#but my brain won't turn off

[trash-and-trash-accessories]

Fox Mulder doesn't have the "I Want To Believe" poster there because he's crazy. He doesn't have it there to broadcast his beliefs or as a mantra or to remind him to always look for aliens.

Fox Mulder keeps that "I Want To Believe" sign above his desk to remind him of his own internal biases.

That sign hangs above Mulder's desk to remind him of his own shortcomings and flaws. He's aware that he's a hack with dangerous beliefs and prone to flights of fancy and maybe even delusions. He's aware that he's desperately searching for aliens and monsters where there are only men doing bad things. And he has to remind himself of that, constantly.

That's why he's thrilled when he meets Scully and she challenges his beliefs, says that logically aliens don't exist. He's thrilled when she tells him to cut the crap in the pilot episode. He needs someone to challenge him. He needs someone who won't take his shit and put up with his flights of fancy. And he knows it. He's been dealing with himself for years and he feels relief and joy when Scully comes in and says enough of your bullshit. We're doing this my way. With science and logic. He isn't smiling and teasing her because he thinks he's smarter and better than her. He's smiling because she's exactly the person he needs in his life.

That's why he tells her right away that he's a UFO freak with trauma about his sister and a true believer. Not because he's trying to convince her to believe, but because he needs her to understand where he's coming from and what's wrong with him. So she can understand that either he's a dangerous lunatic himself, or he's delving into a dangerous conspiracy and either way she could be collateral damage if she stays with him. He spends the pilot episode reckoning with the idea that either he's a maniac or he's pulling this young fresh detective into danger. When she starts agreeing with him he gets upset, talks her out of it.

Mulder keeps that sign above his desk to remind himself to look into the "reasonable logical" explanations. He keeps that sign on his desk because he knows he's flawed and biased and frankly, dangerous.

He tells Scully exactly what he thinks is happening and about all the crazy stuff he believes not because he's trying to convince her to believe too, but so she can be his sounding board. So she can throw his illogical bullshit back in his face and remind him to look past his own biases and paranoia and quasi-religious zealotry. Because he knows he needs that. He knows he's in a conspiracy brained echo chamber of his own making and having a slow-burn mental breakdown. And he sees Scully as salvation from himself. As another figure in his quasi-religious belief system. The savior.

As the series develops he relies on her more and more to reality check him. Literally reality check him and manage what he worries might all be a delusion.

Mulder pretends he's confident and all the constant criticism and sidelong glances don't get to him and that might be true because he doesn't respect those people but he respects Scully. And he needs someone he respects to tell him when he's wrong, when he's being biased or actively delusional. Scully is his salvation. She's compassionate about his trauma and the reasoning behind his beliefs, but confident and logical enough to tell him when it's all bullshit. She's his savior, his rock, and often his only real connection to material reality.

#in conclusion Dana Scully is Jesus #haha but for real she is #the x files #x files #fox mulder #dana scully #mulder and scully #agent mulder #spooky mulder #okay she might be more of an allegory for the Mother Mary #but she's actually more of a Jesus figure herself #in this essay I will #someone help the media analysis chip in my brain won't turn off #also goddamn this man loves sticking his hand in mysterious substances #in episode four he chases a coyote into the woods by himself this man is crazy #fox mulder is a dangerous maniac #and I love him #I love this whorish delusional man #oh and he puts his hand in and then tastes what he knows is probably poisonous foxglove #honestly there's no substance fox mulder won't stick his hand in and or taste

[kenobihater]

of all the star wars movies, which of them do y'all 1) enjoy the most 2) consider the best quality and 3) think you've rewatched the most. add your answers in the reblogs or replies, i'm genuinely curious how much of an overlap there is within everyone's three answers. mine don't overlap at all! they're revenge of the sith, empire strikes back, and the force awakens :^)

#len speaks #star wars #revenge of the sith #empire strikes back #the force awakens #not tagging more films than that bc i cant b bothered. incoming tag ramble ahead bc i have sw brainrot rn and im making it everyones prob❤️ #i rlly struggled 2 remember if id watched tfa or aotc more. i went w/ tfa bc it was formative to me as a teen and ive seen it probably 6ish #times? whereas aotc was the first sw movie i remember (specifically the scene of obiwan serving c*nt in the bar lmao) but i've only seen it #for sure 4.5 and maybe 5.5 times. the .5 is from when i got bored after obi-wan's scene ended and ran off to go play in the mud or smthn 😭 #i'm sure tfa will eventually get surpassed in number of rewatches by aotc and rots bc i don't fw the direction of the ST but that's my #current ballpark estimate of my total number of rewatches #as an adult tho if i just wanna watch a star war i'll go with aotc bc it's fun and ends semihappily and i can turn my brain off for the #spinny lightsabers. it's great background noise or for if you're sick or whatever. rots on the other hand? i won't talk through that unless #i'm quoting it with my brother and i am LOCKED IN 100% entirely entranced by it all #i almost picked rogue one for the best quality answer but i think the character writing is weaker and the facial cgi is creepy. esb beats #it by a hair imho bc of that. the vader hallway scene goes hard tho!!! #also i'm not covering shows or games or books or anything else in this post - simply the films. might ask abt shows later but that might #also give me hives bc so many of the shows suck ass and i don't rlly want ppl extolling the virtues of t.bb in my notes 💀 #and yes i do think one's enjoyment and one's opinion of quality are two things that often overlap. but sometimes you just like something #bad and that's awesome. like rots is the best of the prequels by a large margin and i adore the opening and characters and many of the #scenes but that doesn't mean it's the best star wars has to offer ykwim? it's my specialest most favoritest sw movie but that doesn't blind #me to the dialogue lmfaooo

[landfilloftrash]

afternoon ponderings

#my art #Ace Attorney #Gregory Edgeworth #Manfred von Karma #blueberrypancakes #for my brain to be able to see any sort of romance I have to just. Draw them in situations. Put those lawyers in a situation. #Plantonic and/or silly situations but situations nonetheless ! Anyways— #ok small ramblings time w/ headcanons #von karma paces to help him think- despite his leg- and tends to talk himself through things that happened (based on evidence and testimony #edgeworth switches between bouncing his leg and flipping through books unseeing trying to connect dots without 100% thinking about it-- #letting it sit in his head as he turns it about subconsciously. most times it works- sometimes he just Has to talk through it with someone #and that someone is the one pacing due to his own case at the moment; and so! they talk. case talk small talk. talk! #they aren’t on the same case 4 this art— they’ve have been pinging ideas off each other and complaining about various things for hours now #bc if they were on the Same case they would NOT be this close in proximity except on the crime scene. #absolutely FIENDISHLY protective of their respective evidence. it's a game it's a dance it's a fight and gregory won't stop until he wins #and even then he would never stop; however they aren't on the same case so! they hang out and chat like civilized people. and argue (aff) #rea rambles in the tags #rea’s trash

[godofsmallthings]

just made a twitter account for a project and after scrolling through like 3 posts on whatever the 'for you' page equivalent is called i feel ill and insane. we are in hell. no wonder ppl on that app live in an alternate reality.

#anyway i'm claiming sm accounts for the zine!! #probs won't end up using the twitter/tiktok so much but we'll see what happens #honestly if i can do any social media promo for it off tumblr we're going to consider it a miracle #but i think (🤞) hopefully it'll be easier when i'm promoting a product vs. just myself and my own art that came from my brain #sorry guys i'm about to turn into a zine making blog jskdhfkjsdhf #actually maybe i should start zineposting on my zineblog (@swiftieism for now if u want to follow) #can u tell i have no idea what i'm doing? i'm so excited ksjdhfkjsdhfkjds #vi is typing...

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

I'm being held at gunpoint by c!borealtrio and my own brain and not allowed to sleep. Help

#my brain won't turn off I think it's broken #gonna keep trying anyways because school #but I'm gonna be so tired tomorrow nonmatter what at this point hhhhhghh #just me rambling

[stellorc]

briefly leaving my cave to throw a wip here

I've been feeling weird with my art and life in general so I took refuge reading and playing stardew valley for the past few weeks. The weirdness isn't completely gone but it's not as haunting as before.

Anyway, please have this snippet of my beloved baby Revan being her broody teenage self. It's nowhere near to be finished but I'm having fun with the process.

With that said, hello to the new (actual!) people who have stopped by this mess of a blog and decided to stay. And to everyone who is still around, a big pat on the head. Thank you all so much <3

#also i leave for just a few weeks and a crypto scam appears on my inbox sir get OUT #and the shit ton of bots good lord why #i'm tired #anyway this painting has been a fun way to turn off my brain from things and just enjoy the process for a while #i'm still trying to figure stuff out so thanks for the patience guys #and this site still scares me a little so bear with me #mandatory comment about the ungodly amount of unfinished pieces i have that won't see the light of day #hopefully this won't be one of them #though i do wish that i didn't expect a pretty finished piece from every sketch i made #some things can be just for funsies but alas #my brain is full of ramblings about jesra childhood and I just want peace but she won't leave me alone send help #if you got this far go drink water if you can <3

[sealovinq]

i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)

#xelle.txt #i noticed i don't really have a permanent circle of friends. at least irl #i have one online but they're also busy and i just can't dedicate my time to one friend group #i don't know - it's just the people i thought who were nice turned out to be the exact opposite #and when i found out about that i just kinda. lost interest in making any more friends #my partner is the only person i interact with on a daily basis. the irl friend group i was referring to earlier i'm not exactly close with- #-them either #i feel like if i didn't only give my time in nurturing my romantic relationship i would have done the same for my platonics too #that's still a problem of mine. my time management between love life and friends. heck i even got myself into an unsolvable problem because- #-of my inability to stay consistent #also my brain is kinda fried from reading 20+ pages so pardon any grammatical errors but yeah anyway #honestly i've been craving for interaction here. but i know i won't be active and it'd just be pointless #to gain more friends or followers. i don't exactly make content as consistently as i did before #the other day i had to vent to an ai (would you believe me if it was cha.tgpt) about my troubles because i had no one else to talk to lol #there's just so much going on irl 😭 ya girl's almost starting college and they're throwing so much tasks at us!! #and i feel very very stressed about it because they're usually done in groups i am ALWAYS the assigned leader #which gets exhausting especially when there are lazy members present #anyway #hopefully this weekend i get some time to cool off. but next week i'm back to grinding and working #lol i don't even think i'm in the top ranks anymore. i'm so burnt out. #this is what being an academic achiever gives you oops ZZHSIAHAHAJAHHS #imma sleep now 😭 #idk you can just interact with me or recommend someone you know who self ships in the same medias i do #goodnight everypony 🫶 #vent tw #rant tw

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

I can't find the sleep medicine waaaaaaah

Tonight is gonna be long

#noooooooooo #I'm tireddddddd #but my brain won't turn off for hours #it is 12am. hrmm. #I REALLY WANTED THE SLEEP MEDICINE GOSHDANG IT #my post #late night posting

[nayruwu]

okay. okayokayokay. i still haven't gotten over the devastation of finding out that that dinosaur spoiler was not, in fact, a joke, but i don't have too much beef with this chapter. obviously there were wasted panels, but compared to the recent chapters i think it was great.

never felt this dumbfounded with a release before, but there's plot! there's an actually funny joke! there's angel mikaela! there's the cool flamey angels in their civilization! weirdly enough, i am entirely at peace with this. the salt gets a month off.

#this proved to me that i only hate mika and yuu when they're stuck in one place for several decades #but still i do miss shinya. please gib catastrophe to me #it's so funny how you just have to turn off your brain to read owari no seraph and suddenly it's more enjoyable #immaculate #i do hope there won't be too many chapter of this. i wanna see my scrunklies!

[rescuefield-arch1]

i can't stand this site 💀

#i want to come back but every time i'm hit with those stupid lives even tho I KNOW i have it turned off gjhj #and my brain won't cooperate with drafts so yeah all around great !! i need to clean around a little #and block all the bots that have been following me bc there are so many 💀 #tbd.

[kimchunsgha]

still so obsessed with snowy to this day because they made that song around that sample of fur elise but they did it in a way that was not overwhelming like you know it's there but you know it's a completely new song which i love about it

#also it has the best vocal production and layering #i do love the harmonizations in the song too 🫶 #sorry for talking abt itzy but i was listening to their discography #and now my producer brain won't turn off KDJKFG #i love them so much :< #tris.txt

[korattata]

i think i am going to actually go insane

every program on my computer is displaying images differently

if i take a snipping tool snippet and paste it, it becomes desaturated. but if i go to the original place it automatically saves snips, it looks fine.

photoshop is more desaturated than my firefox browser window

if i download a photo from the internet, open it in photoshop, and make no changes but press save, then reupload it to the internet through imgur, it is desaturated like in photoshop

if i upload it to tumblr it looks fine

......nevermind this time upon uploading it to imgur it did not keep the photoshop desaturation EDIT: if i upload it to discord it is desaturated tho. edit again nevermind it's ALL of discord that's desaturated

but to prove my point, image / image after i used snipping tool and then pasted that into the post / image from the automatically saved snipping tool screenshot

i just wanted to give my neopet's petpet a transparent background instead of the white box.

this is the image if i copy the contents in photoshop then paste it / if i use the snipping tool to snip the photoshop document then paste it / the saved snipping tool screenshot

yet when i saved the photoshop doc as a png and uploaded it it did in fact look like the very first one posted.

I JUST WANTED TO GIVE MY NEOPET'S PETPET A TRANSPARENT BACKGROUND INSTEAD OF A WHITE BOX.

#i have been messing with this for over an hour now and idk why it finally started uploading correctly but thanks i guess #i don't know if i blame this laptop having an oled screen or windows 11. #photoshop also doesn't respect my monitor resolution scaling so i have to use it in at least 200% zoom #*new creative post tag here* #this is a long post sorry i kinda dont' care tho #i think i lost the ability to care in the last 60 minutes. i lost the ability to think at all. my brain was ground into dust. #chrome also displays in desaturated colors for some reason and i cannot figure out why. #i think my laptop is attempting to use HDR which makes everything look like shit but it won't let me turn it off even tho HDR is not #enabled at all whatsoever. i kinda wanna crush electronic devices with a hammer violently rn

[aroacehanzawa]

besties i am at my wits' end

#it's 3:30am and i can't sleep and i need to be up around 8 #and it doesn't help that these weirdos i live with wake up and start their day around 3am #and i'm just thinking about how nobody with a normal sleep schedule UNDERSTANDS insomnia #like 'just go to sleep' whoa groundbreaking idea #and just the other day i was listening to my coworkers talk about how they look forward to going to sleep after a long day #idk i can't relate because bedtime just marks the start of several hours of torment for me #even if my body is dead tired and i haven't slept more than 3-4 hrs per night for several days if my brain won't turn off it won't turn off #purposefully trying to sleep early doesn't make any difference

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

if I say something slightly unhinged and possibly controversial (in the loosest sense of "some of y'all might disagree with my interpretation") y'all wouldn't hold it against me, would you??

#i have one specific batfam opinion that my brain for some reason won't let go of #Lu rambles #it's slightly brought about by that post about how tim is the batkid most likely to go off the rails/turn evil/become an antihero #which is not a very nuanced way to put it but it makes me Think sometimes and I've been Thinking

[izzy-b-hands]

oh god the brain is just angry today isn't it. Fucking. cool. great. wonderful. exactly what I needed rn

#text post #can i just shut it off and turn it back on again and see if that fixes things pls #i work today and have at least one chore to do I dont have time for it to be upset over some random trauma today like come the fuck onnnnnn #i swear to fuck i hit burn out full force sometime last year and my brain just hasn't come back to me well in any way #i used to be more useful than this i used to be better i CAN be better again i want to be #if it won't let me write or read or watch anything or do any prolific or chores or sleep then what the fuck am i supposed to do with myself #riddle me that brain fucking riddle me that you absolute bastard #sorry for the early am vent posts im just. i don't fucking know what's exactly wrong with me today but the brain is Fiery for sure