#i am literally just trying to keep fetishists off my blogs

[conservativetradlife]

Hi! I’m a feminist who would like to dedicate her life to intellectual/spiritual/humanitarian pursuits (think St. Hildegarde, haha) as opposed to a domestic calling, but enjoy your content nonetheless. I hate the amount of people (many of whom are men) who use the “trad” label and quote Ephesians ... all while posting internet porn, or say disgusting things like “women’s holes are for *insert disgusting porn-addled comment here*”

I had written out a long response to this a few days ago, but pressed a bookmark when I was pulling up a tab and lost everything I had written. I was frustrated and decided to take care of this ask at a later point, and today feels like an appropriate day to do so, due to what I am seeing on my Dashboard today. Some of my points will be controversial. I get that, but please be respectful in answering, arguing or messaging me about my points.

Firstly, I want to encourage your choice of lifestyle and life goals. If your general pursuits for life, if its something you are truly passionate about (not simply attempting to personify a Saint while forgetting your own interests and desires outside of your perceptions of St Hildegarde) then all the more power to you. I think its a noble pursuit and the world is better off with more focus being directed towards Spiritual and Humanitarian activities. I will keep you in my prayers :)

I like to believe that my content is less centered around the ideals of domesticity and more towards intentional living. I started this blog wanting to idealize the Homemakers of the 50′s, and I have slowly began to realize what Traditionalism means to me and what kind of content I wish to put out into the world. I am idealizing my own life and hoping that those who share a similar vision for their futures (even if its without children or marriage) find comfort in my content.

Now, when it comes to the sexualization of the Traditional lifestyle (or at least, what some people believe to be traditionalism) I want to say very briefly that I understand what ‘kink’ is to people, but I also know what BDSM is supposed to be and the general servitude of women to their ‘Dominant’ halves is the only thing that rings even slightly familiar with what BDSM actually is and stands for.

To me, the sexualization of the Trad Women (someone who wishes to take up the classic ‘cultural norm’ of being the homemaker and Mother. Someone who relies on their husband as the prime breadwinner and finds self worth in their role in the home as Mother, Wife and Homemaker) is a sad example of where we as a culture have degenerated to. To know that men are craving a woman who WANTS to be wife and mother, who WANTS to be a stay at home woman and feels fulfilled by these pursuits, rather than what modern media has exposed as desirable. Women who are in media, exposing themselves, using their sexuality as their confidence and their general demeanor being viewed as crass and unattractive, in comparison to the modestly dressed religious wife, who stays home and bakes cookies and is waiting at the door when they get home.

When in history have we, as a society been so over-sexed? 

When has pornographic content and sexually motivated news been so easily accessible? It is literally at our fingertips (via our cellphones, or simply looking at our various socials.) Its no wonder that someone would find sexual pleasure in the counterculture of someone who is the visual polar opposite of what they are blasted with daily. Someone who keeps their sexuality exclusive, who is honorably modest to themselves and to God, but most importantly, keeps what is meant to be sacred between a husband and wife (or between partners) private and sacred. It says a lot about our culture when that becomes the case.

Unfortunately, I find the vast majority of people who sexualize the lifestyle of a Traditional Women, are suffering from what my husband calls ‘Porn Brain.’

We feel as though we have to justify the fact we are attracted to modesty and Traditionalism, by throwing in scenarios that can be sexualized. One cannot simply enjoy what is, without having cherries on top (i.e attaching the sexual aspect to child rearing, preparing dinner, caring for ones husband.)

CARE to some people is defined in specific ways instead of a broad manner. I want to believe that some of the women in this sub-culture realize that to have a family, one needs to engage sexually with their husband if they wish to naturally conceive their children. Without medical intervention, or specific methods of delivery (to be crass, haha 😛) having sex with your partner (one who has testicles, sperm and a penis - to be 100% clear) to their partners ejaculation into their partners vagina (one who has a vagina,  menstrual and ovulation cycle, uterus, fallopian tubes and egg laden ovaries) is the method with which one can conceive children. I don’t think that needs to be explained in the grand scheme, however, I feel as though a lot of Traditional women forget that this (if they wish to be mothers to children they have carried in their wombs, and birthed into the world) is a natural, important part of the process to becoming a Mother. 

I can already hear the masses arguing that you don’t need to have sex to have children. That some people can’t have children (either by their own choice, or because of trauma or physical incapability) and they choose to adopt children, or go through IVF which doesn’t involve sex. Yes, thankyou. I don’t need to be reminded of this fact. What I am trying to express is that Sex is a natural part of a marriage (and there is nothing wrong with that, neither is not having sex for one reason or another. Every marriage is unique and the business of those who are married, not the scrutiny of those around them.) I want to believe that if someone is going to marry their partner, they are comfortable enough to have sex with them. If a pair want to have children the ‘natural’ way, then I assume they go into the marriage understanding that to do so, they need to have sex. 

HOWEVER!! SEX IS NOT THE RELATIONSHIP. Sex is not (and should not) be the focus of a marriage between two people.

 When people fetishize Traditionalism, I find that sex is the main factor that comes with it. They have some of the points that come with what encompasses Traditionalism to some people, but their focus isn’t on what makes a marriage work for both, rather simply looking at the sexual aspect, which is one point of what is part of marriage. It isn’t about the whole, but rather about the woman giving her body over to her husband for sex. It isn’t about the conceiving of children, but rather about mindless self indulgence. To preach religion while one does this, is bastardizing what the unions (both sex and marriage) are meant for.

Linking BDSM terminology with the fetishization, by boiling down the gender roles that come with Traditionalism (the woman is submissive to her husband in trusting that he can care for - financially, emotionally etc) into simply ‘Domination and Submission’ isn’t Traditional. There are equal parts expectation in the Traditional lifestyle, but also in the D/s relationship. The Dominant figurehead of a relationship (in both dynamics) is not simply the one who receives pleasure, while the submissive rolls over to their every whim. To simply view the submissive (usually female) in this role, is grossly oversimplifying a complex relationship between both roles. Just with how a Wife partakes in her role, the submissive does so as well. The Dominant doesn’t just DO what they want without thought of what the submissive wants, just as the husband doesn’t just DO what he wants without thinking of his wife, and that’s where I find problems with how Trads view BDSM, and how fetishists view Traditionalism. Equality is important for both roles, both partners have a say, BOTH partners can consent or decline things they don’t want, sexually or otherwise. If that equality doesn’t exist in either dynamic, then it isn’t a good marriage, nor a good D/s dynamic.

At the end of the day, sex is meant to be between two consenting partners. I believe that sex exists for a purpose and we as a society have been so exposed to it that looking back on relationships when it was sacred and still HAD purpose is incredibly alluring. In the hookup culture world we live in, sex is a commodity, and birth control exists so that the purpose of sex is forgotten. Men who fetishize Traditional Women aren’t looking at Traditionalism as a whole and what it means to be traditional. Its simply over sexed porn brain telling them that ‘once I have a wife, we’ll have sex all the time and she’ll take care of me. She’ll be sexy only for me and want sex with only me, while taking on the homemaker roles.’ 

These people aren’t looking for an equal partner. They are looking for a mother that they can have sex with. Someone that will take care of them, selflessly because they actively WANT to do so, with zero understanding that they themselves have things they want and need to make this an equal partnership.

I’m not going to get into the generalities of BDSM couples (nor how some traditionalists have a BDSM relationship ongoing beside their roles as husband and wife.) I will say that people who are in these relationships, aren’t in it simply for their own pleasure. There is nothing wrong with unconventional (kinky) sex between two consenting adults. What goes on in the bedroom of two people isn’t anyone’s business. Whether you like vanilla sex or whips and chains, its not anyone’s business but the people who are having sex. BDSM is not what’s wrong with these fetishists. Selfishness is what is wrong with these people, who think that having a traditional woman means their sexual needs will be met along with their household and human needs, while they themselves can do nothing.

Now, before I get jumped with another possible argument, about preference, let me quickly say that there is nothing wrong with having preferences in a partner. Some people like maternal women, women who love God, women who prefer to dress modestly, women who are Traditional. However, there is more to a woman that simply being Traditional. My husband loves me for more than just my goals of being a mother and homemaker. He also loves that I can sing, that I do funny dances when I eat good food. That I read books before bed or all varieties and have a dark sense of humor. He’s under no illusion that I am a perfect Trad all the time. Sometimes I want to watch True Crime documentaries instead of doing the dishes and he’ll bring home a frozen pizza for dinner. 

Some people might be wholly dedicated to being Traditional and that can be appealing to people, there isn’t nothing wrong with dedicating your life to something you are passionate about, be that, as you (for example) said, intellectual/spiritual/humanitarian pursuits or otherwise. To do so can be a preference they have, but if that is ALL one thinks encompasses a person or partner and they can’t have interests or things they do otherwise, you find a problem. I am more than just a Tradwife and Mother. So are others.

This has turned into a very long winded explanation to a simple question, and I apologize for going heavily into depth about this. Simply put (or TL;DR) fetishizing Traditionalism isn’t right. There is a purpose for sex and forgetting that is only showing what is wrong with our modern ‘porn brain’ addled society. Linking BDSM to fetishists isn’t right either, because there is a difference between a D/s dynamic and someone who is looking for a doormat. 

Preferring a partner who is Trad and nothing else diminishes a person into basic traits that dehumanizes them into an object that serves ones own selfish needs (”my partner will keep house, have sex with me and be happy because they want to. They’re supposed to be Trad. I’m the man of the house and they cater only to me.”) Woman are more than Trad and more than a sex object. People who forget that aren’t worth the time or energy to engage with and should be blocked on principle so not to circulate false truths about BDSM or Traditionalism. It gives a bad name to both of these kinds of lifestyles.

Thankyou for being patient with me in answering this, if you want to discuss this in depth, my messages are open and I’m more than happy to explain further if there are any questions or counter-arguments to any of the above. 

God Bless and I’ll Keep You in My Prayers 💕

#personal #answers #traditional #trad

[disaster-j]

As a gay man, I was very concerned seeing some posts by your friend @piningbisexuals that fetishised gay men. I reached out to her but was indefinitely shut down and she behaved like a victim. The blogs who reached out to her are members of the LGBT community and wanted to discuss with her privately. Yet she attacked them, continued playing the victim and deleted asks. It’s wrong of her to portray them as bullies when she’s the one bullying our community. It saddens me that you support her.

As a queer woman I was very concerned about seeing queer people lie about someone being a fetishist and transphobe- both of which are very serious issues -just so they'd have an excuse to harass them, especially when I knew that the person was nothing like these people were painting her out to be. I have also seen screenshots and transcripts of said "discussions" these people had with her and do you know what I saw? (Also, said ss and transcripts were ones the party of three was circulating around and I never asked Axelle for them, just to be clear.) People trying to gaslight her into saying she said something she didnt. People that repeatedly contacted her against her wishes to directly or indirectly accuse her of making implications she never did. People who claim to want to discuss and educate that in the same breath completely ignored her pov and made no attempts to consider it and then got mad at and made vague posts attacking her for not agreeing with and bowing down to their opinion.

These people keep saying she's bullying the queer community but never explain how? By making thousands of wonderful gifsets of everyone's favourite shows? By doing her best to ignore the unwarranted hate these people keep sending her way? By not publicly addressing the way they have been harassing her for months? Please enlighten me as to where she's bullying me and my people cause I, and all my queer friends that know her blog, surely do not see it.

She's portraying them as bullies? I am calling them bullies. I am saying they're harassing her. Because that is exactly what I see. I have never seen well-meaning individuals deal with issues like this by making vague posts about someone, calling them nasty names and essentially running a smear campaign against her all bc she did not wish to interact with them after her negative experiences with them. That's a very Mean Girls thing to do; classic high school bully behaviour.

It saddens you that I support her? It pisses me off that people are spreading lies about who she is. It pisses me off even more that you think you can come to my asks and try to tell me that a person I have known for months is something completely different than her actual self and expect literally any sympathy from me. Do you and your group really not understand how easy it is to see that you're manipulating the truth? You want me to believe that one of the only big thai drama blogs that actively hypes and reviews non bl shows is a fetishist that is obsessed with m/m ships and and doesn't care about anything else? That one of the very few people I know on here that talks about the disparity between how male and female actors are treated by fans and companies, who regularly hypes up female centric shows, who I have had several discussions about the mistreatment of women in the bl industry with and the only straight/not queer thai bl blog I know that talks about the lack of wlw representation and actively hypes and reviews and gifs the little wlw rep we get, hates women? How is that not anything but a blatant lie?

I am not a big blog, I don't even have a thousand followers, but I have made so many amazing friends and had so many great interactions within the bl community since I started posting about these shows last year. Axelle is one of these people and for good reason. Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows exactly how much I hate the kind of people that they are claiming she is, so I am really hoping that anyone who sees this will trust me and my word and that people will finally stop harassing her for things she isn't guilty of. Though I do not expect things to end here I sure to gods hope it does. But if it doesn't, y'all should know that now that you've pulled me into the drama I will not leave as long as you continue to harass her like this. That's a fucking promise.

Oh and next time you want to lie to my face don't be a coward and do it off anon. I haven't blocked any of you.

P.S.- for anyone wondering about what is going on, you can find a detailed description of the events along with links to posts made and screenshots of "discussions" had on @piningbisexuals' pinned blog post. I had originally planned to include receipts here but since she decided to make a post about it herself I no longer felt it necessary.

#anon ask #answered ask #axelle is a great person #and has always been a wonderful ally #she does not deserve this

[azozzoni]

How do you feel about the whole treatment of skam españa and crisana like do you think people are right to voice their concerns about the mlm fetish in the fandom or do you think the reason crisana isn't as popular or included as much is for literally any other reason I'm interested to hear you thoughts because I've only just got into skam through crisana and lots of people I follow mention it and I really love your ships and writing so I wanted to ask your perspective

I’ve been trying to think how to answer this because I don’t like to get in the middle of the fandom squabbles and I have a habit of saying the wrong thing all the time.

First of all, everyone has a right to voice their concerns about anything. Everyone has opinions and should be able to express them without being attacked. That does not mean everyone’s opinions are right or good. 

As it relates to mlm fetishization, I think there is a special kind of ‘social justice’ that has taken over Tumblr since 2012 where the world is black and white. Where is the line between appreciating a couple and turning it into a fetish? According to some people, you can’t like a mlm couple if you are a woman or straight or... any number of other reasons. It is fully justifiable to point out that there are people who treat mlm couples as a fetish. And it is also good to question why you like a particular couple, to question if you are treating them a certain way when you wouldn’t treat a wlw couple the same.

Now, that’s not to say that preferring mlm over wlw makes you a fetishist. People have preferences. They like what they like with no rhyme or reason (I’m getting to the rest of your question, I promise). I’m going to fully admit that I have not watched s2 of Espana yet. It was airing at the same time as another remake and I have a hard time doing two at once. I think one could argue that it’s not as popular because it’s about two women. The default in the world is still white males. It takes a long time for defaults to change.

(this is where I’m going to get controversial)

As to Crisana not being included, I’m going to say that I think it’s total bullshit. Even if you hate a remake (Italia gets a lot of hate-some deserved, some not. Druck also gets left out a lot), if you’re doing a gifset of all the remakes, they should all be included. I realize gif-makers are creators, and as creators, we have control and the ability to pick and choose. But it always seems unfair and petty to leave out a particular couple because you didn’t like that version or whatever. They are part of the SKAM family, like it or not, and their season means something to someone. 

I’m not trying to tell people what they can or can’t do when it comes to their own creation. In the end, it’s your content. There are characters I choose not to include in my fics because I don’t like them as much. I’ve been in fandom for a very long time, and I’ve seen the arguments go round and round. Back in the day, it was how girlfriends of band members were villainized in fic, or how everyone hated Ginny because she “got in the way” of Harry and Draco. I’ve seen it all. I’ve also played into the tropes when I was younger, less mature, less educated. 

I don’t know how old most of the skam fandom is, but I assume mid-teens to early 20s. I knew nothing when I was that age, and luckily tumblr was not around until I was, like, 21 so I can’t even imagine being bombarded with all the messages now about how liking anything problematic means you’re a terrible person. It is hard to process even now, trying to figure out what is okay and what’s not--can you enjoy something problematic? I say yes, as long as you acknowledge the problems. Nothing is 100% perfect. If you only allowed yourself to like perfect things, you would have nothing to watch, nothing to read, no friends.

It is so difficult trying to figure yourself out, examining why you like things, especially when strangers on the internet are saying that liking (or not liking in the case of Crisana) something makes you a bad person. The world is not as simple as that.

I think I’ve gotten off-topic. But I hope I answered your question? These are, of course, all my own opinions, which I should be able to state here, on my own blog. I tend not to give my opinion on tumblr for fear of the backlash that inevitably comes. I am not an authority on anything and I don’t like conflict. I see both sides of this problem and don’t have a solution. Just try to keep in mind that while some arguments will have merit, they may not be 100% right. You have to form your own opinions and try to be fair in your judgements.

#ask #skam españa

[sagemoderocklee]

Oh what's this about "the only valid fic that’s ever going to be written for gaalee"? You don't have to tell the name of the fic I'm just curious about what happened? Like what's the deal with this fic?

oof… well, this is a conversation I’ve had many a time, but be forewarned, I have a lot of feelings on this matter and this will… not be short.

I’ll just use [redacted] but in all honesty whether I give you the name or not, I promise, it wouldn’t be difficult to know what fic I’m talking about (not least of which because I’m one of the few people who has been vocal about that fic and when asked I make it known I have No Interest in it). But literally everyone in the GaaLee fandom knows about this fic that was written–after careful research–just over 13 years ago. THIRTEEN! That’s quite a long time for a fic to maintain such acclaim, but the GaaLee fandom is small and a bit of a fic desert when it comes to content, and in a way, I think that’s to blame…. 

From my perspective, this fic–which published it’s first chapter in September of 2005 on Livejournal, then posted in April 2006 to a lesser known fic hosting website–has remained a staple in this fandom for so long because it was, by and large, one of the only decent novel length fics in the fandom at the time. And that time was a long time. If you look at the GaaLee tag on any fanfiction hosting website, you won’t have an easy time finding novel length stories with quality writing, characterization, plot, etc. 

[Redacted] was, ostensibly, the first GaaLee fic with any real substance: it had good pros, and, seemingly, it had a plot (though if you ask me the plot was “get gaara and lee together, and forget about any and all conflict outside of them once they bone down”, but I digress). 

People loved this fic. So much so that there are a number of depictions of scenes from this fic drawn by talented fanartists, there are podfics, there are probably translations, there’s a fucking TV Tropes entry. But the real impact this fic has had on the fandom? The reason I always vaguely complain about it?: “I won’t read anything if it’s not [Redacted].” 

As a writer, myself, I’m sure it’s obvious why I might have grown bitter about this fic over the course of my time in this fandom. Unlike other fandoms I’ve been in, such as the Harry/Draco fandom, which upholds the classics that helped shape the fandom but still allows for new, fresh takes, the GaaLee fandom holds on to this singular fic as the Pinnacle Fic. According to this fandom, you will never come across a greater gaalee story–never mind that this fic is 13 years old, is ableist in its depiction of Gaara, actually does forget the plot partway through, not to mention the gross ‘sand rape’ scene, and of course doesn’t hold up 13 years later with canon specifically because of mischaracterizing at least Gaara (it’s been a while since I read it, so I’m sure I’m missing things). Never mind that we, as individuals and communities, should be able to look at something more critically and say “yes, this was good at the time, but now I see that it is not perfect. Yes, this helped shape a small and lacking fandom, but it does not have to be the be-all end-all.” 

The GaaLee fandom, as indicated by the shit I was fielding thanks to daring to call out homophobia in the fandom, does not like change. It has certainly changed, even grown I’d like to think. But the fandom itself is stagnant in many ways; it does not want to let go of its old ways which is easily seen by some of the GaaLee–oh, excuse me, LeeGaa blogs out there (it’s very important to remember exactly who is putting it up whose butt, because heaven forbid we treat these characters genuinely and not depict mlm couples with gross fetishistic tropes like seme and uke–i hope that the tone of “i’m rolling my eyes” comes through strongly here). 

Now, I haven’t read this fic in about 4 years, roughly. I put off reading it for a very long time while working on Alliance because I, like so many people in the fandom, held it up on a pedestal. I worried over comparing myself to the author, I worried over the potential to be influenced in a way, that Alliance would seem too much like [Redacted]. Then, in the midst of depression and wanting desperately to read a GaaLee fic, I re-read it. I hadn’t touched it in four years–at that time–and thought “what the hell”. So I read it. 

And I didn’t like it. The pros are good, I’ll give you that. But other than the pros, I wasn’t moved. In fact, I felt only relief. “My fic is nothing like this. I don’t agree with this author’s interpretation here and here–oh my god that’s rape what the fuck” and so on. Now, it has been a long time since my last read through, so I may be missing things about the fic, but ultimately it’s not really about whether or not I like the fic, it’s not about whether or not the fic is good. It’s old. It shouldn’t really matter anymore because we should all have matured enough to say “This fic was good, it did a lot of good for the fandom, but looking back I realise it’s not what I thought it was and has some gross elements which we will not allow to continue to propagate in our fandom.” 

But unfortunately, this fic is still relevant; unfortunately this fic still matters and still shapes this fandom in far too many ways. If the common theme of this fandom wasn’t “oh my god, have you read [Redacted]” “[Redacted] is the best fic and the only one I’ll read” then maybe I’d never say a peep about this fic. It would fall to the back of my mind, a fic I read and enjoyed once upon a time, when I was young and less rounded as a person. But unfortunately, the fandom does not take the stance that other fandoms take–it is not ‘a classic we appreciate for what it did for this fandom’, it is now a weapon used against new authors. I don’t think it’s necessarily intended to be, but it is. Who wants to write a fic for this pairing when all they hear is “I’ll never read anything but [Redacted]”? Who wants to write anything when they know people won’t give them a chance? Hell, who will read things when they’re told that the only thing worth reading is [Redacted]? When they’re told that everything else in this fandom is trash? And listen, I know there’s a lot of trash in this fandom–and I don’t mean writing skill, I mean actual trash. Writers who manipulate minors into a cult following while their writing features a relationship between a 16 and 25 year old; writers who write A/B/O; writers who write ‘soft stalking’; writers who turn Shukaku into “a voice in Gaara’s head”… The list is long and ugly. But that doesn’t mean write off every writer, that doesn’t mean refuse to move past a fic that’s 13 years old.

How are we supposed to overpower the gross, ugly content if we as a fandom community refuse to give new writers a chance? How can fandom grow and change and get better, if we hold on to something from 13 years ago? (Trust me, it shows that this fic was written thirteen years ago. It is Very Obvious.) 

Yet here we are, holding on to a 13 year old story. Who else do we know in this fandom who writes? Who else has that much acclaim? Who else writes good, quality stories and gets art and a goddamn TV Tropes entry and countless people raving about their work? Do you know what happens when I say I want to read a gaalee fic? I get a number of people asking if I’ve read [Redacted] as if I haven’t been here for 11 years. It was literally the first GaaLee fic my friends told me to read so that I’d understand why GaaLee was a good ship. I read it when I was all of 18 and so new to the fandom. I read it again when I was 21. And again when I was 24. I guess the third time was the charm. 

There is a post that floats around sometimes visible in the gaalee or leegaa tag that says “guess it’s time to go reread [Redacted]” or something to that effect with something like 350 notes. 350 notes. This tired comment from years ago that suggests there’s nothing worth reading in this fandom, that’s been put out there for writers and readers of fic to see. Listen, I won’t lie, it IS hard to find good fic content! It is, but it’s even harder when you don’t give people a fucking chance. 

Do you know what conversations I’ve had with people about fanfiction in this fandom? I literally had someone, point blank, say to me and the other writers on the GaaLee discord “I don’t read anything but […] [Redacted].” 

How disheartening. How unsupportive. How insulting. Saying that to people who you know are writers, who work hard and want support. That’s ugly. That’s not cute. That’s not community. 

There are fresh new takes on Gaara and Lee, and I know that for a fact because I have worked tirelessly to help create some of these fresh takes. I know my fucking worth as a writer, I know I’m good at what I do. I’ll always be learning and refining my writing, but I am a good fucking writer and it is a slap in the face to me and every other writer out there, who dedicates any amount of time to trying to produce good written content for this pairing. We don’t need the fic tags for this pairing to be filled with the trash mentioned above (pedophilia, rape, ableism, etc). We don’t need to be a fic desert. But if people only ever read one 13 year old fic, then that’s what we’re gonna keep having. 

I’m obviously not going anywhere. I’ve got plenty of GaaLee fics to write (something like 20+), regardless of the “I’ll only read [Redacted]” people in this fandom. But who’s to say if it’ll matter in this fandom? Who’s to say it’ll change how people feel about [Redacted]? Who’s to say if I can help make a trend of supporting fic authors other than [Redacted’s Author]? I mean, the person who made that post with 350 notes, far as I know, has never read my fic content. If someone is so desperate for content that they’ll re-read something from 13 years ago, then why aren’t they also checking the GaaLee tag on tumblr or Ao3 for new fics? Like people actively complain about the lack of fic in this fandom and then… do nothing about it. And I don’t mean they should write fics necessarily. Like yes, if you’re a writer and you want to see fic content in this fandom, I absolutely urge you to write! But first, we need more people who are willing to read fics. Who will go out of their comfort zone and just give us a chance. We need these people who are always complaining about the lack of fic content to do something about it, make other authors feel better about themselves, lift up other authors, share their works, comment like your life depends on it. That’s what we need. Because there are a handful of people out there who want to write and want to keep writing for this pairing. But without support…??? They disappear. They give up. They lose interest. 

There will probably be some people who feel like personally attacked because they’ve said these things and not supported other authors, but honestly, if you feel that way then please take that and prove me wrong. Be more proactive. Find a new GaaLee writer, find a story you haven’t given a chance. Prove that this fandom can change and grow; prove that fic writers have a place in this fandom. 

Because right now, fic writers don’t have a place.

Anyway, I’ve spent the last like hour going on and on about this, and I have things to do and I’m sure you didn’t want me to write something this long, Anon. Please, just blame my Aries Mercury ass for being a passionate talker lmao 

#otp: the ultimate otp #gaara #rock lee #naruto #shippuden #gaalee #this is like a call out post in good faith essentially #so it's going in the tags because i want ppl to start being more supportive of other writers in this fandom #give gaalee fic writers a chance 2k18 #this got out of hand im so sorry #i feel very strongly about this i can't help it #and tbh i think this is part of why this fandom doesn't have the popularity other pairings have #like god so many ppl have like no concept of this pairing like they just do not Get It #and i think it's partly this #partly the fujoshi bs but also partly this #because where are the stories that explain to ppl why they work???? #i mean you can paint a pretty picture but at the end of the day where's the story? where's the foundation? #Anonymous

[hisband]

warning for the gor.illaz rpc & for the rpc in general.

as a lot of you probably know by now, i seldom get involved in callout posts unless the person in question appears to be a legitimate threat to the safety of others. but it has come to my attention that this particular individual does, in fact, appear to be genuinely harmful, deliberately so or not. this person is 666-MUR/DOC. below is evidence that has been gathered of the previously mentioned harmful behaviour.

major trigger warning below for ableism, erasure, transphobia / transphobic slurs, racism / interracial relationship fetishization, abuse / abuse fetishization, mentions of rape / rape fetishization and mentions of incest / incest fetishization.

at first glance, their rules seem reasonable enough. this person states that they will not force their partners into writing content they are uncomfortable with, that they respect boundaries, that they are not going to be writing with minors, etc. but then you keep clicking through the blog and look at the sort of content they’re interested in pursuing, and actively admit to be interested in pursuing...

...which, again, seems reasonable enough at first, right? nothing wrong with two consenting adults shipping or writing nsfw of adult characters. but then you look into what kind of smut and shipping they like to do and it’s, quite frankly, fucking deplorable. their “fetish list” can be found here. (in case any links get taken down, i have a dropbox with the evidence here, along with some of the other links and screencaps mentioned in this post.) please proceed with caution before you click on it. it’s very heavily triggering and incredibly gross. to spare those who don’t want to suffer through that experience, and to save time, i will be highlighting the most worrying items on that list - and believe me, there are a lot of those.

the topic of the 2.D/mur.doc ship is extremely touchy at best. the two share a toxic relationship, canonically, and a highly abusive one. i understand those who use this ship to cope, or those who portray the ship while fully acknowledging how problematic it is and treating it as an abusive relationship. while i can see that this writer is aware how abusive the relationship is, the impression i’m getting is that legitimate sexual pleasure is derived from the way mur.doc treats 2.D. i can’t say for absolute certain, but things like this art piece (major trigger warning for implications of sadism & abuse), along with these “kinks” below strongly suggest as much:

keep in mind that 2.D is someone who canonically suffers from brain trauma and struggles with his cognitive functions, and this is listed as a kink. very concerning. unfortunately, the list keeps going on.

there’s no such thing as “dubious consent”. there is yes and there is no. “dubious consent” is literal rape. other “kinks” saved under their “favourites” section is the following:

items under the “likes” section include:

...incest. listed as a kink. i hope i don’t need to explain why this is incredibly fucking bad.

while i am not a POC myself, i really don’t like the implications of interracial relationships being on a literal fetish list, nor do i like the fact that amputees (you know... living, breathing people) are also listed as a fetish.

also on the “likes” section of the list includes:

“nonconsensual”... again, that’s literal fucking rape. as for their “maybe” section, the following can be found:

way to be vile and transphobic.

and as you can see, nonbinary people are listed as “potential fetish material” as well.

this individual does have a disclaimer:

however, even if they use the excuse “it’s the character’s fetishes, not mine”, “this is fiction”, etc, then that just means they’re willing to use a fictional sexual abuse / trauma survivor’s visage (and yes, these are canon elements of the character; mur.doc’s traumatic upbringing has been brought up repeatedly by the canon gor.illaz writers, and there have been numerous canonical references to mur.doc being a rape survivor as well) to explore incredibly triggering topics in a very exploitative and harmful manner. this person is the one who made the decision to apply these traits to mur.doc’s character, for no other reason than the fact they wanted to. this person is still responsible for making their willingness to write this shit in a fetishistic nature known; if a person writes fetishized abuse, they are still writing fetishized abuse whether it’s them getting off on it or “just the character” getting off on it. they are still actively making the choice to put that content out there, to encourage it in some way, and to publicly broadcast themselves as someone who will collaboratively write it with someone else. they can slap mur.doc’s name over it all they want, but never once did his creators claim, nor did they have him claim, that these are things that he would do. this person expressing desire to write triggering, controversial material in a fetishistic manner was their own decision, and therefore they don’t get to hide behind the “it’s fictional” argument. they are the one made that list. they are the one who compiled that list. they’re just using a cartoon character’s face for it.

a couple other important points i want to make:

1) i find it interesting that they deny getting a thrill out of writing this type of content, yet made that earlier statement saying they “love writing that shit” in their rules page. even if they’re only doing this for a cheap laugh or pure entertainment as opposed to sexual gratification, it’s not funny, nor is it in good taste whatsoever.

2) what’s up with these being in their headcanon section:

...they do realize that the traits they just described mur.doc having (abandonment issues, unhealthy sexual tendencies, obsessive tendencies) are literal symptoms of mental illness, right? since when does having mental illness make anyone a “cinnamon bun”? just what are they implying here? and if people want to headcanon mur.doc as someone who is autistic or has tourettes, why is that such a bad thing? who is that hurting, exactly, and why are they so opposed to it to the point where they feel compelled to make a statement like that on their blog?

this goes way beyond just “alternate character interpretation”. this doesn’t have anything to do with the fact they write the same character as i do, nor is the fact that they’re depicting mur.doc in a negative light - because mur.doc has done evil, despicable things in canon, and those aspects of him should be portrayed in a way that lets the audience know that he is in the wrong. he is manipulative. he is horribly abusive towards 2.D and has mistreated countless other characters as well. he is prone to causing violence and mayhem. he has kidnapped people. there is no sugarcoating these traits, or making light of them, and you shouldn’t sugarcoat or make light of them. but you also should not be open to writing said traits in a fetishistic manner, nor any other of the topics mentioned in this post in a fetishistic manner, period, regardless of whether or not they’re “your” views or your character’s views. whether you mean to or not, you’re still making these things look idealized. that’s incredibly damaging on so many levels.

that being said - while the material presented is extremely concerning, this post does not encourage hate being sent to this person, nor is it is encouraging those who read it to even approach this person. this post is not telling you how to feel about this person or the circumstances. all i’m trying to do is warn those who may be negatively affected by this individual’s behaviour and the depiction of which they approach triggering topics to be very careful, and to do what they need to do in order to avoid them (i.e. blocking, unfollowing, blacklisting, etc).

ignore or disagree with this post if you wish. reblog this post if you wish. all i ask is that the situation does not turn into a full-blown war. that is not what i want and not why i made this post. just read what i’m saying objectively and come to your own conclusions about this information. do what you want with it. just be careful, above all else.

#⇩ ▬ sᴜɴsʜɪɴᴇ ɪɴ ᴀ ʙᴀɢ ( ooc. ) #callout / #negative / #drama / #ableism / #racism / #incest mention / #abuse fetishization / #abuse mention / #i'm sorry for making a post like this #but i couldn't keep quiet about it #especially if there was a risk of letting things get out of control #people deserve to know what this person has said they're willing to write & the manner of which they're going to write it #and whether or not they want to avoid this person is their decision

[eurazba]

If you have amputee in your description you're gonna have amputee admirers following you. Just because you have a post saying "Don't do this,or else!", it won't keep people from following. I'm sure this happens all the time. No offense.

:) Ok heres the one that’s pissing me off. (Long-ish post get ready)

My existence is not a fetish

My existence is not a fetish 

My existence is not a fetish

My existence is not a fetish

I’m not sure how many times I’ll have to fucking repeat it. 

Yes I am an amputee, and I am proud of that fact because it something that I deal with EVERY FUCKING DAY. Just because I say that I am an amputee in my description (literally just using the phrase “one-legged”) does not give a welcome mat for amputee fetishists to come through my blog to fucking like my posts COMPLAINING about amputee fetishists flocking around my non-fetish art of either an amputee character of mine or a fucking SELF PORTRAIT FOR CLASS. 

My existence is not a fetish

This fucking dude who followed me after I complained about amputee fetishists going to my non fetish art had THEIR WHOLE COCK OUT in their profile pic! THEIR ENTIRE BLOG WAS OF AMPUTEE WOMEN IN SEXUAL CLOTHES/POSITIONS. THIS IS NOT A NSFW BLOG, THERE ARE OTHER FETISH BLOGS THAT THEY CAN FOLLOW. THERE ARE AMPUTEE FETISH BLOGS WHERE AMPUTEES PUT THEIR BODY ON DISPLAY BECAUSE THEY WANT TO. THEY ARE WELCOME TO ADMIRERS.

I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. BEING FOLLOWED BY AMPUTEE FETISH BLOGS MAKES ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. I am just trying to exist.

My existence is not a fetish

My existence is not a fetish

My existence is not a fetish

#asks #i'm still bitter about this nearly a year later

[mlmshadowhuntersource-blog]

i've never written sexual alec/lydia, period and anyone who is perpetuating that has not read the fic in question. i am a queer woman but not mlm, so i can't speak faithfully to whether any of my fics have come across as fetishistic, but if they have i would welcome the feedback on how to grow and improve

Hi! I (mod Ira) have taken the liberty of providing some pointers to your writing. First, and most importantly, I’d like to discuss non-platonic Alec/Lydia in fic. Something much of fandom seems unable to understand is that Lydia and Alec’s relationship is inherently toxic. In the beginning of season one, we see Alec as a terrified closeted gay man, willing to commit suicide before being outed to anyone. Lydia knows he has feelings for Magnus before they get married, and goes through with it anyway. She was in a position of power over him, because she never expected him to back out of the marriage, and so takes advantage of him. After the wedding kiss, Alec says that Lydia letting him go saved his life.

Many non-mlm have trouble understanding that writing non-platonic Alec/Lydia is inherently homophobic. Lydia was more than Alec’s temporary beard. Lydia was a manipulative person who took advantage of Alec’s trauma to gain an Institute. Creating au’s in which they are planning to marry is trivializing the trauma and internalized homophobia from Alec’s experiences of living in such a deeply homophobic society. Mlm can write this in order to relate it to their own experiences, and some even find it helpful to work through their own related trauma. People who are not mlm shouldn’t use it as a plot device to further Alec and Magnus’s relationship.

I’d also like to discuss a common trope in malec fics. The infantilization of Alec Lightwood in order to make him more desirable for sex is fetishistic. This is seen in your fics No Sweeter Innocence and blow me (one last kiss). Sexual inexperience is different from being bashful, blushing and embarrassed, especially when the Alec we see on screen is nothing like that. Alec in canon would resent being coddled and being seen as an innocent baby who doesn’t understand what he wants enough to articulate asking to be taken to bed, why do you write him that way? 

Another issue we see is Magnus as the Ever Giving Partner while Alec sits around sucking him dry of affection. The balance between their affection is concerning. Why is Magnus the one constantly smothering Alec in love and pet-names while Alec is allowed to eat it up and never give back? Furthermore, there is again not much evidence in canon to support this. Alec is the one seen giving Magnus gifts, initiating intimacy, confessing his feelings first, and seeking Magnus out for company. Rarely is it the other way around. Why do you see Magnus as the one who lives and breathes affection and waxes poetic about Alec, and why do you see Alec as the one who has most of the orgasms and let’s Magnus coddle him? 

On a more personal note, we never said your fics were garbage. Many of your fics are very sweet, I enjoyed your Found Family ‘Verse quite a lot! And yes, we’re giving you feedback to improve your writing, like you asked, even though mlm don’t exist to keep non-mlm from being fetishistic. The amount of entitlement to ask for an explanation and then vague us on your blog before actually receiving a response is astounding. I hope this was helpful!!!

Hey, it’s Tyler here. If you’re still reading I have commentary, too. First off, I am going to say that I am at fault - I should have read your works before taking the word of someone else (who was a mlm so I did trust his word, and still do). It is totally on me for not fact checking and I will remember to fact check before I state things as fact. However, he was not wrong to say your works were fetishistic nor was he wrong in suggesting we not rec your fics. (There was fetishization in your fics and while there was not sexual Alec/Lydia, there was romantic Alec/Lydia).

Onto your fic: First Comes Love. As Ira mentioned earlier, Alec is infantilized a lot. But most notably is how you write him as if he’s unable to make decisions or do anything for himself when that isn’t the Alec we see on screen. You make Lydia the decision maker (which she is, canonically, but so is Alec) and you make Magnus… well, I wouldn’t call it predatory but it’s really uncomfortable how he flirts with Alec, notices Alec’s uncomfortable, stops briefly, and then starts flirting again. Yes, Magnus is flirty but I don’t believe he would flirt with anyone when he knows they’re uncomfortable. (I mean, canonically Magnus told Alec he would back off if he [Alec] could say he was in love/loved Lydia and canonically Magnus did tell Maryse he would leave if Alec told him to).

I know Ira didn’t read “First Comes Love” but the whole dynamic between Alec and Magnus was… well, I wouldn’t say it is predatory because I’m not a 100% sure it is but it is uncomfortable. I think what makes it uncomfortable is how Alec has been infantilized to a point where it is completely out of character for him.

However, I’m not here to tell you how to better that fic because I actually discourage it. I read your disclaimer but ignoring canon, the relationship you have written is extremely unhealthy. It is very one-sided, Lydia seems to be the voice in the relationship and the one who ‘runs’ the relationship to the point Alec doesn’t really have an opinion on anything.

Anyway, I want to talk about your disclaimer.

Updated A/N: Just to clarify, I tagged this fic as ‘alec/lydia’ and added an extra warning tag because I know some people don’t want to read alec/women regardless of context and I want to respect that.

Ask yourself why do people not want to read Alec/women regardless of context? It’s not just a matter of it being uncomfortable. Yes, it is uncomfortable but it is also extremely disrespectful. It is disrespectful because it is taking an experience that a lot of gay men relate to and may have been through and turned it into a plot device. Our lives, our experiences, are not meant to be used as plot devices in fanfiction and they are not meant to be used by non-mlm.

And furthermore, if you wanted to respect us not wanting to read Alec/women (or, for some, not even wanting to see Alec/women) you would not write it. Period. Full stop.

As a gay man, when I watched that episode I can’t even describe the amount of pain and discomfort I experienced because I thought Alec was going to marry Lydia. Just imagine the pain and discomfort I experienced as an outsider, as someone just watching a tv show, now amplify that by a 1000 and you probably have the exact feeling that Alec felt, that every mlm who was forced into a straight marriage/relationship.

However, two things about this story, 1) Alec is gay, 2) the only pairing presented romantically is Alec/Magnus. Not offended if it’s still not your cup of tea, but just want to make that clear if people are trying to judge from tags alone.

It isn’t, though. Alec/Lydia is presented as a romantic pairing. In the fic, they are engaged- that is an inherently romantic relationship. You cannot write a relationship where two characters are engaged or even married and then turn around and say, “oh but it’s not romantic” because those are romantic relationships.

That’s all I have to say on that and if you’re still around I also read “Blow Me (One Last Kiss).” But I have to agree with Ira on literally everything that he said. Also one thing they didn’t address is… please if you’re going to write smut, please say ‘dick’ or ‘penis’ - not length.

Also not to critique a smut scene because that was the last thing I thought I’d be doing at 6 o’clock on a Monday morning but I feel like it would be physically impossible for Alec to do what you’re saying he is doing. Unless Alec just doesn’t have a gag reflex.

On a personal note. I would like to say something about the vaguing which I didn’t really appreciate when I saw your blog. You messaged us, probably seeking an apology, and feedback. Which we were both very happy to give but after we saw your blog we were kind of… thrown. I can’t speak for Ira but for me, personally, I found it childish. Why message us then vague us or vague us then message us? I get vaguing, I vague people all the time, but I don’t turn around and message them - or vice versa.

I’m gonna be frank, had you not messaged us we never would have seen your vague and you know what that’s perfectly fine. You can talk shit about us and spread lies and over-exaggerate what I said (not Ira, because they weren’t a mod at the time) and I frankly don’t give a fuck. I would rather someone not message me giving off the air of politeness and civility and then turn around and talk shit. That’s fake as hell.

But onto your vague posts which I have some problems with because some of the things really rubbed me the wrong way. Specifically the amount of entitlement.

“apparently a sh mlm blog rec’d one of my fics but then removed it and like made a recant post basically saying someone had told them i write fetishistic fic and ‘sexual alec/lydia’ so they would never post any of my fic again.”

Specifically the “so they would never post any of my fic again” part rubbed me the wrong way. You are not entitled to our spaces and we do not owe it to you to promote your fic, especially if we don’t feel the material you are writing is something that should be promoted. We are not here to promote the fics of people who fetishize mlm or portray Alec/Lydia. Actually, our blog’s purpose is to raise up the voices of mlm and we aren’t obligated to promote anyone who isn’t mlm. But the fact that you felt entitled to our spaces is just beyond infuriating.

i dunno how many followers they have but they posted my ao3 tag and everything

As of this posting we have 108. And I didn’t “post [your] ao3 tag and everything.” I stated your ao3 username, yes, but I hardly call that “everything.” I posted what I did because I choose to try and take responsibility for my actions - as I am doing right now.

(and like, tbf i would try to be open to whatever criticism this person has on the first point because i’m not mlm obvs so i’m sure i’m not perfect by any stretch, but the second point could only be made by someone who’s literally never read my fic so..)

On this part… if someone asks us for feedback, I will give it to them. However, it is not our job to go out of our way to educate every single fetishistic or homophobic fic writer. Your job, as a writer and as someone portraying mlm when you are not a mlm, is to go out and do the research and educate yourself and make sure you’re not portraying us in a negative/fetishistic light. Not to sit back and publish your work until someone comes along and tells you, “hey this is fetishistic” or “this is homophobic.” Your job, as a writer, is to make sure that doesn’t happen.

And our job, as mlm, is to make sure we aren’t promoting fics that are homophobic and/or fetishistic. (And yes, you can be homophobic despite being a queer woman and stating that you’re a queer woman is not a get out of jail free card).

if you don’t want to read my fics that’s awesome but since you haven’t actually read them can you maybe not tell everyone else they’re garbage? thanks

Neither of us has said your fics are garbage so again with the twisting of our words and over-exaggeration. All I said was that someone brought it to my attention that you write fetishistic portrayals of mlm (which you do) and sexual Alec/Lydia (which you don’t, but you do write romantic Alec/Lydia) and that I would not rec your fics on a blog by mlm for mlm. And that is fully within my rights. We do not have to cater to you or any non-mlm.

I said anyone could follow as long as they are respectful of the fact that this is a safe space for mlm because I feel non-mlm should be able to hear our thoughts on how mlm are portrayed and see proper portrayals of mlm.

But I will not tolerate people feeling entitled to our spaces because the only people entitled to this space is mlm.

#ithilien-writes #mod tyler #mod ira #commentary #long post #fetishization #infantilization #homophobia