Diary of a Horror Buff 8.23.22
Ugh Hey sluts, work was long but I got paid, ooh guess who can pay his rent now its me bitch.
So I've watched nothing but trash so let's also watch something thats not that to make up for it.
Clown Motel: Spirits Arise (2019) dir. Joseph P. Kelly
Ok so in my tubi queue I have a lot of random stuff on it gay shit, actually good horror movies, and the worst bottom of the barrel trash that you could possible ever want to watch. this is the later.
so we start off with some random assholes who make a haunted places style tv show. Like that one zak bagans show.
one day this man will be murdered by a ghost and the world will thank them.
the random assholes are like whoa a clown hotel in the desert that sounds lit. and to be honest the clown hotel is actually very lit however this movie does not deliver on the tourism aspect. The houses that october built this is not.
While these assholes are driving we meet a bunch of women celebrating a bachlorette party. They do not have names they barely have personalities. The first half hour of this movie is dedicated to introducing the single personality trait that each character has.
and before you ask yes Gay is a personality trait.
the clowns are extremely generic looking theres a pig butcher clown whose a rapist, a little person clown whose grumpy and violent, and a full grown man whose clearly trying to homage Schlitzie which just feels abliest.
omg you can have a character with Microcephaly thats actually dynamic and treats them like a person. Amazing.
theres also some subtle homophobia in here but that being said I love that they gay friend packed an entire bag of sex toys on a all guys road trip and somehow there still surprised he sucks dick. Like bruh you share a hotel room with him.
Long story short this movie is bad and does not have enought clown highjinks.
This has exactly zero things to do with this review. I am just obsessed with Aplause's Le Petits Marshel the Clown Plushie. He gives me joy.
The Murder at Glen Athol AKA The Criminal Within (1936) dir. Frank R. Strayer
this was very very boring. mayo boy detective like wah wah I'm on vacation with his idiot housekeeper who I feel like is supposed to be the salt of the earth thug with a heart of gold type but hes just a very unfunny butt monkey. horrible annoying.
The rest of the cast is as follows.
boisterious flapper type who just flaunts how much the men in her life enjoy pussy worship
ingenue #54
a "wise guy eh" mobster
sugar daddy
various fuckbois who don't really play into the plot.
Now tropes are useful for a reason but the main issue with this film is plot. Mysteries really need to be well-structered so that the audience can feel like were solving the mystery along with the detective. This does not deliver.
Fatima's Coochee Choochee Dance (1896) dir. William Heise, James H. White.
Ok so I watched this because I mean ya gotta but what I discovered is really really cool. First check out these two cool articles about the subject.
basically the coochee coochee dance is what we would call belly dancing in modern day. the whole culteral idea we have in america is actually part of the orientalism that occured during the late victorian era. and the coochee dance was both something that was taking the world by storm. People were obsessed with this dance and it was very de riguer. It was also very controversay.
bigsly the unwashed masses are gawking at the haram dances of the orient. Someone must think of the children. well are children not those of the unlettered.
This film also has the curious denotion of being the first censored film since Fatima's hips were a little too hot for teacher and by teacher I mean the local alderman.
Overall a super cool piece of history. Shake those hips fatima.
Nursery Crimes (2011) dir. L. Whyte
hey kids do you like fucked up fairy tales??? well your in fucking luck. so yeah this is exactly the vibe your expecting little bo peep is a crazy little psycho and shenanigans, (moider) happens.
The Video Store Commercial (2019) dir. Cody Kennedy, Tim Rutherford
FUN FACT: The last blockbuster literally ever is in my state.
So this is a movie about a video rental store, (yes zoomer we know), who's making a commercial and honestly I really do wish they still existed not because I don't enjoy the interent but because one. Physical Copies mean that its harder to wipe entire shows off the map like with what happened with HBO Max literally fucking over so many of their content creators.
Also I really want to see a copy of the Japenese Tomie Film Series but the only physical copies I can find are like over a hundren bucks and I don't have that kind of money.
So nostaligia aside this was a fun little horror comedy check it out.
Betty Boop in Halloween Party (1933) dir. Dave Fleisher.
OK I mean why wouldn't I want to watch more Betty Boop Cartoons what can I say I like a dame that can go boop boop de Boop and live in a world were everyone does a jaunty gig.
ok so there a fuck ton of gifs from this film which I'm not surprised there are a lot of really fun visual gags. I also love that Betty Boop is just like yeah I'm a pinup what about it. like she literally just opens the door and is like hey gals what if you just saw my entire ass.
Also victorians had a whole bunch of insane halloween parlor games and one of these days it would be amazing to have a themed holloween party.
so yeah this is just a movie about betty boop throwing a party and then some asshole crashes it.
I also love that the more I watch these old cartoons the more cuphead references I get.
The Cobweb Hotel (1936) dir. Dave Fleischer
Ok so this is another one of those old Color Classics that I remember from my DVDs I watched as a kid.
Basically this is a story about a daring enterpanuer who wants to make the stay the best of the customers life.
also he's a spide so there definetly trying to kill them or something. Serving H.H.Holmes realnesss.
Theres a lot to enjoy here, the horrible dark plot, the tiny person aestetic. the fun action scenes.
All Around a good time.
OK Part of me want to watch more but also part of me wants to go deal with everything else I have to deal with today. So get ready for tomorrow for more fun films.
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