#decided to finally make a fresh intro pinned post
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Greetings! You may call me NavigatorFitz if you like. Or even Songweaver (as I'm known in another place). Navifitz is also nice. Navi. Navigator. Or just plain Fitz. Or @theperplexednavigator (my fandom/horror blog). Your resident Antedilluvian Passerby.
Either way, welcome to my main blog! Here, you'll find a lot of gremlincore/nature-y stuff/things of that sort, plus some writer-y vibes as well.
This was originally going to be a place to share a podcast I'd been working on, "I'm Sorry, We Don't Campaign," aka, Iswadoc, or just Oatcakespod, thus the title. But that project is currently on hiatus (and I dont feel like changing the name on all my links on other places). I do write other things that I would love to share, including poetry, drabbles. (Perhaps eventually more horror as well...)
In spirit, this blog shall be called "Theperplexedoatcake," but once again, I'm too nervous about changing the name atm.
To be honest, I can way more often be found on @theperplexednavigator , where I reblog a lot of horror media and the like.
I'm currently hyperfixated on analog horror, animatronic horror, j horror, and general spooky vibes (one of my big special interests is horror and so on), as well as general fae folk vibes, so feel free to chat about any of that on either blog.
I'm a shy, gothy creature, but I would love to make a few friends here!
Is that all? Hmmm...seems to be...
Okay, well I guess I'll close this out. Cheers!
#if you decide to follow theperplexednavigator just know that it'll be oatcakes following back#since unfortunately one cannot follow back on the side accout#navifitzspeaks#decided to finally make a fresh intro pinned post#one that's more reflective of how things are going#independent writer#independent author#goth blog#gothgoth#goblincore#gremlincore#faecore#small writer#small podcast#crowcore
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The Arrival
In which all of the characters move into the same apartment and become giant simps for each-other.
Trigger warnings: Mentions of wounds.
Characters: ‘K’ (mentioned), Janus, Logan, and Virgil.
Word Count: 1,483 words
This is definitely not what Virgil had been expecting. Ji recently had been kicked out of jix apartment recently. So when they got the offer of a new living space they were more than happy to move in even if it was with total strangers.
Logan had just picked up a new job in a new city. Lun was finally away from lun’s father… mostly. He still got e-mails from him, texts, and of course regular visits but was more than happy to be moved away from him at least one city, even if it was only a couple of cities away.
Janus had gone through hours and hours of searching until its friend had suggested it moved in with strangers. They were overjoyed to be away from their previous roommate ‘K’. It wasn’t exactly excited to be moving in with two strangers but they could deal with it as long as it could get away.
Logan was the first to arrive at the apartment he picked a room quickly and moved in their things they picked the biggest room. Lun hadn’t brought a lot of things but they liked their space. Lun was excited to be around here even though lun would be here with strangers. Once lun was situated they went into the living room to meet their new roommates. Soon a taller person walked in and smiled at them. They had beautiful yellow eyes and freckles on one side of their face causing them to look magical.
Janus was second. It came in around noon and waved at the shorter person there. They looked lun over, noting the way they seemed comfortable around it even though they had just met. They went and took the second largest room just dropping off their single small suitcase and one backpack before going to talk to the strange person who it would be living with for an undetermined amount of time. “Hello~” It said smoothly, sitting down across from it’s roommate.
“Hello? How are you?” They responded. “I’m assuming you’re Janus?”
“I am, I hope you haven’t heard anything to awful about me, Logan? Correct?” Janus hissed out, smirking calmly at the other,
“Just that you’re a huge flirt, nothing extremely awful. I’ve also hear whispers about your eyes, they are as gorgeous as people say. What are you pronouns?” Logan asked softly, smiling at him.
“Quite the charmer aren’t you. It/they. Your’s?” Janus smiled softly, messing with their hoodie carefully.
“Lun/them… I’ll answer any questions if you have them. Which room did you pick?”
“The second biggest one, next to yours, I saw you picked the biggest one for yourself. Unless our other roommate stopped by and did so first?” Janus asked softly.
“I did, I’m sure you would’ve done the same.” Logan smiled at him, nodding a bit and adjusting his glasses to move them up the bridge of his nose.
“I would have-” Janus started but was stopped by the sound of a door slamming open. A short dark looking pail boy walked in, they looked at the two sitting together and then quickly ran off to pick a room for themself.
Virgil arrived around noon, they panted as they ran into the building and tugged on their hood as they opened the door quickly causing it to slam against the wall. Ji only froze for a moment before sprinting upstairs to clean jinxelf up and calm down. Soon they found they had been left with the smallest room though didn't complain as they collapsed on the bed and set down their backpack, grabbing the first aid kit they kept with them. They stared at the closed door and then pulled off their clothes, removing their binder quickly and hissing in pant as it scratched at the fresh wounds that littered their body. They quickly got to work cleaning themself up. They bit back a sob as they clean their cuts and bandaged them. When they were finished they pulled on a fresh black t-shirt and closed their eyes for a moment before getting to work on setting up a couple things on their walls as well as hanging up their pride flag over their bed. Normally they would be worried about doing that but they decided it wasn’t worth it considering all of jix friends were lgbtq in some form they figured it couldn’t be to much of an issue. Virgil put the black and purple fluffy sheets on ji’s bed and then put away their stuff in the dresser that was sitting in the corner of the room. They silently put on their headphones and curled up on their bed before slowly falling asleep.
About three weeks later neither Logan nor Janus had really heard anything from the shortest member of their apartment. Virgil had kept hidden in their room for most of the day, only leaving when the house was empty.
However today wasn’t turning out to be a normal day for Logan especially since Virgil had decided not to hide in jix room when the, arrived home. Logan froze at the sight of the small being sitting there on the couch, listening to music and reading a book. They would never forget the sight of them sitting there calmly in a short black crop top hoodie and their favorite black fluffy blanket. Logan walked over and sat down on the chair across from Ji. “Hello.” Lun said softly, smiling at ji.
Virgil froze for a second before pulling off jix headphones and smiling at them. “Hey…” They said softly.
Logan swore their voice was more beautiful than any song they had ever heard. It was soft yet strong, not very high but not too low. Jin voice was perfect. “Nice to meet you, I’m Logan.”
“Virgil… You’re the space nerd, right?” Ji said quietly, smiling at the person in front of them. They weren’t particularly anxious right now which was a shock. They guessed that it had something to do with Logan’s calming presence.
Logan blushed and nodded softly. “Yes. Why?” Lun asked, smiling at the odd person in-front of them.
“Can you tell me about them? Please?” Virgil asked softly, sitting up quietly and putting a book mark in their book and pausing their music.
“Really? Yes! I’d love to! What would you like to know about?” Logan asked happily, sitting up straighter.
“Anything… Maybe stars? I don’t really know anything so just anything.” Virgil smiled brightly.
Logan nodded quickly. “Alright! So basically-” They began to rant happily, flapping their hands at their sides quietly, very excited and happy.
An hour or so later Janus arrived home, shocked to see Virgil sitting there ranting about horror books of all things. “It’s so dumb! No sane person would stay in a house with a literal killer, imagine you know there’s a killer coming to your house and instead of calling the cops, packing a bag and setting up some cameras and going to stay at a hotel you what? Just stay there!? They’re trying to kill you!!” Virgil grumbled.
Janus walked over quietly and sat down next to Virgil. “Hello.”
Logan smiled softly. “Hello Janus.”
Virgil gasped. “Hey…” He said quietly, instantly going quiet and staring at the new person who had arrived. They were convinced that Janus must be the most beautiful person ever.
Janus smirked at them softly. “What were you saying, spider-ling? I would love to hear more about horror novels~.” It said softly, winking at them.
Virgil went very red. “O-oh! Right… so… so basically horror novels are only really effective when you know either are mislead about the killer or there’s no real way to get away.”
“Interesting, what about ghost stories and things like that?” Logan asked softly.
“R-right! Those are always good, it’s best done when the ghost ends up being someone they know. My favorite trope is when they end up in a forest… because they’re always so beautiful but also sad. They make a wonderful place. They seem like they’d be easier to write though I’m sure they’re also very difficult.” Virgil said quickly, bouncing in their seat a bit as Ji talked. Virgil decided that they liked their new roommates even if they were kind of weird.
After a couple days and a recommendation from their friend our favorite trio decided to make a blog for people to ask them things deciding it was a good bounding experience they created an email and set up the blog. They all typed in their pronouns and name’s into a pinned post and picked out an emoji for themselves as a signature. Janus made the header and profile pic. Virgil wrote in a little intro to the blog and set everything up. Soon enough they were all cuddled up on the couch ready to start running their brand new blog with no idea what was to come.
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BAU Prep School AU: 2018
Welcome to the Frederick Buchanan Institute located in scenic Quantico, Virginia, a senior high academy that shapes the best and brightest minds. Its motto is “Behavior, Analysis, Unity,” the mascot the Submariners, colloquially “the Unsubs”. The small school supports the most accomplished faculty from across the country. (image link)
2016- 2017 Class of 2018
Messy
September 29, 2017 11:17pm
Luke Alvez hadn’t expected this, despite his explicit instructions to his team to do so in the case of an emergency. And yet he found his phone ringing in the late-night weekend hours from an unsaved Virginian number.
“Hello?”
“Is this Luke Alvez?”
“It is, and you are?”
“My name is Frank Broadhead and I am—”
“The principal for the International School.”
“Why, yes, actually.”
“With all due respect, sir, but why are you calling me so late?”
“Well, you see, Mr. Alvez. Or Coach? Do you prefer Coach?”
“Semantics, please continue.”
“Right, well. Phil and I just so happened to find a few of your students breaking into our football stadium tonight. Now I wanted to call Aaron Hotchner myself, but young Mr. Malcolm has convinced us that you were the right call. Are you?”
“Sorry?”
“Are you the right call?”
Luke stared at the ceiling of his apartment and whispered a few choice curses beneath his breath.
“Are you pressing charges?”
“Now, Coach, we were very lucky to have apprehended the intruders prior to any hijinks. But, either you or another faculty member come and collect the lot of them or I am calling the police, followed by their parents.”
Luke could hear various protests in the background, this was not the way he wanted to spend his weekend. He also didn’t have a large enough vehicle to cart around multiple teenagers. “Besides Trevor Malcolm, who and how many are there?”
Luke grabbed his keys and double checked his back gate as he continued with the phone call.
“Well, I have a very aggressive young lady by the name of May Howard, a more demur girl named Azalene Curtis, a disrespectful punk who refuses to tell me his name and Mr. Malcolm.”
“Alright, Broadhead, tell Brooks to sit tight and I will be there as soon as I can.”
“Thank you, Mr. Alvez.”
Luke hit the end call button and sighed. It was late enough that the bugs and occasional cars passing by were the only noises on his street. He stared at his list of contacts for a solid minute before making the call, which finally connected on the fourth ring.
“Man, you better not be drunk dialing me.” Morgan’s voice was amused.
“Sorry, Derek, but duty calls.”
An hour later, HM Hotchner, Coach Morgan and Coach Alvez all stepped out of the large black Suburban. The rival school was cast in near darkness, besides a few lights in a first-floor wing. Luke led the way, Hotch and Derek shared a glance at his familiarity with the campus. When they reached the door, Luke was texting on his phone.
“K, should be just a sec for them to let us in.”
“Anybody know about this?” Hotch looked at his two current sports’ coaches with concern.
“Honestly, Hotch, I had no idea. I gave the guys my number in case they needed a sober driver, I wasn’t exactly expecting a full bail out.” Luke admitted, scratching the back of his neck. Aaron nodded, he was grateful to have Alvez on his team.
“My whole focus has been putting in the work to stick it their football team come playoffs, Hotch.” Derek held up his hands as they were empty of precursors to the crime. “If I had heard Howard and company would be trespassing I would have nipped that in the bud.” Derek’s eyes lit up as someone opened the secure door wide.
A tall African American guy gave them an annoyed appraisal, “Look what the cat dragged in.”
“It’s nice to see you too, Brooks.” Luke sighed. “This is my boss, Aaron Hotchner,” he paused as the shook hands. “And I’m guessing you’ve met Coach Morgan?”
“Brooks. Sorry about this.” Derek patted the man on the back as he led the way through the dimmed hallways.
“That bulldozer on your line?” Brooks started. “She’s a pistol.”
“Are the students alright?” Hotch interjected.
“Yeah, the guys may have been on something, but they lost their buzz fairly quickly.”
Luke and Derek both groaned, Coach Phil Brooks led the way to the principal’s office as they passed through a waiting room. In a row, spanning the spectrum of fear to boredom sat four Submariners. Lena Curtis, May Howard, Trevor Malcolm and one Iggy Cruz. When their teachers and headmaster stepped into the room, they erupted into a slew of explanations.
“Sir, we didn’t even—” Trevor started.
“Coach, I am so sor—” May’s voice hitched as her favorite teacher looked at her with complete disappointment.
“Are you going to call my dad?” Lena squeaked, she had been crying.
“Enough!” Hotch raised his voice and the room quieted. “Submariners on your feet.” Even the coaches beside him straightened up at the direct order. Iggy was the last one to stand, letting a huff fall from his lips. “You will wait here with Mr. Morgan and Mr. Alvez. I am going to sort this out with Principal Broadhead, then we will discuss the consequences of your actions.”
October 2, 2017 12:58pm
Ms. Prentiss’s phone buzzed against her desk, but it didn’t register as she was reading going over the final act of The Crucible with her Sophomore class.
“Now Miller wrote this during the Red Scare, what parallels can you draw from the play and those events?” She looked out into the faces of some very bored and mildly confused teenagers. Her phone buzzed again, more obvious now in the silence left by the unanswering class. “Okay, let’s try this again. Red Scare? Anyone take post World War Two history, yet?”
Five hands were raised around the room, she sighed and nodded. Then Zachary Henkel’s hand shot up as if he was electrocuted.
“Yes, Mr. Henkel? What can you tell us about the Red Scare?”
“Nothing, actually, but Ms. Garcia is waving frantically and knocking at the door.”
The English teacher’s brow knit as realization sunk in.
“It’s time?” She asked the excitable guidance counselor.
“It’s definitely time. I don’t want to into details. But, hospital, go, you now.” Emily Prentiss gave a wilted glance back to the waiting class. “Go, Emily, I’ve got them.”
“Communism and Arthur Miller. You, go.”
1:14pm
The Kirsch Memorial Hospital felt like a maze, despite the now weekly appointments JJ had been having within. Emily soon found the birthing wing and signed in at the desk.
“Your partner is in room 13C. Breathe, Mama, you got this.” The beaming nurse said to Emily, who must have looked like a deer caught in headlights.
“Right, thanks.” Emily gave a half smile and pinned her security tag on her blouse. The rooms were set up like hotel suites: very comfortable and spaced in pairs down a soothing hallway.
“Oh thank God!” JJ exclaimed as she saw Emily’s black hair peek through the double wide door.
“Or just Penelope, hey you.” Emily grabbed JJ’s hand. “Sorry I didn’t answer right away, I though it was an email notification.”
“You really need to stop being so professional.” JJ’s laughed cut short as a contraction started.
“Where are we at?” Emily watched the monitors they had on her girl and her bulging belly.
“Six minutes apart, but only dilated to 4,” JJ grunted. Emily rubbed JJ’s back with her free hand, as the pain eased so did JJ’s grip on the bed rail and Emily’s left hand.
“Good job, its like you’re ready to have a baby today.” Dr. Savannah Hayes smiled at the couple as she entered the room on her rounds. Emily watched JJ with immense pride as JJ sighed at her OBGYN.
“Ya think?”
Oct. 8 3:40pm
Matt Simmons had wrapped up his Sociology class early, telling the kids to enjoy the fresh air before a set of storms was due in for the weekend. Between his amazing stories, his looks and his more relaxed teaching style he had quickly won the hearts of the student body. He regularly received assignments early and was asked more than once if he was single, for their mothers or aunts. He politely declined the offers. Today he made his way down to the sound booth at the back of the Rothschild Auditorium to help set up for the coming musical. Rehearsals varied by day of the week as Lucas Turner was a lead this year and had recruited a few other football players for backstage work as well. The actors wouldn’t be in until 5:30pm. Matt found Alex Blake already playing with the levels as the set crew started showing up after the final bell. She held her chin in her palm, scrutinizing the coloring below.
“How’s it going?” He leaned against the door frame, his large arms folded across his chest. Alex jumped at his appearance, holding her chest. He tried to bite back his amusement, but her rueful smile told him it wasn’t going to be met with a scolding.
“Matthew! Damnit, I thought reporters liked an intro before they make an appearance.”
“Getting hard of hearing in your old age, Doc? Better keep up.”
“I am as quick as ever, thank you very much,” Alex tilted her head.
“Yeah, I bet,” He smiled at her confidence. “I’ve been meaning to ask you. What’s up with the ‘Ms.’ Did you decide to forget your PhD?”
Alex sighed, spinning to face him and away from the control desk. He had leaned back in another chair, all young and firm and handsome. “When Dave and I split, I wanted a fresh start, so I left the Doctor title behind as it was always paired with Rossi.”
“I was sorry to hear about that, and Ethan of course.”
“Thanks.” She closed her eyes at the mention of her late son. “So, what exactly brings you to teaching? It’s not exactly high adrenaline, which I recall you always chased.”
“Hannah had a rough go of it last year and I, well, I needed a change of scenery.” Matt flinched but didn’t go into greater detail.
“Did your sister ask you to keep an eye on Hannah?” Alex’s voice was low and soothing.
“Are you kidding? She barely talks about Hannah, no, Hannah and I have been close since she was little. I figured there was going to be at least a temporary opening and I reached out to Hotch.”
“JJ probably loved that.” Alex smiled, turning back to the stage.
“Yeah, well, she has her hands full now.”
“True. You sure you want to give up your nights to help run sound?” Alex teased.
“I like to be useful, plus, something tells me the Director can keep me in line.”
She gave him a look before rolling her eyes at him, “Welcome to life in the Theatre, Mr. Simmons.”
6:08pm
Jake wasn’t certain his feelings meant anything in the grand scheme of things and that thought alone made him panic. But the gnawing in his gut was getting worse with each passing day. There was something about being in the wings, the dust and ancient currents were like layers of reality, secluding and enclosing them. Michel was going over their lines and Jake was trying not to stare or break their concentration.
Michel was had contoured today and felt drastically more confident now that the itchy school blazer had been discarded. They had their sleeves rolled up to their elbows and left the top buttons open, despite the draftiness of the theatre. Now if they could just get their lines down they would earn their bad ass title for another week. After rehearsal they had a late dinner with their parents, who were briefly stateside and probably another hour of homework. So much for senior year slacking.
Jake was going to lose his nerve, but the romantic leads were going over their first scene and it felt like they would be called on for their entrances at any moment. Michel had turned to him now, “Can you read Jackson’s lines I just need to stop using the script as a crutch already.”
“Sure. But, you could always ask him to run lines.” Jake didn’t mean to sound snarky, but his self-consciousness came off as annoyance.
“Jake, you are literally doing nothing right now. Come on,” Michel huffed. Jake stood up straight and accepted Michel’s script from their out stretched hand. He leaned over the folded booklet and waited for Michel to start, their character was Bellomy, the leading lady’s father and they adjusted their stance as they got into character. Jake was transfixed, clearly, he understood acting, but watching Michel do it was like watching water boil or leaves change color. A natural transformation resulting in something completely different than who was there before.
“Oh lady le di le da loo…”
“Oh, lady le di le da loo…” Jake sounded it out choppily. Michel grabbed him tightly as the characters would greet each other in the show
“Hucklee!”
“Bellomy!”
“Neighbor!”
“Friend!”
Jake hadn’t let go of Michel, though a wall was meant to be separating the men on stage. He dropped the script and turned to his longtime friend and crush.
“How’s the gout?”
“What?” Jake looked down at Michel mystified.
“That’s the line, Jake. What’s wrong?” But before Jake could answer or Michel could stop him, his lips were on Michel’s.
Oct. 10 6:54pm
“Now ladies and gentlemen, will you please rise for the singing of our National Anthem?” The announcer’s voice boomed over the stadium filled to capacity with Homecoming crowds. The F.B.I. Scarlet Submariners were on the East side of their home field as their opponents the gold and black Kingsford Knights were on the West side. The sun had set fifteen minutes prior, letting the overhead lights illuminate the turf for miles around.
Mr. Walker raised his arms and the Pep band began the familiar bars, as Sacha Kane began to sing. The song wrapped up with thunderous applause and the coin toss followed. The teams stood lining the field as the captains returned. Sitting and stewing in their jerseys without their pads were the benched senior Ignacio Cruz and sophomore May Howard. The defense took the field and Lucas Turner sighed as his right side felt empty with an unreliable substitute. Coach Morgan had made the call, which Headmaster Hotchner backed fully. Coach Alvez had given Trevor a comparable two-game ban and a parent-approved drug test as punishment for the theatrics at the end of September.
“It had to be Homecoming,” Derek thought to himself as his back up kicker botched a punt, leaving the rival team on the Unsubs’ thirty-yard line. They went into the locker room down by six at half time. Thunder rolled in the distance. As well-spoken as Coach Morgan was, he didn’t need to say anything, the team knew they had to step it up. He let them breathe before offering a few shuffles to the lines.
“Unsubs! Whose house is this?!” Coach Morgan bellowed to the cement lined room.
“Our House!” They barked back.
“Whose house is this?!”
“Our HOUSE!” A deep booming response this time.
“Search and destroy, guys! SEARCH AND DESTROY!” The sweaty and pumped up bodies of forty teenagers jogged back on to the field to the enthusiasm of their stands. They went on to win by eleven, just as the cascade of rain flooded the stadium. After everyone had showered, Coach Morgan called Cruz and Howard over to discuss their reinstatements for the following week’s away game.
“You two care about your school, but there are better ways to defend it. Use your God-given talents to help your team, or you never were an Unsub. Behavior, Analysis, Unity. Earn it.”
Oct. 11 5:24pm
Chloe’s phone went off as she helped set the table for dinner. Her gaggle of siblings were either taking up space in the kitchen, trying to snag a taste early or lounging in the adjoining living room. All of her friends were off to take group pictures before heading to dinner at some posh restaurant or another. What a difference a year makes, the memories of last year’s dance clouding her thoughts.
She glanced down at the caller id before answering. “Lucas?”
“Hey, Chloe, listen, are you busy tonight?” He seemed quiet, like he was secluded.
“Helping with dinner right now, why?” She propped the phone against her shoulder as she began dishing out the salad.
“Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go to Homecoming. With me. Like a date?”
She had not seen this coming, but that was probably because she had avoided romantic entanglements like the plague they had proven to be.
“Lucas…” She let her voice hang in the air. “I don’t have a dress, this is really last minute.”
“Wear anything, you can go in jeans. I just, I just want to dance with you Chloe, I swear.” He sounded sweet, not desperate and demanding. But nervous and sheepish.
“Lucas, you can dance with anyone there, you’re classically trained.” His nerves seemed to be infectious.
“They’re not you, Chloe. Please think about it? Call me back when you’re done with dinner. I won’t be hurt if you say no, but just think about it.” Lucas waited for twelve seconds before she replied.
“Yeah, I can do that.”
“Thanks. Talk to you later!”
“Later.” Chloe ended the call and turned back to find her entire family had sat down to eat around her.
“Who was that?” Her mother Anita asked suspiciously.
“Lucas, Lucas Turner.”
“Well, what did the boy want?” her mother sat down and patted Chloe’s seat beside her.
“He asked me to go to the Dance tonight.”
A mix of ‘ooohs’ and teasing burst from her siblings, her cheeks flushed and she ducked her head as she fell into her usual spot.
“Do you want to go, doll?” Her father asked as he started cutting into his steak. She shrugged and then nodded.
“He’s a good guy, then, not going to get fresh?” Chloe smiled at her mom’s concern.
“He’s a sweetheart. He was there for me when I broke up with Brayden in the first place.” The name drew a stunned silence among the Roycewood family. It had gone unspoken for so long.
“Alright then, it’s settled. Aimee, you’re to help your sister get ready right after dinner. You hear?”
“Sweet! Of course, Mama.” Chloe’s thirteen-year-old sister replied, the excitement of dresses and make up turning her weekend magical.
“Thanks, you guys.” Chloe tried to bite back a smile, but her cheeks were determined to stay up.
“Anything to keep that smile on your face, doll.” Her dad nodded.
Next Chapter: The Show(down)
@mentallydatingspencerreid @dontshootmespence @ultrarebelheart @lyrasilverroseelizabethamanti @cynbx @rikersgirl22 @pllfrommars @wheresthewater @darknesstoglowing @adropintheocean1234567 @tleighstone12 @unitchiefwives @sam-carter-in-training @prettyboysjello @ddreammcatcher @thegirlinflames @night–hawk @t25luver @onlyalittleteenwolfobsessed @thismiss02 @literallyprentissstwin @usercorgis
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#criminal minds#BAU Prep School AU#cm#Luke Alvez#Derek Morgan#hotch#Aaron Hotchner#Alex Blake#Jennifer Jareau#Emily Prentiss#Matt Simmons#BAU Team#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds au#Criminal Minds Fanfiction#CM Series#CM Fanficiton Series#Unsubs Class of 18
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WCW Monday Nitro 26/08/1996
Note: It’s been over a year since I posted anything new, but this is still an active Tumblr so here’s something for the handful of people who I suddenly noticed are following this! Also RIP Mean Gene Okerlund. I may rag on him a lot in these retrospectives but he was a legend and will be missed. Onto the final WCW Nitro of August 1996.
So, this is curious. We start off with the usual intro, then as the fireworks are going off and Tony and Larry Z are welcoming us to the broadcast... there are already two people in the ring. We’re in a rush tonight, clearly.
Our combatants for the first bout of the evening are Juventud Guerrera and Billy Kidman. This is in fact Juvi’s debut on WCW Nitro. Hopefully he gets better treatment than poor Psychosis.
Juventud Guerrera Vs Billy Kidman
We’re not even a minute into the match and Tony manages to call our debutant “Juventud Guerrero”. That’s something else you can get used to, as this mistake happens frequently throughout Juvi’s time in WCW. In this instance Larry does correct Tony and note that it’s “Guerrera” rather than “Guerrero”.
As the match is in progress Tony informs us that the Horsemen will be facing the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express later in the program, a match that would have been good in the 80s but not so much in 1996.
Juvi and Kidman slap each other on the apron for a few moments, then Juvi flips over him and hits a powerbomb onto the floor.
Juvi dominates for a while with a few lucha flips, but then Kidman hits back. After a while Kidman attempts to hit the ever impressive shooting star press...
And he connects, but Juvi kicks out!
Juvi hits a hurricanrana off the top rope which Tony somehow calls a “reverse victory roll” - wut? - and gets the three count. Juvi screams “I am the best!” into the camera whilst Tony keeps trying and failing to pronounce hurricanrana with a spanish accent. Larry then says to just call it “the flying fajita” in a nice bit of casual racism.
Juventud Guerrera defeats Billy Kidman via pinfall.
Gene is in the ring, and they seem to think it’s a good idea to give this guy an interview.
As it turns out, it isn’t. The interview starts well with Gene saying Juvi isn’t “adept at English” and Gene admitting he can’t speak Spanish - “no comprende Espanyol amigo”. Always a good idea to have an interview between two people who don’t speak each other’s language. Gene asks about Juvi facing Konnan for the Mexican title. Juvi says something unintelligible in broken English before switching to yelling something in Spanish. The crowd start booing loudly and Juvi is confused by this reaction.
Juvi takes back the mic and screams “I am the best wrester Mexican”. Juvi actually manages to speak some fairly fluent English for a moment as he says he has one more thing to say - everybody in Mexico knows the New World Order, and then loses his train of thought and says something about nobody in mexico being scared of them or something. Crowd has started booing again, and Gene, realising this thing is dying a terrible death, cuts the interview with a condescending “give it a rest pal, you can take this up with somebody else”, walking away and shaking his head as if somehow this is Juvi’s fault and he’s too old for this shit.
Poor Juvi just stands there looking like a dope.
Juvi was very over at the end of the match. He was dead in the water after the interview. Good going WCW.
We get a Glacier commercial, and it’s a new one! After seeing the same promo for literally months, we finally get some fresh material...
It’s just Glacier spinning a stick around in front of a white wall with weird markings on it. He’s basically Star Wars kid before Star Wars kid became a thing. Maybe we got it all wrong and he was actually copying Glacier.
We get our first look at Tony and Larry...
Look at that multicoloured abomination on Larry’s torso. WTF kind of a shirt is that. I hope he didn’t pay too much for it.
Seriously. Dafuq. Looks like he’s wearing a child’s colouring book, with bad colouring in to boot.
Anyway, they talk about the Four Horsemen teaming up with Sting and Luger and we get a recap of the promo last week between these gentlemen confirming the agreement. The crowd are still booing at something, but not sure if it’s still Juvi or something else entirely. Rough audience tonight.
Larry starts babbling about King Nebuchadnezzar and the “five orders” and Tony’s face during this is absolutely priceless.
He’s literally staring off with this “wtf?” gaze for about ten seconds before turning back to Larry like, “u srs?”
He has no idea what is going on.
After Larry finishes his soliloquy on empires and other bullshit, Tony informs us that later on we’ll be seeing Mongo & Benoit Vs Sting & Luger. Can I ask why? Why the fuck would you do that with War Games coming up? Sting and Luger are teaming with the Horsemen at War Games, so why would they...? You know what, forget it. Next match is up. First up... AMERICAN MALES, AMERICAN MALES, AMERICAN MALES...
But Riggs is injured so it’s actually Bagwell teamed up with Jim “Jobber” Powers and his manager Teddy Long.
What a trio. Worth noting Dave Penzer calls Long “the Godfather”... Godfather of what? Jobbers? Where did that nickname come from? Does Long have some kind of Mafia history we haven’t been told about? Penzer also says they’ll be accompanied by Riggs but he’s nowhere to be seen. Guess he had better things to do.
Speaking of trios...
Their opponents are Sullivan and Big Bubba accompanied by Jimmy Hart. Oh boy. I can’t imagine this is going to be a match of the year candidate. Also the name graphic makes it look like it’s just “Taskmaster Big Bubba”.
Marcus Bagwell & Jim “Jobber” Powers Vs Kevin Sullivan & Big Bubba
Before the match we see a quick compilation of “tree of woe” moves and the double foot stomp finisher from Sullivan, after which Tony calls Sullivan “one of the most dangerous men we’ve seen in our sport for many years”. Yeah... but no. Just no. Larry then says in class he used to see kids pulling wings off flies, but Sullivan used kittens. Okay, first, where are these winged kittens that Larry is talking about? Secondly, if we assume he’s actually talking about Sullivan ripping kittens limbs off... what the fuck?
Jobber Jim actually surprisingly gets some early offence on Sullivan, during which Larry calls Jimmy Hart “a mental genius of the game”. OK.
This match goes on for way too long, but there’s a funny spot near the end where Jobber Jim is ramming both Jimmy Hart and Sullivan’s heads into the turnbuckle.
Still say the background illustration on Hart’s jacket looks more like Nash than the Giant.
Powers hits Bubba with a cross body in the wing and pins him for a three count. Everyone is shocked. But then Patrick decides the shoulder was up and restarts the match. Why did he even count the three if the shoulder was up? Don’t know.
Bubba hits his sidewalk slam and this time a three is counted for the Dungeon. Hah. Jim Powers can’t even win without losing. Honestly though, this match was better than it had any right to be considering the participants, just went a bit too long and the finish was really dumb.
Sullivan & Big Bubba defeat Marcus Bagwell & Jim “Jobber” Powers via pinfall.
Post match “the godfather” is yelling at Patrick but nobody cares. Maybe he’ll order a hit on him later. Larry calls Long a “buttinski”. I assume that’s an insult. They show a replay which blatantly shows Bubba got his shoulder up way after the three count, but Larry acts like it was a close call because he’s either blind or stupid.
Gene-o is in the ring with the victors.
Bubba says he should be getting all the title shots and should be in all the main events and he won’t be overlooked again, starting tonight. Good luck with that. Bubba also calls out Glacier, which is nice because other than the announcers nobody else has mentioned him despite two months of vignettes. Hart mocks Glacer’s “blood runs cold” tagline and says “the only thing that’s going to be running is you”. Burn.
Sullivan complains that if everybody has listened to him about Hogan then “all of this wouldn’t be going on”. No, instead we’d still have you running around with the Shark, the Zodiac and all of those other idiots in the Dungeon. Sullivan claims he saw Okerlund on a boat with Hogan a week ago. Gene says “that wasn’t me, that was Eric Bischoff”. Easy mistake to make. Love how Gene instantly tries to dump Bischoff in the shit. What a snake. Gene asks if the guy had hair, to which Sullivan says “the guy had a bald head, it was you”. Taskmaster ain’t bullshitting tonight. Not sure what the point of that was, but Sullivan transitions from this into saying the Horsemen aren’t the last line of defence for WCW. I hope he isn’t implying the Dungeon are because, if so, WCW is fucked. Gene implies Sullivan is “greasing the palm” of Nick Patrick, to which Sullivan replies “everyone’s entitled to a mistake, including you being on a boat with Hogan”. They’re really planting the seeds here with this Okerlund/Hogan stuff, but as far as I’m aware it doesn’t go anywhere so... why? Who cares if Mean Gene of all people is hanging around with Hogan anyway?
We come back from a break and now Okerlund is with Sting and Luger in the back. He’s all over the show again tonight. Lex is making a stupid face as usual. I’m starting to think he’s doing it on purpose. He looks like he accidentally sharted.
Luger says that he and Sting are “in the frame of mind to kick some behind”... what a slogan. Sting isn’t happy that after “everything was cool” last week that the Horsemen and now giving them a “gut chest” - I think he means gut check - and he says he doesn’t understand it and it means Flair and Anderson don’t trust them. Sting says that Flair should never question their “intestinal fortitude” and they’re making a mistake. Onto the next match.
Mike Enos comes out yelling “bunch of idiots”.
His opponent is Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Well, this should be a classic.
Mike Enos Vs Chavo Guerrero Jr
Enos starts the match by attempting to run into Chavo in the corner, but Chavo scrambles out of the way and Enos smacks his head into the turnbuckle. When you begin a match with that kind of strategy you know it isn’t going to end well. Literally less than a minute later Enos whips Chavo into the opposite corner, again tries to run into him, and again ends up slamming himself into the turnbuckle as Chavo moves out of the way. This Enos lad isn’t the sharpest tool in the drawer, is he?
By the way, the announcers seem even less enthused for this match than I am. They are literally acting like the match isn’t even happening, instead talking non-stop about the Giant, Macho Man and Hollywood Hogan. I mean, I get it, nobody cares about Enos and Chavo is still an unknown... but come on guys. At least act like you give a shit.
Enos ends up outside of the ring and Chavo leaps over the top rope with a cross body...
However, Enos catches him and walks around like he’s holding a child.
Watch those hands, mister.
Enos flings Chavo over with a fallaway slam - “nearly over to the guardrail” says Tony, even though it’s nowhere close.
As Enos dumps Chavo back in the ring “Dirty” Dick Slater appears at ringside.
“With a towel over his head” notes Tony. So that’s where Taz got the idea from. I’m not sure why Slater waited until now to come out.
As Enos continues to dominate we get a shot of Konnan in the crowd.
He appears to be having a nap. Tony suggests he’s “trying to be incognito”. yes, wearing that hat, that shirt and being picked up by the cameras straight away. Incognito indeed.
Enos is in the ring jumping around with Chavo across his shoulders.
It looks hilarious, although the visual doesn’t do it justice.
Enos tries a sit down powerbomb but somehow fucks it up and Chavo lands on Enos’ leg, which causes Enos to squirm in pain. Chavo then locks in a figure four, and as Enos is flailing around Randy Anderson gets “thumbed in the eye” which allows Dirty Dick to enter the ring.
Slater takes the towel off his head and puts it around Enos’ head instead. Enos rolls out of the ring as Slater beats on Chavo. Randy Anderson has apparently gone completely blind as he doesn’t notice that Dick Slater is now in the ring instead of Mike Enos. They look significantly different. Regardless, this ridiculous plan backfires when Chavo rolls up Slater with an inside cradle for the win.
Chavo Guerrero Jr defeats Mike Enos (technically Dick Slater) via Pinfall.
Enos and Slater are stunned that their idiotic plan failed. This kind of tactic is usually employed by two people who look similar, not completely different. As it turns out that part of the plan inexplicably worked - Slater is just a dunce who got beat anyway.
Okerlund is of course in the entranceway, accosting Chavo.
Chavo yells for DDP, asking where he is. Chavo claims he came out to “help” Eddie after DDP attacked him post-match at the Clash, but as we already saw Chavo was about as much help as the proverbial chocolate fireguard. Chavo says DDP tried to humiliate him by whipping him with Nick Patrick’s belt, but attests “that didn’t humiliate me, that just put coal in my fire!”
Gene looks befuddled by this. He advises Chavo to calm down and notes that DDP and Chavo have a match at Fall Brawl. Chavo says that if you mess with one of the Guerrero’s, you mess with all of them.
We get a very 90s advert with Okerlund and Heenan hawking the Nitro t-shirt.
Look at those background colours. So 90s. Gene says Heenan’s got the shirt on the wrong way around and that his “whole body is reversable”. Not sure what that means, not sure I want to know. Also unsure as to why Heenan has the shirt on backwards. It isn’t explained. Could they not have gotten anybody else to promote this? We see enough of Okerlund as it is without him shilling merch as well. At least get a wrestler to do it.
Some hair metal 80s guitar riffs hit and out comes “J. L.” - the cleverly disguised Jerry Lynn.
I have to admit I am unsure as to why Lynn was a masked wrestler in WCW. It’s not like they didn’t have enough luchadores wearing masks.
His opponent is the Cruiserweight champion Rey Mysterio Jr.
The enthusiasm in the crowd is off the charts.
J.L. Vs Rey Mysterio Jr
Throughout his entrance and indeed throughout the match JL is constantly adjusting his mask. It’s a bit distracting. Tony calls JL “mysterious” but then goes on to talk about his success in Japan and how he isn’t from Mexico, so I guess not that mysterious. It’s literally just because he has a mask on.
The match begins with various arm holds and JL keeping Mysterio in a headlock for a while. The contest has barely begun before Tony starts spluttering and says he’s been told Hogan is outside. The camera cuts to the back where we see Hogan, Hall and Nash.
Hogan grabs somebody who for some reason was randomly standing around outside with a spotlight and takes him over to the production truck.
They spraypaint the truck with nWo logos as Tony acts disgusted, like this is the worst thing that’s ever been done. You know, if you guys are so appalled by this behaviour you don’t have to show it on camera. You could just... not show it. Also that is some really shitty spraypainting.
“What are they saying here?” Tony asks. “nWo 4 life?”
Yes, that is literally what they have spraypainted on the truck Tony. Good reading skills.
Tony says that bills will be coming the nWo’s way from Turner and he hopes they “have insurance”. Yeah, I’m sure Hogan will need insurance to pay a fine for having some spraypaint cleaned off a truck. With that said I’m not sure you can get insurance to cover you in the event of you deciding to vandalise a truck, but whatever. Tony mocks the idea of the nWo having a fourth man and reckons they’ll go into War Games a man down. Sounds reasonable. He says Hogan has turned into a “street thug”. Sure, he’s running with the gangs now. A matter of time before he’s committing drive-bys and making rap videos.
Oh, there’s still a match going on by the way. Not that it’s anything exciting. It might be the most boring match in Rey’s history. I’m guessing on purpose, knowing that most of it is going to be cut in favour of showing Hogan and the outsiders. As we go to a break Tony is mumbling about the nWo being “jerks” whilst Larry says “it’s the 90s. Hogan happens”. No idea what he means by that.
When we get back from the break Tony apologises for his comments. What comments? Calling Hogan a thug and a jerk? Jeez, you better start relaxing a little Tony or you’ll start breaking out the “gosh darn it’s”.
Stinko appears in the entraceway, radiating with his usual charisma and charm. At least somebody is interested in this match. They literally focus on Dean’s static face for about ten seconds. Tony just keeps ranting about Hogan.
JL gets down on his hands and knees by his own accord. Odd strategy.
Rey hugs him from behind. I have no idea what is going on here. After some brief chain wrestling Rey then decides to get down on his hands and knees.
Seriously, what is going on here? Rather than give Rey a cuddle from behind, JL just boots him in the back. Tony says the fans have been “wowed” by Mysterio’s moves, which is a lie as he hasn’t done anything of note. Well, he might have, but we haven’t seen any of it thanks to Hogan and the commercial break. All we’ve seen are arm holds, headlocks and Rey and JL getting into doggy positions for reasons the announcers don’t bother to explain.
Larry claims that “a big neck is easier to break than a small, limber one”. Not sure I understand the logic there.
JL puts Mysterio in a boston crab in what has been a painfully slow cruiserweight match. Seriously, how is a match between Jerry Lynn and Rey Mysterio this fucking boring?
Fireworks go off as hour number two begins, and we switch to Eric Bischoff and Bobby Heenan. This is literally the most exciting part of this match so far, but the last thing it needed was another distraction.
The match spills to the outside and JL slams Rey into the barricade.
He also slams Rey’s head into the ring post. Bischoff and Heenan meanwhile pick up where Tony and Larry left off and continue complaining about the production truck being spraypainted. Seriously guys, get over it. Do you not remember a few weeks ago when the outsiders were literally trying to kill wrestlers with baseball bats? This is pretty tame in comparison. A bit of water and the truck will be good as new.
It’s kind of fitting that this match ends with a botch as Rey attempts to do his springboard hurricanrana off the apron...
But JL can’t rotate all the way over so instead his head just slams into the mat. Ouch. Rey gets the pin and Heenan advises JL to “go to your room”. OK. That was the slowest and most disappointing Rey match on Nitro to date. It might have been better if the announcers had spent more time telling the story of JL trying to ground Mysterio with mat holds, but instead they were just talking about the nWo, so... yeah.
Rey Mysterio defeats JL via Pinfall.
Mean Gene is in the company of the lesser known Horsemen, along with Woman, Liz (sleeping?) and Debra.
Gene tries to shill his hotline by talking about some rumour about Mongo going back to the NFL (if only), but Mongo isn’t having any of it, telling Gene he doesn’t give a shit about his 1-900 number. Mongo says that “in hindsight” Sting and Luger shouldn’t be going to War Games with Flair and Anderson, it should be Mongo and Benoit. So much for respecting Flair and Anderson’s decision last week. Mongo says they’ll prove it to the world, to WCW and to the nWo, then makes a fart noise. Gene says the nWo have been “having a little fun painting”. I love how the announcers have been so offended by what happened, and Gene is just like “whatever”. For once he has it right.
Woman is all over Gene and he tells her she has to “knock it off on television”. He’s definitely up for it once the cameras are off though. Woman says she can’t help herself (why?) and then asks how things are between Gene and Hulk Hogan.
Uncomfortable. Still not sure why everybody is obsessed with this Okerlund and Hogan thing. So what if Gene did join the nWo? Why would anybody give a shit?
Gene switches to Benoit, who immediately fucks up the start of his promo by struggling to pronounce “relinquish”. Benoit says tonight isn’t about vengeance or envy, but it’s about “security”. Strange word to use but OK. Benoit says to look into his eyes and asks if we can see “the hungry beast”.
Not really. He looks bored.
We’re thrown back to Bischoff and Heenan at the announce desk. Bichoff notes that Macho will have his chance to face Hogan for the title at Halloween Havoc, then we are shown footage from a couple of weeks ago where Hogan came out to whack Savage with a chair and help Flair beat him. We then see Savage’s promo from last week and the end of the match with Macho and Giant, with Macho making the mistake of cracking Meng over the head with a chair. After this Gene is in the back with Savage.
As usual there are random WCW shirts hanging from the lockers, and a towel. I hope that’s clean - kind of gross if not.
Gene tells Macho that Hogan “did you in”, as usual he isn’t mincing his words. Macho screams that he’s “quiet but deadly right now”. Macho says that he deserves to win at Havoc and that it’s for “all the marbles”, even though he only has one marble in his head. Macho says it’ll be “the scariest match of the century” and he’s going to take Hogan apart because nobody cares.
Gene disagrees and says that he does care, and Macho yells “I don’t care if you care!” - Gene mentions that Savage has the Giant at Fall Brawl - the PPV before Havoc - but Savage responds “I’m going to bowl through the Giant and that’s it” before storming off. “Randy Savage, do you have an extra chair?” Okerlund calls - can’t tell if he’s being a dick or not. You can hear Savage hollering something inaudible. Quiet but deadly indeed.
We go back to the arena and unfortunately Hacksaw is out next.
For reasons beyond my understanding he gets a ridiculous amount of pyro. Goldberg levels of pyro.
This guy’s expression says it all. He hasn’t been impressed with much so far tonight, not sure why the camera keeps showing him. Heenan admits he isn’t thrilled that WCW’s future lies with “a madman, a beserk individual who can’t put a thought together”. Brutal. He then goes on to say Savage will never give up and if anyone wants to beat Hogan, it’s Macho. So now I have no idea if Heenan is for or against the idea.
Duggan’s opponent is the Giant.
Happily I don’t foresee this ending well for Hacksaw.
“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan Vs The Giant
Hacksaw immediately gets a “USA” chant going and stomps around the ring like a child.
He attempts a shoulder block on the Giant but bounces off of him, which prompts Hacksaw to adopt this pose.
Duggan attempts another shoulder tackle but Jimmy Hart grabs his foot, which causes Hacksaw to sprint - or more accurately jog - after Hart on the outside of the ring. He manages to get Jimmy’s jacket but the mouth of the south escapes. Not exactly hard to outrun Duggan in fairness.
The Giant comes after Duggan, who tosses Hart’s jacket into his face and then throws a few punches to Giant’s chest before getting back into the ring, yelling “HOOOO” and getting another “USA” chant going. Giant gets up on the apron but Hacksaw knocks him off and then gets back out of the ring. Heenan suggests Hacksaw is “like a refrigerator” and doubts Giant can chokeslam him. Considering we have seen Giant chokeslam the much bigger John Tenta more than once I’m not sure this logic makes much sense, but whatever.
Giant whips Duggan back first into the ring post, but then Duggan moves as Giant charges him.
Imagine getting outsmarted by Jim Duggan.
Giant is finally able to get back into the ring and puts Duggan into a bear hug.
He can barely get his arms around Duggan’s thicc frame. He might be the only person in WCW who could wrap his arms around Duggan though, so it’s somewhat impressive. Hacksaw manages to fight out of the bearhug and stagger into the corner, so Giant goes over and starts slamming his butt into Hacksaw’s gut.
I think this picture says enough.
Duggan attempts to slam the Giant but can’t lift him up. Giant clobbers Duggan back down to the mat, and then...
Ted DiBiase appears in the crowd. Whilst he slowly makes his way down to ringside Giant and Hacksaw are cuddling in the ring again.
I have no idea why Patrick looks so terrified. It’s possible Hacksaw has farted. Anyhow, Hacksaw pulls out his trusty roll of tape - from the way he digs it out I think it sits somewhere underneath his balls, which is disgusting, then blasts Giant in the head with it.
It doesn’t really have much effect, although I dread to think what it smells like. Jimmy Hart gets up on the apron holding Duggan’s 2x4. Nick Patrick, Jimmy Hart and Hacksaw then have a tug of war over it.
At this point I’m quite confused as to whether the roll of tape is legal or not. Patrick did not care in the slightest when Hacksaw was whacking Giant with it, but I swear Hacksaw has been disqualified before for using it. WCW, where rules are as useful as Chavo Guerrero Jr. Whilst all this nonsense is going on Giant grabs Duggan and...
Chokeslam. Goodnight. Match over.
The Giant defeats “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan via Pinfall.
That match lasted a lot longer than I thought it would, and Duggan got in way too much offence. Giant did not benefit from this match at all. The camera immediately switches to DiBiase in the crowd who gives us the Four Horsemen salute.
A few things to note. Firstly the guy to Dibiase’s right doing it with him just looks bizarre. Secondly the guy to DiBiase’s left is booing very aggressively - unsure as to whether he’s mad Hacksaw lost or just dislikes Ted. Thirdly the guy behind DiBiase’s shoulder is screaming and looks like he’s popping out of DiBiase’s shoulder, like that character in MiB II.
DiBiase opens has palm for “five” and says “next week”.
Looks like he’s about to do the “you can’t see me” thing, but he doesn’t. The guy to DiBiase’s right is shocked by this, again copying the “five” hand gesture and yelling “five! Next week! Five!” at whoever is next to him and the camera.
Bischoff asks if DiBiase is playing games. Heenan says he’s known DiBiase for a long time and, exact quote, “he doesn’t play games, he plays games that are serious”. He does play games then. Bischoff says “maybe he’s the fifth horseman”. Yes, the fifth member of the four horsemen. That makes sense.
Because we can’t go one segment without Okerland, he’s now on the ramp with Giant and Jimmy Hart.
Gene says Giant is “in shock”, Giant replies “you’re roggone right I’m in shock” - I assume he means doggone but is for some reason channeling Scooby Doo. Giant, whilst talking, says he can hardly talk because he’s in shock. Giant’s face is really close to the camera and it’s really unsettling.
Back up a little, jeez.
Anyway, Giant takes exception with Macho blaming him for losing the title to Hogan. Giant asks why Savage wasn’t around to help out when Nash and Hall helped Hogan take the belt from the Giant. A fair point. Giant postulates that Savage was scared, and he “can’t cut the job”, whatever that means. Giant says Macho isn’t going to fight Hogan, he is, because he “is the world heavyweight champion”.
Giant looks like he’s about to cry. He also seems to be in denial over losing the title. He says he’ll beat either Hogan or Savage for the belt and that he’ll be waiting for Savage at Fall Brawl.
As Gene talks we can clearly see the Giant’s spit on the camera lens. Nice. Gene actually gets out a hankerchief and tries to wipe down the camera saying “for goodness sakes these guys are very messy”.
We come back from the break to find 80s rejects the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express coming to the ring.
Seriously, these shirts.
I hope they didn’t sell these. Looks like somebody literally drew the design on a white shirt for them with sharpies.
More enthusiastic crowd shots. Why is it every time they show this guy on the right he looks bored as fuck? Why is he even there?
This fella also gives one of the least enthusiastic “woooo”’s and thumbs up I’ve ever seen. Orange Cassidy would be proud.
Ric Flair’s music hits.
DiBiase is looking at Liz and Woman and likes what he sees. I’m with you chief. Heenan says that DiBiase is sitting in the crowd “inconspicuously” but then notes he made his way to his seat literally through everybody in the middle of the show. He’s contradicted himself within single sentences three times in the last twenty minutes. He’s a very confused man tonight.
Bischoff: “I’ve just thought of something. He could be the fourth nWo guy, and next week there’s a fifth”. Really, Eric, you’ve only just come to that realisation? I think everybody else probably came to that conclusion first, rather than assuming DiBiase was the fifth member of the four horsemen, but OK. Congrats on gaining such insight. He’s still pushing the fifth Horseman idea as the more likely outcome, though, so still a total dunce. Hogan, Nash and Hall - all arrived from the WWF, two of whom very recently. DiBiase left the WWF in May/June.
Obviously going to join the Horsemen and not the WWF-invaders-but-not-WWF-invaders nWo faction.
The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express Vs Ric Flair and Arn Anderson
As usual the Horsemen end up getting their butts kicked early on. Flair takes a double dropkick out of the ring and starts squaring up to fans.
Ole has lost some weight.
The Horsemen surprisingly take control for a while, then a brawl breaks out between all four men in the ring. Arn eventually sneaks up on Morton and hits him with a DDT.
Gibson sees this happen, and is literally on the apron as Ric goes for the pin...
For some reason he is insanely slow and casual about getting in to break it up though, so the ref counts the three and your winners are the Horsemen.
Ric Flair and Arn Anderson defeat the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express via Pinfall.
I love how at the end of the match Gibson stares down so disappointedly at Morton.
I mean, he could have easily broken up the pinfall, but he made about as much effort as the people who designed he and Morton’s t-shirts. What a bell. This was a short match, not that I mind.
Bischoff says it looks like Arn Anderson could chew through the steel cage at War Games, “and no doubt he will” - erm, I think there is some doubt as to whether Arn will literally chew through steel, but OK.
Oh look, it’s Gene. What a surprise. He isn’t even waiting by the entrance anymore. Straight down to the ring, not even letting the Horsemen get a breather before shoving a microphone into their faces.
Gene complains about Woman molesting him again, and begs Liz to do something. Liz coyly says “there’s nothing I can do to control her”. It’s like the start of a creepy porno.
Gene asks Arn about the upcoming War Games match.
Arn: “There’s a time to ogle the women, Gene Okerlund, and this ain’t it”. Slapping Gene down to the ground. I like it. Arn says that the hourglass has been turned around, and the sand is running out on the nWo. Not even close Arn, not even close. Arn repeats that the nWo picked their spot about ten times before saying “when they shut the cage, and you look into our guts” - wait, what? Shouldn’t that be eyes? The only way I can think to look into someone’s guts without cutting their stomach open is... never mind. Arn says the Horsemen were in the first War Games and they’ll be in the last one.
Quick fact check on this - nope. If we’re talking purely WCW War Games 1997 was the last one the Horsemen were involved in. 1998 was Team WCW vs nWo Hollywood vs nWo Wolfpac and there was no War Games in 1999. They apparently had a random one in 2000 on Nitro but that didn’t involve the Horsemen either and who gave a shit about WCW at that point anyway? Back to 1996...
Arn says the Outsiders will be gone by now and we won’t see them again tonight. He says if you want to be a man in this sport you need to jump on a guy, eye to eye, nose to nose... uh...
Gene’s expression mirrors mine.
We see a clip from the Clash of the Champions - Flair has Hogan in the Figure 4 and Gene asks Flair if Hogan submitted. Flair claims that Hogan looked into his eyes and said “oh great Nature Boy, I give up, I quit, you are too much man, today”. Not only would that be a really strange thing to say in the circumstances, but we are literally watching footage which shows this never happened. Flair is screaming that the Outsiders better be ready because War Games “are not in the Big Apple, they’re not in Chicago, they’re not in LA, they’re in Winston Salem, North Carolina”.
Liz looks like she’s really enjoying this promo. Flair’s head looks set to burst. Woman is trying to molest poor Gene again. Gene thanks Flair, who continues to go absolutely nuts, flailing around like he’s having a seizure.
Totally insane. I love how Woman is so used to it she’s just looking on like nothing weird is happening at all.
Another Glacier promo. I’m sure this will all be worth it when he debuts... right?
Out next is Chris Jericho.
I can’t really make out what he’s yelling at the camera, but it sounds like “let’s go, are you ready WCW for lion”. Sure. Jericho is yelling to try and get the crowd pumped up.
Doesn’t appear to be working. These are the kind of expressions you’d get if you took a shit in the entranceway. What is with WCW showing totally unenthusiastic crowd members tonight?
His opponent is “Das WunderSwan” Alex Wright.
STOP PANNING TO BORED MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE.
WunderSwan does his usual backslip off the turnbuckle as he enters the ring.
Impressive until he blows a knee out on one of his landings, then stupid.
Chris Jericho vs “Das WunderSwan” Alex Wright
Bischoff takes credit for signing Jericho to WCW. Is this his debut? Just checked wikipedia and yes, it is indeed. Bischoff calls Jericho “an upstanding young man, and an outstanding wrestler”. Like a teacher’s report card. Heenan asks if Bischoff has co-signed for a house with Jericho. Bischoff suggests that Jericho and Wright “could be the backbone of WCW for years to come”. Jericho left in early 1999 despite being hugely over and Alex Wright became Berlyn, so, no.
Match starts off pretty slow with various mat holds. For some reason Bischoff takes this moment to shit on Big Bubba, mocking him for having a problem with Glacier - “he’s not even here yet” - and saying that he has a problem. Not sure what prompted that. Jericho hits Wright with a spinning leg kick, which Bischoff describes as an elbow for some reason, then does his trademark dropkick off the turnbuckle, sending Wright crashing to the outside.
Bischoff calls it an “inverted dropkick”. I have no idea how you would even invert a dropkick, but OK. Springboard dropkick would be more appropriate. Wright manages to get back into the match and hits a cross body on Jericho from the turnbuckle.
Heenan says Alex Wright has “more experience” than Jericho which is definitely not true.
Jericho:
Alex Wright:
Enough said. Get your facts straight Bobby.
At one point Jericho is outside of the ring and Wright gets up top...
So, what’s the plan here? A double sledge, Macho Man style? A flying cross body? A dropkick?
No. None of these. He just jumps down and smacks his arm/head onto the guardrail.
...
...
...
What a helmet.
Jericho rolls back in the ring and Wright gets counted out. For some reason Jericho tells the ref he “doesn’t want to win this way” and it gets declared a No Contest. WTF? If it’s a count out then it’s a count out, Jericho can’t decide to call it a No Contest just because he feels sorry for Das BlunderDunce.
The crowd boos as Jericho checks on Wright.
Chris Jericho Vs “Das WunderDunce” Alex Wright ends in a No Contest.
Are you kidding me? Gene is out there AGAIN? I hope he isn’t getting paid by screen time because he literally gets more of it than anybody else on the show. His face should be front and centre of all promotion items.
Wright is stumbling around, seemingly concussed, but Gene coldly says they’ll get him on his feet and then says that Jericho’s debut was a “breath of fresh air”. It really wasn’t any better than a lot of the cruiserweight matches we’ve already seen, but sure, whatever.
Jericho says he came to WCW to fight “to the best of my ability”, as opposed to only some of his ability, I guess? Jericho says he respects Alex Wright, for some reason, and then says whilst he wouldn’t take a victory like this, he knows somebody who would... Hulk Hogan and the nWo. OK. Not sure why Jericho feels the need to shit on Hogan, Hall and Nash right out the gate but there you go. Jericho says “me and Alex are going to fight with all of our hearts... for WCW!” - possibly the cheesiest and lamest thing I’ve ever heard. Wright is still staggering around in a daze. He stumbles towards Okerlund who bluntly tells him there’s no interview time left and he should go to the back and get his wits together. No fucks given from Gene.
We come back from the break to find the next match about to begin, with two teams in the ring.
Looks like Scott Steiner (w/Crazy Huge Arms) and Rick Steiner (w/Clinical Lycanthropy) facing off against the Blue Bloods. Earl Robert Eaton and Squire Dave Taylor if my eyes don’t deceive me. Where’s Lord Steven, dammit?
The Steiner Brothers Vs The Blue Bloods
The Earl and the Squire start the match by arguing about who is going in first. Normally both want to start, but in this instance neither of them do. Eaton complains he always starts. Squire keeps yelling at Eaton to get in the ring. The Dog Faced Gremlin soon has enough of this bullshit, sneaking up behind these idiots and slamming their heads together.
Eaton now does get in the ring, but Taylor is still shouting at him, so the Earl pushes the Squire off the ring apron.
Rick Steiner gives Eaton a hip toss and barks. After smacking Eaton around for a bit Taylor comes into the ring. Both Blue Bloods get clotheslined and roll out of the ring to continue arguing, whilst Rick and Scott do their pose with Rick barking again.
Rick crawls over and bites the rope.
This is who you’re losing to, guys.
There was no tag but the Squire is in now. He actually gets some offence and hauls Rick up onto his shoulders, as Eaton dives from the top rope.
As you might expect this doesn’t end very well, as Rick appears to get dumped right on his head.
But for some reason Eaton is the one who is knocked out.
The Steiners win. I don’t think Scott Steiner or his arms did anything in this match. Hold on, wasn’t Dave Taylor the legal man here? How did Eaton get pinned? Maybe it... oh, no, it’s just WCW. Rules only apply when required.
The Steiner Brothers defeat The Blue Bloods via Pinfall.
The Squire is understandably annoyed that Eaton somehow managed to lose the match despite not even being the legal man, and slaps him in the face.
Should arguably be slapping the ref for counting the wrong man, but whatever.
The Blue Bloods get into a fight, which Eaton gets the best of. We suddenly hear Rick Steiner on the microphone saying “Eaton’s going crazy! Get him, Bobby, beat him up!” - that’s not helping.
Okerlund again, of course. He asks Scotty what he makes of this and he replies “I don’t know Gene, they’re going nuts! I thought they were supposed to be friends? Partners?” - because no tag team has ever had an acrimonious split before.
Nick Patrick is trying (badly) to stop the Blue Bloods fighting, whilst Gene asks them to calm down and Rick Steiner continues trolling them and telling them to keep going. Hah.
Once the Blue Bloods are finally gone, Gene asks Rick about their match with Harlem Heat at Fall Brawl. Rick says “you know, Gene, being a dog (Clinical Lycanthropy, this man needs a doctor) I prey on my opponents. You see, in the dog pound, it’s the be a hard times (?), when you boys get to Halloween Havoc, I’m going to be Peter Peter, the Pumpkin Eater and it’s gonna be my party!”
Just... what? I couldn’t help but laugh at this. You really have to watch this promo to understand how hilarious it is. Rick is absolutely insane.
Scott reminds Rick “it’s not Halloween, it’s Fall Brawl” as Rick barks. Scott says something inaudible about hens going “cock-a-doodle-do”. Scott says when the Steiners get to Fall Brawl they’ll be “getting radical” and the Heat will be “going down”.
Mental.
It’s main event time. Out first is Chris Benoit and Mongo, accompanied by the females, of course.
Woman has decided to put some shades on, even though she wasn’t wearing any before. We get another shot of Ted DiBiase looking on.
Here come Sting and Luger.
Chris Benoit and Steve “Mongo” McMichael Vs Sting and Lex Luger
No messing around here, we go straight into a brawl with all four men dogpiling into the corner.
For some reason Randy Anderson rings the bell to start the match, despite both teams still brawling and nobody in their respective corners. I guess it’s a Tornado Tag now!
After a couple of minutes things settle down a bit, with Luger and Mongo in the ring and Benoit and Sting on the apron. Embarrassingly for Luger Mongo gets the better of him, then tags out to Benoit. Heenan suggests that at War Games the cage could be upside down. Logistically I doubt that’s possible.
Luger gets beaten up by Mongo and Benoit for a while before the old double clothesline spot sending both men down.
That clothesline is literally the first move Benoit has taken, but he acts like he got shot and Luger somehow starts getting up before Benoit. Maybe this is why Ric and Arn don’t want you at War Games, Chris.
Luger manages to tag in Sting, who takes charge.
Sting goes for the Scorpion Deathlock on Benoit. Mongo runs in to break it up but ends up getting dropkicked out of the ring.
All of a sudden, Hollywood arrives.
Hogan backs up around the ring as McMichael stalks him, then Scott Hall flies in out of nowhere to knock Mongo down.
Heenan flees the broadcast booth. Nash has also appeared and along with Hall he rams Mongo’s head into the post. No harm done I’d imagine. Mongo gets tagged, and the official title of being the first person to be spraypainted by the nWo. The Production Truck obviously holds the honour of being the first object to be tagged.
Benoit gets hit with the Outsider’s Edge.
Whilst Sting eats a Jacknife Powerbomb.
Luger got rammed into the ring post earlier by Mongo, so he’s still laid out on the floor somewhere. Hogan tags Benoit and Sting.
Ric Flair and Arn Anderson finally come out, albeit a bit late.
Ric and Arn initially have the advantage, but then both get spraypainted in the eyes.
Hogan tosses Flair to the outside and spraypaints his hair like a skunk.
The crowd begin throwing garbage in the ring as Hogan and the Outsiders celebrate.
Seriously, these guys are getting pelted with cups of drink. Hogan spraypaints the back of Nash’s shirt for some reason. I think he’s a little too excited about this new hobby.
Check out the amount of trash that’s in the ring.
Gross. The nWo commandeer the announce desk and run off Eric.
“Heeeere’s the nWo!”
“Anarchy! Anarchy!” says Nash whilst Hogan yells “anything less would be too civilised!”
The show ends with a look at the carnage inside the ring...
And a replay of DiBiase holding up the five fingers.
Awesome ending to the show. This was peak nWo and when people really started to take notice of what was going on in WCW.
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5 Tips For Using YouTube to Grow Your Business
SocMedSean - Social.Media.Sean
5 Tips For Using YouTube to Grow Your Business
If you’re looking for opportunities to organically grow you traffic to your business website and content, you’d be hard-pressed to find one more effective than YouTube.
Not only do nearly 60% of all people prefer online video platforms to traditional TV, but YouTube brings with it a massive audience of nearly 1.9 billion people worldwide on a monthly basis.
Think about it for a moment. Google is the #1 most popular search engine on the planet and YouTube, owned by Google, is the #2 biggest search engine. Therefore, to be successful in growing your business using organic content, you can’t just focus on written content like blog posts or Web pages that are designed to rank in Google using search engine optimization (SEO). Especially since YouTube videos are often included at the top of Google search results.
Google often includes YouTube video recommendations at the top of the search results pages, making it an effective organic marketing opportunity.
While publishing new long-form content like blog posts, you also need to decide when to create video content that can either stand on its own and drive traffic, or be embedded in your posts to compliment your written text. This takes time, energy, planning, and dedication.
Simply having a YouTube channel will never be enough to get the job done. Much like the Google search algorithm, the YouTube algorithm is looking to reward channels that publish content frequently and have growing levels of viewer engagement.
If you truly want to leverage YouTube to grow your business over the next one, five or even 10 years, there are a few important things you need to be aware of. Here are five tips that should get you started.
Tip #1 – Focus on the First Impression
If you really want to use YouTube to grow your business, there are a number of steps that you need to take before you even think about uploading your first video. Start by customizing your channel as much as possible – in other words, use this as an opportunity to make it look decidedly different in an interesting way when compared to every other similar channel out there.
If you're starting up a new YouTube channel, be sure to customize your YouTube channel page before you ever post your first video. First impressions are important for your viewers if you want them to subscribe.
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Include some information about your business, your brand, and what you do. Make sure to link back to your primary domain for those SEO benefits. Customize everything from the colors to the cover image that runs across the top to make sure it falls in line with your current branding efforts.
When it does come time to upload your first video, make it a classic introduction. Record a short video letting people know who you are, what you’re all about, and why nobody does what you do quite like how you do it.
Your intro video should explain a little about your company and describe your goals for the YouTube channel.
Keep it brief – a minute or two will do just fine.
You don’t have to launch with a full compliment of videos. Start small and take baby steps. Give people a sense of what type of content you’ll be posting and why it’s worth their time to subscribe. Be sure to use a thumbnail maker like Visme (which I founded) to choose a perfect thumbnail for your video.
Set this video to automatically play every time someone loads your channel for the best results. Remember, you are going to have new visitors to your channel for a long time, so this intro video is important.
Tip #2 – It’s All About Playing the Long Game
When using YouTube to grow your business, it’s important to not create content in a vacuum.
Every video you upload is important and should be able to stand on its own, but each video should also play a larger role in supporting your long-term goals for the channel. Each video should play a role in telling the story of your business, your products, your goals, and your customers.
Think of the process of publishing to a YouTube channel like putting together a pitch presentation for investors.
When you prepare a pitch or a presentation, you’re telling a story. You might use a presentation maker and sequentially add slide after slide to the deck in a manner that it tells a story. Each slide needs to be related to the previous slides, and they all need to be building to something more powerful than any one of them could be on their own.
Your YouTube videos are very similar. Your channel is telling the story of your business and each individual video should contribute to that overall story.
It’s important to know the story you want to tell with your YouTube channel so each of your videos can contribute to the overall story.
Tip #3 – Spark A Reaction
YouTube videos are great because they naturally allow for multiple calls to action, so be sure to use this to your advantage.
Emphasize the ways in which you can grow your business AND your channel at the same time. So for every “if you like this content, please rate this video” or “please subscribe to my channel” that you include, throw in a “visit my website to learn more about my products and services” or a similar variation.
Don’t be afraid to ask your customer to engage.
Likewise, always make sure that you’re varying up your content as frequently as possible. This is how you keep things fresh and new and incentivize people to come back for more.
Also, be sure you don’t just include product demonstration videos. Also include interviews with other thought leaders in your industry (use a service like Respona to find the right influencers) and more.
You should also leverage the full power of YouTube’s live recording abilities to your advantage and host live Q&A sessions on a regular basis, too.
Tip #4 – Consistency and Dedication Are As Much A Part Of The Success As Content
But the most important thing to understand is that just like your business, growing your YouTube channel is something you’re going to have to work at. It requires proactive dedication – never assume you’ve reached the point where you can just let things run on autopilot.
By making an effort to grow your YouTube channel, that forward momentum will naturally bleed into the business behind it as a result. At that point, you’ve got something of a self-fulfilling prophecy on your hands. The more high-quality content your produce, the more happy subscribers you earn and the more they will request content.
As an example, look at the Project Farm YouTube channel. When the creator of this channel started, he was just creating fun videos as a hobby. At the end of each video, he asked his viewers to recommend tests that he should perform in his workshop. He received so many requests for content that he only creates videos that were requested by his fans….more than 500,000 of them.
youtube
To date, his videos have received more than 88 Million views all because he understood his long-term goals, asked his fans for ideas, and then created videos for them.
Someone’s love for your YouTube content and their love for your business become one and the same, which creates the best kind of snowball effect for organizations like yours.
Tip #5 – Tech Costs Can Be Low, But Time Investment Should Be High
A “YouTube business” can quickly become profitable, because you don’t need to invest a lot of money to make it happen. A camera isn’t that expensive nowadays, and you can even create a channel that relies on screen recordings (tutorials, gameplays and so on).
But what you do need to invest, is time. YouTube businesses rely on content, so you should create that regularly (preferably several times a week).
The most expensive part of your YouTube channel won’t be the camera…it will be your time investment.
The quality has to be outstanding and you need to have a great concept that people love to watch. Then it also takes a lot of time to grow your audience.
For most successful channels it takes at least 1 to 2 years to reach the 10,000 subscriber mark, which is were things finally start to get interesting in terms of ad revenue. But honestly, you’d need 1 to 2 million views per month to make a full time living out of YouTube.
The most expensive investment in a YouTube channel isn't the camera...it's the time creating the content.
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The way most YouTube businesses start, is with a hobby channel. People just start out with a couple of videos. And at some point, their channels start to get traction and they start to get a lot of viewers and subscribers.
But either way, the only way can succeed on YouTube is if you’re passionate about making video content. It can be profitable if you can reliably make videos with good viewership. The key, though, is developing a loyal audience that will keep coming back for content.
This week we welcome guest blogger is Payman Taei. Payman is the founder of Visme, an easy-to-use online tool to create engaging presentations, infographics, and other forms of visual content. He is also the founder of HindSite Interactive, an award-winning Maryland digital agency specializing in website design, user experience and web app development.
Thanks to Payman for his insights and tips on developing a successful YouTube channel. Have thoughts or tips that have helped you grow your channel or create effective video content? Be sure to share your feedback in a comment!
Cheers!
–Sean
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5 Tips For Using YouTube to Grow Your Business
Sean R. Nicholson.
This post originally posted at SocMedSean.com - SocMedSean – Social.Media.Sean http://bit.ly/2IR6DTs
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Ask Angela: High-protein vegan entrées, turning muffins into doughnuts, how I soak seeds/nuts, and more!
Photo credit: Ashley McLaughlin
Hello, I’m back with another Ask Angela on this glorious spring Friday…keep those questions coming! Also, be sure to check out this week’s latest Glow Getter post featuring a fun interview with Fresh Restaurants founder Ruth Tal.
Q1. Hi Angela! I’m wondering if you can share your highest-protein dishes, especially main course? Thank you. :)
Hi Patricia, Happy to help! The good news is many of my entrées tend to be high in protein, as I try to include one or more protein-rich plant ingredients within—things like lentils, beans, tofu, greens, and nuts/seeds. Here are some options you may want to get started with!
Sun-dried Tomato, Mushroom, and Spinach Tofu Quiche
DIY Burrito Bowl (shown in the intro photo!)
My Favourite Vegan Chili with Homemade Sour Cream
Golden Red Lentil Dal with Cilantro-Speckled Basmati
Next Level Vegan Enchiladas
Glowing Spiced Lentil Soup
Protein Power Goddess Bowl
The Best Marinated Lentils (Oh She Glows Every Day, p. 129)
Marinated Italian Tofu (Oh She Glow Glows Every Day, p. 135)
These last two recipes are great to mix and match with a variety of meals like salads, wraps, roasted veggies, etc., for a high-protein boost. And feel free to poke around my Entrées page for more recipes!
Q2. I love your Chia Power Doughnuts from The Oh She Glows Cookbook and bought two 6-mold doughnut pans just to make them. Unfortunately my kids don’t enjoy the doughnuts as much as I do, so the pans are now collecting dust. I’m wondering if you have any more nutrient-dense doughnut recipes to feed my kids, or if you have any muffin recipes that you think would hold up in doughnut form? Is there a way I can adjust the muffin bake time to use a doughnut mold for them instead? Thank you—our family LOVES your recipes, and I love reading your blog.
Hey Lindsay, I’m so glad you asked this question! I’ve actually been wondering the same thing myself, so I figured this was the perfect time to test out one of my muffin recipes! Thanks for the inspiration. :) After looking over my various muffin recipes, I decided to give my Blissful Blueberry Banana Spelt Muffin recipe a whirl using this standard-sized doughnut tin. I opted to leave out the blueberries and walnuts for a simple banana-cinnamon flavour, and I followed the ingredient measurements as written. I greased the doughnut tin with coconut oil spray and then added two heaping tablespoons of batter into each mold, smoothing out the tops as I went. I baked them for 15 minutes at 350°F (180°C), until the doughnuts slowly sprang back when touched. They rose a lot, so next time I may only add 2 tablespoons of batter into each, but we weren’t complaining! They have a lightly sweet taste and fluffy texture with little bits of mashed banana throughout. I’d say they are basically muffins in doughnut-shape instead! I spread them with a bit of Coconut Whipped Cream for Arlo and he gobbled them right up. All in all, I’d say it was a success and would love to hear what you think if you try it out.
Q3. Hi Angela! I’m a big fan of spice mixes, so I just made your Homemade Pumpkin Pie Spice Mix using freshly ground nutmeg and freshly ground allspice. Can you please direct me to some of your recipes that call for Pumpkin Pie Spice Mix? Thank you from sunny Vancouver Island!
Hey Laurie, Yum…I think your comment made me crave pumpkin spice, because yesterday I tested a cake recipe with this very mix. Too good! For a rich, decadent at-home latte, you might want to try my Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte with Salted Pumpkin Spice Syrup. My Mini Pumpkin Pie Tarts with a Sunflower Cookie Crust are definitely crowd-pleasers too! I’d also suggest checking out recipes that list warming spices in their ingredients (like nutmeg, cinnamon, and cloves), and swapping the Pumpkin Pie Spice Mix in for those. My Creamy Pumpkin Pie Smoothie for Two and High-Rise Pumpkin Cupcakes (Oh She Glows Every Day, p. 224) can be tweaked to use the pumpkin spice mix instead. I hope that helps!
Q4. Hi Angela, I am making your Crowd-Pleasing Vegan Caesar Salad and soaking nuts for the first time. I have a couple questions! Do I soak the nuts in a specific amount of water overnight? Do I use the water in the recipe, or does that water actually go in the dressing when making it? Thanks a bunch.
Hey Sue, Thanks for your question! I’m so glad you’re trying this recipe out—it’s one of my most popular! Actually, I don’t measure the amount of water I soak nuts or seeds in…I just make sure to cover the nuts/seeds completely and leave about an extra inch of water as they expand/plump a bit as they soak. After soaking, I always rinse the nuts/seeds and then drain the water off before proceeding with the recipe. I hope this helps and please let me know how the Caesar dressing goes!
“I’ve made your Vegan Lasagna with Basil Cashew Cheeze several times now— including once gluten-free using brown rice lasagna noodles—and it’s incredibly delicious. My husband LOVES the recipe and I do too! He has a dairy allergy and now he says he finally “gets” why everyone loves lasagna! Thanks for this great recipe!”
Aww, what a sweet comment from your husband. That made me smile. Thanks so much for making this lasagna a staple in your kitchen, Maria!
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Ask Angela: High-protein vegan entrées, turning muffins into doughnuts, how I soak seeds/nuts, and more!
http://ohsheglows.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/DIYveganburritobowl9_reduced.jpg
Photo credit: Ashley McLaughlin
Hello, I’m back with another Ask Angela on this glorious spring Friday…keep those questions coming! Also, be sure to check out this week’s latest Glow Getter post featuring a fun interview with Fresh Restaurants founder Ruth Tal.
Q1. Hi Angela! I’m wondering if you can share your highest-protein dishes, especially main course? Thank you. :)
Hi Patricia, Happy to help! The good news is many of my entrées tend to be high in protein, as I try to include one or more protein-rich plant ingredients within—things like lentils, beans, tofu, greens, and nuts/seeds. Here are some options you may want to get started with!
Sun-dried Tomato, Mushroom, and Spinach Tofu Quiche
DIY Burrito Bowl (shown in the intro photo!)
My Favourite Vegan Chili with Homemade Sour Cream
Golden Red Lentil Dal with Cilantro-Speckled Basmati
Next Level Vegan Enchiladas
Glowing Spiced Lentil Soup
Protein Power Goddess Bowl
The Best Marinated Lentils (Oh She Glows Every Day, p. 129)
Marinated Italian Tofu (Oh She Glow Glows Every Day, p. 135)
These last two recipes are great to mix and match with a variety of meals like salads, wraps, roasted veggies, etc., for a high-protein boost. And feel free to poke around my Entrées page for more recipes!
Q2. I love your Chia Power Doughnuts from The Oh She Glows Cookbook and bought two 6-mold doughnut pans just to make them. Unfortunately my kids don’t enjoy the doughnuts as much as I do, so the pans are now collecting dust. I’m wondering if you have any more nutrient-dense doughnut recipes to feed my kids, or if you have any muffin recipes that you think would hold up in doughnut form? Is there a way I can adjust the muffin bake time to use a doughnut mold for them instead? Thank you—our family LOVES your recipes, and I love reading your blog.
Hey Lindsay, I’m so glad you asked this question! I’ve actually been wondering the same thing myself, so I figured this was the perfect time to test out one of my muffin recipes! Thanks for the inspiration. :) After looking over my various muffin recipes, I decided to give my Blissful Blueberry Banana Spelt Muffin recipe a whirl using this standard-sized doughnut tin. I opted to leave out the blueberries and walnuts for a simple banana-cinnamon flavour, and I followed the ingredient measurements as written. I greased the doughnut tin with coconut oil spray and then added two heaping tablespoons of batter into each mold, smoothing out the tops as I went. I baked them for 15 minutes at 350°F (180°C), until the doughnuts slowly sprang back when touched. They rose a lot, so next time I may only add 2 tablespoons of batter into each, but we weren’t complaining! They have a lightly sweet taste and fluffy texture with little bits of mashed banana throughout. I’d say they are basically muffins in doughnut-shape instead! I spread them with a bit of Coconut Whipped Cream for Arlo and he gobbled them right up. All in all, I’d say it was a success and would love to hear what you think if you try it out.
Q3. Hi Angela! I’m a big fan of spice mixes, so I just made your Homemade Pumpkin Pie Spice Mix using freshly ground nutmeg and freshly ground allspice. Can you please direct me to some of your recipes that call for Pumpkin Pie Spice Mix? Thank you from sunny Vancouver Island!
Hey Laurie, Yum…I think your comment made me crave pumpkin spice, because yesterday I tested a cake recipe with this very mix. Too good! For a rich, decadent at-home latte, you might want to try my Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte with Salted Pumpkin Spice Syrup. My Mini Pumpkin Pie Tarts with a Sunflower Cookie Crust are definitely crowd-pleasers too! I’d also suggest checking out recipes that list warming spices in their ingredients (like nutmeg, cinnamon, and cloves), and swapping the Pumpkin Pie Spice Mix in for those. My Creamy Pumpkin Pie Smoothie for Two and High-Rise Pumpkin Cupcakes (Oh She Glows Every Day, p. 224) can be tweaked to use the pumpkin spice mix instead. I hope that helps!
Q4. Hi Angela, I am making your Crowd-Pleasing Vegan Caesar Salad and soaking nuts for the first time. I have a couple questions! Do I soak the nuts in a specific amount of water overnight? Do I use the water in the recipe, or does that water actually go in the dressing when making it? Thanks a bunch.
Hey Sue, Thanks for your question! I’m so glad you’re trying this recipe out—it’s one of my most popular salad recipes! I don’t measure the amount of water I soak nuts or seeds in…I just make sure to cover the nuts/seeds completely and leave about an extra inch of water as they expand/plump a bit as they soak. After soaking, I always rinse the nuts/seeds and then drain the water off before proceeding with the recipe. I hope this helps and please let me know how the Caesar dressing goes!
“I’ve made your Vegan Lasagna with Basil Cashew Cheeze several times now— including once gluten-free using brown rice lasagna noodles—and it’s incredibly delicious. My husband LOVES the recipe and I do too! He has a dairy allergy and now he says he finally “gets” why everyone loves lasagna! Thanks for this great recipe!”
Aww, what a sweet comment from your husband. That made me smile. Thanks so much for making this lasagna a staple in your kitchen, Maria!
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Ask Angela: High-protein vegan entrées, turning muffins into doughnuts, how I soak seeds/nuts, and more!
Photo credit: Ashley McLaughlin
Hello, I’m back with another Ask Angela on this glorious spring Friday…keep those questions coming! Also, be sure to check out this week’s latest Glow Getter post featuring a fun interview with Fresh Restaurants founder Ruth Tal.
Q1. Hi Angela! I’m wondering if you can share your highest-protein dishes, especially main course? Thank you. :)
Hi Patricia, Happy to help! The good news is many of my entrées tend to be high in protein, as I try to include one or more protein-rich plant ingredients within—things like lentils, beans, tofu, greens, and nuts/seeds. Here are some options you may want to get started with!
Sun-dried Tomato, Mushroom, and Spinach Tofu Quiche
DIY Burrito Bowl (shown in the intro photo!)
My Favourite Vegan Chili with Homemade Sour Cream
Golden Red Lentil Dal with Cilantro-Speckled Basmati
Next Level Vegan Enchiladas
Glowing Spiced Lentil Soup
Protein Power Goddess Bowl
The Best Marinated Lentils (Oh She Glows Every Day, p. 129)
Marinated Italian Tofu (Oh She Glow Glows Every Day, p. 135)
These last two recipes are great to mix and match with a variety of meals like salads, wraps, roasted veggies, etc., for a high-protein boost. And feel free to poke around my Entrées page for more recipes!
Q2. I love your Chia Power Doughnuts from The Oh She Glows Cookbook and bought two 6-mold doughnut pans just to make them. Unfortunately my kids don’t enjoy the doughnuts as much as I do, so the pans are now collecting dust. I’m wondering if you have any more nutrient-dense doughnut recipes to feed my kids, or if you have any muffin recipes that you think would hold up in doughnut form? Is there a way I can adjust the muffin bake time to use a doughnut mold for them instead? Thank you—our family LOVES your recipes, and I love reading your blog.
Hey Lindsay, I’m so glad you asked this question! I’ve actually been wondering the same thing myself, so I figured this was the perfect time to test out one of my muffin recipes! Thanks for the inspiration. :) After looking over my various muffin recipes, I decided to give my Blissful Blueberry Banana Spelt Muffin recipe a whirl using this standard-sized doughnut tin. I opted to leave out the blueberries and walnuts for a simple banana-cinnamon flavour, and I followed the ingredient measurements as written. I greased the doughnut tin with coconut oil spray and then added two heaping tablespoons of batter into each mold, smoothing out the tops as I went. I baked them for 15 minutes at 350°F (180°C), until the doughnuts slowly sprang back when touched. They rose a lot, so next time I may only add 2 tablespoons of batter into each, but we weren’t complaining! They have a lightly sweet taste and fluffy texture with little bits of mashed banana throughout. I’d say they are basically muffins in doughnut-shape instead! I spread them with a bit of Coconut Whipped Cream for Arlo and he gobbled them right up. All in all, I’d say it was a success and would love to hear what you think if you try it out.
Q3. Hi Angela! I’m a big fan of spice mixes, so I just made your Homemade Pumpkin Pie Spice Mix using freshly ground nutmeg and freshly ground allspice. Can you please direct me to some of your recipes that call for Pumpkin Pie Spice Mix? Thank you from sunny Vancouver Island!
Hey Laurie, Yum…I think your comment made me crave pumpkin spice, because yesterday I tested a cake recipe with this very mix. Too good! For a rich, decadent at-home latte, you might want to try my Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte with Salted Pumpkin Spice Syrup. My Mini Pumpkin Pie Tarts with a Sunflower Cookie Crust are definitely crowd-pleasers too! I’d also suggest checking out recipes that list warming spices in their ingredients (like nutmeg, cinnamon, and cloves), and swapping the Pumpkin Pie Spice Mix in for those. My Creamy Pumpkin Pie Smoothie for Two and High-Rise Pumpkin Cupcakes (Oh She Glows Every Day, p. 224) can be tweaked to use the pumpkin spice mix instead. I hope that helps!
Q4. Hi Angela, I am making your Crowd-Pleasing Vegan Caesar Salad and soaking nuts for the first time. I have a couple questions! Do I soak the nuts in a specific amount of water overnight? Do I use the water in the recipe, or does that water actually go in the dressing when making it? Thanks a bunch.
Hey Sue, Thanks for your question! I’m so glad you’re trying this recipe out—it’s one of my most popular! Actually, I don’t measure the amount of water I soak nuts or seeds in…I just make sure to cover the nuts/seeds completely and leave about an extra inch of water as they expand/plump a bit as they soak. After soaking, I always rinse the nuts/seeds and then drain the water off before proceeding with the recipe. I hope this helps and please let me know how the Caesar dressing goes!
“I’ve made your Vegan Lasagna with Basil Cashew Cheeze several times now— including once gluten-free using brown rice lasagna noodles—and it’s incredibly delicious. My husband LOVES the recipe and I do too! He has a dairy allergy and now he says he finally “gets” why everyone loves lasagna! Thanks for this great recipe!”
Aww, what a sweet comment from your husband. That made me smile. Thanks so much for making this lasagna a staple in your kitchen, Maria!
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