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weenhands · 6 months

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21, 34, 35 for the ask game <3

hello fank u sm u___u <333 time to answer these ur so kind :)

21: what i love most about myself

ok so i sometimes feel confident in my ability to answer this question. other times, not so much. but i think what's consistent within me that i love most about myself is just my overall strength and perseverance. i consider myself someone who never gives up. and that reaps very strong rewards for myself, i guess:} i also love how i can look out for other people, but these past 3 years? its especially the way how i can look out for myself. i can be my worst enemy at times, but i also consider myself someone who can protect themselves when in situations where i wish someone else could protect me in :p idk!!!!! it comes with dealing with healing and pain all by yourself for so long.

34: what i find attractive in a woman

oh My gosh ok *claps my hands together*.... i think i truly do Not have much of a preference, like im more attracted to girls than i am guys ive established that here. but certain things that i find really attractive are when women act in..... "Masculine" ways that would normally turn off other straight guys. like when a woman can stand up for herself and be loud; not necessarily quiet and soft and holding back on her opinion like men want most women to be doing. when a woman doesn't adhere to traditionally feminine roles and owns it. something that also makes me melt is a woman that is Very protective. not in a way where she's scared of me entering any situation like im 10, but in a way where she's not afraid of any scrutiny if she does stand up for me u__u <3 i tend to like taller women. ive met some women who resemble ryan ross's features, im into tht too ig ^_^ women that are also very very seductive/flirtatious are my type, too lol.

35: what i find attractive in men

nothing..............jokes. alot of things. but what comes up most for me is men that have similar values to me. this strangely doesn't show up for women, but for me when a guy shares very similar beliefs/values etc etc i think it's very attractive, he's smart. while we're on that, what i mainly find attractive is when a guy speaks with intelligence. im fully turned on by a guy that can demonstrate intelligence and can especially articulate themselves very well. One of the most attractive things a guy can be is older than me .....i do tend to find a guy slightly less attractive than me when he's my age or younger lmfao. another thing that is only present when a romantic relationship isn't established yet: i am attracted to a guy who is able to like show interest in me in anyway shape or form. i don't like it when i have to Guess if a guy is into me or wants me in anyway. it makes me grumpy :<

nosy ask game

#confessional

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blackgirlsuperherorants · 3 years

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With more articulation, I'm ready to talk about why the push for Lokius simply bothers me, and this can be said for other m/m or w/w ships that fans push to be canon so hard just because they ship it.

It's the framing. The framing that if Marvel doesn't do it (or whatever the brand is), it's because homophobia, and if other fans don't like it/ship it, it's because homophobia (even if they ship other queer ships and are queer themselves.) And the biggest problem with that is that it overshadows the REAL issue of lack of queer representation on screen in mainstream nerd media, especially from big things under the Disney umbrella (Marvel and Lucasfilm/Star Wars, especially.)

It makes it bad that your ship isn't canon instead of bad that there haven't been any queer romances on screen in the MCU.

And like, as a writer myself, I find myself dissecting the stories of other media all the time. I can watch an MCU movie or series and pretty much assess what direction the story is going in by the narrative points they're hitting. I knew Sylki was basically gonna happen (even if just a kiss) because narratively, that's what the show was doing as soon as they had that "what is love" conversation on Lamentis-1. It didn't mean I liked it. But I knew it was happening.

Similarly, there's no romantic undertones to Loki and Mobius. None. For Marvel to make them a couple, it would mean they'd be doing it simply because the two present as men and it would make stans happy. And while there's something to be said for fan service, it would be annoying to watch them cram two guys together who aren't romantic in the slightest. I'd much rather see Loki meet some guy and have the same type of undertones they were giving to Sylvie and form a real bond to where the kiss feels earned and warranted. Not just put him with the nearest man because "he gay lol."

And how you guys are claiming it's being queer that makes you want this is beyond me. It's not being queer that makes you want this. I don't want queer characters that fuck everyone of whatever gender(s) they're attracted to even when it doesn't make sense for them to. I want real love stories. I mean, yeah, sometimes we can have a slut character, because that's fun, too, but that's not even what y'all think Lokius is. You seem to want them to be in love. But why? Because he's the first friend Loki made that isn't through Thor?

I hate that, too, because I hate this idea that queer people cannot have friends of their same gender without wanting to fuck them. IDK how y'all are, maybe y'all are like that, but I almost never have wanted to fuck any of my friends. The only few exceptions have been when I tried to befriend someone I had a crush on (in which case, usually the friendship can't work, really, because I have a crush on them.) I also think it's okay if you can have casual sex with friends, or if you have a friendship that develops into romance, but Jesus, do you people not have friends that you don't want to fuck? I am bi, maybe more pan (gender kind of doesn't matter to me, I guess) and I'm friends with people of all kinds of gender identities and like... I love them as people, which is why they're my friends, but I DO NOT want to fuck them. Especially my closest friend. I talked about her, before, here, but she's like my sister. The thought of fucking her is gross, to me. Not because she's gross, but because it feels incestuous.

Loki shouldn't want to fuck Mobius just because they developed a friendship. And that's very much how it's written on the series. They almost dislike each other (or Mobius is at least indifferent to Loki) and then they become friends.

That's not to mention the power dynamic that exists, there. And I know some of y'all are subs, but yeah, it's a bit gross to imply a sexual relationship with Loki's captor.

But on to Sylki. It sucks that I feel like most of y'all hate Sylki because Sylvie is a girl, and not just because it's bad in other ways. Like, the reasons Sylki is bad have less to do with "it should have been Mobius" and more to do with it being a lazy 1980s action movie plot that should have never happened. I'm not as creeped out by the selfcest (as many of you wouldn't have been if she was a he, I'm almost positive), but what's bad about it is that they couldn't have a strong female lead character without her being the love interest of the main guy. She didn't need to be, especially because she was a Loki variant, anyway. There was no need for it to have romantic undertones, and there was no need for them to kiss. It was sexist more than it was homophobic (and I can't help feeling like y'all are kind of being biphobic in this case. Maybe I'll talk about that, later, but yeah.) It was sexist bullshit. And there's valid criticism that Sylvie is underdeveloped. She's just angry and something for Loki to project affection onto.

I was also hoping they'd do a "found family" type of thing with Sylvie and Loki and let her be like the sister he never knew he needed, but no, they had to go trope and make her the love interest. It was lazy and bad and basically went "If Loki girl, main Loki want bone!"

Basically, having the main character fall for a character just because of their proximity and gender is bad and I hate it (and it would have been bad with Mobius, too, but yeah.)

Both the Mobius and the Sylvie thing also feel kind of racist, to me, because the show has prominent Black women who aren't even presented as desirable to Loki. And y'all, of course, ship him with anyone but the Women of Color. Y'all can pull true love with Mobius out of your ass, but he couldn't possibly fall for the Black women. lol.

Anyway. Not every show needs ships, and this show shouldn't have had any. I hate it. It's bad.

I guess on the biphobia front, I have heard some takes that it's not biphobic because Loki being queer in the MCU which hasn't shown any queer relationships, and Loki being the first openly queer character means they shouldn't have shown him with a woman presenting character. Which, I guess I get where you're coming from... but I have also been in fandoms for a long time and I see mostly girls saying this shit, which is what leads me to feel like it's simply jealousy. It happens all the time when a long-beloved single male character/celebrity suddenly starts dating a woman. Everyone hates it. And like, we haven't seen Loki be with ANYONE in the MCU, because mostly he's been doing villainy and his dating life hasn't been relevant. If the demigod says he's bi, he can kiss a woman. Especially a woman version of himself. Like I said, I hate it for other reasons, but pretending it's because he should have kissed Mobius is utterly delusional. He probably shouldn't have kissed anyone. Not in this series. There was no reason for any canon romance, especially because the show has a season 2 and we'll have time to see Loki develop earned, deserved romance with someone.

I'd much rather see them create a character just to be his boyfriend than have y'all push Marvel into making Lokius canon, which is a nonsense ship that only happened because Mobius is the only prominent male-presenting character before we meet the other Lokis.

My sincere wish is for people to remember that their ships are just ships and to enjoy them without getting all self-righteous about it. I TOLD y'all that Lokius wasn't gonna be canon like 4 episodes back, and here y'all are acting shocked and like Marvel took something from you. NOBODY expected y'all to ship Lokius. It's not even queerbait.

You can make clear arguments as to why Sambucky was queerbait. It's there in undertones in the actual series.

You cannot watch Loki and tell me you thought it was queerbait, unless you think men can't have conversations or hug goodbye without being romantically involved. Which means, in my opinion, that you need to learn about healthy masculinity.

Again, this is not a defense of Marvel. They DO need to let characters be queer, for real, and not just by saying " A bit of both". Like, let Loki be queer. Let Deadpool be queer. Let these queer characters be queer on screen. Yes.

But please stop making it about your ship. I'd rather see a flashback of Loki dating a guy and see him kiss someone he loved back on Asgard than watch y'all force Lokius. Because my queer rep is not about your crackship. It really isn't. And the fact that y'all keep calling us homophobic for not liking your ship REALLY needs to be addressed.

Like, when will y'all stop? I got on Stucky shippers about this shit in the past. All of us gay as hell, too, we just don't like YOUR ship. A lot of us like other queer ships. A lot of us like queer ships in other fandoms, too, and even have queer OCs. YOUR ship just ain't it. Stop forcing it. Literally, most of the ship wars between MCU fans have been queer ship vs queer ship, not really queer ship vs straight ship. Like, the number one Stucky rival ship was Stony. Not Steggy. People are not homophobic for not wanting your ship.

Sometimes it's because they ship something else.

And sometimes, like me, it's because they want something to make sense narratively and not happen for the sake of it happening. It's always better writing to have a character meetcute a new love interest than to magically turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Like, even when the characters are straight. Like, when Moesha dated Hakeem. It was just weird, even if he was kind of a great boyfriend. He was just supposed to be her friend, and people didn't really like it because it didn't fit narratively.

And that's why ships for the most part should be left to fanfiction, with the exception of a few where fans are right to call out the writers for not making it canon because it's clearly bait (like what happened to Destiel shippers. To see Lokius shippers compare themselves to THAT was so ridiculous. Destiel shippers had a decade of evidence only to be let down by a criminally unfair ending. Lokius shippers saw two men have a deep conversation once and lost their minds.)

Anyway, I'm not saying don't ship Lokius. I don't even hate it, really. I just think it obviously shouldn't be canon, and fans pretending like they were robbed of it is ridiculous. Literally, Ao3 exists for this reason. I will never see Steve fuck Sam Wilson, so I wrote it into my fanfic. I am not mad that they didn't actually date in the main MCU storyline.

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ineedglasses · 4 years

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VK Character Analysis: Shizuka Hiou

Once in high school, an old friend who also read VK asked me who my favorite character was, and when I said Shizuka, she was shocked. Now her favorite was Zero, and she thought I hated Zero since I liked Shizuka, his enemy.

That is not true, I don’t hate Zero. For some reason, some Zero fans seem to think anyone that likes Shizuka hates Zero. There is NO correlation between liking Shizuka and hating Zero. Some people love them both, while some people hate them both.

Anyway, my friend seemed appalled when I told her my fav character and she asked me why. At that age I wasn’t the most articulate or the most patient, so I simply told her, “just because.” So, now that I have free time and because her question had bothered me for a while, I decided I should write down my thoughts on why I love Shizuka.

XXX

First of all, Shizuka was NOT actually insane.

Medically speaking, “insanity” is associated with conditions like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. There is no indication in the manga or anime that she exhibited any signs or symptoms of those diseases, such as hallucinations or delusions.

The regular definition of insane is to exhibit a severely disordered state of mind or to be affected with mental illness. Even by this definition, Shizuka was not insane.

She was aware of her actions and of what is right and what is wrong. The only time she can be considered “insane” is right after her lover was killed, when she was so overcome by grief and anger she could not think straight and focused on revenge without stopping to think who the real enemy was (cough, Rido). And in that state of severe emotional turmoil she went after the Kiryuus. But I do not think that can be considered true insanity, because it was a onetime occurrence.

Shizuka knows that she was wrong to kill the Kiryuus, because they were simply following orders and doing their job, and also because the real mastermind behind her lover’s death was Rido. She even acknowledges that her actions in regard to the Kiryuu parents and Zero were “sinful”, whereas a truly crazy person probably is unable or unwilling to admit that. If anyone were actually insane in VK, it would probably be Rido.

XXX

Secondly, she did NOT attack the Kiryuus out of a random whim or desire to do evil things.

All readers should already know this, since Hino explicitly states that Shizuka was motivated by revenge. Shizuka ONLY went after the Kiryuus because they wronged her first.

They killed her ex-human, the only person she ever loved. Hunters are only supposed to kill crazed level E’s and vampires that have harmed humans, but her lover was none of that. He should not have been killed by those standards.

But the Kiryuus were simply following orders without question, and killed someone they shouldn’t have, and thus they were killed in return.

For hunters, being killed by vampires seeking revenge is not a shocking end. Even Zero’s mom mentioned that, when they were packing, saying they should move soon so vampires do not find out where they lived. People who kill tend to get killed too, that’s just the reality of that sort of life. Zero’s parents were not normal, innocent civilians, they were people that killed vampires for a living. Thus, I don’t think Shizuka killing them is so shocking and unforgivable. I can understand why she attacked the Kiryuus, although it is still wrong (because hate breeds more hate, and the idea of an eye for an eye is not good).

What was truly unforgivable was that Shizuka turned Zero into a vampire, to hurt his parents as much as she can. This is where she went too far in her vengeance because children are innocent, it was only the parents that should be punished. And yes, I acknowledge that these actions are bad, even if I am her fan, I am not blind to her flaws.

Anyway, Shizuka would never have bothered crossing paths with the Kiryuus if they had never killed her lover.

XXX

Thirdly, although she was an antagonist in the story, she had her own moral code. She was not evil, and rather more of a neutral grey, and I appreciate characters like that.

She wasn’t like Rido, who used even his own son as a tool, and who did not care for anyone. Shizuka cared for Ichiru, despite the fact that he was her enemy’s son. She felt a sort of kinship with him because they were both alone and had nowhere to go. She gave him her own blood and flesh and refused to turn him the whole time they were together, even when she was dying, because she knew he would have been in more danger if he was a vampire instead.

Ichiru understood that she genuinely cared for him, because even when he was dying, he asked Zero to not hate her, even if Zero can’t forgive her.

Shizuka also kept her promise to Maria and gave the sickly girl her blood to make her better (in comparison, Rido just took over Senri’s body without asking for permission or giving him anything in return).

And thus Shizuka is a sympathetic villain, and Hino points that out in the interlude chapter where Ichiru comments how Shizuka was “beautiful even as she was dying”, in contrast to Rido, who Kaname once referred to as “the dregs of an ugly obsession.”

Even Kaname felt sympathy for her, because when he killed her, he didn’t just let her drop to the floor but caught her and laid her down carefully on the floor. He also assured her that he would not let her life be wasted, and that he would definitely end Rido.

XXX

And finally, she was a very tragic character, a victim of circumstances herself.

(This is her history, taken straight from her character profile in the official fan guide)

Shizuka was locked up in a cage as soon as she was born, because apparently some members of the Hio clan had also gone berserk before.

(On a side note, I doubt the Hious had a genetic defect leading to mental illness, it was probably a circumstantial thing, like how Rido most likely started off sane but life took directions that pushed him off the edge towards the end. After all, they are purebloods and their genes are supposed to be flawless. And Rido…I have so many thoughts about that dude, but I will save them for another post.)

Hino never stated how old Shizuka was, but since we know that Rido, Haruka, and Juri are “over 3000” according to the guidebook, she is probably around that age. If we treat the Fleeting Dreams novel as canon, then Shizuka is probably even younger than Juri, because Rido mentions that Shizuka was still “a tiny child” when his parents kept Juri away from him and engaged him to Shizuka instead. So, I assume that Shizuka spent almost 3000 years, her whole life, locked up in a cage with barely any company, except maybe the occasional visitor (like how child Kaname visited her once).

3000 years is a long, long time. To put it into perspective, the USA as a country is roughly 250 years old. So she was locked in a cage, all by herself for the timespan it would take 12 USAs to rise and fall. It is really a wonder how she did not actually go crazy and end up more damaged than she was!

Besides the tragedy of having her freedom taken away, no one loved or cared about her, something mentioned by both Maria and the guidebook. Shizuka herself commented that she was envious of Yuki, who had been cherished, unlike her.

(A bit of a tangent, but I am quite curious what happened to Shizuka’s parents. Why did they just let her be locked up? It is very irresponsible to bring a child into the world if you aren’t going to bother taking care of it. And it seemed she had family members because Kaname later on killed the head of the Hio clan. IDK what her familial relationship with that particular Hio man was, but she seemed to have been neglected by her own clan.)

Anyway, everyone probably treated her warily, like a bomb that might explode at any time. She was basically an outcast. Take for example how Aidou says it is unlucky to even mention her.

If there was someone besides her dead lover, Ichiru, and Maria, who did not treat her with suspicion or fear, it was probably Rido, and he certainly did not treat her well either. Ichiru mentions that Rido was the one who imprisoned her and changed the hunter list. Based on that, I assume Rido directly ordered her locked up, or used his influence with the Senate to have them lock her up. Either way, the dude had something to do with it.

Besides locking her up, Rido most likely treated her poorly, him being the way he is. His main issue with her is that she refused to become obedient like Senri’s mom. And IDK about the rest of you, but whenever a man says he wants to make a woman “obedient”, I get bad vibes. He probably did some shady and questionable things in his attempts to make her docile.

If Shizuka had been engaged to someone else other than Rido, someone more normal, like Isaya, her life would probably have been more bearable. Although Rido did not want her because he was unhealthily obsessed with Juri, he had to ruin Shizuka’s life and happiness instead of just letting her be. He did that out of some petty reasoning, basically “If I can’t be happy, you can’t be happy either”. His decision to put her lover on the execution list led to many tragedies.

This man is really the root of all evil in VK, LOL.

XXX

Finally, after all those centuries of loneliness, Shizuka met someone who treated her well, for the first time. Thus, her attachment to her ex-human lover was extremely strong, and it made sense why she could not move on, why she was so consumed by revenge. Unlike normal people who can find solace being comforted by friends and family, she doesn’t have that kind of support. And furthermore, she is a pureblood, all of whom have been shown to form extremely strong attachments to the ones they love, and have trouble moving on.

And regarding her lover, we can’t even be sure if he loved her back. Shizuka said that he most likely never forgave her until the end for turning him, and that he never yielded to her, but went with her when she proposed running away together because remaining with her was his only option. Honestly, her lover didn’t seem too happy being with her, or if he did care for her, their relationship was still strained and angsty, not the simple, lovey-dovey relationship Haruka and Juri had.

Overall, her romance was ill-fated, they simply would have never worked out because they were supposed to be predator and prey. I have a feeling that even if the Kiryuus hadn’t been assigned to kill him, she and her ex-human would not have had a happy ending regardless.

Anyway, after Shizuka lost him, she also lost her will to live. She only hung on to life out of the desire to kill Rido, but she wasn’t even seriously trying. Her biggest desire was to die, and we can see that in how she didn’t bother resisting when Kaname killed her. When she laid on the floor dying, she looked the most peaceful she had ever been. Later on, Maria (mistakenly thinking it was Zero who killed her) also commented that Shizuka probably wanted Zero to kill her. Sara also said Shizuka lost her will to live and mentioned how she doesn’t want to become like her.

Finally, Shizuka was definitely tragic, because even Kaname who killed her pitied her, commenting: “It’s sad isn’t it? I wonder if anyone truly understood her.”

I love this character partly because I feel so bad for her. While Zero suffered early on, he eventually got to marry the girl he loved and had a daughter with her. Kaname also got to be with Yuki, had a daughter with her and got to meet both daughters and experience being with family when he was revived. But Shizuka…her whole life was a tragedy, and the only time she was happy was that brief period when she was with her lover. However, the time she spend with him was a tiny drop, almost nothing compared to how long her life was overall.

A lot of characters in VK had sadness in their lives, but her life struck me as the worst. If I had to pick someone to be in VK, it would definitely not be her.

IMO, her life was screwed the moment she got engaged to Rido. Even though she wasn’t crazy, she was still locked up and treated like she was. Her circumstances/fate pushed her to make the choices she did and end up a villain. If fate had been kinder to her, she would not have become a villain at all.

Other reasons I love her are because of how beautiful and elegant she is, how she has an air of mystery and sadness, and how her story just interested me the most.

And I get that other people still hate/dislike her regardless of everything I mentioned, and that is alright. This is not meant to convince people to like her, but to explain why I personally love her. So don’t come at me trying to tell me why she is evil and I should be ashamed for liking her okay? (ง'̀-'́)ง

So! If you ever read this long post, Hazel, now you know why she is my favorite character.ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ

#Vampire Knight #Shizuka Hio #shizuka hiou #zero kiryu #Kaname Kuran #Rido Kuran

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borathae · 3 years

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Hiii :) after you’ve posted other people send you concerns about them getting back together I decided to write to you too 😬 I didn’t want to do it before because i didn’t want to upset anyone but since I’m not alone in feeling that way i want to send you my thoughts as well ❣️

First of all, the chapter was amazing as always! You’re such an amazing and talented writer! Thank you for sharing your work with us! ❤️🥺❤️

Now, when it comes to Lucky and Bunny so many things happened... I really don’t know if them being together is a good idea (although I guess that wasn’t your intention lol). But seriously, when it comes to JK alcohol addiction is very bad but I don’t know what did Lucky expect? That he will threw away booze and never drink again? She was an addict herself so she should know how hard it is to stop (only few people can say they’re done and actually never do this again) and knowing that their relationship is not stable it’s probably not helping him to get better (this is not Lucky’s fault, it’s just a general observation)... maybe it’s not a time for a romantic relationship for Bunny... I think it’s better if he get professional help (and I’m not thinking only about rehab but also therapy) and have a support system (I’m thinking about his sister and mom because they seem like they really care about him and love him), maybe Lucky can be friends with him and support him that way and later when he gets better they can start to think about relationship.. To be very realistic when you go to rehab they actually advise against having new romantic relationships and for at least a year after finishing rehab it’s better to stay single because you need to focus on yourself and getting your shit together rather than getting involved in emotional relation that can end good or bad and trigger some bad habits... also, I’m glad Lucky said he needs professional help but I think that if she talked with him when he’s sober and with no emotions.. maybe then Bunny would understand that he really needs it and would be willing to agree...

When it comes to the commitment issue.. it’s hard because Bunny doesn’t ask for too much at all... it’s okay to want to be the one and only and he definitely shouldn’t compromise on it... and the fact that Lucky can’t even show him that he is important to her (don’t even let me started on the fact that sex is a way to apologize and communicate for them because it never ends well) is very sad especially after what Bunny went through,.. I don’t agree on him comparing Lucky to “her” but it should make Lucky think about how she treats him and how that situation/relationship makes him feel if he’s comparing it to such horrible time in his life... I feel truly sorry for Bunny because he’s once again alone and kind of lonely (at least that what he is feeling) :(

On the other hand, Lucky is very conflicted and the reader can see and feel it... i honestly don’t know if she knows what she wants.. as was discussed after ch 10 it’s her decision to quit her job (and I still think it is) but debating whether to break up with Bunny or keep working was very weird to me because this job doesn’t even gets her a lot of money?? She could sell the Rolex she got from Bunny and have more money then after working for a few months....

idk maybe Bunny was a person she needed to meet to see that she still can open up to someone and trust them and show her that she deserve to love and be loved and that’s the life lesson for her.. and maybe she was a person for Bunny who finally saw his struggles and helped him get help and also showed him that he still can fall in love and his life didn’t end after “she” broke up with him..

they’re just so insecure in this relationship and they hurt each other so much because of it and they straight out toxic for each other... Please, don’t get me wrong they are not wrong for each other but they’re definitely not good for each other either... I don’t know what will happen in future chapters but now it seems like it’s better if they’re apart and i really don’t see them getting back together... maybe they’re suppose to be each other “life lessons” in order to grow and become a better people..

I hope I don’t offend anyone.. I tried to articulate my thoughts as best as I can :) and I really appreciate all you hard work!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

P.S. and about JK’s worker.. she is so annoying 🙄 but thankfully JK is rich and probably has the best lawyers and if she is pregnant (Idk maybe she’s pretending.. 👀) you can do DNA test when the baby is still in the womb so I’m sure they will resolve it quickly :)

Omfg whY do y'all want them to be apart so fkcing bad? Jesus christ I should have fkcing deleted the chapter. I was literally contemplating. Ask @tipsydipsydo that poor woman had to listen to 50 minutes of voice messages of me trying to figure out if I should keep it in or not omfg. But I decided to keep it because I didn’t want to pretend like they don’t have issues and that those issues wouldn’t backlash in their relationship.

And then I get messages like "you should delete entire story sucky sucks" and I’m just like ??? It was literally one angst chapter showcasing the bad times in a relationship? chill omfg

Anyways that's not your rant to bear, but thanks for your input I guess? I reconsider the other chapters then and maybe make them just friends or something if that’s what you guys really want.

#asks: aaol #asks #anon

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mswyrr · 5 years

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One of the big arguments in the early 2000s in Romance fandom was over depictions of rape. In particular, all the shades of rape that heroes were depicted committing: from physically assaultive but interpretable stuff, to dubcon where men who got consent coercively intentionally “made it hurt” for a heroine to “punish” her for some perceived wrong, to “forced seduction” noncon material clearly intended to be fantasy, to outright brutal rape. I was young and found the whole thing very triggery and wasn’t articulating that well. But for a lot of us that was a hard limit: to be able to go into a love story certain that a man who committed rape wasn’t going to get a happily ever after.

And there were a few stories (a small minority) where the “hero” was not just... a fantasy rapist, he was a committed, prolonged sexual torturer of the heroine. There was one about a woman who was a prisoner and another about a kidnapped courtesan that had that kind of plot. They were very rare, but those individual cases stuck out to me particularly because I was so young and not handling my mental health stuff well at all.

It was difficult to articulate that absolute need for a hero to not have committed rape (even the “forced seduction” kind) in a story while also not invalidating the real pleasure women got in rape fantasy. I remember I did not express myself well a times.

At one point, a big name author told me off in a blog comments discussion for suggesting that there could be some kind of warning--like in fanfic--in small print at the back of the book, so those of us who needed to check could check and avoid content that would upset us. She said that would be censorship.

Man, antis would blow her mind, eh? LOL If she thought my idea was authoritarian nonsense...

It probably was total nonsense, in terms of the publishing industry and what’s possible. IDK. I just wanted to enjoy fantasies without the really horrible reactions surprise rapist/rape-y in certain ways heroes gave me. But I also wasn’t expressing myself well or pulling away from it the way I needed to.

Anyway. I find myself in a strange place, looking at crusading Tumblr early 20somethings. I kind of get some of their issues (the ones who genuinely have trauma or other problems, not the people just cynically using these things to score points in ship wars) but, at the same time, their methods and ideas freak me out, honestly and plainly.

I remember feeling “protective” of the heroines, even though they weren’t real. Looking back, I think a fair amount of that was jealousy of the heroes for getting to have them and being such louts about it. But at the time I had no idea I was bi so... lol

I guess now I have to say that I’ve grown older and experienced enough to have sympathy for the big name author who took it upon herself to smack down my comment? I still think it was unkind, but I get why she felt compromising at all on her absolute freedom as an author would be dangerous. Especially when I had been kind of rant-y in expressing my discomfort with rape in the novels... I wasn’t approaching it in a persuasive way at all, suffice it to say.

That’s been my experience so far in life: mistakes, regret, and then ending up on the other side of something, understanding all too well how someone else might have felt. It really kicks you in the unmentionables lol

The simple truth is that there’s a *huge* range of things women want in fantasy. And they’re valid. It’s not as simple as all straight women wanting one thing and all of us wlw wanting another or all survivors wanting one thing and non-survivors wanting another either, though Tumblr discourse paints it that way. Tastes can change even for the same person within their lifetime!

There’s just tons upon tons of personal preferences in fantasies. And I really do think tagging systems are a huge leap forward; it was my very ability to easily filter out rape in fanfic that I so desperately wanted in Romance novels. But the idea that women--particularly “good women,” in whatever terms that is defined--should all want the same things in fantasy often lends painful heat to discussions. It makes drawing boundaries and trying to be respectful a question of someone’s personal moral worth rather than a taste preference, which is all it really is.

A food allergy can kill, but that doesn't mean eating peanuts is evil for someone who loves the taste and has no allergy. Just because material is trigger-y for one person doesn’t mean it has any moral weight. It is no more inherently wrong than peanuts.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #some anti bs #rape cw #purity culture

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mcjour · 3 years

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ok so this is a secret blog so i don’t expect anyone to be reading this (and if anyone is reading this, wtf??? leave). but just on the off chance someone stumbles across this i will include this content warning for me processing racism as a white person. and ofc my normal mental health issues and ptsd shit and bla bla bla

so i watched the interview with oprah and meghan and harry and it resurfaced some of the stuff i have been processing. with my old job. and weaponizing white tears basically.

because i have been really struggling with what happened. obviously. it’s all i have been thinking about for literally over an entire year. love ptsd. not.

basically i had a shitty boss who was my ex friend. i am white. she is a woman of color. she treated me like shit. when i talk about what happened to me, people outside of the organization are like wow that’s really fucked up. people inside of the org cut off contact with me. i THINK it’s because the org is a literal cult and i criticize the cult and obviously if you are in a cult then you can’t really accept criticism of the cult. also some people were her friend too so obviously they would side with the friend over me. idk.

but there’s part of me that is like??? maybe i did something racist??? and that’s why she was so rude to me??? or the thing that happened on the last day of the retreat?? was that racist???? i feel like i did something wrong and i don’t know what it is and that kills me.

like. i feel like what happened HAS to be my fault. because i can’t make heads or tails of why else the things that happened happened. and because i don’t know WHAT i did, maybe it was something racist that i just don’t see because i am white???? which is so............. i don’t even have the words.

but when i think back on some of the events of what happened, i could see how an outsider could think that i was weaponizing white tears and being manipulative and using mental health as an excuse...

i do not believe that is what happened.... but maybe it is..?

and i hate that, that wasn’t what was happening at all. but when abuse happens you feel like it’s your fault. it has to be your fault. news flash, marginalized people can be awful too. they aren’t a monolith and they aren’t always right about everything oppression related. granted, they are probably more likely to be right than a white person LOL, but there are plenty of problematic poc too.

it’s hard, because which of us had more power? we both held power in different ways. she was my boss, she was cis and straight. i was white.

what happened on the last day of the retreat wasn’t good. i know stepping away was a bad choice, but so was staying. i couldn’t win either way. i still stand by my choice: that i couldn’t participate in that activity. it was an awful thing as a white person to step out of. i will freely admit that. but i was literally having a ptsd flashback (that started the day BEFORE, not related to the activity), and i would’ve distracted people with my unrelated sobbing, and i would’ve gotten exactly ZERO out of the activity because my mind was literally not in the present. but they wanted my body there. idk how that was supposed to help. it was cruddy no matter what. i was happy to have that conversation at literally any other time just not during the midst of a flashback. but it is a one time event. i get that. it wasn’t fair on either side.

but i could see, if you were someone who didn’t realize i was literally in a flashback, that it would be wacky af to see me just skip that.

and that brings up the question of like??? which trumps the other?? a mental health crisis or a conversation on racism?? IDK. I guess that’s where I get stuck. i think a lot of white people can feign a mental health crisis to evade those conversations. and that’s really fucked up. and makes me look bad. that wasn’t what i was doing at all. but from the outside, how do you see the difference? my crisis was from something the previous day, but how would anyone know that? even i was at a loss for words. i mean, i was legitimately in a ptsd flashback, i didn’t exactly have the words for why i needed to go home at that moment.

and i thought maybe people could see that. like. i’m not advocating for a “free pass” or anything like that. but also i have the demonstrated history of having and facilitating these conversations. i speak up all the time, participate in a lot of these things. i’m not saying it’s enough. i’m not saying i’m a perfect ally. but idk there’s a difference between skating around issues all the time and walking out just one time.in fact i fully intended to ask others about what happened/ but in nicer words. i wasn’t trying to avoid the conversation, i was literally sick.

i hate that they did that to me. they didn’t really give me a good option. the best option was to let me go home. i was very very unwell. i wish i had asked the night before, but i didn’t realize how bad i was. i thought i could sleep it off. i couldn’t. what the hell. they talk about self care a whole lot yet they trigger a flashback and don’t let me take care of it?

then we did go home bla bla bla weekend happens and monday happens. and my boss is pissed about what happened. not for me, but for what i did. i can’t blame her. i knew it wasn’t a good look. and i couldn’t really articulate what was happening. so when she was yelling at me, i wasn’t really upset about the yelling and the tone. like i understood. well that’s not the right word. but what really got to me was the cruel things she said. it was personal attacks. not even about what had happened anymore. just attacks on who i was as a person. and truthfully i had not even fully come out of the flashback yet. in retrospect i should’ve stayed home that day, but i felt like i would be judged for that. so here i was, in a flashback, and this woman is kicking me when i’m already down. and that pushed me to the edge. i was inconsolable. they brought me to the hospital because i wanted to hurt myself

and this is the other place i’m stuck. like... was that me being manipulative?? was this me weaponizing my mental health? once again, what trumps what? i think she had a right to express her frustration with me. but i was still in a flashback! that’s not her fault either, and how would she have known that? but i think she still took it too far when she was saying things like everybody hates me, i’m a terrible person who has never done anything for anyone but myself, etc. and she used to be my friend, so it felt like she was targeting exactly where she knew it would hurt. so where is the line, i guess. i don’t want to tone police an upset woman of color, but it felt like this became something else entirely. like this was no longer about what happened the previous week before.

and it’s not true??? people didn’t hate me (or, idk, i guess she must’ve), and i did things for people all the time....

and once again i wish i had the language back then to better communicate what was happening. it would’ve helped me. and maybe some people would not have been so upset. i may not have been forgiven entirely and that’s ok, but at least i would’ve stood a better chance with some things

i try to think about it in another perspective. i am not saying racism and other forms of oppression are equivalent and can be switched out. i know this is not true. but for the purposes of my own processing exercise, i had to imagine, what would i feel if this were me. if we were having some sort of conversation about homophobia perhaps, and a straight person disappeared.

LMAO first of all that cult did not give a fuck about lgbt people anyway so it’s not even a realistic exercise.

ok well. truthfully.... i might be confused. maybe a little annoyed. i think i would give someone the benefit of the doubt. like idk... most people wouldn’t just leave to go fuck around for an hour (and those people who would are not relevant to this conversation). or i wouldn’t even notice they were gone.

there is one person i would notice actually. because i would probably keep looking over at her. because she was homophobic and was not exactly secretive about it. so of course i would want her there. and would probably be pissed if she wasn’t. but also i know she has a disability. and so if she had said “oh my disability is acting up” maybe i would be suspicious, but why not believe her? and yeah it would suck that she missed that conversation and all those testimonials. i would also probably check in with a few people to make sure she was caught up on the things that were said. not personal stories, but whatever else was said. i could see being truly very annoyed about it. i could see snapping at this girl maybe, not knowing what to believe (and i think that’s kind of ableist of me, honestly). but i can not imagine the conversation ever turning the way it turned on me. telling her that everyone hates her and she’s never done anything for anyone, etc. ???? what???????

and i wish i came up with another excuse. i mean i didn’t come up with any excuse, i just told the truth. but i wish i lied and said i was shitting my brains out or something. i feel like that would’ve been more acceptable, a physical illness isntead of a mental illness. like if i said i had stepped out because my bowels were exploding, could people be mad at me??? idk.. like would they want me to poop my pants to say my body was there? probably not. so what is the difference between diarrhea and ptsd?

and i hate that i dwell on that shit. working at that place was toxic as fuck, and i needed to quit. honestly, i had considered it a bit before that, and by the time my boss was calling me names, i was leaning further and further towards it. but i loved those kids. and so it was difficult for me to plant both feet firmly in that truth. maybe i would’ve gotten there sooner rather than later. but they fired me for having mental health problems. how truly fucked up, fired for having a ptsd flashback that THEY TRIGGERED WITH THEIR STUPID ACTIVITY THAT THEY KNEW WAS TRIGGERING! AHHHH! anyway back to the point. i hate that instead of being like “wow i wish i quit before it got to that point/ got that bad” all of my thoughts and my nightmares have been like “well if i did this instead of this, and if i had done xyz, then maybe they wouldn’t have fired me” i know leaving the org was so important, regardless of how it did happen. but my brain is still stuck on “how can i not get fired. what could i have done differently”

and the truth is probably nothing. like ok even if i had been the most angelic person ever that whole retreat (therefore no need for the follow up), i’m sure something else would’ve come up down the line. this wasn’t truly ~out of nowhere~, i had been gaslighted etc for the months prior.

(which reminds me how she said i was disengaged and disrespectful the whole retreat. what? if you just remove the mental health drama for a moment.... i led an activity, actively participated in another activity (about, gasp, racism), shared during a writing activity (where people complimented me, and one girl even came up to me crying telling me about how i impacted her) so yeah... so disengaged... (did you mean.... dissociated)... such a bad role model

also......... that cult is racist. not explicitly i guess. i mean they parade themselves as a social justice org. but.... the whole org reeks of white saviorism, and they def exploit labor of all of their “volunteers” but esp the marginalized ones. so idk why i care if these random white people think i’m racist when they clearly don’t have a grasp on their own. i don’t mean that in any “holier than thou” way, just.... i hate the way my brain works. in that i just crave acceptance so badly that i can’t even step back and be like “why even want these people”

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cap-ney-ney · 4 years

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Sorry this is so late my brain was too fuzzy to figure out answers lol

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I was super young like six or seven I had a crush on my piano teacher, I thought she was the prettiest woman I had ever met and I would get super nervous during every lesson

2. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life? I regret not pursuing a career in something I’m actually interested in earlier and some dumb decisions I made over the last few years stuff I definitely could have handled better.

7. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Having a lot of people’s attention on me all of a sudden is the quickest thing to embarrass me like if just one person has all their attention me then its okish but more than that and I’m doneso

11. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why? Honestly I’ve travelled a lot and seen some really nice places but I haven’t seen anywhere that has lived up to how beautiful Yosemite National Park was. I’d be happy to spend months there

12. Are ghosts real? Ghosts probs not.. weird unexplainable energies probs yes

15. What are your favourite style of underwear? Shorts they are by far the comfiest

16. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Sad music is my jam but this is difficult.. maybe Charon by Keaton Henson or really anything from him, his music gets extra sad points due to the show In the Flesh.. if you know you know

17. How about the sweetest song? ok not exactly my jam but the two songs coming to my mind for being super sweet are An Evening I Will Not Forget by Dermot Kennedy and Jane by Picture This

26. If you could buy one material thing, and money was not an issue, what would it be? Either a new macbook with every add-on possible because my 2012 Macbook Pro is slowly dying and currently held together by thermal paste ooooooor those really nice super expensive Bose noise cancelling headphones oooooor a new fancy DSLR oooooor some new lens for my camera ooooooor if we want to go BIG then a transit van thats fully kitted out to be lived in so I can spend the rest of my life travelling. Can you tell I like nice things?

29. What’s the best way to comfort you when you’re having a really terrible day? If you’re my person then cuddles and curling up and watching one of my favourite movies would do it.. if you’re not my person then my love languages are words of affirmation and gifts so telling me it will all be ok and that I will be ok and giving me something that shows you care and know me really well (it could literally be my favourite candy bar or a doodle you drew)

30. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before? Not that I know of

31. Would you ever adopt a child? 100% yes I used to believe I’d never want to get married or have kids but lately I’ve been growing a lot and rethinking that vision of my future I definitely want to foster when I’m at a stable point in my life financially, emotionally and mentally and if that leads to adoption I am so ok with that and I for sure never want to get pregnant and push another human being out of my body that just isn’t for me

33. If you were a cake which cake would you be? Ice-cream cake!

35. What is the most important memory you have and why? A memory I always go to is when I was 5 and I was super into Toy Story at the time and my uncle and aunt that were minding me and my sisters had just bought me a Buzz Lightyear mask but because I was a tiny human and the mask was a tad too big I couldn’t see through the eye holes we were in the hospital going to visit my mum who was really sick and I remember being so excited to show her my cool new mask that I kept running down the corridors and then running straight into walls and columns Idk it’s just something that always comes back to me

39. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? There is probably a lot of stuff but nothing specific comes to mind I’m really bad with words and speaking and articulating what I mean so I am trying to get better at apologising gotta normalise owning up to being wrong and doing wrong

40. Have you been on your first date? If so, how did it go? Yes it was super awkward I was 19 and it was a set up by a friend at the time cause she was friends with both of us and knew we liked each other so she set up a triple date with me, her, her bf at the time, the girl I was interested in, and her bf’s best friend and his gf, yup so it was the six of us in a tiny Indian restaurant and wait for it on Valentine’s Day yup it was very weird and the friend who set us up could have probably picked something tad less full-on. The girl and I only dated for like 2 months and then she broke up with me over text lol

#answered

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possibilistfanfiction · 7 years

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hey jude!!! just read ur last anon abt being nb and wondered if u could talk abt ur own gender experience?

well basically i didnt grow up in a very open household, like rly Zero discussion of gender, so i know i Experienced gender entirely but i played almost exclusively with the boys in my class until probably grade 6 or 7, & at puberty, even tho i was a better athlete than most boys in my class still, i started hanging out with girls more, at recess, etc. i was always into androgyny, even if i had no idea (& i didn’t) what that was—i liked some femme things, absolutely, but i wanted nothing to do w skirts or pretty shoes. i wanted to be in adidas running sneakers 24/7 if i could help it, & i wore a uniform to school w the option of a skirt/pants, & im p sure i always wore pants. at the time this, to me, seemed more functional, & it was, but it was also, as i can understand now, something that made me feel Less like a girl, although not at all like a boy.

when i was older, 12, 13, 14, my parents wanted me to dress nicer, & i was v much into like american eagle shit, although by mid hs i was into some vintage stuff. one rly big odd style influence for me was mia wasikowksa in this weird movie called restless bc it was this v soft femme androgyny & i think for me this kind of gender expression became very important to see & understand. it wasn’t that she didn’t look like a girl, or that she wasn’t a girl, but she also sometimes looked like a boy, or wore boys clothes, but she wasn’t butch. idk this movie sent me for a loop honestly lol.

& obviously my understanding of gender expression didn’t correlate (& doesn’t correlate!) w so many gender identities, & “passing” is extremely harmful as a notion, etc. but when i was younger my understanding of gender & sexuality was very limited & began to expand when i saw very femme but still andro ppl, even tho i couldn’t articulate it at the time.

when i was a teenager i knew i didnt want to rly have a single thing to do w any boy, which made me sure i was a lesbian bc thats the only narrative i’d rly known abt queerness, or queer women, or even queer ppl who presented as femme. there werent any out lesbians at my school (no fucking way), & the only out queer kid at all was a white gay guy a year older than me, who was popular in the way white gay boys can be popular in high school. but i read voraciously, was fascinated by the crossdressing in shakespeare (paris in the merchant of venice was a particular fixation of mine?) & anyway. i knew i was queer, i knew i liked girls, & i knew i was outrageously uncomfortable w my body, particularly my breasts. for a long time i thought this was because i was ashamed of my sexuality, when i came to sort of understand that, but ofc now i know abt dysmorphia & dysphoria, so yknow. knowledge.

when i went to college i came out big time, & it became very important to me to both be queer & look sort of queer but not queer enough to be Queer—i wanted ppl to be like ‘maybe into girls, but maybe straight.’ as im sure many of us know, this was a lot of internalized shame abt a lot of things, so that sucks. however, i cut my hair which was like the first comfortable thing i had done for my appearance in a v long time, & also smth which my parents hated & i did anyway. i wore a Lot of rly femme stuff bc they hated it tho? so this was all v confusing for me bc my parents are v homophobic, & here i was in college starting to read queer theory & gender theory & falling in love w like. the most beautiful, brilliant girl, & also spiraling into a mixed episode after i got diagnosed w bipolar I, which sort of put everything else on the backburner for a year.

eventually tho i sorted that out (as much as u can sort smth like that out) & i started to rly pay attention to androgyny. i went to europe & i think theres a whole bunch of nuances to fashion that exist there that certainly arent here, & i spent a winter in warsaw so there were aspects to fashion & expression there that were entirely abt functionality, which i was v attracted to. in college, as well, & especially after college, gender became smth i was v much invested in bc i was (& absolutely am) a feminist, so my place in the canon & zeitgeist was one as a queer female writer. it was so so central to who i was, & what i was writing abt. every single thing i wrote in college was in some way a balm, some sort of piece abt myself, learning abt trauma & the body. sorting through a lot of hurt. i could write a theory piece abt elizabeth bishop & reading it back now i know it was also abt me, that kinda stuff.

when i went to toronto i rly rly started being invested in looking critically at gender & my experience of it bc being read as a woman was smth that was grating on me, even tho i had identified as woman for so long, & had no desire at all to transition. i know 100% i am not a trans man, so that was confusing for a long time because i sort of knew there was a space between but it was very hard to conceptualize. eventually i sort of came to understand gender is a color wheel where cis boys are blue & cis women are pink & then theres literally a ton of other colors out there, so yknow. lots of different experiences of gender. some days i feel much more strongly like i identify w women (in mostly political situations, it matters to me to be read as “female” sometimes bc rights for ppl w vaginas AND trans women are FUCKED UP in so many places). some days i hate the idea of identifying as a woman. i also never want to identify as a man. so when i was in toronto i rly started to know a LOT of queer ppl w so many different expressions of gender. & we were all young & lovely & open & fucked up & we would get fucked up but we would also go read together in the park & wander around alleys in the snow & like. there’s a Muchness to toronto that i experienced that helped me, personally, understand these intersections between my own sexuality & gender & expression as much more than just a gay woman who isn’t butch & isn’t femme. i was rly lucky to become part of a community that identified as Queer, & so i became v much understanding of these different aspects of my own identity that fell outside of binary—my sexuality, my gender. Queerness is a vital & profound thing to me & i was rly able (& so fortunate) to have a close friend group of mostly queer ppl & then a few of the actual literally most incredible allies i’ve ever known & will ever know.

so then from there i just rly kinda thought abt things & like i got a binder & stuff in TO but rly started to evaluate my dysmorphia & dysphoria (i had struggled really badly w an eating disorder in/post college) & was able to sort out that so much of it had to do w feeling uncomfortable in the way my body was read in the world. & that will always happen bc i LOVE makeup & i have a “feminine” voice & sometimes i love skirts & i shave my legs bc i like how it feels sometimes & i dont ever want to go on T—none of these things make anyone ANY gender, but ofc theyre coded as “female.” but i’m learning to just yknow educate where i can & take a lot of solace in the community of ppl i have fostered who support & understand my Being. i’ve also allowed myself to be invested in aesthetics & fashion & how much a role that plays bc like. yah fuck Yah i look cool shit bc my friends love it & absolutely i wanna wear the same vans maia mitchell has & i want a melodrama hoodie & i LOVE local toronto designers & their angsty patches abt sad songs & whiskey but i love fashion born out of histories that is connected to smth i can understand, like queer punk movements, or smth my friends & i share, like blundstones (which are gender neutral, which is cool). i’m fascinated in how ppl express their Selves, & we are so unfortunately Finite in our bodies in the sense that that’s rly how the world, in our day to day interactions, processes who & what we are. so i invest in the care of mine by trying to listen to it, trying to make it comfortable—& clothing is a huge thing that can do that. also its fun so anyone who thinks loving (ethical, cool) fashion is vain can eat my ass

anyway lmao now i have a p decent sense, atm at least, of what makes my body its most comfortable (even if that is v far from Comfortable at times). i love my tattoos, & i basically never rly want long hair again i’m p sure, & i love makeup, & if i could wear vans or blundstones every day for the entirety of my life at this point that would be incredible. those are easy things, & i try to allow my body, in its cultural place, to have access to them as much as possible, which is so important to me in a sense of having access to a physical space that matches my mental space of gender identity. politically sometimes i feel v v much a “woman” in terms of my lived experience, & i allow that of myself as well. sometimes when i write it’s important to me that my poetry be read as a queer person but also someone who is culturally coded as a woman, bc those are still always central concerns of my work—the trauma, the power there. but day to day i’m mostly happy spending my time obsessing over other things, like what to call this new genre of music halsey & lorde are making, or why my dog stevie is a Fanatic when it comes to ice cubes. ive come to enough terms w my gender, & my sexuality—& the expression thereof—that unless someone is talking abt gender, or someone asks me a question, it’s not smth that is constantly on my mind, which is. Nice. its so nice lol.

also i would like to point out that i know my experience being non binary is rly rly white & western in so many ways & i get that. my cultural experience of non binary gender is also v much this like. ive felt frustrated before but never in my life have i felt scared to be non-binary while i was like out & abt in the world, bc i still pass as a cis white woman literally everywhere all the time (which has its pros & cons but like, still, a lot of privilege). so i do try to keep all of that in mind as well when i try to center myself & all that jazz

& who tf knows where all of that will take me. i feel like, bc ive learned to listen to my body & my brain so much better than i did when i was younger—even when they might hate themselves—i am so much better at filling up a space in the world that occupies smth healthy. which is not smth i take lightly, & i’m also so open to changes, as long as they feel good & beneficial & true. which is sort of new for me. who knows man ur mid twenties are a wild ride

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kalikoke · 7 years

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I’ve been biting my tongue about this but I’ve seen you all reblog that post about how fictional women being a relationship does not make them weak.

Which is true. But something about that post really rubs me the wrong way. I’m frustrated seeing it repeatedly on my dash and I’ve struggled to articulate what I find...lacking?

I think my issue with it is that by and large society still views a woman’s worth by what man they’re with. It is still uncommon to see women and girls in fiction and especially fandom not have at least 1 storyline be dedicated to which dude they’re with, but particularly with who they’re sleeping with.

Honestly, I’m focusing primarily on women/girls attracted to dudes because wlw aren’t exactly common to see in media either. Yes we’re making strides but it’s far from adequate.

I’m also not really talking about instances where a particular pairing is one that is also uncommon to see in media, for example when one or two of the people is a poc. (See: K*rolsen, West/allen.)

But I digress.

I mean have you talk to straight people outside of tumblr? For example, my straight women friends.

Every other conversation we have is about them feeling bad that they don’t have a boyfriend. It’s continual source of frustration for me to see them do this.

(Also apparently they still don’t understand that this is far from my priority because oh, idk, I’m not really attracted to men lol).

So while a woman’s relationship with someone of the opposite sex or pursuit thereof does not make them weak, there should still be some acknowledgement that it is still uncommon to see women/girl characters not have some aspect of their characterizations whether in the source material or fandom be defined by who they’re with (especially who they’re fucking lol).

I don’t know, I really just take issue with that post everyone’s reblogging without this acknowledgement.

There’s a different post pointing out the issues with that post but I can’t find it.

Just my two cents.

#I didn't want k/arolsen and w/estallen to be found in the search results because this isn't really a post about them #I love those pairings actually #I just didn't want the shippers thereof to see this post (Which is more general)#an example of one of those ships that doesn't exactly bring up the woman character: kermel #but you all knew that #I doubt any of you is going to read this but whatever lol I just had to get it out there #and come to think of it that OP probably meant straight relationships (as in the woman isn't bi/pans)#and where the two are...oh idk white

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