#i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin

[not-easy-being-green-124]

Progress.

Today mom and i were going to go drop some food off at my aunts. She changed plans on me, which ended up being a good thing (im really tired today) but I needed a solid half hour to adjust.

After mentioning that, she kinda looks at me and goes "....is that....a symptom of something?" And im like "yeah. Autism. We hate our routines being disrupted."

And I could see things click in her brain. She goes "you...have *always* needed to know what was going on. When we were doing things. Why things changed. I never understood."

Yep. That be my brain.

#undiagnosed autism #autism #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #do not change my routine #please and thank you

[autisticforestgremlin]

I started happy cooing at my precalc text book today.

In front of my precalc class

I forgot they were there.

#annie is autistic #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #me #wtf annie #whyyyy

[not-easy-being-green-124]

Me: *minding my own business with my chew stim*

My mom: I hope you can stop that when you go back to teaching

Me: ...........

Me, internally: I mean, I could just go back to chewing on gum or pens or random shit that ends up in my mouth and im just like wait whats going on rn or you know I could just have a panic attack and shutdown emotionally like I have for 20 years.

Also me, internally: gee its not like I've left my tactile stim at home for 20 years or managed to get a job or look neurotypical or anything

Also also me, internally: this isn't new, you know? I'm just not hiding anymore but thanks for your confidence.

#i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #annie is autistic #i am a potato with adhd #*sigh* #autism #stim #stimming

[not-easy-being-green-124]

I JUST DID THE TOE WALK.

I've seen posts/references to the toe walk that some autistic people do, and I just caught myself doing it. The reason I'm suoer excited is that I remember doing this when I was younger.

I had forgotten until I did it (I'm stimming a lot today) and I just like....i forgot how satisfying it is to walk like that.

I also started doing this sideways bounding semi-gallop on my toes that I remember doing a lot as a kid, or when I get excited enough to forget to "walk normal". It's my excited gallop and I forgot how amazing it is.

Every day is interesting as I rediscover old, hidden stims, and learn more about what stims come natural to me, and what emotions they represent.

On that note, it's interesting to me to note that im starting to catch certain stims and recognize what emotion they represent before I notice that im feeling that emotion.

Anyhow. I have work to do. Then hopefully later I'm going to answer some asks and maybe make some stim videos. ☺

#undiagnosed autism #autism #autistic #stims #stimming #learning about meee #learning about myself #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin

[not-easy-being-green-124]

My jaw is going to hurt like hell tomorrow (chewy necklace) but at least I feel more comfortable inhabiting my skin now.

#stimming #chew stim #autism #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin

[not-easy-being-green-124]

OKAY BUT I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY A VERY PERSONAL FUCK YOU TO LITERALLY EVERY PERSON EVER WHO TOLD AN AUTISTIC PERSON TO SIT STILL BECAUSE EXCUSE ME BUT ROCKING IN PLACE IS THE SINGLE MOST CALMING THING I HAVE DONE IN A WHILE SO THANKS FOR REMOVING WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BIG HELP FROM MY YOUNG LIFE.

I would say sorry for yelling but I'm not. Fuck you for taking our coping skills away from us.

#i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #annie is autistic #autism #stimming #rocking #no i will not have Discourse on this

[not-easy-being-green-124]

Mmmkay but quality of life since buying ALL THE STIM TOYS has improved A LOT.

#i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #autism #stim toys #stimming

[not-easy-being-green-124]

Completely random question. Okay not really "random"...anyhow.

Speech patterns and communicating as an autistic adult.

I've noticed since I've started working on unmasking that I will drop articles or words I deem as "unnecessary" when talking to safes/semi-safes. Or communicate in sound effects, or short one-word phrases. It doesn't feel like any sort of regression (a squick for me, which I cant really figure out why). It's just....why say more words when less words do job? Pointless.

I will also use a particular word to mean multiple things (usually in my own brain). Like "shiny" to me can mean pretty, awesome, cool, amazing, I like it. Or "green" means safe, go, all good, proceed. "Fluffy" usually means good texture, fun texture, adorable. These pop up when I'm comfortable/around safes or in my own brain.

That being said, when I get passionate about something or I feel like it, I can and will pull out The Big Words, to the extent that sometimes my mom is like "where did that come from?" Like I can totally use a full vocabulary and not be masking. Sometimes the extra words just seem pointless. They don't add to the meaning.

Anyhow. I didn't know if other people had similar/same experiences. This is all new to me, and I've been masking even to myself for the better part of 27 years.

#i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #annie is autistic #autism #autistic experiences #autistic spectrum #autistic adult #being autistic #helpppp #pls interact #i want to knowwww my peopleee

[not-easy-being-green-124]

Introducing: Autistic Forest Gremlin (youtube)

Hey! So there has been enough interest that I decided to actually dedicate a YouTube channel to some videos (I was only posting things privately before.)

So, I am Autistic Forest Gremlin on YouTube and I live up to my name. I apologize in advance for the length of my videos. Right now, I’m trying to be as honest and true to who I am, for a few reasons: 1) acceptance. this is me. I’m not ashamed     2) masking is exhausting as heck and I don’t have the energy to devote to masking so that my videos are less chaotic. The way my brain meanders and jumps around combined with my tendency to infodump and get excited about EVERYTHING means my videos are ridiculously long. To the extend that I currently feel like I failed but whatever.

ANYHOW. Feel free to pause them, jump around, ignore me. It’s all good. At some point, I will try and make them shorter? I don’t know. I had so much fun making these, but uhhhhh I’m afraid they are too long. *sigh*

Here is a general introduction to me and my channel, as requested by @elliotslovelyblog It’s 12 minutes (I”M SO SORRY)

 And here is a more “me-specific” introduction (my interests and me unmasked). It’s 11 minutes (WHYYYY)

 I’ve got a stim toy/stimming overview video uploading right now for @dragonslover98 (apparently I can’t tag you? Tumblr are you okay?). I’ll upload it in about 5 minutes when it’s finished. I apologize. That monster is 20 minutes long. I don’t know how that happened.

The best I can do is say that uhhhh my kids find me amusing? *sigh* I’ll try and be more concise. Brain don’t wanna.

Anyhow. Here’s me!

#autism #autistic forest gremlin #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #i am a potato with adhd #autism acceptance #actually autistic

[not-easy-being-green-124]

Another thing I used to do as a kid was ask my mom to review the day. "Tell me what happened today." Never knew why.

Now I do.

Trying to learn and process how People Work is hard when you aren't wired the same way.

#undiagnosed autism #autism #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin

[not-easy-being-green-124]

I do not have the energy to neurotypical today. Please accept Autistic Forest Gremlin or come back and try again tomorrow.

✌

#can i get this on a card actually? #autism #autistic #i am queer and neurodivergent #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin

[not-easy-being-green-124]

I dont know why, but growing-up-annie denied herself stim toys. Granted I didn't realize they were technically something I needed, but I liked them...squishy balls and such. I even learned about tangles in college and was like OH MY GOSH THOSE ARE AMAZING. But??? Somehow??? I convinced myself those were for people who needed them and I didn't need them. (Baby adhd/autistic me was so far in the NT closet its actually sad)

Anyhow. The point is I wanted fun toys to fiddle with and play with and stare at and enjoy and somehow I convinced myself that was bad and something I couldn't do.

Ya gremlin is 27 (shit...imma be 28 in 2 months send help) and has realized they can horde stim toys and no one can stop them because it's for my health, Brenda.

I am a forest dragon and will hiss at you if you try to take my stim toys away. I will share, if you ask nicely.

#i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #stim toy dragon horde #*singing* CANT STOP ME NOW #no joke bitches this is LIFE #stim toys #autsim #actually autsitic #i am a potato with adhd #adhd #normalize the stim

[not-easy-being-green-124]

Apparently fruit snack gummies calm me down? This is new but welcome information.

Apparently they are just the right combination of chew-able and suck-able, plus yummy flavor to.....correct the sensory imbalance?

Fascinating. New data points collected.

#autism #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #learning about meee #learning about myself #chaos hours #fruit snacks #new data points collected

[not-easy-being-green-124]

So earlier today I was thinking about the song "Rock this Country" by Shania Twain and then it was conference break stimmy time and...

Rockers unite!

#autism acceptance #autism #rocking #stim #vestibular stimming #yeeee #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin

[not-easy-being-green-124]

I no longer care about trying to make my text communication neurotypical. Like. Too much energy. No point.

You have been warned. Please ask if I dont make sense. I can and will clarify and put effort into making sense if it doesn't the first time. But like. Im not expending energy just to make sure you dont think im a goof. I am a goof. Im autistic. Embrace it or peace out.

Ima save that energy for like. Idk standing or something.

#i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #autism #masking #that came off aggressive but #i cant be arsed to fix it

[not-easy-being-green-124]

Sorry, neurotypial me can't come to the phone right now.

Why not?

Oh.

They're dead.

#the rising of autistic annie #i am a chronically ill autistic forest gremlin #autism #i am queer and neurodivergent #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurodiversesquad