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lilacflamesss · 6 years

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Shattered (Chapter 9)

Smutty Ayahina College AU

Summary: Hinami tries to deal with her sorrows through seeking Ayato out. Ayato can never turn away the girl he loves far more than he should. Two people with unrequited feelings, dealing with them in very different ways. Human AU. (16.3k words)

Warning: This fic contains unhealthy coping mechanisms, heavy sexual content, and plenty of problematic/ dubious things which I absolutely do not condone at all. This is a work of fiction that takes on a more mature, physical take on Ayahina’s relationship as opposed to the typical conventional one. Please feel free not to read this fic if it’s not your cup of tea! Additional trigger warning for stillbirth since this is an add-on to the previous chapters. As of this moment, this fic also contains hints of infidelity.

A/N: I’m so tired so I’m not going to say much. This was a really long chapter and writing it really was exhausting. It took me 2h to even just read through this once and now I can barely open my eyes. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Please do reblog this and feel free to leave some comments!

Preview:

They both fall silent, a slight awkwardness hanging in the air. The atmosphere is heavy. Knowing Ayato’s motivations and past doesn’t really help Hinami feel any better about herself. It’s impossible to really blame herself for it. She didn’t actually do anything wrong. It was Ayato’s idea and she had agreed. She might not have done something wrong, but she did give him a difficult time and perhaps, it is really for the best that they end things here.

But as they had agreed, just for tonight, it will be different.

She pushes him down and gets on top of him, immediately jumping right into it. Ayato pulls her along, his hands resting on her hips to help her movements. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of this feeling— him, buried deep inside her. She loves they way it feels whenever he moves in her. She loves the way he pants her name out in broken syllabuses as the pleasure starts to take over. Every moment they spend together like this is precious. She doesn’t think anyone, not even Kaneki, has ever made her feel this satisfied and relaxed. Maybe it’s because she’s never done this with Kaneki before or maybe it’s because she knows she doesn’t have to worry about anything if she’s doing it with Ayato. There’s so many reasons that she can come up with to explain the ecstasy that surges through her. But the fact that this night is their last remains. The moment morning arrives, the moment Ayato steps out the door, this will come to an end for good.

“I don’t want this night to end,” she breathes out.

He sits up, hugging her body to his and nestling his head against her neck, hands still assisting her movements. He gives her a soft kiss. “Me too.”

He feels the same way. The thought gives her a slight hope. Maybe there’s something else that can be done. Maybe there’s still a chance. Maybe there’s another way.

He finishes inside of her with a choke cry of her name, with her following right after. Ayato falls back to lie on the bed, pulling her along with him. He holds her tight as she lies on top of him, completely enveloped by his arms. Ayato’s hold is warm and comfortable. She doesn’t feel alone when he’s around. She feels happy. She feels safe. Hinami raises her head slightly and Ayato looks down to her, their eyes meeting.

“Do we have to end this?” she asks. She knows the answer, but she gives it a shot anyway.

“You don’t want to end it, huh?” he sighs thoughtfully. “Why does it matter so much to you? I’m just a fuck buddy to you, aren’t I? It’s not like this is anything special.”

He’s wrong. He’s more than that. He is special.

When he enters the classroom, he’s surprised to see that she’s not there already. Hinami is usually a punctual girl, or rather, she’s the kind who’s always early for anything. Normally, she’d be there by the time he arrives and she usually has a seat saved for him. So when he slips in a minute before class is meant to start and he sees that she isn’t there, he’s bound to be curious.

Curious. Not worried. Curious.

Naki and Miza are already there. Ayato makes his way over and takes the seat right next to Miza. He doesn’t say anything, not even a greeting, but she notices him and immediately jabs him lightly with her elbow.

“Hinami isn’t here,” she says.

“Really? I didn’t notice.” He tries his best to sound as nonchalant about it as he can. Even though he already knows, he’s tempted to turn his head and look. Instead, he tries to focus his attention on his bag, searching through it for nothing in particular.

“Very funny,” Miza mutters. “Your eyes were glued to where she normally sits when you walked in.”

“They weren’t. I was spacing out.”

“You’re a terrible liar.” He turns and sees both of them looking at him. Miza seems unamused while Naki has a grin on his face.

“Don’t the two of you have other better things to do?” he grumbles. “Where’s Hooguro and Shousei?”

“Running late,” Naki replies. “Yesterday we went to this really cool place and Hooguro found this girl he likes and—”

“Don’t change the topic,” Miza cuts in.

“What? Okay, fine, Hinami’s not here. I noticed. Happy now?” Ayato hisses. Perhaps sitting with Miza might be a bad idea, but there isn’t anyone else he knows in class. Rio doesn’t take this class with him. The only other person he knows by name is Tomoe and that too because she’s Hinami’s friend. Besides, a little after he and Hinami had broken it off, Tomoe’s been giving him dirty looks. He knows that whatever she heard from Hinami had only given her a bad impression of him.

“Why isn’t she here?” Miza asks.

“How am I supposed to know? I haven’t talked to her in ages.”

“Yeah, you stopped talking to her a little after that day in the strip club,” Miza says flatly. “Good job bringing two girls home and cheating on your girlfriend.”

“Hinami wasn’t my girlfriend. She never was.”

“You guys were clearly together,” Miza argues and god, he wants to rip his hair out. He’s lost count how many times they’ve had this very argument. It’s really getting on his nerves.

“We were never together.”

“You were fucking her though,” Naki laughs. He’s loud enough that a couple of students around them look back at them. They turn away the moment he glares at them, but when he fixes the same glare on Naki, he only gets a playful smirk in response. “You were.”

“Yeah, I was, but that meant nothing.”

“You stole her virginity, led her on with sex and then dumped her for two random girls you found in a strip club,” Naki says, again a little too loudly.

“Can we really not talk about this here?” Ayato grumbles. “Look, we’re going over to Miza’s place later right?”

“Oh sure, we can talk about how you fucked Hinami up then. She can join in the conversation through the thin walls of the dorm as well,” Miza sighs. “Let’s go to Naki’s room instead today.”

“No way. It’s messy and it has a weird smell.”

“You know, I noticed you never come over to the dorms unless we’re going to my room.”

“He’s a pervert,” Naki teases. Ayato doesn’t know what the people around them have ever thought about him but the past few minutes must have changed everyone’s perceptions drastically.

“Naki’s room is messy and it stinks.”

“Hooguro’s?”

“He always has a girl in there so no.”

“Shousei’s?”

“His room?” Ayato pauses. He’s never actually been into Shousei’s dorm before and he doesn't exactly have any plans on visiting it. “No.”

“Yeah, I thought so,” Miza sighs. “So unless you’re really a pervert who gets off on being in the girls’ dorm, why mine?”

“If you think I’m into you, you’re dead wrong.”

Miza gives him a wide smile. “I would never think that way. It’s disgusting.”

“Good.”

“Nice. It’s Hinami again.”

“Yeah— No. It’s not Hinami again.”

“You come to my room knowing she lives next door hoping you might get a chance to see her,” Miza says flatly. “Or maybe you’re just a creep and the idea of being that close to her turns you on.”

“Or both,” Naki adds.

He wishes Naki would shut up, but before he can offer any comment, he sees Mado getting up from her desk. He flashed a glare towards him, but as always, Naki isn’t fazed by it at all. Sometimes he wishes Naki will at least react to his stare the way the others do, but he supposes someone who knows him as well as Naki wouldn’t be bothered by it at all. Hinami has never really been affected by it either— not that he uses it on her much.

Ayato’s grateful at least that now that class has started, he doesn’t have to continue the conversation and that Naki and Miza will probably forget about it later. He doesn’t like talking to them about Hinami. He does want to talk to someone about her at least. But no one knows anything about what is going on between the two of them and he’s sure that they probably wouldn’t be able to understand them anyway. It’s probably better for him to keep quiet about it.

“Okay before we begin anything, I should give out your papers.” Mado’s unbothered stern voice brings his attention back to class. He hadn’t been able to focus much on work lately and he knows he’s behind. He needs to catch up. There’s ton of things he needs to finish— readings and even assignments that he should have started days ago but have yet to touch.

The class is silent as Mado starts going around and returning their work. It starts to get noisier as more people get their scripts back— a usual thing, Ayato supposes. Eventually she comes to him and stops right in front of him. She scowls as she places his paper on the small desk in front of him.

“You know you can do better,” she murmurs before she walks away. He glances at the paper in front of him, freezing at the grade he’s gotten. Miza leans over from her desk and peeks over.

“That’s weird,” she sighs. “A C+? You’ve never gotten this bad a grade before.”

He’s never been the brightest student in class. He’s not Hinami. But he’s never gotten below a B. This is a first but he has to admit, as bad as the grade is, he’s not actually surprised. He had barely put any effort into this particular paper. He had done it the night before his submission and even then, it wasn’t an all-nighter effort. He finished it pretty quickly. He simply couldn’t be bothered about it.

“Yeah, I guess I was out of it.”

“Is it because of the break up?” Miza snickers, looking at him with a knowing grin. “You act like you’re okay but you’ve been so weird lately—”

“Okay, all of you can shut up now,” Mado says from the front of the class, her loud, sharp voice cutting Miza off. Ayato gives a silent thanks to her. He doesn’t want to have that conversation again. He’s so sick and tired of it, yet he knows his friends are never going to let go. He doesn’t even understand why they care so much about his relationship with Hinami. It doesn’t concern them at all.

“There’s some absentees today and it’s a bother to get them to come collect it from me directly since I’m going to be away the next couple of weeks. Is there any one who’s able to pass their work to them?” Mado asks.

“Me!” Naki cries out, his hand shooting out happily. “I can pass them to Shousei and Hooguro!”

Mado looks over at him and shrugs before she passes two sets of papers to him. There’s one more in her hands and it’s probably Hinami’s. A part of him wants to volunteer. If it’s a month ago, he would have done it. But he knows that Hinami has her own friends now and he should leave it to them. There’s Tomoe in this class after all.

“Ayato can pass it to Hinami,” Naki says and Ayato immediately freezes.

“Oh then perfect,” Mado says. She’s standing close to him right now, and it takes barely any time before she drops Hinami’s paper on his desk. “Right, pass that to your girlfriend then. Thank you every much you both. And now, for today’s discussion, everyone please get ready."

He’s barely able to focus on the discussion. He doesn’t even remember what the reading was about, or even if he did the reading. He’s staring at Hinami’s paper. Her name stares back at him and it almost feels ridiculous that it’s there. It hits him that he has to pass this to her. He has to go and meet her. He has to interact with her. He’s been avoiding her so much and he’s been trying his best to pretend she isn’t around, but right now, he has to go to her.

Maybe he should pass it over to someone else to give it to Hinami. Miza lives right next door to her. She probably sees Hinami everyday. Tomoe might be willing to pass it to Hinami as well, but he’s not sure if he wants to even talk to Tomoe. He’s sure she’s staring at him with the intent to kill even right now. In the slight chance that he passes it to someone else and the paper doesn’t get back to Hinami, he knows that he’d get into trouble. There won’t be any official punishment or penalties, but an angry Professor Mado is something no one, not even Ayato, wants to meet.

He’ll make it quick. Pass it to her and leave immediately. Simple. How hard can it be?

“Shousei and Hooguro didn’t end up coming to class today in the end,” Miza murmurs. “I wonder what happened.”

“They probably got too drunk last night or something,” Ayato sighs. He and Miza continue to walk silently down the corridor. Naki had gone in the other direction, towards the college dorms so he could pass Hooguro and Shousei their work. Ayato remembers Hinami’s paper in his bag. He should be going along with Naki, but the thought of going to see Hinami makes him hesitate. He could always get some lunch first. “Honestly, you guys should start taking things more seriously.”

“You got a C+ on that paper, Ayato. You’re not one to talk,” Miza snaps. “Are you sure you’re okay? Both Hinami and you didn’t do well on that paper.”

He remembers the grade he had seen on Hinami’s paper— B+. Miza’s worry isn’t misguided. It is unusual for Hinami to get anything that’s below an A.

“I’m telling you, nothing happened,” he insists.

“You guys used to hang out more. I’ve barely seen you with her ever since we went to the strip club so I only assumed something happened because of that.”

“Strip club? What’s this about a strip club?” a voice interrupts them before Ayato is able to respond to Miza. It came from behind them and when they turn around, they see Tomoe standing with her arms crossed. She huffs when their eyes meet. Tomoe is practically radiating with hostility right now. She doesn’t like him and she isn’t making even the slightest effort to hide it from him. “Hinami’s been acting really weird for the past few days and I know it has something to do with you. So spit it out. What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything to her at all. This is none of your business anyway,” Ayato snaps.

“Fine then. Give me Hinami’s paper,” she says.

“What?”

“Hinami’s paper, which Mado passed to you. I’ll go and pass it over to her so you don’t have to do it.”

He won’t have to see her in this case. He had hesitated over approaching her and getting her to pass the paper to Hinami, but now that she had come to him on her own free will, there isn’t anything to worry about. All he has to do is pass it to her and he can continue with not having anything to do with Hinami. Tomoe’s unlike his other friends. She’s reliable, from what he’s heard. He won’t face any problems.

But still, something makes him step back. “Why the fuck should I do that?” he growls.

She ignores his question. Instead, she asks, “What grade did Hinami get?”

She’s getting on his last nerve and even Miza can tell. Miza flashes Ayato a glare, silently ordering him to calm down and keep his cool. Getting angry and worked up won’t help. It’ll make things worse. Tomoe isn’t going to be any more accepting of him if he’s too hostile with her.

“She got a B+.”

“A B+?” Tomoe cries out. “I knew there was something wrong with her. I just knew it. She’s been out of it for the past month.”

“Just like you,” Miza mutters, jabbing him with her elbow. “Aren’t you going to tell us what happened between you two? I’m starting to get very worried, Ayato. You’re not yourself lately. You’ve been quieter. You don’t play around much with us even though you’re suddenly always physically here. You’re always on the edge about something. The only time you ever seem normal is when you’re over at my place and I know that has something to do with how Hinami is just next door. It’s as if you’re trying to make her think you’re okay or something.”

“Why would he be upset? He’s the one who hurt her,” Tomoe jumps in, scowling at him. “I’ve seen the way Hinami stares at you the past weeks. What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything!” he insists. The two girls continue watching him with matching frowns, clearly not believing a single thing he’s saying. He can’t lie his way out of this. “Alright. Fine. We stopped.”

“Stopped? Stopped what?” Tomoe hisses. She takes a step towards. She’s so small and he practically towers over her, but she doesn’t seem fazed at all. Though he supposes she won’t be afraid of him. He’s pretty sure she’s carrying a bamboo sword in her bag that she probably has no qualms with cutting him down with it.

“We stopped what we had.” He doesn’t to go into details. They won’t understand. He knows they’d just jump into whatever conclusions they can get their hands on in the spur of the moment.

“So you guys were dating,” Tomoe says, a victorious smirk forming on her face.

No.

“I told you not to bring those girls home,” Miza snaps at him. She almost sounds like a nagging mother.

“What’s this about the girls? Does this have something to do with the strip club?” Even though it was Miza who had brought the girls up, Tomoe barely looks at her. She continues to stare at him, directing her question completely to him.

“This doesn’t concern you,” Miza says, huffing under her breath.

Again, Tomoe ignores her, but she narrows her eyes as Miza speaks. “Did you sleep with another girl even though you were dating Hinami? And then you dumped her after she found out. Is that what happened?”

“No.”

She waits for more after he responds to her and when it is clear that Ayato isn’t going to give her any further explanation, she takes another step forward, fuming. “You cheated on her.”

“I did not,” he says. He glances at Miza, who has a very similar expression to Tomoe on. “I don’t know why you both immediately assumed that has anything to do with the strip club because it doesn’t.”

“So right after you brought a pair of girls home, something else happened and you broke up with your girlfriend,” Tomoe scoffs. He’s never spoken to Tomoe much and he barely has any impressions of her. Right now, she’s not exactly forming the best impression. Maybe she’s a good friend, but she sure is scary to someone who isn’t a friend.

“Hinami wasn’t my girlfriend,” Ayato reiterates. It’s getting so exhausting, saying the same thing over and over again yet no one ever listens. Every time they make that assertion, it’s a slap to his face. He’d have died to be in a relationship with her, but the reality is that she’s in love with Kaneki, not him. She’ll probably never fall for him, no matter what he does and no matter how much he prays. He can’t change her feelings. He can’t force her to love him. He can only accept what he has before him. Hinami isn’t his girlfriend; she will never be. He had to settle with being whatever it was he used to be. How pathetic— he doesn’t even have a name for that.

“You were sleeping with her,” Miza says.

“Must be real nice having all the fun you wanted with her and then throwing her away the moment you don’t need her,” Tomoe snickers.

“That’s not true,” Ayato hisses.

“I thought you genuinely liked her,” Miza murmurs.

“I do!”

“Oh? You like her? Don’t make me laugh,” Tomoe growls.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“If you liked her, why did you hurt her like that?” Tomoe cries out. “Do you know how much pain Hinami’s in right now? Do you know what you put her through?”

“What I put her through?” He’s right on the verge of losing it. The accusations are getting the best of him. He can see Miza glaring at him, trying to silently ask him to calm down, but he’s just so close right now. He can’t calm down, not when Tomoe is like this. “What do you even know about Hinami and I?”

“All I know is that she likes you—”

“Hinami is in love with someone else, you idiot,” he interrupts. “I know because he’s all she ever talks about and all she ever cares about. Even when we’re fucking, I know for sure she’s thinking about that fucking bastard!”

Tomoe’s eyes go wide. “What? No. That’s not true! The way she acts… I know for sure—”

“You don’t know anything about Hinami and me,” he spits out. “I threw her away after having fun with her? Do you know how many fucking times Hinami has told me to stop what we have, only to come running back to me three days later when something goes wrong again? You don’t know a single fucking thing. Hasn’t Hinami told you anything about what she’s been doing?”

Tomoe glances away, a hand going to the back of her neck, rubbing it lightly. “She tells me that there’s nothing between you two… But I just know she’s hiding something. She won’t talk to me about it and I was getting worried about her.”

He smirks. “Well then, just stay the fuck out of it and—”

“Ayato,” Miza cuts in. She tugs Tomoe out of the way and stands between the two of them, looking up at him with a warning glare. “Calm down.”

“I am calm—”

“I said calm down and stop raising your voice or you’re going to make a scene,” Miza instructs. She doesn’t give him a chance to say anything, or even to calm down like she asked him to, and she simply continues speaking. “I know Hinami is important to both of you and that clearly, something messed up is going on here, but you two need to stop screaming at each other and talk properly.”

“I am calm,” Tomoe insists. “But I just want to know one thing. Is that okay?”

He stays silent for a moment, looking at Miza and then at Tomoe. Their eyes lock and it’s clear that the hostile sentiments are still there and that even after hearing what he had said, she still holds him accountable for what happened. He doesn’t know how Hinami is acting. She seems pretty normal to him as well. She does avert her eyes when she sees him and she had spammed his phone with messages in the first few days of their break up. But everything went back to normal after that. He sees her with Tomoe almost everyday and they’re always talking happily. He’d just assumed she had moved on. That would be easy for her; she’s never been in love with him. He had assumed he’s the only one who’s still holding on, wishing to turn back time.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Why did you end whatever you guys were doing if you really like her?”

“I got tired.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You got tired of her?”

“No. I got tired of what we were doing. It’s draining. It hurts. I was sick of it,” he murmurs.

“Do you still love her?”

It’s an expected question and he had seen it coming. But when she does ask him, he pauses, genuinely considering things. The answer comes to his mind immediately, even as he thinks of reasons why it shouldn’t be like that.

“Yes. Yes, I do still love her.”

He decides not to go with Miza to hang out with the guys. After his conversation with Tomoe, he isn’t in the mood for socialisation anymore. He doesn’t go back to his apartment either. Oohashi is there. She’s the last person he wants to see right now. Miza stays with him till lunch, but they barely speak. The atmosphere is heavy and he can tell that Miza is genuinely worrying about him. He wants to tell her not to, that worrying about him really isn’t worth her time and effort, but he doesn’t know how he can convince her.

“What made you think all this was a good idea?” she asks at one point.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking.” It really does feel that way. For all the time he spent with Hinami— for over a year— he really must not have been thinking.

“Why would you do that?” Miza murmurs. “Hinami is a pretty girl, but just what about her made you fall so madly in love with her that you’d go that far?”

He gets up at this point. He’s done with his food. He gives her a simple shrug. “She saved me.”

“Saved you? Ayato, what does that even mean?”

He shrugs again. He has no intention of narrating his entire high school love story to Miza. He supposes he’s being a terrible friend, turning her away when she’s genuinely trying to help and understand him. But right now, all he wants is to be alone.

Ayato walks away, wandering about the college grounds absentmindedly. He tries to think of a place to go, but his mind is a blank slate. It’s his legs that seem to decide things right now. At some point, he arrives at the library— Hinami’s favorite place. It dawns on him that maybe Hinami might be in there and without a second thought, he walks in, looking around. There isn’t many people around and a first glimpse is enough for him to tell that Hinami isn’t here, but somehow, he finds himself walking around, looking in every nook and cranny of the library. He tells himself over and over again that he isn’t looking for her— that he shouldn’t be looking for her. But it feels like he can’t help trying to keep an eye out for her, just like he couldn’t help looking at her empty desk in class earlier on.

She isn’t there. It takes him awhile to convince himself and when he does, he leans against one of the bookshelves and sighs, wondering what he should do now. He glances over at the books and sees a familiar name, Takatsuki Sen—Hinami’s favourite author. He has to admit, he’s always been curious about her books, especially since Hinami always talked about them. He randomly picks one of the books out and brings it to one of the tables.

King Bileygr.

He doesn’t really get what the book is supposed to be about from the title, but he reads it nonetheless. Ayato isn’t exactly the biggest reader in the world. He’s never been too fond of books, even when his father had read them to him before putting him to bed. But he still finds himself engrossed in the pages of this particular book. The author’s flair and the intensity of the story had him turning the pages of the book without him even realising it. The book is deeper than he thought it would be and it spoke of a revolution in a wrecked society, a story of the oppressed looking for hope through one person. Ayato supposes he knows how that feels like as well. He’s never been in the situation the characters in the book were but he knows what it’s like to feel like there’s nothing left for you. He knows what it’s like to have the hand of one person pull him out of the darkness he was drowning it.

She saved me.

His words to Miza is at the back of his mind when he looks up from the book. The library is emptier now. The librarian is walking around, returning used books to their respective shelves. He glances at the clock and he realises how late it has gotten. He probably should go back before Oohashi starts blowing up his phone with texts and calls. But before that, he has to pay Hinami a visit.

Ayato hadn’t finished the book yet and he doesn’t think he’ll continue reading it if he borrows it, so he simply returns it to the shelf. The dorms are at the other end of campus and it’s a pretty long walk there from the library. The sky darkens as he heads there, the sun beginning to set. It would be a nice and relaxing walk if it isn’t for all the students walking around, having fun and making a lot of noise. His friends are also probably hanging out in Miza’s place now. Maybe he’d drop by after visiting Hinami.

If the school was noisy when he was walking over, the dorms are ten times worse. People are hanging out in the lobby. There also are a few standing along the corridors while chatting. Ayato doesn’t really get them; talking in their rooms would be so much better than crowding the main walkway. He sees a couple of girls he knows as well and he has to look down to avoid catching their eye. He isn’t in the mood to talk to them. Ever since the rumour that he and Hinami had broken up was spread around, many of them had approached him, hoping for a chance.

Hinami’s room is closer to the end of the corridor and there doesn’t seem to be anyone around. He does hear voices from the room next to hers. Naki and the guys must be over at Miza’s place. He’ll make it quick with Hinami before he joins them.

He stares at her door for a moment. He doesn’t actually have to knock. He can simply slide it under her door. He doesn’t have to see her that way, or talk to her. He considers the option for a while. It really would be the better option, but against better judgement, his hand moves and he’s hitting his fist against her wooden door.

There isn’t a response— strange. Since Hinami hadn’t been in class, he doesn’t think she’ll be out now. She isn’t the kind to skip lessons on a whim. She probably wasn’t feeling well before class, which would mean she should still be in class. Maybe she’s asleep. He tries knocking again.

“Hinami…”

She still doesn’t respond so he tries knocking again, harder this time. Maybe she’s so ill that she’s too deep in sleep. Maybe sliding the papers under her door would be a better idea. Maybe he should just leave her to rest. All these thoughts are rushing through his mind, but his hands doesn’t seem to listen at all. He knocks again, harder and harder.

“Hinami!”

He feels his heart in his chest beating hard. He feels sweaty. A thought surfaces in his mind— what if she’s ignoring him? Maybe she really is upset with him. Maybe she hates him now. Tomoe had said that she’s been acting weird, especially when it came to him. Maybe she’s more affected by the separation that he thinks she is.

Or maybe something happened to her when she’s alone in the room. Maybe she’s so sick she collapsed. She might be lying unconscious in there right now and he might not even know.

He knocks harder again. He’s almost slamming his fists against her door now. “Hey Hinami, are you alive in there?”

There’s still no response. Maybe she really isn’t at home. Maybe she’s just ignoring him. He must be jumping to conclusions, right? There should be no reason for her to be that sick. He had just seen her the previous day and she was fine.

He tries again. “Hinami! Hinami, open the door!” If there’s nothing now, he’ll give up. He’ll slide the papers under and he’ll leave.

There isn’t anything. He gives it a couple of moments but she doesn’t respond, nor does he hear her door. Sighing, he gives in. There isn’t anything he can do now and knocking her door like a maniac isn’t helping the situation at all. At most, someone might find him and report him to security and that would be a huge problem for him. He reaches for his bag, looking down, and pauses.

She’s there, right by the door. His heart rate quickens and he can feel his palms getting sweaty. They’re so close, probably closer than they had been since they broke up. It’s just the door between them right now. She’s right there.

She’s right there, but she’s not answering him at all.

He forces down the lump in his throat and speaks again. “I can see your shadow, you know.” He sounds like a croaking toad. It weird, strange and maybe even creepy.

There is still no response from Hinami. He doesn’t see the shadow move. She doesn’t say anything. It becomes clear after a moment of silence that she probably is trying to ignore him and that she wants him to know that she’s ignoring him. Tomoe had been angry and it’s probably because she’s seen how Hinami is like when he’s not looking. It had been easier to tell himself that she won’t be affected by their separation before his conversation with Tomoe. But he had spoken to her and she had made it clear that Hinami is upset. Even if he hadn’t mean to hurt her, he did and Hinami wants him to know that.

“Are you angry with me?” he asks softly. She doesn’t reply and he doesn’t expect her to. Yet, he continues talking. “Hinami, I promise this is nothing like what you think it is. Mado gave me some of your assignments and asked me to pass them to you as soon as possible. It’s just that. I’ll leave immediately so open the door.”

There’s a brief moment of silence, which he supposes is her debating if she should listen to him, but he hears the knob of the door turn and it slowly starts to open. Hinami doesn’t look at him. Her eyes remain fixed on the floor, hair falling forward to curtain her face. When he sees her, he lets out the breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding. She’s there, in front of him. He’s almost in disbelief over the fact that she actually opened the door. He had been right on the verge of giving up.

“Hinami,” he murmurs. She looks up slowly. Her eyes are narrowed. Her cheeks are flushed. She’s sweaty and she’s breathing hard. She’s wearing a small green dress. It probably is her pyjamas given how short it is. One of the straps had slid off her shoulder as well. Her hair looks like it’s in a slight mess as well.

She looks hot and his throat goes completely dry. He forces himself to think of something else. Her appearance is probably because she’s sick. That’s why she didn’t come to class. That’s why she looks like that.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “You look terrible.”

She stares at him in silence, eyes trailing down his body. He takes a step forward and to his surprise, so does she.

“You look pretty ill, Hinami. Have you gotten a good rest?”

Her brows furrow. “I’m not sick.”

He finds himself doubting that. He takes another step forward and raises a hand to her forehead. She doesn’t have a fever but she is quite warm. “Maybe you should get some rest.”

“I really am not sick,” she sighs. She steps aside and nods towards her room. “Come in.”

He doesn’t need to go in. He shouldn’t go in. Seeing and talking to her is one thing, but he still needs to keep his distance or everything would simply go to waste. He can pass the paper to her while he’s standing at the door and then run over to Miza’s place where he can be safe from all these complications. He can still hear Miza and the guys. They sure sound like they’re having fun. He should head there too.

He should but he doesn’t. Instead, he steps into her room and she shuts the door behind him and locks it. They’re alone now, aside from the voices from next door. He’s never been in here before. They had mostly spent their time in his place. Hinami’s room is neat, as he had expected, and pretty empty. She has an almost bare table, a shelf of books and a single bed at the corner, lying against the wall. The bed has a couple of pillows and a single plush rabbit. He remembers the rabbit; he had gotten it for her birthday. He’s surprised she still has it with her and that too so close to her.

“What do you need?” Hinami asks.

“I wanted to…” He pauses. His mind is blank. What had he come here for again? He looks at her and she stares back at him, waiting for an answer. He knows he came here for something, but all he can think about is her and the fact that he’s in her room and they’re alone. Alone. In a room. With a bed.

He shouldn’t give in to the temptation.

“You didn’t just come up with a random excuse to enter my room, did you?” she muses.

“No. No, I didn’t.” It’s true but he had said it so quickly that he’s sure Hinami isn’t buying it. He takes a deep breath and tries to calm down, trying his best to remember everything that happened before this. Class— that’s right, class. He had to pass her the papers. “I came here to give you some of your work.”

“Work?” Hinami almost sounds surprised. He looks up and sees her sauntering over to him. Oh, oh— She doesn’t have to walk like that. Why is she walking like that?

He tears his eyes away from her, hands grabbing his bag and opening it. Where did he place her paper again? He wishes his bag isn’t in such a mess and that he had been a little more organised when he kept this things. He’s desperately trying to find it as Hinami stops right before him, watching him carefully.

“Where is it?” she asks.

“I swear it’s in here somewhere.”

“Are you sure?” She sounds amused and he’s sure she definitely doesn’t believe him. He glances at her, but her expression is blank, eyes fixed on his bag.

“Trust me. I’m just here for the paper.” He pauses, finding it finally. “Oh, found it—”

“Yeah, you’d be here for work,” she murmurs, cutting him in. Her tone seems to have taken a drastic turn. The previous mischief and amusement is no longer present. She almost sounds disappointed. “It’s not like you have any other reason to talk to me.”

There’s enough bitterness in her voice to catch his attention and to turn him away from the task at hand. He raises his head, looking straight at her. “What are you going on about?”

“Nothing.” She glances away as she says it.

“It’s not nothing.”

“It’s nothing that you should concern yourself with.” She’s right; he shouldn’t concern himself with her too much, not when they had already gone their separate ways. Yet, he’s still curious, especially since he knows she’s referring to him. He wonders if this has something to do with what Tomoe was talking about. Hinami is acting weird.

“Come, on, tell me,” he urges. “Are you angry with me?”

“I won’t call it anger,” she admits. “It just hurts.” There’s a lot of hesitation when she speaks but he can tell she is being honest with him. Tomoe had already told him, but it doesn’t really hit him until this moment, when Hinami herself is admitting it to him. He has hurt her. He had done something he had told himself he never would.

It feels like he has sinned.

“I didn’t mean for it to,” he admits. He drops his bag on the floor and turns fully to her. “I thought you’d be okay.”

“You ended it all of a sudden and didn’t even give me an explanation. Then you go on living as if you’re completely fine,” she says plainly. “It feels like you threw me away.”

Tomoe’s words are coming back to him. He had sneered and mocked them when she said it, but now it starts to weigh down on him. This is what Tomoe has been seeing these days. It’s no wonder she’s angry with him; he’d be angry with himself if he knew this is what Hinami had been feeling, if he knew this is what he made Hinami feel.

“You looked fine—”

“So did you,” she cuts in, “but are you?”

He’s takes a moment before he speaks, trying to calm himself down and not hurl himself straight into another mess. Hinami doesn’t seem to be rushing either. It feels like she’s just waiting. She’s just standing there and even if he runs out right in the midst of the conversation, it feels like she won’t stop him. She wants her answers, yet it doesn’t seem like she will actively search for them or force them out of him.

He wants to lie to her and tell her he’s fine, that he’s better off without her. But how will Hinami take that? It would hurt her even more, won’t it?

“No,” he admits. He lifts his hand and brings it to her face, pushing her hair away. Hinami leans into his touch and places her hand above his, lightly squeezing it.

“Why did you act like you were fine? I thought you were better off without me.”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to move on,” he murmurs. Hinami steps closer to him. He feels a lump rising in his throat. He wants to clear things up with her and he does want to end all the misunderstandings, but he doesn’t want to go back to what they were— he shouldn’t. He can’t let himself be used again. She’s so dangerously close to him right now and while he knows that Hinami probably doesn’t mean anything by what she’s doing now, he knows what it might end up leading to. Neither of them have any agendas now. They’re just being swept along by the current, letting their passions, their emotions and their deepest desires within them dictate their actions. Why did he touch her? He had no reason to. He just did.

He drops his hand, sliding it into his pocket instead. He turns away from her, trying not to look at her. His eyes fall on her bed, lingering on the crumpled sheets. It’s a small bed, but even the smallest of beds is enough for anything to be done, especially when two people are trying to get close.

“It’s okay.” He turns back when he hears her reply. It feels like she has stepped closer to him again. There’s a small smile on her face and it doesn’t seem to harbour any ill feelings towards him. He wonders if she really had just accepted that half-assed apology of his and forgiven him. If she really is as hurt as Tomoe had implied, she’s forgiving him too easily.

“No, it’s not okay,” he says. “I was an asshole to you and that’s true. I should have been clearer about it. I’m sorry and I should make it up to you somehow.”

Hinami raises an eyebrow. “Make it up to me?”

“Yeah,” he says. He wrecks his mind, trying to think of something he can do to make her feel better. As cheap as it might seem, he gets an idea he thinks might work out. “How about I buy you some books?”

“Books?” She sounds incredulous.

“Or whatever you want, actually. I can get you some coffee or—”

“You want to buy me something to make up to me?” She’s looking at him with an annoyed expression and he supposes it’s not really something she’d approved of. Hinami isn’t the kind of person who likes people spending money on her.

“What do you want then? Anything at all. I’d do it,” he says.

She stares at him, blinking a couple of times. “Anything?”

“Anything.”

Hinami nibbles her lips, glancing at the direction of her bed, then her table and then back to him. Her hand moves to the strap of her nightdress that had slipped off her shoulders, fiddling with it but not pulling it back on.

“Then,” she says slowly, “if I tell you to get to your knees, would you?”

He thinks he probably pales at her comment, as she turns bright red and looks away. He had said anything. He hadn’t set a boundary. He knows that if he refuses to do it right now, Hinami won’t have an issue with it— from how red she’s gotten and how she doesn’t seem to be able to look him in the eye right now, she looks like she’s regretting saying it already. The right answer now would be a “No.” He shouldn’t give in— not to her and not to his own desires.

But it’s like his body has its own mind. He falls to his knees before he can even speak, looking up for her, waiting for what’s to come next. Maybe she has something else in mind. Maybe she’s just playing.

Anything.

“Hinami.” When he speaks, she looks at him, now looking down to meet his eyes. Her cheeks are so red. Her eyes are wide in surprise. He has to swallow the lump in his throat before he can actually speak properly. “What do you want me to do?”

She raises her hand— he can see it trembling— and runs her fingers along his face, brushing them lightly along his lips. They shouldn’t be doing this. He knows so well that this is where they needed to stop and he can see the hesitation in Hinami’s eyes again. But it’s hard to turn her away, especially when her hands are already on him. He hadn’t been able to satisfy himself lately. It’s always her that’s on her mind; it’s only her touch that he had been craving for. All the times he’d slept with his current girlfriend, he’d always been wishing it’s her. He doesn’t know what’s going on in Hinami’s mind, but he knows she knows as well as he does that they should stop. Maybe she’s been craving for him as much as he has been craving for her. But it’s hard for him to even consider that thought. He touches himself with her name on his lips; Hinami’s only ever wished it’s Kaneki with her. As Hinami leans forward to press her lips on his, he wonders what’s on her mind. Is she really kissing Kirishima Ayato or is she kissing someone else?

“Do you want this?” she asks. It’s a genuine question, one that isn’t binding him to anything. She’s giving him a choice. Does he really want this or does he not; yes or no?

No.

“Yes,” he replies. She gets down as well, kissing his cheek, his chin and down his neck as he tilts his head to give her more access. She rubs his shoulders lightly before she starts to pull his jacket off him. Ayato remains still as she removes it. It falls to the floor silently. Hinami runs her hands down his arms and she pushes them slowly to the back, holding him in place.

“I had a lot of fun that night,” she admits. She doesn’t specify but he knows exactly what she’s talking about. “I’ve read up on some things and if you want, we can try them out.”

He nods and he feels her smile against his skin. Hinami gets up and she walks over to her desk. “You don’t mind getting tied up, do you?”

What? He feels his eyes double and he turns to look at her. She’s looking through one of her drawers. He wonders what she even has in there and he wonders if he should be worried. “Tied up?”

“If you’re doing this to make up to me, then it’s sort of like a punishment, right? I read up about some fun punishments,” she says. “You don’t mind, do you?”

He should. He should mind all of this. They should end things, not take things another step further.

“I don’t,” he says. He’s being honest as much as he knows he shouldn’t.

“You… want this too?”

He nods. “I do.”

He must have blanked out for a long while after they’re done. When he opens his eyes, he feels more relaxed. He’s exhausted and his entire body aches. But he’s satisfied— something he hasn’t felt in a long while. He feels sleep just right around the corner. His eyelids are heavy and he can only open his eyes a little. He’s tempted to close them, to let himself fall asleep. He really shouldn’t though. He’s in Hinami’s room. He already gave in once. He doesn’t want it to happen again. He should leave.

He should leave, but he doesn’t make an effort to move. He looks up at Hinami, who’s kneeling beside him. She has his arm on her lap, lightly stroking his wrists. He notices the red streaks on them and he starts to realise that they actually hurt. Hinami lightly touches the bruise and he winces.

“Does it hurt a lot?” she asks softly.

“A little, but not too much,” he murmurs.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, taking his arm and lifting it up. She leans her head down as well and presses a soft kiss on his wrist. It stings, but it’s bearable. “I’ve never tied someone up before so I might have done it too tightly. Next time, I’ll be more careful.”

Next time. The words ring in his head and he wants to argue with her. There won’t be a next time— there shouldn’t. There shouldn’t even have been a this time. They shouldn’t be together, they shouldn’t be fucking and he shouldn’t be lying naked on her bed like this. He needs to stick to what he had decided. Hinami is the past. He can’t keep going back to her.

“I should go,” he says. Hinami nods and releases his hand. She shifts a little and watches him, probably waiting for him to actually go. He should leave. He really should. But his body just won’t listen to him. “Maybe, not now. Maybe, I’ll need a while. Give me five minutes.”

She smiles weakly. “If that is what you want.”

Just minutes ago, she had him pinned down while she gave him orders after orders. Now, she’s looking away from him, awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck as her cheeks burn red. He can’t tell what exactly that reaction is for. It looks like she’s embarrassed, or maybe she’s just feeling awkward. One of her hands remain pressed on the bed, grabbing the sheets tightly. He reaches for it without really knowing why and lets his fingers brush against it. Hinami looks over at him and flashes him another smile. Again, it looks sad and defeated. It’s not a good look for her. Her happy smiles are nicer, better.

“What is it?” she asks, taking his hand in hers, stroking the back of his palm with her thumb.

“Nothing really,” he murmurs. He just feels like touching her, perhaps. He didn’t get to touch her much with his hands tied.

“You should leave before the dorm closes. You might get into trouble for wandering in the girls’ wing,” she says. She gets up and starts to gather the discarded clothes from the floor. “Just stay there. I’ll get your stuff for you.”

“Thanks.” He watches as she bends over to pick them up. The atmosphere is still heavy and awkward, with both of them clearly avoiding the things that there is to talk about. He doesn’t want to think about them too much. It’s best for him to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Your pants are vibrating,” she chuckles, stopping as she holds his jeans. She slides her hand into his pocket and pulls out his phone, which is completely lit. She frowns at the screen. “Oohashi? Who’s that?”

Fuck.

“Just some girl from college,” he says. He sits up. He better get that phone away from her.

“Oh. The call ended, but she’s left a bunch of texts for you,” Hinami says. Ayato doesn’t think she plans to read any of the messages, but it’s probably inevitable that she happens to see some of them. Her eyes widen right as he gets up and he knows immediately that he is fucked. “Ayato, who is this girl and why does she call you baby?”

“She’s a girl from one of my classes,” he says. He reaches over and pulls the phone out of her hands. He tries to keep calm and not panic. Maybe she hadn’t seen everything and he can still get out of this. “She calls everyone baby. It’s a term of endearment for her.”

“She said she’s waiting at your house and is going to give you the best night of your life—”

“Doing projects,” he cuts in. “We agreed to meet to finish up our assignments and you know, it’ll be late so the dorms would close so we decided to meet in my apartment.”

Hinami stares at him for a moment. It’s hard to gauge what she’s thinking from the look she has on her face right now. She doesn’t look shocked, or angry. She doesn’t even look sad— no watery eyes, no trembling lips like there normally would be. She just looks tired.

“Not once have you ever been honest with me, right?” Hinami asks.

“What?”

She nibbles her lips slightly, hands fidgeting with each other as she speaks. “I know I used you and I know I hurt you. I know what we had probably messed you up in ways I can’t even begin to imagine. You’ve had your experiences and I’ve had mine. But the truth is, Ayato, you know everything about me. I’ve never hidden anything from you. I’ve always been honest. I never withheld anything from you that would ever hurt you.”

He takes a moment to consider her words. She must have seen the texts and has figured everything out. Maybe he might still be able to talk his way out of this.

“Hinami, I can explain. Oohashi is—”

“This isn’t just about her,” Hinami cuts in. “From the very beginning, you’ve never been honest with me. You kept a lot of secrets and you never told me anything. Now, you’re trying to lie to me. Is it too hard to say you’re seeing someone else?”

“I thought it’s something no one else needs to know.”

“Not even me? Not even when you just slept with me again?” she asks. He doesn’t say anything; there isn’t anything to say right now. Hinami watches him, probably waiting for an answer. Eventually, she nods and lets out a soft sigh. She holds out his clothes to him. “I understand. Fine. Leave then.”

Her voice remains unwavering. Somehow, it feels like she has given up, like she doesn’t know what else there is for her to do. It’s almost a familiar feeling. When things are crashing down on you and everything is in a mess, all you can do is just wait, watch and let the flow lead you along. It’s what he had been doing all along, following Hinami’s flow, letting her decide the direction they’re heading. But right now, it doesn’t feel that way at all. She’s still; she’s just standing there.

He’s the course that’s pulling her along.

“Do you want me to leave?” he tries asking.

There isn’t a change in her facial expression. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

He reaches for her. She must have assumed he’s reaching for his clothes as she releases her hold on them when his fingers brush against the fabric. But he doesn’t take them and they fall to the floor; he takes her hand. Hinami makes no attempt to push him away or even to reciprocate the action. She just stands there, watching.

“I want to know what you want,” he says.

“I don’t have a preference.”

“You’re fine if I stay or go?”

Hinami’s silent for a heartbeat and then she sighs, shaking her head. She looks up at him and this time, there is a change in her expression. Her lips tremble, her eyes are watery. “What does it matter? If you stay, you know what we’d end up doing eventually. If I ask you to leave, you’ll just go to someone else.”

“Hinami—”

“I didn’t think I was this replaceable!” she cries out. “You said you love me, but the day after our break up— oh, I’m sorry, our separation— you act as if you’re fine. You’re always laughing with your friends. You’re so happy. You don’t talk to me. You ignore me. It’s like I don’t exist anymore to you. Your sister said you’re not okay and I want to believe that and I almost believed that, especially when you came here today, but a new girlfriend? Ayato, I don’t understand you anymore so do whatever you want— stay or go. I don’t care.”

His sister? When did she talk to Touka? He wants to ask her more about it, but there’s a bigger issue at hand right now.

“You don’t care?” He tugs her closer and she stumbles forward. She doesn’t try to fight him off, not even when he holds her close to him by her shoulders. She simply looks up at him, brows furrowed and probably trying her best to hold her tears in.

“I don’t,” she says.

“Then listen to me. You’re not replaceable, Hinami,” he murmurs honestly.

“So what about that girl?” Hinami asks.

He stops to think for a moment, wondering if he should be honest with her. It’s pathetic. He can’t imagine how he’s going to live peacefully if he ever admits to her that he is doing the same thing that she had been doing— the very thing they broke up over. He can lie to her again. He can come up with an excuse or just keep silent about it as he always does with her.

Not once have you ever been honest with me, right?

Hinami is right when she said that and if he lies to her again, she’ll continue to be right. She will probably be able to tell that he isn’t honest with her again and it’ll just upset her even more. He’s always hated Kaneki for making Hinami miserable, but he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Hinami more despaired than she is in right now. Kaneki might not have been able to return her feelings, but he’s never intentionally hurt her or broke her heart. Ayato did, and he probably owes her some honesty in return.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I just wanted to forget you.”

Her eyes go wide. “So you did that?”

“I thought someone else would help me forget you, or at least forget the pain of not having you with me anymore.” He wants to bury himself the moment he sees the change in her expression; it’s so embarrassing to actually say it out loud. She doesn’t say anything initially. She simply stares at him, eyes blinking in what looked like disbelief to him. They stay in that position for a long moment, the heavy silence weighing more and more on him as time goes on. Eventually, he has to break it. “Say something, Hinami. Please.”

And she does. “Do you still love me?” she asks.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop.” It’s so cheesy. He never thought he could make himself cringe this hard. But it’s true and if Hinami wants him to be honest, he will.

She hesitates for a moment before her hands move, wrapping around his neck and pulling his face closer to hers. “Even right now? Even if I reject you again?” Her voice is softer now, just a whisper, but he hears a tinge of apprehension buried within her.

“Yes.”

“Then, in that case,” she murmurs. She pulls him into a kiss at this moment. It’s gentler this time, no hints of domination or power play. It almost feels loving and perhaps it would be if she actually returned his feelings. She nudges him lightly, urging him to step backwards till he feels the bed against the back of his leg. Hinami pulls away, only to push him to sit on its edge before she crawls onto his lap and starts kissing him again.

She breaks away again and stares at him for a moment. “Do you want to do this?”

“We shouldn’t.”

“You’re right, we shouldn’t,” she says. She grabs the edges of her nightgown and pulls it off her. She isn’t wearing a bra, understandably so since she’s only in her pyjamas. He takes her by her waist, slightly lifting her up before he places her on the bed and crawls over her. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, kissing the skin softly.

“We shouldn’t,” he murmurs again. “We shouldn’t but, fuck. Just for tonight.”

“Just for tonight,” she agrees. She gasps softly as he nips lightly on that one spot he knows so well. He’s grinding his hips against her, rubbing their bodies together. She trembles under him, soft pleas escaping between her parted lips. Her hands are around him, pulling him down and holding him close. “Ayato, please, now.”

She doesn’t want to wait and neither does he. He moves down, pulling her panties off and tossing it aside before he pushes into her. She feels warmer and tighter; she feels closer to him. If the previous time was just them having fun, now there’s not a single hint of it. He’s not having fun, but as he moves inside of her, he feels a small smile on his face.

“Ayato,” Hinami calls softly and he looks up to her face. She’s smiling as well, reaching for him and pulling him in for a kiss again. It’s soft and gentle. Everything feels so simple and satisfying at this moment. It’s hard to think they were both in such messed up situations. Nothing feels complicated anymore, or at least, he doesn’t want to think about them now.

He pulls away from the kiss and rests his forehead on hers. Hinami opens her eyes as well; they’re staring right at each other. He’s able to get a good look of her face now. He can see every lash of her eyes. He can see the different shades of brown in her pupils and the glimmer from the water in her eyes. Her cheeks are shaded in pink. Her brows are furrowed. Beautiful— she’s beautiful.

“I missed you,” he says.

Hinami smiles, so wide that her eyes narrow to little slits, drops of tears falling out from the corners of her eyes. “I’ve missed you too.”

“You were all I could think of.”

“So were you.”

He narrows his eyes at her words. It can’t possibly be true. He’s sure she’d have thought of Kaneki more than him at least. Even at this very moment, she might still be thinking about Kaneki, as she probably always did when they had sex.

“That’s a lie. You thought of him more, didn’t you?” He tries to sound as jokey as he possibly can amidst his pants. He’s getting so close right now. He feels really good; it’s hard to even keep his eyes open to look at her.

“No, I didn’t. I could only— ah,” she chokes out a gasp as she speaks, breaking her statement apart. She shudders under him, squeezing him so tightly that she pulls him over as well. Ayato grits his teeth, wincing as he’s washed over by his climax. His limbs tremble and they give way under him. He’s so exhausted. He had already been tired from the previous time and he doesn’t exactly have the best stamina. He feels like he can barely move right now. He’s lying on her and he feels her arms wrap around his frame, one hand stroking his head gently as the other cradles it. “I didn’t think of Big Brother at all. I only thought of you.”

He’d had responded had he been more awake. But his eyelids are drooping. He hears her words but they feel distant and surreal, as if it’s all part of a dream. He can’t exactly make sense of them. They’re words; he knows what they mean individually. But what does she mean? He’s too tired to think, to sleepy to bother with this. He closes his eyes and it doesn’t feel like it’s going to take much for him to let go.

He feels movements and even with his eyes close, he can tell he’s on the bed now. She’s still holding him; he still feels warm. She’s still stroking him.

“Sweet dreams, Ayato.”

She wakes up when she feels movement, though it takes awhile for her sight to clear up and for her to orientate herself. Ayato is sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his neck. His back is turned to her. The bed is so small that they’d been so close to each other. It’s almost impossible for him not to have woken her up from getting up.

Hinami watches in silent as Ayato stands up, stretching a little. He looks around him before he bends down and starts picking up his clothes.

“Are you leaving?” she asks.

Ayato turns to her, almost surprised to see her up. “Yeah. I should go. It’s way past midnight.”

“If you get seen here, you might get into trouble,” she says. “Boys aren’t allowed in the girls’ wing at this time of the day.”

He grimaces. “What a stupid rule.”

“It is. But you’d get into deep trouble if you’re caught,” she admits. She reaches an arm out to him. “Just come back to bed.”

“Very well,” he sighs. He gets up and turns to crawl onto her bed, only to pause when his eyes seem to have been caught by something on her side table. He stares at it for a moment before he reaches forward and Hinami watches him pick her book up.

“King Bileygr,” he murmurs.

“I was just reading it awhile ago. It’s one of my favorite books,” she says, sitting up.

He stares at it for a moment before he looks over to her. “How does it end? Did the revolution succeed?”

“You’ve read the book too?” She’s surprised. She’s never known him to be much of a reader.

“Ah, someone happened to mention it passingly to me and I was wondering how it ends,” he explains.

“Oh, I see. The revolution succeeds, but not in the way you think it would,” Hinami admits. “They get what they want, but sometimes, you still question if it’s a happy ending.”

“It’s not a happy ending, then?”

“It is a realistic one, I suppose,” she muses. “Some people get what they want. Some didn’t. Some end up forgotten. Even in the new world, there is pain and heartbreak.”

“That’s depressing.” Ayato places the book down on the table and crawls into bed, lying down and pulling her down with him.

“Do you like happy endings, Ayato?” she asks and all she gets is a shrug in return. They lie in silence again and she supposes she should try to go back to sleep. But sleep doesn’t come to her and even though she isn’t facing him, she can tell that Ayato isn’t falling asleep either.

“So, Ayato, did you sleep with anyone else recently?” she asks, making small talk since there’s nothing else to talk about. The question had been burning in her mind since she saw his girlfriend’s messages just now. He had no issues sleeping with her just now so she won’t put it past him to be sleeping with more than one person at the same time.

“Not really,” he admits. “It’s just her.”

“Not even Rio?”

Ayato stiffens and Hinami feels her heart drop, not just at the thought of him sleeping with yet another person but also at the thought he lied to her again. She doesn’t have the right to dictate who he’s sleeping with now, not especially when they’re already living apart, but she has every right to be upset at his lies. It hurts to think he’s still lying to her, even after she had asked him to be honest with her.

She gets up and turns to him, staring down at him. “So you are sleeping with him.”

Ayato blinks at her before he gets up urgently as well, staring at her in confusion. “What made you bring Rio up?”

“Tomoe mentioned that there were rumors about the two of you doing it in high school and I saw you with Rio the other day,” she admits.

“Rio’s one of my closest friends so of course you’ll see us hanging out together,” Ayato snaps. “That doesn’t mean I’m sleeping with him. I hang out with Naki, Miza and the guys more than I do with him. You’re not suggesting I fuck all of them, do you?”

“No! I mean there were rumors about you and Rio so I just wondered,” Hinami admits. “So the two of you never did anything, right?”

“Yeah, about that…” His voice trails off and he looks away, rubbing his chin lightly. He seems hesitant and she knows that— again— he has something he’s hiding and that he’s debating if he should be honest with her. He and Rio probably did it.

“Ayato?”

“We didn’t do anything recently, at least,” he says frankly. He turns to her again. Hinami doesn’t know what kind of expression she has on right now but whatever it is, it is enough to send Ayato into a panic. He raises his hands up and waves them in denial, completely shifting his body so that he’s turned to her. “It’s not like that, really! Listen, that was a long time ago!”

“A long time ago?”

“Yeah! Like back in high school— first year of high school, that is!”

“I thought you said you had a crush on me in high school. But you slept with someone else still. Is that it?” she asks. She doesn’t really feel anger or disappointment right now, but she is curious and partly confused. Ayato must have the wrong idea though. It does seem like he’s freaking out. He probably thinks that he must have upset her more.

“It’s just sex, but no, I hadn’t liked you yet. It was still very early on in high school and we were just messing around,” Ayato explains.

“Was that how you lost your virginity?”

“Well, I guess,” he admits.

“Did it hurt?”

“Yeah, I mean, it was the first time and Rio’s a dumb idiot.”

“Oh, so you were on the bottom, then.”

Ayato falls silent and she watches him pale initially, before his cheeks redden, the blush rising up to his ears and down his neck. “Yes. Yes, I was.” He’s so cute. She amuses herself with watching him try his very best to calm himself down, only for the blush to redden even more. He slaps his hands onto his face, covering it entirely. “Stop looking at me like that! Stop it!”

“I’m sorry,” Hinami laughs. “It’s just really cute.”

“I’m not cute!” He peeks out from his hand and glares at her, though it’s simply more amusing.

“Okay, okay, fine.” She gives in, but she continues to laugh anyway. Ayato drops his hands, staring at her with a scowl still on his face. He turns away and crosses his arms.

“Well, is that all you wanted to know?” he grumbles. “Rio and I were just messing around. I had a thing for him in middle school, I guess, but he never liked me back.”

“But what about him saying that he’d take on your last name?” Hinami asks.

Ayato’s brows furrow. “He said he’d take on my surname? Are you sure he mentioned me?”

“No, Tomoe said he said he’s take on the name Kirishima. I just assumed he meant you.”

“Ah, that.” Ayato sighs. He rubs the back of his neck, looking upwards as he smiles a little sheepishly. “You see, he liked my sister back then, or maybe even till now.”

“Touka?”

“Yeah, he liked Touka so that’s probably what he meant by it,” Ayato laughs dryly. “My luck is amazing. My first crush has a thing for my sister and my first love is in love with my brother-in-law. I must have fucked up pretty badly in a previous life or something.”

“I’m sorry.” Her apology comes almost instinctively, though she doubts it actually means anything. She has apologised to him countless of times already— I’m sorry I keep using you, I’m sorry I don’t love you, I’m sorry I love him, I’m sorry I can’t love you the way you want me to. She’s always said it so simply to him. She never really knew how messed up everything is until Touka laid everything out. Right now, she wants to apologize properly. After tonight, they may never talk again. She might never get the chance to be honest again. Even though she’s technically not at fault— this whole thing was still his idea— she wants to apologize for the times she did hurt him, even if it was unintentional.

Ayato shrugs off her initial apology. She moves closer to him and places her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, Ayato. It must have been hard. You were always with me and all I ever talked about was Big Brother, even though he’s the person who hurt you.”

“What are you going on about?” he mutters. “I already told you before. It’s fine. You apologised before and you don’t have to do it again.”

“I didn’t know everything back then,” she admits. “I saw your sister the day before yesterday. She told me everything.”

“Oh, she did, did she? Stupid sister,” he curses. Hinami sees him looking at her from the corner of his eyes. He raises an eyebrow. “So? What did she tell you?”

“Everything, I think.”

“Everything?”

“She told me about the accident and about how Big Brother—”

“She told you that?” Ayato cries out, interrupting her. “I told her not to tell you that, no matter what!”

“But I wanted to know as well.”

“You don’t need to know all that! For fuck’s sake Hinami, I bet you feel pretty fucking terrible right now,” he snaps. Before she can really reply, he continues talking, sounding more annoyed than he was a moment ago. “Listen, forget everything that woman told you. It’s nonsense. None of that happened and there’s nothing that you have to feel terrible about. Kaneki didn’t do anything wrong. It was just an accident. Nothing was his fault. It doesn’t bother me that you love him or anything. I don’t give a fuck about all that— Hey, what are you doing?”

He stops his rambling, his voice taking on a more shaky tone, as she reaches out and lightly caresses his thigh. Ayato gave up soccer after the accident. He probably can’t play anymore because of how badly he must have gotten injured. That must have been the reason he studied hard to enter college; he couldn’t enter the sports school of his choice because he got hurt. Her previous assumption had been wrong.

“You didn’t have a choice in giving up soccer, did you?” she asks.

“No, I didn’t.” He sounds wary in his reply, probably still trying to keep as much as he can from her. Maybe in his own way, he is trying to protect her, to stop her from feeling so terrible about herself. Even if he thinks it’s for the best, she doesn’t think so at all.

“Is that why you worked so hard to come to Kamii? Since you can’t get what you wanted, you decided to do what your father wanted of you,” she continues. Ayato remains silent, eyes fixed on her hand on his leg. It doesn’t seem like he had any intention of talking about it. He might want her to drop it, but she’s tired of being kept in the dark and being fed half-truths. She wants to know everything. She’s already so deeply involved in their mess. She can’t back out now. “Tell me, Ayato. Tell me what happened. Please.”

“Why do you want to know?” It’s all he says. He doesn’t even look at her when he says it, though she would prefer if he does. Hinami lightly grabs his chin, turning him to face her. Ayato’s eyes widen a little, staring at her in slight suspicion. “What?”

“We’ve always talked about me. For once, I want to talk about you,” she says. “If tonight is our last night together, then at least let us end it on an equal footing. Can’t you be honest with me just for this moment?”

She can tell he’s considering her words as he stares at her. There’s a lot of hesitation on his part before he slowly nods his head and relents. “Fine, what do you want to know?”

“You came here because of that, right?”

“Yes. Yes, I did. After the accident, when I realised I can’t play soccer anymore, I didn’t know what to do. I thought, since Dad died like that, because of me, the least I can do is try to live up to his dream, so I wanted to make it to Kamii. But my grades weren’t good enough. Because of soccer, I hadn’t focused on my studies much and you know how hard it is to make it in here.”

“But you managed to, didn’t you?”

Ayato smiles a little— a sad, yet cheeky grin— and nods. “Yeah, because of you.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“Don’t you remember? At the end of high school you tutored me. You remember that, right?” His eyes are wide again.

“I didn’t tutor you. We just studied together a lot, didn’t we?” she says. She tries to think back to back then. She can’t remember what exactly had happened or how things led up to that, but she’s sure she spend her last months in high school with him a lot. They hung out together and studied with each other. It’s the reason why they had gotten close as friends, even though their third year was the only year they weren’t in the same class in school. It’s because of how close they were then that they ended up being close in college, that she agreed to follow him to that party that night and that they had gotten so drunk that the first night leading to everything else had happened.

“You did tutor me!” he argued. “I was an idiot and I had too many questions. You answered all of them for me and explained it so clearly I got everything really fast.”

“I don’t remember it that clearly, I’m sorry. But I’m glad I managed to help out.”

“You didn’t just help me. You saved me. When I didn’t know what to do and when I almost gave up, it’s because you were there that I had a little hope. I didn’t think I could make it to Kamii, I couldn’t play soccer. I didn’t know what to do. Dad was dead and I couldn’t bear to look at Touka or Kaneki. You gave me a shot at something,” he continues. He turns away, the blush returning back to his cheeks. “Though I don’t know if it’s worth it. I might have gotten to Kamii, but after this, what do I do? I only knew soccer and I wanted to make that my career. I’m not really interested in anything else.”

“You can still make it your career,” Hinami points out. His words are slowly weighing in. It does feel good, knowing that she’s at least done something good for him. It makes her feel less terrible about all the pain she’s put him through. Ayato’s looking at her now, his doubts over her precious statement apparent all over his face. She simply smiles in return. “You can’t play it but there’s so many sports-related job out there. You could be a reporter or an analyst. There’s so many possibilities.”

He’s silent as she spoke, his expression blank. It takes a couple of heartbeats before she sees a slow smile bloom on his face. He grabs her by the hand and pulls her to him, onto his lap. Her hands hold onto his shoulders to stable herself after the sudden movement. He’s looking up at her, grinning.

“You’re right. I never thought of that before. Fuck, I really never thought of that,” he says. “You just keep giving me reasons to love you.”

He pulls her into a kiss. She’s still somewhat confused. She hadn’t really completely thought about his admissions earlier on. What he told her about his life, about her, is still fresh in her mind. He isn’t giving her the chance to really think about what he’s said, not when he breaks apart from their kiss only to continue kissing down to her neck, attacking the sensitive spots he knows so well.

“Ayato, wait,” she gasps. “Slow down.”

“You don’t understand,” he murmurs against her skin. Even as the air around them is somewhat cold, his breath is warm. Her skin tingles as it brushes past her, only to burn up more when he presses his lips against her. “You don’t get just how much you’ve done for me. God, I fucking love you.”

He’s nibbling on her skin, probably leaving marks on her just like she had done on him earlier on. Her mind spins from the way he’s touching her. She’s wet again. She wants him inside again. But Ayato clearly has no plans to rush this. He pushes her on the bed and continues kissing and sucking her skin, leaving cool, wet spots around randomly. She can feel his desperation from the way he touches her. She can tell how much he longs for her and how begin this close to her is all that he really wants. She has never understood it, even though it’s always been there.

“Ayato, you never told me before,” she manages to say amidst her gasps and moans. “Why did you fall for me?”

“I just told you less than five minutes ago.”

Five minutes ago. She tries her best to remember what he had just told her. It’s hard to think when he’s touching her like that and making her feel so good. Her mind is already in a mess, falling apart more and more every time his lips brush against her now-sensitive skin. Part of her just wants to forget about the conversation, to just focus on how good he’s making her feel. But she still wants to know. She wants to know everything about him, everything he hadn’t told her before. Now is the only chance she has. So no matter how hard she wants to give up, she doesn’t. She forces herself to recall.

“Wait,” she cries out softly, trying to push him away. Ayato raises his head, fixing her with a partly annoyed glare “You fell for me because I tutored you?”

“Don’t make it sound so dumb,” he scoffs. “Like I said, you gave me a chance when I thought all hope was lost. When I felt alone and depressed back then, it was you who was beside it.”

“I didn’t mean it to be that way. I just thought we were studying,” she admits.

“Well it meant more to me.” He almost sounds childish, scoffing at her like this. But he’s still smiling and that puts her at ease a little. He’s being open and honest and there doesn’t seem to be anything making him uncomfortable. It’s almost like he’s trusting her with what’s always been locked deep inside. She feels his hand on her cheek, lightly stroking her. “It might have been trivial to you, but to me, it meant a lot, which is why I told myself that if there comes a time where you would need me by your side, I would be there for you.”

“Which is what you did.”

“Yeah, which is what I did,” he agrees. He grimaces slightly and lets out a dry laugh. “Well, I didn’t think it would turn out to be this messed up.”

But as they had agreed, just for tonight, it will be different.

“I don’t want this night to end,” she breathes out.

He sits up, hugging her body to his and nestling his head against her neck, hands still assisting her movements. He gives her a soft kiss. “Me too.”

He feels the same way. The thought gives her a slight hope. Maybe there’s something else that can be done. Maybe there’s still a chance. Maybe there’s another way.

“Do we have to end this?” she asks. She knows the answer, but she gives it a shot anyway.

“You don’t want to end it, huh?” he sighs thoughtfully. “Why does it matter so much to you? I’m just a fuck buddy to you, aren’t I? It’s not like this is anything special.”

He’s wrong. He’s more than that. He is special.

“Once you’re gone, I don’t know what to do. You’re the closest person I have,” she admits. She remembers what she told Kaneki all those months ago— I have one really important person and I think he’s enough for me.

“That’s not true. You have friends. Tomoe has been really worried about you,” Ayato says.

“Tomoe is a friend, but she’s different from you. I can’t tell her all of these. When you’re gone, it feels like I will be alone again.”

“You won’t be alone,” he says sternly. He frowns slightly, takes a deep breath and continues talking. “Look, one day, someone amazing will come into your life. They’ll sweep you off your feet and they’ll love you deeply as well. That person will make you forget all about Kaneki. When they come, trust me, you will be happy and you’ll never be alone again. So even if it might be hard, you have to stay strong and wait till that person comes, okay?”

“Fine,” she huffs. Ayato chuckles softly and he lightly strokes her hair, watching her with soft eyes. He’s looking at her that way again. Whenever he has that expression, she feels soft and weak inside. It feels as if he’s looking at the most important thing in his life, as if he’s looking at the brightest ray of sunshine in the darkest of forests. Maybe she might be that important to him, but he deserves better. He deserves someone who looks at him this way as well, someone who treats him as well as he’d treat them.

“One day,” she says, choking, “you’ll find that someone too. For yourself.”

She wants him to find his happiness, yet the thought of him finding happiness with someone else makes her uneasy. She closes her eyes and rests against his chest. She pictures him with another woman, living together, starting a family and finding their own happiness. She pictures him living a life without her, without even thinking about her, and she almost feels like crying.

“I don’t think there’ll be anyone else out there for me,” Ayato laughs.

She lets out a sigh of relief in her mind, as selfish as it might seem. She looks up at him again, somewhat doubtful. “Are you sure?”

He grins. “Yeah. You’re the only one for me, Hinami. If I can’t have you then…” He pauses, taking a deep breath. Hinami watches him, anticipating his words. “If I can’t have you then, I’ll have to live with it.”

She almost wishes he had said something a lot different. She’s read a thousand romance books and she’s seen all kinds of boyfriends and lovers. It’s completely out of Ayato’s character, but she imagines him saying a different line and she can’t help the tremble that runs through her.

“If I can’t have you then, no one else will,” he says in her fantasy.

Of course, he never would say that. Ayato isn’t the possessive kind, especially not of someone that isn’t even his.

“Ayato?” she calls out softly.

“Yeah?”

“Tonight is our last night, right?”

“Yeah.”

She gets up, straddling him again, and cups his face. They’re merely centimetres apart— so close she can feel his hot breath on her. “Then can I pleasure you over and over again?”

A cheeky grin surfaces on his face. “Of course.”

“Good. How many more rounds can you go?”

Leaving Hinami is easier said than done. When he wakes up, he doesn’t immediately leave. He lies still in her bed, holding her close without saying a single thing. As long as he doesn’t get up, whatever they have won’t end. As long as he’s holding her, she’s still there by his side. He knows that Hinami is up as well. She wakes up much earlier than him normally. He wonders if she’s thinking the same thing. As long as he doesn’t leave, this will not end.

Eventually it starts getting much brighter and he knows that it’s already late in the morning. He has to go. He can’t procrastinate any longer.

But when he gets up, he’s immediately pulled down into a deep kiss.

“Just one kiss,” she murmurs against his lips before she kisses him again.

The next thing he knows, they’re making out, and then, he’s inside of her again. This is their last time. The thought plays over and over again in his mind as he fucks so deep into her that she’s mewling and crying at the top of her lungs. Her neighbours can probably hear her right now, but she doesn’t seem to care and Ayato can’t too.

He gets up after he comes, even though his body protests and asks him to rest a little. Temptations are too strong. He has kept giving in. He can’t let it happen again. He gets up, pulls on his clothes and grabs his bag, almost forgetting the actual reason he came here— her paper.

“I’ll just put this here,” he says. He drops it on the table and starts to head to the door.

“Ayato,” she calls out. “Wait.”

He’s right at the door. He can still leave. Yet he stops and turns around. She walks over to him and stops right in front of him. She winds her arms around him and, while standing on tiptoes, kisses him again. Fuck it. He kisses her back, hard and forceful, spinning her around to push her against the door.

The last time. This is our last time.

He can’t resist her. He can’t stop himself. Hinami is undoing his pants as they kiss and the moment they’re undone, he hoists her up and enters her. Her legs wind around his waist as he fucks her against the door. He doesn’t last long this time, but he lasts long enough to bring her to another orgasm. They’re both spent by now. It’s not like they really had a good sleep last night. He’s tempted to carry her to bed and climb in again, to sleep with her longer. But god knows what they’ll do if he brings her back to bed.

He needs to stop. Every time he tells himself this, he just ends up fucking her. As long as he’s in her room with her, as long as they’re alone, he will end up giving in.

Ayato puts her down and adjusts his clothes, before opening the door slightly and slipping out. This is the only thing he can do to put a full stop to it all.

“I’ll go now. Thank you for everything. I’ll see you soon.”

He closes the door before she’s able to give a response. It’s the only way. He’ll go back home now, back to Oohashi and back to his Hinami-less life. He’ll have to treat the previous night as simply nothing more than a good dream. It’s easier to pretend it never happen than to go on with the thought that he had given up half way through their separation and fucked her too man times to count in one night.

“Where were you last night?” Oohashi asks the moment he walks into his apartment. She’s in the kitchen, washing a plate. He watches her and while it hadn’t bothered him as much as it should have last night, the guilt starts crashing down on him. She’s his girlfriend, yet he had slept with someone else.

“I met a friend for a project. Then we lost track of time and I ended up sleeping over,” he lies. Oohashi studies him and for a moment, he wonders if she’s able to see through his lie. A couple of moments later, she shrugs and turns away.

“Well, that’s college for you, I suppose,” she muses. Perhaps dating an older woman has its benefits as well.

He watches her for a moment and starts wondering again why he even got into a relationship with her. He might have tried to use her to forget Hinami, but that hadn’t worked at all. Sleeping with her hadn’t made him feel any better. It had only made him long for Hinami even more. Oohashi feels different from her. It’s not the same feeling he had been craving for all these while. Last night, he had managed to feel it again and right now, immediately after that, he doesn’t think he’d be able to take sleeping with someone else. It will just disgust him even more.

“Oohashi, I’m sorry,” he says and she looks over with a curious expression. “I can’t do this anymore. Let’s end this.”

She doesn’t react much. She remains silent, considering what he told her. Ayato doesn’t wait for her response. His decision is final. He doesn’t need to keep clinging on to someone. He doesn’t need to make the same mistake Hinami did, especially not when he had ended things with her for this very reason. He remembers what he had told Hinami— someday, someone will come— and Hinami had said the same thing to him. Someday, someone will come. He recites it in his head a couple of times. Someday, someone will come. That person is not Oohashi and as much as he wishes for it, that person will never be Hinami.

He’d been living his life constantly clinging to the hope that one day, maybe she will turn around. One day, she might fall for him. Perhaps even during the course of this entire separation, he’s been waiting for her to suddenly show up one day and to tell him that she wants him back. She never did that. It’s him who went to her last night. Maybe he really was all she could think about this month, but he doesn’t want to keep his hopes up. There’s a lot of reasons why this could have happened— he hurt her that much or maybe she was just lusting for him. The idea that she might have fallen for him surfaces in his mind, but he discards it immediately. He needs to accept the fact that she will never fall for him. As long as a slight hint of hope exists deep within him, he will always cling to her. Last night will continue to happen.

“What’s gotten into you?” He hadn’t noticed Oohashi coming up to him until she speaks. She climbs onto his lap, kissing him slightly before she nuzzles into his neck. Her fingers fiddle with his jacket, pushing it off his shoulders. “Did something happen? You’re acting weird. If there is anything wrong, you can tell me—” She stops, cutting herself off as she sits up. Her eyes widen, before her brows furrow. She tugs on the collar of his t-shirt, trying to unveil more skin.

“What are you doing?” he sighs.

“What are these marks on your neck?” she asks.

He glances down. It’s hard for him to see from that angle, but he could make out some lightly bruising on his skin. He brings a hand to it, lightly rubbing it. Hinami had left a ton of hickeys all over his body. If Oohashi sees them, he won’t know how to explain. The thought had surfaced in his mind then, but he had forgotten about it almost instantly.

“It’s nothing,” he says.

Oohashi frowns and then stands up. “You were sleeping with someone else last night, weren’t you?”

He has no reason to lie, especially since he’s ending things with her anyway. “Yes, I was.”

“I shouldn’t have expected anything from you, I suppose,” she sighs. “You cheated on that girl, didn’t you?”

He isn’t in the mood to argue. He simply shrugs.

“Was it her you went to see last night?”

“Yeah.”

“So, were you cheating on me last night or were you cheating on her this entire time with me?” she asks. There’s some truth to the question, he supposes. Oohashi probably would be suspicious.

“I didn’t cheat on her.”

“Well, whatever. I’m leaving,” she mutters. She starts to walk off and then she stops, looking over at him. “You know, me aside, you really shouldn’t break that girl’s heart. She seemed like a good girl who genuinely loves you.”

He almost laughs out loud.

A/N: Firstly, I know you guys like sex scenes but I decided to cut out the sub Ayato scene. Again. I’m sorry, I do enjoy writing it and I had written it partly but it was the last scene I worked on and I was so tired I decided to skip it. I also thought the scene itself didn’t match with the whole mood of the chapter so cutting it actually did the story a favor. Maybe I’d do a .5 chapter for it one day, but not so soon. I do want to finish the 2 next chapters and the epilogue as soon as I can.

I’m too sleepy so I leave you all with this. Thank you for all your support and your sweet comments. I read all of them-- the rbs, the tags and the replies. I’m sorry I didn’t reply to you guys but I love them all. Thank you so much.

Once again, please please do reblog if you like this! It’ll really help me out. Feel free to leave comments in the tags/ reblogs/ replies or through asks!

#tg #tokyo ghoul #ayahina #kirishima ayato #fueguchi hinami #i think i'll skip tagging the other characters though #tg fanfic #far writes stuff #my fic: shattered

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drink-n-watch · 5 years

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I’ve been promising this post for a while now. I did a voice actor version some time ago and it was one of my favourite lists to put together. I think you guys enjoyed it too.

As we all know, an actor’s performance can really drag down an anime. There’s something heartbreaking about a painfully wooden performance in the middle of a wonderful story that rips you right out of the fantasy. On the bright side, I’ve seen more than a few characters go from boring to endearing on the strength of an actor’s charisma. Voice actors don’t have as much to work with as conventional actors. They can’t rely on body movements or smouldering looks to get their message across. So it’s doubly impressive when they manage to convey subtle emotion and complex feelings though inflection and tone alone.

And for me, these ladies do just that.

Today let us celebrate the artistry that goes into bringing some of our favourite characters to life. In no real order we have!

5. Aoi Yuuki

I don’t care how petty it sounds, I’m just going to put this right here. This young woman is shorter than me!!! A musician and traditional actress, Aoi unique voice has made her quite successful in the field. Here are a few selected roles out of the tons she has had:

Hana – Ben-To

Tsuyu – My Hero Academia

Mina – Vampire Bund

The Energetic Ringo – Daily Lives of HighSchool Boys

Sosuke – Free!! (surprised? – I was)

Victorique – Gosick

Mihoshi – Gundam

Russia – Hetalia

Kino – Kino’s journey

Futaba – Persona 5

Iris – Pokemon

Mélie – Radiant

Shinra – Durarara!!

Sunako – Shiki

Borr – SSSS.Gridman

Tanya – Saga of Tanya the Evil

Oh yeah – she’s also Madoka in some magical girl show…

She’s set to play Touka and Boogiepop in the upcoming remake and I am psyched for this!

Not to mention roles in March Comes In Like a Lion, ACCA 13, Asobi Asobase, Welcome to the Ballroom, Gangsta, Gintama, Goblin Slayer, Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens, Hyakka, Hyouka, Your Name, last exile, One Punch Man, Seraph of the End, Sword Art Online II, Tanaka-kun, Tokyo Ghoul, Snafu, Yuru Yuri, and I seriously skipped over most of them. This lady works!

The surprisingly raspy quality of her vocals, and the counterintuitive depth of her tone makes her suitable for a wide range of diverse characters. A small actress with a big voice! Irresistible.

4. Chiwa Saito

Miss Saito has been acting for some time which means she’s had the chance to amass a pretty impressive portfolio. One of my favourite random facts out there, is that she is part of a voice acting groups called “MORE PEACH SUMMER SNOW”. That’s the best name ever. I’m going to rname Buddy that. (His actional name if Sir Buddy Livingston Master Chief Brown). Sadly, she is taller than me.

Yona – Yona of the Dawn

Aika – Aria

Hitagi – Monogatari series

Sigyn – Break Blade

Yuki – Vampire Bund

Chloe – Fate/Kaelid series

Natsumi – Keroro

the fantastic Riko – Kuroko’s Basketball

Louise- Gudam 00

Anita – R.O.D. TV

Kotori – rewrite

Meru – Zetsoubu Sensei

Nadeshiko – Yuru Yuri

She’s also Homura in some magical girl show…I swear I didn’t know this before researching for this post. I never realized how much I liked the Madoka casting before!

Of course there’s like a billion more titles but I’m going to name these ones because, reasons: Amanchu, Arakawa Under the Bridge, Boccano, Berserk, Dog & Scissors, D-Frag, Daily Lives of HighSchool Boys, Gintama, Girls Bravo, Kino’s journey, Last Exile, Log Horizon, Lyrica Nanoha, Murder Princess (I just like this title) One Piece, Sward Art Online, I’m just going to stop now.

You can actually hear her sing in some roles and she truly has a beautiful singing voice. It has a rich timber and she obviously has a great ear for melody. If ever she chose to switch career paths to the musical instead, I’m sure she’d have a great future. We would miss her as an actress though so let’s not encourage that!

3. Megumi Hayashibara

A more classical voice actress and one of the best known in Japan, Megumi almost became a nurse instead. There’s a certain personality that goes along with choosing a career in nursing. Caring but also resilient. You can see that peek through a bit in Megumi’s character and acting choice. Then again, there are so many to pick from I could probably make an argument for any character type.

Pai and IV – 3×3 eyes

Ai – Detective Conan

Haruko – FLCL Progressive

Haruka – Love Hina

Todomatsu – Osomatsu-kun

Paprika and Chiba – Paprika

Musashi – Pokemon

Ranma – Ranma 1/2

Lime – Saber Marionette J

Anna – Shaman King

Lina – Slayers

Ai – Video Girl Ai

Genkai – Yuu Yuu Hakusho

Hello Kitty…this woman is Hello Kitty

The incomparable Faye Valentine – Cowboy Bebop

Probably best known as Rei Ayanami – Evangelion

She can also be heard in Blue Exorcist, Bakuretsu Hunters, Sailor Moon, Blue Seed, Chihayafuru 2, Ghost in the Shell, Patlabor, Macross Plus, Lupin III, Maison Ikkoku, One Piece, Project A-ko, Shadow Skill, the Doreamons, Tenchi Muyou, and obviously a million more shows.

This lady’s body of work speaks for itself. I have to say I was already pretty amazed that spunky, opinionated Faye, with her womanly register and quiet monotone Rei were played by the same person, add in Hell Kitty to the mix and my mind is a little broken…and then you have comedy queen Ranma. This is the type of career you look up to!

2. Romi Park

Did you know that Romi studied Korean in university. I just find that intriguing, obviously she’s always liked languages. Ok I’m beating about the bush so let me just say it, miss Park’s performance was one of the best parts of FMA: Brotherhood for me. I literally caught myself in the middle of scenes just going, OMG the acting is phenomenal. I’ve heard great things about the English language cast but you really are missing ouy if you didn’t catch this performance.

Tōshirō Hitsugaya – Bleach

Teresa – Claymore

Akane – Danganronpa

Tanaka – Daily Lives of High School Boys

Igarashi – Deadman Wonderland

Kenichi – Cyber Coil

Ken – Digimon

Sena – Eyeshield 21

Natsume – Gakuen Alice

Walter – Hellsing Ultimate

Switzerland – Hetalia

Angelina – Black Butler

Taiga – Major

Falis – Murder Princess (love this title)

Temari – Naruto

My precious, precious Naoto – Persona 4

Jiro – Pokemon

Syrup – Precure

Alma – Radiant

Zoe Hange – Attack on Titan

Everyone’s favourite rocker Nana Osaki – Nana

And of course Edward Elric – Fullmetal Alchemist

And if that wasn’t enough, you can hear her in Air Master, Beelzebub, Blue Dragon , Clannad After story, Detective Conan, Devil May Cry, Garo, Granblue Fantasy, Hunter x Hunter, Kill la Kill, Lupin III, Gundam 00, One Piece (everyone is in this), RahXephon, Sengoku Basara, RDG, Samurai 7, Terra Formars (cause it’s terrible), Aquarion, White Album

Romi Parks has the most devastatingly emotional voice I know. She often plays calm, cool and collected genius type characters (a lot of boys as you can see) but when an emotional contrast is needed, she really knows how to deliver, making her characters feel so real and raw. One of the greatest performers in my opinion, she tends to make me want to see a show just to hear what she can do with the character.

Honorable Mentions

Ami Koshimizu

C,mon, she Ryuko from Kill la Kill. Always loved that sexy alto voice! Apparently she was also both Hiro and Naomi in the recent Darling and the Franxx. I loved her as Ibuki in Danganronpa. She was Kallen in Code Geass, Holo in Spice and Wolf and Yuiko in Persona. Obviously I’m skipping over st of her work including some very big roles. I suggest you look her up! The only reason she isn’t on the list proper is that I simply haven’t seen that many of her shows even though a lot are very popular.

1. Megumi Ogata

OK fine so this is a subjective choice. Well they all are really, it’s my top 5 list. Fact is, I’ve been a fan of Megumi Ogata for a long long time and I’m just always going to be. She’s the first voice talent I ever learned about and I absolutely love her work. Sure, she might have voiced a few of my anime crushes but surely that did not influence my choice in any way…. She’s much taller than me.

Ayato – Angel Beats

Haruka (Sailor Uranus) – Sailor Moon*

Jun – Captain Tsubasa

Yukito and Yue – Cardcaptor Sakura*

Makoto – Danganronpa

Nagito – Danganronpa***

Shinji – Evangelion*

Izumi Rio – Searching for the Full Moon*

the terrifying Fairies – Humanity has Declined

Cranberry – Raising Project*

Ichigou Fujimoto – Magical girl Ore

Ken – Persona 3

Yukimura – Samurai Deeper Kyo*

Akagi – Slam Dunk

Valkyrie – UFO Princess Valkyrie

Yuugi – Yu Gi Oh!*

Karuma – Yuu Yuu Hakusho*

And just o drive the point home, here are a few more at random. If you want to full list, you’ll have to look it up. I just can’t type that much! Bleach, Detective Conan, et Backers, Great Teacher Onizuka, Kino’s Journey, Magic Knight Rayearth, Tamayura, Tokyo Mew Mew,

Megumi Ogata is a revered veteran in the field. Comparing Nagito to Makoto (purposefully similar characters with a lot of very similar lines) will reveal her mastery on inflection and subtle vocalisation to embody a character way beyond their dialogue. Anyone still under the illusion that voice acting is simply reading your lines, please see master Ogata’s work!

Good list isn’t it!?! I discover new voice talent all the time mind you. I’ll be watching a show and suddenly realize that the actor is doing fantastic work. And I’m always so happy when I discover a new favourite. So please, share yours with me!

that was a lot of pics to find….

Top Five Voice Actresses in My Harem I've been promising this post for a while now. I did a voice actor version some time ago…

#anime #Lists #Voice Actors #yummy

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kirishimahinami · 7 years

Text

Fostered Love Chapter 1

Summary: After talking to her teacher and crush, Fueguchi Hinami decides to take up the extra credit suggestion he had presented. Through it she gets to know :re orphanage and it’s associates - as well as Kirishima Ayato, that from now on shall be her partner in babysitting.

Notes: Hello everyone! 🙏 So this is an au I’ve been cooking up ever since dadyato (tm) showed up last chapter. I’m really excited for it and I have tons of ideas for it, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. This will mainly be a drama/fluff fic, so please keep that in your minds. I’m also very sorry ahead of time because I think I mislead a few people and exaggrated how fluffy it will be, because this chapter is one of the less fluffy ones. Also please note none of the kids are OC’s, they’re the Aogiri + Underground children! I only gave them names because they’re unnamed as of this moment 💛

Chapter Summary: Hinami is introduced to the extra credit option and takes it up while she’s in daze over her homeroom teacher, Kaneki Ken. Following what he suggested her, she goes an orphanage by the name of :re, and discovers how nice it is to work with kids - while how bad it is to work with adults. (4.7k)

The school bell rang. Hinami ran into the classroom, her friends behind her giggling and sliding their hands under her arms from each side, locking them together as they went towards their assigned seats in the classroom. Their smiles were bright on their faces as they led Hinami to her seat in the front row. “I’m so happy for you! I can’t believe he actually became our homeroom teacher. It’s like, fate!” Kanna chippered, hitting Hinami’s upper arms lightly in her excitement.

“Kanna! Stop hitting Hinami, she needs to be focused on the goal, you know..” Chiasa, who stood right in front of Kanna, scolded. Hinami embarrassment couldn’t be hidden as she was blushing even at the tips of her ears. It was no secret to the two other girls she had a crush on their literature teacher, Kaneki Ken. He was nice, caring, and very easy on the eyes - and now he was their homeroom teacher, after a very unfortunate incident that happened to Kamishiro-sensei.

It wasn’t what mattered though. What matters is now she gets one hour every morning of the weekday to see him more. She was absolutely thrilled. She was unable to sit still, her legs changing position every few moments under the table and it wasn’t helping Kanna and Chiasa were already starting to make up scenarios of how their love will conquer all. Talking about how his pretty grey eyes will land on her and his silky snowy hair would blow in the wind-

The sliding door of the classroom slammed against the wall, and Hinami noticed both Kanna and Chiasa had already scurried away to their sits. He was standing there, smile bright at the students before him. Hinami straightened her back as he entered, and stopped in his place right in front of the teacher’s desk. Right in front of her.

Her hands held her face as she leaned forward. “Hello everyone. I am sure you all heard of what happened to Kamishiro-sensei…” He said, and Hinami nodded to herself. The rumors about her former homeroom teacher being in a construction site accident have spread far and wide across the school. Apparently she was okay, but she got more than a few of her bones broken. Most of the rumors were about how she managed to make the principal give her a fully paid work vacation.

“...So, because of that, I’m from now on will be the substitute homeroom teacher until she returns.” Hinami had the urge to clap, but she prevented herself from doing so. She was sure she was staring at him enough to already get looks from her classmates… But it’s not like they could blame her. She knew quite a few girls that liked Kaneki-sensei. Which is a depressing thought in it’s own, but she tried not to think about it.

“Anyway, since it’s the middle of the year already, and we all want you to start gaining whatever boosts you can get so you could all go to a nice college. So the faculty members and I came up with an idea for that - extra credit through volunteering.” Hinami was listening to every word very closely, but only because she liked his voice, how calm and soothing it was. She was a straight A student, she didn’t need to worry about extra credit. She can enroll into most top colleges she knows of with her grades.

“Well, anyone who wants to try volunteering, tell me after the class is over. I’ll refer you to what you can do. Now to our next topic….” Her turns around to the board and Hinami melts into her seat. She didn’t even realize how tense her muscles were before. She must’ve have looked so uptight… Hinami feels something thrown at her from the behind, and looks at the source. Kanna, sitting tall and elegant, trying to make Hinami do the same.

She sighed and returned to sit normally, but otherwise ignored her friend who was also making very weird expressions she probably would describe as sexy. I’m not doing it. Ever. And she was sure Chiasa was with her on that one. She played with her pen to distract her mind from Kanna and her dedication to make Hinami listen, but the other girl just simply blocked her out.

In no time she heard the bell ringing, and sighed in relief. Kanna was truly a terror to sit in front of, especially with her almost shouting Hinami’s name in order to get her to turn around. When she looked back again at the girl, she saw pouty lips and squinted eyes. “Okay, you managed to avoid this in the class, but you need to appeal to him a little bit!” The girl whispered to her.

Hinami nodded awkwardly, avoiding arguing with her. She didn’t really want to confront him yet… or at all. Ever. Too bold. Too risky. She wasn’t ready to deal with it quite yet. She hid behind Chiasa like a child behind her mom as she pouted back at Kanna that probably felt a bit bad about it all - she looked apologetic.

“Hinami-chan….” Chiasa says and Hinami lifts her head to look at her, questioning her with a tilt. “I’m sorry, but right now is your time to shine.” She giggled as she pushed Hinami back, and Hinami stumbled and barely could stop herself from crashing again her teacher. She yelped as she managed stabilize herself.

Kaneki-sensei turns to her. She wants to die. Chi-chan… I thought you were on my side…. She thought to herself and she gazed at him with absolute horror in her eyes. Hinami had the urge to bolt out of the room, but he was already staring at her. Why me?

“Fueguchi-chan? Are you okay?” He asks her, his brows furrowed. She gulped as she nodded, but she was sure he noticed she was very much uncomfortable in this situation - her nervousness written all over her face. Her throat felt dry as she looked at him. The world must hate me. He scratched his head awkwardly. “Alright… so is there anything you need me for?”

Uhhhh. Maybe for holding my hand, and going to the movies and restaurants together, and stuff like that-- She can think that all she want, but Hinami can’t even see herself saying those words aloud. She needs to come up with a good excuse, and her mind is speeding through ideas in order to find something normal. She takes the first normal things that comes to her mind. “I-I want to take the extra credit option!” She blurts out, her hands clutching the sides of her uniform skirt as she looks away. This is embarrassing.

“Fueguchi-chan, you realize you don’t need extra credit, right?” He asks her, looking amused. He probably was, she was making a fool of herself. “Your grades are near perfect. Most colleges would beg for you to enroll at their place.” He says factually, as she knows it already. She worked very hard to keep her grades up - studying every day making sure that she won’t let herself slip. It was just what she was good at.

“Um, I know, but… I want to enter Kamii, and it’s the biggest college around… I just want to have the best chances I can get….” She bluffed quickly. She did want to go to Kamii, but she was already sort of volunteering in her dad’s hospital. Not a lot, but the chances they turn her away with grades and background are already very, very low.

“You want to enter Kamii? That was my school! It is really hard to get accepted. Alright, let’s see, then.. Is there something in particular you want to do for you volunteer work? There are a few options, but if you have an idea already, I can refer you to a few places.” He beams at her and she bites her lips trying not to smile too much.

She thought to herself. In her father’s hospital she comes by every now and then to the children section, to read them stories and make them smile, playing with them and helping them with whatever they need. “...Something with children, maybe?..” She hesitantly suggested. Hinami had no idea what she was getting into, really, but it wouldn’t be that bad. She thinks.

“Well, honestly, there’s a few places in town that can fit that... “ He starts, and his hand rises and settles behind his back as he thinks. Is she imagining or is there a blush on his face? “But there’s this one place that I think you could really help in… There’s this orphanage in 20th ward, named :re, and it absolutely needs more hands there! It would be great if you can volunteer there!”

He looked really happy as he mentioned all of this. She was glad she picked to say she’d like to work with children. Her teacher was pretty much ecstatic. It’s going unbelievably well. “It sounds great!” She responded just as excitedly. He smiled at her, dazzling as ever.

“Wonderful! I’ll phone the manager for you!” He clapped his hands happily as he said that. “Oh! And also write you down the address and all. When do you have a free day to start? Any day should work.” He asked her, taking a piece of paper and pen out of his bag, following his words.

“I can start even today!” She almost yelled at him, but he didn’t seem to mind as he gave her the paper in his hands. Hinami wasn’t really thinking at the time, she was feeling so giddy. The fact he looked so happy made her heart flutter a little.

“Alright! You can go there where you finish school, I’ll tell Touka-chan for you. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to have you around. I’m glad you decided to volunteer, Fueguchi-chan.” He said and left the room. Hinami looked at the the small piece of paper in her hand and the address written carefully on it, suddenly realizing what she did.

What have I gotten myself into?

I… can I really do this?

It took her a while, but she finally found the orphanage. It was almost at the very end of the block Mr. Kaneki told her to go to, and was medium sized, in all honesty. At least compared to her neighbourhood’s houses, that is. It looked pretty well managed though, clean and prettily organized, potted plants sitting at the window sill.

Nonetheless, the nervousness still keeps her stuck in her place. She may have worked with children before, but not with strangers. Her father was always around when she came by to the hospital, and if she wanted to see her mom, she could have simply went to the other wing in the hospital and tell her hey.

She should have dragged Chiasa and Kanna here too. What if she screws this up? Why didn’t she think of a more clever excuse? So much for an honor student.. Being smart doesn’t help her if she doesn’t actually think! Her fingers run through her hair as she tried to overcome the anxiousness that lingered within her. Three seconds, and she’ll stand up to that door in front of her and knock on it.

One. Two… Thre-

The door creaked as it opened and Hinami yelped, taking a few quick steps back. In front of her, there was a beautiful lady standing, despite looking awfully surprised with her eyebrows raised high. “Oh! Sorry. Are you okay?” She asks her, and Hinami is still a bit shocked, but nods. “Is that uniform?... Yes, it is! You are from Tokyo Central High School, right? Your teacher told me you were coming.”

“Yes.. Hello. I’m Hinami Fueguchi… It’s nice to meet you.” She introduces herself politely. She wants the first impression to be positive. Her parents always said it was important.

“Nice to meet you too. I’m Touka Kirishima. I’m the manager of this place.” She returned the gesture, and Hinami finally really took the time to take her in - she had pretty blue eyes, that went well with her short blue hair. She had soft facial features that only added to her beauty with the mature aura that surrounded her.

Wow…

Touka led her in, letting her look around the place. It felt homely. A lot of book shelves, cozy looking sofas and patterned, soft rugs made it look much for like house for a family rather than a foster house. The windows had velvety blue curtains, and Hinami could see a small form peeking from behind the fabric.

“Hmmm?” Touka noticed she had her gaze set on something, it seems. She turns her head to look. “Yuki, come over here! Meet our new volunteer here. It’s okay.” She tells him, and Yuki hesitates, but with Touka’s reassuring grin encouraging him, Yuki ran to her, hiding from Hinam behind her leg.

Hinami puts on her best smile as she crouches down to the kid. Her father always told her, that kids like having you on their eye level. She’s kept this as a golden rule in her heart, to always think of how you look like the child in front of you, as he they are much more vulnerable. This applied to this kid especially - the look of uncertainty in his eyes and they way he clutched Touka’s skirt spoke volumes already. “Hello. I’m Hinami. What is your name?”

She already knew his name, Touka said it already, but she personally thinks it’s always better to let children speak for themselves. He was pouting at her adorably, but he was only backing away more from her. Touka nudged him with her hip and he huffed.

“Yuki..” He answered, albeit forcibly, but still did. It's a start, isn’t it? He was shying away from her, but it wasn’t as if she could have expected kids to warm up to her ever since day one. That’s just not going to happen. She would just have to do her best, looking welcoming and gain his, along with others trust.

Touka sighed at the scene in front of her. “Yuki, can you call the others down? We need them to get to know her, too.” She told him, ruffling his hair before he nodded and scurried away upstairs. “Come on, I’ll show you to the rest of the staff until he actually manages to gather all of them here.”

There was a lack in staff, as Kaneki-sensei said back in class. Touka practically introduced her to three people - Irimi Kaya, Koma Enji, and Yomo Renji. All of them seemed nice enough. Irimi and Koma were working in the kitchen, making dinner for the kids together while Yomo was feeding the orphanage’s parrot. All three were polite to her, something was immensely grateful for. She doesn’t handle rude or brash people well.

By the time the introductions were over, all the kids settled downstairs on the soft rug in the living room. There were only six of them, and all were either sitting patiently in a respectable way or simply sprawled on the carpet beneath them with no care in the world. There was no in between, and Hinami giggled at the sight.

“Alright everyone!” Touka called out to children, snatching their attention as she clapped her hands. “I want you all to meet a new person here. Her name is Fueguchi Hinami and she’s going to volunteer here from now on. Be nice to her, all of you, okay?”

The kids reaction ranged from soft, agreeing humming to blank stares that left Hinami the slightest bit uncomfortable. She wondered if she did something to upset a few of the kids, but as her mind backtracked she couldn’t really think of anything that would be considered rude…

“Manager! Where’s Nii-chan?” One of the boys suddenly asked. It was off-topic, but it seemed like the kids were much more interested in that from how they’ve perked up at the question. Touka ran a hand through her silky hair, sighing. Hinami just stayed quiet, labeling it in her mind as a case of bad attention span, more so for herself to feel a bit less embarrassed.

Touka looked at the watch on her hand. “He should be here by now… He isn’t usually late. I’ll call him. Fueguchi-chan, do you mind staying with them, for a little while?” She asked, seemingly biting her inner cheek as she looked at the phone she had just pulled out of her pocket.

“Of course, don’t worry…” Hinami replied, though admittedly, she was pretty nervous about staying with the kids alone. They did not seem to like her much. Even if it was just because she was a stranger, it was disheartening. Hinami licked her dry, chapped lips. She brought this on herself.

“Thank you! I’ll be right back.” Touka said and left for one of the backrooms, her steps rushed as she walks away. Meanwhile, Hinami settles between the kids that all look at her as if she’s the only black sheep in the herd. Two of the girls inch closer, seemingly taking interest in her earrings from some reason, despite them being as plain as any medical earrings are. Granted, they’re gemstone earrings and therefore a bit sparkly, but she doesn’t think ten year olds would still be very excited about a bit of shimmer.

“It’s pretty.” One of the girls says. The other one frowns at her, and her head shakes profusely in protest.

“It looks boring. Nii-san’s safety pin looks the best!” The other girl stated, her arms folded in front of her and her head raised high. She then turns to Hinami with a smirk on her face. “He told me I could do one like that when I grow up too!” The other children ignored her. One even yawned. It must be a typical behavior of hers.

Hinami cleared her parched throat. She hoped all that time she spent with the kids at the hospital would prove to help her. “First, thank you!” She told to the little girl who complimented her. The kid’s cheeks were rosy in color, but she didn’t say anything. “Second… That’s a cool earring you are describing. It would fit you well, I think.” She chuckled as she saw the content on the proud girl’s face. “Would you both tell me your names?”

“It’s a secret-”

“I’m Miyu, and her name is Akemi.” The girl that complimented her said, and Hinami giggled as Akemi snapped her face to Miyu in betrayal, her long hair flips dramatically. Miyu laughed and ran away at full speed, and the other girl chased her, her small feet putting in work as they ran in circles around the sofa.

The other children joined them, and quickly the entire thing became a tag game. Hinami watched them play carefully, letting them have their fun while making sure they don’t trip or break anything. She was grinning from ear to ear as the children ran around her, occasionally using her as shield to avoid getting caught.

Their laughter filled the room and their smiles were warm and bright. It made Hinami feel much better about the idea of volunteering. Even if she was insecure, everything seemed to work out pretty well. Until she heard an intense yell echoing through the room, at least.

“AYATO! It’s not up for debate now. Just get yourself home already!” Touka shouted, her voice strained and tired. and all movement in the living room stopped. Hinami could see Touka coming out of the back room, angrily clicking and tapping on her phone while sighing. All heads were turned to her, even with the children frozen in spot.

Touka looked around her and saw what she had accidentally caused. Her tired eyes crinkled up as she smiled to reassure the kids everything is fine. “You all, it’s time to start setting the dinner table. How about all of you help today? Show Fueguchi-chan how grown up you are.”

The children nodded, sprinting away towards the kitchen in a hurry. Touka let her smile fall the minute they were out of sight. Hinami felt bad for the woman - she looked so stressed. Hinami stood up and walked over to her. “Is everything okay, Kirishima-san?” she asked softly, her voice benevolent.

“Ah… Don’t worry. It’s just my little brother. He’s a good person, but sometimes he’s a real problem child.” She laughed, albeit forcibly, but there was still a glint in her eyes that was full of fondness as she spoke. “He’s a bit older than you, but he’s as moody as a real child. I think the kids here might be affecting him.”

Hinami laughed at that thought. She can’t really imagine it. Touka radiated such a mature vibe, that Hinami had a hard time of thinking of how her brother is like if not the same. Especially since he was older than her, too - a bit older would make him a college boy. It seems bizarre in her mind, but she won’t know unless she meets him.

Touka shakes her head. “Let’s just go help the kids, now. If we actually let them set the table alone, they might just start a food fight.” She puts a hand on Hinami’s shoulder and pats her before leaving towards the kitchen, and Hinami followed in tow.

They were all sitting around the long dinner table now, eating the special katsudon Irimi and Koma made specifically to welcome Hinami. It was crowded, ten people all in all gathering in a table too small for them. Hinami wondered if it was a usual thing for them, to feel so squeezed in their seats at dinners. There were still two people missing, as well! Touka’s little brother is not back, and Yomo-san had to leave early.

Back at home, she barely sat with more than one person when they ate dinner. It was almost depressing to think about how silent her dinners are in comparison to the happy go lucky feeling of these one. All the children ate their food deliciously, arguing about anything they possibly can and when Touka doesn’t manage to stop them in time, also attempted throwing food at each other.

It was homely, and it was a welcome change for Hinami.

“Do you like it, Fueguchi-chan?” Koma asked her from the other side of the table, cheery as he took another bite from his meal. Irimi seemed to be interested in her answer too. These two seemed like a gag duo, but at the same time, anything but. Like a well oiled machine, they worked and acted as lifelong friends.

“Yes! It’s really excellent!” She replied joyfully. If she were to be honest, she is not a fast eater - she eats very slowly, but with this meal, she practically cleaned the plate after a few mere minutes. Both of the cooks beamed at her.

“See, kiddos? You are really spoiled, having Kaya and Enji coming over and cooking for you every week. ” Touka remarked, and most of the kids pouted, except those who were sitted next to the two mentioned - those kids simply latched onto the duo, as if they were their favorite uncle and aunt.

There was a sound from the living room area, of a door opening. Hinami sees Miyu rising from her chair. Actually, all the kids looked rather excited.

“Aneki! I’m here!” Hinami hears a deep, yet sharp voice calling. The brother is here. “What’s that smell? You are eating already? I waited for dinner you know-” The voice grows louder, more clear with every step she hears is taken until the source finally arrives in front of the dinner table.

When she finally sees him, her eyes widen. She should have expected it after looking at his sister, but her younger brother is just a gorgeous as she is. He had a bit of a long hair, for a boy, but it framed his face nicely - his sharp, strong features making it work and his deep blue eyes staring into her soul, drawing her in.

She has to literally shake her head to get over the shock. He’s really beautiful...

“Why is she still here?”

Okay, maybe not on the inside, though.

“Ayato! That’s rude! She’s going to volunteer here, having her for dinner is the least we could do. So sit down and eat your food.” Touka glared at him. Ayato grimaced and shoved his hands down his pockets. He didn’t even look at her as he said hi to the kids, as if choosing to remain ignorant to her presence.

“Ayato…” His sister warned. There was something hostile in the air. It made Hinami feel as if she was choking, the warm, familial feeling from before disappearing and room turned stone cold.

“We don’t need her here. Since when we even said we needed volunteers? We can do just fine by ourselves!” He yelled at Touka. Irimi and Koma promptly rose from their chairs, taking the kids away.

“Let’s go, everyone, we’ll make an exception today and let you eat in your rooms.” Irimi says, and in no time all of the kids shuffle away from the scene, going up to their rooms. She spares a pitiful glance at Hinami, that just sits silently as the siblings keep arguing.

“We needed more people since forever! Why are you denying it? Yomo can’t be here all the time, Kaya and Enji can only come here once or twice a week. And you! You have college still! you can’t be here half of the day! Not to mention you want to take a part time job.. I’m lucky Nishiki even covers for me some days, or I would have never seen the light of day for at least the last six months!”

Hinami wonders if she should run out of the place. No, not a good idea. It will only cause more drama. She can’t even bring herself to move anyway, her mary janes feel like they’ve been glued to the floor.

“Then why do we have to rely on that half-assed fucker’s handout? He’s only done you wrong, didn’t he? I told you on the phone already, nothing good will come out of this!” He retorted almost right away.

Did he just call me a handout? She’s always been good in disguising her feelings since she entered high school, but right now, she was feeling too nauseous and hurt to manage. Handout? She was always trying her best, she always aimed for the top - and now she was reduced to something more akin of a rag doll that nobody longer cares for.

She breathed in hesitantly, and as she expected, it sounded more like a choked whimper. Touka looked at her, the fury in her eyes softening to regret. “I-I… I think I will go. Uh, now.” She said in a strained, distressing voice and finally rose from her chair, rushing towards the door area where her school bag laid.

“Fueguchi-chan!” She heard Touka calling, but she didn’t react, just pressed forward.

“Wait!!” A high pitched voice reached her ears, and she looked back. And then down.

Akemi was there, running down the steps of the staircase to her, holding onto her uniform’s jacket. Hinami’s eyes were already spilling out tears, so she attempted to not look at the girl directly. “Y-Yes?” she asked uneasily.

“I-I lied!” She said, her eyes a bit fearful themselves. “About the earrings, I mean… They’re not boring! You do look pretty with them!” She said, her face telling Hinami everything - she’s as honest as they get. “Please don’t be sad…” The girl trailed off.

It wasn’t what Hinami needed to hear at that moment, but as she sniffled, she realized it’s better than nothing.

“Thank you.” She patted the girl’s head. “I’ll b-be leaving now.”

Akemi waved her goodbye, and Hinami returned the gesture, and then left the orphanage, just wishing to return home and fall asleep under her warm blankets. Her chest still aching and her heart still pounding from the rush of the situation. What he said was unnecessarily mean and he was needlessly hostile.

Yet somehow, the look of horror and regret he had on his face as he spotted the tears in her eyes was what truly haunted her.

#ayahina #kirishima ayato #fueguchi hinami #tg #tokyo ghoul #im so sorry ayato kun i will redeem u #i hope you all enjoyed???#im kinda unconfident and excited at the same time haha #chaptered #fostered love

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adiabolikpastelrp · 7 years

Text

An Unexpected Encounter

This is a role play between @triplets-of-terror and myself. It features her OCs Isabella (daughter of Ayato and Yuko) and Spencer (son of Ayato and Yuko) with my OC Kanaye (son of Kanato and Yuuki).

Status: Complete

Word Count: 6,686

Warning: that this may contain content that may be unsuitable for some readers such as mature themes, strong language, adult situations, and sexual content

Quick note - This is set after the events of You Get It

You know, it had been a while since Spencer had hung out with Kanaye. They were close friends, they should spend more time together. Now would be a perfect time actually, both Isaiah and Isabella were out for practice and their parents were busy at work. It’d be nice to spend a quiet evening with his close friend.

Yawning lightly, Spencer took his phone from his desk and sent a message.

{ Kanayeeee, come overrr, I’m boreddd }

He was quite whiny wasn’t he… oh well. At least this way the point got across to Kanaye. Hopefully he would come, lately he had been busy for some reason he could never come over anymore.

It’s been quite the… stressful last few days. Kanaye felt a bit like he was taking on more things than he could handle. Perhaps it was because the one break he allowed himself, he’s cut off.

Normally, he would visit Spencer, which was always relaxing. However, in light of recent events, he’s made it a point not to go over. He had no right to be there, not after what he did to Isabella.

That being said… he could sure his friend after everything that has happened lately. There was something about Spencer that always helped set his mind at ease. Suppose that’s just simply what a friendship does.

{Are you now? Is anyone home? You’re not using me as a cover for Oliver are you?}

A pout crossed Spencer’s face as he replied.

{ I’m wounded つ ´ Д `) つ can I not just spend time with my best friend? I’m home alone, we can build a pillow fort!!! }

Perhaps if he persuaded Kanaye with music or snacks he would be more tempted to come. It feels as if it had been a while sine they last spent time, he wanted to see his friend.

Spencer had decided, if Kanaye said no he’d go to his house and drag him back to the human world for some quality friendship time. Like a true friend.

Kanaye smirks seeing the message from Spencer. He was such a child sometimes, using those ridiculous expressions. To also ‘tempt’ him with a pillow fort, humorous.

{Such a tempting offer, truly. Since no one is home, I do suppose giving you company would not be too dreadful.}

Hopefully, this wasn’t a mistake. Based on how Spencer was talking, Isabella must not have told him. Still, the thought of her returning alone in tears… what kind of man was he. Returning here, truly, the lowest of the low.

{I’m outside, let me in}

Kanaye sniffed around, sure enough Spencer was the only one here. Should he tell him? After all… Spencer was the only person he could talk to but this… it was his sister. No doubt there would be little talking. Best to keep it inside.

Squealing quite excitedly Spencer rushed to the door and opened it with unnecessary force. Pulling Kanaye in he began to speak as if he were a young child again.

“Okay, my Mom just bought a shit ton of snacks, they’re supposed to be for the twins and me but we’ll eat them all and blame my Dad it’s fine.”

It was nice that Kanaye liked to spend time with Spencer despite their different personalities, though the demon was certain that his friend was always silently judging him in his head.

In any case, today would be the best day of their friendship so far. Spencer had just bought new movies, there was plenty of food, and a plethora of pillows and blankets.

Kanaye laughs lightly at his friends excitement. He was quite endearing when like this. It was strange that Spencer’s behavior did not bother him. Though Kanaye honestly didn’t care. It was refreshing to enjoy someone else’s company as much as he did Spencer.

“Haha… I am sure your father will appreciate that.”

He helps Spencer gather up plenty of junk food, all of the pillow and blankets in the house, and… much to his surprise, they actually made a fairly decent ‘fort’ of sorts. Growing up he never did things like this with his siblings- let alone by himself.

“All right… so now that we are surrounded in massive amounts of fluff and junk food- You have films to watch? I must say, your taste does often amuse me.”

Taking a moment to admire their hard work Spencer smiles confidently before getting inside said fort.

“Depends on what you want. I have a lot of romance comedy movies, Isaiah has a lot of shitty action movies… or we could watch some of Isabella’s horrors? I don’t know, what do you want?”

Peeking his head from the fort the demon look at his friend curiously. He asked the question with innocence before yawning.

“Halloween just passed but I’m still in the spoopy mood, are you up for horror?”

He suggested lightly coming out from the fort. Isabella did also a big blanket in her room that would finish off the fort, she also had some pillows and stuffed animals that could help decorate and add aesthetic to their new home.

Horror movies… was that Isabella’s thing? Seemed odd considering their species. Although, his curiosity was spiked.

“Not sleepy are you? If we watch these you’d better not fall asleep. What if you have a nightmare~”

Kanaye teases while smirking at his friend. In all honesty if he did fall asleep, the two of them were close enough that it did not bother him. Since Kanaye was very much straight, Spencer could do really anything to him. Both of them knew it was all in just friendship.

“Just pick whichever, it will be amusing to see how the Humans portray something ‘scary’”

He shrugs and climbs into their fort. It was rather comfortable. Though Spencer looked like he wanted to grab a few more things.

A smile crossed Spencer’s face as his friend approved. He was a little tired but with all the sugar and junk food they had, it would be easy for him to wake up again.

“Yay! Okay, we’ll start off with some horrors and then to lighten the mood we’ll watch comedy, hmm… you know where Isabella’s room is, can you get the movies? Honestly pick whichever one you want.”

Pondering for a bit the demon contemplated what his plan would be. While Kanaye went to get the horror movies he could pick out some comedies and make the popcorn.

“I’ll make the popcorn and pick out some comdeys then I’ll meet you back here~”

Not giving Kanaye a chance to speak Spencer leaped out of room in excitement. Though his inertia was interrupted by a sudden buzzing of his phone.

“Ua- I do but-!”

Kanaye tried to refuse the request, but Spencer was all ready gone. Great, the one place he really did not wish to go. Well, at least Isabella wasn’t home.

Against his wishes, Kanaye left Spencer’s room and headed to Isabella’s. Her scent was… strangely enticing. Never before had that thought crossed his mind. Blasted instincts must be changing his feelings. Since he had tasted her, now his body was naturally wanting her more.

Best to get in and out quickly. Pushing open her door, he’s taken back a bit. Her room was a little messy. So this was how she kept herself, it seemed perfect. There were a couple clothes discarded on the bed.

He was supposed to grab the movies and leave but… something about being in her room was irresistible. Kanaye walked more into a room. Looking closer to the clothes, there was a bra. For whatever reason, his cheeks grew hot.

That wasn’t like him to be embarrassed about something he’d seen a dozen times. He shouldn’t look more at it- and yet- desperately he wanted to know the size. No no… he was a gentlemen after all- focus on the movies.

Gathering all what was needed, Spencer proceeded back to his room. Pulling his phone out, he checked what the buzz was

{ I’m on my way home, the coach let us out early but Isaiah is still there… I’ll get there in a minute } - Isabella

Perhaps she could help finish the snacks? He had hoped that it would just be him and Kanaye but knowing Isabella she’d probably just stay in her room.

{ Okay, the doors unlocked, come to my room I took all the snacks }

Not wanting to leave the comfort of his room, Spencer spoke slightly louder than he normally did knowing Kanaye would hear him

“Isabella is coming back early, she’s on her way but she won’t be around us too much.”

And with that, the sound of the door opening and closing echoes throughout the house. And in walked Isabella.

Kanaye had just picked up the last movie when Spencer called out to him. The sudden yelling and the information shared made him fumble the DVD, causing it to fall to the floor.

He curses to himself and quickly kneels down to grab it back into the stack. Kanaye hears the door open and close- fuck! She definitely would not want to see him! Let alone in her room!

Stumbling a bit he rushes out of the room- closing the door behind him. He rushes to Spencer’s room and slams the door behind him, sighing with relief. No sign of Isabella, perfect.

“I… I got these.”

He walks over to their fort and plops down. That was a stressful few moments. However, hopefully Isabella didn’t see him and she won’t come around.

Raising an eyebrow, Spencer goes over to Kanaye to retrieve the movies. Looking curiously at his friend Spencer spoke slowly.

“Any particular reason you… like, ran here and slammed Isabella’s door? Or are we just not gonna talk about it?”

An airy laugh left Spencer as he chuckled quietly. A quiet knock on his door, he walked over to open it. There stood Isabella, fidgeting nervously with the hem of her shirt. Her hair was messy, it stuck to the sides of her cheeks which were lightly coated with sweat.

“D-Did you um… take m-my barbecue chips?”

Her voice was shaky, she glanced at Kanaye once before staring at Spencer. A slightly worried expression crossed the demon’s face, usually Isabella was louder than this… more confident in the way she spoke.

“I think? Let me check, it’s probably buried underneath all the other snacks I took. Come in, we built a fort! Check it out.”

He proudly presented before pulling her into the room and closing the door behind her.

Kanaye has never known this feeling before. A sense of… crushing- like he wanted to just fall into the fort and hide. The one person he did not want to see, was now standing right there.

She must hate him for what happened. Taking advantage of her… letting her go home alone after. The entire situation was a mess and now face to face once more it felt like he should leave. What right did he have to be here - no matter how close he was to Spencer.

Kanaye hoped it would be a quick interruption but Spencer invited her in - great. He decided to avoid eye contact and keep a straight face. Though… looking at Isabella, made the same crazy thoughts from that night rush through his head.

She was beautiful in her own unique way. There was nothing about her that screamed high society. Her hair was damp from whatever sport she had been doing. It actually looked really attractive stuck to her face. Her body language screamed shy and reserved - no doubt from seeing him.

There was something in that thought that made him proud. Just as before, this primal urge to claim her and dominate her popped into his head. However, those urges were just that - primal. There was no strong emotion for Isabella, unlike with Izumi.

Kanaye knew that it all stemmed from his detested for Kai Mukami. Wanting to claim something of his as a show of power. Isabella was worth more than that - she deserved more. Which is why he refused to make eye contact of even speak to her as Spencer searched the piles of junk food for her lost items.

She hated being vulnerable around people, especially around people who thought she was weak like Kanaye. Honestly, after what happened any person would think she was a simple foolish girl. He refused to even look at her, she suspected, because she wasn’t worth even that to him.

The thought alone, made her want to cry. Not because Kanaye thought little of her, but because the one person whom she could truly rely to push these thoughts wasn’t here. The one person who’s opinion truly mattered to her wasn’t here. Kai wasn’t here to be with her, to reassure her, to comfort her.

“Ah! Here they are! Though honestly I don’t know if it’s best for you to eat the entire bag yours-”

Turning his head to face her, the demon was immediately taken back. Isabella was trembling, her head facing away from Kanaye to hide her watery eyes. Grinding her teeth together, she looked as though she was in tremendous pain.

No questions asked, Spencer ran to her, wrapping his arms around her. It almost made him want to cry, to see his little sister, whom was known for her stoke cold attitude, break down like this…

“I don’t… think being alone is best for you right now. Come into the fort with us and watch a movie, its big enough.”

He offered stroking her hair gently.

“I d-don’t um…”

She wanted to refuse, but honestly, being with her big brother is exactly what she needed right now. But he had company over.

“It’s fine! The three of us can watch a movie, plus it’s not like you and Kanaye are strangers. Besides this might be a good way for you guys to get to know each other, to help each other… you guys are really similar after all~”

He winked giving her a tight squeeze before pulling her into the fort.

“Just stay here, at least until Isaiah comes back…”

A brilliant idea Spencer, only the two of them had all ready explored that theory and it ended in disaster. Kanaye moves out of the siblings way so Isabella could sit in the fort. Well this was turning out exactly as he feared.

Should he leave? Isabella probably wanted to spend time with Spencer. Even if they were best friends, some people actually value their siblings. He could never get in the way of that.

“… Perhaps I should leave. Now that I think on it… there are still many things I have to do at home.”

Kanaye stood outside of the fort, continuing to refuse looking at Isabella.

“You won’t be alone anymore right, Spencer? The two of you should enjoy one another’s company.”

There was almost… a twinge of anger in her when Kanaye suggested to leave. Could he honestly… not even stand to be sitting next to her? Did he loathe her that much? Granted… what she did was cruel to him, though at the very least he could’ve confronted her at some point instead of avoiding her and leaving Spencer…

“You… it’s fine. I’ll just… go back and wait for Isaiah.”

She declared before standing up. Her tears were dry, she wasn’t sad about Kai anymore. Just frustrated with Kanaye. Honestly… if he despised her so much he should say so instead of tiptoeing around the subject.

“No no… you’re both staying here.”

The female jumped a bit, usually… Spencer’s tone is so bright and cheery. Though the way he just spoke… usually only happens when he’s truly annoyed or angry.

“Do either of you… think I’m stupid? I’m not a vampire, but you don’t think I notice the reluctance in your actions and words?”

His tone changing to a quieter, calmer one. He suspected that maybe he came out to strong.

“… I don’t know what happened, but clearly something big occurred between you two. I don’t know when or how, but it was apparently bad. I’m not going to ask, that’s none of my business but…”

He sounded sad now, almost hurt. He didn’t mean for it to come out that way. Though, his whole life he devoted to making sure other people felt well and happy, if he couldn’t do that… then what purpose did he serve as a sibling or as a friend?

“As you best friend and your brother… I would like to think that either of you could come to me when you need it. Plus, it’d be very hard for me to keep two very important people in my life if they avoided each other…”

Kanaye felt his heart sink. This low feeling in his chest, he’d never felt it before. How could he allow himself to hurt Spencer. All his friend wanted was to help, and here he was trying to leave. The entire reason he came today was to see him.

“Spencer… it’s not that I don’t want to come to you. What happened was… very bad.”

Kanaye wanted to explain everything now. He’d wanted to since the moment it happened. Spencer was the only person he could talk to about it.

However, what if Isabella didn’t want him to know. Should he still say something? It was too late to try and pretend it was with someone else. Spencer obviously knew it was something between Kanaye and Isabella.

He looked to the girl finally. She seemed upset, not surprising given the circumstances. Would it be all right to talk about it? At the very least…

“Isabella… I owe you an apology. Both for my behavior tonight and before. I do not want my mistake to affect your life any more than it all ready has.“

Kanaye bows deeply, this was the custom in Japan - according to his research. Though he’s never really apologized and meant it before.

Spencer’s frustrated expression turned into a more worried concerned one. Was it honestly… that bad? To a point where even Kanaye couldn’t come to him for it?

“Now… Now I kind of want to now what happened? C-Can I help?”

Isabella hated for Spencer to feel left out, though she wasn’t quite sure if Kanaye would be okay with Spencer finding out. The longer this went on, the worse it would get they both knew that. He’d have to fid out eventually, better if they told him than he find out on his own.

“Your mistake? I made a mistake… I thought if… I thought you’d want your space after what I did…”

Had she really… been worried about nothing? Was it really just that Kanaye felt the same remorse she did? If only she had confronted him first rather than waiting for him, then maybe none of this would be happening.

“Spencer I… I’m sorry, I have to tell you because you deserve to know…”

At this point, even if neither wanted Spencer to find out, after their unusual behaviors it was the least they could do for him.

“A few days ago after Kanaye left your room, he came to my room and we… w-went out to a club. Um…”

Twiddling her thumbs nervously, it pained her to continue you. Her face burned with embarrassment and shame as she looked to the ground. Avoiding any eye contact at all with either of the males.

She was sorry? Truly did she feel responsible for what happened? It was all his fault, after all he was the one who forced himself onto her.

Seemed like the truth was going to come out. Isabella must feel the same way he did about Spencer. Neither one of them wanted him to feel like they couldn’t go to him for help. This was just… a sensative matter.

“I took her to a club.”

Kanaye made sure to own up to what was his idea. He was the one who put the thought in Isabella’s head.

“We were walking when I suggested it. Once we were inside… things… escalated.”

Kanaye felt his own head sink in shame. Was he really telling her brother what he did. They may be friends but he is still Isabella’s brother. To tell any family member when you assault one of their own…

“It was my fault. I am the one who couldn’t control myself. I all but threw myself at her. I had just feed and wasn’t thinking straight. It was a huge mistake.”

Kanaye felt his eyes close with dread. Was his friend going to hate him now? What if he never wanted to see him again. After knowing life with a friend… it would be hard to go back.

Her breath hitched just recalling the memories. Though, she did not like the fact that Kanaye was balling himself for everything. Raising her head slowly she looked to Spencer’s chest, still refusing to make eye contact with him.

“It… I don’t think it was anyone’s ‘f-fault’… though I do think we were both being very rash…”

Looking up, she looked at her elder brother. His expression was exactly what she was expecting, though it still broke her heart. A mixture of confusion and anger, he looked to the floor in disbelief. His mouth hung open in shock before it snapped close. Balling his hands into fists he walked quietly to the door.

“S-Spencer it wasn’t Kanaye’s fault you should’t be m-”

She desperately wanted to connive Spencer that it wasn’t just Kanye, they were good friends. She would hate to know their friendship was ruined because of this.

“Don’t! … Tell me what to feel if you don’t know how you feel. What I say doesn’t matter…not right now at least.”

The female flinched slightly at the sudden raise in his voice. His back was to them, he spoke with a mixture of disappointment and anger. His hand turned the knob, opening the door slightly.

“I’m gonna… wait for Isaiah. While I am, you two better be talking and I mean just talking… sort it out yourself while I explain to Isaiah what happened when he gets back and I’m sure if you dislike my reaction you’ll love his. Though… I hope you know I still hold you two very dearly, but for the time being I don’t trust either of you.”

Slowly walking out, Spencer quietly closed the door behind him.

Kanaye’s body tenses as his friend’s words filled the room. He had every right to be furious. Not to mention now he would have to deal with Isabella’s twin… this was definitely not turning out well.

He wanted to call out to his friend, but there was no point. The rare times when Spencer was angry, there was no talking to him until he calmed down. Which wouldn’t be for a while since the other brother was going to fuel it once he arrived.

Once Spencer left the room he stood very still, not wanting to make any movement to startle Isabella. What were they supposed to talk about? He’d never had to… talk about kissing someone before.

“… My apologies. I did not come here today with this in mind…”

He didn’t want Isabella angry with him for this. Telling Spencer was a risk and he definitely didn’t plan on telling him today.

“I am glad you made it home safe. I was worried.”

A quiet sigh of sadness and disappointment in herself fell past her lips as Spencer closed the door. It was bad enough that Spencer and Kanaye’s friendship was in danger, but now having Isaiah find out…

“I… I know you didn’t, I’m sorry, I just… didn’t wanna make it worse by not telling him…”

She explained quietly and softly. Her tone had… a slight sadness to it. She hated when someone she loved was mad at her, as would anyone.

“Worried?”

A small scoff and laugh escaped past her as she slowly looked to him.

“I would have thought… that after what happened, you hated me.”

“Hated you?”

How could she possibly think that? Kanaye was in no position to hate her for what happened. He was the one who threw her onto the bed. He held her down. There was nothing she did that was wrong.

“… Isabella… you did nothing to deserve my hatred. I took advantage of you. Taking you to that back room and… I was not thinking clearly. I never would have done that to you had the blood not gone to my head.”

Kanaye walked towards her a little. Finally looking at her fully, she seemed very distressed. The trauma he must have caused her, and now to get her brothers involved.

“You must hate me for it. What was supposed to be a night of healing… I tainted. Can you forgive me?”

A sigh of relief fell past her lips as she eased a bit. At least… this was one less issue to worry about.

“I don’t blame you for what happened. Like I said before… I don’t think it was anyone’s fault, we both made mistakes…”

In all honesty, perhaps if she hadn’t run out like that then maybe this could’ve been resolved sooner. She hated the fact that it had to be resolved this way.

“I’ve never hated you once. I was… frustrated because you kept avoiding me but other than that…”

She chuckled slightly at her own stupidity. She was so stressed out over nothing! If she had confronted him before, if she had stayed that night, none of this would be happening right now.

“I’m just… sorry that this might affect you and Spencer… though I’m almost certain he’ll forgive you, just give him some time…”

A wave of relief hit Kanaye. So she wasn’t mad and all of this was really a misunderstanding. She wasn’t mad at him for it, and he was definitely not mad at her.

“I hope so. This would be… very troublesome of I could not be able to see Spencer again.”

He smiles at her despite the still low feeling the felt.

“Though I am happy you are no upset with me. What happened between us… please know that I… enjoyed it. Even if it was… unplanned.”

Kanaye decided to walk back over to the fort and sit down inside of it. If Spencer wasn’t coming back in until Isaiah got home, they may be waiting a while.

A small relaxed smile crossed her face. She’s confident that Spencer would forgive him, though Isaiah on the other hand… he’d be harder to deal with.

“So did I… I don’t particularly ‘regret’ that it happened and I don’t think it was a mistake… but I do wish it had ended differently.”

She confessed quietly. Truth be told, she wished it continued further. Though that probably wouldn’t have made it better, or helped either of them.

Walking closer to the fort they had made she stood before Kanaye.

“Spencer used to build these all the time when we were younger. He’d use our parents blankets too… can I sit?”

She motioned next to him.

Kanaye nodded slightly and moved over to Isabella could join him. She looked a lot more relaxed, which was good considering just moments before she was in tears.

“Did he? It was certainly entertaining to watch him build it. He just kind of ran all over the house collecting all of this.”

He laughed softly. It amazed him how child-like Spencer could be. Finding joy in even something so simple.

“What about you? Perhaps now we can actually… speak with one another? Before there was so much sadness, maybe now we can think of something more… uplifting?”

Even though Spencer and Isaiah were going to be upset, perhaps they should use this time to really clear the air? Some actual conversations might help.

Sitting down next to him, she pondered for a moment. Uplifting?

“I do find music quite calming, more specifically Jazz or Classical music… or sometimes I do find myself lost in my sports…”

She said thoughtfully. Perhaps there could be something for them to bond over. This was a quite strange start to a friendship but she was happy none the less.

“What about you? Spencer says you like music as well, do you play any instruments?”

She could actually use some soothing music right now. In fact, it’d probably help right? She pulled out her phone and began to search for some melodic peaceful songs in her own personal playlist.

Finally some one in this house who knew good music! Kanaye smiles hearing her say that.

“I do actually. My favorite would be the trumpet. Although my passions would be singing.”

He explains looking over to see what she was looking at.

“I never would have thought you’d like that type of music. Spencer has spoke of your achievements in sports. He also mentioned that you sing as well?”

“You know, when Isaiah calms down from all his, you should talk to him about that. He plays so many instruments, trumpet was one of his first.”

She explained with a smile before it faded into a forced one after hearing his words. A small embarrassed giggle left her. Her eyes shifted away from him for in a moment of regret. Spencer could really exaggerate sometimes.

“Haha, well Spence lied to you, I can’t… sing.”

Picking a song at random she played it at low volume. Setting her phone beside her she looked back to him.

Kanaye wanted to ask about her sudden shift, but probably best to save that for another time. They sit in silence for a while, letting the music play softly. This was nice, very similar to how things went when he hung with Spencer.

“… What are some other things you enjoy? Besides barbecue chips, music and sports?”

He honestly wanted to get to know Isabella. After all this worry and crazy misunderstandings, she seemed like a nice girl. Not like most of the others he’s known. Also not like Izumi. Someone different, and special from anyone else.

Humming quietly she thought for a moment. There honestly… wasn’t much else to her other than that.

“I mean… any activity with my family I enjoy, but other than that I don’t enjoy much else. I don’t have a lot of friends to spend time with so I stick to my brothers.”

She didn’t mind, she’d pick her brothers over any friend in a heartbeat. Though perhaps now since she was getting to know Kanaye, she might know what a new friend would be like.

“And you? You seem to be a very down to Earth person, what would you prefer to do in your spare time?”

Kanaye couldn’t help laughing at her comment. ‘Down to Earth’ was he? That’s a rather interesting things to say.

“I assure you, things were not always like this. Spencer and Izumi have helped me a great deal.”

That thought made him happy, but also sad. He valued his friendship so much- yet he’d done something so terrible. Truly he’d be lost if Spencer did not want to be friends anymore.

“To answer your question, typically I am very busy. As the future king of vampires, there is much to do.”

Now that he thought about it, there were some ways now that he was able to relax.

“Though, I do enjoy listening to music while I work. It does make the time go back much faster. Not to mention studying.”

Listening to him she gathered that he must have a lot going on in his life. Wanting to be King along with keeping up with school work and dealing with some recent events… it concerned her a little bit.

“Ah, it sounds like you’re kept busy. Though I do hope that you have at least a little free time.”

She smiled softly. These times with Spencer must mean a lot to him, how heartbreaking it must be to feel as though he might lose a friend. Though, she wasn’t too worried about Spencer staying mad for long. He always went on and on about how much he loved spending time with Kanaye, he truly meant a lot to her brother.

“I’ve never been much good at study-”

She paused mid-sentence at the sound of the front door opening and closing. Isaiah scent began to immediately fill the house. A long sigh scared her as she closed her eyes.

“You don’t have to worry much about Isaiah, don’t listen to what he says, please. He gets… very blinded when he’s angry, and kind of loud.”

She said with a small chuckle recalling events from the past.

Kanaye tensed a bit noting Isaiah’s return home as well. She was kind to offer her some warning on him. He was not as experienced in talking to Isaiah.

“Thanks. I will… try to keep that in mind.”

He stands and even offers a hand to help Isabella up as well. With this misunderstanding behind them, he honestly felt worlds closer to her. How silly it was to avoid talking things through.

“Perhaps you should wait in here? I can go out before to receive my reprimanding. I get plenty of them from my father for my… private affairs.”

Taking his hand she stood up slowly. If he went alone there’d be no doubt Isaiah would turn on him the first moment he saw him.

“It’s fine… perhaps if I’m there Isaiah would be less likely to become violent and vulgar.”

She was fairly certain that Isaiah would attempt to lunge at Kanaye. Spencer wouldn’t allow it, but theres no telling what Isaiah would do in this situation.

“Plus, I’m sure it would help if we were both there to explain what happened.”

She offered, she would really rather not Kanaye deal with this on his own.

Kanaye smiles at her kindness.

“I suppose you are right. There has all ready been enough misunderstandings in this.”

He opens the door of Spencer’s room. They could both hear Isaiah and Spencer talking in the living room. No turning back now.

“… Well then… let’s go explain things shall we.”

Smiling at him she lead the way downstairs and to the living room. Isaiah’s back was turned towards them, he was talking to Spencer. He was still in his basketball jersey, his fists were in tight balls, is knuckles were white.

Spencer stoped talking and motioned towards the two vampires who stood before him.

“You know I’d like to consider myself a calm guy, and I really do like Kanaye… I’ll let you explain to me what happened because I really fucking hate what Spencer had to say.”

Turning around slowly, Isaiah’s eyes immediately landed on Kanaye. He claimed to like the pink haired vampire though his eyes were tainted with pure rage and disgust as he stared him down.

“And I do hope you both understand and comply when I ask that you distance yourself from each other.”

Crossing his arms Spencer spoke as if he were disciplining two children.

Ah, these were faces Kanaye knew all too well at home. He would often get scolded by his father for being so promiscuous. Normally he’d tune out the lecture to come- but in this case he was all ears.

Complying with Spencer’s request, he took a few steps away from Isabella. Hopefully she didn’t see that as a sign of him hating her or anything.

“Well… a few nights ago I asked Isabella out for a walk. We both thought talking to someone in a similar situation would be helpful. One thing lead to another and I suggested we go to a club.”

This part always got a little complicated. Even if his intentions were good for taking her there, it sure did not stay that way.

“We… were both feeding when something happened. I took her into a back room and um…”

Kanaye scratches the back of his head. Typically he wasn’t the type to worry about kissing and telling. However in this instance… he did not want to hurt Isabella’s reputation.

Unconsciously inching closer towards Kanaye, Isaiah’s expression never calmed. His fists remained tight, his biceps and forearms were tense.

“He didn’t suggest it, I asked about the club.”

Snapping his head towards is younger sister, Spencer scolded her. His voice holding so much disappointment.

“You think that helps the situation Isabella? You don’t know what could’ve happened! So many things could’ve gone wrong that night-”

Isaiah was now a few feet away from Kanaye, his voice was raising. He was talking to Isabella though his glare never left Kanaye.

“It’s one thing for me to do it, but you have so many more risks than I do! I don’t want full details… but I just hope you used protection, right?”

Isabella’s shameful expression turned into a idly confused one as she listened to her brothers’ words.

“I… don’t know if we’re talking about the same thing here…”

Kanaye felt bad that they were scolding Isabella. She had asked about it, but he still felt more responsible for what happened. Isaiah was really close now, was he planning on striking him?

He may deserve it, however, Kanaye wasn’t sure he could take it quietly. It wasn’t in him to allow someone to strike him freely. Even if he was in the wrong.

“Protection?”

That was… a strange word to use. How could one use protection during a kiss.

“I… must have lead you to the wrong idea. Isabella and I shared a passionate kiss, nothing more. A few kisses but… I never removed any clothing or each touched her.”

Isaiah’s face sunk into one of defeat and confusion. He turned frantically to Spencer’s who was frozen with a some what awkward expression on his face.

“You… Spencer you said they had sex!”

“I though they did! All Kanaye said was that things had escalate, they both looked guilty, I thought he implied they had sex!”

Isabella’s confused expression turned into an annoyed frustrated one as she listed to her brothers bicker. Moving closer to Kanaye she apologized for the misunderstanding.

“Well, seems you’re both wrong, is the issue resolved yet?”

She asked with a bit of sarcasm. Isaiah sighed before turning back to Kanaye and Isabella.

“Look, I’m still not completely a hundred percent over it, but holy shit, I’m sorry. As long… as it wasn’t forced, I guess I’m good? Just like… tell me if you’re gonna start dating.”

Giving Kanaye a pat on the shoulder Isaiah went upstairs leaving Spencer alone.

“You two leave out a lot of important details, you know that?”

His tone was no longer stern or angry, it was the same normal tone he always used only with a a hint of annoyance and frustration.

“You… thought I would…?! I have respect for you as a friend.”

Kanaye was slightly offended that Spencer would think he would have sex with his sister. Especially after she had a break up and when they weren’t dating.

“I was not going to go into details to spare Isabella’s reputation. She’s such an innocent girl, I did not wish to dirty that.”

Standing up from the couch Spencer’s face softened into his normal friendly one. Giving both his friend and sister a hug he spoke softly.

“First of all, Isabella isn’t innocent-”

“Fuck you.”

“And second of all, you’re right, and I’m sorry for jumping to such… a mild conclusion. Though I don’t know why you both thought this was such a horrible experience, to the point where you couldn’t share it with me. Granted, I’m still not over what happened but I am at ease knowing exactly what did happened.”

He explained thoughtfully. In his defense however, the way they were acting made it seem like so much more happened that night. Their distant glances and tense actions truly did concern the demon.

The End

#spencer sakamaki #Isabella sakamaki #Kanaye Sakamaki #triplets of terror #master post

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