#i dont even remember the video i saw this on but its still great

[weeddio]

#tiktok #tiktok comments #trans #happy pride month #literally i choked when i saw this lmao #i dont even remember the video i saw this on but its still great #pride #lgbt #lgbtqia #lgbtq #comments section

[fictionfixations]

aphmau and other mcyt (mostly aphmau tho)

uh. warning for cursing?? and spoilers probably

i was going through my playlist and stumbled on aphmau songs (or well songs i associated with her? The Last of the Real Ones although I think it's a fan thing, Way Way Back?, Cause You're The One, Be With You, I Am Falling For You ?, Faster Car..) and HOLY SHIT im going through memory lane now wtf

it used to be so cringy i cant (lMFAOO there was like alpha werewolves… and like-- so much more that im not sure how to explain LMFAOOO?????)

anyway remember that time incest happened??? im pretty sure ein (who mind controlled aph) was like a half brother or something. but mind controlled her into loving him, and like attacking aaron theres a whole host of other problems with it anyway

and then something something happened- OH MY GOD remember WHEN ANGELS FALL??? WAF. or something like that. I DONT REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED, THE CONTEXT? i know aphmau learned healing for his scars that she like caused him (i think she pushed him off a cliff and later? stabbed him LMFAO) BUT LIKE. THEY WERE BEING HUNTED DOWN. ??? i honestly only remember that masquerade episode. and all i remember is that it happened. i think people died.. and there was the forbidden. potion. i cant remember the name. forever..? something? it gave them green eyes either that or they were mind controlled by some other way but there was sad moment Also i think kawaii chan almost died. or maybe it was zane?? i havent even thought about it in years omg

i dont know if shes doing anymore series. and i think id honestly cringe if i tried watching cause its all kids content anyway. last i checked she was like 'people waiting for a series, it'll happen soon' or something something (maybe im making it up but i think she mightve said something about minecraft diaries??). except there were like controversies where i think she fired a bunch of people. and other stuff? idk i dont pay attention to that stuff youre better off searching for it yourself

actually oh my god talking about mcyt controversies. popularmmos?? hello?? (it feels like everyone i used to watch turns out to be not so great or something)

i still dont know if it was real or not. jen (the wife?) refuted it

but i think i heard somewhere they got divorced?? i dont know man im so confused. and i mean i wouldnt watch him now (i was just obsessed with those lucky block videos iirc) but it still really sucks??

anyway.

LOOK. WEREWOLVES. RAWR

Anyway series I've watched from her (I might've missed some because I didn't remember? Or maybe there was a period I stopped watching and then came back, and thus missed some):

Angelsville I think tho idk if that counts since it was apparently a survival series (I'm looking at the wiki)

MyStreet: Aphmau's Year

Diaries Rebirth

Dreams of Estorra

Harvest Valley

Heart Point

Mermaid Tales

Meteora Valley I think?

Minecraft Diaries (S1-S3) (i remember once an episode was posted with the same thumbnail and name or something as the last hehe)

My Inner Demons

MyCraft I think.

MyStreet (below are the rest of the mystreet seasons. 6 seasons)

Love-Love Paradise

Lover's Lane

Emerald Secret

Starlight

When Angels Fall

(ANYWAY prequels to mystreet now--) Phoenix Drop High S1-S2 I don't remember watching Graduation Days. or Falcon Claw University, but some of the thumbnails look familiar..?? I think I watched Phoenix Drop Days..

The Bigger Move (side story. if I saw The Big Move, idk)

MyStreet Holiday Special

New Years Party

Aaron's Ticket

MyStreet: Her Wish

A Woof's Tale (pdh side mini-series)

MyStreet Upsidedown? Maybe i didn't see it, maybe I did, but the outfit I recognize

Phoenix Drop High (S1-S2)

Ultra Nova

woo man thats a lot. even if i get rid of the ones im unsure of its still.. a lot. blink blink

#aphmau #mystreet #mcd #aphverse #thoughts #memories #aphmau pdh

[electrificata]

having music critic thots abt the weeknd im so so sorry

i saw the weeknd in concert last summer, it was amazing. i really dont like stadium shows usually, but his was killer, he had a cool stage concept (gently mad max-ish cult leader and his dancer-disciples, giant inflatable moon) and he's got the presence to fill up all that space. and ive been listening to him for almost a decade, obviously the music's there. actually the show i was at was where he debuted the trailer for the idol. its out now and i havent watched yet. i thought it looked cool then, but after everything ive heard.....im just really ambivalent.

in the early days, when he was keeping mysterious, no press, no photos, you didnt even know if the weeknd was a band or a guy. just this chilly, atmospheric, sleazy/sexy horror-movie r&b. nothing supernatural. but cruel. the lyrics were all about the worst kind of fuckboy shit, and obviously drugs, and the music really seemed to give proper weight to it. the speaker in the songs was awful, the music was telling you that his actions were violent and terrifying for the women he's hurting and for toxic for himself. if youre a person attracted to men, you know what its like to see how awful a guy can be and still be into him, maybe even BECAUSE of how awful he is. thats a fucking horror movie. those first xo eps are crazy, i still listen to them.

then he goes pop star. i remember the collab w/ ariana grande in 2014 was surprising but it found a perfect, plausible midpoint between their two universes. then he goes full max martin in 2015 with "can't feel my face" and again, bizarre to see this plausible way for the prince of darkness to get to the top 40 via a neo-michael jackson jam with a veiled drug reference as opposed to multiple explicit ones. but it made sense! he danced onstage now! i remember hearing it on the radio when i was picking my cousins up from middle school, that felt surreal.

and he just kept on doing the popstar thing. i dont think the sleaze ever really left, it just receded into the background. killer atmosphere, more pop hooks, a general darkness that felt credible coming from him because of the early stuff, its just lit with neon now. he gets increasingly more conceptual, which i love. i love a concept album. its still about fucked up relationships and now death more generally instead of drugs specifically. cool, great. i've been with him the entire time. that brings us up more-or-less to the present.

im not gonna recap all the shit around the idol, if you want it im sure theres an article or youtube video thatll do a better job than i can. ill just summarize my own thoughts: it feels like the sleaze is back, maybe some of the horror, but also Glamour. johnny depp's supermodel daughter has cum on her face. we're seeing headlines about how gross the sex scenes are. look how Glamorous this is. classic showbiz trick of using a cautionary tale about gross men preying on women to just....create images and narratives about gross men preying on women. this might be the place i cant follow him. i cant rule out watching it, i am a habitual hater and i might be in the mood to hate soon. but its making me think about the way we use glamour and beauty in entertainment. it cant be a default, it has an effect on the story.

#the weeknd #i used to have a tag for this shit cant remember what it is #armchair music critic #'i feel it coming' was absolutely crazy live. i can remember it in minute detail

[slaying-the-boots-house-down]

year.... wow. Today marks the 1 year anniversary of techno passing. Its a rough day. I honestly havent gotten around the facts that techno is gone. And I honestly dont think I ever will. I miss him. He has saved me when I was drowning. He changed my life and was someone who I could always go to watch when I wanted to. He was a true inspiration.

If you havent yet, i highly encourage you to go watch Tommyinnits video posted today about techno.

I dont know if anyone will read this even but still. Id like to share my experience finding out the news. (If you dont want to read it skip to the last paragraph)

When he released the video about him saying he had cancer I was at my house with one of my friends at the time. We were both just on our phones so I watched the video as soon as I got the notification. Then I heard. I just started crying but my friend couldnt understand. She said it would get better and be fine. And I believed it. I mean with the couple other videos he posted saying it was going great and how everything was fine had me filled with hope. Amd everything was fine. Fast forward to today a year ago. I was on a trip with my mom sister and friend to an amusement park the next day and was in my hotel. Again we were both on our phones and so when I saw the title of the cideo pop up. I got this sick feeling. I clicked on it and.. oh. Well. I started sobbing in the hotel room pretty late at night flooded with grief. My friend tried to comfort me but it wasnt enough. I so desperately wished I could buy some merch and just couldnt stop crying. My friend tryed to comfort me and turned on tv. I remember not going to bed untill like 3 in the morning. And even then i cried myself to sleep amd didnt get very much rest. The next morning I tried to put on a happy face because I was going to a fun amusement park with one of my best friends. But I was just sad. Left with emptiness in every moment I wasnt rushed with adrenaline. I cried silently in the car and was so upset. And the rest is history.

I miss him alot. We all do. And I think we can all gree on that. But he is never gone. He never will be. He will live on in the hundreds of videos and livestreams of him. All the clips posted online. And he will live on forever in our memories. Because remember,

Technoblade never dies

#technoblade #mcyt

[koinvyokan]

what technoblade means to me

this still feels so surreal. its so strange to know that one of the most impactful content creators, and people in general to me has passed away.

i only joined the dream smp/mcyt fandom a year a ago. lore was really daunting to get into, and one of the only reasons i kept up watching old lore was definitely technoblade. watching his doomsday streams and daring escapes from the butcher army made me feel like i was truly watching something cinematic and dramatic in a way that no other lore did. he's the reason i stuck around at first. he's the reason i have this blog and have been able to meet so many great people.

he became the most interesting character and cc to me quickly, his sense of humour just perfectly fit with mine. i binged all his skywars, skyblock, and potato war videos. like i got home from school and only watched techno videos till i went to sleep it was actually a problem to my schoolwork at a point. i watched his old smp earth vods and minecraft monday tournaments. i was so consumed that a non mcyt irl knew enough about techno to buy me a pig plushie for christmas (of course named techno). here's some techno plush content to hopefully make you smile

my mental health took a big dive from it's already kinda shit starting point around november 2021 and up until recently. one day, the one year anniversary of my friend's suicide, the only thing that made me smile a little bit and took my mind off of things was rewatching techno's potato war videos. i will always remember that. i suffered from a lot of insomnia in that period, and for a very long time the only way i could reliably go to sleep was putting on a long techno stream and waiting. it always worked. he was my healthy coping mechanism. it sounds like a joke or something, saying 'i watched technoblade just to feel something' but yeah, i did and i still do. i know that his videos or streams will make me laugh, or put me in awe and appreciation of his skill and dedication, or that i will be transported to a story where this decked out giant pig guy singlehandedly takes on the world and always wins. his content has served as such an important escape for me, i would have been so much more miserable without him. im so so thankful. i hope he understood even a fraction of the impact he had. techno accompanied me through my darkest times, he was joy for me.

the passion that this man had for everything he did was immense, his dedication inspires me to this day. his skill was unmatched because of that, and i will always consider him the greatest of all time at the craft. he displayed such kindness towards his friends and fans alike, i try to treat my friends how he treated his. his wit and humour brought life to everything he did. he managed to make hundreds of bedwars and skywars rounds each be interesting and memorable thanks to the strength of his personality. also he murdered orphans. an all around great guy.

god when i saw that notification. i saw 'so long nerds' and immediately my mind was jumping to conclusions. oh, so he was taking a break from youtube. maybe he had to go through with the amputation after all and couldn't continue with minecraft. i didnt even consider the reality as an option. when his dad started to speak my heart dropped to the floor. my love is going out to his family and his friends, what theyre going through is just horrible and it must be exacerbated by having to go through it so publicly. techno deserved a long and happy life, but it gives me comfort and i hope it does for everyone that he said he would choose to be technoblade all over again.

i really dont know if there is anything after this life, but i believe that the people we love stay with us and it is our duty to keep them alive in our memory. i also know that it is necessary for a while, but unhealthy to wallow in the grief. this is sad. this is terrible. but techno brought so much joy, and i just want to remember that. its gonna be a challenge to get to that point, but he deserves to be remembered like that. for you the world, techno.

#dont rb #also i changed the url back he deserves it

[mihotose]

actually listening to the hasu card voice lines now

vivid phrase tsuzuri and grace phrase kozue are the outfits they wore to promote the school idol club where kaho and sayaka first saw them perform!!

i have no idea how to take those early mirapa cards. are they just. fantasising about performing together. ruri literally is not even in the country at this point in the story

megu talking about editing a video before trailing off and saying "kozue and tsuzuri are so pretty..."

megumi rented out a photo studio for her megunyan stream??

kaho saying she probably wont be as competent (as kozue) when shes a second year herself <- shes a second year now!!!

tsuzuri's "i want you to know me" to sayaka(?)

「運命だったのかもしれないわね。どうしてかしら、花帆さんを見た時思ったの私はきっとこの子と一緒にスクールアイドルをやっていくんだって。まだまだ長い道のり、これから先も何が起きるかわからけれど、それでも私は花帆さんを選んだ。蓮ノ空女学院に進学すると決めた時のように ね。その選択を絶対に後悔なんてしないわ。初めて一緒にステージに立ってみて、隣に立って笑う花帆さんを見た時に胸の奥が暑くなった気がしたの。春は出会いの季節、それに恋の季節って言うでしょ？もしかしたら私は花帆さんのスクールアイドルとしての笑顔に恋をしてしまったのかも」

kozue: maybe it was fate. i dont know why, but when i saw kaho-san i thought to myself "im definitely going to be a school idol with this girl." theres still a long road ahead of us, and i dont know what will happen in the future, but i chose kaho-san, just as i chose to go to hasunosora. i will never regret that decision. when we stood on stage together for the first time, and i saw kaho-san smiling next to me, i felt a warmth in my heart. they say spring is the season of new encounters and the season of love, right? maybe i fell in love with kaho-san's school idol smile

the voice lines for the card of sayaka waking up tsuzuri for school are so long like a full minute longer than the others. its mostly tsuzuri saying how thankful she is she has sayaka standing by her and that she worried sayaka wouldnt know How grateful she is. so she gave her a nice acorn she found and sayaka gave her a cookie back

*tsuzuri gave kozue and kaho acorns as thanks in the main story too for making her realise everything sayaka was doing for her

they (ceribou + dollche presumably) all came up with the kunpuu no shirabe outfits together! the translucent fabric layer on top was kaho's idea

while kozue was making the kunpuu no shirabe outfits kaho kept leaving practice to check how she was doing and kozue thought she was like a puppy before thinking that wasnt appropriate for her to think as her senpai (lol)

sayaka (and kaho?) made the stage for scapegoat (and ouka ranman?)

tsuzuri often feels (felt?) lonely after a performance and it makes her want to do another show to feel the same emotions. kozue had to stop her from doing it the fourth time

sayaka saying she obviously cant know fully tsuzuri's greatness but she does want people to know the tsuzuri that she knows, and shes annoyed she wasnt able to properly convey that to kaho when they were talking about how much they love their senpai

tsuzuri didnt recognise herself in the photo of she and kozue from last year. she doesnt really remember her face since she only sees it in the mirror

tsuzuri said something about memories remaining in a form such as a photo, that when she tries to pull them out she can feel it in her chest along with other memories attached to it. so she knows that they happened. yet she cant remember her own face. if she doesnt pull the memories out theyll accumulate and get stuck. but if she keeps doing it she worries theyll fall apart and disappear

there are some memories she wants to disappear but even the ones she doesnt are at risk of disappearing. so she wants to make lots of memories that she does want to keep

sayaka's tragic drops card is probably happening the same time as tsuzuri's!! shes watching her stream :-)

tsuzuri: im not good at streaming but i know people who are, so i used them as a reference <- i knew it

#gemitus #im only up to the beginning of june and it took me like three hours.... #i couldnt find videos of the DRs? probably bc they take a long time to work towards #i dont mind its not like theyre set in the timeline

[the-acid-pear]

Actually i cannot shut the fuck up so Y'all are gonna have to see my currently downloaded watch - list! ^_^ and also WHY i care < 3

In the order they're in my folder (not downloaded order):

Barbarian - I heard amaizing things about it and i still have very few spoilers on it guaranteeing a perfect movie watching experience, i suppose. So i've heard at least.

Bodies Bodies Bodies - No fucking clue m8 i just have had it on my radar for a hot minute now. Is it not the queer one? I think it's horror. Y'all know i love not knowing information Lmao

Bullet Train - Because Bad Bunny is there obviously /j but really because it looks fucking cool also isnt Sanada there? I love Sanada.

Calvarie - I have no idea I don't know which movie this is hello? Wait i think it's some european film i was like Ah Sure Let's Watch It. Brother you KNOW its gonna be grey and slow and blue and gloomy europeans love that.

Crash - I saw a meme recently and its a classic so. They have sex in cars.

Cruising - The cunt that man is serving requires my full attention.

Dead For A Dollar - I'M A FAGGOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Delgo - I need to watch it for myself see how bad it truly is. Can't wait to LOVE it or something. That'd be so funny imo.

From Beyond - Right, another one where there's a ton of cunt being served.

Funny Games - It's a classic I HAVE to check it out. It's the original btw not the american one. I hope. I dont think im that stupid.

Incident In a Ghostland - Alright I cheated I looked this one up BUT, i heard it's great and underrated also did y'all see how the girl's face was left? the actress. Truly gruesome shit. Movie better slay i guess.

MEN - I got a video of it recommended with a man who looks very small very pregnant and well. I love shit like that. I'm a Skins fan. I trust this one to be fun for me.

Nope - I'm so late to the party brother I have to watch it. Also mutual Oliver really liked this one I know he's moved on because its been like... Oh it was 2022 just two years but still a while. Anyway yeah Everyone loved it I gotta see it.

Oculus - Ryan Hollinger loved it and i got reminded of its existence not long ago so fuck it. Might as well. I do love me a sibling story so.

Pearl - I had no fucking idea this one was an horror movie but the fact that it is interested me greatly. The lead is also so weird looking i love that in a woman

Pensive - Wait no this was the european movie. What's Calvarie? I googled it. I don't know.

Reinfeld - Mutual Andy said it was good and it did fucking Slay on the trailer so i gotta. I love Nick.

Repo! The Genetic Opera - I hope this makes at least one person reading this list happy, if anyone even reads it. It's pretty big online i mean I gotta check it out. For the green vial and shite.

What Josiah Saw - I'm really into Southern Goth as y'all could imagine by my music taste and this looks sooo fucked up has me rubbing my hands together evily

X - I, heard good things I guess. I don't remember. But it was along w MEN and Bodies x3 those big of the year i guess.

And that concludes the list! A nice 20 to wrap it aint that satisfying? Reminder You can recommend me movies at any time I'm a Movie Head i'll watch anything idgaf. I'll kill you if you recommend me a bad movie tho so watch out. With my teeth yeah.

#luly talks

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

big long rant abt how happy i am rn but its LONG ^_^

holy shit . its a sunday evening and im somehow SO FUCKING HAPPY. like. nnothing even HAPPENED today i just had A GOOD DAY IN GENERAL this is incredible. like. i watched a nice tv episode and saw a funny video and played some minecraft and hollow knight and watched a fuckin crazy jrwi episode and woke up before the sun and felt the wind and watched the sun and heard the birds and. man. and tomorrow i know i have school and thats not even ruining my mood at all. because i have history. and my history teacher is nice. and he wont mind that i havent done any of the work because he gets it. and he explains things in interesting ways and hes kind and he never shouts and its the only class i not only feel comfortable asking questions, but where i WANT to ask questions because hes NICE about questions and i usually probably wouldnt care abt the shit were learning abt but he tells it like its actually REAL and not just a sheet of information. and im just happy. and whilst i didnt finish my codeflippa drawing like i hoped i would, i think ive come to terms w the fact i dont think i wanna ever Finish it, bc my creativity for it died down. i think ill just surround it in a few more flippa doodles n then post it bc ITSF FINE !!!! man. and like. i think ive remembered how it felt to be 5 again. when everything was SO EXCITING and i had no worries about the future because the only thing that EXISTED was here and now. and the world WAS big and scary but it was also incredible and interesting and full of light and colour and. like right now i can smell dinner cooking and for once im taking a moment to feel excited about that. because YES dinner happens everyday but !!! isnt it great that theres gonna be food soon !!!!!! and ill be able to eat it and i hope its smth i like. my sense of smell DID get fucked up 2 years ago BUT THAT ONLY MEANS DINNERS EVEN MORE OF A SURPRISE !!! it smells vaguely of HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT IT SMELLS LIKE THAT ONE CHICKEN DISH I HAD A LOT LIKE 5 YEARS AGO it most likely isnt that but ica nt belive i remember what that smells like . and like !!!! right now im listening tot he celeste soundtrack AND ITS SO GOOD !!!!!!! and MUSIC SOUNDS SO GOOD !!!!! and i played minecraft today and i tamed a dog called. smth. i havent named it yet. and a cat named smth toast related bc i was rlly hungry 4 toast and then i saw it. and i found out there r 3 seperate villages all really close to my base and i built a farm with potatoes and carrots and wheat and i mined for ages and realised my sense of direction in minecraft maybe isnt as bad as i thought it was because i spent like 2 hours in a cave and got utterly lost, but still knew which way west was. and i played a little hollow knight and didnt do too much but got across greenpath because i started a new save yesterday where i did all of crossroads. and if i play more hk later im gonna complete greenpath (or atleast what u can do b4 any other areas). and i saw my cat this morning !!!! and he was so friendly and he went meow meow meow and i went meow meow meow. and i just watched the new DW episode and !!!!! it was rlly good !!!!! ofCOURSEit had its moments of :/ BUT THAT DW FOR U IT ALWAYS HAS ITS :/ MOMENTS but it was SO good !!!!!!! and i love life sm rn and i can hum along to celeste music and my room is a good temperature and. my face ghurts bc ive been smilng so much. but im happy ^_^ and who knows how ill feel later tonight but what matters is that RIGHT NOW i m so in love witht he world :3

#night thoughts

[indigo474]

Oct 15th- sunday funday

I've been nothing but tired and hungry all weekend. I've been sleeping really good and eating healthy food. lots of protein and veggies. i was tempted to order out tonight but decided against it. My body- oh my body.. I woke up with my back hurting.. and me being sore. i'm guessing from packing and picking up boxes and moving things here and there. i was thinking this must be how people feel when they complain about being/getting old. i did go for a run- it wasn't the best- my body just feels worn out. I got a lot done today... mostly everything is packed- i have a lot of clothes and a lot of shoes. too much- i think i will be unpacking forever.... I had to repack all of the old photo albums. i was able to skim through them without crying. i did get emotional when i found a picture of my Mom and Grandmom- ohh how i miss her. she was smiling big in the picture. thats the thing about pictures- they show the good times- the birthday parties and the holidays. everyone's happy and smiling.. how many nights did i sit in the front room scared to even move.. i would sit on the couch frozen waiting for him to go to bed so i could go in the kitchen and clean up from dinner. how great of a mom could i have been? I was there but not really there.. ahh and the more i'm able heal the more i realize how sick i was.. i just didnt know it.. and this is where self forgiveness come in.. the absolute hardest thing i have done and have to do is forgive myself-it's not something that is done once and move on.. oh no- it's just like everything else on this journey- the healing happens a little at a time.. it's a spiral.. things that would have floored me in the past.. no longer do. bit by bit- day by day.. i'm no longer clawing my way out of a black hole.. pain comes- pain goes.... sit with it, feel it, let it change you and let it go. weird i saw something today that i saw in a dream.. a procession of sorts.. i still don't know what i saw- in my dream i asked- what are they doing- who did i ask? I dont know, but i got an answer.. today i asked myself- i wonder what they are doing- very strange to me.. seeing something in my dreams and seeing it in real life. it's not the first time its happened. hopefully it wont be the last. its always odd- holy shit i dreamed this.. i fucking saw this in my dreams-it's normal in a sense because i'm seeing it for the 2nd time- and its happening.. but is it really normal? Someone said to me in casual conversation, yeah its like when birds fly into your car.. i didnt say anything at the time but i was like wow that happens to you to?? a few weeks later i asked her if she remembered saying that to me and she said yes it happens to me all the time.. i told her it happens to me too. I asked her if it was normal and she said she didn't know, i asked her if she thinks it happens to other people and she said she didnt know.. i told her i thought it only happened to me until she said it happens to her. she said weird stuff happens to her all the time.. me too, me too.

I cant believe this is really happening... i need to find someone that knows how do stuff. I need a new garbage disposal.. and a battery back up for the sump pump.. maybe i can do it by watching a few youtube videos. maddy is worried about money.. i am not. not yet anyway.. i dont want to worry... i want to enjoy this time in my life.. i want to enjoy my life period.. no worries.. just love .. its all going to workout.. all of it.. good things good things.. i have to believe in something.. i have to believe that what's ahead of me is much much better than that is behind me.. i haven't lived my best days yet. busy busy week..

[avo-kat]

what day is it?

thats right!

and it's my 3 year vegan anniversary! :D

to celebrate the day i made my favourite food, because i love food and can still eat my favs no problem!!

maki sushi with extra firm tofu. tastes p much exactly like i remember.

medovik! 9 layer russian "honey" cake. only date syrup instead of honey, and soy and coconut cream.

my mother used to make this for birthdays. its my favourite cake, but since you gotta bake 9 layers, it takes a bit too make. but SUPER yummy.

its been 3 years since i went vegan and i wanted to think back on my life as vegan so far.

i went vegan after i watched cowspiracy and right after earthlings.

except, thats not quite true.

no staunch meat eater just goes and watches cowspiracy and earthlings and goes vegan. (unfortunately! otherwise thered be way more vegans, haha, if we could simply convince meat eaters to do that.)

no, my vegan journey started way earlier.

i always loved animals. (who doesnt?) in university, back in 2011, i went vegetarian for about half a year. because i felt bad for the animals. it was a sudden, random decision, i dont remember what brought it up. but i only lasted half a year. why? i didnt do any research. none at all. i just figured, okay, not eating literally animals is great! animals dont die for milk and cheese so its fine.

i guess even back then i was too afraid to know the truth.

then, a few years later. corona just became a thing. i got sick. didnt get tested, because there was "no way" i could have. i went on a walk, for my health, with my ex, and i went on a rant about vegans.

i said how much i hated them and their hypocrisy. how vegans were responsible for making poor quinoa farmers even poorer. (yes, really! i said that!)

half a year later i was vegan.

how did that happen?

well, see. i used to feel very anxious about climate change. actually, i started feeling anxious about climate change back in elementary. consider we had started doing something about it back then, huh?

anyway. i felt... powerless.

"feeling ohnmächtig" is what i called it in german. translated its feeling unconscious. or. feeling powerless. helpless. without power to change.

there was nothing i could do. im just a single person. not a politician, not an employee of a company lobbying for less environmental restriction, not a rich person.

just a regular, normal person. no power. no way to change anything.

knowing that didnt make me feel any better, however, strangely enough.

i discovered zero waste. it was at least something. i wasnt overconsuming anything already, i tried zero waste. to alleviate at least some of my guilt and feeling of helplessness. if i at least do what i can...?

well, funny enough: all the people on youtube that made videos about zero waste were vegans. all of them. but they were not those pushy, mean, militant, crazy vegans. no, they were nice. telling their viewers to reduce plastic, simply stuff.

one of them posted a video on why she went vegan.

i didnt watch it for some time. made me uncomfortable. and it didnt matter, either. i was never gonna be vegan. i couldnt. me, vegan? no way in fucking hell. absolutely impossible.

well, i watched it.

here it is, if anybody is curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROgKML9GtCs

And, well. It got me thinking. I could relate to a lot of the things she said.

Well, I went on. Tried bar shampoo, and less plastic, I ate more tofu and veggies in general. Kept watching their videos.

One day, I realized I had to watch Cowspiracy. I had to. For myself. For the environment. (It's what I told myself.)

So I did. I watched Cowspiracy. I sobbed. Decided to go vegan for the environment. And then I watched Earthlings. And decided to go vegan, for the animals.

And that was 3 years ago.

Right at the beginning, I was very sad. Hurt, upset, and angry. I was grieving. For all the animals I hurt, for all the animals that were currently being killed and tortured, because I suddenly saw all that pain around me. In the grocery store, during meal times, it was everywhere. I couldn't escape.

The pain lessened after some time. Then I got angry. Very angry. Those who have followed me way back probably can remember. I was just SO fucking angry. At other people that still dared to eat meat, at corporations and restaurants and politicians and-- mostly myself.

I knew it, deep down, that eating animals wasn't okay. That's why I went vegetarian. I did care, but I was too much of a coward to really learn the truth. I was angry for going that long, refusing to accept the simple truth:

Animals don't want to be eaten. And they don't deserve to be treated the way they are treated now.

It's been 3 years and I definitely calmed down a lot. I still got angry from time to time, but overall I'm definitely way more calm about this.

And... I've been trying to think of the best way to convince others to go vegan. I don't think there is one foolproof way. And as good as being angry and mean may feel at that moment, that probably isn't the best way to convince others. But I don't think complimenting somebody into baby-stepping their way into it, is it either.

I think... the main way people turn vegan is the emotional route.

You CAN rationalize yourself into turning vegan. Like that one philosopher youtube guy.

But you can't rationalize yourself into staying vegan. Because humans aren't rational. You can have the best rational arguments for something, but then one day you get home drunk after going out with friends, there's a cold burger in the fridge and you're hungry and it's probably that you eat it. That's how I stopped being vegetarian.

But if people learn the truth, and learn about the pain animals go through by watching Earthlings or Dominion, that's a whole different ballgame.

So, what's the verdict?

I'm glad I'm vegan, I'm glad I'm no longer that overly angry and I hope I can at least show people it's possible to live a happy life with good food even as a vegan.

#october 3rd

[2bit-sunshine]

Saw some tiktok like "its okay to mourn the life you thought you were going to have" and i just felt. Slapped. Like idk. Its no ones fault but my own but ive never known for the life of me what life i wanted. I think i wanted to be a therapist? I wanted to help people? But i remember as a kid being like. Idk if this is what i want but people have an easy time talking to me and i like psychology. So. Yeah.

All i know is i need to work to live. I need to drive to live. I need to do all the stuff i hate to live. Theres nothing i want but to make my loved ones happy. If it werent for them. If i were utterly alone in the world. Well i probably wouldnt be in the world at all for much longer. But i have loved ones and theyre happy to have me so i will live. Even if it hurts and i prefer dreaming to being awake. Ill make it work.

Idk what i want and am just. Drifting along. Idk if i have any ideal life to mourn. But i dont want to be mourned. Not yet.

I have a dog and shes chasing after rabbits in her dream i think. Shes laying with my mom whom i am thankful for all her help. Shes married to my dad who taught me good morals and kindness and patience. They had three other sons beforeme whom i love even if they dont always like eachother. Im thankful for john trying to be my brother. Im thankful for mike always trying to get me to think about the future. Im thankful for richard for showing me what it is i love in life. Video games and lore and music.

John started dating a woman along time ago, now married together, and she had a kid named Kyle before they met who is my best and oldest friend. He dated a fellow named Zoey whose become a great friend, even after their break up.

I dated a guy named Alex back in high school. It didnt work it out and it was far from perfect but is the happiest thing I have from those years. We still talk and hang out and hes another bestie. He got me back in touch with some other guys from high school whom he lives with and one to whom he is married to. Theyre both great fun and i appreciate them and their love for alex.

He got me in touch with an old friend from high school who graduated before us. Elliot tries hard and is just a swell guy.

I have friends I met through the Collective who I play Pathfinder with every week. If it werent for them id probably never to get to play a regular ttrpg. You guys know who you are. They have such fun characters and put up with my endless repeating questions.

I have other friends on here whom i love and other friends I havent mentioned from irl but i love all them too.

Lastly is my nephews. One is like 19 and grew up so fast I never really knew him. Love him to death though. Then theres my brother mikes son. So young and still learning to walk and talk. I dont want to leave a hole in his life before he starts to grow up. Ilove his babbling.

This has gotten really long but tbh ive been dealing with some heavy thoughts for a while. I think i needed the chance to count my blessings. Ill be okay though i promise

#personal #long post

[mosviqu]

huge engene yes true no lies were detected in ur statement!! they do be sounding like slam poetry but i love it ngl.-. DONT EVEN START DUDE I DONT THINK BELIFT WILL REMOVE IT CUZ THEY PROBABLY THOUGHT THAT THIS WOULD HAPPEN BUT BOY WAS I PISSED WAKING UP TO KENGENES SENDING A TRUCK OR EHATEVER AND THEN SEEING THE SUNGTAROOKIES NEWS WAS THE WORST MORNING I HAD IN A WHILE LITERALLY DIDNT GO ON SOCIAL MEDIA FOR THAT DAY I WAS SO UPSET so yeah i saw it lmao😃 if i really try to i kind of see it but i would have never thought about it ngl but now i love it even more🤭 it do be screaming camp rock vibes!! and i'm so glad u like the album🥳😭

i hope zbone wont do noise music cuz i will be pissed oh god;-; SO TRUE BRING THE CUTE ONES BACK PLS!! idk if u talked about it or heard about them but the new hybe boy group does have happy vibes with no noise music but somehow i'm just so not vibing with it.-. i'm trying my best to do so cuz we have 3(!!!!) 03liners in there lmao

i think my minecraft addiction shows here as well but i would be so happy to find that out lmao i think i would probably have the same reaction when i found out giselle made lps videos when she was younger (although idk if that was actually her) i so understand the wilbur brain rot!! YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND WAS A CULTURAL RESET IM HAPPY HE LIKED IT

no cuz same i stared at the video for a while💀 i think seventeen atp will just remind me of u cuz i saw dino pink hair and i also immediately thought of u upon seeing him!! it would be so great if they did the tiktok part of it atleast wahhhh

I COULD NEVER DO A BRITISH ACCENT AND THAT MAKES ME SO SAD but im glad u are living the best british life in ur head sometimes lmao😌 we will see but it will stay like this for a while till i figure out something more okay lmao (liebestraum anon💕💗💞)

AHAHAH nothing bad with slam poetry At. All. 😌😌 ngl i do get where youre coming from, they must have expected this reaction. I am honestly glad they kept it despite the trucks and all 😭 but are those fans not embarrassed. like bestie......get a life 😭😭😭😭 dont even mention sungtaro tho bc i am still mad and heartbroken over this 🤠 they really debuted them....for no reason..? oh lord. im burning the SM building down as we speak!

LITERALLY like noise music had its era but i think we can put it behind us now.....please.... like some of the 4th gen debuts are a whole CIRCUS 😭😭 AND I DID TALK BAOUT BOYNEXTDOOR ACTUALLY AHAHA i listened to one of their songs and i actually vibed with it so hard ive been waiting for a fresh concept. THREE 03 LINERS ARE U KIDDING ME now if this doesnt lure me into stanning 💔

GISELLE DID WHAT NOW ???? I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT THAT 😭😭😭😭😭 iconic. sO iconic. Your new boyfriend was a cultural reset but i remember my brother showing it to me before i knew of wilbur and lovejoy and i was like what the actual FUCK is this.

jihoon had us masmerized 🤡🤡 omgomg thats so sweet actually 🥺 svt are one of my ults hhh i recently got back super into them hhh also dino reminding u of me as he should!! boyfriend ❤😌 still waiting for treasure super challenge altho i think we are not getting it 😔 at least i got cix seunghun version to ease the pain💔

NO BC ME NEITHER my account is like the weirdest mix of everything bc i taught myself english pretty much,, so my source of accent is whatever media im obsessed with in that moment 😭😭😭 but my british accent sounds very bad thats why it always stays in my head only❤

[bluesandboos]

HI THAT ANON WAS ME i have no idea why i sent it on anon actually 😭

I LOVE the long posts so this will probably be long as well <3 waking up to muchachos sounds like the best thing ever omg DONT APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR SCREAMING I WAS DOING THE SAME AT HOME OMG i kept seeing videos of people at those screens, i cant imagine what it was like to actually be there 😭 the baby in front of you sleeping through the whole thing 😭❤️

i have no memories period of di maria's goal i was literally floating my way through that match and i will NEVER sit through it fully again (except certain parts obv)

that song's this one! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTnRlJTusME it's prob my favorite tbh it's just so catchy!!

I literally don't remember that save either, everyone was talking about it afterwards but my hands were literally still shaking from the match in general, i saw it on instagram. i don't even remember most of the shootout but SOMOS TODOS MONTIEL I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT MEANT AND IT STILL GAVE ME CHILLS THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT

going to gardens and getting only honking sounds about right and a very specific, but no less valid vibe of its own 👍 literally every time i see pictures or videos of the celebrations, even now, i am in actual awe over the amount of people that turned out and celebrated (obviously lol) before the parade even and even more during it!! someone told me the dibu burger is actually super good, im genuinely dying to try it it looks great 😭 that image is so funny though, argentina won the wc and people are lining up to buy the dibu's burger as they should!! the store owners were either worried about crowds or they shut down to go celebrate themselves lbr 💀

the newspaper!!! gloria eterna thats beautiful stuff!!!! and the goat chips omg, pls dont apologize i am loving the visual aspect of this i've been watching celebration videos non-stop bc i watched so many after they won that its all my instagram recommendations show me anymore. https://mobile.twitter.com/PLF_2008/status/1606926273833467905 this is my favorite <3

i'm so glad you had fun it seems like such a surreal experience and thank you so much for these answers and videos!!!!❤️

OMG HI HI HI thank you for enjoying my rambles <3333 it was so nice to go through it all again, ugh i miss it so much

the baby was built different. i KNOW he's gonna hear it when he gets older about how he fell asleep during the 2022 wc final when argentina became campion del mundo. literally the greatest match of all time and he knocked.

di maria's goal, once i re-watched the highlights and actually registered what was happening, is literally the sexiest thing i've ever seen. the loss of possession, the build up, the quick passes. A TEAM GOAL FR. but whenever i re-watch highlights i can only watch argentina's goals. i have to fast-forward through the penalties that france gets and mbappe's goal; it upsets me too much lmao

also after di maria's goal, people were chanting his name and the camera's were showing how he was crying after he scored and i was just so happy for him <333 also afterwards, I read this article (https://www.theplayerstribune.com/articles/angel-di-maria-argentina-english) and it just made me even more happy that he got a goal in a wc final + won the wc.

ole ole ola is a BANGER omg argentines only coming up with bangers confirmed ty for the link :))

i ended up getting a dibu burger at the airport!!! 10/10 would eat again, my man dibu only comes out with quality content, on and off the pitch.

ppl were wasted af lmao one drunk man came up to my dad (who does not speak a lick of spanish) and was literally in tears trying to hug him and my dad was just like "sir, it's okay, you won, it's okay" (in english, mind you)

for real though, i legit think about how lucky i was to be there and experience it all every single day. and i get a nice reminder every day because my social media is ALSO ALL FOOTBALL now. my tiktok for you page still shows me edits ("the little boy from rosario" lives rent free in my head) and i obviously have to watch every time. although i can't re-watch the 120' minute save because it literally gives me anxiety that it's going to go in this time (even though it's literally over).

that tweet omg :))) im just so happy not only for the players but for the PEOPLE, the way that they loved that team and suffered through all the finals and losses. no one else deserved it more. i love seeing the abuelas dancing in the street and the songs about them- makes me so happy :)

it was so surreal. top memory of life. thank you again for asking and sitting through my rambles and content dump <3

#mailtime

[rrxnjun]

tbh i love when people tell me their fav artists/music cuz i feel like i just learn a lot about them or like get to know what they are like. and also i just love it when people say/throw in something that i wouldn't expect them to say it's just so fun!!! AND YES TOTALLY AGREE WITH IR TAKE UR MUSIC SHOULD MAKE U HAPPY!!! ahh i love jack manifold he is actually one of the coolest and funniest people out there his streams are just🤌 (okay cool might be a reach but.. /j)

idk my friend says she just skips a lot of parts from episodes with the ones she doesn't like but even if i like or obsess over a show i just can't get my self to finish it (me with the owl house rn;-;) so that method (?) just doesn't help me out😭😭 yeahhh i looked up what it was actually about after i sent the ask cuz i was curious and i didn't really remember hearing about the movie and then i kinda regretted the way i phrased my question🥲but i'm glad it wasn't that bad of a movie!! IM SO HAPPY U KNOW THEM!!! TRUE R5 STAN ISTG😌😌 red velvet is just such a great song i was so obsessed with ittttt but their music just slaps in general

ooo dammnnn slovak drama:oo but i might look up a translation for the song then cuz now im curious:o (and also thank u still for telling me about this song i vibed so hard to it while writing my essays) i feel like slovak arists like them have to be outthere somewhere they might just not be that well know or something but if there actually isn't at all i hope there will be soon!!!!!

YEAH IM SO SAD ABOUT IT☹️but i think it might be better cuz i just have too much school work rn to just go on a trip☹️☹️☹️ PRETTY BUILDINGS ARE THE BEST THERE IS SO MANY OF THEM IN BUDAPEST AND I TAKE A PIC RVERYTIME I SEE A PRETTY ONE ITS THE BEST EVER ITS NOT A WEIRD OBSESSION!!!! and i really hope i will be able to visit the city another time☹️☹️☹️

it won't really be easier until like the end of june so i just hope i survive;-; but thank u though 💞💓💕 and i hope u have a nice and lovely day as well!!!🥳💖💘

(also i saw that tell me who u ship me with post and i just want to say like many other people did that u and haechan would just be very powerful🫢🫢hoping for ur baekhyun concert date with him🫡) (liebestraum anon💕💓)

EXACTLY!!! music taste says so much about a person. and wild unexpected music tastes are so fun like i have a friend that listened to exclusively heavy metal but then played lucifer by shinee on aux and i was like um....what in the- also jack manifold is so dear to me i dont watch his streams but his existence in other ppls videos is always so comedic i love him

WHY WOULD U SKIP PARTS IN EPISODES WHATS EVEN THE POINT OF WATCHING THEN??? thats the same as forcing yourself to watching something 😭😭 if i hate something i just stop bc life is too short yknow what i mean. AND ITS OK u dont have to know abt it djdjdj but i get your concern 😶

AAA if u really want the translation i can translate for u 🥳 i think i looked up the translation for a friend before and wasnt pleased w it bc it didnt really fit the energy so im just gonna do it myself to give the lyrics justice AHAHA if youre interested ofc! glad it helped w essays 😌😌 i physically cant listen to music when writing essays bc then i cant focus so i applaud you HAHA and you are right there must be artists like that here but idk them:((( im gonna try looking for some to appreciate my home country more

I WANNA GO TO BUDAPEST I WAS TALKING ABT THIS W MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE WERE MAKING PLANS FOR THE SUMMER‼‼ i said i wanna take a train there and just look around and shit she didnt seem convinced but im gonna do it anyway so feel free to be my tour guide we should meet up actually

awh i hope june comes fast for u!! i am chilling rn ((even tho i have 6 essays to write until the end of april) but then i have exams may-jun so i get the stress😩😩 im rooting for u mwah!!

IM SCREAMING. CRYNG. EVERYONE SHOULD STOP TELLING ME THEY SHIP ME W HYUCK BECAUSE I SIMPLY CANNOY DEAL. me @ hyuck: baekhyun concert date when?? or we can just make out in your room and listen to the bambi album instead i dont mind either-

#💌ask #liebestraum anon