#i am so tired and i am in so much pain and there is NOTHING i can do

[ecliphttlunar]

Medicine - Chris Sturniolo

Summary: You were having a difficult day where negative thoughts shook you, but luckily your boyfriend Chris is always there to save you

Warnings: cute, hugs, kisses, negative thoughts, a little angst

Author's notes: This is my work, I do not authorize any plagiarism, copying or “inspiration”. English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if there are any grammatical errors.

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You were sad, so sad, at that moment, your life didn't seem to make sense.

You felt ugly, incapable, inappropriate, God! You were feeling every negative feeling there was, even non-existent ones.

And there weren't enough words that could describe what you were feeling.

You traveled all over the world, collected lyrics, but nothing, nothing could describe this feeling that took over your heart.

And so you asked yourself, how could you talk to someone about this?

Talking to others about your feelings was never really a problem, at least not with your closest friends.

But now? You were a child who was left on a road in the middle of the night.

Lost.

Alone.

In the dark.

At least that's what you thought while cooking dinner at the triplets' house.

You thought that no one could understand what you were feeling, not when you couldn't form words, so why waste other people's time, why be inconvenient by saying that you didn't feel well, when no one could understand you, help you.

When you didn't even understand what you were feeling?

You were so focused on your thoughts that you didn't notice Chris's gaze on you.

Chris knew something was wrong the moment you appeared in the room, your shoulders slumped, your eyes heavy, your smile weak, dejected.

You always had big smiles that brighten any darkness, but now? His smile was wan, a smile that tried to hide his tears.

He didn't know what had happened, if someone hurt you, if they said something that hurt you, if you were in physical pain or not.

But he knew, he was sure, that everything wasn't okay.

Then, he got up from the couch, the place he had been sitting staring at you for the last 10 minutes, and walked towards you.

You were always alert to your surroundings, no matter the situation, you always noticed when something had happened to someone, or when a person approached, so when he approached you, and you didn't notice, as if someone had blindfolded you , he worried.

He was behind you, when he wrapped his arms around you, you were a little startled by the sudden contact, jumping slightly, and looking back.

It was just Chris.

You let out a sigh of relief.

"Don't do that anymore, you scared me" You said softly, when you went back to mixing the food in the pan.

"Everything is fine?" He ignored what you said, needing to know what was happening as quickly as possible.

"Why the question?" You ask back.

You always did this, when you didn't want to answer something, you asked the person a question as an answer.

"You don't look like you're on planet Earth today"

"No? Where do I look like I am? In fact, if I weren't on earth, how would you be hugging me now?"

“No, not like that, you’re here, but at the same time, you’re not here” you raise an eyebrow.

“Your body is here, your mind is not” You go back to mixing dinner, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay, I'm just tired" You weren't lying, you really were tired, but one of the main reasons for those words was because you really wanted to close this subject, you know that tomorrow you would wake up better.

But of course, Chris didn't accept that. He knew there was something more, and he wanted to find out what it was.

He was always like that, he was always there for you, even when you didn't want anyone, you just wanted to be alone.

And that was why you loved him so much.

Because he was your guardian angel, your bulletproof vest when everything got dangerous, he stayed in front of you when you were in the crosshairs.

He was there to heal all your scars.

And you knew he could save you now, when you are in the crosshairs of negativity.

His body leaned over yours a little, taking the spoon out of your hand and throwing it into the sink.

You tried to take the spoon back, making the excuse that the food wasn't ready and you needed to stir it more.

But Chris was watching you, he knew that you had turned off the stove for more than 5 minutes.

He turned his body to face him, and hugged his waist.

"Talk to me, what's going on?" He asked again.

But what he received in response was silence, and his eyes were watery.

"Honey..." He began, a speech already planned in his mind to make you speak, at least the basics, so he would know what happened, but this moving speech was not necessary, because right after he called you, the words ran out of his mouth like a river.

And now, you were a mess.

A beautiful mess in Chris's eyes, even with your tear stained face, messy hair, wrinkled clothes, you looked beautiful.

The gods knew how beautiful you looked.

"I don't know, I woke up like this, I'm just sad, nothing really happened, I just... I feel ugly, inappropriate, annoying, I don't know, I, I don't know, I can't explain it." You tried, you really tried, but you couldn't, gods, you didn't even know who you were at that moment.

You didn't know what were happening.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, pretty girl, it's okay, you don't need to say anything else, I already understand, I got you, I'm here with you." He cupped your face and dried your tears, placing a lingering kiss on your forehead. Trying to calm you down.

Which, even though it took a while, worked.

You let out a shaky breath. And when you look up, back at him, you realize he was thinking of a solution.

"What do you think about us lying down, cuddling on the couch, watching a movie, we don't need to say anything, just cuddle, do you want that?"

You smile lightly and nod, hugging Chris's waist, and hiding your face in his chest.

You stayed like that for a while, when you finally started moving to the couch, you on top of Chris, while you chose a movie.

It had been about 10 minutes into the movie, and you were already feeling better, but there was still something bothering you.

And of course, Chris noticed, so he did what he knew would help, what always helps, he kissed you.

He gently grabbed your chin and kissed your lips, making all that pain you were feeling go away.

Making you feel better than you ever have.

He could do this.

He was your medicine.

You separate, and look at each other, you smile in thanks, and lay your head back on his chest.

For the first time that day, feeling good.

#chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo x you #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo x you #nick sturniolo edit #nick sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #nick sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo edit #sturniolo triplets smut #sturniolo triplets edit #sturniolo triplets x reader

[remindingpersephone]

Here we go again

Hi gang. I'm back on my Chris-Get's-Healthy kick, again. I know I've talked about this and asked for your help in the past. I am once again attempting to quit sugar and work out more.

If you have offered me advice in the past and are tired of my requests, yet again, for advice and ideas, I understand. I get it. Believe me, no one is more tired of my bullshit and my inability to stick to a regimen and make the healthy choices than I am.

This last time I was derailed by my mom's illness and death. I just did not have the mental space or physical energy to commit to disciplined nutritional choices and consistent work outs while taking care of her. But the reasons don't really matter because there were excuses before this one, and on and on. I have been starting and giving up on, healthy living routines since I was 18 years old. Let's do the math, that's 30 years!

A little background: I am not a yo-yo dieter. I very slowly put on weight starting with my first desk job at 20 and never dropped it. The weight has never bothered me. I am a confident woman who has never needed to fit into a six 6. I am also single by choice and nothing in the last 30 years has given me a reason to change my mind about this.

This situation now is that I'm looking hard at 50 and the little aches and pains: the trick knee, the occasional sciatica, the feet that get a little too sore too soon, are, I feel, all red flags signaling that hitting snooze on my health is no longer an option.

I truly believe that fitness and nutritional eating are not only the key to staying fit and active, but I think if I just commit and get through those first few tough months, I would actually like it.

Lately I've been drinking my Dr. Pepper and eating my high-calorie cheesy pasta and lots of sourdough bread (all my favorites), but they just haven't been as satisfying as they once were. [Sidebar: I realize some of this could be residual depression and grief making life just not as wonderful as it once was. That will take time.]

Mostly, I'm just tired of giving the "I have got to get my health in order" thoughts the mental real estate in my brain. I need to deal with it so I can move on from it. So it is not such big part of my daily thoughts.

My long-winded and self-indulgent post here is just to ask once again - and I swear for the last time - what do you all find works for you as far as fitness and nutrition goes? My fitness goals are:

to get stronger and improve flexibility and mobility while protecting the joints and ligaments

staving off osteoporosis

alleviating some peri-menopause symptoms

My nutrition goals are:

to kick the sugar addiction once and for all and change my palate so I don't crave sweet things so much

prevent diabetes/heart disease, etc. before they start

improving gut health

I welcome all comments and advice, and that includes the tough-love "girl, you have got to get your shit together!"

#fitness and nutrition #here we fucking go again

[fiveki]

Small Huskerdust story!

(Angst )

It was a rainy night, Angel felt weak, tired and used. As always.

He opened the hotel’s doors, immediately collapsing on the floor as soon as he got to the lobby. His whole body ached, he could still feel Valentino’s hands all over him. It was disgusting. Angel was disgusting.

The spider teared up, unable to just stand up and go to his room. He was too tired, really weak. The poor boy began to sob silently on the cold floor, he really was pathetic. Crying unable to do something for himself, as easy as just standing up and going up a few stairs to go into his dorm, cuddle with his pig and sleep. As he always does.

That time it felt different.

Suddenly, a deep voice spoke out loud.

“You look like shit”

Husk was sitting down on an armchair, he stood up, the look that reflected through the red windows form the hotel’s main windows allowing Angel to see him, his eyes were teary, so the image was kind of blurry.

“You let himself be used again? You made me wait for nothing. You always bitch to me about how much you hate Valentino, how much you hate your job but you’re fucking unable to do something about it. You’re just an useless piece of shit. The only thing that makes you slightly useful is your body, and look at it. It’s so fucking disgusting. I’m about to throw up.”

Angel’s eyes widened at Husk’s rude words, each of them felt like a stab in the heart, completely. Slowly, he tried his best to stand up, he fixed his soaked clothes; that night he didn’t have too much time to change, he was almost wearing nothing

“Husk what are you- what are you talking about I- I am confused is everything okay are you-…drunk..? What’s up with you..!”

The boy’s voice cracked, showing how pain he was holding and was about to let go.

“I am not drunk, I’m beating realistic. Do you know why I always drink when I’m with you? To forget I am next to somebody like you. You make me feel ashamed of even staying in the same place as you.”

Husk stepped closer to Angel, he was ready to receive whatever Husk had to give him. Valentino had taught him well to be prepared to get hit and not fighting back.

Husk made a quick movement, he was going to hit Angel.

As soon as Husk’s hand was going to collide against Angel’s face, he woke up with a loud gasp, trembling.

He immediately leant up and glanced around, he was terrified.

Husk woke up with Angel’s sudden movement.

“Angel..? What’s wrong, is everything okay..?”

The cat wrapped his arms around the spider.

“Bad dream again?”

The boy nodded, slowly starting to relax. He lie back down, hugging Husk gently yet tightly against his chest.

“Do you want to talk about it? I don’t like how tense you are”

The bartender lifted his head to look at him, his eyes widened in surprise when he saw Angel was crying.

“You’d never hit me right..? No matter- how pissed you are…”

Husk sighed, he knew what his nightmare was about now.

“Angel, my love… I’d never do that to you, alright?”

Angel nodded slowly, wiping his tears.

“I’m- it’s true… I’m sorry…”

Angel’s arm was grabbed in a gentle way by Husk, pulling it away. Husk’s hand cupped his face

“Dont apologise, I will repeat it as many times you need to make you understand or just remind you I’ll never lay a finger on you in a harmful way…”

A small smile was plastered on Angel’s face, he nodded, hugging him to show how much he appreciated that kind act, he kissed Husk’s head as well.

“I love you, Husk…”

“I love you more, Anthony”

#huskerdust #angel dust x husk #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #angel dust #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin angel dust #books and reading #oneshots #small story #hazbin hotel alastor #valentino #hazbin hotel valentino #angst with a happy ending

[spark-circuit]

FINALLY. OUR WAITING PUZZLE IS OVER.

#FUCK YOU EVADE AND DEFEND DICE GREEN BOTS #SUFFERING AND PAIN AND AGONY AND SUFFERING #limbus company #limbus company walpurgisnight #project moon #lobotomy corporation #limbus company outis #lcb outis #lcb #spark's project moon adventures #spark talks about nothing of relevance #I GENUINELY HAD SO MUCH FEAR AFTER SINCLAIR GOT HIT LAST TURN #i might attempt hard for the lulz but honestly i am so so so so tired of pmoon difficulty spikes #like how do you do this without any of the really high tier ego or identities. it doesn't seem fair /gacha moment

[caffeineandkerosene]

no food no money no job no family!!!!! just me crying and dissociating like i'm ten years old again <33333

#vent #no matter how hard i try im fucking doomed lmao #i never should have been born i hate myself so so so much #im such a pathetic piece of shit. i shouldnt exist #im. so tired #why does the world have to be so relentless and cruel. to everyone #i look around me and all i see is pointless suffering #so many people are in pain and i cant do anything to help. i cant even help myself #i am rotting i am decaying i am dead i am not real nothing is real

[szallejhscorner]

People on wattpad keep asking for updates. You know, I don't want to abandon my stories. It's just that I've never been so tired before in my life. My child cries at night, he cries at day. He refuses to sleep so I can't even take naps with him because as soon as he drifts off to sleep, he starts to cry.

I can barely keep my eyes open, and no way would I be able to write a single proper sentence either for King of Diamonds or the oneshots. All I want is sleep. But I know I won't get it.

So be patient with me. If one day I manage to get over this sleep deprivation I'll write again. It's just impossible to tell how long that'll take.

#It's the damn teeth #Why on earth does teething have to be SO GODDAM PAINFUL for toddlers #Like... Why does it have to hurt so much he can't eat #Can't sleep #Can't do anything except crying #And nothing I try helps in any way #Im tired. He's tired. We all are entirety exhausted. But of course these teeth take WEEKS to come out #It gets worse every day even though I think that can't be possible #I have thoughts. Bad thoughts. That's how tired I am

[scribefindegil]

The thing about post-finale Ekurei is that they pass the "Kill Claudio" test and that's why their bickering is Good.

#like #in a sideways way where they wouldn't necessarily do it for each *other* without complaining #but they would do it for Mob in a heartbeat #and knowing this about each other is a big part of their bond #they refect each other in ways that could be scary or painful-- #except part of the reflection is how much they both love Mob #and that lets them see each other and themselves in a better light #there's at least one good thing they share #and that makes all the bad things--not *better* but #less frightening #so they're able to look themselves & each other in the eye and see the whole picture #wow i am . . . too tired to make this post #i don't know that these tags say what i want them to at all #anyway. #much ado about nothing is the ONLY metric for bickering couples #but i think dimple & reigen can live up to it #(it's about the trust! #for them the trust just comes through a third party) #mp100 #ekurei #that tag ramble had better be enough to keep this mess from getting maintagged

[skenpiel]

homestuck fans when theres no rhyme or reason to the trickster designs and its literally just a jumbled mess of hideous colors and vague candy themes which means theres no consistency to analyze to help with making fan designs

#now imagine if you will a very distraught face. because i cant be bothered adding an image #ANYWAYSSSSSSS i wanted 2 try making one but god its just so hard bc theres so many fucking colors and i suck at coloring anyway #i tried analyzing them to the best of my abilities to see if there was any consistency i could go off of......... but no theres Nothing #the only thing is that their cheek swirls are the same color as their pestechum colors. and thats it #even the outfits are different it seems to be slightly altered versions of their original outfits? #like roxy was wearing her purple knit dress when she got bonked but it was still her original outfit afterwards #their hair colors dont make sense their shoe colors dont make sense their head ornaments make a LITTLE sense.......... #jakes and dirks are the most obvious. pumpkin and orange soda its like their thing i guess #janes being a muffin makes sense cuz crockercorp baker etc etc #roxys makes the least sense...... i dont think there was ever any mention of cotton candy for her aside from when caliborn wanted his weird #smut to be color coordinated for whatever reason #whenever i make otufits its usually just varying shades of the same 3 or so colors so trickster designs are a nightmare #even my old trickster mode trollsona was like. 3 colors total LOL #not to mention i wanted to make this design for my trollsona. and we only ever saw humans in trickster mode #and looking at older fanart didnt help cuz everyone had decided unanimously that the canon designs sucked ass (they did) #and in the future we should all give each character a food or somthing similar to base the whole design off of (good decision) #blehh. i give up its too much of a pain-_- #anyway. maybe i really am sick i think i need to lay down #already slept literally all day but im still so tired.......... #i took painkillers and allergy meds in case of cat hair on bed but i still feel groggy as fuck #well whatever. itll probably go away soon i never really stay sick for long

[actual-changeling]

.

#alex yells at the void #bpd is such a fun disorder and by fun i mean one of the most painful mental disorders to live with #sometimes i feel bad for projecting so much one ellie cause she will be going through it tm #but then again my therapist said projection is good and helpful so there's that #love being caught in the dilemma of tell ppl you're struggling and risk annoying them #and dont tell them and risk the same #like bestie my options arent really great here isnt there a secret third way #you wont get too much they say and then leave because i got too much like ok how do you expect me to actually believe anyone telling me tha #my therapist said it's fine and understandable that im scared etc. etc. #as long as i try to take good experiences as they come #but bestie i am very tired of getting like one good experience every two years and nothing but horrible shit for the rest #also very tired of passive aggressive bullshit and indirectness like if there's something bothering you just fucking tell me #dont be like my ex or my parents or anyone else ever #the world isnt all like that they say as if it hasnt been that way my entire life because the universe hates me and i dont deserve happines #i dont do diaries or journaling i just do vague vents in tumblr tags but it is what it is

[daz4i]

i don't mean to alarm anyone but i think I'm genuinely losing my mind more and more each day

#like no longer in a ha ha funny way. I'm just losing my grasp on myself and feel fundamentally detached from life itself #it's not new it just hurts more now. i feel like an animal and not in a good way #maybe i need to change meds again. but. idk if there's even anything left i haven't tried yet ajsjftjgjh :/ #i am genuinely just... not meant to be alive... there is nothing in the world that can help me at this point #(eh 'at this point' implies smth once did but that's wrong too. nothing ever helped at all! it's been over a decade since i started - #- getting treatments for my mental illness! i think at this point it's just doomed. what's the use.) #i wish i wasn't so terrified of pain. i want to die. i want to try to kill myself. but I'm scared of not dying after i do. I'm so tired #I'm just so so tired of existing. I'm in so much pain. i wish i was never born #i hate my parents for bringing me into this world and i hate myself for not killing myself earlier #vent #suicide // #ask to tag #liveblogging my mental breakdown on tumblr dot com #sorry for being dramatic. everything is bad but my brain especially is

[just-a-mod]

i'm tired

#justaart #justavent #justaventart #art #ventart #vent #there is no snow #it doesnt feel cold #everything is wrong and bad and i am in pain in pretty much every checkbox possible #im so sad that today feels no different #im so sad about life at large #there is so very little good in my brain and around and in the world and im so burned out man #im so tired #i want things to be better and i dont know if better exists #i just need to sleep but nothing will change when i wake up #please for the love of some gods let things get better in a way for people #i can tread water just #pelase for the love of something good give some kind of light for or wretched fucking future #it's christmas and it feels like nothing #and all i can think of is the christmases of my childhood #that doesnt exist any more and that has disheartened me so violently that i dont want to be a person any more #i just miss snow man #i miss trees (even fake ones) #i miss people #im tired and there is a cat and a neos and im gonna try to curl up with them

[suuho]

mhm. being chronically ill sucks.

#bad day today #it makes me feel very alienated from everyone who’s not sick a lot of the time #and i’m annoyed by my own shortcomings and the little things that just frustrate me #like how i can never tell what day of the week it is or how i am constantly tired and exhausted and in pain #and how there’s always too much to deal with #the only okay days are when i have full day off with nothing to do but laying in bed #sometimes i manage to even get things done like cleaning and stuff then #but on work days i’m just. in pain all day long and it’s so much worse than ever #and it’s hard to make people understand that you’re i’ll and in pain 24/7 and what it does to you #😐 #sorry i don’t feel so good about myself #kaz talks

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#i <3 wanna fucking die <3 all the time #all the god damn time i wish i could just kill myself im so sick of it #but noo bc that's like not good in theological terms nooo my best friend would be fucked up noo i cant cause even #more stress to my family but im so fucking tired and done #lifes been exhausting as shit and im sick of it #and on top of all the fucking health issues this useless piece of shit body is going to hell too #like great!! great! abled ppl can often barely manage to make it by in this country and economy or they #get so fucked by work they become disabled lmaoo i already fucking am #i dont want to even fucking try. i dont even wanna try. most of this life has been pain and mystery and wanting to die! #and feeling like im fucking suffocating #and i can go on and on abt how oh u know u live for the little things life is pain inherently it is what it is and whatever but i just #wanna god damn fucking dir #the years of my life when i was the least physically sick were spend being abused and being fucking exhausted to hell and back #now im almost 24 and ive what. barely managed to finish a univerity with a useless degree which in my parents eyes means basically #nothing compared to what i was supposed to do #its too fucking late for anything im too fucking old my health is too bad and i dont have the fucking energy to #do this shit enough to even just get bt much fucking less have it be anything that id even 5% wanna live for

[sunbratz]

need a little demon that sits on my shoulders and reminds me i have tools and options to make things more accessible

#today is remembering that i can write things on my phone and i dont have to sit up at a computer if i physically cant #who would imagine that #and yet i still make myself do it and then am in so much pain or am so tired i get nothing done

[0rph1x]

i already took medication for my leg today but it still hurts an incredible amount. this world wants me dead.

#i am. in so much pain. #like it started getting rlly bad when i was on the phone with friends and it made me like. shut down #i didnt wanna complain bc i dont need solutions. i really dont need their advice. #nothing against them there's just nothing they can do about it so why bring it up yknow #fuck im so tired #this is so exhausting it actually takes so much out of me just to exist #i need to just sleep forever. anything to get this shit to stop. #the medication does not help. not that ive seen. #im prescribed an anti arthritis medication and iiiii dont think its helping #im so incredibly tired u guys #like. fuck. im so. #ugh. kill. #is this a vent???? sure we'll call this a vent #vent #rant #chronic pain #long tags

[fleshdyke]

ok serious question. does anyone else just constantly feel bad. like physically. like whenever im doing anything im significantly uncomfortable at best and in a lot of pain at worst. i can be doing absolutely nothing but being in the car for a couple hours and i am exhausted from that. like is this normal

#im pretty sure i know the answer but like is it normal to be constantly in pain/tired/nauseous/dizzy 💀 #i just woke up at 6 am (like 3 hours of sleep) bc i felt so sick and my body hurt so much. i literally have been doing nothing btw #like. it doesnt really hurt enough to do anything about?? so i just have an ibuprofen and move on #but idk #rambles #ask to tag