#full of shit. but like ive craved attention all my life and what if im juat latching on to the first guy that gives that to me? i don't | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sleepysturnss · 4 months

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LIPSTICK - Nate D.

── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

summary: you and nate have been dating for years, and you two are basically the perfect couple. nate decides to take a pitstop on the way home from shopping.

warnings: ALL FLUFF NO ANGST😍, kisses, cute ass flashbacks n some dancingg❤️

enjoy!! xx ❤️

── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

i smiled, pinching the tip of a lipstick case, inspecting it before sighing and putting it back in its place.

“whats wrong with that one? i think itd look lovely on you ma.” my boyfriend, nate sighed, placing his hands on my shoulders as he walked up behind me.

“too dark.” i sighed, picking up a few more, repeating the process.

“too light”

“too sparkly.” i scrunched up my nose, shaking my head.

nate watched as i picked through the hundreds of lipstick shades and sizes, occasionally coming behind me and shoving his face into my neck, his way of telling me to hurry up.

“nate i promise ill be done soon” i mumbled, ruffling his brown hair through my red nails, he smiled, leaning into the touch.

he was such a needy boyfriend, like…almost anyone who knew him would think that he couldnt care less about physical touch or quality time, but i knew that he craved that shit.

anytime i was at his house, he was holding me, kissing me, doing anything he could to feel my body heat against his.

like a puzzle piece that just fit, and without him i was just an incomplete puzzle.

like i was almost whole, but there was one piece missing, right in the center.

i liked to say i hated it, his clingy behavior, but i dont think i could live life the same without it, its become part of my life.

nate was wrapped around my heart.

he held it in his soft hands, he could drop it at any moment, but i knew he wouldnt. he would never.

the second he got it, he swore to never let it go, and he stood by his word. he has for three years. ive never met anyone like nate, and id like to think he feels the same about me.

he always knows exactly what im thinking, he can read my thoughts like your reading them right now, its quite impressive actually.

its one of the things i admire most about him, and he doesnt really have to try.

“mama, look at this, it would match your pretty nails.” he smiled sweetly, grabbing a gold lipstick case, holding it up for me to see.

he flashed his puppy eyes at me, like a golden retriever.

i didnt even look at the color before i was handing it to the woman at the register. the look on his face was quite literally priceless, his smile was so cute and genuine there was no way i wouldve said no. it could be a green lipstick, and id have still gotten it.

“you didnt even look at it ma” he whined as i handed the woman my card,

“im sure its perfect nate. besides im just ready to be home.” i shrugged, taking the small bag from her and interlocking out arms.

he smiled, sighing softly, finally being able to get my full attention.

once we got in the car, i connected my phone to bluetooth, hitting shuffle on my playlist.

i smiled when the soft hum of the music play throughout his car, k, by cigarettes after sex.

the muffled rumbling of his worn down honda made the song even better.

his car.

it was the shittiest car i had ever seen.

but i loved it so much.

there were so many memories in this ugly ass car. i always gave him shit for it but i think id kill him if he ever thought about getting rid of it.

“i love this song.” i muttered, running my thumb over his hand. i hadnt even realized he was holding it, it just felt so natural.

“i know you do.” he smiled, glancing at me before shifting his gaze to the road.

“oh really?” i smirked, tilting my head.

“how?”

he rolled his eyes, “you know why.”

i smiled, “yeah i do.”

senior prom.

he took my hand, leading me out onto the gym floor.

“i fucking hate this.” i mumbled, scrunching up my nose at the smell of sweat, alcohol, and weed.

“i know mama, but you look so beautiful in that dress, and your perfume smells like heaven.” he whispered, pressing his forehead against mine.

i could not feel my body. the ammount of nerves he gave me made me higher than any ammount of weed i had ever smoked.

i had the biggest crush on him.

i had the biggest crush on my boyfriend.

and he had the same feelings for me.

“i love cigarettes after sex” he mumbled, tearing me from my thoughts.

“what?” i hummed softly,

“i said i love cigarettes after sex.”

“me too” i smiled.

but i could tell that something had changed,

how you looked at me then.

i smiled at the memory, almost not realizing that he had skipped the turn onto his neighborhood.

“nate, you missed the…”

i paused, grinning at him as i realized what he was doing.

he smiled back at me, eventually parking his car by an abandoned barn house.

the house we had passed so many times when we were sixteen.

the house that i had always dreamed of owning. dreamed of owning with nate.

however now, it wasnt the same. it had been burned in a fire about a year ago. i was so upset when i found out, it seems silly, but that was like my teenage dream.

i had watched my teenage dream die right before my eyes on news channel five.

but none of that mattered, because i didnt need a white picket fence to prove that i was in love with nate, we both knew that.

eventually, we got out of the car.

he led me down the hill, the little weeds clinging to my sweater, the ends of my jeans lightly coated in the mud that was layered below the pretty green grass.

my stupid converse that i wore to senior prom.

the stupid converse that he had bought me on our very first date.

a size too big.

they still fit. three years later,

they still fit.

we stopped at the bottom of the hill, there was a pond not too far from us, there were still a few stray ducks.

he took my left hand, then my right, pulling my arms around his shoulders, his arms rested on my waist.

“i remember when i first noticed that you liked me back.” he hummed the lyrics of the song we danced to in higschool, swaying us slowly back and forth, the tall grass rubbing against my baggy jeans.

“think i like you, best when your just with me…and no one else.” i whispered, pressing my forehead against his, like we did a few years ago.

“i still get butterflies from you.” he whispered, smiling softly.

“ive still got a crush on you.” i whispered back, the corners of my lips curving up.

“your smiles still as beautiful it was when we were in eighth grade.” he mumbled, playing with a strand of my hair.

“your eyes are just as pretty as they were when we were sixteen.” i tilted my head, my eyes subconsciously falling to his lips.

as if he read my mind, he had leaned forward slightly, pressing his lips against mine.

it wasnt rough or forced, it was the perfect kiss a person would imagine.

like the ones in the movies.

the kinds you read in books, that you laugh at when they say their boyfriends lips fit perfectly together.

i used to laugh, but it really is true.

nate was my puzzle piece that fit perfectly against my lips, against my heart.

he pulled away, a small hint of blush had found its way onto his cheeks.

“youve got the lipstick all over your lips now” i giggled, trying to smear it off.

“stop, stop.” he pushed my hand away from his mouth, laughing lightly. “i like it.” he smiled, rubbing his hands over my back.

i took his hand, sitting down in the grass, pulling him down with me.

we just studied the light blue sky for a while, a comfortable blanket of silence warming the atmosphere.

“im gonna buy this house one day.” he glanced at me, “im gonna fix it up, for us and our little ones.”

“really?” i grinned, leaning into him.

his arm slid over my shoulder, hugging me to his chest,

“yeah.”

stop this is so cute i love writing shit like this oddmdme

goodnight cuties xx

#Spotify #nathan doe #nate doe #n8 #sturniolos #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #idk #chris sturniolo #help #sturniolo #sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #fluff #cigarettes after sex #k #cute

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babithyn · 6 months

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august 27th, 2023

tw~ ed/mental health/rant

Its been a while… im currently 31weeks pregnant. this pregnancy has been extremely difficult.

Ive had a lot of stuff happen within the past four months. I moved in with my boyfriend. I got put on medical leave from work. My cars engine flooded. My mental health plummeted. My ED has reared its ugly head. Its just been a lot.

I feel like a burden to my boyfriend. He pays all the bills while all i do is sit at home. I have no source of income so i cant contribute to anything. I’ve been relying on my mom to pay my phone bill. Relying on my boyfriend to keep a roof over our head. all i can contribute is food stamps which i only got approved for last month.

In my 2nd trimester i started binge eating… im not sure if it was the change in my body or just my binge ED hitting me full force. but now that im in my 3rd trimester im barely eating one meal a day. Again i cant tell if its the pregnancy or my ED.

I fo know that my body dysmorphia is extremely bad at the moment. I cant even look at myself i. the mirror without crying. Logically I know im just pregnant but a voice in the back of my head is screaming at me that im fat and that its not just me being pregnant…

Im so sad all the time. And i honestly just want a hug and some comforting words. but i know i cant get that. My bf gets mad when i cry or even just say im sad. So at night when he’s sleeping i just silently cry next to him. or while he’s at work or the gym i sob uncontrollably.

We have some really bad fights sometimes that just destroys me. He says things like “i dont even really know you” or “you barely know me”… … … weve been together for almost 9months now. I’ve been so open with him from the beginning i even recently opened up to him about my ED when we first started dating. I try to tell him small stuff about me and it feels like he doesnt pay attention. He doesmt open up very much to me but i know a decent amount about him. of course we will never know everything about the people we love. there is always something to learn about the people we love and care about. shit im still learning things about my own mom and she’s my mom.

It sometimes feels like he doesnt want to be with me… like the only thing keeping him with me is our unborn daughter… which hurts because i love him so much… And recently he hasnt wanted to be intimate with me… which if course not only hurts but it makes me doubt myself. and i already feel ugly and fat but now… it just feels so much more real.

I crave affection from him so much that last night i had a dream that we went on a cute date. we got matching shoes and we held hands with each other and he called me pretty. but of course even my dream decided to attack me because right before i woke up a random person in my dream walked up to me telling me i was a horrible girlfriend. so my cute dream turned into a nightmare real quick. as per usual…

i miss my dogs… i know random and stupid to most people. but my dogs are my everything. i love them more than anything. Ive raised them since they were puppies. ive had dogs my entire life. there wasnt one second of my life where i didnt have at least one dog in my house.

And dogs lives are so short that being away from my babies for so long is painful.

October 24th, 2023

I never got to finish this post. I don’t remember why but I opened tumblr and it was the first thing i saw.

To continue what I was saying. I miss my dogs. And thats doubled even more now. Since writing this I’ve lost two of my dogs.

My 16 year old golden retriever passed due to old age. She wouldve been 17 this month. Ive had her since she was a puppy so even though it was expected it doesn’t hurt any less.

I also lost my 7 year old chihuahua. She got attacked by two other large dogs and the only way we wouldve been able to save her was with a $7k experimental surgery. I broke down and begged my followers on instagram, snapchat, and tiktok for help. But was only able to raise $50 between gofundme and cashapp. The next morning she passed and i was distraught.

Not only did i lose another one of my best friends but i still owed $3k in vet bills. I didnt take it well and a month later i still sob thinking about her. Shit i cant even type this without crying.

It’s been hard.

My due date is this saturday and im not okay if I’m being honest. I feel like im going to have really bad postpartum depression.

I feel lost. It’s hard to comprehend that im going to be a mom. That im going to have a little human dependent on me for the rest of my life.

Do that get me wrong, I love her. I love her so much already… but am i going to be a good mom? Am I going to raise her well? Are me and my boyfriend going to be good parents. Are we going to be able seal with the stress together?

There are so many variables that have me scared, stressed, and anxious.

On another note my body dismorphia makes me want to die. I have gained almost 70lbs this pregnancy. at my highest i weighed 248lbs. Ive lost 8lbs which i dont know how to feel about. So my current weight is 240lbs without fasting.

I hate it. And it hurts because I can see it. I physically can see the fat right bellow my gigantic baby bump. I can see the outrageous amount of stretch marks. I can feel the fat and stretch marks and not just when i tough them with my hands. The stretch marks sting, they feel like cuts on my stomach. It almost feels like fresh SH cuts.

This whole year has been traumatizing. This whole pregnancy has been traumatizing. Ive always wanted more than one kid but at this point i dont think my mental health could handle another pregnancy.

I have a feeling Im going to relapse with my ED after I give birth. I already have the urges to do so. Which isn’t good because I recently became hypoglycemic again.

To those who font know what that is. It’s pretty much early onset diabetes. Which was caused by my ED.

Ive struggled with binge eating, an0r3x14, and bul1m14 since the early age of 9. Going back and forth between the three on since.

That’s caused my blood sugar to be unable to regulate like a normal person. If I dont eat for longer than 5hours my blood sugar drops into the 40’s (normal is between 70 and 100) and when I eat the highest its gotten was 150 and thats after eating practically straight sugar.

So in simple terms my body produces to much insulin which can make me insulin resistant in the future.

i know this was long and all over the place. Especially since its months of stress thats piled up. I could type more but im honestly exhausted and will probably just make a separate post at a later date.

As always thank you for coming to my ted talk. Be safe take care of yourselves much love 🖤🖤🖤

#4norexi4 #notprojustusingthetags #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ana diary #tw ed diet

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erodasfishtacos · 3 years

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Could you do a blurb of mlb!Harry and y/n doing an interview with a magazine and they talk about how they met, how he decided he wanted to play baseball professionally, being a father and mother and winning the championship

thought this was a cute idea

okay! ive gotten a ton of requests. im going to do it in an article format.

It’s for Times Magazine - he’s over the cover - with the title - A Legend Among Us.

Tom is the interviewer

—

Harry had welcomed me up to his house for the interview. A beautiful sprawling mansion nestled in the woods near a lake in New York - right outside the city where he played.

As soon as I walked in, the house was warm and felt like a well-lived in house. The baseball player had apologized for the small littering of dump trucks, barbies, and blocks that were left behind.

We sat down outside on the patio, it was cool, and Harry was dressed in a Yankees hoodie and Nike shorts - sponsored by them of course.

Harry was actually Nike’s biggest money making sponsor due to his merchandise and memorabilia with the company.

I could tell Harry was relaxed, a carefree smile on his face opposed to the scowl he had when he was on the mound.

There were toys scattered on their pristine green grass, a massive pool, jungle gym, and sandpit - a child’s dream.

Harry cracked a joke that the landscapers hate cutting their grass because of all the toys in the way.

Tom: Mr. Styles - a pleasure to sit down with you. I’m a bit starstruck if I’m honest.

Harry: [laughs] it’s no problem. Thanks for agreeing to come up here.

Tom: It’s a beautiful piece of property.

Harry: Yeah, I love it. My wife picked this house out and she has way better taste than me. She did good.

Tom: Let’s talk about her. How long have you been together?

A soft look appears on Styles face as soon as he starts speaking about her.

Harry: We’ve been together ten years, married for eight now - just celebrated our anniversary a month ago.

Tom: That’s impressive, especially for a sport man like yourself.

I realize that what I had said hadn’t sat right with the baseball player. His tone comes back much sharper with me.

Harry: I don’t need to be rewarded or praised because I’ve stayed loyal to my wife. Just because of my job doesn’t make me a scumbag.

Tom: I apologize. It’s just that you constantly have beautiful women chasing after you.

Harry: Okay? Have you seen the woman I’m married to? She’s fucking gorgeous. There’s a reason we have four kids, can’t keep my hands off her.

Tom: Four kids - three boys and a girl, right? Tell us their names and ages, maybe something about them, if you would.

Harry: Our oldest is Easton, he is six and a half, and is definitely is a little leader. He doesn’t take shit from anyone and bosses all his siblings around. He’s the most like me.

Tom: Is that good or bad?

Harry: [laughs] If you ask me, I’d say good. If you ask my wife, she would say no.

Tom: Then Cash?

Harry: Yeah, he’s four. He’s the comedian. He is such a free spirit, easy-going, and always being silly. He craves attention and always gets it.

Tom: He sounds like a good time.

Harry: He is. Then Ezra who is two and just a sweetheart. He’s sensitive, very caring, but also nervous like none of my other kids are.

Tom: Does that make it harder for you?

Harry: Not at all. I’m just really protective of him.

Tom: That doesn’t surprise me.

Harry: Then we have Briar. Our little girl, she’s about three months old right now. We’re still getting to know her but she is a carbon copy of her mama.

Tom: Interesting. All your boys look exactly like you.

Harry: It was amazing to see those boys come out looking like me. I am man enough to admit I sobbed when I saw how gorgeous she was like her mother.

Tom: Wrapped around your finger, huh?

Harry: Just like her mama. Completely whipped for them.

Tom: What’s the secret that you’re hiding for such a happy marriage?

Harry appears thoughtful for a moment, reaching to take a swig of his protein drink as I take the opportunity to sip the expensive tasting sparkling water he’d offered me.

Harry: She is always making me work for it. In the best way possible. I mean I’m constantly chasing after her. She still plays hard to get like she did before we started dating.

Tom: I think most people would assume it was the other way around.

Harry: YN is the best fucking wife. I mean incredible, honestly. She’s the best mama to our babies. It would be impossible for me to not being head of heels for her.

Tom: What’s it like being a father?

Harry: [laughs] It’s the best. I thought baseball was the best job out there but it isn’t. I love being a dad. I would have a full baseball team if the missus would let me.

Tom: I mean baseball is a pretty good gig, right? You are the highest-paid player in history. You have also broken a massive amount of records that people thought were impossible to beat.

Harry: [his smile becomes a bit cocky as he shrugs] As much as it will make people mad, it comes easy to me but I also work hard because I want to set a good example for my children.

*interview continues about baseball for a bit*

In the middle of a question about his favorite teams growing up, we are interrupted by their patio door opening and a child who looks exactly like Harry toddles over.

It had to be Ezra as Harry had told me the other two were at school. The two-year-old had obviously escaped his mother’s grasp as she is hurriedly rushing out after him.

YN apologizes with a exasperated laugh, a fresh baby tucked in a sling around her chest. Ezra gives me a unsure look before he’s crawling up his father until he’s settled in his lap.

Harry forgets the question, distracted as he helps his son get comfortable in his arms, and a hand coming to rub the boys back.

He is assuring his wife that Ezra is okay, motioning them over to give her a kiss before doing the same to his daughter’s forehead.

Harry: It’s about nap time for this one. [Harry nods down to his son who’s nuzzling into his chest]

I was hoping to get more from the baseball player but as soon as Ezra requests that his dad takes him for a nap - Harry is soothing and agreeing with his son.

He is soft with his son, voice turning into a hum that is vastly different from the rough rasp on the field as he curses out refs.

It was overall a great experience, to get a look into the life of Harry Styles. I was walked out with Harry toting a sleepy toddler on his hip.

I got in my car, observing the Porsche, Escalade, Range Rover, and Lamborghini truck that is a reminder of just how rich this man was.

And I can’t say I’ll ever forget interviewing the most talented sport player that we will ever see in our time and much more time to come.

#mlb!harry blurbs #mlbrry #mlb!harry

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hhjs · 3 years

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I did, just on text. I hate confrontation especially when its about my own feelings since I feel like I will say the wrong things in real life. I have voiced out what I felt, but in all honesty I felt like she was just making up bullshit excuses. She kept telling me oh I just do not like having bad blood with someone, Im like dude just say you liked her and wanted her to be your friend even after all the bullshit she put me through. What worse is Ive always told her that girl is using her.

My bestfriend has a tendency to be taken advatange of because she is too nice, I have always felt like that girl I hated always just liked her because she is a kiss up. No offence to her, but she just does not know when to be mean or be honest. Oh fun fact that other girl that she was talking with used to be my close friend too and also fun fact! This wasn't the first time my bestfriend did shady shit like this with her. Me and her never got along tbh, if it wasn't for my bestfriend hell no.

She was just full of herself and was always about ME ME ME, idk if I was just craving attention but that girl never even complimented on anything. Gosh my bestfriend literally had to force her to compliment me. Whats funny to is I fucking tried to help that girl so hard since I knew her bf was cheating on her, I told her and everything but I became the bad person. I even fought a whole group of friends for this bitch! Turns out she evil asf! Im so sorry this is a long rant!

To this day I do not know wtf went through my bestfriends head and was like OHH ITS FINEE TO

BE FRIENDS WITH THAT GIRL AGAIN. It eats me up sometimes because everytime she is like oh I am hanging out with my "coworker" I keep thinking she is lying. Whats also funny is my other friend asked her about it and was like Did you ever not think it was gonna hurt me? And her ass was like not until now. Like WTF?! Im so vocal about how much I despised that girl. I SWEAR THIS THE LAST PART 😁

i understand what you mean. your best friend... it seems her sympathy for people is one dimensional, shes unnecessarily nice to this person but she doesn't think twice about how it might hurt you. that's not being nice or whatever, it's being an opportunist. she should get her damn priorities straight.

#anon

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vxlarmxrghulis-blog · 5 years

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( lorenzo zurzolo, he/him ) — high greetings to lord rennick of house bolton, the dreaded hellhound. the twenty four year old is known for being quick-witted but has the tendency to be callus too. ( parties, women, and wine never truly interest you; it’s war and mischief that you crave. bloody hands and a dangerous voice. you are a beast in human skin. so go on and show them who you are. tell them, tell them all, ‘you should be scared of me.’ )

HEY Y’ALL! my name is victoria buuuut feel free to call me vic! I’m super excited to be here with all of you since I’ve been stalking this group for a hot minute now! I’m still working on my other intros so this one isn’t completely finished. dont let it stop you from hittin’ this with a like so I can come IM you to plot tho. lil nic here is my fav so the earlier I can start the ball rolling ideas out for him the better!

uh, little bolton trigger warning. if you’re familiar with the family and their practices from the series + show make you uneasy, this is your heads up!

I. STATISTICS

NAME: rennick bolton

NICKNAME(S): nic, renny, ren

ALSO KNOWN AS: the dreaded hellhound

AGE: twenty four

TITLE: lord rennick of house bolton

SEAT: the dreadfort

REGION: the north

RELIGION: old gods of the forest

MORAL ALIGNMENT: neutral evil

GENDER: male , he / him

HEIGHT: 5’11

FACE CLAIM: lorenzo zurzolo

POLITICAL ALLEGIANCE: house bolton, house stark, house targaryen

CULTURE: northmen

SIGIL: a red flayed man, hanging upside-down on a white X-shaped cross, on a black background

WORDS: “our blades are sharp”

II. PERSONALITY

rennick is a clever little lord. cunning, well-spoken, and ambitious. which all sounds good on paper until you really get to know him. then it’s like all of a sudden a light goes out. poof. now you’re truly met with a living personification of what bolton men are truly made of. a self-serving, manipulative, and slightly crazed young man who decides his actions on whatever mood he’s in for the day… although sometimes he just does unspeakable things out of the pureness of his entertainment / curiosity. it’s best not to be around him when he’s experimenting. he learns his best tricks from the tales he reads from books given to him as gifts from across westros that are filled with ideas of how others are treated for treachery. like a child, things like that fascinate him and allow him to have sort of unexpected giddiness from the knowledge he receives from them.

he’s at his peak when he has blood on his hands.

nic also has a sort of snobbish arrogance about him too. when around the right people, the young lord displays an extreme need for attention and compliments which is the complete opposite of what his father would have liked to see him as. but considering that old hag has passed… nic has taken it upon himself to harbor a pretty large ego that’s attached to him along with how incredibly sadistic he is.

III. ABOUT

|||. born into this cold cruel world as the youngest bolton and from the moment he began to grow into a boy he had constantly been compared to his brother, royce. a lovely bloody reminder that he’ll always be second to the famous black arrow. the keeper of the dreadfort. hello, childhood resentment. |||. as he grew into a boy (and living in the ominous black pit of his brother’s shadow), little nic took his chances by causing periodic havoc in the dreadfort whenever he wasn’t forced into focusing on his studies or wearing himself out from training. and we’re not talking about little pranks here and there, we’re talking full out mayhem of young nic doing things a little lords should never be doing. think of that kid sid from toy story when he would blow up toys in his backyard for shits and giggle. that was nic. only his torture would be real. pricking stable boys with stolen kitchen knives. skinning rabbits and making little girls watch. setting the hounds loose on those who would wonder out in the yards. the kid was a mess and he’d get the crap beat out of him by his father anytime he got caught. it was never an unusual sight to see the youngest bolton with a bloodied lip or plum-bruised skin after something went horrifically wrong in the dreadfort. |||. after a while nic had gotten used to embarrassing the family name with his little antics, but eventually he grew out of it after growing tired of being questioned as to why he simply couldn’t act more like his brother. and with his sister being shipped off to get married and his time in the north starting to bore him, nic began his interest in other matters such as conducting the fate of those imprisoned at the castle and inflicting pain there rather on them than on others. we call this growth. now all this energy fills to those who personally deserve it. |||. ( to be continued cos ya girl has two other intros to post )

IV. AESTHETIC

icy snow, black dobermans, steel chains, carving knives, heavy iron, sweet pomegranates, tender bruised skin, a sinister smile, scraped knuckles, mouth full of blood, cuts on your knees, the chill of the wind on goose-fleshed skin, the slash of a sword, the heat of a burning fire, a lonely corridor with the shadow of someone watching you, deafening screams, peeling of skin, black fur to keep you warm at night, long winters, legendary stories you’ve heard a thousand times over, climbing trees, drunk of wine, the feeling of victory as a life ends in your hands, the words ‘please, sir, mercy’ going through one ear and out the other

V. WANTED CONNECTIONS

|||. his own person confidant: |||. a past/current lover: |||. enemies, lord knows he has a few of them:

VI.PINTEREST

rennick bolton

#( ∴ . ˚ ◝ –––––– ❛ 𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐁𝐎𝐋𝐓𝐎𝐍 ❜ / ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ɢᴀᴍᴇ ɴᴏᴡ #swords.intro #unfinished but love him !!

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empresspiscea · 5 years

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lessons and questions that come with the number 3 | published by @viriyaakarunaa on twitter.

are you as a good of a communicator as you lead yourself to believe? where do you struggle with being an active and attentive listener? | I never really thought i was a great communicator. I've always thought I understood what others were saying to a great degree, but ive always had a hard time speaking up for myself. (as I write this I am growing curious where this stems from and how it ties into my 3H cusp on taurus). I think if i just stfu, I would come across as an attentive and active listener, because i am! I just have an opinion on every damn thing and i should share it with more conviction.

do you listen with the intention to digest what you were told? | When it comes to learning, yess! I devour knowledge, and i am the same with stories that peak my interest. though I have noticed recently that I struggle to remain present in social situations, and when conversations that are much more mundane or emotional taxing occur.

3 aligns with the sacral chakra and nervous system. have you don't work to maintain the balance between your mind your emotions - allow neither to fully take charge, but instead to work in balance? | DO I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU - this was literally my life last week. so to sum it up, I nearly got in a car accident because my dumbass didn't process that a green light was actually a green arrow. It wasn't until up was home when i fully processes that my emotions were in full control. there was no rationality filter. In times like those, my awareness is key. I need to know when either my mind or emotions are taking over bc (thanks to astrology) there is great separation between the two. they crave different things. my mind, the intellectual thinker who wants to see something from all the angles and my emotions who spark flames wherever the wind takes them.

how do you respond when you are triggered and where do you have to take responsibility for yourself and the world to make your triggers less explosive? | The end result of many of my triggers is to shut down. Whether it be not confronting it to begin with (mind lol) or lash out since i have to put up with it and then never acknowledge it again (moon lol). I was actually telling myself earlier today that if i have to do something i don't want to do, ima do it, I just won't be a pleasant experience for EITHER of us.

do yo think before reacting or is the reaction is more important? | *insert devilish smile* reacting has always been instinctual for me. it had nothing to do with if it was important or not, I just couldn't control myself. Now, with traumatic programming and coping mechanisms, that isn't really the best thing. But with meditation and some subliminal messages, when can kick those toxic coping mechanisms to the curb.

do you think before you speak? do you take your time formulating your thoughts? how mindful are your conversation or are you talking just because you can? | I don't ever talk because i can, i dont think ive ever been confident enough for that. once i feel like i'm trailing into nothingness i try to excuse myself from speaking. I often overthink my thoughts. I've recently noticed that when i when i am speaking from my feeling (as soon as it sparks my interest) I can articulate my ideas seamlessly. But once I start thinking about how that message should come across, I struggle. (now that makes me curious about my mercury-moon midpoints being in cancer and capricorn. im trying to blur the lines between nurturing and rigidness.)

what do you do for your community? what is your role in your community dynamic? | tbn, not shit. I am very inactive when i comes to community activities, and I would love to start participating more. this will be an exciting part of my journey in 2020.

how often are you lying to yourself and what are you being dishonest about? | it's been a while, I haven't really had something to lie to myself about to, but lemme try to think. some kind of delusional hope that every guy has some kind of prince charming in them deep down. that one. that my path is the best path. idk that sounds like bullshit

when you experience self doubt do you take the time to explore its origin? are you doubtful because you have internalized what other people have said about you? or are you doubtful because, once again, you've lied to yourself about your ability? | yeah this is where the lying to myself thing really starts to disconnect. Because i've lied to myself about my ability? hmm, not quite. ive always been aware of the separation between my isolated bringing and the horizons i would like to further pursue. I want to bring life to the party, but i and ever been the life of the party. and that's the origin of self doubt: "you already know your not capable, so why even bother?" if we want to get deep deep, i can see how much of this is rooted in my mother and her expectations. I've internalized the possible negative reactions others may have, when right now i don't care what anyone thinks of me. I just want to do what I do and feel good doing it.

where do you stand with your inner child? have you taken the time to explore where you are still triggered by your inner child? | yess! me and her are best buds. we've been doing a lot of inner work lately. she's proud of me. I want to honor her.

#universal 3 year #universal 3 month #personal 1 year #personal 1 month #inner child #september journals

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srlkiller · 4 years

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bruh WHY do you think you're black or even American like you talk all this shit then speak like the whitest bitch and you went to the states like once sit down lmao

you literally send all these asks that are exactly like this and constantly go on my tumblr without fail multiple times a week to keep up with me... your IP address shows up every god dam time & i just ignore ur shit so ill just address u briefly to fulfill the attention ur craving from this issue u hav with me.. i clearly know i was born in Australia & nowhere have i ever stated otherwise..

i keep up with American culture, music, news etc etc yes.. and post about it bc that’s what im interested in. never have i stated anywhere that i was from America however i have actually been to ‘the states’ more than once but publicly posted about it ONCE which people can’t seem to grasp the fact that things like instagram aren’t a true reflection of a persons REAL 24/7 LIFE. ive shown small glimpes of my life but you talk as if you know exactly what I’ve done and wher I’ve been..

As for my ‘voice’.. obviously i can’t change that. if I’m from Australia I’m going to have an Australian accent.. if that translates to sounding like the ‘whitest bitch ever’ to you then that’s ok. And like so many things wrong w shit you said in past things too.. using words or music or whatever and using that to say “why do u think ur black?” is racially stereotyping like a mf n u sound so ignorant n confused if u think that way. Also for the fucking record - to set it straight - ive done full verified DNA ancestry shit - stop defining people by black or white or by a fucking colour. I respect & appreciate what a lot of people went thru in regards to racism & you got no idea what my nationality is you’re LITERALLY looking at my fucking SKIN COLOUR.

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writing-in-riverdale · 7 years

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Twin Andrews Part 2 | jughead x reader

part one:https://writing-in-riverdale.tumblr.com/post/158708863703/twin-andrews-juggie-x-reader-an-im-hoping

part three: https://writing-in-riverdale.tumblr.com/post/158929430293/twin-andrews-part-three-jughead-x-reader

a/n: part two of twin andrews is here!! if you love it and want more make sure to send me a request for a part three!! love u nugs🌹

♕

“wow V” i chuckle as we walk out of the gym “i can’t believe you got Betty onto the squad” we all laugh and Betty smiles admiringly to her friend.

“it’s about time we had a cooper on the squad” i chuckle looping my arm in the blondes “thank you both- this has been a dream since like forever-” she swoons grabbing her heart.

“you wish is our demand” Veronica tells her friend as we bow jokingly in front of her we all laugh holding a new uniforms in our hands “should we try them out for size?” i nod eager to get into something that was familiar.

we pile into the girls change room and put on our uniforms “im a vixen!!” Betty squeals jumping up at down and swishing her mini skirt.

“B can you zip me up?” i pull my red hair aside as she zips me up

“wow (y/n/n) looking hot!” Veronica exclaims fanning herself cause me to stick my tongue out at her “why thank you miss V”

we walk out of the changing rooms head held high, it started to finally feel like i was finally getting back into my old life, the one i left a year ago for with my mum. I find myself smiling at my friends glad that i came back, i needed them and I didn’t know that till this very moment.

“have you spoken to Archie?” i was snapped out of my thoughts

“spoken to him about what?” i ask stopping at my locker to grab a few books “Betty didn’t tell you?” i shrug feeling someone’s eyes on me “tell me what?” i press.

“she doesn’t need to know-” Betty stumbled with her words, i furrow my eyebrow hitting myself in the head with my chemistry book “if this is about B having a crush on him then yes i know” i roll my eyes.

walking backwards i giggle at Betty’s blushed cheeks, ronnie joins in on the giggle nudging the blonde with her elbow “approve?” she questions and i nod winking st the girls

“look i gotta go- Pop’s after school to celebrate? we have our very first Cooper and Lodge girl that means milkshakes and burgers on me” i ask glancing at the clock it was the last lesson and I was craving one of pops famous burgers

“sounds like a good idea!” Betty smiles at me “good see ya’s later”

i turn on my heels and collide with another body sending me to a heap on the floor, i land on the victims chest and we bop heads “fuck!” i cuss rubbing my head.

i didn’t get a chance to see his face before i tried to stand instantly going dizzy, hands dart to my waist keeping me steady.

“woah easy there Andrews” i instantly recognised the voice “Jughead?” i exclaim glances at his face taking in all his features and that old beanie of his “oh my god” i throw my arms around him as he circle my waist.

“i wow you look-” i step back glancing at him “you look good juggie” i hug him once more and he freezes before hugging me back. “still not a hugger?” i ask and he shakes his head.

“no but you’ve always seemed to be the exception” i laugh “id love to stay and talk but i have chem-” he smiles “me too, walk together?” i nod following the boy

“so how come you weren’t at Pop’s last night for my big return, i knew something was missing but Archie didn’t mention anything” he goes quite so i figure I’ve hit a nerve.

“how are things?” i ask changing the subject “yeah okay” his voice sounds strained “are you sure?” i press “im here aren’t i?” i bite my lip and walk next to him in silence earning a few glances from peers, a river vixen walking with an ‘outcast’.

“this is us” he point to the class i follow him in just as the second bell rang others scrambling into their seats as Mr Hill slips in behind us “seats everybody” i gulp glances around desperately for a seat i forget we’d be in pairs.

all eyes are on me and within seconds the class is buzzing in soft whispers “Andrews” i hear jughead call sitting a few desks back, he gestures to the open seat next to him and gladly slip into it “thanks jones”.

he nods glancing to the front of the class “welcome back miss andrews” Mr Hill greets me “good to be back” i clear my throat awkwardly the eyes of my classmates piercing into me.

“so the hotter Andrews is finally back” i turn in my seat to see Reggie smirking in his seat running his hands through his hair “Reggie Mantle, god even Chicago couldn’t erase your idiot voice from my brain” i smile sweetly batting my eyelashes before facing forward rolling my eyes.

jughead laughs at my comment and i smile at him “baby you couldn’t forget me if you tried” i shake my head facing forward “oh but baby It’s not your devilish good looks that made you memorable it was more what you were lacking in you know where”

the class erupts in laughter and i smirk at my victory “ive always liked you feisty my little river vixen” he purs.

“enough” our teacher yells standing and scribbling notes on the board “good to be back” i mumble catching Reggies sleazy glances in the car of my eye “gross”

i mumble copying the notes “you okay?” jughead whispers “yeah just sleaze ball taking a little bit of a long look” i gesture to Reggie with my pencil and Jughead narrows his eyes at the boy.

“yeah he definitely hasn’t changed since you left” i laugh trying to hold in my giggles and people’s eyes start to stray from the board to me.

“hey juggie” he murmurs glancing to the board then back to his book “Betty & Veronica wanted to go to Pop’s after school to celebrate them making the team- do you maybe wanna come?”

he puts down his pencil facing me “andrews are you asking me out?” i jolt up shaking my head furiously

“no i um no i was just-” i give up when i realise im no longer speaking English “what i meant to say is that no the whole gangs going to be there and i want to hear more about what’s happening around here- Betty told me you’ve been writing about Jason”

he turns to the front nodding “ill be there, we can talk about Jason another time when it’s just the two of us” i nod returning to my work.

“why aren’t we celebrating you becoming a vixen?” i roll my eyes “ive been on the squad since freshman year juggie it’s not that big of a deal” i tease clicking my pen.

“noted” he replies focusing his full attention to the white board.

“(y/n)!”

i turn to see my brother jogging over to me looking slightly puffed “you good?” i ask continuing to walk my brother following hot on my heels, i was eager to get out of this damn school and to Pop’s.

“are you going to the dance tonight?” i knit my brows “what dance?” i question approaching my locker to grab a few books slipping them into my bag.

“the school dance- its tonight- Betty asked if I’d go with her and Ronnie” i close my locker “she what?” i say surprised.

“i- i dunno she just asked if I’d go with them and i said yes which means you have to okay!” i grown “arch i don’t want to go to a stupid school dance” he grabs me by the shoulders pulling me toward him “please!” he begs.

i remove his hands from his shoulders and start the walk to his car, “please please please please please” i block him out taking long strides to reach Archie’s truck.

“open the damn truck arch” he shakes his head “Archie! Open the damn truck” i yell frustration consuming me at how annoying my brother was being “i swear to god Archibald is you do not open this door i will kill you!” i hiss and he shakes his head.

“ill open the door if you come to the dance” i groan resting my head against the door “fine fine! ill go” i say in defeat earning a happy yell from my brother followed by the beeps of the car being unlocked “hallelujah” i mumble getting into the car.

“Betty and Veronica are going to the mall to buy a dress so ill drop you off and you can pick out something nice okay” he teases smiling stupidly at you “why don’t we both ditch and order in watch a movie something actually enjoyable” i offer clasping my hands together to beg.

“no, i can’t let them go by themselves” i smack his arm “um why the bloody hell not? we can take care of ourselves yanno” i tell him irritation itching at me.

“oh well it’s your first social event back- you need this” i ignore him glancing out the window as he pulls into the parking lot of the mall “bye sissy” he teases. i slam his truck door and flip him off as he drives away.

“jerk” i mumble

“you made it!” i walk toward the blonde and the raven headed girls “i made it” i smile at them as they loop their arms in mine “let’s get you a killer dress” i tell Betty as we walk into the complex and she blushes

“archie tell you?” i nod “when were you going to tell me you asked my brother out?!” i exclaim bumping her shoulder “i didn’t ask him out i asked him to the dance with V it’s not like it’s a date”

“whatever you say coops” i wink at her and run my fingers across the nearest dress rack “wish i had someone to go to the dance with” i think aloud flicking through the hangers.

“what about Jughead? Yous seemed pretty cozy in the hall” Betty speaks up curiosity filling her voice “oh my god!” i exclaim cursing.

the mention of his name reminds me that we were supposed to be meeting at Pops now “shit shit shit” i smack my forehead trying not to think about how hurt he’s going to be when he shows up and none of us being there

“what’s wrong?” Ronnie asks concerned her arms full of dresses “i invited Jughead to Pops tonight and i totally spaced” i tell them guilty “im sure he’ll understand” Betty tries to comfort me placing a hand on my shoulder.

“i hope so” i sulk “do you know what happened with him and my brother?” she shakes her head “they haven’t really spoken since before summer break i don’t think they spoke for the whole summer” i gulp, great what the hell happened.

the rest of the shopping trip i spent too engulfed in my own thoughts and theories about my brother and his former bestfriend that i barely noticed buying a dress and getting to Betty’s house.

“earth to (y/n)” im snapped out of my thoughts by Ronnie, she waves the curling wand in front of my face “you almost ready Arch will be here soon” i nod finishing off my hair and grabbing my dress “ill just change and ill be down before you know it”

“okay we’ll be outside”

i nod closing the door and quickly changing into my dress sliding on my heels and applying another coat of lipstick before glancing at myself in the mirror. i didn’t look half bad i smile at my reflection before the tooting of a horn brings me back to earth

“really archie? i was coming jesus” i complain opening the front door of Betty’s house and walking down the driveway to meet my brother the girls already tucked into the car

“wow little sis you look decent when you put in effort”

i gasp shoving him in the chest “your 10 minutes older than me okay-”

he rolls his eyes at me and mockingly opens the door for me, i smile sarcastically at him and slip in the passenger seat “the quicker we get there the quicker we can get home” i think aloud

“c'mon it can’t be that bad” Veronica teased but i just shook my head “you have no idea”

a/n: sorry for it being long and kinda poopy im in the midst of starting a new part it’s just with the ending i wanted for this is would’ve taken SO LONG! but be excited for part three because their will be lots of jughead x reader fluff! so if you’d like that PLEASE (im low key begging you) to just type a ‘part 3’ or ‘i really like this series or just SOMETHING. silent readers get me down!

and as always requests are wide open my friend feel free to drop a question or a request, love hearing from you nuggets!

-🌹

TAG LIST AS PROMISED: @smadrat @natalieroseg @isak-lo @lena-light

#riverdale #riverdale imagine #riverdale fanfiction #riverdale x reader #archie andrews imagines #archie andrews x reader #archie comics #archie andrews #archie x jughead #jughead jones #jughead jones x reader #jughead #jughead x reader #jughead jones imagine #betty cooper #veronica lodge #cheryl blossom #reggie mantle

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itsjustjakob · 7 years

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The Reevaluation

Man, I don't even know where to start this… literally, my life is just so stressful it seems like lately and I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life. I’m not sitting here trying to make a pity party for myself but damn this shit gets to be a lot lately and it just eats and eats at me.

- So let me just talk about death for a second. something that comes out of nowhere, something that can be seen from a mile away, something that does not care what you are doing or how your life is going, it will find its way to your life whether that being taking your own life or taking someone you love away from you and that in itself is something that I cannot even try to comprehend. 2017 has already taught me that I never know when I will see someone or talk to them for the last time. Like I cannot imagine losing some of the people that mean the most to me in my life. I’ve lost one of my childhood friends and my uncle in the past month, and i just cannot comprehend why they would be taken from my life. Chris’ father was talking about how the last conversation he had with his son was him yelling at him about something, and my heart broke. honestly, it made me think of landon and anna gail. like the last things ive said to both of those people have been vulgar or hurtful and what if they were taken off this earth, like granted both of them have severly fucked me over in life. i just dont know man landon is checking into rehab and i really hope that it has a huge impact on him.

- So now I wanna go in on females and how fucked up my love life is at this moment. lol like im technically in a “Relationship” but i dont even feel like it. its so confusing and like the thing is that i really freaking like shelby i just dont know like i think something is wrong with me. i feel like im not allowing myself to love again. Dont get me wrong i love hanging out with her and i love the idea of us being together, but honestly i just cant take it seriously. idk if its cause of the age difference but its just weird. like i swear we hardly have anything to talk about whenever we hangout. I really dont know what to do like i just feel like im so far deep that there is no way i can get out, but part of me wants to just ride it out and see what happens but im going to state in the fall and we all know how well that worked out last time i was in a long distance relationship. but seriously ive never broken up with someone and i know it would just kill her but i just dont want to be in something that i have to second guess my self the whole time. Then there’s julia, man thats my fucking bestfriend i swear. she makes me laugh so hard and like we click so good its insane and i could see my self with her but it would literally cause so much shit if we ever got together and then its another long distance situation and i just dont want to put myself or anyone else through that because i know how fucked up they are, or maybe im just making excuses because i dont want to get hurt again or i dont want to hurt anyone. and see thats how i know i shouldnt be with shelby because i just talked about someone else. like i want someone who takes my attention away from every other female on this earth like shit is what i crave. maybe i should just be single. i mean i use to tell denver how bad i wanted a girlfriend after me and ag broke up but now im like fuck is it really that important. like i hate the responsiblity of having to text someone back immediately i hate that so fucking much like ill be doing shit and i start to feel bad because i havent responded in a while. idk dude like i just gotta get my shit together.

- then college is fucking me up big time, or maybe im over exaggerating because i had a break down today. i broke down and cried. because i dont think im smart enough to be a physical therapist but i want to be one so fucking bad. i cant even pass intermediate fucking algebra. i feel so stupid like im at hinds and i have a shit GPA whats going to happen when i go to state. i think about joining the military daily but every time i bring it up no one takes me seriously and that pisses me off. idk like i look at people i graduated with and they have full time jobs and they are so happy like maybe college just isnt for me ya know. like i know my parents would fucking kill me but maybe it just aint. idk but all i know is this week has been shit for me. im gonna end this now. peace out to the zero fucking people this is meant to be read by :)

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fitnesstips1017 · 4 years

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Fitness Tips

anonymous asked:

🍦🎀 // In your 'About Me' it says you like working out, do have any tips you could share? :)

-as @phantomrose96 said in this post ‘Prioritize your own happiness. Put your happiness first and foremost and above everything else if you’re planning on taking up a diet and exercise routine.

Because society has done an incredibly malicious job of making diet and exercise about self-hatred. I don’t think I even need to explain this one. Marketed diets and exercises always come with taglines about “buy this product and you’ll lose [an unreasonably large amount of weight] in [an unreasonably short amount of time] and then you’ll look exactly like this bikini model and finally, finally, after all these years and years, you can stop hating yourself!!!!!!” **

( ** “Disclaimer: We’re the ones who made you start hating yourself at age ~10 because we’ve been bombarding you with images and messages that say your body isn’t good enough and you should hate it and change it.”)

That mindset is toxic, and malicious, and cruel, and absolutely mentally and physically exhausting to live with if food and exercise are suddenly only about weightloss. So many people, and young girls especially, will attempt dangerous, unhealthy, desperate things to alter their body to society’s ideal, and society will encourage them to do it.

For the love of god, do not approach this as a means of punishment against your body for not being what you want it to be. It’s debilitating.’

-Dont drink your calories, get rid of soda juice etc -Best drinks: water, lemon water, green tea, apple cider vinegar water (tastes like shit but youll get used to it after a while)-You cant outrun a bad diet. You cant run 5 miles daily yet eat junk food and expect to have a flat stomach, unless your metabolism allows that.-PPL HAVE DIFFERENT BODY TYPES!!! SOME WILL HAVE FLAT STOMACHS AND BIG BUTTS WITHOUT WORKING OUT AND EATING SHITTY AND SOME WILL HAVE LOTS OF FAT AND NOT MUCH FAT IN PLACES THEY WANT (LIKE BUTT) THATS JUST LIFE-Do NOT compare yourself to other people holy shit it WILL ruin you-Do calf raises while brushing your teeth or even just standing around-Squeeze your booty as much as you can esp while sitting, they help make your butt bigger-If you want a bigger butt you NEED to eat. You need protein and carbs but HEALTHY ones, like chicken. Not donuts (tho treast yo self)-You CAN gain weight while being vegan!! @fitnika is proof!! Some foods w lots of protein are beans, nut butter, quinoa, lentils and tofu.-If you want a bigger butt you should use weights. donkey kicks will lift your butt, they wont make it bigger. exercises that will build booty are squats lunges deadlifts hip thrusts etc-Do NOT be afraid of using weights!! You will not instantly become bulky-Drink lemon water (1tsp lemon juice in a cup of water) first thing in the morning-Eat at the dinner table. if you eat in front of the tv or snack while walking around, you will constantly associate that activity with eating-Snack on celery. it takes more calories to digest than it contains so you lose weight -You cannot lose weight and gain muscle at the same time. you can lose weight and tone up, but not the other way. -Get rid of alcohol and drugs-Do NOT work out every day!! your body needs time to rest-Drink a lot of water but you dont need 8 cups. you just need to drink enough to make your pee clear. -Dont drink a full cup of water straight in one chug, instead take small sips every few minutes. this will lessen bloating.-You. will. bloat. whether you eat a donut or a salad or half a cup of water. your stomach WILL expand. -Take it easy. you WILL mess up. there will be days where youd rather jump off a cliff than workout and there will be days where you get to the gym but not wanna work out after 10 minutes of stretching and there will be days where you wanna workout for 4 hours. dont do that tho.-My tiny waist workout (trust me this really freakin works) : side plank raises 4x20 each side, plank twists 4x20 each side windmills 4x20 each side -Find a workout partner, it will motivate you 10x more and you can give each other ideas-Using smaller plates/bowls will make you feel as if youre eating more since the food will be so crammed on it-MEAL PLAN!!!! not only will this make you eat better but you will also be saving a TON of money!! some of my fav ppl on youtube that meal prep are whitney simmons and heidi sommers-Eat the healthiest part of the meal first and work your way downwards-Drop the fast food/going out to eat-Cut back on sodium and sugar-Carbs are energy!! but just like everything, it needs to be taken in moderation-Dont buy premade stuff. salads and smoothies are healthy yeah, but if you buy them premade from stores or restaurants, you’d be surprised by how much sugar and sodium they actually contain.-Cellulite stretch marks and loose skin/fat ARE normal. we all have them. dont stress.-25 min hiit sessions are more effective than 40 min moderate workouts.-Don’t try to ‘’fix’’ your hip dips. They don’t need fixing and are 100% natural.

-Don’t pay attention to JUST calories, look at the rest of the label too. For example, soy sauce is only 10 calories per serving which sounds ‘healthy’ right? What you probably don’t pay attention to is the fact that it has 1040 mg of sodium per serving, which is 43% of your recommended daily intake.-Make sure to have a plan. Is today arm day? leg day? have your workout typed up in your notes.-Brush your teeth 30 mins after eating. It’ll help stop cravings (dont brush directly after cause i read somewhere eating loosens your enamel and it strengthens back 30mins later and idk if it true or not but better safe than sorry)-Eat before going to the grocery store. You’ll be full so you wont be tempted to buy extra food/junk food.-Chewing/sucking on ice for some reason helps me stop my cravings ( or at least lessen them) so maybe they can do the same for you.

all i can think of atm haha. if you have any suggestions/corrections go ahead and add them!!

*im not a certified nutritionist or fitness expert or anything this is all from common sense, stuff ive learned over the years and stuff ive picked up from others please dont sue me if you disagree w something im broke*

Post taken from independentassbitch

https://independentassbitch.tumblr.com/post/163004212965/in-your-about-me-it-says-you-like-working

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hailey-kirsten · 7 years

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Dear Cody,

Ive needed to put something into words since we started talking again. But for the sake of this “blog” I'm going to start keeping I'm going to start where we left of. The day you broke my heart. Ive told you how much it hurt me. I just don't think that you can hear me, or maybe you just don't care to. I still hurt.. even though we talk every day and things seem ok. Im still afraid I'm going to wake up one day and you're not going to want to be here again. And that scared the shit out me. How does one person affect my life soon much. The past 3 months have been brutal. I need you to want me. I need you to need me back. i need you to touch me, to hold me, to love me. and i know that scares you and it scares me too but i need it. The first day i got to see you after those 3 months i swear it felt like you had only been gone for a few hours. The smell of you instantly comforted me. The sound of your voice calmed me down especially since i was panicking and you could tell. the way you comforted me made me miss you being in my arms almost every night. I need that... I stole back the shirt that i use to have at my apartment. i hadn't slept a full night since you stopped sleeping in my bed. I fell asleep holding that shirt and i woke up in the same position. I never thought you would mean so much to me. I never thought the little things you did would make me need you. i crave your attention so bad. its probably because you don't give me much of it... You know id do anything for you. whatever you could possibly ever want, need, or desire i would do for you and wish you would give me that chance. I need you to stop being so scared. I need you to need me. I need you to want me. I need you to put in some more effort than you did the last time. Don't be scared to talk to me. Don't be scared to let me love you. I am not going to treat you the way she did. I am so proud of everything you've accomplished. I need you to let me be proud of you. When our friends ask me whats going on i usually just cry and say i don't know. even now that we are i guess talking? The crying isn't as often as it was. I did cry on sunday because austin came to church with kailee. Not for that reason. but because I've prayed for so long for her to be happy and I'm so glad she's finally getting the things she so deserves. I know its not right to be but im so jealous of her. The man she has in her life would drop every single thing he was doing to be at her side and love her. He doesn't believe in God but arranged to surprise her at church on sunday. something must have spoke to him because he wants to come back. I cried so hard on sunday. i cried on the way to church. i cried when austin got there i cried to myself as i sat in church alone. with no one. i sat there and cried so much. I'm not saying you have to go to church with me, id really love for you too, but thats not something i would ever force you to do, all i can do is pray. i hate how you make me feel. i want to hold you and at the same time you make me want to punch you in the face. you are so careless towards me. I definitely don't mean as much to you as you mean to me. and i don't thing that i ever will.. which makes my heart break even more. Im so scared cody, i can't handle you breaking my heart again. I can't handle the crying everyday and night. i just can't take it. so i beg you please don't hurt me again. i wish you wouldn't be able to break my heart but i know its just a matter of time before you do it again. and God, I pray so much that he proves me wrong.

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cxliginis-blog · 7 years

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sometimes all of my emotions just kind of come to a head all at once. like i know that theres no reason to feel the way i do right now but i cant help feeling this way anyway.

i feel ugly, i feel like no one wants to be my friend, and i feel like im just a needy bitch.

and i know that i shouldnt think those things about myself- that i should love myself, but i cant help it.

i dont like how i look. my hair is always a mess, im too fucking fat (at least 100 lbs overweight), im short so my weight shows too much, and everything i wear looks bad on me. i dont like my smile, i dont like my face (its too wide) and i dont like my chin. every time i see my uncle or my father, one of them has to harp on me about my weight. dont think they think that i own a mirror? or that i step infront of one every day? several times a day? i know what i look like, i know that im ugly and that im fat and that i shoudnt... i dont know.

i realize that i have friends, but sometimes i feel like they dont give a shit about me. a friend can literally say ‘hey, how are you’ to me, and i’ll still feel as if they don’t give a damn. it hurts more when it comes from the guy that i like, even though i know that it isnt his fault. hes nice and i know that he cares about me as a person but sometimes i cant help but think that he could do so much better than having me as a friend. this is why i wont tell him that i like him. i dont think hed ever like me back. im ugly, im apparently selfish-- im just a huge fucking mess. i shouldnt crave attention like this. it isnt fair to them and it isnt right.

i dont want to get out of bed anymore, and all i can think of when im not directly busy, is going back to bed, but sometimes, even now, i cant help but to think about going to bed even when im doing something i enjoy. even right now, as im trying to make myself feel better by venting out my thoughts-- all i can think of is going to bed. i actually want to cry, but at the same time, im trying not to.

i consider hurting myself almost every day. i dont think of it as a way to control myself, but i think that i view it as a way for someone to perhaps finally take my problems seriously. im bad at talking about them to actual people, so maybe if they just saw, if they could just see what was actually happening, someone would begin to care.

ive thought about dying many times before. ive thought about taking a full bottle of advil, or walking right into traffic. walking into traffic seems to be the most optimal way to end my life, but i dont do it because what if i dont actually die? if anything, id just end up bruised with broken bones or unconscious. in a coma if the car is going somewhat fast enough.

maybe i should just get a gun and shoot myself. maybe my 21st birthday present will be a fun license if it’s allowed in my state.

but then, i look like a fucking hypocrite because of how much i actually fear death. i think about dying, and then i think about what would come after. would i go to heaven? hell? would i be reincarnated? would i simply cease to exist?

i think i would be okay with not existing, but id also much rather just have another life. i want a life where i dont have to worry about anything. a life where i dont have money issues, a life where i dont have health issues. i want a life where my family is healthy and where my family is together and we all love eachother. i want a family where my father doesnt get drunk, and i want a family where my mother doesnt hurt me, only to act as if she never did anything wrong. i want a life where i live in a house again, where i can maybe even have a pet. i want a life where i can go to the college of my choice, instead of being discouraged from even applying to it, and ending up with something that i can’t even afford. i want a life where im pretty, a life where i know when to stop eating, and a life where i like to work out and lose any unnecessary weight. i want a life where i would be happy.

#i had to get this out #i feel like i can finally process it #now that these thoughts are finally out of my head and written down somewhere #maybe ill get better one day

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