came to check up on me, not him. Asked if I was okay and if I needed help to beat someone up (jokingly ofc). But maybe I was the bad guy here. I could have asked a teacher to reseat me or told Isaac he was making me uncomfortable, but I didn't. I did what would make him leave me alone the fastest. And he did after that. For the most part at least. We still ran into each other on the walk home and would make conversation. Isaac annoyed me, but I didn't hate him, I wasn't close enough to him to. HOWEVER, had he been annoying me since I was FOUR?? I'd probably beat his goofy ass up just like Bakugou did.

AND If I found out later that he was like secretly the president's son and was only letting me push him around to hide his identity? Not only would I be mad, I'd feel so fucking stupid and embarrassed. AND IF HE FOLLOWED THAT UP WITH SOME BULLSHIT LIKE: “no, no, I was only recently adopted by the president bc I'm destined for a future greater than yours.” Are you kidding me??? I'd fuck some shit up. Punch some walls or somethin.

Like what makes you of all people think you’re better than me? You’re just some kid with ideas of grandeur. Get away from me or get hit bitch.

I'm not saying Bakugou's right, only that I get it. He uses anger to cover up all the feelings that make him feel unsafe/uncomfortable/embarrassed. As do I. Annndddd a lot of it is about… (say it with me…)

PRIDE & SHAME!

The infamous superiority/inferiority complex. This is mostly spelled out for you in canon, so I’ll only talk about the parts that interest me the most.

We already know Bakugou doesn't like being looked down on. It enrages him. It's a pride thing. Pride is inherently attached to shame. You care less about using pride to cover up your shame the less shame you have to cover up.

No matter how hard he tries, Bakugou can't be all he expects of himself. He cares that the anger he uses to hide his discomfort makes people dislike him. He's embarrassed that he cares at all and it makes him feel like he's weak. Only a loser would let that get in their way... That vulnerability eats him up and makes him feel stupid and it all becomes a circle.

Gotta be strong > uses force to exert his strength > ppl dislike him for it > he feels hurt > he shouldn't care what they think > need to get stronger to handle it.

THEN he lost to Izuku several times, got kidnapped, AM lost his powers because Bakugou needed saving, and failed to get his hero license. (AND HIS MOM PICKS ON HIM ABOUT IT WHICH DOESN'T HELP) He had to reckon with the fact that his way is wrong. But he's so caught up with attaching himself to the part, that it's very hard to let go. He'd have to change his entire world view and identity.

This post discusses the way he reckons with the cognitive dissonance that comes with his strength having nothing to do with what’s “right”. I'm a really big fan of the concept of Bakugou trying to use his physical strength/lack thereof, to make sense of his emotional weaknesses and lapses in logic.

I didn't want to cheap out on you and leave you without an embarrassing personal story for this bit, so I really had to dig for a story mostly about pride/shame because I feel like this section is mostly about what causes the fear and anger. Pride/shame is a common denominator rather than its own point… but here I go anyway.

When I was 14 I made my math teacher cry. She was kinda a bitch and deserved it a little bit, but I still feel kinda bad in retrospect.

I’ve always been a shit student, which didn’t bode well with the whole “smartest person in the room” deal. It was embarrassing to know that it didn’t matter how smart I was, I could never sit still and think long enough to finish my school work. And yeah, you bet my dad made me feel like an idiot for it. So I took some of it out on my teacher.

It felt justified making her cry because she had always had it out for me. She was rude the moment I walked in the door, she refused to sit me up front so I was never able to read the board, she resented us because she wanted to teach the “smart” kids, and she always made sure to tell me how much I sucked in front of the whole class.

Now the thing about being the rowdy annoying student (especially in the lower level classes) is that most of the kids in class agreed with you. The teachers normally assume the worst about lower level students and were complete dicks, so you can be sure there was almost always animosity and distrust in class. Every time I gave a snarky response or talked over her, I was met with snickers and fist bumps. Maybe she, my Dad, my shame made me feel stupid, but the attention from the kids in my class sure fed my ego.

As bad as I feel for making her cry, I still tell the story with pride. She didn’t break me, I broke her. 5 years later and it still feels good to know that I walked away mostly unscathed, and she quit her job. I was so sick of feeling stupid, but I still do, otherwise the story wouldn’t feel so good to tell. It might not be a thing I’d do to a teacher ever again, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could sometimes. Shame is more powerful than the shield of pride; and both of them are nasty habits.

I think pride and shame would be the hardest traits for Bakugou to let go of. Truthfully, I don’t think he will ever fully abandon those traits. They’re fundamental to his character and are the driving force behind his pursuit of being the number one hero. Which is also a primary factor in what pushes both Bakugou and Izuku to grow as heroes. They wouldn't be themselves without it.

Conversely, part of what drives them to grow as people is Bakugou being honest and letting go of…

THE MASK HE MADE!

Perfectionism, control, and the persona he created...

There’s the way that Bakugou is and the way he wants to believe he is.

Most of fans think of bkg as the person he wants to believe he is. This fake version of him is undeniably strong, laughs in the face of danger and hurdles, is mean without regard because he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him, and knows EXACTLY what he wants.

Let’s talk about the mask I made which I'm just starting to let go of.

I’ve run away two times in my life. Once when I was 12 because I hated my life, and the other time when I was 17 and wanted to make my dad angry and worried. Both of them had to do with fear, anger, pride, and shame. But both were done to break away from the mask I made.

The first time was done because I was scared I’d be stuck with my Mom and siblings forever, always taking care of everyone and managing all the emotions in the house. I was angry that it was all my job and I had to do it all alone. I was an idiot to think I could handle the world alone as a runaway but I was impulsive and stupid. I wanted to be seen as a loose canon. Too often – and because I had gone out of my way to be seen as such, I was seen as dependable; like I could just keep taking the pressure and never crack. None of it was true. I was scared and weak and I was collapsing under the weight of my family’s problems. So I took everything and left. I just finally wanted my Mom to see that I wasn’t okay. In the end, it didn’t work, so I moved away from it to live with my Dad… Which caused its own set of issues.

The second time I ran away was the day of my high school graduation. I hardly got any days to celebrate myself. Including my birthdays, which were often excuses for my Mom and sibling to invite their own friends over. Once my birthday was forgotten all together. All that to say, I was excited to have a day for myself. As I’m sure you can guess, the day didn’t go as planned and I was sidelined for the entirety of it. When I finally got home, I went to vent to my Dad about it which didn’t go well. To summarize, he told me I was pathetic and dramatic. So I was like “Fine. Clearly no one here gives a shit about me. I’ll just leave without a word.” So I left the house, called a friend for a sleeping bag, and set up shop between a garage and some train tracks for a night.

My intentions are still a bit unclear to me, but from what I remember, It was fear that I truly wasn’t cared about, anger for all that I had lost in order to protect the mask, and shame that I thought they’d care; as well as the fact that I was hurt by how little they cared. Above all, I wanted to make my family feel bad for pushing me to the point that I thought that running away would be the only thing that got to them. It didn't. I came home the next day and no one said anything.

I had given so much energy trying to be steadfast, confident, strong, but on the two occasions I had broken those patterns no one noticed or even really cared. It put me in a weird position. Was I just supposed to give up on those things? Live my life in accordance with my true feelings? It seemed nothing mattered and in the end I did little to change.

Change I certainly did though. I gave up trying to be emotional support for my parents. I started to voice my true feelings a bit (only a little bit) more often. I even stopped trying to act any specific way in front of my family.

Despite all that change, however minor in outward appearance, It’s not like I had let go of those values. I just reevaluated how I interacted with them. I'm still steadfast, I know what I want for my life and plan on letting nothing get in the way. I’m confident that what I’m doing will be best for me, instead of good for maintaining a persona of strength, and now I try to put the anger into standing up for myself and my truth.

In all honesty, It’ll never stop hurting me that no one cared when I tried to show them the truth about how I felt. And I’m not sure I’ll ever stop being embarrassed that I care what they think. I still want to believe that I’m above everyone and above feeling sorry for myself, but I’m not. I’m a hurt kid who’s slowly figuring out how to live with it and become a better person.

The best parallel I can pull here is Deku vs. Kacchan 2. Bakugou’s been holding a lot of feelings in for a very long time and a huge part of his mask is hiding his true feelings. It’s true that he shows anger, but that’s part of his mask, not a crack in it. During this whole scene he’s using anger to cover up his pain and self-doubt. Just the fact that it’s a fight instead of a conversation proves this.

Bakugou choosing to have this fight was a call for help. He needed Izuku and All Might to see that he wasn’t holding it together as well as they thought he was. This was like me running away in that it was a drastic, desperate attempt to escape the mask all while giving himself enough leeway to come back to it if he felt too vulnerable with his newfound freedom.

As a side note, I think that Bakugou sees maintaining his mask in front of Izuku as most important. To the point where he'll let himself get hurt/hurt people he normally wouldn't want to in order to keep up the performance. Izuku is the last person he wants to let see all the vulnerabilities and if getting beat to shit/spewing the most hateful things he could think of will make sure Izuku never sees them, then it's what bkg must do. (which is why the impalement and apology are so important to bkg letting his walls down)

In MHA, as well as in my life, leaving behind the persona you made takes a long time and a lot of baby steps. It’s humiliating and terrifying. I’m not sure if all of you quite understand the amount of trust Bakugou is putting in Izuku following DvK2. To Bakugou, he felt like he had bore his soul to Izuku with the intention of marking this as the beginning of his attempt to become better – as a hero AND a person.

I see DvK2 as the first major step they took together towards reconciliation, friendship, and eventually, love.

IN CONCLUSION

Bakugou made a loud and abrasive personality to hide his insecurities and fear. While he tried his best to maintain it, it became an impossible feat once he finally had to face that he wasn’t as strong as he thought. His rigidity, once his superpower, became is downfall. He used his fight with Izuku to break from the persona he trapped himself in, and in taking his first step away from his mask, he started a new journey to become a better person for himself and for Izuku.

TL;DR

I used personal, embarrassing stories that reminded me of Bakugou in order to pull back the curtains and try to make sense of the way Bakugou behaves in a way that's less dramatic and hopefully easier to relate to. The reason he's bitchy is that he’s a bit delusional. But me too bitch. I hope you all see him as a bit more relatable now :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was the first of ~4 character analyses, as I want to cover what Bakugou and Izuku would need to change about themselves in order for them to fall in love with each other. As it stands, there’s very little the people in the stories I used as reference could do to make me respect them enough to consider an actual friendship with them, much less love. I’ll have to do a lot of speculation once I get there (which you’ll be able to read here once I’ve written them), but it’s the best I could do, seeing as I didn’t know these people well or long enough to have stories to speak confidently of in the following analyses.

#my hero academia meta #my hero acedamia #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia meta #mha meta #bnha meta #bakudeku #bkdk #katsudeku #ktdk #bakugou katsuki

26 notes · View notes