#i am. so SO fucking tempted to write this its unreal

[blorbologist]

We've had a thousand and one 'de Rolos adopt Caleb/Beau/Laudna/Molly/Veth/whoever' AUs, time for 'Percy finds Prism rummaging around his library like a raccoon through garbage' AU!

EDIT: started writing this enjoy

#i am. so SO fucking tempted to write this its unreal #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #critical role #prism grimpoppy #percival de rolo #love how Ashton is so obsessed with him. the rich asshole in the castle. he is SO Prissy about Percy its hilarious

[welcome-to-the-petting-zoo]

Hey Petting Zoo, I was wondering if any of you guys could offer some advice or support with something. I've developed a panic disorder which has led to a really big issue with derealization. I know, logically, that the world around me is real (all the evidence is there!), but for some reason my brain can't seem to grasp it. I'm coping okay thus far but it's still stressful and upsetting and scary. Have any of you guys ever had to deal with something like this and do you have any suggestions? 💜

Hey Vix,

First of all, I am so so sorry you have to go through all that. I can absolutely relate though because my dissociative symptoms also mostly fall in the derealization category. It really is a horrible feeling, but there are things you can try that might help, and as shit as it sounds, it's also something you kinda get used to after a while, but let's hope it won't have to come to that.

Okay, so I guess I'm going to start by describing my own experience a bit so you can compare and maybe find some similarities you can relate to.

Basically, I usually describe the thing as having a major disconnect between my visual input and visual processing. Meaning my eyes are perfectly fine, and I know I'm seeing things, but my brain doesn't parse the incoming data as "reality", which kinda makes me feel like I'm somehow not seeing right, which, in extreme cases goes all the way to temporary functional blindness, where I mainly operate on memory and if I'm in an unknown environment I'm just completely fucked. But usually it's "just" the feeling of things being super distant, kinda unreal or as if I'm somehow out of sync with the rest of the world. Also as I listen to podcasts pretty much non-stop, sometimes it also feels like I'm way closer to the world of the podcast than the one my body is in. It's hard to focus on looking at things or read/write, my thoughts feel sluggish and I'm kind of in a daze, like being half asleep or really high, and just kinda floating through reality without being able to touch it.

Okay, so I assume you experience something similar to this, so I'm going to try and collect some general tips and tricks that help me and maybe you'll find something that can help you too.

1, Grounding techniques: One of the things that does wonders is grounding. Even though sometimes it's really tempting to just give in to the call of the fog (I forgot to mention, dissociation doesn't feel bad at all for me, it's actually very pleasant, albeit if I have to focus and do stuff and I can't just entertain it, it can get very frustrating), if being dissociated distresses you or you just don't have time for that shit, finding ways to pull yourself back into reality is a really handy tool. Here's some of the things I do:

Close your eyes and take away all visual input for a while. This forces your other senses to engage more actively, and if the dissociation isn't too bad, sometimes this in and of itself is enough to snap me out of it.

Touch things. I usually keep my eyes closed at first and just touch/squeeze the objects around me, because that still feels real, and after I made sure I'm familiar with the texture of the thing, I open my eye and I try to connect the two inputs and bring my brain back into sync. This second part takes a bit of practice, but once you get the hang of it, it can be really useful.

Sleep. Yeah, if you have the option, a good old nap is the most reliable way to "reset" your brain.

Just let it happen instead of fighting it. Sometimes, especially if the dissociation is bad and/or you are at a safe space and you don't have to engage with complex tasks for a while, it's easier to just roll with it than trying to fight it, because sometimes the energy you'd spend on trying to snap out of it, especially if you're not ready to snap out of it yet, can actually make you more exhausted and make the episode be more intense or last longer.

2, Try to figure out why it's happening. Dissociation is a defensive measure the brain uses when it is faced with something traumatic or that it deems too damaging for you to handle "sober". This can involve things that aren't directly traumatic but that your brain has a hard time dealing with, like monotonous, repetitive tasks or driving, where you have to low-key focus for a long time without much happening. Our brains are way better at paying intense attention for shorter bursts, and having to do it for extended periods can be very difficult.

In your case it probably has to do with your panic disorder, which of course has its own causes, which may or may not be part of why you're dissociating. I mean, I don't know enough of your situation to say anything further, but chances are that your brain is trying to protect you from A, whatever causes you to panic and/or B, the feeling of panic itself.

If you can somehow eliminate the situation/circumstance/source that makes you panic, that of course will also help with the dissociation.

3, Look out for patterns. This might be obvious, but if you can find any kind of pattern in what makes you dissociate, that can also help you find ways to avoid these situations, or at least be better prepared for them if they are unavoidable.

4, SLEEP! Seriously, this is so fucking crucial, I'm going to leave it all bold. Sleep is the single biggest game changer you can do for yourself. If you have access to plentiful and qualitative sleep, that can help so fucking much with all this, it really makes a world of difference.

5, NEVER randomly stare at your own hands. Seriously. Just don't. In fact, that goes for every mentally ill person, I mean, it's not a stoner trope by accident... It's just some seriously crazy making shit that'll just make you spiral. Nobody needs that shit.

Okay, this is all I can think of on the spot, I'll write more if I suddenly remember something. Also, other dissociated parties, feel free to add your own advice!

Love,

TP

#vixencatastrophe #tp answers #derealisation #dissociation #advice corner

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Saturdate With Lan Zhan Pt. 1

So in order to get things off on the right foot, I got up EXTRA early on Saturday. On purpose. Of my own free will. 

I wanted to get a full day of this. SO I told Lan Zhan to meet me at that hobby shop we met at before for that walk we took at 9 in the morning. Oh that seems so long ago now but it wasn’t. 

So much has been happening in my life lately it feels unreal. 

Anyway, 9AM. That meant I had to get up early enough to get ready and walk there (Hell if I was lettin’ my skateboard ruin my hair that day).

I had wanted this day to help Lan Zhan unwind from last weekend. I know how tough that was for him. I wanted this to be a GOOD day. I think I succeeded.

Well… I wanted that… but also… I kinda just wanted to go on a date. Which really… I mean… it wasn’t a date. And I shouldn’t have treated it like one. Especially since…. 

Well at the very least if I wanted it to be a date I probably should have TOLD him that. But I was being selfish. I doubt he would have said yes if I asked him out as a romantic thing. But as friends… then I could just pretend for a while. And I did. Hardcore. I’m… a bit ashamed of how I acted. But what’s done is done. (Despite the common opinion I do actually feel shame sometimes. A lot of times actually….)

The point of all that is that I decided to dress up some even. I put on my nicest jeans (the ones that make my ass look fucking amazing), and this nice like jacket/scarf combo. The scarf was a gift from Shijie way back when. She knitted it herself for me with this SUPER soft yarn. Its’ this nice deep red and nice and big. I love it so much. I’d wear it all the time if it weren’t sure to give me heatstroke in the summer. Well that and I want it to last as long as possible. 

(I think I actually stole the jacket from Jiang Cheng way back when but eh details details). 

So I got up early to get dressed and like actually BRUSH my hair n shit. Again, though many would ne’er believe me, I do, in fact, own a hairbrush thankyouverymuch. My hair’s just still short enough that I don’t normally need it. Besides the messy out of bed look is sexy right? Right??

AAAAAnywaaaay

I managed to wake up on time and got out the door after all my primping with enough spare time to get a coffee! I actually timed it perfectly. It’s easy when Lan Zhan is always perfectly punctual. (It’s impressive really. Neither late nor early. Just perfectly on time). I got a coffee with like ALL the caffeine for me so that I didn’t hate life when Lan Zhan showed up, and I got a tea for him. And I timed it so it’d be the perfect drinking temp by the time he showed up!

Sometimes the best laid plans actually work ha!

Admittedly I probably should have started drinking my coffee sooner, heat be damned because I was probably a little more than half asleep by the time Lan Zhan showed up to pick me up. Heh. But nothing better than waking up to see Lan Zhan’s face no matter what the circumstance!

Didn’t spill our drinks so still counting it as a win. 

I was about to get up and just jump in the car but this perfect human being got OUT to greet me and gave me a nice warm hug! (It was only a bit chilly but I was tempted to complain about how cold it was so he’d hold me tighter. Resisted. Barely.)

I will never get enough of the feeling of being in his arms. Never. 

Anyway we climbed back into the (nice and toasty) car and got ourselves all buckled in (safety first folks!). And then idiot that I am I realized that my map was still in my pocket, unbuckled my seatbelt to get it out and buckled up again before I smoothed it out. 

Lan Zhan raised a perfect eyebrow at me and tried to sneak a peek at my paper but I snatched it away before he could ruin the surprise. 

Told him no peeking allowed!

He pointed out he could punch in the address into his fancy car GPS like a normal human but that would spoil it!!!

I told him he was just gonna have to trust me. He looked a bit dubious (fair) but consented. 

Okay so… turns out I actually DO need to be more careful when I’m writing. There were a few instructions that even I had trouble reading what with the paper being so crumpled and having written in a rush because I almost forgot this morning. Smudged the ink a few places too. 

Lan Zhan probably lost a bit of confidence in me after we nearly missed our turn offs the second… and third…… and…  well either way! No peeking means no peeking! 

And I got us there JUST fine in the end!

I think for a moment Lan Zhan lost ALL confidence in me when I made him pull into this parking lot that was really just a large field. There were other cars parked there but other than that all you could see was corn and hay bales. 

And a giant sign of WELCOME. It was cute! We got out of the car and I took a deeeeeeep breath. It smelled like leaves and pumpkin and apple cider and mini donuts and just oooof. The best of all the Autumn aromas. 

Lan Zhan asked where we were, but I just grinned at him and told him to trust me again. We got in the fortunately very fast moving line to get in. There was an entrance fee but I was prepared! I already had my money in my hand so Lan Zhan couldn’t be sneaky and pay for it instead. He likes to do that but I was adamant that today was going to be my treat! This was for him after all and I wanted to treat him.  

He looked a little put out but I grinned at him and told him “Everything is on me today. Anything you want, you tell me!” and then I STARED HIM DOWN basically DARING him to disagree.

He stared back for a long moment but eventually signed softly and agreed. 

VICTORY!!!

Before he could change his mind and start fussing, I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. My heart was going a million miles an hour because now was the moment of truth. 

I stepped away from him and spread my arms wide like I was some weird person showing prizes on a game show. 

“Ta-Daaaaaa! It’s a Corn Maze!!!” 

And it was.

Lol

Have y’all ever been to a corn maze? I only went once with the Jiangs shortly after I was taken in by them. I think Uncle Jaing wanted to make a good impression. We all went as a family. Even Madam Yu.  (She pretended to hate it but I know she enjoyed being able to spend time with her kids without anything else going on. Even if she had to deal with me being there too.)

I’d been looking for a place for a while when I stumbled across this one. It isn’t the same one I went to as a kid. Actually I think this one’s even bigger. It had everything!! Music, food, a petting zoo, crafts and games and just everything! And an apple orchard out back! 

I kinda stayed there with my arms up, probably looking like the world’s stupidest scare crow. I was trying not to be disappointed because he looked… well more confused than anything. 

“It’s a pun. Get it? A Maize Maze. Corn Maze. Maize…. Pun…” 

He nodded at me (i finally put my arms down) and asked me what we were supposed to do. 

I’d thought it was a bit self-explanatory but then the poor man hadn’t even been to the movies before a couple of weeks ago. (We went together on one of our saturdates and it was wonderful)

So I started pointing out all the things we could do. There was the maze, of course, but also live music and the petting/feeding zoo. I pointed to the crafting section and the orchard and there was even a corn bath! 

I think.. He kinda broke at that. XD The look of a man who was completely lost. 

“A corn… bath?”

“Yeah it’s literally just a pit filled with corn.”

He gave me this LOOk then. Oh dear god I just wanted to kiss him. He looked so adorably perplexed. But he just nodded like he was accepting it. 

I started to lose confidence as I was talking about the apple orchard and the hay ride. 

I started to give him an out because clearly this was a horrible idea and of course he wouldn’t be interested in such a childish bunch of activities. I said we could leave if he wanted. 

He assured me that no it was fine and that he wanted to do all the activities with me. Told me he’d just never done anything like this before. I kinda knew that already but every time I realize how limited his childhood was it just breaks my heart.

TBC.

#lan Zhan #wei ying #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #long post #(Modern AU!)

[dreampvck-archived]

ok woW i see my last ask haha i'll try to keep it simple but i'll probably go over the word limit :D soo yess theres three dogs one german shepherd and two shih tzu! -- and yess i got side job on sat at my aunts trucking buisness so im not that broke anymore but also today in a couple hours actually i have a training trial? at this job so hopefully they get me if i dont fukc up!! and also did you hear back!!! -- ohhh~ i love checking out new or rec music!! so i will listen to it 🖤 (1) -ymt

i finally got an ao3 acct!! so expect my comment to be thereee but also go at your own pace im gladd you took time to work on it i can't waittt bub! 💕✨-- ahh my yoonmintae recs okk okk i'll put them in another ask so sorry for the spammm! >.

i've been listening to yoonmirae's new singleee i feel soo powered up now!! gahh it's called Kawibawibo 🔥✊🏼 also the recs : WHO IS JIMIN'S MYSTERY BF!! - pansexuall (its not done but ajdjs it's worth reading) -- Meme Works Makes The Dream Work - Taetaehyungie (its by my good friend :') im soft!!) -- Unmagical Moonlight - AlixSkyeDawg (rollercoaster of fucking feelss!!) -- so those are my top3 fav ajsksksk ok this is long hope our day goes good! ✨ (3) -ymt

ahhh lovely it’s so good to hear from u !!!!! i put my replies under the read more bc it got hella long oops :’’)

oaisdjfoisd okay i LOVE german shepherds !!!! 😍😫 they’re my absolute fave breed of dog ever !!!!!!!!! i’ve always planned to get one once im living on my own, they’re just so cute - i even have a name picked out n everything :(( but shih tzus are so lovely too !!!! one of my dogs was a shih tzu (he passed away two years ago) and he was the sweetest, most chill lil dog i’ve ever known 💓

omg yay !!!! congrats sweetheart !!! how did ur trial go ?? trucking sounds super exciting omg - do u enjoy driving ?? i hope ur having fun at ur new job !!! & yess i did hear back !! so i have a job at my local night club rn, but i’m on like a three-month probationary period before i get legit hired -- but i also got an email yesterday inviting me to a group interview at a similar place i also applied to !! i’m a lil torn on what im gonna do, tbh :(( i said i’d attend the group interview & hopefully i’ll be able to find out what their hours are like compared to this other club - atm i’m working longgg shifts super late (i dont get home until abt 2am) n i don’t know if it’s the healthiest thing for me :(( buT i’ve also been talkin to another one of my friends who works as a kitchen hand & i asked her to let me know when they’re hiring as well bc im so indecisive haha :’) the pay there is a loT better (an additional $6 per hour !!) and the shifts are still long but at least they’re during the day ya know ??  :’’)

oiasoidjf omg u got an ao3 acct im so excited !!!! ahhh !!!!!!!! do you write fics & are u gonna post them, or are u just using it to bookmark n comment ?? also if u do pls lemme know ur acc name so i can read them 😫 ahHH im so excited for u !!!!!!!!!!!!! 💓 and omg ur gonna write a comment on hbts aHH ur so sweet 🤧 thank u honey !!! don’t feel pressured to tho ofc, i know how hard it can be to write comments on fics !!!!!!! 💓💓 and asdoifjsadf thank u !!! its actually so lovely to hear ur lookign forward to the new chapter !!!! ngl one of the reasons it took so long in the beginning was that i kinda had a crisis of self-confidence n i was like ‘mm the main plot is kinda wrapped up now, i dont think anyone even wants to read the rest ://’ but hearing that ppl are excited for it is sO reassuring, i can’t even express how grateful i am to hear it 💖✨

hA omg sweetheart no pls don’t apologise for spamming !!!! i love getting messages from u !!!!!!! 💓💓 also i should b the one apologising bc this reply is so heCKing long iajsdfiosdf oops :’’)

omg omg thank u for the recs !!!!!!!! i’ve actually had “meme work makes the dream work” by taetaehyungie in my ‘marked for later’ list for ages, n i finally got around to reading it after u sent this & it was so good !!!! ur friend is so talented !!!!!!!! ((also pls tell her i want a hobi/jungkook sequel aaHHH that ending was too cute 🤧))  i haven’t read the others yet but ive opened them in my phone & they’re all ready to go !!! aHH im so excited to read them, thank u for sending !!!!! 💐💖🌷

also holyy hECK i just listened to kawibawibo & it’s so good !!!!!!!!! i can’t believe i haven’t listened to yoonmirae before !!!!!! i love the beat of the song omg & the aesthetics of the mv are unreal ,, i’m kinda tempted to turn it into an edit ngl 😫 and that lil bit w all the female dancers ???!!! AHHH IT WAS SO GOOD !!!!! 😍

aiosdfi my music taste is super diverse, i dont rlly listen to one particular genre :’’) but i do like listening to chill/minor key covers of popular songs like these bc they make me feel rlly emo and calm:

billie jean - eden

you’re the one that i want - lo fang

say my name - olafur arnalds and arnor dan

hey ya - denm

me n my friends also often send each other playlists so i get a lotta variety & they all have really good music taste too !! also i’m gonna b super lame n predictable and say my fave korean artists are ,, bts :’’) they’re probably the only ones i listen to consistently !!!

i hope u have a lovely day today !!! 💓💓💓

#ymt #replies #ask #💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓 #also this is late oops !! i was gonna reply this morning after my flight but i accidentally fell asleep once i got home :'') #im a mESS can u tell #anonymous