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readinginthereadyroom · 3 years

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it’s rage (911 3x05) and the divorce lawsuit arc keeps eddie from reaching out to buck.

but the thing is. eddie’s been isolating himself. not on purpose. but as a means of coping. with the almost-baby. the would-be divorce. shannon’s death. his family visiting. the ladder bombing. buck’s blood clots. the tsunami. christopher’s ptsd. and there’s no time for anything else. certainly not time for himself.

and he’ll willingly take christopher to therapy. but won’t give that to himself. he’s not touchy-feely like that. or at least. he doesn’t think he’s allowed to be.

eddie basically admits it in kids today (911 3x01). look, I know it sucks, but that's life, right? whenever stuff didn't work out for me, my dad always told me to brush it off, keep moving forward. It wasn't easy but he wasn't wrong.

but instead of that he listens to his team. decides that hen’s I don't know if I should just give him a swift kick in the butt and get him back out there or hug him and tell him that it's all gonna be okay. is the better advice. so he shows up unannounced at buck’s loft. gives him a swift kick in the ass outta bed. hands him a hug in the shape of christopher. he never feels sorry for himself. and it seems to work. for a while. I learned one thing from that tsunami: it's that I don't quit. I fight. because even after the tsunami. after losing christopher during the second wave. eddie still trusts buck. because buck never stopped searching. never stopped trying to find christopher. and that means everything. thank you for not giving up.

but then there’s the fallout. christopher’s having nightmares. and he’s unwilling to talk about them to eddie. he obviously saw something terrible when he was separated from buck. something that he conflates with his mother’s death. something about a woman drowning.

which is absolutey heartbreaking. especially since there’s nothing eddie can really do. just keep loving him.

and bosko means well. she and eddie are building their own friendship since the tsunamis. and it’s been growing while she temps at the 118. she gives him invaluable advice when he talks about christopher. that no matter what, her mom shared her feelings with her. however we felt, we were in it together, no matter what.

but she’s also a literal buck stand-in. a temporary coworker and a temporary confidante. especially once the lawsuit is underway. well, there's no way I was gonna call my abuela or the 118, and I'm not allowed to talk to buck.

because buck is trying to get his job back. feeling hurt and betrayed and lashing out. and inadvertabtly hurting those he cares about most. because he told his lawyer about shannon’s death. how eddie never took any time off to grieve. never saw a counselor.

and eddie’s not okay with that. not after the revelation about christopher’s nightmares. the fresh wounds that would leave. because eddie’s a private guy. guarded about his emotions. he’s silly and soft with christopher in their own home. but he’ll cry alone on the beach.

and maybe buck didn’t say all that to this stranger. this ambulance chaser. but it feels like he did. that buck aired all his dirty laundry. personal things. that buck didn’t have his back.

but maybe bosko can. she might be a buck mirror in the tsunami eps but she’s also an eddie mirror. she’s not into touchy feely emotions either. and she likes to fight. so she takes him to fake fight club. let’s him work off some steam.

only it fails spectacularly. because eddie’s not actually mad. he’s not angry. no, he’s hurting. and he doesn’t know how to show it. and maybe that's where our rage comes from. a feeling that our world, our lives are out of control.

and it all comes spilling out in the pet aisle of a grocery store. because buck’s there to apologize and eddie. eddie misses him. I can't even talk to you and you’re not around.

even worse. christopher misses him. and buck didn’t even realize that.

and there’s a lifetime bad advice is still rattling around in eddie’s head. we all have our own problems, but you don't see us whining about it. no, somehow, we just manage to suck it up. why can't you? and then he says something truly awful. something he doesn’t actually mean.

you're exhausting.

which is to say. eddie’s exhausted. he’s obviously not sleeping, not with christopher waking up to nightmares. and everything feels like it’s out of control. eddie feels like he’s out of control.

and just when he felt like he was getting some of that control back--buck becoming a fire marshal. a new friend. admitting he’s sad to chris. a week without nightmares--that lawyer takes it all away. makes him feel like he’s still not enough. awakens the old fears that he’ll drag christopher down with him. because he didn’t grieve properly. didn’t let himself feel. and that’s what sparked all of christopher’s problems.

nevermind that none of it’s true. that it’s just eddie projecting. because he feels helpless. powerless. weak. alone.

and that’s why eddie goes to the private fights. why he continues going. despite the bruises and the beatings. and why he gives buck the cold shoulder in monsters (911 3x06) when he notices them. nothing you need to be concerned with.

because their team is broken. when you decided to sue the department, to make cap the bad guy, did you ever stop for a minute to think what that could do to us? and yeah, eddie’s obtensibly refering to the 118 team. but that little finger waggle gives him away. us as in you and me. us as in you and christopher. us as in the buckley-diaz team.

your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. that's what it means to be a part of a team. because eddie’s ready to finish their conversation from the grocery story. ready to listen. because buck’s proven he’s listened too. acknoweldged that he didn’t think about what could happen. that he didn’t mean for it to go so far. didn’t mean for anyone. let alone eddie and chris. to get hurt.

only he was so mad. at bobby. at the 118. at the world. at himself. and he wanted to punch something.

just like eddie.

and maybe that’s what does it. because eddie’s forgiven buck before he can even finish asking. I forgive you. also what it means to be part of a team. because they were the same. they were both hurting. both retreating inward and lashing outwards. alone and suffering for it.

so eddie puts their team back together. seals all that tough love with a hug.

and it’s not quite over. they still have some healing to do--eddie’s still cage fighting and buck’s still repairing his relationship with bobby. but now they have each other’s backs. they can heal together.

because they’re on the same team. again.

#just rewatched the lawsuit arc #and oof is 3x04 hard to watch #but also i never noticed how sharply the bobby and buck conflict #veers into an eddie and buck confict #once they are face to face in the grocery store #like bobby says NOTHING to buck #just let's eddie pour his messy feelings all over the pet aisle #and all the things eddie says basically boil down to #I'm tired and I miss you #i need you to have my back while i deal with all these messy feelings #and the same for buck!#he didn't feel like eddie had his back with bobby #it's about the team as family #not just the 118 but them #the buckley-diaz team as family #and it's about listening #really listening #to ourselves and those who care about us #and about changing those dialogues when they are toxic #i dunno #lots of feels about this whole arc #it's messy and UNCOMFORTABLE and I know fandom likes to skip over it #or pretend it didn't happen #but i think it's important #maybe because it's messy and uncomfortable #because in the end thier relationship is stronger #because they realize how much they need each other #how lost they were alone #okay enough rambling in the tag #eddie diaz

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mikeyd1986 · 4 years

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TRACES (CAN’T STOP ME AUST TOUR) w/ The Motion Below, Furious George & Elements @ The Last Chance Rock & Roll Bar, January 2020

I’ve been supporting this Heavy Melodic Alternative band from Tamworth in New South Wales since the release of their 2017 EP Change. They have a passion and a maturity beyond their years that I could really appreciate and resonate with. I was absolutely blown away when I first listened to their single Broken, being able to fuse several styles of music together and tie it together with Jack’s mesmerizing vocal delivery and inspiring lyrical content. And to top all of this off, they also record, mix, master and produce of their own music as well as film their own music videos and design their cover artwork. That is something to be truly proud of! https://tracesaustralia.bandcamp.com/album/change

More recently, I’ve been connecting with the boys online through social media platforms as well as several live-stream videos in which they hosted some Q&A sessions, a guitar play-through and revealing what they’ve been working on musically in their home-based studio. It’s very rare that you see musicians who are both extremely talented and extremely humble at the same time but this is the very thing I love about them. They take the time to connect with their fans and they also appreciate every opportunity they receive. https://www.facebook.com/tracesaustralia/videos/

To say that I was really excited to meet these boys in person and to see them perform live is an understatement. Today there was a forecast temperature of 37 degrees in Melbourne! I know what my limits are when it comes to extreme heat as I am very susceptible to its effects (light headedness, physical and mental exhaustion, dehydration, increased heart rate). But I wasn’t going to let this stop me from attending! I just have to be prepared for it by drinking plenty of water, wearing sun protection and pacing myself (resting when needed). https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/HealthyLiving/how-to-cope-and-stay-safe-in-extreme-heat

There is also the lingering threat of the Novel Coronavirus! I’ve honestly been in two minds about how seriously I should take this information with many conflicting news reports in the media and warnings from the Australian Government! Should we all be wearing face masks when we’re outside or around members of the general public? I don’t know! Are the media and the government covering up the truth? Possibly! It doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence when nobody knows for sure how deadly this virus really is.

But again, I wasn’t going to let this stop me from going out to the show! If I end up getting infected (I mean, I really hope that I don’t), so be it. That’s life! https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/Infectious/factsheets/Pages/novel-coronavirus.aspx

When it comes to preparing for and attending local gigs, my brain often runs through a huge mental checklist to make sure that I don’t forget anything (Tickets? Check! Water bottle? Check! Hat? Check!). Plus allowing myself enough time to get there is equally as important. When I got to Jordanville station, everything seemed to be running smoothly...until I heard the announcement from the loudspeaker (Flinders Street train will be delayed by 20 minutes). Just what you need on an extremely hot Melbourne day!

So of course I had to endure the now 41 degree heat while waiting for my train to arrive. I was a little worried that I wouldn’t make it to the show on time thanks to the delays but I found out that Elements wouldn’t be starting until around 8pm which gave me a buffer to work with. Getting off at Melbourne Central station, I swiftly walked up Elizabeth Street towards the venue (I was also busting for the toilet at this point)!

I noticed several people wearing surgical marks or respiratory masks but I tried not to let this deter me. I had a quick pit stop at the nearby McDonald's and bumped into Tom and Tori while I was finding a seat. Typically, my coffee was boiling hot and refusing to cool down plus I was running out of time! So I decided to finish it on the way. When I got inside the band room at The Last Chance Rock & Roll Bar, I could feel myself buzzing from the caffeine I just consumed! I was on a positive high, putting myself out there socially before the show officially started.

Of course my anxiety was trying hard to counteract this with unrealistic social expectations (Why isn’t that person talking to me? Hmm maybe they don’t recognize me with the hat on!) but I did the best I could to ignore it! Overall, I had a really good time and ticked off a lot of boxes which I hadn’t done previously.

ELEMENTS...To be honest, I really didn’t know what to expect from this Melbourne-based metalcore band! I knew that they were originally a duo consisting of Joshua Flint on vocals and Adam Haley-Perko on guitar. Plus they dropped a three-track release in October last year! Tonight they played their first live show as a five piece band! It sounded a little rough around the edges at times and they did have a few stuff ups but musically they absolutely smashed it with lots of heavy breakdowns and futuristic electronic samples. I think that this band has the potential to go a long way! Set List: Lucidity, Six Foot Hole, cover of the Architect’s track Doomsday and PREY! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVqgeJNMP1KCIKJVYyU9_9w

FURIOUS GEORGE...Every time I see this band play, they always manage to put a smile on my face! Vocalist Jake Mandaliti was rocking out as usual with his wild mop of hair and colourful, psychedelic-looking shirt (which was actually a collage of different Pokemon)! The band were previously seen at this exact venue last year and they managed to deliver any equally incredible performance here with dark menacing screams and epic guitar riffs. It’s always a good time! Set List: Hell, Egodeath, Repose and Devoid! https://furiousgeorgeau.bandcamp.com/

THE MOTION BELOW...The last time I saw these boys perform was at their EP Launch Show last year and now they’re back here for round two! Vocalist Thomas Katgert was very entertaining, making some light hearted jokes which didn’t go entirely to plan and giving a highly passionate performance! Backing vocalists Ryan Matheson and Stephen Latocha were equally as good with their clean vocals. A very tight and impressive set! Set List: Figureheads, Wasted Years and State of Decay! https://music.apple.com/au/album/cronus-complex-ep/1469929282

TRACES...Despite facing some technical issues at the last minute, it was absolutely worth the wait seeing this band perform! It was a near surreal experience for me as I’ve been supporting and following these guys for a long time and now I’m seeing them in the flesh! I could tell that the crowd around me were just as giddy and elated as I was, belting out the lyrics and even jumping around at the end of their set!

Guitarist Ryan Sanchez Crane could be seen wearing his black bandit mask (reminding me of a ninja warrior) and pulling out some wicked guitar spins on stage! It was also really amusing to see drummer Isaiah Olig-grennan rocking a very stylish cowboy hat during the show, which looked like something Russell Coight or Indiana Jones might wear! As for vocalist Jack Pallett, he was truly amazing and inspirational as he spoke on the importance of music and bringing people together as a community!

While it was a shame that their set got cut short due to time constraints and the venue’s curfew, it didn’t seem to bother me that much at all. I think I just appreciated the fact that I was finally able to catch these boys performing live on stage. I left feeling more than satisfied! Set List: Can’t Stop Me, (New Song), The Light, Rain and Broken. https://music.apple.com/nz/album/cant-stop-me-single/1481772386

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