#celebrating the true meaning of that autism acceptance month...and every other thing
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oh yeah addendum in also the other day seeing someone autistic talking in that context abt what they want from genuine relationships in that they said they don't want to be Admired Or Desired. that one time someone was like, you're one of the best people i know, like well neat compliment sure i'll take it lmao, but also, that's somewhat confusing and even disheartening when it's like, i have no way of knowing this; we don't really interact? or times i have to ""unilaterally"" assess that i don't feel Friends with someone b/c i don't feel like, for one thing, i can just up & message them even lol; the feeling that to whatever capacity there's a relationship, it's been continual "don't mess this up" masking / efforts to "do things Right" from me....whilest also times it's been like, oh someone's apparently choosing to be around me? enjoying interactions? while still kind of confused about it. and then it's like oh it was Romantic Interest apparently lol :( like even if i wasn't aromantic which i so am....where was the [there is anything to feel is genuine] like again we never even got to any part where i wasn't masking and [do things Right] and on edge and certainly not at whatever point i apparently had whatever appeal. much less "when cishet men are just sprinting straight at you" but that's all the more, like, [you as a Person are certainly irrelevant] but not like it doesn't still feel ultimately mostly irrelevant even if people have more discretion / a more considerate approach in general. also that again there would not be a Right way lmfao. it just sure could be a totally neutral expereince rather, please. how i've had too many situations having to try to fling myself out a window figuratively, even w/those theoretically more considerate approaches
or even when people will be talking about what makes someone Deserving outside of the most conservative(tm) approaches like. this person isn't someone who just waits for things to happen :) like well hell yeah for them lol, meanwhile, i sure kinda am. being aware that in any given way i may not impress anyone / may be negatively assessed; only turns into "there go my power levels increasing again. shrugmoji" when correspondingly it's like, and i don't have to care, or certainly then blame myself about it if like oh boy, society when you have to be "objectively" judged as Worthy by randos, whatever their perspectives lol....or when like, the concept of social support is like, get a romantic partner, primarily, an ounce of backup from friends, the Real backup being family, or friends "as good as" family....or the ongoing journey of realizing like; it was never Just gonna be managing to leave [abusive childhood/family house]. the ways that other experiences outside that were Consistent, really, when being around peers means an immediate sense of doing something wrong / not being as good as them; authority figure adults sometimes acting just like an abusive parent does; no ways to regularly exist flexibly and/or less supervised/monitored, e.g. couldn't walk from [home] to [anywhere]....catching on like, ah, outside of That Situation? i'm still not inherently more valued by randos, still not Not liable to be regarded/treated with disdain / expressions of authoritarianism....Aren't We All; for real. but truly like oh hey, i didn't even realize i was getting all this Political experience in that [when you have a one on one personal abuser and You're Responsible For How They Treat You and Their Own Power Is The Whole Thing and You'll Never "Earn" Better But It'll Always Be Your Fault You Haven't] and all those kinds of logics and realities it's like of course this resonates crystal clear with logics and realities re: [political enemies] lmao. ofc they can be as "hypocritical" as they want b/c [you can just say whatever while you do w/e you want and other people have to deal] is an expression of power. of course "for [xyz]'s own good; individually or as a group" is really about ensuring the power to control their existences as property by shrinking the space in which someone can enact autonomous choices: anything For Children is about (conservative) parents controlling children as things they own and can do whatever they want with; like making sure kids Can't be gay or sm shit, it Is about children, just keeping them from being able to exist outside the sphere of control of an isolated Family life. hell yeah when they do anyways / tragically it always turns out people are actually people despite your wanting to disbelieve this / always have the power to ignore it..........but then yknow, the truth is we out here, and ofc it's like [police protect Property; enforce these property/owner relations] but what's Normal yet obviously harmful is also so borne by regular ordinary """harmless""" interpersonal interactions / people who feel supposedly well-intended but that's more superficial than in essence....even merely the Exhaustion in knowing interactions as Just chitchat w/supposedly amicable parties is like, a scrutinizing test that can only go wrong and lead to antagonism / animosity that can easily accumulate &/or compound. much less existence In Public and shit going wrong out of nowhere, and potential stakes....being like Lol at, again, years back thinking like "a horror short should be like, the premise that you might just be at a grocery or some ordinary asf situation but at any given moment, doing Nothing extraordinary, some rando suddenly goes Deeply Hostile Mode for a second. where even then suddenly disengaging from that mode is not a relief in that the [this could happen at any time] is emphasized" like lmfao that's [being in an abusive situation], that's [being autistic], isn't it so Zany that there's so much overlap / resonance.
Not At All being Lol abt how much actual discrete examples of produced horror is just like "what if there was disabled people." this is its own line b/c of the characters per block limit. but also disdainful emphasis
anyways lol wuh oh in conclusion, antifascism....isn't it always
#celebrating the true meaning of that autism acceptance month...and every other thing#gather round the disability justice [holiday tradition] children; who are people to be supported & not property granted to parents....#just excising things lol been marinating on [more nonspeaking than i thought; even more nonverbal probably] & [more ''uh oh an autistic#person doesn't want friends? proves they bring it upon themselves'' than i thought] all based on All Life Experience#explaining like; more like Ultraromantic but in the way that [prefix Ultra] means Beyond rather than Superlative Of / Extremely X lol#ultraviolet light is not [as violet as you could get]....don't think it'd catch on. and: when it isn't not political lol#thinking of ''hell yes though for straightup Object/Concept names'' tendencies & like dramatic words for last names? v gay v trans#even [milo] was just a name i always knew i loved so that's been very simple & straightforward. but beyond that? how about Beyond that#thinking of ''what if a word that sounds cool and is a neat meaning'' like middle name kilopascal?? why not. but not set on that one lol#been testing out / placeholding Burrows for a last name cuz a milo burrows is mentioned in lotr. doesn't promptly answer letters lol.#me neither. but hmm B for Beyond. beyond what? it's flexible#testing it out in my mind. i'd be lastnameless fine as well but sometimes; it's convenient. specifying which milo in broader contexts#Public Universal Friend; Thou Sayest It shit#anyways Everything's Political let's get you some fruit#breathing's political as they say; for real. being in public. being in private. exchanges w/a rando. exchanges w/a nonrando.
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February 9th, 2021
One Small Moment
Today I want to talk to some specific friends who I won't name, but I'm fairly sure that this will apply to way more of just them.
First things first, I'm not going to insult your intelligence by giving you a bunch of platitudes. In my experience, they're nothing but empty calories. Filler and no substance, they're designed to make the person giving them feel better, not the person who needs help. In some cases, people who need help end up feeling worse. I'm one of those people, so I absolutely understand the feeling. So, no bullshit from me. Cool? Moving on.
Let me describe my lack of bona fides right upfront. I'm a guy with a high school education and one year of college because I let my dick do the thinking up to the point that I ended up homeless and friendless. I tried to follow in my Dad's footsteps and join the military and washed right out after six months because I have a mouth bigger than my brain. I come from a family that describing as dysfunctional is exceedingly generous. My dad had anger issues, my mother was a narcissist manipulator, as is my brother. He's got a criminal record and is probably on his way back to prison for at least 12 years as I write this. I'm the voice of reason in my family, and as I have said repeatedly, this should scare the fuck out of you. I got married at 24, and I had three kids by the age of 30. I've been dirt poor most of that time. At this stage of my life, I believe that I am an undiagnosed case of autism from the 1970s because my kids--all of them--are on the spectrum. I didn't have a bad childhood if you looked at it from one angle, but I had a horrible one if you looked at it from the inside out. I inherited my Dad's anger issues and my mother's narcissism. I was a horrible husband for years until my wife walked out on me in 2005. It made me face myself in a way I had not seen before, and I couldn't take it. I had a nervous breakdown. My wife thought I was worth saving, and I am forever grateful for it. I promised I would work on my issues, and I have. Three times in my life, I thought I was at the end of my rope. Not from a thought of suicide ideation, just that there was nowhere else to turn. No one else to ask for help. No one else I could lean on. Just Roley.
That moment right there is the point. The entire lesson. One small moment when your brain says, "Well, you're really fucked now, aren't you?" There is only one answer to that question, and that answer is yes because if you answer no, you ain't there yet. Trust me on this. You have to answer yes. This is the moment where you're accountable to no one but you, and you cannot lie to yourself. You can TRY. It ain't gonna work. Not for long.
Let's not bullshit ourselves. There is a lot of work in repairing a life that you fucked up on your own. You climb up out of a hole for years before you ever see daylight. I was a shut-in for two years because I thought it better that the world forgets about me. I tried to make a living from home in 2006-2007, but this world we live in hadn't come to pass yet, and I was living a fantasy. It made me feel worse that I couldn't provide for my family, but I could barely function as a human at that point. So I decided to do the only work I was capable of: Working on myself. I read every self-help book and mental health book I could lay my hands on. I dug deep into myself to try to figure out why I was the person I was, how I became that way, and the answer was straightforward. First, I thought I was absolutely normal. My behavior, though abhorrent, was how I was raised. My parents treated each other and us kids horribly, but it wasn't physically abusive save for a couple of times I'll keep to myself. I grew up in the same environment I perpetuated. I was continuing a cycle. Secondly, to accept that fact and to change meant work I wasn't ready to take on. But human psychology is a lot like a car in that regard; you can do the work now, or you can do it later, but it's going to cost you a lot more. In my case, it almost cost me everything. It was the third of those three times that I faced myself in the mirror and heard that voice, and this was the time I said yes.
For two-thirds of my life, my story is a story of failure, of self-hatred, of being a bad example. But from the age of 35 to 50, it's a story of repair and redemption. I'll put my humble path to today up against anyone's and dare them to do the work I've done to heal myself and come out who I am today. I'm still married to the same woman for over 25 years now. I've got three amazing kids who I adore. Up until May of this year, I had what I consider to be a dream job until COVID ate it, but I'm still with the same company, and I'm going to bust whatever amount of ass it takes to get my job back or demonstrate the skills I learned there to someone else who's willing to take me. I have a sense of self-worth and purpose that I've never had before, and I'm not taking being a call center tech support agent for the rest of my life. It is a means to an end, and it is not my life's work. I know what that is. It's helping you in the best way I know how: By being not the example of how to fix it, but from showing you by my example, it CAN BE FIXED that you can go from being a person full of anger and self-loathing and cruel behavior to being a person of kindness and compassion and love for people. That you can go from being a person who has no prospects to a person who can go to a job every day that fulfills them personally and professionally. That you can go from being a person who hasn't got their shit together at all to a person that can get morning to night without falling apart at the seams. This is my road, and my lane, but it's big enough for you, and I want you on this road with me. Some of you are gifted and talented beyond description, but the world doesn't know it yet because you have these problems. I know. I get it. I also see who you are, and the world deserves to see you as well. I had no one else to turn to at that last moment, so I did what I had to do. Myself. I'm asking you to take a walk with me because I don't want you to have to do it on your own. I may not know your way home, but I can get you as far as Anchorhead. You can get transport there to Mos Eisley or wherever you're going.
I had to get one joke in there somehow.
Did Joe Know About This?
On the heels of the news of Joe Budden maybe-kinda-sorta-moving his show to Patreon (which is weird since it looks like it’s being hosted on Libsyn now), Spotify has announced plans for multiple business models for podcasts, possibly to include ad-supported subscriptions and a la carte options. These may be discussed at a live stream event later in February.
Asked if Spotify thought customers would be willing to pay for podcasts, Ek on the earnings call responded that he believed there were several new models that could be explored.
“I think we’re in the early days of seeing the long-term evolvement of how we can monetize audio on the internet. I’ve said this before, but I don’t believe that it’s a one-size-fits-all,” he said. “I believe, in fact, that we will have all business models, and that’s the future for all media companies — that you will have ad-supported subscriptions and à la carte sort of in the same space, of all media companies in the future.”
“And you should definitely expect Spotify to follow that strategy and that pattern,” Ek added, more definitively.
The answer seemed to indicate that Spotify is considering some of the ideas in that recent survey — of getting consumers to pay for some podcasts, instead of accessing them all for free or having them bundled into their music subscription.
I wonder if Budden was aware of this and balked. Would there be a revenue split between Spotify and the creators, and what’s the ratio? Now that I think of it, isn’t that what they’ve been crying about re: Apple?
For more than a year, Spotify has been making noise about Apple’s unchecked power over the App Store, and in March 2019, it filed a complaint against Apple with the European Commission. Spotify claims Apple’s practice of taking 30 percent of an app’s revenue is unjustified, and says the company operates as a monopoly on iOS.
Suddenly, I find this Budden/Spotify deal more intriguing.
Wait, You Can Make Money Doing That?
Julie Miller from Vanity Fair writes about Hollywood coming over to the Pod Side for ‘fun and profit’:
…entertainment types began orbiting the audio space about two years ago in earnest, as the number of Americans listening to podcasts every month headed toward the 100 million it is today. It was also around 2018 that agencies like CAA began incorporating audio deals into their development packages. One insider estimates that many celebrities could get a six-figure guarantee per year, with the biggest actors receiving between $1 million and $3 million to launch an unscripted podcast. Scripted projects offer less up-front money but can be adapted into TV shows, films, books, and so on.
For the record, I am Steve Jobs, “Podcasts are Amateur Hour" Years Old. For years, podcasting was seen as less-than, so when I see stories like this, the little imp of the perverse in the back of my head tosses a bone at every true media elitist who, strangely, has a podcast now..
How About Not Doing That?
Chris Curran over at PES has a question about your thin mouth:
When I’m doing my fine-tuned editing on a podcast episode I use TwistedWave or Sound Forge because they allow me to VERY QUICKLY zoom in, highlight very small things like single mouthclicks, and delete them.
When I try to make the same kind of edit in a DAW (Reaper and others) it takes forever.
What say you?
For the most part, my workflow tends to remove mouth clicks, or at the very least minimize them. If they still show up through my noise gate, I highlight and remove them. I can’t say this happens often because I like to make sure I keep some water near me while I’m recording. The single biggest thing you can do to prevent mouth clicks is to keep hydrated. Remember, you can’t fix it in Post if it never happens in the first place.
Shot Of The Day
#Joe Budden#Spotify#Monetization#Podcasts#Hollywood#Vanity Fair#Julie Miller#Podcast Engineering School#Mouthclicks#PES
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I was tagged by @erensjaegerbombs Thanks Heidi!! <3
Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag
Cell Phone
Wallet
Keys
Sunglasses
TYLENOL
Five Things In My Bedroom:
weeb figures
Manga
Bed
Hats
Cats
Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:
Go to every Disney
Be on stage
Travel the world
Be financially independent
Write a book
Five Things That Make Me Happy:
Jordan, @askladarmin, fsm crew, skype crew, basically all my friends
Fictions (keeping this here from Heidi’s because same)
Ballet
Performing on stage
Making people laugh
Five Things On My To-Do List:
Graduate
Be content
Finish my senior thesis
Write
Plan future
Five Things People May Not Know About Me:
I’m a teachers aide for an autism program and work with 4-6 year old children that are very low (meaning more severe) on the spectrum. I love it and I adore them. <3
My disposition online ranges from overly friendly to sarcastic to a fault, but in real life I’m very quiet, shy, anxious, and isolated. I tend to keep to myself, I rarely start conversations first, and well let’s just say there’s a reason I relate to Annie as much as I do lmao
I have mild anomic aphasia, meaning I often can’t remember/retrieve words when talking. It’s not too severe thankfully, but it’s very frustrating to be perpetually on the tip of my tongue lmao. Doesn’t help my social anxiety much though.
I’m Catholic *lightening crashes in the background*
I often get asked if I want to go into teaching permanently, partially because I’m a history major very dedicated to my field of study (Medieval to modern), and I don’t have the heart to tell people that the reason I NEVER want to go into teaching full time is because I’m terrified of being stuck in a place I hate like the town I live in now.
Name?: Katherine, Katie most of the time
Nicknames?: Katie technically, Katsy, Katiekate, Kitten, Katie koo, too many to list.
Zodiac?: Gemini
Sexual Orientation?: Bi
Ethnicity?: Half Sicilian, Half Irish, but I guess white is the answer lol
Favorite Fruit?: Pineapple
Favorite Season?: Fall
Favorite Flower?: Roses and Lily’s
Favorite Scent?: Freshly cut grass, vanilla, when my mom’s making sauce...
Favorite Animal?: Dogs I’d say
Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: COFFEE
Cat or dog?: Both <3
Dream Trip?: Once I get my Italian citizenship I want to start in Italy, then just take the train across Europe. Also I’m gonna be That Guy and also say Japan.
Number of Followers?: 2,103
What do I post about?: 90% SnK, 10% other
Do I get asks on a regular basis?: Lately, once or twice a day!
Favorite Band?: Of Monsters and Men
Aesthetic?: 1920s silent era hollywood, ballerina, and Annie Leonhardt’s laugh
Fictional Character I’d Date?: My boyfriend legit knows that Armin Arlert is my Perfect Man. He accepts it lmao.
Hogwarts House?:Gryffindor
Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!
APPEARANCE:
I am 5'7" or taller
I wear glasses
I have at least one tattoo
I have at least one piercing
I have blonde hair
I have brown eyes
I have short hair
My abs are at least somewhat defined
I have or have had braces
PERSONALITY:
I love meeting new people
People tell me that I’m funny
Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me
I enjoy physical challenges
I enjoy mental challenges
I’m playfully rude with people I know well
I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it
There is something I would change about my personality
ABILITY:
I can sing
I can play an instrument
I can do over 30 pushups without stopping
I’m a fast runner
I can draw well
I have a good memory
I’m good at doing math in my head
I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute
I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling
I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch
I know how to throw a proper punch
HOBBIES:
I enjoy playing sports
I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else
I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else
I have learned a new song in the past week
I work out at least once a week
I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months
I have drawn something in the past month
I enjoy writing
FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION
I do or have done martial arts
EXPERIENCES:
I have had my first kiss
I have had alcohol
I have scored the winning goal in a sports game
I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting
I have been at an overnight event
I have been in a taxi
I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year
I have beaten a video game in one day
I have visited another country
I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts
RELATIONSHIPS:
I’m in a relationship
I have a crush on a celebrity
I have a crush on someone I know
I have been in at least 3 relationships
I have never been in a relationship
I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them
I get crushes easily
I have had a crush on someone for over a year
I have been in a relationship for at least a year
I have had feelings for a friend
MY LIFE:
I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”
I live close at my school
My parents are still together
I have at least one sibling
I live in the united states
There is snow right now where I live
I have hung out with a friend in the past month
I have a smartphone
I have at least 15 CD’s
I share my room with someone
RANDOM SHIT:
I have breakdanced
I know a person named Jamie
I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce
I have dyed my hair
I’m listening to one song on repeat right now
I have punched someone in the past week
I know someone who has gone to jail
I have broken a bone (MY NOSE IS THE WAY IT IS FOR A REASON)
I have eaten a waffle today
I know what I want to do with my life
I speak at least 2 languages
I have made a new friend in the past year
and I think I’ll tag @askladarmin, @shifter-lines, @someboredloser, @eremikadefensesquad, @redcoaster, @kaiju-and-kyojin, @ymiress, @sayaanara, @iconicallygay, @bluinary, @aruani
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Seeds For Wellness Journal Summer/2017
“There needs to be a lot more emphasis on what a child can do instead of what he cannot do.” -Temple Grandin-
I have certainly been busy this month celebrating my 45th new year! For someone that spent a lot of my 20’s and 30’s trying to find ways to end my life, there is a certain joy that comes with each new passing year. Managing my manic depressive symptoms is in itself a full time job. However, by eating a healthier diet and getting out into a garden as much as possible. I realized that the reason I am still on this earth is to spread that message throughout the mental health community. Both of these wellness tools successfully work for me and I know deep down they could work for you as well.
A perfect opportunity to further that mission came about several months ago when life coach and motivational speaker Ozioma Egwuonwu invited me to come out to The Dream Center in Newburgh, NY and to share my story and vision for Brain Food Garden Project. The DreamTalk will take place on July 27th from 7-9PM I hope you will be able to join me or stream it live. To learn more about The Dream Center Click Here And to learn more about its founder Ozioma Click Here
I love the fact that we highlight certain days, weeks and months out of a year to bring attention to important causes. I love Mental Health Awareness month and the greater understanding it brings to the world. However, I also believe that we should talk about all of these important issues all year long. It is our goal at Brain Food Garden Project to keep the dialogue flowing on a plethora of topics related to mental health and food justice every single day through social media and this blog. That is precisely why I turned over our BFGP Feature story this month to a good friend and the mother of a beautiful young man Carter, who just happens to also be Autistic. Sarah Todd’s beautifully written article will indeed show you the true meaning of the words unconditional love.
Also this month we return with more Notes from the Resistance, and What I’m Reading and our Healthy & Delicious Recipes tie in to our feature story on Autism.
Happy Reading!
The BFGP Feature:
Sarah Todd is a resident of Covington, Georgia. Besides being an exceptional mother to her son Carter and a true believer in the power of Harry Potter as a mental health wellness tool. She is also an advocate for all children and parents dealing with Autism. Sarah is the Vice Chair of County Parties and County Party Liaison for the state Democratic Party. She travels county by county insuring that the next generation of grassroots activists are trained and ready for the frontlines.
Life As an Autism Mama by Sarah Todd
When it comes to parenting a child on the autism spectrum, you often wish there was a book you could pick up that would give you step by step instructions on how not to screw up your one task, which is to raise a happy, healthy human being. I’ve wished and dreamed for such a thing, but I know it doesn’t exist because as the old saying goes, “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” There is no one-size-fits-all strategy for raising an autistic child.
In the grand scheme of things, I’m relatively new to the world of autism. Unofficially, I’ve lived in this world for 11 years. Officially, for 9, when we received a diagnosis of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Delays – Not Otherwise Specified) for our son Carter. I had a totally normal pregnancy. Easy delivery. Everything was just fine and we couldn’t be happier. Carter progressed as he should have for about 15 months and then stopped reaching “normal” infant and toddler milestones. I really didn’t need a doctor to tell me my child was different. I knew something was different about Carter before we were ever told. A mother always knows. The signs were there.
Lining up toys in a straight line. Loud noises hurting his ears. Twirling until he fell over and then getting back up and doing it again. Bright lights hurting his eyes (and in stores, the noise of florescent lights hurting his ears). Not interested in playing with toys, but wanting to see how they worked (especially if they had wheels that moved). Walking on his tip toes. Answering your questions with a question or just repeating back to you what you said to him (echolalia). Repetition. Repetition. Repetition. Hand flapping when he was excited (this was really cute and I kind of miss it now that he’s outgrown this stimming technique). The obsessive love of Thomas the Train. My husband and I knew it was time to get him into something else when we ended up arguing about two of the trains at 3 o’clock in the morning – long after Carter had fallen asleep, but with us still watching. Thomas the Train being replaced with an obsessive love of the movie Cars. Seriously, I’m pretty sure we put some Pixar employee’s kid through college with all the stuff we had to have because it was Lightning McQueen (although I’m pretty sure that was normal for every little boy at that age).
We started the therapies that were recommended by our doctor - occupational therapy and speech therapy. They also recommended ABA therapy (Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy), but our insurance wouldn’t approve it. When he was three, we enrolled him in a program through our local school system called Babies Can’t Wait that provides early intervention for children with developmental delays. We couldn’t get him into the program until about three months before the school year ended, but it was a very good start to getting him socialized with other kids. He was in a special needs Pre-K class at one school. I wasn’t impressed. We moved to put him in a better school. He excelled in this other school. He’s just finished up the 5th grade and is moving to middle school this year. He’s leaving elementary school on the A/B Honor Roll and he has made lasting friendships with some really great kids. The teachers and staff of this school are some of the most amazing people you would ever hope to have in the field of education.
Carter was “mainstreamed”, which means he split his time between smaller special education classes and regular classes with neurotypical children. He loves math. I guess it’s because he can see how it works in his mind. He’s a visual learner. He receives occupational therapy and speech therapy through the school system and it helps him maneuver through a day with other kids who don’t have a clue what autism is. His classmates know he’s different. They just accept him.
It sounds like a perfect life and I can’t tell you how many times someone has said to me that they couldn’t tell that he’s on the spectrum. Good. That’s exactly how we’ve raised him. I take my role as a parent preparing him for a life without me very seriously.
He really is a happy kid and I consider myself to be the luckiest mom in the world to have a son that was voted “Most Polite” by his fellow classmates and teachers at school this past year. He’s funny. He’s smart. He’s kind. Unlike some others on the spectrum, he’s extremely empathetic. He’ll bring you a tissue if he sees you crying and tells you over and over that it’s going to be ok. By my account, he’s doing just fine.
He’s just out there being the best 11 year old he can be. There have been times when he’s faltered, but what child hasn’t? Getting to this point though has been a struggle for us. I would never speak for my husband because our roles in Carter’s life are very different, but for me, this life hasn’t always been peachy. I wouldn’t trade being his mom for anything in the world, but I would like to know what it’s like to not go to sleep on a regular basis being eaten alive with worry. He’s an only child. Who will be there for him when we’re gone? Will he be picked on at his new school? Will he always be oblivious to the dangers of this world? Will he ever be able to communicate with people in a truly meaningful way? Will he ever find someone to love him for just being his amazing self?
People don’t know that it’s lonely being a parent of a child with autism. We’re surrounded by others, but they have no idea what kind of struggles we go through. I often wonder to myself if parents of neurotypical kids are guilty of wishing that, for once, their kid just “gets it” like everyone else does. Or, in my more selfish moments, I want to know do they know what its like to mourn the loss of a child that never existed, but you thought you would have? Where’s my son that would play little league baseball instead of sitting at a computer all day building cars on car company websites? In my more critical moments, I’m deeply ashamed of myself for thinking such things.
We face a lot of external strains. Financially, we’ve taken hit after hit. Georgia wasn’t a state that mandated autism coverage when Carter was younger so we had to pay for his therapies out of pocket. We burned through our savings. I cashed out two 401k’s. We lost our home to foreclosure, but I have a kid who can communicate with others so I think we chose wisely.
I consider myself pretty lucky that I have a great partner on our son’s journey to adulthood. Don’t get me wrong - I get angry with my husband. I resent the hell out of being The Parent while he gets to be Mr. Fun Time Guy to hang out with on the weekends, but we also know that we’re not the focus anymore so we get over ourselves real quick. It’s not about us. It’s about Carter and we do whatever we have to do to get through another day as TeamTodd
I’m not naturally predisposed to being an optimistic person. I’ve never been what can be described as patient. But since I am my child’s introduction to the world, I do whatever I can to be just those very things. You don’t know love until you are choking down your rage at watching the same movie for the 786th time. If you are a planner like me – a logistics queen – you weep for your former life because now you know you have to just go with the flow. You can plan and plan and plan and think you have something figured out for just about every scenario imaginable (and you usually do if you are an autism parent), but there will always be that one thing that comes up that you just have to deal with.
Well-meaning people ask me all the time how to interact with those on the autism spectrum or what can they do to help? I usually chuckle. They are so serious when they ask, like they’ve just heard you have some terminal illness and they don’t know what to do. It’s ok. Nobody knows what to do until you must deal with it yourself. I usually tell them that the most important thing to remember when interacting with someone on the autism spectrum is to be patient and don’t take it personally if you don’t get the response you have been hard wired and conditioned to receive your whole life. Anything “typical” to you may or may not be to them. Really. Can you imagine what it must be like to live in a world that is always too loud, too bright, too colorful, too distracting, too smelly, too much? We ask so much of people with autism. Every day, these individuals are expected to fit their square pegs into the round holes of our society.
Life is all about choices. Some people choose to get bogged down by life, to see the ugliness of a cruel world. We choose to see life through Carter’s eyes – one filled with love and joy and empathy. We choose to protect him for as long as we can, but we also choose to let him experience his life his own way. We’ve relinquished control of the path we take. We’re just along for the ride now and we couldn’t imagine a better guide.
What I’m Reading:
We named Temple Grandin our BFGP Hero back in April of 2016 after I finally watched the wonderful HBO movie based on her life and read her first book Emergence:Labeled Autistic. In honor of my friend and fellow Hufflepuff Carter Todd I have recently started reading The Autistic Brain:Thinking Across The Spectrum by Grandin and Richard Panek. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette called it “The right brain has created the right book for right now.” 1 in 88 children are affected by Autism. to learn more about Autism Click Here
Notes From The Resistance:
The Christo Fascist Authoritarian regime currently holding our country in a vice grip knows no shame. From trying to again take away millions of American’s health care to appointing a company party planner to oversee New York’s federal housing programs. These are our notes from the resistance.
1, Who Gets hurt by the SNAP cuts in the current regime budget? Click Here
2. This is nothing to party about Click Here
3. Food Justice experts weigh in on the Fascist Click Here
4. Pesticides our health is at risk with the Authoritarian’s EPA Click Here
5. End the fascist regime’s pay for play in the private prison system sign the petition Click Here
Healthy & Delicious Recipes:
When I talk to friends with children on the autistic spectrum. One of the consistent things I hear frustrates them the most is the fact they find it difficult to feed their children healthy foods because their kids just want pizza or chicken nuggets. So much of this has to do with the fact autistic kids see visually and taste differently than we do. I have been following our guest writer Sarah Todd’s journey on Facebook recently on working to get Carter to eat more healthfully. That struggle inspired me to look for a recipe this month that would fit Carter’s sensibility but with mom’s desire for him to eat healthier.
Baked Panko Breaded Chicken Nuggets
INGREDIENTS
2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (about 1 pound total)
1 cup panko (Japanese breadcrumbs)
1/3 cup grated Parmesan
Coarse salt
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
½ cup all-purpose flour
3 large eggs, lightly beaten
Cooking spray
DIRECTIONS
1.Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Cut chicken into 2-inch pieces. Spread panko on a rimmed baking sheet and bake until golden brown, 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer to a shallow dish, then add Parmesan and ½ teaspoon salt; drizzle with oil and stir to combine.
2.Place flour and eggs in separate shallow dishes. Increase temperature to 450 degrees.
3.Set a wire rack in a rimmed baking sheet; lightly coat rack with cooking spray. In batches, coat chicken in flour, shaking off excess, dip in egg, then coat with panko, pressing to adhere. Place on rack.
4.Bake until chicken is cooked through, 12 minutes, flipping halfway through. Serve nuggets with sauce.
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PANDAS is a true thief.
I'm about to get really vulnerable and transparent with you... I need to share this I need people to know why I haven't been writing lately... or doing facebook Lives.. Truth is, I feel like I’ve been in a deep, dark place lately. I try to stay upbeat and positive, but it's not possible every day. Today, I'm actually in a good place, but I'm super worried about our finances... and it’s costing me sleep and physical issues. I’ve hesitated to write this, because I don’t really want everyone to know our business... particularly those without good intentions for us, but I need to get this out.
Times in my home are really tough. We are broke. Treating our children is costing way more than we ever thought possible. Eating right is super expensive, organic, grass-fed, pasture raised meats and produce cost 1.5-2x as much as standard... and supplements are also super expensive. Homeopathy intake was $700. PANDAS specialist is $1k per visit, and we have to go at least once per year. We've been to him 3 times since November... and the November visit was $1,600. MAPS specialist is $125 per visit, and we have to go every few months. OT is about $500 per month. But the worst part is that I'm not bringing in stable income. I'm not saying this to get any pity or anything, but I've seen us spending more than we make for a long while. Maxing out credit cards. I've been watching it happen, but it's difficult to not do something you know you must do to help your children, and it feels like MONEY should never be an obstacle when it comes to what is best for your babies. PANDAS has been a nightmare, and a thief. It's stolen our money, our sanity and worst of all, our children from us. It's stolen our hopes, our dreams for our children (at this rate, they will not be able to attend college, even if they are mentally and emotionally able, unless they pay for it themselves), our ability to enjoy the fruits of our labor for so many years... building our careers, and soon, maybe even our retirement.
I've been praying that God will help us through this. I've been told hundreds of times that God will not lead us to it, if He will not lead us through it. That He will not put a mountain in our way that is not movable... or that we can't climb. As a result, I feel that if I was meant to go back to "work", or even just take on more work that I have available to me, my children would be healed right away. The fact that we still have not found answers, and that the recovery so far has been so slow and saw-blade-like instead of a straight line trajectory (even though I know we are on the right path and things have improved), means that I'm meant to stay where I am; working from home, unable to put in 100% to my business, unable to pick up more consulting clients/hours, and unable to bring in a consistent income. So we are struggling. As a result, there is not a single area of my life in which I'm not feeling it. I'm moody and overwhelmed, my kids and hubby feel it, my marriage feels it, my extended family feels it, and I've been feeling extremely disconnected from everyone and everything. I just got a second follow up that my credit card was declined to pay for my son’s daycare so that I can earn some income while he’s there... but instead, I spend my time answering child related phone calls, picking up, dropping off, and venting in my blog... LOL
This is what PANDAS has done to my ability to focus on work... Kids have "camp" today (extended school year). I have 4 hours to squeeze in any work that needs to be done. We just started homeopathic treatments a couple of weeks ago, along with the supplements they were already taking, and the heavy metal detox spray, to help the boys’ underlying issues. It seems my 7 year old has been experiencing some “aggravations” with the treatment on some days, and today has been no different. He woke me up this morning, complaining that he has to pee constantly. This has been an issue for him since October... and it seems to be HIS main healing reaction anytime he starts a new protocol that is helping to heal him (it has happened with antibiotics, it has happened with antivirals, and it has happened with anti-yeast medications). I am not alarmed by it, though it is frustrating and uncomfortable for him, and has led to urinary “accidents.” We’ve ruled out UTI and protein in the urine through the pediatrician who never offers any suggestions besides, “be sure he drinks plenty of fluids.” And they never referred to this as “Peetox,” which I’ve since realized that it is. On a bright note, to me, this means his remedy is working!
Peetox is an unofficial term (duh) describing the increased urine output that one experiences when other detox pathways may not be operating as efficiently as they should/could be, and therefore more toxins are being filtered out through the kidneys. Here is some additional information about Peetox: https://amajordifference.freshdesk.com/support/solutions/articles/6000059532-14-peetox-what-is-it-and-how-to-manage-it-while-undergoing-detoxification
I was hesistant to send him to camp while he was experiencing this, but he insisted that he needed to go, as today is Pajama Day and they are watching a movie and having popcorn. So, I sent him, and encouraged him to visit the nurse if he was having any problems later. I got the call from the nurse only one hour after the bus picked him up... I explained to her what is going on with him, and since he told her that he was feeling “sick,” I decided that I’d pick him up, so as to avoid any accidents or embarrassment from him spending much of the day in the restroom. I picked him up at 9:00 a.m. We returned home, where he headed straight to the bathroom. Not 10 minutes later, he came to where I was trying to work, and told me that he felt better and wanted to go back to camp. <sigh> So, we packed him back into the car and I called the nurse to ask if he could return. I brought him back, and she gracefully met me at the door and returned him to class. Another hour has passed, so I assume it’s safe to say that he will stay at camp.... however, camp ends in only 90 minutes and the bus will be dropping him off in two hours.
AND... I felt compelled to share all of this with you. Maybe I will decide to work soon. Perhaps, God is leading me to my true calling here. Perhaps this is all about being “given this mountain to show others that it can be moved.” Perhaps His intention is for me to share our experiences, our highs and lows, so that it may encourage someone else to pull through their dark days. To find answers. To heal their families. I don’t know, but I have to trust that everything will turn out for the best in the end.
In the meantime, I will continue to rant. I am going to filter out the F bombs in my head right now, and say this: I hate Autism (it sucks, it’s not some personality “difference” that should be celebrated. It sucks)! I hate PANDAS. I hate our pediatrician for guilting me and bullying me into vaccinating my kids against my gut instinct. I hate the CDC and big Pharma for their toxic agenda. I hate Monsanto or Bayer or whatever name they go by now, and the powers that be that allow GMOs, heavy metals and toxins in our food, environment, and water supply, requiring us to eat organic, grass fed, pasture raised food that costs so much more than regular crap, processed food, in order to detox our boys... requires us to buy expensive water filters to filter out toxins from our water. I hate the insurance companies that don’t pay for naturopaths, homeopaths or holistic doctors. I hate the specialists that charge $1,000 per visit, and don’t accept insurance and can’t seem to write a letter (after 7 months of asking and following up) explaining my children’s’ diagnoses so we can apply for grant money to help us to pay for EVERYTHING we’ve been saddled with this year. I hate these health issues and therapists and specialists and everyone else who interferes with my ability to work or do anything that allows me to bring in any kind of stable income and forces me to take on work I’m not sure when I’ll ever be paid for.
Thank you for hearing me out. My family appreciates any and all prayers you are willing to send up on our behalf. Thank you so much!
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These Parents Are Here To Show The Positive Sides Of Raising Kids With Autism
Children with autism spectrum disorders face many challenges navigating life as they grow up, but we shouldn’t forget that their parents face many difficulties as well. Parents of autistic children sometimes admit that the challenges of autism can create an overwhelming and often isolating experience, as other people fail to fully understand exactly what they’re going through. But many parents have found an outlet through social media, to seek and offer their support while advocating for autism awareness. You’re about to meet some amazing families and hear all about their journeys with autism.
This Mom And Son Gave A TEDx Talk About Their Journey
Photo: @benjitalk / Instagram
This is Debby and her son Benji, who was diagnosed with autism when he was three years old. Debby has shared her and Benji’s experience on their blog, Benji Talks. Benji did not speak at the time and the doctors told Debby that they worried he might not ever gain that ability.
But many years later, Benji is a teenager on the cusp of entering high school. He is very talented with the ability to play multiple instruments and has an uncanny memory for major roadways in the United States. In 2017, Benji even gave a TEDx talk and shared his experiences growing up with autism.
_WF.postContent={"pages":{"1":{"position":1,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/1\/","content":"
This Mom And Son Gave A TEDx Talk About Their Journey\n\n
Photo: @benjitalk \/ Instagram\n
This is Debby and her son Benji, who was diagnosed with autism when he was three years old. Debby has shared her and Benji's experience on their blog, Benji Talks. Benji did not speak at the time and the doctors told Debby that they worried he might not ever gain that ability.\n
But many years later, Benji is a teenager on the cusp of entering high school. He is very talented with the ability to play multiple instruments and has an uncanny memory for major roadways in the United States. In 2017, Benji even gave a TEDx talk and shared his experiences growing up with autism.\n"},"2":{"position":2,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/2\/","content":"\n
Benji Inspires Other Families To Never Give Up\n\n
Photo: @benjitalk \/ Instagram\n
Benji is one of many autistic kids who overcome the challenges that come with ASD. 2017 was an especially big year because Benji had his Bar Mitzvah ceremony. While Debby offered a low-key celebration, Benji asked her, \"I have climbed some seriously big mountains, don't you think I deserve a traditional Bar Mitzvah?\" He then went on to impress a room of 250 people in leading the service entirely by himself.\n
Debby writes, \"So maybe if you are told that your child will never be able to speak, learn or socialize, think of Benji and have hope.\" Benji has even taken over writing the blog himself.\n"},"3":{"position":3,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/3\/","content":"\n
This Mom Has Learned A Lot From Her Son\n\n
Photo: @iamemmykate \/ Instagram\n
Emmy is a mother of two, whose son Boston has autism. Despite the challenges of being a mother of two young children, let alone grappling with the challenges of autism, Emmy shares with her followers that she wouldn't trade her children for anything in the world.\n
One thing that's consistent among all parents of autistic children is the unconditional love and support that they feel towards their children. Parenting young children is difficult enough, but the added challenge of autism can make things that much harder. It's okay for these parents to admit that, especially when they have a strong community online to support each other.\n"},"4":{"position":4,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/4\/","content":"\n
Her Son Has Helped Her Be More Understanding\n\n
Photo: @iamemmykate \/ Instagram\n
Emmy shared this photo of her son Boston after a difficult day of trying to get to the hospital for his sister's doctor appointment. It proved especially overwhelming due to the number of people that were around, but thankfully an understanding passerby noticed he was having a difficult time and helped Emmy and her kids get where they needed to go.\n
On World Autism Day, Emmy wrote, \"It\u2019s about little lives, it\u2019s about learning, teaching, understanding, it\u2019s about embracing different but most of all it\u2019s about acceptance, love and humanity... Thank you Boston, for teaching me what true love is, what true compassion is, what true understanding is.\"\n"},"5":{"position":5,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/5\/","content":"\n
Kids With Autism Are Still Like Any Other Kids Their Age\n\n
Photo: @ablefinder \/ Instagram\n
Four-year-old Laurence was featured on Able Finder, which is a site that shares the stories of other differently abled peoples all over the world. In addition to autism, Laurence was born with a malformation on his left eye which exacerbates the developmental challenges faced with autism. Despite this, Laurence's mother Fern shares that he is still like any other boy his age.\n
\"He is always full of fun and loves to be outdoors. He has a real passion for Lego and wants to build the kits as independently as possible. He also loves to bake, would happily do so every day and his particular favourite is chocolate brownies,\u201d Fern tells Able Finder.\n"},"6":{"position":6,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/6\/","content":"\n
This Mom Says The Bad Days Are Why We Need To Raise Awareness\n\n
Photo: @fvs_life \/ Instagram\n
World Autism Awareness Day is on the first day of April, and it kicks off Autism Awareness Month. Autism supporters all over the world wear blue to advocate for autism awareness. Fern shares this photo of Laurence sporting blue attire in honor of the day but discloses that it was from the previous year.\n
Fern writes, \"[Unfortunately], it was a bad (autism) day for us, lots of worries, tears and meltdowns but this is why we need to share this.. to help raise awareness and understanding of what Autism is and means for us. \"\n"},"7":{"position":7,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/7\/","content":"\n
This Single Mom Didn't Know What To Do\n\n
Photo: @andthispotato \/ Instagram\n
This is Nicole and her son, Levi. Nicole started her blog And This Potato to foster a community from which to offer and receive support from others who share similar experiences in raising a child with ASD.\n
Nicole writes on her blog, \"When Levi was diagnosed at 2 1\/2 with nonverbal autism I felt lost and afraid of what the future might hold. It felt like navigating through unknown territory alone. Autism had never touched my family or friends so I threw myself at the mercy of the All-Knowing Google and Facebook support groups... I found myself in the winter of 2016 as a struggling single mother of a special needs child.\"\n"},"8":{"position":8,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/8\/","content":"\n
She Had Misconceptions About Autism\n\n
Photo: @andthispotato \/ Instagram\n
Nicole is also a single parent, so her journey in raising Levi is certainly not easy. This was another reason she decided to start her blog and communicate with other parents going through the same struggles.\n
Nicole writes, \"[Before] Levi, I had no idea what autism really was. I thought autism was a behavioral disorder. I thought parents used autism as an excuse to not vaccinate their children. Wow-- I was so wrong! I acknowledge I was severely misinformed about autism. I choose to remember what I used to think about autism... so if I get a dirty look or comment from someone because of Levi, I know that they're probably just misinformed like I was.\"\n"},"9":{"position":9,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/9\/","content":"\n
Every Little Step Counts\n\n
Photo: @andthispotato \/ Instagram\n
What may seem like a small step for most people is actually a big leap for someone with autism. Nicole shares that Levi's auditory sensory issues were so bad that attempts to impart 'listening therapy' led to a huge meltdown. Eventually, something amazing happened when Nicole tried new headphones hooked up to a DVD player for Levi.\n
\"I put on Cars and put the headphones on his head, expecting him to just throw them off and be done with them in an instant. It's been 10 minutes and their [sic] still on. This is HUGE! This opens the door to many, many things. I'm so proud,\" she shared.\n"},"10":{"position":10,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/10\/","content":"\n
Let Them Be Little\n\n
Photo: @andthispotato \/ Instagram\n
Nicole and Levi are certainly on this journey together. Because Levi is still pre-kindergarten age Nicole also gets to experience the joy of raising a boy, apart from the challenges they both face because of ASD.\n
With this photo, she shared, \"He's covered in dirt but having a blast. Good days are hard to come by in January and we only have hours before the rain. It's taking me a lot not to stop him. The mother and girl in me is like 'Eww, you're so dirty. Stop!' But he's so happy. Boys and dirt go hand-in-hand. Who am I to stop love?\"\n
The next mother and son also know a little thing or two about progress...\n"},"11":{"position":11,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/11\/","content":"\n
Different, But Not Less\n\n
Photo: @ablefinder \/ Instagram\n
Ethan is a boy from Texas who is growing up with autism. His mother is behind his Instagram account where she shares moments from Ethan's autism journey.\n
His mother tells Able Finder, \"I wouldn't have my son any other way. Without all the things that Ethan is judged for, I wouldn't have Ethan at all. He is bright like the sky, LOVES his cars and anything with wheels really. He's caring, loving, happy and so brave. Ethan is Ethan and I will always be there for him. I will always be his advocate, best friend, and loving mom. My son has autism, it makes him different but by no means less.\"\n"},"12":{"position":12,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/12\/","content":"\n
Progress Takes Time\n\n
Photo: @ethans_adventures \/ Instagram\n
On Instagram, Ethan's mother shared a video of him in which he opens a gift, giddily marveling at what's inside. He even says a few sentences. Another mother asked her when Ethan started to talk since her own two-year-old is still nonverbal.\n
Ethan's mother replied, \"[Ethan] started putting two-three words together a few months ago. So very recent. We are still working on it sometimes he doesn\u2019t know how to associate words with meanings. He\u2019ll get there trust me. My son was also that 2,3,4,5 yr old non-verbal.. but look at him now... Progress is amazing.\"\n"},"13":{"position":13,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/13\/","content":"\n
There Are Good Days And Bad Days\n\n
Photo: @ethans_adventures \/ Instagram\n
Ethan's mother uses the account to advocate for autism awareness, sharing that despite the milestones and moments of progress, it isn't always easy. Despite the judgments she and Ethan get from passersby, she keeps her head held high.\n
\"I am an Autism mom, we have good days, we have bad days and days we try to forget. I watch my child struggle on a daily basis. I watch him trying to work with the world around him, it hurts. I hate seeing him struggle so much, it hurts that a lot of the time we get unnecessary looks. Some people just lack understanding of what Autism is... So please be kind, because he can\u2019t control the way he is,\" Ethan's mom once shared.\n"},"14":{"position":14,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/14\/","content":"\n
The Tough Days Make You Stronger\n\n
Photo: @ethans_adventures \/ Instagram\n
Ethan's mother says it's okay to admit when things are hard. With this picture, she shared the following:\n
\"I rarely post about the days where autism isn\u2019t good to us. I try to keep it as uplifting and supporting as possible... It\u2019s okay to talk about the ugly days because speaking the raw truth about parenting a special needs child, will bring people more understanding and we would have less judgment..... Parenthood isn\u2019t always sunshine and giggles. Sometimes is depression, meltdowns, tears, and anger. This is for those mamas going through hard times. Remember the struggle you\u2019re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.\"\n
The next mom acknowledges she couldn't have done it without the strong support team behind her.\n"},"15":{"position":15,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/15\/","content":"\n
This Mom Is Thankful For Her Son's Loving Sister\n\n
Photo: @keepingupwithkaedyn \/ Instagram\n
Kortney is a mother of two whose oldest, seven-year-old Kaedyn, has autism. Kortney has shared how grateful she is to her daughter and Kaedyn's younger sister, Brookelynn, who continually displays unconditional love and support despite the strain autism might place on her relationship with her brother.\n
Kortney writes, \"She helps in so many ways with Kaed. Helping him with breathing exercises, loving him unconditionally even when he's unfair to her, always having a forgiving and understanding heart, the list goes on and on. Having Kaedyn as her brother has helped make Brookelynn this strong, independent, helpful human that she is.\"\n"},"16":{"position":16,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/16\/","content":"\n
Teachers And Therapists Are Essential\n\n
Photo: @keepingupwithkaedyn \/ Instagram\n
Parents of autistic children often employ a number of specialized therapists and teachers to help their children develop to their full potential. Kortney also admits that some days are not as great with others, especially when there's a meltdown. In one post, Kortney expressed her gratitude for Kaedyn's occupational therapist, who knows exactly how to bring her son to a peaceful state.\n
Kortney writes, \"She has been working with Kaedyn for a year and a half and at one time she was the most disliked person in Kaesyn's world. But the relationship they've built and earned trust make me extremely happy. She knows exactly what he needs when he needs it.\"\n
The next mom admits that autism put her in a whole new world.\n"},"17":{"position":17,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/17\/","content":"\n
Slow Progress Is Still Progress\n\n
Photo: @cayhargarten \/ Instagram\n
Caylin is the mother of two young boys who both have autism and she is more proud than ever to be their mom. Here, she shares a photo of her younger son, who she refers to as B, beginning to drink from a glass.\n
Caylin writes, \"To some, drinking from a glass may seem so simple, but when you lack the muscle tone in your mouth area it can make it very difficult... He will only drink out of a select few sippy cups and still struggles with drinking from a straw. He has made slow progress in this area, but progress is progress.\"\n"},"18":{"position":18,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/18\/","content":"\n
Her Negative Thoughts Give Her A Reason To Keep Fighting\n\n
Photo: @cayhargarten \/ Instagram\n
Caylin is also unafraid to admit that being the parent of a child with ASD is incredibly difficult and a totally different experience from that of other parents.\n
\"I'm starting to see more and more how having children with special needs literally puts you into a whole different world. You feel guilty focusing on the negative, but the negative is things that need to be worked on. The negative is the reason you fight to get your children the services they need and the support they deserve. The negative one day turns to positive as you see them improve which makes the fighting, the guilt, the heartbreak, and tears, all worth it,\" Caylin writes.\n"},"19":{"position":19,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/19\/","content":"\n
Autism Is An Ongoing Learning Course\n\n
Photo: @joshua_ryans_beautiful_mind \/ Instagram\n
Sherry is the mother of Joshua, a four-year-old boy who also has ASD. Like most parents of autistic children, Sherry is aware of how difficult it can be to bring your child out of the house. This was something she experienced during the holidays.\n
Sherry writes, \"Holidays can be overwhelming for our kiddos on the spectrum. So as a parent today more than anything I need to remind myself to remain calm and think about sensory overload issues and try to be proactive to maybe reduce meltdowns... Autism is such an ongoing learning course for us. Just when we think we may have a grasp on things... nope we don't.\"\n"},"20":{"position":20,"url":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/these-parents-are-here-to-show-the-positive-sides-of-raising-kids-with-autism\/20\/","content":"\n
This Mom Wishes People Weren't So Quick To Judge\n\n
Photo: @joshua_ryans_beautiful_mind \/ Instagram\n
Like most parents of autistic children, Sherry hopes that others would look at her child and others like him from a place of more understanding. As stated before, a lot of the looks and judgment that ASD families face is due to ignorance.\n
Sherry writes on her page, \"My wish is for others to not judge so quickly\u2026 don't judge that mom with the screaming child flailing all over the floor... don't judge that child who is melting down because all you see is a screaming 'undisciplined' kid because YOUR kid would never do that.\" Sherry hopes that people would communicate better and even offer help when they see these types of situation.\n\n"}},"description":"
Children with autism spectrum disorders face many challenges navigating life as they grow up, but we shouldn't forget that their parents face many difficulties as well. Parents of autistic children sometimes admit that the challenges of autism can create an overwhelming and often isolating experience, as other people fail to fully understand exactly what they're going through. But many parents have found an outlet through social media, to seek and offer their support while advocating for autism awareness. You're about to meet some amazing families and hear all about their journeys with autism.","nextPostLink":"http:\/\/www.giveitlove.com\/quiz-can-you-guess-the-board-game-from-one-image\/"};_WF.emit("flexformat_init");
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The Jump
As a pale white kid (sometimes nicknamed Albino) in deepest, rainiest Wales, it was incredibly common to hear – the word “weird”. On the school yard, at home with brothers and sisters; in a team changing room – if any suggestion was made out of the ordinary, you were “weird”.
“Let’s play CHiPs instead of Dukes of Hazzard!” “No, don’t be weird”.
Wearing a Chelsea football jersey? What’s that weird jersey (they were second division after all, plus you’d never get one in Wales 30 years ago)?
Listening to Hip-Hop instead of Bon Jovi? Weird.
As you grow older – perhaps not immediately wiser, but at least more inquisitive – things which used to be “weird” to all – became the most popular things. Chips (OK, the potato kind always had the upper hand – not the retro cop show). Chelsea (deep, painful, stinging sigh with wincing face). Hip-Hop got bastardised by the charts, but regenerated as all true art forms do. But this is the cycle of life in all its financial trendiness, do we not agree?
So what, during Mental Health Awareness Week 2017 does this word mean in the context of daily life? After all, we have grown in knowledge in the last thirty years, have we not? Kids are far more clued up, are they not? Far more streetwise than our past generations and far more multicultural and scientifically informed, which should enforce understanding, surely. Yet to coin a common adage – “the more I know, the less I understand.” Chelsea being so popular, for instance is one thing I’ll not figure out. Or maybe not accept (*pinches self while still wincing*)
Thirty years ago, any child who had “weird” or irregular behaviour would be told to keep quiet, or sent to the headmaster’s office, or smacked or just ignored. Very, very few people had a grasp on what we now recognise as learning difficulties and how they should be handled. Adults with inexplicable mannerisms or incomprehensible ideas to the wider world were either outcast and ridiculed. Alternatively they became geniuses, working for Apple or Microsoft. Weird how these days, they’re called hipsters.
Japes aside, when we think of the adults who had passed through these many ages without understanding their own conditions because they were simply frowned upon, or cast away into loneliness – now, with today’s insight - we should be the ones questioning our own weirdness, or close-mindedness for not striving to know more about Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome when they occur at early ages, or depression, anxiety and psychological challenges when they occur at any age.
Personally I think it’s not only weird, but should be a flagged occurrence when public figures with access to more personal support or advice than the average Joe choose to ridicule depression on social media as a fallacy, or search for attention. How quickly the jaws of irony will tense and their sharp teeth will bite the arses of those - who decide that a “search for attention” is as measurable as the celebrity they exaggerate for themselves. Not that I’m particularly looking at any sportspeople who have the surname Tate and the first name of Andrew, incidentally. Yet the word “denial” does spring to mind. Along with “medieval” and “pity”.
Besides, denial usually results in a longer road to mental recovery and personal freedom in my experience. Once people actually accept that depression is not the social “lurgy” or the inanely-categorised affliction which “weirdness” used to be – it can be managed as well as possible. What absolutely does need to happen is for governments to regulate mental health as they do physical health, so that if fitness is boosted by fresh air, exercise, a healthy diet and being active, so would mental health be extended by less cost for counselling, medication and crushing fear of discussion. Now, in Australia; based on your health insurance as an average arthritic or stiff-limbed, middle-aged expat (which is almost ten times the cost of car insurance per month), you’d still be paying an out-of-pocket fee of around $120 per session after your benevolent health fund covers the other half of expense in each visit. Which means when your health insurance cover for each year has been exhausted (normally around $1000), you would be paying $250 for a counselling meeting.
Working that out per year, beginning in January - if it were one session a week ongoing for someone who had major trauma after an accident or a loss, or simply a generic diagnosis of depression – by the end of February, you’d need a hefty wage to cover the rest of the year’s counselling sessions. Added to the cost of medication which - purchased on prescription (a $10 administration cost of which needs to be paid for after every 6 repeats) in any high street pharmacy – would be around $18 for 28. Hypothetically, the cost of having a mental health issue in Australia with very limited financial support – can cost around $11,000 per year. People then wonder why the trams around Melbourne’s CBD are always full of “characters”.
This is unsustainable. The health insurance system in Australia is outlandishly indulgent for a government which changes every other year and for many of those whom now fight for jobs, for citizenship and have few civil rights having worked here in specialised industries for years. Yet as usual for shuffling pack parliamentaries whose shelf lives in governments last less than top level sportspeople, it is easy money for the economy.
Awareness; leading to change is what is necessary. Looking around the global sandcastle democracies, stifling knowledge is what media has always done. But things change. Generations change. It would only take a person in power having experienced mental health tribulations – in themselves or a person close to them - to raise awareness in others. But the chain of information won’t be continued if we don’t open our own eyes, or those closed eyes around us by talking about how chemically, naturally, unequivocably human these behavioural imbalances are.
To raise money for mental health awareness (and bowel cancer), I dived last Saturday 7th of October. So far, we have raised $2122. As a first-time fundraiser, I am highly grateful to all donators. It also seems to be just scratching the surface, as I know I could have done more in raising money, so it won’t be the last. If you are able, please donate at www.gofundme.com/mentalhealthandbowelcancer and help jump to a place where people are more clued up, more savvy and less feel weird about visiting a professional about how they feel. The link will remain open for a few weeks to come, so there’s no closure as yet.
Stay weird, people.
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