#even tho I’m weeks late

[wackachewbacca]

I love that Calamity introduces us to the city of Avalir as like the epitome of a wonderful advanced civilization in an age of opulence and yet towards the end of episode one so much about what the city represents feels so hollow. Yes the city is still beautiful and far ahead of anything that we have seen in any of the three main campaigns but it’s really small things like they can’t grow real flowers in their gardens or the people experience weather for a very short period of their entire lives

Even the people themselves (at least those in higher society) have such extreme contempt for people who worship and champion the gods. I cringed during the entire scene when Purvan was present at the gala and he was turned into a spectacle of how quaint and backwards people who don’t live on Avalir are and was being mocked because of his status as Champion of the Raven Queen and no one even gave a shit if they were rude to this one man who was just doing his job because they wanted to have a dick measuring contest against a goddess who frankly has more important things to do than appease the whimsies of vapid mortals

Really it’s like what Brennan and Travis say at the beginning of the episode: it’s a beautiful day in Avalir but not on the inside

#guess who’s late to the party again? it’s me :] #I’ve been stewing in this for about two weeks almost and frankly I’m still irritated #in that whole time I didn’t even start episode two because I needed to go through all my thoughts and there are many #episode two would just open up another can of worms #I was really wowed by brennan and Matt’s worldbuilding and then bren and acting was so amazing I hated it #I have some thoughts on the raven queen tho and this series has made me like her out of spite so thanks brennan #exu calamity #critical role

[why-the-heck-not]

the pure embarrassment of sending a ”oops I fucked up & will send this assignment a couple days too late sorry abt that”-email :’) noooooo

#I guess it’s better than to just send it late with no warning #I hope I gave myself enough time bc istg if I’m gonna have to send ANOTHER one of these I’m just going to change my name & move I think #this is a personal reminder to myself that sometime procrastination has consequences even tho im good at getting away with it usually #istg my thesis advisor hates me at this point I’ve returned basically everything a bit late #idk what has happened to my time management skills like why do they suck so bad rn #very much in a ’’just gotta get through this week’’ mindet and it’s only monday #march 2024 #2024

[night-triumphantt]

~💖 @cashweasel

#if ur like hey #Kiara #ur jacket looks a bit big #yes it is #thnx for noticing if you’ve been here a while you know exactly why that is #Kiyazan #oc: Kiara #Kiara Kingston #Kiara x Yazan #Yazan Hadidi #(Certified blorbo in law) #triumphantt art #my art #Ive got so many doodles for Caledith too #even started one for Daemon Nd Karima #so many OC ships even tho I’m late for oc kiss week

[magdalenas]

honestly i think being sick and losing weight has caused me to be sick like .. mentally

#i Can eat again but now i’m obsessing over what i eat and how much #bc everyone keeps complimenting me for how i look & losing weight #even tho at least part of it is bc i was too sick to eat for an entire month 😐 #like i was acting … very disordered this evening #i didn’t eat until like 4:30-5pm today and bc i ate so late i decided i wouldn’t eat again #but i was hungry at like 9:30 and ultimately i did have a little snack #but i acted very … just very unwell about the whole situation #disordered eating tw #proana d0 n0t int3r@ct #like it’s pulling me into bad behaviors & thought patterns #that i haven’t dealt with in a while #and i fear i’m like .. one step away from not being able to eat unless i get high first again which i fr just kicked that habit #but the problem now is i don’t even get high that often anymore like sans the teensiest bit of weed i smoked on sunday i haven’t been high #in like 2 weeks .. so im worried i will just like .. not be able to eat bc im not even getting high 😳 #and i feel like if i do gain any weight back i’ll be like .. crazy evil to myself so it’s like .. idk what to do #uhm anyway ..

[astral-catastrophe]

Being the way I am, I ignore the shit I haven’t processed, but now I’m crying because I don’t want to go to camp

#Last year I was alone #Like earlier I mentioned that I was so upset with being alone that I cried almost every time I wasn’t with someone #Bc it was the first year without my best friend going #Then my next closest friend came to camp late bc she was on a cruise #And she said she felt bad bc she didn’t know I was lonely #And even tho she and the crush are both gonna be there this year #I’m gonna feel so fucking alone bc the bad memories always creep in and I don’t want them to hear that. #I don’t want to go #last year sucked #And it was at the height of my middle of the summer depressive episode #which is coming back #So I’m gonna be depressed again and feeling bad #And I keep remembering my grandpa #Gods I miss him #I keep thinking that he’s still here but it’s been four fucking years #And I had an anxiety attack this morning because I saw someone who looked like my ex best friend #So I’m not doing okay #And I’m alone at home crying #After nearly two weeks of always having a friend right next to me #I want to stop existing

[boyghcst]

-

#it’s so weird how u can just feel two extremes and both r just so real #like often ill feel so suicidal and angry and upset etc but then other times I just feel so hopeful for the future and happy w my group #of friends #n both can b true but I just kinda get scared of when I feel rlly depressed n stuff bc it just feels so unbearable #n I just feel so out of control #idk last week was a p good week while socially exhausted #it was acc good to socialise and have fun etc #but idk I get my ups and downs so frequent idk if it’s normal to feel this way #but while im ill I’ve got an interview for college on Friday #trying again idk if ill even get in tbh #and im probably gonna drop out lollllll lit dropped out 4 times already #n every year I try but I’ve been out of work/education since late last year n I just feel I need to do something #even tho I struggle w my mental health a lot n just functioning like going outside and socialising and loads of ppl and noises it’s just #v overwhelming so idk if im just making another mistake but I picked a different course this time and it’s lower than my last so I’m hoping #they’ll give me a shot ig im worried they’re gonna judge me for dropping out so much but tht was care #and I just don’t wanna work w children / care anymore #and ive done social sciences before just the foundation level so I wanna progress #journal

[flower-studded-sake-dish]

ahhhhh i’m so fucking close to getting the IN 1cc but Reisen keeps wearing me down to where i can’t clear Kaguya but the last two runs i’ve had have made it to her final spell (i can only do about 1 or 2 runs a day cuz the malice cannon puts a lot of strain on my wrist) and in all honesty i probably shoulda beat it the last time my first 3 stages were the best they’d ever been and i sightread Keine’s Last Spell but stage 4 was p rough for me but that was my fault for streaming and talking and not paying attention. reimu’s like danmaku barrier is definitely like a top 3 spellcard for me along w okuu’s final spell because it’s just so much fun and a really cool concept i think anyways goodnight

#been making an attempt to play more touhou lately #last year i had to accept finally that i’m not gonna feel satisfied spending my video game time playing competitive multiplayer games #and so filling that gap with learning to play beyond easy mode has me feeling more satisfied #and i think it’s easier for me to limit my time playing when it’s something like touhou where i can do a full run or two #with multiplayer games i’m just never satisfied and so it’s easy to continue playing #anyways once i beat IN i think i’m gonna try for UM or SA next #it’s also fun playing IN cuz like i play reimu in every game but the malice cannon gives me a reason not to #i just like the homing shots cuz i feel like i get more rewarded for dodging #it’s kinda a marisa-esque feeling tho because i just want to do as much damage as possible #i also played melee with a friend for a while this evening and feel like my falco is coming along well #getting myself to draw daily and practice my bass regularly and learn new things #just felt more satisfied with life the last 6 months and i think it shows? #there’s still down weeks but i’m still pushing myself more than i have since covid started #i think the daily workouts i’ve been doing for the last couple years are the like core for this #self-discipline is hard but i’m getting better at it every day #it plays touhou

[tumblasha]

lifetime travel goals

[1] go to the “brazils” of each continent (the country that’s seen as a “fantasy” / magical place)

a. brazil in south america (runner-up: colombia)

b. usa in north america (runner-up: mexico)

c. egypt in africa

d. france in europe (runner-up: greece)

e. australia in oceania

f. japan in asia (runner-up: korea)

[2] go to the “carnavals” of each continent (spring-ish festivals that celebrate that it’s “getting warm again”)

a. carnaval in brazil in south america (runner-up: inti raymi in peru or carnaval in trinidad & tobago)

b. mardi gras in north america

c. mombasa carnival in kenya in africa (runner-up: august’s festas das gatas in são vicente, cv)

d. venice carnival in italy in europe

e. gay and lesbian mardi gras in australia in oceania

f. ??? in philippines in asia

#i just really want to go to the philippines y’all #i feel like they know how to do everything #but idk i feel like this would be cute to do #OBVIOUSLY i’m missing a lot of places #i googled non-turtle-island for like 30 secs each #bc i know nothing abt them 💀 #dash rambles #i haven’t been partying lately bc all my work bros like to stay in and i’m taking a break from solo-partying from the summer #‘solo-partying’ meaning the week i bar-hopped in europe 💀 #also soz for goals being so brasil-centered kandodjw #current score: 4/12 #uhhhhh for reasons panama canal decides the north/south split even tho it’s an evil canal soz

[giddlygoat]

uh oh i’ve developed both a hyperfix on customizing rubber ducks and argos and mr plant within a matter of hours. on top of ttcc. how am i going to be able to sleep with all this adhd energy dawg

#gear diary #also i’m laying in bed at like 1:45 just now realizing that not only have i only eaten once today but i’ve been standing up so long #that now my legs are spasming like crazy and i’m hyper aware of every muscle in my body #and if the last few weeks are anything to go by i’m going to have nightmares at worst and stress dreams at best #tho i’ve had tf2 pop up a weird number of times in my dreams lately ? it’s come up a few times #and what sucks is i think i’ve only ever woke up from a nightmare like 3-4 times since my early childhood so when the dreams veer into that #i’m just …. stuck with it until i wake up in a rancid mood in da morning 👍 #lately it hasn’t even been the cool nightmares. i want to go back to getting swallowed by sea monsters and stuck in animatronics lawl #mostly i just dream about my mom #or the fan-favorite “i’m in charge of the safety of a bunch of people and end up unable to save them leaving me alone with my guilt” #also. some dreams about being lost lately? like in big buildings/cities/subdivisions i think #it’s all fuzzy but i remember the feeling #good lort i got so off track. what is this. so sorry

[gingerwerk]

I did Far too many adult side quests today on top of working retail q4 so I am getting hammered while making dinner and hoping I’m not hungover af at work tomorrow

#one of my headlights was dead and I was planning on replacing it this weekend #but then as I was leaving work yesterday I realized both my headlights were dead 🙃 and since it gets dark at 5pm it’s a huge safety issue #so I called late into work today so I could run somewhere and get my headlights replaced #and then the computer store called while I was at work telling me that y computer was ready to pick up #and they’re only open til 5:30 and Im off at 5 at a place 15 minutes away so I had to plan to run out of work On Timw #but they wanted me to bring my charger to double check it was running well #didn’t think I’d have time to stop home and get my charger so I simply Bought another one at work and planned to return it later #(EVEN THO WHEN I DROPPED IT OFF THEY SAID THEY DIDHT NEED THE CHARGER) #anyways. I need to take the laptop back later next week or whatever #and I need to make dinner and do dishes and blah blah blah so I’m getting hammered

[awek-s]

sorry but the way a single interaction w my mom ruined any kind of progress I made this week is insane

#I started taking my meds again for one #she walked in the kitchen after work today and immediately proceeded to tell me I did everything wrong and basically made me feel so fucking #stupid. all I’m doing is tryna do something nice and cute for this stupid holiday bc everything else in my life is falling apart #but I should be used to it I mean just a few weeks ago she essentially admitted she thinks I’m doing nothing with my life #even though she uses me for photo ops and as a way to get attention from her coworkers and friends #bc she LOVES to brag about me she adores it even #but behind closed doors it’s ‘how can I put alex down today?’ #misgenders fatshames tells me I’m lazy despite having almost 3 degrees doesn’t take any of my medical issues seriously #even tho she’s the reason I went so late before I got diagnosed (she doesn’t want a sick kid! how Tragic for her) #I’m TIRED like I’m tired of not being able to do anything right ??? and like I’m sorry I know there’s more important things going on in the #world right now but my irl stuff was such a non issue for real alongside it and now it’s like #all of the ideation is back I feel like. yeah what is the point in doing anything I don’t do anything right anyway #sorry I’m just. venting #mrow.org

[scottishstoner]

Pics from when I was sitting out in the back garden today/tonight drawing and listening to music :)) was lovely day today ☀️✨🌸🌼✌🏻💜

#actually me #been doing a lot of art in the sun lately our back (I live ina. flat but I’m downstairs my garden and upstairs has theirs) #anyway #I’ve been stressed and getting more myself. I have no money reallt but I’m working on jobs #feels freeing not having a job it’s been a few weeks since I even done a temp shift #coz I cba I want a stable job is any. ur maybe temp might be the way but think I annoted this one agency lmaoo #anywayyyy might post some of my art it’s nothing special just makes me feel better and they’re not terrible #I am proud of some a lot tho haha need more watercolours

[pxrxmoore]

i now know the ways of streaming the show the next day rather than staying up til 3am and boys i don’t think i can look back

#even tho last week was a nightmare with actually Finding a stream #but listen #when u have work the next day #staying up that late is not ideal #and right now i’m able to wfh so 🫶 #bp

[hellfireeddiemunson]

a bitch is in need of attention (i’m bitch)

#emmy needs to wake up soon or i’ll DIE #ok sure she’s an hour behind me but she should wake up in the next hour so i can send her 482746273 pictures with hearts on them #also i am at work and the attention i get here is not wanted i want to leave the bakery today so badddddd #times going kinda fast tho i guess that’s good #i’m just like. bored whenever i don’t have customers and i literally don’t have the actual energy to do a bunch of things here bc i didn’t #feel good lastnight and i still feel a littttttleeeee weird and off so i’m like. not wanting to be here other than the fact we have gooooood #air conditioning here so i’m at least at a good temperature and not dying in the heat of my bedroom which is ATROCIOUSLY GROSS #it’s why i felt so sick yesterday i couldn’t cool off and i felt so nauseous and my head hurt and it was just a bad time #if anyone ever is thinking that maine summers aren’t bad and you should live here….no you shouldn’t bc the summers are the most humid thing #literally have had humidity from 80-99% since like. two weeks ago at least #it is disgusting !!!!!!! like how come it’s a decent temp (been in the 60s-80s lately) but the humidity just gets SO BAD you’d think it was #like 100 degrees outside!!!!! i hate it here in the summer!!!!!!!! i can handle heat i can’t handle humidity #like the air is just SO thick and sticky and wet and gross i can’t even explain to you how Awful it truly is #anyways i’m hoping it won’t be too bad by the time i get home (around 5?) and that it’ll cool down #pray for me guyssss

[yuribalisms]

Insomnia my detested

#WHY IS IT BACK WHAT DID I DO #that’s a lie I know what happened I started working evenings at my new job #and my body got really excited that that meant I would be up late and sleeping in again #so then on days I still have to go to bed early and wake up early for my other job #it just does not fucking want to cuz it was hard enough doing that when I did it EVERY day #I think that’s also why I’m so tired all the time and am sleeping so poorly in general my body is just not meant to have #a sleep schedule meant for early mornings #it does :) fucking suck tho that this is happening on the nights before I am working 15 hour days :) #it’s okay I decided im quitting my old job today im getting more than enough hours at the new place #I was gonna stick out having them both for longer cuz the money would be nice but this is simply not sustainable #first the two weeks without a day off and now days where I’ll literally be working more hours than not working #but after im done there!!! late night sleep schedule is back!!! thank fucking GOD #maybe I will actually feel rested again maybe I will not have to nap literally every day just to feel capable of functioning #kaz rambles

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Got the theatre professor to sign off. Now I need to Find my computer science professor to get him to sign off

#this is like. entirely a formality. I’m switching sections of my computer class anyways so they won’t conflict after this week #but I don’t know where to find my comp sci professor #he didn’t post a syllabus :( #so I don’t know when or where his office hours are :( #my theatre professor said I should come to class today #which sounds great!! #I’d love to! #i only know where to find this professor in class tho and I Need that signature #so either I’m late to theatre. which I really don’t want to do #or I hope that my professor sticks around after class #and I know my theatre professor. class runs over often l #i actually don’t even know how long of a class it is #i think they’re both the same amount of time #theatre is a two credit class🫠 #I’ll be taking the bare minimum 12 credits if I drop my legal class I don’t want #ouch #soup talks