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fatecantstopme · 11 months

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The Connection

Pairing: Elliot Stabler x reader

Summary: Elliot Stabler is your best friend and has been for years. When he and Kathy get divorced, you let yourself wonder what it would be like to be with him...despite your current relationship status. Elliot's jealously will either bring you together or tear you apart.

Warnings: Divorce. Panic Attack. Gun shot wounds. Mentions of death. Hospital. Cursing. Use of pet names. SMUT, oral (M & F receiving), face sitting, unprotected sex (P in V)

It had been eight months since Elliot and Kathy had divorced. Eight months Elliot had spent alone, trying to figure out what the hell to do next. Eight months of trying to find the words to say and eight months of failing to.

The first couple months after Elliot's divorce, you thought about telling him how you felt--how you'd felt for years. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't thought about it every single day since the moment he told you they were getting divorced.

Your fear of losing your best friend was what stopped you from ever admitting your feelings. You couldn't bear to face that possibility. You’d rather have him as just your friend than nothing at all.

But everything changed for you when you met a handsome stranger just outside your favorite coffee shop on your way to work. Tony, as you would later learn, was an emergency room doctor at Mercy Hospital. He had just recently moved to the city after finishing his residency at a hospital in Chicago.

Before long, you and Tony were inseparable. He was kind, charming, and funny--and he treated you better than any man ever had. You were content, happy even, despite the little voice in the back of your mind. The voice that reminded you of how much you loved Elliot--how much you needed him.

That voice was always strongest when you were together, which meant you started to pull away from him--spending more time with Tony and less with Elliot. Even though the two of you worked together and saw each other nearly every day, you tended to stay in your office and avoid too much actual contact with him if you could.

You felt badly about the distance you'd created, but you didn't know what else to do. If Elliot felt the same way, he'd never even hinted at it, let alone expressed it, so you felt the point was moot. Why put yourself through the pain of rejection if you didn't have to? Plus, you had Tony now. Focusing on your relationship with him had to be your priority.

Elliot was no fool. He watched you pull away from him after you met Tony—and he thought he knew why. He couldn’t stand to hear you talk about him—didn’t want to imagine you with someone else. Someone other than him. He had no right to feel that way and he knew it, but there are just some things you can’t control.

You’d been with Tony for 6 months when Elliot finally reached his breaking point. The two of you, along with Olivia, Munch, and Fin, were in the squad room after a particularly stressful case. You were chatting with Olivia about her latest beau and she inquired about Tony. You told her you had been canceling dinner plans with him for the last week due to your case load, but you were planning on seeing him tonight.

“He’s perfect for you, (Y/N),” Olivia said with a smile. “You always light up when you talk about him.”

You offered her a small smile in return. “He really is amazing.” You leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially. “I think he’s been shopping for rings.”

Olivia’s eyes widened. “How long’s it been?”

“6 months,” you answered.

“Damn. That’s fast.” She shrugged, “but if you know, then you know.”

You opened your mouth to tell her that you didn’t know, but Elliot beat you to it. “Jesus, (Y/L/N), I didn’t expect you to just marry the first guy who jumped in your bed. When did you turn into such a needy slut?”

Your face paled and you stepped back as if he’d slapped you. He knew you well enough to know exactly what to say to hurt you and he didn’t pull his punches.

“What the hell, Elliot?” Olivia snapped.

Elliot avoided making eye contact with you—immediately regretting his outburst. He wasn’t one to apologize, and to be honest, he wasn’t very good at it, but he felt the strong urge to beg for your forgiveness.

“I shouldn’t've—“ he started.

“Leave it,” you cut in. “Whatever it is you were about to say, just don’t.” You grabbed your coat and your bag before turning back in his direction. “I’m going to dinner with a man who treats me with respect and genuinely cares about me. I would think you of all people would be happy for me.” You paused. “I know you're tired and stressed, but you don't have the right to take it out on me. I'm your friend, Elliot, although given what you just said to me, I'm not even sure about that."

With that, you walked out the door, never slowing or sparing a glance behind you.

Elliot felt terrible in more ways than one as he watched you leave. He could feel the gazes of his friends, but he couldn’t bear to look at them. “I’m going home,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, maybe you should get some sleep before you insult anyone else,” Fin said none too gently.

In any other situation, Elliot would have clapped back, but the fact that he'd just hurt you like that made him keep his mouth shut. He threw on his coat and stormed out of the precinct before anyone else could speak.

The entire way home, Elliot was fuming. He was mad at himself, mad at Tony, but most of all he was mad at you. Mad that you found someone who fit you so perfectly. Mad that you wanted someone else. Mad that you were happy. God help him--he felt terrible for it--hated himself, even. What kind of person felt this way about their best friend? Wasn't he supposed to be your number one supporter? Your biggest champion?

He was filled with regret as he entered his small apartment. It was mostly empty and completely devoid of personality. He had pictures of his kids, but not much else.

There was, however, one particularly special picture in the living room. He walked over to it and picked up the frame, his heart clenching as he stared at it. It was a picture of you and him on a random Saturday. He'd dragged you to the park for an early morning run, which he knew you hated. You'd gotten your revenge by pushing him into a pond beside the running path.

After you'd stopped laughing, you tried to help him out of the water, but he pulled you in with him, leaving you both soaking wet and laughing hysterically. When you made it back to dry land, you'd dragged him close and snapped a picture of the two of you--muddy, wet, and laughing.

The picture really showcased your personality--light, bubbly, happy, and just a bit goofy. It was his favorite picture and one of his favorite moments with you...it was the moment he realized he loved you. A feeling he'd never expressed, even though he'd felt it long before he and Kathy solidified their divorce.

It was almost two years later and he still hadn't told you how he felt. And now that he was a free man--and had been for a while--you'd found the man of your dreams. He'd managed to blow his chance to be with you and now it was too late.

The picture suddenly became blurry and he sat it back down on the table before wiping his eyes. He wasn't good with emotions and he was thankful no one was there to witness this particular display.

He tried to push all thoughts of you from his mind as he wandered around his kitchen, scrounging up something to eat. He tried not to picture you at dinner with Tony. He tried not to imagine what you would do after dinner. He tried not to think about anything at all...but no matter what he did, you plagued his mind from the moment you'd walked out the door. He decided to go out to a bar and get himself a drink or two. It was Friday after all and he'd had a long week. Why not blow off some steam?

You weren't in the best of moods when you met Tony for dinner that night. Elliot's words echoed in your ears and the feeling of hurt had yet to dissipate. He'd never lashed out at you like that before. Not once. You'd heard him do it to other people, especially when he was angry or frustrated--but he'd never done it to you. You weren't sure what it meant now that he had, but you were certain it wasn't good.

Tony picked up on your mood immediately and he was obviously concerned. He'd asked if you were alright, if you wanted to reschedule...but you'd told him it had just been a long week and not to worry.

"You seem distracted, (Y/N)," Tony commented gently. "Are you sure you're okay?"

You looked up from the food you'd been playing with on your plate and sighed. "Sorry, Tony. I've got a lot on my mind."

He nodded. You could tell he wanted to probe deeper, but he wisely opted to back off. He started to chatter about some new resident at the hospital, complaining about how green the kid was, and your mind began to drift.

You knew you should have been paying attention, but you really couldn't find the energy to--or perhaps desire was the better word. All you could think about was Elliot. When had everything gone so wrong? How did it all become so fucked up? Why did you care so much? He clearly didn't.

A single tear slid down your cheek and dropped onto your plate, surprising you out of your thoughts. You hadn't realized you'd been crying until that moment. You quickly wiped your eyes, hoping Tony wouldn't notice. When you glanced up at him, you knew he'd seen and you could tell he wanted to know what the hell was going on.

The problem was, you weren't even sure what was happening. Why did you feel so damn sad? As you stared at Tony, you realized there was only one person you wanted to talk to about it...and it wasn't the man in front of you. You were hurting and you only wanted the man who'd hurt you. How fucked up was that?

"Seriously, babe, what's going on?" Tony asked gently, concern lacing his voice.

You shook your head. "I don't really wanna talk about it."

"Okay...I wouldn't normally push, but you were literally just crying into your pasta."

"I'm aware, Anthony," you said rather harshly.

He winced slightly and you sighed sadly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap," you said softly.

"It's okay."

There was something about the placating tone of his voice that just set you off. "No it's not! None of this is okay! I'm not okay!"

He was clearly taken aback by the intensity of your outburst and you found yourself feeling incredibly embarrassed...and perhaps a bit annoyed.

"I just--I just wanna go home," you mumbled.

"Okay," he said gently. "Why don't you go wait in the car. I'll pay the bill."

He handed you the keys and you practically ran out of the restaurant. You couldn't explain what you were feeling--it was like you were suffocating, like the very air you were breathing was toxic. Your heart was pounding out of your chest and everything just felt wrong. Your vision started to darken and you felt like you were being crushed...you fell to your knees on the sidewalk, body shaking as you started to hyperventilate.

Moments later, Tony came rushing out and dropped to his knees beside you. You could hear him asking you what was wrong, but you couldn't answer him. You hadn't recognized the signs at first, but somewhere inside you, you knew you were having a panic attack. You couldn't explain why and you certainly couldn't tell him what was happening.

You heard Tony say something about an ambulance, but your brain was too foggy to comprehend what was happening. You'd had panic attacks all your life, but this one felt different--it came on even more suddenly and it was more intense than any attack you'd ever had before. Something about it felt final...deadly.

You heard the sounds of sirens in the distance, and at first you thought they were headed for you, but they never seemed to move any closer. Your vision was almost black, your head was pounding, and you felt as if your body was full of lead--you knew you were moments away from passing out. The last thing you heard was the ringing of a cellphone in close proximity to you. Just as you realized the phone was yours, you succumbed to the blackness of unconsciousness.

A couple blocks away, an ambulance and several police officers were responding to a call for shots fired at a local bar. According to the call, one man was dead, one was critically injured, and four more were wounded.

Witnesses said a man had opened fire inside the bar after an argument had escalated. After the first few shots rang out, another man had gotten up from his seat, pulled out his gun, and identified himself as police. The first gunman pulled the trigger twice, shooting the police officer twice in the chest. As he was falling to the ground, he pulled his own trigger, killing the gunman almost instantly with a shot directly to the heart.

The officer laid on the ground, blood seeping from his wounds, terror gripping his body. His only thought was of his family, and how he would never get to see them again.

He could hear voices all around him, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. His eyes were glazed and unfocused, and he was beginning to feel cold. He knew what that meant, even if he didn't want to admit it.

He heard the scream of sirens followed by the sound of footsteps near him. He heard a man's voice ask a question, but he didn't hear the response.

He heard snippets of what was said, "Gun," "argument," "scared,"...but the one that caught his attention was "Benson." He didn't understand why someone had said his partner's name and he tried to ask, but his voice came out as nothing but incoherent sounds.

The sound of more sirens neared and he began to drift towards sleep or death...he wasn't sure which one. His eyes had closed and his body felt heavy as he took what he feared would be his last few breaths.

"Detective Benson," Olivia answered on the second ring.

"Hi, Detective. This is Officer Bailey."

"Hey, Bailey. You got a case for me?"

"Not exactly, ma'am..." he paused. "It's your partner. Detective Stabler?"

Olivia felt her blood go cold. "What about him?"

"He was involved in an incident at O'Malley's Bar on 5th," Bailey said slowly. "Bar fight turned deadly. Apparently, Detective Stabler shot the gunman."

She inhaled sharply. "Is he alright?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line that told Olivia everything she needed to know. "How bad is it?" she asked softly.

"It's bad, detective. They're taking him to Mercy Hospital. You should probably go there."

Olivia's first thought was of Elliot's kids--she needed to call them when she had more information. She didn't want to scare them if she didn't need to. "Thanks for the call. I'm heading over there now."

She hung up, grabbed her keys and her coat, then ran out the door. She intended to drive with lights and sirens to get there--policy be damned.

When she got to the first floor of her apartment building, it suddenly hit her that she should call you. Even after his comments earlier that day, Elliot was still your best friend. You'd want to know if something happened to him and you'd be beyond pissed if Olivia didn't tell you right away.

She called your phone several times as she drove to the hospital, each time leaving a voicemail begging you to call her back.

She was thankful she lived so close to the hospital and she made it there in record time. She pulled up to the emergency room entrance just as an ambulance pulled up to the front doors.

Olivia quickly got out of her car and jogged towards the entrance, but she stepped aside as EMS rushed someone through the doors. Olivia's face paled as she got a good look at the person on the gurney--you.

She ran in after them, practically running right into Tony as he came in. Olivia recognized him immediately. "What the hell happened?" she asked in a rush.

Tony looked over at her in surprise, as if he was just realizing she was there. A look of recognition crossed his face, but it was quickly replaced with confusion. "She, uh--I don't know. She collapsed outside the restaurant." He eyed her carefully. "What are you doing here?"

"Elliot was involved in some sort of altercation at a bar. They brought him here, so I came down to figure out what the hell happened."

Tony looked shocked. "When?"

"About 15 minutes ago."

Tony's face paled. "That's right about when (Y/N) collapsed..."

Olivia's eyes widened. "What are the odds of that?"

He shook his head. "I'm gonna say extremely unlikely."

She sighed and shook her head too. "I need to check in with the front desk and see what they know."

The ladies at the front desk informed Olivia that Elliot had received two GSWs to the chest and was currently in surgery. They promised to keep her updated and let her know if anything changed. She also asked them to keep her updated on your status as well. It didn't seem likely that the two incidents were connected, but she had to admit it was really damn weird.

Olivia joined Tony in the waiting room and made several phone calls to Elliot's kids and the rest of her team. She wanted to make sure they all knew what was going on. The kids were out of town with Kathy, but Fin, Munch, and Cragen all promised to come down to the hospital immediately.

When they arrived, the five of them sat in the waiting room in silence. None of them knew what to say.

About an hour after the others had arrived, a nurse came into the waiting room. "(Y/L/N)?" she called.

Tony looked up at the sound of your name. He jumped out of his seat and walked towards the nurse. "Is she okay?" he asked urgently.

The nurse nodded. "She's awake and asking for someone named Elliot."

Olivia made eye contact with Fin, who was sitting across from her. He shared her knowing glance before they both looked in Tony's direction.

"Oh, um...I'm her boyfriend. Would I be able to see her?"

The nurse nodded again. "Sure, Dr. Cooper. She's in 103."

Tony immediately headed towards your room without waiting for the nurse to follow. Olivia got up and walked over to the nurse before she could walk away. "Excuse me," she called.

The nurse turned back to her. "Yes?"

"You said (Y/N) was asking for Elliot?"

She nodded. "You know him?"

Olivia nodded her affirmation. "He's my partner. He was brought in about 2 hours ago for GSWs to the chest. I believe he's in surgery right now."

The nurse paled. "Dr. (Y/L/N) didn't have any noticeable injuries. Was she there when he was shot?"

Olivia shook her head. "She was a couple blocks away. We're not sure what happened to her."

"The doctor said it was probably an intense panic attack, based on the symptoms Dr. (Y/L/N) described."

Olivia was a little surprised, but she didn't say it. "Thank you."

The nurse nodded and headed back into the patient area. Olivia returned to her coworkers and shared the information she'd just received.

"A panic attack?" Fin asked in surprise.

Olivia nodded. "That's what the nurse said."

"At the same time Elliot got shot?" Munch asked.

"Roughly, yeah." Olivia confirmed.

"What the hell are the odds of that?" Cragen asked.

"I'd say a million to one," Munch answered.

"At least she's gonna be okay," Fin said softly.

They all nodded their agreement. No one wanted to mention their fears about Elliot's survival...they just had to hope he would pull through.

You'd been surprised to find yourself in the hospital when you awoke, but you quickly realized the intensity of your panic attack must have literally knocked you out. Tony wouldn't have known what was happening, so of course he called 911.

You checked your phone as soon as you woke up and discovered you had several missed calls and messages from Olivia. You listened to the most recent one and felt the blood drain from your face.

"(Y/N), please answer your phone! I'm getting worried. Elliot's been in some sort of altercation and it's bad. I don't know what's going on, but I'm on my way to the hospital. Please call me." Olivia's voice sounded panicked, so you knew it must be really bad.

You pressed your call button and the moment a nurse walked into the room you asked for Elliot. The nurse told you she didn't know who that was, but she said she'd go out to the waiting room to see.

Much to your dismay, the person who walked into your room 5 minutes later, was Tony. You felt terrible for feeling that way, but not seeing Elliot standing in your doorway confirmed your worst fears.

"Elliot?" you whispered, the meaning of your question very clear.

Tony sighed as he came to the side of your bed. "He's in surgery," he said gently.

Your skin was already pale, but you turned white as a sheet upon hearing those words. "What happened?"

"He was shot twice in the chest. Some guy shot several people during a bar fight and Elliot stopped him."

"How bad is it?" You didn't really wanna ask, but Tony was an ER doctor after all...he would know and he wouldn't lie to you.

His expression was sad. "It's bad, (Y/N/N)," he said honestly. "It's really bad."

You couldn't stop the tears from sliding down your cheeks. You didn't want to ask more questions--didn't really wanna know--but you needed to. "What are the odds?"

Tony shook his head, not wanting to upset you further.

"Anthony, please," you begged.

He sighed. "He might not make it through surgery, but even if he does, the chances of survival are slim. He lost a lot of blood and there was internal damage from the bullets."

You closed your eyes and took a shuddering breath. "Where's Olivia?" you whispered.

"She's out in the waiting room. Want me to get her?"

"Please," you said so softly he barely heard you.

A few minutes later, Tony reappeared in the doorway with a distraught Olivia. She pushed past him and into your room, quickly crossing the short distance to your bedside. Tony backed out of the room and out of sight.

"How are you feeling?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," you answered. "I don't understand how this could happen."

Olivia knew what you meant, but she didn't have a good answer for you. Elliot didn't frequent bars alone, nor was he the type to get into any kind of bar fight. But honestly, what really bothered her was the timing of your panic attack. "Why did you have a panic attack?"

You looked at her in surprise. "I--I don't really know. It just came on suddenly."

"Right when Elliot was in trouble? That just seems...odd."

"I can't explain it. I was outside waiting for Tony to pay the bill and it hit me. I was on my knees, unable to breathe, in mere seconds."

"You know I'm not a superstitious person and I don't really believe in any of that mystical stuff, but if I did...I'd say you felt something happen to him and that's why you had the attack."

You wouldn't classify yourself as some kind of mystic either, but you were a psychologist. You'd spent years studying the human mind, and nothing about it made complete sense. The brain is the most complex part of human anatomy...so complex, in fact, that we may never fully understand it.

"I suppose it's possible," you began slowly. "We know there are examples of minds being connected in inexplicable ways, the best example being that of twins. Twins claim to be able to sense each other and understand each other in ways the rest of us could never really understand. Twins a 1,000 miles away from each other claim to know the exact moment their twin died. Some people claim to have similar bonds with siblings and significant others. So while it seems unlikely, it is entirely plausible that such a connection could be formed between two people."

"If anyone was to have a connection like that, it would be you and Elliot."

"What makes you say that?"

Olivia gave you a knowing look, one you'd seen on her face countless times before...just never directed at you. "I might not be a profiler, (Y/N), but I'm not an idiot. It doesn't take a good detective to know that the bond between you and Elliot is different--special."

"He's my best friend," you conceded, although you knew that was not what she meant.

"This goes way beyond friendship," she said simply.

She didn't elaborate and you didn't need her to. Some part of you knew she was right, or at least suspected it. But if her idea of this connection was accurate--and your interpretation of the meaning was accurate--then didn't that imply your feelings were not one-sided?

You weren't sure if you were ready to admit it, but this revelation changed everything for you. In that moment, you decided if Elliot survived this, you would tell him how you feel...consequences be damned.

**********

Two weeks went by without much change or improvement in Elliot's status. He'd made it through surgery, but he'd been in a coma ever since. The doctors weren't quite sure why...there didn't appear to be a medical cause.

You visited Elliot every single day, sometimes spending hours at his bedside talking to him. If there was even the slightest chance he could hear you, it was worth it.

That first night in the hospital had changed a lot of things for you, and it made you realize you couldn't keep pretending anymore. You broke things off with Tony, unable to lead him on any longer. He was surprisingly understanding about it, despite the obvious hurt.

The rest of the squad would stop by periodically to check in on Elliot and to see how you were holding up. You'd come back to work right away, but you'd made yourself as scarce as possible. You weren't ready to face the possibility that Elliot may never wake up, even if your coworkers were.

It was week three of Elliot's coma when you were called to testify in court for an SVU case. It wasn't a case you wanted to relive, but you'd played a vital roll in identifying the offender and your testimony was crucial.

You'd testified for a day and a half before you were finally released from court. Having done your duty, you pulled out your phone to check your messages. You were surprised to see several missed calls--all from Olivia.

Your heart clenched in your chest and terror froze your body in place. You weren't sure you wanted to listen to the message she'd left...you wanted to live in this moment just a while longer. In this moment, in this world, Elliot was still alive, but if you listened to that voicemail, that world might shatter.

You forced your body to move, making your way to a more secluded part of the courthouse before taking a deep breath and pressing 'play' on the voicemail.

"I know you're in court, but I wanted to make sure you heard this as soon as you finished up. We're all at the hospital--Elliot's awake!"

You didn't listen to the rest of the message--nothing else mattered. All you heard was "Elliot's awake!" and you were already running towards the exit. You ran at top speed all the way out of the building and to your car, pushing past anyone who got in the way.

When you reached your car, you jumped in the driver's seat and took off, ignoring almost every single traffic law in existence. All that mattered was getting to the hospital--all that mattered was Elliot.

After parking your car, you raced into the hospital and into the elevator, angrily pressing the button for the 3rd floor repeatedly. When the doors finally opened to the ICU, you sprinted from the elevator and down the hall towards Elliot's room.

You were breathless when you reached the doorway of his room, but you didn't care. Olivia, Munch, Fin, and Cragen all stood around the bed and they turned towards the door when they heard you.

You barely noticed any of them. Your focus was entirely on the man sitting up in bed, his bright blue eyes locked on yours. "Elliot," you breathed softly.

Every single person in that room felt the air shift when you entered. It didn't take a trained investigator to recognize the tension in the air. You didn't move from the doorway and your gaze didn't leave Elliot's face.

"Why don't we give you guys a moment alone?" Cragen suggested as he started to back out towards the door.

The other three followed their captain, Olivia shutting the door as she exited the room.

"Hey," Elliot murmured once the two of you were alone.

"Hi," you said softly, voice catching slightly as your emotions washed over you.

"Come here," he coaxed.

You crossed the room, stopping when you reached the side of his bed.

The two of you stared at each other in silence, emotions threatening to overwhelm both of you. It felt like everything inside you bubbled up all at once and you gasped, "I'm sorry."

Elliot spoke his apology at the exact same time. "I'm sorry."

You both let out a breathy laugh, some of the tension easing from your bodies.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Elliot asked.

"I shouldn't have ever questioned our friendship. It was cruel."

He shook his head. "If anyone was cruel, it was me. Frankly, I deserved way worse than what you said. I didn't mean a word of it, (Y/N), not a single word."

"I know--" you began.

"Let me finish," he cut in insistently. You fell silent, allowing him to continue. "I shouldn't have called you a slut. I shouldn't have judged your relationship--it wasn't my place. I was upset and I took it out on you...it wasn't fair and I'm sorry. You deserve better."

"I appreciate that," you said quietly. "But why did you say it? You're never cruel to me...ever."

The pain in your voice nearly broke his heart in two. "I was mad at you," he mumbled. "It's stupid and it doesn't matter 'cause you're with Tony anyway and you're happy and I should be happy toorightbecauseyou'remybestfriend--"

You grabbed his arm to bring his attention back to you and cut off his ramble. "You can breathe now," you teased you lightly.

He chuckled. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I think it's cute when you ramble like that."

He rolled his eyes. "Great. I'm cute."

You grinned. "Very cute," you said in a teasing tone. As you looked at him, your smile slipped and a sad expression slid into place. "I thought I was going to lose you," you whispered.

He grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly. "I'm harder to get rid of than that."

Tears filled your eyes, despite your attempt to smile. "What happened, Elliot?"

"They didn't tell you?"

"I know the official story, but I wanna hear it from you."

"I needed to blow off some steam, so I went to the bar for a couple drinks. Some guy got into an argument, pulled out a gun, and started shooting...so I shot back."

Your eyes fluttered closed. "You could have been killed."

"But I wasn't."

"But you could have been!" you said loudly. "Why the hell did you go to that bar alone? Why didn't you just stay home? You could have called someone to go with you! You could of--"

"(Y/N)," Elliot cut in gently. "I'm okay."

You realized you'd been rambling and you inhaled deeply to catch your breath. "I was so scared," you whispered. "When I woke up and Olivia told me what had happened...it felt like my world was falling apart. All I wanted was to see you, but you were still in surgery. Even when you finally made it to recovery, they wouldn't let me see you because they wanted to keep me for observation overnight."

"Wait, what? Who wanted to keep you for observation?" he asked, confused.

"The hospital," you answered. "I got here about 5 minutes after you."

"What?" His eyes scanned over your body, checking for wounds or signs of injuries. "Why? What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," you assured him gently. "It was just a panic attack."

He looked even more confused. "A panic attack?"

"It was intense," you admitted. "I passed out and Tony called 911. I didn't know what happened to you until I woke up in the hospital and listened to my voicemails from Olivia."

"I thought you usually knew when a panic attack was coming on."

"This one was weird. It hit me suddenly and literally brought me to my knees." You paused. "Anyway, I'm fine. How are you feeling?"

"Sore," Elliot admitted. "My chest feels like an elephant is sitting on it."

"Do you need pain meds? I can get the nurse--" you turned to call for the nurse, but he grabbed your arm to stop you.

"No, please--don't go."

You turned back to him. "I'm not going anywhere, but if you're in pain, the nurse can help."

He shook his head. "The meds make me sleep. I don't wanna sleep."

"Alright, but if the pain becomes unbearable, please tell me."

"I will," he promised. "I just want to talk to you for a while longer."

You smiled. "I can't say no to that."

For the next several minutes, you helped Elliot get caught up on everything that had happened in the last three weeks, leaving out a few key things about changes in your life until the end.

"I, uhh--I broke up with Tony," you mumbled quickly.

Elliot's eyes widened and you swore his face lit up before he tried to hide it. "Oh? I'm sorry, (Y/N/N). I know you really liked him."

You shrugged. "He's a good man and he'll make a great husband for someone, just not me."

"So...why'd you break up with him?"

"He deserved to be with someone who loved him the way he loved me and I knew I'd never be able to."

"Why not?" Fuck subtlety, he thought to himself.

You laughed breathily. "Good lord you're full of questions."

"That's not an answer."

You shot him a look of annoyance, but he knew you weren't actually upset. You were clearly trying to decide how to answer his question...and how much information you really wanted to give him.

"You can't love more than one person at the same time. At least not fully."

He raised his eyebrows. "Who do you love?"

"Elliot," you groaned softly. "Why does it matter?"

"I want to know." I need to know.

You sighed heavily. "How long have we known each other?"

He was clearly confused by your question, but he answered it anyway. "Eight years?"

You nodded. "And you were married for most of it, right?"

"As far as I'm aware, yes," he said in boorish tone.

"Six years, Elliot. Six whole years of my life," you said softly.

"What do you mean?"

You bit your lip and stared at the blanket covering his chest, unable to look at his face as you answered his question. "That's how long I've loved you," you whispered.

He'd waited two very long years to hear you say those words, but he'd never actually imagined you would ever say them. He was so stunned by your admission that he found himself rendered mute.

The seconds ticked by and you started to feel incredibly foolish and embarrassed. "Please say something," you begged.

He realized he'd been silent for too long and he rushed to say the words that had lived in his heart for so long. "I don't really know when I fell in love with you, (Y/N), but I'll never forget the moment I realized I loved you, and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop loving you."

Your jaw nearly hit the floor as your eyes shot up to meet his. You'd never dreamed he'd feel the same...at least not until three weeks ago. Perhaps Olivia was right after all--perhaps you really were connected in a deeper way. "El..."

"You don't have to say anything," he whispered.

"I love you," you said simply.

His chest ached from more than just the gun shot wounds. "I love you too."

You let out an awkward chuckle. "So what do we do now?"

"Right now?" he asked. "Well right now, you're going to kiss me because I can't really move."

You laughed warmly before leaning in and placing a soft kiss to his warm lips. The moment your lips connected, it just felt right. Everything about him felt right.

"As much as I'd love to kiss you until one or both of us passes out from lack of oxygen, I think I might need those painkillers instead," he said softly, finally letting the pain creep into his voice.

You nearly smacked him. "How long have you been in this much pain?"

"Doesn't matter. This was more than worth it."

You glared at him, but the glare quickly softened to an affectionate expression of concern. "I'll get the nurse."

You returned moments later with the nurse in tow. She gave Elliot a shot of morphine to dull his pain. It didn't take long for him to drift back off to sleep.

You settled into a chair beside his bed, content to stay beside him for as long as the hospital staff would let you.

**********

Four days later, Elliot was finally released from the hospital. You insisted he come to your place because there was absolutely no way you were going to let him be alone yet. Much to your surprise, he didn't argue, if anything he seemed glad for your insistence.

"At least I don't have to give you a tour," you said with a smile as you held the door open for Elliot.

"I've only been here 100 times," he teased.

You closed the door behind him and watched as he moved slowly towards the couch. You knew he was still in pain, though he likely wouldn't admit it.

"Do you need anything?" you asked tentatively as he sunk down onto the couch with a muffled groan.

"Nah, I'm fine."

You knew better than to argue with him. "How 'bout we order Chinese for an early dinner? I don't really feel like cooking."

"God, yes. That sounds amazing."

"Hospital food that bad?" you teased.

"Worse."

You laughed and went to the kitchen to grab the number for your favorite take out place. You ordered enough food to feed a small army before settling onto the couch beside Elliot.

"Okay, so here's the options: we can watch TV, we can sit in silence and awkwardly stare at the wall, or we can talk."

"I vote for the awkward staring."

You laughed. "TV it is."

You turned the TV on, but nothing seemed particularly interesting. Eventually you settled on some mindless drama.

You pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and draped it across your lap. "Do you need one?"

"I'm good."

A few quiet moments went by before Elliot cleared his throat. You looked over at him, but he didn't say anything. You turned back to face the TV, but he started shifting beside you, as if he was restless.

"El?"

"Hmm?"

"What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

He shook his head. "Not really. It's just--well it's just that you're kinda far away."

You raised an eyebrow as you regarded him. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"Well, I wanna hold you and I don't really give a damn if it hurts me."

You offered him a small smile. "I'll be gentle."

You moved closer to him and laid your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close, wincing slightly as he shifted. Once you'd both gotten comfortable, your focus went back to the TV.

About 20 minutes later, the buzzer for the door went off and you jumped up to answer it. You let the delivery guy in the main doors and waited for him to reach your apartment.

"Do you always let the delivery guy in?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah."

"It's not safe, (Y/N)."

A knock at your door alerted you to the presence of your dinner. You opened the door, took the food, and paid before shutting the door behind him.

"I've never had any issues," you commented.

"We know plenty of people who have," Elliot said softly.

You glanced over at him and sighed. "El, I've been living alone for most of my adult life. I'm painfully aware of the dangers of being a single female in this city, and I'm always careful."

He nodded, but he didn't look like he really wanted to let it drop.

You walked back into the living room and started laying out the takeout boxes on the coffee table. "Dinner is served."

He inhaled deeply. "Damn that smells good."

"Thank you. I slaved away in the kitchen for hours to make it for you."

He laughed warmly. You saw the look of pain cross his face, the laughter clearly aggravating his wounds.

"At least take a couple Tylenol," you begged.

He sighed. "Will it make you feel better?"

"Yes."

"Fine. I'll take a couple."

The two of you had managed to eat a large portion of the food you'd ordered and you'd gotten Elliot to take some pain medication. All in all, you felt very successful.

The two of you were curled up on the couch watching a movie. Your head was in Elliot's lap, a blanket covering your body, and his arm draped across your torso.

At some point, his hand began to play with your hair and gently trace meaningless designs against your skin. The motion relaxed you and you sighed contentedly. Your eyes drifted closed and you knew you should get up go to bed, but you were simply too warm and comfortable to get up.

Next thing you knew, Elliot was gently shaking you awake. "Sweetheart? It's late. You should go to bed."

You let out a little groan. "But I'm so warm."

He chuckled. "You'll be nice and warm in your bed too. Come on," he coaxed.

You grumbled softly as you sat up. You dragged your weary body off the couch and started to walk back towards your bedroom. When you realized Elliot wasn't following you, you turned around. "Coming?"

"Oh, I--uh...I can sleep on the couch, ummm--if you want."

"We're adults, Elliot. We can share a bed."

"Thank god," he said as he slowly made his way towards you. "Your couch isn't comfortable to sleep on."

"Hey! You've never complained before."

"That's because sleeping in your bed was never an option before."

"I suppose you have a point."

He followed you into your room and chuckled softly as you crawled directly into bed, not even bothering to change into your pajamas. He walked to the other side of the bed and stood there for a moment, clearly unsure of what to do.

"You okay?" you asked.

"I, uhh, I normally wear a lot less clothing when I sleep."

"Oh," you mumbled with a blush. "Umm, you can get comfortable. I don't mind."

"I'll keep some stuff on for modesty," he teased lightly. "I just gotta lose the sweatpants or I'm gonna sweat to death in the middle of the night."

You laughed. "We wouldn't want that."

He quickly shed his pants before crawling into the bed beside you. "Shit," he said with a sigh. "You've been holding out on me."

"Huh?"

"This bed is 1,000 times more comfortable than the couch."

You laughed and very lightly smacked his arm. "You're the worst. You're lucky I let you share in this great comfort."

He grinned. "I feel very lucky. I'd even go so far as to say I feel honored."

You blushed. "Oh hush. Go to sleep, you dork. I'll see you in the morning."

You turned off the bedside lamp and settled back into the bed.

"Goodnight, (Y/N)."

"Goodnight, Elliot."

**********

For the next couple weeks, Elliot was on desk duty at work, which meant he had much more time to spend with you. On slow days, he would come sit in your office and chat with you for hours until someone (usually Cragen or Olivia) came looking for him.

Even though he was more than capable of living alone again, Elliot was still crashing at your house. You'd insisted at first, but it had become a comfortable routine that neither of you were quite ready to break.

The rest of the squad started to notice the change in your relationship too. Elliot was much more affectionate towards you, both physically and verbally. He'd use terms of endearment as often as possible and he was always within arms' reach of you.

The shift in dynamics really became obvious when you and Elliot continued to arrive together to work in the morning after the doctors had cleared him for duty.

"Okay, I'm tired of dancing around this shit," Fin spoke up when you and Elliot walked in the door together.

"Dancing around what?" Olivia asked.

"That," he responded, pointing at you two.

"What about us?" Elliot asked.

"Are you still living with (Y/N)?"

"Yeah," he answered with a shrug.

"So are you dating?" Fin probed.

Elliot shrugged off his jacket and plopped down in his desk chair. "Yeah."

Three surprised voices started peppering you with questions. "Since when?" "Why didn't you tell us?" "How long has this been going on?"

"Guys!" you yelled as you threw up your hands. You were surprised that Elliot had admitted to the relationship so freely. You hadn't discussed keeping it a secret or anything like that, but you also hadn't discussed if and when you were going to tell everyone. "Can you at least wait until I put my bag down before you verbally assault me?"

The questions and comments continued, but were now aimed at Elliot as you made a beeline to your office to drop off your bag and coat.

Before you could make it back to the squad room, there was a gentle knock on the doorframe. "Got a second?"

You turned around at the sound of Cragen's voice. "Sure," you answered as you leaned back against your desk. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I may have overheard the commotion in the squad room when you and Elliot got in."

"Oh."

"Were you planning on telling me?"

"Honestly, sir, we hadn't discussed it. We didn't even really discuss our relationship...it just sort of happened."

"Near-death experiences will do that to you."

You nodded. "It was rather eye-opening for both of us, I think."

"Not as much for the rest of us."

"What do you mean?"

Cragen smiled. "It doesn't take a good detective to see how much the two of you care about each other, even long before Elliot got shot."

You blushed. "I tried not to be obvious."

"I make it a point to know my people, (Y/N), and I pay attention."

"I hope our relationship isn't going to be an issue, sir."

He shook his head. "I'm not worried about the two of you one bit. You've always been professional and I don't think admitting you love each other out loud will change that."

"I appreciate that, sir. I know Elliot will too."

Cragen just offered you a simple smile before making his way back towards the squad room. You followed slowly behind him, allowing yourself time to steel yourself for the onslaught of questions.

Much to your surprise, the conversation had shifted to other topics, namely Munch's permanent bachelor status and Olivia's terrible choices in men.

You leaned against Elliot's desk and he looked up to smile at you.

"I see they've moved on."

"I put them in their place," he said with a smirk.

"Do I wanna know what that means?"

"Probably not."

You laughed. "You're probably right."

Elliot's next thought was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He answered it, listened for a few moments, then said "We'll be there in 15," before hanging up. "Liv, we've got a vic over at Bellevue."

She sighed and grabbed her coat. Elliot followed suit, but he paused to kiss you softly before following her out the door. "I'll see you later. Love you."

You smiled. "Love you too. Be safe."

"Always," he said with a wink.

You watched him walk out the door and you felt a pang in your chest. You'd always worried about him--about all of them--every time they went out on a call, but it felt different now. Knowing he loved you as much as you loved him made it so much harder to watch him leave knowing he might never come back.

Thankfully, he did come back, though he was not in a pleasant mood. He was snapping at every person who crossed his path and anyone who dared look at him sideways.

"It was the dad, Olivia," he was yelling when you came into the squad room. "I'm sure of it."

"Okay, Elliot, but we don't have any proof!" she yelled back.

"Hey," you cut in. "What's going on."

"Little girl is in the ICU because she'd been beaten pratically to death. The doctor said there was also evidence of prolonged sexual abuse," Elliot answered.

"That's terrible."

"Yeah, what's worse is the father did it," he said angrily.

"What proof do you have?" you asked.

"God, not you too."

"El, we can't just assume it's the father without some sort of evidence."

"My instincts and years of experience not enough for you?"

"It might be enough for me, but it's not enough for a court of law," you countered.

You could see the rage in his eyes and you knew exactly what he was thinking. You knew the statistics as well as anyone, so you knew it was likely that the child had been raped by a close family member. As a father himself, Elliot hated when a father was the cause of such trauma to a child. That hatred fulled his anger, which led to poor decision making.

"Why don't I talk to the father?" you suggested.

"I'm bringing him in tomorrow morning. I want first dibs," Elliot insisted.

"I think it's best if I talk to him first," you said gently, but firmly.

"Why?"

You sighed, not really wanting to answer him. "Because I'm not sure you can be objective, Elliot."

As you suspected, that only fueled his anger more. "Of course I can be objective! I'm objective! Why do you think--"

"You're angry," you said, cutting him off.

He paused. "Of course I'm angry!"

"I may not have children, but I understand where your anger is coming from, Elliot. The difference is you let your emotions guide you--you imagine yourself in that person's shoes and it fuels your rage." You sighed deeply. "For what it's worth, I trust your judgment. If you think he's guilty, I'm inclined to agree, but I want to talk to him first."

Your words seemed to calm him down. He hated seeing a child hurt, especially one that had been hurt repeatedly. He knew you were right--he was emotional and that tended to cloud his judgment. You, on the other hand, knew how to remain calm and rational, which tended to get you better results.

"You're right. You should interview him."

At that moment, Cragen stepped out of his office. "Emily Riley just passed away. The parents are on their way down to the station now."

"What happened?" Elliot asked.

"She threw a clot to her brain. It was likely caused by the beating she took."

"Why are the parents coming down here?" you asked.

"Mrs. Riley attacked Mr. Riley. She was screaming something about him doing this to Emily. Uniformed officers are bringing them down."

You turned to look at Elliot, who had a slightly surprised look on his face. "I think that means you were right, El."

"Maybe, just once, I'd like to be wrong."

When the Rileys arrived down at the station, Fin and Munch took Mrs. Riley to an interview room, while you took Mr. Riley to another room. Olivia joined you at your request, while Elliot and Cragen watched from the other side of the glass.

It didn't take you very long to get a full confession from Mr. Riley. He admitted to sexually assaulting his daughter for several years. It took a little longer for him to admit to beating her, but eventually he did. He told you and Olivia that he had to kill Emily because she threatened to tell her mother about what he'd done to her for years.

Once he admitted that, Elliot stormed into the room and yelled at him--screaming that he was a pervert and a monster. "You'll get the needle for this...and I'll be right there watching."

Elliot put handcuffs on him and took him to booking, with Olivia trailing behind. You met Cragen outside the interrogation room and he told you you'd done a good job.

"Honestly, I'd rather never have to do an interview like that again."

"But you're good at it, (Y/N)."

"Doesn't mean I like it."

"I don't think any of us really like it."

You offered him a sad smile before walking away, heading to your office to sit down and have a nice cry.

About 30 minutes later, Elliot found you in your office, eyes red from crying.

"Doll?" he asked. "You okay?"

You nodded. "I'm fine. I just...I hate doing those."

He came around the side of your desk and pulled you into him. "I know, baby. I don't like them either."

"That poor little girl. She never had a chance."

He squeezed you tighter. "At least he's going to prison for the rest of his life...thanks to you."

You looked up at him. "I can't take all the credit. Olivia was there too."

"You're the one who won him over. You got him to admit to everything he'd ever done to his daughter."

"At least this is done. I just wanna go home."

"Me too," he said as he stood up. "Get your coat and let's get out of here."

"I want a hot bath," you grumbled.

He chuckled lightly. "Hot bath, a glass of wine, and a good night's sleep next to your very handsome boyfriend, should do the trick."

You rolled your eyes as you threw on your jacket. "I'm taking you up on that."

"It's a guarantee," he said with a wink.

**********

It had been two months since Elliot had been shot. Two of the best months you'd had in a long time. Elliot felt the same. He loved spending time with you and just being around you made him feel so at peace. Just sitting next to you on the couch while you watched a movie made him happy. It was all the little moments that warmed his heart.

Tonight was special. It was the anniversary of the day Elliot realized he was in love with you. To you, it was an ordinary Tuesday, but to him, it was one of the most important days of his life.

He'd made dinner reservations for your favorite restaurant for that evening, but he wouldn't tell you anything else he was planning.

"Why tonight? What's the occasion?" you'd asked him that morning.

"Because I love you and I want to show you just how much," he'd answered.

You didn't believe there wasn't more to it, but you let the matter drop. By the time 5pm rolled around, you'd almost forgotten about your plans for that evening.

"Come on, babe, we gotta go," Elliot said as he popped his head into your office.

"Just let me finish this--"

"We've got reservations at 6:30, sweetheart."

You looked at your watch. "It's only 5:15."

"We have to get home and change first."

"Where are we going that I can't wear this?"

"It's a surprise! Now come on."

You laughed and gathered your belongings before following him out the door.

When you arrived home, you found that Elliot had already picked out exactly what both of you would be wearing that evening. He'd selected a beautiful dress for you and a well-tailored suit for himself.

Thirty minutes later, he was dragging you out the door, insisting he didn't want to be late.

When Elliot pulled up in front of the restaurant, your face lit up in surprise. "Elliot, you hate this place," you insisted.

He shrugged. "But it's your favorite."

"El..."

"Come on, beautiful." He hopped out of the car and quickly came around to your side to help you out. He dropped his keys in the valet's outstretched hand before guiding you to the door.

"You never do valet. You always say it's a waste of money," you whispered.

"Tonight is a special occasion," he countered. "Besides, you're worth it."

You blushed heavily as he held the door open for you and followed you inside. "Is that why you took me to one of the most expensive restaurants in Manhattan?" you murmured quietly.

"Mhmm," he hummed.

"Am I missing something here? What's the special occasion?"

Before he could respond, you were met by the maitre d'. "Good evening. Do you have a reservation?"

"Yes. Two for Stabler."

The man smiled at the two of you. "Right this way sir, ma'am."

You followed him to a nice secluded table in the far corner of the restaurant. It gave Elliot an excellent view of the entrance and it suited your preference for a quiet table.

A bottle of wine was immediately brought to your table and two cups poured. It was, of course, your favorite wine.

"Seriously, El...what's with all the fanciness?"

You chuckled. "Can't I treat my girl just because I want to?"

"You can, but I know you. You don't like fancy things."

"But you do."

"Sometimes," you conceited. "Especially when it comes to food."

He grinned. "You have very high expectations as it relates to food."

"You're not wrong."

A server seemed to appear out of nowhere to take your orders. You hadn't even begun to look at the menu, but you didn't need to. You knew exactly what you wanted. After the server left, you turned your attention back to Elliot.

"Are you going to tell me what's so special about today?"

He looked you in the eyes and for some reason, his expression made you feel emotional. "Two years ago today, I realized I was in love with you. This is the first time I've actually had the opportunity to celebrate that love."

Tears welled in your eyes and you gently fanned your face with your hand. "Come on, (Y/N), don't cry in public," you said lightly to yourself.

Elliot laughed warmly and reached across the table to take your hand. The man wasn't big into romantic gestures, but he'd made an effort for you and that meant everything to you.

"This is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me."

"You need to meet better people then," he said with a smile.

"It wouldn't have the same meaning coming from someone else."

It was his turn to blush. "You deserve to know how much you mean to me. I want to make sure you never forget it."

"I love you, Elliot," you said softly.

"Not as much as I love you."

The evening was extremely beautiful. Delicious food, incredible company...who could ask for a better night?

When you made it back home, you immediately slipped off your shoes and dropped onto the bed. "Who invented heels and can I kill them?" you grumbled.

Elliot laughed as he tugged off his tie. "I'm 80% certain murder is illegal. Besides, they make your ass look incredible."

You laughed. "You're not wrong, but only 80%?" You sat up and watched him as he continued to remove his shirt. Your eyes followed his hands as he unbuttoned his shirt--mouth watering slightly at the teasing bit of his form you could see.

Ordinarily you'd be embarrassed by how blatantly you were staring, but it had been a long time since you'd felt the touch of a man and your body suddenly lit up.

Elliot was still chattering on about something until he looked in your direction and fell silent. The look on your face was hungry--possessive even--and it sent a shock wave of desire through his body.

"Baby?" he asked tentatively.

"Come here," you responded, voice low and husky.

Even if he'd been blind and deaf, he still would have been able to feel the desire oozing from every pore in your body. It wrapped around him, enveloping every part of him, pulling him towards you.

He stopped at the edge of the bed, eyes slowly tracing over your body, waiting for you to give him permission to touch you.

"Help me up," you purred.

He grabbed your hands and pulled you to your feet. "Turn around," he said softly.

You did as he asked, exposing the zipper of your dress to him. You felt his fingers slide slowly up your spine before grasping the zipper and pulling it down at an agonizingly slow pace to just above the curve of your butt.

His lips brushed against the exposed skin of your shoulder as he began to remove your dress. He could feel your heart racing, the blood pumping through your arteries as he kissed your neck.

You gasped softly as his teeth grazed your pulse point, sending shivers through your body. His hands pushed your dress the rest of the way down, letting it pool at your feet.

You felt his hands caress you, sliding around your midsection and pulling you back against him. The way he touched you only made you want him more--the slow pace he'd set driving you crazy.

As if he sensed your need for more, his left hand began to slowly glide up your torso towards your breasts. He slid his hand across one breast and then the other, giving each one a gentle squeeze as he did so.

Your body was flush against his and you could feel his arousal pressing into your back. The lack of skin-to-skin contact was making you desperate. You needed to feel him--all of him.

You turned your head to look up at his face, but you were surprised by his heavy-lidded expression. You'd never seen him look like that and it did something to you.

Your lips parted slightly as you gazed at him and he found it impossible to resist. He leaned down to press his lips against yours, earning a soft sigh from you. You turned around so your chest was pressed against his, and your arms wound around his neck.

His shirt was already unbuttoned, so all you had to do was push it back off his shoulders and let him tug it the rest of the way off. You then let your hands wander under the hem of his undershirt, palms flattening against his taunt abs.

He knew what you wanted, so he pulled back just long enough to pull his shirt off over his head. He leaned back in to kiss you, but you pulled back slightly, hand pressed against his chest to keep him in place.

He would have been hurt by the motion if he'd missed the look on your face. Instead, he felt his chest swell with pride as you eyed him like he was the god, Adonis.

"See something you like?" he teased.

Your eyes flicked up to meet his. "I see a whole lot I like."

He grinned and pulled you back in for another searing kiss. You swore that every time he touched you, it was like your body was on fire--each touch increasing the intensity of the burning. But it wasn't painful...it was an incredible feeling and you wanted more.

Elliot's hands made their way to your back, and he deftly unclasped your bra with practiced hands. You let the bra slide down your arms, exposing your breasts to his hungry eyes.

He cupped them, lifting them to his mouth as he lowered his head to taste your skin. You let out a moan of pleasure as he nipped and sucked, paying each breast and each nipple its dues.

Your fingers began to claw at his belt, desperately trying to free him from the confines of his pants. Elliot chuckled softly at both your desperation and your frustration at not being able to undo his belt.

He pulled back and nodded his head towards the bed. "Lie down, baby."

You did as he asked, eyes never leaving him. He quickly undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants. He was slow to remove them, clearly enjoying the tortured expression on your face.

Your breathing was labored, despite the fact that you weren't doing a damn thing. You could feel your arousal pooling in your panties and you knew you were seconds away from completely losing it.

"How 'bout I just remove these too while I'm at it?" Elliot asked as he tugged his boxer shorts down his legs. When he stood up straight, you got your first view of his erection and you felt your pussy clench as a little gasp escaped your mouth.

He was thick and long--larger than you were used to, but not so big that it scared you. Your mouth watered slightly, the mere thought of feeling his weight on your tongue a massive turn on.

You quickly pulled yourself off the bed, cutting off Elliot's question before he could even speak as you dropped to your knees in front of him.

His eyes widened slightly as he gazed down at you. You looked up at him with a doe-eyed expression that nearly buckled his knees. He watched as you tentatively placed your hands on his thighs, eyes flicking up to his, checking to make sure it was okay.

He reached out and ran his fingers through your hair, letting you know he was comfortable. You licked your lips as your hands moved up his thighs, nails gently scratching the skin.

Elliot's breathing was already heavy and he knew he was going to have a hard time controlling his orgasm. It had been a long time for him too, after all.

You gripped his cock in your dominant hand, leaning towards him to take him into your mouth. You took as much of him as you could without gagging, eyes never leaving his face.

"Fuck," he whispered as he looked down at you.

The single curse word sounded like praise to you, so you ran with it. You wasted no time--you set a quick, intense pace, and he was loving it.

His fingers were tangled in your hair and a string of moans, heavy pants, and curses slipped from his mouth. He watched you as much as he could, but his head would roll back involuntarily as he reacted to the pleasure.

"You're doing so well, baby--feels amazing."

You moaned softly around his cock in response. The vibrations mixed with the warm, wet heaven of your mouth nearly made him cum. You felt the way his body tensed and knew he was close, so you sped up your movements, paying special attention to his sensitive head.

Elliot had been determined not to cum yet, but he was struggling to hold himself back. It just felt so damn good. "Baby, I--I'm close."

You were well aware and you wanted to taste him so badly--so you did the only logical thing...you looked up at him as you sucked, eyes filled with desire.

Within seconds, Elliot filled your throat with his cum--orgasm slamming into him like a freight train. As he started to come down from his high, he realized his grip on your hair was way too tight and he let go of you instantly.

"Sorry, baby. Did I hurt you?" he asked breathlessly.

You smiled up at him and licked your lips, making sure to get the last of his cum into your mouth. "Not at all, El. I loved every minute of it."

He relaxed and let out a relieved sigh. "Well so did I...you were phenomenal, (Y/N/N)."

He helped you up and pulled you against him so he could kiss you--not giving a damn that he could taste himself on your tongue.

"Can you lie down for me, baby? I'd like to repay the favor."

"You don't have to," you assured him as you settled onto the bed.

He looked at you in confusion. "You say it like it's some sort of chore."

You shrugged. "Not all men reciprocate."

"What kind of heathens have you been dating?"

You laughed. "Well...none of them were you."

"See, there's your problem," he teased.

He climbed onto the bed with you, hovering over your body, eyes scanning your face as if he was memorizing it.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?" he murmured.

"Once or twice," you said, cheeks blushing slightly.

"Hmm," he hummed. "I've gotta tell you more often. No one compares."

Now your cheeks flushed a deep crimson. "Elliot..."

He suddenly sat up. "You know what, babe? I've got a much better idea." He flopped down onto his back. "Sit on my face."

"Say what?"

He turned his head to look at you. "Sit on my face," he said again.

"I...umm. That sounds dangerous."

He cocked an eyebrow. "It's not dangerous, it's sexy as hell."

You sat up and turned to face him. "Are you sure? I mean...couldn't I smother you?"

He laughed. "Absolutely not." His expression sobered suddenly. "Are you telling me no guy has ever asked you to sit on their face?"

You shook your head, embarrassment creeping into your face.

He sat back up and reached for you. "We don't have to do anything you don't want, but I promise you it's worth it--for both of us."

"Are you sure?" you asked again.

"I'm absolutely positive, babe."

He looked and sounded so confident--and to be honest, you'd always wanted to try it--so you nodded your agreement.

You quickly pulled your panties off before climbing on top of him. You straddled his chest--a slightly worried expression on your face.

"I promise you, you're not gonna hurt me," he reassured you. "Besides, I'm strong enough to throw you off me if I had to."

His tone was light and teasing, which made you feel better. Plus, you knew it was true--he really could throw you around if he wanted to.

You took a deep breath and moved your body so your pussy was directly over his face. You lowered yourself slightly, but you didn't actually sit on him.

He sighed in annoyance. "Did I ask you to hover over my face, baby?"

"No," you mumbled.

"What did I ask?"

"You asked me to sit."

"Mhmm...so sit."

You lowered yourself a little more, but you didn't put your full weight on him. You didn't think he would notice, but you were completely wrong.

He wrapped his arms around your thighs and tugged you down so you were completely flush against him. He made the happiest noise you'd ever heard before diving into the delicious feast above him.

You nearly jumped off of him as he began to eat you out--the sensations so intense, it startled you. But holy fucking shit did it feel incredible.

The sounds coming from your mouth were loud enough to wake your neighbors. You grasped the headboard for support as you moaned and begged and chanted his name like a prayer.

All-the-while, Elliot was expertly attacking your pussy, sending wave after wave of unimaginable pleasure through your body. He groaned into you as he feasted, your cries of pleasure spurring him on.

He felt your nails rake against his scalp and your thighs began to shake. He tightened his grip on you as he continued his ministrations.

"Elliot--fuck," you gasped. "I'm so close."

"I know," he said into your pussy, knowing full well you couldn't hear him. He sped up his assault on your clit and seconds later your orgasm washed over you--screams of his name echoing in the small room.

He continued lapping up the mess you'd made, arms still wound tightly around your legs, keeping you against his mouth.

You started to squirm, but he didn't let go. "El--sensitive."

After a couple more licks, he finally released you and you practically fell off of him and onto the bed. Your legs shivered as aftershocks worked their way through your body.

Elliot was happily licking his lips as he watched you, expression smug. You looked almost delirious with pleasure and it brought him great pride.

"That...was...incredible," you said between breaths.

He grinned as he sat up. "I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I did." He wiped the rest of your slick from his face with a satisfied smirk.

You looked over at him and laughed breathlessly. He just looked so pleased with himself that you couldn't help but find it funny.

"Kiss me," you pleaded softly.

He was never one to deny you, so he pulled himself up and climbed onto your body, hovering over you once again. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips against yours, earning a contented sigh from your lips.

You cupped the back of his neck and pulled him closer to you as you deepened the kiss. He shifted slightly to get more comfortable and you could feel his arousal press against your thigh. You smiled against his lips, appreciating that he was willing and able to keep going.

Elliot felt your lips curve into a smile and he pulled away so he could look at you. "Something funny, doll?"

You shook your head. "Nothing's funny. I'm just...pleased."

He chuckled and kissed your neck. "Pleased, eh?" He pressed another kiss against your skin. "About what?"

"You," you said breathlessly--his kisses quite clearly having the desired effect on you.

He smiled as he nipped at your collar bone. "I'll take the compliment."

You lifted your hips, brushing against his cock in search of friction. He hissed softly, the feeling too much and not enough at the same time.

Elliot grabbed your hips and pulled you towards him so he could settle more comfortably between your legs. He went back to kissing you, his hands gently skimming over your skin, his cock pressed against your entrance.

You ran your fingers through his short hair and whined softly.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Need you."

"I'm right here." His teasing tone annoyed you slightly--he knew exactly what you wanted.

"Elliot," you whined.

He grinned. "Come on pretty girl, just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you."

"I want you."

He nipped at your jaw. "Come on...you can do better than that."

You whined again, squirming beneath him, in dire need of his touch. "I wanna feel you inside of me, Elliot--please," you begged.

He growled softly, hearing you beg for him like that made him almost feral.

To your surprise, he started to pull away from you. "El?"

"Need a damn condom."

"I'm on birth control," you said quickly.

"You sure, babe? We know this little swimmers are potent."

You laughed. "I'm sure. Come here."

He lowered himself back on top of you and lined his cock up with your entrance. His eyes locked onto yours, searching for any sign of discomfort. Seeing none, he started to push into you slowly.

The stretch was both delicious and painful at the same time. Your nails dug into his shoulders and you winced slightly when he was about halfway in.

"Shit, am I hurting you?" His worried tone matched his facial expression.

"I'm fine," you assured him. "You're just...big."

He grinned wolfishly, pride pumping through his veins. He kept pushing forward until he completely bottomed out inside you, a deep groan escaping from his lips.

He gave you a few moments to adjust before he began to move. His speed was slow and languid, and his eyes never left yours. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable and enjoying yourself as much as possible.

"More," you gasped out softly.

He sped up his movements, earning a series of moans from you. He shifted his body to get a better angle and you cried out in pleasure, nails scratching into his skin.

He knew better than to slow down or shift any farther. With each thrust, he brought you closer and closer to the edge--and the convulsing of your tight pussy mixed with the sounds coming from your mouth, pushed him towards the edge too.

"Please, please, please" you chanted.

"I've got you," he murmured.

Your nails dug even deeper into his skin, drawing blood as they raked down his back. You cried out in pleasure--a sound that closely resembled his name--as your orgasm hit you.

Elliot barely held on long enough to get in another thrust before he was filling you up with his seed, whispering your name like a prayer in your ear.

As the two of you came down from your highs, Elliot slowly pulled out of you. You shivered at the loss of contact and you could feel his cum leaking from your hole.

"I'll be right back, baby," he whispered as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

You could hear him in the distance, but you were a little delirious from all the pleasure he'd just given you. When he came back, he scooped you up into his arms and carried you towards the bathroom.

You let out a little yelp when he lifted you--you were unaccustomed to being carried anywhere. "What--?"

"Hot bath?"

You smiled up at him. He didn't really strike you as an aftercare kind of man, but you could tell he really cared. He wanted to take care of you.

You nodded and he very gently lowered you down into the tub, which was still filling with hot water.

"Temperature okay?"

"It's perfect," you said with a sigh as you leaned back. "Join me."

"In a minute, babe."

He left the room and came back a few moments later with a lighter and a couple candles. He quickly lit them and turned off the light, so the room was bathed in a soft glow. It was surprisingly romantic.

You leaned forward so he could slide into the tub behind you. As soon as he was comfortable, he grabbed you and pulled you back against him. He kissed the top of your head and you sighed happily.

"I love you," he whispered into your hair. "So damn much."

"I love you too, Elliot."

The two of you stayed in the bath until the water began to cool. Elliot helped you dry off and slip on your nightgown before guiding you back to the bed.

He pulled on a pair of boxers and slid beneath the covers beside you. He reached out and put his arm around you, pulling you to him so your back was flush to his chest.

"Sleep well, my love," he whispered.

You were already drifting off to sleep as he uttered those sweet words. He didn't need a reply--he knew exactly how you felt by the way you curled into him, a soft sigh escaping your lips.

#elliot stabler x reader #elliot stabler #elliot stabler x reader smut #detective stabler #law and order svu #law and order svu smut #detective stabler smut #elliot stabler smut

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fatecantstopme · 1 year

Text

If I Had to Choose...I'd Choose You

Pairing: Elliot Stabler x Reader

Summary: You meet Stabler when you join the SVU team. He's single, attractive, sweet...only problem is you work together, and you don't date at work.

Warnings: Mentions of rape, descriptions of violence and torture. Reader has scars described in detail. SMUT, oral (M and F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V).

A/N: Kathy doesn't exist in this fic.

"Hey everyone, gather 'round," Cragen called.

Detectives Stabler, Benson, Munch, and Tutuola circled around the Captain.

Cragen gestured to the new girl beside him: you. "Guys, this is Detective (Y/N) (Y/L/N). She's joining the squad."

You smiled at them. "I'm happy to be here and can't wait to get started."

Everyone introduced themselves and Cragen pointed to your new desk behind directly behind Detective Stabler. You threw your stuff down onto the desk and started to settle in.

Elliot Stabler sat on the edge of the desk and leaned in towards you. "So what brings you to SVU?"

"I wanted to make a difference. Homicide was starting to grate on me."

"Couldn't make a difference there?" he asked in surprise.

You shook your head. "Not the way I wanted to." You sighed. "It's a long story, but suffice it to say I'm happy to be here."

Elliot smiled. "We're happy to have you."

You returned his smile. "Thanks."

**********

Within 6 months you'd become an integral part of the team. Your experience working in Homicide and as a victim advocate made you an extremely valuable asset.

You'd also gotten to know the other members of your squad very well, especially Elliot. You couldn't help it, the two of you were drawn together.

Elliot flirted with you constantly and you flirted back, despite your better judgment. He'd asked you out a couple times, but you'd always said no. He never pushed you, but he didn't stop trying either.

You had one rule in the workplace...never get involved with a coworker. You'd made that mistake when you first got on the job and it very nearly ruined your life. You wouldn't do it again, even for a man as clearly incredible as Elliot Stabler. Plus, the events that led you to leave Homicide were still fresh in your mind and you weren't ready to open up about any of it.

"(Y/L/N)! We're hitting the bar, wanna come get a drink?" The man in question called to you.

You looked up from your paperwork, catching his deep blue gaze as he eyed you. "I don't know, El, I've got a lot of paperwork to get done."

He groaned. "We've all got a lot of paperwork to get done. It'll still be here in the morning."

He could tell you were unsure, so he turned up the puppy dog eyes as he begged, "C'mon, just one drink."

You sighed. "Fine, fine." You tossed your file to the side and grabbed your coat. "Let's go, kids."

Two hours and four drinks later, you and Elliot were still at the bar. Olivia and Munch had bowed out a half hour earlier and Fin was just paying his tab.

"I'll see you two in the morning. Don't stay up too late," Fin said with a teasing tone before leaving the bar.

"Just us," Elliot said with a grin.

"Didn't you say something about 'just one drink'?"

He grinned wider. "I didn't tell you to have three more."

You groaned. " I wish I could blame you. It'd be easier."

"So, you liking SVU so far?" Elliot asked, changing the subject.

You nodded. "It's rewarding work, as difficult as it is. Plus, I've got some pretty great coworkers."

"Damn straight. Couldn't get any better." He cleared his throat. "I, uhh--I'm really glad you came onboard."

You smiled. "Me too."

Elliot leaned closer and placed his hand on your arm. "I mean it, (Y/N/N)," he said softly.

You leaned into him, the liquor you'd imbibed lowering your inhibitions. "I know, El. So do I."

He slipped his arm around you and pulled you against his chest, his lips against your ear. "Go out with me, (Y/N)," he whispered.

Every fiber of your being was screaming for you to say yes, but there was a tiny voice in your head that reminded you of your rule...and what had happened to you a mere eight months prior. You pulled away from him and turned your body to face his. "El...I want to. I really do."

His face fell. "But?"

"But I can't."

"Why?" he whispered.

You sighed. You'd never given him a good reason...never really explained yourself. He deserved some sort of explanation, even if it wasn't quite accurate. "I don't date at work. I...well, I dated someone when I first joined the force. He was a detective." You paused. "It didn't end well--especially for me. He spread rumors and nearly ruined my reputation. I had to go to a different precinct." It was the truth, sure, but it wasn't the whole truth.

"I would never do that to you."

You offered him a small smile. "I don't think you would. You're a good man--I know you are...but, I can't risk it, Elliot. I just can't." I'm not ready.

He looked sad, but he nodded. "I understand," he said softly. "I can't say I like it, but I get it. However, I have no intention of giving up. You're amazing and I'm not walking away, not yet anyway."

You chuckled lightly and shook your head. "You're persistent, I'll give you that."

"Maybe someday you'll say yes."

"Perhaps," you consented.

He seemed content with your answer, and he waved over the bartender. "I'll cover her tab too."

"No, Elliot, you don't--"

"I've got it, doll. Please."

You sighed and let him pay for your drinks.

"Let me walk you home," he insisted.

"I can make it. It's only a couple blocks."

Elliot just stared at you like you were crazy. It was nighttime in Manhattan after all.

You laughed. "Alright, alright. Walk me home, Detective Stabler."

He smiled and held his arm out to you. "My lady?"

You slipped your arm through his and let him guide you to the door and out onto the sidewalk. You felt safe with him, safer than you'd ever felt with anyone else.

The walk to your apartment was quick and peaceful. Elliot chattered about nothing and you just listened to him, a small smile gracing your face.

He walked you all the way to the door of your apartment, just to make sure you got home safely. It warmed your heart. He kissed your cheek before wishing you a goodnight.

You closed the door behind him and leaned your back against the door. The thought that crossed your mind was enough to terrify you; "Dear God, I think I love him," you whispered aloud.

**********

It had been a year since you'd first joined SVU. Elliot had never given up asking you out, but it had been a couple months since he'd last asked. He still spoke to you in the same manner he'd always used: flirtatious, sweet, and funny as hell.

That thought you'd had six months ago was always lingering in the back of your mind and you knew without a shadow of a doubt it was 100% true. It scared the hell out of you and you didn't know how to handle it.

"(Y/L/N)! We've got a live one," Elliot called from across the squad room, interrupting your conversation with Munch. You looked up in Elliot's direction when he called to you.

"Let's go," he said again.

"Where's Olivia?" you asked.

"She's at an appointment. Cragen suggested I grab you."

You walked over to him. "Okay, what do we got?"

"Violent stranger rape in her own home. She's on the way to the hospital now."

"Shit. Let's go."

Three days later and you felt like you were spinning your wheels. Every single lead you'd had hadn't panned out. You had nothing to go on and you were starting to worry the case would go cold.

"We've gotta be missing something," Elliot said, voicing your thoughts aloud.

You ran your fingers through your hair. "We've been over the evidence a thousand times."

"That doesn't mean there's nothing there," he insisted.

"Maybe we just need some rest," Fin suggested.

"No!" you and Elliot yelled at the same time.

Fin threw his hands up and backed away from the two of you. You and Elliot had been there to see the after effects of the brutal crime...you'd been the one to take the victim's statement. No one understand the true horror of this crime like the two of you. You were both determined to find the man who did this before he struck again.

Just then, your desk phone rang. You grabbed it, answering it with a gruff "(Y/L/N)". Your face paled as you listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. "What?"

Elliot, Fin, Olivia, and Munch turned to look at you at the sound of shock in your voice.

"We're on our way." You hung up and stared at the phone for a moment before addressing the rest of the team. "He came back."

"Who came back where?" Olivia asked.

Your eyes locked onto Elliot's and his widened in surprised understanding. "The perp."

You nodded. "He's holding the victim hostage in the hospital basement."

"How the hell does that even happen?" Munch asked.

"Don't know, but let's go," you replied.

When you arrived at the hospital, you were met with the responding officers. They escorted you down to the basement where the rapist was holding your victim.

You left the officers at one entrance, and Munch and Fin were covering the other entrance to the basement to ensure he couldn't escape, leaving you, Elliot, and Olivia to make your way farther into the hostage situation.

You heard a woman's soft whimpering and you moved closer to the sound. "Colleen? Can you hear me? It's Detective (Y/L/N)," you called out.

"Don't come closer or I'll shoot her!" a man's voice yelled in response.

The three of you stopped walking. "Alright. What's your name?" you called back.

"Mac," he answered hesitantly.

You looked over at Elliot. There was no "Mac" on your suspect list.

"Okay, Mac. My name is (Y/N). Can I come closer so we can talk?"

"Are you alone?" he yelled.

"No. My partner is here with me." You subtly left Olivia out, hoping you could catch him off guard with a third person.

"Just you," he said.

You started to move closer to the sound of his voice, but Elliot grabbed your arm. His eyes pleaded with you to stay where you were, but you simply shook your head and shrugged him off. You weren't going to stand idly by while a woman was murdered.

You made it to the large doorway of the room and saw the victim, Colleen, standing directly in front of a man with a gun.

"Stop right there," he said.

Your own gun was pointing right at him, but you stopped in your tracks. "Alright. Just take it easy."

"You're pointing a gun at me. How can I 'take it easy'?"

"You're pointing a gun at her, so I suppose I could say the same to you," you pointed out.

He cocked the gun and pressed it directly against Colleen's skull. "Put yours down or I'll pull the trigger."

Your breath caught in your chest as you realized you had a decision to make. You could try to shoot him, but you had a very narrow window of space...and you might either miss him or shoot the victim. You decided you couldn't take that chance, so you began to lower your gun towards the ground.

"(Y/N), no!" you heard Elliot hiss from somewhere behind you.

You'd already made your decision, so you ignored his voice, and placed your gun on the ground before straightening back up. "You said your name was Mac?"

He nodded.

"Do you mind if I come a little closer, Mac? Just so we can talk more easily."

"You can take three steps towards me."

You moved in his direction, careful to stay within sight of the doorway. "You okay, Colleen?" you asked softly.

Colleen was shaking, terror plainly evident on her face. She started to respond, but Mac tightened his grip on her.

"Don't speak to her," he yelled. "You talk to me. Not her."

You held up your hands. "Okay, okay. What's your plan here, Mac?"

"I never wanted it to come to this. If she would have just left with me, none of this would have happened."

"You wanted Colleen to leave with you?"

"Yes. We could go anywhere," he said wistfully.

A clearer picture of the man standing before you began to emerge. "You care about her, don't you Mac?"

"Care about her?" he asked, almost looking hurt. "I love her. She's my soulmate."

Colleen whimpered as he spoke, tears pouring down her cheeks anew.

"She denied you," you stated.

"She refused to go with me. So I did what I had to do."

You swallowed thickly. "Mac...did you intend to hurt her?"

He looked at you angrily. "I wouldn't have had to if she wouldn't have fought me."

You did your best not to wince at his words. "If you love her, why would you hurt her now?"

"I don't want to. I just want to leave."

"Okay," you said gently. "Let her go and you can leave."

"No!" he yelled, his grip tightening on the gun and Colleen. "She comes with me or she dies."

"You don't really wanna hurt her, Mac. You love her. Maybe she just needs time to realize she loves you too." The words felt wrong coming out of your mouth, but you needed to say whatever you could to save Colleen.

"I know the truth now. She'll never love me." His finger slid to the trigger.

"Mac! Wait! Wait...if you pull that trigger you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

He looked over at you with a mixture of intrigue and surprise on his face. "Go on."

"You'll hate yourself for being the reason the person you love most in the world is gone. You'll never recover from it...the guilt will slowly eat you up inside until one day you decide to end it all just so you can join her."

He watched you carefully, as if he was studying you. "Are you speaking from experience, Detective?"

You hadn't been, but he didn't need to know that. "Yes. And I can promise you, you don't want to end up like me."

To your surprise, he tossed Colleen to the side like she was nothing more than a piece of garbage in his way and he took a menacing step towards you.

In that instant, you realized he'd been playing you the entire time, but it was much too late.

He smiled at you, a terrifying, wolfish expression that made your blood run cold. You turned to run, but he was faster than you. His arms wrapped around your waist and he yanked you back against his chest. You struggled with everything you had, only stopping when you felt the cold metal of the gun press against your head.

"Hello, Detective. It's such a pleasure to see you again," he whispered in your ear.

His voice had changed...deepened slightly, and an accent that had not been there before made itself apparent. The moment you heard him speak, you felt as if the world was crumbling around you.

"You," you whispered in shock and terror.

"(Y/N)!" Elliot yelled as he rushed in, mere seconds after he'd heard your struggle. His gun was pointed in your direction, a look of pure horror on his face as he took in the scene in front of him.

To your surprise, Olivia did not appear behind him, which meant there was a possibility you would get out of this alive. If she could find a way to circle around and come up from behind him...

"The famous Detective Stabler," Mac said, his voice heavily accented. "It's a pleasure to finally get to meet you."

Elliot looked confused. "How do you know who I am?"

"I've followed my lovely (Y/N)'s career quite closely," he said, caressing the side of your face with his free hand. You shied away from him, but there was no where for you to escape to.

Elliot's look of confusion deepened. For the first time, you found yourself wishing you'd been completely open and honest with him. If you'd told him about your past, maybe none of this would be happening.

"You know (Y/N)?" he asked.

"Oh yes, very very well. Some might even say I know her intimately."

You flinched at his choice of words, your body recoiling in place. Your reaction was not lost on Elliot, a look of realization crossing his features.

"Tell him, (Y/N). Tell him about us," Mac whispered in your ear.

Your eyes filled with unshed tears, but you didn't say a word.

Mac chuckled sinisterly. "Tell him how I touched your pretty little body. How I made you feel things no man ever could. Tell him how much you liked it."

The way he emphasized the word 'liked' almost made you hurl, but it also lit a fire inside of you that reminded you to fight. "How about I tell him how you broke into my apartment? How you tied me to my bed and raped me for hours? How you branded me as your property? How you made me want to die?" Your voice had risen to a yell and you were breathless when you finished speaking.

Elliot drew in a shaky breath, his anger threatening to boil over. He cocked his gun and took a step closer.

"Uh-uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Mac said, pressing the gun against your skull so hard it was certain to leave a mark.

"How'd you know raping Colleen would get you to me?" you asked.

Mac laughed. "I didn't. She's the sixth woman I've raped in Manhattan since you went to Special Victims. I've been hoping you'd catch the case so we could see each other again. This is the first one that managed to make its way to your desk."

You closed your eyes, your breath catching in your chest at his words. "Why?" you whispered.

"Because you're the one who got away."

"You left me tied to my bed. I didn't 'get away'."

"I didn't mean literally," he said dismissively. "After I had you, no one else compared, no matter how hard I tried."

"So, what? You decided to rape a bunch of women in the hopes that she'd notice you?" Elliot sneered angrily.

"She did notice me," Mac said with a smile. "Even if she didn't realize it."

"What's your plan now, Mac?" Elliot asked.

"(Y/N) and I are going to leave and you're going to let us. I know you won't risk her life--I've seen the way you look at her. You're lucky I don't kill you for it."

"And if I don't wanna go?" you whispered.

His lips brushed against your ear as he spoke. "Then I'll kill him and force you to come with me."

"Not today, sweet cheeks," Olivia said from behind you. Her gun was pressed against the back of Mac's head, causing his body to grow stiff with tension. "Now, why don't you be a good boy and let her go?"

After a few tense moments, Mac's hold on you loosened and he let you out of his grip. You immediately pulled away from him and moved in Elliot's direction.

"(Y/N), no!" Elliot yelled at you. You heard two weapons fire almost simultaneously and you dropped to your knees.

Elliot was in front of you in seconds. "Are you okay? (Y/N/N)?"

His eyes searched your face, the fear in them nearly breaking you down. You collapsed into his arms and he pulled you as closely as he could. "You're okay. You're safe," he whispered. "I've got you."

You turned your head just enough to look behind you towards where Mac had been standing. His body was on the floor, blood seeping from his wounds. You knew he was dead without having to go check for a pulse.

Olivia had called for the rest of the team and for a gurney for Colleen. You turned to look at the other woman. She seemed to be okay physically, but the mental and emotional trauma she'd just endured would likely be with her for the rest of her life.

Munch and Fin made it to you before the other officers did.

"What the hell happened?" Fin asked as he took in the scene.

Elliot looked up at him from his place on the floor. "Perp tried to kill (Y/N). Olivia and I both shot him."

The other detectives knew there was more to the story, but this wasn't the time to ask about it. For now, their focus was on getting everyone the hell out of the basement.

Elliot insisted you be seen by a doctor before you left, despite your many arguments. He stayed by your side until the doctor had looked you over and given you a clean bill of health.

You made Elliot take you to see Colleen before you went home. You wanted to make sure she was okay. She thanked you for saving her life and she squeezed your hand in that knowing way that other survivors always did.

You wanted to go back to work, but Elliot insisted you go home. You started to argue, but Cragen ordered you to take the rest of the day off at a minimum and he told Elliot to take you home.

The drive to your apartment was silent--neither one of you knew what to say. The events of the day had unfolded in a completely unforeseen manner and you knew it would have lasting effects on you both.

When you reached your apartment, Elliot parked the car and walked you to your door. You thanked him for taking you home, then lapsed into an awkward silence. Neither of you seemed to know what to say...or maybe you were too scared to say it.

"I thought I was going to lose you," Elliot whispered, breaking the silence.

Your breath caught in your chest and you found yourself unable to respond.

"When I saw him holding that gun to your head..." he trailed off. "And then when he let you go? I watched him turn the gun in your direction and--" he cleared his throat. "All I could think was that I was going to watch you die."

"You saved me," you whispered.

His eyes met yours. "Olivia's the one that shot him in the head."

"Before that."

He cocked his head slightly and his brow furrowed in confusion.

"You gave me the strength I needed to fight...and that saved me long before you put a bullet in him."

He wanted to reach out and touch you, but he was worried it would be unwelcome. "I'm sorry for what he did to you," he said gently.

Your eyes fluttered closed for a moment. "It's not your fault, but I appreciate it."

"Can I ask--why didn't you tell me?"

You could hear the hurt in his voice and it nearly broke your heart. "It was a time in my life I'd rather forget. I've never told anyone outside of the detectives that worked the case. I didn't want to share it with anyone...it was nice to be somewhere where no one knew what happened."

"Is that why you really left Homicide?"

You nodded.

"Where did it happen?"

"Brooklyn."

He ran his hand over his face. "I'm sorry, (Y/N)."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"You don't need to apologize for that. I would never force you to share things with me, especially something like that."

Instead of responding, you stepped towards him, wrapped your arms around him, and leaned into his chest for a hug. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly, almost as if he was terrified to let go. He kissed the top of your head and you cried softly into his chest.

There was so much more you wanted to explain, so much more you wanted to tell him, but you couldn't seem to find the words. You just wanted to curl up in his arms and shut out the world...but you knew you couldn't do that either.

After several minutes, you pulled away, wiping your face in embarrassment. You noticed the wet spot on his shirt and you blushed. "Sorry," you whispered.

He looked down at his shirt and shrugged. "I'm not. You're always welcome to use my shirt to dry your tears."

The way he said it made you laugh lightly, a sound that was like music to his ears. He smiled at you warmly and you met him with a softer smile.

You could tell he wanted to say something--something that was probably important--but he seemed to think better of it. "Are you gonna be okay by yourself?"

"Yeah...I'll be alright."

He nodded. "Okay. Call me if you need anything--I'll come running."

You gave him a sad smile. "I know you will."

He squeezed your hand and slowly backed away down the hall towards the elevators. He clearly didn't want to leave you and you wanted him to stay more than anything--but you knew if he did, it would change your relationship forever.

Your hand rested on the doorknob, but you couldn't get yourself to turn it and go into the apartment. You watched him as he slowly turned his back to you and walked down the hall.

For the next five seconds, you stood frozen in place. You let the events of the day wash over you and you found yourself suddenly filled with the realization that you didn't want to live without him. Somehow in the past year, he had become your best friend, your rock, your hope, and so much more. If you let him leave now, you'd regret it for the rest of your life.

Before you knew what you were doing, you took off running down the hallway.

Elliot heard your footsteps and turned around. Surprise lit up his face as he watched you racing in his direction.

Without a second thought, you launched yourself into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and burying your head into his neck. He held you tightly, strong arms keeping you from hitting the ground.

"Stay," you whispered against his skin.

"Look at me," he murmured.

You looked at him, tears filling your bright eyes.

"Say it again."

"Stay," you whispered with a little more force than before.

His eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips and back up to your eyes. You knew what he was silently asking and you didn't want to say no. You crashed your lips against his, the action so clearly filled with emotion.

He kissed you back with equal intensity, one of his hands sliding up your back to cup the nape of your neck. He made his way back to your apartment door, swung it open, and kicked it closed without ever separating his lips from yours.

He pressed your back up against the door as he continued to kiss you so he could lock the door. As badly as he wanted this--wanted you--safety was still on the forefront of his mind.

"Bedroom?" he asked against your neck.

"First door on the left," you answered breathlessly.

He carried you to your room and tossed you onto the bed rather gracefully. You used your elbows to lift your upper body as you watched him slowly begin to undress before you.

He unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the ground. He quickly rid himself of his undershirt, giving you an unobstructed view of his muscled form. You made a small sound somewhere between a groan and a moan, causing him to smirk knowingly.

"See something you like?" he teased.

"I see a whole lot that I like." You beckoned him towards you and he complied after kicking off his shoes.

He hovered over your body, caging you beneath his much larger form. "You're so beautiful," he murmured.

You felt your cheeks heat up, unused to such sweet words from men. Thankfully, he didn't expect a response from you; he simply wanted you to know. His lips brushed against yours in a soft kiss and your hands tentatively made their way to his back, feeling the warm skin beneath your palms.

Elliot's own hands began a gentle caress down the curves of your body, his lips trailing behind. He began to unbutton your shirt, then slid his hands across your stomach, coming to rest on your hips.

The moment his right hand touched your hip, you instinctively flinched away from him. He stopped what he was doing and looked up at you. Your eyes were far away and a look of discomfort clouded your face.

He pulled away from you, not wanting to do anything you weren't comfortable with. "I'm sorry," he said gently. "We can stop."

You shook your head, clearing your thoughts along with the distant look in your eyes. You focused on the man in front of you and took a deep breath. "I want this, Elliot. I really do..." you paused. "But there's something you need to know first."

He nodded, but remained silent, waiting for you to speak.

You bit your lip and looked down at the duvet cover on your bed, his gaze too intense for you in the moment. "It was a little over a year and a half ago," you began. "I was living in Brooklyn, working Homicide...I was happy."

"It was Spring," you continued. "The night breeze was cool and comforting. It brought the promise of new life..." you trailed off for a moment. "My apartment was on the third floor. It was warm, so I opened the window...I forgot to close it before I fell asleep."

You exhaled heavily before continuing, "He came into my room around midnight. I woke up with him on top of me, his hand covering my mouth, my arms tied to the headboard above my head. He was wearing a mask...I never saw his face. He put a gag into my mouth and tore my pajamas from my body."

You had to stop for a moment. The images from that night flashed through your mind, rendering you silent.

"You don't have to tell me," Elliot whispered kindly.

"I want to--I need to," you insisted. You took another deep breath. "He raped me for hours. He used a knife to cut me and he'd hit me when I struggled. Eventually, I was too weak to fight back...and I just took it. Just before he left, he used my stove to heat a metal brand...a brand he burned into the skin just above my left hip."

With shaking hands, you pulled your shirt to the side and tugged your pants down just enough so the brand was visible. "It says 'Property of MST'," you said softly.

Elliot's eyes were brimming with tears. He wanted to kill anyone who had ever hurt you...starting with this son of a bitch. Lucky for him, the man who did this to you was already dead.

"I never knew what it meant--what 'MST' stood for. Brooklyn SVU didn't have many leads and they never had a solid suspect. Since I never saw his face, I wasn't much use either." You shuddered slightly. "But I remember his voice. It lives in my nightmares and the darkest corners of my mind. I'll never forget the sound of his voice."

For the first time since you'd started, Elliot made a comment. "His voice--it changed after he grabbed you."

You nodded. "The moment I heard it, I knew who he was--but my surprise gave him the advantage and nearly cost me my life."

Elliot reached out and took your hand. You finally looked up at him and found yourself overcome with emotions.

As if he sensed it, Elliot pulled you towards him. "Come here, sweetheart. Let me hold you."

You curled up against his chest, feeling safe in his warm embrace.

"Thank you for telling me," he said softly.

"Thank you for letting me."

He kissed the top of your head. "I won't let anyone else hurt you. Never again."

You sighed. "You can't promise me that."

"Maybe not, but I'll die trying."

You pulled away from him so you could look up at his face. He looked so fiercely protective you had no doubt he would do anything for you.

You touched his face gently before pulling him towards you for a kiss. What started out as a sweet kiss quickly turned to passion.

Elliot crawled back on top of you as you began to lay back against the mattress, his lips locked onto yours. He wanted to be gentle with you, make sure you were comfortable every step of the way--make you feel safe and loved.

"Can I touch you?" he whispered.

"Please," you begged softly, your own hands coming to rest on his chest.

He didn't need to be told twice. His hands went around your waist and pulled you towards him, giving you just enough room to get your shirt off. He made quick work of your bra, tossing it to the side of the bed.

He saw the scars that littered your chest and they broke his heart. How someone could hurt you was beyond him, and he was determined to make you feel beautiful.

His lips pressed against each and every scar that he could see, along with the soft skin of your breasts and your pert nipples, eliciting soft moans of pleasure from your lips.

Elliot was the first man you'd been with since the rape and you couldn't be more glad that you waited. He was so gentle, so affectionate, so loving--so accepting.

Your hands grasped his belt buckle and you quickly tugged it loose. You unbuttoned his pants, but you were too slow for Elliot's taste. He pulled away from you just long enough to shed his pants before he was right back on top of you, lips grazing the flesh of your stomach.

When he reached the top of your pants, he looked up at you for permission. "Can I take these off?"

You nodded and lifted your hips up to assist him. As he pulled your jeans down your legs, you found yourself feeling nervous. This would be the first time anyone had seen your legs, other than your doctor, since the attack. They were riddled with scars, especially your thighs.

Elliot's heart nearly broke in half when he saw the extent of the scarring on your legs. He found himself wanting to kill the monster who did this to you yet again, but he took solace in the fact that he could never hurt you again.

He looked up at you, blue eyes filled with emotion. "You're perfect, (Y/N)," he whispered. "Absolutely perfect."

You would have argued with anyone else who said those words about you, but there was something so incredibly sincere in the way he said it that you found yourself believing him.

"Elliot, please touch me," you begged softly.

"Anything for you, baby. Anything for you."

He dipped his head down and pressed a soft kiss on the burned flesh of your upper hip where the brand marred the skin. The sweet, gentle action sent shivers up your spine and a soft sigh left your lips.

Elliot smiled against your skin as he moved downward, focusing his attention on your thighs. He kissed every inch of your skin on your left leg before moving to the right. By the time he reached your core, you were practically panting with need.

His lips grazed your mound, providing no relief to the throbbing between your legs. You lifted your hips towards his face, seeking some form of friction, but he pulled just out of reach. You let out a little frustrated groan, earning a deep chuckle from him.

"Patience, doll. I'm trying to take my time here. It's difficult enough without you taunting me with your pretty little body and those sweet noises you make."

"I've waited for so long, Elliot," you whimpered. "I just want you so badly."

He was very tempted to give in, after all, he'd been waiting even longer than you had. He'd wanted you from the moment you'd walked into the squad room a year before.

"I know, baby," he said softly as he massaged your thighs. "But if I can wait for an entire year to touch you, you can wait a few more minutes, can't you?"

You let out a grumbling sound, followed by a sigh. "I suppose that's fair," you mumbled.

He laughed lightly. Now that he'd gotten you to agree to be patient, he decided he didn't wanna wait. Without another word, he lowered his head, settled comfortably between your legs, and dove directly into your pussy with a satisfied moan.

You gasped at the pleasurable sensation and immediately reached for his hair. There wasn't much for you to grab onto, but that didn't stop you from raking your nails against his scalp.

He groaned against your pussy and pushed his face even closer while pulling your hips towards him. He was clearly enjoying the sensations you gave him, as well as the activity he was currently engaged in.

While Elliot may have been enjoying himself immensely, nothing came close to the level of pleasure you were experiencing. His lips, his tongue--his mouth--it all felt so incredible. He was quite clearly experienced and he wasn't holding back.

"Elliot," you gasped, fingers desperately trying to find purchase against the skin of his arms and shoulders. "Please--I need--" you couldn't finish your thought, but he seemed to know exactly what you needed.

He slipped two fingers into your dripping hole and began to stroke your g-spot, while continuing his delicious assault on your clit. The sounds you made were music to his ears and he started to imagine what you'd sound like when you came apart on his mouth. He needed to hear it so badly--needed to feel you clenching around him, moaning his name, gasping for breath...

He didn't have to wait long. Within minutes, you were coming apart beneath him, his name repeated like a prayer from your lips. Your hips bucked up against his face, but he held on tightly, continuing to feast on your release.

Your body quickly became overstimulated and you begged him to stop--it was just too much. He decided to have mercy on you and he came up for air with a triumphant grin on his face. His mouth and chin were shining with your juices, but you couldn't find it in yourself to be embarrassed. Not when it felt so good; not when he looked so damn proud about it.

"Com'ere handsome," you murmured softly as you reached for him.

He happily crawled up your body, placing kisses to your skin as he moved. When he reached your face, he hovered over you, eyes scanning your face--as if he was memorizing it.

You pulled him down to you and kissed him passionately. The taste of yourself on his lips was foreign, but it felt so right.

His hard length brushed up against your thigh and you were reminded he was still wearing his underwear. You offered him a little friction with the movement of your pelvis against his, eliciting a groan from deep in his throat.

You pulled his head back down to you, kissing along his jawline until you reached his ear. "Lose the underwear, babe," you whispered.

You were quite certain you'd never seen anyone move so fast in your life. You blinked and he was back on top of you, hard cock demanding attention, precum beading at the tip.

You hooked your leg around his waist and flipped him onto his back before he knew what was happening.

He chuckled lightly as he landed on his back beneath you. "Who said you could be in charge?" he teased.

You batted your eyelashes at him and smiled. "You're still in charge, baby. I'm just on top."

He had to admit, the sight of you hovering above him, looking like a goddess, was an incredible image. One he hoped would live in his memory forever.

"May I taste you?" you asked in a soft, seductive voice.

Elliot's eyes widened and he nodded slowly. He watched as you positioned yourself so your mouth was directly above his erect cock. He thought this was another image he would like to add to his collection, but when your mouth wrapped around him, every thought he'd ever had was gone in an instant.

Every movement of your tongue, your mouth, your hands, had him moaning and breathing heavily. He tangled his fingers in your hair and pulled it to the side so he could see your pretty face.

You flicked your eyes up to meet his, never ceasing your movements. His moan was loud enough to wake the neighbors--the eye contact almost making him come.

He began muttering words of encouragement, a mixture of "that's it baby" and "fuck, doll, you're doing so good". Each phrase he uttered became a little more breathless as he neared his release.

Your jaw had begun to ache, but you didn't care. You wanted to taste him, wanted to feel his hot cum shoot down your throat. You moaned around his cock at the thought, sending pleasing vibrations through his body.

"Shit--" he gasped. "I'm gonna--fuck, baby--gonna cum."

You moaned again in encouragement and flicked your eyes back up to his face. You wanted to watch him as he orgasmed.

A moment after you looked up at him, he looked down at you--making eye contact. His eyes seemed to roll into the back of his head and he leaned his head back as he came with a cry of your name.

You lowered yourself so you were taking his cock completely into your mouth and throat, allowing his seed to spill down your throat. His grip on your hair had tightened to an almost painful level, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

You helped him ride out his high and his grip on you lessened as he began to come down. After a few moments, his body shivered with aftershocks and he gave you a gentle tug.

"Sensitive," he gasped.

You sat up and offered him a smirk. "So how did I do?"

He laughed breathily. "Come here you delicious creature," he mumbled as he reached for you.

You settled into the crook of his arm, laying your head on his chest. He leaned forward just enough so he could kiss the top of your head.

"Best I've ever had," he whispered.

You looked up at him in surprise and disbelief, but everything about his expression told you he was serious. You blushed as you murmured a quiet "Thank you."

You settled back against his chest and he let you lay there for a few moments before rolling over and caging you beneath him. "My turn," he teased before leaning down to kiss you.

You giggled and pulled him closer, lips chasing after his hungrily. Within moments, his cock had hardened and he was ready to go another round.

You were slightly surprised when you felt his erection brush against your core--most men you'd been with were one and done kind of people.

Elliot must have seen the surprise on your face, because he said, "I can't let my girl have just one orgasm."

Your eyes widened and he laughed lightly.

"What?" he asked.

"It's just...well--I've never had more than one before," you answered honestly.

Now it was his turn to look surprised. "Never?"

You shook your head.

"It's my mission to give you at least two, preferably three or more."

"Three?" you asked incredulously. "Or more?"

He grinned. "All I need from you is permission to try."

"You absolutely have my permission," you said quickly.

You went back to kissing each other and running your hands over each other's bodies. It didn't take long for you to both be too worked up to wait any longer.

"Shit--" he mumbled. "Condom's in my wallet."

"I'm on the pill," you said breathlessly.

His eyes scanned your face for the slightest hint of discomfort, but all he saw was raw desire. "Are you sure?" he whispered.

You nodded. "Very," you breathed out. "I wanna feel you."

How could he say no to that? He groaned softly and pressed his cock up against your entrance.

Much to your surprise, you weren't nervous at all. In fact, you were excited and desperate. His cock was large--larger than you were accustomed to--and you hadn't experienced penetrative sex in over a year. But dear god, you were ready.

"Elliot, I need you," you whispered.

That was all he needed to hear. He pressed his cock up against your entrance again, but this time he kept going until he was fully sheathed inside of you.

Once he bottomed out, the two of you let out soft moans and you clung to his arms for support. He gave you a few moments to adjust before beginning to thrust.

As soon as he started to move, you understood what your friends had told you for years. They would talk about how amazing sex was--how skilled and incredible their partner was--how their partner cared about their pleasure more than his own. All of a sudden, for the first time in your life, you knew what they meant. This was what sex was supposed to be like. This was what having a loving partner felt like.

"(Y/N)," he whispered against your skin as he thrust into you. "Tell me what you need."

You weren't sure what you needed--this kind of sex was new territory for you. "I'm...I'm not sure. Just--try different things and I'll tell you."

Your enjoyment was all that mattered to him. You could have asked him to do almost anything and he would have. He was a little surprised you didn't quite know what you liked, but he was determined to find out.

Elliot shifted his position so your hips were elevated slightly and he pulled your legs up to rest against his chest. He had a feeling you would like this particular position and boy was he right.

The new angle allowed him to hit your g-spot with each thrust. You moaned loudly and grabbed the sheets as you writhed beneath him. It felt so good you could barely formulate words, let alone a coherent sentence.

"Please," you whimpered.

"Please, what, baby?"

"More," you gasped.

He smirked slightly as his hand slid between your bodies in search of your clit. When his fingers brushed against you, you let out a squeal of delight.

Elliot focused all his attention on getting a second orgasm from you. His hips never faltered and his fingers worked their magic on your clit.

You fell apart within moments, strangled cries of his name and obscenities pouring from your lips.

He continued to thrust through your orgasm and he slowly let your legs come back down around his waist. Your body shuddered beneath his and he head you tight as he moved slowly.

"You okay, sweet girl?" he whispered as he kissed your face.

"More...than...okay," you said between breaths.

"Good," he murmured. "Think you can give me one more?"

Your eyes widened. "There's--there's no way, El."

He chuckled. "Well, we'll see."

He sat back up and pulled your hips down so you were flush against him, then he twisted them so you were on your side. He pulled your left leg up against him and proceeded to thrust into you with renewed vigor.

You were surprised by the incredible feelings washing over you--you'd never felt such immense pleasure in your life. Every time Elliot switched positions, he gauged your reaction and took mental note of the ones that had you moaning the loudest and writhing against him.

He finally flipped you onto your stomach and continued fucking you from behind. Within seconds, you determined you'd found your favorite position. You could barely breathe--the pleasure was so overwhelming.

Elliot noticed too. He held your hips tightly as he thrust, desperately trying to control his own impending orgasm. He knew he was going to get a third one from you in this position, so he kept up his movements.

You were muffling your screams into the pillow and your legs had begun to shake. You couldn't explain this sensation even if your life depended on it. It was a pleasure you'd never before experienced and it threatened to drown you.

Your third orgasm slammed into you without much warning and your pussy spasmed around his cock as you came. He could barely hold back, but he wanted to see your face when he finally came.

You were beyond spent, so he gently flipped you over and slid back inside of you. He was close to his own high and he couldn't wait much longer.

"I'm close, doll--just wanna see your face," he mumbled.

You touched his cheek, pulling his face down to yours for a kiss. When your lips separated, you whispered, "Come inside me."

"You sure?" he asked tentatively.

"Please. Wanna feel you fill me up."

He groaned loudly--your words having a larger effect on him than he expected. After a few more thrusts, his hips began to stutter and his thrusts became uneven.

He gasped and grunted and moaned your name as he came, filling you up with his seed. Once he was spent, he collapsed on top of you, completely unable to move.

You wrapped your arms around him lazily, enjoying the feeling of his weight on top of you.

"Hurting you?" he mumbled.

"I like it," you whispered back.

The two of you laid like that for several moments before Elliot finally regained the strength to roll off of you. You let out a sound of disappointment at the loss of contact, but he very quickly pulled you against his chest as he laid down behind you.

You were both quite warm, but there was something so wonderfully comforting about his arms that you couldn't force yourself to pull away.

After several minutes of comfortable silence, Elliot finally spoke. "We should probably shower."

"Mhmm," you hummed in agreement.

He chuckled lightly. "How 'bout I get the shower started? Make sure it's nice and hot before I come get you."

"Mhmm," you hummed again.

He smiled and shook his head as he placed a kiss to your head. He dragged himself out of the bed and headed to the bathroom to start the shower.

After a few minutes, Elliot came back out to get you. You giggled as he scooped you up in his arms and carried you to the bathroom. He was so gentle as he helped you wash your body, his lips dancing across your wet skin as the suds washed off.

After the shower, he dried you off and escorted you back to your bed. You curled up under the covers and let out a soft, contented sigh.

You looked up at Elliot as he tugged his boxers back on. You felt a pang of worry, which must have shown on your face because Elliot spoke in a concerned tone. "Sweetheart? You okay?"

You nodded. "Do you wanna--I mean, would you--could--?"

"I'd love to stay," he said quietly, answering the question you couldn't quite get out.

The tension eased from your body and you sighed in relief. You threw the covers back and he crawled in beside you. He dragged you to him, tugging you against his chest. He kissed your forehead as you nuzzled into him.

You'd never felt quite as safe as you felt in his arms. You couldn't have even imagined feeling so comfortable with another person, let alone a man--not after all you'd been through.

That safety--that comfort--allowed you to fall asleep within minutes of curling up with Elliot.

Elliot, on the other hand, couldn't quite fall asleep yet. He was just so damn happy...he didn't want to spend another moment without you. You made life worth living, even through all the darkness you both experienced at work. But he couldn't say the words he felt in his heart--at least not yet.

Soon, he thought as his eyelids grew heavy. Soon.

#Elliot Stabler x reader #stabler x reader #law and order svu smut #elliot stabler x reader smut #elliot stabler smut #law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #detective stabler smut

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