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dirtytransmasc · 9 months

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Hi!!!!

Do you have any hcs for how Alicole would try and solve and argument with the kids? Like, their dynamic (especially Aegon with Alicole cause he’s the oldest) is just so interesting and I’ve always wondered how an argument/disagreement would play out with them

ooh, tasty concept.

with arguments amongst the children, they try and get them to take a step back. they'll each take a kid (or two if it involves all of them) and give them a hug or something of the like, easing the tensions, before helping them come to some sort of compromise or agreement.

when it comes to non petty arguments that every child has, the source of issues amongst the kids is the following;

with Aegon they have to settle his need to compensate for feeling as though he is lacking. he tends to pick on his siblings when he's feeling down on himself. so it's a lot of affirming words and hugs while also chiding his cruel behavior. he's definitely hard on himself about being cruel as well, he doesn't like being mean it just sorta comes out of him when he's not in good spirits about himself. he shoves his siblings away over little things when he's upset which only makes him feel worse in the long run. the whole situation makes it hard to parent, as it's not right how he treats his siblings at times, but it's also awful how he feels and how it presents itself. there's typically long talks after the fact. Aegon's usually in his dad's arms, more often than not, while he mom comforts him.

with Aemond it's cooling his temper and frustration, deep breaths and grounding. they remind him that he can't let every jab get a rise out of him, that he always had them to turn to when he needs help, that he's not alone to handle his anger. they try and learn more and more each time, what triggers his anger, what helps him calm down, what to avoid, etc. sometimes he needs to just be held other times he needs a moment alone to breathe. they also try and help him learn how to self regulate and also make his siblings aware that he's getting upset prior to him lashing out (they also talk to them about it).

with Helaena, arguments tend to be because she thinks so differently from her brothers. not only is she a girl in a house of boys, but also because she's autistic (I was the autistic 'sister' in a house of boys for most of my life, it definitely brewed some unique arguments, and I'm gonna project god damn it), their ways of thinking and doing are so different sometimes that she just loses it. so with her, they let her talk, they let her ramble and decompress until she can ground herself, then they have to try and explain the boys point of views, how they see may not be the right way, nor is hers, neither are, but they have to learn to agree. then it's hugs and kisses and talking it out, before they go back to hashing it out with the boys.

Daeron's the most agreeable with the siblings, very adhd coded in my mind (so I'm going to project my brother onto him cause they're very copy pasted in my mind) so when he gets into an argument it's because he's going too fast, too passionate, and/or too much. so again, like most of their children, it's grounding first talking later. like Helaena, they have to explain that the way he is isn't bad or wrong, but that's sometimes we need to slow down, take a breath, cool off, and than continue.

with arguments they take their kids separately, normally separated into different rooms and they visit them together. depending on the exact situation they may just offer hugs and softness, or they'll play a slight game of good cop/bad cop, though they're careful with it. the goal is to solve the problem, not slap a bandaid on it. they tend to each kids needs before handling the actual issue at hand and then being them together to find a solution.

they can both be soft and stern in their own ways. Cole is typically softer on them, as he gets to their levels, takes them close while talking, but he has a stern voice and makes it clear he's willing to put a foot down if need be. while Alicent tends to be a bit more formal and stereotypically authoritative, sitting at the table with them, even if she holds their hands in hers and pulls their chairs close so she can stroke their cheeks.

normally the kids can make right up, or at least come to peaceful terms, but if it doesn't, cause kids can hold grudges like no one's business, Alicent and Cole are forced to remain wholly neutral which is much harder than one would think. most of their fights that lead to grudges are very childish so it's really just waiting for them to crack and realize it was a stupid argument. this is made easier when they don't get involved, so they just laugh amongst themselves where the kids can't see them, and try and keep face in front of them (they can smell weakness and betrayal. send help. a 4 kids household isn't easy). they definitely have moments where they wave the white flag cause one of the kids accused them of siding. the "get along" shirt is also an active and well worn member of the family (Aegon and Aemond share it often)

this video is very much Aegon and Daeron. they feud often. they're either acting like Aegon is a second dad to him, or they are actually going to war and have been sworn enemies for generations, fighting a battle to honor their forefathers (Alicent and Criston are so tired). speaking of Aegon being a second dad, he definitely oversees a lot of arguments between Daeron and his friends... does he understand little kid drama? no. is it entertaining as all hell? you fucking bet, he wants to hear all about what little James did at daycare.

when the kids are arguing with them, which with the way they run the house is pretty rare, but not impossible, they first take a step back for themselves. they will never show anger or cruelty towards their kids, so they make sure they're ok before they even think about talking to their kids.

talking will always be their goal, they never want to use threats or punishments to get what they want from their kids, and they have different ways about it. because their kids know how their household works, that things work on their time, and that just being open and honest, they really just need a day or two to themselves, if the reason for arguing isn't time sensitive, and then they can just take it out.

Aegon is sulky, he just closes himself in his room or flees to a friend's house (which they let happen so long as he leaves a note, leaves his location on his phone, and checks in every few hours) if its really bad. he'll drag himself back to the kitchen table in 48 hours tops, wanting nothing more than for his mom and dad to love him again (they never stopped).

Aemond is just frustrated past reason, so he'll go out and fence with his dummy or just something physical, then he's more willing to listen to reason.

Helaena normally had a boundary or nerve pushed, which was normally accidental, either cause she was already frustrated with something or something changed and it just put both parties in bad positions. space is all she needs.

Daeron is a bit of all the above. he's sensitive, though hard to cross, its often more about other things, something his parent did just broke the camels back, so a long run brings everything back to reason.

Alicent and Criston care so much about their kids, every argument they have with their kids, typically one-sided as they refuse to truly yell, breaks their heart whether or not they did anything or not. they never plan to punish their kids for arguing, they were kids once and they know that its good that they feel safe enough to stand up and fight for what they believe to be true, that they feel safe to shout and disagree with them. they would rather that over anything else, cause they know their kids trust them.

while they aren't permissive with their kids, their are rules and hard limits, they don't count arguing as something to be punished, and their kids don't tend to strand into punishable territories. so resolving a fight is a long talk at the kitchen table, no man's land so to speak, where all parties air their grievances. the problem is discussed, apologies are said on all sides, and sometimes it doesn't always end in a hug, but it does end in feelings being soothed and bridges mended. no one walks away with hard feelings.

they're not perfect, but they make it work, and because they've put so much time and effort into making their home safe and sane, the whole family in therapy, making active efforts to be nothing like their first "home" true arguments are far and few between, and when they happen they're equipped to handle it. Alicent and Cole are such good parents, their kids love and trust them, theirs so much space to talk and negotiate and handle issues early on that there typically isn't any reason to fight. I think that's what makes them such a good family, cause its so hard for me to picture them actually fighting outside of petty things.

#I genuinely cannot picture this family fighting #like petty things between the kids or teenage angst hurled at Alicent and Criston that they laugh about a few hours later most definitely #they wouldn't be a family otherwise #but I think that real arguments are rare and I love that for them #definitely strived to find the balance between gentle and authoritative parenting so their kids are well structured #handle all of their problems when they were little and now most issues are easy #cyclebreakers fr fr #they're also all mommy/daddy's girls and boys #all their fights are just big feelings that need to be rode out #Aegon yelling at Criston cause he's young and dumb and hurting cause he got his heart broken at school or cause he had to think about #dead dumb dad and his teenage heart is angry and he needs to put it somewhere? I think yes. I also think he cried in his arms a few hours #later and begged for his dad to love him again. cause they're hopeless #Helaena losing her mind at her parents cause she's just so stressed and everything'd out by the world and they just happened to breathe the #wrong way at dinner? again. I think yes. and she felt so bad afterward and goes on a whole vent about school and people and does some DPT #after letting them both hug her really tight so she could calm down #Aemond getting frustrated cause they're “babying” him over the loss of his eye and just ending up a sobbing screaming mess cause he's just #so mad at the world and he doesn't know what to do with himself #Daeron's head getting too loud so he gets super upset and disregulated and starts yelling in his room. not even at them directly until they #come in. he just loses his shit for a minute until he's tuckered out and then he's a mess in his parents arms #teenage angst is a bitch and the source of everyone's problems #alicole #alicent hightower #criston cole #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen #aemond targaryen #helaena targaryen #daeron targaryen #pro team green #hotd

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not-poignant · 10 months

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*waves* I've been sitting on this ask for awhile but I feel ready to share. FFS came at a time when I really needed it. The scene where Ef is talking to the dietician gave me courage to start looking and a few months ago I was accepted into a eating disorder program and began working with my own dietician and food therapist. And it's hard. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong there or that I'm a fraud. I don't know what my goals are w/eating. But I'm trying and your story got me started. Ty ❤️❤️

Hi anon,

I'm so proud of you for seeing a dietitian and food therapist! I think it's incredibly normal honestly when you have an eating disorder and/or disordered eating to think of the absolute extremes of eating disorders and then think 'I shouldn't be here.'

It's normal for us to minimise what we're experiencing, and while I haven't had your experiences, I have had the experience of... having an eating disorder, not realising because I'm fat (it is a restrictive eating disorder, and I did not think this was possible), seeing a dietitian and sort of sitting there like 'yeahhhhh but you don't really think I have this right?' while she metaphorically shakes her and my doctor's assessments at me with an angry look on her face.

It is really hard, because food is like, well we have to do it. And it's hard to do well, because there's a lot of industries absolutely hell-bent in making us hate our bodies, in making us want to eat certain ways or not eat in other ways or avoid macros, because sometimes it's a way to get control, because sometimes we have chronic illnesses and we associate eating with pain, etc. etc. Whatever the reason, it's ever-present and confrontational.

My first serious bout with severe self-harm in years actually came after my second-ever meeting with my dietitian, because we spent an hour talking about my food scarcity experiences in childhood, and I genuinely, genuinely had no idea that it would cause my PTSD to relapse that severely and that quickly.

And I still think, after a year, 'but I don't need to be here do I? This isn't that serious is it?'

Anyway, I know from that, you are absolutely 100% not a fraud, anon. Your healthcare specialists don't think so either. If anything they probably really respect that you're exploring this even despite your doubts and fears. It takes a lot of courage! In some ways it can be a lot easier to get 'normal therapy' before seeing a food therapist, which is wild to say, but there it is. You're brave, anon, and really cool, and I hope you can continue to get support while you're on this journey!! <333

#asks and answers #cw eating disorder #cw self harm #cw disordered eating #falling falling stars #efnisien ap wledig #actually one of the reasons i added a dietitian into the story is partly because #everyone was having opinions about how efnisien should 'fix his eating'#like 'he should eat more vegetables and he shoudl eat protein and he should learn to cook'#and it's like y'all aren't dietitians and it SHOWS #efnisien just needs to learn how to make peace with food #and deal with some trauma #and i say 'just needs to' like it's easy #but that will take him a long long time #i think as well any chronic digestive illness #can impact eating to the point of developing disorders #like some people who get gastro will never eat the food that caused that stomach flu again #and i feel like telling those people 'now imagine it's EVERY food for the rest of your life and you still have to eat it'#sdlakfjsdakfsad like no wonder food messes us all up to v arying degrees #wish you the best anon!

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