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technowoah · 3 years

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Hi! If you do tommyinnit x reader (romantic), I would like one where reader is tubbo's sister perhaps? She would have the feature reader has still not tubbos. Maybe they meet when tubbo and tommy meet up and he just kinda starts to like her? If not that's ok! -paw <3

Prepare For Trouble Make it Double

I hope this suffices 😋

Requested!

Romantic(?)

Tommyinnit x Tubbo's sister!reader (blurb?)

⚠︎ its tommy so it'll be slight swearing-

It wasn't a secret that Tubbo had siblings, he had Lani of course, but what people didn't know that he had another sister closer to his age.

You tended to stay out of the spotlight, for reasons. Streaming was interesting but not your fortè. You usually tended to stay behind the camera when Tubbo was streaming or off to the side quietly talking to him as he did his own lore or sitting on Lani's bed doing your own thing listening to her talking to her viewers.

Your siblings never tried to convince you to go out of your comfort zone and appear on streams, only once in a blue moon you would talk to Lani out of frame. Lani of course would respond, the chat would freak out asking if you were a friend, finally the moment was gone as fast as it came.

Thats how days go in their household. Tending to hover around eachother and whatever they were doing at the moment. But it was this one particular moment when Tubbo was streaming and he suddenly decided to bring you on to show his 700k viewers that he had another sister.

He had pulled up a brown folding chair next to him and patted it beckoning you to sit down in frame.

Tubbo was currently streaming on the Dream SMP, you didnt think he was doing lore today so you hesitated a little bit. Other days you wouldn't have budged out of your spot out of sight, but he looked so excited in his yellow jumper you had bought for him whe going to out to the shops.

In a unrelated note You remember saying that "yellow is your color" and he ended up buying it, and his stans loved the jumper. So a win win.

"C'mon Y/N!" He yelled as continued to pat the folding chair next to him.

You ended up shuffling over to the seat next to him and smiling at the camera. Over in the corner of your eye you saw the chat which was going 1 million miles an hour. You saw some comments that were basically copypastas of other comments in the chat. It was basically nonsense, now the only thought in your mind is that you're going to make an uproar on twitter.

"This is my sister chat!" Tubbo said while shaking you around by the shoulders making the both of you laugh.

"Yes chat! I have more siblings" he continued while rocking back and forth in his gamer chair.

He continued to answer more questions and ask you some too, wanting to include you in the stream.

"Lani isn't the only one! My big sister is just shy."

"I just chose not to be on their streams! I was in the background of Lani's streams though."

"Out of frame. Dosent count." Tubbo said bluntly while still walking around SnowChester in the Dream Smp not looking your way.

You could still see the chat in the corner and you couldnt tear your eyes off of it. It was slight glare from the lights and the sun shining in his gaming room. He always had the lights bright in his room. The chat was spamming purple hearts and either still freaking out that Tubbo had a sister. It was getting old to you, so you decided to lean into Tubbo's space focusing on his screen as he quickly hopped around the map.

He continued talking to chat about anything else, but your presence. He continued to talk about gathering supplies and what he needed to bring back to SnowChester. You knew a lot about the Dream Smp lore because you weren't in it. Spending time on Twitter interacting with people and their theories and also making theories and showing them to Tubbo and him debunking them, or accepting them in some way.

"So we need some more lapis." Tubbo said suddenly after being quiet for a while.

"I can help you!" You said wanting to be apart of the stream.

You might as well, you're already here.

"I dont think you can help, 'cause you're not on your account. Plus it'll be awkward with your laptop." Tubbo said while speeding through his water transportation system.

"Well I can just point it out to you." You said while leaning back into your seat.

"Talk to the chat while I go mine for lapis."

"Fine then." You smirked as you turned your attention to the speeding words in the chat.

"Is there a slow mode on this?!" You laughed.

Tubbo laughed as well. "This is on slow mode!"

You both screamed in fake agony and then turned your attention back to the chat where the you caught a few questions. You were about to answer until the chat stopped for a quick second and you saw one comment out of all for a quick second.

✔tommyinnit: HI TUBBO'S SISTER IM TOMMY LETS MAKE A VIDEO TOGETHER

After that comment the whole chatt was just spamming the word 'TOMMY' or 'TOMMY IS IN CHAT'. That confused you even more than that comment.

When you did know about the Dream Smp you also knew a little bit about who Tubbo hangs out with. You knew about the time Tubbo had met up with Wilbur Soot, Philza, and Tommy. And that prompted you to look up their individual accounts and get into their content.

You knew about Tommy and his character and channel, you enjoyed his content a lot as well, but you wanted to play around a little bit. Hopefully Tubbo will play along.

"Why is the chat spamming Tommy?"

"Tommy? You know Tommy don't you?" Tubbo asked with a small bit of shock in his voice.

"No I dont, who's Tommy?" You asked again, acting oblivious.

"Oh. Oh well then, Tommy is like my best friend, we're actually meeting up soon!" Tubbo said with excitement.

He continued. "You hear that chat! You get Tommy and Tubbo content!

You had lost interest in Tubbo talking with his chat about hanging out in Brighton with Tommy again. Your eyes drifted towards the chat again and saw Tommy comment in the chat again.

✔tommyinnit: HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM

✔tommyinnit: I WILL NOT MAKE A VIDEO WITH YOU ANYMORE

"Well Tommy I dont have an account so, sorry I cant get you views whoever you are." You said responding to Tommy with a smirk.

"Woke up and chose violence huh?" Tubbo laughed and you joined in as well.

"Tommy chose violence today too."

"You both are violent you will be nice together." Tubbo said with his focus still in his screen.

"Together?!" You exclaimed.

"Yeah together!" Tubbo said matching your energy.

You rolled you eyes and continued answering other comments instead of thinking about Tubbo's answer.

After that whole, incredibly longer than you thought, stream Tubbo decides to invite you along to their little meeting. Which you didnt know how you found yourself walking along Brighton's rocky shore in old Crocs. You were walking along the shoreline letting the cold water come up and hit your feet every so often.

He was waiting for Tommy at the moment, but you wanted to walk for a bit, he let you ho on by yourself while he waited for Tommy by himself.

You were quite a long way from where Tubbo seated himself on the rocks, you were doing your own thing looking at people who stared back at you for temporarily blocking their line of view of the shore, and little kids who decide to run away from their parents who weren't paying attention. Your peaceful walk got interrupted by your thoughts because you were quite a long way from Tubbo's resting place.

You started to head back, following back the way you came, but this time picking up the pace a bit to reach your destination. As you came upon Tubbo you saw a taller figure approach Tubbo and they seemed to greet eachother, it was hard to see where you were standing. Of course it was Tommy so the two of them started talking about who knows what, until Tubbo pointed your way.

As you kept walking, Tubbo continued to wave you over enthusiastically. You waved back with the same energy, finally making your way over to the both of them.

"What's up?" You asked the two of them with a smirk.

"Nothing much! Apparently you two haven't met before! So Tommy this is Y/N! Y/N thjs is Tommy!" Tubbo user hand gestures to introduce eachother.

You held your hand for Tommy to shake it, "Hey Tommy! Im a big fan."

"Big fan?! I thought you said you didn't know me?" Tommy exclaimed.

He was a lot less shouty in real life, than online. He was still loud, but to a lesser extent.

"Yeah I lied back then." You sent him a huge grin.

Tommy scoffed and groaned a little, "I cant belive you fuckers lied to me."

"Im actually a big fan. Well not big, but a fan at least." You laughed.

Apparently you and Tommy were the only ones standing while Tubbo typed on his phone while sitting back on the rocks not paying attention and letting you both talk amongst yourselves.

"Oh! That's an honor that Tubbo's big sister like my videos." Tommy's eyes widened slightly as he talked to you.

"Big sister only by 1 year! It's close!" Tubbo complanied, looking up from his phone.

"It still count big man." Tommy said to his friend.

"Thanks Tommy!" You thanked the tall man standing next to you.

"It's only a year! It dosent count! We're the same age!" Your brother continued to complain.

After the laughter and joking around calmed down you and Tommy stood there awkwardly until he spoke up again.

"Well good thing I know what I have to deal with. I cant deal with one of you, now I have to deal with two." Tommy joked around taking a seat next to Tubbo.

The exact moment when Tommy took a seat next to Tubbo, Tubbo shot up from his spot on the ground.

"Do you think we can do Uber Eats here?" Tubbo asked as he stood up.

You say down next to Tommy. "Yeah maybe if you go to a certain place and not say "the beach".

"I'll go to the pizza place and order there. What do you both want?" Tubbo asked, ready to put in any order.

"Just get McDonald's really." You sighed leaning back on the rocks.

"Im not hungry." Tommy said bluntly.

Tubbo nodded and walked away from you both leaving you two to sit in silence for a while with the small waves crashing, and kids having their own fun. It was a comfortable silence to you, but Tommy kept figeting over where he sat criss-crossed.

Tommy finally spoke up. "Im actually fucking starving ya know?

"No I don't! You should've asked for food!" You laughed in disbelief.

Tommy sighed. "Do you want to get some food and ditch Tubbo for now?"

Your eyes widened, not opposed to the idea, but was this his plan the whole time?

He continued on, "We could go sit at that pizza place and order some food there. Just the two of us until Tubbo freaks out."

You opened your mouth to protest leaving your brother in the dark, but he beat you to it.

"Dont worry about Tubbo! Stuff rolls off his back easy."

"No it dosent-"

"Yeah it does! You wanna just go out with me now?!" Tommy exclaimed.

"Are you getting annoyed?" You asked amused at his words.

"No I am not I just-"

"Yeah I want to go to the pizza place now. I would love to Tommyinnit." You smiled at him and he smiled back.

Both of you got up and made your way over to that small pizza diner close to the beach. You only could hope this goes as well as you wanted it to

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power-of-friends-games · 4 years

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Okay, if it’ll stop the Anons, the following is why Dev Finn was fired at the start of september. This is the last thing I will be saying on the matter, as several people are now getting messages from them or asking what’s going on.

We had set up a schedule as a team to have certain things done by the end of July. This is a screenshot from the programmer-only channel in our dev server where I had given them the list of things they needed to do.

A couple days later they sent this, which at the time made I and the other programmer laugh.

And then the day after I asked them if they could send the files back to me.

I was at this point entirely understanding, the majority of the team has classes, mental health issues, physical health issues, busy work schedules, etc. All I asked for was that these things be communicated to me when there were weeks Finn couldnt work, so that someone else could be using the files. At this point we were already going to be behind schedule on programming, so I decided I would just do most of their list for them and give them an easier, faster task that shouldn’t take them too long so when they had time to do it they could.

This was the message I sent asking for this job to be finished before September. Now in that time, I had been told by Finn they were having internet issues, and I was willing to work with that. This was the response to the above message:

And then a few days later:

In that last image you see me multiple times trying to offer help to get them on GitHub where the current files were located. In at least one of these I was *in call in that server* and willing to help them right then. During this time period they had also tried out for TGS and posted a ton of art in the public server, so I knew they had time and wifi to do it. In that last message there we were also nearing the end of that month and none of this task had been done. They finally logged into GitHub and the following conversation happened:

Again, I was willing to work this out. Now that I knew they were actually getting into the files I wanted to help them get it done. We were now almost a month past when this should have been done. The following conversation was the first time I started actually getting after them for this:

Let me show you that last part again.

Finn was aware I would remove them from the team if this wasn’t done. Any job would have. We were a month away from release and they hadn’t done this job yet. I then gave them this final week to make up for it- with a job that literally takes 3-5 hours to do in total.

With this by the way, none of us that have looked through the files since have found any of these interactions. If they were ever there, they aren’t now. Finn uploaded in such a way that I can’t see what the changes were. Here is the github page for that upload:

This was the last time he spoke in that channel. As was the deal, I removed him from the team for not finishing the task in the agreed time and gave the job over to one of my artists who happened to have the program, and they finished it in one all-nighter. At this point we had agreed as the remaining devs that if Finn’s situation improved they would be added back to the team for Meridian.

And then thats when the messages started.

At first they were fine, I found out they had been grounded but, since it was still the deal and it was a job that should have been done months earlier, I still stand by my decision.

I wasn’t fully responding due to being busy irl, anyone that’s friends with me knows im bad at responding to DMs anyway.

This wasn’t responded to because again, I was busy and also it came across as a little guilty. Besides, I had again told them I was removing them from the team, and the team had decided they could come back *for Meridian* if their situation had improved.

As you can see, I was still responding when I had the ability to, and I tried explaining that the status of the search for a new programmer was really no ones business that wasn’t on the team. This is akin to getting fired from Walmart and then walking up to the manager a week later to ask if they had gotten a new cashier yet like. You don’t do this.

This was the last time they spoke to me on discord, there was a brief message when I had reblogged a couple of their pieces that hadn’t been reblogged onto there that I cannot get as they are now blocked as of last night but that went along the lines of “Are you trying to tell me something”

The following is the actual conversation in our public server’s moderator chat upon the announcement that they were off the team:

We had decided as a group to leave Finn alone long ago. In fact, none of us planned to publicly talk about Finn. I even stayed quiet about them posting an Endscape spoiler as a Wiki page ((mostly because I deleted it as soon as I found out)) and told everyone in the team and mod team not to harass them or send them any ill will. Until I got this message:

This is what prompted yesterday’s post. And what followed it.

So let me be very clear. None of the team has anything truly against Finn other then the fact that they continue to not let this drop. And until the guilty messages and this current development, we were more then willing to let them come back. But due to several anons in our inbox, a team member being messaged this morning with a “Blake is a liar” rant DM that I haven’t seen nor will I expose the team member due to privacy, and the fact that even though they joined the team promising to not leak info they still managed to leak a massive Endscape spoiler onto their Wiki, it’s very unlikely we will actually let them come back anymore.

Now that this rant is done, I will no longer be discussing the issue. Do NOT send hate or harassment of any kind to Finn, as they are a minor and deserve to learn and grow from their mistakes as all of us did when we were younger. All of their art, dialogue, mentions, and the special event they programmed for one of the boss’ attacks have all been removed from the final version of the game. And no one in team plans to talk about them.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a game to release in ten days.

-Dev Blake

#not soulscape #dev Blake #This is my final words and I will not be answering anons about it

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thoughts-of-the-unheard · 3 years

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okay :) so i took an impromptu nap earlier bc yall saw my sleep saturday night and i woke up seconds before book boy called me because i never wake up when someone calls my name but most of the time ill wake up seconds before and have time to respond like i was up the whole time and i woke up seconds before he called and he was like im at the park i have food for you and i was like 🥺 you have food for me and im not a bottom but i have to use that emoji and he was like yea i was going to bring it to your house but something i didnt hear bc ptss (: and i said i appreciate that, him not just showing up, bc trauma and i dont even think he knows about that anyway i told him id be there in a few minutes i just had to tell my mom, if she wasnt asleep, which she was so i told my brother because he was home from school and shushed me when i came down the stairs practically hissing that mom was sleeping so i tip toed down the loudest stairs in existence and walked the block or so to the park and hes sitting on a bench with chick fil a and apparently it took me like an hour to eat a single thing of fries and i have no sense of time right so i had no idea it had taken me that long but thats not important at all but at some point i said isnt it supposed to rain and he was like yea tomorrow and i said i thought it was supposed to rain some time after school today there was a 30% chance and he was like i dunno and that was that but then it did rain and it was Fast like the second we realized it was drizzling, it decided to fully rain on us and we ran to the car because he drove because hes not a block away and we were chilling in there for a while waiting for the rain to stop or when i had to go home for the dreaded scout meeting and we were on my spotify where i went to like my hype playlist that isnt public bc its not long enough to be finished yet anyway misery business by paramore, one of my favorite songs, was at the top and i asked if he knew it and he said no and i told him he had to listen to it right now so he played it and im not sure how much yall know those lyrics but they hit a little too close to home in the worst way and i forgot about that until they started playing so i couldnt look at him but i was also trying not to lose myself bc that song is an absolute banger anyway when the song ended he leaned towards me and we just had our foreheads together sitting in silence as it kept raining and i dont know how long we sat like that and i never understood the phrase ‘didnt trust myself to speak’ thats so common in ya novels until then because sometimes im actually speechless around him and i wasnt positive that my voice would actually come out so i didnt say anything and then he kissed me and he kissed me again and at some point i opened my eyes and the sun was shining right on us, it had stopped raining and the thing is at some point earlier we were looking at our hands and mine looked a little dead next to his like mine had a lot of yellow and green tones with some blues and his was mostly reds with some purples and i was like i looked dead and my hands were apparently very cold but after, mine were warm and colored and alive he literally brings me to life thats so sappy anyway after that we kept chatting and stuff and i was looking for something on my phone but i couldnt find it and he was looking over my shoulder begging me to tell him what i wouldnt tell nick but he just kept saying please so i kissed him and went back to searching and eventually my alarm for impending scouts rang and he went to drive me home but needed his mask on so he leaned into the back to grab it and he was pulling his on and i was pulling mine out to put mine on when he pulled me in for another kiss and i didnt count them or how long or anything because theyrell be more and thats what matters

#yes i said #theyrell #:)#book boy

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softboywriting · 6 years

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Y’all need to know something that’s going on with me right now. I’m making this post in your best interest because I feel like it’s important that other writers and bloggers who follow me should know. If you follow or contact the user ironfurycollector, they are not an honest person and faked their own death to me.

Okay so I started talking to her in September and it was great. both Shawn fans and she loved my fics. we exchanged a few pics, and we talked about our lives a little bit from time to time. but i started to wonder why she never posted anything on her blog, only liked everything. no big deal. some people just dont reblog a lot.

then there was some outtake pics she bought that she was gonna email to me and when she sent them they were from her ‘brother’s email. she said something about hers being hacked a while back. now the question is, why not just make a new one? it takes ten seconds. (this email fiasco can be backed up by another trusted friend, more to come on this.)

it was a red flag but i ignored it and moved on. we talked more and more about shawn and my fics. (side note: some time in December she sent me a pic that her friend recently took but she was in a hoodie and a puffy coat, it’s dead ass summer in AUS rn. NOT coat weather. i mentioned this in the chat but she just moved on to another topic) but then i started getting really suspicious after she entered this relationship with her brother’s best friend. see, it was too perfect, too ‘fic’ like but i just went with it cuz it was interesting and maybe he was this good and i was a sucker for it.

but then it just got over the top. the stories, the details, it just was too much for a first time relationship and the guy/her being only 18-19 years old.

so at one point he supposedly left a little scavenger hunt of notes around her place when she fell asleep and he had to leave. this was only a week or two into their relationship. pretty unbelievable. so then shes sending me pics of the little riddle notes for her scavenger hunt and the handwriting changed half way thru. also, one of the pics there was a guy’s leg in the pic. and she lied to me and said it was a fake one her brother pranked her with on Halloween. well. i called her on that, asking for a pic of it and she fessed up to lying saying ‘she was embarrassed cuz she couldn't figure out the clues and she had her friend Bradley come over to help her’. which, honestly sure i’d buy but why lie? and how fast did he get there? smells fishy.

moving on. i was confused cuz she said her friend was named Bradley. well. that was also the name on the ‘brother’s email’ she was using. i called her on this. she said they are both Bradley and she calls her brother B. I was iffy. What are the chances. Honestly.

At this time i called her out and told her i thought she was cat fishing me. and asked to see a pic of her with the notes from the scavenger hunt. which she took forever to send a pic, making up the excuse of being in the bathroom, and they getting dressed but finally did. it appeared she was holding the notes but idk tbh. (in all her pics shes sent it’s clearly the same girl)

Fast forward and she has this wild weekend with her now boyfriend/ brother’s best friend. like so much sex. it’s literally impossible how long they supposedly went and how many times her boyfriend supposedly came. it was just too wild and for her claiming to be a virgin, it was too much and he, being a supposedly 18yr old was way too experienced sounding. seriously. it was like a fic.

so like i asked for a pic of her boyfriend cuz supposedly he’s so shawn like and shit and all i’ve seen was this one generic pic of him (god knows where that came from) and she can’t get any on facebook and blah blah. now i asked several times for pics of this boy (shes with him all the time) but she always had an excuse. always.

at this point im just so suspicious she’s lying about everything. now her boyfriend is going off for a sports camp thing for a month in the US. shes sad. okay. but then about two days later she says she has some family drama and won’t be available for a few days. im like okay. shit happens.sure.

she tells her best friend ‘Bradley’ to message me on tumblr so i wouldn’t be lonely. so he had to make a tumblr cuz ‘he just used hers to read your fic’. so im like okay sure. well. while i talked to him i noticed he speaks, types, has the same exact quirks as her. i mean so specifically the same. i use lmao a lot, too much perhaps. and she started using it too cuz we talked all the time, you pick things up from people. but for this guy, whom ive never spoken with and i assume would have their own quirks and way of speaking, to be the exact same is super fishy to me.

so a few days later she texts me (i have her cell # and have since just after the boyfriend thing started) and shes like saying that she’s not in AUS anymore and that her boyfriend just COULDNT be with out her and paid for a flight to come stay with him for a week in the US while he’s doing his sport thing. Not sure where an 18 year old boy gets money like that let alone how she was staying with him, specially if he was on an exchange program for a school function. red flag. im suspicious.

so then she says ‘oh its so boring here all day with out him cuz hes at camp for sports” and im like thinking well....you could text me all day or message me on tumblr but you don’t? doesn't make sense. so when i get a chance to talk to her, she says shes heading home soon. and i ask what the family drama was and she says something about her aunt. and i dont remember how it came up but i asked about her living situation back home. cuz previously she’d sent me stuff about living with a roommate but now she was saying she lived with her brother. so i asked. and she said she lives at home but her parents have been away for a while but they just came back and then there was drama with her aunt. like, what? that just didn’t make sense to me at all. she never mentioned moving or anything and always said she lived with her brother (never mentioned parents ever before and also where the fuck would they be for so long??). (also side note, when we first started talking she said she had a horse/pony and his name was Waffles i think and she loved him so much and was always out there with him. never ever heard about this again. ever.)

so here’s the point where i am just done with this and i have a bad feeling and i can’t ignore it anymore. she tells me her boyfriend will be back soon and i should go talk to Bradley about my concept i wanted to tell her about. i told her im not as comfortable talking to him about it cuz it’s not the same. she insists. and then...she calls him Larry. and im like what? who? and she tells me this story how that’s his nickname cuz her mom would call them that when she got mad when they were kids. (that makes no sense) and she called him that since he beat up some guy for her in high school (still makes no sense and now im absolutely done with this not adding up shit) also this whole time ‘Bradley’ hasn’t been on for a day or two. and suddenly as soon as i say goodbye to her. he’s suddenly online. Fishy.

I decide not to talk and i block him to see what happens. nothing happens. so now i decide to take this story to a friend on here who i trust a lot. she tells me to block her and see what happens. see if she notices. a day later and she’s supposed to be home from the US and back in AUS. i get a text, something about a car accident on the way home from the airport. I don’t respond.

at this point my trusted friend mentions a user randomly contacting her and sending her outtakes in exchange for writing a oneshot a while back. and that the email was weird and ‘fishy’ and ‘from her brothers email.’ low and behold. it’s the same person i’ve been talking to. and she told my trusted friend that she got the pics ‘from her friend’ when she told me should bought them (with what money idk cuz they were expensive $80-$100 per sets and yet she was complaining about bring broke??)

I go on with my blogging and writing. next day. she doesn't text me. another day and she sends something along the lines of “hope you’re okay i noticed you haven’t been active.” I don’t respond because I want to see if she notices I've blocked her and asks me about it.

another day passes.

I don’t get any messages about being blocked, or asking what’s going on or why can’t she see my tumblr, etc. Things that an actual person and normal friend would probably be sending texts about far more frequently than just one or two texts.

so then i get a text today from her cell that says this

which i don’t believe for one second. so i take it to my trusted friend. and she tells me that she has liked a few of her posts since last night. oh. really. blogging from the grave huh? So i ask my trusted friend to message her. to see if she replies. and low and behold:

I’m honestly pissed off and hurt. I called this person my friend. I grew to trust this person and share my days/stories/ideas with them. I have no idea how much is true of what she’s ever told me. I have no idea if she is a real person or another person pretending. But even if all the other stuff that I was iffy on and sent up red flags for me were somehow bizarre truths, this text is a lie. She faked her own death and I am calling her out on this. Because I won’t be friend with a person like this. And I highly suggest no one is because this is wrong and sick.

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luc4ri0 · 5 years

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So,in a stroke of good mood i decided to sit down and type some sort of year review/objectives for next year,just to have it documented here.

this year was definitely a wild ride,a year of some definite solid improvement in my mental health.

starting with a short but important “relationship” with a younger girl who set the train in motion.

for the first time someone was madly in love with me,i couldnt possibly compreend, after several failed attempts my whole life to win the heart of people i met throughout my life,i finally did it,i met someone amazing who felt so much affection for me that i actually didnt know how to respond,even though i had the intention to have a relationship in the first place.

that was an incredible experience,it felt like after so much suffering,the “rainbow after the storm” finally happened, i was in absolute bliss, she liked anime,she liked games,she was adorable,she was caring,she was lewd just like me,there was nothing to complain...

with that newfound strenght i set out to show my age by becoming a good example for her to follow,i did the best i could to make her understand how incredible she was,and how confused i was about her actually liking me.

i was roped by my mom to enter highschool again,after 3 years without going to school,in a newfound happiness that felt like the perfect oportunity,i was a 21 year old boy being looked at like i was amazing,so i started highschool again.

and it was incredible,i felt like i was regaining my lost teen years,i felt incredibly powerful,like the world was mine to do as i please...but as time went by,i felt scared,i regret giving up on that girl,but she was 16,and i panicked because i thought i could never live up to the expectations of her parents,specially after her father saw her giving me a goodbye kiss..

but in a way,she was incredibly infatuated,it was like each of us were fueling a really lonesome part of our personalities,we were both incredibly needy,and the more i fueled her neediness,the more she fueled mine.

but it didnt cancel it out,on the contrary,it just made things even harder,because now her dad had an incredibly wrong image of me,because he was very overprotective (also used to be a trucker,so that scared me)

dialing back a bit,i was surprised by how i actually managed to join a social group in my class on day one,and there was this really cute gay guy who i kept flirting back and forth for about a couple of months of school time.

it even led to a successful trip to his house for my first ever netflix and chill session,it was incredible,me,the shy guy who couldnt even say lewd words next to girls,suddenly managed to flirt my way into a netflix and chill session!

we watched lucifer,it was really good (although later on it started getting predictable),and he actually said he liked my body hair!? it was a really weird situation where the thing i hated the most about my body was called sexy by another person,we cuddled a lot,and he gave me a few kisses,but no tongue (later on he mentioned he wanted to kiss me more intensely)

with a few months passing by in school,there was a class president election,and suddenly i thought “i never once tried to do anything that actively tries to help a class i was in...maybe this could be fun for a change?”

so me and this cute guy who i had a nice time with (which didnt lead to anything more than just kisses that one time i might add) volunteered to it,he ended up winning and i got vice-president (because we were literally the only ones who volunteered)

i was a bit bummed out at first because i REALLY wanted to be class president,but at least i would be vice together with this cute boy i was getting super attached to.

but thats where things started to go downhill.

or at least thats where people SAY things went downhill.

around the time the election happened,i finally mustered up the courage to go back to therapy,after 3 or 4 years of wallowing in my own thoughts i did what i promised my best friend i would do,and started treatment,and god damn,was it a relief,i noticed instantly how much i missed having a therapist (as i had one for 3 years straight when i was growing up)

but as sessions went by,and i started touching more sensitive topics,my mood started to waver a lot according to the session

i started overthinking everything,as it usually is with analizing yourself in therapy

but that started getting the best of me,and thats when i finally started the oficial treatment with actual medication. and as youre probably aware of,starting to take anxiety/depression meds can do a lot of weird things on how you act

specially now that i was taking it for an indefinite time,as opposed to only taking it for a week once when i was very young

and,although i acted out of my best intentions,telling everybody in our class group in whatsapp about all the tests and posting pictures of each day’s material for people who couldnt come,somewhere along the way,people started getting annoyed with me,allegedly being “too pushy with the good responsible student act”

later on a weird occurance happened where a new classmate who’d just transfered accidentally posted a selfie to our whatsapp group (we had one for informative class stuff exclusively and another one for social chatting and doing basically whatever the fuck)

at the time,my phone was having a lot of charging problems,leaving my only option to charge its battery directly,meaning i had to charge my battery all afternoon with my phone turned off,and turning on my phone before leaving for school

so i turn on my phone as im one step away from leaving my house (and i didnt have a data plan,so i only had internet while i was at home),and see a simple selfie in the wrong group,with no comment added by anyone or an “oops wrong chat” message,just a message from two hours earlier with a selfie,so,as vice-president what do i do? i ask “why is there a selfie in this group?” because the only rule of the group was informative class stuff only,no memes or chatting.

thats literally it,word by word,what i said,so,after an honest question with simple curiosity,i leave home,not too worried,expecting that “she probably will say sorry and delete it,no big deal”,i arrive at the school and theres an uproar

the class president says hes having to deal with the mess ive made,and im completely confused,it was such a simple message that it didnt even cross my mind that it could be the reason,so there i am absolutely lost on what i couldve done (and if you struggle with anxiety you can guess i was in absolute panic)

so he shows me the chat log,and theres a huge wall of messages in the informative group talking shit about me,calling me names and complaining about how rude i was,and how i attacked the poor new classmate who just didnt know about the rules of the chat group

and there i am,more lost than i was before knowing the reason for the uproar,obviously feeling like shit because i had absolutely zero intention to hurt anyone,and honestly couldnt understand how i offended someone with literally one message

and mind you,the girl in question wasnt even offended,in one of the voice messages in the group she was laughing her ass off at the whole situation (so in a way there was a lot of white knighting from the class),but as i should,i go to the girl anyway and ask her if she was offended,and apologize for any misunderstandings

but like i said before,this was the start of the downfall,from that point on there were several classmates who set out their goal to hate my guts,one in particular looked at me with incredible hatred every time she passed by me,like,the type of person who you feel intimidated just by their stare alone

she would always be rude for no reason with me,talking shit about me at any given time she saw me in the vicinity (mind you,behind my back,but in clear sight,like i couldnt obviously hear)

and after some trouble trying to understand the whole situation and process why i was being hated by a bunch of people for not only something that wasnt offensive,but very strongly so

but i move on,more or less,time passes by and people end up not mentioning it anymore,but later on,as i had already burried the subject in the back of my mind,a class council happens and the teacher asks us to bring up anything troubling us that she could mention to each teacher,you know,normal school stuff

the teacher then asks if the whole selfie situation was handled and finished,because apparently some people went to the principal complain about me and the whole situation and it was archived as a problem

and some of the classmates that hated me bring up the whole argument again about how ignorant and rude i was,and god,i tried so hard to block out the situation in my memory,but my anxiety came waving back with full force

after that point the whole situation kept nagging me at the back of my mind,trying to compreend where i went wrong,and how what i said couldve possibly have been all that people were claiming it to be

and as months passed by,it started eating me up,and around the middle of the year (at winter break,which is the equivalent to the 2 weeks of summer break people get in the us,but our seasons switched) im looking at the chat group and something comes from deep bellow in my mind and comes out completely unfiltered

i post a photo of my school grades with the message,word by word: “post a photo of your grades so i can boost my ego”,as my grades were excellent and i was fed up with all the passive agressiveness half of the class was giving me.

granted,that was an incredibly dick move on my part,but i have this really bad habit where once im at my limit with someone talking shit about me for an absurdly stupid reason that makes no sense,i just sorta play into it,to “see if they like it if i really become the evil they so claim to see in me”

i could hide behind the fact that it is a coping mechanism to feel empowered for a short period of time,since i spent my entire life being abused mentally and physically by my mom,but honestly,it was just me having a breakdown

obviously the message caused a huge uproar and people were rightfuly mad this time around,but i just laughed it off,because they reacted exactly how i expected them to react,claiming having definite proof of how much of an arrogant asshole i am

but i was still having a breakdown nonetheless,so it didnt take long for me to feel incredible regret for fueling the exact opposite image of myself

and,right after we come back to school from that short 2 week break,im leaving school like normal and i overhear a conversation between the people who dont like me,saying “now hes gonna feel it,im want a certain someone to quit being the vice president” (obviously talking about me),and the other girl says “quit being vice class president? i want him to quit living”,literally right as im walking by them

and at that single moment when i heard those last words so many emotions passed through my mind in a flash,i wanted to explode,i wanted to yell,i wanted to cry,but i just passed by silently,and as soon as i got home,those words kept echoing in my head,ive never heard anyone say anything so mean to me before,ive always been everybody’s friend in every class ive been to,at the most ive had some annoying pricks trying to flex on me for not having a girlfriend or being a shut-in

and that fucking destroys me,it was on a friday too,so i had a whole 3 nights with that shaking around inside my head,so i set out for first thing on monday to complain about bullying,prepared to tell the whole story behind it and how unfair it was but then,something beats me to the punch...

im called to the supervisors office,she wants to talk to me,i can already guess the reason,the girls probably schemed to complain about me,but it was worse than i imagined,they actually shared around the class on that friday a petition to remove my position as the vice class president

and im absolutely distraught as i look at the list of names,there were so fucking many,granted my class doesnt even have that many students that attend to class regularly,so about 8 or more of the 15 or so students of my class that frequently go to school sign it

and there i am,i received an “impeachment”,de-throned,the person who did their very best to help everyone in the class with absolutely everything,claimed to be arrogant.

but moving on,the situation is solved,people set out to hate me,i go through the year like normal,talking mainly to my two friends in class.

and here i am,in my summer break,passing with flying colors and excellent grades

in fact,at no point i had to re-take a test,the only ones i did were because one teacher in particular forces everyone to re-take them

when finals came around,no matter what happened in them i would still be fine,i didnt even NEED the finals,thats how good my grades were

overall,this year had its ups and downs,but as my therapist described it,this year was really hard for me because this was the year i rose from the ashes like a phoenix,in the social sense,and im very proud,but that aint ending there!

next year i have at least 3 things i plan to do (aside from obviously getting my official highschool certificate): im going to do a profficiency test in english to make it official that i am fluent in english as my second language (which can be used for tons of things,specially making your curriculum fancier),im going to work all year arround to gather a ton of money with the intention to be ready to move out on my own by the end of next year (or the beginning of the next next year) and last but not least:

i will turn on fuck it mode,i will help 0 people in my class,i will do all essays and group projects alone,and my notebooks wont leave my posession a single time.

this year i did my fucking best to help absolutely everyone,even the people who hated me,to give everyone a chance to succeed this school year,and all i got back was being shafted by almost the entire class for no reason,so yea,if they really hate me so much,they will fucking miss how helpful i am next year

i want 2k19 to be MY year,i finally feel like im myself after so long,so i want to do stuff I WANT,this year i already got my first tattoo,next year im getting another,and i will use the money i earn to buy stuff exclusively for me,im not gonna help with bills of whatever,its my money and my mom cannot make me give it to her,and if she complains i will literally use my own money to buy a router that only i can use.

so yea,bring on 2019,im fucking ready to rumble!

#myposts #that re-telling went on longer than i expected #pma motherfuckers

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