#i didnt articulate this how i wanted ugh

[jokeson-u]

that scene where natalie wakes up from a nightmare and tries to comfort lottie when she realizes shes staring at the attic is...... so so important to me.

she couldve so easily just rolled over and pretended she didnt see anything. lottie wasnt facing her, she didnt know nat was woke up or saw her. she couldve kept to herself, calmed herself down from her nightmare, and tried to get some better sleep.

but she didnt. she has a brief moment of confusion and apprehension, like shes creeped out or something. but then she realizes its lottie, and calls out to her. when lottie doesnt respond, natalie, again, could have just like. sighed and rolled over and let it go. but instead she crawls over to her, looking just.. so fucking concerned and sad for lottie. her little 'hey...' as she gets closer, so lottie can know she's there. the reassurance that the body is gone, hes buried. a way of letting her know that she has nothing to be anxious about, theyre safe- even if nat herself doesn't believe they'd be in danger bc of a corpse.

natalie just knows all too well what its like to be scared of something, or someone, thats not there anymore. and even as she wakes up struggling with that very thing, she recognizes it in lottie, too, and just wants to quell it and comfort her

#lottienat #yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio #lottie matthews #charlotte matthews #rambles #i didnt articulate this how i wanted ugh #thwyre just so SPECIAK

[solar-halos]

ballad appreciation post

i’m so happy :D. i’ve watched ballad twice this week. the second time i watched it w my brothers i didn’t have anything to say about it bc i was mostly just on edge about not getting kicked out of the theatre but since i teased a breakup over this Boyfriend was on his best behavior so i actually got to watch the movie without anyone asking a million question a scene. in related news we have another lucy gray truther on our side. here are some of my thoughts

1. tom blyth opening screen …. i still got jumpscared seeing him in the nude

2. the way they pronounce lucy grays name still catches me off guard. i’ve been ignoring the “i” completely and just say “bard” in my head (yk bc she’s The Bard). with that being said i know the mayor was in like 2 scenes but i think he did a really good job picking out lucy grays name he looked crazy

3. hunter schafer is my eyebrow inspo. also i’ve mentioned this before w the bathing suits having a 1920s and 50s vibe but she’s giving 1940s to me. but obviously glamor 1940s not war ridden 1940s

4. watching this w someone who hasn’t read the book is so enjoyable. when lucy gray dropped the snake down mayfairs shirt Boyfriend got SO tense “waitwait did she just try to fuckin murder her??” god forbid women do anything

5. okay sorry but the first time i watched it i was trying not to smile (in a laugh-y way) when lucy grays singing part came on. when i read it i thought that part ate but actually seeing it was so different for some reason. i think this feeling might be amplified if you’ve never read the book bc my sister felt the exact same way she said it was kinda fuckin cringe. idk if it was just bc we were at home or she was just feeling silly but she started singing that one camp rock song that’s like “we can’t back down.” which ok yeah that was kinda lucy grays song in a nutshell but it kinda did piss me off bc the “you can kiss my ass!!!!” part was coming on soon and i was stressing over them missing it. also didnt lucy gray have a full on dance break in the book?? god. they should have kept that in

6. okay that scene where she bowed and d12’s nasty ass coal industry being in the background is still one of my fav scenes. ugh loved it

7. wovey idk what it was this time but when she was like “im rlly good at climbing” i almost burst into tears. guys she’s really good at climbing

8. hunter schafer literally killed this. i’d argue that tigris is just as much of a product of her environment as snow is but i don’t rlly know how to articulate that

9. speaking of the reading vs watching thing i mentioned earlier: it rlly jumped out with grandmaam. idk why but when i was reading it grandmaam was SO scary and intimidating to me but watching her so frail and skinny and slightly senile talk about how lucy gray is a killer just seemed so crazy. especially since we know snow believes her

10. “they’re gonna get bombed aren’t they” wtf i walk into every movie clueless how are ppl straight up predicting entire events. but again w the reading vs watching i was GAGGED when they got bombed in the book but in the movie it seemed weird?? like “get the camera on her” and then it just feels like they’re trying to take up space until the actual bombs land. but whatever im being so bitchy i wasn’t surprised bc i literally knew it was gonna happen

11. “i want coral making my latte” and i want tanner on the grill

12. i think it was tanner, but i rlly liked his outfit. i liked all their outfits actually. i’ve been watching so many reels abt the costume designer explaining her inspo for the costumes (like tigris and her 1940s glamor thing going on)

13. okay seriously why did they cut out the kiss… and then when they actually did kiss why did they have lucy gray pull away at first…… i know francis lawrence saying this was a love story was icky but he did a bad job at portraying that so maybe we were worried for nothing (jk we were worried for all the right reasons bc if i had a nickel for every time someone said “i thought they were gonna get married!” about lucy gray and snow i’d have two nickels. which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice). also not to be a hater but snowbaird fans actually fucking irritate me. like the fans that are like “but what if it was wholesome 🥺🥺” what if lucy gray tried to kill him and he tried to kill her back? what if he managed to track her down and she bit him again? what if they hate each other so much that they’re only together bc they wanna see the other person suffer? what then

14. tbh seeing billy taupe made me feel a bit guilty 😭😭. almost terminated my ao3 acc but i get that feeling every time someone mentions something im obsessed w in a very casual way so it wasn’t rlly that serious. also someone either on tiktok or insta was like “was i the only person who preferred snows curls to his buzz cut?” and i genuinely couldn’t tell if they were joking bc like. everyone prefers snows curls to his buzz cut. even snow prefers his curls to his buzzcut. with that being said billy taupe needed to lose the cap

15. ngl the ballad of lucy gray baird actually did make me cry a bit… lucy gray was only 16 she needed to be on tumblr

16. where’d she get that guitar from tho

17. i wish they would have kept in the tributes death parade. that part was icky

18. okay there was a scene where lucky had a drink and then he flicked something off it and pup (i think that was his name) flinched cos it landed on his neck that was so fucking funny i hate that this was the first time i noticed it

19. okay seriously why did they make dill get poisoned. also that cornocopia scene. hmph

20. the first time i watched it i remembered being really confused why lucky called mizzen Merciless Mizzen. but omg after he tried chasing lucy gray down in that vent i understood that was crazy of him. and it did seem like he was an actual teenager which actually made it more unsettling. i feel like rachel zegler has a baby face (i actually think she was 17 in west side story and she looks the exact same now) but mizzen’s actor sing singing her name was perfect

21. lamina at the beam… didn’t she manage to kill someone in the book??

22. “does this mean we get to go home??” god i wish

23. but also “please lucy i can’t have killed all of them for nothing” i liked that she didn’t call her lucy gray that was a nice touch. but also. what a crazy thing to ask. i wonder if she thought lucy gray would be chill w that

24. take this with a grain of salt i haven’t read the books in so long but when snow snuck up on lucy gray in the meadow didn’t she level her guitar at him and then be like “sorry lol i still have one foot in the arena :P” they should have had her hit him in the face w it

25. the old therebefore still hits. i wish they would have included scenes where snow is shown to genuinely dislike her songs like in the books. in the movies he seems more disinterested in what she’s doing which is still bad but also it doesn’t seem as overt as him literally hating on her for no fuckin reason. which i guess is bc we have no insight into his head, like i think someone pointed out that in the book and movie he cried over sejanus being dead but in the book we know it’s bc he was scared it was gonna be him next but in the movie it just looked like he was sad. which i get it he’s perceived as nice by other people but the audience is not supposed to be other ppl we know what his motives are. im not sure how that’d be solved, cos i guess it would be pretty annoying to have him voice his thoughts and you also don’t wanna spoon feed ur audience but like. idk. seems like something you’d wanna make super clear bc to me it didn’t seem like you were supposed to like / sympathize with him, but the way it was done kinda seemed half baked

26. speaking of that… Boyfriend did not get the memo that snow was fucking crazy. “i thought he was gonna marry lucy gray in d12” WHY? like why would you even think that. were u not paying attention during the hunger games trilogy marathon where would lucy gray fit into that. since my sister thought the exact same thing she tried being like “see? it’s confusing” but it actually isn’t. that’s still a better reaction than my brother he was actually being a fucking weirdo about it cos when snow found lucy grays scarf in the woods and then the snake bit him this mfer went “she tried to kill him” no!!! but i think there might be something to be said about how snow, completely sober, came to the same conclusion as my brother, who was so high he couldn’t even remember who sejanus was

27. okay that’s a lot of sibling lore so atp i think i better end the post. bye

#the ballad of songbirds and snakes #long post #i can finally stop posting about my damn rainbow dress now i wore it and it was very warm

[bicon-crange]

can the nosey ones know abt ur crush? :3c dw if not. my condolences (positive)

yeah sure why not i cant stop fucking talking about it anyways.

iiii dont know if its necessarily a crush though!! definitely an obsession. definitely some kind of. fixation. thanks for your condolences i definitely fucking need them. TT-TT )

its like. uh. this person i know whos sooo articulate and smart and. theyre really sweet. yknow BASIC SHIT. theyre great everyone likes them.

anyways when we first started talking it was like. some kinda. there was clashing. i guess is how you could put it? but every time we finished talking i felt soo like. electrified. like buzzing. like my whole body was just shaking. adrenaline? maybe?

i really thought at first that it was just a friendly interest. some sort of.. y'know intellectual thing! you meet someone whos so much smarter than you and whos ideas are so well put together and who thinks YOU'RE interesting and of course you want to know more of how their brain works of course youre. captivated a bit yknow? thats like. normal. to feel. i think.

oh the first couple times we talked i went so nuts! i reread over our convos like a thousand times and reiterated our talks several times to EVERYONE in my house. its so actually embarrassing. but they were good convos you HAAAVE to understand. it was like. ducking weaving. it was like. some sort of mental exercise . and i thought it was like. normal. but it just kept. HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING.

and i tell you what this was a lot easier a month or so ago when i was like I JUST REALLY LIKE TALKING TO THIS PERSON!! ^_^ (<- STILL A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY) cause ugh. lately its like. ever since the thought popped in my head that this interest MIIIGHT be romantic in nature its. ALLLL DAY thinking about them its so nuts! its so constant!! its literally like a fucking DISEASE... i feel like. angry over it? spiteful? almost? it reminds me of when i had a crush on a guy in elementary school and I didnt know how to handle it so i beat the hell out of him with a lunch box.

like im over here forgetting shit left and right and messing up basic conversation skills and having heart palpitations and theyre like. fine probably. iiii honestly dont think they even think about me lol. i mean definitely not as much as i am,easy, because im totally insane and obsessive i know this.

we also dont talk so much! its not very often! so yeah im sure they dont think about me as much. im even definitely sure if i ever verbalized this it wouldnt work out. ive visualized them turning me down like 20 different ways for 20 different reasons just today. lots of reasons yknow! im mentally unwell and totally nuts, im immature and also very ugly im unable to carry out a meaningful relationship because of my chronic pain problems and various health issues, all of that is fine but my obsessive nature is really freaky,LD relationships are a no-go, they just dont like me that way, ect ect ect.

its sooo stupid. its SO middle school. they type a response to me and i can barely look at the screen. i feel SO fucking stupid its insane. im like. going to claw my eyes out of my head and chew on them till they burst. i hate it here. and its never going to be reciprocated whatsoever so im literally not even going to try.

BESIDES Y'KNOW!! I DONT EVEN KNOW FOR SURE IF THATS WHAT IM FEELING!! its been wracking my brain for a week straight!! its like. am i just fascinated on an intellectual level, am i just interested in an anthropological sense, are these just really good conversations, if this just normal friendship and im making things super weird? am i just excited that someone seems to get what im saying about what im interested in? yknow. dumb.

either way TLDR; im waiting for it to pass. either I'll sort my own feelings out or itll pass! if its infatuation, GOOD, that has a expiration date of 1-2 years so i will just box it up and not think about it and not do anything about it. ^_^ )9 and it WILL die. BUT if you know how to force that process to go along faster let me KNOW.

#FR GENUINELY IF ANY OF YOU KNOW HOW TO FORCE THIS TO PASS. LMK. #LIFE IS CURRENTLY BEING RUN BY THIS SHIT AND I WOULD REALLY PREFER TO DO LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE

[gayspock]

ok some thoughts

ok i do have complicated feelings on nat's death. firstly like air this one out rq: real fucking fuming that some ppl serioussllyyyyy are attacking freaking juliette for it, like? ok.... so your response to "its really fucked up that they killed nat who had finally found peace and was starting to overcome her addiction etc." was to attack the actress who has every right to leave a job if she wants to. i guess in other news 1+1=4.

but anyways sigh i have mixed feelings like.... i think theres a Part of me that kind of. ok. super unpopular opinion bc i know this ME & my own cyncism and "issues" or whatever & kinda shy to say this both bc it makes me look edgy as fuck but also like.... idk as someone whos had mental health problems, lets say, and has sort of resigned to this idea of like. oh i died a long time ago & theres a point in my life where i just think i stayed , and i dont think theres any way of going back, something something about living on borrowed time and it feeling meaningless . or whatever. stares at you pretend i didnt say all that. my point is i dont know i kind of- its bc i dont wannaaaa say ppl cant recover, that natalie was too far gone, this that and the other, bc i dont think you can make those judgements abt others (fictional or not) only yourself but... idk my point is. i fuckin get it when shes on the plane like that, as shes dying or just dying when she felt like she should have bc ever since its just been fucking horrible and well okay. sorry man i do kinda feel it even though i acknowledge its a shitty message.

i dont think it helps either that her "recovery arc" wadnt my favourite not bc i like. AGAIN im not saying this bc i dont think you can recover or get better its more like.. i was never a fan of the execution of it. i felt like it happened a bit too fast, and i would have preferred more scenes with natalie and lottie rather than natalie and lisa and natalie and the rest of the cult and i feel like that would have been more powerful to me bc the cult themselves feel kind of just... underdeveloped, and very much functional as a means for lottie and whats going on with her . i fully expect them to never be mentioned again after some point and to be completely ignored with the way this show has been going

and like i dont mind lisa that much but i dont now im kinda uninterested in characters that just get introduced and we immediately get SO much focus on them when theres, as i said , other more interesting and efficient ways to explore similar things (natalie and lottie a better dynamic for example) AND other stuff thats getting ignored big time.

like as an aside. i dont mind lisa as much BUT one example is also fucking walter and i dont like how theyre using him to kinda reduce misty to a bit of a joke AND cheap out on her own development (i think she can carry fine on her fucking own without him) but also bc he takes up so much runtime with his goofy little bits that just dont do it for me when again we're missing other shit from, like, FUCKING SIMONE FOR EXAMPLE whos barely been mentioned which is crazy. actually crazy. that she has barely been mentioned and tai's whole storyline has been ignored like that

but anyway even with lisa, i dont know- the whole thing with going to se her family, ugh... call me a jaded asshole, but like it just felt so. unsubtle. with the waythat whole scene was kinda executed. is that a cunt thing to say. but i dont know theres also other parts of the cult i just cant fuckin vibe with- i just feel like its so... clumsily done at times, and i cant quite articulate why i think that.

anyways . i get why a lot of ppl dont like natalies death in the end bc yeah it is kinda... a shitty message to send, even if i do kinda feel like well yeah damn yeah you know. but like also i do think theres the other obvious issue of like... with the way this show is, and as good as it is, i feel like theres gonna be more problems that develop and exacerbate over time. i really feel like they needed to introduce more characters earlier on and/or reveal less in present day bc whilst i dont think the tension is everything , and i dont think the shock value of ppl being hunted/dying in the past timeline is everything i do think its gonna have effects on the present time line and them trying to compensate. nd anyway now theyre just gonna do shit like try to tragically kill the women in the present vis a vis nat for like kinda no reason imo bc i do think it was . ultimately such a weird fucking way for her to die and to end even if i did resonate with her dying scene

and i do think there IS some bite that kinda being lost and its a bit weird when they write themselves into holes and have to try and flesh out new characters in the past that we know are just gonna straight up die so soon. a

its why i also didnt really like the idea of krystal. fuck i dont like the idea of krystal and walter being introduced to have a rapport with misty and i think thats just bc i LIKED her being alone . i liked no one fucking liking her. maybe its bc i projected too hard, but also its just like... i dont know it feels so fucking WEIRD that misty has had 0 friends and then she incidentally only just realises that some girl on the soccer team shes been orbitting for forever is like her type of weird and whatever whatever bah bah bah LIKE... theyre clearly trying to spin stuff for her to do, the same with the inclusion of walter, and its like. i dont know again in MY opinion and maybe its my fault for both projecting and setting an expectation but... i think a much more interesting thing to explore would be ownership of herself and her own fucking weirdness and being able to do that alone without needing the validAation of the others . am i crazy. like again i keep thinking abt her in the future and her and walt and ugh how much more i would love it if it was her fighting by herself to try and get natalie out of there. YES its harder to execute in a tv show but i do think it owuld be so much more interesting than taking the . in my opinion lazier route of just sticking in other characters to use to give her storylines

anyway what else was i gonna say fuck this was meant to be about natalie yeah like. thats also what im kinda mad at and why i dont like the inclusion of the extras like walter and lisa, like... i thinkits so much stronger when its just focussing on the dynamics of the girls (and their established ties, from the beginning of s1, i.e callie or simone, etc.) and i think mistys arc this season would have been better if it was a focus on her and nat, even if it was totally onesided rather than fucking walter and

ok im done can i also say. cant wait for shauna to ascend to antler queen in the current timeline. let her go fucking insane i say

#Egg.txt #yellowjackets liveblog

[hollandorks]

I woke up from a nap and saw the notification and never could I ever have opened a app so fast-

Shelby- this whole fanfic, this chapter, its so warming and the ending was so rewarding. The way you wrapped up all loose ends and made parallels. How reader felt ALIVE with wants and desires outside of her affections for Bruce really was what caught me with this fanfic along with your fantastic and accurate characterization of Bruce Wayne and Batman. Ugh I just- this story you've made as an experience I'll never forever and I thank you for that- for writing and sharing it with everyone here. I'm not really good with words and I'm struggling to really articulate how much I love this fic and grateful I am- When I saw the name Gordon Ramsey I ngl, laughed aloud and was like "SHELBY- S-SHELBYE DIDNT WRITE FUCKING GORDON RAMSEY IN THE FANFIC?!" and almost gave myself whiplash then I read on- in another universe 😔 One last thing, The song Hello by Allie X reminds me of y/n :>

Steph thank you 😭😭

(Also yes this is me still trying out various names for you)

Like wow just thank you 😭 I just have a little something in my eyes don't mind me 😭 It's also hard for me to articulate how much messages like this mean to me. So I'm just going to say thank you, and that it means a lot.

Also I figure Gordon Ramsey exists in every universe tbh! He's too powerful! There is an asshole, talented chef in DC, Marvel, etc named Gordon Ramsey and that's my story.

Also fun!! Allie X is on my Hotlanta (my Tom fic) playlist and I haven't heard this one! Ugh wow this makes me soft. Putting love on the shelf??? Then "you came out/ out of nowhere and into my life" SOFT. Her and Bruce for sure! Listening to this on the high of ch 31 made me feel disgustingly soft wow.

Thanks for the message and for the song rec!! 🥺🥰

#asks #motn #The Art Giver #song recs

[ange1spitt]

Sometimes i really know im asexual and just fucked in the head bc i dont rly like the swx acts w myself or my partner all the time but i love the closeness and sometimes i do like it (demisexual, but wout like sexual attraction still) and i would enjoy it pre-t too but ya its a complicated experience and hard to separate from mental illness symptoms and also everyone says i have a strong sense of identity but i nwver felt that exactly but w/ever the psych i saw is nice but i think she just assumes all my stuff is bc of testosterone when the symptoms pre dates the testosterone 🥴 like i say i have memory issues and she will say when youre stressed and im like no the problems exist when im perfectly balanced and feeling fine but huge chunks of memory are missing and im dissociating to the ethers 24/7 im just gonna see another psych whos hopefully queer that way they wont suggest im not asexual or imply its bc of the testosterone and won’t tell me to go masturbate when i say im struggling with being hypersexual and i say its bc i want to bond and thats a good way to get the attention i want from my partner in a like. I really want attention from them all the time ugh im also not good at articulating my feelings at all and so when i do express them it feels like everyone argues with my feelings instead of listening to me and thats how i felt like from the psych when i didnt really agree with the bp2 diagnosis because i feel like the hypersexualness is just me trying to get attention in relationships the only way i know how kinda way snd ill go to someone who specializes in personality disorders and trauma too i just need a second opinion

[herhours]

i think when i am done, what i am looking forward to as the thing that i will get out of all of this, is that it is done, complete, and whole, and it is exactly what im working to make it to be.

i kinda underestimated how hard this was gonna be, tbh. its wild that it even is so hard, knowing that i know exactly what i want to say and the points im trying to make and how i know they should be explained. its so wild to think its this hard to articulate something you already know you want to say.

yeah i guess it just feels like closure. thats weird, but it does feel like closure.

six years

two years

one year (hilarious because POA kinda sucks)

three years

three years

2.5 years

two years

sounds about right. im one year in and hoping im done around 2 years (at worst! 😭 if i could please do it faster)

but yeah. it aint gonna take me six years to get this done.

i conceived of the 4 books, and started writing, i had the map within one year... i didnt start writing until after i had already figured it out, and the other books became clearer in the process of this one year. even just working through this one im sketching out the others. but mine is a structure in and of itself so it's probably easier than having to creatively structure the layers one by one in the imagination.

i have the whole framework, the whole narrative. i think im in a good place for one year. i honestly don't want it to be a whole another year. ugh. if i could be finished by summer... thatd be amazing.

***my work is academic nonfiction.

[hematomes]

how dare u insult me /j we’ll have to settle this with a duel /hj

YEAH NO THE THREE STARS ARE V USABLE ASIDE FROM BASE ATTACK?? points at skyrider which has an er stat and had been carrying since pre-sac sword tbh

FINALLY SOMEONE AGREES WITH ME LIKE. SHE DOES NOT HAVE A PERSONALITY OKAY . she could’ve been so strong and amazing BUT NO. like if i ever read fairy tail fanfic at some point im gonna find one where lucy gets to be an actual person bc jfc i despise her in canon. and i ALSO HATED THAT SHIP BC JUST?? LIKE SHE HAS NOTHING TO ADD BC OF HOW BLAND SHE IS JFC And ur right lisanna is pretty <3

speaking of fairy tail i was thinking of writing my theory ending into existence but in a genshin thing bc. it’s too painful to waste and kaeya might be a good fit for the story line, lore-wise . hmm

HELP AJSJDJD PLS i don’t want sukuna anywhere near me i. i don’t have ur tendencies dear /lh

I LOVED THAT SO MUCH AJSJDJD mechamaru and panda’s fight also i. ugh :( <3 AND YES MIWA VS MAKI WAS SO GOOD? and the . listen the bonds the female characters have. im gonna cry. also maki and mai. FUCK THAT HIT ME WAY TOO HARD. LIKE I JUST. sobs. i cannot articulate like,, that reached into my guts and just twisted,, i. dies

MEI EXISTS AND SUDDENLY IM DYING. UTAHIME EXISTS AND IM SUDDENLY DEAD.

pls ur skrunkly coward man

ah that’s fair the hype around him did make me go. ??? bc like he’s neat but? i?? nanami tho. NANAMI CAN HAVE MY ENTIRE HEART I LOVE HIM DEEPLY

i just have to throw milk at u and you'll shrivel up and die. that's how lactose intolerant people react i think

ZBDJZ I HAVE THE SKYRIDER AND YES... i need to give it to aether bc he would benefit more from er than crit rn. yum

EXACTLYYYY SHE'S JUST... here i guess. and it's infuriating bc she's so important to the story, especially at the beginning + with the whole dark guilds and shit. yet???? she gives us nothing. just an aftertaste of complete void

zbdja hara why do u like hurting so much . /j

PLS SUKUNA IS SO... he's one of the very few ppl who make me go "am i truly ace" . yells he's just so hot and completely insane and would treat me like utter garbage but whatever. THO CHOSO. WOULD BE NICE I THINK. he's actually... mh <33 and he's so pretty. he looks like a pathetic wet dog. would give him shelter on a rainy night. would also give him my entire being

MECHAMARU'S ENTIRE CHARACTER IS...!!!!!! AAAA I WANT TO. GIVE HIM A HEALTHY BODY. he just wants to go on a date with miwa ok yes they should. they need to go on a date. i. please it's the only thing that could cure my depression

ZBDJZ OMG YEA MAKI AND MAI I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF HOW IT'S AFFECT U.... i rewatched the anime a few days ago and i had forgotten abt. how mai was feeling when maki left the clan like... my heart

mei. mei could do anything id be like <333 she's just being silly <33 she could rip someone's arm off and id cheer in the background like go girl!!!! im right behind!!! supporting women's rights but more importantly women's wrongs. same w utahime but with a side of me barking /j

EXACTLY LIKE... ok, he's cool, but please chill... even the author hates him ZBSJ HE KEEPS SAYING IT AND IT'S SO FUNNY gege my beloved . what did u expect. nanami is such a good character and... idk if u know... but his jp voice... is also dainsleif's...... <333 kenjiro tsuda, carrying the entire "tired dad/tortured pathetic guy" aesthetic

#♡.— hara #long post

[mushroom-winners-proof]

not Surface Pressure giving me aqua feels tho...

#snap chats #ITS THE FACT ITS ALSO WATER THEMED TOO LIKE HEEEEEEEELP #im a fake fan i didnt watch encanto BUT i keep hearing the soundtrack on random vids so here we are #i dont got that disney+ subscription and my friend who does has covid and if i was to watch anything it would be with her so </3 #heard the song again and GOD i made myself even more emo like ma'am i love you so much you're so strong but please be nice to yourself #ANYWAY THO MAIN POINT it really do.... #i love aqua she really has so much responsibility put onto her #and theres like. that contrast you can tell where she wants to do what eraqus says because she trusts his word #but then by the time they all reunite in RG you can see that doubt start to creep like #Sure I'm Making My Dad Happy But What About My Brothers? and you can just feel their bond strain a bit #like UGH.... aqua ma'am you got me teary eyed #i wish i could articulate JUST how great aqua is but i cant but thats why theres music to let me feel that appreciation somehow #im also gona go draw her in a suit like Might As Well at this point #maybe i'll actually draw a piece inspo'd by this song too like i thought about it but im not good at serious pieces #im just a funny dude making funny stuff :( my shortcomings :( #alright bye ill be back with aqua in a suit in a bit

[garlique]

if ur grace and u see this no u dont mention of police brutality but otherwise nothing too sketch

#i hate being so easily swayed lmao #like honestly just because i have an adverse emotional reaction to things sometimes doesn't mean that like #it's a BAD reaction u know?? #like yea it's a bad reaction but maybe it's a reaction that i want or feel i need?? #anyway now anytime i have like an emotional reaction to anything afam related i think abt my friend #telling me i should drop my afam major in this undergrad #im listening to the janelle monae song on repeat rn to write my piece on it and i took a minute to go look up a nme i didnt know #and read about how she died and like of course i teared up a 7year old girl was shot by police #fucking of course i have a bad reaction to that u know?? #but just because i get emotional like. reading abt racism n shit doesn't mean the best idea is for me to drop my afam major #idk like i really cannot id why i feel like it's SO necessary to do my afam major without like betraying that im not #exactly who i present myself as #like i am honest abt it w some ppl to a degree but ive never told anyone the entire reason im an afam major #like ugh i could never articulate it but that is the only time i really feel like she crossed a boundary but #i cannot articulate WHY it felt so awful. u know. like. #ugh. i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it #im not gonna drop my afam major lol

[misterbitches]

lahe's DUMB AS HELL lmao whole time i was distracted by how annoying i find him and i think there's overstating he and the chemistry with aaron/the char. mostly because we got to see JYZ in a natural habitat which would be nice if we got more of that with shi lei. there's a lot of issues here but the show was not bad. however

a) they clearly filmed this before so why did the edit come out like this. what were their limitations etc but i don't feel like thinking about that

b) i'm left COLD knowing that he's gonna LEAVE and so i dont GIVE A SHIT about their chemistry which exists and is reinforced and if the story was better constructed it could have been (and should have been) interspersed but i do think it's an exaggeration about the two of them like it's two big men and? yall never seen ppl kiss before? they just look like two hot guys kissing who have a connection but it's literally broken and this dude is an idiot so it's like watching a commercial like ok theyre cute. theyre together so what bitch this isnt a cheerios commercial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the resentment i feel. he didn't apologize and he used trickery and shi lei agreed. this is my fiercely independent side but also the side where it's like....you become vulnerable for someone and they have ZERO regards for your feelings. it's the fact that he cannot say sorry that hurts and imo it gives no closure because he just emphasizes how important he is. and i juuuuust. maybe they should articulate how toxic of a thing that was especially before YZT (who i would love to see a season with him and falling in love/being in love PROPERLY) gets into a rship with someone else

his inflated sense of self purpose is so fucking unattractive for a man and deyn does it well which is why i think hes ugly cos i hate his character but im like into him as a person (the actor) and 95% of that is the tattoos (and having a tattoo in one of my most favorite places and it's a painful placement yes that gets me h*t)

girl im mad idc who knows it it's compelling tho but in the way where im like IT'S ON SIGHT. the back and forth and instability of that is really really really really really difficult and it shows, to me, that YZT thought about himself first. fine. admit it bitch ugh so foul

also the premise itself of the show is silly but it's a decent one (and like tv is trope-y) and honestly i would do that bc like yu zhen said "you cant lose what u never had" and FRANKLY the person who left me coming back would not urge me on unless it was to make this man mad yes i would do that OR it didnt have to involve him at all if they want us to like him well it didnt work for me!!! maybe the rest! but i see u bitch. please i would be so terrified begging someone not to leave you and they do. that pain is immeasurable. literally why cant u love me enough?

#be loved in house #blih #be loved in house i do

[dinoburger]

Blue spinel is probably not very happy after the conclusion of the movie. I mean, they were made FOR blue diamond to make her happy, that didnt work, and then this pink spinel, that came outta nowhere, and wasnt even made FOR blue just shows up and blue suddenly adores her??? Thats rough buddy.

I think it’s not something they feel they can be truly jealous of, they’re not eager to take their old place back considering they’ve had long enough to dwell and realise it was being there that twisted them to begin with

whereas Pink’s Spinel has only just made the realisation that there was never any hope of Pink coming back for her

but they’re certainly very bitter and very reluctant to come out of hiding even when they realise being a defective Spinel is no longer a shattering offence

they don’t trust the Diamonds with Pink’s Spinel at all, they see her as a peer and can see she’s had some similar circumstances of being used, they want to be able to show her her self worth as an equal rather than have others controlling her all the time and using her for their own happiness

they’re mostly just scared and unsure, unsure if they really trust this new era of “peace” because they know how diamonds treat their “friends”

again I kinda hate the whole ending and I feel like, if I were gonna go the full mile I’d rework it all somehow bc I just hate hate hate it and the diamonds being so OOC and UGH THEY DID YOU DIRTY SPINEL.

BS is a good counter to PS though, because they’re more subdued and observant and articulate, where PS is more naive and bouncy, and together as Violet they’re quite cunning and mischievous, I think their dynamic might be fun to mess with some

#su spoilers #su movie spoilers #steven universe spoilers #asklies

[zepdeans]

there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3  -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4  -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal 

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :((  -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one  -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words??  -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!!  -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart  -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry  -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even  -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!!  -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius  -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

#take a shot every time i say whew #fully put more effort and time into this than most of my uni projects xx #its super rambly but thats bc its mostly just my direct stream of thought #also super long! and probably still missing things i wanted to say #AND like 3 weeks late fshfjjkdjkfsd #skam #clownfest 2019 #blabbey

[thelastarchangelaskblog]

Ok. So. Angel's are all or nothing with their love. Susan brought it up that Michael was risking the lives of literally everyone in the wizarding world by not killing Voldy until Draco made his choice. Voldy didn't make a move, but if he did then that blood was on Michael's hands. And Michael... didnt kill him. It had to be worth it and Draco chose right and it was, but let's talk about how Draco deciding he wasnt a killer is worth how many lives? Also. In the Not a Break Up 1/?

Michael knows that he can bypass rules that God made but he doesnt even know yet if that's something he wants to do on any level. I feel like that's gonna be a whole emotional journey that Michael needs to take but he doesnt actually know how to articulate that. Cause change is so easy for humans we dont understand how very hard it is for Angel's. Not just to do so but to wrap their minds around the idea of doing so. And I'm leaning towards them being kind of a bastard child ship between 3?/?

Damn I lost count lol. But between Destiel and Gabe/Loki and Gabe/Steve. Cause of the way he watches Dracos soul and runs up on it and the way his vessel is more intuned with his Grace without his permission when Things Happen with Draco, in a way it doesnt with the others. Idk maybe I'm projecting and I'm just a sucker for romance. But like everyone else Michael didnt care if they knew. But he didnt tell Draco cause he didnt wanna change their dynamic. He didnt want to make it weird 4?/?

But he also didnt think about what his actual problem was with there being a change. Ugh idk I just feel like it's a different relationship than everyone else and it's a More but what the actual explanation of that more is not even Michael knows cause emotions. But Dracos choice want to kill Dumbl or not, it was to kill an innocent for Michael or not. And I feel like that line on Michael's side is more of a blurry no mans land than a hardcore border. I just ship it ok? I want hugs. 5?/5

Am I missing a part 2? Did tumblr eat part 2? D:

This is great! :D And I really can’t comment on any of it aside from the fact that yes, Michael really doesn’t know how to do emotions.

And, man, yes at first Michael didn’t want to tell Draco because, like...they weren’t friends? He wouldn’t tell someone who wasn’t his friend that, would he? (His Hufflepuff friends were all like YOU’RE FRIENDS and then Michael realized in fourth year that oh snap they were friends.) But then how do you tell someone you hid this HUGE part of who you were for years? It’s just...awkward?

Anyway, oh gosh, this was a great read, and thank you for your thoughts. :D

#ask and you shall receive #michael #first born #jujutherubberduckie

[dragon-babe]

howdy nyall im gunna talk abt gender/sexuality stuff for a second 

to preface, this is mostly just a stream of consciousness rambling to maybe figure some stuff out. ok to interact or not i guess???

anyway for a while ive felt pretty comfortable with labeling myself as Genderfluid pansexual, and still mostly it fits i think? but like, A. my definition of what genderfluidity means to me has changed! and B. as ive gotten older and had more experiences i feel like my sexuality is...less broad than what pansexuality covers 

so what does this mean? for starters my previous experience with genderfluidity was sometimes felt female, sometimes felt male, sometimes felt nonbianry. and that was all well and good and simple but more and more i dont feel attachment to gender whatsoever? The closest thing i can approximate it to is being agender, but that doesnt feel quite right either. and it doesnt help that i dont like any pronouns! She/her is what everyone uses bc of how i present. and thats fine i guess. but when someone uses he/him or they/them i get this little giddy feeling! like yes! you recognize my detachment from the pronoun! and yet i personally dislike they/them for reasons i cant really articulate. and i dont think ill ever use neopronouns, not that there’s anything wrong with them they just dont suit me. oh well

now the real meat and potatoes of this post is sexuality! And ill be blunt, ive recently wondered if i’m asexual. The definition of asexuality is so...vague. ‘dont experience sexual attraction” but what does that mean? what is sexual attraction? The desire to have sex with a particular person? I used to think i was a fairly sexual person but the idea of “oh i wanna fuck that guy” is never in my thoughts! Ive had sex before a couple times, and yet the possibility of me having sex with someone sends me into a panic attack! Why is that? Why is it that when i visited a friend i had the thought “oh god we might have sex” and then the entire day i was constantly shaking and didnt want to get anywhere near them? Why did i agree to hang out with a guy quite willingly, and then after he sent a dick pic did i have anxiety all day and canceled immediately? Now in all these cases they were dudes, is that what the problem was? Or was it the sex itself? Dunno! 

Is there a term for “i dont care what your gender identity is, im attracted to you.... just s long as you’re not a cis straight male”? because im that. I’ve learned im really attracted to feminine people almost exclusively, theres nothing appealing about masculinity to me. which would be fine except for two things! Butch women dont really do anything for me (a real shame) :(  because i know im missing out there. but what i feel is worse is that ill be attracted to someone who appears feminine but they’re transmasc, or nonbianry or someone who dislikes appearing feminine. and that fucking succcks. because i feel like im invalidating them, not seeing them for how they want to be seen/how they really are. and like thats all i want people to do for me, why cant i naturally do that for others????

ugh this post is too long already. in summary, uhhhh am i Agender panromantic asexual now? Fuckin mouthful 

#lms if read

[corvid-knight]

Dig Up Freud And Kill Him Again

alternate title: Rose does not, in fact, have a licence to practice psychotherapy.

Dave talks to Karkat after a therapy session with Rose goes in a direction he's not comfortable with yet.

(Read it on ao3 here:https://archiveofourown.org/works/13850811)

turntechGodhead (TG) started pestering carcinoGeneticist (CG)!

TG: yo karkat TG: you know how you like to start feelings jams or whatever the fuck you call them TG: like im sure you have a nice complicated troll name for them but fuck me if I can think of the right fucking word right now TG: whenever i say feelings jam you can just fill in the technical term for dave losing his shit again

CG: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO TYPE SO FAST? CG: DO I NEED TO COME OVER?

TG: no TG: no no no dont do that okay thats not the goal here TG: at this point the only contact i want is through text until i calm the fuck down

CG: OKAY. WE CAN DO TEXT. CG: WHAT HAPPENED? AND DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY "NOTHING," BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET LIKE THIS WHEN NOTHING'S WRONG AND WE BOTH KNOW IT.

TG: it shouldntve been a problem though

CG: SHUSH. DO I NEED TO CALL ROSE AND GET HER TO EXPLAIN WHY SHIT IS NEVER INHERENTLY "NOT A PROBLEM?"

TG: dont bring rose into this again TG: ive got her blocked on pesterchum for right now anyway and i think i need to leave her that way for a minute TG: kind of just said some really shitty stuff to her

CG: WHY?

TG: because TG: fuck TG: you know how shell slip into trying to give you therapy or psychoanalyzing you or whatever the fuck when youre talking to her sometimes? i dunno if she only does it with me

CG: NO, SHE DOES THAT WITH EVERYONE. IT'S NOT JUST YOU, I PROMISE.

TG: i guess thats a relief since it means she doesnt just fixate on me as being the supreme fuckup

CG: WELL, YOU AREN'T.

TG: thanks TG: but she does that shit to me and i dont realize until shes halfway through explaining some fucking thing about trauma and repression and whatever the fuck TG: and usually its just like ugh rose cmon what kind of psychiatrist are you if youre doing this shit for free TG: but she decided to fucking apply freudian shit to me TG: and i couldnt distract her enough to get her off that fucking tangent TG: i kind of ended up TG: saying some shit about her and her mom that was fucked up TG: blocked her like i told you TG: broke my keyboard TG: kind of punched the wall

CG: IS YOUR HAND OKAY?

TG: nothings broken TG: well i guess theres a fucked up spot in the wall now but ill fix it later TG: im a fucking idiot for getting this worked up about shit

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, DAVE. IF SOMEONE NEEDS TO CALL YOU AN IDIOT, I'LL BE THE ONE TO DO IT. CG: WHAT DID SHE EVEN SAY TO YOU?

TG: normal shit TG: normal for rose anyway TG: analyzing why i "put up a stoic front" which is bullshit anyway

CG: IT'S REALLY NOT. YOU DO THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

TG: ...fine but i dont fucking do it because of repressed sexual trauma or whatever the fuck she was trying to get at TG: but she decided to use the phrase "modified oedipal complex" and yeah i guess I fucking overreacted

CG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

TG: its a psychology thing TG: i think its based on greek mythology TG: some guy who ended up sleeping with his mom TG: its kind of fucked up that shes using it to mean i wanted to fuck bro because the guy didnt fucking know it was his mom and he thought he was doing the fucking right thing anyway

CG: DAVE, I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS.

TG: yeah fair enough since im pretty sure im just trying to avoid going over the shit im upset about

CG: THIS IS WHY ROSE SAYS YOU PUT UP A FRONT OVER SHIT.

TG: yeah yeah youre very perceptive shut up

CG: DO YOU WANT TO NOT TALK ABOUT IT?

TG: thats a hard question TG: like just clamming up sounds like an amazingly smart idea but then again itd mean that rose is one fucking hundred percent right about how i am and i cant handle accepting that

CG: BECAUSE?

TG: she said TG: or like at least implied TG: that i wanted to fuck bro TG: or wanted him to fuck me i guess but that was always the last fucking thing id ever want TG: why the hell would i want that

CG: MAYBE SHE MEANT SUBCONSCIOUSLY?

TG: that doesnt make that much of a difference TG: like why would this be a subconscious thought TG: were talking about a guy who didnt give a shit whether his kid saw his fucked up sex toys every day TG: he had cameras everywhere and he filmed everything either of us did and played it back where he knew id see it so he could film how i reacted TG: like theres a lot of things that got treated as off-limits when i was growing up but sex wasnt one of them

CG: MAYBE THAT'S WHY SHE SAID THAT, THOUGH.

TG: what because i knew what fucking was id want him to fuck me TG: thats stupid TG: thats really fucking stupid TG: look TG: did i wonder if he wanted to fuck me? yeah TG: a lot TG: whenever he decided to bring smuppets into a fight TG: whenever i found one of his cameras in my room or the bathroom TG: whenever i lost a strife and ended up on my back looking up at him standing over me TG: it wasnt ever a question of me wanting that shit it was always me wondering if this was the time it was going to happen TG: nothing ever even did TG: like i dodged those plush fuckers and i disconnected his cams and he walked away or he made me pick up my sword and keep fighting TG: but i cant tell her that TG: fuck i cant tell anybody that karkat

CG: YOU TOLD ME.

TG: youre different TG: if i lose my shit while im talking to you you know how to just wait and let me come down off it or talk me through it but rose tries to fix shit the right way TG: or at least the fucking professional way TG: god fucking damn psychology shit

CG: SHE'S TRYING TO HELP YOU, YOU KNOW.

TG: yeah but im fucking it up

CG: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT. CG: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED?

TG: a lobotomy

CG: ...NO. CG: YOU NEED. LIKE. CONVERSATIONAL SAFEWORDS. MORE THAN JUST "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT," BECAUSE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT MAKES YOU EVEN A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

TG: so everything rose wants to talk about

CG: MOST THINGS, YEAH. CG: AND YOU GET UPSET AND YOU STOP BEING ABLE TO ARTICULATE IT WELL ENOUGH FOR ANYONE TO TELL OVER TEXT. SOMETIMES EVEN IN PERSON.

TG: okay you do have a point TG: rose is going to have some shit to say about me wanting to set up safewords for her therapy sessions like it's some kinky bondage setup

CG: SO YOU TALK TO HER WHEN I'M THERE AND I GIVE HER A DEATH GLARE UNTIL SHE GETS THE MESSAGE THAT YOU DON'T NEED HER GIVING YOU SHIT FOR DOING THIS.

TG: thatd work yeah TG: see this is why youre the smart one

CG: I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT.

TG: yeah yeah i already admitted it okay TG: hey karkat TG: thanks

CG: HEY, I DON'T NEED THANKS FOR HELPING MY BOYFRIEND. CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER NOW?

TG: maybe in a little while

CG: OKAY. CG: MESSAGE ME AGAIN WHEN YOU'RE READY AND I'LL BRING A MOVIE AND SOME SNACKS, OKAY?

TG: yeah man TG: love you

CG: LOVE YOU TOO.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) is an idle chum!

Notes:

I feel like I need to make a note here that this is supposed to be set when Rose and Dave are both about fifteen-sixteen. This isn't meant to be a jab at Rose's attempts to practice psychiatry, this isn't me saying anything about her. She's a fucking kid who's working off shit she taught herself; even if she referenced Freud's faulty and horrible findings, I'm not trying to go after her character for that. She made a mistake, and Dave's damn well going to try to explain that mistake to her so she doesn't make it again.

#davekat #dave #karkat #abuse mention