#catch myself if i crash

[nazumichi]

when will I be appreciated as the strong one of my friend group and also just general vicinity… when when when

#raii talks a lot #a little ironic considering I can’t keep my arms suspended for even a few seconds without them aching but no #friend of mine tripped today and almost crashed into a wall and my arm shot out to bracket his chest without a second thought and instead o #“wow raii that was really cool your fast reflexes and strength was really sick just now epic bestie” i get “?? the wall would’ve caught me” #I did say the sentence “well you are very light and I am very strong” to defend myself and he laughed at me next time he’ll eat wall #who among ye would let me catch you from crashing into a wall in a show of epic cool friendship? 😔 speak up please sniff sniff

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

Just scrolled through the main tags for a few minutes and I just have to say... If your driver did well but you're still wishing that another driver's engine or car blew up, you're just an asshole.

#f1 #formula 1 #formula one #there's so many drivers i can name that died the way you're hoping for your behated to #have some respect for their names and for their memories #and they shouldn't have to be named for you to be like yeah wishing for crashes or literal death to befall a driver you don't actually know #f1 is far safer than it used to be but the risk is still there you cannot claim guaranteed safety #and trust me you don't want to be watching the day it does go wrong #and as someone who lost a loved one in a crash you don't want any part of it trust me #i wouldn't wish it on anyone including my worst enemy #i don't get people like this #especially when their driver did well like sounds to me you hate your behated more than you ever loved your driver &that's just sad&pathet #*pathetic #anyways I'm going to see if i can catch a rewatch #not looking forward to most of my favs dnfing but i need to see the chaos unfold for myself

[strangefable]

i've made a terrible mistake. it's 4am and i just pulled myself away from cult of the lamb. that game is dangerously addictive

#it's a monday and i've made it infinitely worse for myself god help me #but how can i leave? my poor dear little creechurs depend on my almighty lamb powers #why is this game so good? #stardew wishes she could do this sorry to her but this is way more fun #anyway i'm gonna go try to crash for a couple hours #then maybe if i'm lucky i can finally have the mental fortitude to catch up on tags #as long as i stay the fuck away from that lamb he's got me so hooked

[whump-it-like-its-hot]

Heading to school now to finalize my decision to retake the year. Set your bets NOW on whether I’ll start crying again, completely shut down and will be unable to speak, or the third, secret option! (Not even I know what the third secret option is yet, but we’ll see!)

#it’s so funny like. this is entirely my decision #I don’t have to retake the year. but if things keep going like this I’m going to crash ceremoniously into a wall by the time #finals come around. so yeah #my parents straightup had no opinion on the matter and I don’t know whether to be glad or upset about that? #because like. yeah sure they didn’t scream or flip their shit. but I don’t want to have to make decisions like that without any #outside perspective yknow #but it’s been like that for years honestly #they’re completely uninvolved in everything I do basically #like my brother in Christ I’ve exclusively used a different name in school for over two years and you literally never noticed #it says my chosen name on all my projects! my assignments! everywhere #honestly I knew I could get away with it because they’d just be completely uninterested in what I do anyway lol #*lol #but. yeah #my portfolio is severely lacking and I can’t just catch that up like that #as I said my mental health is in shambles and our mental health support in this country is even worse off #and I honestly just feel kind of left alone in this decision making shit #like sure I’m an adult! but it’s not like I had much support with my decisions even before I was #no support while making a decision and only judgement after you make the decision #tbf the whole reason I’m so upset about this decision is because it means I’ll have to live at home for another year #I’d be a-okay with taking the rest of the semester off to get myself back on track and then put all I have into retaking the year #but like this I just feel really fucking tired #oops I guess this turned into a little bit of a #vent #sorry oops #delete later

[skinreflectsthesun]

.

#I love my kiddo #but he has been especially all over the place justttttt for me lately #he’s whining and crying and throwing himself on the floor and any time I go to pick him up he does some exorcist shit and whips his head #back #to the point where if I don’t catch him he will fall backwards and crash on the floor #like bro whyyyyyy #I know he’s just having a hard time #but my god can you chill for a sec? #🙃🙃🙃🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 #my very limited patience is being given entirely to him #I need a minute to myself 🫠🫠🫠

[pepprs]

hi update still having an absolutely terrible time

#purrs #ive had a headache for 2 days and had an anxiety attack at 5am this morning ♥️ and also there is more drama. i feel so bad about it but i #literally wish i was home and this was over so bad. im not eating well im not sleeping well. and i haven’t had a moment in which i wasn’t #stressed or anxious about this program for literal weeks and i think after 4 long days of running around taking care of people and not #having a moment to take care of myself it just caught up with me this morning and it was so terrifying and i couldn’t reach out to anyone #becaus it was 5am but i needed a hug or to go home. and the anxiety attack passed i got through it alone but im still not okay and shaken up #i couldn’t catch my breath and my heart was pounding and my head was spinning and hurt so fucking bad and i just couldn’t exist #ive gotten sporadic sleep and markya got me vegetablrs (if you read this thank you markya) and im about to eat them now but im still so #n*useous and jittery and my heart hurts. idk how long it’s going to take me to heal from this and i don’t even have time and i don’t know #why everything feels like it’s crashing down on me this week but i feel so frightened and alone and inadequate and helpless #delete later #we go home tomorrow and i know it’s going to be chaotic then too and we have a lot more facilitation to do and a meeting with the leaders #tonight and after learning so much more about why they have hard feelings towards us i just want to run away. and last night we had a #community reflection and i had to give my part to someone else bc i just couldn’t do it. lol

[clericfication]

currently on a work trip and finally had the time to go to a few of the goth and metal stores in the area i’m visiting and. boy. let me tell you. i am not immune to getting called “sweetheart” by goth ladies and “darling” by metalheads in casual, respectfully flirty conversations

#may have almost sweat myself to death trekking around the city in my all black clothing in 90+ degrees on top of autonomic dysfunction but. #worth it lol #@ the basic dudes in my job industry at this conference who attempted to flirt with me and got absolutely nowhere: git gud i guess #y’know that one post where op likens themselves to a frightened horse #because they were approached by a beautiful person and it made them nervous? #that was me a few times this afternoon #bc i’m very not used to being flirted with in situations where there is some kind of mutual interest #anyways. slowly proving my hypothesis of i have to leave my state of residence to be considered attractive by the people around me #catch me coming back home feeling like hot shit only to have what small ego i’ve gained crash and burn #personal

[donutdisturblivball]

fine i guess i’ll sleep. fine, ao3. fine.

#i’m on my shit again #ao3 #archive of our own #ao3 crash #i was really planning on waiting it out #but i don’t have that kind of patience #at least when i wake up it’ll be back to normal and it won’t feel like it was ever down #(catch me deluding myself into thinking it’s gonna be ok) #(bc if ao3 is down NOTHING IS OKAY)

[skelingtonsderek]

You ever see something that causes you psychic damage?

They're talking about getting their kid tested for ADHD because the school recommended it and instead getting their kid identified as gifted and put on an accelerated track.

I love to be the bearer of news here for ya because accelerated learning tracks are GREAT accomodations for people with ADHD.

Turns out he was just bored? Respectfully, do you understand what ADHD is and how it works? Of course he's bored he has ADHD.

The "gifted" program's gift is actually just late diagnosis once your kid leaves the academic world and discovers that they have received zero actual skills, habits, or support to help them be successful as an adult.

I think the really fucking tragic part is that most of the time late diagnosis happens AFTER the new adult has crashed and burned trying to establish themselves after they leave the nest. Oftentimes going in for help for depression and coming out with an ADHD diagnosis because it turns out their depression is comorbid.

Tl;dr: Without knowing you have a disability, it is impossible to accommodate your disability so that you can still fucking function and learn how to flourish as yourself. End fucking stop.

#gifted program? #yeah right worst gift ever #all late diagnosis ADHDers deserve a shirt that says #i got put into the gifted program and all i got was massive trauma and an inferiority complex #my only coping skill to completing tasks is to put myself into a state of desperate panic #and rush through whatever it is at the last minute which leaves mr chronically 12 hours from total failure #and now i cant manage my life because instead of being taught how to exist with a disability #i was taught that i should be performing at everything at a higher level than every single abled person i know #and if im not it's not because i have a literal actual disability but because im lazy and refuse to put quote mind over matter end quote #and now that i have crashed and burned because of these obviously terrible strategies i have no safety net to catch me #as i navigate through this new world of trying to figure out how to flourish as myself #and not the cookie cutter shape i sliced myself open to fit inside to please the authority figures in my life #and all i got was this fucking tshirt that lives at the bottom of this laundry pile i can never put away #because i havent figured out an effective laundry system for myself yet #the shirt only comes in double XL or larger because the text won't fit on smaller sizes #hello adhdarkness my old friend #adhd problems

[bookishjules]

person I haven't spoken to in years: *visits my city*

me: OMG GIRL let's get drinks!! tell me all about your life!! do you need a place to sleep?? I gotchu babe. need a tour guide?? I'll get my walking shoes on.

#but at the same time if you're visiting nyc and you didn't reach out?? I will be sad :( #but not sad enough not to reach out myself when i see you post a pic of you in central park hehehehe #i did have a friend from elementary school tell me she was driving through and asked to crash on my couch for a night #and we had the best day yesterday #it's such a no pressure thing like you're in town let's catch up and not worry about staying in touch bc obvi we both have our own lives #but we used to be close and i still care about you and your life <3

[destinyudogie]

having to put uni events in my calendar again this is soooo evil and cruel to me i'm just a baby :(

#spent the last like two days crippled by the weight of being known #but need to complain. so we move here i am again <3 #anyway but i have chosen a day to get my pret subscription back its so soon ... celebration required i think #um and also anyone catch that game earlier. pretty good . #had to get my OWN LINK for the match and everything ... evil #and i had to stop watching the indycar qualis because i was actively wishing the drivers who got faster speeds than pato would crash and i #don't like that for myself. don't like who thats making me become #but ill watch again tonight <3

[khargaotte]

Current status having a low-key breakdown and feeling like a walking failure of a human being, what's up?

#khar says stuff #it's not even that much a specific thing #just an accumulation of frustrations with myself #and then i had some nightmares last night so i woke up stressed and exhausted #and then the whole morning was blah #and then babel broke a glass in the kitchen while i was eating because he wanted attention and i was not giving it #(glass has been swiped and toe beans checked no emergency on that end) #but now i just want to crash and stop existing for a few hours #except i can't do that because i have a fucking bunch of work to do #and it's my own fault that I still have that much this close to the deadline #because for some reason last week i could barely focus more than 1h20 a day #and let me tell you that's not enough #so now i have to play catch up #and i'm stressed and exhausted and i hate myself

[exopelagic]

I wiped out so hard tonight my KNEES

#I fell over. so many times. including two of the worst falls I’ve had in a WHILE #god the first one literally like minute and a half on the ice i lose a foot under me and do the splits. crash into the barriers #I am notably Not flexible I cannot do the splits. I don’t know how I kept skating afterwards #the worst fall I have ever had however was right at the end and the thing that made me get off #we were playing a thing and both me and this other guy we’re trying to catch this girl who turned out to be Also going very fast #three way collision all falling forwards on top of each other #we SLID there were BLADES BY MY HEAD im lucky im short im amazed nobody got actually hurt #except like. my knees which are now staging a coup I rlly should ice them but I don’t have ice and I just wanna sleep #but GOD tonight was a mixed bag #i have acquired the instagram and will probably get him on committee if he sends me the thing #also slowly thinking hrm yeah he’s probably straight #anyway good news: i think we’re pretty solidly friends now. bad news: prooobably regrettably heterosexual #idk straight guys shouldn’t be allowed to be cute and funny and good at skating it’s not fair #aaaanyway. it’s my own fault bc I meet most new people through hockey now and this sport is pretty notoriously not queer #it’s a little different here but the people who end up Good are largely not yknow. and I am unfortunately into guys who can skate #also they end up being the people I actually get to talk to with what I do. dumb as hell. they should invent gay hockey players #anyway my assessment is still vibes based there’s time for me to be proven wrong but we will see. it’d be funny if he was queer after this #will think abt texting him on a day that isn’t tomorrow bc tomorrow’s gonna be too much and I would like to have some time to chill sometime #anyway this is my periodic reminder to myself that I’m literally just Allowed to have feelings. fucked up that it’s true #but like it’s just. allowed. and it’s not even that I’m dumb or have bad taste or smth like that and over like what. #almost two years? there have been 5 guys total. mr prick who WAS queer unfortunately. and while the other four did turn out to be straight #that was due to 1. guy literally had rainbow fucking stick tape and Everyone thought he was gay. also I was just kinda fucking around there #2. talked to him like three times before asking him out. agrees to dinner bc he thinks it’s funny. 3. many signals bc bunch of queer friends #still unconfirmed but be does have a girlfriend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 4. okay maybe I should know better by now but he’s cute okay I’m allowed to hope #it’s not even like I’ve DONE anything other than talk to him dude you’re fine you’re allowed to feel things #aaaanyway. bed now. eepy. will talk to him later. he complimented my hair okay I’m done now going to sleep #very sorry to anyone who reads these tags for just going on abt this guy but also no I’m not scroll down #luke.txt

[hecksupremechips]

I love animal crossing and I’m about to become hyper fixated on it so teehee 💅

#the klock keeps ticking #hey listen listen up real good #you know what ive been doing these past few months? nothing #and by ‘nothing’ i dont just mean that i havent done anything ‘productive’ #ie working making money studying what have you #i mean ive literally been doing nothing #in this house i exist as nothing more than an oversized decorative pillow #i dont speak. i eat when no one is looking so i dont cause trouble #i dont have any interests that are known to anyone and i dont leave and i dont feel #and it came crashing down last week just absolutely horrible i have no energy nothing left #and then i was just like. talking to a special person and mention animal crossing and my extensive experience with it #and they also talk about their love of discovering life in nature like insects and mushrooms #and i realized that i just. really wanna play animal crossing again #and i did! i finally did! i finally let myself do a happy thing thats fun and not productive! #and i decided id experience the life the nature of it and i just kept catching all the fish i saw! #spent so much time just doing that and ive donated to the museum too! #when new horizons came out i made a goal to actually donate to the museum cuz it looked cool as hell and i had never cared about the museum #in the past #but i fell off that wagon pretty quickly and all together kinda stopped catching fish and bugs #and then without even trying to i just. started noticing them and ended up donating #and im so like. proud of myself for accomplishing an actual goal ive had and that i had fun doing it cuz i was just letting myself be #and im proud that i let myself do something fun again #cuz guess what fuckers i actually did stuff ive been putting off doing like applying to jobs that may actually happen #and i get to see my bestie tomorrow for the first time in a while 😎 #anyways yeah my character is very cute and tangy sent me a letter saying she loves me and im her bff and i cried

[birdthin]

i'm on a super strong antibiotic rn and it makes me very nauseous and kills my appetite

i'm losing weight sooooo fast

#i'm excited but scared #my old jeans fit me again and the number on the scale is dropping every day #when i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror it shocks me and excites me #BUT what happens when i crash #when i'm miserable and full of self hate again #the highs of weight loss also come with the lows of stagnation and rot

[freckleslikestars]

For the last year at least I’ve been putting off catching up on doctor who cause I was convinced I stopped watching after spyfall, and I decided today I want to catch up before Saturday, which really isn’t much time given that I’m working all day tomorrow and Saturday, but I’ve just realised I actually watched most of series 12, leaving only 12 episodes for me to catch up on, and I reckon if I put some effort in I can have all of those watched by tomorrow.

#I can’t even remember why I stopped watching #wait. wait I’ve just looked at the dates. #the last episode I watched was the haunting of villa diodati. the next episode came out at the end of February 2020. #yeah 23rd of February 2020. I was laid up in bed doped to high hell on painkillers after the car crash. #I literally missed the last two episodes of the run because I’d been in a car crash three days before #and then convinced myself I’d gotten too far behind to catch up.