#i dont understand why i cant just do that normally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marcygoo · 2 days

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okazyyyy here we go. parts from murder drones eps 6-7 that really tickle my brain that i never see people mention like ever (if you come into the reblogs or comments of this post being like "why didnt you include (x part that everyone talks about)!!!" then that is why. and also i am going. to Eat You.) this isnt really going to be organized or anything. basically just me being abnormal about sounds and movements and other minuscule details that im really fond of for however many words

okay, first thing is gonna be a sound thing. i absolutely LOVE the beeping sound uzi's visor makes in this part. i really like sounds.

cant get a good screenshot of the movement cus.. yknow. duh. movement. but the way alice moves from there to the ground to where v is so. idk. fluid. its so fun to look at i really like it

the finger snap here. i love this finger snap. the noise. the movement. its so good. its so crisp. i love it

the lighting on uzi's face. forgive me for using the word crisp twice in a row but its crisp. its really good. okay

and the lighting on n's face here??? the colors are so harsh. i really like looking at it. okay. i feel like im not writing enough to just describe how much i like the lighting here. i really like it. its cool. okay i think its cool. i dunno

i really like this hallway. thats it. thats the section. the way the camera slowly tilts just a little bit while it zooms in? the way the slowed down music in the background almost sounds like alarm sirens? like okay

another thing i cant capture properly because, duh, movement! but the way the red sentinel kind of dips down here? i dont know why it did that but it slayed. and id like you all to ignore the fact that my nyan cat youtube bar got caught in the screenshot

the sound effect that plays here when "tessa" cuts herself with the sword. i dunno. its just a really satisfying sound to me thats all

another thing about sound effects really close to the last one but. the sorta crunching noises that uzis hand being contorted here make. im normal about sounds i promise. ok on to episode 7

the lighting here. on nori. insane. im not normal. as mentioned before with n i love this kind of harsh lighting especially with the drones it just looks so visually appealing

okay ANOTHER part i cant properly capture. this bit where it zooms in on the screen and shows the elevator. im. not normal about it. i really really like it alright.

UGHHHH THE WAY UZIS HAND MOVES HERE. THE MOVEMENT. THE FLUIDITY OF IT. IM ACTUALLY OBSESSED. AAUUGHHHHHHHHHHGGGGHHHHHH

LETS EAT!!!! DUDE. UGHHHH. AUGH. i LOVE this part SO MUCH you guys have no idea. im obsessed with it. the line delivery. the pose. the shot. the implications. the way that its just such a simple and commonly used phrase. do you get it. do you understand. genuinely one of my favorite little parts in the whole series im not kidding. let's eat

o-o-o-o-ow! ! !!! i always love the glitched voice effects alright. and that combined with the movement of nori's body being forced back by the crucifix. idk. i dunno man. i just like it

and UGH. LITERALLY right after that. the lighting flash just as she pulls it out of her face????? i hate this show so much guys. aughhhhhUGHHHHHHHHH AUGHJJ

grrrr this part. i literally NEVER see people mention it but. the way uzi.. the solver.... uh. whagever. the way their eyes sorta wobble when they turn to look up at n and nori. its a really cool movement to me i dunno

THE CRUNCHING NOISE WITH THE MOUTH GETTING PULLED SO FAST FROM A TINY FROWN TO A HUGE SMILE LIKE THAT??? EWWW????? INSANE. CRAZY. I LOVVE ITTT AUGH

no comment needed. the 😁

ok im kinda putting a lot of stuff from this fight on here. forgive me. its got a lot of really cool stuff. this part like. like. the way all the sound gets kinda muffled and crunchy.. aughh.... i love it. hurts me in my bones. 10/10

ok bit of an unusual thing to point out here but. the solvers flapping here. its so strange. it looks so weird and mechanical to me. in a good way i love it

the hand twitch. no further comment.

eugh. this part. the way the coagulated blood (???) almost jiggles like jelly. eughhh ewwwwwww. why are you like thattttt. (positive! i love blood.)

drone sound: much, crunch (i REALLY like the sound effect that plays when uh... flesha. bends down and Crunches dolls core. the sorta glass breaking sound. sorry doll.)

the fucking frog blink. why are you like that. i hate this thing so much.

the music that starts up right as j lands.. eughjghgjhhhh. augh. dies. also side note that i wasnt able to fit really anywhere. but i love the sound that the ship makes. dont know how to describe it but yknow what im talking about right

the fucking. sound effect. of uzi stabbing her own hand with the protruding bone. crunch. i really really love crunchy crunching sounds. theyre so good. one of my favorites honestly

uh. okay. well thats it thats the post. thanks for coming to my Autism. walks away

#soup says stuff #murder drones #FUCK IT WE BALL!!! MAIN TAGS IDGAF. look at my fucking poast

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dunkinbublin · 10 months

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hhhhh

#sth #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #tails the fox #messy tails doodle rn is all ur getting from me #im useless for anything else #trying to get more comfortable leaving shit more messy #i dont understand why i cant just do that normally #its how i always get tricked into doing line art #then i dont draw as much as i want #'lemme just clean this up'#<- the line art demons talking #its so hard for me to draw anything but a full body too #cus im already imagining the full pose it looks weird if i stop #hhhhh kneecaping myself #spend all day wanting to draw still dont draw till like 1 am #sogjndjns how the fuck do people think of something to do and just sit down and and DO it #dunkinsart

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months

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i f. i fucking forgot a pencil so i cant scribble out this Thought i had while on a lil road trip today - basically i was thinkin about Wally, as ya do, and i asked myself why does Wally eat with his eyes? its such a Fascinating yet somewhat Out Of Place choice for him. how did Clown come up with that? its so unique. it stands tf out.

and then i remembered Frank & Poppy's convo for their 'bug' audio, and how he says "you eat with your eyes first" and like... thats a real phrase. ive heard it in my life. & it set off lil alarm bells in my head the first time i listened to the clip, i just hadnt connected the dots yet. so its feasible that thats why Wally eats the way that he does - and an in-universe explanation could be that Wally heard the phrase before he could learn how to eat 'properly', and took it literally

essentially:

Frank: you eat with your eyes!

Wally: *rdj meme format* you eat with your eyes

#also dont have wifi so i cant type out my musings on my laptop #and typing on my phone kinda Hurts #so! this is a note to myself to Talk About This and Scribble a silly thing Later!#in a couple of days!#no wonder he only eats when no one is looking....#they all eat Normally but hes over there like 'oh shit oh fuck i dont know how to do that. uhhhhhhh'#i imagine he heard it and immediately internalized it forever #core memory. this action will have consequences. new skill unlocked. this cannot be undone.#wally just casually fucking with the laws of reality.... good for him! good for him #i mean why not!#its not like he knows what reality is! or the laws of physics! he doesnt have to obey what he doesnt understand!#someone says You Can Do This and hey. look at that. he can!#and wow this beef jerky im eating tastes like chemicals.#absolutely unprompted #homebogging #welcome home speculation #wh speculation #I HAVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS. FOR HOURS. DYING TO WRITE IT OUT AND POST #BUT I WAS IN THE CAR AND I GET CARSICK SO EASILY #so i couldnt....#but now! now i am in this motel! relaxing! not moving! AND I CAN POST!!!!#anyhow i really need to get on posting more Thoughts bc i have so many #on wally's behavior on other characters & dialogue choices and just!!! Agh!!!!#speculation galore!!!!#ill have to wait though! sadly!#damn. i cant draw i cant Post. whats a bitch supposed to do #good thing i brought my crochet project smh #and a book <3

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angellurgy · 12 days

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#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT.#AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP.#I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT.#SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR.#NO OTHER CHOICE.

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timeisacephalopod · 1 year

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The pushback to the term "cultural Christianity" from atheists is real odd to me because, as someone who has been an atheist since 13, only ever went to church a handful of times never with my own family (made a note never to sleep over at that friends house on a Saturday again bc I HATED church it smelled like shit, was boring, pews are uncomfortable as fuck, and the religious people I knew were all wildly misogynistic and I've never been here for being told I was less of a person for being Born Like This), and generally had no actual connection to Christianity in a meaningful way but still only knows Christian mythology, has been steeped in Christian values I had to untangle, and my religious understandings are still deeply Christian.

Like Ive never paid attention to the bible, church, Jesus, Christian teachings, or whatever but if you asked me about any religion the one I'll reliably know the most about is Christianity. I don't know why atheists are offended by being called culturally Christian because they have bad blood with the religion because like sorry bruh that doesn't mean you're less indoctrinated by Christian values if the culture you grew up in is predominantly Christian. In fact I'd say that religion being this ubiquitous in the culture regardless of anyone's consent to exactly ONE religion being shoved down our throats is reason to team up with other religious folks who ALSO don't like being constantly evangelized to by the culture at large, not a reason to throw a fit because you don't like being tied to a religion that is so ingrained into the culture that shit like "oh my god" and "Jesus Christ" are common expressions of surprise regardless of how atheist you are. Like surely I'm not the only atheist to notice the shocking amount of cultural religious shit that works it's way into my life and speech despite having not set foot in a church since I was like 10, and I can't remember the last time I was in one before that.

Idk man cultural Christianity seems like a pretty damn useful term to describe my relationship with a religion I never fully bought into and then actively rejected as a child yet still hold weird connections to and knowledge of just because Christianity is so baked into the culture I grew up in like it or not. If you want to be mad, be mad at the Christians who stole your freedom from religion from you, not usually religious minorities who discuss cultural Christianity and how it damages them too.

#winters ramblings #like breh i HATE how much christian bullshit ive had to detangle from my life. like the idea of sin and punishment for example #id say a LOOOOOT of discussion regardless of religion leans towards a Christian understanding of the pridon system #prison is basically a recreation of hell on earth where youre supposed to go to burn off your sins in your 10x10 cell #now i gotta say not all Christians buy inti the styke of punishment and sin i know normal well adjusted Christians #but for the most part a HUGE portion of shit comes with a helping of cultural Christianity. but prison is probably the best example #hell any discussion of punishment relies on a distinctly christian flavor of 'atone for your sin or be doomed forever"#repubs bitch about so called cancel culture but thats just how Christians act towards sin lmao they do it too #except they choose shit you didnt ACTIVITY make a choice about like being gay to condem you to hell.#cant be mad that twitter cancels people for small shit like a crap joke if you actively subscribe to the same belief system #and are only mad bc that logic is applied to YOU now. anyway i could do without this logic in activist spaces #or ANY spaces being doomed forever over sin is only one way to do Christianity. like damn can the ones who like #rehabilitation and justice and helping the poor at least be the ones in charge??#regardless ive never been a Christian and barely have a meaningful connection to the religion. whuch is why i find it rather salient #that i still have this deep connection and knowledge of something i ACTIVELY REJECTED at 13 #do you know HOW MUCH i had to have been indoctrinated into this shit with as LITTLE of a connection to organized religion as i do??#the fact i have ANY connection at all is kind if fucked honestly it shows you really REALLY do not get to choose #your religious leanings unless youre actively ANOTHER RELIGION BESIDES CHRISTIAN otherwise tough tiddy #you get to be Christian By Default and i don't like it either. but when i see jewish people talking about it #i know EXACTLY what they mean because i dont like my connection to a religion i never believed in and rejected at 13 either #i don't like that my choice to reject Christianity was stolen from me by such a ubiquitously christian culture #im not mad at jews for pointing this out im mad at christians for stealing my freedom of choice

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mushed-kid · 3 months

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i don’t think i can ever be really close to anyone

#im so #ugh i cant stand myself #i think im way too attached to my family and i cant imagine ever getting that close to someone else #i just feel weird around people and i wish i didnt #and im not very aocial and i know that my friends hate it #and maybe its partly because im a twin and im not used to being without her #and now we’re growing up and i’m not with her as much because she’s like idk being normal and doing stuff and im not #i just feel like i cant be alone because i cant do anything #but i want to be alone so i can do stuff without having other people around becuse i liek beign alone and i get tired of people no matter #i cant even write what i feel cuz i dont know #and maybe its just late and i haould be asleep cuz im tired all the time but im alone so i can do stuff but also im alone:/#other people are different than me in a way i don’t understand and idk why but i cant bond with people frfr #and im a very difficult person i know that but i just wish i could get close to people in the way they seem to be with each other #but i just. dont like people #but also i love people and i hate being alone im just kinda private #i just dont get why im not like others😭#why am i different than everyone else

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mirrortouchedsea · 10 months

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Everyone tells me to just stay the same (but it's not like that)

Word count: 1640

Summary: Hinata finally decides to tell Rinne about his past at Yumenosaki. CW for Setsubun mentions, identity issues, and mentions of abuse

Read on AO3

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Hinata isn’t entirely sure what compels him to send a message to the leader of Crazy:B. Rinne Amagi had a habit of doting on him and treating him like another younger brother, which he knew Yuta wasn’t a big fan of. Yuta would often call Rinne a bad influence on Hinata, but Rinne was also one of the only people who treated him like a normal kid.

It was kind of addicting in a way. It wasn’t just Rinne who had treated him like that either. The rest of Crazy:B had taken him in as one of their juniors (despite the fact that Kohaku was younger than Hinata) and Alkaloid, or at least Hiiro, had taken a liking to him as well. He treasured those nights that he spent with Niki and Hiiro playing video games and snacking on homemade sweets late into the night.

Maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising that the first person he texted was Rinne on the anniversary of Setsubun. It had only been a year and yet it felt so much longer than that. He was grateful that the year since then had been filled with smiles and warmth, much more than years previous had been. The Amagi brothers were partially responsible for that change in his life.

Rinne responded quickly and asked if he’s alright since he doesn’t normally send cryptic messages like this in the middle of the day. He said he’ll be there in 15 minutes after debriefing with his unit.

Hinata didn’t bother replying to that, instead opting to just tell Rinne everything when he gets to the rooftop garden with him. He needed to figure out exactly what he wanted to tell Rinne anyway. It’s not in the older man’s nature to judge people based on things they can’t control, and he would understand a lot of Hinata’s own problems…probably. Rinne also wasn’t fond of showing weakness in front of other people.

Hinata sat at the edge of the garden, towards the back. Being so high up reminded him of that day, but this was almost cathartic in a way. He was in a better place now, with people who didn’t know about that incident at all and cared for him as his own person. As much as he knew Yuta didn’t like the nickname Rinne gave him, it was a comfort for Hinata.

Hina, such a simple nickname and yet it was a breath of fresh air, a new start, and here he was about to change everything. He just hoped that Rinne wouldn’t change how he talked with Hinata afterwards.

Hinata was dangling his feet over the edge, looking down at the bustling street below when Rinne finally sat beside him.

“What’s up, Hina? Somethin’ on your mind?” Rinne’s voice was gentle today, soft and even. Such a strange contrast to the Rinne most people knew.

“Mmm, you could say that,” he replied, not looking at the older man. “Rinne, have you ever felt like…people don’t see you for you?”

Rinne chuckled. “Every damn day Hina. Even back home…” he trailed off. Hinata knew not to push that topic.

The two of them were like peas in a pod in that sense.

Hinata laughed too. “Yeah, I knew you’d get it.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rinne waiting patiently for Hinata to keep going and Hinata searching for the words to say. But just having someone else there helped keep him from spiraling too much.

“I just…feel like people wouldn’t miss me if I was gone, because they see me and Yuta-kun as the same person. It hurts a lot but I don’t know what to do about it because…I feel the same way. Like Yuta-kun and I are one person in two, but that’s not true anymore. I try to keep telling myself that we’re different but it’s hard to change how you think when it’s all you’ve ever known.

Yuta-kun has so many friends and is always laughing and smiling with them and I want to be like that too, but after ah…”

“After what, Hina?”

“After Setsubun fes, people started treating me like I would break at any moment. I’m not grandma’s fine china or anything that will break if you handle it too roughly! But everyone at Yumenosaki can’t seem to get past that video.”

Hinata still couldn’t look at Rinne, but he knew Rinne was confused. He hadn’t known about Setsubun at all. Of course he hadn’t, he didn’t go to school with them and was much too old to have been there at the same time as Hinata even if he had. It’s why he was drawn to him in the first place, along with his roommates, Niki and Hiiro.

“Ah, sorry. You don’t have any idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

“Not a clue.”

“Long story short, I had a mental breakdown on the roof of the school last year and…it was filmed and everyone at the school saw it. It’s not like I had much of a choice in the distribution either, so everyone was just watching me like I wasn’t a real person.”

Rinne moved a hand to Hinata’s back and began rubbing gentle circles between his shoulder blades. There were damp spots on Hinata’s cheeks. He rubbed his eyes with his hands balled up in fists. Why did his lowest moment have to be broadcast to everyone he knew? Why was it made to seem like a spectacle for people to watch and not do anything to help? Even after his monologue to his brother making it clear that he didn’t want to be treated like the same person anymore and not knowing how to distinguish himself without just moving into the background, nobody offered him help.

He was drowning in the unknown and it took the creation of ES and Crazy:B for him to find a lighthouse to guide him to somewhere safe. Even when Crazy:B was against the entire world, hated by everyone, Rinne and the other members never once hurt 2wink. After their collaboration at the nightclub Rinne had taken a liking to Hinata. He was there for him to lean on when he wasn’t sure about the direction of his unit or how to be a big brother or a good senior to the new first years or just how to navigate life.

At some point, Rinne had pulled Hinata into a side hug and just let him cry into his side. Hinata leaned into the touch and allowed himself to let it all out.

Rinne’s hugs were always warm.

It took several minutes of crying before Hinata ran out of tears. His sobs turned to sniffles and he pulled his legs to his chest.

“You didn’t deserve any of that, Hina.” Rinne’s voice was serious, but not cold. It was a warm honey-sweetened tea on a rainy day.

Another stretch of silence. Hinata’s head was spinning and numb and full of cotton.

“But…I know how it feels. When I was younger, I had to keep my emotions in check, especially in front of other people. Any sign of weakness was always punished by my father. ‘A good leader doesn’t cry’ he would tell me.

When my mom died, I was…eight or nine. I couldn’t cry at her funeral and when we returned home I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’ll spare you the details but he punished me severely. I never wanted Hiiro-kun to see me like that again and I made myself stop feeling. It felt like I was just there to be the next leader of the village, never allowed to be myself.

What I’m tryin’ to say here is that I get it. I know how it feels for people to try and put you in a box that doesn’t fit, and how they treat you when you finally break. It’s okay to be frustrated and angry that it happened, but you can’t let it consume you. Show the world that Hinata Aoi is his own person, that you aren’t just that video and that you’re here to stay.”

Hinata sniffled and leaned more into Rinne’s touch.

“Thanks, Rinne-senpai. It means a lot, heh. I guess we all have our own burdens to carry.”

“Yeah. Life is about learning to carry them and not let them drag you down. If it gets too heavy, I’ll be there to pick you back up and carry it for you.”

“You don’t have to go that far, Rinne-senpai. How will I learn to carry my burdens if you take them for yourself? Wouldn’t that just make it heavier on you?”

“I’ll take on everyone’s burdens if it means they get to smile just for one moment. I’ll fight fate itself if that’s what it takes.”

“I’m not sure why, but I believe that you would find a way to do that, even though most people would say it’s impossible.”

“Thanks for believing in me, Hina.”

Hinata laughed, Rinne lightened the mood just enough that he felt like everything was at peace for the moment. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes would be puffy and red when he returned to the dorm, but at least he’d be smiling.

Even if the world was against them, Hinata could count on Rinne at least being in their corner no matter what. Rinne was a lighthouse to people like Hinata, a steady light in the rocky ocean saying that someone is there, watching out for you.

Despite the front that he put up and how he had a bad habit of pushing people away, Rinne was always there when it mattered.

Hinata fell asleep curled up on the rooftop as Rinne hummed a gentle melody from his hometown. And everything was right with the world.

#shay writes #enstars #ensemble stars #hinata aoi #rinne amagi #aoi hinata #amagi rinne #dont tag as ship #i think about them too much. have you seen my meta post on main? have you?#this is based on that. ugh theyre so.#i read setsubun a month ago and then reread night club and i was like. oh this make so much sense #why hinata feels kinda distant from the other characters sometimes #the kid just wants to be normal but he really cant after setsubun huh.#and then you get these new guys who know nothing. and well. second chance.#also i felt like rinne was too direct but also i considered that like. 1) hinata doesnt need stupid riddles and games right now and 2)#rinne was very straight forward with hiiro in the main story so i think he can be up front about this stuff when he knows the situation #calls for it. so i think this is fine. its good. big bro rinne means so much to me do u understand #also he gives the warmest hugs. not necessarily the gentlest or anything but theyre very warm. to me #anywayyyyyyyyyy tag ramble over im waiting for an email from my loan provider #biting and maiming i need to pay my student loans please please please #okay im doneeeeeeee im done i'll cross post this to ao3 in a bit

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