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lossie92 · 2 years

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A Paradise of Smiles - snippet

This is kind of a personal project of mine. I started writing it after having a conversation with a friend of mine who has schizophrenia. They liked the idea I had for this fic, so I decided to write it.

The story is supposed to show the contrast between how the society views people with schizophrenia vs. how those people really are.

Basically, my thoughts on this are that being mentally ill, no matter the illness, doesn't make you a time bomb. It doesn't make you unworthy of love or trust or care, and it certainly doesn't make you a lesser person or inherently more dangerous. You’re still just a person. You happen to have different needs and boundaries, that’s all.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it.

The title comes from a poem by Robert J.W.

Warnings: implied/referenced mental illness, self-stigma, public stigma, angst

"He's crazy," Touka said in a tone of voice that never failed to make his hackles rise. "Legitimately insane. And you know that. For Kami's sake, Tobirama, half the damn time the man walks around talking to himself! That's not normal and you can't convince me otherwise!"

"I'm not trying to convince you of anything," he said with a sigh as he turned to face her. "All I'm doing is gathering my paperwork. It's you who came in here and started on this subject."

"Well, someone has to talk to you!" She countered. "Hashirama won't do it, so it might as well be me!"

"He did try and I told him to kindly fuck off.," Tobirama informed her before adding, "Could you please stop yelling?"

"Of course you did," she said in a mercifully much quieter voice, though it was still too loud for Tobirama’s taste. Not that he felt like arguing with her about it. Touka would likely ignore him anyway, as she usually did. "He's worried about you, we all are... And you should be worried too, you know."

"Why?" Tobirama asked, one eyebrow raised.

Though he tried not to let his annoyance show, he was probably failing. Then again, he felt like his irritation was very valid. The moment Touka followed him inside his office he knew where this conversation would go. It always ended up the same, ever since Madara and he got together. At the same time… Gods, he had been also hoping against all hope to be wrong.

He was so fucking tired of defending himself and his choices.

Touka groaned. "Are you being purposefully obtuse now?" She asked him, sounding as annoyed as Tobirama felt.

"I don't know. You're being purposefully offensive," he said in response as he crossed his arms in a subconscious attempt to put some distance between them. "Two can play this game."

"I'm just worried about you, Tobirama! Can't you just—"

"No, I can’t!" He couldn't help but yell, at last well and truly fed up. It was impossible to stay calm when he felt like he was being lectured and attacked unjustly once again. "I don't need your fucking worry! I love him, alright? And he loves me. Do you hear me? He loves me."

Touka growled and took a step closer. "That's not what we're talking about here and you know it! Listen to yourself for a fucking minute and stop acting—"

She cut herself off abruptly and Tobirama couldn't help but snort at that, the sound bitter and void of amusement.

"Stop acting how, hm? Crazy? Insane? Is that what you wanted to say, Touka?"

The look that stole over his cousin's face was that of remorse. She always looked at him like that when these hurtful words he has heard from many, many different people over the years slipped through her lips unbidden.

He would have liked to say she didn’t use them often or didn’t think about them as much as the other, but that was not the case, was it? Touka, just like everyone else, thought she knew better than him, because he would forever be seen as lesser than, even in the eyes of the people who had claimed so many times to love him, but yet did their damned best to change him and mould him into their own image the most.

"I— I didn't—" Touka stuttered, reaching out to touch him, but he flinched away from her almost violently right before her fingers made contact with his forearm. The sudden movement made him bump into the edge of his desk and he cursed at the pain in his hip. It hurt almost as much as being found lacking once again.

Always worse than them. Always not good enough.

Crazy, weird child that grew up to be a problem for everybody.

“Tobi…” She didn’t try to touch him again, but the fact she had the gall to look and sound hurt by his rejection… It made something twist inside him.

"Oh you didn't mean it? Is that it?” He said, sounding bitter even to his own ears. “Just like before, right? An accident, a slip of tongue… It’s always something with you."

"No, that’s not—" She started and then stopped for a moment, unsure. "Tobi, please, I… I’m sorry, I really am. I know that's not—"

Tobirama shook his head. He didn’t want to hear anything else she said. Enough was enough.

"No. No, you’re not," he said, blinking back the sudden swell of moisture in his eyes. He could feel himself getting choked up and he hated it that feeling; hated how weak and stupid it made him feel. These were just words, just some insignificant worthless words that meant nothing and yet… "You always say sorry and then it's back to this all over again. I'm... I'm not heartless, you know? I'm not. And Madara… Madara sees it. He looks at me, not through me, and, and he sees me and loves me, and... I know you don't understand. I'm not asking you to. Just... Just fucking let me have this. Only this. Please."

"Tobi…"

"No," he repeated. "I'm done talking to you."

Without waiting for a response or more excuses, he gathered the documents and all but ran home.

#mdtb #madatobi #uchiha madara #senju tobirama #touka senju #fanfiction #snippet #wip #work in progress #tw stigma #mental illness #angst #lossie writes

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cafeinthemoon · 3 years

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Sideways (Tajima Uchiha x reader) - chapter 4 (FINAL)

Title: Sideways

Genre: Fanfiction

Pairing: Tajima Uchiha x reader

Rating: Teen | Up

Word count: 1669

Chapter: 4/4

Symbols: ⭕ | ➕ | 💛 | ▶

Warnings: just a bit of angst this time and mentions to severe injuries and blood

Reader the previous chapters here: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Maybe you were deceived and he kept his Mangekyo activated for longer than you, for no other reason could explain why you didn’t react in time.

It was too vivid to be a continuation of his genjutsu, yet too senseless to be real. The only thing you knew is that it was happening, whatever it was. A kiss? Yes, a kiss. Tajima got so close to you that if he wanted to kill you, he would already have done it; instead, he just passed his arms around body and maintained the proximity. He didn’t give you time to understand what was going on; he just did it. But it wasn’t like he tried to hide his plan – he seemed to have no preconceived intention. That kiss, you thought – no, you felt –wasn’t something one would think before doing; it came out as an act of raw precipitation.

If it were anyone else in his place, you wouldn’t be so surprised: being an Uchiha yourself, you knew the passion that ran in your clan’s veins as much as any of your fellows. However, Tajima had something that many of you haven’t, and that was what granted him the position he occupied now: he knew how and when he needed to surpass the usual tendencies and take control over his own passion, directing it to clear, established goals. Since you were young, Tajima has been the most rational of you two: while your strength was in your attachment to your own principles, he pushed his own towards the collective causes. In other words, you only shared the same goals to a certain point; your visions and ways of acting were too different even to be understood by each other. It was just incredible that you’ve managed to keep mutual respect for such a long time.

That was how you figured out that something changed in him after that argument and the subsequent fight. The old Tajima, the one you supposed to know for years, would not hesitate in finishing the job he started, and then you would no longer be there still deliberating. This new Tajima was just… confusing. Was it that way he used to feel about you every time he saw you in action, whether defending your values or healing your partners?

Well, maybe this was still the same man, after all. Maybe he was just tired. Tired of what he became, or what he had to carry. Maybe he was tired of fighting you. There was also a possibility that he thought that his words would never be enough to convince you of his truth, so far you were from each other now, so that the only way he could make you believe him was through his passion. The Uchiha passion, something that only another Uchiha would be able to acknowledge.

And the Uchiha passion never lied, for you did acknowledge it.

You recognized his sincerity in your lips, in every nerve, every heartbeat – and realized you felt exactly the same. In your own way, you were tired of many things. You were tired of being conscious that maintaining your services as a doctor has been keeping the wheel of an endless war turning, yet you couldn’t just stop using your abilities to save your partners’ lives. You were tired of being only able to perform a noble work under such immoral conditions, of seeing the consequences of the maintenance such system every day in the form of blood, pain, injuries and mutilations. Most of all, you were tired of seeing that the person you once saw as your friend, your brother, your soul mate was the primary responsible for this, with enough power to stop it or to keep it and still not seeming to understand what that meant.

Yet you couldn’t stop loving him. You couldn’t stop thinking of him, caring for him, coming to save him when things got complicated on his side because that was what you had to do – that’s what we do when we love someone. You just couldn’t forgive him for not being by your side, firm against the decisions of the elders when you would do it for both of you. And yes, you couldn’t stop keeping your heart in pieces since he accepted to become another woman’s husband, to become the father of her children, not yours. In the end, did he ever really loved you? Or was his love not enough, while yours would always be?

And now he was there, holding you so tight that your heart could be unified at any moment against your will. And you were so angry at your yourself for letting it happen, for wanting it to happen. Yes, you were really tired and needed to be held. So just for once, you gave in. You forgot about your work, about the young boy sleeping right inside that house behind you, about the clan, the elders, the laws, about everything. For a moment, there was no past, no future – only you and the man you loved, engaged in a breathless, rough kiss just like the ones you’ve exchanged when you were young and new to this, and when you dared believe you knew the paths life had prepared for you.

You couldn’t remember who moved away first, if it was you or Tajima. But it didn’t matter; the kiss might have ended, but you remained close, entwined, his arms resting around you, your face hidden on high collar, stained with dry blood that mixed up with the hot tears you could not – and did not want to – hold back.

Between one sob and another you whispered something that he didn’t understand at first, forcing you to raise your head and repeat the question.

- Did she… ever knew?

You didn’t need to finish the sentence for him to know what you were talking about. Did she ever knew about us? About me?

The answer wasn’t entirely unexpected, considered it was Tajima who gave it to you.

- She might have had her suspicions. But she never got a confirmation. Not from me.

You released a sigh you didn’t noticed you were holding.

- It might sound insensible, but her suspicions don’t matter since she’s no longer here. To be honest, I don’t think they ever mattered. In my own way, I did all I could to be good to her. I’ve never been with anyone but her.

You let a muffled laugh escape, and he interrupted himself.

- What is it?

- She knew, Tajima – your voice came out a bit harsh, but there was no bitterness in you, not anymore – A woman always knows, even if she doesn’t want to. I thought you’ve finally learned to pay attention to your surroundings.

He didn’t reply to this. Instead, he changed the subject in a way that left you surprised both with the change itself and the things implied in what he said.

- So… In this case I haven’t been as discreet as I imagined in my actions towards you.

Actions towards you? But you haven’t even talked in ages.

- Actions? What are you talking about?

Tajima sighed.

- You must know that not everyone is satisfied with your positioning regarding our politics. Some people think you are too loud on your opinions.

You rolled your eyes.

- Tell me something I don’t know.

- Have you never found it strange that nobody had the courage to lay their hands on you despite their hostile attitude towards you? – he replied without changing his tone.

You straightened up and blinked twice.

- Are you suggesting that…

- I’m not suggesting anything – he cut you off – I’m telling you.

So he has been doing his part too. Thanks to his influence and practical measures, you have been protected from enemies inside our own clan. He has been working to maintain the fragile balance in a warring period when it was so much easier to just let you disappear with your dangerous ideology. And why? You didn’t need to ask. You knew why.

He approached his lips to your ear, giving your own words back to you.

- I thought you’ve finally learned to pay attention to your surroundings.

Your fingers squeezed the fabric of his clothing even before you realized what you were doing; you pulled him closer in a tight embrace, not wanting to say anything whether to thank him or to accuse him, not wanting to consider what you should do next. Knowing that he has been watching over you from his place, being the thing that separated you from your enemies when you never asked for protection was like taking off a weight you didn’t even noticed you’ve been carrying, and now you weren’t of what to do with your newly discovered freedom. After all the time of endless work to heal, protect and fight for everyone, finally it came your turn.

Tajima accepted your affective gesture, caressing your hair while smelling and kissing the top of your hair.

- For someone who became a bearer of the Mangekyo Sharingan so soon in your life, you were quick to underestimate the strength of the bonds created by an Uchiha fellow.

With face again hidden on his clothing, you smiled to his words and the sensation of new tears rolling through your cheeks and wetting the dark fabric against them.

- Don’t be so arrogant – you mumbled – It’s easy to triumph over me when I’m not fighting.

It was true that time kept moving and soon you were going to separate from each other, going to your respective places and missions, and your remaining moments together were going to be spent by the side of Madara’s bed, who would wake up within some hours. Yes, it was true that nothing changed except inside you, and with the war not being over yet, you were going to keep walking sideways, never touching each other.

But for now, you could live with that.

#naruto fanfiction #tajima uchiha #tajima uchiha x reader #madara #tajima x reader #uchiha

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avenger-hawk · 4 years

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Also I saw ya mention starsigns and sis I am ALL about that noise. I just wanted to put my 2 cents in but this is not to argue or anything just a perspective! (And sorry in advance, this is going to be long, please feel no need to read it but it is cathartic to write!) I think in terms of Sasuke and Nruto I pretty much totally agree with their starsigns (obviously birthcharts are unknown but on the whole their sun signs make sense).

I guess the most well know trait for Libra is that they are friendly and well liked by everyone, which is pretty obviously a Naruto thing especially after the first few seasons as despite being a pariah at the beginning, he sways just about everyone to his side. But Libra is a cardinal air sign, this generally means they are leaders and full of ideas! They are very original and are the kind of people to get everyone excited and hyped. I think this is pretty obvious in Naru as he is always the most excited and getting people to join in on his ideas. As an air sign, being social and charismatic is all part of the charm (and Libra’s can be VERY charming) and they are great at keeping the peace, we see this in Naru and he is always the one talking the badies down and even standing up for some of them against his own people. Despite this, Libras can be superficial, they can be indecisive and unreliable. I see this in Naru when he is late to training/class/graduation, he tends to be focused on (sakura’s) good looks and vain in the sense of wanting to be the best to the point of neglecting personal development (seen in the early seasons). Although many of these characteristics can seem similar to a Leo, they differ in a number of aspects. (I, a Leo, will try to be unbiased lol). Leos are fixed fire signs ruled by the Sun (easy to see how we think we are the centre of the universe), as a fire type, it is easy to say Sasuke fits category well but there are more reasons than this why I think so. Keys characteristics of Leos are their loyalty, self-confidence and kindness. Although it could be argued Sasuke is not loyal, I would say he is and that his loyalty to his family both came first and was stronger than his loyalty to the village. Secondly, despite having lived in the shadow of his brother, it is always clear Sasuke is confident in his own abilities as seen when he is unbothered by Naruto as a rival in the early seasons and top of the class. With regards to kindness, Sasuke was a happy and kind child but this kindness was hidden as he grew up. He never tried to hurt anyone unless they got in his way, he genuinely cared for his friends but was driven by the need to avenge his family, another sign of his loyalty to them. And probably one of the most telling points was when he shared his lunch with Naruto, even though he passed this off as beneficial to the team, I believe he said this in order to protect his pride (Leos are VERY prideful). Leos can also be arrogant (do I really need to provide evidence lol), they are inflexible and once committed will not be swayed (his mission for vengeance) despite difficulty or personal suffering. Leos are lazy, although ambition and enthusiastic, Leos often take the easy way out especially if there is no strong motivation. Leos are very domineering, they want to lead (seen when he makes a bid for hokage), they tend to overpower others (basically everyone but Naruto), and can have difficulty listening to others (basically anytime someone makes a suggestion he doesn’t like lmao). Leo is very compatible with Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius and Aries (<3, Aries is bae). They do not tend to get on well with: Virgo, Pisces OR SCORPIO(!!!).

Brief interlude: Scorpios and Leos don’t tend to work out because Scorpio (as known as the honorary fire sign) are similar and opposite in all the wrong ways. Both have strong willpower and resolve, are inflexible and intense. Scorpios tend to be more controlled in their emotions but also more silently controlling of others compared to Leo’s loudly dominating nature. Leo’s want someone who will bow to them in the moment of truth but Scorpio bows for no one.

I’ll do Gemini and then stop I promise! Geminis are a mutable air signs. This means they are flexible, adaptable and changeable. The reason I can only half-heartedly defend Itachi as a Gemini is that I think his resolve is unchangeable and he is capable of being alone and isolated. Apart from this he does follow a number of other gemini traits such as being gentle (kill people as swiftly as possible, tries to avoid bloodshed and fighting), highly intelligent (hokage-level at early age), able to learn and adapt quickly(picked up fireball technique and others with ease). (and I know this is below the belt but fun fact most well known serial killers are Gemini/Pisces/Virgo). Geminis are most known for being multi-faceted, yes, a nice way of saying two-faced. They are open minded and thoughtful and are often known as artists, poets and writers. The story of gemini is that of two brothers divided by all circumstance(different temperament to Sasuke, different abilities, raised as first son). They are often innocent in nature (Itachi during the first war age 4/5 helping an enemy shinobi). They love to spend time with family, particularly younger as they are child-like in nature. Their intelligence leads them to seek understanding in all things (itachis depression and seeking for meaning in his life at young age). They require freedom (need to be away from the village and family pressures) and are usually quite talkative and eloquent (tbh he leads most of the conversation with Sasuke and talks a fair bit with Naruto).

So yeah I guess I’ll wrap up haha. I’m not really a fan of the other characters placements I guess for the main ones I’d say:

Naruto: Libra/Taurus/Leo (friendly, food, fiery)

Sasuke: Leo/Scorpio/Aries/Sagg (somethin’ with PASIÓN)

Itachi: Leo, Virgo, Cancer (somethin’ clever but also capable of bein a sad boi)

Orochimaru: Scorpio, no way he ain’t lmao

Sakura: Cancer, come on, how is she not

Kakashi: Gemini, Aries (he a smart boi but he go off too)

Madara: Scorpio, you don’t get fucked up enough to destroy the world without being a scorpio imo lmao

I’m leaving your opinion here because I already replied to an ask on N*ruto character’s starsigns, so it’s pointless to say I disagree with their official ones, so with yours as well. I can tell you know a lot about it and I’m not the most knowledgeable person on horoscopes so it’s just my personal opinion. Anyway what I can add is that Itachi as a gemini to me seems more like a choice made because Gemini is a double sign graphically, and that kishi chose it like this, not considering how the actual sign is, even though your explanation makes sense I’m not entirely convinced lol, he seems a person under Saturn signs somehow. S*kura as a sensitive cancer is totally not my thing, she isn’t empathic or sensitive, she strikes me more like an Aries or Virgo, some stubborn and imposing one. NO offense to Aries or Virgo ppl ofc, I mean her as a bad example of them.

#vivalarevolution #replies &co #submission

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