#i have done so much wrong in my life

[liauditore]

cw// implied character death, double life nonsense

because you are love itself.

#my art #trafficblr #double life #divorce quartet #<-- insane about how scott killed pearl in limlife. #this comic has been sitting unfinished in my files for a good month its def not finished to my usual quality but god it needed to be done #so uh scott... yeah. i like villain scott but not pure evil scott. i like a scott whos scared of being loved and manipulates others to spar #himself the pain. i like a scott who ditched pearl because their friendship was actually becoming real and when the server gods confirmed i #with DL he freaked out a bit and ran off. #ofc u can interpret this comic however u want but i was just thinking way too hard abt smajhor #i feel like often ppl get divided into scott did nothing wrong vs scott is pure evil alot of the time #which is understandable cus like i said with fanart/fic u only have so much space to show someones personality #but idk i like him all angsty. like i know im a bad person but to keep myself safe i need to keep being like this. #hes so blorbo *puts him in a blender* #i hate him *wraps him up in a blanket and takes him home* #cw implied death #cw implied violence #scott #pearl

[shima-draws]

SO I just finished binging all of Romantic Killer bc it came up in my recommended. And oh my god I loved it so much;;

There’s definitely mixed reviews about it WHICH IS FAIR bc the premise is about a girl named Anzu who isn’t interested in romantic relationships but she then gets pushed into typical dating sim situations with Really Cute Boys in an effort to like. Force her into a relationship. And obv this kinda comes off as arophobic. But the fact that she so stubbornly refuses to partake and tries so hard to veer away from those situations makes it so fucking funny, especially when she rejects the boys with faces like this

And it turns out it’s really just a show about found family and overcoming trauma and developing healthy friendships with people and UGH. UGHHH it’s so good.

I actually adore Riri lmao they’re SUCH a little shit and I very much enjoy insanely chaotic characters like that. And we start off thinking okay wow this person’s kind of an asshole for forcing a girl to get a boyfriend by taking away her cat, her favorite hobby and her favorite snack, but then we find out OH, they’re just a cog in a corporate machine and they don’t really have much of a choice about it. And we slowly see Riri actually gain true affection for Anzu, and see how much they come to care about her as a person rather than just as a test subject, to the point of them actually breaking the rules of their contract just to make sure she’s safe. AND NOT JUST HER. They make sure the people she’s associated with are safe too, even if it risks them getting in Big Trouble with their boss. AND the fact that they canonically go by they/them pronouns but can ALSO transform into a boy or a girl depending on their preference, and they playfully flirt with Anzu in both forms?? It’s so good. Also thinking about the effort that Anzu goes through to make sure Riri gets to stick around;; like even tho she’d never admit it. She’s come to care for them too in some very strange way lol

And Junta;; the fact that Anzu is actually so concerned about him possibly being brainwashed into the position of childhood friend? Like she doesn’t immediately push him away or shut him down, she actually cares about him as a person and wants him to find happiness and wants to get him out of the situation she thinks he’s in. But then she finds out oh wait he actually IS a childhood friend. And he’s such a good boy. I love love LOVE how they handle the love triangle aspect in this, because obviously yes there’s a bit of jealousy, but not enough for things to get petty between him and Kazuki. They actually treat each other with respect and regard each other as friends and are kinda rooting for the other in their own way. Kind of “may the best man win” sort of thing. There’s no toxicity, there’s no classic “fighting over the female love interest” trope, they actually genuinely like each other after a bit of awkwardness enough to feel comfortable with living together and living with Anzu. They’re SO fucking sweet god dammit //shakes fists

(Honestly tho I really wish we got more episodes focused on Junta. Bc he really seemed like more of a background character and made the whole “love triangle” aspect not feel as prominent. Which is fine I guess?? But I felt so bad for him lmao)

And Kazuki 😭 My beloved. My poor sweet boy who deserves the world and everything in it. Just the build up. The subtle hints of his trauma that pop up every now and then. And when it all comes together you’re like oh!! Ohhh. THAT’S why he acts so aloof and cold all the time. THAT’S why he doesn’t like being the center of female attention. THAT’S why he gets distressed at things that, at first, seem so insignificant. THAT’S why he got attached to Anzu so quickly. And I love the way they handle his trauma, how they don’t make it seem any less important or alarming just because he’s a guy. And how Anzu’s there for him through everything 🤧 How she’s the person to pull him out of the darkness, how she stands up for him time and time again, how she just KNOWS when he’s uncomfortable and steps in to protect him. She ends up caring about him so much despite how they were set up to encounter initially. And he cares about her so much too. And I just 🥺 I care them

Also the fact how everyone came to help Kazuki when they found out what was going on. No judgement, no “you’re making this up”, no “isn’t this your fault to begin with?” They all just step in without even hesitating and support him through his trauma and immediately go “Okay we’ve got a problem so here’s our gameplan.” SEE. IT’S REALLY ABOUT THE FOUND FAMILY,

And one of my favorite things. Riri 🤝 Hijiri using their influence and power to protect both Anzu and Kazuki despite the risks to their reputation and social standing

OH AND I wanted to mention. I love that all of the classic romantic tropes i.e. something happening to your cute neighbor’s apartment so that they’re forced to live with you while it gets sorted out--those are generally really cheesy and make huge plot holes and don’t make ANY sense in the narrative. But that’s the thing about RK, they make it funny, yeah your cute boy neighbor’s apartment flooded bc we need him to come live with you. We did it with magic. Yes your childhood friend is living with you now bc we had a weirdo break into your apartment--with magic. So now he feels like he needs to stay with you and protect you. Yes you got hit by a car with a really rich boy inside and now he’s interested in you. We also did this with magic. Everything that would be regarded as a “coincidence” and is a badly written plot point just to push two characters together is actually explained through the hilarious concept of magic and I LOVE that it’s so fucking funny

Honestly this show is really up to interpretation too which I like a lot? Some people think hey yeah, maybe Anzu will end up with someone. Others say you know what the message here is that friendship is the most important thing and sometimes platonic relationships are better than romantic ones. The ending is pretty ambiguous so it could really go in any direction.

Anyway I have so much more to say but. Just watch Romantic Killer it’s really good thanks bye

(Trigger warnings include sexual harassment/assault, stalking, panic attacks/PTSD, and attempted murder, so please take care while watching <3)

#Romantic Killer #Romantic Killer spoilers #Anzu Hoshino #Riri #Tsukasa Kazuki #Junta Hayami #Shima speaks #Long post #I'M SORRY I JUST REALLY ENJOYED IT AND WANTED TO SHARE. #Anime recs #I love Kazuki so so so much #Probably bc he reminds me a LOT of Todoroki #Like. They have the same calm disposition and mannerisms #And they talk the same way too #I could not. Help but think of a BNHA crossover while I watched this. SORRY #But yeah it's so good 😭 #Kazuki my sweet angel my cinnamon roll who's never done anything wrong in his life ever #Also lmao like. Love triangles yeah okay. But Anzu has TWO HANDS. So does Junta and Kazuki. LET THEM DATE. #Or at least be in a happy platonic relationship together

[incomingalbatross]

I have a groundbreaking concept.

A wedding episode/story where nothing unusual goes wrong (or even NEARLY goes wrong) and the audience and characters both just get to enjoy this big event without it going off the rails at any point.

#this is not inspired by any particular case just by my general grumpiness with the way Wedding Episodes seem to pan out #i don't WANT something to go dramatically wrong! i don't want the wedding to be called off or end up cobbled together out of the wreckage! #this should be a great opportunity to show your characters' bonds and love for each other--both in the pairing and the community around the #also i just hate seeing people's hard work and plans wrecked and do you know how much work goes into a wedding?? #i WANT to see the dress and the cake and the flowers and the reception that they worked so hard on actually come to fruition #but probably most of all and especially. weddings ARE supposed to be the start of a Happily Ever After and if you've done your job right #then the characters getting married should have MERITED that #the plot can continue after sure. but i want them to get One Nice Day for the start of their new life. marriage deserves celebration #and domesticity! marriage deserves the domesticity of an episode where everyone successfully enjoys a really nice party after the wedding!

[drbtinglecannon]

It's actually kinda sexy of Caleb & Evelyn to haunt the narrative so thoroughly while never having any speaking lines or even appearing on screen outside of 400yr old repressed memories, delusions, and/or hyped up folklore

We don't even know for sure if Evelyn was a Clawthorne, or what she looked like, or how the fight between Caleb and Philip went down, or Caleb's reasons for leaving without Philip, or what their half witch half human baby looked like, or how long after Caleb left before Philip found him again, or what Evelyn did when she discovered her dead lover's grave was robbed, or how quickly after killing Caleb did Philip decide "I can make a new Caleb that's Better™"

We have scraps to give us pretty good ideas for most of these, but nope they really just haunt with no reward. Like yeah babes give us nothing!

#toh #toh spoilers #remember how it took all the way til KT to hear belos drop the name ''caleb'' but then the subtitles wrote it wrong so it became even more #of a theory fight & then it took until TTT for fucking masha to explicitly name drop caleb AND evelyn???? AND give us any scraps of lore??? #like we had so much foundation for it all but it took til the 3rd to last episode to finally confirm SOME of it & it was done in a way #that is unreliable bc its all legend & thats so hilarious in a mean way #caleb wittebane #evelyn clawthorne #philip wittebane #LIKE YEAH WE CAN SAFELY ASSUME MOST OF THIS STUFF BUT ITS NEVER ACTUALLY EXPLICT. THE GRAYNESS OF IT ALL #tc posts #my last hyperfixation before s2b aired & toh seized my life again was dgs & IT DOES THE SAME THING THERE IS ALSO A TRIO OF 2 MEN 1 WOMAN #THAT HAUNT THE NARRATIVE & THE WOMAN IS NEVER FULLY NAMED OR FULLY SHOWN & THE TWO MEN ALSO HAVE A DUEL TO THE DEATH LIKE. & NO WE GET #BASICALLY NOTHING ON ANY OF THEM EXCEPT HOW MUCH THEIR DEATHS FUCKED EVERYTHING UP. THEY HAUNT THE NARRATIVE SO MUCH #its a ''2 nickels which isnt a lot but its weird it happened twice in a row'' situation for me tbh #yes im disappointed we didnt get a fuller pic of the wittebane lore but also i kinda like its a vague thing of the past bc thats what it is

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

I'm in the process of proofreading my Comte 7th bday event translation. However. I had to say it because reading the english version of the Impossible Choices event KILLED ME WHERE I SAT:

VIDEO GAMES WERE A MISTAKE I CAN'T UNSEE IT 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Also because it was hot as hell:

I think Comte deserves to be a little violent. As a treat (for me)

I will also never get over Vlad going AND MAKE IT STRAWBERRY at pretty much everything and Comte just "Can you be an adult. About anything. For like 3 minutes." Meanwhile I'm with MC where I just find it lowkey hilarious. Realizing now as I write about it that Comte, Vlad, and MC just feel like Comte and MC are the dad and mom humoring an overzealous child, and something about that is freaking uproarious to me. I was sitting there like "where have I heard/seen that tone in Comte before" and then it hit me like a ton of bricks (as if he doesn't run a whole house, don't look at me I'm a 🤡)

I find it all kinds of adorable that Comte's playful and silly only when he's alone with MC, makes it feel special in a way--like he's comfortable sharing because it's her. I also think it's cute because he often manages to find a way to spin it into something that ends up being fun/sweet/thoughtful towards MC, which is just delightful. I feel like when Vlad comes in he gets a lil grumpy and jealous and retreats into himself a bit, like his private time with MC was stolen 😚

I still chortle about the Honeymoon event where Vlad gave MC a bouquet of flowers to celebrate their wedding day, and the way it felt like Comte wanted to trash them 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 it was so unbelievably funny. Like it was so clear he didn't want to ruin MC's gift, you know, be mature and let her have this. But also. REEEEEEEE M Y MC 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Deleted footage of Comte the second Vlad offered her flowers:

Also, spoilers for the Epilogue that left me clutching my pearls MC GIANT MOOD, I LOVE HIM:

ME TOO, ABEL. ME TOO [SOBBING]

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp comte #ikevamp vlad #ikevamp event spoilers #literally i loved this event so much in the jpnese ver it's beautiful to relive in english #in my notes I have it labeled “The Girls Are Fighting!” #and truly was I wrong? I was not wrong #their petty bickering gives me life--the smile war was absolutely hilarious #like don't get me wrong i love a brawl when two characters can't stand each other #but it's even funnier when they're being So Brave About It and conceal their genuine irritation with rancid pleasantries #and dont even get me started on how they deadass were like #'yeah i wanna slap fight you every time i see you but. put that shit away MC needs us rn. truce.' #and then by god those crazy sons of bitches did it #amazing showstopping spectacular never been done before #also because im feral #I LOVE WHEN COMTE BLUSHES. G O D DDDDD D #IT HAPPENS SO RARELY AND ITS SO P O W E R F U L #PREY DRIVE INSTINCTS ACTIVATED #**LUNGES AT HIM** #anywho im going to be so normal about this. So Normal #comte propaganda #fangdad propaganda #baguettosaurus

[veliseraptor]

have my performance eval in an hour and while i don't think there's going to be any surprises (my boss said so, anyways) unsurprisingly i'm still not looking forward to it at all

#it's only an hour. just have to endure an hour of talking about myself and what i've done wrong in the past year #and trying to figure out how to talk about my work issues without sounding like a whiner #ughhh i hate performance eval time #so so much #this is my real life #important text posts

[hyunpic]

#U THOUGHT I WAS DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS. u thought wrong #taemin really pulled out all of these sweet heartwarming healing smiles out of him #they were having so much fun……… 🥹 #i feel like i saved kids from a burning orphanage in my previous life to be able to see the light of these tiktoks #mp

[wildwood-faun]

the :( when you cook something that you know isn't going to turn out well

#cut my mushrooms wrong and now they look bad #it's not an aesthetic thing it's i know they'll be nasty because the pieces are the wrong soze and shape #this is what my experience of mushrooms was like before i learned that i like them when i cook thm RIGHT #ufh also have probably done too much today and my earbuds randomly stopped working so now im upset aka everything is bad #life of kit

[pbnmj]

Ur tags about how Miles and Pavitr are the ones who say "I can do both" because it IS quintessential spiderman thinking AND because they're too young to have seen that devastatingly not work yet. BUT the thing is they are RIGHT but only if it's "we"! Spiderman's mythos is inherently a lonely one reinforced by Miles and Gwen's isolation and by every. single. intro. reminding us that every spider person is the "one and only spider person"! And yet!! These films are just about relationships (1/2)

YES YEAH YOU GET IT !!!! and (quite recently rewatched it and mentioning it here cause i can't believe i forgot to mention it in the post you're talking about) it really gets me that gwen also says 'i was doing both' in regards to protecting miles and protecting the canon event, and i love that the phrase was reflected like that, even tho (at this point of the movie) miles and gwen pretty much oppose each other in views/priority !!

it also absolutely kills me the way that gwen begins (like you say) atsv quitting the band and isolates herself, and then throughout the whole thing she finds something/someone that she wants to take that leap for, all over again :') she (and the entire spider-team!!) is willing to bet everything on miles and is ready to fight for him, and i really just love the idea that miles just is a force that inspires good !!!! IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT LOVE!!!

#and . i dont think she would have done this without reconciling with her dad and that entire speech. #i do think that acceptance and love meant everything to her when she was at her lowest and it pushes her to do more + #AND it shows her canon events arent necessarily end alls. and it reflects in how she tells miles parents how much he loves them #just feel like. gwen now believes that love he has couldnt ever be bad. and it shouldn't have to make the world end... #and she believes it wont. AUGH #also been thinking that it's such a fun way to reflect that 'parker luck' #where yknow . where peter just cannot balance his two identities #and usually a spider-man success means something in his personal life goes badly #and idk i love when things are acknowledged to be like. the RESULT of being spider-man . #its fun to me. perhaps i am analysing media wrong. but tragedy magnet spider-man is so fucking depressing on many levels #and that opens up barbie dreamhouse levels of fun to me #generally superheroes creating their own enemies on accident . like ssm's venom was a goldmine to me i enjoyed that interpretation so much #i dont think miguel was right tho . fate of the multiverse/anomaly/etc I DONT CARE OLD MAN. UR OPINION WAS OVER WHEN U STARTED BEEF W MILES #and so sorry this took forever to reply to omg i adored reading this meta !!!!! #answered #disinherits #long post #sorry everyone the floor was open for my deranged takes again

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#theres gotta be. like there has to be something wrong with my head #ugh. not wrong. wrong is a bad word. just. i should not b this hard to get my brain to focus on literally anything that matters #its just so frustrating. im doing the best i ever have. and yet i still cant focus. wtf else can i do? #god dammit. all i wanna do is listen to garbage and draw and draw and draw my shitty little scribbles #maybe my head jsut wasnt built for what im trying to do with it #so idk how tf im supposed to get thru the next 4 years of my phd. or wtf im gonna do after #maybe i should just have just started working at a lab when i graduated. just be a lab manager for thr rest of my life #i dunno. i dunno what to do. how to make my head work. it shouldnt be this hard. my dad can just do things he doesnt want to and im like #HOW??? Im too much like my mom. especially now that im way less anxious. she was a procrastinater and a messy disaster #ay. im just frustrated and feeling guilty abt the lack ot work getting done. i just wanna get back into thr lab #unrelated

[rickallensbarefeet]

TODAY IS THE DAY OMFG

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RICK ALLEN!!!! BABYGIRL IS 60 TODAY AND IS STILL TO THIS DAY JUST A LITTLE BABY <3

Words cannot express how much you mean to me Ricky. Your story is the most incredible and inspiring I've ever known and you have changed the lives of so many people for the better, including mine. Without you I probably would not have decided to start playing drums again. Not only are you such a talented musician but you are so unbelivably kind, funny, smart and so wise. You're honestly my favorite person in the entire world and even though you'll never see this I hope you know how special you really are. Have the best day ever my love <3

#no cos i actually started crying writing this #thinking about all those military veterans and other disabled people that would not have picked back up on music if it werent for him #hes literally the most pure person i can think of i dont think hes ever done anything wrong in his life #i love him so much bruh #my sweet angel #ive had a lot of crushes in my lifetime but hes probably my number 1 man #def leppard #rick allen

[mo-ok]

family sentai big brothers - an observation

#fiveman #magiranger #gogov #gaku - thoughtful/placid/beloved aniki #makito - romantic/nurturing/beloved aniki #matoi - bastard #i kid lmao i fucking love matoi so much this is a matoi stan account my boy has done nothing wrong in his life ever #ANYWAY #i have so many feelings about these boys its not funny #gaku lost both his parents but he always had arthur #he shouldered a lot of the emotional burden but he was never “left to raise his siblings” #makito lost his dad young and became “the man of the house” but again - he always had his mum #he never had to be 'dad' - at least not until he was already an adult #BUT MATOI #matoi's parents left. they left and he didnt know if or when either of them were going to come back. #so to deal with it he held on to the family he has left and he holds on too tight and he suffocates them but he's doing his fucking BEST #i will defend matoi until the day i die tbh #2023 art tag

[slutdge]

typical 7 am judas moment where im sobbing over what i could have been and accomplished if my parents had loved me :)

#what a waste of a life this has been #i gotta go to work now at my job i fucking hate and pretend im not constantly tormented by how much better i couldve done #if id just been loved and had the money to succeed #explodes and dies forever lmao #what did i do that was such a crime even as a baby that they hated me since the day i was born #what is so wrong with me #what is so intrinsically wrong with me that they have hated me since i was born?????? i drive myself crazy thinking about it #im totally fine and calm and collected enough to go to work (im not. i wish i was fucking dead. i cant take this anymore) lol #anyways broken record i know yall are tired of hearing about it. imagine how tired i am of living like this for 24 years lmao

[vampiremansionpoolboy-moved]

going insane over the fact that happiness and care and concern and love is underneath every interaction between newt and hermann in pacific rim

#HEAR ME OUT. they’re introduced and newt and being a groupie and behind him hermann is all huffing and rolling his eyes and shaking his #head but he’s Not Angry. no. he jumps to defend newt albeit in a somewhat mocking and sarcastic way BUT THE THOUGHT IS THERE. and then when #hermann is rambling on about numbers being the handwriting of god newt is in the background smiling and laughing and making silly #hand motions and yes the hand motion was a bit mocking BUT THATS THEIR WHOLW THINF. anyways i’m not done. when newt drifts with the kaiju #and pentecost is there talking to him and hermann and newt r yelling back in forth u can hear the unease and shakiness in their voices and #especially the frustration in hermanns. he’s frustrated abt newt risking his life and is worried abt that which translates out in anger. #and yeah maybe he’s salty abt being proven wrong too lmao. BUT CONTINUING ON. stacker could have just told newt to go to hannibal chau and #he would have done it. but instead they watch the film of him on HERMANNS computer as HERMANN controls the computer to look at the film. if #thé film was shown it was for a reason. newt doesn’t seem like the type to need reassurance abt chau before he goes. he was willing to die #for his trash drift. and stacker gave him the card and info so there’s no need to do anything else. the video is most likely there for the #viewers but it needs a reason to be there in the show. hence my reasoning that HERMANN asked to see it out of concern for newt who would be #doinf this alone. hermann demanded to see some proof to reassure himself. stacker having the card on him makes sense. him having that bulky #tape doesn’t. meaning hermann pressured him into leaving getting the tape and coming back to show him. anyways one more bit. so the drift. #hermann is clearly scared out of his mind and thinking abt the impending triple event. yet he still drifts with newt he does it to protect #him to take part of the neural load. and it takes a toll on hermann it makes a big enough mess of his brain that he ends with him bleeding #and shaking and sweating and coughing and throwing up. and he knew it would take a toll. he knew it would be a lot he’s seen the jaegers. #he’s seen what happens. he knows it will be rough. he knows it’ll be much worse for him who wasn’t drifted then for newt who has. yet he #still does it to help newt and to show his care and trust and concern and love and THEYRE DRIFT COMPATIBLE U DONT UNDERSTANDABLE HOW #EMOTIONAL I AM OVER THIS FUCKING OVER THEM #anyways one last thing. the way that they full body slapping each other on the back bear hugged when the throat collapsed (they were behind #herc and tendo so it was a little hard to see. i missed it the first time) in pure adrenaline happiness before we see the quiet tender hug #when they know everything is over for good (for now at least) when it’s time to celebrate when it time to think abt their drift and their #bond and their relationship and their LOVE. i’m so ok abt them rn actually #toad.txt #i wish i wrote this in a keep reading bit and not the tags now. anyways #pacific rim #pacific rim spoilers #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #newmann

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

#👋😭 hi... #i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone #i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭 #i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh... #uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂 #i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but #i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause #i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say... #i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu #it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media / #without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao #i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy #pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on #i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a #depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think #i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just #sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ???? #i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become #even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it #i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it #like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi #i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda #makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd #not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what #they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling #anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀 #i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say #this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel #like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭 #who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡

[hella1975]

realising something bad about someone that means the world to you should be illegal. id like to live blindly actually

#ive been tiptoeing around this realisation for a WHILE now but today was the first time i actually verbatim in my head #went 'i dont like living with my mum'. and the moment i thought it was like no nooononono lets NOT do that #like objectively my mum is my favourite person in the world and i love her more than every other person in my life combined #but LIVING with her in HER HOUSE is just not... it. and it makes me feel awful for even thinking it bc that's her biggest fear #that we're gonna grow up to have the same relationship that she had with her mum and that ISNT what's happening like i could never #be distant from my mum in fact the reason she has such a chokehold on me is BECAUSE there's so much love there #but it would still break her heart to know i felt this way and i just feel so shitty for it. but like? i CANT relax here #like the thing that made me think it this morning wasn't even an explosive thing like it usually is with her #like every shouting screaming argument we've had ive just taken it. but then this morning when nothing exceptional happened #i was just. done. so basically i told u guys she wanted me to hoover today and already yelled about it YESTERDAY which. whatever #and she goes out every thurdsay until lunchtime and i think ive said on here before that the days we're home alone are HUGE flashpoints #bc if she comes home and perceives that not enough chores have been done/one thing has been done wrong she just hits the ROOF #like her temper is entirely disproportional she gives the same energy for the washing up not being put away that another mum would #give for finding drugs in their kids room. ive truly never seen someone maintain a temper like that woman can it's actually impressive #so yeah she was gone this morning and it just always leaves me On Edge it's never a huge thing bc im not SCARED of her but im not relaxed #and i hoovered for an hour and washed up and then also dusted the stairs and did some other tiny irrelevant jobs #and my sister did fuck all. she pulled a sickie off work and stayed in bed while i fussed about what to do with the dogs and shit #and so when my mum came home ig i was expecting some sort of acknowledgement? like not a round of applause #bc obvs it's just chores and the hoovering she literally told me to do but when my sister had been SO unhelpful and it had been #SO on my mind for hours now i was just. waiting for something? and even i didnt know what so it's not even fair #but my mum came home and decided she was in a bad mood and she had a go at my sister for being lazy and not doing the chores she said #she'd do today and she DIDNT yell at me which she sometimes does just do if she's pissed at my sister. but she just got mardy with me? #like she got up and left to go watch TV in her room and i was like 'oh i can watch it with you?' bc sometimes when they row my mum #hints at me and her going somewhere else to bitch about my sister. but she just shook her head and snapped at me for some dumb shit #like TINY shit id missed and then wouldn't even spend time with me and i was just like. are you serious #and THAT was when i had the thought bc i was like there is actually no winning with her temper #and i can never fully relax around her because of it. even when we're getting on she is at any point seconds away from ripping my head off #and it's not nice being around someone like that ALL THE TIME. and i dont mind it when im at uni bc im at my own house in my own life #but when it's HER house and she makes it very clear that it's HER house and we need her and the car if we want to so much as LEAVE #then that's just not a fucking pleasant environment to be in? right? even if it is just me being a baby? ugh idk and i hate this