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mydayserenade · 3 years

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My Dear Starlight

Yunho x OC

rom, angst, fluff (???)

first time playing around w/ this kind of genre so apologies if its shitty

i suggest listening to Fix You by Coldplay cause it will definitely send you to sad hours while reading

"Do you remember the last time we went star-gazing? It was the night before I eventually confessed to you, we were lying on the grass and I was pretty much sleep deprived and alongside handling an empty stomach that was growling" he said and chuckled, reminiscing the sweet moment ever so vividly like it happened just yesterday. Yunho took his attention off the sky and watched silently as his fiance gaze the starry night without even noticing him staring at her like she was the brightest thing to ever exist as of the moment, which has always been a thing for them to do to each other... but mostly Yunho.

"I do dummy, can you believe it has been 5 years since then? Time flies so fast" Luna responded, leaning towards her right side to get a closer look at Yunho's visuals "And now here we are, engaged and a few months away from officially tying the knot." she giggled, toying with the necklace that he gave to her during their first anniversary and looked back at the night once more to admire it; the moon dawned on them like a bright spotlight, the sky was as blue as the deep sea, complimenting the shining stars that laced the sky, telling tales of long lost lovers which completed the visually angelic twilight that these two would share for hours.

Yunho looks over to his paramour with the endearment in his doey eyes and smiles ever so sweetly as she laid beside him, interlocking hands with one another and her hair that sprawled like beautiful waves; in a swift move he sits himself up and props Luna to lay down on his chest. Luna responds in a squeak, shocked by the sudden gesture her fiance did.

"Whenever you miss me" Yunho broke the silence between them and rested his cheek on the head of his soon-to-be Mrs. Jeong, she flinches as she felt his warm arms wrap around her chest, feeling his heartbeat going at a slow but steady pace.

"Um, where are you going with this?" she asked confusingly as Yunho snuggled on her neck, inhaling the delicate perfume that he oh so loved whenever she would put it on; he breathes in the intoxicating fragrance and lets out a satisfied sigh before he continued.

"It's just an intrusive thought" he replied and continued to snuggle, "but whenever you miss me while I'm away or when I suddenly get called by the House of Hufflepuff" he said jokingly in the last part, receiving a slap on the arm by her and continued on. "Look up at the night sky and think of me. My mom always told me that I had a special connection with celestial things most especially stars. I thought it was just nonsense she shared with me as a teenager but as I got older and took into consideration the feelings I had and enviroment or situations I was in, I did notice a few things that made me convinced that my mom was indeed right about her speculations." Luna was bewildered, all she could do was laugh. This was the first time she has ever heard of this story from Yunho considering the fact they've been together for 5 years, 24/7, 365 and he would often share his most atrocious memories; even his embarassing ones. She looked up at Yunho who was looking straight at her, showing how perplexed she was by her furrowed brows and confused grin.

"So you're telling me, God decided to make your bloodline 40% human and 60% celestial and as you age the more you feel connected with these things, will somehow tingle in your bones and signal you to shoot supernovas out of your hands like Starfire or some shit whenever it's nightime?" she asks.

"You're phrasing it like it's a crazy Sci-Fi movie Luna, I wasn't even finished." Yunho eyerolls and massages the bridge of his nose, letting out a deep sigh of annoyance. Luna enjoyed teasing him and seeing him all fired up; even if Yunho had a fierce exterior that people would be afraid of approaching, only few knew his childish side and how young at heart he was for things that he loved and took interest in.

"Go on continue, I was just annoying you." she giggles at the sight of him pouting and scrunching up his nose, Yunho takes a deep breath before he proceeds to the next.

"Eversince I was a little boy and when there were times where I had no one to play around with" Yunho looks up at the stars and grows a grin on his face as he points upward "they were always my companion and relate to how I was feeling. Whenever I felt happy, it would always blink at me, become bigger in size and blind me with its light; however when I felt sad, it would always shrink and release very little light. It would sometimes respond to the many queries I had and decisions by its blinking, it somehow felt like I had a mood lamp with me everywhere I go." he crooks his head to the right, scoffing at the many memories of him that flashed in his mind. "Even if I had no one to talk to at that time, as crazy as it sounds, the stars comforted me in a way that is unexplainable."

"It felt like someone understood the things you were going through like no one else has, almost as if you had an alternate you up in the galaxies." Luna looked up at how Yunho admired each white dot with the happiness in his eyes, looking so astonished like a little kid who just visited a candy store for the very first time. She now understood the many moments where he would suddenly look up the sky while driving, walking or even eating and just stare for seconds before eventually returning to what he was doing, almost as if he was thanking the heavens above or checking up on them like they were part of his family.

"You understand now? Whenever that time comes, just look up and I'm there." He whispers in Luna's ear, hands interlocking with hers and giving her a soft kiss on the head. Luna couldn't help but tear up by the gentle gesture Yunho did, the tale he had told and the thought of not seeing him for even a second. He was her rock and she was his, not a day would go by if they did not see each other in between the hours.

"I do Yunho, I do." she sits up and faces Yunho, cupping his face with her warm hands with Yunho gently caressing it and gives him a gentle kiss on the lips.

6 years later...

"I'm here" Luna whispered, standing in the middle of the silent and deserted park which was quiet enough to hear her; holding onto her precious necklace, she looked up the sky, admiring the white dots that scattered the sky. The stars were a bit different from normal, they were shining and twinkling more and more, almost as if it was calling out to her in morse code.

"You should really try and hide your excitement to a bare minimum, see this is why I never planned any surprise parties with you" she scoffed and sat down on the grass, closing her eyes and completely taking in the midnight breeze that brushed against her skin and blew on her hair. She lets out a sigh and toyed with the golden chain that was entangled on her fingers, feeling every abrasion and imperfection this necklace presented.

"You're probably wondering why I am here at 3 am in the morning" she said, fluttering her eyes to a vast field with streetlights surrounding it, "Awww man" Luna laughed, "You're most likely gonna kill me if I went out especially in this hour, well truth be told Mr. Jeong; are you battling me now with this cold gust of wind you blow?"

No one responds.

"I thought so too." she said under her breath as she hangs her head down, taking a deep breath before she continued to talk.

"I came here because I couldn't really sleep well these past few days and" she starts to choke up, sniffling and trying her absolute best to not break down, that's the last thing he would want Luna to do... especially in a time like this. "I don't know" she shrugs, rubbing her hands on her face. "I've been in my head too much, I've been emotionally unstable for the first time in a long time and I'm just" she suddenly pauses while a million thoughts circulates her mind. She urged herself to keep a strong and stable state for the past 6 years in front of friends and family, always say she was doing alright and all but deep down inside she was suffering the greatest loss of all and couldn't even bare to hold it in any longer.

"Yunho I'm so so so sorry" she lets out her tears, hysterically wailing on the field. She clutches her heart, completely lost her sense of reality and just wanted to scream out the pain and tiredness she has been holding on for the past few years, hiding behind a facadé so that people around her would not have to feel the burden that she might put on them. The countless nights of tear stained pillows and fake happy days were all weeped away at this night, she looks up at the skies; frozen and chanting swear words like a maniac.

"I'm sorry for not noticing sooner how much you suffered on the inside, for being such an asshole to you during those times and for not being enough of a friend and wife to you." she whimpered, losing all her might to prop herself up. In a graceful fall she lands on the grass, curled up, shiverring and clutching her knees amidst the cold breeze and moist grass under her.

"I'm a terrible person, I'm a fucking disgrace, and yet somehow I still exist in this world when it should've been you who is still alive. I tried my best to not worry you every night by saying I was doing okay, that I was living good and this and that, but for the past few days..." she closes her eyes and squeezes the pendant with her palm as tears streamed endlessly down her cheeks, "The wave of guilt just hit me harder than ever and I honestly am not so sure I can carry on this shameful life that only keeps me breathing."

From the day she knew up until his deathbed, Yunho never wanted Luna to see him at his worst neither did he want her to struggle and pity him, but his condition allowed Luna to see her beloved slowly succumb bit by bit. As much as she wanted to help him; he would always brush it off, plaster on his dimpled smile and please her in the best of his abilities and strength even if his state wasn't the way it was before. He did not want Luna to regret the moments she had with him and only fill her memories with the pain that he had felt and the hardships he's going through. She didn't agree to any of his ordeals but he had tried and persuaded her to commit to his wishes, in the end however; it would only lead to many arguements and her cursing him out. Eventually she caved in and did the best she could to seize the days, nights and hours with the presence of her one and only love yet deep down inside she was guilty of not helping with his condition and wanted to cater to his medical needs even if she had to travel miles away to get what he asks for.

"I respected your wishes, I carried on the many months with you with a positive outlook and a cheery personality. I was happy during those times I'll admit, because I was by your side everyday until the last second of you breathing, but at the back of my mind I knew I should've gone against what you wanted me to do and assist to your needs." she runs her hand through her hair, fuming at the thought of herself not doing her part during the days of Yunho's struggles. "You told me that I shouldn't feel guilty as this isn't my fault that you were diagnosed with this and it isn't my business to meddle around something like this, but goddamnit Yunho" she breathes uncontrollably as tears yet again pools in her eyes "I'm your fucking wife! I'm your best friend! I have been with you for as long as I can remember and I have made a vow to you that I'm gonna take care of you and nurture you when needed until our hair turns gray and we are all wrinkled." She bursts into annoyance and disappointment. None of what she did made perfect sense to her, all she wanted was to cry and rewind time so that she can make up for the past mistakes she's done and the many regrets she wanted to be erased in her mind. Luna didn't have the energy to continue on and she just lied in the grass, sprawled out and cried until her lungs gave out. She felt pain, she felt disappointment, she felt useless, she felt defeated.

A blinding light then hovers over Luna's exhausted and tearstained body, at first she did not mind this but as the light lingered on her for how many minutes now, she was irritated to this God-like halo that did not want to leave her be. She then slowly opens her eyes and was immediately welcomed to a soft, bright and white light that the moon shined on her, way different from the previous. The stars then aligned, creating a mystical ceiling that somehow calmed Luna's nerves and distract her away from her thoughts, it shined excitingly but twinkled in a calm matter. Luna was in awe at how much beauty the sky emmited, she had completely felt relaxed and wiped the tears that streamed down her face. She goes on to bask under the moonlight and stars, breathing in and out and feeling liberated and worry-free, something she has never felt ever since Yunho was put to rest.

"Now I truly understand what you meant." she mumbled, feeling lighter than ever. Luna then proceeds to put back her shoes on and did a flying kiss to the air multiple times before she left the park. "I think I know what I need to do now." she smiled and took a deep breath.

"Thank you for giving me something I never believed in but eventually found myself with you, love." she sighs lovingly as she gets up and moves towards her car. She takes one last look at the stars and glances down the necklace she has been holding. "Thank you for tonight, see you soonest, my dear starlight."

#ateez yunho #yunho #jeong yunho #ateez #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez fanfic

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seokjinsdisciple · 4 years

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It’s a Deal - two

supernatural! johnny x reader x jaehyun, mate!au

REQUESTED!!

Johnny had been begging you to date him for the past two years. You always declined, but he was persistent. So you made him a deal. You would date him when pigs fly and when hell froze over. Needless to say, he had some explaining to do on your date the following evening.

Word Count: 1.2k

warnings: language, supernatural stuff

series masterlist

You glowered at Johnny from your seat across from him. He had waltzed up to you in the quad at the edge of campus and then sent you soaring through what felt like space. And now you were here, in the fairy realm, with absolutely no explanation from Johnny.

He raised his gaze from the food in front of him and grinned at your scowl, “We are going to be doing this a lot,” he spoke, “You might as well enjoy yourself.”

“You transported me into another world, Johnny,” your scowl deepened, “so I’m gonna need a little time before I can… ‘enjoy myself’.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugged, returning his focus to his food.

You glanced at the food in front of you, your mouth watering at the sight. There were delicious meats and cheeses, plus some sort of fruit you hadn’t seen before. Your hand twitched were it sat clasped tightly in your lap. You wanted to eat, you desperately wanted to eat, but you knew what faeries did to humans who ate their food. You took a sip of your water to try to abate the hunger you felt. It didn’t work.

Johnny took one glance at your full plate and then at your nervous face before chuckling slightly, “I’m not gonna give you faerie food.”

“Why would I believe anything you say, Johnny?” you asked, a little more harshly than you intended, “You tricked me into accepting a bargain.”

“I know, and I’m sorry about that, I really am,” he spoke, staring intently into your eyes, “Just please know that I had no other choice, trust me.”

And for some strange reason, you did. You had never seen him be more serious, as if he truly had no choice but to trick you. Of course that didn’t quell your anger at all, but it did allow you to finally dig into the delicious looking food that sat in front of you.

“So why were you so intent on making me accept this bargain anyways?” you asked, genuinely curious as to what made him so intent on you. He had been at it for almost two years now.

“Now that, little love, I can’t tell you yet,” he chuckled, mischief back in his eyes and and that stupid handsome smirk on his face.

“Ok well, tell me how you managed to actually freeze hell over and make pigs fly. I didn’t think that faeries were that powerful?” You asked, immediately regretting it when you saw the flash of anger crossing Johnny’s brow.

Within a second you were on your feet, slipping your shoes off and starting to take your shirt off, completely against your own free will. Johnny’s eyes were burning with rage, and you honestly had never felt so fearful in your life. It was a crippling fear, and you wanted to tell yourself to stop stripping in this nice restaurant in front of tittering faeries. Who, by the way seemed very amused at your little show. You couldn’t stop though, you almost couldn't breathe. Then, like a snap, you were back, fully clothed and sitting in your chair.

“We are much more powerful than your little human brain can even comprehend, especially me,” Johnny practically growled, “You’re lucky that I like you, and that I know you were asking because you simply didn’t know. Others would have killed you for less.”

You sat in stunned silence for a second, questions racing through your head along with more that one obscene word directed at Johnny.

You were about to say some of these curses aloud before you were stopped by a deep voice from behind you.

“Brother,” the voice started, Johnny quickly glaring at the spot behind you where the voice came from, “Playing with your food again?”

“Not intentionally,” he replied easily, “Had to teach this one the dangers of forgetting her manners.”

You swallowed, closing your eyes briefly as you felt the presence behind you shift. Before you knew it, the most handsome man stood before you. He had a much more classically handsome face than Johnny did. Johnny was dark and brooding, and mischievous, whereas this man looked, well… nice.

“Jaehyun,” he spoke with a smile on his face, grabbing your hand and pressing a light kiss to your knuckles, “Don’t let my brother here scare you, he is mostly harmless.”

You nodded shakily, you hand burning where it rested in his. He chuckled at your burning cheeks, and nervous mannerisms, ignoring Johnny’s low growl.

“You must be the YN that I have heard so much about,” Jaehyun smiled, dropping your hand with a pointed look towards Johnny, “Brother you are needed in the… back home,” Jaehyun corrected himself. For what, you didn’t know.

“I’m busy,” Johnny growled.

“I’ll take care of the lovely lady,” Jaehyun smirked, a much more charming smirk than his brother, “Now go. Your crown prince orders you.”

Your mouth stood agape, connecting the dots slowly (to the amusement of Jaehyun).

“If you’re the crowned prince,” you started, staring between the two boys, “and you’re his brother,” you pointed at Johnny, “that makes you a prince?”

“Not quite,” Jaehyun laughed, clearly entertained by either you lack of intelligence or the shock that Johnny hadn’t mentioned the truth.

“I’m a bastard,” Johnny spoke, “And even thought I’m older than him,” he emphasized, “I still have to do whatever my prince so pleases.”

Johnny said prince as if it had burned him. You stared at the two of them. They were having some sort of quiet exchange. One that you had no clue of the meaning. Johnny stood up abruptly, giving a low bow to his brother and a short apology to you before striding away.

You stared at Jaehyun for a few seconds. His face fit that of a prince. You wondered if he had many suitors. If he was in the human world, he’d be extremely popular. In fact, you probably would have slept with him before you had slept with Johnny.

Jaehyun let out a chuckle, sliding a necklace your way, “As much as I love hearing your very entertaining thoughts, you might not like that we know what you’re saying. Plus, I’d be dead if Johnny heard you thinking that last bit.”

You stared at him, had he really heard your thoughts? Before you could wrap your head around that bomb, you felt Jaehyun’s fingers dance across your neck lightly. He swept away your hair, leaning down against you and picking up the necklace in front of you. Your heart was pounding a million miles a minute at the simplest touch from him. He quickly clasped the silver necklace around your neck, making goosebumps form on your skin.

“I know that this is your first time in the faerie world, and typically I would give you a tour. Unfortunately, I have some very urgent matters to attend to,” he spoke, pressing a light kiss on your shoulder. You knew from your studies that kisses were nothing to faeries, more often a polite way to apologize or greet someone. Yet your skin burned where Jaehyun kissed you, butterflies erupting in your stomach at the gentle gesture.

Too shocked to protest, you followed as he took your hand and led you to the place where Johnny had brought you through. As swiftly as he came into the restaurant, he had sent you through, without saying goodbye.

You were standing, stunned in the quad of your now so boring campus. Bringing your hand up to the necklace that now rested against the base of your neck, you smiled. Maybe this deal with Johnny wouldn’t be too bad after all.

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captainshadowgirllostfan · 5 years

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Mallory and Stevie

This is the world. 196 million square miles. If I covered a 100 squares miles per hour, every hour for the rest of my life, I’d still only see half of it.

This is the left nostril of my brother Reese. It squeaks all night long.

These are the freezing cold feet of my little brother...Dewey.

This is my elder sister Francis. Right now she’s in Canada with her mom, Susan.

Who ironically is my mom’s little sister.

If you haven’t connected the dots I’ll just say it. It’s weird. Susan was my dad’s first wife. The woman he never really wanted to marry in the first place but was coerced into by his family.

That and mom rejected him the first time. She never even gave him a chance. Mom had some pretty high expectations back then. She wanted to go to Paris after high school. Which she did for a little while with her ex-husband Matt.

Dad promises to take the entire family to Paris someday once we’ve graduated, or her gets a bonus from his job. Much like mom, I also have a dream to go to Paris someday too, maybe even live there. I’ve even started studying French, ballet and other dances, fashion, and the food.

Reese, just like Francis, is also my step-sibling, though he doesn’t feel like it. He’s like one year older than me, and I guess mom and her ex were having problems during the time. Or something… I don’t really know the specifics of what got mom and dad to finally hook despite being married.

It’s a terrible thing for a sister to say but I always felt Francis kind of hated me though she never really made it obvious. She certainly hated my mom. How strange it must be to think of your own aunt as a stepmom. I honestly don’t blame her too much. I mean I’m kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back. The day my dad cheated on Susan...with her own sister and then got her pregnant.

And then I was born.

My name is Mallory.

You want to know the best thing about childhood is? At some point, it stops.

I was 12 years old when I first met Stevie.

We met at the cafeteria, during lunch. I was alone. I tended to eat alone sometimes, especially when Julie wasn’t around, or when she would rather eat with her other friends. Which was fine because I prefer eating alone anyway.

Stevie rolled over, asked if it was okay to eat here, and I was like okay. It wasn’t like I could say no. Not to him. It would look bad to reject a crippled kid, and besides why would I?

Aside from the fact that he was a Krelboyne… I wonder why he doesn’t just sit with them.

I looked over at where the Krelboynes usually sit during lunch, it was in a table the farthest away from the other kids. What a bunch of snobs.

Maybe they weren’t as nice as they seemed…

Or maybe Stevie didn’t want more freakish attention then he already got being stuck in a wheelchair.

I didn’t want the whole lunch to drag away in silence, I had company after all, it would be awkward, so I blabbed the first thing in my mind.

“Why aren’t you sitting with the other Krelboynes?”

That wasn’t a good place to start…

Stevie looked at me through his spectacles that made his eyes look huge then what they actually are. “You...have...a...problem...with...me...sitting...here?” he breathed out slowly.

“No. No. I’m just curious. You’re a Krelboyne, aren’t you? They usually keep to themselves.”

All the kids in middle school hated them that’s why.

It was my mom who set up the date with Stevie’s mom, whom she met at the groceries. She informed me this during breakfast, while she was shaving dad’s body hair. They do this every month. He has sensitive skin. The hair gets itchy under his clothes.

“Mallory you come home right from school today. I made a playdate for you with Stevie Kenarban and you have to take a bath.”

“What? Mom, no!” I protested.

“Mallory has a play date!” laughed Reese as I yelled at him to shut up.

“With Stevie “The Wheelie” Kenarban! Oh man!” he cackled more, absolutely ignoring me. He was eating this up.

“Why is playing a problem for you?” asked dad, as he set his foot on the table for mom to shave, the newspaper thankfully back to covering his privates.

“First off, I don’t even know Stevie.”

“I saw his mother at the grocery store. She says you both ate lunch together.” Mom mentions.

“Yeah. One time. He rolled his wheelchair over next to me. It’s not like I could say, ‘Go away’. He’s not even in my class. He’s in the Krelboyne class in the trailer next to tetherball.”

“You listen to me young lady. The one lunch obviously meant a lot to Stevie. He’s a human being with human feelings.” She says, as she tries to get the hair out of dad’s shaver. “Now you’re going to be friends with that crippled boy and you’re going to like it. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am. Understood.”

If I give up now. I won’t get the lecture.

“You kids..” she starts.

Daang.

In class that day, ironically, I got called in to the office.

It wasn’t turning out to be a good day.

Notes: This is a draft I wrote a while back. I feel like I need to add more and finish but it almost seems finished. This is based on the idea of Lois and Hal marrying late, kind of, and Malcolm is born a girl, her name is Mallory. I totally lost my train of thought or where I was going with this for the draft. I think mostly I was following the dialogue and scenes of MitM pilot which is why I just...stopped.

#Malcolm in the Middle #female Malcolm #Mallory Wilkerson #Stevie Kenarban #maybe I should first start writing a story of Malcolm and Stevie's friendship just drabble...

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trulyfitnessblog · 3 years

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Getting New Clients as a Personal Trainer

Getting Your First Personal Training Client

TrulyFIt

Getting your first client is tough. This fitness business platform has taken this very difficult problem and solved it for fitness professionals. You can start your fitness career without having to be an expert in marketing or advertising. If you’re looking for your first client or just more clients TrulyFit can help.

TrulyFit allows you to build a trainer profile for free on the platform, list your services, schedule, and set your prices. Hot leads, yes, potential clients will be searching through the site to find you whether you run your business on-site or virtually. Whether you’re an in person or online personal trainer this open marketplace allows for various levels of fitness professionals to set their price accordingly. TrulyFit advertises to get these customers to the site on your behalf. Sign up today!

Strategies For Getting & Keeping Clients

Understanding Demographic of Purchasers:

The people who are willing to pay for your services are the people who need to be targeting when you start. Until you have established yourself as an absolute authority in your realm/niche, you will have trouble persuading people to purchase. Getting new clients for new trainers is even harder.

Proven purchasers in the health and fitness industry are the following; working professionals (34+), personal interactions, and retirees. In a study done by IHRSA, a whopping 71% of the recorded club/gym personal training fees were paid for by people over the age of 34.

As a FIT (Fitness Industry Teacher) your goal is to provide value for your clientele. Subsequently, the pay must be commensurate with the value you provide.

If the going rate in your area for a personal training session is $60/H, and you believe you are providing $60/H worth of value, who is now likely to be able to pay for that?

2 Questions To Always Ask

Who has the funds to pay an expert?

Statistics taken from Deloitte Insights review, saw that nearly 20% of baby boomers have investable assets over half a million dollars, and over 35% have more than $50k in deposits.

Who is likely to seek out an expert?

You do not create a market, you find out what the market dictates and you adjust accordingly. The people likely to seek out an expert? We will go over that next.

What Clients Are Easier To Get?

How many 22 year old exercisers have 60/H to pay a personal trainer?

How many 24 year old exercisers are likely to be nervous about transitioning from downward dog into warrior 1 pose?

The older you are the more prone to injury/health related problems you are, and in turn the more you’ll need a professional to guide you. This is not just a pitch to your prospective clientele as a fitness industry teacher, but truly a fact of life.

It becomes increasingly difficult to lose weight, get stronger, and be creative in the exercise/health/fitness realm as you get older. You lose balance, motor coordination, strength, bone density, stamina all while increasing the fear of falling and obtaining life altering health issues & illnesses.

So, start to think about who needs your expertise.

A 67 year old woman who was just diagnosed with osteopenia

A 27 year old female who wants to go from 123 pounds to 115 pounds for a wedding

You can certainly help both, but the former will stick with you on a weekly basis. The older demographic are typically more financially secure, and less likely to take your tips for one session then go use them on their own.

If building quickly is your goal finding older clientele is always my advice.

Be Professional: Keep Clients Happy

It doesn’t matter how fast you get clients if you continue to lose them. You have to do the right things day to day or you will lose them faster than you gain them.

While on vacation in Miami, I was getting a personal morning lift in at a local gym. I could not help but to glance over at other trainers to see what sort of experience they were providing.

There were only two trainers working at the time in a relatively small gym. Both trainers were not doing the right things to keep clients happy. I can tell they probably never had a personal training internship or shadowing experiences.

How Not To Get Clients

For the sake of this story I will call them Trainer Blonde and Trainer Brown. Trainer Brown’s client was on the treadmill as he strolled in at 8:21am. Her eyes rolled and a half smirk arose over her face as he slowly walked toward her apologizing. “The line was super long at Starbucks, my bad”, sipping his coffee. After already arriving late, with a coffee in his hand, he then proceeded to ask his client, “What do you want to do today?”.

Trainer Blonde was across the room working with his client, a women in fabulous shape somewhere in her early 40’s. Trainer Blonde is having her do dumbbell deadlifts. He doesn’t instruct form or tell her how many repetitions to do. Instead he asks, “Can I film you when you do these it will be great for my website?”

If getting new clients is the goal you will have to clean up your training style. Understand people are always watching. Most of this boils down to one thing: The Golden Rule.

People are paying money for your time and expertise, you have to treat them as you would expect to be treated. I will go over a simple list next to keep you focused on creating a positive experience for each client.

6 Daily Musts To Maintain Clients

Be early, not on time – Other potential clientele are always watching, always. At least half of my clientele had watched me work in some capacity from afar or were told via word of mouth about my professionalism prior to working with me. You are a professional. Don’t ever be late.

Ask your client how they feel – I call this the “Update”. This should be the first question you ask always. You need to check in with them physically and emotionally. Letting them vent for the first few minutes of every session gives you solid direction as to what type of experience you may need to provide, or what exercises you should avoid.

Come Prepared – Have a written out game plan or at least a vague idea of what you want to do in your head.

Demonstrate & Elucidate – Your ability to demonstrate and elucidate need to be on display continually. For a few of the same reasons I have previously mentioned; prospective clients are always watching and you need to illustrate that you are an authority and expert in your realm. It is also the safest, and easiest way for your client to learn properly. Whether they are visual or auditory, you are covering both bases as far as proper form is concerned.

People Learn Differently – It is your job to be good at presenting things in different ways until the client understands. You must use different visual cues outside of anatomical parlance in order to get people to understand the movements and connect the dots.

Quick & Confident – You know that feeling when you’re about to watch someone in a horror film walk into the room where the killer is? I get that same wide-eyed discomfort when I watch trainers drag their clients around a fitness facility, aimlessly looking for an idea or an exercise to pop into their heads.

Additionally, you need to assess the layout. Whether you’re teaching an online class or working one on one with someone outdoors, showing up early allows you to see what equipment is available. It also allows you to see any issues there may be with the facility (Air Conditioner out, treadmills broken, etc), and it allows you to make any last second adjustments in your plans so that any curveballs that may be thrown your way do not cripple your ability to put together a good experience.

Imagine if I asked you to put together a routine for me (any fitness medium) using 3 different items in a place you are familiar with. Now, Imagine I dragged you into my facility and asked you to do the same thing. You will spend half of your time looking around the space to find items you thought of in your head that you had exercises for. It makes you look unprofessional and shakes your confidence. Understanding the space around you is a must, and being early allows that. Thinking on the fly and being creative is important and inevitable, but having one leg up will make that easier.

For Example, what if your client tells you they worked out on their own, and ran 12 miles the day before? Well, it may not be best to structure your workout around leg exercises that day. You may need to reassess your game plan, and put together a lighter workout focusing on upper body, core, coupled with dynamic and static stretching.

Be prepared to get a host of different responses. “I didn’t sleep well last night”, “I have had some stomach issues”, “My gout is flaring up”, etc. You have to be ready to pivot and adjust to their needs. It also allows you to go over their goals, and reiterate that you know where they want to be and you’re helping them stay on track.

Yes, they are paying for the session and you should provide them with whatever services they specifically ask for. That doesn’t let you off the hook from coming prepared, and emphasizing that you are the FIT (fitness industry teacher) with the tools that are helping them toward their goals. Using online forums is something I highly suggest as a resource to pull great exercises from. Of course you should always take anonymous online posts with a grain of salt, but there is a lot of great information and routines you can pull from to help guide you when writing out a plan.

People also like to see things done with ease, in an impressive manner. They should be enamored by your skill set in showing the movements, which reemphasizes why they are paying you. You should also be elucidating the “why” for movements, so that you again show there is a purpose and a plan, additionally illustrating your ultimate understanding of the fitness subject. People learn in a variety of ways. You have to learn to be adept in explaining the same thing in various ways. For example; when putting my client into position for a rotational exercise I have different terminology I will use until something clicks. I may say, “Get into an athletic stance” if that isn’t enough I can get more specific and say, “Pretend you are playing second base and anticipating a ground ball”. Understand that what is easy and normal terminology for you will not be for your clients. Be ready to try different phrases, analogies, and visual stimuli.

For example; When describing the kinetic chain progression of a squat it is typically much easier to say, “There is a door open behind you I want you to pretend you are going to push the door closed with your butt before you start your squat” rather than “Hip hinge backwards into an anterior pelvic tilt position”. Remember that your clients do not understand (nor care) about all the specifics, and rely on you to put them into the proper positions by relaying that information to them in whatever way is easiest to process for them. Many times you will have to demonstrate each movement as some people learn from the visual stimuli. Have at least 3 ways of demonstrating or describing each of the 7 Central Movements (which you will learn shortly).

The equipment isn’t instructing you what to do, you’re using the equipment to help instruct your client. If your internal monologue is always churning from an anatomical perspective, “We’ve worked legs, core, and pulling…okay lets do pushing next” then you can be proactive in getting to the next exercise swiftly and confidently to show your client you have a plan. Once you understand the “7 Central”, which we will go over next, you should never have an issue with this.

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sarahwroteathing · 6 years

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Tag Game

I was tagged by: @wordsturnintostories

There are lots of questions, so I’m going to put them under the cut!

Last

1. Drink - Lemonade

2. Phone Call - A Chinese takeout place... But if that doesn’t count, then my friend Gavin

3. Text Message - to @aubzylynn

4. Song you listened to - Lover to Lover by Florence + The Machine

5. Time you cried - Last Wednesday when my phone got stolen

Ever

6. Dated someone twice? Nope

7. Kissed someone and regretted it? Uhhh... I guess not?

8. Been cheated on? Not to my knowledge

9. Lost someone special? Yes, many times

10. Been depressed? On a regular basis

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up? I stop long before it gets to that point

Favorite Colors

12. Maroon

13. Forest green

14. Pale grey

In the last year have you...

15. Made new friends? Yes

16. Fallen out of love? No

17. Laughed until you cried? Absolutely

18. Found out someone was talking about you? Yep

19. Met someone who changed you? Umm? I don’t think so?

20. Found out who your friends are? Found out who my friends are not

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list? I don’t have a facebook

General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I don’t have a facebook

23. Do you have any pets? Not anymore, unfortunately

24. Do you want to change your name? I want to reclaim our pre-Ellis Island surname

25. What did you do for your last birthday? Full disclosure: my last birthday was pretty terrible. Soooo. I took a nap in the library. And I went to work. And I yelled at a mouse for hurting my plant sons. RIP.

26. What time did you wake up today? The first time? About 6:30. But I was going back and forth between sleep and wakefulness for a while.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? French braiding Zoe’s hair

28. What is something you can’t wait for? The end of the academic year

29. What are you listening to right now? My Body by Young the Giant

30. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Aww yep! I called him Tommy though. He was the best. We tie-dyed sheets together once. I hope he’s living his best life.

31. Something that’s getting on your nerves? I get tension aches deep in my right shoulder blade that no one has strong enough hands to massage out for me. That or they’re too scared of hurting me. I feel the beginnings of one right now, and I am not looking forward to it.

32. Most visited website?

Besides Google, it’s probably this one.

33. Hair color?

Brown, but my hair is a tricky monster. There’s also some orange in there, some blonde, and some straight up solid white. It can’t make up it’s mind.

34. Long or short hair? Oh god, it’s so long. Send help.

35. Do you have a crush on someone? Umm I guess?

36. What do you like about yourself? Uhhhhhh... I guess it’s that I usually go straight to creative problem solving when I notice a problem? Instead of dwelling on it.

37. Want any piercings? I’m satisfied with the ones I have.

38. Blood type? Kinda a creepy question. I’m a universal donor, though.

39. Nicknames? Sahara, Bunny, Dot, and Ducky are the most common. Some people also call me Sarah Jean, but that’s just my first and middle name so I don’t know if that really counts.

40. Relationship status: Single

41. Zodiac: Taurus

42. Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

43. Favorite TV shows: The Office (U.S.), Jessica Jones, Brooklyn 99, Leverage are the ones I return to/ rewatch most often

44. Tattoos: None

45. Right or left handed? Right

46. Ever had surgery? Yes

47. Piercings? Just my ears

48. Sport? I don’t formally play any, but I enjoy watching them

49. Vacation? I think it depends on the people I’m with

50. Trainers? Like sneakers? I’m wearing Nike's right now. My first name brand shoes. A small win for me.

More General

51. Eating: Nope, but I’m excited to get out of work so I can pick something up on the way home

52. Drinking: Same as above

53. I’m about to watch: Not sure. Probably The Office while I’m eating.

54. Waiting for: I have Friday off, and I’m excited about it.

55. Want: Hmm. Alfredo and a hug.

56. Get married: Some day maybe. It would be nice, but I’m not counting on it.

57. Career: On track for a career as a therapist, although of course I’d love to be an author. If I could do both, that would be living my best life.

Which is better

58. Hugs or kisses: Hmm... Both? Both. Hugs I guess because I don’t accept kisses without hugs, but I accept hugs without kisses.

59. Lips or eyes: Hmm.. Eyes

60. Shorter or taller: Taller

61. Older or younger: Older

62. Nice arms or stomach: Arms

63. Hookup or relationship: Relationship

64. Troublemaker or hesitant: Uhhhhh... I have soft spot for different degrees of both. Hesitant, I guess.

Have you ever...

65. Kissed a stranger? No

66. Drank hard liquor? Yes

67. Lost glasses? Temporarily, yes - all the time.

68. Turned someone down? Yes

69. Sex on first date? Not my cup of tea

70. Broken someone’s heart? Unfortunately, yes. I never mean to, but it does happen.

71. Had your heart broken? Yes.

72. Been arrested? No

73. Cried when someone died? Absolutely

74. Fallen for a friend? Yes

Do you believe in...

75. Yourself? Occasionally

76. Miracles? I do

77. Love at first sight? A connection, certainly, but I’d hesitate to call it love.

78. Santa Claus? Well, duh

79. Kiss on a first date? Depends. But if it feels right, then by all means

80. Angels? I’d love to

Other

81. Best friend’s name? Aubrey

82. Eye color? Green

83. Favorite movie? Uhh I don’t even know. It varies so much depending on my mood. At any given moment it could be any of the following: The King’s Speech, The Sting, How to Steal a Million, The Fall, and Before We Go

84. Favorite actor?

Oh, gosh. Ummm... Tom Hanks

Tags: If you have the time or inclination to do it, I want to see it!

#no one cares sarah

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weekendwarriorblog · 4 years

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The Weekend Warrior Home Edition April 10, 2020 – Trolls World Tour, Sea Fever, We Summon the Darkness

Yeah, there isn’t a ton of stuff coming out this week that I’m particularly excited about, but lots of stuff to watch at home.

The world is still reeling with the decision by Universal and DreamWorks Animation to release their animated sequel, TROLLS WORLD TOUR, directly to digital and home download (although it might play in the dozen or so drive-in theaters still open nationwide, presumably). The original movie made $348.9 million nationwide, so it’s an odd decision to release the sequel in a format that almost guarantees piracy and little chance of further international expansion later. It’s also a choice that has annoyed a lot of theater owners who had been expecting for the movie to do well over this coming Easter weekend. I wasn’t considered one of the “chosen ones” that were allowed to see this movie before its release on Friday to review it, so this will probably be all I write about it.

Other limited releases that didn’t get a fair shake in theaters before the rolling nationwide lockdown include Sally Potter’s The Roads Not Taken, starring Javier Bardem and Elle Fanning, will be available digitally this Friday. I wrote a little about it in my last full Weekend Warrior column.

Before we get to the new movies on Digital and On Demand, I just want to mention that this Saturday, April 11, will be the first ever “Film Festival Day” with the participation of 30 film festivals associated with the Film Festival Alliance (including my beloved Oxford Film Festival). They’ll collectively be premiering Gary Lundgren’s Phoenix, Oregon, starring James Le Gros and Jesse Borrego as two friends experiencing their midlife who find an opportunity to reinvent themselves by restoring an old bowling alley and serving “the world’s greatest pizza.” Lundgren’s film was supposed to open on March 20, but a lot of film festivals were cancelled due to Covid-19 and weren’t able to get a proper theatrical showing, so you can buy a ticket to Film Festival Day here, and it will start on Saturday at 12AM Eastern and be available for 48 hours with a special QnA (hosted by Oxford’s executive director, Melanie Addington) on Saturday at 5pm PT/8pm ET.

The movie hitting digital airwaves this Friday I would probably recommend is Neasa Hardimann’s at-sea thriller SEA FEVER (Dust/Gunpowder and Sky), starring Hermione Corfield as Siobhán, a marine biology lab-rat, who has to spend a week on a fishing trawler with a tightly-knit crew, including Connie Nielsen. When something very big attaches itself to their boat, each of them begin to get infected with nowhere to go but the open waters. I generally like claustrophobic creature features like this, with Ridley Scott’s Alien and John Carpenter’s remake of The Thing being two of the best. I might need a few more years before I decide if Hardimann’s film is quite on par, but it’s pretty solid. I definitely like the way things build slowly as you try to figure out what is happening. Sure, there’s a few bits that are a bit too much like homages to those other two films, but Hermione Corfield is a great find, and Hardimann does a fine job with her second feature that really uses the environment quite effectively. I kind of wish I had a chance to see this in theaters but like Saban’s other films, it was always gonna be a VOD special.

There will be a very special live stream premiere of the movie on Thursday night at 5pm Pacific that you can watch for a fee here.

Just two short weeks after his last film Human Capital hit digital, director Marc Meyers is back with his second movie of the year, WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS (Saban Films). This one stars Alexandra Daddario as Alexis, a young woman attending a heavy metal concert with her friends where they meet three guys who they invite to party at the estate of Alexis’ fire-and-brimstone preacher father (Johnny Knoxville). That party quickly turns dark. The movie also stars Keean Johnson, Amy Forsyth and Austin Swift.

I really wanted to like this more, because it was nice seeing Meyers doing something different, and it once again shows how good he is with younger actors -- okay, Daddario is 32 now, so I’m not sure why she’s still playing girls nearly half her age -- but the first thirty minutes feels very by the books in terms of it being a ‘80s movie. Yes, this is Meyers’ third period piece in a row, so he gets to play with lots of fun references, but he didn’t write this script (as he did with the excellent My Friend Dahmer), and it’s such a straight-ahead premise that you can kind of know where it’s going at any time. I guess I just don’t like movies like this where it seems violent for the sake of violence, and you never really like any of the characters much or understand their motivations. I mean, I’ve seen worse, but this is just kind of bleh compared to Sea Fever (and Meyers’ previous work). This movie just wasn’t for me, and the worst part was that the Johnny Knoxville role that seemed so promising? He doesn’t show up for an hour into the movie.

There’s also Sonejuhi Sinha’s Stray Dolls, a mix of cultures (oddly similar in terms of premise as Netflix’s Tigertail – see below) as it follows Geentanjali Thapa’s Riz who arrives in the United States to take a housekeeping job at the Tides Plaza Motel. There, he must contend with Cynthia Nixon’s Una, who hires other people who need help including Oliva DeJonge’s Dallas, Riz’s new roommate. Oh, she’s also the motel’s resident drugdealer. I haven’t watched this yet, so I’ not sure if it’s a comedy or a drama, but it’s another movie available digitally this weekend.

There’s also the documentary, The Mindfulness Movement (Abramorama / Mangurama) from Rob Beemer and exec. produced by Deepak Chopra and my mortal enemy, Jewel. It looks at how the use of “mindfulness” – a type of meditation that makes one focus on the present moment in a non-judgmental way – is the root to creating a happier world. There’s a lot of talk now about using meditation to deal with the stress, pressure and fears that go along with the current pandemic, so this doc couldn’t be better-timed! It will be available to rent via VOD starting Friday.

STREAMING AND CABLE

This week’s Netflix premiere film is TIGERTAIL, the new film from Alan Yang, who some may know from his collaboration with Aziz Ansari on their Netflix show, Master of None. This one stars Hong-Chi Lee as impoverished Taiwanese factory worker, Pin-Jui, who decides to leave his homeland and the woman he loves in the ‘50s to seek opportunities in America. Decades later, the older Pin-Jui (played by Tzi Ma) has been worn down by his work, a loveless arranged marriage and a daughter Angela (Christine Ko) who he can’t connect with. This will debut on Netflix Friday but unfortunately, I’ve been embargoed until then, so nope… not reviewing.

Also on Netflix is the debut of THE MAIN EVENT, the network’s first collaboration with WWE Films, which I couldn’t get a screener quickly enough to include in this column. It stars Seth Carr as 11-year-old Leo Thompson who discovers a magic wrestling mask that gives him super-strenth, which he uses to try to become a WWE Superstar. Directed by Jay Karas (Break Point), it also stars Adam Pally, Ken Marrino and WWE Superstars, Kofi Kingston, The Miz and Sheamus. Should be a fun kids’ movie, but I’m not so sure about The Big Show Show, a new sitcom starring Paul Wight, aka WWE Superstar The Big Show, because it looks pretty stupid. Remember when The Big Show (once known as “The Giant”) was absolutely intimidating? (To be fair, this also seems to be meant for kids.)

Now playing on Amazon Prime is Hanan Harchol’s About a Teacher (Amazon Prime), following the journey of an inner-city high school film teacher (Dov Tiefenbach), who starts the job not realizing what is demanded of him as a teacher. Many of Harchol’s own former students are a part of the cast and crew of this film, which looks at the difficulties of being a teacher in New York City.

I’m super-excited that Sunday is the third season of Killing Eve on BBC America, but I still have to watch all of Season 2… plus most of Season 2 of Westworld… and rewatch Season 4 of Better Call Saul. So yeah, I’m glad there’s lots of stuff to watch, but I still just don’t have the inclination to watch all or any of it.

I guess Amazon Prime premiered the first season of the sci-fi series Tales from the Loop last Friday, and that’s another thing I’m hoping to get to soon.

Next week, more movies not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or send me a note on Twitter. I love hearing from readers!

#Streaming Cable Movies Reviews TheWeekendWarrior SeaFever WeSummonTheDarkness TrollsWorldTour

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imperiusv · 5 years

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V - Million pieces

Blinded by my own arrogance and stupidity. I just couldn’t believe this was happening, again , I knew it was coming and that it was for the better we went our separate ways, but somehow i thought we were different, that there was a small chance that it might not turn out like that, that we are actually unique and we can do better and create a better future and world for ourselves.Oh boy, was i naive.You always let me down so tenderly ,you said that maybe this is where it ends and took a bow for the bad decisions that we made. It breaks my heart into A million pieces If it's gonna break me Won't you let me go Leave it till the morning I don't wanna know We're too far gone Nothing I say will mean anything Just drink, fuck, dance Right through disaster I entered our apartment ,but it wasn’t home for me anymore, as my home had left 30 minutes prior to my arrival. Words can not explain how i felt , anything i write or say won’t ever be enough to express what was going through my head - anger, rage, sadness, guilt and God knows what else . Probably that was the hardest day, seeing that you are not there and realizing you are not coming back, I knew from the get-go it was over and no amount of talking , convincing or begging would make you come back , due to the simple reason i allowed you to leave me instead of dumping your ass, but i still had to try, didn’t I? It was all a blur , i have no idea how, but my brother was there too, he came , again I don’t recall why or how , but he came to my place and was there for me and i will forever be in his debt, he helped me survive those dark days and sleepless nights, even though i hurt him too and didn’t show enough gratitude , he thought i wasn’t appreciating what he was doing for me , i realized even back then , that without him i would have been lost completely. Unfortunately i was still sick , top all that emotion and sadness with a high fever and you will have a pretty messed up cocktail , no wonder i had hallucinations. I couldn’t sleep, eat , drink or even think rationally , all these conversations we had during that time were at the cost of such a huge effort on my side, it took me hours to recover from each one, seeing how you give less and less of a damn with each second spend apart from me , really messed me up, it was like i couldn’t recognize you anymore. Not something unexpected , of course, I just again thought you were different and it wouldn’t be the same with you, but it was, you weren’t different at all, the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground , lying piece of crap . At one time the lines were so blurry, between you and the other hoe , i thought i was losing my fucking mind. The vultures gathered and were waiting to feast , all thinking i would collapse and fail , my ex contacted me as soon as you started deleting photos, talk about a messed up stalker, it was disgusting , my friends advised me to screw her brains out, but yeah, just one short thing about that , i was accused by some folks who were there with me the last time, that it seemed, at least to them ofc , I got over you so quick and smooth and that it was as almost i didn’t care that much , which is absolutely not true at all. Last time this shit had happened , my whole fucking life was a complete and utter mess, i was a fat fuck, who had been living in a bubble of his own making for the last 2 years, force fed by lies and junk food, my mom had just ran away, grandpa died , i barely passed the semester, on the final day and I had really toxic people around me, who did not want to see me do better, it was not that i loved that hoe more, i want to make that CRYSTAL CLEAR , she was just the anchor of stability i had attached myself to in that pile of shit i called my life at the time. So yeah this time I took the rational way out and to be honest my life was starting to get better even as we were breaking up, not to mention since you left that everything with a few exceptions has been phenomenal and my life has really kicked off in the direction i want to see it go, but yeah enough about that. Other bitches started writing me , girls who apparently were waiting on this to happen, like that bitch from work you hated that much, but nothing compares to the disgusting shit you had in for yourself and the crap you had been feeding me the last weeks how everything was my fault and so on, but more of that later. I was there, alone, faced with the consequences of our actions, feeling lower than the sterling. Initially nobody was on my side,not even my own self, as you had painted this grotesque picture , which i believed in without question as it was the Imperial truth. Blaming myself for everything , not receiving support from anyone, my dad initially told me i was a piece of shit or something similar, only my brother said he noticed your erratic behavior the last couple of months and knew you were up to something , i defended you, blind to the truth. The only reason i went to the sea was because i knew you were there too and it took a lot of convincing and fighting to stop me from coming to see you, how pathetic would that have been?As i was trying to make sense of it all, barely breathing and counting every second, you were having a party with your fucking parents, celebrating your freedom, as I was doing something to constrain you or damage you, I only wanted to push you to do better and be a better version of yourself, so we can grow and improve together, to overcome difficulties and conquer new peaks, not be mediocre. I guess we didn’t want the same things. I remember getting high with my brother, he was so worried i might do something to myself and i was really close to be honest to cutting or having an emotional suicide, i mean i would never kill myself for some dumb bitch, but i was close to shut down completely my emotions, I remember almost breaking down at work i went to the bathroom to catch my breath and try to get through the day, i looked myself in the mirror and i could see in the eyes of the reflection that, he just went through war and said to him ,whatever it is that broke your heart, won’t fix it, so let go. Thank God i didn’t get deeply depressed, as the last time it took me two years to recover from that, i managed to stay strong and i grew so much through all this pain, it was my metamorphosis, i was reborn as a phoenix for a second time , the good Lord had given me this opportunity to become a better man, to see the right way and find my own path in life, which i eventually started doing down the line,at the time i didn’t realize it of course, I was saying to myself why me, why does it have to be me , in all the fucking people in the world , this shit had to happen to me , i lost the woman i loved, i was thinking i might lose my job, i was actually thinking to quit , as the first weeks i was clearly unfit to do work or think at all rationally , good thing i had holidays. It was a struggle every day , just to get out of bed for weeks and months, felt like hardest thing , Fortunately for me , I am a fighter and i didn’t give up, my life has always been shaped through tragedies, funny thing is you never realize that the tragedies are shaping you,but they indeed are, making you a better man, step by step, only if choose not to be subdued by them and use them to grow and in retrospect when you look back at them you understand something you didn’t when they were happening, that life is actually a struggle , nothing is actually without a cost , just given to you, you have to fight for it ,earn it , suffer and sacrifice and learn your lessons. You made my life so hard, that i am actually grateful for it, as now i can appreciate all the good things more and learned to recognize the bad ones and avoid them like hell. Slowly my senses starting coming back to me, i am really proud of myself that i didn’t turn to alcohol like last time, i did some drugs though, but i’ve been smoking cigarettes occasionally ever since, like one before bed or whatever. Strangely i find solace in work, those days i pushed so hard at work, that my colleagues started to hate me and people generally disliked me for being a workaholic and keeping to myself a lot, it was work, gym,headphones and insomnia 24/7. Solitude. I started running every morning as i was running for my life, when i put on some music and took in a gasp of cold morning air, running through the azure fields, full of blue flowers and sapphire butterflies , I felt so good and at peace with myself, just looking at the beauty of the world and marvel at nature’s wonder, realizing how insignificant or important I am , depending on how you perceive yourself , but just for a few seconds of course, before thoughts of you would come racing to my head, but with each day they were less and less intrusive and demanding.I was lifting every fucking day so i can keep my mind off things, worshiping the Gym deities in the Temple of Iron , I was improving really slowly and seeing you every time set me back days. As the initial haze lifted I saw the truth you were hiding from me, it really tore me apart to go into your personal messages, but i had to go through your dms, as you were lying to me you dumb fucking bitch, imagine my shock and surprise when i started reading all that shit , at first i was defending you, she is confused , doesn’t know what she is saying , but slowly it all started to make sense, i started connecting the dots, older conversations, inconsistencies, logical explanations for your behavior , it all added up - Hodgetwins my girlfriend left me for a fat guy. It was disgusting when my mother tried to reach out to you, because she cared,wanting to see how we were doing - you laughed at her with you fucking friends, she is not the best woman in the world, but she has a good naive heart and she really did like you, instead you talked shit and made fun of her, despicable , i couldn’t believe what you were writing to your mom and friends about me and my family, like i was some kind of guy who was beating you and treating you like shit that all my family was fucking nuts and harassing you, meanwhile i was ready to sell my own fucking soul just to get back with you. Praise the Emperor that you are so fucking stupid not to change your passwords, so i can take advantage of your own stupidity to find out the truth,as this was the only thing i ever wanted - the truth. When you came with your sister i intentionally let it it slip ,as i couldn’t handle reading that shit anymore i knew you had to do something as I was gonna go completely crazy, good thing you are not that stupid and caught on otherwise if that shit had gone for longer , i might be in jail.The revelations from reading your messages , really set me free, gave me the spark i needed to light up my rebirth and transformation and i know what you are gonna say, that i am placing blame on other people and I’m a dumb motherfucker, blind to his own mistakes, but that’s not true, you can CLEARLY see that from the other chapters how much i cared and loved you, i know i screwed up and where exactly i failed our relationship ,but baby girl it takes two to tango , you should have fought for us , instead of giving up and taking the easy way out, as nothing worth it comes easily , a lesson i thought i had learned from trying to date you the first months of and prior our relationship, i remember these lessons now and wont repeat the same fucking mistakes , but you never experienced those things, never had to endure or suffer anything your whole fucking life, that’s why you couldn’t appreciate me or what we had, because you didn’t work for it, it was all me, love. This is what hurt me the most , that you just fucking left like I meant nothing to you, it almost shattered me and brought me to my demise, but i managed to go through the fire and the flames left from the rubble of our sin. I wasn’t planning to talk about him, but , c’mon you know me better than that, literally WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, VERONICA. At first i thought it was some kind of sick stupid joke , but as reality started hitting me i realized that the joke was on me.Were you high or drunk or probably blind? I know the old tale what matters is on the inside, but he didn’t seem any special there as well, i believe in the ancient greek saying that the physical appearance is a manifestation of the soul, this guy must be a troglodyte from the underworld, then. Girls always move up the dating world when they leave their boyfriends , at least for the time being of course, i feel like you hit rock bottom, he looks homeless,skinny fat, disgusting ,unkempt and worst of all he is a complete beta,a stooge and a wimp for you to push around and make him your pet. I know you have a thing for disgusting guys - Romaine , Jan, this guy, lol, but I just imagine how bad i must have been for you to do such a thing or how stupid,gullible and insecure you must’ve been to make such a choice. I became the laughing stock of our entire community , even Pierre felt bad for me, all my girl friends think you went insane and most of them joke that you were probably a goddess in bed and that’s why i stayed with you for so long, it was so eye opening and refreshing when I started talking to other girls about how our relationship was, as they were telling me the things their boyfriend did and did not do and i could genuinely see the envy they felt when i was telling them how i treated you and how we lived together, going places and doing stuff and how you did me in the end,yes love, i remember you telling me the same thing how talking about us to your friends opened your eyes and what a revelation it was, oh spare me the sermon, but mine counts, as the girls i talked to, were not your disgusting friends like the one who is fucking cheater and a whore or the other one who is nasty , unfuckable fat piece of shit, or your boss and the hobo that was sniffing around, I’m talking about decent, stand up girls, educated, intelligent and smart , with a lot more life and relationship experience, older than you and your gaggle of dumb ass bitches. Every time i saw you together, something died inside me, it was the part that still loved you , in the beginning i was aggressive, as i knew i would get fired, a few times i came really close to it, especially during the winter awards lottery, I had a couple wines and i saw you with him in the crowd, thank god i was with Skalamander and Jojo, they saw you and and my eyes spelled murder, they sensed what i was about to do, make a fool out of myself and thankfully stopped me, before i could acomplish that, Jojo distracted me and Skalamander held me back, long enough for me to get distracted and you vanished into the crowds of people gathered to celebrate the holiday season, people were so happy and joys , all i could think was how fucking bad shit had gotten then, like how did this happen i was thinking the whole time, tracing back all my steps and mistakes, struggling to comprehend it all and basking in my own misery ,in such moments my thoughts were directed at myself, feeling so broken and damaged and nothing will fix me and it will only get worse and worse, but time fixes everything, that’s all i needed - time. I avoided going out alone and being generally in situation where there is no one to stop me , especially after those really close few times , I decided to put in huge effort no to do anything stupid, you never knew of course, as I am a really good hunter, i tracked you down and found what you were up to, it was rather easy , as i knew how you think and act, i studied your habits and knew exactly how you were hiding and fooling around, this brought me only misery and sadness of course,but this revelation was what i needed to break the chains that bounded me and finally stop believing that fairy tale image i had of you. It was like magic - every time i would feel weak and start to miss you, i would get a good tasty cup of reality tea or a slap in the face, talk about irony , but the rage and disgust i felt from seeing you two lowlifes together , helped me overcome my addiction to you more than all the self love in world, positive vibes, gym and bitches i fucked. To be honest I thought it wouldn’t last, like the first time you would fuck him , you would be so disgusted with yourself and see the difference, probably come begging to take you back, when that didn’t happen , by the way i knew when you fucked him, I saw you in the subway with him that morning, your messed up hair and how you were looking at one another, talk about mental breakdown, my heart fell, i nearly collapsed, it was so hard to control myself i lit a cigarette inside from being so angry, i was trembling and seeing red, thinking i might explode from the inside out.Those bits i would rather forget. Then of course i thought pride and its normal, it might take a while as it was a rebound, i wasn’t exactly being nice to you after we split , all my friends were telling me that it wont last so long and eventually you will want to find a normal decent guy , an year in, it is still yet to happen, sometimes when i feel shitty or down , i open up your Instagram and i start laughing , always fixes my mood, by the way i still don’t know why you blocked me,as I didn’t write you or anything, it also baffles me how you didn’t even reach out once to me or to my friends, family or whoever just to see how I was doing, if i was still alive or whatever, it just ridiculous. I did ask people about you, just to clarify and i tried reaching out, but you already knew that, even thought you were the one that said you still wanted me in your life and to keep contact , be friends and all those cliches , you turned your back completely on me like I didn’t fucking exist or we never happened and you still do, which is fucking ridiculous , it is as i had left you for another girl or you caught me cheating or something , wtf? After these “ incidents” I would make an effort not to see you at all, I stopped going on walks when you would be there, I knew your habits, i started going to the gym exactly at the time you would go out and your dumb ass started hanging under the gym and around, so i can see you , i hope you didn’t do it on purpose and just didn’t realize it, I mean you are not the sharpest tool in the box, but i wouldn’t be surprised if you did it on purpose just to mess with me. A lot of PRs in the gym came out of this, seeing you and Quasimodo down in the yard laughing and fooling around, sometimes i would even feel like the moment i would start to miss you, the Gods would send me the both of you together, just to remind me , why i shouldn’t miss you or want to get back together. A lot of times i would see your disgusting friend , she hates me for no fucking reason and would give me the stink eye all the time, probably because she is fat,ugly and miserable , who knows, people like to blame me for their misfortunes all the time. So this went on for quite a while, going back and forth , feeling bad , then worse and in the end better , I started fucking other girls, that didn’t help at all, first time i felt so disgusted with myself, even though all the girls were better looking than you and hotter and performed a lot better than our first time, it just didn’t feel right, fucking with no feelings and still doesn’t, i mean its cool and all , one time i fucked this french girl and woke up in some neighborhood some where in the south side of the city, with zero battery and not a single clue where I was , which i realized when i was outside of her apartment, she had a cute cat and made me tea and some french pastries,I had to ask people where I was, all dressed up in my evening attire in the chilly morning , some old guy started laughing and said he used to be the same as me when he was young, as he knew exactly what i had been doing lately , screwing around. I managed to get to the city center, got one of those fat pizzas we used to love, ate it all, walking around , feeling like i was the king of the world, for a couple of blissful minutes or probably seconds, i didn’t think about you, us or anything as a matter of fact. As the cold air entered my lungs, peace and happiness filled my mind, ham, mozzarella and tomatoes my belly, the sun was trying to warm me up on that winter morning and as quickly as it had started, everything was over,before it had really began i guess, thoughts of you started racing to my brain, oh we ate that pizza together, hahaha it tastes better than the one inside, oh we kissed in that park, yeah here we took those funny pictures,we used to walk around here, that’s the beer place we would go and try out new stuff, literally what the fuck, I knew i had to leave that shithole of a city and soon, before i had completely lost my mind. I lived in our old home or the den of misery as i liked to call it, just kidding, i called it the frozen basement or something of the sort , until December, then i went to studentski , there i finally found a great place, i actually felt kinda sad when i left it, it had a great view of the mountain it was so warm and cozy and everything was absolutely brand new, full with young people and bad memories of course, what was i thinking , i went one time next to your old dormitory and almost died, i felt so fucking bad , but i had to face my demons, challenge them and triumph , didn't work out so well initially or when Melanie and Aga came and we went to fantastico and the shots i vanished after exactly 35 seconds, i didn’t even say anything to them as i felt like i was about to cry, but yeah back to our old place, it was cold, dark and really fucking sad, my brother stayed with me for some time in the autumn, but just a couple of weeks , I don’t blame him, i would stay in that fucking place either, but the other ones I was looking at weren’t prettier either, but it was convenient for work,gym and i really liked the area, which i explored even more after you left, you have no idea how many cool places i found , that were right under our noses, each and every one ruined of course by the thought at the back of my head - she would have loved this, welp, too bad she ain’t here , everything new became a constant reminder of how many things i wanted to do and go and how we didn’t take advantage of the time we had together to the fullest, but filled it will bullshit, fighting, excuses, toxic people and wasting our time,efforts and energy, when should’ve been having the time of our life , that’s what messed me up the most, even when i came here, to this place, unspoiled by you , Sofia was all defiled with memories of us , every corner,park, street , club, restaurant i go to , we’ve been there and it sickened me so much being in that place, i just couldn’t stay anymore there, as soon as they told me I was going to Dublin i didn’t hesitate for even a fucking second, i left a dancer girl who was sucking and fucking me every day and was at my beck and call , without even blinking or thinking for a second, poor cunt got her heart broken, but she didn’t mean shit to me, just one more plaything, one more heart i broke trying to fix mine, sad but true, she thought i was getting back with you, hope she didn’t reach out to you or anything as she lost her mind when i told her we are done, talk about crazy and obsessive people , huh. I ditched all my friends and family too, just to come here and escape from you, i remember talking with Aurora and she never believed me how messed up things had gotten between us and always thought i was over exaggerating everything, but when i told her I was going here, she said she was sorry,having realized and told me that i must have really loved you so much , that i now that we weren’t no longer together i would run away and go into self imposed exile, just to get away from you and survive, because at that point it was a question of survival and sanity, not a whim , money or just changing stuff, i was going crazy,my mind is complex and efficient thing and has made me forget most of that crap , but now when i write and try to remember, listening to music from that period and reminiscing i get a glimpse of how bad things were and how fucked up everything had gotten to the point when it was just unbearable. Again this shit is getting way too long and i can go on forever writing about you , us or me, i feel like i can write a book about this, Women and other dumb stuff , i would call it .

So yeah the last time i saw you was on accident by the way, i was just late for work, but i knew, it was just a feeling deep down inside as i woke up and showered, that i would see you that day, at first when we started talking i felt like my heart was gonna explode, but as soon as i realized you were more nervous than me i relaxed and started being an asshole and wanted to show off to you, how good i was doing without you, i wasn’t , but then again i was, it really depends on how you look at it. We should have went out or at least had another talk before i left, i felt like we didn’t finish things as we should have , we just let everything fall apart, which was not the right thing to do, but for you it was perfect, as you escaped responsibility and the consequences of your actions, I was thinking i should hurt you and take my revenge on you, not physically of course, i have no idea why you would think such a thing, but rather in some other way, but i decided not to, there is no use hurting you for something that I was the consequence of my own actions, but i had to kill you , emotionally at least in my own head, as this was the only way to survive for me, i killed you, then the memories of you and after that i went after everything connected to us , butchered them too . As i had failed us , I allowed this to happen, it was all my fault ,through my fingers , out of sight, how could i have let you go , cutting corners, turning stones ,but i could only see your ghost. i started living a fast life, to forget my past time, I numb out to escape my feels. Yeah High on Life by Martin Garrix, Hope by Winona Oak/Chainsmokers and Thunderclouds by LSD (Sia) were my anthem at that time. Also finishing game of thrones without you really sucked , i mean it was so fucking bad, but still that sucked major balls having to watch it alone. We were born to go out there, explore, try and taste new things, our relationship should have been a never ending adventure, as how it started, i don’t know why couldn’t keep that flame up and i don’t think this will ever happen again , not that you were that special or anything , i mean you were in your own way, we all are unique and so on.it just i’m older, i don’t get excited as much , i’m rather emotionally distant, more mature,cold and calculating, I’m not that naive boy full of fire,hope and believing in Hollywood love tales, don’t get me wrong of course, i have become a lot more optimistic, happy and generally i love and enjoy myself a lot more, i have learned to respect my own well being and i take great care of me,as i can not afford to lose myself ever again, I am very excited about what the future will bring me and whatever it is , good or bad, I am ready to face it, on my own , battle hardened, wiser, been through the fire and the flames, I didn’t let that shit break me , as the pain and heartbreak were so hard, i took all that and grew through it and came out with a new mindset ready to love and accept,compromise, improve, learn and do better, I will never be that bitter, resentful and spiteful creature or how I was before, never again will i walk that path or fall into that trap .I lost track of time and i want end this shit once and for all - this is just my side of the story, of course, every coin has two sides, if you decided to write yours I would love to read it, there is nothing I enjoy more in this world than people telling me about me, because i have no fucking idea who I am , but yeah small chance of that happening , you prefer to pretend i never existed, but i still made you cum. I used to think that i was damaged so bad and this shit would even further fuck me up to the point ,it would render me irreparable, but it didn’t , i came out of it better than ever and now i feel ready to be with someone new now, as i am quite happy with just myself and someone else would just enhance and compliment my life, bringing further joy , rather than being the whole point of it. I think you know that , but I really did love you, never forget it , probably won’t love anyone as i loved you, i mean all love is relative and different in its own way, but just the way i loved you, unconditionally and pure, knowing all your flaws and shortcomings and what you actually were, that was something , one day you will surely regret loosing or just not having me in your life, as we were not just lover, but best friends . And this is in no way me trying to reach out to you or getting back together or whatever, I know myself better than that.

How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we never became. No man is beyond redemption, Lucius , not even you. Standing in line To see the show tonight And there's a light on Heavy glow By the way I tried to say I'd be there, waiting for Vicky the girl Is singing songs to me Ausculor

#4am #short story #victoria #modern #love #story

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fossadeileonixv · 5 years

Text

Now we’re here

The second best worst option, I suppose.

As some of you may know or have concluded, TR is and was a professional wrestling fan. I’m not going to sit here and give you all excuses for being a man in his mid-thirties that has an impressive (or depressing) amount of vintage t-shirts, subscribes to New Japan Pro Wrestling’s streaming service, or who (successfully, albeit briefly) incorporated Virgil into one of my WhatsApp message groups. Pro wrestling was a significant part of my upbringing and something that for whatever reason, empowered me in epochs of my life when I felt powerless. It is dumb and stupid, but at the same time beautiful and entertaining and I own every bit of that hill.

I bring this up because the situation Milan is in right now reminds me a lot of a wrestling federation known as WCW. WCW was a rival wrestling company to the WWE for a little more than a decade, challenging and then eclipsing the WWE (then known as the WWF) in popularity during the 1990s. After the WWF was hit with a steroid scandal in the early 90s, WCW, backed by billionaire Ted Turner, swooped in a signed their competition’s biggest stars. Wrestlers like Macho Man Randy Savage, Curt Hennig, Lex Luger, ‘Outsiders’ Kevin Nash and Scott Hall, along with the industry’s biggest superstar of the day in Hulk Hogan, all defected to WCW, leading the company to directly challenge the WWF’s premier cable television show ‘Raw’ head-on with their own cable show, ‘Nitro’.

Spoiled with riches, WCW ‘Nitro’ would overtake ‘Raw’ in the ratings, bolstered by a very creative takeover faction called the New World Order which produced possibly the most captivating story-line in all of wrestling history with lifelong WCW wrestler Sting haunting a heel Hulk Hogan for over a year and a half, culminating in a match at WCW’s biggest Pay-Per View event. Even beyond the main Sting-Hogan feud, WCW provided an in-ring product that WWF simply couldn’t match, signing foreign talent that absolutely tore the house down for the first hour of the program as Nitro’s undercard. WCW had a winning formula and began handily beating WWF in the Monday night ratings war.

For the first two years after their mass exodus, WWF struggled mightily both as a professional wrestling product and financially. Arenas were rarely filled to capacity, television viewers dropped, and the shows themselves relied on talent that outside of The Undertaker, weren’t draws for fans. However, the competition with WCW also forced WWF to evolve. Unable to match their counterparts with name recognition or in-ring product, they opted to develop more raunchy, violent, and boundary-pushing characters and storylines. Wrestlers like The Rock, ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin, Kane, and Degeneration X, pushed the walls of traditional wrestling down, drawing millions (and millions) of fans across the world into the WWF Attitude Era.

For about two years, the competition brought the best out of both companies, with fans switching between ‘Raw’ and ‘Nitro’ on Monday nights (Not me, I was white trash and didn’t have cable). However, the cracks in my beloved WCW’s foundation began to appear as the WWF’s stock rose. The older, less talented, wrestlers hogged the spotlight and suppressed younger stars, while at the same time fattening their own pockets with bloated salaries. WCW brass allowed a number of the stars the privileged of booking matches, leading to a focus on their feuds at the expense of the midcard storylines. WCW itself blew millions of dollars on bizarre celebrity matches (Jay Leno and David Arquette featured in Pay-Per-View main events), ridiculous wrestler gimmicks (A KISS Demon who had a $450,000 coffin, Master P’s No Limit Soldiers having wrestlers), flying the entire roster to every show, and short ‘ratings war’ reactionary matches that should have been Pay-Per View events. When WWF finally regained the ratings title, the writing was on the wall: WCW was in a death spiral.

For you non-wrestling fans, this may all be very boring and you may be asking yourself ‘What the hell are you wasting my time for’? And believe it or not, the main dot I’m trying to connect here isn’t the ‘Milan-was-run-foolishly-and-the-rest-of-the-league-caught-up’ angle, though that is applicable. No, instead, this is more to underline how jaded I am as a Milan fan after enduring 10 years of steady and predictable decline from my beloved club. You see, when WCW began their descent into bankruptcy I was the only one of my friends that was insisting it was a better wrestling program. In the final two years of their existence they “rebooted” four times, bringing in new creative writers and claiming that this time would be the time they would turn it around. I naively kept watching every Saturday (and then Monday as we finally got cable in 1999), an absolutely atrocious, nonsensical, nonlinear product hoping that it would get better, knowing in the back of my mind that it never would. And it never did. WWE bought WCW in 2000, absorbing all the remaining wrestlers and shuttering the company forever.

I feel like for the past 10 years I’ve held out the same sort of optimism for Milan. The writing was on the wall in 2007. A little earlier in fact. I’ve watched this slow death for more than a decade knowing that the competition is outpacing us, knowing that the team isn’t running sustainability, knowing that the people running it have and are unqualified, knowing that morale is low in the organization, and knowing that in order to become a big club once again --because outside of history and fans, prove to me we are-- drastic, fundamental changes are needed top to bottom. Much like how the new writing teams in WCW would get my hopes up, the Elliot takeover provided me the same type of optimism, and the Chinese contingent before that. And while financially with Singer & Co. I don’t have the same anxieties I had with the Li’s or Berlusconi, we’ve sorely missed a coherent vision and continuity and that my friends is the strongest foundation in any type of entity.

Giampaolo was a mistake. I don’t think even his skeptics could have predicted how bad this start could have been. Pioli is a decent replacement. The team will probably play better under Pioli than Giampaolo. But I can’t even muster the most superficial excitement about this. It is the latest in a growing number of punchlines the club has become a part of over the banter era. Even if we manage a dramatic uptick in play, it will be more fortuitous than anything that I could attach to competence or vision. The problems go much higher than the touch and this gross overestimation of Giampaolo shines a very light spotlight on that if anyone cares to look.

Milan won’t go under like WCW. They won’t get bought out by their competitors and absorbed. But a return to the top? Getting off the mat is looking less likely with every passing mistake.

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