#he doesnt know there are 14 he’s identified like 4 but he’s giving them his own labels and stuff | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mashpotatoe · 4 years

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what about lgbt realization hcs for main 4??? i love ur take on cartmans and i wanna hear abt the others too

ooooh for sure!!! ill admit its a bit less thought out but yknow... stan takes a fairly long time to realize how he feels around certain people, like how he felt a bit uncomfortable with gary harrison cause his dumb little monkey brain didnt exactly know how to perceive those kinda feelings and although his and wendys relationship at the time wasnt really going anywhere (they werent even hanging out together at recess!!) hed convinced himself he cant feel for anybody else... that didnt stop him from daydreaming abt spending more time with gary in class. that would be his first big boy crush... :) but he never acts upon it, just turns goth the second wendy breaks up with him and he cant use her as an excuse not to talk to gary. then the events of the cissie happen and he starts questioning his cisness cuz he identifies more with his masculine side but doesnt fit with the binary term...so he decides hes more comfortable identifying as enby but not really putting any labels on his gender. hes just a little boy... a non binary boy.....while mr stan "being gay is okay" marsh is totally accepting of lgbtq he does have a hard time figuring stuff out for himself not necessarily because of internalized hatred but more of just sheer lack of information. he didnt quite know bi was a thing till then, he likes wendy a whole but his love for her wears off gradually everytime they get back together... and sometimes he do be feeling that exact same way around boys.. one of those boy fellas being his best buddy friend forever which he develops feelings for every so often... until pining so hard it hurts :( now kyle at that time is completely oblivious, not just to stanley but to whatevers going on inside his brain. he doesnt feel much attachment to anyone but him and maaaybe just maybe the other two main four members... sure he likes girls. but most of the time he just convinces himself he does..? now i know theres people agaisnt hcing minors as ace cause it quote implies the others are sexually active (no??) but im basing it more off my personal experience and how it affected my romantic attachments if that makes sense ... kyle met a lot of other kids he thought cute, he loved to play nurse with rebecca and joke with david... he loves girls giving him attention! makes him feel loved! now back to stann um he breaks his silence in middle skewl after a while and finally tells kyle how hes been feeling and kyles just kind of o_o cause the dumbass didnt??? see it coming? but kyle says he doesnt return his feelings... right away! things become a bit awkward around them, stan tries to bury his feelings yet kyle actually starts to consider it. it takes him a whole month (which is like a decade in teenage years) to realize that... being in a relationship with stanely marsh would be kinda nice.... he finally goes up to stan and suggests they SHOULD date after all but stan doesnt take this asshole playing with his emotions lightly and they have their first fight aw <3 they Do get together in the end... they hold hands and hug every time they get to see each other so uhh nothing much is changed???? then they decide to try n Gay Kiss and the rest is history.... no it isnt they break up frequently and the relationship doesnt work out that great but they had a nice time :) now kenny has always been open about what theyre comfortable with! they insist on being referred to as she/her when playing princess kenny and he/him when playing as mysterion, so just whenever they feel like identifying with one or the other or anything inbetween theyll let their friends know about it and dont give it that much thought. they start noticing theyre not only okay with identifying as pretty much anything, but there also fond of pretty much anyone! le gender blind.... so yeah kenny is loud and clear about it since day one :o) their coming out timeline is like ... first kenny comes out as genderfluid at 11, stan comes out as enby few days after, then kenny declares their pansexuality at 13, both stan and kyle come out as bi at 14 then ky finds out what asexual means and comes out as that 2 years later and biggity bitch eric comes out at 17 after Much struggling.........

#asks #long post

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valkavavaart · 4 years

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no one asked but i wanted to do all of this in one sitting lets go.. this is long im sorry

1. favourite character

jyushi, kuukou, ramuda.. i will not pick between them

2. least favourite character

jyuto.. also saburo but he’s growing on me

3. favourite division

nagoya, baby!

4. favourite buster bros member

legally adopting jiro.. thats my boy i love him

5. favourite mtc member

rioooOoOOoOOoOoOoOOo i dont care the other two but like id give my life for riooOoOOOo

6. favourite matenrou member

doppPOOoOOOoOOOoo but also dr jakurai jinguji if ur out there...

7. favourite fling posse member

r a m u d and a.. whos that

8. favourite character song

UMMM drops and moonlight shadow both slap...?

9. favourite rap battle

its gotta beeeeee battle battle battle? i dont rlly listen to them much i just think abt the art where ramuda and jakurai are like face to face except we KNOW ramuda is barely like 5′0″ and jakurai is a big tall 6′4″ish man so how are they this close is ramuda sitting on his knee?? is jakurai kneeling?? is ramuda on a box

10. favourite tdd member

again.. ramuda lmao.. like esp tdd ramuda his outfit is so cute hes just so tiny..

11. your otp

UMMMM i like getting into a lot of ships?? id say my favs are probably like.. gendice or riodice maybe?? and ichikuu.. rn im like rlly into hitoya/jakurai too i want those old men to hold hands (i wanna draw them but idk any good poses for old dudes who r also boyfriends)

12. your notp

anything involving saburo uMmMMmm.. im not rlly a fan of samatoki/ichiro & tdd era samatoki/ichiro ESPECIALLY rubs e the wrong way.. i also dont rlly like jyushi/hitoya or kuukou/hitoya they just rlly rub me the wrong way

13. how did you get hooked on hypmic

ok so on twitter all my friends and the artists i follow got rlly into fire emblem three houses and i didnt own a switch at the time but i was like "cool i'll like find a bunch of artists that draw this and i'll UHHH maybe get hyped for it idk" and one of the artists was riryou_ on twitter who was posting like mochi blyeth and i was like omg so cute... and they spoke abt like hypmic a bunch too and i was like "oh i vaguely know what hypmic is (based off of all the samatoki memes and sasara fanart i’d see), maybe i should get into it??" then they like posted jyushi and i was like "oh he looks so dumb i need to know more" and i HEARD jyushi and i was like "actually he's adorable and i love him!!" bc i have a soft spot for like.. crybaby chuunis, and then downloaded the game and was like "wtf!!! where is jyushi" and thats why im here..

14. a character you identify with

im not assigning myself a hypmic kin!!!!!!!!

but i’ll pick doppo bc 1. never trust a doppo kinnie and 2. i too need a therapist

15. favourite character design

KUUKOU was designed specifally to cater to me here is exactly why

-SHORT KING. (HES THE SECOND SHORTEST BOY?? WHAT THE FUCK??? HE’S TALLER THAN RAMUDA SO GOOD FOR HIM.. BUT YOU’RE TELLING ME SABURO THE FUCKING 14 YEAR OLD IS TALLER THAN MY BOY KUU!??!?!?!? SHORT KING!)

-his hair. i cant draw it but i like it

-hes like >:3 all the time

-he has?? fucking fangs

-cat boy energy

-the like contrast of him being a monk and then him also just being a little bastard.. love that

-i like his jacket

-his dumb fucking boots..

-he comfy

-radiates chaotic energy

-one of his eyes is usually like slightly squinted?? i dont know why he does that but i like it

-he wont hesitate.. bitch

-i forgot this was supposed to be like based on his design and went on a long ass ramble abt his personality but like sshhh you wont see that.. delete

-piercings... the big one looks like a stretcher? i like that

-his speakers that look like the dragon w the bell are cool

-again short king rowdy boy

-he has long eyelashes and wears eye makeup.. thats cute..

- >:3

16. a character you'd cosplay

again kuukou looks comfy but thats a lot of layers.. itd be rlly warm right..

id say maybe jiro! ichiro would be my next choice idk i like their jackets

17. a character you thought you'd like + 18. a character you thought you'd dislike

ok so i just put these together bc like actually.. before i got into hypmic when all i rlly knew was vague fanart of the characters and that jyushi is my man i did a tier list to like get my opinions on them down.. and sometimes i look back to it and im like.. AHAH...

as u can see i was on board for jyushi as soon as i got here... but i thought sasara and kuukou were rlly neat and like i figured i'd like ichiro bc mmm... but honestly im not that big on ichi SFGKHDLF...

meanwhile in the bottom tier... jakurai, jiro, dice, rosho, ramuda, hifumi... the irony that i actually rlly like all of them... rosho took a while to grow on me but he's really good.. meanwhile hifumi probably still isnt a character im like SUPER into but i do like him..

heres my current tier list tho LMAO

19. buster bros or mtc?

hnn.. its gonna have to be buster bros...

i like jiro and rio a lot and dont rlly care for the other 4 but like.. i think i like bb and their dynamic and find them more sympathetic than mtc lmaoo... like ichiro went through a lot for his bros..

samatoki also went through a lot for nemu but hes stinky as hell and i think he's stupid. but i will not write an essay on that.

20. fling posse or matenrou

fling posse BABYYYYYY i love those funky little lads.. i like matenrou a lot too but like fp just appeal to me a lot more and i rlly love their dynamic.. i could talk for days abt fp...

21. mtc or matenrou

matenrOUuUuuUUuUUuu again i do not care mtc aside from rio.. i dont rlly have strong thoughts on matenrou lol i like their friendship tho :)

22. favourite hypmic seiyuu

saito soma or takaya kuroda.. saito soma bc i generally love his voice and also he voices other favs of mine (yamaguchi hq, 2wink from enstars..) and takuya kuroda bc im literally a simp for kazuma kiryu from the yakuza series,

also ive been insulting samatoki so far but i actually like his va like the man has the range?? between voicing samatoki hypmic and leo enstars?? HELLO????

23. a song you didn't like

basically anything by mad trigger crew SBJFGKJHLDSF the only song i actively remember by them is whats my name.. i only play it for rio..

UMMM otherwise i guess like??? new star.. sucks bc i actually rlly like saburo's va but i feel like he doesnt rlly get the best parts/songs...? that being said i like songs w him in it so

24. a hypmic headcanon

ummmmmmm i cant think of anything lol snnzzz.. i saw the hc that ramuda was the one that like dyed jakurais hair and it was so cute..

25. favourite solo song

wasnt this already a question or can i not read.. whatever my brain is like gya gya gyaran gya gya gyaran bam gya gya gyaran bam gya gya gya gya gyaran bam

6. favourite mc name

they all fucking suck LOL

evil monk is very literal and i like that. i also like that 14th moon ties into jyushi's name and everything..

UHHH i guess doppo cause its literally just his name LMAOO and i think doppos a cute name

7. the most attractive character

i know i said that kuukou is designed to appeal specific to me but gentarou? pretty boy. love to see it thank you saito soma. also tdd era jakurai.. maybe its just cause i like the manga art a lot but... dr jakurai jinguji if ur out there

28. a kink

PARDON.

29. favourite life quote & 30. favourite rebuttal or punchline

i dont wanna give a serious answer to either of those so on a completely unrelated note, i think abt this a lot

#vivi yells

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dissidiacloudstrife · 4 years

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[slides in to torment you with Way Too Many questions] 1 through 6 for honey, 8 through 12 for clover, 13 through 17 for bluebell, 18 through 23 for vale, 24 through 27 for baaby, and 28 through 30 for that morosexual mordrem

LONG POST AHEAD I GUESS

Honeysuckle:

1. Did you have a theme in mind when you designed them? What was it? honey was originally made ngl, to have nsfw dealings with another friends oc. that sounds so bad now but i promise the other oc was also a horny bastard. but she grew into her own character!

2. How would someone find them in a crowd? just look for her plants! on her head grows a huge japanese honeysuckle!

3. Do they dance at a party? What about when they’re alone? honey used to be an assassin so she can pretty much do any dancing with someone, but alone she likes to do spins and get dizzy

4. What’s their ideal pizza? “are my husband, and datemates a pizza” honestly she probably wouldnt enjoy pizza v much

5. Post a song that reminds you of them. I HAVE A WHOLE PLAYLIST FOR HER....ITS SO LONG...but this is the song that rly jump started her into turning into her own character: Patchwork Stacatto

6. How would you describe their fashion? honestly sexy! she likes to show off her body, but likes to wear huge ballgown type dresses. she likes the Attention.

Clover:

8. Would they have noticed there’s no “7″ in this list? you motherfucker. no probably not at first, if it was something medical related tho he probably would!

9. What would they do with a large sum of anonymously gifted money? he’d be confused and wouldnt know what to do with it. he doesnt really need money because the priory pretty much pays for his expeditions as long as they get to publish his works, so he’d probably donate it to people he knew

10. Do they have a “type”? This can include preferences in friends. its apparently big sunshine men. absolutely beaming boys. full of love and positivity

11. If they were in a book, what genre would it be? What might their TVTropes page look like? medical drama! i sadly dont rly know much tvtropes to put him in any, besides like, anxiety, tired doctor.

12. Are they a good cook? good enough for himself and his husband! theyre normal dishes, nothing fancy when youre traveling most of the time.

Bluebell:

13. Do they have any comfort objects? her armor and weapons! outside of that, the heirloom forgal gave her before he died

14. How do they see themself? a strong woman who’s had to go through a lot of shit to get where she is. she thinks shes had to got through more than a lot of people should have, but doesnt know how to think about it, in and of itself.

15. How would someone best comfort them? sitting with her and putting your arm around her. she doesnt like talking unless its with very specific people. but silent, and gentle touches are welcomed.

16. What’s their ideal vacation? “going back home to my family, but i dont know who that is anymore”

17. What’s their ideal meal? a vanilla ice coffee with some sautéed veggies and like some spicy dolyak meat.

Vale:

18. How do they respond to pressure and responsibility? hahaha he didnt! it was very much a kind “dont feel” for the longest time; his pressure was put on by his dad, and to be able to have a few kids. (which he has one and he regrets it a ton) it was always impossible missions and responsibility when your dad is bagnar :’) and he would expect vale to do everything to perfection.

19. Do they have a favorite animal, or an ideal pet? not really! thought vale likes minotaurs a lot as like a power symbol

20. What’s their favorite weather? before becoming champion, it was the weather around grothmar. that was his home for a long time. so contemporary, and not much humidity. now its obviously Blizzard Babey

21. When their friends are in danger, how do they respond? with seriousness, and tactically. its to try and get them out of the danger ASAP, but not risking their own life if it was like, a 0% chance either of them would live

22. How do they feel about sailing or swimming in deep water, far from the shore? the swimming would honestly be a pressure off of him, despite deep water having pressure. he wouldnt have to worry about anything, nobody expects anything out of him, it would be blissful.

23. How good are they are first aid? he could do military first aid, but nothing amazing. he wasnt a medic, and even as champion the most he can do is refreeze a team mate so they dont fall apart.

Baaby:

24. How big is their friend group? How close? its pretty much only marigold and bubbles, and theyre family to each other. baaby didnt hate her family until she came out as trans and then it was hell for her, so she left. marigold and bubbles support her and she doesnt have to worry about them trying to sabotage anything she makes for competitions.

25. What’s their relationship with their family? it was okay before she came out, they were pretty much turning the other way when she expressed an interest in music since she was still inventing other things. but being trans was just One thing too much, and she decided to leave rata sum, and found marigold. later on bubbles, and theyve all been best friends, and family to each other ever since.

26. If they find a lost dog, do they try to find its owner? Adopt it? Leave it? she’d try to find their owner first! if she couldnt she would just hold onto them and then give them to someone who would want a dog. she and the band dont really have time for one right now despite bubbles cooing at them.

27. Do they have any scars? not really! shes taken pretty good care of herself during experiments, and is proud of her body after she’s able to make hormones for herself (idk if HRT would be a huge thing yet)

im just gonna call them Imposter for now bc thats their namesake:

28. Do they have any tattoos, piercings, or other body modifications? nothing identifiable! maybe later after mordremoth’s defeat, but theyre a infiltrator, and therefore their original form has no discernable features so its easier to illusion it

29. How well do they sleep at night? they dont! :)

30. Would they heat up canned food, or eat it straight from the can? they’d eat the can. like unopen, just, eat the can and the food inside. at once.

#long post #LIKE REALLY LONG POST #syl did this to yall not me #wheezes jfc that was LOT #hmsdivinity

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abtoddler · 6 years

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A little melancholia for the day

It’s interesting how far we come and sometimes

Its no where near far enough. When i was younger, I couldn’t tolerate my mother. When shes oh hey, im goin to be a bitch for days, then expect me to talk to her. Its already bad enough shes super dismissive or hateful, and then super concerned so she can ear another tick in her caretaker personality.

Which explains why i need a daddy so much. I al thankful to mine, and my big bro champ, the two of them create a world where i dont have to worry about what occurs outside the front door. - a bit of backstory, and the strings of complaints, spoonie comments, support groups and things like that: i have a chronic pain condition with compression and the slow approach to parapalegia while on the medication, the norco and muscle relaxers to help the sensation of walking on nails, and endless buzz, this is a gift from 14 years ago, that keeps taking the feeling and control of my legs & feet. I also have an inflamatory bowel disease, so its like shitting hot lava. This has been occuring more regular then a ladies period, and has been occuring since longer then I can remember.

Growing up, i would throw up while shitting at the same time for hours ans hours. Get up in the middle of the night and just let it go. Ive turned memory of this shit to another thought. Right now its about how much time i have left, 20 years? That wouls make me 54, if i go out then, or even in the next 35 years wouls make me younger then my adoptive parents.

Now heres a funny thing, since my dad doesnt really keep up with me, mostly my fault because i hate talkin on the phone, and cant exactly travel at the moment. The point is, “oh you still have to go through that, i hadnt heard so i assumed it went away”, its not that” oh i assumed you just stopped having a horrible mutiple times a month for my entire life stomach pain, just stops, because nothing is said about it. Or the trying to convey that i just do not have the means to emotionally handle it, and so cant make effort to do stuff that hurts my heart. The same is whether or not my mother means it. But shes always been cunty when shes not put first, or in control. It’s interesting she abused drugs and alcohol when i moved into my own house the first time. Then the abuse from her starts, getting mad, being dismissive, just down right fucking horrible for no good goddamn reason.

This then causes me to have an emotional shut down, this abuseive crap, this shit makes me not want to be around her. She cant “do” being alone, and it makes her really mean. The more mean she gets, the more i have no desire to fuck with that. The endless complaints, rudeness, snide comments, endless streams of just foulness. Thank you to everyone whose not like this, is what i want to say. Thank you to daddy and champ. Those who “choose” us, and so help up the folk like me who have all sorts of shit to deal with. Its nice having an insulation.

I do not want contact with people who are sneaky and will put someone else under a bus, i do not want folks who do not give more then lip service to”bdsm full exchange” and “demands” that put them ahead of what they want to do with my daddy. Theres so much in this life that i wont be able to do. I have less then most folk i wager. Going by the wayside, posting to the empty vaccum where the internet remembers.

I can do this. I can do one day at a time forever, one moment, that is an endless cycle of sleep. And meds, and pains. The reason i can do this. Family. Good people raised me, but im home for the first time with these last 6 months, 50 or 60 years ahead of me is not enough time for my daddy, for my big bro. There is a ton of the world to see.

These are the thoughts, and feelings ive had since loosing my hope on handling something just a bit better. Its been super dark, with looking at end of life affairs, looking into kinds of burials, and assisted suicide. Everything that would mean i miss everything i want with my family. I do not mind a death I choose. I do not mind my final wishes. What i mind; the knowledge of folks with my kinds of stomach shit dont really see much longer to the older age brackets. It scares the piss out of me, that it could just be done, i wont be able to wake up and work on my grimoires, i wont be able to tell my daddy I love him. Anytime i feel it, i have to say it. That way in all the tiny moments of time, and if folks can remember me. He will know i would always love him, thank him, appreciate him. He is the scope of my world. Anything less then forever is an unacceptable amount of time. The thought of leaving him early scares me. Its my greatest worry, that i will never know enough, or see enough of his life to only see it really start.

Its hard, it sucks. So thats why my grimoire projects will not, end. My desire to be little, and safe and cared for, must be followed right back into daddies arms, and the worlds hes helped build. I ve been trying to process this, its taken a few months, in suspected truth, probably it will be always there. But, i try and focus on projects, on the little things that can be done in a day. I cant care about my mother demanding i go and see her. Or her being a bitch when i do, and leaving her with a “see you whenever” i said “what ever” and just walked out of her apartment the other night.

So, while she feels i should be doing what ever she asks depite my lack or to too much sleep according to her. Not the exhaustion i get subjected to after the fire of hell erupts from my asshole, and causes me to throw up anything left in my stomach. Yea, between that 1-4 hour production of “this is your life” in food I attempted to eat earlier. Shes got stupid questions that have no bearing on day to day shit, and now that shes done fucking making threats at me, she can shut up, while I sort out how to handle her ass, while being with wonderful people, for what will be the rest of my life. However long i can make it. Daddy, makes it worth it, i want to see him and champ be their best selves. I can instead only do everything that i am able to set their roads up, even if i wont get the chance to see how it ends.

I cry, at night, most nights pooh bear has earned his keep as the cuddle surrogate to daddy. My barking dragon doesnt bark, it would randomly do it; making it hard to sleep with. I know that this internet void, is a public place where people will know, coo!. But I need to post this, i need to put it into the world while I think about how i am going to master the coming years, and not let shit get between daddy and champ and all our dreams.

So, while i get word vomity, and sad. The horizon has this light of the future, the single moment of now, stretching on to the morning. The linear path of all actions, thoughts, life and the experiences, its easy when in thinking of daddy, that i can just aim to make the most of the moments with him. That they know he is the best man i have ever known, the range of his character. His way of dominance, his love and zest for life. The way he steps one foot a time to get the big picture. I will walk with him til my story ends. But, daddy i love you, and thank you. I loves that we have forever and ever. Its not long enough.

But anyway this isnt something i can stop thinking, so my hope is putting just this stuff here, will get it out, and lets me sleep tonight. I am trying to post more, to have a place to unload my thoughts. Thank you for anyone who reads this, its just hard to identify the situation at hand, so many moving pieces. I will try not to post to much of this philosophic ramble, and depression.

I will figure on how to deal with it but tonight, it did it’s job and has cleared my head, and given me a look at what i feel is going on. Night tumblr. Thank you for this medium.

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jinyoungs-hipsdontlie · 6 years

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soft bias tag. 💕

tagged by @jacksonplusme for this,, thanks twin!! ^^

1. Who is your bias?

park jinyoung :)

2. How long have you biased them?

since identify era i think? i was switching biases in got7 since their debut but his voice in moonlight pulled me into his lane for good.

3. What is their zodiac sign?

virgo

4. What is your favorite thing about them?

I love how he’s so thoughtful and eloquent.

5. Emojis you associate with them

🍑💕❤🐶😘🐦🌷🍷☕🔞

6. Colors that remind you of them?

peach, baby blue, red

7. One gift you’d want to give them?

a jar with 365 little notes, one for everyday. with short handwritten messages filled with love and motivation, as something to help him get through the days that may be tough.

8. What song would you listen with them?

shayne ward - breathless & jesse mccartney - because you live

9. Movie you would watch with them?

any romantic comedy tbh, it’ll be fun but also gets us in our feels

10. What flowers remind you of them?

camellia, tulips and roses!

11. What made you fall for them?

oh boy *googles how to summarize a 100k word essay into a paragraph*

honestly it’s his voice and personality. his voice is absolutely calming and beautiful, i’ll be happy listening to him.

and also he’s such an amazing person and constantly inspires me to keep improving myself? also he’s very motivating and like idk how to say this, but he doesnt even know me but i feel like he believes in me? and his eloquence! the way he strings his thoughts into beautiful book-worthy quotes.

but i also love that part of him who’s just a playful kid who needs constant tender loving care and affection. and lastly, he’s beautiful. both inside and out.

12. Dream date you would want to go on?

a cafe date in the afternoon, fine dinner at a beach-side restaurant in the evening and a slow romantic late night stroll along the beach afterwards.

13. Who would be more clingy?

gosh this would be hard cos we’re both clingy as heck but i guess probably me?

14. One thing you want them to know?

that you’re doing great right now, even if you feel that you might not be. that you’re actually pretty damn amazing and talented. an actor, a vocalist, a rapper, it’s not easy for one to be able to do all, and not only doing them all but excelling at each part? that’s rare. you deserve all the love and credit. i’m happy and proud to be your fan, jinyoung.

and most importantly? no matter what happens, i’ll always be here supporting you, and your brothers.

15. Who falls asleep first on facetime?

him, the prince needs his beauty sleep ya know.

16. Place you’d like go with them?

his hometown :)

Tagging: @officialwangtrash @dreamychoi @junswinter @jaebumsmullet @babyotter-youngjae @kiwibummie and uhh idk who else to tag lol feel free to do it if you wanna!

#soft bias tag #excuse me but this made me so emo while doing it im-#soft hours need to chill #tagged #games

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ua-monoma · 6 years

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[[ hi here’s a text convo me and dani were having during the iimono text convo woohoo feelings ]]

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:16 AM

iida's definition of alright is "im not completely hurting to the point where it is hard to do or think abt anything else"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:17 AM

THATS A BAD DEFINITION IIDA

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:17 AM

if he can do his duties without being hindered he's "alright"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:18 AM

like tbh monoma's big feels rn are like

1) i wanna communicate but it feels like iida doesnt actually communicate with me ever

2) i wanna be honest but it feels like iida isnt being honest with me

3) i've been opening up a lot which im! proud of!! i can face my emotions now! but iida isnt facing HIS emotions with me and i thought uHh being a couple means we do that together so i guess i'll go fuck myselfsdfskhdgbg

but ALSO from an outside perspective iida Does Communicate and Is Honest... way more than monoma perceives it but monoma sucks. at being able to identify it

A L S O he cant stand iida taking care of him so much sfhgbsfbhsg hes starting to feel rly coddled and he Does Not Like It

and thats largely just cuz hes so unstable and feels guilty about it now that hes more aware of it and wants to either just shut down and stop emoting around iida or, like, he wants to get to take care of iida if/when he ever breaks down cuz then it'll be Equals

kdfgdfhbdfgs i just had a hunch and it was right, monoma is actually older than iida sdfbjhgs

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:22 AM

WAIT HE IS

HES OLDER,

rickyLast Sunday at 4:27 AM

but yeah i think the other thing is that monoma wants stuff from iida but like has not been able to rly voice it (i feel like this is the first time he has ever talked like This Much about emotional bullshit) but also TBH he feels brushed aside every time iida gives him one of his lil speeches

cuz he doesnt respond very well to positivity and also will just latch onto the negative aspects

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:30 AM

WOW then u have iida whos just like "dude im not a fuckign mind reader tell me what u want"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:30 AM

WHICH I KNOW BUT HE'S WORKING ON IT.....

iida: communicate pls monoma: ok heres a big rambling post about stuff i feel iida: ok thats nice. can you communicate with me pls tho monoma: I JUST DID HSDFKGGBDFSG I'LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF THEN I GUESS--

^ is how he feels

also hes scared of the Boyfriend Conversation

which i think i've told you before, hes scared cuz of the sex addiction thing but also,

ppl keep coercing him to sex and he doesnt wanna date iida and then be coerced into Officially Cheating,,, pseudo cheating isnt acceptable either but at least like,,, hes Technically not betraying him,

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:36 AM

THE RAMBLING THING isnt clear to iida bc its like yes that is how he feels but he is not telling me What He Wants From Me

rickyLast Sunday at 4:37 AM

YEAH thats what i noticed today +_+!!!

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

its like monoma is offering his stance but not a solution or a compromise

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

monoma doesnt rly know that's what he's supposed to do hjbsjfsg

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

does iida have to spell it out

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

y es

like, the last thing iida said kind of made monoma be like

wait lemme look at it again

ok he said he wanted to know the reasons behind his actions and monoma was like,,,,wha--

cuz... 1) theres like never actually a reason and 2) he didnt know iida wanted that from him

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:40 AM

rickyLast Sunday at 4:40 AM

like monoma barely even recognizes half his actions cuz theyre all based on impulses and tbh if nobody pointed them out he'll just move on like nothing's happened

like he compartmentalizes,,, s o much,,,,,, and then represses it like instantly like TBH

like barely anyone talks about monoma's growing alcoholism so he just keeps doing that, and no one has had the chance to tell him to stop communicating with villains so he kept doing that too but like. Because it wasnt pointed out he barely has a problem with it and can function fine

everyone harps on him for the sex stuff tho so he's just like Drowning In Guilt

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:44 AM

is there literally-- any way iida can actually help him because, i just , wow

rickyLast Sunday at 4:44 AM

sfjgkdfg

iida: here's a list of questions to communicate with, pls answer monoma: dissociates instantly

whOH YEAH DEFINITELYi know that sounds all depressing sjhsdfghthe fix is honestly super easy tbh

小林未郁Last Sunday at 4:45 AM

HE ASKED TWO WHOLE QUESTIO-jvhcfdjsjcxsdjhds

god im glad there is indeed a fix

rickyLast Sunday at 4:45 AM

I WAS TYPING UP MORE META I HAVENT GOTTEN TO IT YET

monoma's problem is literally just that he doesnt have the vocabulary for, like, anything

what he wants is an open relationship but he doesnt know what that is and TO BE QUITE FRANK his only knowledge of one is fucking sen and kosei

so like, he's only hesitating so much cuz he doesnt know how to voice what he wants cuz Tbh monoma hates not sounding smart and being emotive means bumbling around like an idiot

he still feels brushed off tho,

iida bls be sad around him more

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:02 AM

IIDA DOESNT LIKE BEING SAD

its weird for him

he always like

how do i put this

he takes his sadness, pisses on it, and sets it on fire

rickyLast Sunday at 5:02 AM

oh God i just realized iida is doing the same thing the guy i was gay for did FUCKMeJFBJHFBGDG

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

oh he pissed on his sadness too? worm

rickyLast Sunday at 5:03 AM

he did the 'im alright is actually crashing and burning in super slow motion for months at a time' thing

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

iida is hollow more often than he is sad

1JDCKCDSNHSDSNDSCJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:05 AM

meanwhile i had the loudly has breakdowns and then gets upset about being taken care of despite him insisting because of his Fetish for taking care of people thing

me: glares at iidas Fetish

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:06 AM

ok this is more of a hc but

iida likes taking care of ppl bc his parents rarely took care of him uwus

o hes like

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

CRIES

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:07 AM

being the Dad and Mom he never had

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

see that Sucks cuz my hc is that monoma was raised to be as self sufficient as possible as Fast as possible which meant wow we aint got time for emotions fam just Put Them In A Box

oh is the box overflowing, put the BOX in a BIGGER BOX

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

emotionally stunted boys sure are great

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

i k r

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

only in theory tho,

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

LOL

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

irl i wouldve just

choked them

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

sobs angrily about iida

share your emotions biiiiiiitchhhh

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

hits the back of monoma's head

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

hEY

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

just tell him what u want u stupid fuckJCDFJDSSD

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

HE WANTS YOU TO SHARE HIS EMOTIONS HSFBGJHFGS HE SAID THAT!!!!AND IIDA WAS LIKE, NAH

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

IIDA ISNT RLLY THAT SURE OF HIS EMOTIONS EITHER THATS WHY!!!

HE THINKS HES THIS BUT HES ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE

rickyLast Sunday at 5:10 AM

THATS MONOMAS PROBLEM TOO YOU BUTT DFHBSDFGJGSG

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

FUCK

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

OHMY

GODSTRANGLES THEM BOTH

IIMONO: FEELINGS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

w iida its more like. he knows deep down but he doesnt , think , its important enough , to be addressed

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

i i d a b l s

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

"as class rep i must be a leader before anything else!!!!!"

rickyLast Sunday at 5:12 AM

monoma is honestly like 'iida help this is the very first time in my life i have felt Guilt what am i supposed to do with this!!!!!!

iida: whats wrong monoma: IM SAD???? WHY DIDNT ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT A CONSEQUENCE WAS iida: ,

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:14 AM

JXVCDJXCDSAHJSDSDJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:15 AM

and t b h he kind of is like, automatically expecting like... a Reward for getting this far but iida just kind of keeps being like 'okay cool. and what else'

and monoma is like HJSFBKHBFGS THAT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT B L S

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:28 AM

fuckcdncnddxjsn

rickyLast Sunday at 5:28 AM

,,,, in person or continue the text

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:29 AM

CCCCONTINUE...they rarely text god pls

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

TBH YEAH...

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:30 AM

iida has no Time for his phone he needs to read 30 chapters ahead so he doesnt fall behind!!!

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

monoma is Traumatized by all their other text convos so he doesnt--

im including the times when i post this btw because God Damn i love that its likefucking 5am over here

小林未郁Last Sunday at 5:31 AM

GO TO BED?

rickyLast Sunday at 5:31 AM

this is 500% a 'im sad texting my bitchass pseudo bae about my feelings at fucking sunrise after they kept me up crying all night' conversation

whats a bed

#such a good talk lordt i love dani's iida so much fgmsdfghfgfdsg #claws at her... more headcanons.. bitch #monoma.hc #iimono.meta

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sonofthecarver · 3 years

Text

doin this trend for most of the main pcp deities i work with so heres my patron, The Carver

General Questions:

1. What is the name of the entity and what is their canon universe?

The Carver, The King of The Infernous, Emperor Hash'bor'kanibal

The Arkn Mythos

2. What drew you to this entity? What drew you to their world?

I was introduced to the Arknverse through my partner and I felt a strong pull to him.

The series is one of my favourites, and, although it took me a while, I eventually csme to him and asked if I could worship him.

3. Did you choose them or did they tap you? How?

A bit of both, as I felt a pull to worship him, and I wanted to myself either way.

4. How do you typically communicate?

I communicate with him through his designated oracle deck, or through what he likes to call "vibes".

He radiates a very distinct energy for me, so I can feel his emotions and opinions on my choices.

5. What role does this entity play in their universe?

Ooh, he plays the role of a chaotic grim reaper, in my opinion.

He has no true side, he works for himself and his own amusement.

6. What kind of relationship do you have with this entity?

He is my patron deity, and he has lovingly dubbed me his son.

7. What aspects does this entity reside over?

He is the Dekn Lord of Pain, Torment, Suffering, Torture, Cheese, and sometimes Lettuce, The King of the Infernous, the Arkn Lord of Power and Truths, and The Joy of Fear

8. What kinds of offerings do you/would you give this entity?

He's not picky, but he likes cheese, tobacco, booze (specifically whiskey or vodka), spicy foods, weed, knives, and bones.

Non physical offerings include smoking or drinking in his honor, inflicting pain, and drawing blood.

9. What kinds of animals, stones, elements, plants, etc do you associate with this entity? Why?

His symbols are knives, sickles, devil motifs, skulls, cigarettes, blood, crowns, his devil mask, cleavers, guns, and the Dekn Symbol.

His sacred animals are predators, and his element is fire.

He likes any darkly colored stones, especially red calcite and bloodstone.

10. Are there any songs, books, or quotes you associate with this entity? Why?

He enjoys Ghost and a lot of more folksy type of songs like "The Devil Wears a Suit and Tie" and "In Hell I'll Be In Good Company".

11. How and when did you first encounter them as an entity?

I don't exactly remember, but I'd have to say the first time I properly felt his presence in my room was when I was sick, and he was floating above my bed where I was whining to my boyfriend.

He was teasing me about not being able to handle sickness, but he seemed genuinely concerned about me.

12. How are they particularly involved in your life? Do they teach you anything specific? If so, what?

He's decided he's my father, so he's pretty involved, he hangs around me a lot.

Not really anything specific, more just tellinge when I fuck up or little bits of life advice.

13. Do they have any identifying symbols in canon or otherwise?

His sickle, his crown, and his mask are the three I can think of.

14. Do they have alternate versions, verses, or canons? Do you communicate with all or some of them?

I'm sure there are, but I don't speak to them.

Compare & Contrast:

15. Choose an aleady-existing deity from our world that has similar traits to this entity. How are they similar, and how are they different?

My immediate comparsion is Ares.

They're both associated with violence, and have shown affection for certain mortals that are good at just that.

The difference is that Carver is much more interested in the one on one intimacy of inflicting pain on one with your own hands, while Ares is a war god, which id the broader type of violence.

16. Choose 6 tropes this entity may or does fall under. Explain if you agree or disagree, and why.

Alas, Poor Villain - Absolutely. He's put through some shit that a regular viewer of the series has trouble watching. I know he's considered a villain, yet every time he gets hurt it hurts me.

The Chessmaster - He succeeded in an eons long plan to trick a literal god, and he always seems to have every piece in his corner in the games he plays.

Fallen Angel - Within certain Arkn stories, he is considered a once-great Arkn who was corrupted and defected to the Dekn side.

Laughably Evil - He's absolutely fucking hilarious.

Body Horror - I've only seen his true form a few times but holy FUCK is it terrifying.

Heroic Sacrifice - I'm going to say it now, him letting his body be destroyed to create the new universe wasn't done in heroics.

17. What academic studies or professions do you associate with this entity, and would you study any of them yourself? Why or why not?

Anything with death, history, or psychology.

I would, but he's a been pushing me to persue something I would genuinely enjoy, lile tattooing or computer programming.

18. What is something surprising you have learned about this entity when working with them? Why was it surprising?

He's honestly so nice if you're nice to him, which was a little surprising because he's very much not a nice guy.

He's extremely protective of his worshippers/children: I had an issue with Ellpagg (an arkn entity) coming after me for a good while, and Ellpagg finally backed off after Carver beat him into the ground and said he'd chuck him in the Infernous again if he ever tried to lay a finger on me.

(I was in the middle of a math class while watching that happen lmao)

19. Is there a common misconception about this entity? What parts are true, and what parts are wrong?

That he's evil and only ever seeks to harm people.

Evil? Yeah basically I can't argue that away he's done some pretty henious shit.

But if you respect him and his power he won't bother you.

If you taunt him or disrespect him it will not end well for you.

Especially if you try to hurt him.

Gods help you if you're one of the people stupid enough to try and hex or curse him.

20. Has some aspect of your life, energy, emotion, or other changed since meeting the entity? What would it be like if you hadn’t?

I've gotten better at standing up to people and defending my loved ones (at the downside of my anger issues getting worse).

I've accepted my anger and rage much better now, and my energy has become more offensive because of his influence.

People tend to think that his protection his a negative or bad thing when they first sense something touched by him.

Self & Shadow

21. What are things this deity is capable of helping you with, personally? How?

He helps accept anger, rage, and violent urges as a natural thing not to be ashamed of.

He'll teach you how to stand up for yourself properly, and when to not take any shit from stupid people.

22. Has this entity ever refused something to you? If so, what and why?

I mean, he probably has but fuck me if I remember what.

23. What do you want to learn from this entity? Why?

Everything he has to teach me.

He doesn't exactly sit me down like it's a fucking school lesson, its a more in the moment teaching style.

24. Is there an end-goal with this entity, or do you plan on continuing a relationship with them?

He's my patron, he's stuck with me until I die.

25. Have you ever disagreed with this entity? Why or why not?

Oh, all the time.

Usually he's right, and if I don't agree with him he just let's me do it my way and then when i fuck it up he smacks the back of my head and says "see, dumbass, i told you so."

26. What does working with this entity reveal about you?

That I'm a raging bitch and if you fuck with me or my loved ones I'm not afraid to fuck up your whole life?

27. What do you think you should cultivate about yourself to better work with this entity? Why?

Should probably stop being so stubborn but that's not gonna happen, he likes the banter.

Also need to work on my godphone smh.

28. Do you have any fears or anxieties about working with this entity? Why?

Nope. Not a single one. I'm not afraid of him and he's made it clear I have no reason to feae anything that could come after me because of him.

29. What about this entity’s canon has impacted you the most? Why?

Just, the philosophy of it all.

30. What UPG/Headcanon do you have about this entity? Why?

This man likes FNAF songs.

I am dead fucking serious.

31. Choose 3 major differences between their world and this one. Do these differences affect how you interact?

Too tired to do this fully but no, it doesnt affect how we interact.

He understands me and why I do the shit I do and I understand him and why he does the shit he does.

(stolen from @highpriestness )

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goatpaste · 6 years

Note

#4-14 for goat 1 !!!

oough here i goooo

4) Give us a summary of their backstory.

(ooughhh im gonna actually go long on this because yeaaah)

they grew up just outside of Arizona in a large desert ranch with his parents and relatives. he loved to roam around the wild wasteland and catch baby geckos and help tend to the bighorners.

when he got older he took up a job with a mail company who was lookin for couriers and he did the job fairly well. he got work done and blended into the business until the one job that changed his day to day life

during his delivery was chased down and shot by benny. the process of the chase he fell off a cliff into the town of goodsprings tearing the right side of his face on the way down. then he was dragged out to the grave sight where he was shot and buried.

he was brought back by the doctor of goodsprings, and with the memory of what had happened he fell into a depressive state and left town. he traveled for a month with no goal until he ended up into the powder gangers campsite. living there as a member of the gang. he died his hair and rehabilitated himself with weapons as his vision and hearing had been ruined on the right side of his face. he was a changed man, very quiet and stoic.

when the NCR attacked the campsite leaving Goat without a home he finally lifted himself out of his self deprecating hole long enough to deiced to hunt down benny and get revenge.

he found benny and had him crucified with the legion (Goat had no connect with the legion let alone knew their deal beyond the fact that they offered a terrible fate for benny)

after this he found himself wandering the waste without a goal once again. the vegas strip asked for his help, he spent time with the kings and tried talking to other factions but found the weight of the responsibilities he had been handed far too much for himself to handle and ran away.

he found himself on big mountain with the think tank and.. made a home there? he found himself to like the life there and wanted not to go back and have to take responsibility for potentially ruining people’s lives.

he constantly thinks about when he left behind and doesnt how their fairing without him and terribly fears that his decision to do nothing hurt more than it did to do anything.

5) What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em?

they had a normal name before getting a job in the courier business before changing it to Goat officially for both privacy and fitting to their job in the wasteland. also its a trans thing lol

he wont tell anyone his original name but if you dig into it you can find papers he signed when joining the mail corp with the name Gindel Hunther. but he claims its just a name he used to sign papers before changing his name

6) What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people?

Goat is bi.. ish. they prefer men but like women to sometimes. he is trans and identifies as a man. and their plenty comfortable with their identity and will get in your face if you make a fuss about it.

he is interested in people but also like comes off as angry and intimidating a lot so most people dont either like him or are very nervous around him. so the closest to a relationship he has is flings with people and his stealth suit mk ii who hes close and like to talk to

7) Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope?

oh absolutely, big time he has ptsd (along with other things) and usually ends up just tinkering with weapons and electronics to fix them. if that doesnt work then he’ll go outside and take a walk around big mt or just lay down in the dirt

8) Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them?

not really, beyond their mental illness they dont have any physical illness. the most they have is scars and bad hearing in the right side. oh also has spine troubles (at least until they arrive to big mountain and no longer had to worry about his spine lol)

9) How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe?

they used to be pretty into it, they would want to look good as a mailman as he was the face of the deliveries and was very friendly and looked sharp. they keep a very tidy appearance.

then the incident with Benny half his face was left disfigured and he kinda just gave up? he wandered into the waste and joined the powder gangers for a few months before coming out of a depressive state. he made it his quest to get revenge on benny by any means possible. his got covered in scars and blemishes from both gang life and finding benny.

he showers and brushes his hair but as for how his body looks he just doesnt care

10) What do they fear the most?

being a failure. letting people down. he knew the people of the strip wanted his help but he ran away from it all and hides away in big mountain. but he doesnt want to go back, he scared of messing up and ruining new vegas and doesnt know who should be in control.

11) They’re biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw?

their biggest flaw is their kinda selfish. they do most things for themselfs. their not out to put others down just to get better in life. but if he is given big responsibilities he cant fix with a fight then he runs away.

12) What are they most insecure about?

their lazy eye and bad hearing, they dont care about the scars or the boobs or the lackof eyebrows. but their off putting eye and the fact that they have a hard time hearing people when they try to ask him stuff or talk to him tends to make people think he doesnt like them or doesn't care enough to listen and is generally just rude. but he’s just havin a hard time and feels self caution about how these things make people perseve things about him.

he still has the part of him who wants to get along with others.

13) What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders)

he really likes animals so as tough as deathclaws are he respects the creature and stays his distances and watches from afar. but he does have a fear for mantis. he gets the jitters around big the incests all together.

also heights, cliffs and mountains tend to freak him out

14) What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most? What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus)

goat’s birthday is January 21st so he’s an aquarius

and i dont know a damn thing about the zodiacs beyond this lol

#long post #my ocs #goat #doqmeet

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thepoeticwit · 5 years

Text

2018 Re-Solutions

Discussing new year resolutions with Stephanie Yap at IACT Christian Fellowship

On 14 January 2019, we had our ex-President now CF Advisor Stephanie Yap speak to us on new year resolutions, reflecting on the past year and anticipating what is to come for the new year. Last year in 2018, our theme for the year is on Gifts, with a vision to witness the fruit of the Spirit bear within everyone in CF and in every individual that comes to the house of the Lord; a mission to gather Christians to be the salt and light for God and His people through our worship, fellowship and discipleship. (1 Corinthians 12: 1-11; Ephesians 4: 1-16) Stephanie shared with us some of her resolutions, two of which were getting disciplined (waking up on time, sleeping on time, reading the Word more, being early) and getting focused (figuring out her niche, intentionally talk to people, work hard).

Our lives are pretty much like the Netflix show ‘Bandersnatch’ in which every choice we make has a consequence that shapes reality (though some choices won’t really matter or make that big a difference). 2019-- as with every new year-- is either a chance to start over or will be the same as every other year with no significant change. Stephanie then made a point, saying “2019 is a chance to start over, but it will be the same as every other year if it is anchored in the wrong person” We discussed our choices: do we anchor ourselves in Christ, or do we anchor ourselves in our self? As we discussed, we figured that it would be better to anchor ourselves in Christ rather in ourselves because we can only do so much on our own by our own strength whereas in Christ, we can do so much more by His abundant grace. Since we as human beings are limited and fall short of many things, we would end up relapsing back into defaults and would have everything just the same. So when the next year comes, we’d be wondering “will 2020 be a chance to start over, or just the same as every other year?”

In John 15:5, Jesus says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me, and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.” Similarly, in Psalms 16:2 it says, “I say to the LORD, ‘You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.’” How important it is, then, should we be a part of Christ, to be anchored in Him so that we can bear fruit. There are reasons why we as Christians remain in Christ, and that is mainly because He abides with us. This is in contrast with what the world usually tells us, how we should be confident in our own selves and our own strength.

Because He Cares For You

So why be anchored in Christ? The first reason is because He cares for you. In Matthew 6:30-31, it is said, “...if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown in the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don’t worry about these things, saying ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will wear?’ These thoughts dominate the hearts of unbelievers, but your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs”. Coming to this point, Stephanie challenged us to ask ourselves what we have in common with unbelievers. It is this: worries. We, as human beings, tend to worry a lot. What is supposed to make us different as salt and light of the earth is that we trust in the Lord our God who provides for us, who knows our purpose, and who is our everything.

There was this one sentence in the verse that caught hold of Stephanie, which was: “Why do you have so little faith?” A lot of times we depend on experience when we are least aware of it. But take a look at King David. Should you observe his character, you would recognise that he had a gift in leadership. As a leader, you would tend to think-- based on experience-- that you would go with the formula that works best simply because you have been through it before. But what did David do? He went to God and consulted with Him each time before going out to battle. That in itself is astounding. Like, would you even consider going to God before starting on college assignments (not counting the very last minute ones or that which is past due, of course)? It would seem that a difficulty in this area of ours would imply that we do not have the practice of building our faith. So we should, by all means, go to God before any task be it in our assignments, our services to Him, or even in our interactions with our friends. All this, because he cares for us.

Because Everything Of This World Will Eventually Fade

We should be anchored in Christ because everything of this world will eventually fade. The world actually preaches that you should be great and that you should leave a mark on this world. It is actually not bad and it doesn’t really fall far from the Bible which tells us to do excellently and be a good example. However, the Bible also makes a stark contrast by saying, “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” (Matthew 6:19-21) This verse calls to mind a particular word of interest: disappointment. We easily get disappointed at a lot of things be it team mates, our grades, and generally get very disappointed in life (or with life).

We would think thoughts like, “Oh, I’m supposed to be in a Christian family, thus everything is supposed to be nice and orderly” or “This is supposed to be a church, everyone is supposed to be nice to each other” or “This is supposed to be CF, people shouldn’t be gossiping”. Truth be told, these are things on earth. Your system, the CF, our gatherings, and even the place that we gather in are all temporary. Don’t take this the wrong way: it’s not like we shouldn’t put our heart in it or give our all for these things. However, at the end of the day, you can do all things but your heart is not meant to be here. Setting your heart on earthly things would give cause to see everything crumble down, because that is just the nature of life here on earth-- temporary and fading away.

In Psalm 144:4, it says “Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow”. Stephanie shared how she felt God spoke to her by this verse; it was like He is telling us that we tend to put our hope in human beings as well-- people who are gone, even. We should indeed look up to the legacy that Christians before us have left behind, reading up on them and their works, and being encouraged by them. Yet, everything has a potential to become an idol. When even the best of the saints become our idols, in the end, we realise that they can disappoint us too. Anchor yourself in Christ because He is the only person who does not and will not disappoint you! “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)

Because He Is The Giver Of Dreams

We should anchor ourselves in Christ because He is the giver of dreams therefore only He can see it to completion. For some of us (especially those of us who are IACT students) we would have immense amounts of opportunities before us and thus we have big dreams. Conversely, we can be on the opposite end seeing no opportunities at all and wonder, “what’s the point?” Stephanie shared how she was at this state, but felt God saying to her, “Dream bigger.” Then she replied, “But doesn’t that contradict Your lesson to me all these years not to put my identity in my dreams? Because Lord, You know the way You made me, that I will go all the way in full force and then I will be disappointed.” Then the Lord said to her, “You already have your answer right there: who do you put your trust in? The dream coming to pass, or Me coming through for you?”

If you have no idea where to start on your devotions, go look up the stories of Abraham, Joseph (in Genesis), King David, etc. These are some of the people who are people of faith who put their trust in God and see their dreams come true. Could you ever imagine that, in today’s time, God suddenly says to you “you will become a nation” meaning that you will be a race of your own? That was what it was like when God told Abraham the exact same thing, and imagine how Abraham would have felt as a human being who did not really know God’s will at large at the time. Yet, still he trusted in the Lord. David was given the call to be king of Israel when he was just a very young teenager and didn’t become king until he was around 30 years old.

Like David, some of us may have had prophetic words/words of knowledge spoken over us, over the years even, in church or other about what our futures may be like. Don’t let those dreams die yet. We should be like Mary, Jesus’ mother, and keep these things in our heart. Mary didn’t see how Jesus was the Saviour of nations although she had bore witness to Jesus’ life, ministry, sacrifice, resurrection, and the ministry of the church after these things in her own lifetime (not to say that she didn’t, she probably did). Yet, on the grander scheme of things, she wouldn’t be able to see past her own timeline to see Christ’s work on earth after her own time. It is the same with us. God works in our life not just for our timeline but for a bigger timeline. He wants to work in your timeline for sure, but trust that you are a part of something that is much bigger. So when you walk in God’s will, you are actually part of something much bigger than yourself.

2019 Resolutions: How do we be anchored in Christ?

So that’s that. We are anchored in Christ for those three reasons: because He cares for us, because everything in this world will eventually fade, and because He alone is the giver of dreams and thus the only one who can bring those dreams to completion. Now comes the next question: How do we become more anchored in Christ? We anchor ourselves in Christ by trusting God and not the dreams or works; identifying with Him, not the world; knowing Him above ourselves; and having fellowship often with one another.

Trust God, not the works or the dreams.

In Psalm 37:5 it says, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do it.” The thing about this verse is how it says that He will do it. Not you, but He. We may place a lot of emphasis on how we are doing, on what our hands can do, and when we fail, we condemn ourselves. Of course we need to do well and strive for excellence what more even now as students because how well we are doing in whatever that is entrusted to us is an indicator of our walk with Christ. People will be looking at us, watching us. So it is indeed important to do well in what we are doing as a testimony. But keep in mind that all of this is only possible because God enables it to be. “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labour in vain; unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Psalms 127:1) So while we work hard, we need to commit our way to the Lord lest it be in vain.

Identify with Him, not with the world.

We live in a world, in such a time as this where there are a lot of “isms” (feminism, veganism, minimalism, atheism, capitalism, communism, etc.). In a world with a variety of worldviews and philosophies, our sole truth and guiding principle as Christians is the Word of God. In Romans 12:2 it says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-- His good, pleasing and perfect will.” The first imperative in this verse is a “don’t”: Don’t be conformed to the world’s patterns. But then it is also followed by an imperative to “do”: Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The way to not conform to the pattern of this world is to actively transform your mind by reading the Word of God.

Not only do we renew our minds when we read the Word of God, but we will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. Let’s take a look at the word “Test”. We look into the Word of God to seek affirmation (to test ourselves) on whether or not what we are doing is right, whether we are moving in the right direction as a CF, whether we are on the right track even as future leaders, or just as Christians. Now let’s take a look at the word “Approve”. What do we approve of in today’s day and age? It can be simple things like “I approve of this colour” or “I like your dressing today, I approve it” or “I agree with you”. Come to think about it, we can’t approve or agree with something if we don’t love it. It’s the same with God and His good, pleasing, and perfect will. We must come to love God and His word so much that we will approve of these things so much that we would even want to transform ourselves in the renewing of our minds!

Know God, above yourself.

The first line of Psalm 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God...”. There is this saying that some would say: “I wanna find myself this year”. But what does that really mean? What does it really mean to find oneself? Because really, to find oneself would entail searching inward which would be disappointing enough should the person not have Christ. In and of ourselves, we lack, and all that we have are only superficial things. Thus, in the end, all that we have within ourselves is emptiness. Even the best of things on earth do not compare to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:8) We should be seeking God instead.

What would it then mean to be still and know that He is God? Probably because that is all we ever need to know and the starting point in which we come to know (more of) who God is. To know that God is good takes experience of God’s goodness in one’s life. To know that God is provider also takes experience of His providence in one’s life (and so it goes with other attributes of God, like Him being Healer, or Father). Knowing that He is God is the start, because when we acknowledge that He is God, we acknowledge that He is in control (and we worship a God who is in control. If He is not in control, then He’d rather not be God at all!) Too often we get ourselves caught up in the illusion that we are in control of our own lives when in reality, we do not have everything in our control at all. So we ought to get ourselves out of that illusion and see for ourselves that He is God, and we are not.

Fellowship often.

Fellowship often with one another. We, as Christians are members of Christ’s body. So we ought to commune together with one another as we do with God. Stephanie left us with a word from Ephesians 3:14-21 that says, “I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

How we are able to know this deep, wide, long and wide love of Christ that surpasses knowledge is to fellowship with Christ, that is also to fellowship with those who are members in His body. “Let us not neglect our meeting together, as some have made a habit, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25) Not only this, but there are more places in Scripture in regards to us being the body of Christ. (Romans 12:5; 1 Corinthians 12:12–27; Ephesians 3:6 and 5:23; Colossians 1:18 and Colossians 1:24.) Also consider how in our loving one another we make manifest our love for God and His love in us as well. (John 13:34-35; 1 John 4:19-21).

Recap.

With each new year, as well as every new moment, it is always an opportunity for new beginnings. However, should we lose our focus and anchor ourselves in the wrong person, it could end up just the same as usual with no difference. We should anchor ourselves in Christ because He cares for us, because everything in this world will eventually fade but He remains the same, and because He is the giver of dreams therefore only He can bring them to completion all for His glory.

We become anchored in Christ when we trust in God and not in the works and dreams, when we identify with Him and not with the world, when we are still and know that He is God who is in control, and when we fellowship with one another in the love of Christ making manifest even greater the immensities of his everlasting steadfast love.

Should we anchor ourselves in Christ, we will be able to grow and bear much fruit, for apart from Him we truly cannot do a single thing.

(Scriptures cited and referenced from various versions of the Holy Bible)

#christian #Jesus Christ #iactchristianfellowship #christian fellowship #religion #faith #new year resolution #Train of Thought #thepoeticwit #christianity #devotion #devotional

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slytheroccamy · 7 years

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TJLC in The Six Thatchers *SPOILERS*

JOHNLOCK IN THE SIX THATCHERS ( please read, it'll be worth your time I promise) Okay so I watched The Six Thatchers maybe 8 times now and have a few things I would like to point out to provide further evidence that JohnLock will happen in The Final Problem and would like to hear your thoughts! I know this is really long, but I went into extreme detail of the episode and I think it's worth reading, especially since Rebekah is likely not going to make an episode on it. Anyway, without further ado, All evidence of Johnlock in The Six Thatchers.

1) On the fridge I'm sure we all saw the pamphlet with the elephant, but directly above it is a post-it note with 13th written on it. I started thinking what this could mean and then realised that including TAB, The Final Problem would be episode 13 of Sherlock. The elephant will be addressed finally in the 13th episode.

2) Can we please note the ridiculously not so subtle water imagery throughout the episode? literally overlaying sherlocks face?

3) the main villan of the episode was refered to constantly (before the reveal of her identity) as Ammo, which we find out actually means Love. and said villan ends up killing mary, the one thing standing between sherlock and john. (sidenote I do love Mary as a character and was sad to see amanda go, I knew it had to be done for the sake of Johnlock) also, convenient that John now has a child, something John and Sherlock wouldn't of been able to have on their own.

4) Save John Watson. Save him. Save him Sherlock. Save him from what exactly? Oh I don't know maybe the repressed sexuality he has been hiding all these years? Save him from the pain of staying in the closet? (which is pretty painful, I know from experience. You really do feel saved when you fall in love for the first time) also, Save John Watson; the skip code sent to Mary in the Empty Hearse. In which John was being burned... as in "I will burn the heart out of you" burned. just saying.

5) Free as a bird. #ohwhatabeautifulmorning Here are the lyrics to oh what a beautiful morning - There's a bright golden haze on the meadow, There's a bright golden haze on the meadow, The corn is as high as an elephant's eye, An' it looks like its climbin' clear up to the sky. Chorus: Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day, I've got a wonderful feeling, Everything's going my way. - Okay how many songs do you know have the word elephant in them? not many, and of course the one song sherlock tweets is about everything going perfectly and mentions a freaking elephant... Also, It's from Oklahoma! the Musical... which you can read about the relevance to in Rebekah's tumblr blog

6) John's Blog We get a quick shot of John's Blog in the opening, (the real life counter part of the blog is no longer being updated) but it's important to note that the counter is no longer stuck at 1895! They've broken past the barrier of the suppressive time period! Also, the titles of the blogs (in order of apperance) are:

221Back! (which from what I can read off the blurred image, is about how he hasn't written in a while and that he'll try to write everything up soon, and that he's going to be a dad)

Dusty Death (a case about a woman who's husband drowned, but had sand in his lungs not water.)

Unknown Blog Entry (about a man who came in looking white as a sheet and a wound in his hand. We don't know much about this case except that it was the wrong thumb?)

The Duplicate Man (How could Dennis Parkinson be in two places at once and murdered in one of them? Again don't know much excpect that it's never twins.)

The Circus Torso (Limbless body found decomposing in trunk in waterloo wouldn't be identified.)

The Canary Trainer (Andrew Wilson was an unusual man with an Unusual hobby. He seemed to have no connection to the man whos life was so abruptedly ended one freezing night)

The Cardiac Arrest (Joel Fentiman was found strangled in the bedsit he shared with his brother. They had always got on well and there was no sign that the situation had changed... we could never have known that there was a potential assasin lurking close by.) I may be reading too much into this one, but perhaps, since people view sherlock and johns relationship as platonic and brotherly, they share a flat, and according to the non tjlc viewers, there is no sign that that would be changing. and if it were to continue on that way, the more than platonic relationship would die. Strangled. not able to speak. or breathe. Suffocated by an assasin... cough mary cough. Again, could be reading too much into this one.

7) Sherlock's Tweets There are many in the first act of the episode and it goes by fast but here is what I could collect in order.

Free as a Bird

#ohwhatabeautifulmornin

#221BringIt!

8) The Canary Trainer Woman: "Didn't see that coming" Sherlock: "Naturally" The woman is the viewers, this is made apparent by the fact that she is viewing sherlock over a device and not face to face in person like a typical client.

9) John's Missed calls from Mary John has 59 missed calls from mary after he spends all his day with sherlock... hmmm in SIB John mentions that Sherlock has had 57 texts from Irene, sherlock recieves two texts from Irene after this point, Im not dead lets have dinner and goodbye mr holmes. making 59 total texts from Irene. Not sure if there is an important connection here but as mycroft so fondly pointed out, there are no such things as coincidences. so take this as you like.

10) Sherlock Watson Sherlock mentions yet again that he wants them to name their daughter Sherlock because her thinks it would sound good, he likes the name Sherlock Watson. Of course Mary and John both remind him that it's not a girl's name, to which Sherlock just grins

11) Sherlock is named Godfather to the child. it's a strectch but Father is in the title and Mother is gone by the end so...

12) Margaret Thatcher Okay so as the title of the episode and the main story line, this is really important. Margaret was one of the greatest Prime ministers of all british history... except for one glaring flaw... she was very anti-gay. Okay, so, the Welsborough couple are mirrors to John and Sherlock, this is clear from the fact that their case begins with a reflection in a balloon. Also because they say they had no life before they met eachother, much in the way john's blog blatently states he literally had no life whatsoever before he met Sherlock. When they kiss, the wife says "she's looking at us disapprovingly again" referring to the Thatcher bust, this however would make no sense unless it's not refering to them as a straight couple but instead their mirrors John and Sherlock, because as I previously stated, Maragret Thatcher was very anti-gay. Throughout the episode busts of Thatcher are being broken in order to find or free something hidden. The are literally shattering the anti-gay minister in order to free something hidden... come on people. this is so glaring its almost baffling how other a handful of us have figured out the true drive of the show. (side note, the power ranger on Charlies car is blue... guess what the name of the blue power ranger is? Billy. Also he was considered the brains of the group) Later in the show sherlock finally catches on to whats happening with the busts and the following conversation occurs between sherlock and lestraude.

L: and now someones wandering about destroying them all. Makes no sense whats the point?

S: No theyre not destroying them. Thats not whats happening

L: yes it it

S:Well it is whats happening but its not the point... Ive been slow, far too slow

L: well im still being slow over here so if you wouldnt mind...

S: slow but lucky, very lucky.

*takes deep breath* okay. so if we read this conversation with the busts representing heteronormativity in media, or the straight perception of the show, and lestraude as the audience, we are being told that yes the physical busts are being destroyed but thats not the point. the point is johnlock. the general audience still doesnt see it, some people are catching on, but the whole thing has been moving very slow, because the writers dont want to rush it, they want to do this right, and in order to do that they need to build up a story for years, a story that will change the way we see things, but without throwing it at us abruptly and randomly. This is a love story remember, and love stories need build up or it feels forced. and this is something that should in no way feel forced.

13) Titles This fun little concersation: *talking about the Ghost Driver case* Sherlock: "Dont give it a title"

John: "people like titles"

Sherlock: "I hate titles"

John: "give the people what they want"

Sherlock: "no, never do that, people are stupid.

Mary: "uhm some people"

Sherlock: "All people are stupid.... most people."

you sure were still talking about blogs boys? Everyone wants to title them as platonic and friends and all this jazz to which sherlock says he hates titles and then goes on to say that most people are stupid, implying that there is a section of people who nderstand and arent blind to the obvious cough cough club tjlc

14) John's Hair I think it's important to note that John is using a lot more product in his hair this season, and as Sherlock Holmes himself pointed out, Product in the hair is a sign of gayness, previous seasons said john only washed his hair, there was a difference. now hes upgraded to full product, clearly taking more of an interest in maintenance of himself. Not to impress mary, theyre already married what's he got to impress at this point? unless hes not trying to impress anyone it's just for himself. which is according to sherlock, kind of gay.

15) SOMETHINGS COMING Throughout the literal entire episode it is constantly repeated that something is coming! The want to make it obvious that it is coming something big is going to happen! Sherlock has a little rant about how by analysing everyones movements and patterns the future is entirely predictable mathmatically. well guess whose been doing that the entire time? Us. The TJCL cool people who have dedicated countless hours into analysing characters to discover that Johnlock will happen in the Final Problem. well done guys yay! Sherlock didn't like the original ending of Appointment in Samarah, she he WROTE HIS OWN ENDING The transition for that scene you may ask? Glass... shattering...onto.....a...shattered...bust...of...antigay...margaret...thatcher .........Guys... come on... they are screaming it to us at this point. 16) Now that youve pointed it out Sherlock talks Mr Kingsley through his deductions, after which mr K states that once he'd explained it, it was quite obvious...(cough cough johnlock) to which sherlock gets offended and making up a bunch of lies, namely, says his wife is the most dangerous spy in the world, operating deep undercover.

17) game face Theres a weird moment where the margaret bust is transposed onto sherlocks face, and then lestraude says that shelock doesnt look pleased. sherlock replies with "this is my game face". Keeping in mind that Thatcher busts in this episode represent the heteronormativity in media, sherlock is putting on a face, a face to appeal to heteronormativity but he isnt pleased. He isn't pleased with wearing the game face anymore... because it's not a game anymore... johnlock, isnt a gameface anymore and the heteronormative mask is going to come off soon.

18) Toby the dog = Johnlock

J: "Hes not moving"

S: "Hes thinking"

J: "Hes really not moving"

S: "Hes slow and sure john, not dissimilar to yourself"

J: "You just like this dog don't you"

S: "Well I like you"

Mary: "Hes still not moving."

*enters montage of Sherlock's theme melting into John's chords in a major key. in a visual pattern identical to John and Sherlock running through the streets of london in SIP*

19) Sherlock. Holmes. Falling. Through. Shattering. Glass. Into. A. Pool. Of. Water. With. Waves. Painted. On. The. Walls. Forcing. A. Man. To. Choke. On. A. Waterfall.

20) Promotional posters In a poster for the Final Problem, there shows a violin with the E string broken. if anyone has a theory to what this represents please let me know. On a seperate poster john and sherlock are in their chairs staring at eachother with the room flooded in water and a tea cup floating between them

21) GWJ GWJ is spray painted on the door outside of the location where Mary and Sherlock meet... Theories for what this stands for? Like... Gay with John? or Go with John? or Gratiss Wants Johnlock?

22) So many lies J: so many lies and I dont just mean you. we find out john means the almost affair here, BUT I don't think so. Okay for started the almost affair broke my heart so I wont be talking about it at all, but the fact that it was even considered means John isnt 100% happy in this marraige. He wouldnt even consider it otherwise. But what isnt he happy with? He loves mary, we all do, shes awesome. Hes got a beautiful child, and is still solving crimes with his best friend... unless... unless he Isn't happy with mary because even though he loves her... He loves someone else more... Sherlock. And being around Sherlock all the time and not knowing Sherlock loves him back while being married has got to be taxing and is definately something that could push someone to consider having an affair. Hes sick of lying to mary and hes sick of lying to sherlock. Hes sick of lying to everyone, he just wants to be out of the dang closet guys!

23) E Okay. Im not going to talk bout the almost affair because im still mad at John for it, but I have to talk about the mystery woman whom it involved. E. Earlier I said there was a promo image with a violin with a broken string, the E string. Now, when we learn about the lies and the almost affair, we see E through the reflection of the plane window. so we know shes a mirror. But a mirror for whom? John? Mary? She is wearing a rose on a necklace, and we know mary's name is actually Rosamund.If it's mary why would John be having an affair with someone who mirrors his wife? Maybe becuse he feels that Mary is the affair and his real relationship is with Sherlock? We also see E next to a poster for the seasons villan and the words It's Murder. Coming soon. Hes Back. and if E really is a mirror for Mary than that's not that big of a jump since Mary is murdered at the end of the episode.

24) The Vauxhall Bridge The Vauxhall bridge is known for it's statues on the pillars which are hidden to anyone on the bridge, and instead only visible to those on the water... a lot of water in this episode guys... a lot.

25) When Sherlock sends John and Mary different texts at the same time. to Mary he says "The curtain rises The last act Its not over." Thats a nod to us, the viewers. Telling us when johnlock is going to happen. the last act. The Final Problem. and not to give up hope because of John shutting out sherlock at the end of the episode. Theyre telling it its okay, its not over, all will be revealed in the last act. 26) water water water freaking everywhere opening, water rosies's mobil has fishes, rosie's baptism. Sherlocks face overlayed with water as hes taking to mycroft about destiny. Sherlock fighting with ajay in lots of water Sherlock meeting with Mary in the rain Sherlock standing on a bridge above water Mary getting freaking shot in an aquarium.... SHerlock goes to therapy and what does Ella have on the table? Water. Guys... come on...

27) What to do about John?

S:I need to know what to do

E:Do?

S:About John.

*increased heartbeat is heard in background*

What's the worst thing you can do to your closest friends? Tell them the truth. Sherlock hun you gotta tell John how you feel.

28) Molly We only see Molly once in this episode and shes a mess. we know shes a john mirror so john is a total wreck at this point, but is really sorry for shutting out Sherlock.

29) Closing Can Samarra be avoided? Im looking at the merchant story as the Sherlock Holmes story as it's always been told. Two platonic friends who are just that. And like how Sherlock wrote his own ending, where the merchant goes to another town and lives, Moffat and Gratiss are writing their own end. One where Sherlock and John get to live free and be together. Free from the 1895 lock around their story. Can samarra be avoided? Well it fades to water and then we get Mary telling Sherlock to go to Hell (no idea what that means gunna be completely honest here) but I think that the whole point of the episode is yes. samarra can be avoided. and thats what their going to do. write a new ending. because as moffat says, if youre not writing it to change something, to correct someone, than you shouldnt be writing it at all.

SO there we go. Those are all the things I found in the 6 Thatchers. I would love to hear what you all think,. Thank you to anyone who read all the way through. Im so blessed to have been apart of this amazing journey with all of you. Now all we need is a gay disney princess am I right? Seriously though, I love you all and am blessed to be in such a great community here.

TL;DR johnlock is real. it will happen. and it will happen in the final problem.

#tjlc #the final problem #johnlock #guys its gunna happen #the six thatchers #spoilers

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misscasper3 · 7 years

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50 Questions To Ask A Girl If You Want To Know Who She Really Is

Found this article online awhile back and finally feel like answering the questions

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person? Leaving an abusive 6 year ‘relationship’

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak? When I was 12 I was kicked out of my parents house which I believe is the start to my fucked up need to be loved and needed by someone else.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself? My apartment

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to? The woods or under 5 layers of blankets in my bed

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today? My dad ❤

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? To be able to shut my brain off and cool down. I overthink every detail that someone says or does and I think I create issues that weren’t there. Also Id get a nose job if I could lol

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first? Any thought that I kept to myself, I would say it to the people it was meant for and then walk away before the person could respond back. Then, after everyone hates me lol, I would hop on the next flight to Los Angeles, go to the beach, and sit in the ocean until the end of my last day.

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in? I dont see what’s wrong with living in the time I am now??

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why? Probably my Dad. I lived with him for a long time and he was there for me for every milestone I reached. He always took my side when things went wrong, and always was there for ANYTHING I needed, without question.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best? I couldn’t answer thar exactly. Certain people know certain things about me.>

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend? She’s there to listen when I need to rant. Even when I’m being stupid.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up? A singer for awhile. Then I wanted to be an interior decorator, but I dont think I really understood what the job really was. I just liked rearranging my room all the time.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be? This question requires way too much thought. I have no clue.

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments? I dont see what’s wrong with compliments, I just don’t know how to respond sometimes so my words may come out weird.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical? Non

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself? I like my skinny waist and wider hips. *I would have said hair color, but I wasn’t exactly born with purple hair so I dont think that counts*

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself? I am understanding. I try to look at the whole picture instead of the current situation.

18. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. You cant love someone truly until you know them inside and out.

19. Do you believe in soul mates? I dunno. I believe some people definitely are meant to be in someones lives for a purpose, whether to teach a lesson and go or to participate and stay.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes? I dont want to believe that the time and place I was born is supposed to judge my personality/fate.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times? I have been in love. Twice. The first time I dont think could really count though since it ended up being a Catfish story. Does it count? If it doesnt,then once.

22. What makes you fall in love with someone? when they can make me laugh and forget about my bad day(s). Also if they aren’t judgmental of my actions and they try to understand why I do the things I do. Really like when people aren’t judges of my every move.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable? Ugh.. Vulnerable to me means, helpless. Needy. Small. A diary that was opened without permission. Bringing up hurtful times makes me vulnerable. Bringing up stupid things I’ve done, or times I’ve fucked up makes me vulnerable. The people who are the closest to me, who know a lot about my past are the ones that are able to break me down in that way.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to? why is it such a big deal for you guys to “be the man” in situations. Why do you feel that you have to prove your manliness?

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do? Shave my head with clippers. Its socially acceptable for guys to be bald haha

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex? I really like how guys are just bigger than females. Like big bears standing next to a tiny bunny. The size difference I think. I think its weird if a guy is the same size as me. Girls are obviously more sensitive and emotional, so. I guess I’ll pick that as my answer.

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about? How the brain works basically. Like what makes people do or feel things. The science side behind depression or happy feelings.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do? Travel out of country. Be brave enough to go on a trip alone. Zip line.

29. Why haven’t you done it yet? Mostly money. But I am just nervous for some reason. I think I just dont trust myself to make certain decisions by myself because a lot of times when you go somewhere new, you obviously dont know the area so you’re kind of guessing on where to go, what to do.

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be? Doing behind the scenes runway hair/makeup, photoshoots. Movies.

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do? I would go to the beach.

32. What was the last thing that made you cry? A fight between my boyfriend and I.

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh? I dont remember exactly.

34. What is your favorite memory? My dad making a speech at my graduation party about how proud he was of me and then he started tearing up

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you? I can’t think of anything that I really cared enough about to make me feel embarrassed.

36. What is your biggest fear? Being a loser in life. Giving up on goals because of my internal battles with myself. Being alone in life overall. I enjoy my alone hours, but I’m talking about fearing being alone IN GENERAL.

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one? When I was about 13, 14ish I let my boyfriend at the time tell me I can’t be friends with a certain person. He made me cut off ties in order to stay in a relationship with him.. I regret so much that happened on that day. What I said to that person was hurtful…It hurt me to say those words and I know it hurt that person too. I was literally crying as i was telling this person to leave me alone because I didnt want to say goodbye yet I felt obligated to listen to my then boyfriend for some reason. I caused so much pain to that person that effected things down the road and I can never take it back… And I regret not answering him back when he texted me on holidays. I regret not taking his number when my mom offered it to me. I regret so many things that happened to that person because of me.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break? I mean I’ve got two speeding tickets. I’ve gone in “private property” places just out of curiosity.

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done? I’m not a risk taker.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger? I do everyday at work.

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)? Yes definitely. If that happened to me, I’d want someone to tell me.

42. What’s your favorite joke? Dunno

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person? I love both but lean towards cats.

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? A bird so I can fly wherever I want.

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy? I used to like Bates Motel.

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child? Girly girl. Picky. Hard working (Mom just told me last week).

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be? I was just thinking this in the car. Usually when people wanna go back, they say a happy time. I 100% cannot think of a time that I was so so happy and stayed happy longer than one or two days. Even if I was enjoying myself that day, there was ALWAYS something inside at the end of the day that just ate away at my soul hiding behind the ‘happy moment’.. This thought seriously depresses me.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does? I believe that when you are with someone, you are not 100% committed if you are okay with looking at other girls/guys and seeing them in a sexual way. Other people say “as long as they dont touch, its ok” or “nothing is wrong with just looking” but I believe it is fucking wrong on so many levels because that is showing desire for someone else other than the significant other. Call me prude or whatever the fuck you want.

9. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people? My brother told me that I am ALWAYS somehow able to pull myself out of every fucked up situation I’ve been in. Idk, does that really count as unique..? I guess something else would be that I literally put my entire soul into someone when I am in a relationship. I would do anything for that person. Is that unique?

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing? I feel like I’ve lost my passion for almost everything. I used to be so sure of myself and proud of what I wanted to do with my life and now its all a big question mark. My life is missing set goals and passion for doing something with it.

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