It's All Coming Back to Me in Waves
Summary: Din is being haunted by nightmares, and nothing you try seems to work in helping him. There's still something you haven't tried though, which will lead him to be even more thankful to you than he already was.
Genre: Fluff. Like, super fluff. Marshmallow fluff.
Song rec: Don't you dare (make me fall in love with you) - Kaden MacKay
Warnings: nightmares, but there's no description of them. Quick mention to alcohol and drug use.
A/N: I highly recommend that you listen to the song. It's so beautiful and it fits the relationship between Mando and reader SO well.
A/N 2: I am so sorry it took me so long to post part VI, but I fell into a bad mental breakdown that completely stopped me from being able to write. Still, hope you enjoy this one because next part is not going to be so pretty eheheheheh
Part V; Masterlist
Sturkillerbase 500 Followers Celebration Party
Come With Me
You could hear him shuffling on the bed from where you were laying on the couch. It had been hours since you all said your goodnights and headed to your sleeping spots. You couldn’t fall sleep though. Not due to the muffled noises coming from upstairs, no. At first, slumber just didn't come to you, but Din slept peacefully upstairs. That is, until the nightmares started.
It started with low, almost inaudible groans. Slowly they became complaints, words that you couldn't make out, but that were covered in anguish and despair. He called out for many things: for help, for his parents, for mercy. The memories of that dreadful day on Aq Vetina when Separatist droids raided the planet, causing the death of several civilians, including his parents.
He inhaled sharply all of a sudden and you knew he had woken up, breathing hard through his mouth, trying to recover from the turmoil his mind had made him go through once again. He sighed loudly, grunting, and since then he'd been turning and shifting on the bed, unable to fall asleep again.
It broke your heart to hear him go through this. You knew how frequent nights like this were, and it made your chest ache. If only you had the power to take all of his pain and suffering away...
A few minutes later you heard him get up, bare feet tapping the wooden floor, making the stairs creak as he made his way to the kitchen.
"They still haunt you..." you said from the couch as he filled a glass with water, all in the dark. He sighed once again.
"Yes..." he pondered as he drank the liquid "They're less frequent now. But they’re still there… I’m sorry that I woke you up" he said.
"You didn’t. I couldn't sleep.” you sat up, hearing him walk towards you and then carefully sitting down on the couch you were on.
���These nightmares had become rarer when we were together,” he admitted, and soon cleared his throat as he thought over his choice of words. “I mean, when—when I came to visit frequently, that is. But they came back all at once the moment I left…” you could hear the regret in his voice as he spoke. Parting ways had been as difficult for him as it had been for you, but you hadn’t talked about that yet. Remembering it was hard, and none of you knew what was ahead of you now, several years later. “Grogu helped a lot, though.” He broke the silence “That little womp rat has no idea how much he’s helped me.” He chuckled fondly and you smiled.
“I’m pretty sure he knows.” You assured him. You were certain that Grogu, however young, understood much more than he seemed to.
After a moment of silence, Din’s hand found yours in the dark, and you looked down at them in surprise even though you couldn’t actually see them. He got up and tugged your hand slightly.
“Come with me.” He said.
“Where?” You asked, confused, to which he chuckled.
“Upstairs. Remember what we used to do when I had nightmares?”
“Oh!” You exclaimed as you realized what he had in mind. “I—I hope it still works.” You said, pushing the blanket aside and getting up.
“I’m sure it does.” Din said, leading you towards the stairs “Careful now.” He let you go up the stairs in front of him, following closely behind, still holding your hand.
You were caught you by surprise when he placed his free hand on your hip. It was a protective gesture – he didn’t want you tripping and getting hurt for going up the stairs in complete darkness. But it made your heart skip a beat, and you swallowed, trying not to focus too much on his touch on you.
Once you made your way to the bed, you two got on it, making yourselves comfortable. That was much easier now that you had a double bed, unlike those years back.
“Comfy?” He whispered to you, trying to not wake Grogu up. The kid was fast asleep, tucked in on his floating crib by the bed.
“Yeah. Scooch in.” you answered, opening your arms for him to come closer.
Din approached slowly, being careful with his hands; he didn’t want to touch you anywhere that would seem inappropriate - he’d never do that, much less without your consent. He carefully placed an arm over your stomach, leaning in closer and laying his head on your chest. You wrapped your arms around him, holding him close. He was too big for you, always had been, but that had never been an issue to you. You liked it, actually. You liked it a lot, but never dared to express the other L word that lived in your heart.
When he felt your arms around him, holding him close, he couldn’t help but pull you closer too, burying his face deeper into your chest and taking a deep breath. It was like all of his worries and sad memories had melted away from his mind, and he fell in a state of peace that he hadn’t felt in years. He could feel your steady breath, and a heartbeat that was beating a little faster than normal, which made him smile to himself – his heartbeat was faster at that moment too.
You brought a hand up and began grazing your fingernails lightly on his scalp, drawing from him a satisfied groan that was impossible for him to hold back. You chuckled at that, and placed a kiss on the top of his head, and at that moment, Din was entirely sure nothing had changed between the two of you, regardless of a decade of immeasurable distance.
Bit by bit, you felt him sink deeper into you and the mattress, and as he felt heavier against your form, you could tell he had finally fallen asleep, a more than deserved rest. Soon after, you followed, a ghost of a smile across your lips as you relished in the thought and the feeling of the person that meant more to you than you could ever explain comfortably pressed against your body.
11 years ago
For the fourteen days Din had been with you, he’d had only three nights where he was able to actually sleep well and rest. Being with you helped a lot - you calmed him down just by being in the same room as him. But there were times that were more difficult for him. He still had his ups and downs.
It was starting to show, though. He was tired, worn out, his mood swinging as daytime passed, and if you could see his face, you’d see his tired, red eyes surrounded by dark circles, his messy hair, and a few small cuts he’d made by accident when shaving, too tired to perform any task properly. In short, he was a mess.
You didn’t want to mention it directly. He didn’t like talking about his past and the nightmares that haunted him since he was a child. But it was painful to see him like that and not be able to do much about it. So, you decided to do what you could: you’d suggested going on longer walks, you took him out, you made him calming teas at night, suggested books with easy-flow and calming stories, and you even went hiking. Maybe if he was tired or relaxed enough at bedtime, he’d be able to have a good night's sleep. But nothing seemed to be working.
At this point, you didn’t know what else to do. You just wanted to tell him you were there with him and to hold him.
Hmm, you hadn’t tried that yet.
Realizing this, you remembered how you used to run to your mom’s bed when you were a kid every time you had bad dreams. She’d hold you close and run her fingers through your hair. That always made you calm down, and you were able to fall asleep peacefully after that.
You thought thoroughly about it during the day, wondering if it would be okay, if you wouldn’t be trespassing Din’s boundaries. You concluded that you had to give it a try, for his own sake.
You brought it up after dinner, when you were both resting in the living room. You were embroidering a small, round scenery full of flowers, and he was helping you by passing the different colored threads through the eyes of several needles. You had offered to teach him how to embroider a while ago, but he was an absolute mess at it. After several messy tries, he said he preferred to just thread the needles to help you out and watch you do it instead. You didn’t insist, of course, but told him to let you know if he ever changed his mind.
You were on the couch and he was by your side, sitting cross legged on the floor, the embroidery materials laid out on the coffee table.
“Din?” you called his name softly. He answered with a hum, eyes focused on the needle he was holding. “I was thinking about something. I hope you won’t mind.”
He turned to look at you, curious about what the subject could possibly be for you to say that.
“Go ahead.” He encouraged you.
“Well…” you brought the needle up to your eye level as you pulled the thread through the fabric, finishing a seam. You passed the needle through the fabric to keep it in place and dropped the embroidery frame to your lap. “We don’t talk about it. And I don’t mention it because I know you don’t like to bring it up. But…” you paused and sighed before continuing. “Your nightmares. They’ve become more frequent. And worse, it seems.”
Din looked away, feeling embarrassed by the situation even though he had no need to. He knew you had noticed. There was no way you wouldn’t, to be fair. He’s been more vocal during them, and the fatigue in him as he went through the day was impossible to miss, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.
“A child could handle them better than I do, I know.” He scoffed at himself. “I’m sorry that I’ve bothered your sleep so many times now.” He said, without looking at you.
“No, Din, no. That’s not why I’m bringing this up now.” You put the embroidery frame away and dropped to the floor, sitting by his side and placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m worried about you. I tried many things to either calm you down before bed or tire you up during the day, but nothing’s worked. I can tell how exhausted you are, both physically and mentally. And we can’t risk it getting to you in the middle of a fight. You could be severely injured or worse, and I really don’t want that to happen. And I’m tired of laying on this couch, hearing you suffer all alone, and not being able to do anything about it.”
Silence fell between the two of you when you finished saying what you wanted to say most. He knew you were being sincere. He appreciated your concern and everything that you had silently done in an attempt of helping him. All of it meant more to him than he could ever put in words.
“I’ve tried so many other things to get them to stop in the past.” He said. “I’ve tried staying awake for as long as my body could take it before collapsing. I’ve tried getting drunk, and I’m glad we didn’t meet when I was doing so. You would’ve hated me then, always looking around for liquor and taking whatever drop of alcohol I could find. I’ve trying taking sleeping pills. First one, then two, and then several at a time… Nothing stops them. The nights they decide to haunt me, there’s not a single thing that can hold them back.”
You gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, looking at him as he spoke, his gaze fixed on the floor, ashamed to look at you.
“I don’t know what to try anymore, except for one thing. And I hope it works, because it’s driving me mad how I just can’t seem to be able to help you.” You confessed.
“You don’t have to worry about me like that, Y/N. It- It sucks. But I don’t want to be a burden to you. I’ll learn to live with it someday. I could sleep in my ship in the meantime so I won’t wake you up in the middle of the night anymore. I don’t you to be exhausted because of me.”
“Don’t even bother with that.” You told him. “I do worry about you. A lot. You mean so much to me, and I’d be a terrible person if I just ignored your problems and the things that are bothering you. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try to help you. You don’t have to learn to live with it. If there’s a solution, then we’ll find it. And I don’t mind spending some nights awake if it’s to help you feel better. Please, let me try.” You were almost begging him.
“I don’t want to bother you with it more than I already have.” He said in a low voice, stubborn to accept any kind of help, even if it came from you.
“It’s not a bother.” You said, sternly.
He looked away from you again, deep in thought and guilt. He felt like he didn’t deserve to be aided by someone like you. And he felt even worse thinking that he was a burden to you, the person that had looked after so many times, the person who gave him shelter whenever he came by, always greeting him with a big smile and arms open wide.
But he was tired. And he would have to admit it to himself sooner or later. He wouldn’t last long if things continued to be as they were now. And you were right, in his line of work, it was dangerous. After a couple minutes in complete silence and trying to avoid the feeling of your piercing gaze on him, he finally surrendered.
“What do you have in mind?” he asked, turning to look at you. You smiled, happy that he was accepting your help.
“It’s not much, but… You see, when I was little, I would run to my mom whenever a nightmare invaded my dreams. She’d hold me close, rub my arms to calm me down. And while I was with her, I knew nothing could get to me. And then I was able to sleep peacefully again.” You told him. “What I was thinking about was that, maybe, if you felt protected, then the nightmares couldn’t get to you.” You gave him a half, shy smile, followed by a subtle shrug of your shoulders.
It was a dumb idea. Childish even. You knew it. But it was worth a try. You weren’t his mother, nor related to him by any way. But there was no denying for how much you cared for him. The feelings you had for him only grew stronger each day, and you were determined to make him feel better and be happier, even though you knew you’d never be able to actually be with him. Given that, looking out for him was enough for you. Or so you tried to convince yourself.
“So, what do you suggest?” He asked again, and you chuckled lightly at his obliviousness.
Getting up, you walked to the light switch to turn the lights off, the warm clarity of the bedside lamp upstairs being the only source of light to guide your way. You walked back towards him and held out your hand for him to take.
“Come with me.” You said.
“Where?” he asked, confused, but taking your hand and standing up either way. He’d go wherever you lead him.
“Upstairs.” You chuckled lightly. “Let’s try something out.”
Holding his hand, you guided him up the stairs and to the bed, stopping by it and turning to face him again.
“I’ll hold you while you sleep, if that’s okay with you.” You revealed to him what he hadn’t been able to realize by himself yet.
His eyes grew wide under the helmet, and he could feel his heart immediately beating faster against his chest. He looked from you to the bed, and then back at you. He inhaled before answering you, not having realized he’d stopped breathing when he heard you.
“… Okay.” He simply said, not being able to say anything else. You smiled, happy that he agreed to your idea.
Pushing the covers aside, you sat on the bed first, reaching for the sleep mask he’d given you that lied on the nightstand. You were both in your pajamas already, as you did most nights, so there was no need to change clothes. You’d become close enough to wear whatever you wanted around each other and not feel uncomfortable or weirded out by it.
“So you can take your helmet of.” You explained, holding the mask up before fixing it on over your eyes. You laid down, getting yourself comfortable, and once you did, you opened your arms to invite him in. “Scooch in.”
He got nervous, despite the fact that you both had been physically very close to each other in the past, like when you danced, or when you watched the Aurora Borealis, and every time you hugged. You often found ways to touch one another and stay close. Too much for just friends, most would say. But holding back was something that had been left in the past, since none of you could do it anymore. This was different though. Much more intimate than all the other times.
He took off his helmet, placing it on the nightstand. Carefully, he climbed on the bed, and maneuvered his way around your body, panicking as he tried to not end up touching you in an inappropriate way. He very carefully and slowly laid his head on your chest and then threw his arm over your stomach, just under your breast.
You could tell he was holding back, afraid to touch you or even hurt you. He would get no rest if he spent the night completely stiff, all the muscles in his body tensed up. Embracing him with your arms, you pulled him closer, earning a surprised small inhale from him. He was big, and his shoulders were wide, so you had to press your arms around him in order to be able to hold him entirely. His heart rate went up, but he didn’t mind your gesture. You began stroking his back in little circles, lightly at first, but putting more pressure into it as you felt his tension start to melt away. As he relaxed, you brought your other hand up to his hair, twirling your fingers through his soft hair and caressing his scalp. That was what made him surrender himself completely into you. You could feel his whole weight on you now, and his muscles were relaxed. He nuzzled closer into your chest and held you tighter, breathing in and letting out a deep, satisfied sigh.
“Feeling better?” you asked him.
“Much better.” He mumbled against your chest, slumber quickly getting to his tired body and mind. You chuckled, and he loved to hear it resonating through your chest.
“Good. We’re at least on the right direction, then.” You said.
“Even if I still have nightmares tonight, I’ll at least have rested, that’s for sure” he admitted.
He started rubbing slow, small circles on your side, and a few minutes of silence went by before you spoke again.
“Often when you are off world and I can’t sleep, I open the ceiling windows so I can look at the night sky.” You told him. “I look up at the stars and wonder if I can see you coming back to me. If the shooting star that just crossed the sky could be a glimpse of the sunlight reflecting on the Crest. I miss you when you’re not around.”
He sighed at your confession, also being guilty of always wondering when he could get back to you himself.
“I miss you too.” He confessed. “I’m always looking forward for the moment I can fly back to you… I wish I could stay forever.”
“Me too…” you agreed. “But you know you can stay forever if you ever decide to, don’t you?”
“I do…” he paused for a few seconds. “Y/N?”
“I—” He started, but stopped himself from saying those three little words that had been caught in his throat for so long now. No. Better not to say them. “Thank you.” He whispered instead.
You couldn’t help the smile that spread on your face, oblivious to the words he’d hidden from you.
“Don’t mention it.” You said and kissed the top of his head. He nuzzled into you more than he already had.
That night, Din slept peacefully like he hadn’t been able to in years. No dreams, but no nightmares either. Only the sound of your heartbeat in your chest, the crickets outside, and deep, deep sleep.
You woke up slowly the next morning, laying on your side and tucked in under the blanket. The sleep mask was crooked on your face, but still covering your whole sight. You turned, laying on your back, starting to come to your senses. You couldn’t feel Din by your side, and given it was a single bed, it was unlikely that he was still there. Still, you reached out your arm to feel the mattress, just to make sure.
“Din?” you called out softly. You didn’t want to risk taking off your mask and seeing him still on the bedroom, helmet off.
“Down here.” He answered from downstairs, voice already covered by the synthesizer of his helmet. You were surprised that he had heard you though.
It was when you noticed a sweet, delicate smell in the air. It was good and made your mouth water, but it made you confused.
“Are you cooking?” you asked, voice louder now.
“Um…” he paused, assessing the mess in front of him. “Kind of.” He answered.
That was surprising and cute. You knew he lacked the skills to make a simple meal, frequently messing up scrambled eggs and even instant noodles. How he managed to mess up the latter was still a mystery to you.
“Do you need help?” You offered.
“No!” He was quick to answer, desperate even. “Sorry. Um, no, thank you.” He corrected himself.
“Okay.” You said, not sure if you should be amused or suspicious. Taking off your mask and putting it aside, you pushed the blankets off of you and spoke again. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
“No, no, no!” He almost shouted “Stay there!”
Alright, now you were definitely suspicious.
“Is everything alright down there?” You asked, frowning.
“It is. Just- Just stay there. Stay on the bed.”
You started picturing scenarios of all sorts, trying to figure out what was going on. Out of many things, one made you speak out again:
“Din, did you ruin my favorite pot?!” You heard him chuckle at you as he fumbled with things.
“No, I didn’t even touch it. Promise.” He said with a smile on his voice. “Are you still on the bed?”
“Good. I’m coming up.”
You sat cross legged on the bed, watching as he started to show up the stairs. Once you could see his chest, you understood why he was being so mysterious. He was carrying a tray on which you could spot a glass, a cup and other things. He walked over to you, sitting on the edge of the bed and placing the tray carefully in front of you.
“I made you breakfast!” He said, cheerfully.
On the tray there was a plate with French toasts on it, sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon, a cup of hot coffee, a glass of juice, and a bowl full of fresh, red berries. It had all been gingerly placed, most likely planned too. But what got you the most was the small, delicate flower he had placed on top of the napkin.
“You did this for me?” You asked him, looking from the tray to him in awe, placing a hand on your chest.
“I, um, yes. I’m not very good at cooking, as you know. This is the only thing I could think of that I can do without, well, ruining it completely. And I still burned the first ones and had to throw them away. And the kitchen is a mess, but don’t worry, I’ll clean it later. Also, I cut my finger.” He held up his hand, showing you the injured finger, a band aid sloppily wrapped around it. You would have to fix that up later.
“It’s French toast, coffee, juice and fruit, how did you even manage to cut yourself?” You asked, grinning.
“I have no idea either” he admitted and you chuckled, making him chuckle with you. “Eat.” He said.
You picked a berry, savoring it and then having a sip of juice. When you put the second berry in your mouth, you realized something.
“We didn’t have any berries at home.” You said. “Where did you get them?”
“I went to the market. I know you like to have berries with your French toast.” If you weren’t already taken away by his kindness, you were even more now.
“How long have you been up?” It wasn’t too late in the morning, meaning he’d been up for some time now to be able to do all that before you woke up.
“A while.” He said, slightly uneasy. “I got nervous, so I got up early. Eat.” He told you to before you could have the chance to ask him why he’d gotten nervous.
You took a bite of the French toast, closing your eyes and humming in approval. They were the best you had ever had.
“What have I done to deserve this?” You looked back at him, taking another bite.
“I didn’t have any nightmares tonight, and I slept better than I have in years. I haven’t felt this well rested in ages, and it’s all thanks to you.” He told you. “I wanted to thank you.”
“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that from you.” You smiled fondly at him. “I’m so glad that you’ve finally rested. I’ll be honest, I haven’t slept so peacefully as I did tonight in a long time too. But I’m glad for you. I worry about your health, about you. And I hope the nightmares become less frequent now or don’t even show up anymore. I’m more than happy to help. But, really, this” you motioned to the tray in front of you. “I didn’t even do much. There was no need to thank me for that.”
“Of course there was. And it’s not just for tonight. I know you’ve been trying to help me with this for the past weeks. You know I don’t like to talk about it, so you didn’t mention it, doing your part silently. I noticed it all, and I am very thankful for that. And that’s only one of the many things you have done for me ever since we met. You are so good to me. It was about time for me to express my gratitude. If there’s anyone in here who’s not deserving of anything, it’s me.”
Din wasn’t very vocal, and he was not very good at showing, well, anything. Still, you knew how he felt. You knew he was aware of everything that went on between you two. You could see through him, helmet or not. He didn’t have to say a word, because you knew from his actions, from all the little things he did. He was thoughtful, kind, caring. He always had your back, just like you had his. But even if you knew he was thankful to you – as you were to him – it was nice to hear him say how he felt. It’s needless to say you were caught by surprise.
“You deserve the whole world and much more, Din.” You leaned forward to place your hand on top of his. “It’s very good to hear you say all that, but know there’s no need to thank me. I do it all because you matter to me and I want to see you well and happy. And I’m very grateful for all you have done for me, too. My life’s had a whole new meaning ever since the day I met you. You changed everything.” You gave his hand a gentle squeeze, looking at him fondly and giving him a warm smile. You knew he was smiling under the helmet too.
He got up and walked around the bed to sit by your side, doing his best to not disturb the contents on the tray too much. Once he was properly sat by your side, he pulled you into a tight hug, to which you quickly responded by wrapping your arms around him as well. As you pulled away, he gave the tip of your nose a very gentle tap with his finger, and you giggled.
You took another bite of your toast, followed by a sip of coffee. As you put the cup down, he chuckled, looking at you.
“What?” you looked at him, confused.
“There’s sugar on your lips.” He said.
You were about to reach for the napkin when he held your chin gently, and wiped away the sugar with the thumb of his free hand. Maker only knows how much he wished to clean that sugar away by kissing your lips. You parted your lips slightly, gazing up at him in surprise – those beautiful eyes of yours did nothing to help him contain himself, but he did the best he could.
Looking away from you for a moment, he picked the flower from the tray and placed it behind your ear.
“Two beautiful flowers.” He said.
You felt yourself blushing hard, immediately looking away. You took another sip of coffee in an attempt to calm your nerves down, and a shy smiled appeared on your lips as you did so. Din didn’t miss it.
From that day on, there wasn’t a time that you didn’t sleep together, easily and peacefully falling asleep in each other’s arms. Din’s nightmares were gone.
@misspearly1 / @misspearlssideblog