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dietpunks · 3 years

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never on here but i decided i need a place to rant where i dont have to worry about many people seeing it.

admittedly, this year has been one of, if not the worst year of my life.

so much pain, anger, tears, questions.

i lost the love of my life in may. not fully, but she doesn’t know what she wants or needs anymore and it hurts because i thought we would end up living forever together. i know i should just leave it alone completely and try to move on, but it’s so much harder than that. i have given so many chances, more than i can give, and as much as i dont believe in new years resolutions for myself, i have to be strong for myself and decide that this is the last chance. i have about a week until i see if it’s worth it or not. i’m hoping because it sounds genuine, but then again, so many times before did too... i wish my heart didnt feel like this anymore. i just want to be loved really hard by someone who will love me really hard. if that’s her, awesome, if not, i’ll learn to find it in someone else if they happen to come along. no matter how hard it is. more importantly, i need to keep up with the love i have for myself.

it’s not much, but i have honestly been working so hard on myself and loving myself. i haven’t really had a choice, i’ve been alone with myself for far too long it’d be impossible not to love what i have done for myself. i’m thankful for that, especially because for so long i’ve been told that i’m “too emotional”, “too sad”, “too hard” on myself. i’m doing this mostly for myself, but also i know myself too well to know that i’m also doing this to prove everyone wrong.

manifestation is a beautiful thing. the universe and i have become good friends, same with the moon and the stars. i live alone now, so whenever i’m feeling alone or upset, i bundle up and go outside to sit behind the bushes and talk. (it helps to smoke while i’m out there too)

i’m thankful for my cat, jinx. he’s my best friend and only roommate. he’s the sweetest boy i could ever ask for... i can’t even begin to count the times i’ve cuddled closely with him while sobbing and have to brush the tears out of his fur. he loves me so much, and i love him so much. i would genuinely take a bullet for this cat.

despite everything, i have 3 close friends now. well, they’re really my only friends. i have no idea where i would be right now if i didnt have them this year. i don’t think i could’ve made it this year without them. thing is - i don’t even think they know it.

the gold lock, given to me by C, with her matching set of keys. the pink hair dye on my arms from r’s hair and tattoos we’ve done together now with r+l. the sleepless nights and ****-induced daydreams and a target parking lot in a city 2 hours from home in the very early morning. so much more can be said, but i know that these are the friendships i have been waiting for my entire life.

i went to the u.a.e. to live with my dad for about a month (following quarantine and guidelines of course, wouldnt have traveled if my life didnt depend on it) and it was a wonderful reset, but coming back to this town always makes me feel like someone is stacking concrete blocks on my head, one by one, until i either get crushed by this place beyond repair, or until i’m trapped in the cement beneath my feet and forced to stay here. i don’t want to, and i’m making it my ultimate goal to get the absolute fuck out of here as soon as possible, as soon as i’m ready.

recently i’ve started asking myself 3 questions everyday and i plan to stick with it to see if it really helps.

• “what did you do today for yourself?”

• “what did you do today for others?”

• “what did you do to make the world a better place today?”

i try to make sure i can answer all 3, and if I can’t, i’ll try to make it happen before i go to sleep.

on a more triggering note, if for whatever reason anyone is reading this shitshow of a rant, tw!!!

i’ve dropped so much weight this year, due to multiple things, but thankfully not due to an ed (anymore). not intentionally at least? i’m convinced there’s something wrong with my body, but tests and bloodwork and things have shown nothing much so far. it’s making me angry at this point, because i’m sick of everyone asking me if i’m st*rving myself, if i’m eating, blah blah blah. yes, i’m fucking eating when i can or when i actually have an appetite. what do yall not understand? if i eat when i dont have an appetite i will make myself so fucking sick. my body is rejecting anything i eat when i’m not hungry. there’s nothing i can do about it which is why i’m asking for help and cant seem to get it.

~ tw ends ~

on another note, i need to go to my therapist and/or psychiatrist asap. i’ve been told already things that i should be diagnosed with and yet no one listens long enough to help me treat things other than my panic disorder and depression. i get that they’re bad and i’m glad i have things for it, but what about everything else??? i’m suffering trying to navigate things without any guidance or help, and no one gives a single shit. it’s fucking sad.

i just want to be happy and loved again.

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bnha-mha-imagines · 4 years

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I’m Back In Time To Fulfill My Promise

ITS APRIL FIRST AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

Mineta x Reader

Words: 2028

Warnings: This is Mineta so… hah. Maybe hints at spice/horror for some of you lolol

A/N: YALL REALLY THOUGHT I FORGOT ABOUT THIS AHAHA NOPEEEE! It’s April 1st darlings SOOO MY QUARANTINE-HIATUS OFFICIALLY ENDS WITH THIS LOL

ALSO

How in god’s name did i manage to get over 2000 words with this i’m c r y i n g haha if you read this, at least make it to the end lololol

Jirou looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, leaning back as she tried and failed to hide her wincing expression. “Are you serious (Y/n)?” she asked after a moment, as if she needed to pause and actually make sure what she heard was correct. “Like… this is a joke, right?”

Your friend’s reaction only worsened your shame, and you bury your face into your hands. “Jirou don’t look at me like that, at least try to pretend like you’re not judging me right now!” At your words your friend sighed, and you look up in time to see her lean back into the bean bag chair.

“Sorry,” she said, tone growing more serious. “It’s just hard to believe that out of everyone you would like...him.” You sneak your hands under your thighs so that you sit on them, uneasy now that you’ve confessed to Jirou your feelings toward a certain someone. “You’re just… way out of his league, you know? Like how did he even… how did you even fall for that?”

You groaned in embarrassment, becoming growingly flustered at her words. She was confused by the whole scenario, you knew that. After all, so were you. How could you possibly fall for his over the top advances? His terrible pick up lines? His inappropriate and filthy remarks? It was a poor choice, you knew, but you couldn’t help your feelings. It was out of your control.

“I don’t know,” you sigh loudly, unable to bring yourself to meet her eyes. “I know he’s gross and he flirts with everyone but… I don’t know.” You sigh again, unable to find the words. You throw yourself face first into your pillow as Jirou goes quiet.

After a moment of silence she speaks again. “I mean… if this is what you want, I’m sure he’d be over the moon with even a ‘hello’ from you.” You turn your face so one of your eyes could peak at her. She had an expression on as if it physically pained her to say those words. “But just so you know I think you can do much better. Like… Kaminari for example! He’s also an idiot, but he’s better than Mineta.”

You felt your face bloom at the name, unable to hear your dirty little secret crush formed into actual words. “Agh! Don’t say his name!” you wailed, throwing yourself into the pillow again.

Jirou threw her hands up exasperated. “How can you say you like him if you can’t even stand his name?!” You ignored her complaints, practically rolling in the bed.

“I don’t know!” you cried, equally frustrated with yourself. “Like, I hate that I like him! My feelings are all conflicted and I like him but I hate that I do!” Your words came out rushed and Jirou groaned at them, dragging her hands down the sides of her face slowly.

After she took a breath, she tried a new approach. “Alright,” she said. “Let’s stop trying to label how you feel and start trying to figure out what you want. Do you want…” Jirou paused as if she was going to gag. “Do you want to date him?”

You quieted, unsure what answer was the right one. “I don’t know,” you settled on. “Maybe? But I’m not sure if dating Mineta will actually be dating. Like… can he even settle on one girl? Would he even change his habits?”

Jirou shrugged, face strained to stay neutral for you. “I don’t know. That’s going to be a gamble for you. You’ll never know unless you actually go through with it, but seriously consider if that’s something you even want to do.”

You looked at Jirou, for the first time letting her see the fear in your eyes. “Jirou I’m… I’m just worried about the social consequences about doing this. Like… What if people look down on me? He’s not exactly a classy or well-regarded guy. What if people start to think that way about me?”

Jirou’s expression softened. “(Y/n), people aren’t going to stop liking you. Pity you maybe, or be confused… really, really, confused… but everyone in our class adores you. If you stay as sweet and kind as you are, that won’t change.” She crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing again. “If anything, everyone’s going to get very protective of you!”

You look up at Jirou once more, giving her the biggest puppy eyes you could muster. “Aww, Jirou…” you say, touched. “You would kick his ass for me?” Jirou scoffed, smirking as she leaned forward to throw a blanket over your head.

“I’d do that on any normal day. If this is what you want, I’ll support you… but yeah, if he does anything to hurt you I’m gonna rip his balls off.”

You raised an eyebrow at her. “Which ones?” She didn’t answer.

The next day came much too fast. After talking with Jirou, you had decided that you were going to accept your feelings without any worry about what other people would say. You couldn’t explain why, but you liked him. You liked Mineta. And you weren’t going to let yourself be ashamed of that any longer. No… you were going to make your move.

You sat through Aizawa’s class with a stiff posture, forcing yourself to look confident. In reality, your thoughts were in complete turmoil. Mineta’s assigned seat was directly on your left, and sitting in close proximity to him had you completely shaken. From the corner of your eye you could see him sneaking peeks at your chest. It wasn’t as if this was a rare occurrence, but there was something about you knowing that in half an hour you would be confessing that made it nerve-wracking.

After thirty excruciatingly long minutes, Aizawa released you all for lunch. You waited in your seat, taking your time to put away your things. With careful eyes, you watched as Mineta exited the classroom. There was no backing out this time.

Zipping up your bag, you began to make your way down to the lunchroom. Many of your classmates were already sitting togethers at their usual tables. You saw Jirou make eye contact with you from across the room. You couldn’t read her expression, but you knew it had to be something of a mix between encouraging and pitying.

Taking a deep breath, your eyes scanned the open room before landing on Mineta’s table. Much to your dismay, he was sitting next to Kamiari. They often got lunch together, Kaminari switching off every other day between eating with him and eating with his other friends. This was going to make things a lot more awkward for you. You had hoped that you could confess in private but… fate apparently had different plans.

The sight of the two of them was nearly enough to make you back out, but as you half turned to sit somewhere else you froze. You couldn’t run forever. Screw it.

Turning back towards the table, you took determined strides across the lunchroom. Setting your lunch bag on the table top, you startled both of the boys out of their conversation. No one else ever sat here when this duo was together… well, never a girl at least.

Both of their eyes were wide with surprise as you cleared your throat. “Is this seat taken?” Your question hung in the air for a moment, your eyes completely focused on Mineta. He seemed to squirm under your gaze, simply nodding his head quickly and making room for you to sit.

Kaminari was the first to break the silence as you sat down. “(Y/n)! What a surprise to see you here. Decided to switch things up and sit with us cool guys?” His tone was joking and he winked at you, but you didn’t give him any of the attention he wanted. You didn’t come to chit chat with him.

“Not as casual as that,” you spoke, turning to look at the purple boy next to you. His face was completely scarlet at the sight of a girl--you--sitting so close to him out of your own volition. “I really just wanted to sit next to you, Mineta.” Your words were bold, you knew that, but hopefully they didn’t sound as tasteless aloud as they did in your head.

Both boys practically went bugged eyed, sharing a disbelieving glance with each other. Kaminari got quieter, partly because you shot him down and partly because your statement about Mineta completely threw him. Mineta took a sip of his grape juice as if it would help him in this situation. His eyes brows were furrowed and you swear you saw him sweat a little.

“W-Well lucky me,” he recovered once he had quickly drained his drink. “It’s not every day that the hottest babe in class chooses our table…” His words had you cringing and swooning at the same time.

“Keep talking like that and maybe you’ll get to see a whole lot more of me,” you replied, forcing yourself to be strong. You heard metal clatter on the table as Kaminari dropped his spoon mid-bite. You ignored it, trying to keep the color from your cheeks.

“H-H-How much more of you?” Mineta practically drooled, his eyes starting to trail over you as he got more excited. For once a girl was responding back to his awful advances, and it was like a dream. There was no way this was real.

“Well,” you said breathily, feeling more confident at the sight of how much your words were affecting him. “Maybe we can discuss that over dinner. Tonight?” Kaminari was suffocating as he watched this scene unfold, his lungs forgetting how to breathe.

At this point Mineta’s nose was starting to leak a tiny blot of blood. His hands were shaking slightly as he shifted closer to you, as if any movement would scare you off. You held your breath as you felt him crawl into your lap, his legs wrapping over your own. His giant purple balls brushed against your cheek, which was quickly blooming pink.

You felt his cold fingers tease at where your shirt met your pants, sliding under to barely touch your skin. “That sounds good to me.” His trembling hand rode up higher as he continued to speak. You loved the way they felt. “Then maybe we could go to my room and--”

“ALRIGHT!” Kaminari bellowed, slamming his hands on the table as he shot up from the table, face horrorstuck. Mineta whipped his head sharply at the suddenness of it, watching as his friend quickly retreated to another table. When Mineta turned his head back to you, he was startled to see that your face had changed into Aizawa’s.

“W-What?” he squeaked, leaning away as Aizawa’s gaze burned into him.

“Mineta,” your voice came out of Aizawa, whose lap Mineta was still shamelessly planted on.

“(Y/n) what is--”

“Mineta,” your voice was now Aizawa’s voice, matching the tired scraggly face that glared at him.

Mineta shook his head. No no, not like this, it couldn’t end like this when he was finally so so close! “Mineta!”

Mineta started as he felt a painful pressure smack on the back of his head. He threw his head up, gasping and looking around wildly. His gaze quickly looked in every direction before it turned upward, freezing as it came face to face with Aizawa. Only now, Aizawa no longer had your gorgeous body, and Mineta was no longer sitting on your lap but in his own desk chair.

“Just because I sleep in class does not give you the excuse to do the same,” Aizawa’s voice grumbled, not particularly pleased. Mineta turned his gaze away from Aizawa as the teacher walked back to the front of the classroom.

He couldn’t help but look to his right to stare at you longfully. He was already beginning to mourn the thought of never getting to see how his dream about you would have ended. He must have been staring too long, for you glanced at him and offered a timid, uncomfortable smile as if that would make him stop. Ahh… back to reality.

#mineta x reader #bnha mineta #april fools #bnha april fools #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha imagines #mha imagines #bnha crack #what have i done #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #minoru mineta

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savnofilter · 4 years

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r u ok bb 🥺✨❤️

thats basically been me since the quarantine started. i hope yall are doing much better? ive been wanting sweets so bad...

#sigh #everyone else on here living it up #me?#idek anymore #lol #singyuularity #d dabbles

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chittapornswife · 4 years

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Omg ur back!!! Ahh!!!! I'm so glad you're okay lol I was low-key scared ya know with corona and stuff but you're fine!! And that's all that matters :) how have u been? How was school and life and everything? How was ur cousins bday? My city has too many cases they won't say how many tho :( people don't listen. Toronto is worse and Ford wants to open everything up Friday ahhh we will be stuck home for so much longer :(( -gta brown anon ❤️

Also I've been meaning to exercise as well lol I could feel my muscles get weaker and tbh I'm not as strong as before quarantine which sucks :( I tried to do a leg workout last week though and the next day couldn't walk because my legs just hurt so much lol and they got better only a week later. I've decided walking should be good enough until I feel strong enough to do actual workouts lol. It's been too hot to go outside, in the 30s everyday which sucks. I just can't exercise

Hello yes I’m back!!! 😎♥️😎 Also I hope you don’t mind if I shorten your msgs by halving(?) them 🥺 I just find it easier to reply to everything altogether!!

Also no😭😭😭😭 miss corona has thankfully not come near me nor am I allowing her to😷✋🏼 I’ve been good tho! Just bored today :/ how are you?:) school is good! I finished my technically spring semester (but they call it summer) and I did the shorter one which means it was only I think 7 weeks! But there are others that are 14 week ones that end in July that I thankfully told myself I wasn’t registering for hahaha

My cousins bday was fun! Actually lie, it was okay but I just felt rlly poopy that weekend so :/ but I went strawberry picking which was !!!!!!! 🤩🤩

Girl I- HOW R THEY NOT TELLING U HOW MANY CASES YALL HAVE I don’t even know too much about Ford but he just 👉🏼👉🏼 🚪 (needs to leave and let the door hit him on the way out😙) also since today’s Friday, does that mean he opened up things? Where I live on the island we have I think two cases at the moment and I don’t even think they’re in the city I live in so I’m really thankful to be living somewhere safe😭 LEG WORKOUTS LETS GO CMON also I feel you with the soreness but make sure you stretch before and after your workouts bc that’s key to stop the next day/week soreness😎♥️

Walks are good too! Make sure to take a water bottle with you tho!!! 🥺♥️💗♥️💗♥️💗♥️

#gta brown anon #brown gta anon #my favs

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