#hold onto hope like i hold my worst grudges

[nosoulsheresorry]

Handful of Kisses

My first ever kiss was with a childhood friend. We’d play house at her place and, as the youngest one, I’d be stuck with the “worst role,” although I’d soon come to find that it secretly was quite a good one. I’d be the dad, she would be the mom and my sister would be the kid. We would send our kid to the school next to the dresser and we’d go back to our home in the closet. There, we’d squeeze in together and sit on top of the blankets on her shelves. I can’t quite remember how it started, but soon it became like clockwork. We’d sit and chat about parental stuff, then we would hold each other, some much needed comfort due to all the stresses of an adult life, and then we’d kiss. It was sloppy and in hindsight quite repulsive, but we were just little kids. i was around five or six and she was just a year older than me. And again, like clockwork, her mom would notice how quiet we were and she’d come in to check on us as we would rush off the shelves and out of the closet, like literally. She told me after the first time that I shouldn’t wipe my lips in front of her mom because it looked suspicious. We haven’t kept in touch, though our parents have. She’s back in Turkey now; they had to move back after a break-in where her dad’s business competitors (or someone hired by them?) held her down at gunpoint.

My first high school kiss was with a boy I did not particularly like. There wasn’t anything wrong with him, but I only really dated him because he liked me. He gave me a quick peck on the lips after I subconsciously dodged him a few times. It was after a date where we saw a horror movie and he was scared shitless. I remember his lips being very big and kind of overwhelming. I ended up ghosting him, which made his friends mad at me, but what’re you gonna do? He ended up dating my best friend at the time just a month or two later. I had no qualms about it, I never cared much for him and they seemed way better together than we ever could’ve been. They broke up after 9 months.

I had this routine with a friend of mine. My parents were very strict, and this was during a very very rough patch in our relationship, so forget a curfew, I wasn’t allowed to go out at all. He’d bike all the way to my neighborhood from the other island and we’d meet up at the park next to my house at around 2AM. We’d smoke some weed, walk around, go to the McDonald’s in the next neighborhood. It was all very sweet. I was so lonely at the time, as you can imagine, so I would cling to his arms a lot, just begging for some comfort. I guess he, understandably, took that as a sign. We’d usually part ways around 7 to 8AM, but this one time I asked him if he wanted to come in to my place. I was getting a bit cocky with how often I’d sneak in and out, so the next logical step was obviously to sneak a boy in. He came in, watched me clean my room like the amazing hostess I am and we ended up watching Bojack on my bed. It’s a twin bed with a million trinkets and boxes on it, but we found a way to squeeze in together. I fell asleep at some point, very careless of me, my room was in the basement and I had no door, anyone could walk down without a sound. That’s when he leaned over and kissed me. It woke me up and I tried to kiss him back, but it didnt feel good. His lips were also quite big, though that has nothing to do with the unease I felt. Part of me was trying to convince myself I wanted this, while the other part was activating my fight or flight. I ended up pushing him away by his chest and showed him the way out, saying something like “my dad will get up for work soon” knowing full well that he doesn’t get up until 10. I hugged him on the way out. It was all very silent. I invited him back the next week to talk it out. I didn’t want to lose his friendship, I couldn’t afford that in the state I was in, but I also really did not want to be kissed unconsciously. I think if that night went a bit differently we wouldn’t be distant acquaintances today. When I tried to reason with him, he started talking about all his family issues… and they were really bad issues. I so badly wanted to hold him and comfort him, but it just wasn’t the time. Why would you tell me all this now? Couldn’t you wait until I was done? I faked some period cramps and started heading home. He walked with me and as I turned the street he asked me if he could kiss me again. I asked him if he listened to anything I said. With a little laugh I said : “Oh, William’s gonna hear all about this!” and he would later use that to blame me for him and William growing apart. He’s taking a sabbatical now, went home to Vietnam.

During quarantine, there wasn’t many options for date spots. We chose the botanical gardens in december. There wasn’t too much to see, not many things grow in the winter, go figure, but the buildings and statues were nice. He kept my hand in his pocket the whole time and we’d walk with our arms interlocked. He was leaving for New York the next day, and he’d stay there until mid-January, so naturally I had to give his birthday present right then. I got him a Mario Game-and-Watch. As we parted ways I watched his bus go by while my hands froze in my own pockets. That night, we were on call, debriefing, as you do. I don’t remember how we got around to it, but he got me to admit that I was waiting for him to kiss me. He asked why I didn’t make a move, and I guess I didn’t really have an answer. I told him I would once he came back. First day back in school, at 7:56AM, we knew where we were going. The quiet part of the 4th floor behind the auditorium. We did the very 2020-teen-romance thing of pulling each other’s masks down. His lips were big too, (I’m starting to think maybe mine are just too small?) but they felt so good. It was soft and delicate, passionate, but nothing near overwhelming. We tried pulling away, as class was starting soon, but we would just end up in another corner kissing again. We both were grinning like idiots once we finally made it to class. Turns out, the teacher was late, the universe was on our side. We started dating shorting after that, he would be my first for many things, as would I to him. We broke up who knows when, who knows how many times, but if I could I would go through our little cycle again one last time. I don’t know what he’s up to anymore.

#hold onto hope like i hold my worst grudges #teenagers baby! #i guess i wasnt a teen in the first one but you get it.

[mikuni14]

I'm still thinking about how Tharn and Phaya's fight ended, about their scenes together, also about Tharn and his personality, about how caring, selfless and forgiving he is. He's probably physically incapable of holding a grudge. Phaya yells at him, accuses him, slams him against the wall, accidentally - but still - hits him, and what does Tharn do? He continues to press for clarification of the misunderstanding, is so relieved and hugs Phaya when he returns to his senses, desperately holding onto him by his bulletproof vest, and when Phaya later starts talking to him in a normal tone, Tharn simply follows. And then he presses again to clarify the misunderstanding. As if the worst thing for him wasn't that Phaya was a dick to him, but that they were like "husbands but separated" 😀 (And that Phaya could be in danger.) Tharn isn't offended for a second, doesn't demand an apology, doesn't hold a grudge, doesn't keep Phaya away as "punishment," doesn't give him the silent treatment. He's just happy that they're together again, that Phaya is himself again. In fact, I have the impression that when Phaya apologizes to him and declares - twice! that from now on he will listen to him and that he doesn't care about anyone but Tharn, Tharn seems downright overwhelmed, as if this is more than he expected. (And I also have a feeling that when Phaya says that he will listen to him, Tharn is thinking about his secrets that he would like to tell him, but is too scared to do so…)

I also think about this because I suspect that it is thanks to this character trait that Tharn and Phaya met. In the trailer for the next episode, we see Phaya/Garuda injured and Tharn/Wansarat backing away from him in fear. I think that Tharn's innate caring and selflessness will win and he will simply help Phaya, who is after all his natural enemy. It's amazing how Tharn, in every incarnation he has with Phaya, never makes anything about himself except his sexual fantasies, in which Phaya caters to him hehe.

I love The Sign for introducing a character like Tharn - an amazing mix of sweet and badass - and making him a main and fan favorite character. Whose kindness and selflessness don't make him a wimp and a weakling, as is often the case, but one of the strongest, coolest and most beloved characters. I can't wait for the next ep to see if my predictions come true. And I really want to see Tharn nursing his hot enemy back to health and falling in love with him. It will be like watching adaptations of the best fanfics, I hope my heart will survive it 💖

#the sign the series #thai bl #bl drama #in case anyone didn't know #Tharn is my baby

[whumpshaped]

Also, way too hungry for the bingo pls 🥺

masterlist bingo card

tw vampire whumper, vampire whumpee, multiple whumpees, semi-starvation, malnourishment, conditioning, torture mention

Days. Weeks. Helle had no idea when they'd last fed from a human. The thought was quite appetising, given they still had the scent of fresh human blood in their nose from the hunt earlier — the reality, well... less so.

Lady Marie never allowed them to feed on a live human. Aside from that one time on their very first hunt, they'd only ever been granted scraps; small animals and dead humans.

There were no drawbacks, not for her. She would get a moderately strong vampire, able to charm and talk their way into the largest of gatherings to grab the most delectable of humans. But to them, it was torture. Kept on the edge of malnourishment, almost sick, their head filled with cotton and whatever thoughts of food they could conjure.

Dead humans tasted vile, like goddamn acid. It was nothing like the sweet, sweet taste of fresh blood, the memory of which was growing more and more distant with each day. They could almost taste it, whenever they walked past a thrall in the corridors, or captured a new human to bring back. It was so tempting. So goddamn tempting.

They brushed past one such human on their way to the parlour, and they couldn't take it anymore. They grabbed the mindless thing and slammed him against the wall, fangs bared and ready to bite into his neck.

But someone grabbed their hair and yanked them away, eliciting a displeased whimper in response. The thrall barely reacted to any of it, merely resumed his journey to whatever part of the mansion he had business in. "The lady would flay you alive for such an offence," Nikolai said quietly, and Helle went limp in his hold.

"She has so many of them– these thralls," they whined. "Must I live on the blood of pigs and squirrels? When will she allow me to feed again? Actually feed?"

He let go of them and crossed his arms, and Helle felt like they were about to be scolded for being hungry. But as they looked into his eyes, they could see a surprising amount of empathy. "Never," he said softly. "Possibly. I cannot remember my last decent meal. And as far as I am aware, Isabella has given up hope in this matter."

Helle frowned, unable to comprehend such a heavy statement. "What? She cannot simply– that is–"

"It is well within her right as our sire, is what it is. I would advise against holding a grudge. It only makes the lashes sting more. But worry not, you will learn restraint and discipline, as we both already have." He nodded towards the end of the corridor. "Shall we? I assume we have all been summoned."

They nodded in a daze, but then ended up grabbing onto their sired brother's shirt to keep him just a moment longer. "Would the lady actually do that?" they whispered, their quiet voice full of terror. "Would she flay me?"

He glanced back at them, then quickly averted his eyes again. "I have made the very mistake you were about to." He paused, and Helle had a feeling that maybe the torture they had endured so far was in fact not the worst of it. "The lady would do a great many things to ensure we all abide by her rules. Now, let us not waste any more time. Perhaps I am wrong, and she will give us all an opportunity to earn ourselves a splendid dinner tonight."

As if. The words had no hope or reason behind them; they both knew Lady Marie probably just had some guests over and wanted to parade all three of them around for their entertainment. Helle's stomach rumbled loudly, and they placed a gentle hand on it, as though they were trying to calm a feral beast.

They weren't going to spend the rest of eternity so hungry. They were either going to get out of here, or die again trying.

~

taglist: @whumpsday @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @florissimps @nicolepascaline @oliversrarebooks @the-cyrulik @pirefyrelight @there-will-always-be-blood @pigeonwhumps @echo-goes-mmm @whumpycries

#at my beck and call #whump #whump writing #helle #vampire whumper #vampire whumpee #multiple whumpees #malnourishment #conditioning #starvation #torture mention

[the-cpu-system]

Listened to "Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart" and thought of Rhack and now I have THOUGHTTTSSS

(adapted from a ramble on discord ,,)

just . the idea of them both being such baddd fucking people that bring out the insane ups and downs of each other . jacks accidental grasp on every situation and the accierntal force of evrything revolving around him so he can never jsut . have something okay with Rhys because Jack lacks that real human push of being able to just . be happy with somene and sacrifice his own emotions for them ? jack, who only knows manipulation and dirty, rough betrayal and sly backstabs and exploitation and then being told "you can be good, jack, you can be good- you make me happy, we can be heroes, we're a good team" and jsut knowing that thats not . JUST KNOWNG THATS NOTTTT

and rhys knowing that these sweet nothings are truly jsut nothings and having this stupid hope that jack is different, jack is nice- its not the real one so he must be different a - GSHRGRH !!

thm both having expectations and stupid hope for maybe something different even though both of them are so flawed in themselves that they bring out the worsts???? because a moment between them can be so happy, so alive, so good, then one of them says something wrong and that scale inevitably tips to the bad once again???? AND ITS THIS PERFECT IMBALANCE OF "WE WORK WELL TOGETEHR JSUT NOT TOO CLOSE"

people who like passionately hate rhack confuse me because like sures its not your cup of tea but its a beautiful trash pile of two fucked up people who try to make a garden in a drought..

and thats not even ALL OF IT THATS JUST PRE ATLAS RHYS

THE IDEA OF RHYS HOLDING ONTO THAT EYE, DESPARATE FOR THAT SOMETHING THEY MIGHT HAEV AGAIN?? CUS HEY, HE MAY BE BAD BUT HE ALSO MADE RHYS FEEL SO GOOD/NSXI .

and

and the idea of Rhys, after going through everything, hardened up, tough Rhys, holding this small hope he'd be different and bringing him back on that foolish hope that sent him falling in the first place? (which that is slightly supported in game by a spot where Rhys talks to fiona and lb and is like "he was my idol," or something like that and hes all reluctant to answer and embarrassed almost)

and the idea that no, Jack didnt change- OR THE IDEA HE DID! Rhys gave him something he definitely never got in his brief human contact before . i mean he was stuck with nakayama, who promptly died- and he was stuck as this static … villain almost . rhys gave him real contact- rhys gave him dynamic! rhys gave him things to pick up and adapt on!! jsut the real huamn nature of trust and emotions and trust.

and the idea that jack does change- stuck in isolation and he changes

would rhys ever avtually consider that? would he ever bring jack back? or would he let the grudge from the betrayal fester and eventually break or lock up the eye later down the line, dooming them both to just distant yearning???

#sorry for any spelling errors #I am very passionate ab them #they. #them #I love them #THEMMMM #doomed yaoi #doomed yaoi my beloved #toxic yaoi #love it #handsome jack #tales from the borderlands #tftbl #rhys strongfork #rhack #rhys x jack #handsome jack ai #holojack #rhys the company man #borderlands 3

[leviadraws]

helloo i must ask you. your thoughts on yuki (the dra one)

Oh boy, he's a tough one for me, so I'll try to splruge some thoughts. (Sorry I've been slow with asks lately, I promise I'm working on them, also I really need to rewatch DRA at some point but I am tired atm so there may be some inaccuracies).

(under the cut, DRA and some SDRA2 spoilers throughout).

So DRA Maeda is honestly my favourite protagonist in canon and another. Due to the whole reveal at the end and the divine luck factor there's quite a lot of layers to him that you don't think about at a surface level but then you scratch it a little and it's all like "hey this is kinda clever" whether it was intentional or not. But a lot of that would be talking about Utsuro, not Maeda so I'm not really gonna cover it much.

I will say I do love the system headcanons that have been covered by yourself, Nikei, and Dragon (I was going to link posts but jesus finding posts on tumblr is so goddmn hard). I haven't researched the topic well enough to comfortably talk about it myself, and I think you guys have done a pretty thorough job already.

I would like to talk about something that has always bothered me a little, and that's how Maeda/Utsuro are portrayed in the flashback. During the flashback and when Kinjo references their time at Hope's peak, he's referred to as being more Utsuro. But then that doesn't line up with the picture found of the class, where he's clearly appearing as Maeda. I'd like to think that they existed together before the real Yuuki's memories were implanted onto him.

(This is 99% me wanting to have both Maeda and Utsuro in pre-canon haha, but it is interesting). As I said before I've not done adequate research and I don't want to accidentally offend, happy to remove this section entirely if necessary.

So I like him a lot since he's kinda just a kid, yanno? He gets annoyed with the other classmates, he's downright mean sometimes (he's kinda brutal to Satsuki in her FTEs, iirc), and he's kinda bitter in places (him refusing to help Kinjo in chapter 3). It just makes him feel more, real? If that makes sense.

And like in trials, since none of the trials are that hard that we don't get totally baffled, him leading doesn't seem that off. The "smarter" kids of the class are either unhinged (Kinjo) holding information for no reason (Rei), underused by Linuj (Kakeru, Kanata, Kinji), or have a chapter 5 plot device in their head (Mikako). I'd probably want someone like Maeda to lead trials too.

I guess there's that kinda lingering thing that due to divine luck, any leap of logic would always be correct, but it didn't feel jarring since he'd always come across as kinda pragmatic. That and the leaps in logic aren't the level of crazy that SDRA2 chapter 2 and 3 had.

He's also flawed, he doesn't always say the right thing. He doesn't give out hope speeches (that I recall at least, I could be wrong on that one), he succumbs to the motive in chapter 4 just as much as the others do. He holds grudges over the course of the game, he's devastated over Kinjo's actions in chapter 5. Actually his relationship with all three survivors + Taira are really good.

I'm not hugely fond of some of the FTEs with him tho, I sometimes get the impression that they were written earlier? He feels more like the generic protagonist is some of them. Rei's feels like one of the worst offenders of this, like earlier in the game Maeda doesn't really put up with Kinjo's or Rei's bullshit in their attitude to others, but in her FTE he puts up with her shit to hear her story? Idk it felt weird to me.

I do however love his interactions with most of the rest of the cast in the story itself, mainly Kinjo because kshkjefnad they are disasters and I love them so much.

One little thing, I really would've liked to see him snap a little more in canon. There's obviously the part with Mikako, but like so many fucked up things happen and there were like at least three other opportunities off the top of my head?. Can you imagine the slight change in his expression, but his whole vibe just becomes so much darker and the reactions of the people around him?. Kinjo and Akane's reactions (both pre and post chapter 5) would've been so interesting.

Imma probs get on that rewatch now and realise that I missed a load of stuff and feel very silly. But hey, here's a tired mess of thoughts that yous are all free to rip apart and tell me I'm wrong haha.

Also give him a hoodie he a tired boi let him be comfy.

#ask loz #I'm really sorry I feel like I've said a lot but also not a lot at all? #I don't think I'm gonna put this one in the game tags #As Maeda has a lot of discussion already and I don't believe I'm really adding anything here #yuki maeda #but tysm for the ask

[reikiajakoiranruohoja]

Mini-Essay: Without Light

WARNING: Discussions of dystopia, gore and cannibalism.

One of the good things about having a wide taste in media is how you can run into the oddest comparisons that still have value.

One of those is between the Project Moon games and Werewolf the Apocalypse 5th ed.

I know I have been focusing on W5 a lot this week, but the way it has messed up is something epic.

To explain to those who haven't played Project Moon games, they are set in a megacity surrounded by hostile wastelands. However, what goes in within the city's walls might be much worse than anything in the outskirts. The city is one of the absolutely worst places in fiction I know, and I know my Warhammer 40k. Cannibalism is so common the chefs have the choice of suppliers, barely human monsters roam the Backstreets to use their victims in various ways including as fabric (yes, FABRIC, not leather) and mega-corps and organized crime force citizens into bloody acts of desperation.

There is deep and profound despair in these games as the characters try to survive in this hostile world with their sanity mostly intact. Often being the greatest danger to each other due to their traumas.

In Werewolf the Apocalypse 5th edition, the Apocalypse is happening, the nation of werewolves has splintered and young werewolves try to hold onto something as they deal with millennia of wrongs their ancestors have committed. The old werewolves say the Wyrm, a force of entropy has gone mad and has been the main foe of the werewolves for as long as anyone can remember. What isn't helping these lost werewolves is that two tribes of their Nation have completely left even the scraps of society they have left. Cult of Fenris to fight the Wyrm at any cost and the Stargazers to think on things.

The only thing these young garou can do is to guard a sacred place of nature with their lives and hope to survive to the next day.

The thing that makes the Project Moon universe work where W5 doesn't, is how it approaches its darkness. The city is awful and there is little way to change it for the better. But where W5 spends page upon page decrying the werewolves and how bad they are at their job with very little in the way of solutions, Project Moon games focus on pushing through all that darkness for even a sliver of light.

It is not some power of friendship thing, either. A big part of the game Library of Ruina is to make peace with the wrongs of the past and move onward by letting go of old grudges for your own sake. The characters have done horrible things to each other and letting go is much much MUCH easier said than done, at times even looked down upon. Moving on takes effort from both the characters and the player.

There is hope, as small and fleeting as it may feel at times, but it is there.

Another aspect where Project Moon's world manages better is the way it treats its horrors. World of Darkness 5th edition has gotten a lot of flak from how it treats its horror carelessly and inserts things based on current events when doing so would be tasteless.

In Project Moon games, for one, there is zero sexual violence. The setting manages to be horrible with zero mentions of SA and CSE. In fact, the evil in Project Moon games is banal. It is a job, a way to pay rent, a scholarship, a way to feed the masses and so on. One job literally entails scraping skinned people off walls and turning them back to normal. One way to pay rent is to obey random orders like stabbing the 58th person you meet on the street.

In both cases, the setting is dark and grim but while W5 focuses on the misery without giving the players a chance to affect it, Project Moon games focus on untangling the misery and trying to work out a solution among the horror and carcasses.

In terms of writing, you need hope to showcase the darkness as it is. Without light to shine even a little, you will never get a sense things could be better. This is something Project Moon understands and W5 lost in its translation to WoD5.

#cannibalism // #werewolf the apocalypse #w5 #project moon #library of ruina #limbus company #lobotomy corporation

[bookwormcosplays]

Apparently, I watched phase one of marvel so now we're onto phase two. Let's go!

Iron Man 3: Oh Stark is a jerk. We already knew this, but like that really is a low blow to go out of your way to tell someone you're going to do something then not do it. Not from personal experience of course... *sighs* I enjoyed this. I really did. Way better than the first movie, but I think I like it a smidge better than the sequel. I prefer the sequel'a villain though because it felt more valid. But also if someone left me on the roof, I would want to fight them too. I don't like the arc reactor being taken away. I know this universe continues and I felt like the arc reactor protected him against Loki. I don't know. Also the kid, I really liked him. When kids are in movies, I tense up because it'll either be done really well or really bad. In this case, the boy acted his little heart out. Onto the next movie!

Thor The Dark World: BORING. SNOOZEFEST. I really tried here guys. I watched the movie. Sure the realms lore and the antagonists are interesting I guess, but Thor and his story is just boring. If Taika "ruined the Thor franchise" with the newest Thor film, it has to be the worst movie ever written. This one and the first are the only ones I've actively disliked so far.

Captain America Winter Soldier: Okay we should be back in the good world. Maybe I'll understand the bucky x steve ship with this one. I have higher hope for this because generally after a boring one Marvel gives you a good movie. This is where the "you know me" "no I don't" meme comes from??? I liked this one a lot. This is better than all the Iron Man movies and Avengers. This is really good. I didn't expect much since I wasn't really a fan of the first film, but this had me immersed from beginning to end. I expected Captain America to be reunited with his old friend Bucky so it was interesting that didn't happen. I'm excited about the twins! I'm thinking... It's someone that has become popular in these last couple of years. But don't tell me!

Guardians of the Galaxy: Yeah I'm not wasting my time on this one

Avengers Age of Ultron: I just really HATE that they feel the need to make a romance film out of everything. I want superheroes. Not everyone needs to be in a relationship. Give it a break. But I'm enjoying the philosophical questions this movie is breaking. Also at first, I felt like the characters were flat now I'm starting to see their dimensions. The twins were interesting characters and the stark weapons showed up again. This is what I talk about when people apologize for their actions. Yes you can genuinely feel sorry, but your actions still affected people in real life at the end of the day. You can't blame anyone for the grudges they hold or the lack of forgiveness when they were negatively affected by you. I liked the antagonist in this one and also his death was pretty cool (some of the villains deaths were kinda corny ngl). Not my favorite of the avengers movie mostly because of the whole relationship thing that took up too much of the movie in my opinion especially when I didn't care. Also the "fine I'll do it myself" meme!

Ant Man: Skipping this one too for now

#personal post #not cosplay #movie commentary #my commentary #thor and ultron were rough to get through ngl #this is why this is coming out so much later than my first one #those made me so irritated i could watch the other ones #ill just have to wait until we get to... THE movie #no spoilers or youre getting blocked #i dont care #dont even talk about the movie to me #just talk about my commentary about what i said and the past movies nothing else

[livewithyura]

DAY 4 - AU [ KAZUJUN ONE-SHOT FANFIC ]

Prompts : Cindrella Reverse AU! Cmon yall think about it . Kazuya with his glass sneakers , Lee and Lars are the step sisters and Jun is literally the princess charming!

0.3 KAZUYA’S

  Each dawn I will find a new hope , someday my dream of happiness would come true . If that happens , I will torture this world with my hatred.

“Disgusting piece of sh–urgh”

   I bent down, holding a basket of water, observing my brother’s best work with disgust. I had never witnessed someone so foolish as to vomit on their own bed.As I set the basket down, I heard a bustling of footsteps and distant laughing emanating from the hallway.I accompany my step brothers with grunt , They are my worst enemy and I wished they were dead by now.I holding a grudge to not murder them , everyday.

  “No! The princess will choose me! I contoured my abs using chocolate powder” Lee spinning around elegantly as he thought about being a prince , he can’t wait to live in royalty.

   “I bought a necklace for the princess! She must be impressed with my kindness!” Lars threw himself onto the bed, casting mocking eyes my way as I cleaned the dirty floor.

   “That means I can go to” My words brought their conversation to a halt, and they looked at me as if I were a joke.

  “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” They both laugh maniacally while pointing at me , I just sit silently as I continue to brush all their sickness away.

  “You , Kazuya? Dancing with a princess?” Lee wheezes as he continues to laugh at me . Is it worth considering tossing this basket at his foolish head? I know I’m not good at dancing , but for the kingdom I shall rule . I will master it in a few seconds . 

   “Lee! The conversation would be like this! , ‘Oh! Your highness! I’d be honoured to dance with you! Will you mind holding my dusty broom?” Lars handed Lee a broom as they laughed together, dancing in a circle while intertwining their arms.

  “Why not? After all, I'm still a member of this family , and it says by royal command , every eligible man must attend the ball!” I said while looking at them with full disrespect.

  “Still daydreaming about your happily ever after? Stupid Kid?” I heard an applause coming from the door as we all turned around and saw our father , Heihachi Mishima grinning at me.

   This Man , If I were ever to acquire a kingdom of my own, he would be the first person I'd eliminate, banishing him from this country.

  “Well , We all know who’s not coming tonight dad ! That weasel down there cleaning up my ‘sick’ from Last night!” Lee looking down on me , I will have a chance to go to that stupid ball and seduce that princess .

  “He will clean the dishes tonight , It’s obvious he will have no time to attend the stupid ball! Dad!” Lars stated as he looked at my dad for agreement.

   “I will finish all of my work and attend the ball. After I seduce that princess and got my own kingdom , I will poison all of you guys in a day” uttered, my anger palpable as I vigorously brushed the floor

 “Shut up wench! Nobody cares” Lars yell at me 

  “You smell! Booo!” Lee followed the Lead as he tried to crush my spirit with words.Those words are nothing but a motivational speech for me , Trust me I heard those words almost everyday . This is just a conversation at tea time for me .

  “Shut your pretty mouth and clean!” My father took a packet of cookies from his pocket and proceeded to sprinkle the crumbs on the floor.I looked at the  crumbs in annoyance , I tried to hold the urge to kill all of them . Patience is the key.

  “Listen Boys…! Don’t worry! If he had a chance to go..which he’s not..The princess would not be interested with him , look at him! Just a loser who cleans all of our mess everyday! The princess must be tired of him” 

  Lars and Lee laughed at my dad’s opinion about me , I lifted my chin and looked at my dad’s face . “Thank you for saying that…” I said with unbothered manners.

   “You’re welcome…” He said with a genuine smile .

   “If you become a king ,  you will be exiled easily…don’t you think that? You will not go anywhere…especially the ball…Understand?” Heihachi said with a mocking tone . I don’t want to argue anymore , I just want them to vanish from my sight . 

  “Understood…” 

  “GOOD! Now boys! Let’s go to the ball!” Lars and Lee cheered as they prepared to design themselves with fancy shit .

  “Bye snakeee!!!” Lee patted my back .

  “Bye stinky!!” Lars mocks as he walks away from the room .

  They finally disappear from my point of view. I'm right here feeling like a failure as I thought that I was being exiled from this world . 

     The flickering candle cast dancing shadows on the cold stone walls of my secret room. The room echoed with the hollow sounds of my footsteps as I paced back and forth, contemplating the fate of my life. The plans, meticulously crafted in the recesses of my mind, now demanded action.Will I have a chance to go to that stupid ball?

  Lee wants to live in royalty , Lars wants a romantic companion , I want a kingdom so I can rule the world . Don’t get me wrong , everybody wants to rule this world . Isn’t it fantastic where all people’s futures will be in your palm?

   The bird was chirping on my window as I looked at them full of annoyance. I closed the window with anger .

  “Stupid bird…” I whispered , I crouched down on the side of my bed as I threw my head into the bed.I’m thinking about my life deeply , What’s my desire?

  The kingdom, a facade of prosperity and order, would crumble like a house of cards. I could almost taste the sweet bitterness of revenge on my tongue.That’s desire that laid upon me..

  I don't want tears to well up in my eyes , I detest being perceived as a weak person by others.

  “It’s no use…It’s nothing to believe in..” Then, tears streamed down my cheeks, and now the pillow bore witness to the acid rain that originated from my eyes.

 “Nothing? You don’t mean that! Take that back!” I raised my head upon hearing a sound emanating from the corner of my room. A tinge of fear gripped me as I spotted a brunette woman with feather wings , crossing its arms, staring directly at me.

  “Who the fuck….are you?” That’s the only question I can ask that creature , I stood up looking at her while grabbing my broom to attack her.

  “Oh! I’m your angel god-mother! If you lost all of your faith , I couldn’t be here” She ruffles my hair with a smile .

 “That thing exist?” I questioned her , She rolled her eyes as she walked towards me .

  “Dry those tears! You can’t seduce the princess looking like that , honey” She said , I froze like a stone as I looked at my dirty clothes that I wore almost every day.

   “I’m not going to that stupid ball,” I confessed .

   “You need to believe in miracles , my child” She snapped her fingers, and the wand appeared in her hand. I glinted the wand with confusion.

   She pointed the wand at me, and sparkling lights shot towards my body. For a moment, I thought I would meet my end. However, to my surprise, the sparkling lights enveloped my body, transforming my dirty clothes into a purple tuxedo.

  Oh my fucking god—

   “SEE! You’re ready to go to the ball! But you need to hurry up! The meet and greet with the princess will end! Come on!” she takes my hand as we get out of the room.

  Outside of the house , I just observe the god-mother doing her job . She turned the pumpkin into the horse carriage . All the birds that bother me everyday , she turned into a horse . The mice also turned into a person that will ride the horse carriage for me.

  “Incredible..muahaahahhahaahaha…” I let out an evil laugh, anticipating the moment when I would reveal my true self to my foolish step brothers.

   “Angel….” I looked at the angelic figures 

   “You don’t have to thank me , My child!” She said , Proudly.

    "OH! I wasn't! I want... something... can you grant it?" She looked at me with confusion, tilting her head to assess my appearance. "You look just fine! What is it that you want?" she said, walking in a circle around my body.

   

  “I want a pair of glass sneakers…” I confessed

Angel laughed in disbelief, looking at me with a genuine smile. She pointed the wand at my feet, and sparkles surrounded them in a graceful manner. Now, I had a pair of glass sneakers, bringing tears of joy to my eyes.

  "Thank you, my fairy godmother! Thank you so much!" This was the best day of my life. I had always dreamed of having a pair of glittering sneakers in my closet.

  “Now! Now! Don’t be too happy! The spell will not last longer! You will have only till midnight!” She muttered while circling the wand , leaving a sparkle in the air .

  “Midnight? That’s enough” I said 

   “No , you must understand...on the stroke of 12! All the spells will be broken and everything will be normal . You with your dirty apron , living with your broom and many more…” She explained , I just nodded .

   “Your magic sucks….” I said with a disinterested tone .

   “HEY! Enough! It’s getting late! Hurry up and seduce the princess!” Angel pushed me into the horse carriage, and I glanced at her face as the carriage carried me away from my father's entourage.

   The grand ballroom, adorned in opulence, unfolded like a scene from a bygone era. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, casting a warm, golden glow over the polished marble floor below. The air was filled with the sweet fragrance of fresh flowers, their vibrant colours harmonising with the rich tapestries that draped the walls.

  Yeah , It’s magnificent place . The kazamas must be lucky to live in such an amazing place.It’s giving me a new problem , I was lost in this big castle . I don’t have any idea where the auction will be held . Following my calculation , I’m on the second floor . There’s no one here , except for me . Perhaps , I must keep looking .

 “Are you looking for something?” As soon as I heard that delicate voice lingering in my ears, I turned and found a woman standing in front of me, adorned in a satin silky gown.

  “No..Yes!” I stuttered, captivated by her raven hair and rosy cheeks. I don’t have time for this,  I'm here to pursue that princess.

  “The center of the ball room is over there , care to join us?” She pointed to the center of the ballroom in a graceful manner, bowing with her arm opening up to welcome me.

   We both moved into the center of the dance floor, surrounded by the soft sway of other couples lost in the music . I looked around , trying to find the presence of the princess . I noticed Lee and Lard dancing in such a weird way. No, I can’t leave myself hanging around in this ballroom.I need to have a partner to show my power . It’s obvious that I am just a loser if I don’t have any partner on my side.

  “Thank you for helping me , Care for a dance?” I said , I have no choice . She’s the only one who’s in front of me right now.

   “Sure!” I was shocked. She agreed with my offer without hestitation .

  My hand found its place at the small of her back, and she rested hers delicately on my shoulder. The first notes of the piano echoed through the air, a melancholic yet beautiful tune that seemed to stir emotions hidden in the recesses of our hearts.

  She’s smiling towards me gracefully , Oh how I thought that heaven will not help me right now , I can’t turn around right now . My eyes just glued into her angelic face . She’s a stranger to me , I can’t explain this feeling.

  As we began to dance, I felt like the world around us melted away, leaving only the two of us in a shared realm of grace and harmony. I guided her with a quiet strength, my movements a seamless dance of understanding and connection. The subtlety of her touch sent shivers down my spine, a delicate electricity that seemed to bridge the distance between us.

    I spinned her around gently , our steps wove a narrative of unspoken emotions, a story told through the gentle rise and fall of the music. I could feel the sincerity in her  gaze, a vulnerability that mirrored her own. With each turn and sway, the dance became our conversation that transcended words, laying bare the vulnerabilities and aspirations of my soul seeking solace in the embrace of the other.

  “Dad! He is supposed to clean the dishes!” I saw Lee pointed at me , I just drew a smirk as my winning smile.

  “NO , HE DID NOT!” . Lars also stopped his weird dance movement as he looked at me with shock.

  She stopped her movements , I can feel her soft gloves as she grabs my hand gently.

  “Do you want to see my garden?” She said , I looked at her in confusion . I don’t know why I nodded in agreement even though I’m not sure what I’m doing right now.

  The garden, bathed in the soft glow of twilight, became a sanctuary for us. As they strolled along the winding paths, the scent of blooming roses and the gentle rustle of leaves created a serene backdrop to our conversation. Lanterns hung from the branches, casting a warm, golden hue that danced in the evening breeze.

  Well , I assume that her father’s a talented gardener.

   The air was filled with the melodic chirping of crickets, punctuated by the distant serenade of a nightingale. Her laughter, like a delicate melody, echoed through the garden as I just listened to her story about the stupid ball.I couldn’t help but be captivated by the way her eyes sparkled in the ambient light, reflecting the genuine joy she found in the simple pleasures of the evening.

   I need to find the princess , But I don’t mind being stuck with her for a few seconds.She also reminds me of my dead mother , a smart delicate woman . 

    We found a secluded bench beneath a flowering trellis, its petals casting a fragrant cascade of delicate blossoms. As we sat side by side, the air became charged with a subtle electricity, an unspoken understanding that there was more to our connection.

  “Oh , Pardon me . I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Jun kaza–”

 I looked at the clock tower not far away from us, shock evident on my face. Standing up, I glanced at her with frustration. The clock's hands were dangerously close to striking 12, and I realized I couldn't stay much longer. Midnight would be upon me in a matter of minutes.

  “BRO I NEED TO GO IT'S ALREADY MIDNIGHT , BYE” I explained. She also stood up while looking at me in confusion.

   “Of course , It’s midnight! What’s wrong….”

   “Goodbye!” I didn’t let her finish , I just wanted to run away from her . Trying to find the exit . She pulled my arm , fearlessly . 

   “Why must you go?” She asked , It’s useless . Even if I explained , She would not understand my situation . It’s quite a long story to tell .

  “I haven’t met the princess!” I stated , That’s such a stupid excuse . 

  “The princess? Didn’t you know..”

DING! 

 As the clock struck 12, I roughly pushed her hand away and turned around, determined to escape from that place.Thankfully , I succeeded to distance myself from her .

  “No wait, come back! At Least give me your name! How can I find you!?” She said as she tried to keep up with my speed . I drew myself back to the ballroom hall , I don’t care if Lee and Lars watched this messy part of mine . 

   The woman’s step was cut down by a group of gentlemen trying to impress her.Meanwhile , The echo of my footsteps resonated through the grand halls, and the once magical atmosphere now carried a sense of urgency. As the woman reached out, I slipped my glass sneakers . 

  No , Not my lovely shining sneakers!

 I was in a hurry , leaving a single glass of sneakers vanishing into the night, leaving behind only the memory of a mysterious and 

 Then again , I found myself in a haunted place again . Sitting at my bed alone ,Well this is a price I need to pay , I didn’t meet the princess but I met such a graceful woman that put my mind into ease. 

  “God! My lovely sneaker!” I whine in frustration , everything disappears except for the glittery sparkling glass sneaker! The worst thing is , I will never find another pair of sneakers . I try to sleep , Just pretend all of these are dreams.

  The next morning, I found myself back at my mundane duties, preparing tea for my insufferable step-brother. But, oh, just wait. If that princess decides to host another ball, I might attend. And when she inevitably falls in love with me, I'll seize the opportunity to build my own kingdom, ensuring the exile of my entire family from this country.

   I entered their rooms and observed both of my step-brothers in a deep sleep. My father attempted to wake them up, but this time, he did so harshly.

  Now , Now what’s the tea?

  “She will be here in another minute! Get up and go get a shower! Prepare yourself!” Heihachi pulls Lee’s blanket and smacks Lars’s butt as he’s in a rush , Lars is yawning while looking at Heihachi.

  “What..for..?” Lars’s words are covered with yawns as he doesn't have any spirit to leave his bed. Meanwhile, I just stood there with a fancy tray looking at their behaviour.

  

  “Don’t you know!? The Grand duke! He’s been hunting for one dumb guy that left his glass sneaker at the ball last night!” Spit Heihachi out , I try to hold my cough as he is implying that whoever leaves that sneaker is dumb . 

  “She says She’s madly in love with that guy!”  Heihachi opens the curtains to let the sunlight go through their room .

  “The duke…?” Lee said , obviously .

   “NO! The princess!” Heihachi yells in frustration over Lee’s idiotic manner.

Wait , The princess?

   I accidentally let the tray slip from my hand, and the teacup it held clattered loudly against the floor, creating an unsettling noise. My father turned around to look at me.

  “You clumsy little fool! Clean that up!” He said, anger evident in his expression as he looked at my face. I simply crouched down, calmly picking up the pieces of glass slowly. Unbothered by the situation, I couldn't help but think about the fact that the girl who danced with me was the princess of this kingdom.

  How foolish am I?

 “Get up now!” He demanded . 

  “Why would we even bother if she is madly in love with that guy?” Lee pulled his blanket to continue his deep sleep , Lars just followed his brother’s action and agreed with Lee’s statement.Heihachi pulled their blankets with grunt.

 “Now you listen to me! There’s still a chance for you to get with that princess!” He said , Lee and Lars lookin at him with confusion . 

  “How?....” Lars scratched his head .

  “Now listen , No one..Not even the princess knows the identity of the owner of that glass sneaker! The glass sneaker is the only clue , Now the duke has been ordered to try it on every guy in the kingdom . And if one can be found whom the slipper fits! Then…by the king’s command..that guy shall be the princess’s groom” Heihachi explained.

 “His groom…” I whispered , So I do have a chance to rule this kingdom .

 “HIS GROOM!?” Lars and Lee quickly jumped out of their beds and rushed into the room, eager to find the perfect clothes for themselves.

  Lee threw his dirty clothes on me , But I was unbothered . I’m only thinking about my faith. My dream will come true as I will definitely be her groom.

  

  “Why do you smile like that!? That’s so creepy!” Lars’s voice woke me up from dreaming , I just gave them a smile and picked up all of their dirty clothes.

  “Yes…We must dress up to impress that princess…Now excuse me..Muahahahah” I exited the  room with my evil laugh , They looked at me with confusion.

   I went to my room with happiness , “I will rule this kingdom~I will rule this kingdom~” I sang as I reached for a brush that placed on my table. With ease, I brushed my hair, harmonizing with the melody of my song.

 I will spread chaos into this kingdom.

 “EHEM!” Heihachi looked at me , standing in front of my door . 

 “What…?” I said .

  He slammed the door , I ran towards the door and I just realized he just locked the door.

 Fuck that old man , I will poison him if I became the prince of this kingdom.

 As I walked toward my study table, I grabbed the piggy bank sitting on it and threw it across the room, shattering it. The broken piggy bank revealed not only money but also an extra key to all the doors in this house.

 I looked at the key with a smirk , No one can stop my dream.

   “Well your feet are too small , pardon me” The princess gave a genuine smile while rejecting Lee’s feet. I just stood at the stair trying to observe them from afar.

 “Wait! My sweet Lady! It must have been a mista–” Lars pushed Lee away from the chair as he took a seat to try on a glass sneaker.

  Oh my lovely sneakers! You must be sad for being apart from me .

 “Your feet are also small for this sneaker” The princess said with manners , Oh she is really a princess? That’s why she has manners in our conversation .

  “NO!!!” Lars whines in sadness , The princess just chuckles as she takes a step to leave our house . 

 “Are you sure there’s only two guys in this house?” She said while looking around , Heihachi just sighs in frustration . “Yes your highness! You can leave now”

Damn you, you old man .

 “WAIT! Your Highness!” I shouted from the stairs while descending, and she looked up at me with a smile. It seemed like she now remembered my face, and I, too, recalled hers.

 “Pay no attention to that boy! He’s not my son!” Stated Heihachi.

  “He’s just from the kitchen!” Lee tries to convince that princess .

  “He’s ridiculous! Look at his dirty clothes? There’s no way that he's the guy that you’re in love with . Your Highness!” Lars also joined the operation of convincing the Princess.

  Oh how they got no ideas between me and you.

It was my turn to push Lars away from the chair, and as I took a seat, the princess handed me my glass sneaker.

  “OH MY GLASS SNEAKER!"

I hugged my sneaker with a heart full of love ignoring the princess in front of me, Lee and Lars looked at me with disbelief.

  “In front of the princess!?” Lee questioned.

  “NO HE DID NOT!” Lars replied .

 “You really love that sneaker…” She said, looking at me with a calm demeanor ,  I freed the sneaker from my hug.

   In the soft glow of the moonlit courtyard, the princess delicately placed the glass sneaker on my dainty foot, the crystal shoe embracing me like a perfect match, sealing our destinies in the enchanting dance of love.

  “You came?” I whispered to her face

  “You called,” She smiled .

[kerra-and-company]

for the detailed ask meme, 55 for someone you haven't talked about in a while! -wyldblunt

Ooh, okay okay! :D Thanks a bunch for the ask! @wyldblunt you're going to get Pol, who's been rotating around in my brainspace recently but hasn't really gotten a ton of a chance to shine on here!

55. What’s your character’s core trait? What’s their best trait? What’s their worst trait? When happens when these all interact with each other?

Core trait: not sure if this is going to make sense, but Pol really likes challenges. His life has been its own mess of hard for various reasons on its own, and he wouldn't have picked all those things to happen to him, so not really talking about that, but...like, I don't know. My sleepy brain is coming up with the example of if he was given several options for a group project, he'd pick the most complicated one Specifically Because it was the hardest/most complicated. It's a core part of his character and is tied up in about fifty Other traits, but...yeah, this! Hope this makes sense; I feel like I rambled a bit xD

Best trait: he is incredibly compassionate and generally very kind. He's a fluffball (literally, when it comes to his fur) with a big heart, and he's a very good friend.

Worst trait: he's not always the most flexible (unless you're speaking physically). It can manifest in ways more like it does for his 'bandmate Casca (stubbornness, holding grudges) or in ways like it does for his former 'bandmate Lifa (holding onto an opinion way longer than you should even as it's proven wrong).

When you stick all of these together at once, you can get a couple things. "Incredibly stuck on helping a specific person even if they don't really want it" is one, "persistence in a theoretically noble goal to the point that it's actively hurting him [and maybe others he hasn't noticed]" is another.

#gw2 #pol stormheart #wyldblunt #thanks a bunch for the ask! :D #again hope this all made sense i feel like my brain is falling asleep as;dkjf

[forjustice]

Response to Star / @cxncrie's Apology

Hello, Star. It’s me, Tian–I go by Yue now. I just wanted to acknowledge your apology to me and everyone else and tell you that I appreciate you taking the time to reflect on your actions. Before I get to why I accept it though, I also wanted to take a bit of time to tell you how I felt about the dramas that happened 2 years ago.

For the rest of you reading: I will not describe exactly what happened, because I have agreed not to air the details publicly or even spread word of them privately. I will say though, Star: I felt used, and I felt you were using my dead friend Stormy too. I felt as though you were using my grief at Stormy’s death and my existing strong dislike of the individuals you gave me dirt on to further your own vengeance against them–when it was in fact you who had done them wrong and not the other way around. I felt as though you conveniently forgot to tell me key information about the situation you got me involved in; if I heard about the neutrality agreement between the two disputing groups, one of which we had hoped to expose, that would have changed my mind about exposing them. Worst of all, once I began to believe you had done all this, I knew I had to leave the friendship–but I was so scared of a possible retaliation for it that I was scared to cut you off. 

I will be apologizing privately to the individuals affected as soon as my real life situation allows; I would have done it in this post, but if they and I are to actually address all the issues between us there is a much bigger history and a whole ‘nother can of worms that I don’t want to get into here. For now, I just want to close this part by saying these are the main reasons why I silently removed you from my Discord.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still rather wary. I certainly do not want to reconnect. This is because when we first connected you made it seem like you were trying to improve from past toxic behaviors and I believed you–when in reality you were still trying to perpetrate the same toxic behaviors you had before. That is a breach of my trust which forever closes the door on any sort of reconnection or friendship. However, I read much of your apology document, and I wanted to applaud you for 1) truly acknowledging the harm you have dealt to your victims at last, 2) apologizing without making excuses, and 3) showing you actually wish to put action into your promises of self-improvement by taking a break from Tumblr so that you can better yourself. This is a huge step in the right direction for you that must have taken a lot of courage in the face of painful introspection, and I am more inclined than not to believe it is genuine. It is not easy for me to accept your apology, but I know that one of my biggest faults is holding onto grudges and the past–which is a fault that got me into this whole mess in the first place. Therefore, I accept.

I wish you the greatest success in your journey toward healing and self-improvement. Take it from someone who went (and is still on) one of her own: It will be long, and difficult, and nonlinear, but it will be so, so worth it.

All the best,

月

#cxncrie #drama* #tagging this as that just in case #by the moon's light. || yue speaks

[nosoulsheresorry]

hernia or hospital songs.

i dont know if we were permanent residents when i got my hernia.

but i know a doctor was pushing down on my abdomen and asking me if it hurt. and it felt like a quiz, like i had to get the right answer. and i just didnt know when to say yes because he was pushing pretty hard, i mean all of it hurt, sir. yes there and there and there too and also there and then, well, and then i knew i fully knew. it hurt a lot. i remember lying to my mom just to have an explanation as to why i had a bump and now we knew, i was lying. because it hurt!

and then the anesthesiologist asked me if i knew au clair de la lune. i did not.

au clair de la lune

mon ami pierrot

prete moi ta plume

pour ecrire un mot

ma chandelle est morte

je nai plus de feu

ouvre moi ta porte

pour lamour du dieu

au clair de la lune

pierrot repondit

je nai pas ta plume

je suis dans mon lit

va chez la voisine

je crois quelle y est

car sa cuisine

on bat le briquet

au clair de la lune

laimable lubin

frappe chez la brune

elle repond soudain

-qui frappe de la sorte?

il dit a son tour

-ouvrez votre porte

pour le dieu damour

au clair de la lune

on ny voit quun peu

on chercha la plume

on chercha le feu

en cherchant dla sorte

je nsais cquon trouva

mais je sais qula porte

sur eux ferma

its nice to know that my hospital song is a euphemism, a fun little double entendre.

i remember first hearing it again in kindergarten. recognized it instantly. finally learned my own hospital song.

#hold onto hope like i hold my worst grudges

[alyjojo]

Thinking of You - April ✂️ 2024 - Virgo

Whole of their energy towards Virgo: 3 Wands

Feelings: 5 Cups

Intentions: King of Wands

Actions: 6 Wands

I heard the song from the minute I started shuffling, and I got a message of online dating, for whoever that applies, this person may have uncomfortably pressured you - I assume sexually. They’re disappointed in themselves or maybe how you see them now because of this, you could automatically jump to the worst conclusion about them or something, expecting Devil behavior from them - and it makes them sad. This could also be a flirty friend or coworker. If you think they’re all about sex, yeah they do come up as a fiery one, but they want to change your mind on that. Now if it’s not romantic, then this is a person that may have seen some darkness - either in you or not, and now expects it. From you or everyone idk. Some of these people are heavily pressured by their own actions, and what you’ll say about it, because they are regretful.

In their feelings is a deep sadness, focus on a hurt that has been done, probably by their own hand I’m getting. Here it shows Knight of Wands, in the intentions is King of Wands, they want to show you they’re better than that or they’ve matured since whatever impulsive/passionate action hurt you in the past. An apology at the bottom. They’re definitely sincere, idk what they did but they mean it. They intend to persevere through their mistakes, whatever they’ve done, and whatever silent treatment you’re giving them right now. I mean 🤷🏻‍♀️ There’s something appealing about a person that takes charge and wants to prove it - that’s what you want and that’s what they’re doing, it’s up to you. In action, it’s liable to surprise the hell out of you, that could be their intention. If you want a confession or fifty page list of all their wrongs, it looks like you’re getting it. Full accountability, they miss you, think of you constantly, will probably talk about the past a lot or being you up to speed on their personal improvements. They want victory with you, and they’ll do whatever it takes 💯

Messages:

Their side:

- Follow My Lead

- Living My Life

Your side:

- Light of my Life 💡

- There’s no one else for me.

Oracles:

Give me nirvana I can dance to 💃

Friendship 👯‍♂️

Team - Connection - Network

Illness 🤒

Disease - Weakness - Fragility

Possible signs:

Heavy fire 🔥 Leo, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Capricorn & Aries

If you’re dealing with:

Justice shows you’re focused on fairness, balance, equality and being truthful, setting any necessary boundaries on people or situations that threaten your peace or making any necessary decisions in regards to others - with fairness ruling above all. Could involve the law for some. Or switch it.

Aries - if one of you is holding onto grudges or shit from the past, the other person is over it and peaceful with how things turned out, they’re patient with the closed-off person

Taurus - silent treatment, not even saying what’s upsetting them, they’re just quiet 🤐 and the other person might not even care

Gemini - could get into some reckless or dangerous trouble regarding a car or travel if they’re not careful - impulsive or foolish. If romantic, they could randomly show up at midnight or otherwise surprise you with fun

Cancer - someone you work with that you have feelings for and hope to move forward with romantically - or they do

Leo - madly in love with you, could be a soulmate, ready to jump into something new and exciting

Virgo - could be lgbt, going through a separation, or a very popular person at work with a big personality - they’re really smart too, could just be someone that advises you

Libra - hopes to reconnect & celebrate with you, wants to be around you after some time apart, but they’re waiting on you, could just be really happy for you if you’re celebrating 🥳

Scorpio - a deeper commitment is on the table with them, started out with attraction & passion but they want it to be more - or you’re both moving forward in love 😻

Sagittarius - could be your boss, they have their hands in 20 different pots, a very busy work-orientated person, don’t have time for anything

Capricorn - stuck and unable to do something because of money, or they’re spending money on things that aren’t good/healthy for them

Aquarius - biding their time through the disappointment but happy for a new start, whenever it comes, that’s what they want

Pisces - there’s a lot they feel they don’t know, or you don’t, and fear around the truth coming out - or what someone has to say generally

#Virgo #thinking of you #april 2024 #astrology #tarot #tarotblr #tarot reading #Spotify

[casspurrjoybell-21]

Pirate Chains - Volume 1 - Strong Tides

*Warning Adult Content*

Chapter 23c - Blemished Happiness

Nyx

Days on Martina passed by smoothly but some exceptions to that started emerging. To my surprise, Lou didn't hold a grudge after I threatened to 'kick his ass' in front of everyone. He didn't become my friend but he stopped threatening and calling me names. The people around me were also changing. I categorized them into four groups, the friendly ones, the bullies, those who didn't care about me and Ken. While the categories remained the same, the people in them shifted. Some who previously ignored me had become either friendly or annoying, probably due to my drunken behavior that attracted attention.

The bullies were less aggressive, as I learned how to avoid their traps, especially the tripping. I could also feel that my closeness to their captain often bought me some kind of immunity. However, a few pirates had joined Ken in his creepy behavior towards me. They enjoyed making me uncomfortable and calling me insulting names like 'my lady' 'precious ass' or 'madam'. Despite this, Ken's behavior was still the worst. He had started stalking me, making me uneasy and fearful. Whenever he approached, I would quickly swallow my pride and find a crowded area to escape him. I managed to avoid him for several weeks but then he began to stalk me more closely, making me feel increasingly unsafe.

On that day, I was already feeling fatigued from work. As I ascended the stairs to the upper level of the hull, someone unexpectedly doused me with a bucket of seawater, causing me to lose my balance and tumble onto my back. The small audience that witnessed the event found it very amusing, while I was too stunned to react. It took me a few moments to regain my composure and stand up, although my back was sore from the impact. The worst part was that I couldn't identify the person responsible, leaving me uncertain whether it was a harmless prank or a malicious act of humiliation.

Feeling embarrassed and vulnerable, I hurried to the cabin to change my soaked shirt, hoping to avoid any further encounters, especially Agenor, he was the last one I wanted to see me so weak and humiliated. I changed my shirt but kept the pants for they were the only ones I had that fit me. Unfortunately, as I went towards the galley, I spotted Ken conversing with Baril, causing me to freeze in my tracks. Despite my attempts to compose myself, Ken noticed my presence and sneered at my bedraggled appearance. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was the culprit behind my earlier mishap but I couldn't be certain. His eyes traveled from my soaked feet to my dripping hair and his smirk grew wider. Rather than confront him, I turned and walked away, feeling like a coward for not standing up for myself.

Later that day, I made my way to the quarterdeck with a medium-sized barrel of beer intended for those seeking a night of drunken revelry. Though the barrel was a bit heavy, I managed to carry it by myself until suddenly, it grew lighter. To my surprise, Ken had joined me. We were alone at the end of the quarterdeck, with the closest people on the main deck. I couldn't help but wonder if Ken was trying to be friendly but his sneaky gaze made me second-guess my assumption. However, I appreciated his assistance nonetheless.

"Thank you," I said, grateful for his unexpected help.

To my surprise, Ken's lips curled into a smile, albeit a mischievous one. As I returned the gesture, I couldn't help but consider that perhaps his roguish grin was a defining characteristic of his pirate persona. As I was about to move the barrel to its intended spot, I suddenly felt an excruciating pain. The culprit had slyly slid his hand underneath the barrel and roughly squeezed my private parts.

"What the hell?" I shouted but he only squeezed harder, causing me to flinch and lose my balance.

In an attempt to further destabilize me, he shoved his hand, causing me to fall onto my right shoulder, sending the barrel crashing to the ground in a loud and messy shatter. As Baril stomped up the stairs to the quarterdeck, Ken laughed and stepped back. He was met with a furious Baril, demanding to know what was going on.

"For fuck's sakes, did you waste a whole barrel of beer? Damn it boy, you slack all day and cause nothing but trouble."

[sea-nprin-cebel-aos]

Change is usually something we expect, and it is always expected of us to adapt to it at our own pace. What most don't realize is that often times, we need to do a little more than just accepting it.

I never really thought to appreciate what I once had until I can never get it back anymore.

I remember when...

I met this really nice friend back when I would rarely interact with anyone but myself. Sure, we barely talked and they had other friends and they were loads smarter than me and I was always too shy to talk to people, but I was fine with that. They were the friend that you'd enjoy quiet walks with and thrive on awkwardly sitting next to each other without knowing what to say or do.

I always thought that they never liked me at all and was just barely tolerating my existence as we were pretty far from each other, intellectually. I didn't know what I was doing back then, I'm not a smart before as I am today.

Over time however, the pieces fell into place like a destined series of events as we conquered school while helping each other in the one year that we spent close to one another.

I regarded it as good news before, as I would never need to look depressed whenever there was a group or by pair task that I always had trouble with. There was finally someone I can rely on that isn't myself! I never had any confidence or strength to have any close friends, so I would always sit back and wait to be inevitably left as the only person without anyone to group up with.

It didn't ever cross my mind that I could lose them as easily as they arrived into my life.

The pandemic closed in, and I lost contact with everyone. But contrary to popular expectations, quarantine wasn't so bad. No tiring walks, no social anxiety, and thankfully no aggregious expenditures. But seriously though, no allowance? The months of internet plans my family paid for was NOT cheap.

Anyways, after all of that virus outbreak stuff, I awoke and entered campus as a returning student, with my most trusted friend now apart from me, and who could barely even acknowledge that I exist.

As someone who has never had any strong romantic feelings to other people yet, losing a friend was the worst thing that could ever happen to me socially. I actually liked that person, you know.

But like the good stalker that I am, I of course ask around about them so I can at least be informed if they ever had any problems with other people. I'm totally not protective of my friends and will hold a grudge with whoever disrespects them. Totally.

I tried my best to at least interact with the people I have missed the past 2 or so years with, but even the people I've barely met had stronger interactions with me.

After hours and days and weeks of contemplating what I did wrong, or what mistakes I made, and how I could possibly fix this, it dawned on me.

I can't fix everything.

I can't revert what's already changed.

And I obviously can't force myself onto other people who probably hate me because they don't want to interact with me anymore.

It's time I improved myself and faced the ramifications of what life gave to me.

And so I did.

I made new friends, connections, hobbies. And I even started being more aware of how I present myself to others and how to preserve what I actually want to stay the same in my life.

I grew a lot as a person, the longer I spent alone and deep within existential dread.

And even though I lost someone along the way, I'm sure they can find better friends than me. Everyone is important for someone else, even if that person isn't me.

Goodbye, past. I hope you find people that you actually care about to not forget.

~Excerpt 2 end~

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

-A turtle monk

[pornaddictioncounseling]

THE FREEDOM OF FORGIVENESS

What comes to mind when you hear the word “forgiveness”?

Perhaps you recall the religion of your childhood. Maybe you think of a resentment you’re trying to let go of. You might even think of someone you’re hoping will forgive you for something you’ve done.

I believe that forgiveness is a forgotten skill. It empowers you to overcome some of the things that hold you back most in your porn addiction recovery. Holding onto anger keeps you a prisoner of your emotions. But learning to forgive provides the freedom you’ve looked for in many different avenues up to this point.

Are you harboring any grudges over things said or done to you in the past? It’s difficult to reach the later stages of your reboot if you don’t let go of those past harms. However, I understand that it’s challenging to release these things which is why I believe that forgiveness is a skill.

Take a moment to recall some of the worst times of your life. Think of some of the worst things you said and did during your porn addiction. If you’re anything like me, I said and did many things that caused a lot of harm to other people. My words and actions resulted in much emotional, physical, psychological, and financial damage.

I also found that I was holding onto a lot of grudges. I was so angry at others for the way they treated me despite the awful things I did. I was angry at women who rejected me and friends who said things behind my back. It didn’t matter that I’d hurt them, too; I was still furious.

It’s safe to say I had a lot of baggage when I finally decided to end my out-of-control behavior. I had to release some of the weight I was carrying if I wanted to reboot because I was at a point where it was too painful to carry on. While forgiveness was the last thing on my mind, it wasn’t until later that I realized letting go of these things meant I was beginning that process.

Forgiveness begins with you, brother. It starts with forgiving yourself for the harmful behavior you’ve engaged in for so many years. Learning to do this frees you from the heavy load of guilt and shame you’ve carried for so long. As you truly embrace forgiveness for yourself, you’ll find a lightness in the world that you never imagined possible.

Once you forgive yourself, it’s time to start extending that forgiveness to others. Think about all the people you’re carrying grudges against or felt resentment toward. Call each grudge and resentment to mind one at a time. Consider whether it’s worth it to continue carrying it or if it’s time to forgive, let go, and move forward.

Oftentimes people believe that forgiveness is for the other person’s sake. I’m here to tell you, brother, that forgiveness is for you. It’s a process that frees you from the mental strain of carrying all this frustration, rage, and resentment. These things take much more energy to sustain than you may think.

At the same time, this doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for the harm you’ve caused. You must still acknowledge your wrongdoings and make restitution to those you hurt. A simple “sorry” is often not enough; it’s time to make genuine amends.

But this won’t come until you learn to forgive others, which starts with forgiving yourself. It takes time to develop this skill but it’s necessary if you want to be successful in your Porn Addiction Counseling or Porn Reboot Program. You will never overcome your out-of-control behavior if you don’t learn the art of forgiveness. But as you continue working on yourself, your ability to forgive will develop and grow.

#Youtube

[hey-hamlet]

Can we hear more about some of your SVSSS AUs? I’m particularly curious about how the linked souls/dreams one would play out, but they’re all intriguing!

YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE PERSON I LOVE YOU

AHeM-

YES YOU MAY

OK SO! Linked Souls! Sickly!Shen Yuan because im projecting a little bit, hes also around 4 years younger than Shen Jiu. When Shen Jiu turns four years old, he starts having hazy dreams of a soft, warm bed, a full stomach, but constant fevers and aches. He feels bitter - not even his dreams let him really enjoy anything. Its quiet and mostly formless until Shen Yuan learns to talk - they gain the ability to talk to eachother, like riding passenger in a car, able to talk and watch but not interact. Shen Jiu learns to read better than any of the other slaves, and teaches Yue Qi everything he learns.

 He tells Yue Qi about Shen Yuan, and Yue Qi believes him because he’d always believe his Xiao Jiu. Shen Yuan likes his Qi-ge a lot, and likes him even more when he sneaks Shen Jiu sweets ‘for a-yuan to taste’

When Shen Jiu turns 11, he’s taken by the Qius. He feels scared and guilty, because Shen Yuan will feel this too, no matter that the little brat didn’t deserve it. He was still too soft and naive, this might break him. He begs Shen Yuan to find a way to leave, but he refuses to leave his ‘big brother’ all alone.

3 years pass, Yue Qi never comes back. Shen Yuan gets sicker and sicker, and Shen Jiu fears that one of them will die before the year’s end - either from sickness or Qiu Jianluo. Qiu Jianluo tries to touch Shen Jiu one night and he snaps, killing the man and everyone in his way on the path out. He might have grit his teeth and borne it if he was alone, but he’s not letting Shen Yuan get hurt like that.  

Shen Jiu doesn’t go with Wu Yanzi after Shen Yuan begs him not to - the man is scum, and while Shen Jiu might be scum himself, Shen Yuan is soft and sweet, he doesn’t deserve to see a man so vile. Cultivating from manuals he steals from people who are likely scammers, he ends up at the immortal alliance conferance. Shen Yuan convinces him to enter - hes too tricky to get himself killed by any of the monsters, and placing anywhere better than the last dregs will be impressive for a 15 year old rouge cultivator.

Wu Yanzi is back! And hes trying to murder Yue Qi, who caught sight of Shen Jiu and froze like a deer in the headlights. Shen Jiu runs him through with a sword he stole from some asshole a few months back and then cries all over Yue Qi’s robes, and then has a very repressed panic attack about getting blood and tears on robes that cost more than his life. 

Yue Qi is also crying! Shen Yuan has no control over Shen Jiu’s eyes but by the way he’s babbling he’s probably also crying! Everyone is crying! 

Yue Qi brings Shen Jiu before his master a bit like a cat presenting a dead bird and Shen Jiu wants to die in a hole a little bit because he’s scruffy and bloody and everyone around him look like peerless immortals. He covers this up by acting as much like a pampered young lord as humanly possible. Shen Yuan is cheering him on internally. 

Shen Jiu is snapped up the the Qing Jing peak master because he’s obnoxiously intelligent and knows a truely frightening amount of characters and some really impressive maths, esspecially considering his lack of formal education (Shen Yuan, internally “Yes Jiu-ge I know, I’m amazing and the light of your life and you’re so grateful to watch my miserable homeschooling lessons”)

Yue Qi explains nothing about why he didn’t come back because! Thats just what the man is like. Shen Jiu is less furious about it and more depressed because having a perminant Shen Yuan in your head helps you develop slightly less violent coping mechanisms. Plus, Shen Yuan can’t hold a grudge to save his life and Shen Jiu uses the fact Shen Yuan missed him as a reason to visit. 

Yue Qi sticks his foot in his mouth a little less. 

Liu Qingge hates Shen Jiu On Sight as usual, and is still convinced hes a murderous little noble snake. Shen Yuan is furious, and Shen Jiu has to fight the urge to laugh at the creative streams of insults he gets running. 

Shen Yuan gets well enough to attend high school in person. He doesn’t really make any friends, but hes not lonely considering the other Shen who, while not there constantly, is basically always there by the time his first lessons start. The running commentry makes it less dull anyway. 

He graduates, applies to university. Shen Jiu becomes head disiple. Shen Yuan finishes his first year of a teaching degree before his illness relapses hard. He gets through another year of part time study before he dies. 

Something in Shen Jiu, now Shen Qingqiu, Peak Lord of Qing Jing, dies with him. His students liken him to a ghost, dressed in mourning white, rising late and sleeping early, but often seen wandering the peak in the dead of night. Yue Qingyuan visits often, but Shen Qingqiu says nothing. 

Liu Qingge, angry at what he assumes is a fit of drama crashes onto the peak in a self rightious rage, challenging Shen Qingqiu to a duel. Thats the only time he ever loses a duel to him. The Yue Qingyuan has to pull them apart, Shen Qingqiu still snarling with rage. 

The news that he deviates that night shocks no one. Yue Qingyuan is frigid with Liu Qingge, and it unnerves the other peak lords. 

Shen Qingqiu has barely recovered from one of the worst Qi deviations he’s ever had when a disiple all but crashes through his door, scared shitless of the half dead looking man who stumbled through the peak’s barriers like so much air. 

Shen Qingqiu doesnt dare hope - Shen Yuan is dead, and a world away at that - but wouldn’t his soul be allowed to pass through the barrier? Shen Qingqiu had never had a problem when they shared bodies.

The man (barely a man, he would be 21 if he hadn’t been dead for 3 months) looks truly awful, feverish and flushed, but Shen Qingqiu know’s that face better than he know’s his own. 

“A-Yuan?”

#i'd kill a man for you #svsss au #svsss #i just worked out my arms are like jelly #painful painful jelly #key to my heart is asking me ab my svsss aus #and i know you asked about all of them kinda? but you got an indepth breakdown of #one way by day and another by night au #i think thats a shrek quote but whatever