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cheri-translates · 4 years

Text

[CN] Idle Chat with Shaw

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a feature which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

The CN server was recently graced with a new feature called 随便聊聊 (“Idle Chat”), where you can select a mood and talk to the love interests about work, life, and studies :>

Idle Chat with: Gavin / Kiro / Lucien / Victor

[ WORK - Topic 1: Overtime ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I don’t have to work overtime today! No overtime! I really don’t-- have-- overtime!

Shaw: I can sense your noisiness from your words.

Shaw: Since you want to kick up a racket

Shaw: Come watch our performance. You can scream and shout all you want.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I read a news article today which said that the more one does overtime work, the more efficiency goes down. I think what it says makes sense...

Shaw: It’s supposed to

Shaw: You’re not a robot

Shaw: Why are you always making yourself live like clockwork?

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I have to work overtime again and again. Why are there so many things to do every day? My life has already taken the shape of overtime!!

Shaw: Mm, this is your ninth day of overtime this month

Shaw: It’s really quite a lot

Shaw: What time are you busy until? I’ll see if I’d be near your office at that time.

[ WORK - Topic 2: Income ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I finally got my pay! My shopping cart can finally be tidied up. I plan to get ALL colours of the spray paint you mentioned the last time.

Shaw: ...are you usually such a squanderer?

Shaw: I think you should get two basic colours to practise your skills

Shaw: When it comes to graffiti, it’s not as if the more gaudy the colours are, the better it looks.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: The case I’ve been handling recently started off with an interesting concept. After changing it, it seems to have sunk into mediocrity. I feel perplexed.

Shaw: What’s there to feel perplexed about

Shaw: Haven’t you already found the answer

Shaw: Since you know it’s mediocre, don’t be satisfied with mediocrity.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: There was something I really wanted to buy, so I waited till my payday to reserve it. In the end, it has a higher price now!!

Shaw: If it’s something I really want

Shaw: I’ll buy it directly

Shaw: The more you delay, the further it’d go from you.

[ WORK - Topic 3: Program Progress ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: My colleagues and I completed an incredibly perfect proposal! Everything will be fine once it gets approved!

Shaw: No wonder you’ve been telling me that you’re busy these days when I ask you out to have fun

Shaw: I’ll let you rest at home these two days

Shaw: Your time after that has been reserved by me.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: Every time it’s the end of the month, I’d start counting down to payday. Or else I’ll have no motivation to work at all...

Shaw: It’s so boring to countdown to payday,

Shaw: Countdown to something else

Shaw: For example, that there are only three more hours till you get to see me.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I suspect the other party is doing this on purpose. The program is almost about to be approved and now it got delayed by half a month! I’m never working with that company again!

Shaw: Since there’s still half a month

Shaw: Why spend half a month angry

Shaw: Let’s go, I’ll take you to do something that’d not make you angry.

[ WORK - Topic 4: Program Results ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: Didn’t expect that this program would be so uncomplicated! I even thought I’d have to work overtime over the weekend, but I no longer have to. I’ll come find you at Live House over the weekend!

Shaw: Not bad, your other party is finally behaving.

Shaw: But I won’t be around this weekend

Shaw: Find me in the library

2. Mood: Upset

MC: This program is finally over. I don’t have much of a desire to participate in the celebratory feast. I just feel that I’m finally free!

Shaw: Don’t celebrate that program

Shaw: Come join my band’s celebratory feast.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I took out a 50 cent coin to “assassinate” the other party. The other party is not only fussy, but also dares to lag behind in payment!

Shaw: He’s already behind in payment

Shaw: And you’re still hounding him for 50 cents?

Shaw: biu--

Shaw: All right, I’ve “assassinated” him already.

[Note] “biu” is meant to represent the sound of a bullet flying by!

🦈

[ LIFE - Topic 1: Losing Weight ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: The weight loss methods I collected were actually really useful. I’ve finally slimmed down by quite a lot! I can wear new clothes to the music festival now!

Shaw: You haven’t been drinking cola or milk tea recently

Shaw: Because of this?

Shaw: That outfit you prepared - even without losing weight, you’d still look pretty good in it.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: Why haven’t I slimmed down even after trying so many methods...

Shaw: Watching you change methods to lose weight is pretty interesting

Shaw: Feels like I can write a thesis based on Pi Li Pa La

[Note] “Pi Li Pa La” (噼里啪啦) is one of Shaw’s nicknames for MC

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I. Put. On. Weight. Again.

Shaw: All

Shaw: The

Shaw: Best

Shaw: In

Shaw: Losing

Shaw: Weight

[ LIFE - Topic 2: Meals ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: Today, I discovered a small stall along the street! It’s very delicious!! I think you’ll also like the taste

Shaw: I haven’t even eaten it

Shaw: How do you know that it’s a taste I like?

Shaw: Arrange a timing, we’ll go together.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I visited a hotpot stall which is famous on the internet. It ended up being pretty much the same as the stall I usually go to...

Shaw: These stalls are all the same

Shaw: Focused on sales, and don’t create new flavours

Shaw: Next time, I’ll take to a hotpot place - that one can be called delicious.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I went for hotpot today. In the end, the chilli oil splattered onto my clothes... It was a new outfit I just bought - I’m so mad!

Shaw: ...

Shaw: Are you stupid? Next time, wear an apron when you eat.

Shaw: So how did the hotpot taste?

[ LIFE - Topic 3: Reading ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: Yesterday, I chanced upon an especially good fiction book. I ended up being too engrossed in it, so it was daytime by the time I lifted my head...

Shaw: Sure.

Shaw: The “staying up late” champion goes to you

Shaw: I’ll be forced to take second place for a day.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I recently read a fiction book. The author kept writing about eating, sleeping, and building a garden... And she could actually write over 2000 pages worth of such day-to-day accounts??

Shaw: ...

Shaw: I have a new understanding of how bored you can be.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I just finished a book and am so angry that I’m turning uneasily on the bed!! The protagonist was in a piteous state from beginning to the end. In the end, the antagonist got away scot-free!

Shaw: Ah, I’ve read that book

Shaw: In the second book, the protagonist counterattacks

Shaw: ...does this count as spoiling the plot?

[ LIFE - Topic 4: Games ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: Hahahaha! I defeated the boss in that wrestling game you mentioned. You won’t dare to look down on me now, right?

Shaw: ...

Shaw: You’ve already showed off on SNS, and now you’re specially sending me the news to show off again

Shaw: Looks like you really feel a sense of accomplishment.

Shaw: Fine, I’ll commend you.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I haven’t been able to find any fun games recently... Feels like they keep following the same pattern. It makes me want to start playing old games that I’ve already completed...

Shaw: Since you can’t find any fun electronic games

Shaw: Why not come out and have fun with me? You can even train your body.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: When I played games today, I bumped into an annoying teammate. His standard was obviously average, but he kept blaming others for mistakes!

Shaw: Do you remember his ID?

Shaw: Send it over

Shaw: I’ll go meet him.

🦈

[ SCHOOL - Topic 1: Progress ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: This time, I’ve given myself sufficient time to prepare! My study plan is also set. From this weekend onwards, I’ll be in the library with you.

Shaw: You really want to come with me?

Shaw: Would you be sleeping in the library like the last time?

2. Mood: Upset

MC: It’s not that I don’t want to study, but many things keep disrupting my studies. Actually, I really want to study...

Shaw: Just admit it

Shaw: You’re just not in the mood to study

Shaw: Want me to come over to help you change your mood into a studying one?

3. Mood: Angry

MC: Even after reading the analysis, I can’t understand what it’s saying at all. I can’t study any more. I really want to become a salted fish swimming around in the ocean...

Shaw: A friendly hint

Shaw: Salted fish are dried fish, so they can’t swim

Shaw: If you want things to turn for the better, you could ask me for help.

[Note] Shaw’s uses an idiom in the final line, “咸鱼翻身” ( “xian you fan shen”), which directly translates to “salted fish turning over”. It’s a metaphor for a person who experiences a reversal of fortunes!

[ SCHOOL - Topic 2: Homework ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I breezed past the questions today! And I kept an hour free to practice the skateboard. Didn’t you say you wanted to teach me a new move?

Shaw: One hour isn’t enough to teach a new move

Shaw: It’s easy to fall if you practice it too quickly

Shaw: First, go to the location and let me see the results of your previous practice

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I keep thinking that I’ve turned into an emotionless robot that goes through questions. I can’t find even a bit of passion in studying. Anyway, does studying even require passion...

Shaw: You’re asking me such questions? Seriously?

Shaw: My response is

Shaw: You don’t need it in studying, but you need it if you’re seeking knowledge.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I can’t finish it... I already have many things to do in the morning, and still have to rush my homework at night. It’s not like I possess three heads and six arms!

Shaw: Even though you don’t possess three head and six arms

Shaw: If you add the both of us together, there’ll be two heads and four arms

Shaw: I won’t do your homework, but call me if you need anything else.

[Note] “Three has and six arms” is a direct translation from an idiom, 三头六臂 (“san you liu bi”). It refers to someone who possess superhuman abilities

[ SCHOOL - Topic 3: Pre-exam Revision ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I just did a self-test and feel like the examination questions aren’t that difficult. Didn’t expect that the method you taught me on how to have a productive revision would be so effective!

Shaw: Of course my method is useful

Shaw: How else could I make it into Loveland University?

Shaw: After your exam tomorrow, remember to call me.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: Does re-doing questions again count as revision... But no one can guarantee that these questions wouldn’t appear in the exam...

Shaw: It’s always better to do it than not to

Shaw: As the old saying goes, “Review the old and know the new”

Shaw: Start with the “review”.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I think the teacher has something against me. He said he wouldn’t test the parts that I already revised! How could he do this!

Shaw: It means you don’t know how to identify the essentials. Learn this from me.

Shaw: I can always guess the examinable areas

Shaw: The Old Man even asked if I secretly peeked at his teaching materials.

[ SCHOOL - Topic 4: Post-exam celebration ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I’ve reached Live House. Where are you? Aren’t we celebrating how I’m finally free from the abyss of exams?

Shaw: Five minutes.

Shaw: I brought a cake

Shaw: Since it’s a celebration, it should be more official.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: The exam is over. I’m free. As for the results, I’m not going to think about it. I actually feel a little empty...

Shaw: ...who was the one who wanted my help in comparing answers before the exam?

Shaw: You dared to waste my time, so wait for my punishment.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I compared answers with someone. I felt a chill. The important thing is that I wrote the correct answer for that final question. But my fingers itched and I changed it to the wrong answer ahhh!

Shaw: Since you’re wrong, why continue thinking about it?

Shaw: Let’s go

Shaw: I’ll take you to a place where you can let off steam.

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc shaw

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ghoste-catte · 3 years

Note

multiples of 3 ✌🏼-sgmdrcklee

@sagemoderocklee you’re really trying to kill me lol

This got long as heck so I’m throwing it behind a cut. Read on for answers and fic recs! (Mostly the fic recs)

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

This is a tough one to answer for me generally because I tend to spit words onto the page and once I have written them I no longer remember writing them. And 2020 has stretched on so long that as I’m looking at some of the stuff I wrote in the beginning of this year, I hardly remember what’s even in it. I think at one point someone (@goblin-draws maybe?) mentioned a line in Sleeptalk with Me where the innkeeper calls Kankuro “chubby boy”, and I was like “Oh ... did I write that? Yeah, sounds like something I’d have someone say to Kankuro ...”

It might be easier to talk about this in other terms. One of the scenes I worked the hardest on this year was the fight scene in Chapter 3 of Skeleton Key. The original draft of the scene was a lot shorter, and a lot of the backstory for Misaki’s revenge quest was elided. The scene as originally written was clunky, confusing, and as my lovely wife/beta put it sounded “like a Naruto villain” was doing the dialogue, when previously she’d found Misaki sinister and intriguing. Which wasn’t what I wanted. I basically entirely overhauled the scene and re-wrote it several times. I wouldn’t call it a ‘favorite’ scene (I hate writing fight scenes generally; having chosen to immerse myself in a fandom about ninja where much of the drama comes from battle is my eternal regret), but it is a scene that I put a lot of effort into, and I’m moderately satisfied with the improved product that resulted.

6. least popular fic this year

By far my least popular fic by kudos ever is Pitch Perfect. Which makes complete sense to me. It’s a fic where I’ve written 2 characters who are men in canon as cis women, which pushes a lot of uncomfortable buttons for a lot of people. It contains F/F smut, which is something that a lot of people who choose to read GaaLee probably aren’t out there looking for. And people comment and kudos less on smutfics, I assume because they don’t want their username attached to porn or because they’re embarrassed (which I totally get, no shame there). It’s a modern AU with a sports twist, and AUs are often less popular than canonverse in my experience. I will say though that it has a surprisingly high number of private bookmarks compared to other fics with comparable hit and kudos counts. So I assume people are just a bit more shy because the premise is so ‘out there’. I will say as far as my fics go, it’s one of my personal favorites and probably one of the most intimate and true-to-life things I’ve written? So it actually is a little comforting to know that something so vulnerable has relatively little attention.

9. longest wip of the year

If we’re going based on stuff that’s partially published but not complete, my Gaara-adopts-Shinki fic On My Way Home is my longest in-progress fic at just over 20k words, although technically I started it in 2019. It will probably end up being right around 40-50k when it’s complete, which might end up situating it as my longest fic ever?

12. favorite character to write about this year

Okay, this is an easy one. I love writing Kankuro. I think he is hilarious. He is the devil on my shoulder and a creature of pure id, and every time I write a line of dialogue for him it’s the summation of my rudest thoughts about a situation put in the crudest possible terms. If there were a megaphone directly from my unfiltered brain giving running commentary, that would be Kankuro.

15. something you learned this year

I have learned SO much this year! This is only my 2nd year properly ‘focusing’ on writing fic and investing any substantial time into it. I think the biggest thing I have learned, though, is how to overcome a lot of my self-consciousness about writing stories with NSFW elements in them. Starting out, I was so extremely shy and mortified about writing fic at all, much less things like hugging or (god forbid!) kissing. So taking on the smut prompts I took this year and really buckling down on learning to write the mechanics and emotions of sex has been a massive learning experience. (And sorry, by the way, if I haven’t gotten to a prompt you sent me in January yet. I do intend to write all of them eventually!)

18. current number of WIPs

Ah. The call-out question. My general fic process is idea -> outline -> wip -> edit -> ready to post (where the final draft sits in my docs until I gin up the courage to actually post it). So skipping fics that are just “ideas” on the big mega-list, I have 3 fics in the “outline” stage, 13 fics in the partially written “wip” stage, 1 fic in the “editing” stage, and 2 that are complete but yet-to-be-posted. So, like, 19 total in the offing. (The “ideas” list is even worse lol.)

21. most memorable comment/review

This is such a difficult question because every single comment I get makes me do a little dance for joy. That’s not an exaggeration btw I really sit there and like bounce around in my seat for a moment before I open the Ao3 email. I am not an especially emotive person irl, but there have been times I’ve been brought near tears by comments. I’ll also occasionally show them to my wife like !! look at this nice thing this person said !! and she’s indulgent enough to actually read them. There have been a couple comments that have really stuck with me, that I starred in my inbox and return to frequently, but I don’t want to bring attention to someone else without their permission. I will say there was one person recently who mentioned (not in the comments on one of my fics) that they had found someone who does physical binding of fanfiction and they were about to ask my permission to do that, but then the person who does the binding only does certain ships that she likes ... so that, just, absolutely floored me. The idea that someone might actual want a physical copy of my stupid little ninja fanfictions is, like, so truly immense and completely overwhelming?

24. favorite fic you read this year

You can’t make me pick just one!! (For reference, I have bookmarked right around 180 fics in the past year, and that’s not including fics that I just read, really enjoyed, but didn’t think I could ‘handle’ a second time around.) So, skipping over the ones that AREN’T Naruto ... here is a brief sampling of some faves:

Silica by deepestbluest (rated E, GaaLee, ShikaTema, and Kankiba) - An absolute emotional powerhouse of a fic that manages to skillfully interweave three complex relationship dynamics, satisfactorily resolve them, and give you ALL the sandsibs feels in just over 10k words.

Childhood Not-Friends (series) by MegaWallflower (rated G, KakaGai) - @megawallflower is a KakaGai god for good reason. Absolutely adorable relationship development fics (five of them!) with the premise that Kakashi thinks he and Gai have been dating since they were kids ... Gai just hasn’t been clued into it yet. These stories will give you heart-eyes.

The Bright Side by gidget_goes (rated T, GaaLee) - This is the Buffy AU I never knew I needed, because I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But truly you don’t need any Buffy knowledge to enjoy this fic. @gidget-goes command of imagery is masterful, and the way they manage to snap from snark to tugging at your heartstrings is awe-inspiring. Gaara breaks my heart in this. And did I mention Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat? Because Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat.

Nature vs. Nurture by Bidiza (rated T, GaaLee) - So introspective and so poetic. This looks like a WIP but it’s actually multiple oneshots, although by the end of the second one you’ll be dying for the rest of the promised series.

I’m a Fool to Want You by BeelieveRosemarie (rated M, GaaLee) - Turns out @tuttiefruttiegaalee isn’t just an amazing artist, they’re a writer, too! Slow-dancing that will break your heart. Listen to the Frank Sinatra song while you read this for extra tear-jerking effect.

Let Love be Known (series) by TenTomatoes (rated G, GaaLee) - This is the twist on the arranged marriage trope and Beauty and the Beast that I didn’t realize this fandom was missing. I’m absolutely obsessed with their concept of Gaara as the Beast

I Could Be by LilacNoctua (rated T, GaaLee) - I know I big up @lilac-writes Worthwhile series a lot (deservedly so, because it’s so good it makes you look at the series and go “Why the fuck didn’t Kishimoto make this canon exactly like this?”), but this story made me absolutely die between the butterflies in my stomach and how hard I was laughing. There’s one line--you’ll know it when you read it--that absolutely bowls me over every time I re-read this.

And Then Continue by EgregiousDerp (rated E, GaaLee) - Obviously I’m biased because this was a gift, but @egregiousderp writes some of the the best characterized porn I’ve ever read. You will read this and go “Wow! This is exactly how it would happen!” It’s such a tender, beautiful exploration of Gaara’s insecurities and a very real feeling first time, for all its soft edges.

Cake by citronelle (rated E, KanKiba) - I don’t even know what to say about this one other than ... phew, this is extremely well written, extremely hot, and extremely in character. Just read it. I promise it’s worth it.

Saudade by YumKiwiDelicious (rated M, GaaLee) - I’ve run around reccing this to just about every person on the face of the earth at this point. If you’re in the GaaLee Discord you probably saw everyone salivating over every new update of this fic and with good reason. The twists and turns of this fic will have you on the edge of your seat, second guessing every single moment. And it will break your heart in the meantime. What more could you want?

the love potion commotion by floating_cats (rated T, NejiSasu with background GaaLee) - One of those fics where you wish the author’s sense of humor was your own. So many hilarious moments in this story, and it brought me a new appreciation for a ship I never would have even considered.

Finger Lickin’ Good by whazzername (rated E, GaaLee) - Whazz is another one of those authors where I literally want to rec every single thing she’s ever written, she’s just that good. (Speaking of which, if you haven’t read Fools Rush In and its sequel Degrees of Separation, you’re missing out on the best possible Metal origin story of all time. Don’t deprive yourself of this.) But this story is just ... so incredibly in character for a situation that reads like crack. It’s handled with the utmost straight-facedness and it’s so. freakin’. good.

heart lines by winterberry_holly (rated M, NejiTen and GaaLee) - I don’t even have the words to describe how perfect this fic is. It’s a truly beautiful exploration of Tenten’s relationship with her palmistry hobby and with the people in her life. My heart ached with every single line.

Standing on Ceremony by kuroashi (rated E, GaaLee) - This is just ... such a beautiful wedding story. So lovely, like getting the best possible warm hug from someone you love. If that love one was slightly strange and socially inept, because, well. It’s still Gaara doing Gaara-things. @baphometsss is another one of those authors whose handling of smut scenes is so stupendous it makes me wildly jealous.

Thrall by RokiRiot (rated T, GaaLee) - Idiots-to-lovers with a magic AU twist! This is such a wonderful story, and Gaara’s internal monologue is absolutely amazing. And Lee is Deaf in this fic, which I never ever get to see and which absolutely made my entire day/week/month/life.

Make-Out Consequences by LuxaLucifer (rated M, KakaGai with background canon Boruto ships) - I laughed so hard reading this that I had to take a breather to stop crying. That’s not an exaggeration. The characterization in this fic is impeccable and the humor is to die for. Naruto’s buffoonery truly shines here, and the author’s wit is just beyond anything I could even properly summarize. Hysterical. A++.

Thirteen Strokes by Luna_Lee (rated T, GaaLee) - Again, like, if you aren’t reading literally everything @sagemoderocklee writes, are you even really a GaaLee fan? But this fic is beyond even for one of Eeri’s incredibly excellent writings. The worldbuilding in this, the cultural notes, the imagery ... it’s all so lush and so fulfilling and so beautiful. It’s a story about love and it’s a story that you can tell has love poured into every single line. I can’t recommend it enough.

Checkmate by shadowstrangle (rated G, GaaLee) - The pettiness vibes ... this is so funny. Such a cute story and I love Gaara’s sense of humor here. Not a lot of writers give him a sense of humor, but I love how @shadowstrangle gives him a slightly odd, slightly left-of-center take on humor that still manages to be so funny.

To Court a Village by FanFictionEngineer (rated G, GaaLee) - Another one where my bias is perhaps slightly obvious, but the premise of this fic is amazing. I love cultural misunderstandings, and the idea of Lee trying his hardest to court Gaara ineptly is just so perfect.

affliction of feeling by theformerone (rated E, SakuHina) - One of those ships that it would never have occurred to me to seek out but that absolutely works with how the author’s set it up. The dynamics here are delicious. It’s so rare to find good F/F porn but this is one of them for sure.

Tried and Tested by twentysomething (Rated M, KakaIru with background canon Boruto ships and GaaLee) - Iruka’s narration in this story is just incredible. I haven’t laughed this hard reading a fic in ages. And the concept alone (that Naruto can’t be promoted to Hokage until he passes his chuunin exams ... as an adult ... and Sasuke gets dragged along for the ride) is just brilliant. Amazing concept, amazingly executed.

a fireside waltz by winterberry_holly (rated M, GaaLee) - I really tried not to rec a single author more than once here but for this one I had to. I got about halfway through this fic and immediately started running around ringing the town crier bell like READ THIS FIC! READ THIS FIC! An absolutely smoldering Regency AU with such beautiful, intimate dance scenes. My heart was racing every single time their fingers brushed. If you don’t read anything else on this list, at the very least read this.

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

I really can’t pick just one. I am lucky enough that @egregiousderp passes me her drafts under the table before (or without) publishing, and getting to read those is a private treat of unparalleled proportions. Some of my favorite things I’ve read this year I can’t even rec because they’re her unpublished stuff.

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

This is gonna come off strange because I just wrote such a long Naruto reclist, but I recently watched What We Do in the Shadows, and found an incredibly talented group of authors in that fandom with really amazingly good dialogue and narrative voice. I also read a lot of fic for the new It movies (even though I couldn’t watch the 2nd one for ~reasons~), and damn if there isn’t a talented crop of authors in that fandom, too. And finally with ATLA making its way onto Netflix, I had the chance to start watching that for the first time and found a ton of really good fic there as well!

fanfic end of the year asks!

#answered #ask meme #sagemoderocklee #Anonymous

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lions-arch-chronicle · 4 years

Photo

Issue 5

Mild Spoiler Warnings for LWS5

Image ID under the cut

Title: Breaking the Ice Legion: A New Terror Story: In the latest updates from the charr civil war reports have been coming in that negotiations have come to an absolute standstill. There has been a breakdown of all negotiations after the reported capture of Steel Warband member and second in command to Centurion Steelcatcher, Cinder Steeltemper, who has not been seen since and according to intelligence is to be considered MIA. Imperator Bangar Ruinbringer has also not been seen in the recent weeks, unverified sources claim that the former Blood Legion Imperator was last seen forging farther north. Reports also state that a new enemy has been spotted recently, a before unseen form of icebrood. The Jormag corrupted icebrood who have been referring to themselves as the Ice Legion have been rising from the ranks of Dominion all under Ruinbringer’s command. The United Legions, after gaining control of the southern portion of Drizzlewood Coast, will be looking to push beyond Wolf’s Crossing Bridge up into what is being called the Frost Citadel the main stronghold of the Dominion and Ice Legion. While on the surface this appears to be an advantage to the United Legions this could pose greater risks than ever as the farther north the legions push the closer they get to the looming threat that is the elder dragon Jormag. No comment has been made from the Legion Imperators within the United Legions about the risks that this advancement into enemy territory may entail but with an elder dragon involved nothing is certain.

Title: Introducing skritt fashion reviews

Story: Skritt was told by boss editor lady to seek help from others in writing of fashion column. So Skritt has come to paper reading people to ask for you to send us photos of your shiny shiny outfits. The shinier the better! Skritt will then give a full review of the outfit, the shiny pieces of armor that nice photo people are wearing, and the dyes that they have used. Boss Courica has said that even if the dyes are shiny that we can’t drink them, which skritt thinks is unfair. If you would like skritt to review your best shinies submit the outfit in our submission box. Uh, wherever that is, editor lady didn’t tell me where but skritt hopes that people will find them so we can see all the pretty pretty outfits.Editor’s Note: Outfit submissions can be shared via our tumblr page at https://lions-arch-chronicle.tumblr.com/submitWe promise that Kuritata will have very in depth reviews of outfits (we hope).

Title: An Icy Olive Branch from the Icebrood?

Story: Reports have arrived from reporters Truthseeker and Teekay that a group of seemingly peaceful icebrood were spotted in Hoelbrak within the Great Lodge yesterday. The group was surprisingly peaceful similar to their Svanir counterparts that live within Hoelbrak. The icebrood crowd was peaceful and even willing to give quotes to reporters on the scene. Truthseeker was able to get a very short interview with Svana Dragonbane who when questioned about the dragons and their opinions on them said, “Once, I thought the dragons were a blight. But now I see that Jormag is here to protect us. Ice fortifies, ice protects.” The group departed shortly afterwards toward Frostgorge Sound where there have been common sightings of the Claw of Jormag.

Title: An unbiased travel review of Divinity’s Reach from a Charr

Story: Divinity’s Reach is easily the best city in all of Tyria! The city is easily the most gorgeous with the best infrastructure. The locals are the most elegant and beautiful of all the Tyrians.The city is huge with plenty of shopping opportunities. If you don’t want to spend money you can always craft it yourself at the Dwayna Low Road crafting stations. The most beautiful and just Queen Jennah also resides in the city. The Central Plaza is one of the most beautiful places in the city, just second to the Queen’s throne room. The city is also one of the safest, with Shining Blade members posted throughout. All in all, if you are thinking about visiting Divinity’s Reach I highly recommend it! Plenty of luxury to be had! Editor’s Note: Kittyblog was asked if this review was unbiased as she grew up in Divinity’s Reach, despite being a charr. Her statement was that this was her unbiased opinion but in the interest of fairness we would like to point out her very strong conflict of interest despite how confusing it may be for a travel reporter to have said biases.

Title: The Boasting Hall, Quail on Quail

Story: I know you’ve heard it before but Ascalonian Quail are the best birds in all of Tyria! They are the superior bird due to many things. The first being their beautiful head ornament! It is perfect! You wish you had such a beautiful headpiece! They also lay the cutest little eggs! They are perfect for an egg salad or scrambled eggs OR even hatching more quail! Obviously hatching them and making more is the superior choice of those but all are great! Some quail can even lay an egg a day! Imagine the quail army you could have in a short amount of time! It’d be an army superior to any other animals in Tyria i’m sure! Quail also travel in small flocks and when spooked they majestically burst forward with power and speed to take to the skies(for a moment.) You would be blessed to see such a beautiful display of feathers and power! The Quail’s call is also amazing! Just listen to the male as he calls to his flock! It’s glorious and powerful! Also have you ever seen a small baby quail? It’s amazing! So small and fluffy and perfect for cuddling and carrying with you anywhere you go! If you haven’t seen a baby quail I highly suggest you change that right this moment! Adopt your own Ascalonian Quail today! They are the superior bird of Tyria and deserve all the love and attention we can give them! Editor’s Note: This may hopefully be the last opinion article we do on the birds of Tyria. If anyone at all no matter what the subject is would like to also participate in some non bird related opinions that they would like to share we would absolutely love to hear them. But we also won’t say no to more bird related content if that’s what our readers would like to see. Just please, maybe just a little less bird content.

Title: A true omnivore: I ate like the Commander for a day

Story: What’s the secret to finding the best food Tyria has to offer? According to the famous Pact Commander… try it all. Including, no offense to the honorable Commander, some items I would not strictly classify as edible. To be fair, I did ask for out of the way recommendations, and I certainly got them! Some stops on our tour were fairly respectable, the Meatoberfest in Diessa Plateau, for example, was utterly delightful, but things quickly went in a questionable direction. We tried some Orrian sea urchin, and I have to admit it was enjoyable, if a tad bit salty. Next was coffee with bloodstone, which packed a punch so powerful that I was afraid my soul may have left my body. I think my skeleton may still be suffering the aftershocks and I would recommend avoiding all foods laced with bloodstone dust. After that was enchanted clam bait, inedibly slimy and unappetizing seeing as I am not a clam. Then I was handed something that came from a can and claimed to be flank steak. It tasted more like the faint memory of meat bestowed upon insulation foam. I politely declined when the Commander suggested we consume a clay based Grawl paint to, “Imbue ourselves with its essence.” And suggested we try something more conventional. I was pleased that our next stop was Rata Sum… until I was offered a bag of cat food. With all due respect… I hope the Commander sticks to fighting the elder dragons.

#Lions Arch Chronicle #LAC #GW2 #Guild Wars 2 #Jormag Meetup #guild wars 2 fashion

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tickle-her-senseless · 4 years

Text

Important

Hey all. Just wanted to respond to questions from members of a couple of Discord servers run by the same person following a chaotic couple of days. I’m putting all the info and screenshots (minus names, pics and locations) here, so I can just direct people to this post if they have questions.

I had been intending to just head back here to Tumblr and let the situation lie, but unfortunately the reason given by the automated bot for my ban mentioned “crossing consent multiple times”. Today, friends have been sending me worried questions relating to this, so I’m concerned that the server owner may have made a similar claim in public. Now I pretty much have to say something as that’s such a serious thing to say about someone, particularly on any kind of kink scene.

The mention of consent actually relates to the server owner. Near the beginning of the lockdown, she and I were speaking a lot, she began to tease me in DMs, I responded with a piece of writing dedicated to her, we exchanged pictures - and eventually confessed a mutual attraction. We made plans for the end of lockdown, she talked about driving through Europe and showing me her favourite places. Although her English is perfect, I began learning her language through an app as I wanted to make the effort (Brits are renowned for being lazy with languages), and kept it up every day for months, amusing her with my clumsy pronunciation on calls. Sometimes she would send me explicit comments/thoughts, although I was always nervous to initiate that kind of thing.

One day she sent a message saying that she was still coming to terms with the end of her last relationship and would need to take things more slowly, as she was finding romantic sentiments (as opposed to kinky ones) hard to deal with. Naturally I replied “Of course, in that case I’ll wait for you to initiate that stuff once you’re ready”. At some point afterwards, she sent me a message out of the blue saying “I want cuddles ❤️” and I thought “oh, this is a level she’s OK with” and responded. I think it was the following day when I tried to pick up where we’d left off (without going any further, just cuddling in bed type stuff). She reciprocated and we continued. I also (in an attempt to consider her feelings) asked her if the idea of me posting an old session video on my blog for an American friend would upset her at all. Intending to reassure her about my intentions, I mentioned ”...not wanting to tickle anyone except you and saying no to all of the other UK people on the servers who are asking about post-lockdown sessions”. I also said “I do feel a commitment to you”, which (with hindsight) was probably a foolish or misleading word to use in a purely ler/lee sense.

A week later she sent a message I didn’t immediately understand along the lines of “I thought you were going to let me initiate romantic stuff, you don’t seem to have understood me at all”. I wasn’t sure what she was referring to - the recent story I’d written for her? Use of the word “commitment”? Something else? I tried to talk with her on the phone as some wires had clearly become crossed via text, but she refused for five weeks (citing not being in the right headspace), before finally calling when I sent a message explaining that anxiously waiting to mend the friendship in lockdown by myself for over a month was having a terrible effect on me mentally, and I was going to have to “throw in the towel”, wishing her luck and every happiness.

During our phone call, she claimed that the main issue had been the fluffy cuddle messages which she took to be a serious and repeated boundary/consent violation (citing her wish to avoid romantic talk). This was the last thing I expected and really shocked me. Of course I apologised frantically, repeatedly and profusely. I also said I hoped she could see how I’d made the mistake innocently and honestly when:

- she initiated it the first time, so I assumed it was something she was happy to talk about.

- when I picked up where we left off, she didn’t say “Actually, d’you mind if we don’t today?” and continued the cuddle talk instead.

She said that because she initiated it one day didn’t mean that she wanted to continue the day after - fair enough. The difficult thing to accept was the idea that she felt so violated by the attempt to carry on the next day that she found herself frozen to the point of not being able to say “actually I’m not in the mood just now” and carried on with it, and that I was at fault regardless. She even used the word “harassing” to describe it, which I found very harsh considering my inability to read minds over hundreds of miles. Especially when I couldn’t see or hear her to pick up on body language, tone of voice etc to guess that she was saying one thing but feeling a different way. She said, word for word, “It’s like when someone’s choking you and you can’t speak, you’re literally choking me!” As someone who, as a teenager, was once choked on the ground by my own father until I blacked out and lost bladder control, I did see that as a stretch at best, but chose not to challenge it as she was upset.

I also suggested that, looking back, we probably should’ve clarified exactly what was meant by “romantic stuff” when we almost certainly had different takes on it eg. I’ve cuddled after every 1:1 session I’ve ever had, even platonic ones, purely from the angle of aftercare and a sense of having shared an experience. I was told that despite our different ages and experiences of romantic love, there was only one objectively correct definition of “romantic” - hers.

We went around in circles for over four hours - I apologised over and over while explaining how I got the wrong idea and asking her to understand and forgive, while she tearfully called me a gaslighter, a consent violator, an excuse-maker, a harasser ... eventually I collapsed into tears myself (I’m ashamed to admit), totally worn down, and she softened a bit. She finally said she didn’t believe I’d done anything intentionally, and she still wanted to spend time together in the real world. We made up, spoke warmly as friends for an hour, and I left the call exhausted but relieved. After a few days’ reflection, though, I decided against ever travelling to meet her for real, as the experience had shaken me considerably - and I figured it’d be risky to meet someone in real life when I didn’t trust her completely not to accuse me over either nothing or an innocent misunderstanding. I was still wondering how to explain this to her when things got wild on the server.

A few days ago, a Tumblr user with a stated age of 18 contacted me to say nice things about my blog, which (I hope this doesn’t sound conceited) isn’t out of the ordinary. When she told me she was English and totally new to the scene, I suggested the Discord server as a place where she might make some friends (given the large UK membership) and sent her an invite link. The rest is set out in the mega screenshot saga below, which begins in the staff chat. I’m “SwiftX”, my real name is in teal, the server owner is in blue and her friend and co-moderator is in purple. All other names and locations are in black:

Before sending the last message, I actually typed out five different versions of a counter-argument before eventually deciding to step back. Being totally dismissed and lectured by two people about British labour laws and pub ID measures by two non-Brits nearly a decade my junior was irritating, yes, but the baseless suggestion that maybe I’d done something in private with the new member and was somehow “arguing against” ensuring she wasn’t a child because of that horrified me. As if I’d allow a child access to explicit content to cover my own discomfort - and anyway, I’d done no more than exchange greetings with the girl and point her towards the server, where she was actually verified and granted access to all channels by the guy in purple, not me! After a couple of hours’ contemplation, I politely asked to be removed from the moderator staff, but a disdainful response to my request prompted me to explain it, and why I was upset. Not all of what I said was necessary to say, but all of it was true:

She immediately muted me for 48 hours - “staff disrespect and degrading comments”. Not a problem, I had work to be getting on with. Late that evening, however, her friend arrived in my DMs:

Him: ...it’s creepy that a 32 year old man is potentially teasing a minor

Me: Well I can prove I haven’t teased her, her profile says she’s 18, and the person who exposed her to explicit content was you when you verified her - despite admitting to having had doubts about her age.

Him: ...I’ll drop that subject

Moderator of the year, ladies and gentlemen 🙄 Anyhoo, later that day I received a ban notification from both servers run by this owner, citing “crossing consent multiple times, guilting and being degrading along with causing several conflicts”. I was surprised to feel a flood of relief, but the consent mention really disturbed and worried me, as I’d been under the impression that the server owner had fully accepted that the earlier stuff had been an innocent misunderstanding. Later that day, good friends of mine began sending me worried DMs questioning my record and asking if I’d been inappropriate with a bunch of people, so I’m concerned that the staff may have said something that (deliberately or not) has encouraged speculation. This post is intended to be a landing page to which I can direct anyone concerned about my character so that they they can form their own opinions.

When my follower count began to take off, I became determined to avoid any kind of rift with another prominent member of the community. It’s so frustrating to watch an already niche subculture splinter into factions over needless disputes. This is why I’ve kept names etc. out of this post. If anyone suspects they might know who the server owner is, or actually knows who she is because they’re here from Discord, I would implore them not to out or target her in any way. There are two reasons:

- I don’t want to start a flaming war, I’m desperate to move on and begin improving my mental health after an awful couple of months ... I just need to protect my reputation first.

- I don’t actually think she wanted drama ... I think her genuine perception is that I’ve said something horrible to her. That’s more upsetting than the idea of her trying to smear me, to be honest. I suspect she feels like crap too, and I don’t want to add to her mental load. I honestly hope she’s OK.

Hopefully this will reassure my friends and anyone else questioning my character because of whatever’s been said in that server. I’d also hope that my history of positive interaction here, including being on great terms with everyone I’ve ever had a session with, supports what I’m saying further. It’s a shame this had to happen, but I’m trying to think positively about what lies ahead and trust in my real friends. I’d also like to thank the other members of the server staff who’ve privately sent me messages of support and sympathy having already seen the entire exchange.

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leejihoonownsmyheart · 4 years

Text

Click, Click

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 , 7, 8 , 9 , 10 , 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

Chapter Twenty-Five:

“You guys are the stupidest people I think I’ve ever met in my life.”

You pressed your lips together, letting your hands fall to your side nervously.

Jihoon had been pretty insistent that no one would care if you tagged along to practice and he had been mostly right. Chan had been pretty excited to see you, asking if you wanted to dance to something or other with him. You had politely declined the offer, when Jihoon had started to wander away from you.

You knew that you were being a little clingy, but you were afraid that if you were left away from him too long you might start to think again and after the performance you had just put on, you weren’t really interested in dancing again for at least another few days.

But not everyone had been excited to see you there. Not because of you yourself, but because of other... Fair reasons.

“We aren’t-”

“Careful?” Wonwoo asked, his eyebrows raising. “Yeah, we can all tell that. What were you two thinking?”

You shuffled your feet, but didn’t respond to him, just looked over at Jihoon with a desperate expression. He didn’t look too bothered by the accusations.

“We are careful. We haven’t been caught have we?” He asked.

“Yet, but there are only so many ways that we can trick Pledis into allowing y/n backstage, and in the building,” Seungcheol argued, crossing his arms over his chest. “There’s only so many times that Chan can give management puppy eyes and say that your girlfriend is just a new staff member.”

“If they’ve fallen for it this long,” Jihoon shrugged, and all Seungcheol and Wonwoo could do was look unimpressed.

“Seriously, what if you guys get caught? What are you going to say?” Seungcheol asked. “After that stunt, you, Seungkwan, and Hansol pulled on Instagram there’s no way we’ll be able to deny that y/n is dating someone in Seventeen.”

“Does it help that pretty much everyone just thinks I’m dating Hansol?” You asked, hesitantly raising a finger in the air. Minghao had been watching the three of you guys talking for quite some time, and it was then that he cleared his throat and walked up to you guys.

“Not particularly,” he murmured. “But they were a lot more accepting of it then I thought they would be.”

“Well, a lot is a stretch,” Hansol mumbled.

“I was expecting maybe five people would be happy for you Sol,” Minghao elaborated, throwing his hand on Hansol’s shoulder. “But it’s actually more like ten.”

Hansol snorted, but it was then that Joshua wandered over. He stopped near you, closer than you thought he would get, and offered you a friendly smile when you looked over at him. You were hesitant to smile back, considering the situation.

“I’m more focused on something else,” Joshua murmured, making everyone turn to look at him, wondering what he could be possibly referring to. “Neither of them argued when you called them boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Silence fell over the boys in the dance practice room, and honestly you couldn’t even figure out what you should say. You looked over at Jihoon, surprised to see that he too looked surprised. Like he hadn’t realized that you guys hadn’t argued it either.

“Well...” You trailed off, and the boy’s eyes all fell on you. Your nose wrinkled slightly, and you looked down, suddenly feeling nervous under all the attention. You took a deep breath and looked at your hands, noting quietly that you were shaking.

You tried to hide the action by pushing your hands behind your back.

“We are... I mean... Boyfriend and girlfriend. If we’re going to get caught, we should at least be able to admit that to the writers of Koreaboo right?” You asked. The words left your mouth, and you suddenly felt more alone then you had ever felt in your life.

No one said anything for what felt like... Ages. You sucked in a sharp breath and suddenly reached out taking Jihoon’s hand in yours without warning. You knew he was surprised by it, but he didn’t pull away. Instead he tugged on your hand, making you stumble into his side. You looked over at him to find him smiling at you, a smile that you returned unsurely.

“My girlfriend,” he whispered, his voice quiet so that only the two of you could hear it. You figured if this were a movie, you would be rolling your eyes at the cheesy statement. Begging the other lead not to encourage such behavior.

“My boyfriend,” you whispered back.

The smile that grew on Jihoon’s lips was worth how hard you were shaking at the whole display. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

“They’re cute though,” Seungkwan mumbled looking over at the two of you. You lowered your eyes to the ground, pulling your hand to yourself all over again. You knew that Jihoon was uncomfortable by the attention too you didn’t worry about him being offended by you pulling away from him. “Can’t believe Jihoon got someone before all the rest of us.”

“Did we come here to talk about my relationship status or to practice?” Jihoon asked suddenly. That luckily got everyone back on the track. Seungcheol went to cue up the music they were about to practice while everyone else began to stretch with Soonyoung. Jihoon waited until almost everyone had wandered away before gesturing towards a chair by the wall.

“You can watch from here,” he told you. You nodded and silently sunk to the ground, electing to not take the actual chair. Jihoon didn’t comment on that but he did seem to note your lack of words, and you noticed a bit of concern creeping onto Jihoon’s face. “If you need anything-”

“I’ll be okay,” you assured. “Break legs... Do you say that in Korea?”

Jihoon chuckled, and turned away from you, walking over as Soonyoung instructed the group to get into positions.

You had always liked watching people practice dances. There was something inherently comforting about watching someone learning dances. All stuck in their own little worlds, trying to remember the dance moves in their own little ways.

You had always been particularly entranced by the way that Jihoon danced. It was one of the reasons that you had grown to like him so much when you got into Seventeen. You liked the way he carried himself when he was dancing.

It was like onstage he was this whole other person. His appearance, his height, himself it all disappeared. He became like... Someone else entirely. He had this incredible stage presence that you sometimes felt got missed due to him being in such a large group.

He made every dance move he executed look practically effortless and the way that his facial expression evolved to suit each little move he made... You had spent a lot of time being completely and utterly fascinated by the way he could lose himself like that.

There was a little something off about him today. His focus wasn’t entirely on the dance, and you noticed the way that his gaze would shift over towards you every once in a while.

You couldn’t believe that of all the things that could distract Jihoon- a member that you thought sometimes was so constantly stressed about being nothing short of perfection that he never gave himself time to breath anymore- you had been the one to distract him this time.

You dropped your eyes from the boys as Chan stopped them, suggesting they do a slight choreography change just to make the dance look more concise. As they were discussing it, you slipped your phone out of your pocket, and began to toy around with some of your apps.

You had a few messages waiting for you in your texts, your friends asking you what you had been up to.

You sighed and turned your phone off, turning your attention to the ground.

You couldn’t get everyone’s words out of your head.

You knew they were right after all. You and Jihoon hadn’t ever been the definition of careful, and now all you could think about was the many times you could have been caught. All those times that you two had kissed in public. The walks together at night when it seemed like no one was around. There countless times in Korea in which you two could have been recognized. And all the times in Japan?

You didn’t even want to count the amount of times in which you had kissed Jihoon in broad daylight in Japan for literally anyone to see.

You were so used to your friends calling you lucky recently, and despite all the great things that had happened to you you had never really felt like you were very lucky until just now. Cause you knew that in reality you two should’ve been caught back on day one.

You felt like your body was buzzing and you couldn’t help it, you reached down and pulled out your phone. You checked every trending twitter page, looked at the Jihoon tag on tumblr, tried to see if there were any other kpop dating scandals.

There weren’t, and while you could find some fans talking about how they thought Jihoon might be dating other idols- you ignored the slight twinge of discomfort at that- and a couple of posts about how you might be dating Hansol there wasn’t really anything of substance there that you needed to be worried about.

The posts about you and Hansol however... Those admittedly threw you off. You felt your eyebrows furrowing as you read the- frankly deep analysis of the one Instagram post. People arguing back and forth about whether or not you two really were a thing at all.

Sure it is odd that they would comment under the post, but we all know how Hansol is, he’s just a friendly person

Okay but we know that Hansol isn’t stupid either. And he would never risk his career making it sound like he was dating some random fan for absolutely no reason whatsoever. There has to be something we are missing here

Are you suggesting maybe... It’s a cover up?

A cover up for what? He clearly just has the hots for this fan. I’m mean look at them. They’re cute together, and who wouldn’t want to date their idol?

Can you all just drop it omg? It doesn’t matter if they’re dating or not.

Well, if they are it’s frankly unprofessional. They’re idols, they’re supposed to seem dateable to everyone. It’s a violation of his contract.

A violation of his wha-

You jolted as someone plopped down next to you, exiting the app you were on as quickly as possible. When you looked up, you were half- relieved to see that it was just Jihoon taking a seat right there next to you. You must have been reading through posts about Hansol and your relationship for longer then you realized. A quick scan around the room told you that they boys were all taking a break. He raised an eyebrow at your reaction.

“You okay?” He asked.

Your lips quirked up briefly and you flashed him a smile.

“Just jumpy apparently,” you replied. You set your phone down between the two of you, the screen facing upwards. Jihoon looked down at it, and then after a short moment he reached over, lightly pressing the home button. Your phone flickered to life, and he stared down at the picture of him on your phone.

He didn’t speak really, just looked at it, and you could tell that there was something... Important going through his mind. But what it was exactly you weren’t sure.

The light of your screen once again faded to blackness and Jihoon looked back up at you, the curiosity of his thoughts fading when he did. He got back up to his feet, and reached out his hand to you, smiling softly.

“Let’s dance,” he said.

Your eyebrows raised in surprise.

“What?” You asked him.

“Let’s dance,” he repeated. “Together, let’s learn something. Let’s... Let’s choreograph something. Something for just the two of us.”

“I-I’m not a choreographer, Jihoon,” you stammered. He rolled his eyes and reached down, his fingers wrapping around your wrist. He looked at you, searching your eyes for any sign that you didn’t really want him to be pulling you up.

But you didn’t mind. You quirked up a single eyebrow and at that Jihoon pulled you up.

“I’m a choreographer, and I’m sure you can contribute in some way,” he replied. You scrunched your nose at him, and it just made him laugh. “Or we can just dance to something. 1Million has some couple dance choreographies we could learn.”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“We should do a Yoojung Lee choreography,” he continued, not seeming bothered by the silence from you. “She reminds me of you.”

Your eyebrows drew in, a little confused by the statement. Your confusion didn’t go unnoticed.

“Her dances are very... Emotional,” he explained. “You can see a million emotions running through her when she dances. She has this one choreography to Rewrite the Stars. We should do it.”

You held your silence as he pulled up the video. You had watched a handful of 1Million videos, maybe not as many as you should’ve because you didn’t really recognize the girl who stood center, but... You knew what he meant when he said that her dancing was emotional. You felt your heart racing as the song escaladed, your hands clenching behind your back.

“This dance is barely a duet, it’s mostly just her,” you commented. Jihoon’s eyes weren’t on the screen, they were watching you carefully.

“Well if we did perform this it would make sense, Carats have seen me dance, not you.”

“We aren’t going to perform this,” you replied with a roll of your eyes. He hummed.

“It would be a good way to confirm our relationship if we ever got caught,” he continued with a shrug. “Don’t you want to rewrite the stars with me?” You gave him an unamused look that only made him laugh and sink back to the ground. You joined him there, letting your shoulder brush his.

“At least think about it,” he insisted.

You didn’t say you would but... You also didn’t say you wouldn’t. You couldn’t help but agree that the song was sort of fitting in their situation... And if they were outed it would be a really cute thing for you two to do.

In a way you sort of thought that it suited Jihoon, after all, at heart he was a bit of a romantic, and his life revolved around his work. And he loved to dance, you could see it on his face every time he performed. He loved being onstage, he loved leading the sort of life he was leading no matter how crazy it could be.

And though it was weird to think about, he loved you. So, coming out in such a way... Well, it would be like combining all of his favorite things into one.

“Are you worried?” You asked, your voice soft. Jihoon’s head shifted against yours, a hum leaving his lips.

“Worried about what?”

“What will happen, if people find out about us.”

Jihoon smiled, his hand sliding across the floor until his fingers had brushed against yours.

“I’m a little too excited about you finally referring to us the way you are,” he replied. “Didn’t ever think I would be so fond of something so small but...”

He trailed off, but you didn’t need him to keep talking for you to know what he was trying to say.

“I’m worried. It could ruin.... Everything that you guys have been working so hard for,” you murmured back. Jihoon sighed and hooked his pinky around yours, making you shift just a little bit.

“What happened to that positivity that you are always adopting when you are talking to your club members?” Jihoon asked, an amused expression crossing his face as he spoke. You rolled your eyes but didn’t move away from him. Instead your face just got redder and redder.

“I guess I had just never had something I was afraid to lose before.”

Jihoon was quiet for a long moment, his hand shifting away from yours. You were confused by the action, so you lifted yourself up to support your own weight and looked at him with wide curious eyes.

“What?”

“Just...” He trailed off. “Caught me off-guard again I guess.”

He laughed and gently reached forward, taking your wrist in his hand. He guided your hand slowly over to his chest, placing it deliberately over his heart. You could feel it beating beneath the thin cloth of his shirt. Your eyebrows furrowed, and you scooted closer to Jihoon, placing your hand more firmly over his chest.

His heart...

“It’s beating so fast,” you whispered, raising your eyes back up to his. He wasn’t smiling when you looked up. He instead had you locked in a very certain watchful gaze; his eyes narrowed ever so slightly at you.

“It’s because of you,” he replied pointedly. Your eyes widened a little. You couldn’t help it. It was one thing to know that someone said they loved you, but a whole other thing to actually feel it beneath your hand. Even after all that had happened, all the wrong that you felt you had done... Jihoon was still crazy about you.

Maybe you were being too hard on yourself. Your eyebrows furrowed and you sat back on your feet, letting your hands fall to Jihoon’s lap.

“I know...” You trailed off. “I know that if we get found out there won’t be any denying it anymore. I know that you could get in a lot of trouble. Pledis might even make you-”

Jihoon leaned forward, and for a moment you thought he was going to kiss you. In fact, you knew that was his intention. But instead, he stopped himself, his body close to yours. His eyes flickered down to your lips, he swallowed hard and then without another thought he pulled back.

“Pledis won’t make me stop liking you,” he replied softly. “What is that quote? ‘My philosophy is that-”

“Worrying means suffering twice’, Newt Scamander,” you finished with a roll of your eyes. “Big Harry Potter fan?”

Jihoon shrugged, and finally a little bit of a smile crossed his lips.

“What do you want to do after practice? I’m hungry... You should just come over.”

“Yeah?” You asked him softly. “Okay... Just one condition.”

Jihoon raised an eyebrow towards you.

“Ask away,” he replied, with a small wave of his hand.

You pressed your lips together and looked away from him, brushing your hair to the side as you did.

“It’s just... Wonwoo and Seungcheol are right. We are reckless. It’s a miracle that we haven’t been caught yet,” you explained. You felt your fingers twiddling with the material on Jihoon’s pockets, unsure of what to say or do. “I just want to be more careful. I don’t want to risk anything anymore.”

You still weren’t looking at Jihoon, so he reached forward, his fingers brushing yours gently.

“We can be careful,” he agreed. “If it will ease your mind.”

You weren’t sure if it really would ease your mind, but you thought that if anything would keep your heart from racing the way it was right now, then it would have to be this.

Chapter Twenty-Six

#Lee Jihoon #Click Click by leejihoonownsmyheart #Woozi #Woozi Seventeen #Seventeen #Seventeen Kpop #Svt Kpop #Woozi Fanfic #Woozi Fanfiction #Lee Jihoon Fanfiction

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Transcript: Home Brew 08: Skeleton Party

Thank you for your patience! Please explore this transcript of our latest episode at your leisure and look forward to more transcripts to be posted here and on the homebrewpodcast.podbean.com page!

Order of events:

☕ Hero Cultus!

☕ Main topic: Shadow Work & A Skeleton Party Near You

☕ Mythic feature: El Sombreron (A Guatemalan Tale)

☕ Devotional thought with Danny

DANNY: Hi, and welcome to Home Brew podcast. I'm Danny…

JOHNA: And I’m Johna, two pagan friends exploring spirituality in the Modern Age.

DANNY: We’re queer…

JOHNA: And definitely not so white.

DANNY: So please be aware that we are grown-ups, who may discuss sensitive topics as they relate to our own experiences.

JOHNA: That being said, we welcome and incorporate the experiences of our listeners. You can contribute by messaging homebrewpodcast.tumblr.com—

DANNY: Or by tagging @homebrewpagans on Twitter. And so, let’s get into the episode!

[transition music]

DANNY: This episode we're going to have a new segment that we're gonna introduce in lieu of Make Talk Good, definitely not because we forgot to do—

JOHNA: —we didn't forget, we remembered very good.

DANNY: It's fine. But as we have no Make Talk Good to show you today, we also wanted to introduce the segment anyway called Hero Cultist and we're going to talk more about that in just a second.

JOHNA: And after Hero Cultist we’re going to get into our main topic, shadow work.

DANNY: Whoo!

JOHNA: The Ultimate skeleton party.

DANNY: Yeah, and then after that we're going to wrap our myth and our devotional thought kind of together as one, and you'll see what I mean when we get there.

JOHNA: Dude.

BOTH: [laugh]

JOHNA: I'm so excited about this segment because I know we've been wanting to do some other stuff, but here it is. We are introducing hero cultist. We just want to take a few minutes to recognize the figures that may not be gods but have nevertheless made a huge impact on our culture or our development as people. I know—well, Danny, you haven't read American Gods, but maybe our reader has read American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

DANNY: I've read American Gods.

JOHNA: Oh, wait you did?

DANNY: Yeah! I haven't seen the TV show, though.

JOHNA: Oh, I haven't seen that either, but I only care about the book

BOTH: [laughs]

JOHNA: Um. There's a character that remarks something like “heroes are the same as gods, except they're allowed to fail.” This stuck with me for a long time, so I want to find ways to respect the influence that some figures had in my real actual life practice. So, for Hero Cultist I have a shout-out to the spirit of Leonard Nimoy. Thank you, dude. Thank you for bringing your legacy of questioning to daytime television. I reblog “The Hobbit Song” in your honor.

DANNY: [chuckle] And I shout out to the spirit of Terry Pratchett. Thank you for bringing your legacy of righteous anger to comical literature. I will have a nice cigar in your honor, once I’m allowed to do so post-surgery, which is happening tomorrow. Or early—early today, it’s very very very late. It’s later than usual here, my listeners.

JOHNA: He would appreciate that cigar, dude.

DANNY: Though like having a cigar right before surgery is like such a Sam Vimes thing to do I kind of want to do it. I’m definitely not going to because I'd get uh beaten up by my spouse.

JOHNA: Yay!

DANNY: Proverbially. With love.

JOHNA: Yeah. Don’t do that.

DANNY: [laughs]

JOHNA: Leonard Nimoy, Terry Pratchett. We honor you.

DANNY: Yes.

JOHNA: Moving along.

DANNY: [laughs]

JOHNA: Shadowwork. Have you heard of it?

DANNY: I have heard of shadowwork.

JOHNA: As a cool fun Pagan pastime, perhaps?

DANNY: Yeah.

JOHNA: Oh my god, it pains me sometimes. Thinking about how shadowwork is used, at least in internet pagan land, as sort of a system of, like, dark and edgy personality tests can be bothersome. I mean, I know that like what we put online is not the sum of our practice. Basically, we're just trying to like share the fun bits, share what might generate interest, but new people who are just getting interested only have those superficial attention-grabbing tidbits.

So I’m going to give you a super quick rundown of Jungian psychology. That's Jung, J-U-N-G. So Carl Jung was one of Freud's proteges. When Freud realized that he couldn't be famous and successful and get money from benefactors by calling out family rapists for messing up perfectly good children, he sold out and he wrote all about how kids just latently desire their parents in a sexual way, so it’s actually all okay.

DANNY: Nasty.

JOHNA: Yeah. Ugh. Kay. Jung, who did study under Freud, managed to sidestep some of that and wrote all about how maybe it's horrific parents, maybe it's not, but maybe it might could be, but anyway he knows that for sure that it happens at kids, it happens to them.

My thoughts about Jung and Freud aside, the theory is very useful. In Jungian Theory, the shadow is considered the whole of the hidden and/or undesirable aspects of the personality. The shadow is sort of a potpourri of the id and the subconscious and the emotional all thrown together. It's instinctive and irrational and it tends to project our weaknesses onto others in the form of moral judgments, of jealousy or anger.

People tend to ignore or distract from their shadow personality aspects, but Jungian shadowwork tries to expose and embrace those aspects. So the work is meant to liberate your mind so that you can make deliberate choices that improve your mental health. Many times in therapy you'll find techniques that ask you to confront your shadow, like introspective journaling or guided meditations. But because this work requires a lot of emotional heavy lifting, many people find it useful to use a spiritual lens and approach it with techniques like divination and prayer and spirit journeying.

DANNY: So something to keep in mind as you approach the concept of shadowwork is that there are a billion different ways that shadowwork can be, and we’ll kind of get into those anecdotally in a second, but even deciding what type of shadowwork in the realm of secular versus spiritual is actually something that you're going to be faced with eventually.

For example, shadowwork in the realm of just therapy specifically for work that pertains to mindfulness is really really difficult for me. Mindfulness, just kind of a brief, like, definition, I suppose, is a technique that therapists use a lot, especially lately. It's a really effective, like, meditation technique on the fly that helps train your brain to focus on what is happening to you and about you and within you at the exact moment in time that you are present in. So it teaches you to not dwell on the past or worry about the future, but to be completely in the present.

It is a great tool and it does not work for me. So when I did have to do, when I decided to do shadowwork to benefit some of my, some of struggles that I was going through, it helped me to do that work through the lens of spirituality. And there's really no reason why or why not, it just be like that sometimes.

So when you approach the techniques of shadowwork, know that it might not work out the first time around, and it might be because you are approaching shadowwork in an entirely different realm to what is actually compatible with you. So if you want to do this thing but, say, spirit journeying and journals and tarot aren't working for you—I think everybody should go to therapy anyways just, just as a rule—but try maybe therapy or some kind of mindfulness or cognitive behavioral therapy, something that’s more secular. This can be interchangeable. It can be a little of column A, little of column B. But expect to also have that be some but you have to figure out as well, which I didn't really know what the time.

JOHNA: That's an excellent point. It all just depends on your goal.

DANNY: Yeah.

JOHNA: It depends on you, what works for you and your goal. I remember my first attempts at shadowwork were, I mean I remember them being very very aesthetic. I mean, I approached it from primarily a religious perspective, you know. I wanted to be close to my gods, I wanted to improve my energy work. So I would be like, like meditating after midnight, and only by the light of my Michaels-brand black pillar candles. But allowing, like, the perfumes of totally good and legit incense to allow me to journey into my deeper self.

So, like, I was experimenting a lot. I was trying a bunch of things all at once to see what worked and generally exploring. I didn't know what kinds of skeletons were in my closet. One time I did visualize a house, and I found a literal skeleton in the closet. And I didn't know what to do about it, not at the time. I didn’t know what it was or what I should do, so. That was just when I was first trying it.

Shadowwork’s not something that you do intensely always all the time, at least most people don't. But, you know, you come back to it when you're done or when you've figured out something else that you want to do. So my more recent attempts at shadowwork are obviously, you know, less theatrical and a lot more focused. And while I do pray, I also use techniques that are mostly secular. I might be more aware of the skeleton parties that are happening in the closets

DANNY: [chuckle]

JOHNA: But I'm less afraid of them now. You know, after all that get-to-know-you stuff. So they're more likely to talk and move and make conversation, and sometimes it can be scary and angry, but now I know what to do with them. And the shadowwork helps me decide who I want to invite to my skeleton party.

When you first start out, it’s actually really really fun to get to know yourself, especially because it's sort of like indulging in your vanity. You can talk about yourself all you want, because it feels purposeful now. But everything stays the same if you don't have a goal. I mean, when I first started, I had no goals except getting to know myself. But my new goals are things like, I want less anxiety about medical visits. So, I need to address those shadows. Or I want to spend less energy being annoyed at my co-workers, so maybe I want to look at those shadows. These things are in the shadows for a reason. I mean it takes a lot of energy to move them out to where you can see them, so unless you're going to do something that's where they’re always going to go back to. That's where they stay.

DANNY: Absolutely. And you know we talked about your first attempts at shadowwork. I was really lucky in my like first foray into shadowwork, because I was actually introduced to shadowwork and the concepts of by Johna.

JOHNA: Ooooh.

DANNY: Oooh! So that's like the pattern of, like, half of these anecdotes is like, Johna showed me, and it was neat. [laughs] But it's true. And it’s something that I really needed at the time, because I was going through a really rough patch in my life with regards to having toxic relationships, being kind of a toxic person. I had a lot of old coping mechanisms from earlier points of life that were now periods of trauma for me that I didn't need these coping mechanisms anymore because I wasn't in those places. So I had to learn, like, my goal for shadowwork is to kind of unlearn some bad habits and to reacquaint my brain with the fact that things are a lot safer than they used to be, for example.

So, part of that was figuring out, like I said, what works for me. I've been going to therapy for forever, but my shadowwork I sort of wanted it to be a separate venture and something that was a little more spiritual. And so, what ended up happening is that we had a group of myself, Johna, and another friend. That was like our shadowwork group. And we checked in with each other. Um, I know that our other friend did journaling for a while and would check in with, like, “I did journaling, this is what I learned today.” Daily tarot or, as daily I could possibly be, was really helpful for me. Boy did I get Temperance a lot.

And you know, I was still quite young in terms of practicing. I was like really new to tarot; I was really new to a lot of things. So having a group that helped me kind of like internalize what I needed to internalize and to like, positively reinforce this was really helpful. But, like we said, I had a good time taking, like, my spiritual personality tests, but also I learned how, like, you learn a lot of hard stuff about yourself.

I learned some methods about centering myself emotionally because I took the shadows of, like, my toxicity. regardless of how it happened to me and how I became that person, and I had to like stare that in the face. I confronted a lot of personal foibles. I confronted the fact that I have like a lot of moral absolutism, and that maybe that that doesn't really exist in the real world.

I learned better ways to communicate with a lot of people. I learned better ways to communicate with my ancestors, because I relied on them a lot during this time to kind of reflect upon the person that I was. I learned how to communicate better with myself in different stages. I had internalized so much, like, unhealthy coping mechanisms as a teenager that part of these meditations where I would you know enter my own mental house, this house was something I had made as a teenager to cope with like stuff. So I would approach this house and find really honestly my teenage self as part of my skeleton party.

JOHNA: Mmmmm!

DANNY: She was still there, that poor bitch!

JOHNA: Oh my god.

BOTH: [laugh]

DANNY: And so like, confronting that person and learning to cut that kid some slack was really difficult, actually. And it was like the culmination of all of the fun stuff. All the tarot and the journaling and the like, you know, stickers and memes that we shared with each other on Facebook Messenger, um, kind of culminated in this really slow process of learning like, okay, I am allowed to be angry, but I am not allowed to be mean.

JOHNA: Mm-hmm.

DANNY: And like, I am allowed to let go of, like, this, like, piece of trauma. I can tell, like, I don't have to be mad at teenage me anymore. That kid was just a teenager, you know? So that's like the highlight here and the reason why that, like, we kind of dwell on these anecdotes is to illustrate that there are, like, actually a lot of different ways to approach shadowwork.

But go--the underlying truth of it is that you have to be attuned to your own emotional needs, your emotional faults, your foibles. You don't have to, like, have a perfect knowledge of self. That's what you're doing shadowwork for. But you have to be prepared to have your self-perception change, and sometimes that perception is not super flattering. That's why you do what you do. You approach it with the understanding that you're going to be seeing some stuff. That’s why it’s called shadowwork.

BOTH: [laughs]

DANNY: Ugh I personally believe that if you can't confront yourself authentically and honestly, then it is not going to be a super successful venture for you. And it's just kind of a waste of your time. Uh, that's my onion.

JOHNA: Yeah, yes. You know what, the superficial stuff? Like, the personality test feeling stuff, that’s a lot of fun.

DANNY: Yeah, for sure.

JOHNA: But you're absolutely right. It is work. It’s called work for a reason. But it’s so worth it.

DANNY: Yes.

JOHNA: If it's what you choose to do.

DANNY: Yes, I learned a lot.

JOHNA: For sure.

DANNY: And definitely became a less shitty person.

BOTH: [laugh]

JOHNA: If you'd like to dip your toes in a little bit, I did prepare a suggested meditation, just so that you can figure out what skeletons you have, like, who's hanging out in there, and you have a place to start if you're just getting back into it or if you're exploring shadowwork for the first time. We are using a tarot number in this one, that you can use tarot to do a reading on it later. It helps. Helps to review.

DANNY: Yes.

JOHNA: So, first about the meditation. You're going to create your house. Just want to visualize it. I mean, you can do that by drawing a picture, you can build it in Sims or Minecraft, but only the outside, cause that's all we need for right now. So once you have that visual, sit down someplace, get comfy, focus on your breathing and imagine. See the house in your mind's eye.

When you start, you are 21 steps from between where you stand and the front door. So with each slow, controlled breath you take, you take another step closer. So starting at 21, smoothing patiently down to 1, till you get to the front door. Then, go into your house.

Easy, right? You go inside. It's your house! Look at your awesome stuff. But you hear music coming somewhere, and you know what? It's the closet. That's right, that’s right it was the skeleton party. You knew about that. So go knock on the door. Let them know you're coming in to check on them. I mean, they may be made of bones, but they’re still a part of you. And they’re a part of this kick-ass house. It’s an awesome house, ‘cause it's yours.

So then you open the closet and see who you meet. And if they want to come to where you are, or if you want to come to where they are, shake hands, say hello, learn new skeletons’ names.

Then whenever you're ready, you can leave the way you came. From closing the door, step 1 all the way to 21, back to where you stood before. And you can exit your meditation from here.

There's a lot of ways to leave a meditation like that, and if you plan on visiting that house again, maybe you promised the skeletons you were going to come back, I might recommend that you lock up your house before you leave, so you don't like accidentally have any cretins waitin’ for you on your next visit. Another thing is that you might also pray and ask your gods or ancestors to come and visit, so maybe you can give them a key to your house. It's your house, you can do whatever you want.

So Danny and I actually did this meditation before we recorded this podcast. We didn't like do it together, but we did make sure to do the meditation. So personally, because I've been doing this for a while, I didn't actually exit the house, because at this point it's my house.

DANNY: [laughs]

JOHNA: So I kind of just like sent myself to bed and counted 21 breaths until I woke up here in the real world. But it's my house. I live there, so I don't leave. But you can do whatever you want. The point is, you did your meditation, and maybe you have some skeleton names that you want to think about.

So here’s part dos, and it’s a suggested tarot reading. So you can use tarot cards if you have them, oracle cards, whatever. You can use a free online deck. Just go to Google and ask what a free online tarot deck is. You can use it. You can use a tarot app. You can do whatever you want. The goal is to just decide if you're going to do anything about who you met in your house and how you might do it.

So you start with a small number of cards. We recommend starting with just one so that you can focus on one thing to figure out.

So Danny, you want to demonstrate this part with me? We both have cards.

DANNY: Yeah, let's do it! I've got my cards.

JOHNA: Yes, okay.

DANNY: Let’s talk about my cards, I want to talk about my cards first.

JOHNA: Yeah, well you shuffle, shuffle good.

DANNY: Yes, I'm shuffling. They're called the Darkana Tarot, and I got them because they are—I think that they…quote “combine a modern grunge style with a non-traditional tarot symbolism.” But the frank way to say it is that the art is kind of muddy and ugly. [laugh]

JOHNA: Ooh!

DANNY: But I like it, I like that it’s—they're like kind of like, uh…stained and ugly deck. It seems like a good…it’s a good, um, set for me. And so I wanted to plug them a little bit, because I like them.

JOHNA: Wow. My deck is the opposite.

DANNY: [laughs]

JOHNA: It is super pretty, gorgeous, dreamy watercolors by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law. It's called the Shadowscapes tarot. It’s like, probably one of the like most popular decks on the market because it really is beautiful, but I remember waiting and waiting and waiting for Ms. Law to like finish the paintings for this deck—

DANNY: Oh my gosh.

JOHNA: —because she was updating as she went. I was like, I was one of the original fans of this tarot deck, dude, I was so excited. I pre-ordered as soon as it was available to get the shadowscapes tarot deck and I was not disappointed. So, that’s how I like it. Anyway.

DANNY: That’s awesome.

JOHNA: So usually, I don’t know. Not everybody has practiced a lot with tarot cards, oracle cards. You traditionally like shuffle the deck like a spiritually significant number of times. Seven is, of course, a common lucky number. I use five when I'm doing shadowwork, because it's traditionally a number for like change, even chaos, and change is usually my goal for shadowwork even if it means some chaos. Some people like nine because it's a number of completion. They want the bigger picture.

DANNY: I like nine.

JOHNA: Oh, that's cool.

DANNY: I don't usually, um, have a number when I shuffle though. I just shuffle. Till it's time to stop, I guess.

JOHNA: Oh man. I actually had to replace this deck. These cards are, like, still stiff and I'm like a little bit sad, because this is obviously a later printing and they are like not as good quality as—

DANNY: Oh no.

JOHNA: —the original printing, I know. This coating on the deck is like, plastic. I, and I'm spoiled when it comes to playing cards, because I like a nice waxed card. [sigh] But that's not a—that's neither here nor there. Let’s go. We draw the cards.

DANNY: We draw. [whip sound] Oh cool!

JOHNA: What does yours say?

DANNY: I got the nine of cups.

JOHNA: [gasp]

DANNY: Yeah, I’m like, oh hey! Um, and I guess for edification, because I don't mind if the internet knows my innermost thoughts, the--

BOTH: [laugh]

DANNY: Um, the thing I'm trying to tackle is my like stress around moving and relocation, just cause there's some stuff there. So that's what I kind of asked the cards about. That was the, the…the big chief skeleton in my skeleton closet party.

Um, and my deck, this deck is also nice because it has two, like, keywords underneath the picture. So under the nine of cups, keywords is fulfillment and pleasure. So like, a really super quick and dirty, like, analysis of the nine of cups is this is like, the cup overfloweth card. They—you are, uh, um, at a place of extreme contentment and satisfaction. Things are falling into place, and you will, like, receive a period of good fulfillment, usually emotionally. Cups are a, an emo--, a feelings card. And especially in this, um, picture, the cups have water flowing out of them. Water is like a feelings thing. So that’s a pretty optimistic one card reading.

If I wanted to, like, I guess for our listeners, if I wanted to ask a question from there, you can take this one card reading and expand upon it. Ask your cards some other stuff. You can also use rocks if you like. But we aren't going to do rocks today because I don't want to go get them. [laugh]

JOHNA: Oh, well you know what, I am glad you brought that up, because I definitely expanded mine. When I did this meditation, I met two skeletons. One of them I am not familiar with, and the other one is, uh, sort of a development because of some other work that I did. So I like went in the closet and, you know, wanted to see who was hanging out in there and the first skeleton to introduce itself to me was dementia.

DANNY: Oh.

JOHNA: Yeah. You know what, I didn't think that I had any, uh, had any stuff about that, but my dad actually had dementia, and maybe I should like, think a little bit about that because I might have like some unconscious anxiety making me act a little foolish sometimes. When it comes to like medical stuff, and maybe taking care of myself. So that's like, you know, that's good.

And the other skeleton I met, this was interesting. Usually I approach like the skeleton of “things I resent my mom for,” “the things I resent my dad for” separately, because I felt like, I always felt like they were two separate things. But this skeleton introduced itself as, “I am the failings of your parents.” And that was different from how I've approached it before because this skeleton was like, very kind and not shy at all and like very very gentle. And I have yet to approach that kind of demon in that way.

So, when I drew my one card I got the ace of cups, which is cool. It can be...I am reading this right now as like, a card of beginnings, particularly emotionally. That means that it's like meeting the tip of the iceberg, and I’ve got some exploration to do, but generally it's a good omen. But I wanted some clarification for that, so I drew two other cards. And one was the queen of cups, which I take to mean as, I'm going to have to be accountable and responsible for myself, but also that means I get to call the shots. Good deal.

DANNY: Nice.

JOHNA: And then the other one was the High Priestess, which comes to me off and on. One of those cards that follows me. So, in this case, I’m going to take this as like, sort of a current in the wheel of fate, you know what I mean?

DANNY: Mm-hmm.

JOHNA: Like, whatever is coming is coming, and all I can do is just what I judge to be best in that situation. So, cool. All right. That's how you do it. That's how you start. What I definitely got was a place to start.

DANNY: Nice. [chuckle]

[pause]

JOHNA: Come on, where's our tagline dude?

DANNY: Oh.

JOHNA: You got to say it.

DANNY: Fuck. Do you want to hear a story?

JOHNA: I do!

DANNY: Hell yeah. [laugh] So, brief disclaimer on this story. I don't speak Spanish. My accent’s very bad, and I sometimes don't know how to pronounce words. I beg forgiveness. But. [laughs] This myth is a Guatemalan myth and it is the story of “El Sombreron.” It’s found on uexpress.com, the version that I'm using, because I thought it was funny. Uexpress.com has a tell me a story section, which is where I found this, and this is retold by Amy Friedman and Meredith Johnson.

Once upon a time in a Mayan village, twins were born to a hatmaker and his wife. The couple were overjoyed the day their sons were born, but their joy did not last long.

JOHNA: Uh-oh.

DANNY: One of the boys was kind, soft-voiced and even-tempered. But the other lad was born with the devil in him.

JOHNA: [gasp]

DANNY: He was always doing just what his parents told him not to do, and as he grew older, he continued to do whatever he was not supposed to do.

He wasn’t cruel, but he was mischievous. He hid his brother's toys; he stole fruit from the neighbors' gardens. He teased children, he spilled his milk, and laughed when he should have been quiet, and would not speak when teachers asked him questions.

I, as a side-note, have taught many of these children. I have loved all of them.

But he never stopped running and jumping and playing, and his parents fretted and worried and wondered what to do.

At last the boy's mother begged her husband to call upon the brujo for advice. Among the Mayan people, the brujos, wise men, were known to have the power and the magic to cure every imaginable ill.

I imagine in this case, I kind of, another author’s note, that “brujo” is being used in the same way that “curendero” would be used, um, instead of like the broader meaning of like “brujo” just meaning “witch” or “wizard,” I guess.

JOHNA: Mm-hmm.

DANNY: So, these brujos could cure bodies, minds and spirits, so the people said. They knew exactly what to do to fix every problem that arose.

So the hatmaker went to visit the brujo and begged him for help. "My son is a troublemaker," the man said. "Please, tell me how to calm him down and cure him of his mischief making."

The brujo sat and thought, for wise men always listen carefully and think long and hard. And they pray. Finally, the brujo spoke. "I know how to help you," he said. "You must return to your shop, and there you will make a huge sombrero, the biggest sombrero you have ever made. Bring it to me, and I will solve your problem."

The man returned home and worked for several days, fashioning a sombrero so large, it could have fit upon the heads of several of the villagers together. When he was done, the sombrero was so big he couldn’t carry it, and so, with the help of his good son and the neighbors, he carried it to his cart and rode it to the brujo's home.

"Now," said the brujo, "I will put my magic inside." He lit his candles and placed rose petals upon his altar, and closed his eyes and prayed. He began to weave. He was weaving magic into the sombrero, but no one was allowed to watch. People say this took him many hours; the sombrero was big, remember, and the magic was strong. But by sunset he had completed his task.

"Take this home now," said the brujo, "and place it in the middle of the floor of your house. Your son and the magic will take matters from there."

The man did as he was told.

In the middle of the night, the father awoke, startled, when he heard a large crash from the living room where the sombrero sat.

He ran to see what had happened, and there he found the sombrero moving, walking around as if powered by its own spirits.

"Help!" the man heard, and he bent down and listened. "Help me, father," came a voice from beneath the sombrero.

JOHNA: [gasp] Oh my gosh!

DANNY: The man tugged at the hat, and sure enough, there was his son, the head in the center of the sombrero, and his legs thrashing about.

"Take this off my head!" the boy cried. "I climbed under to see what I might see, and now I can't take this thing off!"

JOHNA: Mm-hmm!

DANNY: The father tried to lift the hat, but he could not remove it. It was stuck to the boy's head, and no matter how he struggled and pulled, and no matter how the boy pushed and shoved, and no matter how the neighbors pulled and yanked at the sombrero, it remained stuck to the boy's head.

JOHNA: Wow.

DANNY: The hat never did come off.

JOHNA: Oh!

DANNY: The boy had to wear it all the time, and the villagers began to call him "El Sombreron," the Big Hat.

JOHNA: Oh my god.

DANNY: They laughed when they saw him running through the village, only his legs visible, that enormous sombrero atop those little legs.

JOHNA: Oh my god.

DANNY: "El Sombreron" never grew taller that day.

JOHNA: [gasp]

DANNY: The hat was so big and heavy, it pushed him down, and he stayed short, like a little boy, even though he grew longer in years.

They villagers laughed at him only for a while, though. The trouble was, there was magic in that hat, and "El Sombreron" learned it all--

JOHNA: Mmmm.

DANNY: --and so he never did stop making mischief. He could make himself invisible; he could climb up walls and across ceilings--

JOHNA: Mm!

DANNY: --and he could walk through walls, so sometimes, when he was invisible, he would tear through the streets, stealing fruit and tipping carts. And some nights, still invisible, he would sneak into the neighbors' stables and steal their donkeys.

JOHNA: Wow.

DANNY: For a while people prayed "El Sombreron" would vanish altogether, but he never did. And it seems he never vanished at all, for all over Guatemala people still talk about him. It is he, they say, who turns things inside out and upside down, and is the cause of all the little annoyances in life that no one can quite explain. That's the way things are sometimes.

The end.

JOHNA: Oh my God. That's awesome.

DANNY: Isn't that the funniest way to end a fable ever? It be like that sometimes.

BOTH: [laugh]

JOHNA: Wow.

DANNY: Oh god. I’d never heard of this little creature before, though, so I was delighted to find him. But as you might recall, everybody, the—the devotional thought this episode is going to kind of relate to the myth. And I did that for a couple of reasons, but primarily because the ending of this myth is what I would one day like to actually internalize.

After all of this effort and magic and like making a big hat the nuisances that this Village encountered never really went away, it just got more ridiculous. And the ending of—

BOTH: [laughs]

DANNY: And the ending of this version of this tale ends with, “that’s the way things are sometimes.” And I, I would like us all kind of while we consider the topic of shadow work and while we enter the winter time where sometimes things are hard, to really internalize that concept. Especially in the case of “El Sombreron,” when things are kind of turning all kinds of different ways, and there's all kinds of annoyances, to really remember that truly sometimes that's just the way things are. But it also means that it isn't going to be like that all the time. Things will be different.

It be like that sometimes. Don't sweat it man.

BOTH: [laugh]

JOHNA: So, our question for you this week is…are you doing shadow work? Did you try the exercise? Did you try a different one? Tell us about it.

DANNY: Did you find a technique that works better for you than even the ones we suggested?

JOHNA: Than even those?

DANNY: [laugh] Let us know!

JOHNA: For sure. Thanks so much for joining us this week you guys. Look for new episodes every other Friday.

DANNY: A big thank you to Vexento for the use of our theme song, “We Are One,” and to The Miracle Forest for the background music, “The Magical Tearoom.

JOHNA: Again, you can send your comments and experiences to us on Tumblr and Twitter with #homebrewpagans.

DANNY: We are at homebrewpodcast.tumblr.com and @homebrewpagans on Twitter. We’ll talk to you real soon.

#homebrewpodcast #homebrewpagans #podcast transcript #queer pagan #pagans of color #transcript

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lovemesomesurveys · 6 years

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[[ Random Survey Questions // By @x-hallie-x ]] 1. When was the last time you just wanted to be alone? What about the last time you really wanted to be around people? I’m someone who needs alone time. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m upset or anything, I just like time alone. I like to put my headphones in and listen to ASMR and do some surveys, read, color, or whatever. However, I get in these moody moods most days and I like to be alone and not talk to anyone. I just keep to myself. It’s for the best cause I don’t make good company when I’m like that cause I’m not talkative and if I do talk it’ll be short and clipped. I feel like my negative energy will drain and consume you. I get like that when other people are in moody moods, so I feel bad for those who are around me when I’m in mine, which like I said, is quite often. As for the last time I wanted to be around people, I like to spend a lot of time with my mom. I can be a bit clingy. I don’t like being around people much these days apart from my immediate family.

2. Have you ever gone somewhere in your pajamas? What makes this acceptable or unacceptable to you? Yeah, quite often nowadays. It’s funny to me how I let myself go out the house these days when once upon a time I’d never go out in my pajamas or without makeup. The only time I did that was if I was really sick and going to the doctor. I just don’t have the energy or care enough to put the effort most of the time anymore. Not to mention, I don’t go out much except to the doctor. And to Wal-Mart a couple times a month.

3. Other than the usual things like IDs, etc, what do you always carry with you when you go out? I mean, just my purse with the typical things like my wallet and phone. The only different thing is I always bring my medicine with me.

4. If you were to go on a picnic, what type of setting would you prefer, what types of food would you bring, and would you bring anyone along with you? Picnics sound cute and all, but I’m so not an outdoorsy type of person and whenever I’ve ate outside like for a BBQ or something, there’s always the nuisance of flies and other bugs. It’s not enjoyable to me. How about an indoor picnic? lol.

5. What is one song you feel as though you sing particularly well, if any? Haha I can’t sing, but I do admit that I find it’s easier to sing along to alternative songs by male artists. *shrug*

6. Have you ever kept a mood chart or anything like that? Did it help you pick up any useful patterns in your moods? Nah.

7. What was the last lengthy task you completed? Hmm. I like to color a lot and the coloring book I have has pages that are quite detailed and take some time to finish. I finished one last night.

8. Do you look toward the future or focus more on the here and now? Are you good at being in the moment, or do you always feel drawn to worrying about other things? The future scares me and I just can’t think so far ahead when I have so much going on in the here and now to think and dwell upon. I have to just take it day by day. My mind always feels very scattered and jumbled and like it’s just racing all the time with all the million different thoughts. It’s hard to focus on things.

9. What does it mean to you to have empathy? Do you think you’re an empathetic person? An empathetic person is someone who feels and shares emotions of others. I do think that I’m a empathetic person. I can feel the mood of someone else and I’ll feel that way, too. It’s like I take on what they’re feeling. If someone is in a bad mood and/or there’s tension, I’ll definitely feel it. I hate seeing people hurting and upset.

10. What was the last thing you did that was particularly selfish? What about selfLESS? I feel like I’ve been really selfish these past couple years. I was going to just take a little time to focus on myself and my health, but things took unexpected turns for the worse at times and I’ve spent more time than I planned on. I’ve been so in my own head. I have completely distanced myself and have withdrawn from everyone. I haven’t been able to be a good friend or be there for others like I would like to be, and like I used to be. 11. What is something about your life that is currently beyond your control? Certain health things and such.

12. What is one small thing you could do to change about your life for the better? I could start taking better care of myself and doing things that I need to be doing that would help quite a bit. Simple things like drinking protein shakes and taking my vitamins, for instance.

13. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? I’m not a professional photographer by any means, but I like taking photos of certain things with my phone and I think it takes pretty good photos. I like to take scenic, nature-y type photos. I have a lot of photos of my pup cause she’s so darn cute. (: I enjoy looking at nature and scenic type stuff, as well as aesthetically pleasing photos.

14. Have you ever gone out for the black friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what’s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? Nah, I don’t want to deal with the crazy crowds. There’s way too many people who take it way too seriously and it can really get out of hand. You hear so many stories about people getting hurt. It’s really not worth all that. I do my shopping from the comfort of my own home and it’s great. Many stores online have already started their Black Fridays deals.

15. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? Yeah, I look back at my old diaries once in a great while. Most of it is pretty cringe-y. haha. It’s funny to look back on some of the stuff and see what has changed. Some of it is sad. I just find it interesting to read things from middle school and freshman/sophomore me. I like looking back at surveys I’ve done, too, for the same reason.

16. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? Does playing Barbies count cause I was obsessed. As for most recently developed one, I’ve been really into coloring the past couple years in a few adult coloring books that I have. I got the fancy colored pencils and everything.

17. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat // cold, etc? & when was the last time you felt especially cranky? Oh hangry is a real thing. Same if I don’t have my coffee. Being too hot makes me moody, too.

18. What are some ways you deal with stress? Are these healthy or helpful to you? I don’t deal with stress well, if at all sometimes. I try to just distract myself and avoid when possible.

19. What advice, if any, would you give someone else in your situation? I really don’t know, man. I can’t even seem to help myself.

20. In general, are you the type to feel comfortable giving advice? Has anyone ever come to you for advice and you had no idea what to tell them? I used to be the one my friends would come to for advice, and I always wanted to be there and help others whenever I could. Of course there were times when I didn’t know what to say, but I did what I could, even if that was just lending an ear. I used to be a good friend. 21. What is one common area of life in which you feel you have little to no experience (college, children, marriage, etc)? Relationships and having a job. I’ve never had a job, and I really have never had a relationship, either. I’ve had someone who we called each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but it really wasn’t a relationship. I had what I had with Joseph, but that wasn’t a relationship either even though it felt like it in some ways. I think looking back it’s just because that’s all I knew and I wanted it to be real and be something more than it really was. Obviously then I’ve never been married, so I have no experience with that and I don’t plan on that changing. As for children, I don’t have any of my own nor I do ever plan to, but I’ve been around children in my life so I have some experience with that in some way.

22. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? Being hungry, feeling sick, being hot, my health.

23. Besides money, what is something you would like to have more of in your life? I would like to be passionate about something and just feel fulfilled in life.

24. What types of blogs do you like to follow? If you have a tumblr, how has your blogging style changed over the years, if at all? Well, apart from survey blogs of course, I follow various fandom blogs for like Alexander Skarsgard and other movies/TV stuff I enjoy. I also follow some food/dessert blogs, seasonal (fall and winter) and Halloween and Christmas blogs, and then just ones that post quotes and aesthetically pleasing photos and such.

25. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? Haha nah. I only make Top Ramen and things I can zap up in the microwave.

26. When was the last time you were mean or rude to someone else? How about the last time someone acted that way toward you? I get snippy in my moody moods. I can get salty as the kids say. I don’t even want to be around me. Whenever someone is like that towards me I’m just like wow, this is how other people feel when they’re around me when I’m in the moods, which I get in a lot. Not a fun thing to be around.

27. What kinds of things are most likely to make you lose your temper? Have you ever done something regrettable or embarrassing while angry? I’m not one to get angry easily, but there are a few times that come to mind where I was shaking mad. If I’m that mad, it was something big. I do get irritable, annoyed, and frustrated easily, but angry really takes a lot.

28. What has stood out about this day in particular? Has this day been an average day in terms of what you usually experience? Nothing really, but it’s only 1:10AM. So far it’s been pretty average, though.

29. How would you describe your current mood? Do you experience a lot of highs and lows or are your moods relatively stable? What is the most your mood has changed in a day? I don’t feel well, I’m tired, and I’m hungry. I’m going to eat when I’m finished with this, though. I talked about my mood a lot already in this survey and how I get in these awful moods just about everyday. Sometimes it’s particularly extra than other days. Sometimes it doesn’t last long, sometimes it lasts all day. I don’t get the highs, just the low-lows and the blahs.

30. Do you remember what it was that got you into taking surveys in the first place, or why you initially decided to stick with them? Where did you originally start out taking surveys? Are there any blogs you recommend (lol, I’m always looking for more surveys!)? I think I saw someone else post them on Myspace and it interested me. I was hooked ever since and I see no sign of stopping yet. @thedarkeststarsurveys @ssurveys @toomanysurveys9 @littlesurvs @suckitsurveys @surveysonfleek @joobean2107 are all great to name a few.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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shethephoenix · 5 years

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I started this blog with the intent that i would post daily about my last 100 days as a Fiance...

well...

hows that going you ask?, well seeing as how this is my first post, and we are 87 days from the #cheerstotheChotias, il leave that to you to figure out.

Truth is i have watched YT video after YT video and followed almost every wedding page their is out there (a little exaggeration never hurt no body), but truth talk.

I haven’t yet found a page that has sparked that Bride feeling inside of me,

.. also because i wasn't the girl that spent her childhood playing with countless barbies ( i had one), i was outside playing with birds and the dogs or running in the street with friends, trying to roller skate out the house on clean maroon shinned floors or watching power rangers, (i was a HUGGGE fan, and yes i was the pink ranger), also, what i wasn’t doing was spending hours with my black barbie and white ken dreaming of wedding days, but when i did play with them it was dress up and seeing if ken could withstand the amount of dirt, water and dog bits that came with playing outside, but you could sometimes catch me dismantling things, and my video game at the time knew all about my destruction to see just how it was possible that super mario could run and jump across my tv. side note: i never found out, because once i took it apart i was shocked that something so simple had so many parts top piece back, so it would end up in a giant kist with everything else that reached it play by date.

i did however treasure two things and that was my doll Chucky (no he didn’t have the crazy face from the movie), he had the biggest smile with a wink and rag doll hair but i wasn’t allowed to take him outside, and the other thing that kept my most precious Tinkerbell “cosmetics” was a brown little suit case, which i dragged everywhere outside the house. So as you can read I just wasn’t about that “little girl, Princess, weddings vibe)

Soooo now that ive given you that little “Hello my name is...” heres something i thought id share, and yes i could put this in my journal but to put pen to paper has been hard lately, as well as opening this page, so i thought what the heck, id go for the one where i can just type to my hearts content and also put some of me out there. (Scary to let people into what you think), but as tears are a healing to the soul, writing is my outlet.

Thing is as with most things in life, nothing just starts on hip hip hooray, as that of a new born being birthed to this world, there is unexplained joy, but so many tears, some good, others bad and some just for not knowing, and yes I've cried my share of tears and in moments i didn't think would be a tear-fest. (and yes, i am a proper softy, so tears are just there waiting to roll).

Recently I stopped mid way watching a Jamie Wolfer vlog on all things wedding of course and something hit me, as much as there are countless books and advice on weddings and marriage there just wasn't a page where i could go an immerse myself in the truth and struggle about a couples life, and yes i get many are trying but we live in an online edited world and as much as people say they posting about their lives, we are only ever given the parts that were good enough to see.

So having discovered that what i was looking for didn't really exist to the extent i wanted, i decided i would blog about my own, and in hopes that it wouldn't just be another blog about someone in the process of getting married, and how i had to go about picking colours and flowers and center pieces, but that this blog would give someone a good truth read about 2 humans that are about to share a title but more so a life that no one has received the “dummies guide” too.

...

the next few paragraphs might offend you, read at your own risk.

...

at 87 days away from saying I Do, one would think that everything is rosy, but what i have come to learn is that nothing is as it seems and getting to do the picking and thinking of wedding things somehow seem to be the best thing because I’d pick that over having to deal with people and thier opinions, even on things that do not concern them, and at other times when you high key just don’t want advice. please don’t get me wrong, i really appreciate help on things that i know nothing about, but stop throwing your intelligence and “ I've lived longer” help on me and then smile like you helped a generation overcome some mental illness.

This process has however taught me to “believe people when they first show you who they really are”, it may be hard to see but it is or was there in your first encounter, so much so that i found myself saying endless times in everything “ if people would just be honest from the jump, things would be so easy”, we as humans take things and complicate the hell out of it, and then we sit there and stress about what next. i am also guilty of this behavior...

but,

of all the pinterest pictures, boards created, dress ideas, shoe height, napkin colour, angle of the chairs, how many to invite and what you would look like on the day, there enters moments that you were never ready for. There is a movie that put the next words so nicely in English, “our Marriage, their wedding”, i never understood the true meaning of those words, until now, yet, no vlog or book can prepare you for the true test.

one of mine that brought me to tears was finding out what is being said about you when you think you have handled a situation to the best of Your ability, only to find out...you dead wrong and that whats to follow is not only in how you react but what happens once you have reacted and the next morning rolls in and you have to find the courage to deal with it, and you sit there and try to be a good human but every ounce of you wants to unleash all the anger you feel, but then you have a little light bulb moment, and wipe your tears, blow your nose, put your hair back in the messy bun it was, and you realize that there is such a thing as the wheel turning, and that one day instead of being the statue, you get a chance to be the bird...

but my problem is:, i was taught to love and respect, and with that comes the part where you grow up and realize that not everyone shares your values, and that is okay because how else would people like me learn or build character if it wasn't for “life lessons”.

so this human makes her already anxiety filled life even more filled by always considering the feelings of others, because i make it a conscious decision to always respect and appreciate people.

but, life,

Because, another thing you don’t get from a “dummies guide” is how to deal with truths, hard truths, real truths, the ones couple don’t post about, the ones that are spoken between the walls and with people who have shared in the experience and are able to give a few helping words.

The one were i learnt, its possible for another human to express their heart so brutality and not consider the feelings of another individual. Cause no counseling session or family meeting will ever teach you how to appropriately deal with such a matter.

Yes sometimes its better to not know the truth cause then you live in your bubble and think that you have done everyone good, but with that said i am not naive cause i know you cant please everyone all the time, even if you try.

In saying so, i have found to have this cry my eyes out moment and then i get distant, sounds harsh but it gives me a chance to see things from all angles and i don’t exclude putting myself in the judgement chair, (cause yes anxiety will make you go to places that were never necessary, but you do anyway) so that if its me i will deal accordingly. (it may not be immediately but i really try)

And so every morning i get up and try to be better then i was cause i was never no exception to any rule, and because i want to be the person that i hope to encounter in my journey, and i really just want to be a better “help meet”, but, you get tested daily and the ones you fail you hope to see another day to correct.

so, may i learn and be open to lessons, and i hope to become the best wife my Husband to be will need.

#frominsideme #phoenixuniverse #journeyingtobetter #helpmeet #💍tobe

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austinpanda · 3 years

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Dad Letter 041121

11 April, 2021

Dear Dad--

Firstly, thank you thank you thank you! I received the care package you sent with the DVDs and the doobies! That was thoughtful and generous and fun! I’ll start watching The Pacific today. The other DVD looks like a movie I’ve heard of but never seen, so I’ll watch that too. Thank you again! Fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff, heh heh.

Things have finally begun happening, so I shouldn’t suffer any shortage of newsworthy shit to tell you about in this week’s letter. I heard from the casino and I’m still hired. Turns out it was taking the background check company (called Orange Tree) a bit longer than usual to complete my background check. The HR woman, Gabby, emailed and said she’d already bitched to them about it, and she’d get back to me as soon as it was done. It got done! I passed the tests, by having nothing at all interesting in either my criminal background or my pee. (Apparently, if my sample had been so contaminated with reefer that seeds and roaches were floating in it, they wouldn’t care. Mind blown.) Gabby phoned and said everything was looking good and we’re ready to move onto the next steps. I love that the HR person, who has all kinds of responsibilities to protect employees’ privacy, is named Gabby.

The next step is: Tomorrow morning I’ll go in and do some “onboarding” shit. This will include giving them all the paperwork I filled out, including the 30-page gaming employee application, and my personal contacts. They’ll take my ID, including my driver’s license and social security card or birth certificate. They will fingerprint me! Never been fingerprinted before! And I plan on dressing immaculately for all of this, because they may also take my ID photo. I gave myself a haircut yesterday. Depending on the particular casino job, I might be filling out a “fitting card” for uniforms, except I won’t need to do that, because I get to dress like a normal person and work in a back office. I will give them my W-2, my I-9, and my emergency contact info. I’ll give them my bank info to directly deposit my paychecks.

Obviously, because of all this, I anticipated being a thin balloon skin of nonchalance, stretched over a Grand Canyon of anxiety, but it’s not that bad. First of all, it’s a cool place to work. And I won’t be starting at full time; I’ll be starting part time. That’ll help ease the transition back to worker bee. The workplace amenities are awesome, because it’s a hotel and casino, and the benefits are good. As business picks up again post-Covid 19, my job will transition to full time, and I assume I’ll be doing it well by then. And I’m not sure about this yet, but I think they want to give me a $500 signup bonus. (Mind blown AGAIN.) And I’m pretty sure it would be a $1,000 bonus if I were signing up for a full-time job. If I get the $500, I may buy something I’ve never owned: a dining table and some chairs. My steady march toward adulthood nears its completion, and it only took 52 years.

Thus have I gone from famine to feast, if only temporarily. I did my taxes, and found out I’d receive a refund big enough that it would easily support me until I start receiving paychecks. I immediately got caught up on bills, and went so far as to buy myself a new piece of furniture, kinda. I realized recently that I don’t own a dresser, and it’s making the storing of my clothes a bit of a pain in the ass. I then realized that most people probably do own a dresser, and put all their socks and underwear and sweaters in it, because not doing so was foolish, and I realized that my inability to do so was a growing source of bitterness. And I have a rule about furniture: whenever possible, I want it to be light enough that one person could easily lift it. So instead of a traditional dresser, I got this...shelving unit thing! It’s got a thick plastic frame that snaps together, and for drawers, it has 9 bins that have metal frames and fabric sides. It should be lightweight but quite sturdy. And, naturally, it’s going to usher in a bright new era of clothing storage for me, which I no longer really care about, because I’m starting my new job soon, and who cares where my socks are stored? The kitties should love it, though; it’ll give them access to a window that they couldn’t relax in front of before.

Don’t know if I mentioned it, but because Zach and I didn’t earn paychecks in Maine last year, we didn’t pay any of the usual state taxes, which means they’re all due now! On April 15th, they’re going to politely suck $855 out of my bank account to cover last year’s state taxes. Hopefully I’ll earn enough paychecks this year to have that covered, for when we do this year’s taxes next year. I can’t complain about the tax bill either, when you consider that Maine has paid for ALL of my health care and prescriptions since I got here. If they could keep all the potholes fixed, it would be heaven.

So this week will be, I assume, my last full week of freedom before the shackles of employment are clamped on for good. And I don’t get the full week of freedom, because I have to go in at 8:30 tomorrow for the onboarding shit, and I have to be there at 9:00 a.m. on both Thursday and Friday for orientation shit. I assume that will be a couple of days of them explaining how time cards work, and showing me videos about working in the gaming industry in Maine for our glorious parent company, Penn National Gaming. I assume there will be a video that tells me if I find a stack of money somewhere in the casino, it’s not like receiving misdelivered mail; it doesn’t become mine, and I am not allowed to take it home with me. I don’t need anyone to tell me that, but I assume they’ll find it necessary to say it out loud at least once, just so they can say they said it.

The cat just did something unnerving; we caught her playing with a type of candy we haven’t had around the house since Halloween. She just does that! Out of nowhere, we’ll find her playing with a Tootsie Roll, and we’ll realize, “We haven’t had any Tootsie Rolls in the house since Christmas 2019. Where the HELL did she find that?” And we don’t get too stressed about it, because she did the same thing with my wedding ring. I probably told you about that! Zach and I were expecting to lose our wedding rings, because we’d both lost weight, and they were too big, and you can’t resize titanium, and sure enough, I lost mine. We looked everywhere, never found it. So we bought a new pair of rings--properly sized--and put his old one in the fire safe. Then about six months went by, and one day I look down, and the fucking cat Horta had the fucking ring in her fucking mouth. We put it in the fire safe with Zach’s. Now we have four wedding rings between us. And when I say “fire safe,” that might sound more impressive than it is. It’s basically a lock box, little bigger than a shoe box, with thick walls that will supposedly protect your documents for up to a half hour in a fire.

Okay, so! Got my job shit all prepared, got my shirts ironed, got my car cleaned inside and out, got my shot--oh! I got my first vaccination shot! I went to my appointment at Wal-Mart and got a shot of Moderna vaccine in my left arm. It’ll be nice having some protection from the Rona, since I’m about to start going into an office every day.

I’ll definitely have more news about the job next week, after I’ve done the orientation days, so, updates to follow! All my love to you both!

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foxeygem · 7 years

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EVERYTHING! (all questions)

omggg ok im going to answer half cause I’m sleepy and ill post the rest another time (also bc it would be a hella long post) lol

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? constantly changesss idk I’ve listened to quite a few pink floyd songs a lot and still do, but i also have been listening to tyler the creator recently. oh and the black keys

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? first i thought hendrix then i realized this said anyone on this earth and i don’t know id have to think about that

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

-i have this poetry book idk there isn’t a 17th line but ill re write it for you. cracks. here you are covered in cracks from falling and not being caught. cracks from loving someone incapable of reciprocating everything you gave them and yet here you stand. still beautiful. still worthy of the love you’ve always given. i wrote this for you.

4: What do you think about most? o.o

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? how ya doin nat

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? i switch it up

7: What’s your strangest talent? huh. i can lick my elbow

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) idk i could go anywhere w that and i don’t want to decide that right now lol

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? i have.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? how bout real guitar?? yesterday

11: Do you have any strange phobias? hm not really except car washes used to make me nervous lol

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? nope not 4 me

13: What’s your religion? i have my own beliefs but i wouldn’t say i have a religion

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? looking at the sky. taking pictures. hiking, exploring. longboarding. meditating.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? maybe behind.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? ughhhhh. i listen to such a variety and have favorites within those genres but. pink floyd has a special place in my heart

17: What was the last lie you told? damn this q is real haha i told my friend id tell her when i got home bc she wanted to chill but that ended up not happening (I’m just feeling like being alone)

18: Do you believe in karma? yesyesy

19: What does your URL mean? I’m on that cosmic fl0w

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? i will get back to u on that

21: Who is your celebrity crush? i don’t really care for celebrities that much

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes haha

23: How do you vent your anger? writing!! & gym helps a lot

24: Do you have a collection of anything? i collect crystals/stones.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? depends on the person. maybe id wanna see u;)

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? yes

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? forks on a plate, wind chimes

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? theres too many

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? oh yeah

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my bed frame, my nightstand

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? dat kush

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? aw i don’t wanna shame anywhere

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? west

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? kinda the same question as 21 like its whatever

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? answering this now id say experience, answering this later in life I’m not sure.

36: Define Art. art is so subjective, i guess i would define it as a timeless and ever-changing

37: Do you believe in luck? ya I’m 50/50 w luck but some people really do have some luck

38: What’s the weather like right now? its comfortable a lil overcast a lil breezy

39: What time is it? 1:12 AM

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? i drive i haven’t crashed

41: What was the last book you read? dirty pretty things

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? meh

43: Do you have any nicknames? nat, natie

44: What was the last film you saw? death note

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? when i split my head a bit

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? No, I haven’t tried. i like to leave ‘em be

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? no

48: What’s your sexual orientation? I’m mostly straight but i like having fun with some girls, what can i say girls are beautiful

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yes

50: Do you believe in magic? no

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junioradventure · 7 years

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[FANACCT] IMFACT- Tension Up Fansign+Fanmeeting (IMFACTORY) 170521- PLUS tips for these events! (Fanboy)

Hi everyone~ I’m here to share my amazing experience at IMFACT’s Fansign + Fanmeeting Event! If you were looking for reasons to stan IMFACT, I’m here to help you. Simply put, IMFACT treats their fans very well, and especially care for their international fans, as they want to have many opportunities to perform in all the countries around the world.

I love this concept; it’s so bright, vivid, and screams energetic!

TIME TO START THE FANACCOUNT! Information about this event: - IMFACT has not had an actual fansign event in Korea for a really long time, probably since “Feel So Good” era. They had a CD signing event in Japan not too long ago, but they said it was not the same as a real fansign event. So this was a special event prepared for fans, and doubled as a fanmeeting (involves live performances). - The event participation was carried out first-come first-serve to 120 people. - To apply for this event, the process was different from the traditional fansign process. Instead of buying an album on-site or online, two requirements had to be fulfilled: * We had to send Star Empire Ent. an email with the appropriate information (name, account number, Daum fancafe ID, etc.) before the deadline * We had to send the money (20,000 won) through an account transfer at the appropriate time slot. In this case, when it hit 8pm on the day the payment period started, we could proceed with the account transfer. Because of this, having a Korean bank account was extremely helpful and made the process much easier. - The staff provided the CD on-site, which made sense because we had to do an account transfer instead of the usual process. The CD had no wrapper and might be a special edition for this event. Nothing seems different about this album than a normal one, except the fact that it seemed like it was opened (plus there was no photocard, idk if the actual album has one or not). I transferred my money right when it struck 8 and played the waiting game. After worrying about getting in, I finally found out that I had gotten in... Thank goodness. I was waiting for a chance to meet them since “In the Club” came out. ON THE DAY OF... Okay. So the event would start at around 2pm according to the post on the fancafe. I woke up at 10ish and left right before noon. The event was held at a Catholic Youth Center (of all places) in Hongdae. I knew Hongdae somewhat but not the exact whereabouts of this site, so I wanted to leave earlier just in case I wandered too much. It turns out, the location was very easy to find, so I grabbed a bite at the convenience store and then went to the Youth Center. I had to say, at first when everyone was lining up, things were a bit confusing. We were told to go down to the lobby floor (accessible by staircase) to check-in. Apparently, the staff were calling us in by numerical order, but on the fancafe post with the official list of participants, there weren’t any numbers by our names. Instead, we had to manually count down the list of people to find our number, and we would tell that to the staff. That must have been a bit annoying for the people who were farther down the list, especially in the 100′s. Luckily, I was only number 40. The order of our names was actually our seat order. That means I was in seat 40. The staff called us in by groups of 5-10. I confirmed my identity with only an ID needed to prove it. Once I was verified, the staff gave me a piece of paper with my seat number and a bottle of sparkling water (how thoughtful!) Then it was waiting time again.

Don’t lose any piece of paper, especially one with your seat number, given to you by staff at the event. They also gave us a complementary sticky note where we write our name. We would stick this on the inside of our albums, opposite of the photo pages for the members’ reference when they sign your album. I brought extra sticky notes to mark where each member would sign. You should always bring spare notes because you can use this chance to ask the members a question or write a lovely note for them. Note: Some groups do not allow questions, so always follow the rules and read the information carefully on fancafe updates. After a bit more waiting, we could go in! I should probably get started on the actual event and the members. OK! We were waiting when all of a sudden, THE LIGHTS JUST DIMMED AND TURNED OFF. LIKE WHAT THE. The room was silent until “Please Be My First Love” CAME ON AND IMFACT WALKED ONSTAGE, SINGING IT LIVE! My heart died for a little instant, as my brain struggled to comprehend and process what was happening. Everyone seemed to be shook because there was not a single noise from the audience when IMFACT began singing. That was such a nice surprise and ahhhh I just love that song so much. Listen and love it lots.

After that impromptu performance, the boys sat at the table for the start of the fansigning. They greeted us and said a few words, thanking us for coming to this long-awaited event. Jian tried to add some things, but he kinda hesitated and seemed so cutely awkward like awww it’s okay, you’re so precious!! ONE RANDOM CUTE NOTE: The members commented about how many people came to this event, specially international fans (there was a handful of English-speaking fans there, and a lot of Japanese fans ((yay!))) BUT SANG ACTUALLY ANNOUNCED, “There’s a male fan here too!” AND THAT WAS ME Y’ALL. I WAS THE ONLY MALE FAN THERE AND AHHH I FELT SO SPECIAL. I waved like crazy when Sang said that, and some fans laughed. Taeho and Jian seemed pleasantly amused at this. Soon, the fansigning portion officially began. Let’s move on to individual member interactions I had~ (warning: FEELS AHEAD!!) The order was like this: Jeup→Ungjae(bias!!)→Sang→Taeho→Jian HANDSOME MAIN VOCAL, PARK JEUP ★ Jeup was so friendly and talkative!! Even though my Korean isn’t perfect, we talked the whole time. What really makes me appreciate a group is when they take into consideration your level of Korean if you’re an international fan. Some groups (not going to name names) make the situation awkward for international fans because of the language barrier. I’m not bashing these groups just for that reason, but it still is disappointing when you want to be open and flexible to your diverse fanbase, wherever they may be from. What I mean is, I had an experience with an idol group or two where members did not talk to me much, in English nor Korean, even when I was trying my hardest to speak in Korean. Thankfully, Jeup complimented my Korean skills. Anyway, he asked when I became a fan of them. I told him ever since “Feel So Good” era, and that I especially liked that track. I asked him, what was his favorite song, and he first replied, “Tension Up”, but also added, “In the Club” and “Please Be My First Love”. I agreed, saying that the trio of songs were all great. I commented that I especially think of PBMFL as 강추 (strong recommendation). Jeup burst out in laughter and complimented me again, saying that I even knew slang like “강추". He also asked where I came from, which is like a customary question we international fans get from idols. I told him America, specifically Hawaii, and pointed at the post-it note for him.

Translation- Q:This isn’t a question, but please come to Hawaii! A: All right. We’ll definitely go. (YAAAAAAAAAAAS PLEASE COME AND VACATION IN HAWAII!!) Jeup looked at the note and actually said he really wants to visit Hawaii. I advertised the islands to him, saying that the weather is nice, the sceneries are great, and he added, “the beaches are good too”. So, he expressed that he wants to take all of the members there to have fun. Please do, we’ll welcome you warmly~ Finally, I told him his hairstyle was really nice today. It was spiked up and it really suited him! He thanked me, and I asked what he personally thought of it. J: I like it. Styling the hair upward is very masculine. Me: Right, I agree. Do you prefer having your hair styled up or bangs down? J: *thinks for a bit* I think both is good, but now, having your hair styled up is rather cool now. So I personally like it this way. Me: Yeah! Especially since nowadays it’s quite hot, right? J: Right! Then I told him I’d continue supporting IMFACT in the future. Such a cool guy~ Gonna hold you to your words, Jeup. See you guys in Hawaii. A hui ho! BOYFRIEND MATERIAL/GENIUS LYRICIST/SHY CUTIE BIAS, NA UNGJAE!! ❤ Okay, I’m already dying of feels again and I haven’t even told you guys my interaction. So I can’t believe I was actually meeting Ungjae. I spazzed about him so much recently before and I had so many feels, but it’s always so different when you meet idols in real life. I told him I’m from Hawaii, like I always do. U: Hawaii? Wow. Me: Am I the first fan from Hawaii? U: *kind of confused* Sorry? Me: Am I the first fan from Hawaii that you’ve met? U: Ah, yes *laughs* Me: *proud* U: And you’ve come all the way to Korea. Me: Yeah, I’m actually an exchange student. U: Wow, really? *impressed* You’re really good at Korean. Me: Ah, thank you. I still got a long way to go. But I’ve been in Korea for around 9 months. And, since this was a golden opportunity, thanks to my friend’s suggestion, I decided to just wing it and see what would happen if I wrote my bias a cute joking question.

Translation: Ungjae-yah, I like you the best ㅎㅎ Wanna go shopping together later? (I’m older so I’m using banmal/informal language) Bottom right corner of signature: Thank you!! I WAS SO SHY WHEN HE KEPT LOOKING AT THE NOTE, I WAS LIKE OMG OKAY MAYBE I SHOULDN’T HAVE WRITTEN IT, WHAT IF HE REPLIES NEGATIVELY?! But that was just my panic mode. Most idols with a good heart would play along! But since this was the first time I met my bias face to face, I was slightly worried what he would think. This is how the convo basically went: U: Ah, shopping? *curious* Me: Yeah *laughs uncomfortably, shy shy shy af* U: *genuinely interested* What kinds of clothes do you want? Me: I like casual clothes U: *smiles* Ah, casual? Ah, I like hip-hop style so... Hongdae has a few places, not a lot. But for casual clothes... *recommends some stuff but I forgot what he said exactly, sorry bb* We talked a bit more about stores and things. It felt more like he was giving me recommendations HAHA but since he wrote, “Cool~!” on my note, then I’ll take that as a yes ❤ Anyway, I got pretty bold at this point and thought, well, might as well just go all out. Me: Actually, you’re my favorite member. You’re really handsome. U: *shyly smiles* *bows head slowly in appreciation* AHHHHHH HE WAS SO ADORABLE WHEN HE WAS SHY, SUCH A QTPIE I SWEAR. SUCH CHARISMA ONSTAGE BUT IN PERSON HE’S JUST A CINNAMON ROLL AHHHH STAN UNGJAE STAN IMFACT EVERYONE. Lastly, I asked him about his work as IMFACT’s lyricist. Me: So, you’re in charge of composing lyrics? U: Of course. Me: When you write lyrics, where do you usually draw your inspiration? U: *thinks* hmm... Well, I just draw inspiration from real life. When I’m thinking about something or when I watch a show or drama, I just get thoughts and write them. It was time to move on, so I gave him one last firm handshake and moved on. Thanks to his sunny smile, I was able to feel accomplished after talking to him. I officially didn’t mess up royally in front of my bias! THE SUNSHINE OF IMFACT, LEE SANG ☀ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS GUY. HE WAS SO NICE!! He already pointed me out in the beginning but seriously, this guy is awesome. Right when I moved to him, he extended his hand out and gave me a big, friendly handshake. He greeted me, “What’s up?!!” in English. S: Ah, Hawaii~ my sister went to America. (I love that random transition of topics) Me: Really? Where in America? S: *says in English* America. For study. Me: *internally: I know Sang, I’m asking where* Where, in America? *says it again* S: *I think he didn’t specify, or he forgot, but he said she just studied abroad, and came back. I just accepted that answer lol* Me: You should come visit Hawaii!! And then he proceeds to tell me that he really wants to go. He looks at my post-it.

Translation- Q: Do you have a favorite Nine Muses song? (NM and IMFACT are same company) I told him that I really like Namyu and that they’re my favorite group, and since the two groups are the same company, I wanted to ask him what his fave song from them was. He wrote Drama, and ofc I love that song too. Darn, I forgot some other little things I might have talked to him about. But here’s another thing~ (I was just speaking my mind at this point) Me: Since there’s a lot I don’t know, who is the visual in IMFACT? S: Actually, we leave it up to the fans, who see members as visuals in their own viewpoints. Like, if a fan watches us, they’ll think “Ah, I like this one! He’s a visual!” These kinds of thoughts. So it’s an individual’s preference. *how precious is this* Me: Really? Well, honestly, I think you’re the visual. S: Ah, really? *short shy moment, gives me another handshake for the compliment* Me: Yeah, you’re really, really handsome. I can’t stress this enough, THIS GUY IS SO GREAT!! I forget what else we talked about, but at the end, I got flustered lol just.... ahhhhhhh > < NEXT, MAIN DANCER BUT TRYNA SNATCH DAT MAIN VOCAL POSITION, KIM TAEHO ♦ Taeho is really cool and just polite and nice~ I just loved his reaction when I said I was from Hawaii. He was like, “Wa, Hawaii?” like aw. And I had to tell him about how cool it was that he got more lines this comeback. Seriously, seems like all the vocals in this group can be main. Me: Also, I really like how you got a lot of parts this time around. T: Ah, really? *smiles* You like my vocals? Me: Yeah! Compared to the older songs, you got a lot of parts. Isn’t it nice? T: Yep~ *high-five* Thank you~ Me: Hm, how are the parts distributed, anyway? T: Actually, we each get together and divide the parts based on who fits the lines the most. We come to an agreement and split the parts that way. Like we say, “Oh, I think you would fit this part well”, and so on. Me: Wow, that’s nice~ What do you honestly think of the title track, “Tension Up”? T: I do like it. It’s really exciting. I also like In the Club and especially Please Be My First Love. That kind of style. *sly self-promo as always* Me; I agree! T: We have more songs in store, so please anticipate them. Me: Ah, could you give me a little hint about the next track? *COMEBACK SPOILER EXCLUSIVELY FROM TAEHO* T: Compared to “Tension Up”, the next one is a bit... slower tempo. It’s hip-hop, but more... relaxing? Chill? Me: Ah, really? Sounds exciting. I’ll continue supporting IMFACT in the future~

I don’t remember much else that we talked about, but that was still a lot~ Such a sweet guy. Really cares for his fans, like all of them. THE AWKWARD BUT SWAG RAPPER LEADER, LEE JIAN ♠ Last but definitely not least, I met Jian~ Awkward little greetings ftw. Me: Hi~ Jian-ssi~ Oh, where’d your note go? JA: Hi, it’s right here~ *looks at said note* Me: Oh *flustered af, drops head in embarrassment*

Translation- Q: Is an IMFACT X Nine Muses collab possible?? A: We’ve done one! On the picture: Nine Muses Noonas are coming back soon, so please give them lots of support, and if a chance for a collab presents itself, we’ll do it for sure! In response to my surprise at his answer, we had a convo. JA: We collaborated before. Me: Oh right, "Dream”, right? (referring to Sang x Keumjo’s duet) JA: Actually, during the Star Empire Family Concert in Japan. Me: Oh, really? JA: Yeah. It was me and Keumjo-noona, we did a collab. Me: Ah, which song? I didn’t know. JA: Taeyang-sunbaenim’s “Eyes, Nose, Lips”. Me: Oh, I’ve never seen it. Do you think it would be on YouTube? JA: I think it’ll come up if you search it there. I told him about Nine Muses being my favorite girl group, and he mentioned that they helped IMFACT a lot, and he really appreciates them. AND HERE’S WHEN I LITERALLY SAID WHAT HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR SOME TIME LOL HEAR ME OUT, OKAY? Me: Okay, this isn’t an insult, but I have something to say... JA: Okay, what is it? Me: When I look at you, Jian, I think of Euaerin. You remind me of her a lot. Like your tone... And I remember when you impersonated her. JA: Ah, really?~ *smiling* Actually, I really look up to her. She’s helped me a lot. *I forgot what he said specifically, but he was really chill and nice about this LOL I hope it didn’t offend him cuz they could be counterparts! Killer rappers and amazing dancers.*

Like look at this goddess

And then look at this hunk! LOL. Their sharp features stand out, and they’re really charismatic. (God I miss Euaerin now). And then it was time to continue my attack on Jian. But this time, I wanted to give him a direct compliment~ Me: But Jian-ssi. JA: *interested* yes? Me:You’re really handsome. JA: *amused at my straightforwardness* Ah, thank you~ *laughs* Me: Yeah, especially this... *gestures at the amazing tie he’s wearing, bless his outfit and his whole existence* It suits you very much. Did you pick it yourself? JA: Actually, the stylists did it... Me: Oh, well it still looks good! Then it was time to go *sad face* Me: *reads Jian’s message on my album* Ah, but don’t worry~ I’m not just a Nine Muses fan, I’m also IMFACT’s fan~ I’ll support you in the future! JA: Thank you! See you! Me: Bye bye! JA: Bye~ Junior~~ Just the way he said my name at the end made me so warm on the inside hehehehe~ they are all sweethearts. It took a long while to go through all 120 fans, but it was great. They had a little game session with the fans, where they would draw something on a notepad and then the fans guess the answer. The ones who answered would get a chance to take a selca with them. *ahhh jelly* Honestly, during that game, I was confused AF about what they were drawing LMAO I did not know how the fans could get all the right answers! I was stumped. Then IMFACT performed some songs, as this was the “fanmeeting” part of the event. They performed some fan favorites- Tension Up (of course) and Lollipop. And during Lollipop, Sang was EXTRA and ran offstage momentarily and I GOT TO TOUCH HIS HAND AGAIN~! HE’S SO GREAT WITH FANSERVICE. LOVE YOU SANG!! Seriously, they know how to charm their fans and make them feel loved! It was almost time to go, but IMFACT asked the staff if they could do one more encore stage of Please Be My First Love. The fans were cheering, wanting it, AND SO WAS I, LIKE THIS SONG IS SUCH A TREASURE. BEST CHILL SONG RIGHT NOW. Refreshing like a breath of spring air~ Their vocals were on point and it was cute because in the middle, when Ungjae started rapping, his mic turned off for some reasons and had some difficulties but the members helped and lent him a mic until it started working again. So talented and thoughtful agh. Then, it was time to go~ they waved goodbye and the lights dimmed and turned off again, just like the beginning. Just as they had come. They all disappeared backstage, except Jeup who straggled and stayed back a little to say one last cute farewell to the audience. And that was it. A great day well spent. It was so worth the trouble of applying, even if it was a different format than I was used to. IMFACT is so underrated, and I think Star Empire is not doing the best that they can to help them succeed. Like, the members are all charming and talented and exceptional, but their title songs are not innovative, unique, or otherwise outstanding to really catch the public’s eye. Star Empire failed ZE:A and they messed up Namyu, and I feel so bad for IMFACT. But hope remains, and I will keep supporting them in their journey. I wish them all the luck for stardom. Please give IMFACT a try. Listen to their b-sides too, they have really good side tracks, which seem to be the real hidden gems of their music. RECOMMENDATIONS FROM ME: Woo Please Be My First Love (If I didn’t stress this enough) In The Club (an excellent r&b, more somber song of theirs) Mirrorz Feel So Good (a really underrated title track, really hype-worthy) And that’s it for my fanaccount!! It’s super long but it’s all my thoughts~ I’m going to make a video for this whole experience, hopefully by tomorrow. I spent so much time on this, hahaha. Until next time~

#imfact #fansign #fanmeeting #fanaccount #fanboy #tensionup #kpop

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greatdrams · 7 years

Text

Dillon vs Wells and a few thoughts on blind tasting

Unless you happened to be an incredibly secure character at school, you’ll know the deal. A couple of the big kids are doing something fun, and you want to join in. Partially because it’s fun (obviously), and partially (if you’re honest with yourself) because you want to be part of what the big kids are doing.

So when the big kids of the whisky blogging scene (Greg and Malt Review’s inimitable Mark Newton) challenged each other to a blind tasting, I took to twitter and digitally hollered the adult equivalent of “can I play?” Though actually, why shouldn’t the adult equivalent of “can I play?” be “can I play?”?

Shortly thereafter I sent Greg an unlabelled sample of the Kilkerran Open Day 2016 bottling, which he covered here. The return sample was sent once Greg had completed his move to Manchester, and arrived on my desk a couple of weeks back. First thing in the morning; completely ruined my day’s productivity, but that’s because I’m an excitable child.

As soon as the bell went for the end of the day I was out of the office and straight home. Metaphorical bell, you understand, though I’ll dispense with the children analogies now; I promise I am actually allowed to legally drink whisky... Bottle was breached, cursory sniff was taken, sample was poured and notebook was flipped open beside me.

But let’s pause there for a moment, because the practice of blind tasting is one that’s worth a smidge of consideration.

Ostensibly, blind tasting is the only way to give your fully objective opinion of a whisky. (Or wine/beer/cider/cat-food brand [delete as appropriate].) It theoretically frees you of biases and prejudices, it strips away distracting information and it forces you to focus on the drink alone.

I’ve lost count of the number of people who sneer at non-Scotch malt when they know what they’re facing, but proclaim their admiration when it’s just amber liquid in a glass. Or take me, for example – I’m quoted as saying Aberlour A’Bunadh is my favourite whisky for under £50. But one day some vicious ne’er-do-well will doubtless hide one next to a similarly secret Glenfarclas 105, and when that day comes I can only hope I get my call of “heads” right.

Blind tasting also exposes you; makes you really think; underlines any shortcomings or gaps in your experience. Not tried Rye before? Then that spicy kick will mean nothing. Didn’t know countries outside of Scotland use peat? Then good luck when Paul John Bold crosses the table. And who hasn’t indulged in a bit of a smile when a trained expert, or a particularly vocal individual comes unstuck on confronting an anonymous glass?

The problem with objective blind tasting is that it effectively requires the taster to be a robot. Human nature being what it is, we start guessing the end before we’ve even finished the beginning. We want to skip to the last page of the book. No one, on being presented with a glass, can ever truly extinguish the irritating light in the back of their head that immediately flashes: ‘WHAT IS THIS?’

And so we start guessing. I don’t care how expert or practiced you are. I taste up to fifty wines a week at work, and countless more for my wines and spirits diploma. And that’s without getting into all the whiskies I pump my salary into. (I do have a life outside alcohol; I play hockey and everything.) But that light never goes off. Dark colour: “I wonder if that’s a sherry cask?” Slight hint of peat: “hmm, could that be Highland Park?” Bit of meatiness: “do I have a Mortlach here?” You know the drill.

And once an idea pops into your head, it’s very hard to ignore. Just ask the cast of Inception. You want to be right. You want to be validated. You want to have ‘won’ at blind tasting. Most of all, you don’t want to look like an idiot. And so you subconsciously ignore the niggling uncertainties. You shoehorn your blind tasting into what you want it to be. Perhaps you try to second guess the person presenting you the sample. “Ah, she’ll give me something off-piste...he knows I’ve said mean things about this distillery before...hang on, is this even whisky?” Sound familiar?

Blind tasting can be influenced by all sorts of things. Your mood; what you’ve eaten recently; the temperature of the room; the time of day – even what music is playing (or not playing) in the background. And if you’re on the spot and nervous about getting it wrong, you haven’t a hope. You stress, you panic and your common sense slips. Which is why most tasting competitions worth noting are judged anonymously. No one does their ‘best’ tasting under pressure.

So yes – everyone should do some blind tasting once in a while. It’s fun! But stop worrying about getting the whisk(e)y right. After all, with so many countless thousands of whiskies in production, what realistically are your odds? You might get the distillery or producer from time to time. Heck, you might once or twice nail the whole shebang. But you’ll have missed the point of whisk(e)y in the process: to enjoy it. After all, the end is just a tiny part of the journey. You’re really best off taking the Ferris Bueller attitude. It’s a pretty hollow ‘victory’ otherwise – if you even score the victory at all.

And we’re back in the room. (At my house, in case you’d lost track. Wouldn’t blame you.)

My cursory sniff (ok, I also took a cursory sniff at the office when it arrived, but so would you if you’re human) raised some suspicions. Greg and I had set the rules as Single Malt Scotch of £50 or lower, but something about the aromas I found myself picking up suggested foul play.

Far be it from me to accuse my charming new boss of hoodwinkery, but I’m a mistrusting soul where blind tastings are concerned. (See: told you they bring out the over-thinker.) Besides, any holder of an Anfield season ticket who moves to Manchester has to have a wily streak about them. In as unaccusatorial a tone as I could manage I casually checked that the rules still stood. (Is unaccusatorial a real word? There’s a red squiggly line, but I feel in my heart that it deserves to be one.)

“It might well be on brief...or might have changed the game a little...who knows...” replied the Machiavellian Dillon, admitting that it was definitely a Scotch. Bet he steals from the bank when he’s playing Monopoly too. Deep mistrust smouldering in my bosom I returned to the task at hand.

I nosed, I scribbled, my brow furrowed, I nosed some more, scribbled some more, sipped a little, furrowed some more and scribbled a bit more for good measure. And then I proceeded to ignore all the advice I’ve just written above.

Straight away, I knew that it wasn’t a malt, and that it probably wasn’t under £50. Anyone who drinks as much bourbon as I do ought to know what distilled corn smells like. Which in Scotch terms more or less means either old, or North British. (Or both.)

But something about this one seemed to hint at a little more complexity. In the back of my mind, something niggled away, making me wondering whether Greg had also dispensed with the ‘single’ ruling. Which was when I stupidly decided to ignore most of the note I had just written, and start to play the man, not the ball. And in blind tasting that almost always ends in disaster.

My blended grain experience certainly isn’t vast. In fact, it’s Compass Box Hedonism, which I knew was not what I was tasting. But could I perhaps have its fancier ‘big brother’ Quindecimus in front of me?

Deciding for some reason that I was along the right lines on the blended grain front, I was torn between Quindecimus and The Exceptional Blended Grain, neither of which I had sampled previously. From what I had read, Quindecimus was the richer of the two, which tallied with what I had written. So, with great doubt and several second guesses, I presented Greg with my answer.

I was wrong.

In fact, what I had was the Cadenhead’s North British 1985 31 years old Single Sherry Butt at 54.6%. And believe you me, it holds that cask strength well - I’d never have guessed it was that high. The spirit also stands up remarkably well to the sherry - there’s not a hint of raisin, and the corn is really on song. Full note below:

Fruity. Some aspects of red berries, and some of orchard fruit (apples/pears). Plenty of sweetness; caramels and a good whack of vanilla. There’s a lightness of touch, but a great deal of depth too. Medium intensity of aroma, but very good complexity. Corn asserts itself. Slight meatiness in the background, with distinct, but not overpowering wood.

Alcohol clear, but completely controlled and kept in check by flavour on the palate. Flavours are more intense than aromas and crescendo significantly as you hold it in the mouth. Largely follow on from the nose, but bourbon-like aspects of caramel and dark sugars dominate particularly, wrapped in more of that red berry fruit. Possibly a touch of date.

More of that meatiness - not quite sulphur - on the finish, which is ever so slightly shorter than expected. Very well balanced and complex.

All in all, a delicious whisky, which I can’t thank Greg enough for. Particularly special, as it happened to be distilled in his birth month. He outfoxed me this time (though thank God I clocked it was Grain whisky - could have been a lot more embarrassing!) but you can be sure there’ll be a rematch.

In the meantime, two ‘morals of the story’ to take away from this. Firstly, when it comes to blind tasting, do as I say, not as I do! And secondly, if you play games with the big kids, be prepared for them to move the goalposts!

Cheers!

[gallery type="rectangular" ids="23412,23413,23414"]

The post Dillon vs Wells and a few thoughts on blind tasting appeared first on GreatDrams.

from GreatDrams http://ift.tt/2jtOYWs Greg

#whisky #GreatDrams

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eldritchcow · 7 years

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5 things tag

i was tagged my @space-ukulele. many thank, friendo. <33

5 things you’ll find in my bag:

my laptop bc i take it literally everywhere

a notepad and pens

maybe a poetry collection if i’m feeling creative

my uni id/printer card/debit card/provisional license

idk i think that’s it tbh? maybe some makeup? but prob not?

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom:

books! so many books!

like a billion notebooks with half-finished poems scribbled in corners of pages

star shaped fairy lights!

my jonghyun ‘the story’ poster << looks like this

a little photo of myself and my gran

5 things I always wanted to do in life:

write. don’t even care if i get published honestly. just want to write.

perform poetry

finish my degree - i’m in the middle of my first year and i honestly really love it so far wow

travel somewhere. i’d like to teach english a few places bc it would mean i’d get to travel and meet people and do english all in one experience.

have nice clothes. it sounds silly but i just want a wardrobe of nice quality clothes that i like.

5 things I’m currently into:

self-reflection.

tea. i recently made the switch from coffee to tea bc i’m a tiny bit allergic to coffee so that’s cool.

putting myself outside of my comfort zone? idk this is a weird one but it’s true.

weightlifting fairy kim bok joo. pls if you haven’t watched this yet, pls do. it makes me v happy bc it has realistic portrayals of eating disorders, mental health issues and romantic relationships. it’s really great.

beige

5 things on my to do list:

buy new underwear

read ‘flush’ by virginia woolf, as well as ‘the turn of the screw’ by henry james and ‘moll flanders’ by daniel defoe. i haven't read any of them before so like if you read and enjoyed or hated them, message me. tell me your thoughts.

catch up on wlfkbj

get my ice skates sharpened

more long-term than the other things on my to do list: put myself out there socially, academically and in the spoken word poetry scene in my city. have a sense of urgency.

5 things people may not know about me

i’m annoyingly friendly so if you want to talk to me, go ahead. i'm a compulsive oversharer tho lmao so yeah fair warning.

this year i started studying at uni, and i’m studying english with creative writing and journalism. i’m technically studying politics too, but i get to drop that at the end of this year which is cool.

i actually have 2 bias groups - SHINee and bts. i also stan a heck ton of other groups and i’m open to listening to legit anyone or anything so if you have music recs, drop me a message.

i mentioned it above but i’ve recently gotten myself involved in the poetry scene around my city. so far i’ve only performed at uni open mics, but hopefully i’ll find the courage to do more and meet more people in 2017.

idk what else there is. i may be a compulsive oversharer but i think i’ll hold myself back from posting any of my oversharing antics publically lmao.

i tag @flower-mother, @kaibngtn, @tsutendou, @exolottery & legit anyone else who sees this on their dash B) you don’t have to if you don’t want to tho <33

#tagged #this was a fun tag thanks for tagging me it's been grand #<3

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ebola-chan-love · 4 years

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During Reddit AMA On COVID-19 Coronavirus, Eugenicist Bill Gates Calls For A ‘National Tracking System’ And ‘Billions Of Vaccinations’ To ‘Protect The World’

Eugenicist Bill Gates called for a ‘national tracking system’ similar to South Korea, saying that “in Seattle, the University of Washington is providing thousands of tests per day but no one is connected to a national tracking system”

Every time I write an article on eugenicist Bill Gates and his desire to control the global population, I always get a visit from the folks over at NewsGuard, the Liberal “fact checking” group financed by Microsoft and embedded in their Edge web browser. The entire agenda of NewsGuard is to promote the Liberal position seen over at fake news MSNBC, while at the same time preventing Christians and Conservatives from having a voice online. Sorry, NewsGuard, we won’t be silenced by you or anyone else. We are in the publishing business, take a look.

“That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works.” Psalm 26:7 (KJB)

Last week we told you all about Event 201, if you haven’t read it, stop, and go and read it right now. Today’s article will make much more of an impact on you if you know what Bill Gates and Event 201 is all about. So Bill Gates went on Reddit to participate in a coronavirus Ask Me Anything, and during the course of that Q&A, some pretty astonishing things came out.

First, Bill Gates wants a ‘national tracking system’ to track the spread of the virus, but you can’t track the virus without tracking the people, so what is he really calling for? A national tracking system for people. When you add that to something called ID2020, you’re off to the end times races. ID2020 calls for, you guessed it, an implantable tracking device that’s tied to a, you guess it again, vaccination. Here it is, I advise you to read it. Immediately.

BIG PHARMA AND MICROSOFT ARE TEAMING UP IN SOMETHING CALLED THE ‘ID2020 ALLIANCE’ THAT WILL COMBINE VACCINATIONS WITH IMPLANTABLE MICROCHIPS TO CREATE YOUR DIGITAL ID

When will all this craziness stop? Never, it’s just getting started. Remember how you always said how much you wanted to be in the end times, well, here you are. And it’s all fun and games until the New World Order takes your freedom away. Which, just coincidentally, is happening in bits and pieces right now. As for me, I guess I’ll just sit here, drink coffee, and work on my next article while I await for the email to arrive from NewsGuard in 3,2,1…

Bill Gates Calls For National Tracking System For Coronavirus During Reddit AMA

FROM FORBES: A week after stepping down from the boards of Microsoft and Berkshire Hathaway, Bill Gates, co-founder of Microsoft and the second-richest person in the world with a net worth $97.8 billion, took to reddit for an Ask Me Anything on the Covid-19 coronavirus pandemic, sharing his thoughts on how best to deal with the outbreak and its possible long-term effects on the world.

A TED Talk by Gates from 2015 recently emerged called “The Next Outbreak? We’re Not Ready,” given during the Ebola epidemic, but as the White House administration faces criticism for not reacting quick enough, Gates reiterated that, “We did know it would happen at some point, either with a flu or some other respiratory virus…There was almost no funding.”

Following the eventual end of the pandemic, Gates hopes that countries can work together to better prepare for similar situations, including the “need to have the ability to scale up diagnostics, drugs and vaccines very rapidly…the technologies exist to do this well if the right investments are made”; the $100 million his and his wife Melinda’s Gates Foundation donated to fight the coronavirus is focused on those three areas.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, this week said that mass production of a vaccine would likely not occur for another 12-18 months, and Gates concurred, saying that lots of manufacturing will need to be built to provide “billions of vaccines to protect the world” and that the first vaccines, which would “go to healthcare workers and critical workers…could happen before 18 months if everything goes well, but we and Fauci and others are being careful not to promise this when we are not sure.”

A study released this week by Imperial College in the UK stated that even with mitigation, the U.S. could see around 1 million deaths from the coronavirus, but Gates cautioned that “the parameters used in that model were too negative,” pointing to China as “the most critical data we have” and that its social distancing approach was “able to reduce the number of cases.”

Responding to a question on the Netherlands’ “controlled distribution” strategy, Gates countered saying “The only model that is known to work is a serious social distancing effort (‘shut down’),” estimating that “If a country does a good job with testing and ‘shut down’ then within 6-10 weeks they should see very few cases and be able to open back up”; however, he also admitted that “The U.S is still not organized on testing.”

Gates called for a “national tracking system similar to South Korea, saying that “in Seattle, the [University of Washington] is providing thousands of tests per day but no one is connected to a national tracking system” and that “Whenever there is a positive test it should be seen to understand where the disease is and whether we need to strengthen the social distancing.”

With social distancing and many of his other answers, though, he addressed the difficult schism between wealthy and developing nations, saying that “rich countries” that push for testing and practice social distancing should avoid high levels of infection within 2-3 months, though, “I worry about all the economic damage but even worse will be how this will affect the developing countries who cannot do the social distancing the same way as rich countries and whose hospital capacity is much lower.”

Crucial Quote: Gates addressing a now deleted question: “My retiring from public boards was not related to the epidemic but it does reinforce my decision to focus on the work of the foundation including it’s work to help with the epidemic.” READ MORE

Now The End Begins is your front line defense against the rising tide of darkness in the last days before the Rapture of the Church

HOW TO DONATE:Click here to view our GoFundMe page

When you contribute to this fundraising effort, you are helping us to do what the Lord called us to do. The money you send in goes primarily to the overall daily operations of this site. When people ask for Bibles, we send them out at no charge. When people write in and say how much they would like gospel tracts but cannot afford them, we send them a box at no cost to them for either the tracts or the shipping, no matter where they are in the world. Even all the way to South Africa. We even restarted our weekly radio Bible study on Sunday nights again, thanks to your generous donations. All this is possible because YOU pray for us, YOU support us, and YOU give so we can continue growing.

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The post During Reddit AMA On COVID-19 Coronavirus, Eugenicist Bill Gates Calls For A ‘National Tracking System’ And ‘Billions Of Vaccinations’ To ‘Protect The World’ appeared first on Now The End Begins.

Now The End Begins https://www.nowtheendbegins.com/eugenicist-bill-gates-wants-national-tracking-system-event-201-id2020-vaccinations-population-control/

#EbolaChan #NTEB

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blueboxesandtrafficcones · 4 years

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The French Connection - Chapter 10

A HardyxMiller AU

Ellie Miller is left to go on her honeymoon alone after a devastating secret about her fiance comes to light - halfway through the wedding ceremony. Sitting in St Pancras International in London waiting for her train, she runs into none other than her uni rival/best friend Alec Hardy, on the run from his own recent heartbreak.

They decide to make use of Ellie’s pre-paid trip, rekindling their friendship and escaping real life; yet, it turns out their years at uni are the hardest to outrun. Based on this prompt from @timepetalscollective

Chapters will be posted every Wednesday and Sunday. Beta’d by the wonderful @stupidsatsuma

This fic will remain at a T rating, but there is some steam.

Masterlist | AO3

---

Monday

Ellie sighed, sinking lower in her lounger. After they’d finally dragged themselves out of bed and down to breakfast they’d agreed to a lazy morning by the pool, and so far, she was extremely pleased with the decision. It was an indoor pool, relatively unremarkable, but they had it to themselves and that was enough.

Light spa music played through the speakers, sunlight poured in from the windows behind them, and she was perfectly content to drift on the padded chair, Hardy on the one next to her doing a crossword. Opening one eye she turned her head to peer at him, smiling at the adorable expression of absolute concentration on his face as he carefully inked in an answer.

“Need any help?”

He shook his head before glancing over at her, expression softening. Turning back to his paper he ran one finger down the page, humming for a moment before asking, “Four letter word, ‘song such as ‘Nessun dorma’.”

“Aria.”

“What?” Pen at the ready he raised an eyebrow. “And how do you know that?”

“It’s from a Puccini opera,” she said smugly, rolling onto her side to face him. “A boyfriend and I- not Joe, the bloke before him- went and spent a weekend in London once and he took me to the opera.”

Hardy nodded, mouth tightening slightly. Definitely jealous. “How was it?”

“Beautiful.” Her lips curled up. “Also terribly boring. Couldn’t understand a word they said- well, sang. But it was… an experience. One I’m glad to have had but not particularly eager to repeat. A bit posh for me, really.”

His tension eased, and he consulted his clue list again. “How about… four letters, ‘perfect place, if you don’t mind the serpent’. What the fuck?”

“Eden,” she laughed. “Supposed to be perfect, until a snake convinced Eve to eat from the forbidden tree?”

“‘Convinced’,” he repeated, snorting. “Since it was Eden, I hardly doubt the woman was trying to watch her figure; probably ate everything in sight. Don’t deny it, I saw you at the buffet this morning.”

Ellie huffed, swinging her legs around and sitting up to face him. “This is fun, commentary aside. Keep going.”

“Fine.” It took him a minute. “Here’s one- Five letters, ‘right wrongs’.”

“Hardy.”

“Yes?”

She laughed, pushing up off her lounger and settling against him on his. “Righter of wrongs,” Ellie repeated. “Hardy. At least, in my experience.” Patting his bare knee, she watched in amusement as his face ran the gamut of shocked to pleased to bashful.

“I do what I can,” he mumbled, the tips of his ears turning red. “Nothing to fuss over.”

Turning her head she leaned in to kiss him softly, smiling against his lips. “Agree to disagree. You’ve rescued me a few times, and not just on this trip.”

Hardy lowered the puzzle to his lap, moving a few curls away from her face, fingers lingering against the strands. “And you, me,” he murmured, eyes impossibly soft and earnest. “And not just on this trip. I’m so glad I fou- I ran into you.”

“I’m glad I found you too.”

They kissed again, deeper this time, and her heart was pounding by the time they came up for air. Her skin tingled pleasantly, and she was half-drunk on the taste of him.

“What d’you say to a kip before lunch?” she asked breathlessly, shivering when his fingertips trailed over her skin.

His eyes never left hers, but the corner of his mouth curled upward.

They didn’t make lunch.

“I’m sorry, what?” Ellie stopped dead in the middle of the walkway, heedless of the swarms of people around them. “You did not just say what I think you said.”

Hardy sighed, placing his palm on the small of her back and guiding her gently forward into walking again. “Don’t be like that.”

“But that- that’s impossible! Especially at your age!”

“What d’you mean, my age? You are my age!”

“Exactly!”

He rolled his eyes. “Why’re you taking this so personally? So I haven’t seen a movie-”

“It’s a trilogy-”

“Okay, I haven’t seen three movies. I’m hardly the only person in the world.”

Ellie tugged him to a stop and turned to the person walking next to them. “Excuse me, sir?”

The man stopped, looking startled, his wife and children pausing as well. “Yes?”

“Has anyone in your family- circle of friends- anyone you’ve ever met- not seen the original Star Wars trilogy?”

He just laughed, shaking his head. “Not to my knowledge.”

“See,” Ellie turned back to Hardy smugly.

“Oh, come on,” he shook his head as they resumed their strolling tour of the Village, “my father wasn’t going to waste the little disposable income we had on- on going to the pictures. And I never had any interest as an adult. I could watch Star Trek on telly. That was enough.”

She huffed. “Fine. However, I bet we can rent it at the hotel – we can watch one tonight. No arguments.”

His expression pinched. “No. Miller, please- I don’t want to.” A hint of something deeper than frustration entered his tone, and she realized that it was a sensitive subject, that she didn’t have the full story.

“Okay,” Ellie agreed softly, “if you feel that strongly.”

Hardy gave her a suspicious glare, and she tried to return it with a reassuring smile, hoping he could sense it was genuine. “Thanks,” he grumbled.

He shifted closer to her, and they walked a few meters with their knuckles bumping against each other before she got the picture. Heart leaping, suddenly shy, she twisted her hand so the next time they brushed their palms met, and she was pleased when he laced their fingers together.

They didn’t look at each other, continued exploring the shops of the marketplace, but their hands never let go and the warmth in her chest never faded.

This is what real happiness is.

Ringing slowly filtered through the fog, somewhat bursting the hazy, pleasurable cocoon Ellie was wrapped in.

“Wha’s that?” she mumbled, struggling to open her eyes. “Hear it?”

Hardy grunted, not lifting his head from the sure-to-be-impressive love bite he was working on at her collarbone.

“I think it’s a phone.”

He continued to ignore her, only shifting to the other side of her neck.

“Hardy.” She ran her fingers through his hair, using a gentle touch to tug his head up. “Need to answer it.”

“They’ll go away,” he dismissed, propping himself up enough to reach her mouth for a kiss. “We’re busy.”

Ellie giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him close as they continued to kiss. “It’s ringing again,” she mumbled against his lips, “you should answer it.” Incongruently, she hooked her knee higher on his hip.

He slowly pulled himself away, stealing kisses until he had to reach for the mobile. “It’s you,” he barely glanced at the screen, thrusting it into her hands and sliding back down her body to align his mouth with her throat. “Do what you want.”

The caller ID read Lucy, and she reluctantly answered. “What?”

“Well hello to you too,” her sister snarked, “hope I’m not interrupting.”

That put Ellie on alert, automatically tensing to the point where Hardy sat up and mouthed ok?

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Did you really take your uni boyfriend on this trip with you?”

Shit. “Where’s this coming from?”

“So it’s true.”

Ellie sat up, putting her back to the headboard. Hardy, thankfully, moved as well, sliding next to her and laying his hand flat, palm up, on the mattress between them; she didn’t hesitate to take it, lacing their fingers together and squeezing gently. “I ran into a friend from uni in London and asked them to come with me. Where’d you hear this anyway?” The obvious and only possible source was Joe’s call, and she wondered if her sister was dumb enough to admit she was still talking to him after her moratorium on it.

“A mutual friend,” Lucy said vaguely, proving she was smarter than she sometimes seemed to be. “You’re not denying it.”

“I had already paid for two, and found a willing plus one,” she shrugged, grip tightening on Hardy’s hand. “It’s nice, been catching up on old times. We lost touch after uni because I didn’t have his details; he says he left them for me but I never got them.” She leaned closer to Hardy, tilting the phone so he could hear as well.

The silence on the other end of the line was as good as a confession to Ellie, and she was both annoyed and pleased to be right.

“Still there?”

“Well I don’t know anything about that,” Lucy said stiffly, and Ellie had to fight back a laugh when Hardy rolled his eyes. “But really, taking up with an ex so quickly? Can you say ‘rebound’?”

Her jaw clenched, the question hitting too close to her secret worries. “He’s not an ex, we didn’t date in uni,” countered, setting the record straight even as she wondered why everyone thought they had. You never even met him except for when he gave you the letter, what’s this based on? “And we’re friends, travelling together. Nothing’s going on between us.”

Hardy tensed next to her, and she rubbed her thumb against his, hoping he knew it was just a lie. Not that I know what is going on between us.

“Bullshit. You ought to be ashamed of yourself; your fiancé is-”

“Now he,” Ellie cut her off, ”is an ex. I’ve no idea why you refuse to see that, but it is absolutely over with Joe. Out of the realm of possibility. And I’m not having this conversation again, understand? The next time you, or Mum or Dad, say anything about him, I am hanging up. You hear me?”

Whispers on the other end made her sigh, and it wasn’t until Hardy winced that she realized she had his hand in a death vise. Forcibly relaxing her grip she leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder, some of her tension seeping out when he kissed her forehead and leaned his head on hers.

For as bony as he is, he’s wonderfully comfortable.

“Hello?” she prompted after a solid minute of semi-silence. “You there?”

“We just don’t want you to make any rash decisions that you’ll regret,” Lucy bit out. “You have to consider what you want your future to look like. We love you, El, and want you to be happy.”

“I appreciate that. Listen, I’ve got to go, but I’ll be home Sunday afternoon and we can talk then if need be.”

Both Lucy and Hardy said, “What?” at the same time, and she had to pinch him to remind him to be quiet. “I thought you’d be home Wednesday?” her sister continued.

Ellie shrugged despite knowing Lucy couldn’t see it. “I need a little more time. I’m going to stay in London for a few days, do some sightseeing there.”

“If you must… have a good night.”

Not bothering to respond Ellie simply ended the call, letting her mobile drop to her lap and leaning her head back, groaning.

“Since when are you staying on in London?” Hardy asked, and she rolled her head to the side to look at him.

She gave him a sheepish smile. “Since I said it. I just couldn’t face the idea of going back on Wednesday. I’ve got those days off anyway, though they were supposed to be used for moving. But instead… instead, I’m going to go around and see all the art and history I want to, without worrying about boring anyone.”

He nodded slowly, a distant gaze in his eye for a moment. “On your own?”

Not bothering to even consider the idea, she rolled over to straddle his lap. “Why, you don’t want to go?”

“Not if I’m not wanted.” His hands settled on her hips, providing her stability without clinging to her.

Ellie searched his eyes, saw the longing and hesitation there, and leaned forward to kiss him, bracing herself against the headboard behind him. “You are definitely wanted,” she whispered against his mouth, rolling her hips against him. “I haven’t- I can’t, yet, think too hard about the future, but I won’t lose you again. Whatever it looks like, I want you in it.”

A slow smile spread across his face. “Good enough for me,” he murmured, kissing her again before sliding his hands beneath the hem of her shirt and lifting. “We’ll figure it out.”

“I know.”

And she proceeded to show him just how wanted he was.

#bbatcfic #broadfic #Broadchurch #HardyxMiller #Alec Hardy #Ellie Miller #AU #The French Connection #platonic honeymoon fic

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