#fakezircon

[theminecraftbee]

Vintagebeef and time loop?

The second-most annoying thing, he thinks, is that his crops just won't grow.

He's wanted to retire for a while now. Head out and live on a farm. Get some rest. Not have to worry about gunfire and business fronts and drugs and appearances and being in charge. He'd known he wouldn't be able to escape fully. Beef always knew he was on a timer, no matter how he tried to bury the hatchet and bury his past behind you. It always catches up.

He had a big name. He had a big life. He can't just retire from being head of Big Salmon, even if his loyal Skizzleman is the only person he told where he was going. One day, someone will catch up with him, and perhaps if he's lucky they'll turn his tractor into a car bomb. If he's unlucky, it'll be personal.

So in a lot of ways, really, the fact he keeps on waking up in the morning is a gift. It may be the same morning over and over again, sure, but he collects the eggs from his chickens, and he pats his dog, and he feeds his pigs, and he feels the sun shine on his face in a place that smells nothing like asphalt and fumes.

If his tomatoes would grow, it'd be nearly perfect, getting to wake up again and again in the sun like this. It's better than a man like him deserves, really. And it may be Wednesday, and Wednesday, and no tomorrows, but he didn't have himself much of a tomorrow anyway, and collecting the eggs from the chickens is nearly as good as harvesting the crops.

Quiet, and peaceful.

Or it should be. But see: the crops not growing are the second-most annoying thing.

The first most annoying is--

"HALLO! I have decided that this time, I am announcing I am here to assassinate you, ah? That way, you won't see it coming and manage to escape."

Beef groans and puts his head in his hands. A red dot appears on his temple.

"Don't try to run. You have a lovely home, of course, and I don't want to put holes in it. You've repaired those holes real fast, I have to say. You're a real hole expert. No, wait, that sounds terrible in English. Ah well, I'll just say it again."

It's him again.

"...hello? VintageBeef? I have been hired to kill you by your rivals? You aren't even moving. See, this is how you always get me. You do not move and I think I have killed you, then I come back in the morning and it is fixed! Very strange, very strange."

He hasn't realized it's a time loop. Somehow. Beef's tried to tell him. It's a little hard when he's busy being as annoying as possible, and ruining what would otherwise be the best chance for Beef to retire he's got.

"Well, okay, I guess I'll just pull the trigger. This is boring. You're boring, except for the part where you won't die. Hey, wait, maybe you can introduce me to your chickens instead? So next time I can bring you a totally safe chicken."

"Go away," Beef says.

"But I'm being paid so much money to kill you!" the famed assassin codenamed Iskall85 says. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"No!"

"But I've tried to do this so many ways!"

"Have you considered there's a reason it's not working?"

Iskall considers for a moment. "Naaaaah," he says, and Beef's instincts flare all at once. He dives to the ground as Iskall takes the shot. "Awww, no fair. I thought you were not moving."

"What do you want from me," Beef says.

"I mean, I feel like I've been pretty clear," Iskall says, and Beef doesn't say that he's not even asking Iskall at this point. He's asking the universe. He's asking this Wednesday. He's asking why this has happened to him.

The universe, of course, does not respond, and Beef ducks behind cover for yet another day of his peaceful time loop retirement being completely ruined.

#answered #fakezircon #ask game #a bee fic #hermitfic #hermitcraft #vintagebeef #iskall85 #i am just writing these as my brain takes me btw. anyway take this bizzare trope mashup of an au #like can you IMAGINE it would be fantastic right

[kikunai]

Could we see a Mr Etho Slab? For requests

pretty weird scar i must say...

#asks #fakezircon #kiku_art #ethoslab #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanart #ive a whole headcanon of him being faust-ish that i probably should elaborate in later time #eye horror cw #not too happy with the shape of his head cause im out of practice

[silverskye13]

How about a Red King?

#fakezircon #spazzcat doodles #the red king #ominous rendog beloved #the red king hels

[nightshadeowl]

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...

I've been posting about SM3 members for a while now and thought I'd make a handy-dandy guide to who's who. (With an additional helping of self-indulgence, of course. I fucking love amusement parks and carnivals etc.) Off we go! :D

Thanks for reading! :D

May you find it in your heart to be obsessed with them as I am. I need somebody to yell about the significance of cubitos with

All links available below:

The whole group: @smthrumblr

Bones: Twitch: twitch.tv/addaxbones YouTube: AddaxBones VOD channel: AddaxVods tumblr: @addaxbones Instagram @addaxbones

Crow: Twitch: twitch.tv/mossraven YouTube: crowmossraven tumblr: @2strangecrows Twitter: @CrowtheStrange

Dawson: Twitch: twitch.tv/uroidea YouTube: Uroidea tumblr: @speltlikeeurope

Echo: Twitch: twitch.tv/echokelly YouTube: echokellylive tumblr: @echokelly Twitter: @echokelly Instagram: @echokellylive

Zircon: Twitch: twitch.tv/fakezircon YouTube: FakeZircon VOD channel: RealZircon tumblr: @fakezircon Twitter: @OutPhishing

Mimmit: Twitch: twitch.tv/mimmitlive tumblr: @mimmit

I am never writing out so many links ever again. Anyway. If you've read this far, it means a lot to me; thanks for checking 'em out! :] <3

#addaxbones #mossraven #uroidea #echokelly #fakezircon #mimmit #smit3 #sm3 #sm3posting #the ''stickers'' didn't come out how i wanted which is why i stalled this long but eh #passenger status

[fitzs-space]

I broke into the Sm3's discord server [the admin fucked up and gave me a key to the front door]

Don't click random links on discord my friends you may get hacked, or worse! added to a minecraft smp server /hj

#long couch #fitzs art #sm3 #Omg the Sm3 real?! #FakeZircon #dawson uroidea #addaxbones #echokelly #mimmit #crow mossraven #< even though He was asleep #My favorite mcty's ever #Ive since been kicked from the server #Anyway. watch sm3 content

[potionofinstantdamage]

73?

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

-- Work Song by Hozier

#ask #fakezircon #scribbles #ren #martyn #renchanting #or #treebark #this ones pretty gay i cant un-treebark this song man.

[tt-squid]

what do you mean they have onions in minecraft already? What parallel universe do you live in and how can I get there? /silly

^ alliums r technically onions ig

#fakezircon #asks

[bowenoke]

I feel like you haven't posted about it in a while so, how goes the hardcore world? Dig any new big holes?

i haven't actually played in a few weeks! i play 5+ hours a day for a few weeks, then not at all for a few weeks/months, then back into it. Right now I'm playing other games, and working a lot. Secret Life is getting me itching to play again, though!

I mostly finished the big hole! I've hit bedrock, and cleared a little bit of the first layer. exploding the bedrock just takes. foreeeeevvvver. (I've tried a few ways of speeding it up, but I worry about doing anything toooo buggy on my HC world.) Once I get another big idea for a build I'll probably hop back into it and start slowly clearing out some blocks every now and then.

IDK if i ever posted pics of the big hole "complete," but I went with glass for the caves and really like how it came out :)

also does anyone want some delicious cobblestone...

#fakezircon #i think you were the only person who wanted me to dig out the bedrock of this hole and honestly you were so right #i am so excited to have a 16 chunk gateway to the void /srs #ask #bo hardcore

[fakezircon]

#fakezircon #sm3 #sm3 clips #orange slices

[helsex]

what was the last interesting dream you had?

I don't dream often BUT I did actually have one recently where I had wings . And was being hunted by nondescript indestructible things which made it more interesting I suppose

You had any dreams recently?

#helsex asks #fakezircon

[theminecraftbee]

🐝 "other people's handwriting"

god you guys are coming up with so much very evocative titling huh. maybe something like... hm...

After it's over--the story's ended, the world's gone, the people are dead--the archeologist Pixlriffs reads a series of letters and tries to piece together how everything got here in the first place.

#answered #fakezircon #ask game

[smthrumblr]

#sm3 memes #fakezircon #mimmit coey #I had a vision. and technically it is still saint patrick's day here #sm3

[silverskye13]

"eat"

Nothing for eat! Here's a random one for one of the RnS shorts:

EB pulled a letter out of his pile and pushed it across the table to Tanguish. His eyes glittered in a smile. "So how about it Tanguish. Want to go to a ball?"

#wip word meme #fakezircon

[nightshadeowl]

Please please pretty please everybody following me needs to watch this. Blockguy has a miserable time playing Minesweeper set to "In the Hall of the Mountain King"

(From the YouTube channel of FakeZircon, filmed live over on Twitch!)

#the secret is he actually was having so much fun but also losing at minesweeper is painful. #especially if you hit your desk and/or stamp the ground like a damn horse /ref #passenger status #fakezircon #zirconposting #i forget if i had a specific tag for that here

[pitruli]

Do you play minecraft yourself? If so what’s your skin look like?

I do play technically! It's just been a long while haha-

Last time was just to do some parkour, I like doing that sometimes (I'm not good haha), but rest of the time I take walks on world download or play survival with friends

Tho I kinda gave up on a frien server too many times djjdje

And my skin currently looks like this, it's the old colour paletttod my Sona tho so I should update it ^^'

#fakezircon #reshie.asks

[unlettered-heathen]

Please can you point me to the patch about minecraft polar bears attacking in peaceful? I haven't seen it and it sounds amazing

It's patch 1.56 from 2017. I remember it fondly, mostly because it was ON SIGHT with those guys. You just had to be vaguely near them to become polar bear food regardless of difficulty. And if I remember correctly (I might not it's been 6 years) the patch didn't initially fix it, either. Or at least not entirely. Those bears still were aggressive af, red eyes and coming up to you and all, but they couldn't do damage to you in Peaceful.

#fakezircon #answering asks #minecraft nostalgia