#i get the look aways and the silence

[dream-sans-mogai]

Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...

They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...

If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.

#clover speaks #clover vents #its ok they said just do whats best for you they said #and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me #and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass #it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap #its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice #they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards #even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me #its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder #i get the look aways and the silence #they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to #i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE #FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON #IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS #i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what #im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose #as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot #fuck allistic people man #im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe... #im never safe i will never be safe #im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it #no matter what i do or how much i try to express it #i feel things i love people im not a robot #this hurts so much... #sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any #i dont want or need any more allistic judgement

[devilsskettle]

i think some of the popularity that meta horror has garnered is a little bit disingenuous tbqh even though i do like some of the movies that have come out of the subgenre, people don’t realize that the foundation of the slasher genre was established in the 60s/70s and a lot of the 80s movies that have become so classic were already riffing off of the tropes established by those movies before full fledged meta took off. the idea to make friday the 13th was sparked by the commercial success of halloween. the original script for slumber party massacre was a parody of the genre and the movie retains much of that humor which is referential to past slashers by nature. + it intentionally uses typical slasher tropes around gender and sexuality to bring forward the concerns of teenage girls. is that not something that meta horror is frequently touted as doing? child’s play is like a slasher, “except —” which is what a lot of meta horror comedies do now (“slasher except it’s a possessed doll” is not that far off from “slasher except it’s freaky friday” and whatnot). this isn’t to say that scream isn’t foundational to what the slasher genre evolved into or that contemporary meta slashers aren’t doing something interesting but i also think they tend to lean towards cynicism towards the movies they’re deriving their themes from + they’re not even as different as they think they are from “classic” 80s movies that already are borrowing from classic slashers which in turn borrowed from even older horror (for example, in halloween, laurie is watching the thing from another world from the 50s which was adapted into the now classic john carpenter’s the thing in the 80s). and of course many of these older horror movies were adapted from literature which also inspired more literature. like the shelley/byron/polidori scary story writing contest is now legendary but also you don’t get the shining without the haunting of hill house (and you don’t get the haunting of hill house without turn of the screw, for example) and the shining is probably one of the most referenced movies by other media of all time. horror has always been an intertextual genre let’s stop pretending it didn’t become “self aware” until 1996

#+ scream used a framework for examining slasher tropes outlined in men women and chainsaws in 1992 #bringing the term ‘final girl’ + the ‘rules’ of slasher movies into pop culture #so not only is it working from the canon of slasher movies that already exists #but it also is looking at this academic text that establishes a credible film + gender studies lens for the slasher genre #omg not to mention what the author has to say about slasher-adjacent movies that are critically acclaimed #— movies that use a slasher framework for the plot that address similar themes #but distance themselves by making the violence + resolution of conflict less direct #(i.e. moving the conflict from the physical to the psychological) for example silence of the lambs is one movie she cites #making similar themes + similar conflicts more palatable to a wider audience #which is like the opposite response of meta slasher to the classic slasher canon #i guess if you want to make a slasher movie that isn’t really a slasher movie you have two options — lean into it or lean away from it lol #anyway all this is to say. idk whatever i’m bored + too depressed to get up and do anything productive rn #anyway. count how many times i say ‘for example’ in this post

[somecunttookmyurl]

all the while society conflates "being an adult" with "having a proper job" and "having money to make arbitrary Adult Purchases" disabled people who can't work - or can only work part time or can only do entry level baby jobs - will never be 'allowed' to be adults

you can say "being an adult is looking after yourself you don't have to have a job!!!" all you want but most people who say that will still assume anybody who doesn't either can't or won't 'look after themselves' actually. and every 'marker' of 'adulthood' that's observable and thus actually counts or whatever loops back around to... having a job and 'contributing' something

#yeah i have netflix on all day #i am quite literally signed off of work for the -rest of my life- #what the fuck else would you like me to do with my time when most people are in fact at work #or did you think i can't have the tv on and put laundry away at the same time or something #must i work on commissions on silence in a dour room to be perceived as an adult #anyway 'looking after yourself/your home/your pet' is not observable #to anybody who doesn't like ACTUALLY live in your house #unless you are extremely obviously NOT doing it #if a tree falls in a forest etc #owning a house? job. like not even 'in this economy? lol' #disabled people LITERALLY can't because we aren't allowed to have enough savings for a deposit #car? would you honestly trust me with a vehicle lol but also: job #you mostly cannot buy a car without one it's a requirement for the lease #otherwise you aren't 'trusted' to pay it on time #incidentally most landlords will also - perfectly legally - refuse to rent to you because you are going to be unreliable with the rent #which is being paid directly by the gov anyway like take your trust issues up with them bro #a family? if i get married or cohabit with a partner my income gets sliced in half #so to support even myself let alone a child would require. drumroll please. employment #savings? adults have savings right? yeah but unlike you i have a gov enforced cap on mine #'good furniture not shit from ikea' (someone has remarked that ikea furniture is 'college dorm-y' it's going here) #i mean do i have to say it

[cosmicmakos]

imagine relaxing with your f/o, maybe it's at home in bed with them or in a park sitting on a bench. both of you enjoying the happiness being so close to one another brings.

#i usually end up relaxing on my bed and doing schoolwork so my f/os end up either on it w me or getting me out of the house and away from it #unless i'm actually struggling the work isn't stressful for me and is a relaxed setting perfect for idle talk #apocalypse lover knows that even if i'm doing something while we spend time together i'd drop it in an instant for her #if i'm doing some schoolwork she always asks what I'm doing and how it's going - making sure i'm not stressed while we spend time together #sometimes when we're both enjoying some silence she'll break it to ask me about something or take a look at my notes and ask about them #my favorite war criminal <3 is the exact same way but likes to talk more #she's even stopped a video lecture just to take my attention off that and focus on something that won't be stress-inducing in the slightest #(it's stories of her galactic adventures and telling me about ships she's seen recently) #f/o imagines #imagine your f/o

[mechawolfie]

as an autistic black guy hassian is like a comfort character to me.. I love him sm.... 🥹

#smudgy.txt #palia #if u think hes just an asshole do not talk to me!!! do not even come near me. look away #in this house we love hassian hes sucha cute dork & i want to sit in silence with him #and call him beautiful when do i get the option to tell him how beautiful he is bc 🥺🥺🥺🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

[dan-crimes]

LMAO so funny thing is everyone knows the whole Sonic and Shadow looking alike thing is total bullshit and I totally agree those comments they try to pull in the games and show(s? I'm not technically a Sonic fan I dunno if it's multiple) make basically no sense to me but then my Mom comes in while watching Sonic Prime and says "So what, Sonic has a brother or something?" and this whole other world has opened up to me and I've seen the truth of it all

#so to clarify I do not consider myself a Sonic fan since I have never played a Sonic game and I've never read any of the comics #and idk the lore cuz I've never really bothered to watch other people play it and I have watched some of the shows #y'know my grandma had 4Kids so sometimes I would catch Sonic X on TV #but literally most of my knowledge of the Sonic franchise is just having people talk to me about it #like when I was a kid my grandma babysat these kids who were older than me I forget how old I was like under 10 I think #and one of the kid's big interest was Sonic so I would just sit and listen to him talk about Sonic the entire time I was there #he would play the games too I think but my brain didn't process any of that so I have no actual memory of the screen #I would mostly just pay attention to him talking cuz he would talk about it while playing it was great #so that is the base of my knowledge and then after my grandma stopped babysitting them it was radio silence #until y'know people would occasionally bring stuff up in videos I'd watch and I'd look @ videos about people talking abt Sonic #occasionally and see like memes or YTPs of Sonic or y'know abridged stuff #but I literally never actually watched a Sonic game until Frontiers came out and then The Murder Of Sonic the Hedgehog #and Sonic Prime is the first Sonic show I properly sat down and watched which show is great btw I enjoy it a lot #but yeah and it was vaguely purposeful like I was keeping myself away cuz I know how I am about stuff and I WILL try to learn EVERYTHING #if I get too interested in Sonic as a franchise #oh I did play Unleashed sometime after it first came out and couldn't get past like the first fuckin level but tbf I was like 7 years old #possibly 8 years old cuz I'm not 100% sure how much later I got the game but like I was really bad @ any game that wasn't just like #spamming buttons since I grew up on fighting games lmao #but yeah I dropped the game almost immediated I do not count that for anything #but yeah long story short: all my knowledge is second hand like I still think I know a good amount for what it's worth but #I wouldn't trust my own knowledge

[lieutenantselnia]

I currently have to write a thesis, work on the biggest project in my entire study programme and will have to start preparing for my bachelor's exam at some point, and my brain thinks now it's a good time to get back into Red Dead Redemption 2👍

#I bought the game last summer but I'm still only at the very start of chapter 3 because I'm slow as fuck with making progress in the story #tbh I think it's bcI've spent the majority of my playing time so far with just admiring the beautiful landscape and taming cute horsies🐴 #this game really brings out my inner horse girl again😭 I'd actually love taking riding lessons irl again once uni stuff is over - #but I'm gonna feel really awkward contacting my riding instructor again after such a long (unintentional) radio silence #like 'hello I got consumed with body and soul by university for one and a half years but here I am again do you still do lessons?' #also aside that I'm just really blown away by this game from a game dev perspective #I read that Rockstar used their own engine to make it so I don't have as much of an idea how they do stuff #but based on all the interactions you can do and things you can discover in the game - #my brain is imploding just trying to comprehend the internal structure of how like objects and their states are managed #and how it keeps track of everything and all that #I'm pretty sure it's not possible with a game like this since it's a company secret but I'd love to just get to look at the code #I probably won't even understand shit but it would still be absolutely fascinating

[angeltannis]

breaking the cycle of generations of my family who were taught to never tell “outsiders” anything about their personal lives by being autistic with no shame and sharing whatever with anyone

#most of the men in my family are or were alcoholics #and therefore abused their family physically emotionally etc #and they were always told ‘don’t tell your business to anyone’ #which included my mother #so I grew up with this weird sense of shame and secrecy around everything that alienated me extra bad from my peers #now that I’m older I’m like Why are we keeping this all secret? why should we suffer in silence? #I told our realtor that part of the reason we’re looking to move is to get away from my father bc he’s abusive #and my mom about died but afterward she was like ‘you know…it actually feels kinda good to have it out there #and to have people know so that they might be able to help’ #and it’s so true!! I’m not just gonna make excuses and keep all the shame inside #fuck that

[orionsgirdle]

just read the tags on that "vote for b*den" post and scrolled OP's blog and lol I don't know why I bothered. too many people on this hellsite seem to have drunk the anti-zionism = anti-semitism koolaid.

i mean it's understandable because before oct. 7th i relegated all israel-palestine rhetoric to "too complicated" category. that's definitely an idea that is routinely promoted by zionists.

i keep thinking about this talk that michael brooks gave:

ultimately the way that zionists use anti-semitism as a weapon to shut down any criticism of their racist, colonial project in palestine minimizes and trivializes actual anti-semitism. something else they have in common with nazis.

#personal #anyway #free palestine #from the river to the sea #it has been an illuminating few months on tumblr.com #to see radio silence from so many people i follow #and yesterday i unfollowed someone i've been following for like a decade #i get not wanting to rb pictures of dead children completely decimated families children's bodies in pieces #children getting amputations without anaesthesia #this father holding his dead 3 yr old daughter in his arms and opening her eyes so he could look at them one last time #a woman walking with her child holding a white flag in her hand getting shot by an israeli sniper right in front of her son #it is soul destroying stuff and i get wanting a space away from that #but then to rb a pro-biden post from a blog that's both-sidezing this genocide #nah #goodbye

[puppy-steve]

nobody warns you about the loneliness that comes with working the night shift

#you get home and you've still got some energy so you don't go to bed right away #but your friends are either already in bed or heading there #and you're left to sit in silence for another three hours until you finally trudge off to bed yourself #i realized on the way home that im paying $50 a month for unlimited talk and text #when i don't call or text people near enough times for unlimited to even be useful to me #nobody's exactly blowing up my phone for a chance to talk to me #cj talks #ignore me its 3am and im sleepy and i want someone to sit and look at the stars with me

[rainbowvamp]

in my personal opinion that is correct, dream should be walking around in bare feet all the time. it makes sense. especially when he's in the dreaming. for practicality and the safety of tom, I understand why he was wearing shoes, but actually, dream should always be barefoot. just trust me.

#it's about shoes being a bother to manifest so why? #it's about being connected to the dreaming #it's about building up calluses at the bottom of his feet and making the places that should be vulnerable impenetrable through #rough stones and long times spent walking alone and in silence #baring the agony of bared feet on hot sand and sharp rocks and sticker burrs in between his toes (agonies he could avoid but doesn't) #and all of that builds to a sole that is leathery and unfeeling #but you'd never know it by looking #unless dream picked up his foot to show you and he'd never ever do that #never show the vulnerable places made hard by misery #never expose the place where he used to draw connection but now feels nothing #the time it's taken to get like this was long and purposeful and he doesn't intend to share it #um what the fuck? #this got away from me #the tags did their own thing while I wasn't looking

[engagemythrusters]

my General Akiyi Tonn and Commander Hilt, heads of the 116th Battalion. She is prim and poised and all things proper, and he is stoic and silent and would rather take on twelve B1s weaponless than talk to anyone. And they are fucking and don't even bother trying to hide it. At least they command well together...

#EDIT: THE PNG DIDNT WORK I DONT KNOW HOW TO FIX IT GIVE ME A SEC #they fuckin like nasty and everyone fucking knows it #however shes so Proper Tee Em and he's so scary in his silence that nobody talks to either of them about it out of fear #and a bit of confusion #Mace Windu may know. but he is also too awkward to bring it up bc they FUCK DIRTY and its embarrassing to bring up in a council meeting #ahem. anyway. #her lightsaber is yellow. yay! #jedi oc #clone trooper oc #116th battalion #star wars: the clone wars #star wars #its not perfect in the slightest--it's really just a texture practice thing! i'm working on that more than anything else rn #i still have no set 'style' im just trying everything out #and im not sure his metal jaw is very metal (yes the minimal teeth is intentional) #and his stupid lil pocket thing is stupid and i hate those things and wish i could get away with not drawing them #but i did have a fuckin blast distressing his paint #it wasnt easy to make 'random distressing' look real but. yeah. #my art #mimse art #mimse ocs

[emeraldcreeper]

I love the long video events that occur on tumblr like a holiday it’s so fun to watch a 3 hour video and go yeah that did happen in that video we all watched together

#I love communal experiences of media #I love to watch a show episode by episode and see the reactions to it as it comes out week to week #so obviously I’m gonna appreciate the plagiarism video that assassinated multiple careers in one go #it’s just fun to experience a thing and everyone else goes holy shit the thing #I had no idea anyone could plagiarize that hard and not get caught #academia broke me on how hard they’ll push citing shit into your brain #it’s sucks that the guy who plagiarized the words about queer people getting silence is actively silencing queer people #I’m glad someone looked into him and it makes me curious how often it happens on other channels and they just don’t get caught #probably a lot tbh if he got away with it for that long and could still get away with it

[imp-thing]

i think Prom Dress by mxmtoon is kinda Penelope Pointer coded if you look at it a certain way

#can anyone see what i see? please? #i feel like i forget to look at Penelople's character as a whole sometimes because she's genuinely such a sad character #like damn she basically grew up all alone emotionally because her parents left and her uncle cared for his daughter more than her #and Penelople viewing Freya as her as a (and possibly her only) friend because she actually bothered to talk with her #and now that she was forced to kill her to silence her and ran away from Tangle Tower she's completely alone #flashbacks to the “Penelope's Journal” oneshot i wrote #update: writing these tags made me kinda realize “oh i kinda relate uhmmmmm wtf” #maybe thats why i get so fucking sad when i think about her #tangle tower #Penny Pointer #Penelople Pointer #detective grimoire

[poptartmochi]

or even the mysteriously widowed/spinster auncle who kills the aforementioned suitor and the family is like... 🤏🏻🕶️😳 so you WERE a MURDERER ALL ALONG 😱

#getting very spidery vibes from this chara :] #after learning abt silence alexander i have become a big fan of ladies who are free from their loveless arranged marriages and get a lil #freaky with it 🥴 so maybe they were chained into that kind of thing until their partner mysteriously disappeared/passed away + now they #just have this house to themselves so everyone sends their kids there for little spurts of time bc they are the cool and kooky auncle yk #and everyone sees the elephant in the room but doesn't address it. until the andrey-anatole figure is murdered in a duel in the town square #and the elephant has suddenly become very tangible lol!! and everyone's like look.. you have to get the fuck outta here im sorry 😭—👉🏼 #and so tav becomes just some marauding dueler.. tfw you are wanted by the law and can't visit ur cousins anymore 😑 sigh #also rotating in my mind.. if i name them octavia/octavius.. well there is the tav nickname source.. ofc it'd be more like tave instead of #what i assume is tavfe (like.. have yk) but maybe this is part of the smokescreen.. shift the name to the left and badabing badaboom that's #a new man right there 🥸 #ig we shall sees! i like the name augustus or augusta too.. my original thought was that tav was based on the last name anyhow.. ig I'll se #what sticks. AH BUT HOW I HAVE COME FULL CIRCLE.. iirc at one point my sister was like hm. i thought you would have an augustus (?) by no #and i was like no ... that name belongs to agustín madrigal 💌 is it finally time? 🌋🌋🌋 #ROTATING #sriracha.txt

[peapod20001]

I am the nail growth self saboteur!!

#random post #guess who rammed their hand in a wall and broke off the literal short nail on their hand?? this guyy #I’m prone to ramming parts of my body into things. it’s comical really #like a week ago I somehow bashed my hip into a drawer handle. because that’s how I roll 😎 #it hurt bad enough to shock me into silence </3 I got scraped bad enough for my parents to go ‘GASP. PEAA!!!! WHAT DID YOU DOOO???’ #read that in concerned parent voice if u would #it’s funny when I get hurt or do smth bad and I’m asked why I’d do that. like we both don’t know I function like a scarecrow brought to life #and learning to walk with no bones or muscles HHFSCREE #it’s fine now pain only hurts in like the first few moments and then it’s chill #got off topic there but anywayssss yea :> I’m just glad it was the one that was already broken an not a longer one #I’m surprisingly optimistic I’ll have u know. contrary to popular belief #adhd moment but do u ever think how we’re the first generation that will grow up and grow old on the internet? #do u ever think about what that’ll mean for us? or what it looks like? will there be a time when we just don’t log on ever again? #I also sometimes think of the internet graveyard. the millions of accounts that are no longer used either by choice or by some other #circumstance like passing away. I think we’ll only know when the future generations see a post by someone with a date 100 years in the past #these aren’t negative thought they’re just thoughts I have. a negative thought would be me wondering who will tell the world I’m gone so I’m #not waited on. obviously that’s not a problem I hate to worry about now but then intrusive thoughts do be intruding. anyways yea when I’m #gone at like. 80 (?) I’ll release my creations into the wild for people to do whatever with. it’ll be like an intrusive species lmfao my #impact on the world will be fucking up the online ecosystem forever #ok I’m done rambling now lol did you know I was holding a muffin while typing this entire thing? one handed I might add!! the chaos can’t #be contained no matter how much adderall u pump in me