#even in situations where theyre genuinely uncomfortable with how theyre being treated

[amygdalae]

“haha my workplace is so fun and quirky” *goes on to describe an absolutely grotesque HR nightmarescape*

#my dad worked in the games industry for decades and sometimes talked abt this dynamic in game studios #how that 'were all buddies here just goofing around' environment in a professional setting means that #the breaking of certain boundaries is framed as just goofing around #and it makes it so that the person who wants to establish personal boundaries risks being the wet blanket who cant take a joke #even in situations where theyre genuinely uncomfortable with how theyre being treated #and this ties into how women and minorities feel alienated in these settings #sry im rambling. goodbye

[natsmagi]

I'm sorry but you're wrong. you are wrong. proship is not just "an excuse to draw pedophilic and incestuous things." people have been doing it WITHOUT excuses since the beginning of fandom. some people create those things to process their trauma. of course it might be triggering to some people, but that's why it's tagged and stamped with warnings. so people can avoid it. kids and teenagers can be groomed with literally any media. anything. doesn't matter what it is. kids can be groomed with bluey as easily as with art of underage genshin characters or whatever. what I see as much more dangerous is the idea that there are things that can and should never be explored in fiction, that somehow it's still gross to engage in those things in a space where literally no real human beings are harmed. that's some evangelical thoughtcrime shit and I am not here for it.

I appreciate you saying you would never harass anyone over it, because you'd think that would be the bare minimum, but these days apparently it's not. and on what you said about "you shouldn't have to label yourself proship when you're just anti harrassment" yeah. I agree with that. but you kind of DO have to label yourself that way, because apparently doxxing is just a normal thing people do now and teenagers are getting the idea that harrassment is "righteous" if done to these specific kinds of "bad" people, often minorities and especially queer people.

I'm not saying you have to personally be comfortable with those kinds of content. it is totally understandable to want to avoid them entirely. but I would ask you, what percentage of people who enjoy those things would ever even CONSIDER bringing them into real life? I can pretty much guarantee you that the real percentage is incredibly small, and the proship community is NOT accepting to people who perpetuate real harm against real human beings.

idk. i don't mean to come off as hostile, it just really bothers me that it's come to this. there's nothing wrong with creating content that makes people uncomfortable. and let's just say it's not a coincidence that the people who are vehemently against it are using nazi dogwhistles.

oh jesus okay. i hear what youre saying and i do want to take your words to heart, so ill be trying to be as indepth with this as i can be

quickly though before we start i wanna comment on your last paragraph; the person who sent the ask later sent me a dm and we talked things over so both of us could get a better grasp of the situation. the person is a minor, and while i dont know how old they are, i do genuinely believe that this was an honest mistake on their part. they messaged me out of the kindness of their heart, and while maybe theyre slightly misguided in some areas, i think it is only right to treat each individual with respect and try to educate them when they perpetuate something harmful, especially when theyre young

ok, now lets go over this point by point

"some people create those things to process their trauma." yes! i am well aware of that, and i would never be against people creating vent art of the situations that traumatized them. my issue comes with posting it online for people who are genuinely into that sort of thing to see. maybe its just me but i personally wouldnt want to risk people getting off to my trauma, especially when ive now visualized it in such a personal way. if anything thatd be re-traumatizing for me. i dont see the point in having it so publicly available for anyone to see

"of course it might be triggering to some people, but that's why it's tagged and stamped with warnings. so people can avoid it." which is good! and i think it would be deeply unwise of someone who is uncomfortable with these topics to seek them out and engage with it. if triggering content is being made and it makes you uncomfortable its better to just leave it be and move on. that said; that doesnt make it any less upsetting to see, especially when its prominent. and people should be allowed to state that they still dont support it, just maybe dont harass the creator because of it

"what I see as much more dangerous is the idea that there are things that can and should never be explored in fiction, that somehow it's still gross to engage in those things in a space where literally no real human beings are harmed." in my post didnt i mention that i think dark topics should be explored too? maybe i phrased it poorly but yes i agree with this point. i do not think you or anyone else should be shamed for consuming dark media, even if it consists of fucked up topics like what tends to be the focus of proshipping. the thing is though; these topics need to be handled tastefully. they need to be handled with respect and empathy for the victims, or else itll just feel pornographic. if youre just writing detailed smut about a grown man with a child, what is it we're exploring? is it gonna go into the psychological effects that would leave on the child? was the amount of detail in the smut necessary? was the smut ever truly necessary to get the point of sexual assault across? all these things should be considered when dealing with these topics, because again, theyre VERY HEAVY and should be treated as such

"apparently doxxing is just a normal thing people do now and teenagers are getting the idea that harrassment is "righteous" if done to these specific kinds of "bad" people, often minorities and especially queer people." yes, it is a very unfortunate thing. this is not something i can defend. i can however shed some light on different sides to this though. most often these kids arent doing much more than hitting you with a mean jokey qrt, while only a small portion actually go out of their way to full-on harrass someone. neither of course is okay, but lets not act like this is something only these teens engage in. i have seen many proshippers go out of their way to leave comments on teens posts where they whine about proshipping about how theyre wrong and horrible people for thinking such things, sometimes even spamming them just to try and get a response so they can dunk on them with some Sick Own, as if theyre not arguing with literal kids online. no side is in the clear on this, so lets not act like one is holier than the other

"what percentage of people who enjoy those things would ever even CONSIDER bringing them into real life?" i dont doubt many proshippers wouldnt bring these fictional fantasies into the real world, what scares me is the audience it may attract. i.e. pedophiles and the like. you and your proshipper friends might be lovely people who would never even think of committing these crimes, but what about the silent onlookers? the percentage that actually WOULD consider it? the margain may be small, but should we not try eliminating it to the best of our abilities? now, you could argue that it is not your responsibility nor within your power who consumes your content, and id have to agree with that. but from a personal standpoint thats just not something i can get behind. maybe its my paranoia talking, but since the probability is still there its not something i can bring myself to support. you mentioned earlier that kids can be groomed by anything, and thats true. but my fear lies less with kids stumbling upon the content, and moreso actual pedos finding content to get off on and a safe space to discuss these fantasies, although having it be about fictional characters rather than real kids. yes, they will always find a way if theyre sick enough, but thats why i want it to at least be explicitly known that pedophilia is not respected and you will be shunned for it. so even if proshippers dont actually support it, i fear it gives pedophiles a place to indulge in their fantasies (and for even more claritys sake; i am not calling proshippers pedos)

"there's nothing wrong with creating content that makes people uncomfortable." i agree with you!! its okay to make content that makes people uncomfortable, theres art in that. art can be expressed in so many forms, and sometimes the intent IS to make the audience uncomfortable. but like ive stated; with these things you really have to handle it with utmost care. and i dont think the intent with this type of content tends to be to make the audience uncomfortable either? all i often tend to really see is people talking about how hot they find it, and i dont think that should be the takeaway from topics like this. again; its all about intent.

"and let's just say it's not a coincidence that the people who are vehemently against it are using nazi dogwhistles." but isnt preaching "theyre trying to take our freedom away!!" a right-wing dogwhistle too ?? the constant fearmongering i see in the proshipping community is concerning. making up stories just to make the other side look bad, claiming theyre silencing you, is this not what the right does??? why do i see it so often from the proshipping community???? again, both sides have faults. can we please stop acting like one is better than the other??? i frankly want no part in this discourse.

to finish this off though, i am sorry anon. i never want my account to feel like a place where people cant express themselves and be who they are. but i do still have my own morals and views. i have my own ideals, and i have my own principles. i do not identify with either anti or proship, its just the dangers of proshipping scares me more than the dangers of antis. of course both can get bad. my point was never to argue in favor of the other side, my point was only ever to let it be known that i dont condone proshipping. that is all

if i misrepresented your community im sorry. i am only one guy at the end of the day and theres only so much i can know on these topics while also only being 19 years old. theres much i dont know, so thats why im always willing to learn. but no matter how hard i try the fear of giving pedophiles a place in a community terrifies me. the mere thought is enough to make me scared for those younger than me out there.

it was never my intention to dictate how one should or should not consume media. you are free to do as you wish, i have no authority over you, these are just my reasons as to why it isnt something that i can support.

thank you though for taking your time to write to me. i hope ive made my stance clearer and have it known that i dont mean any malice. im just so deeply scared of more children getting harmed due to personal reasons and its genuinely bringing me to tears. thank you again

#ask

[cryhounds]

T'NILAM 25 27 37 51

25. What’s one thing they’re utterly incapable of doing without the help of someone else?

interpersonal relations. this feels like a cop out answer, but thats because its so true. t'nilam really struggles with knowing and performing the emotional output that is expected of her, and it is made worse by the fact that she is (understandably) mistrustful and resentful of this. laika spends a lot of time translating between her and other people, defusing situations, getting her out of uncomfortable (and frequently cruel and unfair) conversations, and occasionally chewing people out for treating her like shit. her autistic swag btw

27. What’s their favorite genre of music?

so okay heres the problem. with this. which is that t'nilam genuinely like. hates human music. im sure theres vulcan music she enjoys but like. bc thats the thing with her and laika is theyre never gonna be friends, theyre never gonna get along in a normal way, theyre always gonna be weird coworker-stepsiblings. and so much of how laika bonds with people is through sharing music!!! and t'nilam just. controlling her emotions is so important to her i think that its genuinely like a little bit scary when shes faced with something where the PURPOSE is to make you like, feel an emotion against your will.

37. What’s their favorite thing about their significant other, if they have one?

the way that!!! t'ahn makes her feel calm!!! the way that shes so!!! scared all the time!!! but t'ahn just being present makes her feel calm, makes her less terrified that she is going to make the wrong move or lose control, the way that t'ahn makes her make sense. and how even when they arent around each other, that feeling persists. BECAUSE THEY WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF EACH OTHER AND THE LOVE THEY FEEL FOR EACH OTHER WILL ALWAYS BE A GIFT THEY GIVE TO EACH OTHER FOREVER, A QUIET BACKGROUND RADIATION IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND, A PIECE OF YOUR SOUL!!!

51. What is their favorite thing about themselves?

i think her integrity. the way that she sticks fast to what she believes even when everyone else in the room disagrees with her, and the way she has continually fought for what she knows is right for her, individually, even though it is also difficult for her. she has a fantastic internal moral compass and she is an incredibly self-directed person.

#i feel like all of this sounds incredibly stupid esp if u dont know anything abt t'nilam i also just havent had a fandom oc in forever but. #i care her. #answered #gabe tag

[fairycosmos]

hey, i have a sister who struggles with addiction. she moved out from our parents to my place when she turned 18, so that she could have some space and that her highs and lows wouldnt affect our younger siblings that much. but shes been going through a hard time for quite long now, which causes her to treat us around her like complete shit. her behaviour led into a pretty bad argument, which led to me driving her to our parents in the middle of the night cause i couldnt mentally or physically handle the shit she was giving me anymore. after that night, she never returned to mine and told our parents to pick her stuff and move it into a new apartment that she got for herself (which locates in the same building as her friends who she uses substances with). she hasnt reached out to me at all, even though we have been around each other and i cant bare to approach her either, cause im still upset and hurt. my mom said that shes already prepared to lose her. i heard from her friends that shes told them that if she goes unconscious, theyre not allowed to call the ambulance or try to help her. i am worried sick to my stomach everytime i think about her and i feel so powerless. my parents just say that theres nothing more we can do, she goes to psychotherapy and shes under the social services but still i feel like we should do something more to help her or to stop her from destroying herself. im so sorry if this message makes you feel uncomfortable, but since ive followed you for quite awhile and i know your experiences with these things, i would appreciate if you could help me with this situation or at least try to give me some advice, how to cope with these feelings that come from loving your sister that struggles. i dont want to lose her.

hey, i am so sorry to hear this. there's a lot i could say and a lot i want to say but can't really articulate. i don't think there's any one size fits all advice for such a complex and heartbreaking situation. i guess i'll begin with what i'm sure of, and that is that your boundaries and feelings are justified. addiction literally rewires your brain and perception of the world beyond recognition, to the point where the only thing the person cares about is their vice. it's just total tunnel vision, selfishness denial and violence on top of selfishness denial and violence. being around ppl like that, especially a loved one, is beyond exhausting, it's its own special kind of hell. like screaming at a brick wall. it's totally understandable that you had to take a step back after falling victim to her erratic, manipulative and abusive behaviour. the drug use explains it but it absolutely does not excuse it. you're really brave for putting your foot down and prioritizing your own mental stability when it all got to be too much. know you never have to regret that. having said that, it's possible for two conflicting feelings to coexist and for them both to be (for lack of a better word) valid. she's your sister - of course you're worried, of course you're terrified for her. of course you love her even while feeling like you hate her, at times. it's alright to let your emotions be illogical, to just weather the storm and let them pass through you. write it down, talk to your loved ones, maybe consider speaking to a therapist or hotline over it. it's perfectly normal to need that support and talking through your circumstances may be illuminating/lead to some personal revelations regarding how you want to approach this. ultimately, you're angry because you care. after a while i was like that too, with my sister. although i tried to let her know that i was more worried than frustrated during our conversations, sometimes i still couldn't help the internal rage. all because i wanted her to wake up to reality and for her to be okay - i didn't get her thought process at all, didn't get her version of the world. and i felt so fucking powerless because she just strayed so quickly from her path, despite what she was telling me, despite her being relatively fine mere months prior. despite us being best friends and on good terms. it's a headfuck, and you don't have to know what to do, you don't have to have anything figured out. just try to focus on what you need, today.

the hardest thing to accept is the fundamental truth of the situation, and that is that you can't fix this for her. can't love her out of it, can't enable her out of it, can't fight her out of it. all you can do is be there for her emotionally while still maintaining the appropriate boundaries necessary to preserve ur own mental wellbeing. it's completely okay if you need more time - i know you said you cant bear to reach out to her at the moment, which makes total sense. but since you sent this message and i can still see that you're beyond concerned and it's only getting worse, maybe you could consider calling her or sending her a text or meeting her for coffee when you're ready. just to let her know you haven't stopped thinking of her. and that you care about her so much, that when/if she's ready to get help you will be with her every step of the way. even if shes battling addiction for the rest of her life. if she screams at you, if she breaks down, if she ignores you for what you say - fine. but at least she'll know on some level that she is not alone, and at least you'll know you did what you could with what was in your control. also about her being under social services - is there any way you could get in touch with them, maybe explain that youre still worried about her and that you think she needs a higher level of care, maybe ask them if theres anything proactive you can do in collaboration with them to maximize the help shes getting? i dont know how it works where you are, that might be a no go, but i just thought i'd mention it. i'm sorry, i know it's a disappointing answer, but i really don't realistically think there's any other. there's only so much of this that is in your hands and so far it sounds like you've done and are doing everything possible to stay sane while looking out for her. i really really hope something clicks for her and that she starts to listen to you and her loved ones soon, that she begins to approach recovery out of the genuine need to get better. but it really does have to come from within her, all you can do is encourage it. im sending you both so much love. i know more than anyone how fucking stressful it is to have to wake up to this every day, and i'm so sorry. if you need someone to talk to, my inbox will always be open. you deserve peace in your own life, too. take care x

resource one

resource two

resource three

#tw addiction #tw drugs #anon #talking

[dyketubbo]

(all abt characters) while i was in my lurker phase i once saw a post that was like saying if ppl had the whole "well maybe __ shouldnt have gotten in the way 🙄" (sorry to vague the person its just genuinely been months and i doubt i could find it again) reaction towards tommys exile and tubbos execution then tommy n tubbo apologists would get mad and ive been thinking abt that, as well as the take that if techno can be criticized for tubbos execution then tubbo should be criticized for exile. similar takes had played the age card, claiming if tubbo wasnt a minor ppl wouldnt be so mad. and i think i finally settled on why that always unsettled me

one- the use of "stop playing the age card" irks me so heavily because god am i fucking *sick* of adults who do that whole "i hate kids theyre entitled brats and i shouldnt be expected to deal with them" song and dance (newsflash- kids will lash out if all you give them is negative reinforcement and hammer into them that they deserve to be treated badly because of the idea that kids shouldnt be treated with care for being kids). theres no point in playing a card of "well if the kid was an adult you wouldnt care as much!" because the fact of the matter is is that the victim is a kid and that adds serious factors into how to assess the situation. tubbo being a child factors in heavily to the situation he was put in both during his execution and during the exile arc, especially due to the adults that manipulated him. tubbo is/was inherently on unequal footing due to being a minor during those events. technoblade was not

two- people already do that. the criticizing tubbo thing, i mean. and while i havent seen anyone genuinely make "well maybe he shouldnt have gotten in the way kekw" jokes abt tubbos execution, i have seen people genuinely say that he shares the blame for getting caught and being a spy (something that permeates tubbo-related takes even to this day- think the snowchester visit or the outpost debate, where theres still a debate of the morality of spying, often with blame put on tubbo). its.... hm. but ill address it later

three- i shouldnt have to mention that tommys exile has caused some of the biggest waves of victim blaming in the fandom. nearly every dsmp blog that has even a little focus on tommy has gone over the victim blaming takes tossed at the situation. the takes about tommy deserving it, the takes about how tommy should have kept his mouth shut, shouldnt have gotten caught, shouldnt have gotten in the way, how the abuse was necessary, the torture was necessary, being driven to suicide was but a means to an end and it turned out ""fine"" anyways so stop complaining. uncomfortable, yeah? you can imagine why even joking about it would tick off even people who dont like tommy

and four- things like the butcher army going after techno does not end in a loss for techno, it ends in it pissing him off and him destroying their entire country. bit different than. well. the fact that tommy and tubbo went through what they did and.. well. got their country blown up. by technoblade. you can imagine why, then, people joke about l'manburg being justified or even still treasure the country and what it was meant to stand for even if the people fucked it up. you can imagine why, then, that people make jokes about how techno shouldnt have gotten in the way, why, then that people say lmanburg didnt deserve to be destroyed, why, then, tubbos execution is treated as a tragedy and technos is not, why, then, even joking that tommy and tubbo shoulder any blame for their trauma isnt as uncomfortable as saying techno shouldnt have killed tubbo even if he had viable reasons for it. you can imagine, why, then, that tubbo isnt treated as harshly for the decisions he made while under pressure while techno is

because technoblade won. and tommy and tubbo lost. and with the actions they take, the things they say over the course of the story, the way the narrative frames each event, technoblade won through villainous acts (even if you dont agree that he is a villain for whatever reason, his win was also a win for dream- who is a villain) and tommy and tubbo lost because they werent able to protect themselves. the people of l'manburg, the ones that fought for it in doomsday, they lost because they werent able to protect themselves. at every point in the butcher army plotpoint techno was able to defend himself, he had to be outsmarted to even get to a point of supposedly being held captive, and even then he was simply playing along til the end. lmanburg got close. it did, it did. but it didnt win, and thats why so many people dont take the idea that lmanburgs destruction should be celebrated and joked about in a victorious way so well. yknow?

#this is very messily worded i was just thinking abt it #theres a lot of parts where i had a thought process then dropped it lol #dsmp #c!technoblade critical #nnnot rlly bc i dont get into it but theres parts that wld piss off techno apologists so #c!tubbo critical #c!tommy critical #(not actually for both of those but i figured ppl would want an option to skip out on seeing the takes talked abt) #victim blaming tw #abuse ment #suicide ment #torture ment #mask mews #feel free to connect more dots than i did here its like 1am #long post

[bansheeoftheforest]

Ok so its 2:30 am and im going feral over syndicate au

After they “officially” (or as official as they can be at least) hire jekyll as their chemist things are somewhat awkward between henry and jacob for a bit. With the other people henry can be professional and friendly towards but jacob was literally the one introducing him to all of this. Via a one-night-stand

Except that attraction between them is obviously there?? Like they (probably) wouldnt have done the wahoo with eachother if it wasnt there, so all theres left is for them to get to know eachother. And they do slowly get to know eachother through meetings, and business exchanges where jacob tries to flirt and henry is flustered but not too flustered to laugh, and then they start talking outside work and then before they know it theyre back to making out except this time theyre SOBER and they decide it means something. And then BOOM, boyfriends

And then jacob thinks hes funny, and the kidnappings start happening

Also i would to know how jacob would react to the big reveal that jekyll = hyde. Personally im a big fan of “oh wow my beloved youre genuinely an insane person :) thats cool tho. Love you lots xoxo”

Hey dude. You know what I was... Is it called daydreaming if I did it to go to sleep? Either way you know what I was imagining over and over and over when trying to go to sleep?

Exactly this.

I can imagine Henry being so incredibly awkward around the other assassins and especially Jacob at first. After all, Jacob was a one-night-stand and all other assassins wanted him dead (he assumes) but he quickly befriends Evie and Greenie because he is as social as a puppy and is just as likable as one. But he keeps a distance from Jacob because he finds the entire situation incredibly uncomfortable and especially after what happened with Robert. He doesn't want to get hurt like that again and even if his heart slowly, slowly is letting go of Robert and willingly opens itself up again, he desperately tries to lock it away and make sure he isn't too close to Jacob. Jacob, who probably is a person to fall head-over-heels with persons he just met and especially if they have even shagged (he literally fell in love with two of his enemies after 1-2 meetings, canonically, one being a gal and one being a lad) is probably quite hurt by Jekyll taking a distance but he still tries. Hence the flirting, hence still trying to get to know Henry.

A few months pass, maybe. Henry gets used to working for the assassins, he spends most of his free time on the train because he can escape both Lodgers and friends alike and just... Relax. Even if he spends most of his time there, and even if he tries to get away from Jacob to not end up more hurt, he just can't. He keeps getting pulled into those handsome eyes and those flirty jokes and he just can't deny that he is feeling something for Jacob, and Jacob notices. Suddenly Greenie and Evie are gone on an emergency mission and Jacob and Henry are alone on the train. Perhaps Jacob would offer Henry some whiskey, perhaps they would just sit around and talk on one of the couches. Perhaps Jacob would slowly inch his way closer and Henry would pretend not to notice. Suddenly Jacob's hand is on his thigh and Henry's breath hitches, his face shots up to meet Jacob's gaze and their noses brush together. They are alone, Jacob takes his chance, and so softly he presses their lips together. Nowhere near as hungrily as their first meeting and nowhere near as possessively as during their shag. It's soft, it's adoring, and Henry can't help but melt into it. He doesn't want to but something in him feels safe with Jacob, much safer than he had ever felt with Robert, much more loved than he had ever felt by Robert, yet he quickly falls back to reality when Jacob's hand moves-- maybe not even up his thigh, maybe he just accidentally nudged it-- and Henry places his hands on Jacob's chest and breaks off. So many thoughts and feelings swirling around in his head, yet all he can feel is how his heart clenches so violently and everything in him is screaming stop, stop, go back, you are ruining it, all while it's also screaming run, run, don't look back, don't let yourself get hurt again.

Henry stands up, Jacob follows as Henry begins to panic so slightly. He is apologizing profusely, he is saying that Jacob please shouldn't take this personally, it's just... He can't handle this right now, he's sorry, Jacob did nothing wrong but Henry just isn't ready for it. Right as Henry is about to leave the train, Jacob stops him. He asks what he did wrong, or what's making Henry panic so. Henry stops, for a moment, takes a deep breath, and tells him that he just... Does not know what Jacob wants from him, and he has been hurt by pretend-relationships enough that he doesn't want to experience that again. Jacob tells him that he actually likes him, he would like to have an actual relationship with him sometime, if that would be something Henry would want and would be comfortable with. Henry pauses, another deep breath, and finally, he just says that... He needs to think about it. Please give him some space, he will give him a letter once he has gotten to think things through, he is sorry for being difficult but it's just... So, so much for him and after what he has been through. It's nothing personal, he assures Jacob, yet both of them just feel so, so hurt as Henry waits for the nearest train station and leaves. It's in the middle of the night, yet he is trudging his way back to the Society alone. Jacob debates following him, just to make sure he gets home safely, but doesn't.

Maybe it takes a few days, maybe some weeks, maybe even months, but soon, when Jacob enters the train after a particularly foul mission, Evie has a letter for him. "Jekyll came by and told me to give it to you", she says. Jacob could not grab it any faster, hastily tells her some weak excuse before excusing himself to his personal train compartment. He sits on his bed, he takes a deep breath, and he opens the wax seal of the letter-- so formal and official, he thinks. He wonders what Jekyll has told him, what news he is about to get. He can't deny that he likes him and that he likes him a lot. More than he liked Pearl. More than he ever liked Maxwell. What he feels for Henry feels good and real and he just feels miserable at the thought that Henry might not feel the same.

He opens the letter; the actual text and paper are just as "official" and formal as the actual wax seal and letter fold.

And then he reads it.

And the first thing Henry does, no surprise, is apologizing, and Jacob feels his blood run cold. But then he continues to read, and Henry is explaining why he was so scared. He has been hurt before, his last boyfriend treated him like a side piece that he just threw away and they had known each other for two years and it has affected Henry a lot. He apologized for being difficult, but he is willing to try out a relationship if Jacob is still up for it, and if he is just willing to take it slow and be patient with Henry.

And Jacob, of course, is willing to be patient. He is willing to wait for Henry because he likes him.

At the end of the letter, Henry asks Jacob to meet him in his office somewhere during the evening; he will keep the window open.

And Jacob does come.

And they get to talk it all out, they get to set some boundaries and actually talk about what they want out of all of this. Obviously ends with Jacob embracing Henry in a way only lovers can, and loads and loads of kisses.

Look, I'm just... So soft for this ship, ok? And now I have an excuse to ramble on about it bc more people actually ship them through this au and I love it.

ALso realized I completely forgot the last part heeh <3

So far, I have imagined the assassin crew (Jacob, Evie, Greenie) needing Henry for something but they see this... This blond gremlin breaking into his office. They immediately think of cornering him and questioning him about why he is breaking into Henry's office, except they enter at exactly the wrong time and manages to catch the transformation as Hyde turns back into Jekyll. They all stare in horror and yet Jacob doesn't hesitate to immediately run forward and cradle Henry; spitting and trying to keep himself from vomiting as all that slime and goop comes out of his mouth and eyes. Henry coughs, he manages to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is the assassins and Jacob's face. He coughs again, he presses out a panicked smile, and the only thing he says is "oh fuck."

Jacob, without even thinking about it, immediately helps Henry to gather himself and clean himself off of the slime, Evie and Greenie are just standing on the sidelines unsure of what to do. Finally, Henry is rested against a cabinet and his breathing is calmer, and he manages to explain everything. Yeah, he was really depressed a few years ago and he thought there were things that were horribly wrong with him so he wanted to get rid of that. Except he accidentally personified all of that "bad" stuff and now that person is Edward Hyde. Jacob would definitely be... Slightly concerned, but would very much be like "oh so you are slightly insane and also halfly schizophrenic? Ahaha is no big deal I still love u darling xoxo"

...Y'all think Jacob would start flirting with Hyde too after that?

Honestly! I very much like all kinds of confessions when it comes to the Jekyll/Hyde reveal, so? Gimme all your thoughts, I crave them all. I just love the angsty routes <3

#eheheheh <3 #deliefdevanmijnleven #ask #banshees au #syndicate crossover au #banshees faves

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

#tw eating disorder ment// / #long post// / #tldr;;; hey guess what guys. you know what you should do if you think you see a body check?? #compliment em. just avoid the topic of their weight/size/etc or their disorder (even to encourage them to recover. dont start there) #literally pm them and tell them you like their hair. their clothes. their voice. their personality. their art. their username. ANYTHING #that HUMANIZES THEM AS A PERSON OUTSIDE THEIR DISORDER #and BUILDS FOUNDATIONS FOR SELF LOVE!!!!! #/UNCONDITIONAL/ SELF LOVE that reminds them their value lies in MORE THAN THEIR BODY TYPE #that is so unfathomably fuckign IMPORTANTTTTT YOU GUYYYYS DONT UNDERSTAND I #literally please at the very least if u arent comfy with that just stop . Insulting. underweight bodies. that is literally. #'''enabling''' their habits. u have to be literally impossibly ignorant to think that wont make them worse. so. fuck you #if you actually 'care' abt these suffering ppl the way you claim uhhh improve your behavior after hearing all the flaws with it pointed out #puhlease #? #instead of just. sticking the r3xies in the corner and saying 'it makes me uncomfy so if i cant see it it doesnt matter' #like why tf do ppl assume so much of this is about 'attention' or rather positive attention for self destruction #and therefor ANY ATTENTION AT ALL must be bad and shunning is the right answer. like???? #bro just. put in literally an ounce of effort here and give them the right KIND of attention which is easy to figure out if ur educated. #godddddddduhh #yes im sorry but the mentally ill slowly dying ppl DO require your attention actually. if ppl are in danger 'for attention' its uh. #more important that you just. dont ignore that and figure out the most nuanced responses Later actually #yall just dont want the responsibility on you if you say the wrong thing and im sorry but to an extent thats just... kinda... selfish #they need ya buddy you dont have to be bffs with every single one of em but you could just like. treat em like a person at least shruugg #all im asking is that yall educate yourselves a little better and stop this horrible shit

[galaxytale]

mmmm…. i have new thoughts about my ex and i’s situation.

i know i have rambled on here in the past about them. often bitterly and angrily. to be honest, those words came from a place of immense hurt and betrayal. a lot of pain and a lot of complex emotions that i needed to vent out and process. and the way i did this previously was… rather embarrassing and harmful and not good for anyone. but it has been a long year, and i have had much to think about. and my brain does not like to process many of these things in a normal way. i often just use this blog as a place to barf out my thoughts at random so i can work out whats going on in my mind. this doesnt excuse it but i hope it allows for some understanding.

its been a long time since my ex and i broke up. and i just… idk didnt know how to deal properly. but i think about them a lot. obviously. what you see is mostly the negatives. the frustrations and the confusions and the residual aches and pains. mostly because these are what im trying best to understand. i want to understand them, i want to understand their perspective. it frustrates me when i cant understand, and it frustrates me more when i feel as if they couldnt understand me or didnt even try. but i still care for them greatly. which is why i get frustrated. i do not think many people understand this. i want to understand why they hurt me. i want to understand how i hurt them. i want to learn and grow. but to do that i also have to experience and process the anger and frustration i felt towards them. this is what you all see when i ramble and rant.

anyway this is the last time im doing this publicly because honestly this is a stupid way to process stuff this and i figured out something way better. also im just. tired of it. im tired of being angry and being hurt. that doesnt mean itll stop but. yall wont be seeing it.

i still hold many of my previous thoughts and criticisms of them. and i still consider many of these valid and fair. and i still deny ever doing many of the things they accused me of because ive spoken with other people about them - people actually involved in the situation(s), and they have supported and corroborated my side of the story as well as my feelings regarding those various situations.

however i have come to some realizations that i think allow me to better understand parts of their side of it all.

ive realized some things about myself and how my mind functions that have lead me to other realizations. these realizations include that i misunderstood a lot of things they were trying to get me to do, tools they were trying to get me to employ, things that actually would have been helpful to me had i understood. i see now that in some of the cases they were pushing me on and making me extremely uncomfortable with, that they were genuinely trying to be helpful because they cared. because they were trying to help me just as i was trying to help them.

the problem here is that i was not ready for, and did not understand a lot of the new things being pushed at me. much of what they were trying to get me to engage with were therapy techniques and stuff to learn to cope better. unfortunately due to a lot of previous bad experiences with therapy and such techniques i am extremely adverse to and suspicious of therapy and therapeutic settings/techniques. combined with a lot of new information about myself that i needed time to adjust to and process. a lot of it scared me and i needed them to slow down and be gentler with me in this rather than throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim.

i misunderstood a lot of the tools they were trying to offer me - how to use them properly and why. i thought i made this obvious that i didnt understand a lot of it and in fact didnt want to engage with a lot of it outright - even though i was willing to try. the issue is i also needed a good example or instruction of what they wanted from me and… well. they did their best, this i know they tried, but it was not enough for me to understand what they really wanted from me.

i now understand that this is likely why they grew frustrated with me. and this also factors into something that ive come to realize and understand about myself - in fact its one of the things they criticized about me most… ive come to understand the true nature of what the thing i did that they hated most was actually. and ive since worked out a solution to it that actually has been shown to be far more effective and efficient in doing what the thing they were criticizing me about most was doing. this took a lot of work and a long time for me to come to the realization of what it was that i needed to do and how it worked. and i needed to be allowed to make this discovery on my own time, at my own pace to be able to accept it as part of how i work.

unfortunately due to a lot of things, i was also quite terrible to them myself. and i recognize this. i recognized it before - i tried my best to fix my understanding of it but i did not know what i didnt know. i did not know, and did not understand, what i now know and understand. but much of my actions were because i was scared, confused, uncomfortable, and dealing with a whole lot of shit outside of our relationship. and i am genuinely and truly remorseful for what i did. i was remorseful back then, and i still am now. i did some bad things and i know this. i speak of it vaguely here because honestly while im just shouting to the void i still know this is a public blog and theres a chance people will actually read this and frankly. i consider it none of their business unless they were involved. i did lash out at them, and i did treat them unfairly.

however i still feel as if they refuse to acknowledge my point of view in much of this, as well as that they lashed out at me and have refused to acknowledge and apologize for it all. i have never heard them say the words “im sorry” for any of the things i consider the worst things they did to me. much of the time they refused to even acknowledge the fact that a lot of it hurt me despite me outright stating such. they also refused to acknowledge that i had repeatedly tried to assert my own boundaries with them and refused to accept a new boundary when it was drawn.

they did a lot of terrible things to me in return. including things that they, themself, accused me of doing to them initially. i still deny these accusations and consider myself completely innocent (at worst, should my own memory really be that faulty, i consider myself only having caused a huge misunderstanding among friends as well as having accidentally fucking up something that left out important context). i feel this way because they would not produce any evidence to prove to me my own actions that would negate the memories i myself actually have as well as the evidence in support of my side of the case that i have. all they could provide was testimony from a person who would not have had direct access to either side of the conversation that they are alleging happened a certain way. a conversation that i, personally, was half of. a conversation that i spoke with the other half about again, after showing them what i was being accused of, who also verified my recollection of the events.

i feel as if they refuse to even consider my perspective. i felt this way for a good amount of the relationship, and i still feel this way. i feel that they refused to communicate with me and ensure that both of us completely understood the other. i feel that they refused to be considerate of my needs and respectful towards me as a person after a certain point. i feel as if they refused to work to compromise with me on many situations, and i feel that they often tried to demand of me many things that were unreasonable, and that they often moved goalposts or failed to deliver on their end of the deal when i still bent over backwards to do something for them.

however. i do also feel that at some point in time, they did genuinely care for me. and i do feel like i would like to apologize for the new places where i realize i caused them undue stress and frustration.

but i also feel that they would not accept this apology for those parts that i now recognize my own hand in without me accepting and apologizing for the narrative that i know is false. additionally… i do not feel as if they would accept or apologize for any of their own parts in the situation. i still feel theyre likely to reject that they hurt me very very deeply, and badly in return.

as much as i would like to start the conversation of potentially working out the issues and reconnecting as friends… i still feel as if they would view this as an impossibility. because i feel they view me as something of a monster, and not as someone who was under immense amounts of stress and pressure and was very confused and scared for months on end.

i recognize its very likely their feelings echo my own. except for the portion about potentially being friends again… i feel as if this is a forgone conclusion to them that it will not be happening.

all this said…

i also want to say this. in hindsight they were right about the tool they gave to me for one of my specific issues. the one they gave me before the start of it all. the one i was extremely adverse to accepting and trying to adapt to. i did not understand what its actual purpose was for at the time, nor did i understand how they actually meant for me to use it. because of some recent things ive learned about myself, as well as have been able to actually accept, i now understand what they meant. and ill admit that they were right about this one. its really helpful now that i understand what i was supposed to do with it.

they were right and i was wrong. simple as. at least, in regards to this one thing.

#chrono speaks #griff talks about his ex #for the final time anyway #this is all for me tbh #just cuz its helping me to come to terms with some stuff and feel more at peace with things #i dont think theyll see it #they never looked at my blog anyway before #just ive been doing a lot of introspection and thinking and you guys only see a portion of it all and not even my real like #level headed thoughts on things

[adios-gatos]

I hope I'm not too late for the ask meme, could I ask n° 1 for the boys? Any combo you feel like! - Piraticusdorm

of course you arent dw!!

CONRAD:

BELLUS: - first of all hes already v into the piraticus dorm’s uniform for the shirts mostly and is usually into pretty people so the moment he sees conrad and his flashy fashion hes 👀. though conrad doesnt seem like the kind of person bellus would actually get a crush on?? its likely because hes an authority figure dnksa - not having a crush wouldnt stop him from hitting on conrad occasionally, mostly because bellus enjoys flustering people who seem composed. he does Not understand that being a mermaid in of itself can make others uncomfortable even if theyre in the same dorm - does want to braid some of the water flowers in the lake the boys claimed into conrads hair. if conrad declines he might try to sneak them in as a little game

MERI: - for reasons he wouldnt admit too, somehow meris jealous that conrad has kenns respect?? hes a lil jealous of anyone kenn respects but hes the most jealous over conrad - because of that hes huffy towards conrad and gives him the silent treatment. which doesnt really work on someone who doesnt know you but maybe its a blessing if anything and no one should explain that to meri - meri has made Many plans for pranks against conrad but conrad seems like a v observant guy?? so that and caspian and kenn being there to stop meri makes the situation lowkey feel like a wilde coyote and roadrunner one tbh

CASPIAN: - so like. he and the others had to get over their opinions about pirates pre-nrc quickly when they were put into the piraticus dorm and hes done p well with that. but he still cant stop feeling wary when he sees conrads eye patch and hat he wears in the dorm(?). but kenn likes him and the feeling isnt as bad whenever conrad is in more casual clothing so caspian just tolerates it - even with that, he enjoys the times conrad plays the piano and sings with everyone

KENN: - he has a lot of respect for conrad for being able to manage the dorm and as a result everyone within in. despite that he lowkey avoids talking to him when he can since after moving to nrc hes become Aware of the opinions people have about mermaids mostly because now he cant ignore them. so kenns likely aware of the fact conrad is uncomfortable around mermaids and tries to restrain the others enough where conrad doesnt have to get involved - probably overthinks if his magic specifically makes conrad uncomfortable since his is straight up siren magic. he learned that it isnt acceptable to just use his magic whenever he feels like during first year but since theyre both third years, when kenn remembers how he was when he was still adjusting hes just ‘god conrad saw that.’ hes found hours later by caspian with his head in his hands still embarrassed  - vibes a lot with the keeping your word but using any loopholes possible method conrad also uses. may or may not try to subtly point out loopholes to him if he somehow looks over one

TINK:

BELLUS: - likes trying to pick out the bells in tinks voice whenever hes singing and enjoys even more watching tink dance. bellus is most interested in whenever tink flies while dancing but the thought of doing the same makes him a lil skittish. flying seems fun but he isnt fond of the thought of what happens if you fall. you cant fall when youre in water!! - with the fact hes a hopeless romantic, the moment he hears about tinks secret admirer hes !!! and also trying to find out who it is. though if/when he does, he wont tell tink who it is because that Ruins the Suspense!! The Mystery!! that doesnt keep bellus from using knowing that secret to tease tink though so f

MERI: - even if meri isnt the nicest of the gang, he does like tinks pranks and will try to get tink involved in his. especially the ones that involve octavinelle - may Try to not provoke tink besides playful teasing because of the fact he sees tink as a potential prank buddy. he also understands neverland faeries more than mainlanders and non mermaid folk in general so hes more willing to rein himself in if it means tink will join his games - they both have some similar qualities like being quick to act out & fight and having fun at the expense of others. theyd either get along well or butt heads. maybe a bit of both! if they do play pranks together itd be harder for meri to get genuinely mad at tink when they clash. though he might end up treating it like a game and make tink more upset when they do smh

CASPIAN: - thinks its amusing to watch tinks pranks but he wont outwardly show more than maybe a smile at his antics - since he likes people watching and sometimes drawing said people, caspian probably has some drawing of tink in his journal mostly focused on his face. he just remembers all the other neverland faeries hes seen from the lagoons whenever he sees tink and with that, the rest of neverland. so drawing tink reminds a bit of home - even with that association caspian still doesnt talk to tink often like how he does with most other people

KENN: - lowkey associates tink with caspian since they both have the right hand man role going on - also sees tinks pranks as entertaining, its just whenever meri is there too he becomes more wary about the situation - he does want to respect tink since hes a vice dorm leader, its just whenever he sees him around the dorm he cant help but just be internally “whos this lost sassy child..........” the 9 inch height difference they have doesnt help tink out there

KROK:

BELLUS: - for some reason krok Does seem like someone bellus would have a crush on?? itd be a one sided one and off type of crush more than anything but its still there in the background - dnvs i could see bellus unintentionally scaring off krok more than anything with his flirting when its taken into account the reputation neverland mermaids made for themselves. hes out there trying to braid kroks hair and playfully splash him and convince him to sunbathe with the others because theres snacks and kroks just “oh god this guys gonna try to drown me” - so maybe he does also splash people he doesnt like but its about the Context yknow? - a lil confused when he hears that krok cant sing Or play instruments and offers to teach him. which mostly involves getting caspian to teach him because bellus is only a good teacher when the topics about stars. but he Will be willing to sit through the lessons with him

MERI: - hes a lil intimidated by the fact kroks a crocodile even if krok doesnt get into fights in the first place especially unprovoked. though considering meri tends to provoke Everyone, he might have a good reason to be wary - also isnt fond of kroks ability to eat others magic since he relies on his so much. and with the fun combination of meris temper, his unintentional magic usage when hes upset, the fact the piratcus dorms are on the ocean, and that being on a ship doesnt make a boiling ocean any more comfortable, kroks likely had to eat meris magic before. hes still upset about it - even though their height difference is only 4 inches, meri sometimes squats when they do talk out of spite - despite all of that, he does appreciate that kroks an honest person because lying about emotions is such a hassle. though he also thinks that krok not hiding things too takes the fun out of things

CASPIAN: - tbh he cant comprehend the concept of someone not being good at both playing instruments and singing, mostly because hes used to being around music focused magic back home. like?? are you saying you cant even play a shell horn?? what the fuck???? he assumes krok is just fucking with them even if krok tries to prove he isnt - if krok does accept bellus’s offer to learn how to play, caspian is a pretty patient person so hopefully thatd make krok more comfortable? outside of that, caspian does enjoy playing and talking with the fish and birds around the campus so that could be something they could talk about- - caspian does lie a lot though especially to people he isnt close to so that might bring up some issues between them vdsv

KENN: - “caspian theres a weird fucking cat outside” - kenn when he first sees krok sunbathing - he understands wanting time to relax but he doesnt get sleeping all the time. hes used to everyone always wanting to splash and play back home and only stop to brush their hair and sunbathe so someone willingly choosing to just snooze whenever he can?? why’d you do that........ - even if he doesnt understand it he’ll still try to not wake up krok if hes sleeping outside again. sometimes bellus and meri get past him but he does what he can to keep them from bothering him like he does with most - hes v interested in kroks magic tbh since it seems v useful to have on hand. hes also a lil curious about what his own magic tastes like

#asks

[polistini]

To preface the deal of what happened between Kolstad and Uhlir I think its a good idea to explain what exactly they both are. Kolstad is something that people dub a 'boogeyman'. Theyre beings that have assumed the responsibility of guiding people onto the path that individual deems to be right, and some use fear to get this. Others assimilate into human populations and do so in more casual and healthy ways by being in positions of guidance. Kolstad has been around for centuries and has done that in many places around the world. At the time they met Uhlir they had been a town's priest during a time where people didnt bathe regularly and monsters were a very big very real fear (i havnt settled on a era yet)

Uhlir is a ghoul, which are beings who are birthed looking like human babies and replace a couples actual child or leave theirs outside the homes of welcoming people, and is raised until the ghoul child becomes unruly and runs into the wilderness and assumes a more monstrous form. They have to eat meat to live essentially. They can live for hundreds of years but they need to eat more and more as time goes on to keep from rotting, and they often scavenge anywhere they can to keep from decomposing more.

One of Kolstad's duties in their job was to essentially maintain a graveyard near the church they lived in, during a winter they had noticed some graves were being dug up and desecrated. This troubles their community so it troubles them too and one night they decide to stay in the graveyard to try to catch whatever it is doing that.

Kolstad essentially catches Uhlir digging up things to eat in the graveyard and because Kolstad just genuinely likes beings of all kind and understands he doesnt do this out of spite, they decide to try to help him. Uhlir initially tries to tear them limb from limb because ghouls know people are dangerous and not to be trusted. Kolstad isnt human and could easily overpower Uhlir if need be but they dont want Uhlir to Know because they dont want any sort of agreement of help to be borne from fear.

So after convincing Uhlir they arent there to hurt them Uhlir tentatively agrees to stop digging up the graveyard if Kolstad brings them food. Which Kolstad does for weeks and Uhlir realizes there is actually no danger and Kolstad must just be either really clueless or really weird (or both) and starts somewhat talking to them for a while. During one of these talks Kolstad offers Uhlir a place to stay at the church/their home and essentially join the human town under the cover of being a wayward person in need. Uhlir vanishes for a while after that to mull things over but ultimately agrees because Kolstad says he can leave if he doesnt like it.

But he does like it because ghouls are typically solitary and fight a lot, so its nice to be able to talk to someone without worrying about them trying to bite your face off. Kolstad is similarly happy because Uhlir doesnt really care about their status in the People Communities and treats them like any other rando and in a way its comforting. Because of their guiding intents Kolstad is often in positions where just being someones friend is often weird or would create an uncomfortable power imbalance that they would like to avoid.

The two live together for quite some time and become very close. They live together, work together and are nearly inseparable, despite the towns initial confusion and suspicion they ultimately accept Uhlir. Things are good and both genuinely feel as though theyve finally found a true friend after centuries of near isolation. They continue on like this for quite some time more before things begin to take a downward spiral.

While Uhlir is out he is approached by other ghouls which is, weird to say the least because they are territorial and solitary. The other ghouls essentially heard that one of their own has assimilated into an actual human population which is goddamn Unheard of. Uhlir tries to just ignore them because hes happy and thats fine who gives a shit right? The other ghouls begin talking about how this must be some sort of cruel stunt and that humans always end up doing the selfish thing and betraying each other, let alone a monstrous outsider.

Now this gets Uhlir thinking and worrying about if Kolstad has been stringing him along the whole time, maybe waiting for a perfect time to expose him. To have him killed or chased away to show power maybe. He attempts to push those kind of thoughts away but unfortunately the seed of doubt has been planted rather firmly. Uhlir had been hurt before by people and has seen the damage they can do, whats to say Kolstad was any different?

The thing is, Kolstand isnt a human. They know full and well the way humans can be towards things that go bump in the night, and they do their best to not be the same way. But they wont tell Uhlir the truth of their origin because an entity like them is one feared by nearly every creature. Kolstads worse fear is that Uhlir will find out about their nature and suddenly their equal friendship will turn into Uhlir only sticking around out of fear.

There is a hitch in their communication and Uhlir begins to withdraw and Kolstad has absolutely no idea why. In a rather short period of time Uhlir has convinced himself that he needs to get Kolstad before they can get him. He keeps thinking theres no way someone would bother to do all this without some ulterior motive. Uhlir begins to form a plan that would 'save' them from ever being turned upon.

Ultimately Uhlir decides to create false evidence of Kolstad being the monster, not him. He claims they were the one tearing up graves and they were the one doing everything that was out of the ordinary. They manage to actually turn the entire area against Kolstad and leads a Literal Angry Mob into the church while Kolstad is in there cleaning. He figures that the town people can 'dispose' of Kolstad and then he can take their place and be safe and no one can ever turn against him. Its not rational thinking whatsoever.

Kolstad had not been expecting any of this and suddenly theyre greeted with the people theyve cared for over a span of decades and their only genuine friend demanding that they be put on trial to expose their monstrous nature. The townsfolk all urge Uhlir to the one to expose Kolstad since he is the one who was the "sole witness" of Kolstads monstrous state. To Uhlir Kolstad is just a person, who will be killed by the trial and then he thinks he can live his life without the fear of betrayal.

Kolstad is stunned and shocked and hurt in ways that cannot be simply described in words. They decide that if they want to see a monster they have no choice but to oblige. They reveal their giant ice void fear being form and thats when Uhlir realizes the severity of the mistake they have made. He only understand that Kolstad literally never had any intent to hurt him or anyone once its too late. Hes left genuinely wordless and the rationality in his brain finally clicks on and he kinda just gawks in horror at what he has just done.

Of course now theres no fixing the situation, theres no chance of redemption, no possibility of going back to how things were. The towns people are in hysterics and chuck whatever they can grab at Kolstad out of fear and rage and they just, sadly, slowly, leave. There is nothing for them to to say and they have no heart to attempt to "fix" a completely ruined situation. Once Kolstad has left/ been chased out of the town Uhlir is congratulated by the townspeople for ridding their area of such an evil being. Uhlir is just shell shocked and wants to crawl down his own throat and die.

Uhlir attemps to find Kolstad for months after this but theyre long gone, and they have No intentions of coming back. You really wanged that one up, Uhlir. Good Job.

The whole situation fucked Kolstad up so bad they wandered forests in complete isolation for nearly 70 years just kinda attempting to come to terms with what happened. They slowly began to re-assimilate into human society but has been on a much more down low level. Only in the Present Time have they began to make 'friends' again, but even then they hold people at an arms length. Its been actual centuries and its still something they get upset about from time to time.

Uhlir's whereabouts are unknown and he may or may not be alive anymore but lord knows he  regretted everything Way too late.

#bug noises #kolstad #uhlir #what the fuck is a dog #this is very long #bug text #tdwkau

[writingguide003-blog]

How should young women react as #MeToo moves into dating? Female writers discuss | Anne Perkins, Iman Amrani, Marie Le Conte, Rachel Shabi and Ash Sarkar

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/how-should-young-women-react-as-metoo-moves-into-dating-female-writers-discuss-anne-perkins-iman-amrani-marie-le-conte-rachel-shabi-and-ash-sarkar/

How should young women react as #MeToo moves into dating? Female writers discuss | Anne Perkins, Iman Amrani, Marie Le Conte, Rachel Shabi and Ash Sarkar

Five female commentators share their views on how Aziz Ansari and Cat Person are taking the #MeToo debate into todays dating scene, showing gender disparity and raising consent issues

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How should young women react as #MeToo moves into dating? Female writers discuss

Aziz Ansari and Cat Person are taking the #MeToo debate into todays dating scene, showing gender disparity and raising consent issues

Anne Perkins, Iman Amrani, Marie Le Conte, Rachel Shabi and Ash Sarkar

Wed 17 Jan 2018 07.48EST Last modified on Wed 17 Jan 2018 17.54EST

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I recognise that by blaming Graces response, I am also saying that on one level Ansaris behaviour is OK. Photograph: Cassie Wright/WireImage

Anne Perkins: Being young is the time when you should be utopian in your views

Part of me wants to give Grace a really good shake. What did she expect, dating Aziz Ansari, a man 10 years older than herself and famous enough to have an overdeveloped sense of entitlement, whatever his public reputation as a thoughtful and considerate person fully signed up to #MeToo. The message of his haste to leave the restaurant, the food barely finished, the wine untasted, and race her back to his apartment is so blatant it might have been written up in one of those neon bubbles.

Her failure to tell him where to go once things went pear-shaped when she was there is even more worrying. Sure, she indicated that it was not what she wanted. A genuinely thoughtful man of course would have responded appropriately. He didnt. She should have left. That is level one in elementary social skills.

But I recognise that by blaming Graces response, I am also saying that on one level Ansaris behaviour is OK. Thats what men do. Its down to women to handle it. Get used to it.

And the point of telling stories like this is to say to other women, and men, its not you, its him. To say, check your ideas about consent. Consent is not the absence of rejection. It is not a tense silence. It is not passive. It should not be capable of being misread.

Utopian, perhaps. But whats the point of being 23 if you dont refuse to get used to stuff thats wrong?

Anne Perkins is a Guardian columnist

Iman Amrani: Bad experiences should not be lumped with serious assaults

There are three main things in my experience that can expose young women to exploitative or uncomfortable situations. First, money. Whether its keeping a job or a roof over your head, the need for it can push some women into circumstances that they wouldnt freely choose. Second, ambition. Drive can lead to women feeling forced to put up with things that they know are unacceptable, in order to achieve a greater objective.

Both of these factors expose women to abuses of power as we have seen in many of the cases of workplace harassment, from Hollywood to Westminster to all the women contributing to the #MeToo movement. Its this power struggle that adds weight to the stories about hands being placed on womens knees or unwanted advances, and its important this movement continues.

The third trap is the desire to be liked. There is a societal pressure on women to be attractive, friendly, and grateful, felt most acutely in young women. Aziz Ansaris accuser, Grace, and the narrator of Cat Person fall into this one. The latter might be fictional, but both accounts resonated widely with many young women. Both feature women in their early 20s, who found themselves in circumstances they didnt want, but felt unable to fully vocalise that they had reached their comfort limits.

Part of dating and sex as a young person is finding our boundaries, learning to protect them and develop the confidence to tell people who overstep, in no uncertain terms, where they can go. Not many people are born with this confidence, and it isnt something you can learn in a two-hour workshop on consent, but through making mistakes. Some of the situations that contribute to our experience may be unpleasant or regretful, but that doesnt necessarily mean that they should be grouped with assault, harassment or rape.

There has to be room for both men and women to make mistakes, to create a space where real dialogue can happen and where people can learn what is and isnt OK. Lumping all these grey-area stories in the wider #MeToo debate about rape, assault and the abuse of power only serves to drown out the voices of women whose stories should be focusing on this week, such as Simone Biles, and the countless other women who are bravely speaking out.

Iman Amrani is a Guardian multimedia journalist

Marie Le Conte: Men can no longer be seen as guided by their sweaty crotches

I had a conversation with an older feminist recently and she asked why women of my generation seem to hate men. We never stop criticising them, find endless examples of objectionable behaviour, and will gleefully turn on any man deemed not good enough by our precious standards.

She wasnt entirely wrong our expectations are undeniably higher than they used to be but my response was that it was, at least from my viewpoint, the exact opposite.

We expect more from men because we want to have more faith in them.

I refuse to see them as foolish animals, clumsy and to be pitied because life isnt easy when one simply cannot understand the complex and confusing women around them, choosing instead to be guided by their sweaty crotches.

This is why some of the responses to the claims about Aziz Ansari felt puzzling sure, we could have an argument about why the woman didnt leave, but why not talk about why he felt the need to keep trying it on?

Why can so many men feel so comfortable trying to sleep with women who dont want to sleep with them? Why do so many men think they can plunge their tongue down a womans throat before making sure its wanted?

Incidents which to some feel too small to be scandalous actually reveal the way men see women, and if they have no trouble crossing womens boundaries once or twice, where will they stop?

Weve been raised to see men as the superior intellectual gender, so spare me the idea that they just dont know what theyre doing.

If women can go through life without lunging at men, groping them, and treating their bodies as property, then surely we can expect men to do the same in return.

Marie Le Conte is a French freelance journalist living in London

Rachel Shabi: Older women wondering why millennials dont walk away have forgotten dark times

These stories have forced light into another area where it is sorely lacking: the stark lack of parity over sexual agency, expectation and desire. Its there in harsh, excruciating detail: the distorting and damaging ways in which heterosexual men and women are socialised about sex.

This isnt about a generational divide, despite some of the responses to such stories. Doubtless this terrain is thornier for younger women who, on top of the usual biases, are also navigating complications imposed by a certain kind of porn culture, and the image- and confidence-twisting burdens of social media.

But maybe the older women wondering why millennials dont just walk away from horrible sexual encounters have forgotten the times when they also stayed, rather than dealing with the awkwardness, risk his angry response, or navigating the paralysing weight of confusing expectation. Because women are socialised to be polite and accommodating, and are under constant pressure to be passive pleasers in every way, to the extent that our own desires and ambitions are routinely subjugated.

Such is the pervasive social messaging around gender and sexuality, such are the ever-present biases, that a woman asserting her own will or expressing a preference risks being labelled as unpleasant, unattractive or aggressive as it is in the boardroom, so it is in the bedroom. And thats before we even get to the men in the equation, with all their socially conditioned expectations, damaging biases and toxic assumptions.

Its messy and awkward and all tangled up, but if this #Metoo discussion is bringing us on to the question of what genuine equality in sex and relationships might look like, then good. In that spirit as with all parts of this debate we could do with less judgment and a lot more listening.

Rachel Shabi is a freelance writer and commentator

Ash Sarkar: A divergence in perception between men and women must be addressed

Theres a truth to the Aziz Ansari story which extends beyond whether or not he behaved in the manner alleged; that all too many of us have had sexual encounters in which one persons comfort is subordinated to the urgency of anothers desire.

Traditional feminist discourse from Susan Brownmillers Against Our Will to more recent discussions prompted by the Harvey Weinstein revelations has focused on a figure of the rapist as monstrous and malevolent. However, nearly one in three women have experienced sexual violence at the hands of an intimate partner the archetypical perpetrator looks less like a grotesque outsider, and more like a familiar neighbour. We hold him in affection and esteem. We trust him. We might even desire him.

Whatever we wear, wherever we go yes means yes, and no means no! The old Reclaim the Night slogan misled a generation of feminists into understanding consent as binary, and violation as self-evident. Were supposed to announce our consent (or lack thereof) like were entering a plea at trial.

But yes, in a context of mutual respect, might be a joyful wordlessness; no might come in the guise of not now, maybe later, or even well, OK then. In a society where sex is often seen as something to be extracted from partners like a mineral or an ore, a soft no is just so much social sediment to be worn away.

A rigidly legalistic model for understanding consent doesnt encourage men to shift the parameters of how they understand sex. The Ansari allegations show us that the task isnt to get men to see themselves as rapists, but to see their partners pace of desire as being of equal primacy to their own. There is no god-given right to orgasm: even a one-night stand requires patience, empathy and a capacity to interpret more complex cues than what is accepted in a court of law.

For what its worth, I believe Grace in her account of events. I also believe Ansari when he says: It was true that everything did seem OK to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned. Its precisely this divergence of perception which men need to address. That starts with viewing consent as the beginning of a social process not a verdict at the end of a long process of litigation.

Ash Sarkar is a senior editor at Novara Media, and lectures in political theory at Anglia Ruskin and the Sandberg Instituut

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About HELOCs, Vegetables, Old Papers, Scams, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Is HELOC the best option? 2. UTMA and UGMA 3. Second job or career advancement? 4. Buying scissors 5. Fresh vegetables and grocery shopping 6. Financially responsible television? 7. Disposing of old financial papers 8. Realities of job applications 9. Financial independence scam? 10. Physical tracking of Triggers questions 11. Thoughts on secular Buddhism 12. Financial advisor One of the strangest things about exercise, at least to me, occurs when you work a muscle that hasnt really been worked in a while. Youll finish and youll feel fine for the rest of the day, but then tomorrow youre really sore in a bizarre place in your body and, often, youre even more sore the following day. I spent most of this weekend walking around with my arms in an awkward position because it hurt to swing them as I normally do when I walk. It was uncomfortable, but it was a reminder that I had worked hard and improved myself. I think this is true of any meaningful improvement in your life. Yes, it will probably hurt a little. Yes, it might leave you feeling a little sore in some way or another. The question is what you take away from that soreness. Is it a sign that youre on a good path? Or is it something to be avoided? On with the questions. Q1: Is HELOC the best option? I live in one of the most expensive areas in the country, in Northern California. My husband and I have an almost-4 year old, and now our second baby due in August. Moving out of the area is not an option for a number of reasons, most importantly that we want our kids raised near family, all of which live in this immediate area. We both have full-time jobs that pay decently well, and are trying hard to eliminate any non-essential expenses. However, just the cost of the mortgage on our small condo, childcare for two kids, and health insurance will be more than were earning. So, we need a way to pay the bills until both kids are in public school, at which time well again be earning more than were spending. Our home has accrued a decent amount of equity since we purchased it two years ago, so our mortgage consultant recommended a Home Equity Line of Credit. What are your thoughts, though? Would any other type of loan be a better option for us? Julia Without a fuller picture of your financial state, I cant guarantee you dont have other options. However, a HELOC is probably the best option available to you with a reasonable interest rate attached to it. Im sure youre aware of the core problem with this situation: you are riding a financial and professional tightrope. If anything happens to either of your jobs, you are almost immediately falling into a seriously perilous financial state. My suggestion, along with the HELOC, is to leverage your family as much as possible right now to help with this. Accept every possible family invitation you get to share a meal or for free/cheap babysitting. Ride-share with them as often as possible. More than probably any point in your life, you need to be very careful with your spending. Any situation in which youre spending more than you earn is one that is fraught with risk. Q2: UTMA and UGMA My wife and I had our first son a couple weeks ago, and are trying to figure out the best savings options for him. He has started to receive some gift checks written out to his name, so we need to set up some type of bank account for him. Can you help explain the difference between at UTMA and an UGMA? He has separate 529 plans already being set-up by his grandparents, but we wanted him to have some experience with a regular bank and interstates that well be able to teach him with once he gets old enough. Charlie Theyre very similar. There are two big differences between the two that really matter and which one you choose depends on which factors you care the most about. With a UGMA, youre restricted to paper assets cash, stocks, bonds, insurance policies, and so on. A UTMA can hold other kinds of assets in addition the one that most people care about is real estate. A UTMA allows the account custodian to control the assets up to age 25 (depending on specific state rules), while UGMA accounts mature at age 18. If you anticipate your child ever having to apply for financial aid for college, I probably wouldnt use a UGMA or a UTMA. The FAFSA assumes that 20% of the balance of the UGMA/UTMA will be used for college education each year, whereas it only assumes that about 6% of a 529 balance will be used in that way. In other words, theyll be able to receive more financial aid if their college savings is in a 529 rather than a UGMA/UTMA. If you think that paying for college is fully in hand without paying for student loans, a UGMA/UTMA can be a very flexible tool that enables you to gift money to a child while still keeping a hand on the wheel until theyre reasonably mature. Q3: Second job or career advancement? I currently have M-F job in a research lab. On the weekends I work for my uncles construction company that I have worked for since I was 17. He has encouraged me to use the weekends in other ways but I always felt like I needed the money. Lately I have been wondering if I would be better off long term spending the weekends building skills, going to conferences, and building professional relationships. Short term I definitely lose income but long term? I cant decide. Jameson Your uncle sounds like a good guy, and hes probably correct that you can be using the weekends in better ways. If youre in a situation where youre financially stable and able to keep paying off any debts and saving for the future with just your M-F job and youre pretty confident you want to be in that career for the long haul, Id lean toward spending weekends building skills and going to conferences and building relationships and such. Take it seriously, though; dont fall into a rut of using that time for idle things. (Theres nothing wrong with thoughtful leisure, though.) If youre not sure what you want to do, then Id keep the construction job and give some serious thought to your future while getting rid of debt just a little faster. In either case, Id loop your uncle into the decision and use him as a mentor. Not only does he seem like a sharp guy, you may want to keep that door open for the future in case things go awry and you need to go back to construction work. Q4: Buying scissors Whenever I buy a pair of scissors they always seem like they get so dull they cant even cut through paper after like 20 uses. Where can I get a decent pair of scissors that arent junk in three months? Bonnie Rather than just buying new scissors all the time, just sharpen the ones you have. Its not a hard process. Get some coarse sandpaper at the store and then cut through a sheet several times with the sand side down. Then, take a piece of aluminum foil, fold it in half four times so its 16 layers thick, then cut through it several times with the scissors. Then, take a piece of steel wool and cut through it several times with the scissors. Your scissors will be sharp after doing that, probably sharper than when you bought them. You just need to do that every several months or whenever you notice the scissors getting dull. Even super cheap scissors will be quite good if you do this. Q5: Fresh vegetables and grocery shopping How do you balance trying to not go shopping as much with buying fresh vegetables and fruits? On the one hand frugal advice is to minimize your trips to the grocery store but on the other hand healthy fruits and vegetables can go bad so quickly. Macey I cant speak for everyone, but heres what we do. First, if something requires genuinely fresh ingredients, we make those meals within a few days of our grocery store visit. They become a priority. Second, we treat flash frozen vegetables and fruits as being the equivalent of fresh for most purposes. We buy quite a lot of frozen vegetables and fruit. Third, we often do a lot of meal prep, meaning that our fresh vegetables and sometimes fruits make it quickly into meals that are popped in the freezer. Ill buy a ton of fresh spinach, for example, but a lot of it will go into four pans of frozen lasagna. Fourth, a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables dont go bad all that quickly. Most root vegetables last and last. Many fruits last for a long time, too. Finally, we store some of the most perishable stuff in the fridge, following directions on how to best store them to maximize life. If we can stretch something that should only last a few days into lasting for a week, thats a big win. Those steps enable us to buy a ton of fruits and vegetables without them going bad. If we notice something starting to become overripe, to the point where we dont want to use it but its not quite inedible, well throw it in the freezer and use it for making stock or for making fruit bread in the near future. Q6: Financially responsible television? It seems like everything on television outside of a few hokey reality shows is centered around people living way beyond their means or else rich people. Everyone is just spending tons of money and living in fabulous houses and buying tons of stuff. I never really noticed this until you pointed it out. Its such a strong subtle nudge to do the same. What can a person watch that isnt about spending money? Mary I completely agree. Depicting expensive lifestyles on television seems to be the norm everywhere, and knowing the the median American household income is around $60,000, the truth is that most Americans cant live like that. It either becomes something to try to emulate, which is a road to financial ruin, or something to try to ignore, which is hard, or else youre watching shows that revel in values that run in opposition to your own. To tell the truth, I dont watch much television at all any more. What I do watch is generally fantasy or sci-fi or documentaries. I mostly read or play tabletop games instead of turning on the television. Q7: Disposing of old financial papers Im following standard advice and keeping old papers for seven years, but what do you do with them after that? The advice seems to be to shred them but the idea of shredding a box of papers seems like a lot of work with a home shredder where you have to unfold everything and it only takes a few sheets at a time. Maxwell One thing you can do is see if theres a community paper shredding day or one sponsored by your bank. Theyll bring in a HUGE industrial shredder that can shred your whole box of documents in a few seconds you literally toss things in there by the fistful and they get utterly decimated by the blades. Another option is to burn them. Just go camping, use those documents for kindling, and then toss them in there while youre getting a few logs burning. One of my friends likes to rip them up by hand, then put them in a big tub of water so that they turn into this giant paper pulp chunk, then he dries that out, then he takes that big paper pulp brick on his camping trips and breaks off pieces for kindling. Q8: Realities of job applications I am a hiring officer for a Fortune 500 company. There are some popular misconceptions floating around about getting a job at a large corporation. I hope you will be able to share this with your readers. Youll often see media reports that open jobs get hundreds and hundreds of applications for a single job. That is true but it is not the whole story. What actually happens is that if we list a job opening, we will get 500 or so applications, but 480 of them are garbage and irrelevant. Probably 400 of those applications dont meet any of the requirements for the job. Another 60 or so only meet one or two of the requirements. Another 20 might be viable for the job but theyve presented themselves so poorly that we can easily disqualify them. This covers things like resumes with several misspellings or cover letters that use offensive language. That leaves 20 people that are legitimate candidates. Do not be intimidated out of applying for a job that youre completely or even mostly qualified for. Just put in enough effort to submit an accurate resume without spelling or grammar errors and a respectful cover letter that actually addresses this specific position. Thats probably enough for you to make it through the cut of 480 applicants to the final 20. It doesnt mean youll make the next cut, but youll be in that discussion. Mark This is really good advice and its something Ive told many people applying for jobs. Make sure your resume is well edited and matches the job youre applying for and also make sure your cover letter actually addresses the position in question. Thats usually enough to make the first big cut because the vast majority of applications dont even make that threshold. Remember, many job applications are just tossed out there like email spam, just sent to anything even vaguely close. Many other people dont have any idea how to present themselves as someone you might ever want to hire. If you can beat those thresholds, youll probably find some success. Yes, some jobs are filled internally and some others are filled thanks to personal recommendations, but there are many that are filled via open job searches. Dont give up. Q9: Financial independence scam? I was at a store in town minding my own business when this guy in a suit comes up to me and starts chatting. I knew him vaguely as I had seen him a time or two before. He eventually starts talking about financial independence and at first I thought he was talking about financial responsibility but then he really wanted to meet me for coffee to talk about it and gave me a business card. Is there a financial independence scam out there? What was going on? Tim This seems way off to me and I wouldnt follow up with it. Theres a very high likelihood that this individual is involved with a network marketing or a multi-level marketing business think Amway or something like that. Part of the pitch to many people centers around the idea of being financially independent because you run your own business, when youre mostly just trying to sell unwanted stuff to family members. I would in general be wary of a person I barely knew coming up to me, striking up a conversation about something like my finances, and then trying to get me to go get coffee with them. Id simply decline the offer and walk away. If I ever did end up accepting an invite and then someone started mentioning anything like that, Id politely get out of there as fast as possible. Q10: Physical tracking of Triggers questions As per your recommendation from late last year I read the book Triggers in January and am excited to dig into these questions. I spent some time thinking about some personal behaviors I wanted to develop and curb and came up with a list of 12 questions to ask myself each day. How do you physically do these twelve questions and record the answers? Could you walk me step by step through exactly what you do? Marie I use a grid-paper notebook (this one, to be specific, though any grid paper notebook would do just fine) and a black pen. I devote a two page layout per month to this. On the left page, I write out the questions I want to answer as a numbered list. So, it might look something like this: 1. Did I do my best today to be an involved parent with my oldest son? 2. Did I do my best today to be an involved parent with my youngest son? 3. Did I do my best today to be an involved parent with my daughter? 4. Did I do my best today to build a lasting and loving marriage? 5. Did I do my best today to create and write meaningful material for my readers? [] My current list of questions for this month numbers 22. It varies month to month. At the end of each month, I give some careful thought to what I want to work on in the next month, and that might mean deleting some questions and adding others. At the start of each day, I review the questions for that month and think about each one for a bit. I try to visualize what I can do today to make that habit happen. On the other page, I simply have a big grid. Each row is simply numbered with the number of the question 1, 2, 3, 4, and so on. Each column is a date 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and so on. At the end of each day, I score each question from 0 to 10 based on how I felt about my effort for the day, not the results. So, if I sat down with my daughter and had a really good conversation with her and then later on also did something fun with her, Id probably score that an 8 or a 9. Some people find it hard to give an exact number here, but I just trust my gut on it. I find it hard to give myself a 10 I do occasionally, but not very often. (The individual numbers are fairly arbitrary just find a system that is meaningful that works for you.) I record that number in the square where the row for that question and the column for that date intersect. Then, at the bottom of each column, I average the days scores. For me, a day where I have an average of a 7 or above is a pretty good day (and I usually know it it has felt like a good day). Anything below a 5 average is usually a bad day unless something really unusual and disruptive has happened (and I usually know that, too). At the end of a month, I will average all of the scores for that month. Questions with an average score of an 8 or above are usually removed as I view that as something Ive firmly adopted and am doing well. Questions with an average score of 4 or below are often removed, too, as its obviously not something Im committed to sometimes it comes back as a refactored question. The other questions usually stick around unless I decide I need a priority change. The whole point of this is to keep new habits and behaviors in the front of my mind all the time and to really keep an eye on my efforts to improve those behaviors. It really seems to work when I take it seriously. However, its worth noting that you wont see giant transformative life effects from changing a few behaviors. It takes time for those to build up in your life. Its like a quarter of a degree difference in an airplane flight it only seems like a big change after a lot of time. Q11: Thoughts on secular Buddhism I cant believe you would share information about Buddhism. I thought you were a Christian. Disappointed. Amy I dont see them being in much conflict at all. I find far more conflict with Christianity in many of the articles I write on strict financial issues than I do in secular Buddhism. Buddhism has absolutely no reference to a singular, personified deity like the Abrahamic God. None. As far as I can tell, Buddhism basically puts the idea of a deity into an area of beyond human understanding and really doesnt worry about things in that category. I would describe Buddhism as non-theist. My understanding is that Buddhism is basically a set of tools to make your own character and values stronger, which is literally how the Dalai Lama describes it. The tools that Buddhism provides can strengthen ones Christian beliefs, or whatever beliefs they might have. To me, its little different than reading about any school of philosophy and using what it can teach in ones life. If you want to dig into this more, I suggest this article. Q12: Financial advisor Do you use a financial advisor? Why or why not? Jerry I do not use a financial advisor. Sarah and I met with one once, partially because I wanted to actually interact with one and also partially because we hoped that a financial advisor could address or at least reaffirm our answers to a few financial questions we had. I felt like the advisor was not explaining anything to me that I didnt already understand from reading a few good books on investing and he was also trying really hard to sell me on products that did not seem like good investment options to me. This was a fee-based advisor; he wasnt even getting a commission from this sale. We just ended up trusting our own research and did things on our own. I would far rather spend several hours reading up on a financial topic and understanding it myself than paying a financial advisor to explain it and recommend options that I may or may not even want. Im going to end up making a lot of money from that invested time. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-helocs-vegetables-old-papers-scams-and-more/