#but tbh its my lifes goal

[deus-ex-mona]

series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:

#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨ #and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate #so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah. #thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou #i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh #compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol #i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help— #so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig #my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa #i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control… #b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you #tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao #so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol #but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato) #so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though #either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane #i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date… #at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration… #…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig. #oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far… #i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience. #help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m. #anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee

[soldier-poet-king]

Well bit the bullet and forewarned my parents about the tattoo appt so I don't just show up one day with it, but took the cowards way out and did it while they're out of town and won't be back til Friday so I don't have to face the ire as my mother cools down

#franposting #my nonna on the other hand. im just. i dont think im gonna say anything at all tbh #it just. is what it is. #maybe putting art i have craved for so long on my body #is a way of learning to inhabit myself. of autonomy. of seeing myself as a person #not just like. a use made for a specific end #yes telos has a place but also maybe my telos isnt just to exist and burn myself up for every other person's whim #out of a sense of a guilt and an apology for my own existence #maybe. idk. maybe the duty and martyrs complex is right tho #idk. idk. been thinking a lot about family lately and how everything mostly just hurts. #the good days are just. neutral. theyre good by virtue of not being actively bad #but im realizing i genuinely dont know how to care for people or relate to people properly and its just. well. hm. #that sure is a thing im gonna have to live with for the rest of my life #i feel odd and unsettled and offputting even to myself. alas. #honestly work being unfulfilling and boring is part of the problem #without concrete clear and interesting goals and tasks i lose direction and fall apart #i need to be focused on things and tasks or else I'll die. or navel gaze my way into solipsism

[thestamp3d3]

i cant get over how absolutely insane satosugu is...gege was born to write yaoi forced to write shounen

#sorry i remembered hidden inventory arc n im insane about them again :(( SAD LITTLE GAY PEOPLE IN MY PHONE!!! #nah but it just...OUGHHH they make me so upset!!! #its just they way they start out immediately understanding each other bc gojo has been alone on a pedestal basically his entire life+ #but then he meets geto who treats him like a normal dude!!! not a weapon!!! and just watching them annoy each other as normal teens + #makes me emotional bc theres so much cruelty and just DEATH in their world but at the least they have each other to get through it!!! #theyre the strongest together after all right!!! then toji happens and gojo starts to perfect his abilities with him automating infinity #and then the gap between the two just gets wider and wider...until the final confrontation where the one who understood gojo all this time #not only leaves him but calls him arrogant at the same time showing gojo the ONLY person who he though understood just..doesnt+ #and hes left alone again in the same place he was years ago...AND OUGHHHHH #idk i watched a video analysis of hidden inventory where the guy said geto was just as egotistical as gojo except in having a savior comple #and tbh i never though of that before!! but looking back it makes sense with how he spoke to riko + the way he slaughtered the whole villag #to not just save the girls but also prove to himself that he could make the world he wanted #the guy in the video put it basically that since the gap between gojo and geto was so wide geto would rather be the best villain+ #than second best hero and that makes a lot of sense since his ideals/goals as a villain go against his usual rational behavior #he KNOWS its probably impossible (for him at least it wouldnt be for gojo which he admits) but he has to do it for himself #sorry im rambling but AHHHHHH how tf did gege write this??? its such a small part of the story but its arguably the catalyst for everything #aside from plot wise it simply just is impactful emotionally! gege had to go thru a toxic codependent homoerotic friendship to write this+ #theres just no other way #jjk #jujustu kaisen #gojo satoru #geto suguru #satosugu

[shepherdenjoyer]

sometimes when i get stuck in my own head and doubts i wonder if a shepherd is the right choice but then i think about it, and there is nearly nothing, if anything at all that i, in theory, dislike about those dogs. i could make a whole list. hell you could make a list and i'd go through and be like, yeah, i'll take that.

#mine #i know it will be a wild ride and maybe one day i'll even be proven wrong about what i just said but for now. yeah. i'll stick to it #i want a dog that will take me out into the world and lead me to opportunities and experiences i would've never even thought of on my own #and like. i am expecting some struggles. i know things wont be perfect all the way through it would be silly to think they would be #but its a challenge im willing to take on and doing my best to prepare for #i will give my world for this future dog #and all the ones that will come after as well because i cant imagine my life without a dog by choice tbh #i know i sound dramatic but !!! i feel very strongly about this !!! #i've also had this nagging feeling that people all around me disapprove of this decision/goal/want #but i've got to live a little and stop being so preoccupied about what people that i dont even know think #i'll take feedback but not just from anyone #a lot of rambling this evening but god i just love dogs so much i love dutchies so much. i think calling it a passion would be appropriate

[swankpalanquin]

the funny thing about that em forster resolutions post is that before seeing it i had literally just wrote in my journal: 'I have a lot to think about this year but I also want to like not overanalyze everything, like I always do.'

#i like to navel gaze but its not always productive #cos the new year and my bday are very close its a good time to do like a life check in and make goals and plans #things don't usually work out tbh but its calming to me to at least pretend to have a plan

[hirokiyuu]

i dont think im going to make a large/long self reflection post this year mostly bc this was quite genuinely the worst year of my life but also i have definitely like. hit a point wehre i think things will get better. so thats nice and i like that part

#things keep happening too i wont lie. but i have made it thru #was talking abt this w/my aunt recently but tbh my goal is to make it thru this school year #before i make any sort of like. long-term plans LOL #i can stay employed at this place at least another year its a good job and i do it well i htink #and next year when i am slightly less scrombled i can make like. Life Decisions (continuing education? new job???) #but for now my 2024 goals are: make friends in this area and cry less than once a week #which are both achieveable i just gotta Get There LOL #personal

[seafoamplant]

If I could impart one thing on the tumblr media discourse, it would be the idea of framing. Sometimes characters are bad on purpose. Sometimes they're bad on accident. Both instances say something about the story

#tbh? this is coming up in my brain because ive been thinking about gossip girl #the mikes mic video just came out #and i was like 'hang on. blake lively plays the exact same character in both gossip girl and sisterhood of the traveling pants' #but sisterhood is more meaningful and gossip girl is more. frustrating #probably because one frames livelys character as a vulnerable grieving teen who is not responsible for how adults take advantage of her #(more or less) #and one frames livelys character as an irresistable seductress. the dream girl. if you're with her youve one. shes the golden trophy #but let me be clear. serena has been taken advantage of by the adults in her life since she was a child #she cant grow because she knows no other way #but gossip girl isnt interested in that idea #also? theyre two different pieces of media with two different goals. im entertained by mikes recaps of gg. its pretty wack #its not bad. and i would even say its fun to like it. lily is mother and all that #it just like. it should give you SOME pause. if a 18/19 year old is dating a 26 year old married man because he finds her so irresistible #and the show frames that as 'yeah. thats serenas charm. shes the it girl' #then. thats bad lmao. that doesnt make me a purist #if youre with her youve won* lmao

[todayisafridaynight]

Loving all the Mine chat today! In a world where neither of them have Daigo to fixate on (for whatever reason) what do you think interactions between Mine and Masato/Aoki would be like? All your comics have them obv pitted against one another (always gives me a giggle gotta say!!) but I'm curious bout your thoughts on them/their potential interactions if Daigo wasn't part of the equation. I think they could be so evil together in whatever capacity. Real "I could make him worse" territory.

Sorry if this is a bit silly (I know removing Daigo removes a lot of other things too) I just love listening to you talk about guys ™️ lmao

i am a renowned Guy(TM) Talker this is a fair thing to assert

BUT honestly they'd probably like. not be friends or Sincerely get along but they'd probably use each other one way or another if given the opportunity: aoki wanting to exploit mine's skills, knowledge, and wealth, all the while mine At Least keeping an eye on aoki's influence (and if he wanted to do his homework probably keep tabs on the arakawas) and considering if it'll have potential use down the line. it's not like it's hard to imagine them having similar ideologies or morals either

mine'd absolutely loathe aoki's pride in his philosophy tho- even if it does align with his own somewhat LMAO

#snap chats #tl;dr they could be collaborators that hate each other #aoki'd prob be gaga over mine's potential use to him tbh lol #LIKE yes mine generally has a distrust of people and doesnt believe in them but at his core he also wants to #hence why he'd just. despise aoki's blatant narcissism LMAO its a gross mirror to look at #at the very least mine wasnt proud of his philosophy when he told kiryu about it. it seemed more of an unfortunate fact of life #very big difference compared to to aoki's enthusiasm and almost giddiness to use and dispose of people #all the while without harboring /too deeply/ of a want to connect with others #evidently we find out deep in his evil black little soul he did want SOME kind of connection and normalcy #but it wasn't as. so to say as much of a 'romantic' want as it was for mine #and i dont mean in terms of ACTUAL romance just in that. take mine joining the yakuza for example #he had a very romantic idea of 'the bonds between men' and so on and so forth #like ultimately his goal was sincere relationships- all the while aoki's goal was. ???? #like i KNOW what it is but as a person.. scratching my head now that i actually have to label it #i guess he really did want admiration from others in the end and to not feel so 'weak' or 'broken' anymore #idk i guess the lines can blur if you try hard enough but im rambling LOL bye

[quiveringdeer]

The bar has been fuckin lifted!! (pun not intended but it's stayin)

If they can't do this for me then they ain't the one! 🤷🏽‍♀️

#favorite things #my life #good vibes #faves #not that my brain would let me be with someone irl even if they could do this lol #but still! #nat talks #reiner could do this in his prime #and he'd make sure to get back there just to be able to make you feel good tbh #annie is so tiny of stature but if the balance could be right she'd make it happen #my baby sasha would too! #tagging them cause its my blog and i do what i want 👀 #sasha braus #annie leonhardt #reiner braun #aot meta #cause it is -hair flip emoji- #relationship goals

[whomturgled]

u know what i should actually make some sorta new years resolution or goals or predictions or smthn. rachel my therapist from 2017 if you're out there this ones for you girl<3

#i will inevitably forget all abt them<3 #2017 is the last time i had a consistant therapist i think lol YIKES #she'd be so proud of me probably<33 #i saw someone say theyre gonna make predictions and put it in an envelope w their taxes so next year they can see what they got right #and that sounds fun but i just know i will lose the envelope but maybe thats kinda poetic in itself #bc ONE DAY i'll find it idk how many yrs into the future and thatll be fun #in theory i MIGHT move this year (its complicated<3 i would have to go on a whole essay w diagrams explaining that) but i imagine like #if i dont lose it b4 itd get lost in my stuff while packing and maybe id find it while unpacking and then lose it again LOL?. #just like. knowing me #i also feel like i will end up not having accomplished a lot of the things i set out to do or having them have gone a very different #direction but yknow? thats just life! itll be interesting regardless #i dont actually have the attention span rn to do this silly lil goal setting but maybe later. which tbh is the adhd demons talking #i will forget later and this will all have been moot but teehee

[iwantyoursexmp3]

that post i made on my writeblr about how there's this one story i have out with a mag that i want rejected because i have a story i think suits the mag better.....live cam footage of me receiving the rejection email on my rainy evening walk

#IT WAS A HIGH TIER REJECTION TOO LOL LIKE YEAH IVE GOT MORE TO SEND YOUR WAY! #like yes release me from these chains! #also another thing is this story was first drafted in june and i kinda want to...not shelve but put the stories from pre like #september on the top shelf...not putting them away entirely but putting them high up #not because i think they're bad i actually love that story in particular and think it has some rly good lines #its just that was a rly fragile era in my life LOL. i want to revisit them in like a year minimum #i didnt draft any flash in july and one i think ? in august that kinda felt like #the last story of that era IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE those stories just have #a distinct vibe to my approach that i dont see in 1970s leather daddy and between us girls #which are september and october #anyway this has actually presented a conundrum bc the story i want to submit needs more work #but i'm very intentionally doing nano as a break from 'professional' writing so no flash in nov #so anything i submit will prob be in december not the end of this month but thinking about flash in general has me like #i have a lot more story ideas than i thought so maybe it'd be beneficial to just fast draft/edit all of them #let them simmer throughout november in a word doc rather than just let the ideas rot in my brain #but that'll probably mean not finishing the lb chapter/update but also tbh...maybe ill just do that on the side in nov #i think if i do a rough draft of the lb chapter i can tinker with it/write up abt it during nov when i need a nano break #i did say just no professional stuff in nov so if the lover boy autism calls i will answer LOL #im doing the nano 50k goal for WS but not as high stakes as last year. honestly just 50k over any projects will be cool #also i got hit by an opening line on my walk too so now i have another flash idea i have to investigate

[nosygay]

wearing a permanent cough like it's a new accessory

#can we pretend thats the new sexy thing #do we have an ed consequence bingo card? asking for no reason #ok speaking of #ed tw #tw ed #since i cant make a post without talking about that apparently #any of yall seen that new yt video by herbs and altars #i didnt lol but i saw it mentioned on mpa anyway something about Eugenia no longer being in the Safe Zone of Early Twenties aka death #and my immediate response to that is Oh so i need fo keep it up at least till late 20s. to die i guess. noted will do #like whats my point tbh. i need to have my ed for another 10 years to have it kill me. is that like my goal now. that makes no sense #its so funny like i hate my ed it makes life unlivable but no it doesnt i dont want a life if its without it #hashtag nobody gets me #hashtag im so misunderstood and sexy #btw i dont even think the cough is from the ed im just a smoking machine these days but whatever

[lovedreamm]

going on a trip to georgia today and I'm very anxious

#i havent been on a plane since middle school which i know is super lame but i havent had the means to travel #its like my biggest goal in life to travel and see the world #i really hope i can afford to soon and be able to overcome my debilitating anxiety #tbh i feel like such a loser for never really having been anywhere but hopefully that will change starting with this trip #going with my dad to see family who i havent seen in forever so itll be interesting to say the least

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Me: Oh a video on why Miraculous Ladybug is trash and why? Sure let’s watch it. Person: This is *insert point* bad, so what’s a good version of this? Now let’s compare it to P5- Me: 

#I don't hate ladybug aklfdjsfj #you ever just want to watch a gush or critique vid on something you barely know/kinda like? it's that vibe #silly talks #how much is Miraculous in dire straights that P5 is considered the better option tho? TT0TT #tbf they did kinda knock both ML and P5 on the "MC gets to have multiple outfits/personas while everyone else gets squat' #the comparison was how Niko from ML and Kairi from KH are barely chars and are just there to support the MCs and not b independent BUT that- #-that mona is his own char with goals and wants and dreams and isn't only their to support the MC (I mean he's right he's there to be #useless-I MEAN.....jk no really Im joking just referring to his arc is all TT0TT oh no i hate mona but it is a jk) #anyway they were right in their analysis but........STILL TT0TT i'm like 'woah woah slow your roll buddy dont giv them TOO much credit' #i think p5's weakest aspect is its character writing if they fixed it then it could disguise it's messy plot at least #(just fyi that's like the 2nd time P5 is mentioned.....tbh this is on me.....I shoulda know this would happen when I heard the p5 ost #i usually click off videos when I hear P5's ost TT0TT i'm like 'no don't need this energy in my life atm' and the ONE TIME i didn't klfjald)

[bixiaoshi]

ik i say i dont wanna get married and stuff but maybe i DO wanna get married

#i dont see marriage as smth that important tbh i dont think it's That deep or necessary to get married but #smth abt someone wanting to get married to me makes me feel things #like dont get me wrong i still think marriage is just a contract that doesnt necessarily means you Will stay with that person for the rest #of your life #but smth abt sharing rings and stuff like that planning a future w u and wanting to marry u does get to me a lil #hm maybe its more like. marriage isnt that important to me as in if i get married then good and if i don't then thats good too i think #seeing my parents break up when i was a kid rlly did change my perception of marriage as a whole i think #but eh. marriage sounds nice but is not a goal in my life #jo.txt